So THIS is HAPPINESS...go figure!

Divorcebusting.com

Ah, a new thread...a place where I, and anyone else who'd like to, can post all the GOOD stuff about finally getting their life back.

It sure as heck's been a long and often devastatingly, painful road to get to where I am today...but ya know what, in retrospect I'm almost thankful for the ride.

I have learned a great deal about myself, some of which I don't like very much.

Prior to the BOMB, I:

Allowed myself to live my life putting everyone and everything else FIRST before my own happiness and needs.

I had become complacent in my marriage and indifferent towards my H. Yep, I took my life for granted.

I denied myself some things that really meant something to me like developing and fostering friendships with gal pals.
Going to the opera, ballet or playing golf etc.

I allowed myself to be inched out of my H's life slowly but surely as he became more and more involved in outside activities and friends that didn't include me.

I allowed myself to become 'isolated' from a social network of my own.

THIS HORRIFIC eye opener of a crisis has given me a new and better perspective of what I NEED and WANT for MY LIFE.

I no longer put ANYONE'S self serving needs/wants before my own.

I speak up and out when I feel that my feelings or position on something is being dismissed by ANYONE.

I relate at least 75% better with my H and refuse to 'egg shell' my way thru my relationship with him.

I have come to realize that M is also a CHOICE for me to make, and whether this one is good for me or not, I WILL DECIDE NOT MY H.

I have come to realize that what my H was ready to throw away with HIS foolish behavior, WOULD have been the greatest loss in HIS life....ME

I like me again...no, I LOVE ME again.

I am worth every ounce of joy that life can offer me and I will let nothing and no one ever stand in the way of my happiness again.

I OWN my life and my choices now, no one else does.

And for all of this, my M is better because I have taken back my 50% of the ownership of it, and have given my H full responsibility for his 50%.

Life after Betrayal..can be better than it was before if you take the lessons learned and GROW from them, whether your M survives the journey or not.
T2

#1!

Loved your post... it is SO true!

Oh {{{{T2}}}}thank you so much, you don't know how badly I needed to see your post today. You've helped me through so much and to know that you made it through and into/upward to a much improved M/R gives me hope once again.

That I'm not doing this for nothing. Because ya know there are days when I wonder if H and I are even moving or just running in place. This MLC train has got to move forward at some point.

Cathy

Cath,

Even "running in place" is BETTER than going backwards!
T2

Quote:

I have come to realize that M is also a CHOICE for me to make, and whether this one is good for me or not, I WILL DECIDE NOT MY H.

Thanks T2, I really needed to hear these words today!!!

T2 -
This post is SO absolutely AWESOME!

I don't know that it relates to me as much - but I honestly think it might related to my WAS. I hope she comes to the same conclusions. I think she feels that she hasn't been able to develop those friendships because of her focus on US. When she needs to take ownership over her own life and live it to the fullest.

That is what she's trying to do - and I need to respect and understand that. And give her the support she needs. I hope she comes back to me and that we can find that kind of love for each other and for ourselves within our R.

Thank you for these fabulous insights into a person who has truly crossed through the fires and come out the other side a more complete and whole individual.

Congratulations and keep on going.
Totally

YA YA

T2,
AWESOME stuff!

Funny, you just explained me! That was me! Sure we are not sisters, LOL.

Thanks for the chat and the butt kicking! When I grow up, I want to be like you!

I'm taking my life back too! With or without my H! I'm tired of giving up my happiness for others in my family!

You are TRUELY an inspiration and someone I look up to!

A true friend!
Love ya!
Deb

Ya Ya is right!

You are an amazing person and you deserve to be loved by others, but first and foremost by yourself. I was really moved by your post, as were many others. We have all done many of the negative things that you wrote about doing.

Now, many of us need to follow your lead and start doing the positive things that you wrote about.

Thanks, T2...you rock n roll, girl!

PS over 40 days sober today...working on two months now, but taking it one day at a time.

Hugs, Akgal....and you know you are in my prayers.

T2 - I like the sound of this thread - your attitude and the responses are all great.

Keep it up

T2......you are awesome..I love your new thread...I can atest to the feelings you feel.....I am thankful this all happened in my life..a wake up..call to reclaim my own self...with or without my h, I knew I was going to survive..just so happens that we get a second chance at our m.

Anyone who is in the early stages...don't give up hope..

Sue

T2...

Again...you are an inspriation to me too. I am beginning to love myself again....something that had eroded over the past few years (and I was in denial about it!!)

I am beginning to believe I will make with or without H....and do just fine!

Quote:

Anyone who is in the early stages...don't give up hope

Sue said it so well, here....tho I would say I'm in the "middle" stages. Hanging tough because of people like you and sue.

Thanks again!!

Mooka

Quote:

Even "running in place" is BETTER than going backwards!

or being back "there"

I have been livng all of these things as well, it is so empowering to read that someone else was feeling and living in a destructive manner like mine and has turned it around for themselves and strengthened their M in the process. We have only been S for a few weeks and let me tell you, it's hell but I am keeping my distance and working on myself and those are the only things I can control, as frustrating as that is. Please keep posting your progress, it brings me so much hope to read success stories in the making!!

Keep doing what you are doing!!
kda

Hi T2

I have seen you posting a lot on other threads and you even visited me once some months ago!

I could really do with some advice on boundaries right now. Since late November H and I have become friendly - after seven months of me being basically dark and unfriendly. We have a separation agreement, signed in Feb. When I started DBing things turned much better for a while, now that OW no.2 is on the scene things have turned tricky again.

I have got to the point where I want to move forward with my life, establish some boundaries (push the boundaries out a little as I feel H is too comfortable with me to the point of stepping all over me...) but at the same time I don't want to go back to animosity and bad feeling.

I am hoping for a high level of co-operation, friendliness (the bottom line is I don't want D caught in the middle of a war) but with BOUNDARIES.

Could you possibly scan my thread and give me some of your practical advice?

Thanks!

Livnlearn

Hey T2 -

Thanks for pulling Deb out of her funk yesterday. She really had me worried.

Loved your post on here. I agree so much. I too am finding myself and my life again. It is so easy to be sucked in to the roles of wife, mother, daughter, employee, etc. that you forget about the individual that drives all of those roles.

Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!

Just stopping by to say hi!

Hey T2;

At one point you told me you posted on my thread because you felt my sitch showed promise. Do you still feel the same? It just seems to get harder. I still haven't really given it much time, but looking for some hope.

You sure do have a lot of really great friends on this board. You have been an inspiration to a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

Thanks for being you!
Totally

Just want to say hi and I hope everything is OK with you. I will second Totally's comment "You have been an inspiration to a lot of people in a lot of different ways" ... and you continue to be an inspiration to many us. Thank you!

Mak

Hey Gang,

Since this is my GOOD NEWS thread I thought I'd share another FIRST with y'all.

The weather here was beautiful this weekend (finally) it was sunny and in the low 80's.

I spent Saturday shopping the early afternoon away with my mom and then went to see an old friend off on his three month trip by RV to Colorado. Brought my H with me and we had a really nice time.

Then today...came the FIRST...the weather was so beautiful that several of my H's AA Harley buddies wanted to go on a ride AND to my amazement he asked me about going and said he'd like me to come with them. THIS may seem like no big deal (and actually it shouldn't be) but the fact that one of the greatest downfalls of our M was my H always keeping me wayyyyyy out of the loop of friends he had in the program, this was major thing for him. Well, I went and the six guys that came along were all very pleasant. None of them brought their wives, but I wasn't the least bit uncomfortable. My H was very attentive to me as if he was showing these guys that he was happy and proud that our M had survived his period of insanity and he was letting them know that from now on...where he goes, I go.
So, this is yet another wall my H is tearing down for himself. GOOD FOR US!!
T2

Tottie, Tal, Totally and Mak

Hi Guys,thanks for stopping by and for the compliments, I'm honored.

This BB is a wonderful place. I know that the posters new and veteran have saved MY SANITY on too many occassions to count, so I think I'll be bouncing around these boards for a long time to come just giving back to others what's been given to me.
T2

damnit t2 - i actually have tears in my eyes this morning - if anyone knows what this means to you it's me. i KNOW this has been a hurdle you have had to overcome many times in the past - this is just AWESOME

your hubby? could it be he has REALLY LEARNED some things???

gosh, i got goosebumps all over for you

YA YA

T2,
I second KK!

Quote:

your hubby? could it be he has REALLY LEARNED some things???

gosh, i got goosebumps all over for you

This is so awesome!

I know there have been many times you have saved me from my insanity! Glad you can now give "back", and I for one, reap the benefits!

hugs
ya ya
deb

Wow T2!! You go girl..a Harley?!

Love it. My H had a harley years ago, when he was in his 20's and I actually had a desire last summer to get one myself. Not to buy, but just rent for a month! Something different I guess.

Thanks for sharing your life with H with us..it is an inspiration to me.

Cathy

How awesome is that?? Did you have your black boots on and your hair braided in one of those Harley black leather hair thingys?

Thanks T2 for just being here. You still give me hope. Although you have been yelling at me to detach for a year, and I kind of still stink in that area...lol

Woooooohoooo! Akgal dancing with joy for T2! Right on, or should I say....Ride ON, sista girl.....

I'm extremely pleased for you.

Hugs, and prayers,
Akgal

KK, Deb, Cathy, Holding, and AG

Thanks for sharing in my good news day. Let's all form a circle and hug.

Hi T2,

I wondered how many miligrams a day you take of the Zoloft?

Have you noticed any side effects from it?

hey Pam,

I'm taking 100mg and no, absolutely NO side effects, thank goodness.

I understand some people get sleepy from it, but I have to busy a schedule to get tired so it doesn't wind me down at all.

The sad part is, my doc says that I may very well have to take it the rest of my life since I have PTSD. Oh the never ending gift of betrayal

Good Morning T2,

That is great on the NO side effects.

I take 100mg and I definitely think it makes me sleepy.

But it is worth it for the help it gives me in keeping the emotions on a bit more even kneel.

Do you think any of them understand the lasting effects of their betrayal on the person who was betrayed?

Thank goodness if you have to stay on them there are no side effects.

T2;

I wanted to stop by and thank you for your support and great advice. I'm not always so good at following it, but just having you in my corner makes me feel better each and every day! You are an inspiration and I just wish I could give you the biggest hug.
Here (((((((((((T2))))))))))
Totally

T2,

Thanks for stopping by most post. Your opening post for this thread was awesome and hit on a lot of points that I need to address for myself. I want to get to the point where you are--having respect for myself.

You have had such an impact on me with your wonderful insight. If you have time would you visit my posts today and give me any additional thoughts.

Thanks,

Steve (CamCoop)

This was an amazing post... Extremely Inspirational!!!

I know that my W has done the very same things... put herself last before my career, our kids and me.

I wish I could have seen it and stopped it... Now I struggle to let her grow and support her. But this has got to be her journey...

Of course, I too have given up part of myself. I focused on my career, work, school, money, material possession, status and many other things always thinking it would help our M and our kids... What a fool...

Life teaches us the hard way... But I am much more proud of myself now and how I act toward everyone in my life. It's liberating for me to think of others before myself...

Thx

Ok, were all going to have to pitch in and buy T2 one of those black & orange Harley brand halter tops to go with her new attitude.

TAL,

LOL, ME in a Harley Davison halter top? Now that would be a 180!!!!

I'm famous for my colored socks that ALWAYS match my Brooks Brother tailored shirts w/monogramed cuffs....do ya think they could monogram that halter somehow? LMAO
T2

T2,

Your posts uplift me. THANKS!!!! We newer ones need to see how all this hard works can pay off. Thanks for sharing all the good stuff with us...and coming by our posts from time to time to share tidbits of wisdom. It sounds as tho your H is enjoying your company at all times, proud to show you off to his friends, and re-connecting with his LL. Continue to keep us posted....

Mooka

LOLOL!!! Well, they will have to refer to you as the button-down biker babe!

T2,
You are proof that a M can be better than it was before. That you can rise from the ashes, forgive and make this M work. That you can be who you want to be! That you can move on if you had to!

Awesome sitch!

YA YA
Deb

TAL,

I love it!!! Maybe I'll get your "Buttoned down biker babe" monogramed on my leather jacket!!!
T2

Deb,

Thank you my friend. I have made a new and happier life for myself and with my H. And I had you and KK there holding my hand and lending a shoulder all the way through it, so I'd say that WE made my life better.

All the good and loving people on this board, who share and encourage, advise and take us to task when we need it, are a HUGE part of the reason that we made it to the other side of this nightmare and come out of it a better, happier person for OURSELVES, if no one else.

Everyone just needs to remember that ' hearing the sound advice of others is meaningless if we ignore that advice and just keep doing what will never work.

The hardest thing ANY of us have to accept is the fact that sometimes YOU HAVE to go against your "gut instincts" and listen to your brain NOT your heart.
T2

Well my friend,

Quote:

Everyone just needs to remember that ' hearing the sound advice of others is meaningless if we ignore that advice and just keep doing what will never work.

The hardest thing ANY of us have to accept is the fact that sometimes YOU HAVE to go against your "gut instincts" and listen to your brain NOT your heart.

I totally agree, there were many times I wouldn't listen. And times when I did things I didn't want to do.

Yes, I'm going on without my H. Someday maybe he will see all the damage he did and want to work on us, if I still want to! I know in my gut, he will wake up someday, it just may be too late!

You are someone we can all look up to! I'm glad I was one to hold your hand or wack you gently! I'll be here for you as long as you like!

Deb

ok so i lied, i told deb in her thread that she was the only one i was posting to this morning until i came in here

YA YA - girl, everything you said about me & deb, it's right back atcha. you are one strong woman that tells it like it is, and without your help over the last 9 months or so i would still be a bluthering idiot

shoot, if it hadn't had been for you - i wouldn't have come home back in late october - you coached me in just the right things to say so that i corrected a huge mistake

thank you my ya ya sister

and btw - we need to discuss what's happening in 17 days...yes, just call me a nag...

T2;

As you remind all of us that hearing the sound advice on this board is meaningless if we ignore that advice and keep doing what doesn't work. I am EVERY so guilty of that - and I appreciate you and all the others who keep reminding me to listen. Thank goodness you are there.

Do you really wear color coordinated socks with your Brooks Brothers monogramed shirts. I love that! How very organized of you! LOL

Take care of yourself and enjoy the Harley ride,
Totally

Hi T2,

Quote:

"thank (T2) for doing all the laundry"....so he IS trying very hard to be a better man.

You posted this to Tal. T2 I remember back in October, not too long after your H moved back in, you were b****** about "him thinking you're going to do his laundry, and acting like he didn't do anything wrong, like nothing happened, he could just move back in.."

I could go back to your previous posts and find the exact words you used. EVEN if you don't remember it I do, I have a very good memory.

Cathy

Cath,

LOL, what a difference a few months makes doesn't it? Back in Oct., hell....in December he was still a looooonnnngggg way from being the man he's evolving into and who knows what kind of a guy he'll be 6 months from now, but, if he keeps up this trend...I think I'm really gonna like this guy cause he's a whole lot more in touch with his responsibility to be a full partner in this M, than the guy he was pre, during and post A, ever was!!!!
T2

Hi T2,
I LOVE the start of this thread!! It's so empowering & inspirational.
Thanks for stopping by so many threads (including mine

) to give sound, loving, and solid advice. You give so much to others - again, inspirational. Thanks!
-H2H

T2;

I love hearing that H is turning out to be a real partner! I can only hope for the same in my own sitch. Thanks again for being such an inspiration. Your words are beautiful.

Totally

Okay....this NEW stuff from my H is going to turn me into a diabetic he's being so sweet...

I received an e-mail from him today that simply said, "I am forever in your debt, mi bella (T2)."

Okay...which one of you guys kidnapped my H and sent this guy here to take his place? Well, who ever did it, THANKS!!! and YOU can keep the 'old one'

Fantastic! Good news is always wonderful to hear.
Enjoy!

-H2H

OOH... a GOOD alien

T2,

Funny but totite kind of said the same thing! LOL

Awesome! I want to get up and dance.

My alien is still in the tunnel with OW!
But hey, I'm having fun out here! So who cares if my alien wants to stay in the cold, damp, dark tunnel.

I want to fell the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, and the excitement of all my future plans!

And the thought of knowing I have that D-A att off my back for two weeks is awesome! I feel so free!ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

T2 you are the best!

Holding,

Yes, this 'new' H is a good alien. I am sort of amazed that he is coming back around. You know, they say that when they come out of the MLC tunnel that they are forever changed, and in my H's case it appears that he has changed.

It's bitter sweet really because when he stepped off the edge of the earth and fell into the chasm of MLC he became such a 'dark' and 'unloveable' man while he was off 'finding himself' doing and saying hurtful things. But I look at him today through all these months of his evolution and see a completely different man.

I remember how I use to pray that he'd come back, and while praying that he would I'd have these nagging thoughts about what I was really losing. I often thought about the narcissist he'd become, and admitted to myself time and time again, that he wasn't such a prize and wondered why having him back in my life could possibly be so important to me.

I would ask myself, why would I want this selfish, self absorbed man back in my life. Why should/do I miss a man that shared only a small part of himself and his life with me?

But, despite my reservations I plodded along.

I worried about 'who' or 'what' I'd be getting back if he did return and if that 'new' him would be just, or more, unbearable then he was before, during and immediately after his A.

It is amazing that as he comes through the final stages of his metamorphisis that he actually is a better, more decent, more considerate and aware man, than he has been in over 20 yers. It's as if this self created hell of his has shaken his world to it's base and he has grabbed onto to the reality that there are no 'quick fixes' for personal pain and there isn't a cure for it outside yourself.

I'm looking at a man who broke himself down to his core and is now struggling to find his center and is discovering that all he ever really needed to be happy was to choose to be happy, right here with what was always there in front of him.

The contentment and peace I see in him has not been there for more years than I care to remember. He's happy, he's in love with me and maybe for the first time in all our years together he finally believes and feels safe to be loved and to love me and his sons just as we are.
T2

WOW! T2 you scare me, LMAO. And where is the woman I use to know who I had to hit with a 2x4?!
You have come a long way too!

Quote:

I remember how I use to pray that he'd come back, and while praying that he would. I'd have these nagging thoughts about what I was really losing. I often thought about the narcissist he'd become, and admitted to myself time and time again, that he wasn't such a prize and wondered why having him back in my life could possibly be so important to me.

I would ask myself, why would I want this selfish, self absorbed man back in my life. Why should/do I miss a man that shared only a small part of himself and his life with me?

I have asked myself this many times lately; why do I still hang on to the thread of hope that someday this "man" will come through this a better person. But, in my case, I will not be the one to reap the benefits! By the time my "slow" H makes it through this, will I even care? Or will I be the one he turns to? Or will someone else be the benefactor? I guess it would be nice to be friends, but I don't think we will be "allowed" to be friends.

You are one of the lucky ones! You both came through this and are better people, changing in ways that will bring you both the happiness you deserve. And the new knowledge that will help you move through the rest of your lives together; as partners!

I'm SO glad you both "get it"! I'm so happy you two have this chance to build a better R and reap the rewards!

AWESOME POST! But, then I'm not surprised!

Luv YA
Deb

Hi T2,

In some ways our H's are similar--my H is and has been a ME kind of guy. My H is an alcoholic--not recovering at this point. To be honest, H's drinking has slowed down in the last few months, considerably!! And to hear that your H is making the shift gives me faith that my H can make that shift. That is why I'm holding onto him, our R, why I keep plugging away day after day, with the kind of patience I never knew I had!

I'm coming to realize and TO BELIEVE, that I am important, MY needs are important and that my H will at some point have to show me that he can meet MY needs.

I am just so darn happy for you T2, YOU'VE come so far!!

Cathy

I want to know, are your cereal and towel shelves marked with labels to make sure it all goes back in the right place?

Rott,

No labels...but then again I ALWAYS KNOW when there's a towel unaccounted for. And as for cereal boxes? What are they? Are they the paper packages that the cereal is in BEFORE they get poured into the stale proof, see-thru containers? LOL

Hey T2,
Don't believe we've ever chatted directly but you have been my SHERO on the bb for the longest time. Love your advice to everyone and read and re-read your threads from time to time. But I guess that doesn't make me unique. Everyone sings your praises.

Here's my concern. As you describe the tremendous ambivalence you felt while db'ing through your separation many of us can truly identify with your thoughts and feelings. The questions of, why am I doing this? and Is he worth it? they just seem to surface constantly.

Another variation that I am getting from my therapist and my own inner thoughts is this:I have worked SO hard and am really changing and growing through therapy and db, etc. How is it possible that a WAH come back having done NOTHING to change who HE is?

Has your husband shared with you any of HIS thought progressions? Did he also have resources that he made use of that helped him become the H you see today?

Or is it TRULY possible for just one person to make the changes necessary that rebuild and restore the joy in your R?

Have you any thoughts and comments on this?

mayafool

maya's thread

Maya,

Hi, and thank you for visiting my thread.

you asked:

Quote:

is it TRULY possible for just one person to make the changes necessary that rebuild and restore the joy in your R?

and I would have to answer yes AND no.

My 1st bomb dropped in June of 2002...and it wasn't REALLY until after this New Year that all the rhetoric my H spewed started to become REAL, instead of just lip-service.

So yes, MY changing the parameters of my R with him and MY changing ME to a better, more independant and stronger person emotionally, IS without a doubt what kept him on the hook.

We zigged and zagged, went back and forth, and it's only in the past FEW months that he's become consistently, a better H and a better man in general.

I am actually watching him change right before my very eyes and if ANYONE had told me (and they sure as hell tried) that if I stuck to MY accomplishing my own goals and took my eyes off my H, that things would change for the better for ME and maybe for my R and H too, I wouldn't and didn't want to believe it.

Well, low and behold, it's true. And now, my H is finishing what I started. I am sincere when I say that after 20+ yrs of M, THIS TIME, I think, we're gonna get it right!
T2

Wow T2;

This post was one of the most amazing and beautifully written testaments to love and sacrifice that I have seen. You and your H have both gone through so much and it really is incredible to see that you have BOTH come out the other side as much better people.

I would, of course, wish this same success for everyone here. We are all going through this pain. Some of us will be able to stick to the path and others won't. We are all different and wonderfully unique. I hope and pray that my own situation will turn out in a similar way to yours. I think we all wish for that!

Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us - and especially for always giving us your great words of advice - even when many don't listen the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 10th times. You continue to remind - gently nudging in the right direction - without censure - because you too have been there.

All I can say - is Thank You! We love T2!
Totally

Quote:

THIS TIME, I think, we're gonna get it right!
T2

AWESOME!!!

T2....

You are one AMAZING woman....and still taking time out to helpp us here during our present struggles...along the way. Thanks so much . You're advice is well read and Tatally said it so well!

Quote:

[/qThank you for continuing to share your journey with us - and especially for always giving us your great words of advice - even when many don't listen the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 10th times. You continue to remind - gently nudging in the right direction - without censure - because you too have been there.
uote]

Any wise words of advice would be welcome on my post...just having a harder week than usual. Again, thanks for the continues HOPE!

Mooka

Hi T2

It's me again, good ole Mak stopping by your thread for inspiration. I am glad to hear that things are moving in a positive direction for you. Also if you have a chance, could you stop by my thread and read my latest post? The one that is titled: I could use some opinions.
I sure could use your wisdom.

Thank you and have a good afternoon!

Mak

Happy Mother's Day, Jan!

Thanks T2, for stopping by my thread. I don't post much, lurk alot more, but am trying to post a little more. The first post you made in this thread was like reading something I would have written! It's almost me to a T!

Working on a M that is falling apart is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. It's nice to read about people who are a little ahead of you that are making it work. It's great inspiration and hope!

Thanks for the hope and the inspiration!

JL

Thank you Holding and Happy Mother's Day to you as well.
Looks like it's time for you to start a new thread GF.
T2

Hi All,

Today marks the first Mother's Day in two years where there's no fear, anger or hostility looming in the air around this house.

This Mother's Day my family is whole again. My H and I have come so far that it's difficult today to believe that we both spent 2001-2003 living a self created hell. We both look back at who we were back during those years and realize we'd both become pretty awful people. I choose one way to deal with MY unhappiness and my H choose his. I'm actually at the point where it's difficult for me to say that HIS choices were more damaging or 'wrong' than my own. We both share the blame for the destruction of our M and fortunately we are both sharing in the repair of all the damage.

So THIS Mothers Day, I'm celebrating the Re-Birth of our lives together. We've come so far and learned so much...that the "labor" of this re-birth will someday be just a another memory and lesson learned.
T2

it is such a priviledge to call you a friend

Hi T2~

I seem to have lost track of you somewhere along the way.

I think we went in different directions...you are in piecing and I am in surviving!

I remember the angst you went through with H when you really weren't sure about him moving back,etc.

I am SO HAPPY to hear that things are going well! I am so glad I came across your thread today...it is very inspiring!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!

Quote:

it is such a priviledge to call you a friend

I echo KK's reply! Been with you for most of your journey since you started here. And even when you were a pain, LOL. I knew you would make it! I sure know I've been a pain!

I hope the friendship we have will go beyond this BB!
I'm so happy that you "made it"!

Deb
Ya Ya

Deb & KK,

My two wonderful YA YA sisters. There will never be a moment of doubt in my mind, that if it weren't for the two of you, I would have given up a loooonggg time ago.

Your love and those occassional 2X4's pushed, pulled, and got me through this.

T2

T2,
I don't want to take that much credit! But, I was proud to be one of the "cheerleaders". I'm very proud of where you are right now! Most of the work came from you! KK and I just pushed and cheered you on!

YA YA!

DEB

WOW is about all I can say about the folks that I met in Va. Bch. I sat around looking at all the people there and thought...what the hell are their spouses thinking?

The women are all vibrant, attractive, absolute FUN to be around. They're all intellegent and compassionate. It's just absolutely amazing.

And the men....Roberto's a hunk and one hellofa great cook to boot. Marco was phenominally interesting to listen to, he's had some incomparable professional experiences. The other guys, ALL GOOD LOOKING, fun to be around and tender hearted, just amazed me with their good natured humor and outgoingness.

Nik is just a beautiful young woman. I was taken back by how much she looks like my family (from the Jersey side)it was amazing to look at her and keep reminding myself that she wasn't a cousin.

My YA YA sister, KK, is just a doll. She's as cute as she can be and has a bubbly personality that just makes you wanna give her a big ole bear hug.

I'm so glad I had the opportunity to meet all the BB folks that gathered at the beach, it was just wonderful to now have a face to go with a name and to know that each and every one of them is such a truly beautiful/handsome person both inside and out.
T2

hey, wow is my word!!!

i am finally getting around to all the wonderful people i met at the beach this past weekend.

i gotta tell ya people - this one is a keeper - she is such a barbie doll!!! i sure wish you could have stayed for all the excitement - um, maybe not! LOL - you were one of the lucky ones that didn't have to deal with the emergency saturday night - oh well - i kept telling everyone there - this is how memories are made

to say it was a pleasure meeting you would be an understatement. you are priceless jan - and certainly a woman to be admired. you are so strong and have put up with so much and in the turnaround have turned into an even better person (if that's possible)

thank you so much for the invite over the summer. i told nikatnite that it would be kewl to take our kids to busch gardens for the day - so we are gonna make it a date

thanks again for coming down and meeting me, even if you couldn't stay - it was worth the visit.

luv ya!!!

Glad you ALL had fun!

Someday maybe I can meet you all!

KK you are right, even not so great things make memories!

Deb

T2;

Glad to hear the beach was fantastic - wish I could have made it! Sounds like everyone is as wonderful offline as they are online.

And speaking of which - been missing you. How's your offline life? How's the harley riding mamma holding up? You are our inspiration and we need some new words of wisdom.
Totally

T2,

I've been thinking about you a lot these days. SImply because I think we have similar traits. I've read somewhere that you wrote you used to be fearful of your H in terms of speaking up. And when you started to stand up and face him things started to thurn around. I think it was you, is it? I am having the same problem please visit my thread and tell me how to speak up to my H and be assertive about his A.

Thanks so much.

BnB,
T2 and I were close and since she has moved on and is busy with her H and life. I will answer that yes it was her that stood up. I think what you can call it is Michele's; "asking for what you want" technique. It is in the DR book.

I too hope our "friend" T2 comes back with her "pearls of wisdom", but right now she is busy with her new life. She knows we love her and miss her, but we understand...

Deb

Hi T2 - Maya sent me to look you up - and what a gift - your testimonial is exactly what I needed to see.

Quote:

My 1st bomb dropped in June of 2002...and it wasn't REALLY until after this New Year that all the rhetoric my H spewed started to become REAL, instead of just lip-service.

So yes, MY changing the parameters of my R with him and MY changing ME to a better, more independant and stronger person emotionally, IS without a doubt what kept him on the hook.

We zigged and zagged, went back and forth, and it's only in the past FEW months that he's become consistently, a better H and a better man in general.

I am actually watching him change right before my very eyes and if ANYONE had told me (and they sure as hell tried) that if I stuck to MY accomplishing my own goals and took my eyes off my H, that things would change for the better for ME and maybe for my R and H too, I wouldn't and didn't want to believe it.

Well, low and behold, it's true. And now, my H is finishing what I started. I am sincere when I say that after 20+ yrs of M, THIS TIME, I think, we're gonna get it right!

I'm sooo glad that one person's changes can cascade. Thank you for continuing to post. Slowly.