I gather speed from you f*cking with me
Once and for all I'm far away
I hardly believe
finally the shades...are raised...hey...
Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you're in my...
Rearview mirror
-Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam
So here I am...
And kat has been here too! lol
Hope you are doing well and send me a warm drink. I'm sick.
kat
Good memory kat! you're sick?! OK I've got one chicken soup coming right up? with Merlot?
I am sick and working. I used 3 days for the surgery and I just need to be here if possible. So I am. The soup...wonderful. Merlot, can we change that to just hot tea?? Thanks for taking care of me long distance.
kat
Hello, new thread!
Chicken soup and merlot is a hilarious combo. I do love your new song, IR. Hope things are rockin and a rollin in your world
Sure thing kat. Hope you get some rest when you get home!
Hey Sol, thanks things are ok. Yeah I like EV- have you watched 'Into the Wild'? I liked all of the soundtracks EV did for it.
just stopping by to say hi :-)
*Big wave* Heya Alice!! long time no see!
I haven't seen "Into the Wild" but everyone highly recommends it that I've spoken to about it... That has Emile Hirsch in it right?
Sol, yes that's the one, it's based on a true story.
OK so today was supposed to be the date when our settlement meeting was supposed to be set by the court. It's set for 2nd week of Jan, which pisses me off. That means another 3 months till the settlement meeting which I think will be useless anyway. My L asked the court to also set a date for trial (which is what it'll come down to) at the same time but the court denied the request so that means probably another 3 months after the settlement meeting. So my life will be in this limbo for at least another 6 months. Why does it feel like everything about this case/D always goes against me? It's like that California song you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.
OK it's thundering and lightning to the point where DD's school is closing, they just called to ask the kids be picked up. I called STBXW and she said she's on her way- her week. My drive into work was interesting with the back end of the car wanting to swap ends on the fwy- there was so much water on the streets. Honestly, I don't know how others were managing it...at least I have racing experience behind me that I can react and keep the car under control. Still it's scary because on the track you'll usually end up in the weeds not into a guard rail or other cars.
See you on the other side...i.e. my home computer.
Wow! That must be the weather we are supposed to get the next couple days. I almost never look at the forecast, since it never changes. But I did today, and was a bit surprised.
Chicken soup and merlot is a hilarious combo. I do love your new song, IR. Hope things are rockin and a rollin in your world
Hey Sol! That's my line!
But you can borrow it... and I DO hope things are rockin and rolling in both your worlds!
and BTW I think chicken soup and merlot sounds like a fabulous combination!
This does suck that it has to drag on so long. It leaves you with agonizing uncertainty about your future financial situation.
Are the L's trying to work things out before the court imposed settlement meeting?
Jeff, the 24+ hr downpour was brutal but we could always use the water here. It's tapering off now so get ready
K, thanks for the well wishes. Our worlds have already been rocked and rolled on, luckily mine's springy
Kerry, yes it sucks. Well we'd made them a settlement offer and they never bothered to reply by the indicated deadline. So it's going to turn nasty which is fine by me except it'll waste more money that neither her nor I nor DD will get to have. That's the part that bothers me the most. But she's never managed to save a dime, doesn't know what it takes to save up etc all she sees is a big fat check getting written to her name. She's clueless about how 10s of thousands of dollars are going into the L's pockets.
You know I was drooling over some cool motorcyles online...and then I went, F*ck! I could've bought 2 of those cool bikes with the money I've already forked over to the Ls. Not that I would waste money it was never my style but lately I want something, a change, a passion- something to put my energy into and feel good/satisfied with life.
I have my to-do list; people I want to go visit, things I want to do, things I need to do etc but I just wait and wait as if by magic my life will one day be in order and I'll start working the list. I have to just do a lot of these things but at the end of the day it all comes down to finances and when I have no idea what's mine and what isn't it's hard to start writing checks or taking big steps in life. So the limbo sucks but I need to be mindful that even when the divorce is done my life won't automatically become different/desirable the next day, it won't end the struggles in life. It'll merely be a clean start without the ball and chain dragging me down.
Sometimes I just want to show the finger to the world, find a long lonely highway and just ride off on a screaming fast bike- destination unknown or non-existent.
IR <--- rebel
Not that I would waste money it was never my style but lately I want something, a change, a passion- something to put my energy into and feel good/satisfied with life.
Drinking water is always a good way to start. It's inexpensive, it's there whenever you want it and without it you'd die. There's variety involved so you can never get bored, there's tap or bottled, bath water, toilet water, dishwashing water, rain water (as you well know)...the choices are endless. Drink it with a friend. Close your eyes and mindfully savour that taste. Water is definately something to get passionate about... and talk about satisfying! Hey, you can also baptize yourself with it. IMHO it's a small but important step towards a new and fulfilling life. Are you in?
Kerry, yes it sucks. Well we'd made them a settlement offer and they never bothered to reply by the indicated deadline. So it's going to turn nasty which is fine by me except it'll waste more money that neither her nor I nor DD will get to have. That's the part that bothers me the most.
Understandably frustrating. It's like, why drag this out any longer than it needs to be? I have no idea why the heck this happens but it does. I dont get why a lot of WAS' choose to do this crap. Well, at least now you know that the road will be a little longer, but no worries, you'll get there, Romeo.
Sometimes I just want to show the finger to the world, find a long lonely highway and just ride off on a screaming fast bike- destination unknown or non-existent.
IR <--- rebel
I like this
Improved Rebel without a cause!
Water ain't gonna do it this time wii. I need something deeper something that stirs the soul. What else you got?
Sol, now you know there's a rebel inside me behind this pretty face
Water ain't gonna do it this time wii. I need something deeper something that stirs the soul. What else you got?
Sol, now you know there's a rebel inside me behind this pretty face
OK... so Romeo... if finances and time were not an issue, if you had no restrictions at all and could do anything you would want to.... what would you choose to do?
Dream big... tap into your passions... then find a way to make those big dreams "doable" within the restrictions of the reality of life.
One of the gifts that comes to us out of the pain of all this is that we can focus on ourselves again... and rediscover who we truly are and what makes us tick.
Time to embrace that my friend!
Water ain't gonna do it this time wii. I need something deeper something that stirs the soul. What else you got?
Well, a Colonscopy might do the trick!
Water ain't gonna do it this time wii. I need something deeper something that stirs the soul. What else you got?
Well, a Colonscopy might do the trick!
That's getting pretty deep! Is that the fun thing to do in Canada? ;-)
Water ain't gonna do it this time wii. I need something deeper something that stirs the soul. What else you got?
Well, a Colonscopy might do the trick!
That's getting pretty deep! Is that the fun thing to do in Canada? ;-)
Interesting that this was posted by "AtTheEnd?"
Water ain't gonna do it this time wii. I need something deeper something that stirs the soul. What else you got?
Well, a Colonscopy might do the trick!
That's getting pretty deep! Is that the fun thing to do in Canada? ;-)
Yah, we like to get our R&R (Rest & Reaming)!
I see we have a bunch of out-of-work comedians today in the crowd
What's even sicker is this thread title has a "rearviewmirror" in it.
And here's a little something to end the evenings colonscopy theme. You always share with me IR, so this one's for you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1go72c5H8
I think Wii is still high from the meds today!
I think Wii is still high from the meds today!
Well, I am using Vitamin B Complex...uncut, pure, never stomped on. When you mix that with C and D, it can be pretty potent stuff...not to mention the probiotics. It's just one big drug cocktail! Ever snorted Magnesium Citrate?
What a weekend!
It started out OK but ended not so great. STBXW sent me an email on Fri asking for more crap from the house. Pissed me off but I decided not to reply until Mon. Then Sat morning I finally decided to go see the Chriopracter for my back. He tells me my back's all jacked up and he can tell it's like a steel rod. He did some adjustments then sends me over to the physical therapist. Just my luck! the only one available at the time was this 300lbs Samoan dude. He tells me to take off my shirt and let him know if it hurts too much- thankfully he let me keep my pants on
Then the next 20 mins I suffered the most painful 'massage' I've ever had in my life. But being the stud that I am I didn't say anything even when he dug his elbows in my back to strech it out- lesson for next time, if it hurts like a sumbitch say it. Now I have bruises and aches that I didn't have before- wonderful! Then I come home to another invoice from the L- they've already run through the last $5k I gave them less than 4 weeks ago and the case hasn't moved an inch. I'm going to get another L, I've had it with these a-holes. Just as I come to grips with the money issue I lose more. F!!
I needed to clear my head so Sun morning I decided to go on a nice canyon drive which was fun but didn't quite give me the fulfillment I was hoping for. So I came home, worked out, had lunch and decided to go for a ride along the oceam. I rolled the bike out of the garage, let it warm up, put on my riding gear, threw it first gear and the bike died. After fiddling with it for 20mins I disgustingly rolled it back into the garage...needs major work. I thought about setting it on fire and roasting marshmallows on it- mmmm smores! Then the crush I have/had on this one chick- I'm trying to get over it but my mind seems to have a mind of it's own- what a flaming mess!
I know there're reasons why things happen but when so many things pile up at once it's not fun.
Hey (((Romeo)))
I don't know why when it rains it pours, but sometimes it just does.
And it sucks when it does.
So (((hugs))) and a
for you.
That weekend is over and now it's a new week. I hope your back feels better soon. I had some back trouble a few years ago and it is not fun.
And hey... you can come to my virtual housewarming party... when I have it (LOL)
thankfully he let me keep my pants on
Always a plus.
Sorry to hear about your Ls. That truly sucks. Have you startd looking at any other Ls already? I hope you find a good one. The process of D'ing is darn annoying. Especially it should be moving forward and it's stagnant. Maddening!
That's great you got to see the oceaM. I am a huge fan of the oceaM myself
Romeo, is your thread title the lyrics of a song? It sounds so familiar to me...
Thank you ladies...
Rocked, I'm there!
Sol, there's something wrong with the N key on your keyboard
I never did get to see the ocean yesterday because my bike went kaput. Do you live near the ocean? I thought you were in the midwest somewhere.
Yes the thread title is a song by Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam called 'RearViewMirror'.
Hey I vote anywhere by the beach, I am in! Renting a beach house for a weekend would be so much fun. We could pretend we were on the Real World. Although I think we would have a lot less drama!
So,IR, looks like you will be bringing smores to Rocked's party?
Cause I am detecting that may be your culinary piece de resistance.
Sorry that your weekend was a little rough. It is clear that you have a great sense of humor. It always helps when you can laugh at yourself!!! The part about the smores and the bike was really funny.
Real World, DB-style. Hilarious. Then the producers could have the WAS come back for some drama-filled episodes.
I am on the east coast, Romeo.
And I am a HUGE fan of the oceaM!
So,IR, looks like you will be bringing smores to Rocked's party?
Cause I am detecting that may be your culinary piece de resistance.
YESSSSSSSS! I am counting on it Romeo!
I'm curious to know what you're bringing too...
They say 'all good things must come to an end' and since my D is not coming to an end as quickly as I'd like I guess that would mean it's not a good thing. Ah yes I know...that's deep- I really out do myself sometimes
So a p*ssing match with STBXW via email...and I think she won!
I picked DD up from school on Mon and noticed STBXW got her ears pierced. Of course, DD was excited and I was happy for her but I was upset that STBXW didn't bother to even let me know. I would've loved to have been there for the once-in-a-lifetime experience in my little girl's life. She sent along a bottle of solution to clean the piercing with so they don't get infected. Then later in the day she started calling me on the phone. I ignored it the first 3 times but she was persistent. I finally answered and gave her an earful about how she continues to take these unilateral decisions without even giving me a heads up. She actually sounded like it finally hit her how it wasn't cool what she did. She tried to defend her position in an almost crying voice that DD told her that I said it was OK. I told her DD is a minor, she should work with me on things like that. That's when she hung up on me. I actually felt horrible thinking that I probably made her cry. I fought the urge to call and appologize to her.
A couple of days later I sent her an email to document this and also to respond to yet another request of her's for more bowls, DVDs etc from the house. I told her nothing else will be removed from my house that hasn't been ordered by the court. If she wants something she can list it as part of the D settlement agreement that I sent to her- which her and her lawyer never bothered responding to.
So she responds with:
"Sure sorry about the ear piercing. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. However I'll be happy to contact you for approval for all items you deem consequential. You can submit a list of them to my lawyer and we'll get it all finalized when you submit a reasonable offer.
And DD said she doesn't want you getting mad at her about math homework anymore. Maybe you should take better notes while reading your parenting books."
Haha- I married a real piece of work. She's good I gotta hand it to her.
Today DD is sick and I'm staying home with her. I still brought her into school for a little bit because they were having their halloween costume party. I wanted her to at least participate in it enough to show/see her friends in costumes. We had also signed up for a veggie tray for the party so we brought that along too. Anyway, it was fun for her to see her friends all dressed up in their cute costumes. Later I texted STBXW that DD's sick and at home with me. She texted back that she's sick and at home too. My initial reaction was to text back asking if she needed help with anything but I resisted. Not because I don't want to help her but because even if I offered she'll decline so it adds no value.
I'm trying to decide if I should respond to her email or just let it go.
I would let it go - it's just a tit-for-tat thing at this point.
Good that you let the "poor me, I'm sick" thing go, too.
Unbelievable, she wants an itemized list of all the things you want to have some say in regarding your D's life! Hey, I believe my SA has something along the lines of being "reasonable" with each other. Yes, living separately sure makes parenting harder but it's not rocket science either, DD wants her ears pierced then the "reasonable" thing to do is check with the other parent first! Let it go Romeo, I know it's tempting to send her some smart ass reply but don't bother. She got her ass kicked and this is her attempt at payback. If you do want to follow up I would call her and say something like "I didn't mean to be as harsh as I was but I was upset that I wasn't consulted about something I felt was important in our DD's life. Let's really try to work together in future on decisions, if I'm not sure I'll call you and vice versa. Can we agree on that without our lawyers?" What is all this lawyer sh!t in regards to everything, it's not like you two can't talk. Every time the lawyers come in it costs you both money!
wii is better at being a diplomat - I have just learned that I have to keep my mouth shut (I do tend to talk too much!).
If you can foster good will, it will be better for your daughter.
wii is better at being a diplomat
Wow, I've never heard that one before! This new R I'm in with Myself (is it OK to mention his name?) has really changed me!
I'm pretty the "list" was A) bait; and B) sarcasm.
I've gotten hammered on the boards for not being more involved with STBXW on her time with the girls. But this wasn't something I would have gotten worked up over. It's a girl thing. I don't mind leaving much of the girl things to STBXW.
I'm not sure of your schedule with DD. I see my girls 86 percent of the days during the school year so I haven't yet felt out of the loop. Maybe it's different for you.
Sure, I've missed some "big" moments in the girls lives in the past 18 months. The first time D8 swam to the dock at STBXW's family campground hurt. Swimming was always our thing, D8, D11 and me. STBXW usually would stay at her mom's trailer or sit on the beach while I swam with the girls.
So when D8 finally swam out to the dock it was HUGE and I wasn't there to share it. She called me right after.
But what I try to remember is that I'm going to have my share of firsts as well. I have had lots of moments that are just mine.
The other thing. I wouldn't have said anything on the phone. But that's just me. Those conversations never go anywhere. Nothing gets decided, things get misinterpreted and reopens old wounds.
I would have just used email. You can edit out hurt, anger and bitterness.
You can submit a list of them to my lawyer and we'll get it all finalized when you submit a reasonable offer.
And DD said she doesn't want you getting mad at her about math homework anymore. Maybe you should take better notes while reading your parenting books."
Gah! A piece of work indeed. I wouldn't respond to any of that stuff I just quoted. She seems like she got pissed and is now
acting out toward you, w/ her words. Don't feed into it, Romeo.
Stay above the fray.
Did you wear anything fun for Halloween?
Thanks Donna, Wii, CTH and Sol. You guys are all correct. Sol, that's what it is, she wants to get even because like wii said she feels her behind got kicked so this is her way of getting back at me.
Wii, the lawyer stuff is there because she doesn't really want to settle with me directly. She took me to court for the temporary payments. She has several divorced women that screwed over their husbands so she listens to what they're advising her.
CTH, I hear you on not making a big deal about the girly stuff and honestly if she had her hair or nails done I wouldn't say a thing but come on ear piercing? I definitely would've gone with her. I want her to remember that dad was there for all important occasions in her life. I do realize some of those occasions are mom-specific and when they happen I'll gladly let STBXW take care of those.
Did you wear anything fun for Halloween?
No and I resisted the urge to go out in my birth day costume
A friend texted me 'watch out for the witches tonight' I texted back 'should've warned me 10 years ago'.
Anyway, here's my response to STBXW:
"I'm not going to get into this immature tit-for-tat with you. Fact is I brought up a real concern because this has happened a few times, you said sorry and that you'd be happy to discuss these sort of things with me in the future. Good- all the rest of the stuff is unnecessary.
As for the settlement offer, it's more than reasonable considering it's a lot more than what you and I had agreed upon in Jan 09 via email- as well as for a few other reasons that I'm not privy to discuss at this point.
DD asked me to ask you if you could pick her up early today and to ask you if you could do some fun stuff with her. She mentioned she hasn't been to a park with you for sometime and would like to go. She said she likes playing with you but lately she doesn't get to she said. Normally I tell her to let you know nicely and directly how she feels but she asked me to ask you for her this time.
School wise, she is struggling with math a bit but it's not her fault. I talked to her teacher last week. She said all the kids at this school learned to count by 2s, 5s, 10s and 11s (backwards too) in kindergarden. She said the best way to teach her is by repetition. So we made a fun game out of it where driving or at home I would write the numbers down from 1 through 50 (in 2s, 5s and 10s - not 11s yet) and she would read them aloud. Then she'll try to repeat without looking. After a couple of tries she gets most of it. Not backwards yet. So if you could keep it up that would be very helpful for her. I'd really like her catch up before they move on to the harder stuff which will be difficult for her if she doesn't have the basics down. She's doing very well in all the other areas, her reading has improved a lot.
I've left your alimony/cs check in DD's backpack along with the cupcakes we made this weekend that she wanted to share with you, some of her halloween candy we got last night so she could have some during the week with you and her ear piercing solution. She doesn't have a fever anymore but she still has a cough and stuffy nose.
I assume that you'd want to keep her for Thanksgiving? please confirm.
Thanks."
Hey Romeo... sounds like a great response... covering all the necessary stuff re: DD. The only thing I would have done is left out the "immature" comment. True... it IS immature, but that might trigger defensiveness in her and then will color the way she reads all the rest of it.
Wii, the lawyer stuff is there because she doesn't really want to settle with me directly. She took me to court for the temporary payments. She has several divorced women that screwed over their husbands so she listens to what they're advising her.
IR, my wife and I both had L's for the SA but we also co-operated so that expenses would be kept down. We wanted our rights protected but also wanted to keep some cash. My lawyer actually directed me around stuff that we could work out on our own and what he might need to handle. He said "I make most of my money from people fighting over who gets the CD collection and the dog" So, my point was just that you can make mutual decisions around things like belongings etc without the expense of a L negotiating these things with another L. Every time they do anything for you it costs! But, then again, I'm not in your sitch nor married to your W either.
Hey Romeo... sounds like a great response... covering all the necessary stuff re: DD. The only thing I would have done is left out the "immature" comment. True... it IS immature, but that might trigger defensiveness in her and then will color the way she reads all the rest of it.
Agreed. Unless you already sent it
She is trying to bait you. Don't bite.
IR, I've wanted to respond to something that you wrote awhile ago and this seems like the right place. One of the last posts on your old thread, you mentioned about possibily having your L seek a deposition of your W. You know she's not responding to your offers right now. Sometimes all it takes to get a positive response is a deposition. Once she's sees what she's going to have to admit to in open court, she may decide it's not worth it. In a deposition, you can question her about whatever you need to and you may never need to use the information that you get. Her L may also change the advice she's getting based on how it goes.
Just something to think about...
By the way, I linked some parenting plans on Mystik's thread in Newcomers so she could see what it might look like. The first example I gave her is one from a Denver therapist. It's really good in terms of wording the decision making you're talking about. The way your state does it could vary a little but in most of the plans I read on line they were very similar. You might want to take a look at it and see if you'll have something similar in yours.
Thank you ladies!
Blue everytime I see you here I want to say Ballooo...from The Jungle Book
Well deposition is certainly an option and my lawyers are ready to do that. I have some time so if she plays nice I'll play nice if she doesn't then out come the big guns. Thanks for the links Blue I looked at the first one (not NY specific) and it had some good hints! how're you doing? are you and your H doing well? Did you post to me in your pre-Blue life? I had some friends that are no longer here so I was curious- since you had to change your name.
She replied...
"I think Thanksgiving is your week. What I really wanted was to have DD for the week that my mom is here, Dec 8-16. I would be more than happy to take her for Thanksgiving though as well, just let me know. "
Much better. But so far we've been alternating holidays so it's her turn but technically it's my week. Hey if she doesn't want to I'd love to have DD for a long weekend but then she'll claim 'you had her for halloween and thanksgiving so I'll keep her for xmas and new years' - I just don't trust her anymore...so sad.
The first year after the divorce ex wasn't so into the "rules" just kind of whatever as far as holidays went. We each stuck to our weekends which gave me basically every major holiday. we compromised on some but last year he would frequesntly go to the county guidelines and quote from it as if it were the bible.
Best to have it all in writing and signed so there isn't any confusion.
kat
Kat's right, it's best to have it all in writing. My lawyer wrote it all up but afterwards did say that we could do anything we wanted as long as we agreed to it. It's just good to have in writing because it makes the understanding clear and if you ever have to go to court for some reason there is something there stating what the agreed upon schedule etc is. You can never assume your spouse will be reasonable, it's not worth the risk.
Wii, or anyone else that's been at this for a while how do you split up holidays? So far we've been keeping DD one week at a time and alternating holidays.
I'm thinking there are probably 6 holidays i.e. three b.days (DD's, mine and STBXW's) and then July 4th, xmas and new years that are major holidays to split. I'm thinking we'll go for odd/even years where she takes these holidays on even I take them on odd years. We each get to keep DD on our b.days and any other holidays not listed will just be dealt with as normal days i.e. whoever has DD that week gets to have them.
I don't know, just a thought.
Hey buddy- book I read recommends splitting all but you bdays, mother's and father's day.e.g. You take xmas eve day and nite, she gets xmas morning and nite so neither you or DD misses out on any given year. I guess you do what works for all of you but I like this idea- I don't wanna miss a year of xmas w/ her myself
Hi, IR. Thanks for asking. I am well. My H and I are still working at it. Until early this year, I would have said we're definitely not going to make it but he is showing a renewed enthusiasm for working on his stuff(which is where we've been stuck). So, I'm hanging in and trying to remember my DB principles that way I don't forget myself again.
I think I posted to you before but I don't remember my screen name from back then. This one is actually my third name because my H used to stalk me on here. I posted heavily 04-06ish but then tapered off for awhile. I mostly posted in Infidelity though and some in Newcomers.
As for the holidays, around here we tend to do it like that plan I referred you to. Parental Bdays, Mday and Fday always go to the appropriate parent. Thanksgiving and Spring Break alternate odd/even. Memorial Day, Labor Day, Easter, Christmas Eve and Day, have an odd/even schedule. New Years eve and day as well as Fourth of July go to the parent with that part of the vacation schedule also on an odd/even schedule. I would suggest getting out a year view calendar and writing out your proposal so you can see it. That will enable you to see any glaring problems. You want to avoid a parent getting all the holidays in a given year.
At my house, my kid's Bdays happen to also be the holidays so we had to consider that as well to make sure that they had a special day.
I just don't trust her anymore...so sad.
It is sad. I am not well-versed on the holiday thing but agree with the others who have advised you to get it in writing. Maybe you can write down your what your proposal is, give it to your L and have it him send it to stbx for her take on it.
Going to see her tonight, she sounds nice! And if it goes well who knows...
That's all I'm sharing for now.
Get it, Romeo! Hope it goes well!
K so I saw on somoene else's sitch it was suggested to them that they should try to get in writing a 50/50 deal for now til D goes through because if you offer anything less/more, the judge may be partial to whoever had the most custody time written out.
Not sure if that helps you or not since I"m not aware if you had a written holiday/time agreement w/ your stbx...
My holiday plan is a mess - I saw it was a mess while we were signing the papers, too. I was ubber-emotional, and I think the Ls from both sides were just trying to get it done. Instead of fixing it right there, they pointed out that it also said "as reasonable and flexible with both party's consent."
Stupid move on my part. It is a bone of contention every year. To date, I have given up most holidays so that my kids can wake up in their own beds for Christmas morning (D11's just had her last year believing in Santa, and I wouldn't budge on it).
Get it in writing.
Just got home, so stoked. It was love at first sight. We had instant chemistry- like she could say so much to me without saying a thing. She has amazing curves and gorgeous smooth skin. When I touched her with my warm hands she felt cold but she instantly gave me a flirtateous vibe as if she was saying 'let's go hot stuff, is that all you got for me'. So I made the move and boy did she get fired up...wow. Well things started getting hot and heavy, she even told me her sweet spot is not where most guys think it is. I said relax- I'm quite skilled and this isn't my first rodeo. It was hard...my body was saying let's go but my heart was saying no. She said if I wanna be with her there's a price I have to pay I'm a genie in a bottle baby you gotta rub me the right way. I asked her why is she talking to me in Christina Aguilera's lyrics? She didn't answer me. That's when I said I gotta take her home with me tonight or else I will probably regret it. So she came home with me.
I'm posting her pic, what do you think?
wait for it
wait for it
http://tinyurl.com/239tama
MLC much?
jk - looks like a perfect match - bet you'll have many wonderful, exciting moments together!
IR,
She's the reason you breath,
She's the reason you believe,
She's your destiny!
Just got home, so stoked. It was love at first sight. We had instant chemistry- like she could say so much to me without saying a thing. She has amazing curves and gorgeous smooth skin. When I touched her with my warm hands she felt cold but she instantly gave me a flirtateous vibe as if she was saying 'let's go hot stuff, is that all you got for me'. So I made the move and boy did she get fired up...wow. Well things started getting hot and heavy, she even told me her sweet spot is not where most guys think it is. I said relax- I'm quite skilled and this isn't my first rodeo. It was hard...my body was saying let's go but my heart was saying no. She said if I wanna be with her there's a price I have to pay I'm a genie in a bottle baby you gotta rub me the right way. I asked her why is she talking to me in Christina Aguilera's lyrics? She didn't answer me. That's when I said I gotta take her home with me tonight or else I will probably regret it. So she came home with me.
I'm posting her pic, what do you think?
wait for it
wait for it
http://tinyurl.com/239tama LOL! You had me going there for a minute! Definetly get the bike.
Just got home, so stoked. It was love at first sight. We had instant chemistry- like she could say so much to me without saying a thing. She has amazing curves and gorgeous smooth skin. When I touched her with my warm hands she felt cold but she instantly gave me a flirtateous vibe as if she was saying 'let's go hot stuff, is that all you got for me'. So I made the move and boy did she get fired up...wow. Well things started getting hot and heavy, she even told me her sweet spot is not where most guys think it is. I said relax- I'm quite skilled and this isn't my first rodeo. It was hard...my body was saying let's go but my heart was saying no. She said if I wanna be with her there's a price I have to pay I'm a genie in a bottle baby you gotta rub me the right way. I asked her why is she talking to me in Christina Aguilera's lyrics? She didn't answer me. That's when I said I gotta take her home with me tonight or else I will probably regret it. So she came home with me.
I'm posting her pic, what do you think?
wait for it
wait for it
http://tinyurl.com/239tamaOh Dear God.
She's lovely. What color did you go w/? And you def had me going too. Seriously you should write literature. It was quite good!
She's a beauty Romeo! You'll have to keep us swooning with all your adventures together!
Just keep the love tank full!
Pics on FB...those who aren't on FB you're missing out. All the cool stuff happens there.
Donna, funny you say that, the guy asked me if it's my first bike? I said no my current bike died and I want something that just works I don't need anymore stress in my life at this time. He said well bikes are proven stress relievers that why most people buy them after a divorce or a tradegy in life. My buddy and I started busting up. The guy just looked at us puzzled like 'WTF?' then he paused and said 'OK which one of you is getting divorced?' LOL
Wii, you bet. I kissed her goodbye when I left for work this morning and she winked at me like she was saying 'I'll be waiting...'. How can you not love a girl that's always on the ready LOL. I'll be giving her a nice bubble bath this weekend while singing John Mayor 'Your body's a wonderland'
V1olin, I got her, it was a deal I just couldn't pass up. I had to make the decision on the spot. There were two other guys drooling over her. I told them to take a hike a pervs, she deserves someone mature who will treat her right.
Sol, while it wasn't my first choice I got her in arrest-me-red. I didn't have a choice of color- it was the only one that had this deal but I actually love it. It looks fast just standing still. Literature? I can barely put two coherent sentences together but thank you!
Rocked, thanks! Oh I don't know if you guys can handle the details of our adventures lol
I wanted to call in sick 'boss I've got a bikeatitus. A what?? - it's a medical term...nevermind. I'm not feeling well' but I decided not to push my luck too much.
I think the lit he was asking you to write was in the same genre of those "Letters to Playboy..."
I loved the part about talking in Christina Agulara lyrics! poetry!
Rocked, thanks! Oh I don't know if you guys can handle the details of our adventures lol
Oh, I can handle it!
Love the part about the bubble bath and John Mayer lyrics. I hope she knows how lucky she is!
IR, I totally thought I was reading an excerpt from a 'Dear Penthouse" letter! You are a good writer! I really thought you were talking about a woman...
please write more of your adventures!
Maybe it was the bike that brought out all this passion?
Well put, IR. You're a lucky guy!
BTW, you're as much of a tease as she is. LOL.
Oh, I can handle it!
please write more of your adventures!
LOL! I would I just don't want to get in trouble. Maybe one last one about today's real date with her...on FB?
Maybe it was the bike that brought out all this passion?
Maybe!
BTW, you're as much of a tease as she is. LOL.
LMAO
ok, whats u handle on fb?
v1, if you're connected with the other DBers it's really easy to find me. But I think it's best that I don't write any more of the Dear Mag style updates lol
I rode her 250mi this weekend, canyons, flats, freeways, slab you name it. I hooked up with a group of riders through meetup and we went exploring the blue highways. In summary the bike has no problem out running just about anyone or anything on the street that I would consider out running. Of course, there're the super sport bikes which are just insane. Even mine feels like an invisible hand trying to push you off the bike when I roll the throttle.
BTW, I came across this signature on a motorcycle message board and I liked it:
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, Wow! What a Ride!"
Don't have motorcycles have a really TINY rearview mirror? How will you see clearly?
Have all u DBers gone to FB and how do I find you?
Wow! I can't imagine what you say during S3X !! Trying 2 get to FB...as Bru Lita to find this picture of your ride:)
T2G, I'm a better listener than a talker
FM, the idea behind the phrase is that once things aren't obstructing your forward view you're on your way.
So the holidays are fast approaching and I'm feeling anxious. I have a few days off but haven't got any plans
I'd love to go out of town with DD but can't figure out where. My close friends up north don't have kids DD's age but it's easier to just drive up (semi-local) than fly anywhere far at this time of year.
What're your guys plans?
Invite friends to you. We are breaking with normal holiday fare and having Mexican but adding traditional desserts. The kids are all with me for the holiday so at least I ahve that.
kat
Yes, I know how to spell have. Stupid edit button!!
Just a question- why go out of town? Do you have T Day plans with your family? For the extended weekend, you could always plan something each day like go see a movie and out to lunch on Friday, go to an indoor swimming park or museum on Saturday, make cookies together on Sunday.
Romeo, sounds like you had a good weekend.
Get on the internet and find out cool places to visit, places you've never been and activities. Try something new
My T Day plans will be at my parents'. They host a huge bash every year. Mmm...turkey. I loooove T Day! Now I want some stuffing and baked mac & cheese!
NM, Sol, Kat- we could always stay local and do something but I'm dying to get out of town. We used to get out a lot for camping but since this mess we haven't done any. And DD's growing up so fast I want to spend time with her having fun as opposed to the daily grind of work/school/homework/playing with neighbors kids/dinner/sleeping routine. I want to visit another town for a day or two so it actually feels like a vacation.
Oh, I see your point! Well then, you are in SoCal, so doesn't that mean there are tons of towns and cities nearby?
But don't forget that QUALITY TIME doing what SHE wants to do is awesome in her eyes! No matter what you are doing.
I don't know how the weather is for camping for you guys down there....
If S was older and I wanted to go out of town, I would take him to the beach and stay in hotel, then check out the nearby activities/mini golf/restaurants/museums in that town. We could do some major storm watching- I am sure he would love to watch the waves slam up against 101 and crash onto the street!
IR, get on Travelocity and find out some good deals leaving from your area. Go some place new, a place you wouldn't even normally think of going.
How is your new girlfriend, err bike...
Thanks NM, Sol- just wanted to do something semi-local I'll figure something out.
Sol, if the bike could do a couple of more things I think it would be a perfect girlfriend
It doesn't give me sh*t about anything, no drama and always ready to please
OK so Thu is a holiday at DD's school and so STBXW emailed me suggesting DD could go to the daycare at xyz place. I responded, albiet a few days later, saying if she doesn't want to keep her maybe I'll have my neighbor watch her since DD enjoys playing with her kids or I could bring her to work or bring her to the said xyz place. I did't hear back from her until DD was in bed tonight. She called me while driving to find out what I was doing and then says she can keep DD tomorrow too. Surprised I asked if she was off tomorrow and she said yes...well ok then why didn't she offer that in the first place? I didn't ask but I should've. So while DD's half asleep we're trying to figure it out and then of course DD overheard the conversation so she said she wanted to go to the xyz place and with mommy. OK not a big deal, so I tell STBXW that she can meet me tomorrow morning at 7am to pick DD up and then bring her to the xyz place in the afternoon and I'll pick her up from there after work.
Then a couple of weeks ago I'd asked her if she wanted to keep DD on Thanksgiving since we'd been alternating the holidays. She just reminded me that it was my week to keep DD but she can keep her if I wanted her to. Umm no- so I cancelled my plans to be out of town. Tonight she wanted to know what I meant by us alternating the holidays and if I still wanted her to keep DD and if so which days. I told her what I meant by alternating holidays- come on like she didn't know? So she said 'what days do you want me to keep her?' I said 'well all that could've been figured out but since you said it was my week I'm keeping her now'.
Funny, she said 'where do you want to meet tomorrow morning to exchange DD at 7am?'. I said 'well I don't know where you'll be coming from but it'd be easier for me if I met you at xyz place'. Her tone became defensive 'from home obviously...that's fine I can meet you at xyz'. LOL
Thanks NM, Sol- just wanted to do something semi-local I'll figure something out.
Sol, if the bike could do a couple of more things I think it would be a perfect girlfriend
It doesn't give me sh*t about anything, no drama and always ready to please
That sounds like my Turtle...even when I forget to feed him he doesn't give a sh!t. If I forget to turn on his basking lite he just gets up on his bridge and pretends it's on...is that not perfect or what! (Either that or his brain is the size of a small pebble but hey...who knows. Maybe he's just incredbily intelligent because he just acts as if until it is...brilliant DBer, my Turtle). Sometimes he goes dark on me early in the evening when he goes into his little margarine container house I made for him and ignores me.
Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute to say how wonderful it is to see the way you are progressing through this thing Romeo. You've come a long way, baby! It's great to see how you're taking care of you and, at the same time, taking care of others on this BB. Vroom Vroom, the open highway lays ahead for you, my friend.
Funny, she said 'where do you want to meet tomorrow morning to exchange DD at 7am?'. I said 'well I don't know where you'll be coming from but it'd be easier for me if I met you at xyz place'. Her tone became defensive 'from home obviously...that's fine I can meet you at xyz'. LOL
LOL indeed. Glad to hear you just let it roll off your back. Also happy to hear your new girlfriend is a gem!
That sounds like my Turtle...even when I forget to feed him he doesn't give a sh!t. If I forget to turn on his basking lite he just gets up on his bridge and pretends it's on...is that not perfect or what!...brilliant DBer, my Turtle).
Your turtle sounds awesome, Wii!
Sounds as if you are doing well. Your bike may be helping you with that.
I hope Thanksgiving works out for you. I always hate having to do that to the kids but I remember when I was flying all the time, we just celebrated as near the holiday as possible. It's the thought that counts.
kat
Awww wii it's the only nice thing you've ever said to me in all these years- must be your cold
But seriously, thanks! I have definitely improved but I continue to clean out my closet...who knew there was so much crap in here- hey how come we didn't divide this sh*t up in our divorce settlement, I'd better call my damn L
But looking back I think the fourt things that helped me were (hopefully this might help others here):
1. Getting out of the victim mode. Yes I was done horribly wrong but how long will I continue to be a victim? feel sorry for myself or want people to feel sorry for what I went through? Yes it was absolutely horrendous but feeling bad for myself is only productive for so long after that it wasn't changing a damn thing. I was treading water. My dad is very compassionate yet a man made of steel and I always looked up to him for that. I want my DD to see me as a strong man. I have to show her that you can bounce back from even the most difficult times in your life. Life is tough but it's tougher when you don't stand up to it.
2. Not being a martyr. This isn't a Hollywood story. If I did I would give STBXW way too much power over me. No one, especially one that hurt me will ever get the privilege to control my destiny.
3. Realization that I'm not a perfect person, husband, dad or a friend but I'm complete and whole and I will always try to be the best I can be. I will make mistakes but I will learn from them and try again. I will extend the same courtesy to others. I'm compassionate, loving and caring to those who treat me with mutual respect and love.
4. Laughter. It has amazing healing powers.
I'm persistent and hard headed- once I decide on something I will almost always attain it. When STBXW left me last time I was hell bent on winning her back, I was persistent, I didn't listen or care what anyone including her said. I even told her during our separation when she wanted nothing to do with me 'you know me when I want something I always get it'. And I did. This time...no more. I've realized she can't give me what I want i.e. trust and honesty. I'm not the one to give up on people I love but when people give up on me so easily it's time I moved on.
I try to help others here just as others helped me in my time of need. I'm just paying it forward. However, I know from my own experience that you can't make anyone get somewhere until they do on their own. I could turn blue talking (and sometimes I do like right now lol) but it won't do any good to those who are just not there yet. But they will get there sooner or later and that's when my words may make some sense. I know because I was in their shoes for a long time.
Amazing stuff, Romeo. It will help many DBers who read it...of course, it did nothing for me cuz I like things written in picture form on buffalo skins...but that's just me.
Go back and read your first dozen or so posts. You've come a long way!
Do you remember me saying there was a valley you'd have to walk through and there was no shortcut, but one day you would emerge? Well, it looks like you have. That doesn't mean it's all a bed of roses on the other end, but it's proof you can survive (even when you think you won't).
I'm really loving this last post Romeo.
I screamed to me that I need to make a change. I've been treading water and I need to swim.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Luv
Way to put things in perspective. You didn't happen to get a kitten recently that helped make life a little fuzzier did you?
kat
OF, thanks and how can I forget your post? You do your drive-bys and then disappear
I hope you're doing great old friend!
luv, you're welcome. We all arrive sooner or later...on our own schedule- that's all that matters.
kat, no new kittens here. The two older ones are enough
Had a great weekend with DD. We did lots of fun stuff together. We found a tree house in the hills behind our house a couple of weekends ago. Or the remains of an old look-out. So her and I built some steps to make the hike easier, we built and hung a swing up there too. But it's never 100% fun unless you get hurt right? As we were climbing up, I turned around to tell DD to be careful and stay close (there are bobcats in the hill) as I was turning back around while taking a step forward I hit my shin on a leftover tree trunk, lost my balance and fell into the dried branches and twigs of a dead tree. Got scraped up pretty good with blood dripping from most areas of my body. Thankfully no twig poked me in my face or eyes or !!
DD got all concerned but I told her I was fine and we kept on and hung out there for a while.
I found out through DD that STBXW has a new job- now it makes sense why she had last Thu off. Interesting she didn't say a word. I'm pretty sure I know why she didn't. I'm debating mentioning something when I send her an email about DD's school stuff like saying congratulations on her new job or something
There are still things that I need to get a handle on. Just silly little things like my backyard needs new plants and stuff, she used to be the one to do all that so now I have some dead plants etc. I was walking with DD around the block the other night and noticed how some houses looked so cozy inside with nice lamps, curtains, fireplace etc. My house has been kinda empty-ish. Someday when I have enough money I'll hire an interior designer and a landscape company to give my house a make-over. I can't seem to feel motivated enough to do it myself yet I love a nicely setup house...like the ones you see in the magazines where the white curtains are blowing around in the afternoon breeze and in the background you can see the ocean, a clear blue sky and a cute woman standing over on the deck...oh wait...what was I talking about?
But little by little I know everything will fall into place...
Romeo you are doing so well and it truly is an inspiration!
Just a quick note. I won't be posting here much anymore. Anyone who wants to know why can message me in the alt.
IR, your adventure with D sounds fun.
You have been a great source of help and support for many of us here at DB and I am glad to see you moving along your journey so well. You are a great inspiration!
I always like your "I'm not a martyr" theme...
Did you see your girlfriend this weekend? (red)
Romeo, I was just having the same thoughts about my apartment! The ladies have such a nice way of making a house cozy don't they? I was sitting in my friend Paige's house and noticing how nicely decorated it was. I asked her if she would help me decorate mine! Of course, most of the reason why it feels nice is because she had to buy a ton of stuff to put everywhere! I should really think about buying one item a week for a year and see what I end up with. Maybe hang some of my own old paintings up.
Oh yeah, I tried growing tomatos in one of those hanging gardens and they never grew tomatos. The XW was not any better in the garden either!
Thanks all.
Well for the first time since 2006 I got dinged by 'dbmod' for posting on Mystik's thread today. I tried to offer my straight forward advice but this dbmod thought parts of it was 'rude'. I guess you have to candy coat stuff in the Newcomer's section? Or who knows maybe I am rude but sh*t I like me and that's all that matters
So I maybe a short timer here and like many others I'll probably go to the other board. It's like dying and going to heaven because when you get there you see all the same familiar people. Wait it can't be heaven if they're all there
^ There are a lot of things going on in Newcomers lately. I also was dinged...
IR, have you been to the Other Thing yet? (not the alt)... Hint.
I think I may be about done here, too.
I don't think I will go to the other place, I think it's time to leave the past behind, and get on with life. I will keep up with the friends I have through other means, and greatly miss the ones that I don't have other means for.
Posting this here, rather than on a thread of my own, takes me back to my Wandering Poster days!
I guess I will have to start a thread, but I don't want to turn it into a bash the DBmod fest, though that would be fun!
I guess you're just nobody on Survivors if you haven't been dinged by the mods! I feel so left out now...somewhere else in life where I just don't measure up...so sad!
I think I may be about done here, too.
I don't think I will go to the other place, I think it's time to leave the past behind, and get on with life. I will keep up with the friends I have through other means, and greatly miss the ones that I don't have other means for.
Posting this here, rather than on a thread of my own, takes me back to my Wandering Poster days!
I guess I will have to start a thread, but I don't want to turn it into a bash the DBmod fest, though that would be fun!
I didn't realize who you were when you came to my party. But now I am even more glad you came.
Sorry you won't be in the other place. You have been a great help to many, including me.
But, there are other means.
Shame what's going on here. Makes me sad.
Did you like my costume, rocked?
I have to admit a personality clash with some of the inhabitants of the other place. I'd rather not add stress I don't need. I'd like to help here, but it seems, well, it just seems. So, maybe I'm getting a message!
IR,
How are you doing??? What have you got planned for the holiday?
Sol, I'm doing well, thanks for asking. I haven't been feeling motivated to post anything here...not much to write about. Unless you want to hear about how I baked a pumpkin pie on Sun? yes? OK. Well I was telling a dear friend of mine how DD made me buy a jar of pumpkin puree from the farmer's market. I had no idea what to do with it. I tried a spoonful and let's just say I'd rather eat a spoonful of... So anyway, she said why don't you use it to make a pumpkin pie? What?! I can make a pumpkin pie? I thought only women could do that...and who knew you could make a pie out of pumpkin puree?! I thought pumpkin pies came from the ovens or at least that's how I always saw STBXW make them...she'd open the oven and there they were! But whenever I tried it was always empty so I figured she broke it before she moved out, that vengful woman. Anyway, so I found a recipe online, it said to use eggs, puree, evaoprated milk, some spices. But get this! they didn't even know how to count. Instead of listing the ingrediants like 1,2,3...in order they were listing them as 1.4c, 1/4tsp, LOL how do they ever get through the publisher's quality control is anyone's guess. Anyway, so I said these people don't have a clue what they're talking about so I just combined all the ingredients, whatever I had in the biggest pot I had. That reminds me...I have to go buy another bag of salt now. Then I poured the said mixture into several pie crusts. Then I was supposed to cook them at 375deg for 35mins. Well the stupid pie tray caught on fire the minute I put it on the burner. I told you these people didn't know what they were saying. So I came up with the brilliant idea of using the oven instead. It even has a built-in temp control where you turn the dial to set whatever temp you need. I never knew they made ovens like that- gotta love the new technology. Anyway, I baked the pie and soon enough my smoke alarm started going off. I ran back to the kitchen waiting to see my pie up in flames...but it was the timer on the oven. I said a prayer and opened the oven door...and there it was- a giant pie and the aroma of pumpkin and cinnamon just like STBXW. I wish the process was a little simple but now I know. I thought it tasted great too. D6 took a bite and said 'mommy makes it better' I was about to go Homer Simpson on her 'you little...!'
Saw STBXW this morning as I was dropping DD off at school- haven't seen her in while. She was wearing a nice new white coat, new shoes going to work looking pretty hot I have to say. We passed eachother by on the way, I said 'hey, what's up?' she waved and said 'hi, just stopping by to see DD' I said 'ok...' as I kept walking back to my car. My mind started drifting thinking she looks nice and I bet some guy's probably all over her stuff. Then I had to stop that thought and said 'oh well...she gave me the best years of her life and the best gift of my daughter...the others can have the left overs'
Onward and upward.
'oh well...she gave me the best years of her life and the best gift of my daughter...the others can have the left overs'
awesome awesome awesome perspective and quote! Brought tears to my eyes! I will need to remember that! White coats are impractical- how long can she keep it clean? hmph!
Congrats on the pie! But I find it difficult to believe that it was your first attempt at baking...now for the Holiday cookies!
So what did you decide to do for the Thanksgiving holiday? Wait- I will go back and check to see if you already mentioned it.
nope you didn't---so tell us!
Brought tears to my eyes!
Chopping onions while reading my posts?
NM, you're right, it wasn't my first but my second attempt at baking, the first one was when DD and I baked cupcakes for Halloween. I got her a little kid's cupcake making kit they had on sale. I wish I didn't though, the cup cakes are bite sized...way too small of a pan but I'll just pick up a regular one at Target one of these days. Hmm NM, cookies huh? is that a challenge? Hold my beer and watch this...lol OK I'll have to see what's needed to bake cookies, STBXW used to bake chocolate chip cookies, yum. I'm not much of a cook/baker...I'm one that you call when it's all ready
As for the TG plans, we're staying local. We'll hit the San Diego zoo or the Safari park on the weekend and the rest of the days we'll just chill. I plan to pick up a whole cooked chicken (instead of turkey) for dinner on Thu. We'll say our thanks for everything I need; my daughter, my family and friends, health, roof over my head, food on the table...and of course, my hot looks
How about you guys?
Haha Romeo, you crack me up!
You've got a good attitude...
Me... Hoping TG will bring me closer to my preoccupied H, and detached from my EA. A struggle every day, every hour...
New Life- sorry to thread jack-- to get over an EA you must eliminate every possible shred of connection to that person. Check out
www.marriagebuilders.com.Please don't destroy your family. I get that all of us are vulnerable to EAs so I am not demonizing you or anything, I am not being dramatic. Please take the willpower and the cahonas and commit yourself to no contact. Your struggle will get easier the more you don't have a connection to the man. As for your preoccupied H, better do some divorcebusting on his a$$
Romeo--the best sugar cookies ever--pssst... Betty Crocker's Sugar Cookie Mix in a box! I am being serious--one year exH and I tested 4 different sugar cookie recipes before he finally insisted we just try a premade mix...the ^%$&#@ was right. They were super good!
But please make your own frosting because it's so easy--look on the back of the powdered sugar box (whip butter, add powered sugar, vanilla and milk). Divide the icing into different portions and die the icing different colors (one is red, one is yellow, etc.) Whatever you don't use that day (because we all get burned out on decorating cookies, you can refrigerate it and then you can soften it the next day by adding some milk.
Then get any kind of topping you can find for cupcakes and cookies, play the Christmas songs and you and D will have A BLAST! Oh and the yummiest ones have like 3+ toppings on them--I swear
NewMama,
hijack away! Yes, I've been trying to DB my H's a$$ for some time now... Decades!!!
The EA ended a long, deep depression that has lasted 3 years due to our SSM.
Unfortunately, my EA was a great friend before I turned it into more a month ago or so... It brought about many positive changes for me.
However, I'm pretty clear about the addiction aspect of the EA, and ran to a IC who specializes in this... Literally in a panic. We are working on separating the reality from the fantasy (he turned out to be MUCH younger) than me.
Unfortunately, H keeps rejecting me... Opportunity we had to go on an Adult date a week ago (no kids!!!) and seems clueless...
So, I'm keeping my head... But as OM accepts no contact, it makes mecwant to reach out even more -- feeling twice rejected, by H and by EA.
Who knows... Some days are just harder than others.
NM, those are great ideas, thanks! But I think that still requires a trip to the grocery store and what kinda guy ever goes there? It's like a woman walking into the men's room accidentally. You step in and wonder just what the heck are all these people doing facing the wall- then it hits you and you run outside screaming. Yep it's like that. So I do all my shopping at the gas station. Anyway, I have your STBXH beat with my idea...I picked up a pack of Chips Ahoy! they'll go in the oven when no one's watching. Then we'll see who's cookies are better mommy's or daddy's? I'm gonna pack a few for DD to take home to mom too.
NL, welcome to Romeo's fan club, the membership isn't cheap but we're growing exponentially. In fact, you just doubled it, thanks for that. In all seriousness what's the dealio with your H? he doesn't want sex but you do? how come I never have these types problems? Having been on the receiving end of the rejection I can sympathize. Do you have a thread of your own with some more info?
that is EX H. Divorce was final in October--see my sig line
but get the SOFT Chips a Hoy although how the heck are choc chip cookies "holiday?" Oh wait--they do make some with red and green chips!
Anyway, so I said these people don't have a clue what they're talking about so I just combined all the ingredients, whatever I had in the biggest pot I had. That reminds me...I have to go buy another bag of salt now.
Oh I love this! It was just a hodge-podge of ingredients!
All this cookie talk has got me wanting some warm baked sugar cookies. Mmmmm!
Sounds like you will have a great holiday, IR. Chicken is always a yummy choice!
Thanks for your insight lately into my own sitch.
Hi Romeo!
Glad to join your fanclub;). Sounds like we are all smitten with your cookie escapades!!!
I don't really have my own thread, but started out at Sandi's place, and FMV has been so kind as to let me post on her thread "Arguing".
I essentially came here in a panic when my long-time online chess opponent & good friend suddenly became much more about a month ago. It was a wake-up call for me that I was VERY vulnerable due to decades in a good, but REALLY SSM. Let's see... H and I haven't been intimate in over 5 years this last dry spell. In the past, I had been tempted by my old college sweetheart (who is always at the ready if I say the word) but nipped that in the bud.
I'm extremely involved with my kid's lives, but this emptiness in my marriage has manifested itself inany negative ways through the years... Most recently a profound depression I could not pull myself out of. The OM in my EA had been kind, supportive, and given me love words I haven't heard in over 20 years. I know it can't go anywhere... We both discovered he is MUCH younger and lives 1000 miles away. It's a fantasy, an addiction, and I realize all that.
However, I do miss the love -- I can't lie. I've given H multiple hints and opportunities in the past few weeks -- asking him to get/read certain books, go out with me to an adultvfunction without the kids, etc. He just doesn't get it. He talks to me like a technical manual, and after all these years I want LOVE, and yes sex, intimacy, the whole enchilada. I've stayed around because ILH, and know he loves me, but most of all the kids. Now that the youngest is getting ready to go to college ??
Will not WAW for EA, but if there is no change, I might have to do so just to have some love in my life while I'm still young enough to do so...
The EA showed me how much I've given up to stay in M... And frankly. Not sure a SSM is worth staying in if H isn't interested in trying. Not sure if he had OW on the side, Porno, gay, or WHAT... Not in his character, but I feel really rejected and until EA just gave up even caring about myself it was so futile.
Sorry Romeo to hijack YOUR thread, but so glad to see someone here coming out happy and whole. You've got the healthiest attitude toward your ex that I've ever seen! Wish my H appreciated the best years of my life that I gave, and that I risked my life giving him those beautiful kids:(
Why do you guys not have sex? (for 5 years now?)
Hmmm. Great question!
I brought it up a few years ago, before sending him to sleep in the guest room:(
The rejection just gets to be too much... So, many many years ago I stopped initiating...
It's verrrrry hard, especially when OM show interest.
Then I started to let myself go, just to keep the temptation away.
No more. Doing everything I can for myself, and if H isn't interested... Well, WAW I will be.
Well I can see how you are suspectible to feeling wanted/desired by someone else though you should try to talk to your H.
NewLife, start a new thread on here so you get your own feedback instead of in this thread. You can add it to the Surviving D ifyou like. We are the cool ones in DB land
. Kidding
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, ROMEO!
Thanks Romeo...
Hoping I won't have to survive a D, but that's where I'll post since this is good company.
Off to make cornbread for stuffing :DD
loving having kids home from school too!
Great company, takes mind off other temptations!
Keep up the good work Romeo!
HAPPY TG!!!
NM, sorry i do know you're now single and free- just a habit to write STBX. BTW, did you celebrate your freedom and let him know:
"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!"
NL, no problem about the hijack, my thread hasn't seen this kind of action in a while...I'm sure you can relate
But in all seriousness, I feel for you! It's unhealthy and affects other aspects of your life when you can't have a good sexual bond with your spouse. I'm picking up my jaw from reading it's been 5 years??! I have no idea how you've managed to not go crazy since you live with a man that you're physically attracted to. While STBXW wasn't exactly thrilled about sex either the dry spells were not nearly as long- a month or two would be the longest- I'm more a every other day type of a guy if I could have it my way...just so everyone's clear it wasn't me LOL. However, she had some medical issues and high dosage of ADs which affected her drive after having DD. Does your H have something similar? Because what guy doesn't like sex, it's usually the other way around. Then again I'm no Dr. love here. Have you sat him down and had a serious conversation? I don't think he realizes it's a big deal to you. It's important that he knows exactly how you feel and how you may even be frustrated to the point where you're considering something that you've never thought about doing before. Just in a nice way, two adults having a conversation - not an ultimatum...and then see if he's willing to seek professional/medical help. Perhaps you've already done all this? I mean short of slipping viagra into his drinks what else can you do? But hey you could try that too!
You sound like a good W and a dedicated mother. I hope things work out between you and your H- I really do NL! As for stating a new thread I think it'll be helpful for you, and while we're happy to host you in this section, there is a special SSM section on this board. You'll likely get more useful replies there from those in similar situations as you. I mean let's be honest many of us here don't get much action either but it's for other reasons- reasons beyond our immediate control
Sol, keep up the good work and Happy Thanksgiving to you too.
Have bitchin' holiday everyone!
Thanks Romeo for giving me the male perspective...
I guess I came here first over my anxiety and guilt when my frienship with OM turned into EA a little over a month ago...
So, my immediate concern was breaking the addiction to OM, and all of those glorious PEA brain chemicals that come with new love. He didn't care that I was older, and I sent pics (ewew, yes... I did that) to make sure he really understood. But, because we we were so close as friends, it just evolved...
So...needless to day, this revved up my sadness over my own SSM again, since it's so great with EA, and I was frightened of it becoming PA. As I said, there have been temptations in the past, but I'm always the "good girl" who turns her frustrations on herself instead of succumbing.
So... I came here and to Sandi's Place to get the male perspectives, as well as not get crucified for my EA -- which has been TOUGH to give up.
Honestly, it's been separate bedrooms for so long, I'm close to being a WAW but don't want it to be for OM, and want to work on my own internal issues and M first. I found a IC 2 weeks ago who specializes in Love Addictions, that has been SO helpful in separating realities from fantasies about EA.
Sorry this is long winded, but long story short.., I ended up here for motivation to end EA, which was wonderful... And pulled me out of a long, deep dark depression about my SSM -- so I am thankful for EA. Just don't want it to ruin my H or kids lives.
Right now I'm focusing on finding my way back to MYSELF, and standing up to H and yes, even kids for what I want. Before H, always had strong sex life with college fiancé -- and yup, realizing I NEED that to feel connected, intimate and loving to my partner. I mean ... Why else do you pick up
a man's dirty laundry, Lol???
With H, I guess I felt a little ashamed sex was so important to me. Sure, after kids, etc my desire was down, but in general our sex life has beendisappointing to me since we married. I was really hurt when I was pregnant, and NO sex... For some reason I really wanted the closeness then, had very high desire and LOVED showing my boobs!!! Even when the doc suggested it to bring on labor, Nope. Now maybe guys just don't go for pregnant women, but I guess that was really the beginning of the end for me. 16 years ago. Can't count on one hand now how many encounters we've had.
I just don't get it, but after EA... Not going to settle for this for the test of my life. I thought I was dead until EA, and the only thing to live for was kids:((
so... Romeo, thanks for letting me know it's not just slutty old me!!!
PS: no, H takes no meds...
Did find some online Porno about 10 years ago, which really hurt me when he could have the real thing.
Yeah, it was harder when the kids were little, but don't you make time for things that are important?
In every other way he is a good H, I know he adores me which is the only reason I've stuck around. Honestly, after all this... I have lost some attraction to him.
I was ready to jump my dentist the other day!!! My H has no idea what he's done...
My H has no idea what he's done...
Why? Sounds like you might want to learn some communication techniques, especially after you have worked on and continue to work on knowing what you want. Make sure he is in the loop and understands where you are. Good luck...
And Happy Thanksgiving, Romeo!!
New Life, just fyi-- you can totally start a new thread and we will come and reply to you! Seriously! Just click on "New Topic" under the appropriate forum
IR:
Don't be surprised that you don't have much to post. As things move forward, you will find you need this board and all of us who have followed your sitch less and less. For a time, we play the role of lifeline...the thing that keeps you from going insane, the thing that helps you avoid doing something stupid, the thing that reminds you that you are not alone.
But that doesn't last forever. As you continue to adjust (and, ultimately, embrace) your new life, you will one day find that...like kikisum and the many others we've come to know...you simply don't need us anymore. That sounds sad, but it's not. It means you have made it. You may still wander around here a bit like me, but you will come here not for yourself, but for others.
As for my "drive-bys" (as you put it), I do keep up with your sitch but have learned over the years that one needn't comment on everything. If I have no salient comment to make or others have done so as well or better than I could, I simply stay silent. However, that doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. Keep up the good work.
NL:
Please...start your own thread. I remember the difficulty in doing that back when I was first lurking on the boards. I don't know if you feel this way, but for me, I hated to make that first move because it seemed to legitimize my situation. Once I created that thread, it seemed to make the whole thing just too real. However, I did and I'm glad I did.
At the risk of getting dinged by the mods, I have some perspective I'd like to share with you that may be of value to you (though you may not care to hear it). I say perspective, not advice, because in most areas I don't think men can successfully give women advice (or vice versa)...but they can give valuable perspective. I'm sure there are others that would offer their ideas as well but, like me, may be reluctant to hijack IR's thread. If you start one up, I'll be there (though that may be as good a reason as any NOT to).
Speaking of mods, I have also been dinged in the past. When I first started here, this was the one place to go where you got the straight scoop. No sugar coating. While everyone else was stroking your ego, if you really wondered what the deal was, this was where you came. The term "giving you a two-by-four" was well-used and in most cases, necessary. No one was being cruel...just honest and straightforward. It is unfortunate that the mods seem to have confused mean with honest and inappropriate with uncomfortable.
Ironically, this seems to be in direct opposition to Ms. Weiner-Davis' own philosophy. She speaks at length about useless therapists who spend their time rehashing your past and telling you that whatever it is you're doing is the right thing. If you want your ego stroked, therapists that will take your money and tell you want you want to hear are a dime-a-dozen. Having a place with straight talk is not only necessary, it is strikingly rare.
I appreciate the concern that clear talk may scare away those that are not ready to face their issues. However, when you are in denial about reality, the unvarnished truth is often the only thing that can snap you out of it. They used to say, "Give 'em hell, Harry" (Truman, former US President). When once asked by a reporter about it after he had left office, he said, "I never gave 'em hell. I just told them the truth and they thought it was hell." It's a sad day when the truth cannot be spoken for fear someone may find it uncomfortable.
OK...I'll get off my soapbox now. IR, hang in there, you're doing great. NL, it's good you're here. Don't make the mistake of figuring that making some kind of decision...even if it's wrong...is better than making no decision at all. Sometimes the best advice is, "Don't just do something, sit there."
Hey IR,
Just hoping you had an outstanding holiday...guessing you guys don't do a lot of 'black Friday' shopping...
I am with you on the drive thing. I think 3 weeks was about the longest we ever went except after childbirth! And even then it was about 6 weeks...Once I get into a real relationship again a low-drive guy will be a total deal breaker!
So have you taken your hot little number out for a ride lately?
Old Fool...
Thanks. That certainly didn't feel Like a 2x4...
In a lot of withdrawal pain from OM, which I know nobody here wants to hear. Thinking if going to a 12 Step program tonight...
I know he didn't really love me... But it sure felt like something after so many decades of nothing.
How will you find me? I already feel so lost...
That certainly didn't feel Like a 2x4...
I hate to tell you this, but I haven't even gone to the garage to get it yet.
Truth is, I'm not yet certain you need one. Your comments suggest that although you really, really want the dream to be real (I think we can all relate), you have a nagging suspicion that it is, in fact, just that...a dream. That's a good place to start.
I probably should have made it clear that my comments after "Speaking of mods...." were not intended as a continuation of my comments to you. Instead, they were in reference to previously posted remarks about the seemingly new political correctness of the site.
In a lot of withdrawal pain from OM, which I know nobody here wants to hear.
Well, I don't know that I'd go quite that far. All marriages (even the great ones) don't meet each person's needs perfectly so I'd guess most folks here can at least understand the concept of wanting more of something we didn't get enough of. I would think most would be supportive of your efforts to address your temptation and would praise your resistance to engaging in a PA (the relationship equivalent of the military's "Daisy Cutter" bomb), but it is probably fair to say you may not find a groundswell of sympathy. I think most folks here are generally fair and objective, but many have suffered at the hands of others who have made the choices and taken the actions you are now contemplating and the wounds may still be a bit raw in some cases.
I know he didn't really love me... But it sure felt like something after so many decades of nothing.
It's amazing how much can be said...and in a way, not said...with so few words. This statement is a good place to start. Now, get cracking with that thread.
If you want folks to find you, just post back to this thread with a link to your new thread. Can't figure how to do that? Then just give the name of your thread. Users can click on your handle to the left of the message to see all your posts and then simply pick the one with the title you provided.
IR: We now return your thread to its regularly scheduled programming. This has been a test of the DB emergency support system conducted in partnership with the owner and users of this thread.
Thanks everyone! It's nice to see someone missed me- besides my lawyer's accountant for a change
Just journaling the weekend...nothing exciting to see here:
Had an awesome long weekend with DD. I'm totally spent, I probably need another 4 days to recover from all the running around. I'll probably posts pics in the alt. Thu morning/early afternoon we went on a gorgeous hike near our home; hills, lake and snow capped mountains in the background. Lots of breaks to munch on the Gorp mix and take in the beauty. It's a moderate-difficulty trail and despite having to carry DD on my shoulders for a while towards the end she did really well and I was very proud of her. She's such a nature lover; bugs, animals, plants etc. She definitely takes after her parents there.
One of our neighbors invited us to their parent's house for Thanksgiving, they were having a big family get-together which was very nice of them but I declined. I didn't want to feel or make anyone else feel uncomfortable- it was their family event afterall. So I decided we'll do what we've always done in the past, have a Thanksgiving dinner at home sans STBXW. DD said she wanted to have a 'feast' lol so Thanksgiving feast it shall be. I baked the whole chicken (Turkey always comes out dry), made corn-bread stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls, DD wanted to make dessert...jello- I know but it's all about the experience! And besides we still had the leftover pumpkin pie. We even shared some chicken with our two cats to get into the full family Thanksgiving mode LOL Best part was DD liked everything and we were both stuffed.
Fri, we stayed local- Black Fri? no thanks! I can't deal with the crowds and besides I buy sh*t all year round
. So DD and I just played together, went to the kid's park nearby, went to the hills behind the house where DD discovered a tree-house/look-out and I'd made her a swing out there. I had to do some chores around the house (mowing, laundry etc) but it was a nice day after a busy Thu.
Sat, we went to the San Diego safari park...DD had never been and it'd been a long time for me too. Lots of walking, a bit cold and windy but still it was such a great time! On the long drive home DD was knocked out, that's how I know she had a good time
Sun, we woke up late, made pancakes and eggs for b.fast then she played with her friends till about noon. We ate lunch in the backyard, did some shopping, some more chores, played a bit, she made her wishlist for Santa, supper, a kid's movie, then our evening walk around the block (she loves it because it's dark and cold and she gets to hold the flash light) and finally she's in bed. And I'm exhausted- day dreaming about soft pillows to rest my head on.
BBJ, I did take her out for a ride last weekend...we had an amazing time together but we shall save that story for another day
OF, thanks for your kind words and perspective, glad to see you around!
NL, you can start your thread here (pick one) and then let us know where you are and we'll come and find you:
SSM section:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=54&page=1or
Newcomer's section:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=20&page=1I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!
Romeo - here's the trick to turkey:
Instead of filling with stuffing (which sucks the moisture out of the bird) put the stuffing in a casserole dish. Instead, fill the turkey cavities with onion halves and orange halves. The moisture from them will steam the bird from the inside out, cooking a 16 lb bird at 325 degrees in about 3- 3 1/2 hours. Use a meat thermometer and take the bird out when it hits 165 degrees. Then be sure to let the bird "rest" for about half an hour before you carve it - if you carve too soon, the moisture will escape as steam.
Sounds like you had a lovely time with your daughter.
The way I've found to get a moist turkey, even with stuffing, is oven bags. They really seem to work as far as holding the moisture in. The first time we used one the difference was amazing.
Romeo,
Your holiday sounds like it was nice.
Love that you went with chicken instead of turkey!!! I am not well-versed on turkey cooking but you've gotten some good advice here!
You sound like a great father
Good suggestions guys, thanks.
So STBXW sends me an email about DD's tooth and we go back and forth. DD brushes and rinses twice a day but looks like there's a cavity on one of her baby molers. So she tells me why I didn't just take her in. Well...the dentist she chose doesn't work on the weekends, which is when DD told me about it and apparently DD had told her about it the previous week. So now she's upset because she has to take her in during her work hours. So I tell her that we need to find another dentist somewhere between her house and mine (the current one is where she used to live) and one that's open on the weekends. So she replies with how this dentist is really good and she doesn't want to change because it's good to have a stable dentist for DD...because 'it's important to have stability'. She used herself as an example to illustrate that she had the same dentist since she was little until she was in college. Hmm...so let me get this straight, DD doesn't have stability at school, her friends or neighbors or even her own parents yet it's important to have a stable dentist who she might see 3 times a year. Wow! how can you argue with that logic?
OK back to work, I'm swamped the last few days and was here till 9pm yesterday- fun!
Hmm...so let me get this straight, DD doesn't have stability at school, her friends or neighbors or even her own parents yet it's important to have a stable dentist who she might see 3 times a year. Wow! how can you argue with that logic?
You gotta love that kind of sense and logic! Seriously, I don't think the WAS even comprehend reality sometimes. It's so ridiculous sometimes. Me, me, me. My way, this way or no way.
Hopefully DD's tooth is all better soon. And hopefully you aren't at work til 9 again! Craaazy!
Some things just never seem to change. I suppose at least you can count on that. lol Sorry she is still a hot mess.
On the turkey front, soaking the turkey in brine about 14 hours before you cook it is pretty much a sure hit. You get a juicy turkey with just a smidge of the salt flavor. yum!
Hope things start looking better all the way around for you.
kat
Thanks Sol and kat. I'll have to try the turky ideas...umm next thanksgiving
Things are going OK, making some progress on the legal front. The latest 'big' thing in my life right now is that DD needs a root canal. I brought her to my dentist yesterday for a 3rd opinion and STBXW met us there (late). The dentist said unfortunately root canal is a must because kids teeth are so small as soon as they get a cavity it's already touching the nerve and it'll be painful if we don't fix it soon. So all three dentists seem to be on the same page about that but this one said she'll do the nitrous to relax her then do the local anesthesia which is MUCH better IMO than the others who suggested general anesthesia (on a 6yo??!!). So STBXW agreed that my dentist would be the best option...of course she had to have the last word in when to schedule it but in trying that she didn't realize she picked her week, then later as we were walking out she goes 'huh, I guess I'll have her that day' I just looked at her and said 'I thought that's what you wanted but of course I'll be here during the procedure'. I'll offer to take DD if she'd rather her be with me. I just want DD to be ok. Whenever DD sees us together she's so happy, jumps from my lap to STBXW's and always tries to give us a group hug. Of course, STBXW doesn't see or notices anything. She brought along some paperwork for her car. She had brought the car in for an oil change and the dealer wanted to upsell a few things. So she wanted to know what she needed done and what she could do without. I didn't want to at first but what was I to say? So I just give it 10 secs and told her what I thought she would need. All this she didn't have to worry about in the past because I took care of her car- now she has to bring it in to the dealer for the $60 oil changes.
Oh well, as long as she's happy
I'm with you, Romeo. I used to take care of pretty much everything in the family so that she could deal with her stressful job. Now that they have to deal with everything alone they never seem any happier than when we were with them...but we MUST have been the problem, right! I think it's OK to give her some info re the cars needs, it's part of R building for co-operative parenting. It's not enabling or rewarding anything, it's not like you're volunteering to take the car in for her! So don't worry that you'll get your knuckles wrapped here...at least not from me anyway.
BTW, DD can read and write some basic sentences now. So while we were waiting for the dentist to brief STBXW (I'd asked her to do that so it came directly from her) DD wrote on a piece of paper 'My cats have a cavity' LMAO! then she randomly picked the word 'protection' to add to the end of the sentence. So it read 'My cats have a cavity. No protection' both STBXW and I were in tears trying to not laugh too hard and make DD feel bad. STBXW said 'good thing they're fixed'.
Well usually my weekends are pretty uneventful which I like but this weekend was a mixed bag. You guys may want to pull up a chair and grab some popcorn- or grab a Snickers. Saturdy I was in bed pretty much all day (from the cold- not in a fun way! ha!). Later in the afternoon I felt OK enough to go get a string of xmas lights from Home Depot. Got home as it was just starting to get dark (4:15pm) and noticed the main water line going into the house is shooting a stream of water on the garage wall, WTF?! I took a closer look and it was the sprinkler feed from the main supply line that had sprung a leak. Wonderful! So I stood there pondering what to do about it other than shutting off the main water supply to the house and calling a plumber. But at this hour I'd have to pay their emergency rates. So for the time being I shut off the water, grabbed the ladder and hung one string of lights on the front of the house. I was feeling victorious as I accomplished something today. Then I went inside to wash up and, of course, as I turn the faucet on there's nothing...ok...this isn't going to work. So back outside with a work-light I evaluated what was broken and decided to play Mr. Plumber for the night...luckily I had on just the right pants too LOL. So back to Homie Depot for some parts and I had the baby all fixed up in 30 mins, just had to wait for the PVC glue to dry on the splice I put in. Hey I told ya guys, I'm good at finding my way around plumbing even though this was my first time fixing the house plumbing. LOL. But by now I was freezing outside as the temps had dropped into the 40s and my fever was starting to kick back in. So I went back in, made dinner and then vegged out for a bit. I turned the water back on after an hour and it seemed to hold, I did notice a veeeery slow leak (a drop after 5 mins) in the connection but much better.
Sunday I was scheduled to go on a bike ride starting at 8AM but I changed my RSVP to 'maybe' and went to bed. Sun morning I woke up at 7AM, lying in bed I wiggled my toes and counted my fingers and then said to myself 'doc, I think I'm fit to go for that ride'...my other side of the brain said 'are you freakin' kidding me? there's not even that much time left to get up, eat b.fast, get ready, check the bike over etc...are you really freakin' serious?' Well enough wasting time then...up and at em'. Mad dash to get read and head to the meeting spot. I made it just in time. Met up with the group, introduced myself to the new faces and then we rode out. It was fun! I won't bore you with the details of how me and the bike were one- like two house flies in love. Some new girl there, her and I talked for a while during one of the ride breaks. After a while she asked me if I was married...I said 'I am for now...' she gave me the most strangest look so I laughed and said 'we're getting a divorce'. She said 'aw, so sorry to hear that. I know how that feels. Do you have kids?' So we talked a bit about that and some other stuff. Then I walked over towards the other people and found out a couple of guys were making fun of her...like jokes in poor taste if you know what I mean. I thought it was cool that we had a new girl who was riding a bike. I'm thinking how cool is that? Although she *was* a bit out there and I'd overheard her talking to another guy about getting laid and stuff but they knew eachother from before. Anyway, I digress. So after having brunch we turned around heading home. On the way back we made our final stop to say our good byes and then parted ways...and just then it started raining. I had no rain gear on so it was kinda miserable and I'm a newbie rider so I was a little concerned. I was glad that one of the older guys was going to ride back my way for a little while so we rode together for a good bit. Until it happened. We were descending down a steep road getting ready to make a right turn from the right turn only lane, it was raining, I was a car length behind the older guy on his Harley-like cruiser bike and all of a sudden I heard a screech and saw him go down in a blink of an eye, right freakn' in front of me. I thought I was next because the parts from his bike were flying and him and his bike were sliding down just steps away from me while we were descending down this slick and hilly street . I was already on the brakes so I just kept the bike straight and upright as opposed to trying to swerve. I braked harder but being careful to not lock the wheels up and somehow I managed to stop without going down or hitting his bike or worse...him. Wow, my first ride in the rain and I already witness the outcome and this happened to a guy who's been riding 25 years!
Still in disbelief I wanted wiggle my toes and count my fingers but there was no time. I used my bike and its lights to block that lane from the other traffic while I helped him. Thank God he was OK! Man had his head hit the curb he was a gonner. With those harley skull-cap helmets it's scary to think of the outcome. His bike on the other hand wasn't OK. We gathered up the bigger pieces but I wanted to get the heck out of that street because some idiot could be coming down the hill fast and hit us. He was pretty shook up though. We uprighted his heavy pig of a bike but in his shock he couldn't figure out the controls. I thought about getting on it myself but I'm not used to those big 800lbs cruiser bikes so I just talked to him, comforted him for a while telling him everything was OK until he was able to regain himself. We finally got the bike turned around (it facing the traffic up to this point). I told him his lights and brake lever were history so he'd have to use the rear brake while I'll ride behind him with my emergency lights on. It was a slow and painful ride to his house in the rain but I didn't want to leave him on his own. So I rode him to his house. After that my whole ride home in the rain I kept replaying what happened and how it could've been me. And of the 50+ cars that passed by us when the crash happened only one car (a *very* cute blonde in her Mercedes) rolled her window down and asked if we needed help. No one else did! so I'm glad I was able to help get him and his bike home so he didn't feel all alone in his crisis...knowing quite well what that feels like! ha!
I know sh*t happens and you can't live your life in fear but goes to show how vulnerable we are...especially on two wheels lol
Hope you all had a good uneventful weekend!
Wow, that is nuts, Romeo. I am so glad your friend is okay and you are as well! Definitely be careful in the riding, in fact, anytime, when riding your bike. That is the thing with motorcycles... one slip up can be very dangerous.
Sounds like you had a jam-packed weekend. I also like the reaction the chick gave you whenyou said you were "almost not married." LOL.
Glad you are ok. I nearly lost my Dad in a motorcycle accident 21 years ago. He was at a motorcycle racing school and he was taking a deep turn. He couldn't get the bike back up and he tried to save the bike. In turn, he banged himself up pretty bad. He still has some nerve and brain damage(not severe). He also has COPD now as a result of both his lungs being punctured and having to be in a medically induced coma for nearly a month while things healed.
Jope you are always wearing a helmet and preferably leathers too. Much rather see those torn up then your arms and legs. Mom will get off the soapbox now.
Also I do think you do a really good thing, helping the guy home and all.
hugs, kat
I meant Hope. Stupid edit/moderator issues!!!
Thanks Sol and Kat for the concern and the words of advice. I do in fact ride in full gear (full helmet, leathers, gloves etc) and try to be careful. What scares me is not me falling, it's the cars that either don't see you or hate motorcycles which I never really understood why. I realize some motorcyclists do stupid stuff and give the rest a bad name but yeah like you said Sol, you go down there's a good chance you ain't getting back up.
But, I'm still thinking about the blonde. Women, what wonderful creations. I should've told her 'yeah he's fine, but can you give me a CPR later tonight?' Oh well, whereever you are you cute blonde in your Mercedes thank you for that thought...oh and for being a good samartin too.
Romeo, oh Romeo... (lol)
Have you been out with your girlfriend (err, bike) lately?
What's new with ya?
Hey! it has been a long time, but I wanted to check in! how are you?
Romeo, oh Romeo... (lol)
Have you been out with your girlfriend (err, bike) lately?
What's new with ya?
Hey Sol, things are good here, very busy. Not much new to report
Hey! it has been a long time, but I wanted to check in! how are you?
kiki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have no idea how excited I am to see you!
I've thought about you tons of times, each time thinking you're good and happy! I'm so sorry we lost touch. I thought I'd never know how you are. OldFool remembers you too- he stops by once in a while. How're you my friend? how's your little boy?
kiki! What a nice surprise to see your name pop up. Hope all is well with you.
Well, while I'm here I might as well post something about myself.
Less than a week till xmas now. I have DD through xmas and I'm not sure if I should invite STBXW over on xmas. My first reaction is no because at least for the first year she should feel the consequences of her decisions. On second thought though, it's more about DD, it would be nice for her to open her presents with mom there too. Then again it's obvious STBXW doesn't care about DD as much as I give her credit for it or else she wouldn't have given up on us. So in the end if STBX doesn't join us for xmas it's more a loss for DD than STBXW really. Then again, I can't give DD a lot of what's missing from her life now no matter how much I try, so it's also the reality of the situation. I guess we'll celebrate xmas separately acknowledging the things that are missing or are different...just like we do in our day to day lives now.
IR-- sadly, your daughter will need to adjust to having 2 separate Christmases because you will be divorced soon. Do you think it would confuse her or do you think she "gets" it?
Mom and Dad together doesn't mean Mom and Dad are getting back together.
I see by the end of your stream of thoughts that you decided to keep it separate and that is best, IMO.
Out of curiosity, were you with your stbxW on Christmas 06? I see in your sig that she left in August of that year but it also looks like you may have spent 07-10 together for Christmas.
NM, thanks. That's about how I see it too.
Yes we always celebrated the past Christmases together because I wanted to reconcile with her. I had hopes that we would get past the rough patch in life and things will be all good again. Well I guess I was right except not realizing that it never works when the other person's not committed 100%. So, this time I concede there's no way to fix this oil spill
Yes indeed...someone asked on piecing how to know when you actually are piecing, and the response I liked best basically said when the person who left is 'all in' and committed to working on things. No dragging feet or pulling teeth!
Whatever works best for you guys, that's what you should do. We are doing Christmas morning/Santa together and I plan to do that as long as my kids still believe... but he gets them Christmas Eve and I get them Christmas Day.
yeah I guess we all have different tolerances for being with our ex spouses...I can attend a dr. appt with him, tour daycares, but then think "divorced people don't share Christmas together"
To each his own, IR. Do what you want!
Romeo - she doesn't deserve to sit with you and your daughter to open presents. She gave that up when she decided you guys weren't a family anymore.
Hope yours was a Merry Christmas, Romeo
Happy New Year!!! Thanks for stopping by.
kat
Looking at your new profile pic, I had to laugh at her being a tire gauge. What when you see that the *** isn't in the tread any more, time to change the tires??!!! LOL
kat
Exactly kat, see great minds think alike...and replay the image over and over again
But you tell me about the effectiveness...you're the owner, I'm just a customer lol
OK, I checked on a few of you guys and now I'm outta here. If you need me just light up the R sign in the sky.
I hate to tell you, our "guages" aren't always "on". LOL You crack me up. I guess your mind isn't the only one playing gutterball.
(Just to clarify, my mind is on guys, not the girls, though there isn't anything wrong with that!!)
kat
Thanks for that info kat or I would've been riding on bald tires. And my mind has always been in the same place since I was 17, it quite likes it there too
wow, after 2 weeks my thread is still on the first page. This site must not be getting much action lately, I know how that feels lol
Things had been good with me in general. But also a bit rough after discovering STBXW not only has someone but she even introduced him to DD recently. In fact, that's how I found out. Shocked, disgusted and angred that she didn't even wait for the last nail in the coffin to set. But from our struggles comes our strength- I'll take this one on the chin too.
Do you guys suppose it's too late for me now to ask STBXW if she and I could be friends-with-benefits? lol
Went to a Super Bowl party with DD, we had a blast! After the party my friend emailed me that the hostess wanted to know if I'd be interested in meeting a friend of her's who's single. I said that's so amazingly nice of her but where I am in life I'm not quite ready yet- perhaps in the future. I wonder if I really look that pitiful? LOL
Well, as I read on wii's thread...life goes on.
It's not that you look pitiful - it's probably that you look hot
What would be so bad about just meeting her friend for coffee, anyway?
Guess that's what happens when you wrap up one gutter conversation and don't start a follow-up one lol.
I can understand your hesitation. It took me a long time to want to try and meet anyone. But you can't expect that it would be any more than coffee? At some point it's good to just get out and socialize.
Hey Romeo,
I have to say this site seems to be slowing down too! I also say NO! to the FWB situation with the X - she no longer deserves you - even in the cheesiest way.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Luv
Hey, if you don't feel ready then don't do it. Just keep in mind that we will NEVER feel ready! Someday though, you just have to make that leap but that's not saying that time is now. You do what your heart says is right for you.
Btw, if STBX has someone now, do you suspect she had that person before? If so, that's another blow you need to absorb and to process before checking out the available singles out there! Betrayal s*cks.
I posted on the alt where most people have gone. Check my wall if you want to know. Miss ya.
kat
Thanks guys!
luv, I was merely joking about sleeping with her...there's nothing I want from her or expect from her for me. DD on the other hand will benefit if we maintain an amicable co-parenting process but there're still those power struggles sometimes that I don't engage in except once in a while.
The most recent one was when she asked me if she could have DD's sneakers back because she didn't have a pair at her place- after I pay her over $2k each month. So I told her sure I can do that but I didn't realize DD only had one pair of sneakers. Then I reminded her that the $x amount of money I give her for CS is for her to spend on DD's lifestyle. That's probably the harshest thing I've said to her since all this began but I don't want her to be spending that money on her own looks and her new bf while DD has one pair of dirty sneakers! and at the same time keep asking me for more and more.
Anyway, stupid stuff like that which most of the time I just brush off because life's so much more than this little BS. It's all about the perception; you live what you feel and you feel what you think...thinking is in your control, you change it to positive and instantly your life feels and thus becomes more positive.
Kat, I know about the other place and have been on there for a long time but I just don't post anywhere anymore. I hope your trip is happening soon, I know you've been looking forward to it for a long time.
Have you been trying to get rid of me? lol. I am leaving this Friday. I will happily post pics on the alt.
Hugs, kat
Haha. It does sound like it!
Just checking up on you. Sounds like you're doing pretty well for yourself.
Hey guys! been a while...I'm still alive lol Nothing new to report really, I'm still in limbo. The Ls keep getting richer and me poorer lol
STBX has been dating around and admittedly it still hurts to think that but only if I allow it to- the emotions get the best of me at times thinking how things were so good and why she didn't see them that way. DD no longer has those good times to build memories from like she did. DD will be turning 7 in a few months. We've been at this far too long.
Anyway, hope ya'll are good!
Glad to see you around!
Limbo [censored]. Hurry up and gtfo! LOL
Hola!
Still here...though I almost didn't make it. My 2 wheeled gf tried to kill me. What is it with you ladies? lol I dislocated my shoulder- the upper arm came out of its socket. A very painful experience. I passed out from the pain. Was taken to the emergency and then $5k later was released to an orthopedic. I'm lucky in that I have 80% of the movement back. Can't wait till I'm able to ride it again...what is it with us men? we keep going back for more?
Actually, the story's not even very Evelknievel- I came to a stop, the road was tilted and wet. I put my foot down and it went about 3 inches too far, the bike started to tip to one side, I tried to fight it from falling over...the clutch popped out of my hand and jerked the bike forward pulling my shoulder out. No flying sparks, no show off in front of cute girls involved, heck even the nurse was so-so. I did tell this girl at work that I was benchpressing my usual 400lbs but forgot to warm up...she didn't believe me!
So what does this have to do with D you ask? Well let me tell you when you're unable to move an inch without experiencing excruciating pain, laying in the emergency room or at home and you suddenly realize you're all alone in your misery and the one person you counted on your entire life and vice-versa is no longer there it really pushes you into the abyss of despair and self-pitty. Apparently DD had called me while I was in the hospital but due to the pain killers and what not I couldn't talk...STBX said I sounded like I was drunk (I don't even drink)...so I told her what happened and all she said was "oh...if you want me to keep DD for a few extra days let me know"...wow that actually hurt lol
Anyway, this was almost a month ago now. Lately I'm suffering from more of mental stress...or a heartache. STBX appears to now be in a full blown R with someone at her work. DD told me recently that he's been sleeping over...SOB!!! I want to beat this guy's ass with one arm and put a steel toed boot up his @ss. STBX is really trying to get DD to go to picnics and BBQs with him...grrr. I feel so freshly hurt. Does it ever end?
Anyway, just my usual drive-by to say hello to my old neighbors. Oh and the D is still not done yet...and I'm still single- and good looking of course
Sorry about your setback. It is true that every once in a while something will come up that sets you back on your heels a bit. Hang in there, they get fewer and fewer as time goes by (though I'm not sure they ever go away completely).
As for the OM, it seems to me the greatest punishment he'll get is actually "winning" your STBXW. She sure seems the booby prize to me. Let him find the truth in the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it".
Now...get the D done! It's time to put this chapter of your life to rest. Quick Ds may cause people heartache, but after a D has dragged on, getting it wrapped up is a tremendous relief.
You're right OldFriend, the setbacks never seem to go away. As for her/him...I want to see some devine justice, karma, something! and I want to see it now because if they learn their lesson 5years from now then no one will care.
"She sure seems the booby prize to me."
I don't know...sometimes I wonder if I was in fact the cause and what she did was the effect. Second guessing about what's right and what's wrong. I know I made mistakes but I also know I loved her terribly and would've done anything for her. I guess none of it really matters now.
I'm trying to get the D done, it just keeps dragging on...sigh. As MichelleLT said I want to GTFO! lol
How're you OF? how's your life? do you have another lady in your life? any plans for one in the near future?
IR, so glad you're OK...well, as OK as you can be in such a sitch! And yes, the big D thing just never stops giving, does it. There's always a brand new way to re-open the wounds! Hey, your STBX having a new man in her life and wanting DD to be a part of that is pretty damn painful. Lying in a hospital certainly brings home the alone feeling...and the best you can get from her is "Oh". It makes you wonder whether there was any love there to begin with, doesn't it! I don't think you ever "get over" this, you just start to live with it better. It s@cks but it is what it is. Get well and keep in touch. This too shall pass
Sorry to hear about your accident. Ouch!! I hope you are feeling better now. I hope things get wrapped up for you soon as it is incredibly draining. Thanks for checking in. Thinking of ya!
Hugs, kat
Sorry to hear about your accident. Take care of yourself!
I had a horse dislocate my shoulder about 6 years ago (just in case you were wondering, when you get stuck between a metal fence and 1200 lbs of horse something just has to give) but luckily it went right back in by itself. I remember hearing it pop out and then back in and thinking, oh $h!t, this is gonna hurt when the adrenaline wears off. Did I go riding the next weekend? Of course. We're just a couple of gluttons for punishment I guess lol.
As for OM, there will be karma. It always takes longer than we would like, but there is always karma.
Hang in there. Get the D done and just worry about you and DD. (((IR)))
I agree with MLT. Call it Karma or what have you, but the chickens always come home to roost (so you'd best duck when you hear the flapping of wings). That having been said, the process often takes years...so don't expect to "see it now". While you may not care if she learns her lesson in 5 years, a lesson learned is just that, no matter when it happens.
Well, I suppose we're all partly to blame for the circumstances we're in. While there are some exceptions, it is generally true that "it takes two to tango" and in most cases all parties are contributory to one degree or another. However, to say you alone are the cause is probably an overstatement (and perhaps a gross one at that).
The problem with going back and trying to figure out who's responsible (you, her, the OP) is that you don't have enough information and, even if you did, in many cases the whole thing is relative. Sure, some cases are obvious, but most aren't. For example, if your spouse complains s/he had to leave because you weren't meeting his/her emotional needs, does that mean you're too cold or does that mean s/he's too needy?
What if you're not capable of delivering what's demanded? If you have a plumber and demand s/he fix your computer, when s/he can't is it the fault of the plumber for not knowing about computers or is it your fault for expecting a plumber to be able to fix one. Very tough, indeed.
My life is OK. I've grown accustomed to my changed circumstances and, being a creature of habit, have formed new ones that offer some comfort in their consistency. I have no plans for anyone else. I was essentially a confirmed bachelor before my M and have effectively returned to that.
That's not to say I didn't snoop around for a bit. However, in my age range, women are either still single (for a reason!), want someone to fund the lifestyle to which they would like to become accustomed, want a step-dad for their children, desperately want children, or are bitter and angry and lash out at the nearest male upon the slightest provocation.
None of these are appealing for a number of obvious reasons so I have little interest in dating and little use for women.
Romeo,
Sorry about your accident and speedy recovery. Old Fool provided some excellent insight for you. There is always KARMA, as one tends to reap what they have sown. Thing is, you may not be around to see it play out so you just have to learn to accept that for now. Doing so will help you have a better quality of life. I am wishing you well.
Now for a slight hijack for a note to Old Fool ...I have to admit that
LOL and YIKES. OUCHIE with the broadly painted brush stroke, you haven't met me yet and I am different. (smile).
I tend to feel the same things that you have mentioned about men my age but I am hopeful that there is one out there who is different and "fits just right". LOL.
I hope that someone who is a wonderful, fun spirited, humorous, straightforward, charming, independent yet vulnerable, secure, HOT, and HAPPY woman comes your way and knocks your socks off with WOW FACTOR. LOL and hugs ...
Have a wonderful day !
Ever
.. I have to admit that I tend to feel that same things that you mentioned about my my age ...
Sorry, using an ipad and they have a mind of their own sometimes... HUGS
Hey guys, thanks for all the support and suggestions. You guys are as always great friends (((hugs)))
Michelle, so sorry to hear about your shoulder too...do you feel any pain from it now (like during cold weather etc)?
I'm healing well and this weekend took the m/c out for a nice long cruise because the weather was gorgeous. I opened it up to blow away the cobwebs and it felt GREAT!!! You feel so powerful, like no one can touch you, literally lol On the way back I saw this pretty little thing riding a cruiser by herself. I pulled up next to her and talked for a bit. Unfortunately the light turned green too soon lol But as we parted ways she told me to look her up on a motorcycle website for this area. Sure enough, I found her and wow, she's very cute. That's usually not the case if I stereotype about the girls that ride m/cs - kudos to me and my 6th sense in picking the hottest girls to talk to even when they're behind a helmet
OF, I hear you on the karma/lesson learned part but you know, they'll chalk it up to some circumstance or such BS later on, they'll never link the two together. If it happens now at least they'll see why it didn't have to be this way. But I'm movin' on, the OM can have her now...after I've already had her since her 20s- I win lol
Now as for snooping around OF, I hear you on that one too. I just recently started to snoop around myself. However, if one were to judge a book by the cover I can say there're some nice covers out there lol. Unfortunately there are two *main* categories as you mentioned already; women that are single (never married) and it makes you wonder why and then women that have kids but not married (never married or divorced). I guess I belong to the latter category myself so I'm mostly interested in them since at least there's that commonality.
As for interest in dating, honestly, it feels like such a chore to have to gather up the courage, act cool, approach a woman, play games...and then...they turn you down still. Then you pick up your deflated self and try yet again and again until one finally lets you in and then you end up settling for someone you may not have wanted. It's such crap lol So I don't feel like dating or at least going through that process myself. Unfortunately though I can't be man enough to say I don't have use for women lol women are wonderful creatures and I still believe if you're that lucky person to find one that was meant for you life can be so satisfying.
On that note I'll agree with EverHopeful and hope that the HOT and Happy woman comes your way and knocks your socks off too. Or at least offer to takes your shoes off - KIDDING!
I'm having a tough time accepting this d*ck in my daughter's life. Today we were outside playing, she bent down to pick up something and I bumped her on my butt. She laughed and said 'daddy, that's what D*ck does to me sometimes, he's so funny'...gaaaah!!!!
Then she told me again how he's been sleeping over...what's wrong with this woman?!!!
Today I had court, the never ending saga because she won't budge on ANYTHING even an inch- neither will I. While today is almost over, I feel like it's too much. I'm just having a hard time with this d*ck around D6...it hurts more than anything else so far.
To answer your first question, yeah it bugs me sometimes. Mostly during the winter. One reason I like living someplace it doesn't snow often.
As for the latest, she's not thinking and unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it. She's an adult, however irresponsible, and gets to make her own mistakes. It sounds like he actually does well with D6, so that's definitely preferable to the alternative.
I am sorry to hear that your stbx is displaying bad judgement. However, I hope at this point you know that you can only control you and your action/reactions. She will have to deal with you dating as well at some point. I would think she would be none too happy at that point.
Thinking of you. Hugs, kat
It sounds like he actually does well with D6, so that's definitely preferable to the alternative.
Of course, he does so he can get in stbx's pants.
She will have to deal with you dating as well at some point. I would think she would be none too happy at that point.
I'm not upset about her screwing these men, I'm upset about her bringing these men around our daughter who's only six! I'm over the part that she's out there screwing around. And when I date, why should she be unhappy? she's the one that kicked me to the curb. And I will be dating a woman not a guy, IMHO there's a big difference. Typical worst case scenario a woman can be mean to a kid. Typical worst case scenario of a man and given her choices...I don't even want to think about it. The only redeeming factor is perhaps that he too has a daughter from what I understand. Two, she lives in a studio apt. So my daughter sees and hears everything, whatever it is that goes on. What kind of role model does that create for my daughter to see her mother in bed with other men. This whole thing friggn' blows.
I know you guys are right I can only control myself but since it affects my daughter I'm very upset.
BTW, thanks for the responses and hugs guys! I appreciate the feedback. I do realize I don't have much of a choice other than saying something which may not really do anything other than giving her further satisfaction that it's getting to me.
(((hugs back)))
It sounds like he actually does well with D6, so that's definitely preferable to the alternative.
Of course, he does so he can get in stbx's pants.
*shrugs* Whatever the reason, the result is what matters.
I'm not upset about her screwing these men, I'm upset about her bringing these men around our daughter who's only six! I'm over the part that she's out there screwing around. And when I date, why should she be unhappy? she's the one that kicked me to the curb. And I will be dating a woman not a guy, IMHO there's a big difference. Typical worst case scenario a woman can be mean to a kid. Typical worst case scenario of a man and given her choices...I don't even want to think about it. The only redeeming factor is perhaps that he too has a daughter from what I understand. Two, she lives in a studio apt. So my daughter sees and hears everything, whatever it is that goes on. What kind of role model does that create for my daughter to see her mother in bed with other men. This whole thing friggn' blows.
I know you guys are right I can only control myself but since it affects my daughter I'm very upset.
Regardless of how much you would like to protect her from everything, you can't. But no matter what, she has a great role model in you. (((Romeo)))
Thanks Michelle! I appreciate your positive perspective. While DD relates to her mom more I do try to be a good role model. I just wonder sometimes that when she grows up she will never know these day to day battles I've fought with myself to keep her protected. I wonder if she'll grow up to see her mom as the better parent as most daughters of divorced families do. I guess there's nothing I could do about that either. Last night we grilled some food and ate it around the firepit in the backyard. We then made smores and I shared with her a couple of stories of my childhood. She was so fascinated! She asked me to tell her more stories even though the fire had went out by this time and it was getting cold. Then when we came inside and I told her to go get ready for bed she said 'daddy, I love you. I'm going to miss you next week'. I told her I loved her more and I will see her the following week. That just makes it worth all the effort.
That just makes it worth all the effort.
Sure does...beautiful story, Romeo!
To some extent kids tend to gravitate towards the same sex parent for certain things. As a girl, there are just some things you can't imagine talking to your dad about.
But on the other hand, I remember watching my younger siblings and now my nieces and nephew go through phases of being attached to mom then dad then mom.
What matters more than anything is the time. The quality time. Making the memories. Forging the bond.
Kids are astute. They notice a lot. I'm sure she realizes how much you love her and try to protect her.
...they'll chalk it up to some circumstance or such BS later on, they'll never link the two together. If it happens now at least they'll see why it didn't have to be this way.
I'm afraid I have to disagree. So close to the "error", most people will be unable to admit their mistake and, thus, learn from it. However, over time this feeling wanes and for some, the reality of the situation and their part in it becomes clear. Sure, there are those who will never allow that to happen (and in so doing, will condemn themselves to repeating the error), but this has more to do with the person than the timing.
As for interest in dating, honestly, it feels like such a chore to have to gather up the courage, act cool, approach a woman, play games...and then...they turn you down still. Then you pick up your deflated self and try yet again and again until one finally lets you in and then you end up settling for someone you may not have wanted. It's such crap lol So I don't feel like dating or at least going through that process myself.
Well, you've apparently gone a lot further into the pool than I have. Sorry to hear you've found the waters chilly. I could write a half-dozen paragraphs here, but suffice it to say that at this point, I just don't consider women to be worth the effort. I'm not arguing for broad adoption of that assessment, it's just the result of my own evaluation.
Unfortunately though I can't be man enough to say I don't have use for women lol women are wonderful creatures and I still believe if you're that lucky person to find one that was meant for you life can be so satisfying.
I completely agree. The only difference between us is that you think that woman exists and I don't believe she does.
On that note I'll agree with EverHopeful and hope that the HOT and Happy woman comes your way and knocks your socks off too.
Thanks...but I'm neither looking nor holding my breath (see above).
I'm having a tough time accepting this d*ck in my daughter's life. Today we were outside playing, she bent down to pick up something and I bumped her on my butt. She laughed and said 'daddy, that's what D*ck does to me sometimes, he's so funny'...gaaaah!!!!
OK...you've got to stop and get a grip. There are going to be other men in your ex's life and, as a result, in your D's life. Likewise, there may be other women in your life and, as a result, in your D's life. That's just how it is and there is simply nothing that you can (or should) do about it.
It's easy to think that, just as your ex is doing, your D will replace you with another. But that's not how it works. The dynamic between two partners and between a parent and child is not the same. True, your D may love you or hate you, but either way, no one else will ever be her father...that's yours alone. The important thing is to be a good father (as others have suggested) and part of doing that is going to be learning how to handle this situation.
I'm not upset about her screwing these men, I'm upset about her bringing these men around our daughter who's only six! Typical worst case scenario a woman can be mean to a kid. Typical worst case scenario of a man and given her choices...I don't even want to think about it. The only redeeming factor is perhaps that he too has a daughter from what I understand. Two, she lives in a studio apt. So my daughter sees and hears everything, whatever it is that goes on. What kind of role model does that create for my daughter to see her mother in bed with other men.
I know you guys are right I can only control myself but since it affects my daughter I'm very upset.
Wow, you are crossing some kind of line here which means...yes, that's right folks...it's 2x4 time.
1. You're just this side of claiming the guy is some kind of pedophile, but without a lick of information to back that up. This wild supposition is only hurting you. What if you had your poker buddies over (OK...I don't know if you play poker, but it's just an example) and your STBXW told her friends, "Go- only knows what those friends of his do to D when he's not looking!" You'd be incensed. Stick to the facts.
2. Time to shed the whole "I'm indignant because I'm protecting my daughter" thing. Not that you don't care about your D and not that your ex isn't displaying some rather shallow and self-centered behavior, but you and I both know this has a lot less to do with your D and a lot more to do with you. In the absence of any real indication that your D is being put in some kind of emotional (beyond what she's been put through already by the big D) or physical danger, this protection thing is just a nice cover for your own anger at the situation and your ex.
3. "What kind of role model does that create for my daughter to see her mother in bed with other men?" The same kind she may have already seen on TV and will soon hear about at school. I'm not saying that's good and she may be exposed to it a bit sooner than others, but if you're really going to shield your D from bad role models, your crusade is a lot bigger than you may realize.
I just wonder sometimes that when she grows up she will never know these day to day battles I've fought with myself to keep her protected. I wonder if she'll grow up to see her mom as the better parent as most daughters of divorced families do. Then when we came inside and I told her to go get ready for bed she said 'daddy, I love you. I'm going to miss you next week'.
I think you've answered your own question. Leave the rest alone and focus on that. Your time and effort will be better spent...trust me. MLT is absolutely right, "Kids are astute. They notice a lot." Don't worry about showing your D anything...just let her see it for herself. In the end, that will be enough.
Peace and serenity to you.
Wow Romeo, you really went to town with your last post, didn't you! I haven't had to deal with other people in wife's life as you are and I don't know what I'd do if she did "come out of the closet". As you may know, my wife decided to bat from the other side of the plate but has never exposed this to my children. Personally, I think she's just wacko but her business is her business. I also understand your feelings in regards to dating. I haven't dated and still don't really want to. I want to feel sufficient in myself before I venture out and look for someone. I don't want to fall into something with someone that will make me feel like a "complete" person or whatever else. I want a R that will be based as much as possible on two people, not neediness. It's also a pain in the butt to date. Who needs the sh*t lol. I've never been a dater, or someone who found it "fun". I just don't need that anxiety in my life right now. I think too, those of us on this site who've been betrayed and tossed aside by probably the most important R in our lives find it hard to get back out there. We're damaged goods and so are most of the women we'd be dating, that scares me!
Btw, on a positive note, Happy Father's Day!
We're damaged goods and so are most of the women we'd be dating, that scares me!
Speak for yourself, Wii!!!! I'm not damaged goods - in fact, I'm new and improved goods!!! And while some of the guys I've chosen to date may have some nicks and scratches, so far I think any one of them is a better man than my ex.
Glad to hear that, Kml! I just know that many of the people I know who've been through this carry some deep scars that can't help but impact on their relationships with others and themselves. I'm not being judgemental, just observing. Certainly it is possible to overcome the damage but it takes hard work and I pray that I and others can follow your lead and do that work!
Wow Romeo, you really went to town with your last post, didn't you!
No, that was OldFool's response to my last couple of posts. I'll need a weekend to respond to that myself but OldFool I did read all of it and thank you for your continued support since 2006!
I haven't had to deal with other people in wife's life as you are and I don't know what I'd do if she did "come out of the closet". As you may know, my wife decided to bat from the other side of the plate but has never exposed this to my children.
Wii, at least at a personal level if my wife turned out to be gay I might feel better because I at least wouldn't have that bruised manly ego that she chose another man over me. Heck I might ask her to invite me when...uhhh, never mind
And at least your wife is sensible enough to keep that stuff away from the kids and she at least seems nice towards you and not so vengeful like mine.
As for dating, I hate it, the games, the wasted efforts etc I was never big into dating myself when I was young. I always had long term girlfriends. Things were so simple when we were young; I never had to spend much effort to have a gf or ever even set out on a mission to find one. It just happened. I've been on my own for almost a year and a half and almost 2 years during the previous separation so it's not like I can't live or breathe but I don't know I'm ok with the picture of my future without a woman in it. I like women lol and it's just a matter of the right one to come along for all of us if when we allow it. In fact, I'm having a realtor style sign put out front of the house 'New on the market -> available for viewing by appt only'
Yeah wii, damaged goods? my goods are just fine
[quote=ImprovedRomeoYeah wii, damaged goods? my goods are just fine
[/quote]
Are you talking your "goods" or your "goodies"?
Romeo, re: my wife's new found lifestyle choice, saying "at least it wasn't another guy" can just as easily be turned into "not only did I turn her off marriage, I turned her off men" So whether it's another man or a woman, it still [censored]. You and I got tossed aside by the most important trusting R in our lives. That takes time and effort to recover from!
In no way do I consider myself damaged goods! In fact, I feel new and improved. I've only dipped my toe into the dating pool, but I'm sure that soon enough I'll be swimming, playing, and having a grand time.
I know this is hard, I've experienced it, but once you've let it go and enjoy life again (focusing on yourself, not distracting yourself), you'll be ready to date and will probably enjoy it as well.
Not to get too far off track, but did you (IR) ever hear anything more from kikisum? She popped in for a second and then disappeared. I'd hoped she give a little update.
Hi OF, no I didn't hear anything more from kikisum either. I'm hoping she's doing, still together with her family and that's why she doesn't need to be here
Things are ok in IR's world. As much as I've said in the past that I don't need the world to validate me it feels good to get some attention in the dating world lately. I haven't started it full blown yet- I don't even know why? It's as-if I'm waiting for something...perhaps the finality of the D process. Other than that life is what it is. I sometimes feel like I've fallen hard, and I have financially and emotionally, but true to my Capricorn nature I'm rising to the challenge! Even the best fall down sometimes. The ColdPlay song sums it up nicely for me:
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
...