Finding Dory - DivorceBusting.com

AKA Finding Katniss

Previous thread:
I guess I found land

X doesn't look so well. I have to not look at him during kid swop because damn it, I have this insane urge to go up to him, stroke his hair and make him feel better.

Grl, grl. Stop trying to fix him. He has fired you from the job. Not your circus, not your monkey any more.

My job now is to find Dory/ Katniss.

Hi JksD, I was reading a little from the start of your situation and wanted to ask you a question. I have noticed a few traits I had with your X regarding the anger issues. In high time of stress and fatigue last year, I was very inconsistent and see now how I lost trust from my W. I never hurt her physically and know I never would have. I would have knocked other things over in frustration more than anger...

Now I have recognized this in myself and have learnt how it steemed from my parents. I am working hard to retrain and find new coping mechanisms and have been much better, something my W has commented on about my relationship with my kids.

My question would be, if your X had recognized this and working hard on it, would there be things you would look for and would you have received from him as genuine?

Even though W said she felt scared, (something she denied to other friends), when she was still in the house with me, her actions didn't match her words. She also left our kids with me, I took them on holidays, and this was never questioned. I know I will continue to work on me and see what happens.

I see my W and don't feel she looks so good either, she even commented to a friend that she wants to put on weight but can't seem to. Knowing my W, I know this is a high level of stress within her.

Grl, I'm just saying hi, acknowledging your new thread. With each thread, with each amount of passing time, you are getting stronger and more detached, more focused on you and kid, leaving X to his own circus somewhere behind you. Good job.

Are you going to see the movie this weekend????

One thing I will add, I have not been the one that has been physically abusive in my R. My W has on 2 occasions. I never went on rampages (just reading more of your story) but frustration would get the better of me especially when I could not seem to get her to hear my hurt. I would calm down pretty quick and would always apologise and look to make it up to her. I knew last year in particular I was broken, it took me awhile to say to myself I needed help, and it do take the shock of losing my family, but I did and I am doing that.

Sunny! Thanks for dropping by!

This detachment is so hard for a co-dependant like me.

But we will get there. Pinky promise.

Ginger!

I've caught the movie with kid and some gfs. Nice movie but still can't beat Finding Nemo, I feel.

Are you going to catch it with d8?

Hi Si,

It's hard for me to reply you using my phone. I need to mull over this and get back to you on a computer.

I also need to run a background check, just to make sure you're not my x.

Ok, understood.... 😀

I haven't really found Dory but I should be on my way.

I have found a pole, though, and I find myself enjoying my pole-dancing classes enormously.

It was fun and silly as we tried to wriggle our hips and flip our hair. How does the instructor make it look so simple and on 3-inch heels too???

But oh, what fun it was as we twirled on the pole! And giggled and twirled some more. There's something totally freeing and exhilarating when we managed to stay on the pole and twirled...

Maybe I should install a pole in my new flat.

Originally Posted By: Si_07

Now I have recognized this in myself and have learnt how it steemed from my parents. I am working hard to retrain and find new coping mechanisms and have been much better, something my W has commented on about my relationship with my kids.

Good job, keep this up.

Originally Posted By: Si_07

My question would be, if your X had recognized this and working hard on it, would there be things you would look for and would you have received from him as genuine?

I would have looked for self-awareness. Is he aware that he has terrified me and kid? Is he aware that there are other ways of acting even when one is frustrated? Is he aware that I cannot make him go on a rampage and he is the one who is in control of his actions?

Then I would look to see if he assumes responsibility for his actions and anger. And finally empathy and remorse. He has to really feel our pain and fear, and be sorry for it. It is this empathy of pain that will prevent him from losing control of his anger again.

After one year of counselling, sad to say, he seems to only have gained awareness and this awareness stops at the intellectual level.

There is a change in his behaviour. He is more patient. But it could also be because I am going very dim and there isn't much that I do to push his buttons.

Originally Posted By: Si_07

Even though W said she felt scared, (something she denied to other friends), when she was still in the house with me, her actions didn't match her words. She also left our kids with me, I took them on holidays, and this was never questioned. I know I will continue to work on me and see what happens.

For me, I was truly worried for both my and kid's safety during his rampages. But once the x had calmed down, I realised that I was the trigger, and not so much kid. As long as I am not in his way to getting what he wants, kid is safe.

Kid is wary though of making her father angry. She doesn't dare to act up with him the way she acts up with me.

Did you ever get really angry in front of your kids? Or was it only during interactions with your W?

Originally Posted By: Si_07

One thing I will add, I have not been the one that has been physically abusive in my R. My W has on 2 occasions. I never went on rampages (just reading more of your story) but frustration would get the better of me especially when I could not seem to get her to hear my hurt. I would calm down pretty quick and would always apologise and look to make it up to her. I knew last year in particular I was broken, it took me awhile to say to myself I needed help, and it do take the shock of losing my family, but I did and I am doing that.

Have you ever called your W out on her behaviour? It's nice of you to apologise for your angry. The x never ever did that. What do you do when you're angry?

I don't know if your W is gaslighting you but one way to check is to take an honest look at how the other people close to you react when you're angry.

The x's parents, kid and I all walk on eggshells when he's angry.

Thanks for you comments, for me it wasn't so much anger as a frustration. At times I just felt like pulling my hair out, you know. I was also suffering from burn out and stress as we were building a house. There were many feelings of my own that I just couldn't seem to explain to W, I would write letters trying to explain my feelings and my remorse for the actions but seemed to rarely get my W to understand. It was more just a hurting that built and when I had words and thoughts put in my mouth and head by W, I would just get frustrated and walk away often. At times she would push me for more and times I would keep trying to explain which meant things went on to long.
My kids have never said they were/are scared of me, I think it was more an impatience that got the better of me at times. This led to becoming inconsistent, and as she kept this contact with her work colleague, guess we just threw ourselves out of loop.
Thank me again for your comments.

Sorry, typo, thanks again for your comments.

Si, I think apologies for what you have done are fine.

However, I feel that one sincere apology is enough. Anything that is repeated and excessive will either feel like pursuing or make your W feel that her actions are justified. She may feel that she's right to leave you because you keep reminding her of what you have done wrong.

I had a missed call laat night and figured that it was kid calling to say goodnight.I called back and the x picked up the call. He didnn't sound too thrilled to hear my voice. He didnt want to speak to me when kid passed the phone to him.

Poor kid.

So the x's goodwill has run out.

We had prepared a Father's Day gift for him. I won't be wishing Happy Father's Day. He hadn't thanked me for the gift as well. I don't think there will be further communication with him since kid swop is now coordinated through online calendars.

Today was a me day. Pampered myself to the hilt with a scrub and a massage. Will be following up with The conjuring 2. Yesterday was pole dancing plus family.

I realised that wrt to my mum, I need to go dim. She is still prone to vitriolic spews - she insisted that the reason why I gave the x so much access to kid is so that I could do selfish things like pole dancing.

Right. So no more mum for a very long time. Although it hurts to see how much she is deteriorating, I know that there is nothing I can do or say to convince her to seek help. I have tried for years, and at the expense of my.M.

My brother could plainly see that my mum is no longer making a lot of sense nor can she remember a lot of things. But ostriches, ostriches.

Hi Grl.

I am so sorry about your mom. Not an easy thing to see or have to listen to. my mom criticizes as well. But more because she feels like I am too weak regarding husband and should be plotting ways to make his life miserable. I get that she is trying to protect me in the way she knows how....by nagging!

My brother lived with my parents a while ago to save up money. I asked him how the hell did he survive? He said he had to get high a lot to cope! (He's actually an extremely bright and responsible professional with great job and family)

I know you know this, but doing something fun and active for yourself is good for kid too. You will be in better spirits around kid and healthier as well.

I have to say, that while I do not like losing my child every other weekend,
that "me time" is a nice break. More then I ever got before. You want to hear something funny? I have a coworker who is so overwhelmed with her job, and kids (one who also has behavior issues) , and husband's hobbies that she frequently comments on how nice it must be for me. I can tell she is getting Frusturated and I certainly do not encourage my life...it's not what i wanted. But I do have more freedom and I am happier and slowly laughing and socializing more.

I found going dim to be the best approach for me mentally as well. My husband also doesn't look well. He is putting on weight again. He is having trouble with his beloved car. Etc. I too have compassion for him. But just from a distant point.

Glad you pampered yourself today. You definatly deserved it.

Hugs

J.

Hi Jjb,
Thanks for dropping by. My mum is in the nasty mouth stage of dementia. She thinks I am a slut for wanting to R, that I am a slut for getting D and that I am a slut for even letting x have access to kid.

Am too tired to fight this battle so I will just have to go dim on her.

I enjoy my freedom but I sometimes am at a loss of what to do with myself. There are only so many movies I can watch, so many chores I can do. My married friends envy me my freedom but hey, between you and me, I would rather have a family to go back to every night.

I guess I will just have to svck it up and fill my hours up somehow. Sometimes I try to self-soothe by saying that this would probably have been my lifestyle if I had remained single.

I can imagine it is so difficult to see your mom go through the dementia. Please know she does not think you are a slut. You are a great mom, a woman who wanted to save her family,and someone who is now rebuilding a life for her and her child, and that is one of the bravest, most amazing things you will ever do.

My dad and I are close, but he hates my ex. I mean hates him. My dad treated him like a son, got him the career in which he met OW. My dad never trusted him, but knew I loved him, so did the best he could to embrace him. The day my ex dropped the bomb, my da dfelt I should write him off, never want him back and could not fathom us ever being together. I couldn't express a single feeling to him because my dad thought it was insane I would want someone who did what he did to me and my daughter. I can't discuss the hurt with my exbf's with him either, because the second it's over, everything should be over. My dad still will not speak to the ex and can barely see him unless he has to. 8 years later.

Our parents love us though. But of course the judgement from those we love and trust the most is hard to deal with.

It sounds like you are filling up your time wonderfully. I can feel you want to fill up every hour of every day. It is different when we don't have a partner, doing nothing is quite lovely with a spouse, doing nothing alone can be hard. I get it. Maybe take up a hobby that can be done in the comfort of your own home. An online course, crocheting, cooking, anything that can help you relax rather than run around.

You got this.

Hey Ginger,
For someone who's younger than me, you really are so much wiser and more mature.

I know that my mum loves me; it's the nasty mouth syndrome and the deterioration that's really getting to me.

You're right; I should take up a hobby that I can do in the house and not always be out and about.

______________________________________________________________

Journaling:

The most important people to me in my life are all females: my dog, my kid, my mother and my grandmother. My dog passed away a few years after M from a freak incident. This is a sore spot between the x, his family and me. The x and his family felt that I blamed them for the dog's death while all I did was seriously to just stfu. I guess there is a history of blame-shifting in the M. There is a whole lot of guilt wrt my dog, as she was the sweetest, most loving dog. She wasn't treated all that well and most times, the x saw her as a nuisance that inconvenienced his life. The x was so angry with me for bringing her into our lives as I couldn't seem to manage the dog well. She wasn't one of those show-worthy dogs.

In the same few years, my mother's mental and physical health started deteriorating and my grandmother passed away from dementia. These events sort of precipitated the start of my existential angst/mini MLC. These two women have suffered and survived a lot in their lives, and I have always sworn to myself as a child that I would take good care of them when I was an adult.

But then I got married and got caught up with life. My sweet grandmother deteriorated from dementia and was eventually placed in a nursing home. There was a lot of guilt and anguish because I wanted to somehow take her home and take care of her but I couldn't because I wasn't living in my own home. I visited her but not as often as I wanted to and it tore me that I couldn't take her on trips when she was still mentally sharp and able to.

She was extremely frail and sick and couldn't recognise most of us by the time she passed away. The x could never understand why I was so haunted by her passing and he was emotionally distant. I remember him being annoyed by the fact that he had to attend her wake and most times, it was just me and kid by ourselves.

Which explains why I was in a panic mode when I saw the same symptoms of dementia in my mother. Tried as I did, no one listened to me and everyone wanted to be an ostrich, including my mother. Her failing health/ memory and the resultant behaviour from dementia took a toll on me and the M.

Work was tough as I had just changed my working environment, and the x was as emotionally distant and curt as ever. He didn't understand my fears, and my longing to have a sense of home. In fact, he once made fun of my longing and left me terribly hurt. To him, I seem to be another inconvenience in his life. He couldn't understand why I wasn't the perfect Stepford wife who could rule the boardroom, and the home, and then always be willing to jump into bed with him at the drop of the hat.

I guess all these just led to an internal melt-down in me. I felt like a big let-down. I felt like a failure for not being able to do anything for the people I cared and loved the most.

Well, the good news is that I am starting to understand how all these FOO issues and M issues have played out in my M and in my life. Knowledge is power, and I am starting to see that it's really time to take care of myself and start living life for myself.

I am not a failure. I am not perfect, but for me, for today, I am enough. Tomorrow, I will be better, but for today, I will be at peace with myself.

Not a news flash.

Upping GAL and taking cooking classes. Kid has sort of lost faith in my culinary skills and has on occasions hinted, rather subtly for such a young kid, that she has cravings for takeaways.

Am thinking of joining more exercise classes so that I will have some human company and will feel obliged to haul my ass off the couch.

Work is meh but still manageable. Colleagues and friends are not. I don't know if it's the weather that's making everyone ultra testy and sensitive?

Case in point 1:
A retired colleague who's on part time work schedule tried to ask me about something. We have always had cordial relations but it was a bad day and he caught me twice at very bad times. Once I was on my way to grab a quick 15 min lunch before my next meeting and the second time when I was trying to rush an important letter before another meeting. I might have been rather curt because I was on the verge of a panic attack and I had the feeling that he was going to ask me about something non-work related.

So, said colleague is offended and although I am annoyed at how petty things can get, I have decided to be the bigger person and seek him out to explain my predicament when he approached me. I don't have to apologise but I guess I should explain my behaviour.

One of my close friends sort of snubbed me on social media when she tagged everyone in a post but me. She had asked for a favour but because it was a crazy day today and I'd worked non- stop except for 45 min lunch and pee break, I couldn't oblige her. I did offer to help her though when I got through my day.

It annoys the hell out of me cuz I have always had her back and helped her make peace with our group of friends recently. She was angry with us as she thought we were ignoring her when we were really just all very busy. But I have decided to just ignore this latest snub cuz she's been a dear friend for a long time.

And maybe because my mindreading skills are rusty.

So I am pouting a little. I will do what I can to soothe everyone's egos because I do value their friendships and then I willmove on with life and not dwell on things.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with your coworkers and friends.

However, valuing your friendships doesn't mean you need to soothe everyone's ego's. You can validate, but talk it out. or you can let it go, without doing the ego soothing.

You are a people pleaser, I see:) I know a lot about that.

You worry that if someone has a negative reaction, it's probably because of you and not them. Sometimes it is us, and we own up to it and apologize. But we can't take on everyone elses emotions and issues. Sometimes others have a bad day, and don't treat us right.

Grl, just dropping by with a hug. Ginger is right, you don't have to soothe everyone's egos. But I am a believer in addressing things. For instance, I'd probably tell the retired colleague, "Sorry I snapped at you yesterday, I was stressed about meeting a deadline" and then let it go. If that soothes his ego, great. If not, then that's on him. That's you taking responsibility for your own stuff, but not feeling responsible for his.

(((Grl)))

Hi Ginger,
You're spot on about me being a people pleaser. I hate to see people upset but I realise that I really have to draw boundaries. I bend backwards so much that it's no wonder I like yoga.

Yes, I don't have to soothe colleague's ego but like what Sunny suggested, I probably would have to explain to him why I was rather testy.

As for the good friend, I will just let her be. She has a fiery temper but a good heart. Best to just leave her alone as she's going through some stuff too.

Sunny, You're right.

I really have to put up a big sign of 'Not my circus, not my monkeys' at my work desk. Maybe I could find the polish translation, so that I wouldn't appear like I am being anti-establishment or something.

I need to knock some sense into that skull of mine.

A wry observation for the day.

My car, cross my fingers and thank God, is in good condition and has lasted longer than my M. It will probably last a good 10 more years. Oh well.

Bittersweet because the x and I collected the car together. In fact, he went with me and my family to test drive the car. Imagine if you will, 3 adults squashed in the back of a tiny little car, filling up the rear-view mirror, impeding the visibility of a nervous new driver. The x took the seat of honour, and perhaps danger, next to me.

We got this car in my favourite colour. I went for the auto version as I stalled in the middle of the test drive with the manual car.

Life couldn't be better. A car that I loved and a guy who (at that time) loved me.

The x took time off from work to collect the car with me. We went to the wrong location and managed to rush down to the correct location in time before the dealer closed for the door. The x was a little annoyed and impatient, and perhaps these were the telltale signs of his anger issues that I had missed. We took cabs as the x was to guide me when I drove the new car.

Overall, still a sweet memory. This makes me feel a little fonder towards the x. He really was quite sweet before the multiple kidnaps by the body invaders and the TPT (turd party tramp). And don't stone me, but he also used to carry my purses when they got too heavy, even though his back hurts from his med condition.

So on account of all these, I have decided to hate him a little less. No such concession for TPT. I don't owe her any gratitude or memories. Am still wishing that she's in the express lane for karma checkout but am no longer holding my breath for it.

JKSD

I have a close friend that is getting married. Obviously things are great in her relationship right now. But she said to me she is aware that her husband has the potential to walk out just like mine did. (And yes there are a few indications in their early relationship that would give one pause). She made the comment that

"People change"

Do you believe this to be true, or do you think that with some personalitities it's inevitable and maybe just hidden in beginning for whatever reasons.

Regarding OW I am in complete agreement with you!

Jjb,
That is a really good question. In my case, on hindsight, there were a lot of telltale signs that I didn't really look into. His anger issues, his family dynamics, the fact that he wanted to have an open relationship early in our R (I totally put my foot down on this). So many other signs that didn't bode well for our M.

I married him not thinking that I could change him or that he would change. I married him because of that blind stupid cupid and because I thought that I would accept him as is, since he seemed to have accepted me warts and all.

Noble intentions (at least on my side) but what a disaster in the executions of intent.

Jjb, I wish your friend will know that people change, but not always for the better, especially when placed in new and stressful situations such as married life.

She should listen to her gut and deal with what is bothering her. Possible to talk to her fianc� about it?

Hi JKSD

Just to clarify...my friend has been around the block. She made that comment knowing that there is a good chance that while her fianc� is super nice and everything is wonderful now, there is a good chance that he can walk away when things get tough as well.

People change and I guess you are seeing them at their best during the early years.

im gonna talk about it on my new post. I am considering the title "being a chair in a different mans room"... Still trying to wrap my head around that one. I'm not deep enough though. Was it because she felt objectified and like nothing more then furniture??? But why another mans room? Ok. I'm over that.

Wow. Sounds like your friend is prepared for whatever risks she's going to face.

Lol about the chair in another man's room. I guess after the betrayal, the only way the woman could feel safe is to be a piece of nondescript furniture in a new man's room? No baggage, no expectations. Just a place to be and exist.

Jjb, you not deep enough? Hello, lady!

Me, I am another story altogether. I have so many holes in my brains that my friends have to resist the urge to smack me out of it.

See? Brains... I am only supposed to have 1 brain.

Today is a rather unsettling day for me. Took kid to the movies and had this disturbing feeling that TPT and her children and maybe even the x were in the same theatre with us. Couldn't see the people at the back but just couldn't shake the feeling off.

Kid is still very affected by the D. On top of her hair-pulling, she is also losing hair from the stress. Which makes it the two of us. Kid is scared to see so much hair on the floor and asked me rather worriedly if I was pulling my hair too. I told her no, my hair was dropping off.

What a painful conversation to be having with such a young kid.

I told her that we cannot control the decisions other people make but we can control the ones that we make. Regardless of what the TPT has done to us, we can still decide to be happy. I did try to tell her that her father had also chosen the TPT (thus it wasnt just about the TPT) but kid still loves her father, so I let it go.

Originally Posted By: JksD

Kid is still very affected by the D. On top of her hair-pulling, she is also losing hair from the stress. Which makes it the two of us. Kid is scared to see so much hair on the floor and asked me rather worriedly if I was pulling my hair too. I told her no, my hair was dropping off.

I'm worried about my sons' delayed reactions to the separation and the pending divorce. They're clearly not happy with my STBXW and that makes it even more difficult because I want to let them know their feelings are valid, but I don't want to demonize my STBXW. I guess another way to put it is that I want them to have good interactions with their mother and remember all of the positive things, but I don't want them to have to suffer the ravages of the 50-50 split in parenting. They'd clearly prefer to be home with me. Fortunately, my oldest will start driving in a few years and he can make his own choices about where he'd like to stay.

Big big bummer. I had been looking forward to my first official pole dancing lesson but am down with sore throat and flu today. I probably won't be able to make it for tomorrow's hiking either.

Yesterday was a big backslide for me. Work and the stresses of the impending move got to me and I lost it with kid when I realised that she'd been extremely sloppy in her homework.

I had been too busy to keep a close eye on her and had expected her to be able to keep up on her own. Turns out that I need to start keeping a closer rein on kid. I guess it's back to minimal me time when kid is around.

After all that anger and tears, I felt bad and realised that I shouldn't have expected so much from kid. She is still so young after all. No point getting so worked up when all I needed to do was to draw up a schedule and keep to it, no matter how tired I was after work. If need be, I will let the chores slide.

And I couldn't sleep last night after getting so worked up. No surprise I fell sick today.

Kid has a wicked sense of humour - wonder where she got that from - and asked me if I was sick today because I was so mad at her yesterday. I could see the thought bubble, Karma? right above her small little head.

Sweet kid that she is, she did feel a wee bit sorry for me and tried to soothe and comfort me.

Sometimes I feel so conflicted. Kid is the best thing to ever have happened to me and her birth had almost been at the expense of my life. The sight of her trembling and cowering behind the door was the reason why I had taken her and fled from the x.

Every day I look at her and marvel at how a scrawny little baby had grown up to be this wise- cracking teenager trapped in the body of a 7 year old. And I just want to snuggle and cradle her before she gets too big or finds me too embarrassing, whichever comes first.

Yet, I am also keenly aware of the fact that kid makes it that much harder for me to be in a new R. A friend had once asked if I would consider giving up custody of kid to start a new life.

The answer is no. I would rather remain single for the rest of my life than to abandon kid the way the x had threatened to abandon kid. Kid didn't ask to be brought into this world so I had jolly well just svck it up and do my best by kid.

First I was want to say I experience what you describe very often with my sassy, intelligent, big mouthed 8 year old. I've lost my cool way more times than I ever should have. She tests my boundaries until she reaches and then she throws me over the edgeThen I feel like crap. Please don't beat yourself over these moments, every mom has them, married, unmarried, it doesn't matter. No parent keeps it all together perfectly, right on schedule, doesn't get frustrated, ect. You are a great mom.

Your mention of how having a kid makes it harder to date. Well, I've sat here since she was a baby realizing the catch 22 of it all. My D was a bit of a miracle baby. I could never imagine my life without her. But yeah, if I had no kids when all this went down, I'd probably have an R. I've tried to make dates and well, it's like " yeah, I've got a free night in 2 weeks! People ask all the time when I'm not I. A relationship, they just don't get it. Well, when you work full time, aware a single mom to a young kid with not much free time, its 50x as hard to date.

A friend had also asked the same to me. I said absolutely no way in hell. If I'm si glee until she's 18, then so be it. The right guy will love us both and understand the time constraint in the meantime.

I do hope you feel better soon. Take good care of yourself and you'll be back on the pole in no time!

I should never type a response on my iPad. Autocorrect botched that up, I swear I'm not drunk

Originally Posted By: JksD

Yet, I am also keenly aware of the fact that kid makes it that much harder for me to be in a new R. A friend had once asked if I would consider giving up custody of kid to start a new life.

The answer is no. I would rather remain single for the rest of my life than to abandon kid the way the x had threatened to abandon kid. Kid didn't ask to be brought into this world so I had jolly well just svck it up and do my best by kid.

Yes, Grl, this. Yes, it's hard to remain a good parent and have a new R. Many here have chosen not to until their kids are older. Kid needs you to be there for her now more than ever. I know you realize this and you will do your very best for her. And I know it's hard. Hugs for you. (((Grl)))

Doodler, I face your dilemma too. Young as she is, kid understands that I didnt want the divorce and that there is an OW in the mix (She has seen her in the x's car and has heard the xils talk about the OW before the D).

She knows that her dad is the one who had chosen to break up the family, and yet she still loves her dad.

I choose not to whitewash anyone's part in the demise of the M (mine included) and I try not to interfere in her R with her dad. Initially, I did fix things btw the x and kid because I wanted her to have an R with the x. Now that things are back on track, the x's R with kid is no longer my monkey.

I think we can and should learn to DB our kids - validate their feelings but try not to always fix things for them. We may not always agree with them but we should let them know they're listened to.

Hey Ginger,
Thanks for the sweet words!

When I read of your sitch, I am struck by the similarities to mine, and am also amazed at how you've managed to survive and build a life for yourself.

I guess I just have to work harder on the pole to keep myself looking good for the next 11 years, and cross my fingers that there will be a guy who will love me and kid as a package deal.

Hi Sunny,
Thanks for the encouragement!

I once saw a documentary on how female octopuses spend the rest of their lives guarding their eggs until the eggs hatch. When the eggs hatch, the mothers will then die from hunger. I am starting to so relate to that.

I do hope that I will have a happier ending.

Lol.. Yup we sacrifice so much for our kids.

I have same thoughts that you do..but you know what? I have met a decent amount of single moms that raised young kids and there is something about them that I really admire (I'm sorry I can't think of a better word). I can usually tell who they are without them telling me.

They are tough, more down to earth, soulful and emotionally mature. I'm not that upset to join them. I'm a lot more relaxed now then I was when I was with husband. I'm definatly the cool mom that doesn't stress the small stuff.

Maybe with the right guy it will be possible to balance a relationship and remaining a great mom? Its does happen you know.

Jjb,

I know what you mean about sweating the small stuff. I do still sweat the small stuff, just not as much.

It's like after all this cr@p that we've gone through, everything just seems small stuff. I wanted to say what else could go wrong but I have learnt never to ask questions if you don't want to know the answers. Because the universe has a way of answering your questions, even the rhetorical ones.

((Jjb))

No big updates.

I have finally overcome that nasty bug, after a week of antibiotics and flu medicine. But lo and behold, I have somehow managed to pull my back muscles while sleeping in my usual foetal position.

Unlucky much? Or am I like really really not supposed to start on my pole dancing? What is the universe or God trying to tell me? Sigh.

I am just hoping that the strain will go away by Sunday because that's when I am supposed to start my pop dance class. Next up, burlesque classes. I love Dita Von teese.

On another note, I had the loveliest interactions with this autistic boy I come into contact with rather frequently.

Those of you who have encountered such kids would know that they have issues with eye contact and the acknowledgement of others.

One day, my little Rainman looked at me and said, 'Ms Dory has long hair.'

I replied and said, 'No, Ms Dory has short hair.'

My little Rainman then giggled and repeated, 'Ms Dory has long hair.'

I repeated myself too and little Rainman giggled again. Then it dawned on me that not only had he acknowledged my existence anf noticed my appearance, my little Rainman was actually making a joke and teasing me!

Mind blown.

And I love how little Rainman would rush to hold my hand and allow me to lead him. It melts me into puddles whenever little kids want to hold my hands. To me, it is the mark of the greatest trust for kids to want to hold my hand.

One of my greatest regrets of my M and of my D status is the fact that I will never have the multiple kids that I want.

But it is what it is. I have kid and I have my little Rainman. And I feel blessed enough.

I'm glad your cold is better, but no good on the back! You WILL take that pole dancing class! And the Burlesque class! (really sounds like fun).

That interaction made me smile big. You make a big difference in his life, like he made a big difference in yours. I understand the mourning of not having more than one kid. I don't even have nieces or nephews as I am unmarried and am an only child. My exSIL has a 1 year old and a 3 year old, but OW is the aunt to her kids (they came after my D). I have one cousin who has one child. But I "adopt" my friends kids, and love to borrow them! I grew a true love for exNG's D7. We bonded immediately.

I can see you very easily growing love for a new guys kids one day.

And one day, we get grandkids! I hear they are great! (although I tell my D not to rush that one!)

Oooh wee mama! Burlesque classes, pole dancing?! What have I missed here?! Great to hear you're getting stuck into new classes and gal-ing.

I see your worries about ending up single for the rest of time. I think we all have this worry, especially as moms- we worry about our babies and who we bring into their lives.

I'm sure though, when the time is right, a new right man will stroll into your life. You're a catch!

I get to borrow kids too as my gfs have lots of them. 10 kids below the age of 10 between the 5 of us. Going on trips with them is an rambunctious experience to say the least!

Lol, Ginger. I have heard that we get grandkids too. Kid promised me that she will find a guy who will love me too and that I get first dibs too.

Told kid that I appreciate the thought but there's no rush in that.

Cherry!

I hope that a new guys comes along. I looked outside the door this morning but nope, no one there.

At my age and in my sitch, I have to really get my butt moving if I am to ever have male company. Dearth of single and available guys where I work.

But there are so many things I am juggling and I am feeling kind of weary, so we'll see how it goes.

There was a guy who was interested in the midst of my D but I just couldn't treat him as anything more than a friend while I was M. Even after I was D, I was still hoping for R and just couldn't commit. This guy though, seems to have rather unrealistic expectations of the amount of contact I would have with the x. He was rather upset that I was still in contact with x but hello, I have a kid with x??? Not possible to have no contact at all???

So that's that.

"Used To Love You"

Never thought this would happen
Gonna let it sink in, you're gone
I don't know, know what I'm feeling
I must be dreaming, you're gone

Suitcase, band-aids
Pulling back out the driveway
You go, I'll stay
You can keep all the memories
I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you
I thought you loved me the most

I don't know why I cry
But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you
I don't know why I cry
But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you

Oh oh oh oh
I used to love you
Oh oh oh oh
I used to love you

You thought
There were no boundaries
What, you just pushed me too far
I guess nobody taught you
Nobody taught you how to love

Suitcase, band-aids
Pulling back out the driveway
You go, I'll stay
You can keep all the memories
I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you
I thought you loved me the most

I don't know why I cry
But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you
I don't know why I cry
But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you

Oh oh oh oh
I used to love you
Oh oh oh oh
I used to love you

You know I was the best thing that ever happened to you
Well, now look at what you lost, oh
You know I was the best thing that ever happened to you
Now look at what you lost, oh

I don't know why I cry
But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you
I don't know why I cry
But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you

Oh oh oh oh
I used to love you
Oh oh oh oh
I used to love you

I don't know why I cry
I don't, I don't, I don't
I don't know why I used to love you
I don't, I don't, I don't
I don't know why I cry
I don't, I don't, I don't
I don't know why I used to love you
I don't, I don't, I don't

And this was the kind of song that I would text/ email to the x as a kinda of a playlist of my life. Pre-DB and when I was still feeling desperate and clingy.

I am no longer feeling desperate or clingy, but I still get a lump in the throat whenever I hear this on the radio.

Okay, now, where's my Blake Shelton?

That comment about contact with the ex reminds me of something a guy mate said to me. He said it would never bother him getting in a r with a woman who has kids. But what would bother him is the ex that comes along who is always in your life.

I think you are doing good in finding yourself, getting to know yourself and working out who you wanna be. He will be there,when you least expect it

Originally Posted By: JksD

At my age and in my sitch, I have to really get my butt moving if I am to ever have male company.

Grl, I know you are considerably younger than me. And I just have a feeling how cute you are.

Trust me, you'll have guys lining up when you are ready.

I agree with sunny!! Form an orderly cue gents!!

As a guy, can confirm the above. No doubt there will be a line formed once you're ready

.....and I don't think you are much older than me. I have a feeling you are quite a cute catch and any guy would be lucky to have you AND kid.

The 2 main guys I cared for that I have dated since D have been older. Like 12-15 years older. They also had kids my kids age. So there are available guys in all age ranges who are single parents like you:)

Lol, Sunny, Ginger, Fogg and Cherry!

Hmmmm... I don't think I have enough in the bank to pay you guys off for your sweet words!

Really appreciate these, folks. How lovely it is to check in to my thread after a really lousy day and see these sweet comments!

P.S. Do send some over my way!

Ginger, I am somewhat older than you, though still within the same decade. Trust me, I wouldn't mind guys older than me, but hey, this doesn't seem to be mutual.

Yes, add me to the cute endorsement - and not just cute, but quirky and with lots of character and humour. Best get some of those poles with ribbons to manage the lines...

Xx

Awww, thanks, Sotto! Well, like flocks to like, so you're pretty awesome yourself! (You're probably way more awesome and zen than me)

I am finally on my way to my first pole-dancing lesson!

I hope I don't break, sprain or crack anything. And that I manage to find a parking space.

Let me know how it is! You might inspire me to sign up too!

Please let me know how you get on. It's been something I've often thought of doing. Not sure in my condition it's the greatest idea though.

Please bare in mind, if any guys catch wind of these pole dancing classes, that queue will be even longer! You will have hella flexibility, which can come in very handy for certain activities...

I could do the splits a few years ago before an injury, and believe me- that was always a conversation starter!

And I agree with sotto, I love that even on a shi**y day, you manage to tell us about it with some humour injected

Ginger and Cherry, you wouldn't believe it. I couldn't get any parking for half an hour. In the end, I went home and indulged in my own little pity party with some chocs. Hmmmm. Should have got some wine too.

I am trying to go for a makeup class during the weekends.

The trial lesson was really fun though. And it's really quite doable. I am not athletic by any means but I got onto the pole and twirled. As did most of the ladies in the class.

Very fun and very liberating....

Hmmmm..perhaps I should start dropping my poledancing classes not very subtly in my convos with available guys. But how would I know if they're interested in me or my pole twirling process?

Snort and chuckle!

Prowess not process

Curiouser and curiouser. I swear my contractor was trying to ask me out for lunch but I was in a hurry to go for my makeup poledancing and so didn't get the hint at all.

I am rather wary about dating my contractor until after the reno is completed. Because things are going to get awkward if we don't work out.

I am flattered yet at the same time, I feel rather unsettled. I don't know why I have this hesitation with this guy that I dont have with other guys.

He knows that I am D and he has seen kid because I took her along for our purely biz discussions. He was nice to kid. I guess I am feeling wary as I found out more than what I had bargained for when I googled him for his work.

Ok. It's official. I have fallen in love with poledancing. What took me so long to take this up?

And yes, I am starting to have the bruises to show for it

Originally Posted By: JksD

Ok. It's official. I have fallen in love with poledancing. What took me so long to take this up?

And yes, I am starting to have the bruises to show for it

There's a poledance place near me and I've been considering doing this, too. Maybe I'll look up the schedule later and sign up for something while my kids are gone.

And I wouldn't tell a prospective date I could pole dance, I'd just save that for a little surprise for the guy who deserved it.

I'm so glad you've found a new class that you love- that's great! Very inspiring.

Maybe wait until after the work is done, if you feel ready and are interested, I don't see anything wrong with going out with him. It'll give you a little boost. I told you you've still got it!

Sunny, do join a poledancing class! It's really great fun.

Yup, I probably should just save the little bit of info for that special someone. Don't want the guys to get too distracted.

Cherry, well, my poor contractor would probably have to wait for at least another 2 months then!

While I am looking for a long-term commitment for my next R, I do realise that I may probably have to date a bit before I can settle down. It's a numbers game after all.

So I should just look at it as a process of sieving out suitable guys and of knowing how to put in place my boundaries and of refining my expectations.

Originally Posted By: JksD

Sunny, do join a poledancing class! It's really great fun.

I actually looked at the class schedule and couldn't find the pre-beginner class. LOL I emailed them and asked what to do, haven't heard back from them yet.

Originally Posted By: JksD

While I am looking for a long-term commitment for my next R, I do realise that I may probably have to date a bit before I can settle down. It's a numbers game after all.

So I should just look at it as a process of sieving out suitable guys and of knowing how to put in place my boundaries and of refining my expectations.

Grl, I actually think this is important. As much as we'd like to settle into something comfortable right away, the process of thinking through expectations and boundaries and deal-breakers is valuable. I dated the second guy I went out with a month and that was comfortable. But he wasn't what I really wanted. So I broke up with him, and that was really powerful. I could be honest with someone that they weren't right for me with no hard feelings, and I could be honest with myself about what I really wanted and was willing to wait for. Since then, I've dumped guys and they've dumped me. And then there's MyNica, which is an entirely different story all together. If I had settled in with Guy2, I'd have missed so many lessons and revelations about myself. The journey is worth it.

Sunny, I totally agree with you. This time, it's sort of like I have been there and done that, and I am in no hurry to make the same mistakes again.

Eyes wide open and then some.

News flash:

For some unknown reason, now that I have decided not to be so pissed with the x, he has got it into his head that it means it's his turn to be pissed with me.

And I haven't the slightest idea why. Is it the smiley faces that I put in my replies so that I dont sound so curt? Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Then again, because I am passive aggressive like that, I will continue with my smiley faces. If I cant ice pick his car, the least I could do is to irritate him with inane things like smiley faces in text messages?

Yet, I thought I saw him flinch when I told kid I couldn't have her Friday evening as I had something on. And he only unflinched when kid asked me why and I told her that I had lessons.

On hindsight, I should have a) continue letting him flinch by being vague, or b) let him flinch and then drop his jaw by mentioning my poledancing classes. Grl, grl. No more heart on sleeve.

Onwards and upwards. Life continues.

End of newsflash.

Bad day with kid. Meltdown from kid again because she refuses to do her homework and only wants to watch TV and play.

That's what she does when she stays with the x, so I end up being the bad cop all the time.

Kid is in a competitive school district (due to logistics, I had to put her there) and there is no way she can survive without putting in effort.

I am tired of this daily battle.

I can't think of anyway of putting this across to the x without WWW3 as the x will feel that I am criticising him as a father and as a person. But at the rate kid is going, she is probably going to do very badly in school, if not outright flunk it.

Kid is a really bright kid but flunk she will in her relentless school environment. And when she does fail, the blame will be on me. Because I am the mother and I should know better.

And the x and his family will then give the usual rhetoric about how I had been such a horrid wife, forced him into the arms of another woman, broke up my family and now kid is suffering because of me.

I want to cry but the tears just won't come.

Grl, I don't have any real advice. I would say move kid to a different school if you can, but I realize that you have constraints in both logistics and culture to conquer. As she gets older and take more responsibility for her own time, this will shift the balance. Hang in there and hold your head up high. (((GRL)))

This is a tough spot, and I understand that you want to handle the situation, and discuss and come up with a solution like a coparent, but you know he will take things YOU say the wrong way. I'm often in that position.

Does kid every have to do homework when she is at her dad's? How do they structure homework time?

My suggestion would be to calmly ASK, not tell, if perhaps there can be some time allotted at him house that is congruent with the time allotted at your house as homework time because it is beneficial to kid to keep up in this school district. To keep some consistency to get her homework done. Don't mention all she wants to do is watch TV or even say she exhibiting behaviors she learned at his house. Take the issue at hand, and surround it around kid, and how you both can agree on helping your child.

I've learned to make the whole thing about kid, not that they are doing something "wrong" and make it a discussion, not a demand. My ex has been much more receptive to that approach than the old one where I told him it was making things harder for ME.

You got this.

This is a hard one. I'd say approach x and say that you need to discuss kids school work. Make it appear that you need to get a plan together in order to make sure she starts achieving more. This way, you're going to him for assistance and he can make suggestions in how you can both achieve it. Maybe if he thinks that you are working to a plan which he suggested he may feel you value his ideas.

It's tough parenting without critsising each other's ideas. I know if I tell my h to do things "my way" he hits the roof because to him it's me saying he isn't doing something right. Whereas I guess it's just we both have different ways of parenting

Ladies,
Thanks for your input. You are awesome with your unwavering support.

Can't post much on my own thread. Feel like I need to like things sit and settle for a while.

Originally Posted By: JksD

S
News flash:

For some unknown reason, now that I have decided not to be so pissed with the x, he has got it into his head that it means it's his turn to be pissed with me.

And I haven't the slightest idea why. Is it the smiley faces that I put in my replies so that I dont sound so curt? Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Then again, because I am passive aggressive like that, I will continue with my smiley faces. If I cant ice pick his car, the least I could do is to irritate him with inane things like smiley faces in text messages?

End of newsflash.

So this reminded me of a saying that I have heard and seen, and frankly I like to use as needed.

"Smile!
It will either warm their heart or piss them off.
Either way, you win."

Sounds to me like you are winning JksD.

Hi SH,
Thank you for dropping by my digs.

While you're here, please feel free to help yourself to the dancing poles, waxing cream plus the occasional dollop of self- pity and angst.

And if you're up to it, the mountains of laundry IRL.

You're right. Since I am going to piss people off anyway,I might as well make myself happy while doing it.

I find myself in toilet paper tramp territory today.

Checking myself in the mirror:
Not too bad, not too bad at all. Except for the great big angry bruise on one of my knees. Shouldn't have worn shorts but too late to change since I am already out.

Nice hair - checked
Decent makeup - checked
Gorgeous lashes - double checked

Now all I need do is to strut my stuff and if I meet the turd, I will stare her down and give her the "screw you. I am classier than you cuz I have got morals and I am way hotter look."

Work it, grl, work it.

Time to put on the girl on fire persona

Originally Posted By: JksD

I find myself in toilet paper tramp territory today.

Checking myself in the mirror:
Not too bad, not too bad at all. Except for the great big angry bruise on one of my knees. Shouldn't have worn shorts but too late to change since I am already out.

Nice hair - checked
Decent makeup - checked
Gorgeous lashes - double checked

Now all I need do is to strut my stuff and if I meet the turd, I will stare her down and give her the "screw you. I am classier than you cuz I have got morals and I am way hotter look."

Work it, grl, work it.

Time to put on the girl on fire persona

Don't forget the smile. That will guarantee the win for you.

I'll let ya know once I get through my laundry and then I can help with yours.
I was poking around in this neighborhood as I fear I may be moving in sooner than I would have hoped, when I found your place.
Can't wait to try out the pole, please hold the wax, and I carry a sledgehammer to help out when the dollops of self pity and angst become heaping servings that no longer quench or fill our hunger to be the awesome folks we are meant to be.
Don't worry, I tap lightly at first......it tends to be enough to get one back on the track of knowing they are awesome and better than any BS painting of the WAS/WS.

Now how is that smile looking this morning?

I am still mulling over the homework issue and the input from Sunny, Ginger and Cherry.

Sunny, I would love to move kid to a new school but the schools near where we live are generally competitive. This was a sore issue with the x as I had always wanted to put kid in a school nearer my mum's that was good but not as competitive. He hated the idea as he thought I was trying to move kid nearer my family and away from his.

Ginger, kid does all of her homework and revision on the 3 and 1/2 nights that she has with me. The x takes her to her lessons and activities during her time with him. He does a little revision with her.

I have shared with him my schedule with kid and he seemed quite okay with it. But whether or not (judging from what kid has unwittingly revealed, more likely it's not), he keeps to it, is another issue. I have raised my concerns about kid's performance in school but he does not share my worries.

Cherry, I agree that the x would be more amenable if he feels that he has a say in how to help kid. I should try to discuss with him but I just dread having any prolonged contact with him. Because I dread angering him and having to listen to his spew.

Hmmm... I should just stop being such a wuss and (wo)man up.

The smile was great, SH. I must say that I felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment when I didn't catch sight of TPT.

Big sledgehammer.... SH, would your real name rhyme with 'or', as in Thor?

I love your wisdom, and would love your company, but I do hope that perhaps we can cross words (and hammers/ ice picks) in another neighbourhood.

I have no doubt though, you will thrive, whichever neighbourhood you find yourself in.

Very soon, it will be the one year anniversary of my D.

To be honest, to be very very honest, I still can't quite figure out how I got from planning for a second kid to getting divorced. All within the span of 5 months. And in that excruciating 5 months, to have been on the receiving end of violent outbursts, spews, and the horrific discovery of the x's A that could have been as long as 3 years.

I wish I had discovered this forum and Michele's books earlier. After BD, it could have saved my marriage, but most importantly, it would have helped me preserve my dignity and saved me from needless pain and rubbishy advice. Pre -BD and while I was suffering from my existential angst, this forum and MWD's books would have changed the course of my life.

But it is what is. As Alice of the Wonderland fame states, 'It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.'

Better late than never and I am still immensely grateful for this forum and the wisdom, compassion and advice that I have been given. From complete strangers (mostly) that I will probably never meet in real life.

Life could have been better. But for here and now, life is still good and for that, I am thankful.

Grl, all any of us can do is move forward. Don't look back, you aren't going that way.

Wrt hearing his spew, I'd like to share some Sam smith with you:

"I'm covering my ears like a kid, when your words mean nothing I go la la la.
I'm turning up the volume when you speak, cause if my heart can't stop it, I find a way to block it i go..."

I'm sorry to hear the anniversary is coming up. Man it su<k$, it doesn't make sense. None of this ever seems to make any sense. I agree don't look back, but if you must peek, just look at how far you've come. And man is kid gonna be proud when she's older. To know all her mama went through, and how you put her first no matter what is something you must be proud of yourself for.

I am going to see your film today.

V

Sunny, I promise I won't look backwards too much. Will only do that to see how far I have come and when I want to change lanes.

Cherry, that Sam smith song is so apt! I can just imagine the look on the x's face if I do like the little boy in the MV is doing and keep saying lalala when he spews. Thank goodness there hasn't been any spews in like 6 months...

V, you will love the show!

Looking back to see how far I have come.

The PTSD symptoms are lessening. I can drive along the route to the family courts and not break down uncontrollably or feel like I am going to black out. I can venture into TPT territory and not feel like I have to cower.

I can listen to the heart-wrenching playlist of the excruciating 5 months after BD and leading to the D, and not feel heart-wrenched.

I can remember both the good and the bad times of my M. I don't put the x on a pedestal, but he's not quite on the same level as the devil himself (as of today).

And if I am honest with myself, there will always be a place in my heart for the x. He was after all the only guy I had ever wanted to marry, and I had after all spent a big part of my life with him. No matter how much I hate him and what he's done to kid and me, there will always be some feelings for him.

I am letting go. And, dare I say it, I wish him well (just not with the TPT as I would never ever want her anywhere near kid).

You have come so far. You give me hope that some day I will reach some peace and this won't hurt like hell like it does right now

You are certainly on the path to a full recovery. Now that I remember, when my PTSD triggers went away, I took comfort in knowing I was really, really healing.

It's normal that you have that special place in your heart for him. You could love someone but not want to be with them. It truly is possible.

Keep on keepin' on

Morning!

How are the pole dancing classes going?
Have not seen any updates on this for you.
Hope you are doing well.

I loved the show.

Sad about the short term memory though!

V

Dear SH,

Last week's class was meh. I shouldn't have scheduled my lessons on a friday eve as I am so tired after a long day's work.

I shoukd have scheduled for a weekend class instead. Poor timing.

As I speak, I am now sitting alone in a korean fried chicken restaurant, soon to be feasting on 7 pieces of chicken all on my own. I caused a little commotion when I walked into the restaurant alone and asked for a single seat.

I guess I am an anomaly on a Friday eve on a busy pub street!

V,
Glad you enjoyed the show.

I thought that Dory's absent-mindedness wasnt so bad as I guess that's how she keeps happy.

Just finished poledancing.

On my way back, I was trying to drive my car out of a parallel parking lot.

Lo and behold, there was a (I admit, rather cute) guy standing between my car and the car in front of me. I had worked out most of my pent up frustrations in my poledancing class and was in a very chillaxed and mild mood.

I didn't want to be too aggressive so I started turning on my headlights and revving my engine gently, thinking that he would get the hint and get out of my way. Any normal human being would have come to his senses and got out of my way right?

So this guy wasn't a normal human being. Feeling incredulous, I wound down my window and tried to get his attention.

That eejit did not even acknowledge my existence!

By this time, I was convinced that he was probably a WWH, thick in some alien fog, and I must have been someone's karma for the night.

I started inching slowly out of the lot and towards him. And finally, fogged out cute guy looked up from his phone, smiled at me and finally got out of the way.

Being the polite person that I normally am, I smiled back at him.

But seriously, wth? Did he think that I was trying to check him out? He didn't look drunk.

Anyway, for a spilt second, I had actually superimposed the x's head on him. Cute fogged out guy had no idea how dangerous a sitch he was in.

So, that's the adverture of a poledancing fish on fire on a Friday night. Said fish is now going to wash up and go to bed, with a tummy full of fiery fried korean chicken not quite digested during the poledancing class.

Odds are pretty good he was looking for Pok�mon. I would have tapped him slightly with my car.....

I love Korean fried chicken. I also like dining alone, believe it or not. No reason I should not get the pleasure of good food, being served and cleaned up after just because I'm single!

Lol, Ginger! That could have been it. But Pokemon Go hasn't made its way to my twilight zone yet.

I wasnt so sure I would have been able to just tap him slightly with my car. I might have taken my role as karma too seriously....

Hmmmm. Ginger, You're right. That guy yesterday was probably trying to catch a pokemon. And so am I today....

On top of floating yoga and tile selection. And I have yet to collect the new harry potter book!

Originally Posted By: JksD

Dear SH,

Last week's class was meh. I shouldn't have scheduled my lessons on a friday eve as I am so tired after a long day's work.

I shoukd have scheduled for a weekend class instead. Poor timing.

As I speak, I am now sitting alone in a korean fried chicken restaurant, soon to be feasting on 7 pieces of chicken all on my own. I caused a little commotion when I walked into the restaurant alone and asked for a single seat.

I guess I am an anomaly on a Friday eve on a busy pub street!

Hmmmm.....
I may be wrong here, but you seem a bit off from the chipper JksD with a good dose of humor in your posts. I have not heard from you on my reply post to you over in my neighborhood, but I do know you have been a busy bee lending support to a number of LBS as this past week it seems the full moon put the WS into some type of frenzy, so no worries.
I hope that everything is well for you.
I did read that there is a tug o war with your D and that may have your mind on that.
I don't have much in the way of advice as my older d is very self driven and probably does me more help than I her. And my lil one is still of an age that she will listen and work with me. But I do feel your pain not getting much support from the other parent. I do worry that my d5 will have issues as right now behavior quirks are showing up as the expectations are vastly different between her parents.

Anyhow, my goal was a quick pop in to say hi to one of my favorite DBers around here as your challenges and humor and wise advice are a bright spot in my day.
I hope I can return the favor as I know you are still on the journey we all hope can end in a better place soon.

Have a great evening.

(((grl)))

SH, thanks for swinging by! Aww!!! You're one of my favs too, just in case you couldn't tell.

I have got plenty of things on my plate and it seems that the holes in my head are getting bigger. Either that or I am a late-blooming ADHD.

Did I miss replying to one of your posts? Hmmm... I thought it was a truce for our staredown over GAL?

This afternoon, I went to my new flat to make sure that the previous owner had vacated the place. Ugh. The previous owner really didn't bother to keep the place clean and the whole place looked dreary. I'm praying that my contractor will be able to do a good job for me.

We went to select tiles fir the remodelling and I sounded like a broken record. White! Bright! Glossy!

I love the floor tiles we've chosen for the kitchen. They look like whitewashed birch.

For the common bathroom, I've chosen beige glossy mosaicish tiles with subtle marbled veins for the accent wall and plain white tiles for the walls and floors. Glossy for walls and textured for floors.

For the master bedroom bathroom, it's glossy white wall tiles with subtle marble veins and textured white floor tiles.

I can't wait to get started on the kitchen cabinets and the shoe cabinet. And guess what's the theme? White! Bright! Glossy!

The dining area will have white stucco feature walls.

I can't wait to see how this scandinavian theme would take off. Gmum would be so proud of me!

Hmmmm.... I sound like I'm channelling doodler.

Wow, Grl, that's an ambitious renovation project. Good for you. That will definitely keep you busy for a while, probably a good thing. Are you putting a pole in anywhere?

Sunny!

Nope, reality hit and I realised that I would be able to twirl on a pole without hitting the furniture and breaking appendages.

The works on the house will keep me busy but I am also getting slightly stressed out at all the things that need to be done.

The flat reno sounds like a lot of fun! Work and maybe a little stress, but you are going to love it when it's done. You get to make it your own. It's everything that YOU want!

Yes, Ginger. The making it my own oart sounds exciting! I have never had a place to my name, even when M.

I just wish that the cost of making it my own isn't so high (in more ways than one).

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

by Derek Walcott

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Finding Dory --The sequel