So, the first official single weekend has passed in over 10 years. Kind of anti-climatic. Exchange Saturday was OK, except for her attitude. And me? I felt just fine.
Spent the weekend doing busy stuff: Changed fan belt in truck which led to spark plugs to... Yard work and then gym. Was so tired I barely logged on to do some shootin...
Picked the kids up Sunday and the ex proceeded to show me 5 new (well, relatively new) tattoos with one down low strategically placed above, well, you get the drift. Good grief.
So, I feel like I'm flying blind. I'm scared for the kids. They didn't deserve any of this. At all.
Jeep...I know how you feel.. when meet for drop off/exchange and I look at the f'n bags and think what the F.... this is the life you want for our kids .. your so GD lazy that you wouldn't lift a finger to work on marriage or at the very least your problems (and mine ) which led to it..? Your right they didn't ask for any of it and I feel guilty about being a part of short changing them on what I would consider a whole and complete life... now it will be fractured and damaged ... riddled with questions and fears I never wanted them to be exposed to... but wtf.... at least "she's" happy..... still dealing with a tinge of anger if you couldn't tell..
I just do the best I can while they are in MY care and try to forget about the other half and those things I cannot control.
New tats huh.. a little mlc going on ?
still dealing with a tinge of anger if you couldn't tell
Right there with you...
I just do the best I can while they are in MY care and try to forget about the other half and those things I cannot control
Yeah, I get that. I really do. Its that she and her sister have already begun some form of parental alienation. Not sure what they are saying/doing, because I don't ask the kids. Maybe I should, but then that could push them away and make them feel torn. Ugh.
New tats huh.. a little mlc going on ?
Naw, its just her. She's always had tats. For much longer than I've known her. The divorce is "liberating" to her... I don't put much stock into the MLC hooey...these are adults who fully are aware of their actions.
Sounds like a pretty good weekend to me! Other than the exchanges, but you will be fine with those because you are tough. Happy Monday, Jeep!
Sounds like a pretty good weekend to me! Other than the exchanges, but you will be fine with those because you are tough. Happy Monday, Jeep!
Thank you, my friend!
Happy Monday and spring break to you, too!
So, I feel like I'm flying blind. I'm scared for the kids. They didn't deserve any of this. At all.
Jeep,
I can understand why you'd be scared for the kids. I hope you can find a way to ensure their safety when you're not around.
I can understand why you'd be scared for the kids. I hope you can find a way to ensure their safety when you're not around.
Thank you, my friend. It's more than their safety. Her family is batshite crazy...no other way to say it - especially her sister. And her sister has made it clear on more than one occasion that she wants me out of the children's lives.
Why is her sister intent on making life difficult for you?
Why is her sister intent on making life difficult for you?
Her sister controls her and what she does. Her sister brings true definition to narcissist. True. Remember my mole in their camp? Well, the sister has had a hand in every single relationship of the ex. Not long after we were married and right after the miscarriage blow up, the ex told me that the sister was "jealous" of her relationships...and the mole confirmed that and told me that the sister has tried to break up every single relationship. In fact, years ago that same mole told me the sister (told her in confidence) wanted me out of the ex's life...
Their family is f***ing crazy. Period.
Their family is f***ing crazy. Period.
Jeep,
It sounds like they're bonkers. I'm sorry you have to put up with that stuff. I assume there was lots of abuse within the family?
Their family is f***ing crazy. Period.
Jeep,
It sounds like they're bonkers. I'm sorry you have to put up with that stuff. I assume there was lots of abuse within the family?
There was for the ex and the sister. The sister is older and the ex looks to her as a savior almost. She completely excused - and still does - her behavior when the miscarriage incident happened (the sister wasn't told about it first and went on a rampage screaming at the ex and told the ex that she was nothing to her).
Their dad left when the ex was 2 or so. The mom is crazy. Period. Moved like 60 times in five years and was blind to what was happening. Told the two sisters they were lying and all that. Good stuff (said sarcastically). It took their grandparents to rescue them.
I want to say the abuse was limited to them two...I've heard nothing of if the mom was or not.
...I've heard nothing of if the mom was or not.
Jeep,
I understand. It's often difficult to know what really happened because memories are repressed and confused, and sometimes, purposely misrepresented (a euphemism).
It seems like most child abusers have a partner; it may be a passive partner, but a partner nevertheless. The passive partner(s) tend to know what's going on, but they make excuses and look the other way and make it easy for the abuser to carry on the abuse. That's as hateful as the actual abuse.
Doodler my friend, how are you?
It seems like most child abusers have a partner; it may be a passive partner, but a partner nevertheless. The passive partner(s) tend to know what's going on, but they make excuses and look the other way and make it easy for the abuser to carry on the abuse. That's as hateful as the actual abuse.
Yes it is. That's another nuke I have waiting in the wings just in case scorched earth is forced upon me...
When you go nuclear...I want to sit back and watch the fireworks...
When you go nuclear...I want to sit back and watch the fireworks...
Haha. I have a feeling its coming. If I am pushed, I'll light it up like a mad minute.
When you go nuclear...I want to sit back and watch the fireworks...
But if you want to know what I've got and my options, ask me on the other board or PM me.
Doodler my friend, how are you?
It seems like most child abusers have a partner; it may be a passive partner, but a partner nevertheless. The passive partner(s) tend to know what's going on, but they make excuses and look the other way and make it easy for the abuser to carry on the abuse. That's as hateful as the actual abuse.
Yes it is. That's
another nuke I have waiting in the wings just in case scorched earth is forced upon me...
Not sure what this^^ claim or advice is based on, but I did criminal defense for 4 years. Less than 1/3 of the sex offenders I represented had culpable partners, many had no partners.
In the DB books, going nuclear isn't discussed. And this is a DB site...
I understand you worry about your children and the OM, Jeep. Still, I feel like anger (which is understandable) is just running rampant in this theme.
Anger may FEEL better than grief, it may be more familiar, but I'm not sure it's any healthier. Grief is not random depression.
It's a response to a loss. Sometimes so is anger. But managing our emotions is a goal here, not pursuing them or encouraging others to fully explore theirs
and act on it.I get the pain you are in. And the anger. (Trust me, I get it). But you have children and the anger is predominant in your posts.
But holding onto anger to punish someone else,
is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.
It's
consuming to us, not the WAS. Letting go of the anger isn't condoning their behavior either.
It's damage control
for us. You were wronged, Jeep. No question. So was I for that matter.
I just don't want to be defined by it. I think suggesting that others go for the jugular or the nuclear weapon should be held in reserve, and or assuming all WAS's are cheating liars, well, I'm not sure how helpful or constructive it is. Or accurate.
Please consider this.
Thank you, 25, for giving me such great advice and knocking some sense into me!
You are correct, there is some anger with the whole thing that still resonates within. Is it justified? Yes, yes it is. Would I act on it? No. Not unless forced to, that is.
I'm not concerned about the OM. I had specific language put into the decree that states if anyone with a felony or anything on record showing child endangerment is not to be allowed - period. And guess who has all that? The OM. The ex did not like that one bit, but she signed without a fight. In fact, she didn't fight any of it.
Now, my nuke "options." Would I use them? I don't like or want to think about going that route. Not at all. Still, after all she has said and done, I still have a soft spot for her. I don't want to destroy her. I could have ended her career and really have done a lot of damage to her had I wanted. I did go to JAG and had a nice conversation with them...but, at the end of the day, I didn't do it. And that was only for the children. If we didn't have kids, then I'd have done it. All I had to do was hit send.
And that option still exists if I want it...and I also realize that if I were to use it, then the resulting fallout would affect the kids - maybe even greatly, and I can't have that.
Now, as there is always a flip side, the grumblings from her camp are becoming increasingly louder to the point of almost deafening. I'm doing my best not to open the can of worms and reply...for the most part I just ignore, block, delete. Except one time where the ex-MIL posted some slanderous stuff on something I tagged a mutual friend on. In that case, I screenshotted it and forwarded it to my lawyer as part of their harassment stuff. Then I deleted and blocked. And I brought it to the ex's attention what had happened and what I did with it. That's all.
Remember the mole in their camp? Well, that mole has been informing me of something the ex and her sister have up their sleeve concerning the kids, and it's quite disturbing. There have been more than one incident of parental alienation happening. And that's not all.
So, what do I do when their noise/actions become to great? What do I do concerning the parental alienation and also the "alienation" coming from sister and all? Granted, she only sees them twice a month for two nights total, but still. Its started and needs to be stopped.
My lawyer says I could have gotten full custody had I wanted it - it would have been messy and may have even resulted in the ex completely breaking down. The option is there. But I didn't do it because of the kids. They love their mom, no matter how much of a piece of shite she is. Which leads me to another fear - a very rational fear that she may repeat her mother's actions when they were young. That scares me more than anything.
So, my "nukes" are this: A small reveal of what she has done - no one, save one - the mole, knows of any of the stuff she has done. They all are convinced that I cheated, wronged her, abused her, etc...she lied to them THAT much. Who knows. Would I be forced to? I could if I had to.
Another thing - the OM's ex wife saw what the ex-MIL had posted (we are friends on said social media) and flat out told me that all I need to do is say the word and she'd put the show on for me. I told her she has the green light to respond to the next one.
So, that's it. Anger? Yes. Would I do something stupid? No.
Which leads me to another fear - a very rational fear that she may repeat her mother's actions when they were young. That scares me more than anything.
Jeep,
That's a rational fear.
When my XW was a little girl, she went to a doctor. The doctor told her mother that something was amiss. Apparently her mother never did anything about it; no questions, nothing. That's scary. It's good that you remain vigilant when it comes to your children.
Which leads me to another fear - a very rational fear that she may repeat her mother's actions when they were young. That scares me more than anything.
Jeep,
That's a rational fear.
When my XW was a little girl, she went to a doctor. The doctor told her mother that something was amiss. Apparently her mother never did anything about it; no questions, nothing. That's scary. It's good that you remain vigilant when it comes to your children.
Thank you, Doodler.
I feel as if I'm just barely keeping my nose and eyes above water and I have so far to swim. My kids are my life. Period. And I'll do anything to protect them.
At any rate, its been a week since the judge declared us divorced in this great state. And you know what? I'm great - just great! No anger, no sadness, nothing...
At any rate, its been a week since the judge declared us divorced in this great state. And you know what? I'm great - just great! No anger, no sadness, nothing...
Isn't that a great feeling? I, too, felt that rather quickly after our D was final, mainly because we'd been separated completely for 3 months prior to D so that was just like this relief almost. It was done. I'm glad for you, Jeep! Keep on with that.
At any rate, its been a week since the judge declared us divorced in this great state. And you know what? I'm great - just great! No anger, no sadness, nothing...
Isn't that a great feeling? I, too, felt that rather quickly after our D was final, mainly because we'd been separated completely for 3 months prior to D so that was just like this relief almost. It was done. I'm glad for you, Jeep! Keep on with that.
Thank you, Dawn.
You know, driving out to courthouse was rough, I won't lie. It was like the longest drive of my life. After? Just like a weight had been lifted.
Roughly 2 years after BD. Maybe it was that relief. At any rate, the sun is shining and I have my kids!
Had an extra-long talk with Harley Quinn last night after the kids went to sleep. Visit one will be when they are at their mom's for spring break in a few weeks. Visit two - which is the trip - will be in the summer when the kids are at their mom's for the week or so.
Jeep,
It sounds like you've got something to look forward to. Most excellent!
Doodler,
Yes, yes it is. For the first time in a long time, I'm starting to get excited. I need to temper that, though.
I'm starting to get excited.
Jeep,
I'm glad you're getting excited! To h3ll with tempering it. I'm getting excited too. If you need a tag-along, you know how to get in touch with me. (That's just a little weird, but you know, sometimes a guy has to take risks.)
Doodler,
I need to temper things, my friend. I have a ton of trust issues to deal with...
I do think you need to give Don some dating advice
*Trust issues as in those of my own resulting from the ex's actions...
I don't know Jeep, you're starting to sound desperate.
Don's good on anymore dating advice. I'll pass.
No desperation here, my friend. Don't see me whining about not getting dates and the like...
Had an extra-long talk with Harley Quinn last night after the kids went to sleep. Visit one will be when they are at their mom's for spring break in a few weeks. Visit two - which is the trip - will be in the summer when the kids are at their mom's for the week or so.
That sounds like a lot of fun!
Hey Gordie!
We shall see, my friend, we shall see...
Doodler,
Had to laugh at the tag-along comment. Good stuff, my friend.
No relapses since the divorce. Almost a month in and doing awesome. The only anger or whatever is around the children and her alienation crap.
Jeep,
It sounds like you're doing very well. Good job!
Doodler,
Thanks, my friend. Tell me, does the anger over the issues dealing with the children ever go away? And, is throat punching illegal?
Tell me, does the anger over the issues dealing with the children ever go away? And, is throat punching illegal?
Jeep,
I don't know. I'm not concerned about that anger going away because it's appropriate anger. A 100 years ago we probably could've expressed that anger without fear of societal condemnation. I just make sure my sons are never in harms way and if a good opportunity ever arises, I may find that I'll have to deal with that anger.
Hang in there, my friend. I think anger is natural, especially when you are dealing with the alienation issues. Keep doing right by those kids and it will all be golden.
Hang in there, my friend. I think anger is natural, especially when you are dealing with the alienation issues. Keep doing right by those kids and it will all be golden.
Thank you, Dawn!
The fact that they are used as pawns really, really gets me. They shouldn't be told things like that. Maybe I can get you to throat punch the family. Haha
Thank you, Dawn!
The fact that they are used as pawns really, really gets me. They shouldn't be told things like that. Maybe I can get you to throat punch the family. Haha
I totally understand. That is one thing that my ex and I agreed on when we first got married.....that we would not participate in anything that was harmful to our girls. Our kids were older than yours, but their mother was the master manipulator/pawn player and we just refused to play. Probably much easier in our situation because the girls were older and their mom was really too busy chasing her married boyfriend all over the country to really worry much about the girls, but oh when she was sneaky and devious, she was VERY sneaky and devious. It was rough. I can't even imagine how hard it would've been if the girls had been younger.
Having rambled all that out there that you really didn't ask about nor really care about, I will gladly throat punch whoever needs it for you. They deserve it. Just point me in the right direction...it could be awkward if I throat punch the wrong person.
Hey Dawn!
Of course...there is a little place down in FL that you could go and take care of business.
Almost a month into it and still doing great. However, it would be even better if she'd just be a grownup about it and stop the 'tude. Oh well.
Hey Dawn!
Of course...there is a little place down in FL that you could go and take care of business.
I'm always up for a good road trip and it's been a long time since I have been to FL.
Glad things are still going well. For me, it's been over 2 years and I'm STILL waiting for my XH to be a grown-up about the whole thing. We don't have any contact anymore since he's moved off to marry his tart, but on the very rare occasions we do have to deal, he wants to act like he was so hurt by the whole thing (HIS CHOICE) and will say things like he misses me and crap like that which makes me just want to throat punch him. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I have a lot of throat punching to do. LOL
So, I guess what I'm saying is, I have a lot of throat punching to do.
Me too! I guess it's gone viral.
Me too! I guess it's gone viral.
LOL Doodler....apparently it has. Who knew that I could be involved in something gone viral? Is this like Fight Club though, where the first rule is that we shouldn't talk about Fight Club?
Is this like Fight Club though, where the first rule is that we shouldn't talk about Fight Club?
Dawn,
I think it's more like "World War Z." After the throat punch you say, "My bad, I thought you were a zombie." I think that's a legitimate legal defense as well.
Dawn,
I think it's more like "World War Z." After the throat punch you say, "My bad, I thought you were a zombie." I think that's a legitimate legal defense as well.
I'm not familiar with that movie, Doodler. I guess I will have to check it out now. I might need to do some research. LOL I have watched "The Walking Dead" though.........;)
Dawn,
I think it's more like "World War Z." After the throat punch you say, "My bad, I thought you were a zombie." I think that's a legitimate legal defense as well.
I'm not familiar with that movie, Doodler. I guess I will have to check it out now. I might need to do some research. LOL I have watched "The Walking Dead" though.........;)
Digging the Walking Dead reference!
Oh, and had a great visit from HQ...
Oh, and had a great visit from HQ...
Jeep,
Awesome! Any relationship talk?
BTW, I watched "About Time" over the weekend. Margot Robbie was in the movie.
Oh, and had a great visit from HQ...
Jeep,
Awesome! Any relationship talk?
BTW, I watched "About Time" over the weekend. Margot Robbie was in the movie.
Doodler, my friend. How are you?
Some, but that subject was just a little touched upon. If things keep going like this then I suspect there will be.
I need to watch that movie. Margot is absolutely f*****g hot. Oh, and do not forget that a new movie called Gotham City Sirens is coming out featuring none other than Margot as HQ again... Yikes.
Jeep,
I'm great.
Thanks for the heads-up on the Margot movie. I'm sure I'll see the movie. I don't generally care about celebrities and movie stars, but Margot is over the top.
It sounds like you've got a great thing go at TW. Good for you! I wish I could keep up with more than one forum, but I've got to work...
Doodler,
Hey man! I'm seeing hints at the cast of Gotham City Sirens and it looks spectacular. And Margot, well, goes unsaid...
Yeah, we've got a great group over there with much less restrictions. And gaining more almost on a daily basis. Just got two more yesterday... Show up sometime, my friend
Minor HQ update.
Still talk/Skype regularly. It appears that the next trip (to the mountains) will be sometime around mid-summer. She's been in contact with the same cabin-people as those years ago.
That's about it for now. Don't have time for much else.
Jeep,
You can be certain that my sons will be going to see Gotham City Sirens when it comes out. And I'll have to chaperone.
I'll stop by one of these days. It's harder for me to go there than D Busting because of organizational restrictions. You're doing a good thing.
Doodler,
I'll have to chaperone myself to see it. Wait, is that even a thing? Anyway, they have my money...
Thanks. Its helping much more than..
I'll have to chaperone myself to see it. Wait, is that even a thing?
Jeep,
Yeah, it's a thing, but it's called something else.
Jeep,
Yeah, it's a thing, but it's called something else.
Doodler,
You crazy. Maybe BPG or the new one I met while dropping the kids off would want to go.
Maybe BPG or the new one I met while dropping the kids off would want to go.
Jeep,
Yep, that's what you should do. Remember what happened to Pee Wee Herman when he went to the theater alone; not good.
Maybe BPG or the new one I met while dropping the kids off would want to go.
Jeep,
Yep, that's what you should do. Remember what happened to Pee Wee Herman when he went to the theater alone; not good.
BAHAHAHAHA
That won't happen...
Hahaha!! Every time I start to read a thread it ends up with doodler and one of his famous one-liners!
Jeep, sounds like things with HQ are progressing pretty well! Congrats brother! I still think parent alienation should be a criminal offense and I'd be happy to do some throat punching for ya!
Hang in there bro and how did Easter go with the kids?
SAL27, my friend. How are ya?
HQ is slowly building steam. I think it may be a good thing where she lives. PM me and I'll give you the address for some good throat punching!
Easter went OK...when the ex decided to bring them back...two hours after agreed upon time.
Say, brother, you should join us over on what we call the misfits... Great group that you'll fit right in. A good bit and growing.
I'm doing good....just hanging in there brother!
Maybe slow is the way to go with HQ. Probably don't want to rush things since the D is so fresh. Still, I know for me, it was nice to feel wanted again! Enjoy that trip coming up!
Luckily, so far, I have not had to deal with parent alienation. However, I feel strongly against so I will get my throat punching gloves on and be ready!! Surely being 2 hours late dropping the kids off constitutes a good throat punch, right lol?!?!
Haha, I'll have to check out TW and sign up. I'm no longer DB'ing so might as well join the band of misfits!
Check it out...let me know when you are and I'll give you my contact info...
I'm no longer DB'ing so might as well join the band of misfits
I'll fill you in once you get over there.. More every day, my friend. More every day.
Band of misfits made me laugh out loud. And, now, I have the song from Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer about the island of misfit toys stuck in my head, so thanks for that, Jeep. LOL
Sounds like all is well in your world. Good for you. Happy Friday!
You are more than welcome to join us, Dawn. It's a great of ones from here.
Well, thanks Jeep. That is very kind. If I figure out where to find you, I'll show up. LOL
C'mon Dawn, its out there if you want in..
HQ updates soon
Jeep,
I'm anxiously awaiting the update!
C'mon Dawn, its out there if you want in..
Thanks...I'll get there eventually!
I'm kinda slow in my old age. LOL
So the latest and greatest from the Harley Quinn files.
HQ left Sunday after a week-long visit. Ended up breaking my cardinal rule about other people meeting my children, but the ex had once again postponed the pickup day for their two-weeks in the summer. HQ's flight came in the day before the kids left, so she got a hotel room and rented a car for the day and came over. Wasn't totally unannounced as I knew. The kids took to her like ducks to water. Just introduced her as a friend. Oh, and they have seen her during our late night facetimes...they'd always manage to get out of bed and jump in my lap before I could shut it down...so they have "met" her so-to-speak.
Anyway, on to the visit. The kids left the next day so that wasn't an issue. HQ stayed with me the rest of the time. She still has friends in the area from back then, so we spent some time catching up and also doing the touristy thing. Took her to a neighboring city and stayed in a B&B on Saturday.
I'd have to say it was one of the best times. Had more fun with her than anyone ever before. And she gets me like none other ever has.
So, now the kicker. As some are aware, HQ and I have had several visits and talk almost nightly. She is now actively searching for jobs and places to live here. Side note, I've been messaged by mutual friends on FB resulting from some of HQs posts (where she talks of moving to my area)...seems like this train is rolling full steam now.
And I'm ok with that.
Jeep,
As I live and breathe! How the h3ll are you?
I get tons of vicarious pleasure that you and HQ are together. I don't know why that is, but I do.
Strange coincidence, I almost watched "Suicide Squad" last night, but I decided I should get some sleep instead.
Doodler,
Howya doing, my friend? It's been a while. Just stopped posting here as I've turned the corner, so-to-speak. Have been really busy with work and the TW site. The group of DB misfits over there is hopping and doing very, very well.
Thanks for the kind words. HQ is just what the doctor ordered. This trip was crazy good and fun. We did a lot of stuff around town. I ended up taking a few days off from work and made it a mini-vacation. I posted a pic over on TW of HQ playing with a mutual friends kid in the fountain. Good stuff, my friend. Seems right this time. We pretty much watched the sun rise Sunday talking about things and what's happening and where they are going. She expressed interest in coming back and I told her I was good with that. She has a few call backs on jobs and is actively house hunting. I also pulled some strings in my company and can get her set up with a job here if she chooses.
The ex is just an afterthought now. Only speak concerning the kids, and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, recall the bad blood between the ex and HQ? Well, seems that the ex stalked my FB and saw some of HQs comments on pics I posted. That stirred the pot...
Hey man, PM me over on TW and I'll show you some of the pics.
Jeep,
It sounds like things are really moving along with you and HQ. Good for the two of you!
I'll be in touch shortly.
So glad to hear that things are going well with HQ. That is awesome! Best of luck to you both.
It's been a long time since I've posted on here so I thought I'd drop by and see how things are.
My divorce is almost a year old now. Actually, I can look back and think WTF. When the kids are facetiming her I look at her and am actually kind of disgusted. I must have lost my mind back then.
I'm doing better than great. The group from here is still alive and well over on Tacoma world and we've all actually helped each other better than before. The misfits, we are.
Some of you will remember the Harely Quinn story. She's back and we are working. We shall see on that one.
All I can is this - the divorce did a number on my trust. Probably will never get married again. It is what it is. But life is great! The kids are adapting well and both are making honor roll consecutive semesters, so that's great.
Loving life. Doing my own thing without a second thought of the ex. Funny how time erases a lot of crap. Keep up that good work! Each and every one of you got this!
Hey Jeep, good to hear from you. I'm a little confused, what's a jeep guy doing on the Tacoma site? I had a 2001 TJ for about 13 yrs, then a few years ago sold it and got a Tundra, so I can often be found on the tundra site trying to figure out my next mod.
Anyway, it is amazing how things can change, a year and half ago all I wanted was to save my M, and today I signed up for a concealed carry class on Saturday, and passed a Harley dealership while out at lunch and decided I'm going to take a riding class soon. It dawned on me, that my life has been better and I've done more this last year than I did in the previous 5. I never would have believed it, but BD, and subsequently DB'ng, was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I don't think I have trust issues, I guess I won't really know until I need to trust someone, but if I find someone who compliments me well (and I will be picky) I will have a life that would have never happened in my old M.
Hi Jeep! So glad things are going well for you. Life has a funny way of working things out for us, doesn't it? I totally understand your trust issues though. I just had that discussion with someone recently and I'm fairly convinced that it is going to take a REALLY, REALLY long time for me to completely trust again. Time does erase a lot of crap and for that, I am most grateful.
Keep on keepin' on, Jeep and don't be a stranger.
Haha. Jeep was a name for here only. I drive a Tacoma. lol.
I hear you. This year has been awesome. Like you, I've done more in this year than the past 10, really. I have my CCP, too.
Life is good. Finances are in order. All's good in the Jeep household. Better than I'd ever have imagined. Except trust. That still bites.
Welcome back Jeep! We've missed you. I've merged your two threads together for you.
Jeep,
You stir up trouble and you don't play by the rules. You've been sorely missed; welcome back.
Jeep,
You stir up trouble and you don't play by the rules. You've been sorely missed; welcome back.
Doodler, my old friend! How the h@ll are ya?
Never been one to play by the rules. Thanks man. Things are great. Work is good. The kids are great. Life couldn't be better. Well, I guess it could be better, but considering where things were I came from recently, I'll take it.
Now, I know you love the HQ updates. She moved to the area and works nearby. We've had ups and downs as all do, and its looking good. She is incredible. Great with the kids and loves them dearly - although she is keeping a distance from them for now so as not to confuse them and all. But we've all gone to the movies and they call her Ms. Harley. Lol
Life is good, my friend. Thanks for stopping by!
I have a confession to make. Some of you will remember me talking about Birthday Party Girl (BPG). Well, that was a long, convoluted story that lasted much longer than it should have. I kept this hidden and only a select few know of this story, but I need to get it off my chest.
I became what we all hate in here. Yes, the OM. Our exes cheated and we were so self righteous about it. Stood on our high horse and quick to condemn them and belittle them to any who would listen. Maybe Terrill was a lesson for me - and one I'm going to share with you.
See, it didn't start out that way. When I met and starting talking with BPG, she said they were separated. Turns out they were still married. The first time I laid eyes on her was at the school Christmas party back in 2016, said a few hi's and small talk. I remember thinking that this is one gorgeous woman. She was much younger than me, 27 at the time. But a few months later, the birthday party came along. We talked the entire time and honestly I don't remember anyone else being there. I gave her my number but she never called. Then the school Easter party came along and she was there. We talked more. It's like we'd known each other forever. We got along better than anyone I've ever experienced, save one. I asked her to lunch. She said no.
Then, later that month, there was another school function. This time my ex wife was there to see the kids. BPG was jealous. We talked forever and sort of left the ex by herself. She called me King Arthur because I was persistent. And I called her my Guinevere. Somehow that statement made her eyes light up. She friended me on Facebook. Then the conversations took off - thousands of texts, emails, and calls - we talked all the time. The more we talked, the more we found we had in common. She was my parallel - it soon became obvious that there was more than just a little connection.
I remember that day she first came to my house. We talked for an hour in the driveway. There was a tension there that was undeniable. She was standing just close enough that if one of us had made a move then, the gates would have burst open. She stood there looking up into my eyes, and me into hers. Nothing was said. I don't know how long we stood like that, but it was forever and yet it was a second. Then we started talking.
Time passed and she came over more and more. Every day. That's when I found out she was married - she confessed it to me, along with her love for me. Her marriage was ending (I found that out to be a fact later). By then, I was in too deep. My heart opened for her. So we kept on.
Then one day we crossed the line permanently. I remember the first time we made love. The passion between us was so great that it was like we couldn't get any closer. And I remember how we couldn't get enough of each other, even though we were in the middle of amazing sex.
She was like a drug. I couldn't get enough of her and loved her strongly. Almost on the HQ level.
I can remember that Saturday we were laying in bed. She was laying on top of me with her face so close to mine that I could count every freckle and trace every line. We were just talking - and we talked of marriage. We talked of how our kids got along so great - her oldest son is my son's best friend. She wanted to get her tubal reversed so we could have another kid. Gawd I loved her. Honest.
I also remember the day our affair broke. That was a horrendous day. Even though her Mom and family knew - and my family - no one else did. The world collapsed. Yet we stayed strong. She had to flee for her life. He was put in jail.
Our last night together in her new apartment is one that burns in my mind. I didn't know it would be the last day that I'd see her again. I can remember it so vividly. We were in bed and she were laying on my shoulder. And we talked about how finally it was real and in the open between us. And we talked about getting married. Little did she know that I had secretly been planning a trip to Sevierville...a trip to celebrate our "official" togetherness. She told me she was madly in love with me and that finally found the one who made her whole.
Then the next day happened. The day that everything came crashing down. The day I lost BPG. I fully believe that we could have made it. But, it is what it is.
So, you see, as much as we want to hate the OP, sometimes things happen for a reason and a lesson. My lesson? I judged too much. I don't think that the saying that there is a right/wrong time for a love to come into one's life is true - had I not made those mistakes, BPG and I would still be here.
*All this was before HQ came back.
Wow, your description makes me want to feel that again.. I agree that most of us go through a long phase of self righteousness after BD, the fact is that by the time an A happens there is generally a lot of unhappiness by both parties in the M, and for me, all I had left was "I was unhappy too, but I didn't cheat".
I've also seen a lot of people talk about being caught up in an inappropriate relationship after BD, I know for me I fell hard and fast for a woman I used to work with. We didn't have any kind of R but we would of if I hadn't found out she was M; we just went through the thousands of texts, calls, messages, etc." When I found out she was M, it was the hardest thing to tell her that it all had to stop, and took me a few tries to actually quite her.
I understand how easy an emotional connection can start and flourish, and it took me a month or two to start getting past what had occurred with my ex and OM; but what really got me was her inability or refusal to refocus on us and the M after BD; her continual lies/deceit/blaming, etc., that's when my hate for OM dissipated and my anger manifested towards her. I still feel self righteous in a way, but not because I didn't cheat, but because I was willing to do anything I could to move past it and rebuild.
I'm curious as to what happened the day everything came crashing down with BPG, but it's your life to share or not. When you said that you felt more of a connection with her than anyone else, save for 1, I'm assuming you're referring to HQ and if so, good on you for where you are now.
Admin, can you replace her name in the second paragraph with BPG? Thanks!
I've also seen a lot of people talk about being caught up in an inappropriate relationship after BD, I know for me I fell hard and fast for a woman I used to work with. We didn't have any kind of R but we would of if I hadn't found out she was M; we just went through the thousands of texts, calls, messages, etc." When I found out she was M, it was the hardest thing to tell her that it all had to stop, and took me a few tries to actually quite her.
I tried to leave a couple of times, but she pulled me back in. I grew to love her. I still think we could have made it.
I'm curious as to what happened the day everything came crashing down with BPG, but it's your life to share or not. When you said that you felt more of a connection with her than anyone else, save for 1, I'm assuming you're referring to HQ and if so, good on you for where you are now.
Long story. But I'll make it short and sweet. See, I'm 47. When I first saw her I about tripped over myself. Perfect woman, appearance-wise. Maybe shorter than what I'm used to - she was 5'1" - but she was an athlete through and through. Very beautiful - one of those types you put up on the wall and take down every now and then and look at. Extremely gorgeous, inside and out. Since I was 46 at the time, I found out she was 27 at the party. I had to get to know her. So I fibbed about my age, thinking if I were 5 years younger, she'd not mind it as much. Turns out that was the least of my worries. She actually likes older men - I'm in great shape with salt n pepper hair (along with some brown) - because that's pretty much what her family knows...the husbands are all much older than their wives.
But, the downfall was this - she, as I, hates liars. Period. I never expected us to make it to the level we did. I never expected each of us to love each other, but we did. I wanted to tell her for so long but each time I got the nerve up, I chickened out for fear of losing her. That Friday after that last night I spent with her, her soon to be ex husband told her how old I was. She defended me as only a person truly in love would...and when she asked if it were true, with tears in her voice, I admitted it. That was the straw. She questioned everything then and rightly so. Had I not lied I'm sure things would be different. Lesson learned.
She lies about being married - that's okay.
You lie about your age by 5 years - that's a deal-breaker.
Perhaps just give that some thought.
Thanks for sharing that personal story and for adding why it ended. Like Coconut, I was curious, but was waiting to see if you would tell us the rest of the story. LOL Inquiring minds want to know, right?
You know, I really thought about all you said after I read it. I have been in that place of self-righteousness myself and it is sometimes hard to realize it. Years ago, long before I even met my XH, I was the OW on more than one occasion with college guy (yes, the college guy I mentioned here a few months ago). We had, from the very first time we met, this amazing, undeniable connection, but our lives just took us in different directions, which has told me more than once that ultimately, we are not meant to be. It was REALLY easy for me to forget that I had been an OW when I found out my XH cheated. All my anger was turned on him and I felt so incredibly self-righteous about the whole thing: how dare he, who does he think he is, etc. But, I have come to realize lately (and your post brought it to the forefront of my mind yet again), that I have been in the same position that my XH's OW put me in and I made someone else's wife (now XW) feel the same way I did and I don't like it. Not my proudest moment.
Thing is, Jeep....Don has a point. She lied about being MARRIED, you just shaved a few years off your age. It isn't like you told her you were 30 when you were 46. You told her you were in your 40's....just not as far in as you actually were. Seems to me "hiding" a husband is a much greater "sin" than deleting a few years, but that is just my opinion.
Thanks you two.
I do realize that. And in the subsequent arguments after our breakup that came out. Turns out there is much more to the story.
I had seen little flags but chose not to pay attention to them. See, she was an incredible woman...and honestly my style (or type). But, there was a darker side. I do believe she suffers from borderline personality disorder and maybe even bipolar. She mentioned that last night that I was so good for her that she stopped taking her meds. I let it go because, well, I loved her. And I believed her.
But yeah, I get it. I also found out that she was married and divorced three times.
I do believe she suffers from borderline personality disorder and maybe even bipolar. She mentioned that last night that I was so good for her that she stopped taking her meds.
RUN!!!!!!
It seems as if you both began a relationship with lies. You know that isn't a very good foundation for a relationship. it's hard to trust the other person when they begin with lies, and you both did.
Could there be a clean slate start over? Who knows. But you mention HQ came to live by you. So maybe you just need to write this one off as a learning experience.
I kissed a married guy one night when I was drunk. Well, we kissed eachother. My self-righteousness was definitely put into check right there and then. My ex husband was my friend's BF. The karma train promptly hit me on that one. We are actually very close friends, and boy am I fortunate for that. I was in a very low place where I wanted to die and everyone in my life had abandoned me, and he was there. My therapist says it was my way of survival, and it doesn't define who I am.
I would just live by being honest at all times.
married and divorced 3 times by 27????
YOU. DODGED. A. BULLET. !!!!!!!!
Stop talking/thinking about how things would have been great if only you hadn't lied about your age.
You were infatuated with a hot chick and chose to overlook the crazy because of it.
You need to enlist a good friend to vet your future dates. This was a disaster averted.
YOU. DODGED. A. BULLET. !!!!!!!!
Stop talking/thinking about how things would have been great if only you hadn't lied about your age.
You were infatuated with a hot chick and chose to overlook the crazy because of it.
You need to enlist a good friend to vet your future dates. This was a disaster averted.
Ummmm...... yeah! a bipolar woman who goes off her meds because she "feels good", lies about her marital status and has been divorced 3 times by 27 is actually dodging a nuclear bomb.
Hey Ginger!
It seems as if you both began a relationship with lies. You know that isn't a very good foundation for a relationship. it's hard to trust the other person when they begin with lies, and you both did.
True, that was my only lie. And as far as I can tell, her only one, too.
Could there be a clean slate start over? Who knows. But you mention HQ came to live by you. So maybe you just need to write this one off as a learning experience.
That bridge was burned down at the end. I mean badly. We both said some very mean things. She slandered me. I told people the truth. She blamed me for her losing everything, including her oldest son (who moved across country with his dad to get away from that drama, and now my son lost his best friend in the process). So, you see, that bridge is destroyed. Lessons learned.
I agree on the way of survival. She came along at just the right time for me. Easy pickings lol
I would just live by being honest at all times.
That alone taught me the most valuable lesson in a long time.
YOU. DODGED. A. BULLET. !!!!!!!!
Stop talking/thinking about how things would have been great if only you hadn't lied about your age.
You were infatuated with a hot chick and chose to overlook the crazy because of it.
You need to enlist a good friend to vet your future dates. This was a disaster averted.
Truth.
Oh, it was a disaster. It was a freaking nightmare. Police and all were involved, too. But hey, I'm the bad guy lol
According to my poor, beleaguered XH, men are "always" the bad guy whether they really are or not. In his case, though, he TRULY was the bad guy, so I'm having a hard time with sympathy for him. I say all that to say that I do NOT believe that men are always the bad guy and just from what you have told us here(and I certainly don't even begin to know all of it, I'm sure), I would make a pretty certain bet that you were not, in fact, the bad guy. I mean, come on......as several ahead of me pointed out....married and divorced 3 times by 27......BIG, HUGE, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS waving red flag there. Or is that just me that thinks that??????????? LOL As those before me said.....BIG, big bullet dodged on this deal. And, in the end, you got HQ.
Yes, ma'am! I didn't find out a lot of that until after the fact. I shudder to think I may have been number 4. And yeah, there is HQ. Hopefully good days ahead.