Time for a new thread. Old one here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2729501&page=11The more I think on things the more I'm coming to the realization that her ghost will always be part of me. The unfortunate circumstances that lead to the death of our marriage were set in motion long before we ever met. I think that's one of the biggest things that bothers me...that nothing I could have done could have saved it. Sigh.
I do realize there is no going back. Maybe that's part of the ghost, too. A ghost of something that had so much potential and really could have made it had it not been for her demons.
When does that end? I'm at peace with myself about my future and know what I have to do. I'm not happy about it, but I'm a realist and see it for what it is. Have to make the best of it.
Time to get back on that horse - or at least that pony.
Do you know the song Ghost by the Indigo Girls?
Dark and dangerous like a secret (don't tell a soul)
That gets whispered in a hush
When I wake the things I dreamed about you (don't tell a soul)
Last night make me blush
And you kiss me like a lover
Then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river
Play your memory like a piper
And I feel it like a sickness
How this love is killing me
I'd walk into the fingers
Of your fire willingly
And dance the edge of sanity
I've never been this close
In love with your ghost, ooh
Holy cow, Gordie. That resonates so much but I haven't listened to them in so long. Right now, Coheed and Cambria's "The Suffering" is my song.
Everyone seems to be talking about their dates and all, well, except for doodler's adventures in plaster... hahaha (j/k doodler)...maybe I should give a little Harley Quinn update.
A certain Miss Harley Quinn called while I was at lunch and wanted to talk dates I may be available for her to come visit. For such a tough woman, she has such a sing-song voice. At any rate, she couldn't contain her excitement. Seems as if she really wants to come back. Maybe this will lead somewhere. Who knows what it will do.
She did pose the question of if we could do a little trip in the summer or something while the kids are on their week with their mom - maybe to the north mountains or something like that we used to do. There was this little cabin we visited a few times that had a ton of trails for hiking/mountain biking and some breathtaking scenery. I must admit, that kind of has me a bit nervous. This all seems to be picking up speed like a runaway boulder...
A rolling stone gathers no moss!
Jeep,
I think you and Ginger are on parallel paths. I might have to start a Jeep pool. You could have a really interesting wedding; everyone dressed in costumes based on Batman characters.
Speaking of plaster, my oldest son was texting me during his lunch (at school) and said that he's excited about helping me paint and plaster the rest of the house. He liked my accent wall so much that he's got the plaster bug. I'm telling you, venetian plaster is the way to go...
rolling stone gathers no moss!
Or that boulder runs over you like Indiana Jones. hahaha
Jeep,
I think you and Ginger are on parallel paths. I might have to start a Jeep pool. You could have a really interesting wedding; everyone dressed in costumes based on Batman characters.
Speaking of plaster, my oldest son was texting me during his lunch (at school) and said that he's excited about helping me paint and plaster the rest of the house. He liked my accent wall so much that he's got the plaster bug. I'm telling you, venetian plaster is the way to go...
Now doodler,
You might as well put money on Ginger cause it isn't happening anytime soon for me. But IF (note the uppercase 'if') that were to ever happen, a Batman theme? She'd have to tone down that Harley Quinn outfit for sure. You know what I mean.
Doodler 1 and doodler 2 plastering. Good stuff!
You might as well put money on Ginger cause it isn't happening anytime soon for me.
Famous last words.
Hi Jeep,
My apologies as I have not read much of your thread. I'm going to catch up to speed on your sitch. I have zero to contribute at this point except that I used to wait on the Indigo Girls all of the time.
I'm going to reference back to the comments on the last pages of the previous thread. I'm talking about the whole introducing children - especially those pre-teen - to those we are dating. Don't ask me why as I have no bio-kids, although I'm still close with my now adult stepson and daughter 10+ years post divorce, I've also been told over and over I was a great SD. Anyhow, my point is, I feel so strongly about this and always made sure not to cross those lines myself - even if the person I was dating didn't see a problem.
Young kids are so effected by divorce - they just are. Hell even adult children talk about how much it effects them to have their parents D even if they are adults themselves. Then someone else comes into their life and they get attached only for that person to go away. This writes on the slate of who they are. It really effects them. I don't think anyone wants that to happen - it's not intentional but does it matter if it's intended or not? It really effects them. I think that's why the "experts" suggest not allowing it until you are positive things are staying together - not you think they will because we all THINK they will early on. They have no control over it and if there is a break up they go through grief. Kids also have this ability to blame themselves. They take blame for the initial D so then take blame for the break up.
Is it difficult? You bet. Is it sometimes really difficult? Yes it is. But many things that are the right thing to do are very difficult. So Jeep I really applaud you in this. It's the right thing to do.
Then on aside... we are on a board where D has ripped most of our lives apart - so as soon as a new R starts, we encourage marriage even bet (allabiet in jest and fun) when the marriage will happen? Really? I don't get it.
Hi Georgiabelle!
Thanks for stopping in. Love the name, BTW. Am from and now live in this great state again. And went to a certain university that carries the same name (bleed red and black, ma'am). I've read your thread and love your insightfulness!
Hi Georgiabelle!
Thanks for stopping in. Love the name, BTW. Am from and now live in this great state again. And went to a certain university that carries the same name (bleed red and black, ma'am). I've read your thread and love your insightfulness!
Here I thought I liked you and now I see that you are a "dawg". LOL Hmmmmmm......I guess I can't hold that against you, as you are an alum. As an alum of another famous SEC school, I bleed Razorback red. Woo pig sooie!
Jeep,
(Swooooooooooon)You are a Dawg? How did I miss this? Me loves my alma mater (I'm one of THOSE people who has decor on my car and in my yard)and my guy lives in said town now. Fantastic dining establishments there:)
Part 2 of all I have to offer. Thanks for the kind words. Always appreciated.
Hi Don!
Thanks for stopping by!
I, too, have a very deep concerns about bringing new people around my children. My ex, however, doesn't seem to care that much because they were in and out of their lives growing up so much that it was like a revolving door...but that's another issue I have with them.
I agree on it affecting them and that's why I shy away from doing it. It's just not going to happen on my watch. Some may feel differently. Another thing, is mine still believe in their mom and that she's coming back to the family when she retires and moves back. Ugh.
Is it difficult? You bet. Is it sometimes really difficult? Yes it is. But many things that are the right thing to do are very difficult. So Jeep I really applaud you in this. It's the right thing to do.
Thank you, kind sir, for the words. Its not easy by any means.
Then on aside... we are on a board where D has ripped most of our lives apart - so as soon as a new R starts, we encourage marriage even bet (allabiet in jest and fun) when the marriage will happen? Really? I don't get it
You'll find that talk in fun and jest is a way to blow steam and make this hell a little less bearable. Its a release. In reality, none of us would ever consider remarrying at this stage - I most certainly won't. But, I will joke about it and bring some levity to these dark times.
However, I do encourage getting back on that horse...even if it is just coffee or dinner or whatever. Works wonders for the soul. Take my oft-talked about Harley Q for example. In all honesty, would I like to get back to where we were back then? Not sure you are aware of our history, but its deep. I can say that if that opportunity presents itself, I may just take it...however, before I can fully travel that - or any - road to that depth I have to clear some things inside me first.
But no matter what happens, I won't bring anyone around them for a long, long time.
Dawn, Dawn, Dawn...
Here I thought I liked you and now I see that you are a "dawg". LOL Hmmmmmm......I guess I can't hold that against you, as you are an alum. As an alum of another famous SEC school, I bleed Razorback red. Woo pig sooie!
I can let that go. As long as you don't have a puke orange color, we are all good. Haha
Yes, I am very much a Dawg!
(Swooooooooooon)You are a Dawg? How did I miss this? Me loves my alma mater (I'm one of THOSE people who has decor on my car and in my yard)and my guy lives in said town now. Fantastic dining establishments there:)
Oh I most certainly am. I'm one of those also...and am absolutely loving what CKS is doing there. Tell me, are you on any of the UGA forums? I love Athens, ma'am. There used to be this BBQ place there that I have to find that rivals it... Haven't been back in quite some time although we plan on going this coming season - will be my son's first game.
Dawn, Dawn, Dawn...
Here I thought I liked you and now I see that you are a "dawg". LOL Hmmmmmm......I guess I can't hold that against you, as you are an alum. As an alum of another famous SEC school, I bleed Razorback red. Woo pig sooie!
I can let that go. As long as you don't have a puke orange color, we are all good. Haha
Yes, I am very much a Dawg!
Good Lord, NOOOOO on the orange. LOL All Razorback red, through and through. Both of my degrees are from there and I couldn't be prouder. Like you and GB with your dawg memorabilia, I am decked out in my office and my home in Razorback finery.
Good Lord, NOOOOO on the orange. LOL All Razorback red, through and through. Both of my degrees are from there and I couldn't be prouder. Like you and GB with your dawg memorabilia, I am decked out in my office and my home in Razorback finery.
I knew that you were OK. I don't even know when we play ya'll again...but it would be a safe bet that red and black would come out on top.
I have stuff all over my place, too. My son wants to play for UGA and so does my daughter... hahaha
My team is best, even if they're not SEC. My XW's team is orange and blue. We had a mixed marriage and you see what happened.
But, I'll concede, the SEC is the best conference. For now.
GB,
Is the BBQ Shack still open in Athens?
doodler,
I can see the result of that orange and blue mess.
It will be the best conference for quite some time. Lets see, you aren't that far from my old stomping grounds of Pensacola, no? Then are you a criminole?
Or a semi-hole. You know, half-@ss U. Them professors learned me real good. Three degrees; everyone thought I'd never leave.
I will say this, I've been there a few times and it has some very good scenery.
Jeep,
1. I really hope you and Harley Quinn have some happily ever after in your future. Enjoy your vacation!
2. I totally and utterly respect your decision not to introduce SO's in your children's lives...I feel the same way.
No Orange and Blue. No. All kinds of nope. Dawn, the Hogs are okay. You can be in the in crowd. Doodler, you crack me up!!! I grew up close to Seminoleland. Maybe they named a facility after you?
I haven't been to the BBQ Shack lately but I am pretty sure it is still there.
Hi Gordie!
I really hope you and Harley Quinn have some happily ever after in your future. Enjoy your vacation
Gordie, if I get things back to where they were with Harley Quinn I most definitely would. I'm not sure I will do that vacation, but I may. Who knows. My number one rule is that I talk to my kids every night and every morning - I call/Skype them every day they are away. Every day, morning and night. And they look for that. We will see.
You know, not far down the trail from that little cabin was this absolutely beautiful lake...just right for fishing or a brisk swim. I've thought about that place for years, honestly. Harley and I would pack a little picnic in a ruck and hike out to it for lunch or whatever. Good times.
I totally and utterly respect your decision not to introduce SO's in your children's lives...I feel the same way.
Thank you for your words, sir.
I'm starting to lean towards giving Harley the chance...
A friend really made me think this morning. He asked me that if I were really honest with myself, am I hanging on hoping that she will get the help she needs. What a way to start the day at work - by getting me to think.
And another friend suggests that I still may not be over the ex...
Good grief they got me today.
The thing is, while I really wish she would get the help she needs, he may be correct in some form. She will always be part of me. The bigger question is, would I take her back if she went the extra mile and got in-house help and truly wanted to try again? That question really can't be answered as it is on a hypothetical level...maybe I would but more likely not. Too many things have happened and have been said that can't be forgotten.
I think the friend got the bit confused, its not so much as not being over her, but more like her ghost taking up residence. I've learned to live with that ghost and accept that it will always be there. I've also learned to embrace that ghost, too...for that means that memories can be looked upon fondly now. Who knows. They never really go away. Ever.
Jeep,
I may be in the minority here but if we love deeply, I'm not sure we ever really "get over" that person. I don't mean we pine over them or even want to be with them regardless of the circumstances. I just think that being with them changed is and I don't mean because of events that transpired leading up to and post D. I thought one way and now I realize otherwise. Some days it's a good feeling and sometimes it leaves me a bit unsettled, however, it's just where I am.
You don't have to decide what HQ will be right now. Everything reveals itself in time. :-)
I miss that dizzam edit button. Oops changed us. And it's not that we don't move on and forward. We are just "altered internally." My 2 cents.
Hey Georgiabelle!
I agree with everything you said. They don't ever leave, but we do move on and forward.
As far as HQ is concerned. Guess that will be revealed in time... I like your way of thinking.
Georgiabelle,
Changing gears. What dorm did you stay in? Spent my freshman year in the O House and most of the rest in apartments off of Springdale. Good times and great friends made there. We still laugh about the potato gun incidents. Man I miss those days.
Ha! I paid for school myself so I lived in the cheapest dorm in the quad. No air:-). I lived in River Mill and some apts off Lexington. When "Gameday" was there a few years back, they broadcast from the Quad. I told my kids "That's where Mommy lived!!!" They weren't impressed :-)
A town has changed so much. It's much ATL suburb to me now except for downtown and a few other areas (Barnett Shoals, Gaines School areas) I do love to visit.
When did you go? I was there from 92 - 96.
I do remember that broadcast! I never miss a game on tv is possible. Haven't been back to a game since just after Richt took over. Most of the time just lived too far away to go.
My kids are everything UGA - especially my son. Heck, he has lego UGA players we set up and play with.
I need to get back. My brother and I are planning a game this upcoming season - will be my son's first. Hopefully we can make it happen.
I'm kind of saddened about all that change. Wonder if the old haunts are still there like the Nowhere Bar and all. Brings back a lot of great memories.
I think you are absolutely dead-on accurate when you say that some things never really go away. And, honestly, would you want them to? I mean, like it or not, your XW is going to be rooted in your memories as the mother of your children. Whether you are with her or not, they will always be a part of her. FWIW, I say embrace the good memories and just do your best to squash the bad ones. I know, from your posts, that your children are still young and there are lots of things that might be issues now (them still "believing in her", as you say or them hoping for y'all to be back together), but as they get older, they will see you as separate entities and the more you can share in their happier memories, the better off you will all be in the end. But, that's just my opinion, so you can take it or leave it, as you see fit.
Happy Friday, Jeep! Hope it is a good one.
Hi Dawn! How's my favorite Razorback doing?
Honestly, no, I do not want those things to totally go away. I'm getting to the point where the good memories far outweigh everything else and where they also don't cause the pain they used to.
I try so hard to do create nothing but happy memories for them. Thank you so much for that bit of advice. I'm going to say that I'm starting to see and face some parental alienation...and also from her family. Just little snippits, but its starting. Her family is none-too-happy that their "precious angel" didn't get custody and everything else...and they are letting everyone hear it, and I'm afraid the children, too. I haven't dropped any truth bombs on them yet, but I fell it may be coming if they don't change their ways. Ugh.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
GO DAWGS!
Ego boost for the day:
Took the kids to a birthday party where the kids far outweighed the adults. One of the parents was a very pretty 28 yr old mom whose son is in my son's class. Somehow we started talking and she pretty much stayed talking to me for the entire party. I think it was her asking me if I've ever read "The Handmaid's Tale," which I did some 20 years ago or so. It was like the dam burst...she ended up giving me her number and said call if you'd like to get coffee and talk about it sometime. Not sure I'll ever use it but sure was nice boost!
Jeep74,
That's cool! Great ego booster. I really enjoy those chance meetings.
Last night I was in the grocery store and a woman yelled out, "Hey loser!" I turned around and said, "I'm not a loser!" Then we had a brief exchange until her boyfriend arrived. Oh well...
What a great weekend. The ex's ghost didn't bother me in the least little bit! Had a great time with the kids...birthday party, wild life refuge, out to get pizza. A great, great time. That ego boost was quite the icing on an already great day - but that's just what it was, an ego boost. I'll keep the number, though.
So, had a very nice Skype session with a certain miss Harley Quinn last night that went on for over an hour. Funny how an hour passes without even realizing it. At any rate, she gave me a list of three different weekends she can make it. And, we talked a bit about the little vacation she had mentioned - that little cabin in the mountains in the north part of the state. I haven't made my mind up on it yet, so we will see. Maybe I need to break the Specialized out and get back in biking shape.
We did have a talk about the kids and that I can't bring anyone around them for quite a while. She was better than OK with that - she understood completely and said the same thing about her son. She said that she would when things were right - no sooner.
I am slowly learning how to handle the children's talk about their mom coming back. Geez that isn't fun.
I am slowly learning how to handle the children's talk about their mom coming back. Geez that isn't fun.
Jeep,
It sounds like your relationship with HQ is easy like Sunday morning. It's nice when everyone is singing the same tune.
My youngest son keeps telling me that mommy has been saying nice things about me. I know he wants things to be the way that they used to be, but he doesn't understand that the chance of that is one in a billion. It's a heart breaking to know how much it hurts him.
How's it hanging, doodler?
I do agree on the same tune part. We will see what happens.
My youngest son keeps telling me that mommy has been saying nice things about me. I know he wants things to be the way that they used to be, but he doesn't understand that the chance of that is one in a billion. It's a heart breaking to know how much it hurts him.
Ugh. Man, that is sucktastic on so many levels. Mine talk about her like all is right. I think part of it is that they think when she retires and comes back that she will also be coming back to the family...its like they don't want to hear the other part.
Doodler,
HQ is easy like Sunday morning
Had to look up the easy like sunday morning lyrics ya know...I don't even know what to think. haha.
Doodler,
Had to look up the easy like sunday morning lyrics ya know...I don't even know what to think. haha.
Oops! It's been so long since I've heard that song that I didn't recall what it was about. That's certainly not what I meant. I meant that it seems like you and HQ seem to be on the same page. Maybe that's a better metaphor. I've go to be careful with references to songs. Janie's got a gun...
Doodler,
Haha. I know what you meant. Just pulling your chain, my friend.
I had been reading several different threads in the Newcomer's forum where they were talking about the kids going from house to house and its affect on them. That gives me a huge case of the sads. I hate that so much. Its been on my mind for most of the morning...so I ended up calling Harley Quinn over my lunch hour. Wow, there is something about that sing-song voice of hers that puts me at ease. Just to talk, nothing else.
Sometimes I kick myself over the way things turned out with her. However, I know that if it did run its course, I never would have had my kids. I had a talk with one of my friends who is a big believer in fate and such...she told me that even if I had let things with Harley run their course, I still would have ended up with the ex and have had my children.
Then she brought up an interesting point, what were the chances of us both being in the same book store? Especially since the ex lived roughly 45 minutes away. Anyway, its enough to make one think.
Ugh. Have some dealings with the ex on Friday. Why is it that its like salt being poured on open wounds? I mean, not so much for me but for the kids. Geez.
Why is it that its like salt being poured on open wounds? I mean, not so much for me but for the kids. Geez.
Jeep,
I don't know why it is the way it is. I still apologize to my sons for the divorce even though I wasn't the one doing the divorcing. They are such good sons and they didn't do anything to deserve what they've had to go through. I know I did the best I could to keep things together, but I'm sure I'll be apologizing to them until the day I die.
Doodler,
This is just plain sucktastic, man. My kids. Man this makes me so sick.
I have to deal with her Friday and things are coming back up. That damn ghost is bull-whipping me like there is no tomorrow. Ugh. Just ugh. Not a very good day for Jeep, sir.
I don't know why it is the way it is. I still apologize to my sons for the divorce even though I wasn't the one doing the divorcing. They are such good sons and they didn't do anything to deserve what they've had to go through. I know I did the best I could to keep things together, but I'm sure I'll be apologizing to them until the day I die.
I find myself apologizing for things, too. I hate this. Like you said, mine are great kids and don't deserve any of this. I tried. I really really tried. I'm so tired now, man. I'm so afraid I'm failing them and that I'm in over my head.
Look at Jeep with the swag...
That damn ghost is bull-whipping me like there is no tomorrow. Ugh. Just ugh. Not a very good day for Jeep, sir.
Sorry Jeep! It sounds like you need a little R&R. No rest for the weary.
Look at Jeep with the swag...
Eh?
Getting the digits from the 28 year old. It's always nice to meet new people. That is one of the most fascinating things about life to me-the peeps you meet. I think that's awesome.
I was in the A this weekend. Went to a place called Aqua Linda. Was pretty good!
Getting the digits from the 28 year old. It's always nice to meet new people. That is one of the most fascinating things about life to me-the peeps you meet. I think that's awesome.
Oh, haha. The thing is, I didn't ask for them...it was all volunteered. You are so correct, it is more than awesome. Not sure I will use them. Still on the fence about HQ, though.
Never heard of Aqua Linda. Been a while since have been there. Are the Uptown and 40 Watt still there? Spent wayyyy to much time there...
Time will tell about HQ. Oh wow. I don't think either are there any longer. Do you remember Lowerys? I used to love it there. Fishbowl margaritas!! I left in 94 but my NG lives there. I usually have my kids but on the off chance I don't, we occasionally go the "grown up" places near Prince.
Lowerys? Who could forget nickel night??? Wow that has been a long time.
Time will tell, you are correct. Ever have those what if moments? I can't imagine life without my kids, but I have quite a few what ifs about HQ...
Remember the Flying Buffalo? O'Malleys? You are making me think, here. I loved Athens.
There were three of us that became the best of friends - we all lived next to each other at the O house and moved in together in the complex on Springdale. Good times. Never will forget the time my friend shot a golf ball out of his potato that went through two car windows. They never did find who it was...
Ha! I used to love to dance at O'Malleys. Don't know if you remember a place called the Sugar Bowl. They had a night called "Bladder Burst." 😉
Yeah, I remember the Sugar Bowl. Pretty hopping place. Some good times, back then.
Friday is coming way to fast. This will be the final dealings with the ex outside of interaction concerning the children. For some reason, this one bothers me. I guess it is the last and finality of it all.
The past couple of days I've been reflecting on my life and how I've gotten to this point. I'm stronger now than I've been in quite a long time. My knees are no longer shaky and I don't find myself wondering about her anymore. However, that ghost does still remain. It does seem to be subtly shifting to better memories, but there are still times when it becomes a full-forced haunting...like yesterday.
I don't know if I'm stuck, or whatever, but a lot of what if's still plague me. For some odd reason, a certain vacation spot took up residence in my mind and it really bothered me...I don't know why, though. Yesterday felt like I was sinking all over again. Dang.
I don't know if I'm stuck, or whatever, but a lot of what if's still plague me. For some odd reason, a certain vacation spot took up residence in my mind and it really bothered me...I don't know why, though. Yesterday felt like I was sinking all over again. Dang.
Jeep74...you are an inspiration to me...of course you will have a bad day here and there...but you are doing great...and the fact that the OM's W sent you the sex pictures...dang, of course you can't un-see those images...
Friday is coming way to fast. This will be the final dealings with the ex outside of interaction concerning the children. For some reason, this one bothers me. I guess it is the last and finality of it all.
The past couple of days I've been reflecting on my life and how I've gotten to this point. I'm stronger now than I've been in quite a long time. My knees are no longer shaky and I don't find myself wondering about her anymore. However, that ghost does still remain. It does seem to be subtly shifting to better memories, but there are still times when it becomes a full-forced haunting...like yesterday.
I don't know if I'm stuck, or whatever, but a lot of what if's still plague me. For some odd reason, a certain vacation spot took up residence in my mind and it really bothered me...I don't know why, though. Yesterday felt like I was sinking all over again. Dang.
Just go back and read what you wrote to me ...follow some of your own wisdom..
Jeep74...you are an inspiration to me...of course you will have a bad day here and there...but you are doing great...and the fact that the OM's W sent you the sex pictures...dang, of course you can't un-see those images...
Gordie,
Thanks for the kind words, my friend. She sent me those things when she blew up the affair (that was a fireworks show that must have been seen to be believed) and I had to look at them all over again when sending to the atty. Oh well. Those will forever be burned into my mind.
Tofbrks,
I know...I fail to follow my own words at times. Sigh...
Well, tomorrow is it. Another sleepless night of mapping the ceiling. I hate this. I hate it so much. I think the thing that bothers me the most is how it is and will affect the children. Sigh. I try so hard.
So, last night I get an unexpected call from the birthday party girl. Seems that she had gotten my number from a mutual friend. Not sure I'll go out with her - maybe coffee won't hurt. Can't let that one go anywhere, though.
I think I'll see if birthday party girl wants to get coffee or whatever. I need to get out.
Ended up not taking birthday party girl out. Just wasn't in the mood to do anything, really. Hit the gym extra hard and logged on for some Modern Warfare. Oh, and there was the hour or so Skype with Harley Quinn. Good stuff.
Jeep,
I think you're about ready to make a new movie, "HQ a New Beginning."
Bahahaha...
Doodler, you're crazy my friend.
Now that I think of it, maybe a new beginning is what the doctor ordered. Who knows. But HQ calls and texts on an almost daily basis. Maybe it is a good thing that she lives where she does...
Ended up not taking birthday party girl out. Just wasn't in the mood to do anything, really. Hit the gym extra hard and logged on for some Modern Warfare. Oh, and there was the hour or so Skype with Harley Quinn. Good stuff.
Jeep -
Im wondering if the presence of HQ is helping or hurting your growth and path forward right now. Im not saying that it was a necessary step to go out with this other girl, but Im wondering if you will 'ever' feel up to going out with someone other than HQ until you do something one way or another with her.
Something to think about anyway.
Kaizen,
Im wondering if the presence of HQ is helping or hurting your growth and path forward right now. Im not saying that it was a necessary step to go out with this other girl, but Im wondering if you will 'ever' feel up to going out with someone other than HQ until you do something one way or another with her.
That is a very good question, my friend. I haven't thought of it in that way, to be honest. HQ has helped me through some of the roughest of it...either she has called from seeing a social media post or I called her, but she's always been there. That's the thing with her, the distance is what's complicating things. On one hand, it allows me to not jump into things (as in rebound) relationship-wise...sure, I've gone out with a few but they were just fun times. On the other hand, I have some thinking to do concerning HQ. I'm not so sure that one will be easily dealt with.
See, HQ and I have a very deep history and it almost seems a chance for a redo. The question is, and its a big one, how and what do I do about it. Sooner or later decisions are going to have to be made.
As far as birthday party girl (BPG) is concerned, we've talked a couple of times. Honestly, after Friday's proceeding's, I didn't feel like doing anything with anyone. The ex drained me that much. I may take BPG out, but it'll be for fun and won't come of anything, if that makes sense.
Ran into BPG in the grocery store last night (we live in a relatively small town) and she was sorry that we couldn't make it last week end but understood. Asked if I wanted to try a new Thai restaurant next weekend. Maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe she doesn't like Thai food?
She asked me if I wanted to go. I may/may not.
Oh! You're so coy.
So, I'm just going to throw a question out there and hopefully not come across as offensive. That is the one thing I hate about messaging through such sites....there is no context, so you don't know if I'm genuinely asking or just being a royal pain, but I promise, this comes from a place of genuine query, not pain. LOL
Anyway, I'm just wondering, since you advocate "grabbing a cup of coffee" and other such minor things all the time on other's pages and even occasionally on your own page, I'm wondering what the harm is in grabbing a meal with BPG (as you called her)? As I read your entries, it seems to me that maybe you are holding back a little, since you are unsure of the whole HQ thing. That is totally my opinion, of course, and that and a dollar will get you a really crappy cup of coffee somewhere, so you can take that for whatever it is worth.
Hi Dawn!
Sorry that I somehow missed this. Not offensive at all. I will try to answer as best I can.
Anyway, I'm just wondering, since you advocate "grabbing a cup of coffee" and other such minor things all the time on other's pages and even occasionally on your own page, I'm wondering what the harm is in grabbing a meal with BPG (as you called her)? As I read your entries, it seems to me that maybe you are holding back a little, since you are unsure of the whole HQ thing. That is totally my opinion, of course, and that and a dollar will get you a really crappy cup of coffee somewhere, so you can take that for whatever it is worth.
While BPG (birthday party girl) is certainly pleasing on the eyes and fun to be around, I'm not so sure why I don't pursue this one further. Maybe its that she is here and is interested in seeing where things go, so to speak, and I'm not at the point of wanting to really jump into another thing just yet. I probably will take her out at some point. Who knows. I know its good for the ego and soul, sometimes I just can't bring myself to do it, if that makes sense.
As far as HQ is concerned, maybe her being so far away is keeping me from rebounding. I don't really know how to explain it. We talk, granted A LOT, but the distance keeps things from going further. Maybe that's a safety net for me. If she were close, it would be a whole different ball game. I'm not holding the door open for HQ only, but she sure is ringing the doorbell.
I understand on both accounts. With BPG, she's right there and could potentially want more than what you are ready to give. I kind of feel that way about someone I have been talking to as well. He seems to want to move from talking/getting to know each other to serious relationship and I'm thinking in the back of my head....I don't even know your last name, we are just chatting. LOL So, I totally get that part. Honestly, sometimes I think I'm SO ready for a relationship and sometimes I look at where I'm at, figuratively and emotionally, and think nah, I'm good. So, yeah, I get the BPG thing.
As far as HQ, I get that safety net thing because I think I AM a safety net for someone right now. Funny you worded it that way, because I was just thinking about the whole safety net thing yesterday. I have not ever come out and asked, but I'm pretty sure I'm a safety net for BF. He is still in love with his ex and is waiting (hoping) that she is going to leave her husband and come back to him, which I suppose could happen because she does appear to continue to leave the door open for BF, calling him all the time and going to visit him occasionally (though I personally think she is just using HIM as her safety net because he still pays her car payment, since his name is on it too....long, weird story, but I digress). Anyway, he has her, dangling that hope in front of him. Then he has me....the person he can go do fun things with unencumbered by husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, because we are both single. I think I said it on my own page not too long ago that with me, he has the benefit of having a girlfriend without the sexual part of the relationship because there is nothing physical, but we go out and do fun stuff together, like dating people would do. I think, at least in his mind, I'm safe because he can do all that with me without having to actually commit to anything because we are friends....if that makes sense. I know, from reading your entries, that your in person relationship with HQ is different from mine with BF, but same safety net concept. So, that was a long rambling way of saying, I understand what you mean about her being your safety net, because I am pretty sure I'm BF's. LOL
Sorry for rambling on about myself on your page, but I'm kind of wordy. LOL
Hi Dawn!
Don't ever apologize for being wordy - its an endearing thing and makes you you.
BPG really wants to go out. Now, granted, she hasn't came out and said anything about getting serious or whatever, but you can get that vibe - know what I mean? I mean, she really is fun and spent the entire 3+ hours at the party talking, and if I were in a different place, them maybe sure. Who knows.
Honestly, sometimes I think I'm SO ready for a relationship and sometimes I look at where I'm at, figuratively and emotionally, and think nah, I'm good
Same thing, Dawn, same thing.
Harley Quinn... Don't know what to say about her. She is my safety net in more ways than one. And yes, the sexual part is there on the visits. I'm not dangling her in any form - she knows and understands things. Given our past and especially the way things ended back then, she is both cautious and wants to move forward...she's always there when I want to talk. Sometimes she will call me to Skype - which seems to go on for hours. Funny thing, I don't mind when I have the time. But, at the same time, I know that pot must be stirred - one way or another. I know a time will come when her heart will get broken again or we will test those waters. Part of me wants to test them, and if HQ lived closer who knows if doodler's bet would come true. Maybe that is why I think her living where she does is a good thing.
Looking back, when we were dating I now see things as they were - I don't know how I could have been so blind as to not see that she really wanted more. Its the little things that she did that no one else ever really did - like the time she'd drive 30+ miles to my work every so often just to bring me some of those Thai cookies that she loved to make. Not even my ex ever brought me things to work. Sigh.
I think what it boiled down to back then that she was scared deep down. Who knows. So yeah, that's my safety net. Who, has set another visit date...
Hey Job, did you ever find the name of that little deli/place on three notch by the school I was telling you about?
A certain Miss HQ is slowly but surely turning up the heat. She sent me an email today that, upon first reading, seems to be full of hope. She asked again about the summer getaway when the kids are down at their mother's for a week. I think I'll go. Maybe.
She asked about that little place we used to go to in north GA...in fact, she's been checking on availability. Good grief. I told here that if we can, she can ride the ex's Specialized mountain bike as the ex doesn't want it or has even asked about it since. That brings back a funny story about when Harley and I rode some trails in north GA. We drove an hour or so from our cabin to the place for a day's riding. Great, great trails that are roughly 20 miles in length. Picnic lunch and all. Anyway, some of the trails are a bit on the technical side and kind of difficult, but the views are rewarding. Well, there was this little downhill section that was quite rough that bordered a stream at the bottom of the hill. Well, Miss Harley and her adventurous self decided she was going to show me how it was done and went down the hill...quick. Too quick. I don't know what she was thinking - or maybe the suspension wasn't set right - but it looked like a bucking bronco. I think she realized she was going too fast because as the bottom of the hill she laid the bike down...next thing I know is that I see a cloud of dust and her sort of helicoptering into the creek - bike and all. One of the funniest things I had ever seen. After fishing her and her bike out - it took another couple of hours to get back to the truck. Good thing she had a change of clothes, as the water wasn't exactly warm. We laughed about that one for quite some time the other night. Almost as funny as the roller blading fiasco. Good times.
Anyway. I may go. Maybe.
Jeep,
If you don't want to go with HQ to the summer getaway, then I'd gladly volunteer to go in your place. I know that's very altruistic of me, but you know, I'm a righteous dude.
I think you're on the same timeline as Ginger.
Don't ever apologize for being wordy - its an endearing thing and makes you you.
You have NO idea! BF is a big talker and he can out talk me any day of the week, especially on the phone, but when we are texting sometimes I'll send a REALLY long text, then just get back "ok" or "right", but then I'll get a phone call telling me that was too wordy. LOL
Harley Quinn... Don't know what to say about her. She is my safety net in more ways than one. And yes, the sexual part is there on the visits. I'm not dangling her in any form - she knows and understands things.
I know you are not dangling her...the dangling I was referring to is occurring between BF and his ex-wife. She's the dangler....well technically, I guess he's the dangler....she's dangling him. LOL But, you have made it quite clear to us, so I have NO doubt that HQ and you have an understanding of all things related to you....again, if that makes any sense at all.
- I don't know how I could have been so blind as to not see that she really wanted more. Its the little things that she did that no one else ever really did - like the time she'd drive 30+ miles to my work every so often just to bring me some of those Thai cookies that she loved to make. Not even my ex ever brought me things to work. Sigh.
I think what it boiled down to back then that she was scared deep down. Who knows. So yeah, that's my safety net. Who, has set another visit date...
Another visit sounds like a good thing. I honestly knew I had pretty strong feelings for BF before, but now that I have moved home and live only about 30 minutes from him so we can actually spend time together on a more regular basis, it has become more prevalent in my mind.
But, you have made it quite clear to us, so I have NO doubt that HQ and you have an understanding of all things related to you....again, if that makes any sense at all.
Haha. I'm not even sure I have an understanding of myself. Geez.
I honestly knew I had pretty strong feelings for BF before, but now that I have moved home and live only about 30 minutes from him so we can actually spend time together on a more regular basis, it has become more prevalent in my mind.
I can tell you do by the way you talk, my friend. Maybe it has in his mind, too. You never know. I really hope things work out for you. Maybe you can be the surprise bet and win doodler's pool
Jeep,
If you don't want to go with HQ to the summer getaway, then I'd gladly volunteer to go in your place. I know that's very altruistic of me, but you know, I'm a righteous dude.
I think you're on the same timeline as Ginger.
I may hold you to that if I chicken out...if you promise to be a gentleman. haha.
...if you promise to be a gentleman. haha.
Certainly! Do you think I'm some kind of Joker?
Go...and make new memories!
...if you promise to be a gentleman. haha.
Certainly! Do you think I'm some kind of Joker?
Doodler,
You are the joker in spades, my friend. But a good joker. How are you?
Go...and make new memories!
Well, I told HQ that I would last night. Guess we will see what happens now.
Well, I told HQ that I would last night. Guess we will see what happens now.
Good for you!!!
Hey doodler!
Well, everything is set and will make the reservations as soon as the parenting issue is set. This oughtta be fun, at least.
Well, I told HQ that I would last night. Guess we will see what happens now.
That is awesome! I say go and have a blast. Good for you.
Thank you, Dawn.
A part of me is hesitant and a part isn't. It's like this war waging inside of me, you know? HQ is truly an awesome woman. I need to keep my mind straight and not let other things cloud it.
It's like this war waging inside of me, you know? HQ is truly an awesome woman. I need to keep my mind straight and not let other things cloud it.
Jeep,
Your feelings are understandable and reasonable. Your marriage just ended and you don't ever want to go through that again so you don't want to jump back into something for fear that you'll be so love stricken that you won't use good judgement and rational thought. It's a reasonable fear.
On the other hand, "HQ is truly an awesome woman" and she seems to know that you're an awesome guy.
Yoda says, "Strong with you the fear of failure is." HQ might be the droid you're looking for.
A part of me is hesitant and a part isn't. It's like this war waging inside of me, you know? HQ is truly an awesome woman. I need to keep my mind straight and not let other things cloud it.
I TOTALLY get that! Been there, done that. I have no doubt you can handle it though. And, call me crazy (which with the few weeks I have had lately is a VERY real possibility), but I think Doodler's post above is giving you similar advice to that which you give others. LOL I would say go with the flow, but then someone will point out that only dead fish go with the flow, so I'm going to say go with your heart. Your heart knows.
D-Day+1.
Surprisingly all is well in Jeep land...
Jeep,
I'm glad all is going well!
My D-Day was very anticlimactic; all of the trauma and drama came well before the legal dissolution of the marriage. It's all very unfortunate, but it certainly improved my woodworking skills.
And you've got HQ to look forward to. I'm jealous.
Hey doodler!
Howya doing, my friend?
Yeah, most of the trauma/drama came before, too. Not my circus anymore.
HQ...yes, yes I do.
Jeep,
I'm doing really well. I think I might be missing out on some excitement at the other locale, but I don't have much time these days.
How are you doing? Is it tough being a single parent?
Jeep,
I'm doing really well. I think I might be missing out on some excitement at the other locale, but I don't have much time these days.
How are you doing? Is it tough being a single parent?
Things have gotten crazy over there...
I'm doing well, my friend. Tough? Not any more. The routines have been in place for so long that its all normal. But, I have a feeling the ex and her bat-shite crazy family are going to try to throw a monkey wrench in that. But, so far, its going well.
Glad you are doing well, Jeep! Good for you.
