Time for a new thread I guess. I picked this title because Charles asked me that question when I first moved to this forum and I've been asking myself that same question ever since W moved back home in November. I'm not sure of the answer yet though.
Either way, I keep thinking something is going to happen soon. Not sure what that "something" is, or even if it will be a good or bad thing, but I think we are approaching a crossroads.
Here's a link to my last thread. From there you can get to the rest of the sordid story.
A BETTER FRAME OF MIND?????? The standard background stuff:
-Married 24years (24 years? SIGH...)
-3 Kids, S22,D21,S18.
-Separated Aug99 because of job. We wanted kids to stay put to go thru H.S.
-Nov 01 Six months before I'm due to come back W says she doesn't want me to come back. Doesn't want to stay married. She literally can't talk to me w/o screaming. (I'm such an idiot, I thought things were going pretty darn well right up to this point.)
-Dec 01 Called in some favors and tell her I can move back in Spring 02 instead of Summer. She says she definitely wants a divorce.
-Apr 02 Get back home, she goes to stay w/friends. I ask her to not get D until we've had a chance to work it out now that I'm back.
-May 02 read DR then DB, start applying principles. W still not talking to me. I find out about her affair. Evidently started sometime summer or fall of 01.
-Jun 02 I ask if she wants it to work. I'll try if she stops affair. I think this is when we had our first civil conversation since Nov 01.
-Aug 02 Finally give up and tell her I'll give her D. Now she says she doesn't want one. Says A is over and she just needs more time. Still staying w/ a friend.
-Oct 02 W comes home says she wants to try. The next day says she can't do it and she's found an apt. Leaves again mid-Oct. Total stay approx 10 days.
Jan 03: Says she needs more time. Leave her alone.
Mar-Apr O3: Starts poking her head out of the fog. Showing some interest. She makes plans to return to Ohio with me and the kids for my sister's wedding in June.
May 03: I see her with her old "friend" she swears it was nothing. I say I'm done and will start the D. She says she plans to move back home after the trip to Ohio if everything goes well between us.
Jun 03: Trip goes well. W says "Well I didn't mean I'd move home right away!" Suggests MC.
Jul 03: Frequent contact. Actually have a date. Seem to have a good time together although most contact centers around the kids and their activities. Third MC appointment, I'm upset with W distancing herself a little so she says "I don't care if we are married or not." I walk out. She claims not to have remembered saying that. Begs me to "hang in there."
Aug 03: I'm still a sucker. Waiting around. She keeps saying she's "almost ready" to reconcile. Says we'll try MC again...but she hasn't lifted a finger to progress toward those goals...
Oct 03: I get tabbed for a 2-3 month long trip for my job, W says "OK, I'll come home while you are gone and we'll talk about things when you get back." Didn't ask me just decided on her own. (Not that it would have made any difference...LOL)
Nov 03: W moves in the day before I leave. Actually doesn't get everything out of her apartment until the day after I'm gone.
Nov 03 thru Jan 04: W is at home, some minor incidents w/the kids. She gets frustrated and frequently takes it out on me over the phone when I call. They did all get together for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year.
Jan 04: I return. She's still here, but doesn't want to talk about anything yet. She spends some time with me, but usually when it involves the kids.
Feb 04: W announces that she made a new appt w/therapist. She wants to get past all this resentment she's been carrying around. Things seem to be stabilizing a little bit, but still not a lot of progress. We'll see.
So things continue to plod along. She just started some new medication, Lexipro yesterday and seems really hopeful that it will make a difference.
Still don't know where we are going. This has gone on a long time but I'm still here.
An excellent recap of the events between you. Reading it has really helped me to put the timing of these things into perspective and not to expect anything monumental to shift immediately. Very helpful.
Thanks,
I'm actually kind of hopeful that this medication will make a difference. She seems eager to try something new and this stuff is supposed to kick in with 1-2 weeks and have less side-effects than the others that she's tried.
Of course there's no guarantee the medication will change her opinion of me, but at least it might help her shake the anxiety and general lack of enthusiasm she's experienced over the past couple of years. We'll see.
We got an offer on the house today. It's low but I expected that. W and I talked about it a little, I think she'd rather turn it down than counter-offer. I almost want to take it now to get this over with. It's not like I'll lose money on the house...and it means we could get the heck out of here sooner. We are going to talk it over tonight. It is early in the process.
Got a call saying that they want me to report to my new job as early as May instead of July. I told them No, but then got told I may not have a choice. That sucks. W is still not totally accepting that the kids will be so far away. I do not want to tell her that it may happen even sooner.
There is no way to make this look good to her. I will ignore the problem until I have no other option. Maybe it will go away.
No kidding S-hopeful....gotta keep being reminded this takes a LONGGGGGGGGGGGG time!
jstx,
Thanks for the quick responce to my post. Your advice was sound.....and you are right, I don't want to be a doormat!
Sound as tho your W is making a lot of headway....and I am so impressed with your PATIENCE. You seem to know this DBing stuff backwards and forwards. I will catch up more on your sitch, cuz I think I have a lot to learn from you!
Hope the new med works for wife, just to take the edge off. Wish my H would consider that....he's certain he doesn't have a depression/anxiety issue.
Oh well.
Mooka
Quote:
he's certain he doesn't have a depression/anxiety issue.
Yeah, I know about that one. When this all first started, it was obvious to me that something was wrong, but no one would listen...least of all W. It took me several months to get her to at least go to the doctor and get a physical. It was ugly.
Of course, I'm not the most tactful guy either..."UH, Gee Hon, you know you are almost 40...do you think maybe this could be menopause or something?"
That didn't go over well.
js,
Stop pinning your thread titles on me!!!
Seriously,, I'm hoping that things do get better. It is encouraging to see that she is willing to try something new. It shows that she hasn't given up all hope and is willing to make some effort and sacrifices. Hang in there, even if it means you have to make a few more of those too.
Quote:
..."UH, Gee Hon, you know you are almost 40...do you think maybe this could be menopause or something?"
You said that??? You are lucky to be alive!
Seriously, I think with all that is coming up in your lives, this is going to be a time when you really need to validate. We women sometimes like to talk things to death, it doesn't mean we won't do it or even don't want to do it, just want to analyze every angle of it. So let her talk, see what happens when you just validate. I know you said you have been doing it, but really concentrate on what she has to say, would be my best suggestion for the next few weeks. Moving away from kids has to be hard.
Jackie
I think Jackie's advice sounds really good here.
I know I talk things to death.
Trying to work on that, but it is still very much a part of me.
Your patience is AMAZING!
Hi y'all.
Hope everyone had a great evening. W and I bought a new couch and went to dinner last night. I had a pretty good time and we had a long talk. Nothing big, a little about YS and his little episode the other night but she did discuss how she feels like she doesn't really care about anything much anymore and remembers when she did. Thinks that is important and maybe it will give her the strength to stay with the medication and counseling this time.
I generally considered it a success. The couch was expensive though.
I have to go back to Austin and pick it up on Saturday, but that's OK.
We came home about 10pm and YS is outside, sitting in his car talking on his cell phone. It's totally dark outside and he's in his pajama pants, a white t-shirt, a robe and slippers. Looked like Hawkeye from MASH. Said he gets better reception out there. Of course he was talking to some girl and didn't do the dishes.....Said he was too busy chillin', which means sleeping on the couch.
Charles: What can I say, you and Z have all those words of wisdom and catchy phrases....
Jackie: Yeah, I said that...there have been a few other gems I've thrown out over the years and she seems to be able to reguritate everyone of them word for word...And does quite frequently. The woman's memory for repeating conversations is amazing.
Pam: You talk things to death??? Reading your thread I would have never guessed that.
Hope everything is OK with you this morning.
W just emailed me about our meeting with the realtor this evening. Said she was excited about the couch...Hmmmm she doesn't get excited about much so maybe that's good too.
JS,
Thanks for stopping by my thread today. I appreciate all the support you've given me. I'm honored to call you a friend.
Hi jstx,
I just have time for quick post right now, but two things jumped out at me while reading your thread.
1. Lexapro does work quicker and with fewer side-effects than the other anti-depressants. Even though it does not have an "anxiety" indication, clinically, we are seeing that it helps for anxiety as well as depression.
2. During my alien invasion, I asked a male friend of mine what would drive him to have an affair and want a D. I explained to him that my H and I had no financial problems, we had a good time when we were together and we rarely argued, but I had a job where I travelled every week. I was only home on weekends. My friend said that my absence was the problem...it pushed him into OW's arms. My H needed attention and I wasn't there to provide it. No amount of phone calls or gifts could make up for that. I busted my D, but I also have a different job (working for the same company).
Christine
Hi jstx
Just wanted to stop in and say thanks for the post, I really appreciate it.
Thanks again.
I also have a WAW that seems to remember ever word from a fight we had years ago. Does that sound like letting go?
I couldn't bear to see you on Page 3.
Post an update when you can and let us know that you are doing okay. We miss you.
Even more of the same is okay -- that's what we're here for. Maybe it will help give you the strength and courage to keep fighting the good fight.
I hope you have a good weekend.
hey JS,
Just sitting here in COLD Michigan thinking about how last year a bunch of us were about to converge on Austin for a great weekend. I miss all of you guys!
I think it's about time for another update, don't you? It's only been what?? Like 3 weeks or something???
Well, it's been a while and I figured I might as well relieve Mal of the burden of keeping my thread alive. (Thanks Mal
)
And look who dropped in! Chilly! How's it going girl? It has been a long time. A year since y'all came down? Well I guess it has been that long. I hope everythings OK with you and the little one.
I haven't posted much because not much has been going on. I've decided this Piecing
cr@p really sucks! Nothing moves forward very fast and you get to backslide in a heartbeat. Where is the justice in that?
W has been steadily getting more and more relaxed. It's pretty obvious when I step back and watch. At the same time, my frustrations at the pace of things have been growing as well.
Add that to the upcoming move and it's been a little tense around the ole homestead. But we have continued to muddle through. After a pretty significant arguement over the past two days, we actually had a long conversation last night that I think made us both feel better. Not sure we solved anything but at least I felt like she was honest about how she feels and was listening to what I had to say too. That's new. She usually clams up and stares into space..or walks out of the room when I get a chance to say anything.
As always, we'll see how it goes but I think the medication and the improving weather have really helped pick up her spirits these past couple of weeks. Thank God!
In other news:
Looks like we have sold the house. Accepted an offer yesterday and should start moving the second week of June. Now need to find a place in St. Louis.
OS is doing OK in Iraq. Says it's kind of neat and kind of scary at the same time. Also said he might get promoted soon...We must be getting desperate...(j/k) he's a good guy and really does impress me when he decides to work at something...just usually too busy chasing women...Probably kind of difficult over there though. In the meantime W doesn't want to watch the news at all and doesn't want me to talk about what OS is doing. She gets kind of upset when she thinks about it.
D is still seeing her new boyfriend. Says she thinks he might be getting too serious though. That's my girl! She has a new job, loves her car, and is pretty stressed at school this year. I think W is trying to convince her to move to Missouri with us. I don't mind, but I think she'd really like to stay and graduate from A&M. Again, we'll see.
YS is still a smarta$$, but he finally got a job...working at McDonalds. All he was doing around home was eating and laying around. He quit work when football started last year and I think he had visions of "chillin" until college started...
I have been getting some work out of him by playing on his guilt...and the fact that he still needs spending money at college. Sometimes it works, but in the back of his mind, I think he figures he'll latch on to some rich Babe who'll take care of him. Eventually, he'll learn.
That's about it from this neck of the woods. Just trying to take things one day at a time and stay out of trouble.
Y'all take care.
ST. LOUIS????? YOU'RE MOVING TO ST. LOUIS????? WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?????
Seriously, if you need advice on where to look, let me know.
As far as the sitch, it's the same old concept: Patience, Baby Steps, More Patience, Validation, Even More Patience. It takes time but you ARE piecing and that's the important thing. Unlike many folks here, you're headed in the right direction and that's comforting to know.
Hey Charles,
Thanks. I'm supposed to be working up near the airport so I'll probably be looking in the NW area. I did get a referral to a realtor but only just talked to her yesterday.
I'm open to suggestions.
One of the things I did last week was get everyone on a new cellular family plan. W mentioned it several weeks ago but kept putting it off.
With the move coming up and the kids staying in Texas for school we got phones with a national plan. It's pretty cool, everyone can call everyone else for free.
Anyway, to save money I only got 3 phones since YS has a plan that still has a couple of months to go on it and I'm using his phone. He has one of the new ones.
He gave me his phone and I'm continually getting text messages and calls from his friends even though I give out his new number on the voice mail.
I just got one from his friend telling him that he "should take rachel to prom" I don't know rachel, but I'm considering accepting for YS. What do y'all think?
I checked out the address book and it reads like a girls name book. "Adelien, Allie, Amanda, Amy, Angel...." I counted and there are over 100 different girls names in here.
When I got to the "D"s I found "Dad"...so at least I made the cut.
You can email me at
cbeaudry@ridgefieldgroup.com and let me know what your looking for in terms of size, layout, price, commute time, things you like close to home, how close you want to be to everything, etc.
There are some nice areas in the NW part but they get even nicer out west if you don't mind a 20-25 minute commute. I take it that schools are no longer an issue.
Just let me know what you're looking for and I can chip in. Obviously, a realtor is a good idea.
Thanks. I don't mind the commute. I told the realtor I'd like to keep it under an hour....I'll drop you a line.
No problem Big Guy! I'll keep your thread alive anytime!
Good to see you finally post again. I've missed you. And a good update too?? Wow!!
Glad that you and your W talked some Sounds like some possible baby steps? We'll see. Time and patience are your friend. But I know with the upcoming move, you feel like time is running out, huh?
You're right! At least you were in the phone too!
So are you going to the prom?
Well, this is just too good. I just got another text message:
"Hey call Amber! (Amber's number) It's about prom alright and u better take her!! From Diana
I'm gonna have so much fun with YS when I get home.....
What can I say? I'm easily amused.
That boy is a playa!!
I think it's funny too. So I guess we are both easily amused. Maybe we need to get out more???
Wow prom dates and everything. Could it be that they know YS has a new phone and just want ol' dad to think his son has got it goin' on?
Yo buddy, I am glad to see that you are doing well with yourself. I am extremely happy for you. Watch them cell minutes!!!
Take care buddy!
Good Morning all!
How's it going Chilly? I'm pretty sure the messages were for YS...besides I don't have a tux...
WW!!! What's up guy? Glad to see you up and around on the bb again. Hope all is well.
Once again, I've been remiss in my posting. Sorry, it's just that I often feel like it's the same thing over and over...
Things here are pretty much the same. W and I talk a lot. She still gets angry but nothing like the screaming that was going on a year ago. We still plan to move together, I'm heading up to St. Louis next week to house hunt. She can't go because she doesn't have enough vacation time and doesn't want to quit her job yet.
I go through periods of wondering where this is going, if she's really worth it, if she's really going to hang around, and I question my resolve quite frequently. But we are both still here and it is improving...although you need a micrometer to measure the progress.
Otherwise things are great. The house is sold. We close in June. I do have to get the house re-shingled...Hail damage.
OS is in Iraq and keeping his head down. Says he works a lot but it's better than being bored...
D and her new boyfriend are OK. She still hasn't dumped him yet, although we did find out that she needs more surgery on her ankle, so she will probably come up to Missouri with us this summer to recuperate instead of staying down in College Station and working.
YS finally got a job. He works at McDonald's and b**ches about it constantly. He's got money but no time to spend it. Welcome to the real world.
He ended up going to prom with his old friend S. She's one of the girls that showed up at the house about a year ago...while another girl was here...that was a fun night to watch.
I joked with YS about accepting the prom dates on my cell phone for him. He said. "Yeah, go ahead. It won't bother me, I'll just tell them it was my Dad...he thinks he's a clown...Yeah...I know, he's a real jerk sometimes."
Smarta$$! Got to hand it to him, it was a pretty good comeback. It did cause him to be a little more vigilant about getting his new number out though. I don't get as many calls or text messages for him anymore.
But all in all, things are just moving along. D gets here surgery, YS graduate's and we'll move. And pick this process up in a new location. Maybe it'll be a good thing.
Y'all be good! I'll let you know if I ever have any earth-shattering news.
Morning, JS
Thanks for the update.
Ellie
Hi JS.
I don't have much time, but wanted to say hello.
Good to see you posting again, and I'm glad to hear that you are hanging in there.
I remember that night with YS and the 2 girls. It was so funny!! He's a comical guy, just like his Dad!
Don't be a stranger. We miss you when you're gone.
Hi all.
Well, I'm back from my househunting trip and it was successful. After wandering through about 20 houses, I found one that I thought W might like. I took a bunch of pictures, sent them back and was told my job was just to look, not make any decisions...SIGH....
Then the next day, I found another house, took more pictures and she actually liked this one so I was able to buy it. Score one for patience 'cause I was about ready to crawl through the phone the day before. Before I left, I told her I really didn't care what kind of house we got, I could live in an apartment and it would be fine. It would be better if she went up and looked.
But anyway, it looks like everything's going OK move-wise. The roofers should have our house fixed w/i the week and we should close on the new house right after we close on this one.
D's surgery is next week, then YS graduation, packing, moving...start new job July 1st. Everythings on track I guess.
Not much to report on the R front though. Still can't seem to connect all the way. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get past it. I'm hoping this move will help.
We'll see.
Y'all take care.
Hi there! Welcome back!
Congrats on the new house. It sounds like things are moving along now. Wow! It seems like just yesterday that you got the promotion.
It's going to start going pretty fast from here forward I bet. Hang in there!
How did you like the new office?
I hope your W gets more involved with the move. It must be difficult taking that leap of faith. But you always seem to find the courage and patience to go for just one more day. I admire that.
I know you said she seemed to be showing some signs of enjoying life again (yard, house, etc...). Is that still happening? Pre-baby steps I guess you could call them - since I know you feel like it moves at a snail's pace.
I hope your D's surgery goes well next week. Has she decided to move with you for the summer while she recovers?
When do you actually move? I don't know if I saw that date anywhere.
Looking forward to the next update. Take care Big Guy!
{{{JS}}}
How long was it b4 your W actually started talking about reconciliation?
Nitaf
Nitaf,
I answered on your thread.
Hi Mal.
I move in mid-June. Close here on the 10th, close there on the 14th. But I'm pretty much done with what I need to do here at work and just hanging out.
D has surgery next week so I'll be off most of that time. She is coming up with us for the summer. W doesn't think she'll leave to go back to school next year either. Thinks D will transfer to a school near us. She's always been kind of a homebody, so W might be right.
YS moves with us too. But he wants to come back to Texas and spend time w/friends before he goes to college so I'm not sure how long he will stay in Missouri with us.
The big challenge is moving 5 cars w/3 drivers. I'm going to tow OS's car..he's in Iraq, and now D won't be able to drive so we'll have to tow her's as well. Might sell YS's car and let him have my truck when he goes to school. I could drive OS's car until he gets back then get a new one...
Not sure about that though. Seems like there is a lot of stuff going on over the next month or so. Just figure it will all work out.
The new office was pretty cool, and the new neighborhood seems nice as well. I'm looking forward to getting settled again.
Hope you guys have fun at the beach this weekend.
Hi all,
Just checking in. D's surgery went OK and she's at home hogging the couch now and "bi**hing all the time about how much her leg hurts. Didn't anyone ever hear about suffering in silence??? I tell her she reminds me of her mother and that usually shuts her up...or gets her madder..it depends.
Anyway, trying to get the house ready for YS's graduation this Friday...and of course the movers next week. Seems like so much to do but it's starting to come together.
I came in to work today to find out that they've shut my email down and removed me from the system a week early so I'm cleaning out my desk and packing my office up.
Won't be able to get back on the email band wagon until I get my new office in a month or so.
Well, that's really all I have. No earth-shaking news or anything...just real busy.
Take care.
Hi JS,
I'm glad to hear that the surgery went okay. I was thinking about her last week.
I doubt we'll be hearing from you much more until after you get settled again in the new place. But thank you for the update. You know how I worry.
Congrats to YS! I'll be joining you in a few weeks as S17 celebrates his graduation (if he passes Science
).
Good luck with the move and keep us posted as to how you are doing, okay? I hope it's a smooth process for you.
Take care Big Guy!
Love,
Mal
Hi Mal, and everyone else.
Hope everyone is doing OK today. I'm actually kind of bored. Finished packing out my office and I'm pretty much caught up on my errands associated with the house sale. So I'm just killing time until graduation this weekend.
We have family coming in tomorrow and D has to go back and see the doctor on Thursday but I'm pretty much free today.
Only thing really left hanging is the sale of YS's car. With D laid up for the summer, and OS in Iraq, I have 5 cars to move and only 3 drivers. I figure I'll tow OS's car but we've decided to sell YS's car instead of dragging it up there. We could physically tow it, but I really don't have a place for all 5 cars at the new house. It's a good little car and I thought it would sell pretty quick but it's been a couple of weeks now. I guess I'm asking too much.
YS has wanted my truck anyway so I figured I'll sell his car and drive OS's car until he gets back next year and let YS have my truck for when he comes back down here to Texas for school. I'll buy something new when OS gets back...maybe a convertable...I feel a MLC coming on. I need a convertable and an earring or something.
Oh well. I'll probably just get a new truck but I don't have to worry about that for a while yet.
Other than that, things are going OK. No change with me and W. We are both still here. She still hasn't let her guard down but she does seem to be getting excited about the move. D is laying around the house recoverying, and is usually grouchy. I keep trying to get her to take more pain medication...it makes her sleep, but she insists on sticking to the required dosage. I'm thinking of spiking her orange juice.
I did tell her I'd stop for Chinese on the way home and that seemed to cheer her up a little. Maybe it will be better after she sees the doctor. If not, well, I have made sure that she rides up to Missouri in W's car when we move.
Not much else to say here, so I guess I'll stop rambling. Time to start thinking about lunch anyway.
Y'all take care and I hope you have a great week.
So you are going to schedule your MLC? Me too! I've been telling the kids I want to start in July. But if you are doing yours later, I don't mind waiting and scheduling it at the same time as you. Just let me know, okay?
I was also going to get another ear piercing this Summer. I can hold off on that too.
You sound like you are in good spirits and not stressing about the move. That's great.
It must be nice to be bored. I've been pretty busy lately.
Have fun!
Hi there Big Guy. I was thinking about you and wondering how the move is going.
See you soon! God Bless!
MAL
Just another fly by for my friend......
Keeping the fires burning for ya.
Hoping you are doing well and keeping safe through the move. I can't wait to hear the next update.
Take care!
Hi JS.
It's been awhile since your last update. Let us know how you are doing, okay? Hoping things are still going well for you.
Take care!
How are the new digs? Ready for another year of PSU football...could be the year! Let me know if you get up for any games.
Jackie
js, just checking in also to see how everything went with the move. You settling in OK? Let me know if you need anything.
Do you think he got lost on his way to St. Louis?
Hacker,
Weren't you the one in charge of giving him directions?
I told him to make a left turn at Albuquerque....
I think he took a U-Turn instead.
Hey Dude, just doing some random lurking... I am glad to see you have made it to this point!
Take care
And just like a male to not ask for directions.
Quote:
And just like a male to not ask for directions.
Yep, why is that??
JS,
I hope you are okay. I'm starting to get worried, because it's not like you to go this long without posts or emails.
Not only do I miss your insight, funny posts, and stories about your kids (especially YS), I miss my friend.
If you happen to be lurking, I hope you'll post and let us know you are okay. Okay??
To any of JS's other friends, have you heard from him lately?
Thinking of you and missing you, too.
Jackie
JSTX DOO WHERE ARE YOU??????
You guys are absolutely unbelievable. What the hell am I doing on page 2? I should be consigned to the dungeons of inactive posts by now...Thank you all for your support. Especially MAL, Z, WW, Charles, Dagney(Hey, we are 1-0!)...so many others. I don't know what to say.
I've moved, settled in..kids are all back in school. I'm working like a madman at this new job...W doesn't like that, but we are trying to work through it....YS is in school, D is in school...both like 15 hours a way in Texas...OS is still in Iraq but doing OK. He calls every once in a while.
I miss the kids something awful. YS's jokes, D's sarcasm...OS's blatant honesty...but W and are I trying to work this out and sometimes I think we've almost got it, but she's still pretty skittish(sp?). She gets mad, but not as mad as she did 3 years ago...and really not as mad as she did a year ago...Sometimes it's almost normal.
I get frustrated too. Believe me, I'm no saint in all of this. I continually push for resolution. But, of course, that is too easy. Some little, [censored]-head of a demon has it in for me. He enjoys this limbo crap way too much to just let it get better. W still rides the fence 50% of the time...gets nasty...tells me I get nasty...but is still here. Don't ask me, I can't figure it out.
In the meantime, I'm trying to forget all the crap that has happened. We have a nice house here and the neighborhood is great. The kids are doing great...
D's ankle is better and she's dating all kinds of guys now. YS is still the same. Has his "Ho's" as D calls them hanging around up at school. They are both really doing well. D wasn't down at A&M a week before she was having a serious relationship...it lasted all of 4 days before she called me crying...They broke up. She told me that she thinks "all he wanted was a piece of a__!!!" I cut her off and said "Don't tell your Dad stuff like that!"...I could have gone my whole life without hearing those words out of my daughter's mouth....
Anyway, She's been through two other guys since then. Always thinks they are the ONE....Ahhhh, to be 21 again...
I haven't been lurking or anything for a long time. I will try to catch up but doubt I'll be consistent. Too much on my plate. I wish I could tell you everything is great, but it's still hanging in the balance. I'm kind of surprised everyday when I get home and W is still here.
On the plus side, YS talked me out of my truck for school, so I bought this little german convertible that I drive everyday. So, other than getting an earful from W, I'm having a lot of fun with the car. The speedometer goes to 150..I've only had the nerve to go to 105, but I've only had it a week.....
Seriously, I know this post is disjointed, but I've had more than a few drinks...you know how that goes. W is visiting her sister, I've got to go to work tomorrow, and just thought I'd pop in and check the bb out.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'll try to get better. In the meantime, y'all be good.
js, good to hear that you're alive and that things look more positive than they did a while back!
You will have to change that location on your profile though...
Hi JS!!!!!
Time to read (or reread) the Five Love Languages???? Don't ignore it if W is feeling you don't care because you work too much.
We've missed you
Ellie
Hi there Big Guy!
It's great to get an update from you. We've missed you.
Be careful with the working stuff. If I remember correctly, that is one of the things that bothered your W over the years, and it helped create the distance between the two of you and added to her anger.
Now that the kids aren't around, she doesn't have as many things to keep her occupied.
Just curious, is your W working again?
Are you guys spending time together outside of home?
I know you've never really grasped the 5LL that Ellie mentioned, but give it another try. Maybe you'll find it more useful this time around.
Now tell me again??? Why were you posting so late last night? LOL. Was Jack around?
Again, it was great to get an update! A wonderful surprise first thing this morning!
Keep in touch now, ya hear?
[ What the hell am I doing on page 2? I should be consigned to the dungeons of inactive posts by now...
I thought that is what page 2 was...
Anyway, keep plugging dude. I am appy fer ya....
Taker easy and glad to see ya post.
DoubleDubya
Good to hear from you. I can't imagine living so far from the kids, though some days it sounds like heaven. We could have a year this year, beat BC, build up some confidence, you never know. However we are taking s7 to teh Iowa game, he is an Iowa fan, I think just to tick us off, but he claims it is because he was born there (like he remembers)!
I agree with MAL on the work stuff, that had a huge impact on our breakdown. I think I'm more understanding of H's demands (also busier myself), but he is making more of an effort to either call and check in or at least email me and that helps me a lot. Don't feel quite as disconnected that way. And it is nice, we don't really have R talks anymore, didn't realize how stressful those things could be!
Take care!
Jackie
Hey, good to hear from you! I've been thinking about you and hoping that things go your way. Take care! --z
Hi again all,
Thanks for the support...WW you are one to talk, seems like I remember you disappearing for extended periods of time...glad things seem to be working for you.
Z, Mal, Dagny, Hacker, Ellie..thanks for the support. Don't have any good answers. Just extremely slow progress. One step forward, a step back kind of thing...sometimes it's really frustrating.
She is seeing a C up here. It was supposed to be both of us, but the C wants to talk to her for a while first. I've pretty much given up on ever getting us to work on our problems...she's too wrapped up in her own and we definitely need a referee. I don't bring up R anymore. Trying to be here for her and just let it happen. There is progress. We'll go days. sometimes even a couple of weeks where we get along pretty well. The wall never comes down entirely, but most of the time I think we have a good time. Although the next time she's down, she makes sure I know that "nothing has changed" Still it's better than it was a couple of years ago.
Ellie, I've tried the 5LL book and almost every other R technique I can think of. Frankly I'm tired of reading relationship books. I don't think I make much of a dent. I think W needs to check out a couple. (yeah, like that'll happen
)
I'm also trying to watch the work stuff too. Most days I'm home by 6 or 6:30. Still long days but not like it used to be.
Where is it going? I don't really know. I truely don't know if she'll be here when I get home from work every day. She's got some serious issues she needs to deal with and I'm not sure I can help with them.
She got mad at me before she left to visit her sister over Labor Day. Said she wasn't coming back. Changed her mind twice. Now says she's coming home tomorrow. I just say OK. I'm very tempted to say "Why bother?"
On a positive note, College Football has started again. YS's team one their first home game...The Nittany Lions lost...but the season is still young.
Well, tomorrow is another day. Got to go back to work.
Y'all be good.
Hi JS.
Glad you are keeping us somewhat updated at least.
How did the week go? Did your W make it back home?
I'm glad you aren't working too late, although I know that is still later than you used to work at the last post. But it doesn't seem too bad.
Also good to hear that your W is seeing a C. I hope that eventually you can make it a couple thing instead of just her. I don't think you'll get where you need to be unless you are both together.
But I remember that last "together" appointment too.
Hmmmm....J/K. I think you did fine.
I know you've been at this for so long, and it must get tiring. But somehow you always manage.
Shoot me a line if you ever need to talk. That offer is always open. You know where to find me.
In the meantime, Keep your chin up Big Guy.
Hey Big Guy.
Seems like it is time for another update, don't you think?
How are you doing? You know how I worry....
Take care!
MAL
LOL,
Hi Mal, Z, Ellie and all. Thanks for checking up on me. Not much to report, things are pretty much the same as they have been for what seems like forever.
I did go see W's counselor a couple of weeks ago. We talked a little bit. She said W was in "crisis" whatever that means. Seems like she's been in crisis for three years now, but what do I know.
After the one-on-one, W and I went to see C together. I think the C decided I probably wasn't the ogre W always depicts me as, I don't know, but it's suddenly "OK" for us to go together. Not that the session went that well, or anything. W still doesn't know what she wants. I thought we were just talking about what our problems were, but W got mad at me. Of course, she acted like everything was fine until we left the session. Can't let anyone know how she really feels, except me. Then I got the cold shoulder for the next two days.
Man this stuff gets old. It's tough to keep thinking positively when you run up against a brick wall all the time. But we are still plodding along. Not sure what direction we are headed though.
Sorry I haven't updated much. Just never feel like I've got any good news. Three years of this and I still feel like it's one day at a time. It kind of wears on ya, if you know what I mean.
Looking back, there has been improvement, but never any resolution. I still feel like she's ready to bolt at any time. Sometimes I wonder if that wouldn't be easier...but then I get up the next morning and try again. Oh well, guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.
Y'all be good and I hope everyone is doing OK out there.
Hi hon - we're glad to hear from you!
Hmmm....is it time to think back to when W first came home and figure out what was different then? Wasn't it in part because you were getting a life? And she started to worry about losing you?
Have you figured out and been speaking her love languages? Been getting an exciting new life that she might someday decide she wants to join in on ? Sounds like it's time to do some 180s - or at least something different. Let's hear some strategic planning from you
Ellie
Ah, Ellie,
Ever the optimist.
I have been doing OK, just can't seem to get over the hump.
Well -
a word of advice about the counseling - don't go in there with your list of problems. Just makes the other person feel attacked, and frankly, that doesn't seem to get you too far. How about going in with a list of positives instead? Or going in and asking W what you could do to be a better husband? Don't forget validating, dropping the rope, etc. And I hope you mentioned to the C in your session alone about W's clinical depression!
I often think that the 2 years my H and I spent in MC would have been far better spent going out on dates!
Ellie
Hi there JS.
Thanks for posting. I've missed the Lighthouse.
Hi Mal.
What lighthouse?
Not much to report today. It's cold here...and raining. Welcome to the Midwest, I guess.
Talked to D and OS last night. He's back for his two weeks from Iraq and is hanging around with his friends in Texas. He and his friend (who has a crush on D that no one is supposed to know about)went out to visit D at A&M. They were on their way to a movie last night when I talked to them. I know D is glad to see both of them. I think the visit was a surprise.
We are trying to work out when and where to meet up with him while he's back in the states but W doesn't want to drive all the way down there and he doesn't want to come all the way up here. Might meet in the middle. Got to be something to do in OKC. Right?
I don't blame him. Who wants to hang out with their parents? I don't think I talked to mine much between the age of 18 and about 35...but maybe that's just me. I've talked to OS twice since he's been back. He's OK and having fun. That's what it's all about. W thinks I'm heartless. Oh well, I know she misses him.
Y'all be good.
LOL, So you forgot about the lighthouse analogy?
Glad to hear your family is doing well. I'm also glad that OS is safe. Another crush on D. Either her or YS. I don't remember getting that much attention when I was young.
Hi JS.
Saw that you were lurking and thought I'd stop by.
You were on my mind last weekend. How are you doing? We've missed you, and I hope things are going okay for you.
Hi MAL!
On your mind huh? HMMMMM....:)
Yeah, I lurk every now and then. Not much to post though. W and I are still going to counseling...still living under the same roof and actually getting along OK.
Not all sunshine and roses, really kind of frustrating most of the time, but we are both trying to figure this out.
Take care and be good.
Hi there sweetie
Ellie
Hi Ellie,
She called me sweetie..
Been following your posts Hon and I'm glad things are going well. You've always been squared away.
In one sense, not much is happening on the home front, which is probably a good thing. No major blow ups or R talks. On the other hand, that is a good thing. W and I are spending a lot of time together. We go out to dinner a couple of times a week and yesterday night we went to see "The Incredibles" (great movie BTW. I told her I liked it better than "Finding Nemo" and she looked at me like I had blasphemed or something..W loves that movie...as do a few people on this board I've noticed.)
We are having fun together again. Of course, that means that I go shopping a lot with her. That's her favorite thing to do. She shops, I buy it...and if I'm good, we stop for coffee or dinner while we are out. The other night we stopped at a bar (I'm working on her...she actually drank a whole two beers!) Anyway, they were doing Karaoke and W seemed to think that was neat. She asked if we could sit on the bar side and watch the singers. One came up that was really bad. W started giggling, then the waitress came up and saw W trying to hide her amusement and said "It's OK Honey, go ahead and laugh." W just cracked up. Haven't seen her laugh that hard in a long time.
She still suffers from the ups and downs of depression sometimes and it tears me up. It disappears long enough for me to let my guard down then it resurfaces and throws us both for a loop. But I can see she's fighting it.
Like yesterday, I called her in the afternoon and all was well. Then called on my way home to see if she wanted to go out tonight and she was in tears about nothing at all. But she seemed to perk up at the suggestion of getting out of the house and she seemed fine by the time I got home. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions!
The weather doesn't help either..been raining and kind of dreary the past couple of days. I've noticed a strong correlation between her mood and sunlight...with winter coming again, I worry.
But she's looking for a job and I think that will help. Gives her something to get up for in the morning and people to talk to. She's always been a social animal.
OK, talking too much. Y'all take care...
Happy Thanksgiving!
Quote:
The weather doesn't help either..been raining and kind of dreary the past couple of days. I've noticed a strong correlation between her mood and sunlight...with winter coming again, I worry.
You can buy these "alarm clocks" that are dawn simulators with bright light - actually a form of light therapy, like the use for seasonal affective disorder (but W wouldn't have to know that)
Karaoke soundsfun - maybe you need to get her up onstage?
Ellie
Quote:
On your mind huh? HMMMMM....:)
LOL. Don't let it go to your head now! We were up in D.C. last weekend.
Things sound much better between you and your W. Slow I know, but much better than where you were last Summer when you went to that first C appointment. That's great!
There is another person on this bb, a good friend, who suffers from that winter depression stuff. Can't remember what it is called, but it is a real disease from what I understand. I'll shoot her a note if you like and see if she can give you any input about it. Maybe she can offer some tips.
Well it's been snowing pretty hard all day here. First snow of the season. Got a long weekend and just W and I at home to celebrate the holiday. We'll see how that goes.
Hope everyone out there has fun this weekend and can detach enough to enjoy the holiday.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Here's wishing you all the best.
Quote:
Got a long weekend and just W and I at home to celebrate the holiday. We'll see how that goes.
Honey - Act As If it's going to be the best weekend ever - and maybe it will be
Happy Thanksgiving!
Ellie
Ellie,
Whatever you are taking...I need some of that.
Have a great weekend Hon.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope it's all you want it to be.
I have a busy weekend ahead of me. Should be fun.
P.S.
SNOWING???
I'm so jealous.
Happy Thanksgiving, JS. Our snow is almost all melted now. Hope yours stayed a little longer. Take care. --z
Hey JS!
Just thought I'd shock the hell out of all ya' all! Someone stopped by my IM to ask how things are goin'...well they are goin'....take care! Imiss you, Z, Hacker, Iver, Ellie, Floyd, WW and a ton of others as well...Single life can be lonely, especially around the holidays.
Quote:
Hey JS!
Just thought I'd shock the hell out of all ya' all! S
Chilly shocking us?!?!?!?! IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!
Just stopping in to say howdy JSTX.
Hi all,
Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and I hope Santa is good to you this year.
Lot's of things going on at home. Kids, parents, family visiting for the holidays. We'll have a full house for a couple of days. I'm looking forward to Christmas.
R isn't much different. W and I are "friends", no fireworks, we just hang out a lot and seem to have a good time most of the time. This doesn't seem to phase her, but it bugs the heck out of me. I've always had a problem with the whole "act as if" thing.
As a result, the C sessions have gotten somewhat intense. C thinks I should be thrilled with what's happening. Of course she's only been around for a couple of months. I told her to try it for three or four years and see how upbeat she can be! Probably not a good idea to be argumentative with the therapist, but I'll get over it. Sometimes I just get tired of people telling me to just hang in there.
Anyway, going to try to focus on the holidays and the kids for now. We'll probably pick up the debate after New Year since I'm pretty sure we won't have some kind of breakthrough before that.
As always though, other than the R being stuck in neutral, things are pretty good. Did I mention I can't wait for the kids to get here? And of course, the bowl games are starting.
Y'all take care and have a Merry Christmas!
Just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Hope everyone can step back from their troubles, just for a little while, and enjoy the holiday.
As always, Be Good!...and God Bless!
Merry Christmas JS.
I hope you enjoy the time with your kids.
Happy Holidays y'all!
Well, Christmas went off pretty well. The kids, W, parents, sister and SIL all came in for the holidays. Most are still hanging out at the house. (D already had to go back to Texas because of her job.)
I had to come in to work for a few hours and have spent most of the time reading the bb. Not really much going on here.
It hit me that this is the third Christmas I've been here and it's really the first decent holiday we've had together since the sh** hit the fan Thanksgiving of 2001 when she told me she was leaving. Been an ugly couple of years.
A lot of progress...and a lot of water under the bridge in '02 and '03. She moved out, moved back in a year ago, we moved last summer. In a lot of ways we've both mellowed and are getting along OK. But making it that last 10 yards to where we both feel like we've made it through has been tough. I guess we're both pretty good at pushing buttons and have a hard time getting over the past. But we're still here and I think we might be getting close.
I've met some really great people on this bb and y'all have helped in so many ways. I hope you are enjoying the holidays, didn't get too bogged down in the snow and cold, and all of us can look forward to a peaceful and rewarding year to come.
As always, take care of yourselves.
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It hit me that this is the third Christmas I've been here and it's really the first decent holiday we've had together since the sh** hit the fan Thanksgiving of 2001 when she told me she was leaving. Been an ugly couple of years.
A lot of progress...and a lot of water under the bridge in '02 and '03. She moved out, moved back in a year ago, we moved last summer. In a lot of ways we've both mellowed and are getting along OK. But making it that last 10 yards to where we both feel like we've made it through has been tough. I guess we're both pretty good at pushing buttons and have a hard time getting over the past. But we're still here and I think we might be getting close.
You da man dude!!!!
You hoed one tough row... I remember when you thought the outlook was bleek and look at you today! You have done an outstanding job. Great insight... Keep workin on it my friend.
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GOPHER DANCE!!!!!
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JS,
I'm glad you are enjoying your holidays.
It's so good to hear you speak about your W and M with so much hope. You see? We always said you had a way with that patience stuff. It sounds like it may be paying off. That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!
Thanks for stopping by my thread. I'm honored.
Try not to work too hard today (cough cough). You know that heart condition can't handle too much stress.
Take care my friend. Hugs!
Hi Mal and Will,
Sounds like both of you are enjoying the holidays. Far cry from a couple of years ago huh?
"So much hope"??? Mal, I guess I didn't look at it that way. I thought the prognosis was more like "guarded". Whatever that means...but then, I've always been somewhat pessimistic. Lord knows I'm still pretty frustrated with where we are now versus where I think we could be.
I keep wanting it to be great...but it's not there yet and I still wonder if it will ever be that. It is getting better though. My rollercoaster h#ll is pretty much over. Went through that for the last couple of years. Now we are coasting in but it remains to be seen if we'll exit from the same side of the car when we reach the platform.
W seems to be doing really well. She's looking for a job, had her third interview with one place and will probably get hired shortly after the holidays. She seems to like this area, likes being closer to her family, and has lost that haunted look she's been wearing for the past three years. If nothing else, that makes it all worth it. It was really scary there for a while.
I guess you are right about that patience stuff. Looking back, I pretty much think that's the only part of this I did OK with. Definitely haven't been the best DBer out there. Just had staying power. No matter how many times I screwed up...just tried again. In my case, maybe that will be enough. We'll see.
The piecing part is hard though. Dealing with everything that happened, trying to build the trust back up, working through some of my own resentments of what happened. I'm just now realizing how much I pushed to the back burner when she was so obviously mixed up. It's more difficult now that the crisis seems to have passed.
I want it "fixed" now. I'm tired of "working" on it. There always seems to be another hurdle. One more thing she still has to deal with before we can be OK.
We go back to the C tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to that. It's been about 3 months of sessions now. W talks about how much better things are going and I seem to focus more on what's not happening. Last time, the C told me I'm not being fair and not being supportive. That ticked me off. I'm no saint and I'm not looking for an award or anything, but for someone who didn't witness the things that went on in our lives to tell me I haven't done enough really set me off. But, like Ellie said, it doesn't do a lot of good to focus on my list of complaints so I'm working on trying to be more upbeat.
I just get tired of it sometimes and have trouble shaking the feeling that I'm the only one compromising here.
But the sun still comes up
and I manage to muddle through most days. Sooner or later I'll figure this stuff out...or not. I still have my friend Jack and there are several good cigar shops in this town.....life ain't too bad right now.
OK, enough rambling. Y'all be good and have a Happy New Year!
Quote:
The piecing part is hard though. Dealing with everything that happened, trying to build the trust back up, working through some of my own resentments of what happened. I'm just now realizing how much I pushed to the back burner when she was so obviously mixed up. It's more difficult now that the crisis seems to have passed.
Oh, sweetie, haven't we been there! You put aside so many of your own needs in this process, then in Piecing you would really like to have it all made up to you at once! I must say, my h has been pretty good about this, but it still takes a very long time before you feel like YOUR needs have been met. They will, though - patience.
Also - review the Five Love Languages - have you read or discussed this one with your wife? Could be she IS saying ILY to you right now but you aren't hearing her because she's still using the wrong LL.
Could you go to counselling tomorrow with a goal to say 2 things? ! - something you really appreciate and value about your wife, something that will make her feel good about herself. And 2 - some specific action you would like from her in order for you to feel more loved by her. ("I really like it when you .... " whatever your LL's are).
Have you ever figured out her (receiving) LL's and your (receiving) LL's??
Also - as far as those counselling sessions go - I hope they are not taking the place of a weekly date? After my unhappy experience with marriage counselling, I'm convinced we would have done much better if we'd spent that time doing something really fun once a week! Not suggesting you drop the C - just don't let it substitute for a REAL date nite once a week.
Ellie
Hi Ellie.
Funny, W just called and said she wanted to cancel the C tomorrow and put it off until next week. Said she didn't want to get into it this week. Her sister is still here visiting and I can't say as I blame her.
We've talked about the book and I think you are right to an extent. But she is totally not interested in doing anything she doesn't want to right now. True or not, she feels like I've dictated what happens in this marriage since we started and she sees it as "sticking up for herself." As far as reading the book, I've offered it to her but she is not interested.
I think she's big on affirmation and gifts, and I think I've worked hard at meeting her needs, just that sometimes it never seems like it's enough. Like I said, always seems like there is one more thing I have to do, or she has to do before we can get past our current state.
Christmas was pretty good. W got me a lot of gifts that are nice, but not really anything I couldn't live without. Gift-giving is her thing, I don't really get excited about stuff like that though.
But I thought I did pretty good in that department too this year. She seemed to like all the things I got her, but in the course of Christmas day and the day after, she managed to point out three things she had asked for that I hadn't gotten her. That kind of bummed me out, even though I'm sure she didn't even realize she had done it. Especially since her birthday is two weeks after Christmas and two of those things were something I had planned to give her then. Not like I had ignored them, but now, she'll get those gifts and think I had forgotten what she wanted until she reminded me.
Don't worry about the C taking the place of a date, we go out quite a bit. Especially to dinner or shopping (she likes shopping). I do tell her what I appreciate about her and also what I want. She's just not receptive to it. Not sure if she's just not receptive "yet" or just not receptive "period".
And that's kind of where I get stuck. You don't see steady progress, at least I don't, more of a spurt and a plateau that stretches on for miles. I keep getting the feeling that we've topped out...but maybe I'm wrong...or maybe the air is just so thin up here, I'm getting tired of climbing for the summit.
Hey, nice analogy
, with that I think I'll sign off for now.
Take care.
JS,
Reading that last post made me think of that movie "The Air Up There" with Kevin Bacon. Did you ever see that? You probably wouldn't have liked it. Probably too much mush or deep messages for your taste.
I just noticed that here in Piecing, you face some of the same problems we do over in Surviving. So much of the past that we can't leave behind. Trying to move forward, but the skeletons pulling us back. Trying to rebuild, but so many trust issues. Figuring out where you fit, and who you are along the way. Things like that.
I guess what I'm saying is that in your M, or out of it, you're going to have to face many of the same issues.
You'd think that if you stayed together, it would be easier than a D. WRONG. It's a lot of work.
You'd think that getting a D would allow you to put the past behind you, give you a fresh start, give you freedom and something better. WRONG. There's so much of the old, and the M that you take with you - things you cannot escape.
Either way, it's work, and it pretty much stinks. But, you can make it through this. You know that.
So, chin up, keep using that "staying power", and brush off some of those DB skills. It sounds like you're still doing well.
I'm done rambling now. (Hey, at least I didn't make a list this time.)
P.S.
Yes this holiday season is a heck of a lot better than where we were 2 years ago, and it will only get better from here.
2 years? WOW. Seems like just yesterday, yet seems like so long ago at the same time. Does that make sense?
Take care Big Guy.
Have a Happy New Year! It gets better every year!
Hi Mal!
Thanks for stopping by. Yep, it is a lot better, and you might be right about the work. Not really afraid of that, just work that doesn't lead anywhere... Anyway, don't need to get into that.
I did see that movie "the Air Up There" but don't remember a lot of mush or deep meaning...LOL, it's about a guy looking for a 7' tall African bushman he can make into a college basketball player! How deep is that?
Sometimes, it's easier if you just watch something for fun. Searching for hidden meaning is tiresome and often disappointing. But then again, I've always been pretty shallow.
Have a Happy New Year!
LOL, typcial reply from my "not so deep" friend. I should have known.
BTW, your work has led somewhere. Maybe not on your timeline, but somewhere nonetheless. Flashback to Summer of 2003, and then now? Yep, big BIG difference, don't you think?
If you need any help trying to figure out how far you've come, let me know. But it shouldn't be too hard, even for someone as shallow as you.
Seriously though. I know it's a slow road, but you are making progress. Only you can say when you've had enough, but I think you're a long way from ever saying that. Remember what we used to say? It takes so much longer than you ever thought it could? And that when you "start" the Piecing phase, the hardest parts are in front of you still?
This isn't going to be easy. You knew that.
I know you've got that strength, and you've definitely demonstrated that "staying power" to see it through.
Hang in there!
Mal,
Quote:
If you need any help trying to figure out how far you've come, let me know
Please don't make me a list.
LOL. Hey! Watch out Mister! Because you never know when I have one tucked away somewhere, just itching to be typed.
Hi all, Hope everyone had a great Holiday. Time to get back to work. Sigh....
Well, I just had an interesting development. Tomorrow is our next C session and W just called me and told me she didn't want to go...again. Then she said that she didn't think we "needed" to go anymore. ???
Not sure how to take that one. I mean, she's been a lot more upbeat lately. YS coming home has helped a lot with that I'm sure. She seemed to have a really good time over the holidays, with everyone coming out here and has definitely seemed more relaxed over the past several weeks than she's been in a long time.
Can't say that I was looking forward to the session, but not sure how I feel about not going to one. It's still hard for us to talk about a lot of things and I guess I was hoping that we'd get better about communicating with the help of a counselor. God knows we still have a few issues.
Well, as usual, I'm caught off guard. Guess I'll have to figure out a way to ask her about why she thinks we don't need to go anymore without making it sound like I disapprove.
Any thoughts?
Hey big guy. Sorry I haven't stopped by. Was pretty sick last week.
So how are things going? Did you work through the C issue with your W?
Sorry, but I'm just getting caught up. You probably have already dealt with the counseling issue, but you might consider this little surprise: "That's fine. Do you mind if I go by myself? I think there are some things I could work through."
I'm glad you're working on being more positive. I think my H and I have decided that I'll be the positive one and he'll be the negative one and that's what we do. It does help that every once in a while he tells me that it bothers him that he's so negative. At least I know that he knows. Might want to think about sharing that with your W too, if you haven't already.
You take care of yourself. Ciao! --z