We've only just begun... - DivorceBusting.com

In honor of the late great Karen Carpenter AND the beginning of a new future starting this weekend, I've started this new thread.

On Saturday my fianc� and her kids move into my house. We have both done a lot of work in preparing for this, both organizationally, emotionally, and financially. As the date has inched closer her kids have become much more comfortably and even somewhat excited about the move. My daughters are as well. Of course the two people most excited about it are the two of us! :-)

We both know there will obviously still be some adjusting for awhile as we get used to all living under the same roof. However the house is really not going to be crowded, as it will be very little time where all of the kids will be staying at the house together and they never will all four be sleeping there at the same time. Her kids are with her every other week and mine are with me on Mon-Tue and every other Fri-Sun. My D18 sleeps at her mom's house full time now as she no longer likes the managing two different bedrooms. fianc�'s S15 will be in Seattle visiting grandparents for most of the Summer beginning in late June and won't be back until late August. My D18 returns to college in August and fianc�'s D18 leaves for college in September.

Anyway, it should be a busy weekend with the move and celebrating my D16 turning 17 on Saturday as well.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone!

BA

Ugh - wish I could edit. I do have a better command of the English language then what appears written above. eliminate the "both" and change "comfortably" to "comfortable" along with a couple of other minor edits I won't get into. I need to read what my fat fingers are trying to type before I submit from now on!

May the moving van be with you! Good luck BA.

Wishing you and your blended family much happiness. Sounds like you've planned a lot & are prepared for some of the challenges you may encounter. Remember to keep your sense of humor and have fun!

Barb

I would be there helping except that I am here. Wishing you many blessings and happy years together. Cheers to new beginnings.

kat

Thanks everyone for the well wishes!

This weekend went really well and everyone had their first night in the house on Saturday. I made up welcome fliers for each of her kids and posted them on the door of their new rooms which they appreciated. By the time the weekend ended and it was time for them to go to their Dad's house they had comfortably assimilated into the house - in fact her D18 asked to stay one more night so that she could spend a day applying for jobs in the area.

The house is still in a bit of disarray as we find a spot for everything - particularly for my fianc�'s clothes! :-) I spent the last month or so purging and making what I thought was plenty of room in the walk-in closet and dresser drawers, however it appears I underestimated her needs!

BA

I hope you made room for her shoe collection lol. Good start, glad it went well

Quote:

I spent the last month or so purging and making what I thought was plenty of room in the walk-in closet and dresser drawers, however it appears I underestimated her needs! laugh

Ha ha!!! As if you were going to win that round, BA! I'm no clothes hound, but I can tell you that my walk in closet would have a hard, hard time accepting the wardrobe of an additional person - even with hard core purging!

Seriously, I wish you well in your new household routine. Somehow, I know you and Carol will make it work.

Well seeing it's been almost 6 years since I shared a home with an adult female I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I underestimated the amount of space she would need. Plus my ex was in the military so she didn't have a large collection of business/work clothes.

However, I'm more than happy to make as much room as is needed for "Carol's" clothing wardrobe and yes Wii, that includes her shoes too!

BA

It's all worth it! In our shared home we each have a small walkin closet. I'm aghast - he is in his glory because in my previous house I had 2 humongous walkins while in his Toronto house he has one mouse size closet. I ended up buying a huge floor to ceiling armoire to help myself. So far it's working ok.

Enjoy your new home together.

Barb

Well since I checked in last, we've now had a full week of everyone living under the same roof. Considering we are blending two families together that comprise not one, nor two, but a total of four teenagers - things have gone fairly well. A few observations:

a. My fianc�'s D18 takes REALLY and I mean REALLY long showers in the morning. My D17 has adapted to this by taking her relatively short shower in the evening before going to bed. I'm not sure yet if my hot water heater has adapted to it and I'm attempting to prepare myself for the impact on the utility bills.

b. Both of her kids (D18 and S16) REALLY and I mean REALLY like living in my house - which makes me happy.

They are comfortable in their rooms and like the safety and walkability of the neighborhood.

c. My fianc� and I have a much different tolerance for teenage backtalk. Her kids tend to give her more sass, ok a lot more sass than I would ever permit mine and in fact my two girls have expressed their shock in how they talk to her at times. I am working really hard to stay out of their frays since it's not my place to interject and I figure this is something that has gone on for some time and apparently they are all comfortable with it. My girls know that I wouldn't put up with it, so that's what counts.

Aside from a couple of other mild annoyances (time management items - i.e. her S16 is habitually late for everything (primarily due to his computer game playing) and doesn't get out the door to leave until my fianc� has basically nagged him to death) - overall I'm pretty happy with everything. It's only been a couple of weeks and only one of those was with everyone in the house.

I think just as we really get comfortable with the living arrangements things will change again. Her S16 leaves for almost the entire Summer in late June to spend it with his paternal grandparents. Once he returns my D18 and her D18 will be heading off to college. The times they are a changing! :-)

BA

It's only just begun...you sound happy BA. Congrats!

BA,

Maybe you and Carol can have a discussion out of the house to do a 30 day evaluation of things - clear the air. She might have concerns as well?

Personally, I have a problem with back talk and nagging as well - and that would have to be addressed. I'm assuming that Carol doesn't back talk her teenagers or let them nag her, and it's disrespectful.

Good job!

Bets