Such a milestone. I think my relatives are enjoying my turning 50 just a tad too much but I am happy to bring the excitement for them. Lol. I guess I should get hopping but I also wanted to start a new thread.
Happy day everyone.
kat
Happy Birthday to you Kat!
I dreaded turning 50 but decided to throw myself a dinner party with a chef (bought at a charity auction). It was wonderful! Josh provided all the wines for the 4 course meal & my friends loved it. I embraced entering my 50s, newly divorced but with a fresh attitude, which of course, means everything. I've never looked back.
On with the new decade - it will be wonderful!
Barb
Happy birthday to you Kat. Have a blessed day!
Thanks Barb and Tom. Had a fun day with my family. My oldest had to work but my 3 youngest did go with me. What beautiful weather. I am one lucky girl!
kat
Sounds like a fabulous day! So glad you got to spend it with those you love.
Happy birthday...And sex is better at 50...:)
Well it sure has to better than the past nearly 7 without! Does make me a virgin again? Let's cross our fingers that I don't make it to eight years.
kat
Maybe Gineen can take you to Big Pecker's!
Hey i am not easy. I don't care how long I end up waiting. It is going to mean something. No offense Gineen.
Kat
The name of that restaurant did crack me up though. It sure gets people looking at their sign!
I thought it was some kind of pick up bar.(Blushing) My bad. Sometimes it bothers me that is has been a while but I don't want to do it just for the sake of doing it. tha t part of me hasn't changed. It has to mean something.
kat
You stick with that attitude. You have to do what is right for you. Personally, I've always found sex with someone who I know loves and cares for me is far superior to the alternative. There's a tenderness and caring for each other that's not there otherwise. Don't worry, I'm sure Big Pecker's will be there for a loooong time lol.
Kat, if you're looking for an alternative restaurant, here's one that will grow on you. I went to high school across the street from here and frequented it regularly...it was a tavern then.
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/10/1724941/restaurant/North-York/Hung-Long-Restaurant-Toronto
Only you wii! I consider myself lucky that I am not a big fan of oriental food. Not there is anything wrong with that! lol So amazed that I can get on here, but so happy too. I really love helping and hate that I just have to check in silently. Hopefully this isn't just a fluke.
kat
I like Oriental food! But I went on a long hiatus because I had Mongolian Beef every day for 5 months when I was preggers with D17. Needless to say, she adores Chinese and Thai. I just started really liking it again.
BTW, I don't believe that 50 is the new 40. I don't feel anything like I did at 40. I felt the same at 40 as I did at 30, but not now. My body is just operating differently. I sure hope you don't have the same!
I'm so glad you had a great birthday. You sure deserve it!
Hugs,
Betsey
I think I am viewing it as a redo for my 40's which of course for the most part were awful. My aunt had the terrible 50's at least for the first few years so she wen ta bit overboard celebrating mine. Perhaps to throw good Karma my way.
The job I am drawn towards is a telecommuting job with them based in NYC. Their mission is to wipe out homelessness. I just don't know if it would pay enough but it would certainly feel great to make a real difference in people's lives. Things to consider.
kat
Oh wow! That's quite an endeavor for sure. Homelessness is one of the most devastating conditions anyone could find themselves in. I have volunteered at our Real Life center with our church and just handed out food, blankets, clothing, etc to families who come to the center looking for help. Some of them are homeless, others have had a tragedy and are on the verge of homelessness. It was a real eye opener to realize that even though I feel like I'm about to be on the street, I'm still doing better than I think I am.
I hope the pay might be enough to sustain you and your family. That would be an amazing thing to do.
But get this. I told you guys how I have been looking for something part time. There was a part time I was interested in that gave "haunted tours" on Friday and Saturday nights. It was maybe 2-3 hours each night. Originally the gal told me she didn't have any thing in either location. Today she called me back and wants to do a phone interview! She told me earlier that she wanted someone with a stable work history, that's me! So what do you guys think? Walking for a long period, 2 nights a week just might get my weight down, plus doing something that I am interested in.
It is year round though. I don't know what happens if there aren't any bookings besided I am guessing that I wouldn't get paid. Guess I should have the interview first!
kat
FUN!!!! Good exercise, doing something you love and getting paid for it. WINNER!
Hey, you like history, people and walking is great exercise. If you're excited then give it a go, you can always quit. Good luck with the interview...don't forget to say BOO!
Big Peckers??! Really! That is so funny!
Glad you had good birthday celebrations
I think the tours sound like a great idea.
How's life in general?
(((Kat)))
By the way, does anyone hear from Jeff? Any ideas how he is getting on?
Other than seeing him playing games on Facebook, I haven't heard a word. Married life must agree with him.
I got the girls enrolled today. D15 is not happy with her schedule. She didn't get history or art. I get a bit of a break after today. My youngest turns 14 but she will be with her dad. So we will celebrate the next weekend.
The weather has been cooler so it has been a bit easier getting to sleep. I need to catch up on that. Otherwise things are good. Trying to figure out my job situation, but other than that, good.
kat
I have a phone interview for the haunted tours tomorrow. Turns out it is for a back up which actually might work better than me doing this every weekend 52 weeks a year. besides I will get my foot in the door and see if I like it.
Found another job I might be interested in. It is helping people build businesses that they love. If I do this I would be part of the support staff. How funny that this caught my eye. duh!!
kat
I got the job! Sounds like fun and it is as a backup, so if the other person is ill or on vacation or they have more than 20 people booked for a tour, I am on! How much fun can I ask for? Talking about hauntings,getting exercise and hanging out with people with the same interests!
There is another job I am going to try and get that is telecommuting, It is very flexible, 10-20 hours a week. I know that is putting in time but I need to get some breathing room. I also need to find something flexible to get me through until I get that better paying full time job.
kat
Woo hoo, Kat!!! That's awesome news! Sounds like the answer to your prayers... right now?!?! Good for you!
Okay, Gineen, your post made me laugh out loud. I'm seriously laughing...
AHAHAHAHAHA! G, that was hilarious.
Kat, how has your day been hon?
You are thinking if me,with all your own stuff ? Thanks! I am doing pretty well. D15 was sick all weekend so time just kind of flew by. She wanted to be near me nearly the whole time. Talking a lot and telling me how much she loves me. Then she would feel better and be back to her cute but snarky self! Will the real Megan please stand up?!
Well the truth is that she is both people. I hate for her being sick but nice to know how much she wants me then. The time on these sort of things is running out too so I will cherish them.
Seems as if all of our kids are growing up to fast. Guess the key is to enjoy each brief moment.
kat
So here we go again. Near repeat of last summer's drama. Involving the same two people. I am so diappointed. I thought S18 was finally getting on track and yet...no. He will be 19 next month, says he still plans on going to school. They have no idea yet about the baby but I am thinking they will want to keep it since they lost the baby last year.
I do feel as if I failed somehow. These are two broken and hurt young people that I believe are trying to make everything better by somehow becoming parents themselves. Ex had the nerve to tell me that S18 isn't broken. I did get mad and I said how would you know? You weren't here when he would curled up and cry for over an hour at a time, when he had a hitting frenzy on his big brother, when he would sneak out. Ex missed all of that. I probably shouldn't have said anything, he just doesn't know these kids.
Maybe I don't either. I know that this is the consequence of the choices that they made. Uggghhh, I cried a lot, but I didn't yell. I barely slept last night.
kat
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this.
It does sound like they are looking for something they somehow feel they are missing.
Don't beat yourself up about it though! It has nothing to do with your parenting. Some people just have different ways of dealing with their own issues and unfortunately they decided to deal with it by creating more!
HUGS!
Kat, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and your son /s/Tom
Thanks Mish and Tom. She is further along now then last time. Somehow that makes it seem as if it is really happening. S18 really seems to be taking this hard so I don't think he saw this coming.
I have always told my kids don't even do it unless you are ready to handle being a parent. His brother and sisters are supportive and trying to make it more positive for me. Yet, this is my baby. You always want them to reach for the stars, and it hurts when they miss the moon even. I guess it never was my job to make his future, but it is hard watching him on the one he picked.
kat
Awww, Kat. I'm so sad for you. This has got to be your nightmare come to life once again.
BTW, your ex is a dumbass. I think you had every right to correct his erroneous assumption. Talk about a Disney dad.
Why wasn't the GF using protection? And why wasn't your son insisting on it? For an 18 year old girl, it makes me wonder if she wanted to get pregnant all along?
Hugs,
Betsey
According to my son, she was on the pill, but she had to take some antibiotics for something and the doc thinks that is what decreased the effectiveness of the pill. Of course he also mentioned something about her switching over to an IUD. So who knows.
S18 has hymoletic anemia, she has dyslexia and lactose intolerance as well as who knows what else medically. His girlfriend always seems to have issues medically.
Yea, so I am banging my head but trying to let him make his choices here. They are well aware of my opinion, so I will leave it at that. Trying to get him a good paying job and get his rear in gear for school because really, who knows may happen between now and then?
kat
Oh and gleamed another bit of wisdom. You might want the world for your kids, but it won't matter one bit if they don't want it too.
Kat--
That wisdom is something I had to share with my mom some years ago. She had asked me to pray for my heroin addicted brother. I told her it was meaningless unless he prayed for himself. And that much is absolutely true.
But getting back to your son-maybe he wants it, but reality will shape his own definition of success? It sounds as though you're going to have to put your DB techniques to good use again. They're going to need your support, one way or another.
Hugs, Granny.
Betsey
Kat: I'm so sorry that this has happened again. I thought they had been scared silly by the last accident. But I think maybe it's not really an accident.
There is not much you can do but be positive & keep the baby in mind. The baby is your grandchild & never had any say in the matter.
I watch Teen Mom. It is so difficult for young parents. But maybe if you watch you can learn some helpful tips to make this easier. Those with parents who help have a much better shot.
I know this is not what you wanted but remember the Serenity Prayer & Lord - help you to accept the things you cannot change.
Hugs,
Barb
I watched Teen Mom too. A couple of those kids did seem to get it together even despite their parents. I admired Caitlyn for having the courage to do open adoption. Now that they are in their 20's they are pregnant again. They have jobs, money saved. I wish them the best.
S18's girlfriend has a bad relationship with her mom and her dad isn't always at home to smooth things over. I think she is wanting this. Someone that she can call hers. She very well could have told s18 one thing while not doing anything. He is responsible too, he said that they have been using birth control. I think though he was believing her. Ugh. I could go in circles over it.
Kat
Today is my youngest child's birthday. Elena is now 14. She isn't afraid to hold my hand or even give me a hug in public. She is very sweet and smart as a whip. She is nervous and excited about high school all at the same time. I am hoping she has a lovely day, but still sad that she isn't with me.
We are going to celebrate next weekend. School starts this week and I for one am no where near ready for it to start. Just emotionally, not supplies wise. Oh well, I can't stop time can I?
Happy Birthday Elena.
kat
Have a happy birthday Elena. Enjoy the day with your daughter.
Thanks Tom. I just called her at her Dad's. I asked if she felt older and she said she did! Lol. I didn't ask what they are doing but I will get her back tomorrow. We will get to have a celebration tomorrow night and then time with my parents next weekend.
kat
Ok, I applied for the gov't job I am interested in. It is a 6000 raise if I get it and start at the low end. No one is going to just give me more money without me trying. So easy to stay where I am but I really don't want to lose more time with my kids because I would have to get a second job.
kat
Good for you Kat! I really hope you get it. This could make things so much easier for you. Fingers crossed.
Barb
Ugh! I just looked and the website said I had no active applications. So it either kicked it out since I am not a current Federal employee or I didn't finish the application right. Don't worry though, I am going to keep my eyes open and keep on applying. The benefits look awesome and I want to get into HR, but there also could be another perfect job opening up.
Think positively. Carpe Diem!
kat
Kat,
I'm a federal employee. The entire hiring process can be excruciatingly painful and slow - however stay patient and persistent. Eventually it will pay off. Apply for as many as you can - even if it isn't your "dream job". The trick is getting your foot in the door. Once you are in it is a little bit easier to move around into other jobs. Heck the job I'm in now, when they called me for an interview I didn't even remember applying for it because it had been so long in the past when the position was announced.
BA
Ohhhhh, my fingers are crossed for you! This sounds promising.
Good luck!
Thanks, BA. I was going to ask that. there is a job that just opened up today that is a bit different from what I do but includes some of the things I do on a daily basis. I was thinking, not actually the thing I want but if I get my foot in the door and hang in there I can become eligible for other federal jobs.
I so want room to grow and learn new things. I am not getting this here as I don't want to be a salesman or move to headquarters in St Louis.(I more than likely would not have my kids over the summer if I moved too far away).
So yep, I think I will twek my resume again and apply. The period closes next week to apply.
kat
I meant tweek. Oh and I think I would be working with more than one person, another bonus!!
Kat, keep at it and you will succeed. Btw, so sorry about your sitch with your son. It's hard as a parent not to look at what our kids have done and feel somehow responsible...but, we did the best we could, taught them well but they are people who make their own choice, some good and some not so good. Hang in there...thinking of you!
I am trying to distance myself a bit and let this set. He know what I think. I know they are thinking they will keep the baby. This kid hasn't even made his eye dr appointment yet! I asked him to try to get in before school starts next week. He can be so responsible in some ways but not in others.
He hasn't even got a new job yet. He quit without telling me but at least he did give his two weeks. Then he got this surprise snd look at where he is. She had sharp pains in her side and passed out. Her dr told her to go to the er. This is when they found out. She is such a mess medically that she didn't know earlier.
They think they will move out in a few months, he thinks he will keep going to school...he hasn't a clue what a baby costs. Just because there is insurance for the birth doesn't mean there aren't co-pays plus the actual cost with diapers, clothes, daycare etc. I am going grater at the moment just thinking about it!
Thanks for your thoughts. Keep him in your prayers. My other kids don't get where I am coming from. He is my baby. I am wanting what is best for him. My kid, the one that I can see right now.
kat
Auto correct! Lol. Should have been grayer.
Oh Kat, I'm sorry to read this has happened again. I know it isn't what you wanted for your son but you will have a lovely new addition to the family who I am sure you will just adore.
Happy belated birthday Elena!
You are a fantastic mother, these are his choices.
I had a bit if a rough spell yesterday. S18 knows that he is no where near ready to be on his own or support a family. We hade a bit of a lashing out but in the end he came to tell me that yes he was a kid and he needed me. He did admit that part of this was because he isn't his dad.
Kids wanting to play house. Doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy.
kat
Hi Kat, I'm sorry that you had a rough day yesterday. It sounds like your s18 has his head screwed on straight, bc he knows he needs help. And better he knows he needs help from you. I think you are planting the right "seeds" (from your tagline) in your son's life to get this kind of response.
I hope that you have a great week. /s/Tom
We celebrated d14's birthday yesterday and that was fun. I am worried about parents on one end and my kids on the other. Gee, this can really get me. Funny today, my oldest says to me that it is so obvious how crazy my dad is about me.
Family...they bring so much joy and craziness.
kat
Hugs sweetie! I'm on a quick fly by right now but I want you to know I'm thinking of you.
I think he is maybe starting to get where I am coming from. I just don't know if it will matter in the end. I am hoping at least for adoption. They have no idea what they are in for but I am trying to tell him. I know he needs me and has said so.
This is really the only time her mom is nice to her. I can't get how they say they are so religious because her mom used to kick her out about every three weeks or so. It hurts my head to try to figure this out. I would rather be honest with my son then sugar coat it. Uugghh!
kat
Hi Kat, our oldest d19 is adopted. After we had 7 miscarriages, what joy was brought into our life when that baby was laid into our arms. If they are not ready to commit to a family life, they sure can bless another family by giving up their baby. And our d19 is the most wonderful young lady there is!
The problem is they think they will keep it. He stopped working a few weeks ago without another job lined up and she just started working today. They both live at home. They think they will move in together and keep the baby.
I am trying to get him to realize what this will demand of him. He also supposedly wants to stay in school. I get that I can't fix this but I can inform him. How appropriate that yahoo had the cost of a baby as an article today. I am trying to also get them to see what will be best for the baby.
kat
Kat,
Kudos to you for trying to present a calm and realistic picture for them. I can't imagine how I would be handling this - certainly not as well as you.
It's a delicate balance and just realize that if you pull too hard in one direction - they may simply dig their heels in and lean in the opposite direction. Make yourself available to him and take the openings to discuss it that he gives without making it feel like a lecture. Easy for me to say - even harder if not impossible to do.
Best,
BA
I am not always that calm. Lol. I cried on Saturday night. I do that...cry when I get mad. He wanted to spend the night at his girlfriends, I told him no. I would come get him if she isn't feeling well enough to drive him back home.
The thing is he still lives here. There are rules here. I am not trying to push him out but I do want him to keep with the rules that I try to maintain. So he came home on his own. He wasn't too happy with me, thus the edgy night. He told me that he knew he wasn't ready and he really needed my help. We are slowly talking. I did have him admit that he is trying to not be his dad and be there for his child. I get that, really. However, I told him that he would probably have to work at least two jobs. That this child has a 50% chance of having his medical issues and possibly some of hers( not sure if hers are genetic). They just keep thinking insurance covering the cost of having the baby. They aren't thinking of the after.
I know they are talking and he said he is listening to me. She hasn't really talked to me the last few times she has been over. They just go and talk in the back. Hopefully reason will get past the emotion.
Keep us in your prayers...that I can keep it together.
kat
So what could I had to this crazy soup of mine to make it even more interesting? How about a storm, a tree branch and my bad neighbors next door? Yep sometime last night a tree branch from the neighbors tree decided to check out my back window of my car up close and personal. I didn't notice this morning because my neighbors moved the tree branch but didn't bother to say a word to me. I noticed it while driving the girls to school.
So I spent the morning on the phone with the insurance company and the glass replacement people when I noticed a dent and a couple other places that might have some minor damage. Called back the insurance guy, updated my claim, arranged to go to the body shop (they can take care of the window too) and called my former mother in law to see if I could borrow her car for a couple of days.
Took the whole morning to get all of that worked out and done and now I am at work. What did I do to get that Karma I wonder?
kat
Alright I applied for the job that telecommutes working to help solve homelessness. I also applied for a federal job. Just made the cut off on that late last night. I am going to keep applying and looking. I need an additional 600 a month to start. If it is close I might consider, just depends how much movement is available.
If I can piece together some other stuff all the better. Wish me luck!
kat
Hi Kat, let's start with the good stuff - great job applying for the new jobs. And a noble job helping others, it reveals a lot about your heart and character. Let's see this as a new start.
I'm sorry about the tree attacking your car's back window. The neighbors saw it and didn't even knock on the door to tell you about it? Crazy?! What spices do you add to the crazy soup of your life?
A co-worker of mine was without electricity for a week during the ice storm last winter. AFter staying on a friends couch, he returned home and a tree fell on his car in the driveway. Sh!t happens...sorry it happened to you!
My cable DVR has been messing up off and on and last night I had it! So I took the issue by the horns and took the DVR in and had them give me a new one. All set up, now let's see if I can watch my tv for more than 10 minutes
I probably won't get my car back until the end of next week. My former mother in law is being wonderful and letting me keep her car until it is done. So glad we are reconnecting and rebuilding bridges. I always loved her. My father in law, not so much.
kat
Hi Kat, I hope that your DVR is working properly. May I ask a question? How kind of you to allow me. ;-) Where are you at with your ex-H? I remember on August 17th that you wrote that s21 mentioned how crazy his dad was for you. I don't sense you have any interest in your ex, but is he making overtures toward you?
But in any event, it sure would be nice if you both could stand together, or co-parent in helping your son with the pregnancy topic. Is your ex-H helping in any way? I understand if you choose not to answer, but I was just wondering.
No, my son meant how crazy my dad is for me.
. Ex is just that though we do get along almost as if we were still married. I guess 21 years together does connect you even when you've been divorced for 6!
We haven't talked about it really. I apologized for getting so upset. He didn't think I should blame this on him? What the H? I never blamed him. I said that both son and his GF are broken and having a baby wasn't going to fix things. Ex said that s18 wasn't broken and I snapped. I asked how would he know? He hasn't been here, seen how hurt and upset s18 has been.
Anyway S18 said he was listening to what I had to say. I just hope it counts for something. Oh and you were fine asking me a question. Lol
kat
All I can say at the moment, Thank Goodness that I am not new to these boards...they would have lost me. I remember how I used to wait desperately for a reply and this shut down would have pained me terribly. They should have done it over night.
S18's girlfriend is showing. He is going to have to break the news to grandparents soon. I don't envy him in that regard, it is going to be brutal especially from my dad. Once he calms down though, he might be able to reason with S18. My, I hope so. Living in a fantasy before baby is one thing, living in it after is another.
My kids are down on my thoughts on the whole matter. They are being supportive they say. I am being a realist. Odds are not in their favor, medical issues will most likely be a factor, really not a happy topic and my wouldn't you want it to be if you were having a baby?
kat
Kat,
Gosh...life ahead will be rough and rocky for them. I've seen up close how having a baby at a such young age affects their lives. Not a smooth sailing for sure!
You'd make a fabulous grandma!
Everyone seems to think so.
Yet I wish more than anything for them to put the baby up for adoption. I believe, and this is my psych degree talking, that they are out to make up for the way they have been wronged. His girlfriend due to a mother that clearly favors her other children and would kick her out of the house about every 3 weeks and my son by a dad who left and basically left to raise someone else's kids.
Funny my mother in law sees no way he could have done things differently since he married his affair partner. He sees the kids once a week and the girls every other weekend. My oldest misses his Dad but his dad doesn't seem to try and make time for him.
Is it so wrong that I hope they decide for the sake of the baby and not themselves and put it up for adoption? Oh, tomorrow they find out what the baby is. I don't really want to know.
kat
Yet I wish more than anything for them to put the baby up for adoption.
Why would you say ^^ , Kat?
Is it because it will be too difficult for everyone?
Is it because it will be too complicated for everyone?
Is it because you worry how it will affect your son?
Yeah, it is tough. Perhaps you might want to step back and examine why YOU feel this way. One could argue that they made some stupid choices to have a baby this young, but they MUST learn to live with them.
Welcome to the "real" world.
You can't always shield your children from bad choices they make...isn't what being independent is all about, right?
I would think, knowing kat, that she said that because she knows the baby would have a better life with parents that could support the child and give it the love it deserves. 2 kids having a kid aren't mature enough to give all of that to a baby and the baby shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
Right out of my mouth Mish. The odds are high that this child will have medical issues due to s18 having all of his medical problems as a baby.
I know they both need to grow up, they got themselves into this mess, but this child did absolutely nothing to get dropped into it either. They aren't talking marriage, they have only dated about 1.5 years. Who knows where that will go.
kat
Kat,
What is your position on taking care of the baby if it's needed? (There is no right or wrong answer here, and I would never judge you either way.)
Whatever it is, have you considered calling a family meeting with the mother's parents, both kids and lay things out with them? What if both of you are in the camp of "we are not the parenting plan"??? Just maybe setting expectations are what will help this situation get resolved without rancor and bitterness?
I happen to totally agree with you. But I can also see life from their perspective. They're naive and they have NO idea how difficult it is being a parent. Let alone parents who aren't married and may not be in the picture in the long run.
The only thing I can say to you is that this can be a teaching and learning opportunity. Life rarely goes to plan. And sometimes there are just huge consequences to our actions. Or the actions of those we love. I know when I was 19, I had something going on that seriously hampered my R with my parents. We got through it, but they were horribly disappointed with me. And worse? I was horribly disappointed with myself. (It took a few rounds of therapy for me to forgive myself, although everyone else had forgiven me long before then.)
But what that ordeal did for me was to give me a reason to recreate myself and create a foundation that I'd spend to build on my R with myself and God, and help me become the person I wanted to be and who I've become. It was truly a turning point for me, and became the reason for me to drop people in my life that weren't quality people with a moral compass and replace them with those who wanted to achieve things in life. I went from being a dumb student to a driven one and made the Dean's list from there on out. And I had some new rules for myself that I've kept to this day.
So what I'm trying to say is just maybe this experience is one that will change their lives in a positive way? And just maybe you're the exact person who can provide the voice of reason and support so that your son knows you *always* have his back?
Love is hard, my friend. The real test comes when the person does something that is difficult to swallow. This path is uniquely his. You're definitely allowed to have your feelings and opinions. But in the end, he's going to need your support. You just have to communicate what your boundaries are and get feedback from them. It may even require you to suggest they get some counseling and prepare for being a parent.
It's totally a bummer that you have to travel this path again. But apparently, growth lies in this experience, my friend. Better accept what you need to accept and figure out how you're going to proceed. Especially given that you have other kids who will be affected by his choices. It is probably going to be really tough. At least for awhile.
But you're one of the strongest people I know. YOU have my total support.
Hugs-Bets
Thanks Bets. I have tried to explain to him that I have the best interests of my kid at heart. The one I can see before me. I have always wanted them to believe that they can create a better world for themselves.
Of course this is a huge wrench that I never would have hoped for him or any of my kids for that matter. I didn't hope for a divorce but that happened too. Their need to love something is strong and I really understand that. They want to correct the wrongs they have experienced .
I am getting to where I have a month to find a better job or a second job will be needed until I can. There won't be "grandma sitting" time available to give. I have two thoughts on this and it leaves me torn. My grandmothers and great grandmother were big helps in raising me. My Dad was a single parent I know for at least a year but we lived with my Grandma and Great grandma so he had the built in back ups. When he was first married to my biological Mom, he was working 3 jobs to her 1 before he caught her cheating.
When I had my first, my Mom had just retired and she watched him pretty much that first year for me. Daycare schedules were crazy with my flight schedule and I had to plan it all out. I wonder now, why I didn't let ex do all of that.
I want them to get the reality of it, the gravity of the choices they are making but at the same time to help because I love my son. I just won't have the finances or time to do it. Let alone the fact that I am still raising my two youngest. Oh and struggling it out with my two oldest.
I am torn, wondering if it makes me a worse parent because I want them to get what they are facing. I don't think I would be doing them any favors if I let them go in blind. Maybe they are really listening, they just have to wrap their heads around it. Or should I say my son, since I haven't really talked to them together since I got upset when I found out.
What doesn't kill me right?
kat
No great thoughts to share...just sayin' I'm thinking of you and praying for your family. You will overcome!
I didn't really want to know but my son texted me with the results. It is a ....baby! No, really it is a girl. I had a feeling. Have to sit with that for a bit.
It's much harder when you can visualize the gender.
I'm so sorry kat.
Ditto to what 'whatisis' said. Your feeling about wanting to have your son learn by having to deal with the path he has chosen, is kind of similar to what we are trying to do using DB with our wives/spouses/ex-husbands, right? What's the most important goal right now? Is it the your granddaughter's welfare, having your son learn from this to make better choices down the road, or something else. You have your work cut out for yourself on this one...
Well I can't "save" him, or fix it. All of these choices aren't mine.
As always, I love him. I can help him where he has asked me. I can remember that this isn't about me. It is fine that I want the best for him, maybe things just won't be as smooth sailing as I had hoped.
I hope that they get the wake up call what they are in for before it happens. I think they need to save everything that they can. Can being naive be a good thing?
Kat
I was really hoping that this weekend would be a chill fest. Instead it bcame a true labor. Friday night the band had just started warming up for the scrimmage and the clouds looked a bit angry. D15 kept telling me that she hoped it rained and they caould just go hime. Well she got her wish and I was drenched. D14 decided not to go to the pool party since she was drenched as well.
Saturday, I was getting(and I suppose I still am) stressed that S18 hasn't told his grandparents about his situation. What, is he going to wait until she is here? They don't have any sense of urgency to get things figured out or in an sort of order. Man they have so much growing up to do. I am trying to step back from it but it is really hard for me. In the past I have always tried to help everyone fix their problems. More recently, I have been learning how to step back and let them work it out. Now though it is different and it is really difficult waiting for him to ask me for help.
My new9er) cable box got unplugged and when I plugged it back in, it basically stopped all of my cable to my tv. It wasn't responding to my remote and the display wasn't showing up as it should. So having to exchange that today. I dedided I better mow by backyard as it was getting out of hand. I did something to my shoulder and babied it Sunday and yesterday.
I am going to a hypnotherapy tonight. I need to deal with this stress better and get unstuck again.
Hope you all are having a lovely day.
kat
Hi Kat, it doesn't sound like it was a very good weekend for you. Rain, a sore shoulder, stress, more stress, and a broken cable box is enough to drive anyone crazy. I hope this week is better for you.
I hope you will tell us how the hypnotherapy works for you, as I know nothing about it. Best wishes.
Hey Kat,
Sounds like you had a very frustrating weekend - sorry!! :-(
In regard to your S18 - I think you are very wise to step back and just let him deal with things in his own way - even if you feel it is the wrong way. If it is him coming to you for advice then your message may be received in a more positive and clearer light.
I know it's hard watching your child be involved in what you feel is an upcoming train wreck, but IMO I think he needs to learn these lessons and the consequences that come with them on his own, if he's not asking you for input. It is incredibly difficult when we see basically children having children - but some lessons in life are unfortunately only learned the hard way and stubborn children are sometimes only reinforced in their own illogical beliefs when they feel their parents are pressuring them to accept their solutions.
I am praying that your S18 and his GF decide to seek out your advice and help in all of this and of course that the baby is born healthy and cared for.
Best,
BA
Hypnotherapy is using hypnosis to help work out your issues and stress. We worked on my stress, my feelings regarding my son's situation and worked backwards to see where that came from.
Certainly it is time for me to focus on myself. I believe all mothers find that difficult. My words for my son equate to, I love you. I support you but I choose to let you work out your own problems.
I am wiped out but really needed it.
kat
Kat,
I'm here to offer a cyber hug. This has just got to be HARD. No way around it. I like the idea of hypnosis. Have you ever done any release techniques? I used them when my life was completely over the top with stress 2 years ago. They certainly helped me get over my headaches. Especially when all the turmoil was out of my control but affected ME.
I hate to point out the obvious, but since Wii pointed it out to me last summer when I was not communicating very well with my D20, I'll return the favor.
Because it worked. It's time to use your DB techniques with your son. Go back and read the threads on detaching, work on what's yours and leave the rest of it up to him. (Damn, that sounds easy, doesn't it??)
I think that once you get back in the habit again, you'll find that some of the stress dissipates. Because it's not you who is unwed, pregnant and without a plan.
I completely understand if you think it's worse that it's not you. I'd be thinking that if it were D20. BUT, part of letting go is... letting go. You're a really good mom.
My former boss used to ask me, "What do you want it to look like one year from now?" I'd tell him and he'd say, "then go make it happen!" Assume the baby will be here and visualize what you want your R to be with everyone involved. I think sometimes that takes the fear out of the middle.
Hugs,
Bets
Oh I could use that hug! Thanks Betsey. I am trying to step back. So for three days I haven't said anything about the situation to my son.
I had lunch with my parents today. We usually get together once a week. I did let them know that s18 changed jobs without even telling me. Funny, my dad said that you can't always live through your kids. Sometimes they do their own thing.
Hmmm, still leaving the big bomb to my kid.
kat
stressful times, Kat. It's hard to know what to do in these situations. I think your son not telling you about switching jobs is a trust issue for you. You wonder what else he isn't telling you. Parenting isn't easy.
He knew I would be disappointed that he didn't have another job lined up or at least some plan. Maybe at the same time he is trying to break away a bit. Well he is doing that isn't he?
kat
Hi Kat, I hope that you're excited about starting something new. You write so well that I have to ask - have you taken any advanced writing classes?
And what sort of writing would you like to try? Blessings upon you and your new venture.
I have several things I am interested in. Since I have a psych degree, I think coaching would be a great fit but the classes cost quite a bit which I don't have right now.
I have interests in mystery/crime writing but I have several ideas of different genres. Just so much is going on and yes excuses on my part. Excuses for fear? Perhaps.
I have never taken writing classes but that might be the next step too. Sometimes I feel like the kid, instead of the adult. The older I get the fewer answers I seem to have.
I have felt awful all day. D15 and I see to have picked up the same bug. She was home sick but I went to work until about 4 since I knew my boss would be out of town. Time for bed and hopefully feeling better.
kat
Kat,
D17 gave me and her dad something nasty she picked up from school. We're all congested and sneezing with drippy noses. I can't give her Benadryl, but I've been taking it since Saturday and it is truly helping. Good luck!
Hope you're feeling better pronto.
Bets
I stayed home today. I just felt sick. Congestion,coughing, tired from not sleeping well the last couple of nights. Figured it was better to take the time to get better rather than keep pushing myself like I normally do.
Time for hot tea.
kat
Feel better, Kat. There's a similar bug going around up here too. Sorry about your Chiefs Sunday...my Giants s2cked even worse though lol. Enjoy your tea!
Thanks, I just woke back up a little while ago. Tea helped, I will need to get some more. I don't know why the chiefs got rid of their kicker. He helped his new team beat us.
I think after I pick up the girls, I will go back to bed. I hate how wiped out I am when I am sick.
kat
Some looked after me while I was ill. D15, who was sick herself, was feeling better MOnday evening and volunteered to make dinner. she had a few questions, I told her the answers and off she went.
So Tuesday when I was really sick, she asks me if I would like her to make dinner again. Sure. So she drug her sister into the kitchen and walked through making dinner, sounding like an old pro.
Got to love them.
kat
Kat, I'm glad that it sounds like you are feeling better. Keep pumping in the vitamin C juices (?, I don't know if you drink juices, but I think vitamin C helps with a quicker recovery.)
It's good that you have family around that likes to help. So are your d's making good meals?
Glad your kids could pitch in when you're down. Those are the times you feel that parental glow
It sounds like you are feeling better! I'm so glad. Summer colds are the absolute worst. All you want to do is drink hot tea and snuggle under a blanket but the heat won't let you do it.
Your girls are a quick study in the kitchen. That's brilliant. I'm glad the Navy will feel Marc for a while. He's pretty useless in the kitchen even after me trying to teach him for for years and an entire year of home ec!