Well, I can't believe that FFG and I broke up and the forum went down. LOL Just my luck.
A hard break up to do, but it was time. It was the best relationship either one of us has ever been in. No drama, no arguments, just fun and nice.
Now, your wondering why we broke it off? Well, it seems FFG seems to "feel" like he should "feel" a deeper love than he does. He knows he "loves" me but thinks it should be at a deeper level. Now, I was fine with where we are but he is entitled to his feelings as much as me. So, although I don't understand it I dropped the rope.
I am thankful that I know what future relationships should look like. I am more aware than ever of things I want in a man. He was a patient man and after EXH I ddin't know they existed. I am thankful that our break up, however painful it is..... we broke it off before somebody was unfaithful or mean or dishonest. I have to admire him for that.
We have been in conversation for several weeks about this (trying to peg down exactly what was going wrong) and by last week... I started having anxiety over it... feeling like the roller coaster again.... wondering "are we gonna make it" "should I break up with him" "is he going to break up with me"..... I can't do that to myself ever again. That roller coaster ride EXH took me on was enough for me to know it was time to get off.
I have never left a relationship so nicely. It's weird, adult, and you know what .... it still hurts. But it doesn't hurt as much as when soomeone is dishonest.
I am taking Chemistry and a Tmath100 course and that's all the brain damage I need.
Now, I need to decided if I want to be here when he picks his stuff up on Friday. I haven't seen him since the breakup so I don't know if it will set me back or not. On the other hand I would love to see him otherwise based on our locals, we don't have to ever see each ohter again. He wants the kids to see each other though. I think that's a mistake.
Oh damn! Sandycay I am sorry. It sounds like you handling pain well but pain IS pain no matter what.
You know, there is a place where you always post every little single thing you think and feel. And there will be lots of people that care to listen.
Hugs
K
I so dislike reading this latest news from you.
It brings out some thoughts about my last short lived 9 month relationship.
Much like you, it was an easy breakup, although I stressed so much before it happened. I do hope she has found her "happily ever after" as her parents had planned for her. She was a good person, but like FFG, there was a missing connection between us.
But...and there is always a but...you will rebound and find another good man. You are a good woman with good morals. You live in an area with a lot of opportunity for happiness. You are lucky to be in such a beautiful marine environment and close to one of the great cities of the USA.
As for seeing him again...I was friends with her for a short time following the breakup. But, we fell out of contact. Maybe that was best as I hoped it allowed her to move on much quicker.
Just keep doing your studies for now. Be the best mom for your kids as you have always been. And you will be surprised what comes your way.
Oh, SC! I had actually been wondering how that was going. If it had to end, I agree it is better that it ended without any ugliness, dishonesty, etc etc. But also, I know that drama free does not equal pain free.
Hugs...
Sorry that things ended. Glad though that you both saw that there are really wonderful people out there. I wish I knew the right things to say that didn't sound like a cliche.
thinking of you, kat
SC, sorry to hear about you and FFG
I know what you mean, while I can't say I've experienced it at your level but the brief connection I felt with someone not long ago (first time in 10 years) was great, pretty amazing at times- despite the fact we were two very different people.
It's hard being the one who thinks that things are good but the other person feels differently. I wonder if it's because people are searching for very specific things or wanting/expecting too much from the other as opposed to seeing them as an enhancement? They say we waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love- I think there's some truth to that.
Oh damn! Sandycay I am sorry. It sounds like you handling pain well but pain IS pain no matter what.
You know, there is a place where you always post every little single thing you think and feel. And there will be lots of people that care to listen.
Hugs
K
Thanks K.... are you saying I post to much on FB? LOL
I so dislike reading this latest news from you.
It brings out some thoughts about my last short lived 9 month relationship.
Much like you, it was an easy breakup, although I stressed so much before it happened. I do hope she has found her "happily ever after" as her parents had planned for her. She was a good person, but like FFG, there was a missing connection between us.
But...and there is always a but...you will rebound and find another good man. You are a good woman with good morals. You live in an area with a lot of opportunity for happiness. You are lucky to be in such a beautiful marine environment and close to one of the great cities of the USA.
Thank you for saying that Kerry.
As for seeing him again...I was friends with her for a short time following the breakup. But, we fell out of contact. Maybe that was best as I hoped it allowed her to move on much quicker. Yes, I can't be "friends" with a former lover. I can be friendly, but he mentioned doing the Wild Waves haunted house with the kids and doing it together and then something about how he hopes on a nice day he can still ask me to go riding with him. I thought that was weird. I can't hang out with him casually. I don't know why I would or why he would.
Just keep doing your studies for now. Be the best mom for your kids as you have always been. And you will be surprised what comes your way. I have no time between the Chemistry and Math class... which by the way confuses even the tutors I am seeing (thank goodness for them and the college offers them for free up to 4 hours a week)
Oh, SC! I had actually been wondering how that was going. If it had to end, I agree it is better that it ended without any ugliness, dishonesty, etc etc. But also, I know that drama free does not equal pain free.
Hugs...
You got that right sister.... but I can tell you it doesn't hurt like the other one.... so I've been through worse! It's more of losing the relationship, companionship that I am having the most trouble with him.
Sorry that things ended. Glad though that you both saw that there are really wonderful people out there. I wish I knew the right things to say that didn't sound like a cliche.
thinking of you, kat
SC, sorry to hear about you and FFG
I know what you mean, while I can't say I've experienced it at your level but the brief connection I felt with someone not long ago (first time in 10 years) was great, pretty amazing at times- despite the fact we were two very different people.
It's hard being the one who thinks that things are good but the other person feels differently. I wonder if it's because people are searching for very specific things or wanting/expecting too much from the other as opposed to seeing them as an enhancement? They say we waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love- I think there's some truth to that.
Mini-hijack/observation...
I was driving in the car today flipping stations and Dr. Laura was on. She is annoying but also right sometimes.
Anyway a woman called in listing the random little annoying things her husband did, why she wanted to divorce him. Then she paused and said, "I sound ridiculous, don't I?"
And Laura said, "Yes, you do. But I still think you should divorce him. Because he deserves better than you. You don't want a strong man even though you say you do, bc a strong man would not put up with your crap. You have a fantasy of the ideal man, so you find easygoing men to pick on and berate and try to mold them into the ideal, unrealistic man. With that mindset you will never be happy."
That's not you, BBJ. There are women like that, but you are not one of them.
Oh, I know that Lotus!! I just meant that in general...there will be people out there who don't want to be with us, and it's ok. Because it isn't our problem, really, it is THEIR problem...I don't even know if it describes FFG.
It was just interesting to hear, because when someone rejects us, often it is not about us at all, even though it sure feels that way! It often has more to do with them than it does with us...
"...You don't want a strong man even though you say you do, bc a strong man would not put up with your crap. You have a fantasy of the ideal man, so you find easygoing men to pick on and berate and try to mold them into the ideal, unrealistic man. With that mindset you will never be happy."
Thanks for posting that BBJ, I needed to hear that coming from someone else.
no, it doesn't describe FFG... I got nothing bad to say about him, nor him about me. He just feels like he should feel deeper than he does..... like by this time he should be ready to pop the question! That's what he said, so since he doens't he doesn't feel like he should continue dating me. I agree. I guess I should add that I agree with if he feels that way, that is. I don't agree that he should be popping any question.
On the other hand, he also thinks he is making a mistake... oh well, if he is and figures it out in time then so be it, if not .... it was the right decision.
Even if I don't like it today.
I'm going out with friends Friday night so that will be fun.
Good deal...have fun Friday! I didn't think it described him, just thought it was a good thing to remember as we venture back in to the dating experience.
I totally agree with you, if he feels he should stop seeing you for whatever reasons, then no point arguing his feelings.
BBJ and Sandycay,
There is a new poster named Jealousy. I think both of you could give her good advice.
Now his dad sent me a random email about a page long just catching up with me.
I guess he made it official... he changed his FB status to single. I mean I took myself of an in a relationship but then I deleted it from my wall so that big old heart isn't there.... , plus I left it blank, its like an advertisment. That made my heart hurt a little.
Sorry to hear about that, Sandy. It will be for the best though.
I totally agree with you, if he feels he should stop seeing you for whatever reasons, then no point arguing his feelings.
From the book of DB 101
Well had a good weekend. Went out with girlfriend on Friday night. Gosh the younger men are silly. The 30 something crowd likes older woman. Then they try to BS you saying "I think your in your mid thirties".... hahaha....
Do they think I fell off the turnip truck? Some of them are interesting... I got into a convo with a young man 28 who had just come back from Iraq 3 weeks ago and didn't know anyone has he had just moved here about a month before he deployed. We talked for a while interesting kid. He tried to buy me a shot of tequila at the end of the conversation.... we were talking pretty frankly about things considering where he has been. He said as I was leaving "I wish girls my age were more like you... capable of communicating, interesting conversation." I took that as the biggest compliment of the night... other than showing the bouncer my id to get in..... I said "serioulsy"
He said "yup"
On Sat. I met up with a fellow that we are friends of mutual friends on FB.... he's a runner too so we have talked over the past year about running stuff via FB.... well the kids where out of town this weekend so he ask if I wanted to meet for coffee Saturday afternoon ( he knew I was studying alot this weekend) for a break.... I thought about it... and thought why not... it's just coffee...
We ended up going to the glass musuem, watched them blow glass, and walked thru the exhibit and then went for coffee. It was a nice non-date.
However, he is an attorney. ;-)
So glad you had a nice weekend!
And a compliment for being yourself, a good conversationalist? Excellent!
Yes, I give good conversation! LOL
So~ AG (attorney guy) has sent me a few text today.
FFG is coming over tomorrow so we can do the big exchange of stuff. I haven't seen him in over two weeks....weird!
I did defriend him on FB. It's for the best for right now. I wish him the best and everything but I'm not quite ready to watch it happen under my nose... plus it keeps popping up pictures on the side and they always seem to be of him. Plus, since we broke up, he has beeen using FB quite a bit where he never did before. So, I had to go FB dark... LOL
DB taught me some valuable lessons...
See when one door closes another one opens, you just have to be looking! lol Good to see you brushing yourself off and still moving right along.
kat
That glass museum seems very cool, Sandy
I'm intrigued!
Well, FFG and I did the big exchange.... first time we have seen each other in two weeks.
It was awkward at first, but we loaded and unloaded... It was weird because he walked in with a gash on his band and I had a band aid in my hand. I had just cut my finger.
So at the end, he hugs me really long ( he hs the most wonderful hugs) and gets choked up and says "I'm sorry". Looks at me really long, kisses me on the cheek and has tears in his eyes. He asked me how school was going & I couldnt' even speak after seeing him..... Just tears sprung to my eyes and I choked out "hard". I had to turn around and walk away.
He sent me a text a few minutes later. Said "That was hard seeing you and keeping my emotions under control."
Why does he need to tell me this?
See when one door closes another one opens, you just have to be looking! lol Good to see you brushing yourself off and still moving right along.
kat
I'm not looking.... not even remotely .... I can't handle another goodbye like this one qutie yet.
But GAL is meeting new people and it was an opportunity for me to step out there.
That glass museum seems very cool, Sandy
I'm intrigued!
It is really neat.... the building is really cool on the outside. They have a museum and a hot shop... where visiting artist do the work. It's really neat when the are doing big pieces... This week it was birds... so artistically pleasing.... but I like the bigger pieces.
AG called last night after a few text exchange. He asked my permission to call. It was very thoughtful because of the kids.
We talked for about an hour. It was pleasant.
I am being mindful of what a friend shared with me of something that she saw in me back in August. She told me she thought I was co-dependant. I've been researching that and going back over the relationships of past and since August and she is right.
I am working on that, so normal tendancy would be to jump on the AG relationship potential... because it is probably there.
But I am not going to do that this time. I want to take a "Kerry" approach and a) concentrate on my kids b) concentrate on myself & school & continue to GAL of things I want.
So, I will keep AG in a friend category... for coffee, hiking, and maybe occasional dinner. Until I feel ready to take on something instead of something taking on me. I think I do that because I fear I will "miss" out on 'the one".
Just a personal goal until I see those codependant thoughts and actions disappear.
AG ~ has been texting me off and on all week. He has also called twice. He is very nice and very interesting.
However, I know I should not be communicating with him daily. That will take the place of the where FFG was in companionship and I don't know if that is becoming co-dependant on AG. To fill a void. I haven't worked it all out completly on how to do that if you like someone and they are "just that into you". If you are "into them" but not ready to be "into them" Not because you don't like them or anything.... just not ready to have that.
Hard to explain.... but I feel like if I am talking to you on a regular basis that if I were to meet someone else for coffee or something of that nature it would be wrong. I know that comes from being married for almost 20 years, but having multiple interest out there is weird. I guess because for the past 20 years when I talked with a man it was my EXH. Gosh, dating as a bonified adult is difficult at times.
I'm not saying that AG and I are relationship bound but I get the feeling he is. Plus, he lives an hour away. Which is difficult for relationships but wonderful for casual friendship.
I haven't worked it all out completly on how to do that if you like someone and they are "just that into you". If you are "into them" but not ready to be "into them" Not because you don't like them or anything.... just not ready to have that.
I hear ya. That's why it's good to state what you are looking for/not looking for from the very beginning. Getting over a D is no joke. I think it's crazy for anyone to just go straight into another R without spending any time grieving.
I've grieved for 2 years. But FFG and I did get into a relationship. I don't feel it was a rebound one though. I am over the EXH. Will be forever sad about the loss of my family but there is a difference.
My EXH is who he is now, not who he was then.
Amen to that last statement!
So, AG ask me out for today. Since our last "date" was a non-date "date".... He ask me out and then said "this is a date". It was cute because when we had coffee last week .... we split a piece of coffee cake. So, I ask him if this meant I got a whole piece of cake to myself this time.
He wants to walk through a botanical garden and then go to dinner.
******* I couldn't edit the earlier one, so this is add on"
So, AG ask me out for today. Since our last "date" was a non-date "date".... He ask me out and then said "this is a date". It was cute because when we had coffee last week .... we split a piece of coffee cake. So, I ask him if this meant I got a whole piece of cake to myself this time.
He wants to walk through a botanical garden and then go to dinner. I am on a study hold and he is willing to accept if I can or cannot make it. I have lots of work to do and not sure if I have the time. (Is that because I'm just not that into him?) I don't know... He is very nice, quick wit, funny, thoughtful, and cute-ish . More along the EXH looks and not FFG looks. So hard not to compare. He is healthy and a runner so that is good.
A fellow classmate and I were talking about relationships the whole co-dependancy thing and she said "I want to choose a relationship, not let it choose me". I think that is where I am.... that maybe because there was a nice man in front of me with nothing overly wrong.... I jumped on the relationship for fear it was the one and never really took my time with that. EXH and I dated only 6 months before we married. We would have married anyway, because it was all good for a long time.
I am just gonna kick it all around slowly this time. I have to many other things that are more important.
So, I may or may not go.
Hi Sandycay, thanks for commenting on my thread! I see you are dating but a little farther along than I am...i.e. you have been in a relationship with someone and have seen another a few times!
that maybe because there was a nice man in front of me with nothing overly wrong.... I jumped on the relationship for fear it was the one and never really took my time with that.
I hear you...we always hear things like the best love relationships are those where you start as friends first...but if the man is romantically interested, it's not really "friends" is it? And what about accidentally leading the man on and only breaking his heart down the line? I know if the roles were reversed I wouldn't want to be doing what I did with stbxh where I was waiting around for him to decide to choose me!
how do you navigate this? argh!!
It is funny I was having a similar conversation with a guy friend. Both of us can 'find' dates if we want them....the thing is I don't want to have to hunt someone down (i.e. match.com). However, those who 'fall into my lap' so to speak are clearly more into me than I am into them...so I decided to focus on my college class and my job and kids and let that part go for now.
There was a teacher I met on Match...we went out once, kept trying to reschedule but times never lined up. I realized if I was that 'into' him I would have tried harder to open up some time...
Let us know if you go. I like the type of outings you go on. Museums, botanical gardens, etc. Good stuff.
A walk through a botanical garden sounds lovely.
Hi Sandycay, thanks for commenting on my thread! I see you are dating but a little farther along than I am...i.e. you have been in a relationship with someone and have seen another a few times!
that maybe because there was a nice man in front of me with nothing overly wrong.... I jumped on the relationship for fear it was the one and never really took my time with that.
I hear you...we always hear things like the best love relationships are those where you start as friends first...but if the man is romantically interested, it's not really "friends" is it? And what about accidentally leading the man on and only breaking his heart down the line? I know if the roles were reversed I wouldn't want to be doing what I did with stbxh where I was waiting around for him to decide to choose me!
how do you navigate this? argh!!
Well, we have both been honest and agreed.... nothing heavy at this point. Been very honest about that. I actually always read your threatd... I just don't post as much as I read. LOL
Well, the botanical gardens stroll was nice. Good conversation. Sat till it got dark on a bench and then went to dinner.
Or what I thought was going to be dinner and I hadn't eaten all day so I was hungry. I even made kids dinner before I went and didn't eat that so I could have dinner with him.
A few things that bothered me, When he pulled up to meet me ( Iwas getting in his car so he could drive us) he didn't get out of the car to greet me. (weird?)
The we got to dinner and they asked to seat us he said " we will sit at a table in the bar section, they have a great happy hour menu". I thought that was weird. Then the waitress asked us if we wanted a menu and he said "no", then looks at me "unless you want a big dinner". Then he ordered a beer and said "I don't drink beer out much becuse I'm on a budget"... hmmmmm So, I just ordered a beer and told him to order whatever he thought was best to eat.... so he ordered a flat bread thingy (which was good) but got one so we split it. Then at one point towards the end I went to the restroom ane when he came back he got up to go and said, (as he was holdig up the bill holder) "I've alreasdy taken care of this".... ummm ok???? Duh ....
Then we got back to my car we are sitting there in his talking.... he asked me if he could kiss me (while we are sitting in the car) awkard!!!!! Then I got out and HE DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE CAR to put me in my car!!!! Also, he never opened the car door for me once. I am not used to that either....even EXH did that for me on most occasions.
So, the pluses are he is very nice, tons of words of affirmations towards me. I think he is more reserve than me... cause I'm pretty out there with the humor. But, I think he really really likes me and I am not sure how to sloooooow it down. He broke up with his GF a year ago and hasn't dated anyone since..... so I want to be careful of his heart. Because he is genuinly nice and honestly I would need to go out with him a few more times before I could call it either way.
Now, I am not saying that being on a budget is a bad thing, but seriously if you offer to meet me at 5:30 for date.... that includes dinner it includes dinner. Take me to McDonald's or whereever you can afford but let me eat! Plus I drove an hour to do that and had to drive an hour back home......
And my makeup compact fell out of my purse into his car so I will have to see him again to get that..... but the timing sucks between distance and kids.
You need to get a better
purse.
Kissing in the car is awkward. The last lady I dated, we would both get out (no matter who's was driving) for the good night hug/kiss.
Did you get yourself properly fed after the date? I bet you get a good laugh the next time you dine on a "flat bread thingy".
(((((Sandy)))))
I don't think I am too impressed. You don't ask if you can kiss someone, and then not get out of the car to say good-bye. You don't tell someone, "We will sit there". You say, "Would you like to sit in the bar? They have a nice happy hour." You don't assume they don't want a menu. Etc.
Lots of mixed signals to me. Maybe he is just socially inept. But, is that a just, or part of his makeup that will nag at you every day?
You need to get a better
purse.
LOL Kerry, you always make me smile! Kissing in the car is awkward. The last lady I dated, we would both get out (no matter who's was driving) for the good night hug/kiss.
Did you get yourself properly fed after the date? I bet you get a good laugh the next time you dine on a "flat bread thingy".
[color:#000099] Yes, I stopped and bought barbq corn nuts.....color]
(((((Sandy)))))
I don't think I am too impressed. You don't ask if you can kiss someone, and then not get out of the car to say good-bye. You don't tell someone, "We will sit there". You say, "Would you like to sit in the bar? They have a nice happy hour." You don't assume they don't want a menu. Etc.
Not to make excuses but it was a booth in the bar...just no table cloths etc. Very nice restaurant.
Lots of mixed signals to me. Maybe he is just socially inept. You may be on to soomething here. He's quite brillant so maybe that's were he is lacking. I am pretty sure I could let him know he needs to do those things i.e. open the door, get out of the car and he would. But, is that a just, or part of his makeup that will nag at you every day? That is the question at large. I am kinda ok if I never saw him again... so does that mean I'm just not that into him.... of course, it could be because school is crazy righ now and I don't have the energy to deal with it.
Plus, it really made me miss FFG and the ease of our relationship. I just dont really know what to do at this point... he's a great guy but I just want casual not anything else at this point. So, I guess after Wednesday test, I will have a conversation with him regarding that.
Time for an update I suppose since I will be coming up on the anniversary of EXH walking out for a 2nd time and me filing. November 9th is the date but finally dates don't matter anymore.
I remember when they did and I dreaded it. I really hadn't even thought about it until matchguy and I talked about how long we had been divorced and such and then it dawned on me the date was coming up.
So, EXH surfaced at a soccer game for D and seemed nice and his normal self. It started raining and I had a big umbrella and he had none,so I was inclined to tell him he was welcome to stand under mine and I didn't think he would burst into flames or anything... he laughed and moved under it. At one point he was talking to me and slipped and called me "honey" which was his pet name for me..... I just let it ride and then he realized what he said and I think it surprised him. Anyway, we both had a good laugh at that. I had told D i would take her to lunch after game and since she has only seen her D once since June he got asked to join us. We drove to lunch place had a nice lunch a few laughs and seemed like it always had and did. Pre-bomb.
As we left he said "see ya tomorrow" she had another soccer game...but he was a no-show, no call.... so I did text him the score the next day....no reply, I honestly was worried cause he doesn't say I will be there and then not... so I called around 10 that night both phones no answer, this next day I sent a text "are you alive" I was concerned at that point.... and then he came back with he got short noticed to work, phone was dead blah blah blah.... wha the should have said was I was to invovled in kitty cats to bother with my daughter.... but he chose to lie. It didn't matter, I just want him to not disappoint her anymore.
Since then he has been in very little communicaiton to her... she has opened the door for him and yet he text infrequently and calls infrequently.... I wish he would have more effort.
I have joined match and dipping a toe into the casual dating world...but I have very little time anyway but it's nice to have some adult conversation out of it.... but the weirdos really do hang out in those places.... 1200 profiles deleted already.
I don't know if my profile is lame or what.... I've had 1113 views but only a handful of interest. I was pondering to a friend about this because she asked me "do men talk to you when your out, like grocery store, different places?" I said, "no, not really" When I've gone out with friends...it's men younger than me that approach me to talk. I look around and with woman in my age range... I'm not half bad, I'm healthy, normal weight range, I think I have a decent enough personality. So, I wonder if men have a hard time like I do on match.... wondering if we are on the same "playing field". What I mean by that is I have had 65 year old men with numerous health problems try to email me to meet for lunch.... we are not on the same playing field... you know what I mean? I don't know if I am making sense.... Sometimes I wonder when I view a man's profile am I in his league of dating material and when I am unsure and don't look at it again. It's hard to gauge that through photographs. My friend suggested that maybe I come across as to intimidating. So guys, how does a girl not come across like that?
FFG wanted to come over the day before halloween and give me something from him and his daughter and maybe take my D for the night to go to a Halloween party. I had to write him an email and tell him why this was no good for any of us. I still have a drill of his that he was asking about and told him i would leave it on the porch for him to pickup but then all the sudden he was in no hurry to get it.... so here it sits. I just wasnt' not ready to see the little girl.... I love the kids so much but I couldnt' trust myself not to cry, so I could not do it. If my D is going to spend time with his D, I think I will arrange it through his EXW as to not confuse my D by being around him. She loves/ed him and I think it's better that way.
I SO thought of you the other night...my ex called wanting to take the kids and I for dinner--kids started arguing over where to eat so he said forget it if they can't decide where to eat. yeah, so that's a good reason to bail on a plan? sheesh
Too bad he didn't show for the other game. I hate it when their flakiness hurts the kids.
Guess I am in good company, I have removed 2300 profiles from match! Some say I am picky, I say if I see something or read something that turns me off, you are gone. Why keep looking at profiles of people that I know I don't want to meet?? And I am with you, I like to have the door opened for me, simple acts of courtesy/chivalry. I will offer to pay my half on a first meeting, but if a guy asks me out I do think he should pay the first time. Granted last time I was in the dating pool was the 1990s.
I hear you on the 'in their league' thing, too. When I get a wink or email from a 28 yr old who has never been married, no kids, and he's a good looking/fit guy, I think, Why would he be interested in me? He is probably better off with someone younger who doesn't have kids yet. Guess that is another form of mind reading though...
Well, exh surfaced for soccer game yesterday. Complimented me on my boots (brown leather riding boots)? Weird?
Sat right behind me at the game which is what he typically does if he shows up. i didn't even know he was in town.
After game, he is hugging daughter and looks at me and says "you guys want to go to lunch" so i said well let me call son (who was leaving the game in his car) to see if he wants to go. So, I got off the phone and told EXH that yes S wants to go and he said "I meant all of us, your welcome to come too". I was going to get something to eat anyway so I joined them at Subway....
I did have to call him later to ask about taking the kids out of country over Thanksgiving so that was a brief convo I could tell he wanted to ask more but didn't.
Oh well, didn't hear from match guy..I'll call him hunter guy as he likes to hunt, but I didnt' really expect to at this point. I don't know if I am brave enough to send out feelers on match yet as I really like for the man to make the first move.
What do the guys thing on sights about a woman contacting you first?
Hmmm input needed:
Hunter guy text a few times yesterday and said he was going to call me later.... he did.
We talked for about 45 min about different things... then we hung up.
I ask you.... why is he calling me and not asking me out again? Ugh.... I don't get this dating thing. It's been to long, I don't know the rules!
So, I sent an email to another match guy, we will see if it is returned. I don't want to send out to many at once, because my time is precious. I can only juggle so much. LOL
((((((sandycay))))))
Personally, I am happy if a woman contacts me first. Sometimes I am interested, and sometimes not. But the "role reversal" doesn't bother me.
I don't get the not asking you out after that long of a call. Did he ever sounds like he was trying, but was too insecure? We are, I think, terrified at the thought of rejecting, especially if we haven't done it a few times.
Well, I did initiate the first text on Monday because he had initiated the text and phone call on Saturday. I just sent him a text asking him if he had recovered from the Seahawks game, as he had said he would be watching it on Sunday. That started the texting and then he called later.
So, because I have reached out once, I won't do it again unless he ask me out. I like the man to be the pursurer... and he ought to know that if I ddin't want to go out with him.... I wouldn't have initiated contact, which I did.
I heard nothing today, now I don't expect him to call or text daily... I'm not saying that but I do need plenty of notice to try to make free time.... of course he doesn't know that. My GF said if he hasn't ask you out by Thursday and then ask you out on Thursday to tell him I'm busy.... LOL
Last week the Friday was planned on Tuesday so he was early enough last week. Oh well, it's neither here nor there.
After seeing you, and then talking for that long... I don't know what he is up to.
I am liking your plan, the ball is in his court.
Potentially he has other match dates lined up or looking to see if one transpires, which is what he should do if he's "just not that into me". But I won't be back up date plan B.... so no short notice dates with me at this point.
I'll pick one of my daily 5's that I've squirreled away in my list and email him.
Ok... went out of the comfort zone and emailed a guy first.
Good job, Sandy!
The worst thing that could happen is.... nothing!
Why does it make me feel cheap? Seriously, I am having problems initiating!
Not sure, but I know I rarely email first, I let the guys email me most of the time....maybe it is passive aggressive, or old fashioned, but I like guys to ask me out!
I have 'favorited' a few guys, so they can see I am interested, and then sometimes that guy emails me. I am trading emails right now with a guy on match. Not sure how many emails should be traded before one of us asks the other one out already...
I am not big on "rules"...if someone asked me out on a Thursday for Friday, and I was free and wanted to go, I would go. However if it became a pattern then I would say something. Or if I genuinely had plans I might say, "Can't make it, I have plans, is there another day that works for you?" If he can come up with one, good, if not, I know I am Plan B...
Well.... Hunter Guy did call tonight and after an hour phone conversation ask me out for Friday.
Said he would call tomorrow to firm up plans....my battery was dying at that point.
I think he may be a tad shy in that area, which is kind of cute. He seems self assured every where else.
I have been letting guys contact me to BBJ... until today when I emailed one first... he hasn't read it yet....
The guy I emailed.... emailed me back! He has a 4,6,7,& 9 year old daughters....
Ok... Why do so many men either a) have very young kids at my age or b) don't have any?
Hunter guy has none. I love kids but 4!!!!!!!
Well hunter guy did call and we have tonight set up as a 'date'.... yikes!
On other news, it looks like the kids and I will probably be going to Victoria over Thanksgiving.
So, that's GAL! LOL
Now, what to wear? I guess Camo would be appropriate.
Not camo! You want him to be able to see you!
I am thinking bright orange...highly visible...:)
Have fun!
Well... date night was interesting. We ate some awesome pizza and had a beer... then wondered over to the bowling alley to find they had mini golf and since he is a golfer too well I had to throw down the challenge.
After my hole in one on the third he looked a little shocked.... haha.... we ended up tying in the end. Then we went bowling and he smoked me on that.
He then took me back to my car and we sat in his truck and talked for about 15 minutes and then I got out and went home. 6-12:30.... he did hug me hello but not goodbye?
He did say he had a good time and would call me Sunday.
One thing I noticed... we have a good bantering about us but he doesn't really ask me anything about ME. I have purposely thrown in some thought provoking questions here and there just to get to know him a little better and he answers them but never ask me anything in return.
I wonder if it is because in his last relationship, they didn't speak the same language (she was puerto rican) and he thought she was understanding a lot more than what she let on. So, maybe he forgot how to communicate? I may ask him about this if we go out again.
Seriously, if he wants to KNOW me .... he's going to have to lead that effort.
I did notice that he dressed up more this time than the meet and greet...so I complimented him on the effort... he has never given me a compliment. hmmmmm not sure I like that....
A little Hunter Guy update~
On Sunday he called like he said he would on Friday night. I told him I was headed down to "blahblah' city to meet up for a study group... turns out he lives near where i was going.
He said "well if your going to be around after the Seahawks game" call me and we can do dinner. Seriously, if I had gotten done before Seahawks game was over does that mean he wouldn't meet me? I should have tested that one. I am aware there are very crucial games to watch and i love to watch sports.... we could have met somewhere and watched the ending of it.
So, we met for dinner.... I wore my hair curly which it has always been straight when he has seen it..... there is a big difference in how it looks..... he said NOTHING about it. My classmates everyone I know comments on it the first time they see it all curly.... him nothing..... I was in jeans, tennis shoes, and fleece pullover (sunday afternoon study session) cause I wasn't planning on seeing him. Very weird... Super Nice guy but he may be to "old" acting for me. He looks a young 49 but I don't know if he has the energy for me. He did walk me to my car and HUG me goodbye.... and said I'll call you midweek and maybe we can get together for dinner. I said ok
So, I was talking with Kerry about this on the phone wondering... how do you know if it's just shyness and it will change or is there nothing else there? He never ask me a question about me again.
I am emailing with one match guy and 2 (32) year olds keep emailing me and trying to IM me. I have told them both they are way to young and they don't care because "Your so pretty and you look so young"..... It's weird men my age don't generally go for me on match.... it seems they want the younger ones.
I did talk to one on Sat. night too and had a nice conversation, but nothing sense then. I had to get off the phone rather quickly and deal with a situation with my 16 yr old, but I sent him an email on Sunday .... thanking him for his understanding and that I enjoyed our conversation.
Blech...
Hi Sandycay! A couple of comments:
1) When Hunter guy said "call me after the game to do dinner" I totally took that to be simple- you said you were going to a game. He didn't want to interfere with that!
2) About him not asking about you...I have been single way longer than married and dated lots of men. MOST of them didn't ask about me. Could be a guy thing. Jump in there and after you ask about him, volunteer stuff about yourself and see how he responds. I have had mostly positive results from this.
3)The looks thing...again, many guys don't compliment!
4)About the hug- seems like he is being respectful. If you know that you are attractive and the date went well, then don't worry that he isn't "into" you- after all, he did initiate another date! I bet you will get a kiss the next time. Are you giving him signals that you find him attractive like touching his arm or letting your feet touch his under the table or walking close to him, letting your body touch his?
5) AWESOME that 32 year olds are interested in you!What a nice compliment! I get so many winks from men in their mid to late forties and fifties...it is evolutionary/biologically programmed for men to go for "childbearing" women (even if they don't want more kids)but they are certainly missing out AREN'T they? I find it egotistical to be honest!
Hi Sandycay! A couple of comments:
1) When Hunter guy said "call me after the game to do dinner" I totally took that to be simple- you said you were going to a game. He didn't want to interfere with that! No, he was watching the game at his house alone... I was meeting a study group during the game, unsure of how long the study session was going to last.
2) About him not asking about you...I have been single way longer than married and dated lots of men. MOST of them didn't ask about me. Could be a guy thing. Jump in there and after you ask about him, volunteer stuff about yourself and see how he responds. I have had mostly positive results from this.
3)The looks thing...again, many guys don't compliment!
4)About the hug- seems like he is being respectful. If you know that you are attractive and the date went well, then don't worry that he isn't "into" you- after all, he did initiate another date! I bet you will get a kiss the next time. Are you giving him signals that you find him attractive like touching his arm or letting your feet touch his under the table or walking close to him, letting your body touch his? I did intiate some contact on Friday night when bowling touched his shoulder as i was walking around him telling him way to go on his strike.... i initiated several light exchanges.... he did hug me quickly once after he made a strike. We have been out 3 times so far.
5) AWESOME that 32 year olds are interested in you!What a nice compliment! I get so many winks from men in their mid to late forties and fifties...it is evolutionary/biologically programmed for men to go for "childbearing" women (even if they don't want more kids)but they are certainly missing out AREN'T they? I find it egotistical to be honest!
A match update: I finally got an email from a man that was a wonderful way to introduce himself in that awkward first email dance ... it said:
I was reading your profile and thought you sounded interesting if you read mine and would like to know more please feel free to ask, if not good luck with your search.
Have a great night.
(insert his name here)
I like that so I read his profile and wrote back. Ask a few questions to which he replied with another great follow up email asking more about me:
Sandycay,
Well you need to go to Vegas it is a blast I will be going agian in the summer. This is coming to you early as I am in (city) training this week so I am two hours ahead of you.
I am a sales rep for (company) and we do a lot of training.
My favorite thing to cook is italian but I cook a lot of tthings I just did a turkey a few weeks ago and I try new thing all the time it is a talent. LOL
So tell me about yourself what do you like to do besides run?
I do run as well and I work out about 4-5 days a week when works allows. I am not a gym rat but I do like being in shape. Do you like to vacation and where have you been?
Well I am off to (blank) look forward to hearing from you again.
Have a great day.
(insert name )
I changed some of the personal things on here that he put in. But I like the flow and the questions that he ask. Hunter guy did call last night but we didn't talk long and I don't even know if he knows my last name. LOL But it's now Thursday so he missed the opportunity to ask me out for the weekend.
Attorney guy wants to drive down tonight and see me but I don't know if I'm in the mood. I'll let him know later.
I have 2 major test on Monday so it will be a busy weekend. plus daughters birthday and soccer.
I talked to FFG exwife last night because their daughter is coming over for the sleepover (yea! I miss her so much) but boy did she share with me about FFG... not sure who is telling the truth between those two. But she did pay me some nice compliments about how she knew her kids loved me, and that i loved them... she thought I was very good for FFG and she had hoped and thought we would be getting married.. so that was nice.
Well, it's been a month so here is an update.
KerryK and I met over Thanksgiving and took our kids to Victoria and braved a holiday together. That's GAL with DB friends!
The night before we left I had a meet and greet with the guy above. We can call him FedExGuy.
We have been out together almost every week since then. I am not dating him exclusively... but I have only had one meet and greet since then. I have learned I am not a pursuer in the online dating world. FEG has been a very nice man to get to know. I am keeping the relationship at arms lenght and taking things very very slowly. He understands my need to do this.
His kids are all out of the house and he is a grandfather at 45! So, no kid element there. I did meet his daughter but she is 25. He bought me a nice Christmas gift and I had bought him one too. We bought each other the same cologne/perfume from the same designer... Dolce and Gabana! So, that was funny.
The EXh did not call his children even on Christmas.... he is a donkey.
I am Spending New Year;s eve with friends at a party with my kiddos and I have invited FEG... i always spend new years' eve with my kids. Excited for 2011!!!!
Another month, another update~
FEG and I are still dating. Everything is going very very well. I/we are taking things slowly.
We have the best communication I have ever had with anyone. I feel a connection to this man that I have never felt for anyone before. Including EXH. There is something there and I am excited for the prospect of an adult mature relationship with this man.
He did ask me to be exclusive in our relationship and I said "yes". I have only been on one meet and greet since I first went out with him and that was early on. No one was able to peek my interest.
The exh has surfaced a bit more for the kids. Took them snowboarding yesterday. The daughter loves it, the son not so much but at least they spent time together.
I still follow most stories, I just don't post much but things are going very well here. I am dealing with the S on some emotional issues left over from his father's actions but I am hoping they are leveling out.
Wow I hear you on the son's having issues with their dad's behavior. My son doesn't even want to go stay with his dad bc 'dad is always mad, he yells at me" etc etc. He goes but he has said he'd rather stay w/me.
Yay for the guy news! I knew you had been out but didn't realize it had gone exclusive. The communication thing is fabulous. I am glad you have found that and I am looking for that, too. So great to hear from you...
My EXH has lots of anger and is defensive 90 percent of the time. There is no way to communicate with him at all. If I say anything .. he turns it into something negative. I really try not to interact with him at all. I wonder why he always comes and sits by me at the sporting events... blech! I mean he can spew nasty stuff at me and then show up and sit beside me like everything is fine. I have started standing back till he sits but now he stands by me till I sit.
FEG and I are doing well. We had a few bumps but nothing major but it was nice to resolve things by talking.... and listening. Not being made to feel like my feelings were stupid. We are progressing very nicely.
Plus, he invited me to go to Mexico in May with his daughter and her fiance and his BF and girlfriend. He offered to pay for the week at a resort plus food and drinks if I could swing the airline ticket! So excited to be going on a vacation! Now, I need to figure out what to do with the kiddos.
Wow, a trip together!? Somewhere warm and sunny, sigh! Jealous me. No really that sounds fantastic...
Hello!!!!
Been two months since an update and guess what I realized. Yesterday was my 1 Year ANNIVERSARY for my Divorce. Good thing I was out with a girlfriend having a glass of wine when it dawned on m! So a clink of the glasses when I told her and then moved on to another topic.
He is still an absent father and it is affecting the kids. My son is in Counseling and is diagnosed with Inattentive ADD, depression and anxiety... Yeah DAD!
I found a letter that my daughter wrote to her father in her room, explaining why she hated him but the most profound part of the letter was this last sentence: "Your such a MONSTER, except your not a scary classic monster who destroys towns, your a MONSTER who destroys relationships".!!!! UGH I seriously hate him for what he is doing to these wonderful children of ours.... I guess I should say mine now!
I just honestly want to call him a Douche Bag once to his face! But I won't, I have never yelled nor cursed him since it all began and I wouldn't start now. Not that there is any communication anyways.
The good news is the check is on time every month with out fail. That's his ticket to feel good about himself!
On the relationship front FEG and I are still dating and it a great place in our relationship. We will be going to Cabo together in about a month from now to spend a week together! Very excited to not have to worry about kids, it's rough not getting a break but I am glad I am not missing out. I love my kiddos very much.
I hope you all are doing well. I'm still in school. I still read everyone's situations just don't post much anymore.
I just read your update. I am so sorry for your kids. Is there something YOU could do to make them feel better? Are you talking to them about it? I know their R with ex is not your business but when it is about your kids maybe your role could be more active in relation to bringing up the topic, discussing, even "excusing" him in the sense that "people make horrible mistakes etc etc"...? I dont know if I am clear...
Hugs
K
Thanks for stopping by K! We do talk about it and the son is in counseling... he is very angry and his dad totally disgust him. I have educated them as best I could with professional help... i just wonder about their future.
Today would have been my 20th anniversary.... :-(
Wow ~ can't believe it's been so long but busy GAL but not so much in a good way.
FEG and I had a wonderful vacation together in May and we are still dating! It is a great relationship, great communication etc....in Nov... it will be a year since we met. One of the things about him that I dearly love is that if I have an issue with something...and we talk about it....he replies "I'll work on that"... He listens...he is not perfect ..... and never am I but we work on things we need to work on... mine has been how I go about telling him something has bothered me...He told me I come at him...and puts him on defense... and he was right so I agree to work on that and I have. We really haven't had many hurtles and nothing major but he has been there for my daughter,my son and me during this horrible summer.
Now for the bad"
In June my daughter was hospitalized for almost a month and almost died due to a ruptured appendix that had been ruptured inside of her for almost 3 weeks they estimate..so by the time she presented with her illness...she was very sick and came fairly close to "I can't even say it". She recovered at home for 4 weeks after that hospital stay and the last two was getting back to normal and was cleared to go to summer camp.
She was there for less than 24 hours and I got a call she had been hit by a boat prop. The call dropped and that's all I knew for awhile.... they where on the other side of the mountains..so FEG drove me there and in the end it was a big cut below her foot involving some nerves and bone but she is recovering and hopefully be back up to speed in 2 months...the happened the first part of August.
EXH acted like an jerk on both occasions... they had to call a social worker to the hosptial during the first stay..because he grabbed me and wouldn't let me out of the room at one point...not in front of Coral but when I walked across the hallway into her room she could see I was upset and asked him what he did and I tried to reassure her everything was fine and we were both upset...she called him an a$$hole and kicked him out of her room. The social worker straightened him out and it was just tense even from the beginning
My new friends that had never met EX were weirded out by his behavior and soon stopped coming because he had such bad MOJO around him and thankfully he didn't come around much.
When she got hit by the boat prop..he chose not to fly home because he was flying the new 787 and that would have been a sacrifice...so he said when he got home on sunday (this happend on Tues) he wanted to come see her) Soooo Sunday rolls around and we hear nothing by 5 so we go see her Youth group till 6:30 (she's in a wheelchair) we get to the car and see he has called on her cell...she called him back and he said he would see her on Monday....BECAUSE since she didn't answer the phone he made other plans and Debbie (new girl of a few weeks) just walked in the door... well this started a fued between he and her...she was devastated that he chose that over her.
(he lives on a boat and wanted her to come to the boat...umm yea..down the dock and on a 40ft boat in a wheelchair...HUH!! What part of she is really hurt did he not get?)
So...he is still deep in his crisis and doesn't get it...I don't say anything to him about it anymore cause frankly my daughter has a great voice on her.... and I overheard her conversation with her dad .....telling him he needed to "grow a set" and that he "was an a$$hole" and that "she didn't care if she should not say that to him cause nobody else had the guts to tell you and I do". Now, let me say that my daughter never curses.... and I did have a talk with her that she needs to figure out how to get her point across without the disrespectful language to her father.... but on the inside I will admit ....it made me chuckle!
And I am glad to see that she won't allow people to treat her poorly!!!!!
I am still in school and that is going well and trying to sell my home so that is keeping things busy.
So... that's my update!
Wow! What a crazy summer! So glad that your daughter is fine. Sounds as if someone upstairs was giving your ex a sign to be with his daughter but he was too oblivious to get it. Keep being the rock for your kids. You are an awesome lady.
Kat
OMG, I can imagine your scare. She was really lucky with the appendix, someone must be watching over you and yours my dear! Thank GOD!
As for your X, what can I say. He leaves me speechless. I enjoyed the way your D talks to him. I would be proud of herif I were you which I am sure you are.
Have fun,
Hugs
K
Well, a Thanksgiving update seems appropriate! Happy Turkey Day!
Tomorrow will mark 1 year since FEG and I have been dating. We met online for those who are stepping into that arena. My advice, just have fun with it...good, bad, or just funny. I had all three but didn't find anger or disappointment when it didn't go wonderful. I always kept communication very minimal before I met with them. You build up to much assumption in your head on the phone...some could talk on the phone but in person not so much. That would be my only advice.
Hoping to see KerryK this weekend at some point. Other than that we are still dealing with D's stuff from this summer. Lawsuit for boating accident and subsequent intestinal issues (unknown causes) from appendix issue. The thinking is now....something was happening with her intestines and that ticked off the appendix...so on the hunt to find out what.
Since September she has been experiencing some slight panic attacks (with heavy flushing) I have her in counseling...seems related to boating accident. She did get to play some soccer this fall. I would say she is at about 80% of the player she was..she doesn't have the sprint nor the footwork back yet. She is a fighter.
S the wonder boy scored a 31 on his ACT and we are actively looking at colleges. This search is full time and expensive!!
I am still in school and between that and the kids and the unsold house...it's crazy!
EX is still crazy...pretty sure he is a chronic MLC and his head will never emerge from his buttt.
I am sure they will test her for Celiac disease, but be aware that the standard tests will not reveal more subtle cases of gluten sensitivity. You can go to Life Extension (
www.lef.org) and order a blood test for food sensitivites that is an IgG panel that looks at like 90 different foods - I find that kind of test helpful in identifying subtle gluten issues and other food sensitivities.
Thanks KML, I'll look into that. I have taken her to another Ped. gastro Dr. as the one we were seeing post hospital just didn't make sense in diagnosing things and randomly changed his treatment of her when I ask questions about it. He just didn't leave me feeling good or clear. I have taken her to Seattle Childrens and met with a wonderful gastro there. We are still on the hunt.
Since the last update, FEG took me to meet the parents in December. While in Boise, we were aimlessly wondering the streets and he pointed me into a jewelry store which I thought was just odd. But I got into a conversation with the guy working there because I had some of my mom's jewelry on and it's quite old and remarkable...he was offering to clean them etc. FEG was picking up different stuff asking do you like this...while it was an engagement ring but I thought "why would you be asking me that...you haven't ask me to marry you" so I just assumed it was casual conversation and offered my opinion on various rings etc. He brought it up later that I was clueless. LOL
We get back home and he informs me he needs to buy a house as his taxes are eating him up and since the D he has been renting. We live about 40 min from each other right now and at the beginning of relationship he said he would consider moving closer to me until my D finishes HS. We both know we don't want to live in the community that I currently live in.
So, I am a bit disappointed that for the next 3 years we will live apart. I understand his financial needs and in the long run it will be the best financial decision for us both. He also told me that he wanted me to be a part in the decision making process and that if he says "I" in any of this that he really means "we". He has the habit of doing this so sometimes I don't know if it is a we thing or an I thing..so he wanted to be clear on that issue. He also took one of my moms rings that I have stated that I would love to be redone and be my wedding ring at some point as it's a beautiful old European Diamond, platinum ring but the style of ring is not one for me. So we made it through Christmas and NE with no proposal..I kinda expected that for Christmas as I think that it around his proposal/wedding date for his ex.
Nothing has been said since. He just signed the documents for building a new home to be ready in July. Now, he will be an hour away. UGH on that. I can't do anything to help on the home at this time as my house is currently up for sell and if something goes wrong and I have to lose the house (I don't see that happening but) we don't want it tied to the other house. He has mentioned us being on the home together....etc.
I have two more classes to complete and then I will be placed on a waiting list for my program to begin next February which will take a year and half to complete. I am very excited about that. I will graduate just shy of my alimony running out. I had to let go of the nursing school issue as none of the ones that were available were close enough to where I live and since the EXH is not a parent in any way shape or form I have to be closer to my kids. I am now going in Occupational Therapy field. I am tickled pink over this ability...I just hope I get accepted!
The boy has been accepted into every college he applied to so now it's just a money game. I may have to take petition EXH to help pay for secondary education.
As soon as the house sells and I can rent I am turning him over to the DCS as he owes me $1000's of dollar for the uninsured medical expenses which he has decided (although it's part of the court order) he doesn't have to pay. He also pays late and that screws up my bills. But I have to be able to turn what money he does give me over to them and then they pay me,...hence the need to float myself for a month...while they get all that spelled out.
He wanted to pay my directly because his pay is never the same nor on the same schedule...so I agreed to it...and for a year and half he paid on time...now he gets later and later every month. I simply have asked him in the past to please let me know ahead of time and I can plan my bills differently for the month but for the last 6 months every month I'm on pins and needles waiting for the money...he sends in increments as he can only transfer so much on a given day. So, I asked him yesterday when he planned on giving me the final payment of the month and he says not till next week....uumm yea mortgage is due no later than the 15th!!! UGH
So, that's all that has been going on in my world.
Valentines in just next week my dear! LOL I don't think there is any question that he is asking just be sure to take in the clues when he does because I don't think he the type that hit's you over the head with stuff.
Glad to hear that all is going well for you. kat
Kat~He does not like Valentines Day so it would be a surprise if he did that. He has never given me flowers in a year but does send me cards by snail mail every so often which I love!!
Plus I know he would ask my kids first and they aren't acting weird LOL
AND my Bestie ask me the other day would I say Yes and my first thought was "yes, of course" but then when I really started thinking about it I felt sick to my stomach! Weird!!!!
Any ring yet? President's day is right around the corner since he isn't a V-day fan.
kat
Kat ~ no ring yet!!
So, I have finally sold the marital home that I have been stuck paying for, for the last 2 years !!! YAY! Bitter sweet and it makes me angry that I am having to sell off half my life to downsize but only for a minute and that's really only because it's a pain the a$$ to move.
I am finally petitioning the court for Post secondary support, meeting with attorney tomorrow and I am turning ex over to DCS tomorrow.
My new attorney put the smack down on me for letting EX bully me over money these past few years. Perfect time because I am moving and he won't know where I live. I am not sure what he is going to do but I'm sure it won't be pretty!!!
FedEX guy and I are still moving along. Thank god his "language of love" is acts of service LOL He's really loved me a lot getting the house ready etc.
We've both been crazy busy and have been putting the relationship on the back burner, still spending the same amount of time together...just not much chilling and recharging time spent together. We had a talk about keeping that in check because the distance we live apart..that won't keep for a good relationship.
Just finished mid-terms this week and finals week is same as closing week. This kids and I have moved most of the attic contents and the guest bedroom stuff to the new house....11 days till the movers come.
Funny story ~ Septic guy was here because you have to pump it prior to a sell....and I sign and date the paper....funny thing is it dawned on me it would have been my big 21st anniversary today. Coincidence that the pooper got dumped? I think not! I just kinda chuckled about it.
So nice to not mourn that anymore...it's so weird...it seems like that part of my life is a dream and very distant memory. I've even began telling kids of funny things about their dad and I or things he did with them. My daughter found her 2nd grade journal and we read all together and it just reaffirmed that we did indeed have a great life then. The ability to laugh until we cried about affirmed the great life we have now...inspite of all the difficulties we go through still. Bless her heart every journal entry started with I HAD THE BEST WEEKEND!!!
Darn! I was so sure it would be Presidents Day! No rush though right? I think moving will be good for a fresh start. Are you renting in case?
Hope you get everything straightened out with the ex via the court. What a hoot about the septic tank! Sounds fitting. Keep on trucking. Sounds like things are going well otherwise. Keep making time for each other.
Hugs, kat
Hey Sandy,
Good luck with the move. I sold 2 homes and bought 2 in the past year and half. Moving, moving, moving - I should be a Pro by now. It is NOT easy. Or Fun but the results are wonderful.
I sold the marital home after hanging onto it for 5 years on my own. It was very freeing. The fresh start is wonderful. Good for you AND the kids. Now I've moved to my dream location on a lake with new man although we still do the long distance thing as he works in the city Sun to Thurs. Hang in there. Fed Ex guy sounds good for you and the long distance thing can and does work!
And hold on tight to the memories. Many of them Were good. Deny them and you deny your kids' childhood. I'm still working on this part. Hope to watch home movies again someday soon.
Great story and I'm happy for you!
Barb
WEll FED-Ex Guy PROPOSED Tuesday and I said Yes! The house he is building is finished....got my boy graduated and he will be heading to college soon and got Fed-ex guy's daughter married. I'm settling into my downsize rental finally! It's been a busy summer!!
I guess we should keep it on the down low due to the court issue is not resolved and not that it matters legally but poking an angry bear is dumb. Or do I just say forget it and make it FB official? LOL
I am still friends with most of Ex's family on FB so the new will travel quickly and I am sure he will hope I will do it sooner rather than later because of the spousal support but I vowed to wait until my kids were done with high school to remarry anyone and that's my intent and has nothing to do with spousal but I am sure he will see it that way.
My daughter wrote her dad in July that she no longer wishes to see him.
This make me incredibly sad and yet who does he blame? ME
I am so sick of him blaming me for his poor relationship with our children and it makes me angry that he doesn't try to fix it but just blames them and me for that. Maybe he should look at himself but that's not the case UGH!!
YEA!!!!!!! Congrats and best wishes Sandy!
I agree, you should probably keep it quiet for now. No sense is stirring up the crazy any further. LOL
I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter's letter to her dad. That has to be so heartbreaking even knowing how he disregards her.
Where is your son going to college? I know you said he had gotten into all of the ones he applied to. Is he staying close to home?
congrats Hon!!! I am so excited for you! Took him a little while huh? But that isn't a bad thing as he needed to get his ducks in a row too.
I would wait to announce until after the court stuff but again that is just me. Wishing you all the best!!
kat
Congrats to you! Sounds like you're moving on with a wonderful new life.
I think it makes perfect sense to wait until your kids are finished high school before getting married. I felt the same way about not moving a guy into the house while my daughter was living at home. So we waited until last year - daughter is finished school and working so when she got her apt - we bought a house together.
Keep us posted about how it goes. Wishing you the best!
Barb
My son will be attending college a little over an hour away and Seattle Pacific University (if the court things go well)
Thanks for the kind words and I'll keep you posted on the court outcome!
An hour away is nice. Gets him away from home to gain a little more independence but close enough to come home whenever he wants or needs to....if only to do laundry!
Mishka....since I've had my kiddos a 100% of the time.. and he was gone over the summer...I welcome the break! I don't think he'll come but for the holidays.... I'll probably run up there to take him to dinner or bike riding around Lake Union when I need a fix!
Well....I've been officially accepted into the OTA program! After 2 years of pre-reqs..I am excited! I begin in February 2013 and finish in July 2014.....spousal support ends in Dec 2014 so the timing is perfect!
Things are going great with FEG..who I guess I shall call Glen from now on.
I have had to pull back on my traveling to see him with my son gone to college and my daughter does not drive yet. It is always interesting to see how one comes forward when one pulls back. It's just circumstantial for us at this point but just a curious human behavior.
I am still awaiting a court date for son's college tuition help. Right now, son has borrowed money and I borrowed money and dad has done nothing.
I really would up to split it in 1/3's as I feel that's fair.
Still haven't settled daughters boating incident stuff yet. HOpefully soon without going to court.
I am off until Feb and thought about getting a job till then but then I thought...it's probably the last time off I'll have so I'm just gonna chill and enjoy it. Try to lose some weight and train from some races! I am trying to downsize more in efforts to move into an even cheaper place next summer. My tuition is going to cost some money and with the boys tuition I need to pinch pennies.
I don't want to enter into marriage with Glen with a debt other than my car. So, that is my goal but it will take some fantastic accounting and a cheap place to live.
Well...update in order
FEB and I broke up at the beginning of May. He had second thoughts about feeling the need to be married. So, I listened and made some tough decisions as it seemed he had been thinking about these things since February. In our break up talk....he actually said " I don't know if I am having a MLC crisis or what" As soon as he said that ... I knew I was done.
I am in my 2nd semester of OTA school...and taking 18 credits this summer....so I am super busy.
The courts decided that ex does not have to help pay for college...Yay for the interm judge who doesn't read the law but it is what it is......they did award me the 5500 for back support that he owes....2500 for uninsured medical cost that he owes and 2500 of the $8000 in legal fees that I paid my attorney....
So, 10 days go by and he doesn't pay...so I call attorney and she tells me....."well, they can't make him pay but it will go on his credit".......I am so flippin pissed. The ex now makes 225,000 a year do you really think he cares a poo about his credit.
So, got screwed by the ex....then paid the attorney 8000 and she screwed me too!
UGH!
Lesson learned!
I am sorry about FEB and the court stuff with your ex. I suppose better to have FEB at least express his doubts now rather than later.
Can't they put him in jail or something for not paying? At least they should garnish his wages. I hope that works out for you. Blessings sent your way.
kat
I was thinking the same thing. Can't you have his wages garnished since there is a court order he is not obeying?
Sorry about FEB, but like kat said, better now than later. It's got to be really tough though.
Good luck with school! I'm impressed!