Re: Just a Vanilla Change 33 - DivorceBusting.com

New thread
V

Previous posts

last post last thread in Newcombers

all posts by Vanilla

abuse resource threads with Zelda

Every 10 threads there is a new name

Threads 1 to 10 early days, awakening, struggling with abuse, in house S

Threads 10 to 20 the split, aftermath, antics, triggers and destruction, depression

Threads 20 to 30 standing still, realisations deep dark, NC and complex PTSD, raw hurting and learning

Threads 30 and 31 transitions, putting the D together, D games then D

All in Newcombers

------------------------------------

32 onwards Surviving the Big D, high conflict D, fins and real distress, bereavement, change and big struggles

last post last thread in Big D

V

Would the superhero who resserected the edit button, please know I am so grateful.

V

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

----------------------------
Or thriver my loving one

Apologies to Rudyard Kipling

---------------------------

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

Would the superhero who resserected the edit button, please know I am so grateful.

V

Testing.

Originally Posted By: Cadet

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

Would the superhero who resserected the edit button, please know I am so grateful.

V

Testing.

Failed!

Worked for me

V

Just going to list OWs

The Giggalo and.......

Pre M Dinner Lady (wedding food)

----------------------

OW1 Fish wife ( she wet the bed)
OW2 Pizza face (alcoholic bad skin, starting to look masculine)
OW3 Tongue down my throat (golfer also alcoholic)
POW4 Casual friend (warned this one)
OW5 Tampon (left in my bin)
OW6 Faux L
OW7 Maggotroni1
OW8 Maggotroni2=RIT (Russian Italian Tramp)

-------------------
You know what they say about rats? Where there is one there are 50 hidden.

That's all folks

So has he changed for OW8?

Unlikely

V

Vanilla,

I wish that I could give you a hug. You've had so much going on and still so much more left to take care of. Hopefully, in the next few months you can get some stuff ironed out and finally resolved. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you job.

Hugs are very necessary.

V

Has anyone else noticed the changend in font size?

Or is it change in font?

Makes quoted posts rather odd.......

V

Aged pa is at the big house and I am taking him as my plus one to a friends wedding party.

He has come with his best suit and a present for them.

And ready to chat to lots of guests.

The little red car is serviced and valeted, so we are in the convertible.

It's going to be Fun!

V

Vanilla,

I'm so glad your pa is there and is going to a friend's wedding w/you. I'm sure he's looking forward to chatting w/guests. I do hope that you have a good time too.

Enjoy!

Today in 2013 I was the happiest I had ever been. Getting M to someone I loved who I thought loved me.

Today three years later, I feel nothing at all, I am indifferent.

Abused, controlled, robbed and NC.

The Giggalo is just a destroyer, a terminator.

I am like whatever.

V

My sweet dear beautiful Vanilla...
You are an Angel...

Angels live among us, Sometimes they hide their wings, bur there is no disguising the peace and hope they bring. Unknown

You are beautiful...

�The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.�-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

You will be happy...just keep going...

Happiness is a direction, not a place. -Sydney J. Harris

Rainbow hugs...Eskimo kisses...Peaceful vibes...Warrior support...Strength of the persistent survivor...dear friend... all being sent to my dear sweet Guardian Angel.

......and you are a warrior.

What lovely generous words

Thank you

SH and ginger.

A warrior angel, I really find great comfort in that description.

V

Oh and aged pa is happy.

He told me so today, he is lonely, but he he feels happy that he can be. Just be.

I am taking him shopping for a new mobile phone on Saturday. His mobile is an analogue one.

He likes his room and his new dressing gown. And he likes to hold my hand a lot.

V

Lady V,

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel nothing. I'm glad I feel that way because I really THOUGHT XH loved me, but I don't know anymore and I feel nothing.

So glad to hear your pa is well and is happy "being". That is so wonderful. Enjoy your time with him and focus on you.

Originally Posted By: SH_

My sweet dear beautiful Vanilla...
You are an Angel...

Angels live among us, Sometimes they hide their wings, bur there is no disguising the peace and hope they bring. Unknown

You are beautiful...

�The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.�-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

You will be happy...just keep going...

Happiness is a direction, not a place. -Sydney J. Harris

Rainbow hugs...Eskimo kisses...Peaceful vibes...Warrior support...Strength of the persistent survivor...dear friend... all being sent to my dear sweet Guardian Angel.

I love this. Especially the quote about happiness.

Aged pa has been with me for a week or so whilst Glam sis has a holiday in Greece. Because of the strikes by air traffic control she nearly didn't get away. I am glad she did.

My time has not been my own.

Tenants moved out of my rented house and there was a great deal to do. My conservatory at the big house is filled with furniture as the old tenants left lots of stuff.

My chest has been very poorly, although I have exercised every day.

Clever nephew is living with me and has only just got a car so it's been lifts to work and back for 6 weeks.

Clever nephews half sis confused child (same dad different mom) has had a complete breakdown. Her mom was OW in Glam sis M and is off the planet evil as OW. That wayward xH and his OW have split (Karma) through a new OW (karma in spades). So I may end up with confused child living with me and clever nephew as she is homeless and staying on her friend's mums couch having been abandoned by all except clever nephew. It reminds me of fostering H1 two sisters at his age. Same cycle, different peeps. This isn't my responsibility to do although I will support clever nephew.

Things trundle on Msd I posted on your thread about truth and OW. I believe in truth darts. Poor Giggalo with an ex W who won't pay up and won't meet his demands. Who insists on best behaviour in court.

Who has outed his L as being fake.

Who has revealed to the court he is in Italy with OW8 and that he lied on his divorce forms.

Who has outed him as a serial philanderer and compulsive gambler.

He will have to stay in Italy or find a new gf to sponge off. Technically these will be gfs not OW since we are D. I feel sad for his targets.

I am trying to see the humour in it, I think it's my way out of the hurt. Apart from brief moments there has been no anger and most of it was around my mother. His comments that my aged pa should smother my mother were awful. Followed by its easy to do and I should know have played on my mind a great deal. For my own safety sake I want this finished and over with. The fin part done whilst he is with OW8 who is wealthy.

I will not be abused and that includes living with smears and lies. The truth will out in due course.

I fully expect that this Giggalo may try to hoover me back, so complete dark and NC is my stance.

V

One aged pa story

Aged pa was helping me wash dishes whilst I was out shopping, he filled the dishwasher a generous squirt of washing up Liquid!

One very clean kitchen later.......

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

One aged pa story

Aged pa was helping me wash dishes whilst I was out shopping, he filled the dishwasher a generous squirt of washing up Liquid!

One very clean kitchen later.......

V

haha oh my what a mess.

Finding the humor does work.

Vanilla,

I'm glad your pa has been staying w/you for a bit. I'm sure he's enjoyed himself. I'm sure your kitchen is spotless now, not that it wasn't before. He really did try to help by doing the dishes. I'm sure you had suds everywhere, but you did find the humor in the situation.

I'm sorry your chest is doing poorly. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

I hope that the tenats didn't leave too much of a mess, i.e., painting, carpeting replaced, etc. for you to do.

You have so many balls up in the air...I do hope that you can find some time to carve out for a little bit of "me time".

Please take care of yourself.

Short term goals

I havery been reflecting on goals. I have medium and long term goals.

A client asked me today "V how have you got through this"

My answer is "one day at a time"

I have goals that are very short term and largely only last for an hour such as I will do an hours ironing.

Today I made myself go to the gym,I did two hours as I always do. Each large gold has mini very short term goals, such as I put washing in the machine every morning and it's ready when I get home.

I deal with mail every day.

And so on. These are tiny mini goals even down to cleaning the van.

And I can just do that one thing for that small goal.

That's how I get through my day.

Sometimes my goal is not to do something- such as eat the cake or miss a meeting.

Other times its very minor indeed such as clean sheets day twice a week. Today I turned the mattress. Yesterday I fixed a drawer base.

Tiny tiny things. So normal and keeps me on track.

V

In my darkest days I thought about translating this poem or my favorite stanza to French (I'm French) and tattooing it on my side. I still want a tattoo but I don't know what. I love this poem

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

----------------------------
Or thriver my loving one

Apologies to Rudyard Kipling

---------------------------

V

I am inching forward.

Finally got copies of the Giggalos filings and court date.

I have full permission for the court for discovery, so I am moving forward.

I will prepare a list for discovery, I get one shot so I will take my time.

I used the word Wazzock on Phoebe thread. Her sitch has some similarities to mine and of course some differences.

A vanishing WH who wants everything and in one way or another believes they have the right to all of it.

I laid out my game plan to Phoebe in case I am being watched.

The Giggalo is arrogant and his L is fake. We will see what is made of that.

I had my hair cut and coloured today at a proper hairdresser for the first time in 3 years. Can't really afford it, now I am going out again it will boost my confidence a bit.

Another pound of weight lost, with all the effort I make really it should be more. I will assess if there is any error in my eating.

I seem much better of late although my confidence is still rock bottom and I am questioning this phase of the Kubler Ross cycle, is it interlocking with the grief for my mother? Do I have two cycles running?

Certainly I am very down.

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

Certainly I am very down.

Vanilla,

You think you're down? I recently asked a wonderful woman to go skinny dipping with me in the English Channel and she turned me down because she says it's too cold to skinny dip in the English Channel in October. Can you believe that excuse? Can you imagine the rejection the rejection I feel?

Regardless, I hope you start feeling better. Drink some tea and warm those cockles...

Hi lovely V, I'm sorry you're feeling down - but not surprised as you have a lot going on, plus grieving for your Mum. As Doodler says, gentle things - cup of tea, self care...not sure about the skinny dipping. Has Doodler tried the English Channel in October? I'm not sure I even fancy that in July...now Doodler, if it was the Bahamas...

Take care V - I'm glad you got your hair done and lost a pound....baby steps.

Xx

Family time again

Wedding in Scotland ofor Fav Cousins daughter on Thursday

Packing to go, glam sis, aged pa, and clever nephew will be there.

Usual suspects.

It's a long drive, I am picking up aged pa.

V

The trip sounds great, V!

Och Aye V - have fun on your trip - you deserve a little break!

Xx

V,

Travel safely and enjoy your time away. You definitely need a break from the day to day routine.

The Nooo Sotto

And the Nooo

Cheeeeeeese

Moooooose

Just saying

V

I had the great honour recently of watching one OW in full on mode and a POW in predator mode.

The first clearly established as OW, was a class act although she looked old and haggard. Dressy and rather Walace SiMason, using physical touch whilst the W back was turned. Sneaky and she saw that I saw through her as did several others. The A is outed, the WH was in distress mode as it was clear that madam was determined to outhe the A. Mistress and W together in one place? Too much.

The W knows and the tramp was asked to leave by another family member.

The second one clearly only a POW at this stage was drunk, and no lady, bleached blond hair, with roots and revealing too tight dress which was inappropriate for a wedding. Yuk!

Now I see these creatures and what they do, I really don't know whether to laugh or cry. They clearly target waywards.

Dead eyes.

V

Sounds like the perfect British family wedding V!!

Xx

Hi Vanilla. I just wanted to say that your goal list saved my day today. Thank you xoxoxo

Thank you bttrfly, it's a great reminder for me to keep reviewing this.
--------------

For thone who have difficulty finding the list here it is, know I am going on EE to put my action plan together.

am in a pensive mood

Reflecting on what is different now than it was when I first arrived.

What is that makes an adult an adult?

What do I see in those that have had shift compared to those who have merely adapted or changed such that they can repattern. What is it that some here achieve and others miss.

What makes the LBS who has successfully DB different from the wayward?

----------------------------------------

Know emotions, feel them, and observe

I think I couldn't tell the difference between some of my feelings. I confused anger with disgust for instance. And some things I labelled as feelings were either thoughts states or behaviours. For instance I feel uncomfortable is a state. As is I feel cold. I feel hungry. Etc I feel put down or disrespected is a thought. I feel like getting a coffee or going for a run is a behaviour.

When I had a feeling then I often let it drive my behaviour. Instead of observing I acted on the emotion. Although intellectually I knew that feelings could be observed I didn't regulate. I acted too much, especially out of fear.

Now I consider before I act and it's much better. I know longer knee jerk all the time.

That's shift because I know how to regulate and observe. I am happy about this change.

I am still stuck expressing anger, it's the one emotion I don't have in my repertoire.

I have noticed that waywards can't regulate in this way. XWH used to say I was 'cool' emotionally and it's possible that I didn't identify the feelings I had and express it. Fair point.

The emotional level is appropriate for the situation, sad that your dog died more than you broke a cup. Anger that a major boundary was breached and not because your spouse knocked over the milk. I noticed xWH anger could be inappropriate directed or at a wrong level for the breach.
--------------------------------------
Expectations of others

I had very few expectations of others, few boundaries of my own. I failed to hold others to their obligations and commitments.

I kept on giving even when it was inappropriate to do so and not in my own best interest. I have a realisation but no shift.

Waywards have entitlements, so many of them, to time, assets, resources, fins. They believe they are allowed their cake and eat it.

Lack of consequences.

This one is tough for me and there is very little shift.

-------------------------------

Know who I am

I have goals, dreams and ambitions. I know those and they can change. I can let them.

I can let go of things I don't need and treasure what I do. I can detach and evaluate.

Yes shift, I know me and I like me. Quite a bit now.

I want the best for me and I am taking extreme care of me.

I am precious to me and this will come first above all.

I am resolving my fins too.

I am getting to the point where I am able to tell others who I am and show it without feeling ashamed. I no longer make excuses when I don't want to do something. I say no. I have my view and am open to it being changed. What others think of me is their concern.

This is big shift.

I have noticed that waywards and abusers adapt to gaslight and hide who they are to hook and mislead. This means they must be ever vigilant and on guard. They often are so inconsistent we don't know them. How often have I said I love who I thought xWH was. Actually I have no clue who he really was and I doubt he does either. I truly am detached that's his concern as is what he thinks of me. XWH had no goals or dreams, his whole self was hooked on his compulsions and keeping these going. They drove him and probably still do. Not my circus not my monkeys.
----------------------------------------
Self worth

Extreme self care, looking after my interests. Being self centred not selfish. I have the capacity

Waywards are selfish even against their own longer term self interest. Impulsive and immediate.

I evaluate my sitch and balance outcomes, looking for win win solutions. Compromising and negotiating to achieve better results. I decide to be impulsive as a positive decision.

-----------------------------------------
Manage my bad times and PTSD

I just used to struggle alone and had no tools to deal with being abused. Or the PTSD and it got worse.

I have researched and learned about abuse so that I can self soothe. I manage the episodes using CBT, DBT and NLP.

I study counselling so I can counsel others and understand a little of the dynamics of R. Mainly it's helped me.

Learning about errors in thinking was a milestone for me.

I think waywards abusers and compulsives medicate often using alcohol, drugs and affairs. There seems to be low tolerance for bad times.

This was a shift.

---------------------------------
Carry things through

I have always been responsible, caring for others. Doing too much to meet commitments. Some of which were illusionary.

I am having to learn to let some commitments go and explaining to others why. Some things are beyond me and so I say no. It's better to say no up front than give away my power and struggle to complete.

This way I have time to rest.

I honour fewer commitments now.

Big shift.

I noticed that xWH and other waywards drop commitments if they are inconvient for them even saying they didn't make them in the first place. There is no conscience on it at all.

I try to resolve than feel guilty about what I do.

Shift

----------------------------------
Resolve my childhood issues

I looked at things I didn't even know were an influence, studied ACES in childhood. I continue.

Let's just say this was the knowledge phase of shift. An on going project for me.

I doubt if waywards compulsives and those with personality issues resolve their issues.

No shift yet.

-------------------------------

Creativity and solving problems focused on my stuff and others if they ask

I can see more solutions and can ask others to help. I am learning more and more about things I didn't even know I needed to know.

I can tolerate dissonance whilst waiting. I am no longer quite so dogmatic and I can apologise to others when I get it wrong and look for better more creative solutions.

Shift.

I am no longer focused on finding solutions in R,instead I am working on me to get to be a better boss, friend, neighbour, sister and ultimately partner. I no longer focus on xWH, it's directed towards me.

When I am where I want to be then I can stop.

I want to get myself to the point this is no longer a limiting factor.

No thoughts about waywards on this one.

-------------------------------

I can be alone if I need to be

I don't need another. I prefer the company of others and I have the widest variety.

If a partner shows he does. If not that's ok. I have a full life.

I think waywards, compulsive and abusers have to have another to have resources. They won't want alone.

I can wait until I get that which I need in life. To be with someone who values me, who is free to be with me.

Pretty much has always been this way.

--------------------------------

I know me and kinda like me, I listen to my higher power

For who I am not what I do.

I think waywards compulsives and abusers don't know themselves. They may well value themselves and others on what they do.

I will value me and what others think of me is their concern. I will be me, who I am and who I want to be.

I try to be open and honest. 12 steps has been my go to.

I listen to my higher power, in fact that higher power connects all the time. I didn't listen before.

Shift.

------------------------

Those are my thoughts on what it takes to be mature.

Now to devise an action plan on this.

V

My draft ation Plan

----------------------------------------

Know emotions, feel them, and observe

I keep a journal and post regularly, I reflect on my feelings and name them. I consider carefully before I act and I request feedback.

I am open when I feel an emotion, I understand the strength of the feelings I have.

I observe my feelings knowing that they may be inappropriate.
--------------------------------------
Expectations of others

I act in my own best interest after considering the impact on others. As far as possible I look for the best soptions for all.

I hold others acountable for the bargains they make.

I ensure others know my boundary and warn them before breaches are made.

-------------------------------

Know who I am

I evaluate my goals and refer to my core values on a quarterly basis.

I balance my life and take action to adjust when I am over burdened.

I advise others if I am unable to meet an obligation and I search for resources to fill any gaps in my skills and abilities.

I meditate daily and connect with my higher spirit.
----------------------------------------
Self worth

I live a life of extreme self care, I work to be my best self adjusting when required. I allow myself space for mistakes and am compassionate.

I evaluate my sitch and balance outcomes, looking for win win solutions. Compromising and negotiating to achieve better results. I decide to be impulsive as a positive decision.

I know I am good enough and as a person and that my worth is about who I am not what I do, I remind myself daily of the things I am grateful for.

-----------------------------------------
Manage my bad times and PTSD

I seek extra help for my bad times, I get active and look to examine my PTSD. I am honest about my state.

I look to resolve my FOO, by therapy and personal growth. I release my burdens from childhood as I become aware of them.
---------------------------------
Carry things through

I release burdens which are not mine to carry, concentrating on my issues.

I seek to make progress on my fins, concentrating on becoming financially solvent. I raise 2 invoices daily and chase for payment on old invoices every week.
----------------------------------
Resolve my childhood issues

I seek counselling for my unresolved issues and I listen to guidance. I attend twelve steps.

-------------------------------

Creativity and solving problems focused on my stuff and others if they ask

I actively seeking solotions to problems, I give myself extra time to think of new ideas. I research and request help when needed.

-------------------------------

I can be alone if I need to be

I live my life to the full building time to be alone to just be. I embrace my own company, meditating daily.

--------------------------------

I know me and kinda like me, I listen to my higher power

I pray and journal every day, I write and reflect, I live authentically so that I am good to myself.

------------------------

V

Love your posts, V!

Just what I need.

Great list, really makes ya think!

In Chicago for a few days

Meetup and fabulous city, the Cubs won first time in 106 years, there are parades and everything.

Tomorrow Rugby.

Went to a speak easy in posh dress and drank a cocktail, piano bar.

Wonderful, wonderful friends. Exciting times.

I exercised on the treadmill in my boots and nightie on Thursday. No running shoes.

You had to be there!

V

I'm glad you are having a good time. You need this time to recharge your batteries and I'm sure you are meeting up with some wonderful friends. Enjoy yourself...you owe it to yourself.

Enjoy and travel safely.

I am so envious! Sounds like you're having great fun!

Meetup GAL

Recommended

That you Job and Dory

V

Thank you

Lol

V

On to New York.

Next phase, wonderful friends, New York deli with the latest Pastrami Sandwich I ever saw in my life. It's a good job I walked a lot.

Times Square, coffee and great conversation. So wonderful.

Couldnt sleep last night for excitement.

I am going to fulfil a lifetime ambition having a Manhattan in Manhattan.

V

You are going to have to get a lot farther south of New York to meet up with me and Molly, but I sure do hope you are having a blast while you are in the states. Safe travels and have a blast!

Dawn you know Facebook?

Do you know MWB?

Divorce Busting has a Facebook site and there are lots of interesting comments to review and comment yourself.

Let me know.

V

Manhattan in Manhattan works for me.

Moooooooose

V

Your GAL muscles are getting so large you might need to be tested for steroids! Have fun V!

Yes doing well on the GAL.

I went on the Essential Experience course, mainly because I want to be capable of a new R, even if I am not ready for one now.

I want an R eventually and the abuse, forced oral cop and rages by a high conflict cheater like the Giggalo, has left me with complex PTSD.

It has to be tackled and I walk to the pain.

My spirit wants to repair itself.

V

i am happy your spirit is ready to repair itself. I think it will be repaired stronger then ever.

Hugs

J.

Posted to Don who doesn't go skinny dipping

I have been thinking about readiness for R following my EE course and putting into place my notes from that course.

EE is the Essential Experience course much talked about when I first came to the board and I set as a goal my desire to attend that course. I want shift.

You know I like scoring stuff?

If you read my threads you will see I do score, for instance Sandi 37 "rules" out of 10. To start with every week then every month.

And I scored the abuse on the abuse threads.

I have my own thriving scoring and goals out of 10.

So what about readiness to R?

I have identified what I think are 10 key R communication factors which I am sharing with you. You can ignore if you want, rubbish V it's ok.

Readiness to R and measuring partner in R (when attaching)

1. I know where I am and know who I am. I have identified my strengths and weakness and I have good boundaries in place. I am a constant work in progress but in general I am balanced. I like me. My partner has good boundaries.
V=8 P=

2. I have identified generally what I want in a partner. I know which of the items are absolute deal breakers for me. One of those is that my partner must be authentic and another that my partner is loving. Health is more important than looks. I have a checklist which gets modified and changed.

V=7 P=

3. I am free to be with a partner. This means unattached and I have the time to give to an R. My previous R is done. I am not overburden with other commitments or hobbies. Space and time are available to share with another. My partner is free with time to build an R with me, I will not be low on priority as the R develops.

V=4 P=

4. I am physically well,a good weight and I take care of me. I choose clothes that suit me, I have good grooming and eat well. I have my act together with great personal care. If I am unwell or stressed, then extreme self care applies. I give myself space to let loose and I take breaks. My partner is healthy and glowing.

I am free of addictions, compulsions and obsessions together with the thoughts of them. My partner is free of this too.

V=6 P=

5. I meditate and apply mindfulness, I am centred and calm when things happen in my life. I can get through most trials and use my resources. My partner has resilience and spirituality with good values.

V=9 P=

6. I can be playful and I have friends, hobbies and things which have great meaning in my life. My friends are appropriate caring. I let go of friends who cease to be good for me. I have put right where I have damaged R with friends and past loves. My partner also has a great support structure of their own.

V=9 P=

7. I have resolved my childhood issues and am working on the best relationships with family of origin. Where bridges have to be mended I have worked to do this. I have let go of family R where that is appropriate. I successfully completed parent or parallel parent my children, even if they are adults. I seek a partner who is also on this path.

V=9 P=

8. I have build the skills I need to be in an R. I understand validation, abuse and listening. My heart is open and where I need to I have counselling and I continue to build on these skills. Seeing this as essential for all my life. I know how to approach someone I am attracted to, and I know how the stages of an R work. I am prepared to move slowly and to let go if that isuits appropriate. I am looking for my best match not just the first one. My partner is growing in these values and skills.

V=7 P=

9. I can live alone without being lonely. I enjoy my own company and would like but do not need another to fulfil me. My life's path is clear to me and I pursue that which is important. I am flexible and alive. My dependants have a high priority in my life. My partner is in a good place too.

V=10 P=

10. I am financially sound, my legal sh1t is finished. I know where I stand and am building forwards. I am independent and have ensured that if my ex is partly providing that I have insurance cover. I have appropriate transport and assets. I live within my means and I apply resources to my wellbeing and that of my children. I have wills and protection. I build my own future. My partner is sound financially.

V=3 P=

Well those are my thoughts.

No score for P as yet there isn't one! So how do I raise my score in my very weak areas?

I think when my score gets to 70 then I will be prepared to go skinny Dipping!

V

Hello V ,
Cannot answer your questions as they are mine also! You've given me some food for thought. Good stuff! Many thx
xoxoxo

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

I think when my score gets to 70 then I will be prepared to go skinny Dipping!

Vanilla,

You have a score of 72. There's a perfect spring fed water hole on the Wacissa River...

There is a trip wire no single score less than 7

Sad but true

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

There is a trip wire no single score less than 7

Sad but true

V

Oh poo!

Originally Posted By: mustardseed

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

One aged pa story

Aged pa was helping me wash dishes whilst I was out shopping, he filled the dishwasher a generous squirt of washing up Liquid!

One very clean kitchen later.......

V

haha oh my what a mess.

Finding the humor does work.

Next time put in a pile of risen aid to dampen the suds mountain. Working in cleaning Asians or people who didn't read English would often do this out the wrong soap in so we had to find a cure.

Thanks for the hint GG, I think aged pa learned his lesson.

I had a very tiresome day yesterday, met three people I really would have preferred not to meet including H2 who wanted to go for lunch to apologise to me (no thanks, not needed) and a member of staff who stole a chunk of change and want to talk (no, no, no) and got three pieces of bad news including my legal bill for three months. Massive. 2 court dates.

The Giggalo is as obstreperous as ever.

He has demanded a court appearance on the busiest day of my whole tax year, 30 January 2017. I have unmentionable things to say about him.

Still gets all the pain over with at once I suppose.

This is going to be high conflict because xWH is high conflict. Just watch this space. I have warned my L he lies and cheats and manipulates. He will bend facts and omit things he wants to omit.

We have exchange of information on 26 December 2016, yes boxing day!

WTF is the universe doing to poor old V.

I can only laugh.

I do have ano escort to an important event doodler, he is 13 and very handsome indeed, I am going with his family to watch him get a very important award indeed. Yes 13 years old and a charmer. He sent me a request himself because I encouraged him to take up the sport he is getting an award for. He is one of my closest friends sons and I am very very proud of him.

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

I do have an escort to an important event doodler, he is 13 and very handsome indeed, I am going with his family to watch him get a very important award indeed. Yes 13 years old and a charmer.

Well d@mn it! There's already an OM and we haven't even had a first date?

Yes he is a player!

V

Originally Posted By: JujuB

i am happy your spirit is ready to repair itself. I think it will be repaired stronger then ever.

Hugs

J.

Thank you Ju

V

January 30 is my birthday. I wish all things happy and sunny for you that day....no court foolishness!

Thank you Dawn, I hope we can celebrate together.

Today I am very unwell, my chest is tight, my head feels like a vice is around it and my glands are enlarged under my arms.

I ache all over as if having fought with Muhammed Ali.

I have no hunger or thirst at all. At some stage I have to get going as I have a major problem for a client tomorrow.

I feel like a piece of cake for lunch. There isn't any of course as temptation is far away.

I am in a reflective mood, starting with a beginners mind.

The complex PTSD has kicked in again. Legal stuff, thoughts of the Giggalo cause it. I know I am afraid of him.

I am a victim of the black and white thinking I dislike so much. In other words the Giggalo will either win big in court or not at all.

A friend send me some articles to read:

The daily dot from Ireland: worst boyfriend ever, impersonates lawyer to extract cash (Blake Minto)

Of course in my case the Giggalo has a faux lawyyer

----------------------------

Earlier someone sent me an article about a compulsive gambler

Evening standard : my wife took me for better or worse and should pay

----------------------------

The point is this stuff triggers me to nightmares, I can more or less control the daymares and the visual and audial trauma. The night time is much much tougher for me.

I often don't sleep and that makes me very tired. I am vulnerable to every bug that I meet. I am pale wan and sickly looking.

I do practise extreme self care. I GAL. I have therapy. I pray practise mindfulness and all the things I need to.

My only sin is a couple of cups of Java each day. Very very occasionally a Manhattan in Manhattan.

Despite all if I know the Giggalo is in the UK then I am afraid.

There is little I can do to rebalance this or so it seems. I must just endure it.

I want to heal and move forward and that isn't happening at this time.

It's enough just to muddle through sometimes.

A mistake in marrying such a wayward seems such a big pricenough paid. Literally and metrophorically.

I doubt that I will be able to trust for a long time.

V

V,
I hope that time will work its magic and bring you peace, healing and the ability to trust again.

{{{{{hugs}}}}

Thank you bttrfly

V

Rough patch V. With not much relief in sight. Not very much fun.

I looked up that article. The headline pretty much says it all.

Funny, my first X-GF tried something like that too. She didn't actually forge a letter from an attorney, she just told me she'd seen a lawyer and if I didn't give her 10K that she'd see me in court. I didn't reply. A week later she sent me a sweet email wishing me happy birthday. I didn't reply. A week later she non-nonchalantly asked for a prior acquaintances phone number. I still didn't reply. Then I didn't hear from her again until after I was with XW, and I started getting anonymous emails from someone claiming to be a friend of XW's saying that she felt bad for me and had to let me know that XW was cheating on me, S12 (just a baby at the time) wasn't mine, etc. I found out this was X-GF too. I called her out on it and didn't hear from her again. She killed herself a couple of years later.

Maybe you're tired because you're trying to make sense out of it. Might as well try to count to infinity.

How did things go with the difficult client?

Hang in and get some sleep. Your problems will be there for you when you get back

Yes rough patch.

As I look deeper into room 101 of my psyche, I realise I self isolate. This is something the victims of abuse do. We feel unbalanced, unworthy of human contact.

I sometimes feel irritated when others demand my company, and I withdraw. It is my way to do this without explanation.

I find I need that time alone. I am often happiest alone when I am not triggered.

This is less than. I was once an enormous social animal with thriving GAL. I had a life before the Giggalo. A vibrant happy full and exciting life. I enjoyed it.

I was fit, active and yes considered beautiful. I look at the pictures of that V and I no longer know her, I have no connection. I miss her happy ways, I miss her open love and joy in the new.

Much of the time I feel the guilt and shame of letting that gift slip through my fingers. I am building a new V, much tougher, less joyous and wild, more contained and less trusting.

My friends and family can't see it that way. They say they miss the old V, the outrageous crazy exuberance of her. I did not know she had that, I had not understood it and I took it for granted. I have learned that innocence must be treasured and protected.

A friend told me recentre, V you are the most positive person I know, I come to you for a transfusion of laughter when I need it.

I find these days there is little strength to give, I require it for myself. I am greedy with my personal needs, there seems a limited supply.

Zues, I get it, I truly do. For your own sake I ask you, why do you have two crazy exes?

That's why this is my room 101 post. I looked behind the curtain, I searched hard in my FOO. I examined my sitch, my childhood for wicked abuses. I found some things, over resposibility for an eldest child, some school bullying for the nerd with glasses, the odd accident, a funny man in a pink suit. Ordinary stuff of childhood, enormously loving father and two sets of wonderful grandparents, cousins and others that are close, aunts and uncles supportive. Mother was a tough working mum but good enough, a believer in education. My parents had a strong M even to the end. My glam sis and I have deep love and affection for each other, I will choose her as my sister next lifetime.

I have great friends, some old from childhood and university, work, and social. Even new friends, Internet friends who are getting closer.

When I look in room 101, I see little to heal that's so huge that it impedes this. Little that is other than the Giggalo.

I lack confidence in myself today in that same way of belief, the confidence that I had has gone and is replaced with shaky belief, I confess illness and being overweight because of steroids has not helped me. I am mourning that V, I am sensing she has to go to memory and I must grit my teeth and grieve the pain.

I once looked in the mirror and saw someone I loved, someone who was addicted to life, someone to whom success came easily, someone with endless boundless energy. Plugged into life.

That is no longer what I see. Perhaps this is true that I had such poor boundaries I became a target. A precious target of abuse who did not take care of herself.

In Sandi rules to become the best you can be to attract back your wayward. I lost that person because it was attractive to the wayward. I let her wither until that wayward turned away in disgust no longer finding my fuel palatable.

There is ordinary evil in this world. I was recommended a book, children of the lie, I read it many years ago and could have chosen to recognise the targeting.

I look in Room 101, and I see little to resolve and am running at a loss. On the EE course, another participant said, I truly haven't worked with you because I find myself afraid of you V, you are so high functioning. Why are you here?

My reply, I am here because I suffer from trauma, a trauma which has my behaviour disordered. I malfunction often. I listen to Brene Brown and I realise that I have build my shame and have guilt.

Like you Zues, I require more self compassion. I ask such high things of me. In my world I have been the best, the biggest cheese, and now I am just an ordinary cheddar. I don't like it, I want it back, and I am sabotaging myself sometimes.

Being fit and healthy will help of course. Getting back my body and being strong. Extreme self care has taken a long time to kick in, and I sense it may take as long to build this new V as it took to pull her down.

This R with the Giggalo was less than 5 years and the last three were destructive to V and her health, wellbeing and fins. I stand here a defensive not a fighting force. Barcaded into my fort less the invading armies raid my last rations. I am not brave. My forces need new weapons, they are resting now, getting ready for the next onslaught of the terminator. Who comes with the latest weaponry if evil and lies.

I am working on changing my attitude, working on marshalling my friends and family. Clients even. I can move forwards even if it drains me.

My best analogy is the Lord of the Rings and Frodo. I see the Giggalo as gollum, once Smeagal, carrying the ring once easy is burdensome. Frodo is mainly alone, a warrior taking the ring to its origin. I see his struggles.

In my mind my life is struggle. When the Giggalo was in house, it was harder and also at the same time easier. There was a focus, a clear abuse to overcome, a presence.

This is a destructive demon, it vanishes, it is gollum when he has the ring. Invisible like mist, an ordinary evil.

I opened the curtains in Room 101, now I open that curtained window, clear the air, brush the cobwebs, and dispose of the rubbish in the corner. There is little left in room 101 other than this Giggalo.

I ask am I trauma bonded to it? Have I denied it? Failed to walk to the pain? The answer is no. This seems like FEAR and that FEAR is based on real tangible threats. Legal, financial and impending. I need it gone. Truly gone. This high conflict D that disrupts my life.

Zues, your D was high conflict like mine. I once asked you to help me get angry, I quizzed you on where that angry strength came from.

I have no anger, no vitriol, the odd glimpse on occasion. It isn't there.

I operate from fear where I once was fUll of Joy and Sadness, not anger, disgust or surprise. That is why the film inside out resonated with me so well. I only want to operate from joy.

It was my natural state, perhaps I want that back more than I want the old V.

We will see if I can return to the Shires after discarding the ring and seeing Gollum go.

V

I just read the most wonderful interview with Monday Farah (runner), yes I know running next ifew my knees will take it.

What are your tips for winning (a race) sic

Pace yourself early on
Save your energy in the later stages
Don't wear new trainers
Wear something you are used to
Eat well the night before
Stay hydrated
And don't put any pressure on yourself

----------------------------

Roll on 30 January 2017 and the first hearing.

I am getting race fit starting today

V

Vanilla,

Thanks for sharing the tips for winning (a race). We all can apply these tips to our day-to-day lives.

I hope that you are feeling a bit better today. You've been under a lot of stress and now w/the holidays approaching, the stress will be even more so. Please take care of yourself.

I know you'll be just fine when the 30th of January rolls around. You are a strong, independent woman and will be able to handle this hearing w/class.

Great tips for winning in general! Thanks for sharing them. I know that you will handle things just fine because you are a strong woman. You are an inspiration to so many. Hang in there, lady and know that Molly and I are rooting for you always.

Queen V,

I am so sorry that you are sick and feeling vulnerable. I hope you feel better in all ways soon, and that this will soon be over.

My reaction to your post is that I would like to contact some friendly thugs and have them warn the G off.

Alternatively, take out an ad in the paper and do a clever announcement that will keep him away from you.

I don't have much anger left in me, I understand that you don't. I'm weaker than I have ever been. But it has allowed me to become more humble, and I appreciate that. It is a good thing for my new R and for myself.

(((((((V)))))))

My strategy for Dark (from thread 20)

Strategy was effective!

1. No texts or calls, block WH on all iPhones and iPads. Office phones. Continued with new numbers.

Had to keep my business numbers but blocked him

2. No email, block WH on all email addresses

Didn't stop letters and new emails. In end had to have him deal with my L. Expensive but effective, he even got cross with L.

3. Clear all web browser histories, buy new tablet just for browsing.

Yes, got an android. The Giggalo deleted lots of stuff from family iPad. Didn't realise I could still read his stuff.

4. Block WH on all boards, FB etc

Yes. Watch out for FB settings changes.

5. Do not visit pubs, cafes or restaurants that WH frequents or may frequent

When I know he is in the UK this applies, but this did reduce my triggering

6. Be polite deal with admin issues promptly but no interaction

I use my L.

7. Forward mail promptly

Yes, very little now. I still follow this.

8. Do everything I have to do legally and contractually

No wavering, I meet my deadlines.

9. Move to D or better still annulment immediately, cut all ties

Fins still an issue

10. If I find any of WH things forward them asap with no covering note

Every time.

11. Any bills owed by me to WH are paid by cheque not bank transfer

Every time

12. Other than Gamanon, L, IC and DB, no talking about WH, if any one asks "I hope he finds happiness" and "I don't see or hear from him" and "I get on with my life"

Yes, bland. No one really asks any more.

13. Get my treatment for Trauma and resolve my issues

How long have you got? This is for life now, tackle new brown stuff as it sticks to my shoe.

14. Sell the big house and move to a different address that he has no knowledge of

Not practical until Fins on D finished

15. No contact with WH family other than admin

now dwindled to nothing at all. Extended to mutual friends and his golf mates.

16. No FB posts, no news of my GAL etc

occasional positive stuff posted but all factual.

17. Make my business successful

Not too successful as yet.

18. Grow as a person set myself challenges so my mind is occupied with much more inspiring things

Constantly on going

19. No is my new Mantra when pressurised

That should have read as far as the Giggalo is concerned

20. put aside all photos, joint items so there is no discussion or memories

Yes, I gave all this to the Giggalo in his packing boxes.

21. Give away, recycle or sell items WH gave me or used, unless utility (like light bulbs, fridges etc)

Yes gone.

22. Decorate and move when possible, change the environment

Essential

23. Get fit and well, extraordinary self caress the effects of the stress and trauma are shifted from my nervous system

Sleep is a big big issue or lack of it. Weight is going gradually, I sense I am determined on it

24. Connect with my friends and family, make it clear WH isn't open for discussion "sad but resigned"

Apart from besties.

25. Finish processing the business paperwork so as soon as possible I never see his handwriting or deal with his purchases, clear message boards and his name from template letters. move office

Occasionally I research and find something. Once the Fins are done then it's no issue.

26. No please, thank you or friendliness, just blan bland breeze block

Apart from court I need never see him again

27. No discussion of assets bought or sold, no flash cars (white van woman rules), no jewellery, expensive cars or posh clothes, bland and blah

Still do this.

28. Become someone only a fool would leave but keep that a big secret

only from the Giggalo, in time I can emerge from my cocoon

29. Go GAL on my terms in my time, keeps that private

Yes

30. No dating web sites, keep any friendships very quiet

Yes, not that I have any offers other than group skinny dipping with Doodler!

--------------------------------

I had a plan for NC and so far it's Worked!

V

31. Skinny dipping with doodler in a beautiful blue spring.

Doodler

You are persistent in your skinny dipping efforts

We need a skinny dipping group app

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

Doodler

You are persistent in your skinny dipping efforts

We need a skinny dipping group app

V

V,

It's my deeply altruistic nature and my belief that skinny dipping is therapeutic.

V,

Furthermore, I'm psychic. (Not psychotic like my xW claims.) I'm receiving trans-Atlantic vibes from you. I'm seeing something. I can't really make out what it is. It's getting clearer. It looks like a yellow puddle of water. And now I'm seeing something else. I think it may be a letter of the alphabet. It's getting clearer. It's the letter P. That's it! Your favourite (a Brit misspelling) letter is the letter P.

Am I correct?

I'm beginning to sense that you like Shakespearean plays. I can feel the words forming in my head. One of your favorite (spelled properly) Shakespearean lines is, "To pee or not to pee; that is the question."

The visions are starting to fade. I'm exhausted. I've always found that trans-Atlantic telepathy drains my energy. But, I hope you're proud that I didn't mention anything about skinny dipping.

Doodler

Indeed P is my favourite letter of the alphabet, you are psychic indeed. It's the initial of H1 and also the first letter of the word Prossecco. It strikes me that lots of Prossecco gives lots Of P. Inescapable.

Don't eat yellow snow BTW.

And I love Shakespeare, he is a good friend of aged Pa too, who quotes him often. That's from times of yore not times gone by which is more Dickens, who reminds me ofthe Giggalo. All that more please.

Indeed the weather is tough for skinny dippy but P is easy to hide in an ocean so P and Skinny Dipping go well together.

Little sis refused to go swimming in the sea because the fish P in it so not so sure about the author naturel skinny dipping.

We're you aware that skinny dipping and doodler share a letter? It's D by the way so I wonder what we can make of that.

Just saying

V

Au naturel

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

We're you aware that skinny dipping and doodler share a letter? It's D by the way so I wonder what we can make of that.

I think the take-away is that the only thing that doodler learned in his creative writing class was alliteration. Meter, rhyme and plot development were too complex to grasp.

Skinny dipping doodler's dandy dangling d@ck was dutifully damaged by a dastardly dolphin.

V Super better and healing for New Year

V

So getting ready for the future

My survivors of abuse group was broken up last night because of Google changes and the board sponsor dissolved it, I had been having help for my PTSD there.

So of course it's down to Superbetter for help on yhe health issues. So in January my superbetter goals will be updated and I will list them out.

I have been grieving and was in a dark tunnel for a while, about two weeks. Lost the fighting spirit, partly because I had flu.

Deep, dark and grieving my sadness. Anxious over the Giggalo and what he will do. My finances etc.

That's why I need my team around me much more these days.

V

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

So of course it's down to Superbetter for help on the health issues. So in January my superbetter goals will be updated and I will list them out.

Vanilla,

I'm sorry you've been in a dark place. I hope you're feeling better.

I'm looking forward to the winter solstice (it's tomorrow). I'm ready for more daylight. The shorter days and the holidays have really slowed progress on my various projects. I miss the long summer days.

Good luck and godspeed.

Merry Christmas Vanilla xoxoxoxo

And to you bttfly

Much love to every one at Xmas

Peace and Prossecco

Love that P

V

Mwah! Just for you baby cakes xoxoxoxo

V. Look back at that list you posted on page 8. Look at how much you have accomplished. There is always backsliding as we move forward.

This process is not magical--wake up one day and it is all put back in place. Nothing that matters and is lasting is.

I know for me, change starts off with me all gung ho--full throttle ahead. Then I start to fade. Then I hit a bump that completely resets me and I shut down. Give up.

It wasn't until I learned that the fading and slip ups are not failures. They are natural occurances that are unavoidable. Life is hectic and messy and varied with highs, lows, and hum drum moments.

I have come to measure my progress by seeing how I am able to handle my recovery from those dark times. The inspired times are easy--no brainers--can't put too much weight on those successes. The dark times are unavoidable--out of our control most of the time--so the best we can do is ride them out and trust that their will be light again. Can't dwell on missteps that might occur during this time because as I said before, it is impossible to be perfect in imperfect situations.

But when you are coming out of the dark, or even when you are coming down from the high--those are the times that show your real progress. After you give yourself a moment for rest and healing, do you have the ability to put one foot in front and leave the darkness behind? Is it happening easier after each dark moment than it did before? Are old obstacles now feeling like inconveniences and no longer really distractions? When you are coming down from a high and feel your energy starting to fade, do are you able to shift gears and lower your expectations for yourself to suit your frame of mind?

I am finding that my ability to shift those gears smoothly has really improved a lot over this process. My highs are still as high, my lows can still be as low, but my responses have become far more efficient. That is where the progress can be found--and when you look back at where you started the progress is obvious.

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

That's why I need my team around me much more these days.

V

SH reporting for team duty!

I'm here for ya V.

(((((Vanilla)))))

Thank you SH.

Duly noted Msd.

Yes times are dark and hard. The Giggalo still plays games, I don't know if we exchanged docs and I haven't switched on my laptop to know by looking at the emails.

Today would have been the first day I could know as L is back at work. Part of me says leave this until next Tuesday when the real world starts. The brave part says tomorrow is a good day.

I am very very low and in a struggling place, and yes dearest Msd I have been there before. And come out, my fins do not improve as the L fees drain my bank account. I am over worked.

The biggest crop of cold sores you have ever seen in your life.

I am weepy and tired, even though my sleep is so much better.

Just pick myself up and get on.

I am quite sad that despite my efforts the weight is not shifting. The white van is to be scrapped and my tablet failed. All in all not good.

A dark forbidding place today, full of emptiness that 2017 may be as big a struggle as 2016 with this dreadful wayward abuser.

Hey ho.

V

V,

I've written a song for you that will turn your life around and you'll be happy and blissful forevermore. The song is "Skinny Dip in the Sink Hole With Me." To be sung to the tune of "Tiptoe Through the Tulips."

Skinny dip in the water
At the sinkhole, that is where I'll be
Come skinny dip through the sinkhole with me

Oh, skinny dip in the water
In the sinkhole next to the willow tree
And skinny dip through the sinkhole with me

Knee deep in the water we'll stray
We'll keep the showers away
And if I miss you in the sink hole, in the moonlight
Will you pardon me?
And skinny dip�

((((((((((Vanilla))))))))))

Hi Lovely V, I'm sorry you're having a rough time Sweetheart. Do be gentle with yourself and take care. Eat soups, have early nights, cosy up until you feel a bit stronger.

Brighter days lie ahead for you and for all of us.

Xxx

{{{{{{{Darling V}}}}}}}

2016 is a "9" year - a year of completion of a cycle. 2017 is a "1" year - a year of new beginnings.

there's this saying about replacing fear with faith. i hope that thought is one that you can contemplate and will help you.

here's another: there's only one way to go from here: NORTH.
UP.
Positivity.

Decide what you want to get rid of, write it on paper and burn it on new year's eve --- give it to the universe and trust that the Universe will lift that burden from you.

there will always be a seat by the fireplace for you, and a glass of prosecco or a lovely cuppa if you'd prefer, over in my little corner of cyberspace.

xoxoxoxoxo

don't let the bastard grind you down babe.

xoxoxoxo

Bttrfly

Thank you, Cyberspace is lovely.

Sotto, I agree as always happy New Year.

V

So

New Year and New goals

Here is a selection of my New Year goals:

1. I enjoy my work and every day I have fun by concentrating mind fully and every day I take the following actions

I plan the actions for the following day in my planning diary
I review my day and most evenings (3 out of 5) I journalise
Every day I spend time on my emails and answer them in one period rather than constantly reviewing
I spend some time 3 days out of 5 with each staff member on a work and personal exchange and I listen actively
I make my calls in one batch per day so I am not interrupted daily, this excludes HMRC calls which cost time responding to
I eat wonderful healthy tasty meals at work by preparing in advance
I ensure I relax at work and find humour in impossible situation if necessary by turning these into cartoons
I swear nicely replacing rude words with fart
I take time out to walk for five minutes four times each day and I consider my feelings every three hours at least three out of five days

--------------------------------

I also have fitness and weight goals, they are working so I will keep doing them.

V

Irony upon irony

This morning after fighting some serious triggers over Xmas I woke ready to reset the goal clock.

Yesterday I was disappointed that some of my 2016 goals had not been met.

In particular at the end of the year I wanted to be 69 kilos.

After Xmas I weighed myself and I had dropped to 70.5 after sticking at 71.8 for three to four weeks.

This morning my scale weight was 69 kilos exactly.

The body does keep the score!

V

Congrats on reaching another one of your goals, V! Happy New year!

The Giggalo did not exchange Fin information so now I need a court order and FFS I still don't have his address.

I will probably advertise in Italy, heck I may go over there next week.

V

Oh lady V, big hugs and lots of love coming to you from over here. I am sorry to hear you have been in a bad place, but congrats on the weight and your goals for the year are amazing. I like the one about taking short walks throughout the day. I think I'm going to borrow that one.

May 2017 be a year filled with amazing things coming your way. Have faith!

V- I like the way you organize your day. I currently have more on my plate than hours in the day, so I'm going ot try to time block and organize. I have only been truly organized in one place in my life, and that was when I was working at the bedside. Otherwise, I am a little scatterbrained. Or overwhelmed. One of the two.

I stress you don't focus on weight goals. Focus on health goals. In my 10 week challenge, I only lost 4lbs and I was upset. Until I looked at my before and after pictures and realized how loose my clothes were. Focus on overall health and feeling good, and you won't disappoint yourself. Good luck!

Vanilla,

Happy New Year!

I, too, like the way you organize your day.

P.S. Please start a new thread. Thanks!

Originally Posted By: Ginger1

V- I like the way you organize your day. I currently have more on my plate than hours in the day, so I'm going ot try to time block and organize. I have only been truly organized in one place in my life, and that was when I was working at the bedside. Otherwise, I am a little scatterbrained. Or overwhelmed. One of the two.

I stress you don't focus on weight goals. Focus on health goals. In my 10 week challenge, I only lost 4lbs and I was upset. Until I looked at my before and after pictures and realized how loose my clothes were. Focus on overall health and feeling good, and you won't disappoint yourself. Good luck!

Sweetheart you are

GO RG EOUS

Enough for skinny dipping

V

Originally Posted By: job

Vanilla,

Happy New Year!

I, too, like the way you organize your day.

P.S. Please start a new thread. Thanks!

Yes ma'am

New Thread:

Just a vanilla change 34

V