H wants to talk : But what about???

Im stayin in peicing !!

The talk went well, we have agreed that we are (In H's Words Courting) Lol

Heres how it all went ( For anyone that is interested lol)

We got to pub, got drinks, something to eat.
We started talking all the mundane stuff, this went on for quite a while, was almost time to go home, when H siad, " So we gonna talk?" I said "Well was what we came out for"
H said " Go on then"

I said " I dont really have nothing to say "
Then H said " I dunno wether I wanna talk, I dunno what I wanna say "

We kinda laughed about all this and had a little joke going on about the fact we had come out to talk but none of us could lol.

Anyway, we eneded up going home, got back to house. Sitting outside house in the car, I said " So, you dont want to talk then ? " he laughed and said " Oh I dunno". I then said you comming in ? he said is that an invitation ? I said you dont need invitation H .

He said ok, Ill come in. Got inside, sitting on sofa, he kept falling asleep on my shoulder, so I said what time you gotta get up ? he said, I dunno ( his favourite word) lol. I said so, get up half hour earier and go home ?? he said is that invitation for me to stay. I said get up those bleedin stairs lol.

Any way, I will leave the next bit out

Ok Morning .

I got up, got D 8 up, make coffee, take H's up to bed, get back in bed

then guiess what??

he starts to talk !!!!

I am supposed to be in work in 3/4 hour, H is talking

Any way heres the talk.

I think I said s=omething cant remeber what though, to which H replied

Im confused
Me: what about?
H I duuno ( lolololol)
Me: pleas try help me understand
H: Ok, I like being with you, I mis you, I look forward to spending time with you, But I dont know if this is all because of my situation ( Meaning living in a pokey little flat with no company).
Me: I understand that H, I feel much the same, If we ever were to get back together, I want it to be for the right reasons, I am happy to continue the way we are, what I dont like is when we go one way then the other. I am not waiting for some kind of commitment from you, its just when we went on holiday things happened between us, then when we got back it all stopped, then three weeks later it starts up again, I want to know where we are.
H said : ( I couldn't beleive this ! ) he said " Sue things were always gonna happen on that holiday

Me: Where they?? I hadent aticipated that.
H Said : Oh Sue it was bound to
Me: Well I never felt like that, 6 months prior, you had told me you dont love me and din't want to be with me, why would I anticipate anything happening on that holiday ?
H ( Laughing) Sue we were practically in same bed!!
Me: ( Laughing) well I didn't antisipate it, Im glad it did, But was not anticipated by me.
Me: I have said this before but I am going to say it again here, I said if you are unsure about your feelings for me I just want to say that, we are never going to have that " In love " feeling H, we have to work nnow, its like a rose, its gotta be waterd every day.
H: yeah I know
Me: So dont expect to feel head over heals in love with me. I then said TBH H Im not sure how I feel, things have changed for me, I know I love you but I feel different, I need to know we are getting back for right reasons, if that doesn't happen Im strong enough now to move on, so Im happy the way we are.
H looked a bit shocked at this, I must say hye also looked slightly worried.
It was getting late and I said I have got to get up go work, jhe said I know. I then said..... gawd I cant beleive I said this. I said " what we going to do about your MLC

H said Im not having MLC, I said ( Laughing) You are, I then quickly added H Its just a transition in life, I have been through it.
H said, so tell me about it. I said I will give you a book, will you read it ? H said <Sigh> yeah. This was all said very light hearted and fun like.

I got up. H then said so where are we then?? are we courting??

I said " yeah, and I kinda like that.
H said: I do too
I said, we never really did that did we?
H said: No
Then I got the book ( Awakening at midlife ) this is very good book and i felt a little less intimadating to H than Men in midlife ( Might give him that one later )

Then He got up got ready before he went he kissed me and said " when we going out next then? "

I said : when you free?
H said: wed
I said ok can we talk more
H said definatly

Thats it Phew !!!

So I guess I live here in peicing now.

Excellent post Jiji, you resume in better words an advice i gave to RMC a minutes ago... Feeling better about ourself is the key... we are with them bc they makes us feel loved not bc dependancy... and we need to demand and express our needs withput fears. bc now we know we can make a life withput them, and be happy and realize withpout them...!!

Hi Gang,

Update on weekend.

I went to the party Saturday night, H had suggested that he would Pick D up from the party she had gone to and he would bring her along later.

I got to party, All my family were askinmg where H was< I told them he would be here shortley, ( My family all know about my DBing, dont fully understand, but have strongly supported me) Some of them are not happy H had an A, but for me, because I have asked them all, have forgiven.

So when H arrived, My BIL went up to him shook his hand and said " alright mate, Nice to see you" I think H felt emediate relif from that. Then one by one they all gradually said hello, My Brother cracked a little joke by saying " where ya been ??

H laughed and said I been about. I had to bite my lip and not say hmmm thats the problem.

Any way, I think H was pleased that the family had not rejected him

Funny bit

We left the party, once outside, H didn't know what to do, he had his car , I had mine.

I said you coming home ?
He said oh ok then

We got home, I made coffee, D went to bed, H and I sat on sofa.
After coffee, I said you going or stayin?
He shrugged his shoulders. I said is that yes or no?
He shrugged again lol ( twit)
I took cups in Kitchen, came back in and said so u decided?
H said : well I have my contact lense xase in car.
I said: Oh yeah why s that ?? ( grinning)
H said: just in case
Then In morning, H was meant to be going Boat show, So I asked if he had clean clothes.
H said yeah in car
I said: what exactly have you got in the car
H said : Overnight bag Lolololololol.
Anyway H eneded up being to late to go to Boat show

things happened

made him late.
After we lay there and I asked him, so was you gonna buy a boat ??
H said Im seriously considering it.
I said: Have you won the lottery?
H said No and laughed. any way the next bit is all complicated of how he would have the money for the boat so i wont go into it, However It did bring up issues that made me realise H has been spending more than he should, He has always been a saver .

I told him if you feel you want to buy a boat then do It!!
Then I suggessted he think about the reason he sold the last one tho.
H said, I didn't have enough time to go out on it.
I said: do you think you will Now ?
H said: Ill make time.
I said: the problem is H is you dont turn Nothing dowm, you cant do iyt all.
H said I know
I said; this is half our problem, I said, You was never here H and I built up so much resentment for that. I said I tried to accept it, Because I didn't want to rock the boat, so On the surface I accepted, But deep doen I resented it.
H said: I Know
I said: I have learnt though, I will never do that again.
I said: If I dont like something I will say.
I then said anyway dont buy boat today.
H said Why ?
I said cos it all depends wether we have a future together.
H said, so what you are saying is if we get back together, you dont want me to have a boat today.
I said : Know thats not what Im saying, You just analyzed that all wrong.
I said What I was saying is, If we have a future together, I want to help choose the boat.
H Said : Oh I see.
He then said But you dont like sailing, I said H we just had a bad experience that I didn't like, I never said I wouldn't ever go sailing with you again though. I said you decided that.
Then I said. Do you think we have a future together.
H said, Do You??
I said : ohh you always do that, answer a Q with a Q, Its my Q I asked it first.
H said I dont know.
I said : what Are you Questioning about Us ?
H said, do you think we have future?
I said : If both of us are prepared to change yes.
H said: I dont think I want to change.
I said. Maybe not change, but I want to drop my resentment.
But I cant do that if you continue to keep me at bottom of the pile, I need to be at least no2 priority.
H said : I dont know what I want sue, I just dont know.
I think I shocked him here

I said : I dont know what I want either, I said a few people including My daugters have comented on how happy I am latley, and I have been happy H, I have found me again, and I want to keep me.
He said have they.
I said yes, Its nothing to do with you, its to do with the sitch, how we had both got, I was unhappy and I hadn't realised how much.
H said. oh.
I dont know how I changed the subject after that But I did, somehow, and I had a backslide.
I started non about OW, asked him why he chose, such an ugly one.
H said do we have to go into that, I sadi Just somehing thats bothering me.
he said why have you changed subject to this?
I said Im sorry, I didn't meant to rake that up. ooops
Anyway after all that he was too late for boat show. I tried to push him to still go, but he wouldn't.

Anyway, I feel there were some good points coverd and maybe some bad.
I think we have done quite a bit Of R talk latley, I feel I need to back off from that, and make it all fun again.

Oh I forgot, I did say to H if we ever get back together, we need to change our lifes, I cant go back to what we had.
He said yes I agree with that.

Anyway, if you have read all this, lol thanks, bit long I know.

Sue

Hi Sue
I think you are right you should def lay off the R talk for now. Next time you see your H you should tell him this eg "it's all getting a bit heavy recently, so let's not have R talk now but just enjoy each other's company" or whatever.
You are right you mustn't go back to what you used to have. Keep on finding ways of making yourself happy.
I think it was a mistake to say if you are to have a future together you would like to help choose the boat (too much pressure). The best thing would be to express an interest in his boating and ask if he would mind you coming along to the boat shows.
There are a lot of signs he does want to be with you and make things work(overnight bag!, visiting family, trips out, him trying to talk when he clearly doesn't like talking much), but if you push too hard you may scare him off.
Hope you keep posting I like reading your posts.

JiJi,

I will keep posting, I need this place

Thanks for your advise, I like your advise, its what I would tell myself lol If I could see past the tress, Sometimes when you are in the thick of it, you cant see through( in your own sitch.)

I knew I had made a few mistakes with the R talk, but when you are there and with them,specially after being intimate, its hard to keep your focus on where you are going, know what i mean ?

Im definatley leaving the talks alone for a while.

I forgot to mention in the last thread, Sunday night H was telling me he was in a chinese take away and on the wall they had the chinese horoscope thingy, dont know much about it myself,but H was saying he was looking at it just to pass the time whilt waiting for his food. He said that there was a part where you look up your perfect match, he said he looked it up and it came back with Sagitarius ( Thats ME

)
He said I had to chuckle to myself.

I laughed : But didn't add nothing.
Felt it was positive though.

Sue

All we can do is keep going on and hoping that someday we will see the light and they will see the light....just pray it's the same light. I will keep hope adn prayers for you....please keep them for me as well.....
email if you want rrk61970@yahoo.com

Left

hes Aquarius

Lol Are You a sagi ??

I'm a Gemini, but Sag is supposed to be a good match for me, also.

http://www.astrologyzone.com/lifelove/matchmaker/sagittarius_aquarius.html

This is what it says about you two

Cathy

Sue,
I'm so happy you are here in piecing, someday I hope to be here! It should be a goal of mine!

Still reading your threads and finding lota of wonderful pointers!
Deb

Cathy,
Thanks for that, I really enjoyed reading it

Sue

Deb,

I am wating for you to Join me girlie

Ive picked Ya wall paper out the lot !!

Sue

Peeps, OMG omg omg!!!

I cant believe what happened last night, DBing works!!

This may be a long post

Ok where do I start?

Over the last few days as I have mentioned recently, I been feeling a bit up in the air.
I was thinking about this last night, goty me thinking how far I had come, and How I need to keep focused.
I replied to a few threads yesterady about Goal setting, got me thinking, hey sue, practise what you preach girl, you aint been stting any goals latley.

I think because H and I had got to the Dating stage, I had put me compass back down.

So last night I picked up me DR book, I re read the chapter all about reaching your goals and how far you ahve come.

Michele says, Where on the scale from 1 to 10 was your R before starting
My answer was definatly a 1
where are you now
I thought probably an 8
what did I need to do to bring it up to a 9 ??
So I sat thinking about this assesing some new goals.
Decided I needed H to tel me he loves me again.
Thought maybe this was a big goal, so tried to brake it down.
Little things that would lead up to H saying he loved me again.

Then I thought ok what Can I do to bring me nearer to those goals??
thought about this and decided I had been using the LRT, get a life technique, however I had not found a new technoique since dating, and decided the LRT was definatly not what I should be doing now.

Any way, I havent seen H since Sunday, He has gone to sweden from Wed to Sat.
He rang me Tuesday night and said Just ringing to remind you Im going away.
I said " no I hadn't forgoten"
H said : do you want to go out Sat
I said Yerah sure

So last night I was thinking he is now in Sweeden, So, I text him. Oh he had not actually ever told me where he was going.
My Text: Where are you?
H text : whos asking?? (Me very confused )
My Teaxt : Me
H text: whos me?? ( Me thinking WTF??)
Now im beginning to get all in a flap, thinking allsorts, Like he has gone away with a Woman and she is answering.
My text: who did you spend Sat night with ? ( me using cleverness <gg> )
H Callled Said: who is it ??
Me ( very confused) Its me Sue
H : Oh I lost all me numbers , But I had put yours back in, have you changed it ?
Me: No
H: Is it ( Number)
Me: Nope thats my old one
H ( laughiing) Oh No wonder I didn't know who u was.
Me: so how many wimmin do u spend Sat Night with?
H : I thought u meant evening, I thought it was your Sis.
This does make sence lol
Me : Oh I thought someone had pinched ya phone and I wasn't prepared to say what I want to say to a stanger.
H: what you want to say then ?
Me: No you have ruined my game now

H: well tell me then
Me: Noooooo
H: trying to stay on the phone and acting very affectionate, like he used to in the old days.
ME: Ok Ill let you go, so where are U ?
H : sweeden, I will call you later
Me ( surprised) Ok
Thjen I text him emidieatly after( continuing my game) saying dont supposse yu have time to go shopping?
I didn't get a reply for about 2 hours
H Text: what did you want earlier then
Me text : didn't you get my last text ?
H calls and saidd: No I didn'[t get text what did it say.
Me Oh H, Im not gonna say
H: just tell me
Me: Ok I asked if u had time to go shopping
H: No you didn't lol
Me : yes I did, cos I want a pressie
H I was going to buy you a pressie anyway
Me: I want a special pressie though
H what?
Me: Something special to wear Sat Night
H Sat Night?
Me : To BED

H: oh I c
Me: Cos im expecting Company

H: Oh Where I gonna get that ?
Me: must be a lengerie shop at airport
H: what you want then ?
Me : Something of YOUR Choice

H: I will see what I can do
Then he said you know when You tect me earlier
Me : yes
H well I, No im not gonna say
Me : h you gotta say now, you made me tell you what I wanted
H Ok I I.... No im not saying
Me just say it
H: I was thinking about you
Me : ( Gobsmaked) was you ?
H yes
Me: what was you thiking?
H: ive said enough ( lauging)
Me: so you was just thinking ohh sue
H: No lolol ( change subject)

Is that not a step nearer to my new goals I set that night??

Ok it dont end here

1am in the morning I get a text
H text : I have a big bed, I mis u ( well After picking my chin off floor)
I text : a mesage I had on my phone for ages It says Mis u over and over and its flashing . (knew I would need it one daay)
H called

He is drunk lolol.
I say: are you drunk
H a little yes
H said : i liked the message
Anyway we talk about stuff I cant really remeber
then H says are u 40 this year
Me Do u have to remind me ??
H: are you
Me : yes
H what you doing for your B day ??
Me : Dunno
H:I was gonna ask if you want to go away for long weekend
Me : you was gonna ask ?
H: well I am asking
Me Yes, i would love to
H: Ok I will sort it.
Cant really remember thge rest, I think I ha dfainted lol

anyway I best stop here
Dunno how long you can actually keep typing on these things lol

Sue

Sue,
Wall paper huh !? Well, I hope to have my butt over here as soon as I can! I'm working on it. H came over and it was a good day! Went well and hopefully we will be golfing with friends soon! I accomplish this and it will be a big step-H and I out doing a fun thing together even if it is with another couple! Think that man is praying I forgive him! He looses the OW and I will be in here quicker than quick! LOL
Deb

Things just keep getting better !!

Friday Night H called again

erm or should I say Sat morning, was in the middle of the blinkin night

He said he just wanted to talk

Anyway, he came round Saturday as arranged. We took D8 Bowling, Had a lovley time.
Having got there, whilst D was taking her time to bowl, I said to H, where My Kiss, H kissed me and said I have your pressie.
I said what is it ?
H said yuo will see later

When we got back home, H went out to car to get his overnight bag

on the way out he gave me pressie.
I went upstairs to put it on

He came up and I said thank yuo it lovley.
He said it sure is

I will miss the next bit out

In the morning, we were talking, when I suddenly started Crying.
H asked what was wrong, I said, it just looking back in hindsight I can see what went wrong, I can see it all clearly now, however I didn't at the time.
I said I was resenting him so much, that when he came to cuddle me I would not respond, at which H butted in with, I know Sue, I was doing that too. I said I know, and because you did it, I did it again.
I said I can see it now, but I couldn't then, I was sobbing now, and H said dont cry, I turned to face him, and cuddle him and said H im so sorry it turmned out that way, he said Im sorrry too.

H then asked what I had planned for the rest of the day, I said its difficult to plan anything Sundays ( I have my Mum who has Alziemers), H said yeah I know. I said I wont pick her up till about 2, do you want to walk dog ?
H said yeah ok.
We went for a 2 and a half hour walk, whith dog and D8. Was absolutly lovley

When we got home, H took his shoes off and sat on Sofa, Like the old days

.
I said are you staying for dinner.
H said, yeah, Im gonna do and he mentioned some repairs that needed doing.
So H got on with his manly stuff, whilst I cooked dinner( Reminisin)

.
He ended up going back to his flat at about 10pm

We kissed goodbye. never made plans.

I think im falling in love

Sue i am so glad for you!!!

I am so sos ospleased its finally coming together!

Kev x x x

Kev,

Thanks

Sue,
Wonderful!
I think I know the

! Real cute!
When you said you asked your H for a kiss and he gave you one, it reminded me of a couple months ago, when I asked my H for one and he didn't even hesitate and gave me one. I said I'd like a better one, and again I got what I wanted. It's good to remember these little things!
Keep up the good work! It's nice your H decided to stay longer!
Deb

Just a bit of journaling

Things going well

1) H called me Twice whilst on buisness trip to say he missed me
2) H wanting to stay longer on visits
3) H said sorry ( i said it first lol but he still said it)
4) H Initiating Intimacy frequently
5) H and I are able to talk R talk with no problem.

Things I have been doing have been working.

1)Giving H space
2)A little more persuing ( IE: texting H whilst on Buisness trip) seemed to initiate him calling me later.

Funny thing I forgot to mention which hapened on Sunday, just thought of this.

If H could describe me, he would probably say I have nagged him at times ( Lol I would of disagreed)
One of the books I read was; how to get through to your man, withou nagging.

On Sunday. I was about to get in the shower, when I turned round to H and I said: I have made a pot of coffe down stairs WOULD you go pour me another cup?

I normally would of looked at him all stupidly and said Could you go pour me a cup ??

Well His reply made me stop in my tracks!!! he got up of the bed made his way to the door and on the way he said.... " You have narf got bossy!!" He was laughing as he said it.

At first I thought, have I just said something awfull.
Then I thought about his reply and I decided, I think, he quite liked the way I ASKED FOR WHAT I WANTED.

3)So I must do more of that

I Must not lose site of the cheese

Sue

I have said it before, i am so glad for you. I need to borrow your brain for a bit, i think mines faulty (no men brain jokes please!).

Kev

What a great post!

I love the mix of:
positives
things that are working
a specific example/exchange of how you changing your behavior led to a positive change in his.

AWESOME!

Sage

Kev,

Lol, ok, imtempted

Sage,

Thanks lolol, It was reading yours that got me thinking!!!!!

SERIOUSLY!

Sue

Hey, Just a question here to anyone who thinks their WAH is in MLC??

Do hey suffer with short term memory loss ??

I know its a funny Question, But Im getting seriously worried about H, His grandmother did get Alzhiemers, and My Mum has it so I know the signs, and Im not Kidding, his memeory is frightning.

I noticed it before any of this, his memory was bad and it was worrying me, that was about 3 years ago.
Now its definatly worse. Example:

Last Friday H asked what I was doing for my 40th Birthday.
Then proceded to ask me if I wanted to go away with him, to which I replied, of course, I would love to.
H then said ok I will sort it.

Last night H sent me a text, asking me what I was doing for my 40th Birthday, I replied, Errrrm going away with you??
He replied, How do you know?

to which I replied because you asked me.
To which he replied, you are fibbing!!
To which I replied, why the heck would I do that.
He then called me and said when did I ask you?
I said Last Friday.
I got a little shirty at this point, I was upset he had forgotten.
He apolagised and said Im sorry Sue I just dont remember.
To which I said Ok, so Im doing nothing now, so what did you want
He said to ask you to go away lolol
I said Ok, well at least your consistant

He then said he wanted to take me to new York!!!
Anyway, is this memeory loss a MLC thing ??

Its worrying me

Sue

Sue:
excellent positive steps in your R.
About the memory loss in MLC... in my case althugh he forgott a lot of things he said or did during crisis, my h use to be a man that doesnt have too much memory...!!... so, maybe in your case is a mix of both things...
andrea

My H is the same way. He used to ask me the same question three or four times. It drove me nuts and I am now seeing it's just the way he was/is.

Cathy

Sue -
It's true that depressed people (and I think most MLCers suffer from depression) can have problems with their memory. Also, other medical conditions (like thyroid disease) can cause memory problems. I agree that it is also worrisome that his mom and grandma had Alzheimer's.

If you've noticed a lot of episodes like this, do you think you could get him into the doctor's for some medical tests and maybe some neuropsych testing as well?

Ellie

Hi all,

Thanks for the replys

KML, I think he is slightly worried himself, I could tell by his voice tone with the birthday incident.
I would be afraid to mention it to him.

I will keep my eye on it though, maybe its just MLC symptoms.

He does have a very stressfull job too, but It is worrying.

Thanks all, I will keep you updated.

Sue

do you know what, I just logged out, then thought about it all and I was thinking, I think he has a gone a little funny.
He is persuing me so much.
This weekend, beginning with Friday night, he text me at about 8ish I had left my phone upstairs I went up and found three texts at about nine, all within 5 minutes of each other.
Fist one said... U OK ??
Seconf one said... You not there??
Third said.... Ur asleep arnt u ??
I answerd saying Yes Yes and no
We then had a little text banter.
Then said about 1 in the afternoon he text... Miss u
I replied ... mis u 3
Then I said How much ??
he replied... Just a bit.
I replied ... oh Charmin!!!
He replied.... I was joking and I dont know how to put those little grin faces you do in.
I replied well you cant say it without them coz it dont work like that.
Then I text.. hey you should of been down the plough today because Holly Vallance was down there( I know he fancies her ) lol
He replied..... Whats this drinkin in the daytime buisness??
I thought what ??
So I replied. What isn't SHE allowed to drink in daytime?
He replied well you must of been down there to see her.
I replied: I was.... and ?
He didn't reply (strange behavouir from a mna that didn't used to give a S**t where I was before )
Then at about 6 I get another I still mis u
Then at about 8 I get a text inviting me to a party of someone he works with.
I thought why didn't he invite me earlier on in the day.
I replied I wanted to come.
He then called me and said I dont know who is gonna be there.
I said and ?? what you sayin??
He said Just that I dont know who is gonna be there, is thgat alright with u ?? ( OW, I think was the person in Question)
I said , not a problem with me.
He said ok, Ill pick you up at 9
( she wasn't there) lol I kinda hoped she would be.
Any way Sunday, he popped round for coffee. then called me later.
I think he is gone a bit funny lol

Hi Sue

I feel soooooooooooo! happy when I read your thread. I am just trying not to be too hopeful. I was reading your thread and you recommended some books to your H about MLC. Could you give the names because I think my H is having one even though he is only 35. I just want to read some more info.

Congratulations!!! Just enjoy the present and try not to think too much.

Heather

Heather,

Hi,

The book I gave my H was Awakening at Midlife, this I felt didn't seem so condecending lol, Like i was saying hey mister your having a MLC

I told him that I had been through a transition and this book really helped me.
I must say that I only did that when I felt the time was right, a few Monthe ago H would never have accepted that book.

If you want information for yourself Books I recommened are:

Men in midlife crisis ~ Jim Conway
Your Husbands Midlife crisis ~ Sally Conway ( this one is hard to get hold of, I got it from rarebooks.com )
I cant remember what the other one is called but its by Pat gautier and there is a website attached to it called Midlifewivesclub.com, that website has a forum..like this one.

Heather, if you think your H may be in MLC, go to MLC forum and read all of Hearts blessings and Snodderly's stuff, even if H isn't in MLC, its really good reading.

Sue

Where have you been? I come over here and you have taken off!
How are you? hope things are goiing well for you!

Deb

Hi sane

I wondered where you had gone - I'm so glad to find you in piecing!!

You certainly deserve it, you have worked so hard.

I wondered if I could ask a favour? Whilst reading through you thread I saw some stuff which had happened in my sitch/my H has also said or done. The ways in which you have done things and the solutions you found to them were inspirational. I wanted to read through some more of your old threads but could only find back as far as "I want to talk about Guilt" (sorry to remind you of this darker period). Could you tell me the titles or links to the ones before that?

I'd really appreciate it as my sitch has taken a bad turn for the worst lately and I want to concider ALL my options before I take any action. On the verge of giving up but then keep realising I'm not a quitter LOL.

Hope everything is well with you.

Hi all,

Just a little update.

Not a lot to say, things have been plodding along the same really.

H and I still dating and getting a long nicley
H has calmed down a bit with the persuing

I havent had a miss you text in a while lol.

However he went on a golfing trip for 1 week, he came back tuesday aftrenoon, turned up at my house at 7.30 totally unexpected... hmmm he was expecting me to be in

shame cos I nearly went shopping, that would of shocked him

Anyway he turned up with a bottle of my fav perfume

I have a lot going on at work at the momment and Last night when H turned up to pick up D, he staid for Coffee, I was a little distant. He looked across at me and Said " whats up sue" I said oh nout, just work. He looked concerned when he said it, that was a nice momment.

We had already planned to go out for dinner Xmas day, I asked H what he was doing Boxing day. he said dont know, I been thinking about that,( because this year he has his girls on Boxing day ) I said would you and the girls like to come over here. he said, yeah ok

Maybe that gave him some insight into the fact I have no expectations on his return home.

We are suppossed to be going to see the film finding Nemo this weekend, so I will await and see.

I think H is still a little in his cave, but it must be getting kinda lonley stuck in there.

Sue

Mfl,

The best thing to do when you are not sure is nothing. But we need to be action oriented! So it's good that you come here for help!

Yes, do not be a quitter!

Saneone,

Thanks for the cheerleading! Looks like things are going well for you!

Deb

Hi all,

H and I went out last night to see a movie and a nibble as he put it in his text

We had a good night, however I said a few things I wish I hadn't of said.

I cant even remeber them now, but I remember cringing after I had said them.

Few positives though

H said he was trying to change things ( not sure what but thats what he said)

I told him a story about how about three months after we had split, a guy at work had asked me if I had been o a self improvement course. He told me I had changed and got confidence, my answer was Nope I just got rid of my man!!

H said, so did I make you like that?? I said No you didn't, at the time I thought you had, but no you didn't make me like that, I had let myself get like that. H jsut put his arm round me and we walked to the car.

Im not sure if this was good or bad.

I also told H that I have always been left untill there is a free slot in his life to fit me in, he said thats not true sue, I said well thats what I felt like and I still feel it. Oh blimmmeee that sounds awfull.

He gave me a lovley snog at the end of the night, so it cant all be that bad... can it

oh i dunno

Sue,

Well, I don't see anything to get upset about! At least you were admitting that you had a part in your marital problem that it was just him. And he seemed to respond like he wasn't upset. So no harm done! You're doing great!

Deb

Sue,

I want to thank you for stopping by to check on me, for cheering me on, and for seeing thing I dont't!

There sure are alot of people on here now, good sign! And I think a lot who are going to be successful! You are one of those!

Deb

Thesane:
dont worry about it, you did it great... sometimes we need to express our own feelings, and yes, the best is that he reacted so well...
You are a winner... go, go...!!
andrea

Hi all,

Im thinking there is something wrong with H.

On wednesday he never replied a text I sent him.
Last night H picked up D early, knowing I wouldn't be home from work.
Then later he text me sying : is that right D isn't at school tomorrow??
I had forgotten, I called him and said yes sorry I forgot its a inset day.
H said oh ok.
I said you ok with that ?
H said yeah, ok by.
I said by then... that was it!!!

Cancel that

Liturally 5 minutes after posting my last threda H text me:

Do I fancy doing something tonight??

Lol

I text back: yeah something sounds great

H text: any Ideas??
I text: you feeling energetic or lazy
H text: energetic
I text: you fancy bowling or ice skating or something?
H text: whats the something?
I text: the same something you was talking about
H text: you wanna do something first then something after ??
I text: i dont mind doing something all night
H text: All Night!!
I text: Yeah I have no problem with that

Ok thats where we are so far.....Are we mad lolol

Sue, could you stop by my thread? I have some questions about going dark, LRT, and as if. Heather suggested I look at your thread. I'll post my questions on my thread.

Scott's thread

Thanks, Scott

Hi all,

This weekend was great !!

Although It nearly didn't get off the ground at all!!

That lovely texting I ended my last thread with turned into a slight argument

I dont even know how it happened now, but I called him and we sorted it, he said it was text messaging can be taken the wrong way.

So, he came round straight from work, we took D8 bowling had a lovely time.

He staid Friday night

Saturday, we took D8 shopping for all stuff she needs, brownie uniform, school uniform all that stuff lol.

Saturday night we just staid home watching telly, trying to win lottery lol.

H staid saturday night

Sunday morning we got up early and took dog to beach for a few hours. Then came back cooked dinner, had me mum over.
H ended up going back to his flat 11pm.

Had a R talk on Saturday morning. Biggest thing ever H said he loved me

He denied ever saying he didn't

I told H I wasn't prepared to stay this way for long, I said we were both getting to comfertable with it.
H agreed.
H told me he has bought a new car, this was a bit worrying, he has got a 7 seater ( we have 5 kids between us) errmm he has orderd a BMW

I chose to just ignore that.
Hoever when we took the dog down the beach, H said something about when we bring him gain,,, to which I replied we wont be able to, H said why ? I said are you going to want him in that BMW ?? H said Oh!! I smiled, H looked confused.
I asked H if we dont get back together what do you plan to do ??
I said will you find someone else ??
H said, I dont want anyone else!!
I then said, I doubt I will either but I will date other men.
I then said sometimes I feel like just going a head and doing that, I get angry.
H said so what keeps you fro doing that.
I said I built my foundations and I would rather work from them.
I then said and whats more I built them prepaired for a storm, H laughed I said, did you build yours prepaired? he said I dunno.
We spoke quite a lot of stuff which I cant remember now, H occasionly had tears spring to his eyes.

Saturday night, H was touching me a lot, I was on sofa and he would reach behinmd or beside to touch me.

I really think he is coming out that tunnell now, its just seems to be a long old tunnell lol

Sue

{{{{{thesane1}}}}}

How wonderful! Great conversations and it was nice that you spent the weekend together. Just empathize with your H. This whole ordeal was very hard on him, htey are going through their own little he//!

Looks like things are looking up! What a great weekend!

Deb

Hi all,

Im finding I dont feel the need to come here much, I still try to come keep up with you all and keep you all updated.

Im at work right now its 12 miday and half an hour ago I recieved a text from H asking me if I fancy lunch

He does this regularly latley, never did it before, he is trying

and I am so happy with that.

Its time I said a big thank you to Michele and everyone here, I really think we are going to make it.

Although H is not back home he is definatly trying to make our R work.
Actually I think he wants to come home but doesn't know how to.
Its difficult, Im not sure yet either, it feels like moving a starnger in now.
I might suggest we buy a new house and move in there togetehr when the time is right. That way H doesn't have to face the neighbours lol.

Actually this weekend when we were having a R talk, I said to H maybe you were just un happy here, with this house??
H said I have never liked this house !!! hmmm he never told me.

So maybe my sugestion will be a good idea.

We are off to New york next month.. My birthday treat

So I think I will wait till after then.

Thank you all on this board and Thank you to Michele, she is a guardian angel of that im sure .

Sue

Hi all

Just thought I would share my Weekley forcast with you

This was last week forcast for Sagitarius
The Beatles sang, "All you need is love." They were right. That really is all you need. But,the word has many meanings. To most people it is the kind of emotional attachment that we tend to experience in romantic relationships. This kind of love may be the most exciting but it is by no means the most stable. The love of a parent for a child or vice versa, is closer to the mark. But the ultimate love is the kind the creator has for the creation. There's love at all layers and levels in your life now... and it really is all you need.

And todays ??

)
Do you know how fortunate you are? Even when we make a conscious effort to count our blessings, we cannot help but count our curses too. Of course, we pay more attention to the problems and the challenges in our world. These, after all, require us to take some form of action. Whereas, generally speaking, there's very little you can do with a blessing... other than count it! You are about to catch something you have long been chasing. Why was it all so hard? So you would not take it for granted, too quickly.

hmmmmm

Sue

Sue,

Hope all is going great with you!

What a beautiful day here, in the 70 degrees here!

You always make my day when you stop by! I really appreciate what you can share with me!

Deb

Hi all,

Oh dear I fell off the DB wagon yesterday

H came Friday night and spent the whole weekend

Saturday we took D8 and her friend to a firework display, funfair was there and all that had a lovley day and evening.

During the evei=nig, cant remember how it came up but H said you gotta admit Sue you are unorganised.

I said yeah I know, I said thats part of me. When H and I were first together he once made a commenet about My sis being organised and how he couldn't live with someone like that!!

I said we all have our Idiosicresis ( gawd how you spell that?? ) lol
He said yes I know.

Anyway then on Sunday we got up early and went to Greenwich Market. I spotted some staine glass windows ( ive always liked them) and I went over to have a look, H rolled his eyes and I looked at him and said what ?? H said Nothing and laughed. I guess I was just fed up with Validating, and I said what?? again, H said yu do like a stained glass window dont you, but he kind of said it like, how ridiculous!!
Si I looked at him as tears welled in my eyes and said, Yes I do, and I know the things you used to love about me you now hate about me. H said No I dont hate them, I said you do, because you are living in afantasy world.

I then said, ( and he dont know i know about this) Going up London with a woman you dont live with is a complete fantasy, Its called BOREDOM H and we all get like that, do you think I enjoy every little thing u do ?? No But I accept you as you are!!

Then I just walked off.

He followed behind me looking like he was chewing a wasp.

I knew imidiatley I had fallen off the wagon, so I decided to think about this, what would I normally do. I decided that normally I would of taken two routes here.

1) would of been to totally ignore him for two days till he apolagised
2) apolagise myself for an easy life!!

So, I just turned round held his hand and said right what shall we do now.

He however carried on chewing a wasp.

When we got home, I needed to go out, In my car I was well wound up, but I thought let it go sue. So wehn I got home, H was in garden< I went out to him, he came over, I said I dont want nothing, just came out to see what you doing ( smiling)
H said oh ( still chewing wasp )
I went in cooked dinner.
H came in, we ate dinner ( wasp was going)
Then we sat on sofa, and I said ohh I got little presnt for u, I went and got him the choclate I had bought earlier, then I sat with him and I said, Hey when did you last kiss me, he said, this morning in bed, I said, and when was the last time I kissed you, he was thinking, I said I kissed you before I went out, I said so I guess its your turn

He kissed me, then he cuddle up to me, done the keep touching me thing, holding my hand.

He left the house at about 10ish, Kissed me goodbye.

I went to bed and at abot 11, I got a text just saying good night xxx

So, I guess Dbing works, I did something different

Whilst we were out in Greenwhich, before this all happened a positive happened, I was looking at some kitchen scales and I pointed them out and said they are nice, H said yes they are better than the ones" WE " have( he hasn't said that in ages) he normally refers to anything we have in the house as Mine.

Sue

Hi Gang,

A little thing happened yesterday that really surprised me.

H called me at work yesterday afternoon and said do you want to come to the Christmas party at one of his depots.

Now you may all be thinking and ?? Lol

But one of the things that really upset me over the last few years was he had cut me out.

I used to organise the Xmas parties at his firm, never got a thanks, but I used to do it. We would invite our freinds as well.

Then he stopped asking me to organise and whats more stopped asking me to go!! hee started to go out clubbing and omitted to tell me the girls from work were going.

A couple of times I brought it up and he would shrug it off and say it wasn't so. I used to say you dont invite me any where any more. He started to create a social life with work buddies and completley cut me out.

So, this is a big step for him to invite me to xmas party.
Dont know if SHE will be there, she doesn't work at that depot. Hope she is

Any way just thought Id share that

Sue

Sue,

I know how you feel, I was cut out too! My H had quit asking me to go with him anywhere!

So, I'm jumping for joy, for you! This is a huge baby step in my book! He now wants to share his life with you!

Deb