Journaling,
Not much change.
I have gotten H's mom into the Hospice program and she was grateful for that as she doesn't want a nursing home but does understand that we can not do it alone. Doctor said that it won't be long now.
H is still in his own screwed up world. He had told OW hopeful at work that if she didn't start talking to him that the phone terrorist's were going to win.( she said he was kind of laughing when he said it) OW was confused but once she figured out that he was talking about the person that calls me, she told him that if she had decided to talk to him that they would have more reason to call and hurt my feelings and she didn't want to do that.
The thing H doesn't get is that it isn't about the phone calls it's about the fact that H makes her uncomfortable and she doesn't want him to get the wrong idea.
What I thought about last night is what if she decided to talk to him again, he knows I don't want that but, keeps right on trying and I know he wouldn't tell me that they were in friend status again. To me that is still infidelity.
AM I wrong?
I know right now that he hasn't much of a clue about what is the right and wrong thing to do (maybe he does but still can't help what he does because he is not looking at the big picture only what he wants then).
OW thinks he may be trying to get back to the way things were in the begining so that he can pretend nothing ever happened and so he doesn't have to work through all of this. She might have a point.
I know I feel pretty stressed right now with all that is going on and I need to find a happy medium.
JAK
Jak,
I don't know what the answer is to this problem. I'm sure there will be many wise DBers that have better ideas than me. Just know that I'm thinking of you and sending lots of love your way.
Hugs, Yoyo
Thank you Yoyo I appreciate The thoughts.
JAK
OW thinks he may be trying to get back to the way things were in the begining so that he can pretend nothing ever happened and so he doesn't have to work through all of this. She might have a point.
Just wondering...do you not have enough going on you that you still feel the need to seek feedback regarding YOUR husband from someone that's no better than a common two-bit whore?
She is not your friend and aside from dropping you a line if he initiates ANY contact, she needs to be treated like what she is: the dirt on the bottom of your shoes.
Listen, one thing that will paralyze the whole process of DBing is overanalysis. If you add OTHER people's analysis of your situation to all the analysis you provide for yourself, you're just going to end up with a whole lot of information and not one clue wtf to do with it.
In short, you
have the knowledge but
only time and patience are going to promote true wisdom.
In the meantime, take out the trash.
Or at least
stop communicating with it.Peace,
AmyC
Hi Jak..I found your new thread. Hope you are good. I know you have alot going on and am sending hugs your way.
(((JAK))))
Ps go check out my thread. Its been an eye opening but tough week or so.
I agree with AmyC that overanalyzing can be counterproductive!
What do you do for fun? (I am still lousy at "me time" so looking for ideas). Worrying can take up so much time. So can the computer!!!
(((JAK)))
In short, you have the knowledge but only time and patience are going to promote true wisdom.
Jak,
As hard is it is Amy said it all. I too at one time dug and dug and found the "Knowledge" (if that is what you want to call it) on the OM and my Wife.
Then came the question "now what" I could bury my marriage in revenge. I could have destroyed the OM marriage. Or I could just wait and see.
What I did was wait and see and I have learned so much about my wife (good and bad) that I never realized.
The OW is not your friend. I don't know your sitch totally but ANYONE that would get in between a married man and a woman. (Or I guess now a days man and man or woman and woman.... well I would not mind getting between a woman and woman) has NO morals and NO Self Respect.
Everyone including myself has not had the opportunity and slight urge to "be with" somebody that was not your spouse at one time. But it's our self respect and morals that separate us from the animals that just "do it".
Being married I have seen many women that were extremely attractive. I have had brief thoughts about what it would be like to "be with" them. But....they came and went. (The thoughts).
During one of our conversations W said "you don't even really know the OM)
I told her “I know he does not respect his wife, I know he lies, and I know he does not respect your or his wedding vows...
What else do I need to know?"
She did not answer...
I am kind of rambling here, sorry but the stress about wife’s job is getting to me. I can't imagine what it is doing to her inside. Out side she seems calm. But I know it means allot to her.
Later
Dr LOve
In Jak's defense, I talk to her frequently, and I don't honestly believe that this OW is like that. She has done nothing to make him believe that she is the least bit interested in her H. This is just a infatuation he has with her. There has been no "affair" per say, just his feelings for her in which the "ow" has openly let jak know every time he has made contact with her.
I know, I know what your all going to say, BUT there ARE decent people out there that are honest, and I believe that this is so in her case. There are such things as one -sided affairs or shall I say "fantasy affairs"
I have been prvy to other info that jak has told me personally, and what jak feels is completly accurate EXCEPT...
This is for you jak..
Your going to have to be more adament about him wanting to be friends with her, because as long as he keeps holding this candle for her, he won't start to work on you two. This has to be your condition with staying and working towards your M or you will take those packed bags and be on your way. I know he is in MLC mode like we talked about, and with everything else going on its not helping matters.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should talk to this woman on a daily basis, and you always have to be careful, but I don't honestly think from what you have told me that she is out to break you guys up, or she wouldn't be avoiding him like the plague and letting you know when he's made contact.
Im here if you need to talk.
(((((jak))))
This does really sound like its more of her H's fantasy and OW is trying to be supportive of Jak.
Ouch!
Ok guys that is going to leave a mark right where the 2x4 hit me in the head.
This is why I value your Opinions and also Amy your unsite into MLC. I need to ground myself.
You people are right I am over analyzing everything.
I know that I need to be patient but, this has been going on for a very long time (since the fall of 05 that I first noticed and I gave him soooo much space) I have only brought up R convo. a few times and that is when I have been confronted with things.(not from OW)I am tired and sick of still being lied to. He just wants it to be brushed aside.
He won't go to counceling or Retro but has a Dr's appt Tuesday and Im'e going to ask him to talk to Doc. about depression meds as he feels like doing nothing that he once loved to do. He can at least do this for our M I feel. If he won't I can't make him but, I will be detaching big time and will not let him reel me in again.
Amy I also have to say that even though I welcome your 2x4's and opinion (and that is why I asked for you) OW is just H's fantasy she has not initiated anything with H other than being his friend at work along with other mutual friends and I have had two of my friends that work with her verify this so I do not feel the least bit threatened by her now. I think she feels bad for what has hapened but, you are right I don't need to hear feedback from her (though I like to know weather or not H is steping over the only boundry that I have set. Your right WTF do I do with the info? The same thing I have been, driving myself nuts because I have it and can do nothing to change it.
I have made it clear to H and in plain english what I consider that to be at our last R talk. I fell if he crosses these I have to act and not let him cake eat, I have done enough of that. So aside from crucial info regaurding this boundry of cards gifts and personal talk, contact I will not discuss anything with her.
If any of you think im'e still being an idiot just come and hit me with another 2x4 to keep me in line. I welcome your in your face reality checks. It may take a few of them to really make me understand as Im'e still learning to detach after all this time and my H makes it hard for me to do. He's no idiot when to comes to that, he knows how to manipulate me and im'e just attached enough to let him.
Funny I always though of myself as pretty independent and self confident within our M and now I feel like I am unable to find me, Who am I.
How can I be doing this for so long and still be so screwed up?
JAK
Amy I also have to say that even though I welcome your 2x4's and opinion (and that is why I asked for you) OW is just H's fantasy she has not initiated anything with H other than being his friend at work along with other mutual friends and I have had two of my friends that work with her verify this so I do not feel the least bit threatened by her now. I think she feels bad for what has hapened but, you are right I don't need to hear feedback from her (though I like to know weather or not H is steping over the only boundry that I have set. Your right WTF do I do with the info? The same thing I have been, driving myself nuts because I have it and can do nothing to change it.
I have made it clear to H and in plain english what I consider that to be at our last R talk. I fell if he crosses these I have to act and not let him cake eat, I have done enough of that. So aside from crucial info regaurding this boundry of cards gifts and personal talk, contact I will not discuss anything with her.
If any of you think im'e still being an idiot just come and hit me with another 2x4 to keep me in line. I welcome your in your face reality checks. It may take a few of them to really make me understand as Im'e still learning to detach after all this time and my H makes it hard for me to do. He's no idiot when to comes to that, he knows how to manipulate me and im'e just attached enough to let him.
Funny I always though of myself as pretty independent and self confident within our M and now I feel like I am unable to find me, Who am I.
How can I be doing this for so long and still be so screwed up?
JAK if I were you at this point I think I'd do what you said and request that H talk to his doc about depression meds and otherwise detach. You can't kill yourself over this. Not with lonliness or fighting to save the marriage. Sooner or later the other person has to stand up. You will know when that time has come for you and if he has still not made SOME kind of move, then you have a choice to make.
But in the interest of not living the rest of YOUR life thinking "what if..." you just HAVE to exhaust everything.
You will know when enough is enough.
And
NO third party insight - be it from us or the fantasy woman - is 100% accurate.
In the end, you do what sits well with YOUR soul.
Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out just what that is, but when you do know - you will
know and you will act appropriately and you will do so with peace whatever the case.
Anything that you are unsure about - do not do it.
The answers will come if you keep looking for them but look for them amid the normal routines of your days and night - that's where they will come from for you at this point.
Meanwhile, take some time for yourself.
I notice you do a LOT for others.
If you want to keep being helpful to others, you have to remember to take care of yourself.
Hang in there.
AmyC
P.S.: You are not "so screwed up".
In Jak's defense, I talk to her frequently, and I don't honestly believe that this OW is like that. She has done nothing to make him believe that she is the least bit interested in her H. This is just a infatuation he has with her. There has been no "affair" per say, just his feelings for her in which the "ow" has openly let jak know every time he has made contact with her.
I know, I know what your all going to say, BUT there ARE decent people out there that are honest, and I believe that this is so in her case. There are such things as one -sided affairs or shall I say "fantasy affairs"
I have been prvy to other info that jak has told me personally, and what jak feels is completly accurate EXCEPT...
Hry Jak,
Like I said I am not familiar with your total sitch. Sorry if it sounded like I was getting on your case. But....
" infatuation " or not... telling someone to back off and I don't want any contact can't be tht hard.I still can't see why this OW can't just cut all ties......
hope thingswork out with doctor and maybe someday retro...
Dr LOve.
[/quote]d NO third party insight - be it from us or the fantasy woman - is 100% accurate.
Amy,
I totally agree with this.
I am going to request to H about the Meds. I know I can't kill myself over this But, I am lonley and not in the physical sense since I get all that I want but in the emotional sense not, and I have fought for a long time for this M.
But in the interest of not living the rest of YOUR life thinking "what if..." you just HAVE to exhaust everything. [quote]
I will before I make any decisions.
I do have to say that the insite of others here does help me to sort out what I want for myself and the M and help me to know that I am doing everything I can to save my M and if I chose to let go I can do so with a clear heart and clean consious. In the end everything I do or think needs to come from my head, my heart.
I need some time for me just have to find it.
Thanks
JAK
[/quote]" infatuation " or not... telling someone to back off and I don't want any contact can't be tht hard.I still can't see why this OW can't just cut all ties......[quote]
Hey doc,
H works with OW and the job that she does does require some contact. H keeps approaching her and this has been confirmed. She has told him many times that their friendship is over and he keeps on trying.
H is still in fantasy land or denial or both.
HE has a job to do when he will step up and do the work remains the mystery. I am a work in progress also.
I hope that things go good with the Doc too.
Maybe some day Retro.
JAK
Mat,
Right now there is nothing I do for fun Im'e consumed with work work H's mom and home. Trying to find a balance with H but he is just as busy.
I like to go out with friends once in a while and as a matter of fact will be calling one next week for dinner.
I like to go to the fall fests around here and will be doing that in a couple of weeks. along with getting a new cut and color and probobly highlights. and my nails done these may be a dew weeks however.
How about you, tell me some ideas.
JAK
[/quote]P.S.: You are not "so screwed up".[quote]
Amy,
Maybe not but it certainly sometimes feels that way.
You guys can get on my case anytime you want.
JAK
How about you, tell me some ideas.
I am lousy in this department. I am either working (2 jobs still) or worrying about D18.
Hope you've had a good weekend! I hope your H will "see the light" SOON!
I did put away my suitcase today.
I can't use it, sitting there as a threat, it's not right.
He doesn't need the pressure of seeing it there day after day. Hopefully i won't have to get it back out.
Mat,
Im'e sure you could think of something if you try hard enough.
Today I went apple picking and came home and made apple crisp the grand boys will be coming over for me to baby sit. Should have said no as this was the only day off i had this week.
I do need time for me.
I know tomorrow I am starting a strict diet exercise program.
The stress has me munching and im'e gaining weight like crazy unlike when I got the bomb and couldn't touch food.
JAK
The exercise will make you feel better too. I know its hard to get myself going, but once I do I get a little lift.
Hope you have a good week.
I did put away my suitcase today.
Hope that brings you peace of mind!
Good luck with the diet and exercise program!
Still hanging out in limbo land.
Not much going on worth repoting in on.
JAK
Did you guys ever go away?
JAK,
Please try to take some time out for yourself. You are burning the candle at both ends. You can't take care of others until you take care of yourself. I'm worried about you.
Hugs, Yoyo
Once in a while we get to go somewhere.
Camping over vacation by ourselves but other than that trip no we haven't been anywhere.
H said he wanted to go away for the weekend after he's caught up on hios jobs but I have the feeling that won't happen with his mom as bad as she is. I also have the feeling he just said that as I wanted him to go to Retro and he won't.
H won't do anything right now to help him/us.
I did buy an Eliptical cross trainer and I love it. Going to get into such good shape H won't know who he is living with!
Making plans for an outing with a GF of mine next week. have plans to go to an apple fest on Sat. with D and a friend.
Hopefully it will be doable.
SO im'e trying Tal, Yoyo.
JAK
Has anyone ever tried carb cycling to loose weight?
Want opinions on this it sounds interesting.
JAK
(((Jak)))
Glad to hear about your upcoming plans - hopefully that'll let you recharge your batteries a bit.
On the carb cycling - I haven't tried it "officially" but I have been low carb or semi-low carb for about 4 years. And I allow myself high carb treats once in awhile - if that counts as "cycling."
I lost about 50 lbs in the first year, then I maintained for awhile, and then lost another 25 that's part LC, part "bomb diet." I'm happy to report that even though I've definitely upped my carb count, as long as I'm careful not to do it daily, I've been able to maintain pretty easily.
I am planning to get back to stricter LC soon, to lose the last 25-30 lbs.
Not sure if that helps.. but there's my story of unofficial carb cycling.
This is a diet where you eat more carbs one day more protien the next and there are supposed to be no plateues as it keeps your metabolisim confused.
Thanks I could stand to loose 70 lbs I think don't know if I should go that low though. I weigh more than i look.
JAK
Let me know on the carb confuser. I could lose some baby weight too.
Checking to see how you were.
Interesting... I'll be curious to hear how it goes if you decide to go for it!
Jak, the carb cycling doesn't sound realistic for a long term approach, although it might work to get you started. Do you know that CHO and Pro both have 4 calories per gram? (fat has 9) Start with keeping a food diary (write down EVERYTHING you eat), how much and when. Look for trends. Late night eating? Snacking while you cook dinner? Do you actually eat a lot of high carb foods now? Watch portions and try to have a balanced diet every day. How are you doing with the exercise?
Doing good with the exercise walk and eliptical and started a dance cardio video.
My problem I think is biging because of stress. I am trying to watch this.
I do need to write everything down.
I do eat high carb foods I think, as they are the more convenient foods when you are on the run, and it seems I am always on the run.
I am going to try this diet to see how it works long term I have to find a way to stay on track.
JAK
Good luck, Jak! Keep us posted.
(((jak))) hope your having a uneventful wkend!
Hope you had a good weekend. I know my eating goes down the drain on weekends as we are always going and on the move.
Down 3.5 pounds since Monday. I know that will slow down.
I cose to do the carb cycling as they seem to have a good healthy eating plan for longterm.
I just have to choose to do something else when I want to stress eat.
H has been doing pretty well. I haven't talked to OW so I don't know if he is still trying to get her to be his friend, but things have been going well at home.
JAK
Hey Jak58,
Glad to see you are taking care of yourself.. I have worked for the same company for 27 years..... last week was the first time I set foot in the gym we have here. Been going evey morning. (Kind of working out for my "Olympics". in November...
take care just wanted to say Hey....
Dr LOve
DOC,
Im'e glad you are taking care of you too. What are you using in the gym?
I bought an eliptical cross trainer and I love it so I hopethat I can keep the weight off this time.
I lost almost 40lbs on the MLC diet and now that I don't worry myself to death about what is going to happen it came right back on and now I need to get it off the right way.
Have a great day.
JAK
Jak58,
Im not the gym kind of guy so I don't know the names. Will write them down when I go up there later. One I think is a "crunch". It's basicly the same as doing sit ups but you sit down and push down on the bar.(doing 70 lbs) this is to work on my stomach.
Doc
Ok Jak58
I have been using the : AB Crunch, The dual axis Chest press and the Arm Curl
Doc. P.s I also started readinig "love must be tough" agian
That is a great book Dr. Love! It really helps not cling. I recommend that for anyone in this situation.
Jak...I lost weight on the D diet too. It does come back as its not a healthy way. Good luck on the diet and exercise!!!!
Doc,SO2,
Love must be tough is a good book. I do have it and was thinking about re-reading it along with DR again.
Doc, good excersise machines. Im'e sure you will get a good workout from them and be super BUFF.
SO2,
Thanks. The D diet does suck. When you get your bearings most of the time it will come back on two fold.
UP TO 5lbs It is not supposed to be water weight and I am drinking a ton sooooo.
JAK
ok guys, don't let her fool you, she is a very beautiful woman.. so she will look even more "fetching" after this!!
Hope you are doing ok.. what's up with H?
HI Tal,
Thank you for the compliment.
H is still trudging along Sometimes in the R sometimes withdrawn, more in though.
I am in the mindset right now that it's his dream/nightmare and when he wkaes up to let me know what he wants.
How is the new car?
Has your H been up fishing?
It is crazy around here.
Lots of fish heads with hooks coming in to the Health center to get them out. A few years ago a woman came in with one in her eye. Needleess to say we shipped her out and she lost her eye.
That was gross.
I have to call you haven't had much time to breath.
JAK
Hi Jak,
Just wanted to stop by and say hello. Have your read Surviving your Husband's MLC by Sally Conway. It's one of those books that I've read more than once along with DR and Love Must Be Tough.
Yoyo
No I have not I have read her husbands but not hers, is it much different?
How are you and where is your thread?
JAK
Hi JAK,
It is a little different. I think it speaks more directly to the wife. Some things I agree with and some I don't. It's like any other book, just take with you a little here and there.
I'm doing well. My thread is still in infidelity. I really don't know where I belong, so I just stay where I'm comfortable for the time being.
Jak,
I just wanted to stop by your thread and thank you for all your help and support!
You have really helped me out this week, along with everyone else, don't think I could have gotten through this week with out you!!
(((((Jak)))))
(((((((Limbo)))))))))
You have been as much a help to me as I am to you I assure you!
By helping you to sort through what you need to do for you you help me to sort through my stuff too.
Thank You.
We will keep working on US.
Hugs Hon.
JAK
Interesting phone calls all week long and now im'e sure H even thinks it is awful coinsidental that they are coming.
same time frame each day, all week from an unknown # (which is usually work, OW not there) They hang up after you say hello about three times, even when H answers.
wonder what is going on H even thinks it is the person that has been calling me at work to tell me things.
Went hunting this weekend and saw nothing.
Worked around the house as much as we could and watched MIL also.
MlL is getting so bad that we think she will pass very soon.
Trying to take more time for me but it has been hard as everyone wants a [iece of me and don't seem to think that we/I need time to myself/ourself.
JAK
((((Jak))))
I can totally related! I have felt that way for a long time!
My Dad passed away over 4 years ago, and my Mum just can't get over it, so she goes no where and does nothing, and so I am her primary contact, and I have to worry about her all the time.
She is also very wrapped up in herself, so even when I needed her the most she wasn't there for me, and it makes it really hard!
It would be nice for someone to want to focus on you, and put your needs first! But I guess as we get older that happens less and less!
Take good care of yourself!
Limbo
I have been trying to focus more on me and us.
It seems like everyone else thinks im'e just so flexible and that I don't need me/us time.
Even H after he said we would go do some shopping told his sister that we would stay with his Mom. SO there went shopping and the thing is is that we are the only ones that get called and H has 5 siblings.
I know that I shouldn't whine as MIL is so ill and it won't be long but Im'a stressed with no time or hardly time for me/us.
Believe me when I say it is us and two of his sisters and we are the only ones for the weekend as they won't then. This is the only time we have off and then not all weekends so it is harder on us.
OK done whining now.
JAK
Ya Know:
We should say no sometimes and make someone else buck up but,
when she is gone at least we won't have guilt about how she was treated by us or the time spent with her. Small price to pay when you think about it.
JAK
JAK,
It does seem that the care of an ill person usually falls to the women of the family, doesn't it? I'm not knockng men at all, because my dad has always been one to those rare caregivers.
I'm sorry that you and your SILs are not receiving more help with MIL, but you are right you will know that you did the right thing and have no regrets. I wish I could give you a solution to get more help, but we know it would probably fall on deaf ears.
Hang in there my friend, you will have many stars in your crown.
Hugs, Yoyo
Yoyo My H is also one of those.
He has done a lot for his parents over the years and continues to make sure his Mom is taken care of.
H and I will have no regrets and we will know that she passed feeling and knowing she was loved by us.
JAK
Hey Jak...just checking in. Sounds like you are doing well.
Hey Jak,
Sorry I haven't been around much. Things have become stressful here, but it seems thats the same old story with me.
call when you can and let me know how your doing.
;0
(((jak)))
Sorry for all the health issues your MIL is dealing with. It's great that you're doing so much for her. Even if he's not quite saying it I bet it means the world to your H too.
Weird about the phone calls... hope you can figure that out.
Just a quick. My computer is about to die I am afraid so if you don't hear from me that might be the reason. I'll still be thinking of you and wishing you the best!!!
Mat,
Do you have a thread I can't find one for you.
Thank you could always use them and right back at ya.
JAK
Hey there, got some down time.. call me when you can.
Mat,
Do you have a thread I can't find one for you.
Thank you could always use them and right back at ya.
JAK
Yes, Mattie, you do need a thread!
Yoyo,
Im'e good, busy but good.
I see you are doing well,just read your thread.
great to see!!!!
JAK
JAK, Yoyo.....I don't see a reason for my thread right now. I am just in a rut. Love keeping up with you, though, and thanks for caring!
Jak..
Sorry I had to run yesterday... S2 was up from 10pm-4am with that croupy cough and 104 fever.. looks like he has what S5 had/has... I'm ready to jump ship.
H is due home this morning and then has to go to work so no reprieve...
Did you decide to call you know who??
No I didn't cause I don't really care.
I just need to take care of me, He's on his own but, he has been doing good like I said. We have just been so Freakin Busy.
No real time for us lately.
JAK
JAK,
Sounds like you are burning the candles at both ends. Please slow down a little and try to take it a little bit. Even if it's a nice soak in the tub, do something for JAK. You deserve it.
Hugs, Yoyo
Please slow down a little and try to take it a little bit. Even if it's a nice soak in the tub, do something for JAK. You deserve it.
Hugs, Yoyo
Jak58,
I have some candles..... I may have a tub availble too...
me
Just checking in on you Jak!! How are those babies?
Yoyo
Thanks I know I need to slow down just need to figure out how.
Doc,
You need those candles for your trip. DO you have a big Tub With maybe jets in it?
SO2
The babies are doing well with the exception of Kendall having acid reflux that they are trying to straighten out. Feel so bad for her.
Kylie is a pig though and they are both growing so much every day.
How are you?
JAK
There is a FOOT of snow here WTH!!!!!
H text me yesterday to say he hoped I felt better and that he loved me. This is good as he just learned how to textmsg.
things are going well and I look at the small positives more and am ignoring his moods as they probobly have nothing to do with me anyway.
Lost 2 more pounds down 10 in three weeks!
JAK
Yeah for the weight loss!!!
Nice text. I bet you are picturing your H texting you that message and taking 1/2 hour to do it. Guys are so slow at that sometimes!
Wow, great stuff jak! Glad to see it. Congrats on the weight loss too!
Hey there,
great for the weight loss!!... Texting huh.. We just started that this past summer, but I was sending him "bad" stuff.. he liked it of course..
Did you guys really get snow???? Your not that many hours from me.. we just got some hail and that's it.
Hopefully it will melt!!
Im glad he said those nice things to you, you deserve it!!!
Sounds like your H is trying!
There is a FOOT of snow here WTH!!!!!
H text me yesterday to say he hoped I felt better and that he loved me. This is good as he just learned how to textmsg.
things are going well and I look at the small positives more and am ignoring his moods as they probobly have nothing to do with me anyway.
Lost 2 more pounds down 10 in three weeks!
JAK
Awwww...JAK, that's wonderful news. You brought a smile to my face, or should I say your husband brought a smile to my face. Maybe you should try some racy texts like TAL's. Get his blood flowing! Okay, that sounding kinda dirty, but that's not what I meant, Oh well, I guess if the shoe fits, wear it!
Yay, for the weight loss! Maybe you should send a racy text and have a racy nightie for him when he gets home.
SO2
That is funny because he did say that it took a half hour as he had to keep deleting and starting over.
Positive is that he did it to begin with and spent so long and didn't give up even though it would have been easier.
Mat,
Good to hear from you.
Yes I do think H is trying so I just keep on Bein me.
Tal
Yes a foot and a half we got and north got even more.
Pulaski didn't get anything and they are only ten miles west of me as you know.
I might do the naughty little text thing. I think H would love it. He's a guy ya know.
Yoyo
The text is a great idea and it wouldn't bother me to take the cell phone camera and take a picture that H would like.
I think it would surprise H thats for sure.
Might even close my office door and stick it down my shirt so H has a shot of BIG cleavage for his wall paper and send it to him today.
Nik,
How are you doing? Hope the PMA is back up and that you are not letting the little things get to you today.
Thank you guys, for the congrats on the weight loss and i am doing well so far but, as we all know have to be more patient than I would like.
JAK
Use that camera phone!!! That's what I did, he still hasn't taken the pictures off...:) And there was more than cleavage going on...lol.
He'd like it of course!!
WELL
Im'e at work so all I could do was cleavage.
I sent one and H text, back nice. so i told him to hold the thought.
JAK
Happy trick or treating! Is there anything you can tell us post camera phone pic......
H said he was driving through the middle of town and got the pix and he started laughing, also said he was glad no one else was there as a witness.
H has been sick since saturday and his Mom had to be taken to the hospital after a few falls Sunday.
Hospice was unavailable to check her and had us transport her by ambulance to the hospital. She didn't break anything just bruised but, she is such a risk to herself that they have a gaurd posted at her bed as she won't stay down and keps trying to get up and wander.
We have decided for her saftey that she needas a nursing home with 24 hour care. Even they can only do so much in the way of her constantly trying to get up and walk around.
Have the feeling she will break a hip.
Tired today.
JAK
How sad for H's mom. My mom is up there in years and lives alone. I worry about her falling too.
Checking in to see how you were.
woooohooo... good for you!!
Sorry about the mil... Just another worry for you. The quicker though you get her in a home the better. Less stress for you and H. Its a lot of work to take care of an older person.
of course your tired.. too many things going on.
How are the babies??? and how is your son doing??
The babies are doing great and son too. They finally found a med that works well.
MIL will be going to the same nursing home as FIL did so that is good that we don't have to screen it, as it is a wonderful facility.
H is still not 100 percent so he hasn't seen his M in days. He is also being somewhat of a jerk and I find myself starting to take it personally as he directs it to me.
Can't wait till the week end already.
JAK
Hi JAK,
Try to remember to breathe. Bless your heart, your plate is always so full.
Hugs, Yoyo
Have a nice weekend, JAK!
Had a nice busy weekend.
H is going to hunting camp until tomorrow so I took the night off my second job and Im'e going to spend it by myself curled up on the couch watching lifetime movies and resting when I get home, after I shop for hunting this weekend.
JAK
Glad you are taking care of yourself!!!
Hey Jak...Glad to hear that H is starting up his hunting.. I know he liked to do that and had stopped... the big "opening day" is saturday so my H will be scarce...
HOpe everything is ok other than that.
Jak... where the heck are you???? I hope your ok!!
Jak...checking on you. Haven't seen you around in awhile. Hope you had a good holiday!
Checking in, too. Would love an update when you have the chance.
Thinking about you, JAK, and wanting to know that you are ok!
I keep checking on you.....are you ok?
JAK,
We miss you, please update us soon.
Im'e here.
Sorry if I worried anyone.
MIL has passed away last Tuesday. Before that much time was spent with her as she declined so I have not been online at all.
H is doing as well as can be expected and things between us seem very good.
My Twin granddaughters are getting so big and doing so well and the boys are as funny as ever.
How are you all I have to catch up but that will be a while.
I do think I needed a break from the boards though.
I am truly blessed to have such caring friends as you all are. You are all in my thoughts through every day.
I will get back on and update but have to go right now as I am at work and am behind , not being here.
Talk later
Joyce
Jak,
I'm glad that things are very good between you and H. We do worry about folks, if they drop out of sight. We'll be here for you when you're ready to post again. I certainly understand the need for space from the boards, to work on one' life.
CL
So sorry to hear about your MIL. It's a lot to deal with, even when you expect it! Hope all continues to go well!!!! (((JAK)))
Merry Christmas, Jak! I'll be gone the rest of the week, but hope to hear from you by the time I get back. (((JAK)))
((((((jak))))) I was getting so worried about you. was thinking about you on the way home from shopping today. I had a feeling it had to do with your Mil. Im sorry, my condolences to you and your H.
You enjoy your time with your H and those twins for Christmas!!
Have a Merry one, and we will talk soon.
xxoo
Hi everyone.
Im'e still here just trying to sort through all that life has thrown me and H in the past few years.
Not much happening just riding along for now.
Taking care of MIL's things. seems weird that both inlaws are gone now as they have both been more a part of my life that my own parents, as mine lived in Fla.
In good news H's and my 32nd anniversary is tomorrow. Plan on going out to dinner to celebrate.
As iv'e mentioned, I am trying not to post and depend on this board so much as sometimes other situations can bring me down.
I feel as time goes by and Im'e sure I am in a good place in my M that I can bring more to the wonderful people here as far as help.
I am lurking once in a while and will keep watch over my friends here.
Thanks all and I will try to post a little more.
JAK
Guess I may have spoke to soon.
Ow just called H was talking to her and asked her questions and shw was calling me to give me a heads up. I had a client so she is calling back. Will update as soon as I find out what the deal is.
((((((jak)))))~ let us know what's going on.
Hi Jak. Good to hear that you are alive! Hope you had a nice anniversary in spite of ow's recent call.
Drama isn't quite over yet. I will post when I feel comfortable doing so.
Hope every one is well.
JAK
Drama isn't quite over yet. I will post when I feel comfortable doing so.
Hope every one is well.
JAK
Jak58,
Take a breath.... in hail.. Ex hail.....now stand on one foot and touch your nose....
Feel better????
Seriously I hope you are doing ok
Doc
jak... thinking of you.
Email me when you can
and again. Just wondering how you are!
Hi Mat,Tal, DOc, CL,
Im'e doing fine. Sorry if I worried anyone but,
I am really trying to focus on me/us and what I want in life, thus the reason for staying away from the boards. I feel that sometimes reading and talking with others that I don't focus enough on my task at hand.
We are ok. H says he is still having a hard time but it isn't like he is sick he says or feels bad all of the time just depressed some times. Says his feelings for OW came after all his issues started and he knows it isn't real but still has feelings. Is that MLC or what. In any case I am patiently waiting for him to come back to earth. I certainly realise that I do not have it nearly as bad as some.
Well that is my life latley in a nut shell.
Will talk more at some point soon.
JAK
Jak,
It sounds like your H is opening up a bit more. Good for him.
I support any decision you make that increases self-care. Thanks for stopping by to say hello, and letting us know how things are.
CL
Heh, JAK--glad to know you're away for a reason...self care is critical!!! I just care, and when you just seemed to disappear it concerned me. Thanks for the update! (((JAK)))
Mat,CL,Tal,Doc
Name has been changed to protect my privacy.
J
Hope all is well... jojo... Call me. If you can I will be out tomorrow from 11am-til about 2pm.. call me on the cell.
Mat,
Thanks yes I am.
Just switched the name because I gave some people this site.
Trudging along waiting for winter to end here. I think everyone is in a winter funk and I hope it ends soon.
J
I, too, hope that Spring will lift our spirits!
OMG all he!! has broke loose in the family (not with H).
Can't even explain as it would take forever.
I should go to face book site and explain and I can't find time to do that even.
Everything seems to be out of control and I need some peace!!!!!
Trying to let everything go but a little hard right now.
J
Yoyo,
Tal knows whats up But, I can"t talk here she"ll tell ya though.
Mat,
A lot of stuff going on with family but,
Can't really talk here.
If you read earlier posts you will know why.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY....
HOPE ALL IS WELL
Doc
Thank you Doc.
Hope you and W had a very good day.
JAK
Can anyone clarify to me what no contact means maybe I am not sure.
H called fantasy ow and talked to her about 5 mins at work asking her opinion about a mutual friend of ours who had surgery and is not doing so hot.
There are other people he could call.
I found out by someone innocently.My H never said a word about talking to her only another friend he said he called.
This lets me know that she is still in his head and he looked for an excuse to call.
what do you think?
Am I nuts to feel such a violation of trust that we are supposed to have and that I was starting to build back.
J
Can anyone clarify to me what no contact means maybe I am not sure.
Is it YOU or your H that needs the clarification of "no contact"??
No Mat, It's not me that needs the clarification. No contact means no communication what so ever and H knows that he just chooses to keep talking to her when he can get info or opinion somewhere else.
I gave him the chance to tell me both times and he chose not to.
Need to decide what im'e going to do but im"e not going down the same cheeseless tunnel again.Just have to get my thoughts in order and look at this through H's eyes before i do any thing.
I've heard others say it's like an addiction. You may have good intentions to not have contact, but......
J,
I don't think H knows why he has the desire and compulsion to keep contact with OP. I was working with a recovering alcoholic client in my professional work setting. I performed a guided meditation exercise to help her be more aware of her desire to drink. She described the desire as being intense, almost sexual. When I asked her, what was missing in her life, she answered, connection.
She needed my assistance to gain this insight. Otherwise, her pattern was to try and fight the desire, and be upset with herself for having it, and giving in to it.
I'm guessing our WAS's who have affairs are equally lacking in insight into the nature of their desires and compulsions. They may have racing minds with poor capacity for attention, that makes such insight difficult to attain.
Is your H ready to truly understand why he has this desire to contact the OP, and to see what is missing in his life, and work towards getting those needs met in healthier ways? Has he done any work yet on himself?
CL
CL,
That is just it I feel he hasn't Just keeps waiting for it to just go away. Thats what I keep thinking about. When do I give up and move on, If he is not willing to do the work.
J
J,
When you say give up, what from? What are you trying to accomplish with the M? Do you mean give up the M, or give up an approach you've been trying?
Moving on can mean different things. Moving on can mean putting less energy into the M. Do you mean a D, or again not putting as much energy into the M, or accepting that a desire of yours isn't realistic at this time?
CL
CL,
I have thought about what you just posted and I really am not sure. At times I want out of the M and others just want to start over with something different and can't figure out how to go about it.
H has said he is having trouble connecting but doesn't seem interested in doing the work on himself to get the C back. He says he knows what he is doing is wrong and that his feelings for her aren't real but will do nothing about it.
Im'e trying to decide if I confront him with the fact I know he is talking to her.
JAK
Jo,
I think you should let him know that you know and how hurt you are because of it. I think perhaps a letter or email would be the easiest. It gives you time to think and get your feelings out there. Perhaps you should read James Dobson's Tough Love book and get some ideas. It teaches tough love without burning bridges. I read the book a long time ago. I just with I had been strong enough to implement his ideas, I think I would have closure one way or the other right now.
Hugs
Yoyo
Im'e thinking of doing that but, I was waiting to see if the convo's got personal or if it is just really concern for the friend of ours. Not that it makes it right because there is still supposed to be no contact. Im'e just wondering if he is trying to ease into more personal talk with her. thanks for responding.
JAK
jojo,
I like yoyo idea of a note. Think about it, we both know your H isn't good at communicating,so this will be the easiest on you and him.
jojo....
Wanted to stop and say hi. I know you are dealing with a family crisis... I hope your ok. Im going to try and call you later on.
xxoo
At times I want out of the M and others just want to start over with something different and can't figure out how to go about it.
Me too
I know lets start all over with something / someone different" each other
Ok I am sorry I had a "wild hair"
Doc
Doc,
You are waaaaay to cute!
Jak
Hey JoJo, here the heck you are!! It took me forever to find your thread. Thanks for coming over to my neglected thread. There has been so much going on here, too. Sorry to hear about your MIL. My FIL died three weeks after that, 0n 1-04-09. I did most of the chemo trips with him. It was really tough, so I know what that was like for you.
Sounds like there is alot going on with you now. I hope you take care of yourself. Email me if you still have my email. Or I will find yours.
L
HI VC!!!!!
I don't think I have your E-mail but I will check if you have mine e-mail me and we can talk.
JAK
Hi Jo,
How are you? Still walking on eggshells? Sometimes they feel like dinosaur eggs, don't they?
Hugs, Yoyo
Yes Yoyo I am and it is got to stop. I think alot of it is what my perception is of how H should be working on the M, and how he is actually able to right now.
He still is talking to OW about a mutual friend of ours that is sick and that bothers me but, i have said nothing right now as i am waiting to see if he takes it any farther than that. If he does I will talk to him about it.
I read SG's post on limbos thread and took some of her advice.
1: I need to listen more and talk less
2: Tell H what i want/need
3: Don't assume he is not working on us
I also need to work on my weight and overall positive attitude a little more I feel.
JAK
Heh, JAK! It looks like you have some good goals above. I think having the positive attitude is so critical. I have been job hunting.....thinking a new location is what I need. D18's graduation went well and now I am more free to think of what would be best for ME! I don't think many of us put ourselves at the top of the list.....maybe that is why we are where we are today. We can change, though!!!!!
Mat,
I think you are so right that we put ourselves at the bottom or near bottom and let our own selves get lost.
Glad Graduation went well. Good luck on the job hunting and hopefully new location. (New start)!
I think these are good goals but still working on the total makeover and Positive attitude.
JAK
but still working on the total makeover
This is good IF you are doing it for JAK! It's a goal I have, too, but I think I always failed when I did it for someone else, not necessarily for me!
Good luck!
I agree Mat.
You can not make changes for another person it HAS to be for you.
Beside the fact that people can tell when changes are not for real reasons.
JAK
Hope your ok. Won't be around tomorrow.. I'll try to call you on Wed.
Ok guys,
I am trying to do 180's and not go back down cheesless tunnels soooo.
This may be a little x-rated so those who do not wish to veiw need to switch channels!
Doc I know your staying to watch.
Sunday morning my H and I were in the middle of some hot sex and my son showed up and ended the fun. My H joked about it all day and I figured we would finish what we started that night. Well night time comes and H just totally ignored me. I tried to get him going and he just rolled over and went to sleep.
Soooo I took care of myself. H never even woke up.
Last night he asks me if I wanted to finish what was started Sunday and I told him in a chipper matter of fact tone, I already took care of it and that he needn't worry about it. Well he couldn't believe what i told him and it made him so horny that we had the most awesome fun. For some reason since the beginning of the year this has backed way off and I have felt the distance in this area. So 180! have to keep this stuff up.
JAK
Back again
Has anyone watched the show Cheaters,(can't remember what channel)
Well my H was telling me about a nice looking women on there who was cheating on her fiance' that got caught by the investigators for this show that her guy hired. Well she tried to deny it for a while then started talking about her BF not being able to trust. and that it was disrespectful for him to do what he did and so on... My H thought that she was such a stupid fool for saying what she did and that he couldn't beleive that she would even think that way since they had proof that she was cheating. and called her stupid and said how disrespectful she was. He actually told me this.
DUH, H is still talking to Work OW!!!! after Iv'e told him I don't want him to, and as of last August still sending her b-day cards, pretty much as disrespectful ya think.
JAK
Journaling,
I wonder sometimes if H is going through some depression/withdraw. I don't want to slow that process down if that is what it is so I have kept my mouth shut. He is quiet a lot seems to have distanced himself somewhat. I do just hope he is working on this and that he may be nearing the end. Time will tell but, I am not going to go on like this to much longer.
I need things which will be brought up at the right time.
JAK
Timing is everything, i know you and I have talked about that.
hope your having a good wkend
Had a pretty good week end. Went camping and believe it or not it was only the 2 of us.
Can't believe one of the kids didn't show up for the day.
H was pretty good. Yesterday he started distancing a bit but we were both tired too.
I relly am starting to think he may be going through some withdraw/depression. Im'e staying quiet.
JAK
I feel ya JAK. My W does the same things.
Have good days and then something hits her and she withdrawls. Going on today as far as I can see. We had a great weekend and today she's being distant.
Just wanted to say I know what you're going through and I understand how difficult it is.
H4U.
H was kind of a jerk last night.
I got home from my second job and he was snotty acting asking me if I did this and that. I told him I had then sat there for a couple of minutes talking and asking how his day was(trying to forge a convo) and he pretty much ignored me or made one word answers(he seems to do this often). Sooo I got up and left the room and after about 15 minutes he came looking for me and talking up a storm.
WTH.
I swear he does this just to keep me off balance. Doesn't know wat he wants but doesn't want to give me up either.
On a better note about me! I am running for Town Clerk in our Township as I am sick of listening to everyone whine because she is never there her posted hours(which is true)so I am doing something about it. I guess alot of people are very happy that I am so wish me luck! I must be some what poular as people have called me to sign my petitions for my party line.
JAK
JAK,
My W does the ignoring thing sometimes too and then if I don't react or walk away or call her on it, she changes, just like it seems your H did.
I think sometimes we just don't see what we're doing and after we walk away or call them on it, they realize it. Probably something totally unrelated to you that put him in a mood and you were just lucky enough to be there when he decided to vent.
Water off a ducks back.....
Congrats on the Town Clerk deal.
Gee, Town Clerk, would be job #3. When is the election? Keep us posted!
Vote for JAK, she's got your back!!!!
You go girl!
Hope,
I think you are right he knows that he shouldn't treat me that way and after I remove myself h e realizes and changes.
Mat,
Job two would end if I got job three! I can't be everywhere. Im'e starting to get confused here and need toground myself.
Yoyo,
Yea for the vote!!
Thanks for the support friends!
JAK
Call me...Im going to try and call you.
So, last night I get home from work and there is a small bouquet of flowers!
I think he knows that he is being an ass half the time and he is doing things like this so that I won't leave until he snaps out of his chit.
JAK
Flowers are always a treat.....and a hopeful sign of things to come!
Yes they are Mat.
Hopefull, who knows but I'll except the gesture as something nice H wanted to do at that moment. I appreciate that he did that.
He cycles like crazy.
I just want to learn to live each day for me, be true to myself and maybe then H can follow my lead.
Work in progress.
J
Still can't believe the flowers... cycles are crazy aren't they!! I know what you are talking about.
H has been too nice today, and I think its because of my depressive state.
Other than that, have you heard anything from OW?
We e-mail each other occasionally H hasn't tried to talk to her since our Friend was in the hospital, wich is good.
I think it scares them when we are too quiet as they wonder if we are contempating our next move without them.
H is cycling like crazy!!! I have noticed.
J
Any new 180's?
I am up to my eyeballs in getting ready to move. I'm STILL emotional talking to exH about who wants what (furniture, etc). I thought it would be easier than at the time of separation, but even after 2 years I tear up! Hope you and your H will start clicking again and you won't have to go through this, JAK.
I just want to learn to live each day for me, be true to myself...
Work in progress.
J
I am working on this, too
m
Mat,
Hi,
I feel for you in your move and trying to deal with xH. I think I would tear up too if I had to do that.
I haven't thought of any more 180's yet but I will and I will let ya know what.
Off to my secoind job talk later
Good luck to you.
JAK
Moving stinks! However, once I get there it will be a good thing! Hope you are doing well, JAK!
Mat,
How is the moving coming along.
180's Going back to basics. Trying to just stay as care free as I can and keep my PMA up. doing more for me when I have a chance.
Working on more weight loss that won't fail.
H and I are going on vacation to Ohio next Monday. Looking forward to it.
JAK
JAK, I'm up to my eyeballs in boxes and stuff that still needs sorting. I leave in one week--YIKES! It's difficult because I am still working...have only 3 non work days to get ready and during those days I have to do stuff like have the car worked on, etc. Thanks for listening to me grumble!!!
I hope you have a wonderful vacation! I'm glad the wt loss efforts are going well!!!
Mat,
Wow a week isn't much longer.
Seems there isn't enought time in a day to get anything done.
Look at it this way though you gwt to do the hoeing out of stuff you wanted to get rid of for a while right!
Always a plus side.
Be good to your self while trying to tackle this job. You deserve it.
JAK
Well, Quit my other part time job today long story to much bull as JAK will bend, and give, work whatever hours no one else wants or do whatever, don't need it in my life.
H told me I could work with him since he has more work than time and I do know a lot about carpentry, so thats cool.
Just heard today that our friend that had cancer and went through all sorts of treatment and surgery now has spots on his liver sooo this is not good. Don't know details yet but I am worried for him.
Had a nice vacation away from ecveryone. It was sooo peacefull and it sucked going back to work but, someone has to do it.
JAK
Hey there Jak... I'm actually glad you quit that job.. it was too much...
Im sorry about your friend
that's so sad...
Call when you can.. Hope everything else is ok.
((((hugs))))
Hi JAK. I'm settled in my little apt with my air mattress, card table and 2 lawn chairs. I like this simple life!!!! Will get the rest of my stuff in the next 2 weeks,but in a way I'd like to stay just the way I am for awhile longer. I am doing really well with my exericse program (having no friends here helps--ha, ha!)
How are things with you and your H? (must be ok if he said you could work with him!!!!)
Hi Mat,
Great for the apartment and the exercise program. It must seem so simple with just the bare bones stuff could be a little bad on the back after a while though. Look at it this way you won't have to constantly be hoeing stuff out.
Fresh start to a wonderfull new life ahead!!!!!
H and I are doing ok it'as a 7 on my scale could be alot better but could be a lot worse.
Journaling
I have a girl friend who is going through MLC. It's been about or a little longer than my H. She has just decided to move out and has rented an apartment Aug. 1. I talked to her about her issues and her thoughts but, I don't push at all as this is something she needs to work through on her own. Just there for her to talk to.
Does the ILYBINILWY sound familiar? That is her. She is also drinking and partying quite a bit. She went through this years ago and left her H and as soon as he started to get a life and started to see someone she went running back. I have the feeling this will happen again.
I wonder though if it will be to late this time.
She has had an A both times.
I haven't told H yet, wonder what will go through his head when I do.
The drama never ends it seems. I think I might like boring as I am not into drama at all.
Isn't it hard to have a good friend that is making mistakes like that and you know that she will regret it later.
I was in that position, but she didn't actually leave him. Im working on her. Im trying to get her to go for therapy.
Its just like that the ilybinilwy syndrome... same thing only she has small children, and one is autistic.
Hang in there, I feel sorry for her H. It will always make me cringe when I here a story like this..
and know your not a drama queen...LOL
Hey I forgot to mention that H is checking the history on my computer!
It makes me giggle.
He came in one day and I was just getting off this site. He asked if I got off because he came in and I said no(which is true). The next day he says something about the History and I said when did u learn how to check that and he said today while i was waiting to do something.
He has no clue how to use the computer or what the history was for so he asked someone im'e sure
It is so funny to see that he is checking up on me.
Im'e not stupid I delete my History each time I use it.
?????I haven't been able to get on the computer much since i moved. Still don't have my computer set up at home. I thought by now there would be a post from you. Are you ok??????
She's fine. Name change. Don't know if it's OK to post it here. Do you have a friend on FB or someone's email?
Hi Mat Sara,
Im'e doing fine. I have been busy with the Primary for Town Clerk, making signs and getting my name out there.
Still same old from H. I was telling a friend that I feel kind of disconnected as of late. Im'e thinking to much again.
H hasn't bothered to tell me he loves me since April. Iv'e said it a couple times and he responds but, not in a while. This bothers me and makes me feel like he is just existing not really caring. I feel we are in a rut again.
We have been busy though we are in the process of flipping a house and it needs a lot of work. Fortunatly my H is a contractor on the side and Im'e pretty handy also. I think it will be fun.
I need to get more of a life outside the house myself though and I just haven't found the time .
I think H needs to wonder again about what I may be thinking.
Sara, I am on face book but, can never get on there as H monitors me when im'e on there(i think hew wonders and is worried) it seems ansd I can't get on at work as it is a blockeds site.
Mat, How is the new job and new state going? I hope you are meeting fantastic new friends there.
Jak
Hi back. Glad to get an update! I am still up to my eye balls with boxes (work is keeping me too busy to unpack, PLUS I have no where to put everything since I downsized a little too much--that is the apt is small, but I brought too much with me). Job is great. Co-workers are nice and trying to make sure I feel happy.
Keep your H guessing! Keep in touch.
Mat
Hi back. Glad to get an update! I am still up to my eye balls with boxes (work is keeping me too busy to unpack, PLUS I have no where to put everything since I downsized a little too much--that is the apt is small, but I brought too much with me). Job is great. Co-workers are nice and trying to make sure I feel happy.
Keep your H guessing! Keep in touch.
Mat
sorry about the double posting.
When is the election??? Did I miss it?
No Mat you didn't miss it, it is today. Voting is from noon to nine.
Had an argument with H last night. Kind of part of his previous talk with me about OW.
He has been snooping in my phone and saw that I called to talk to her 3 weeks ago. She wasn't home but it was her B-day and I called to tell her I hope it was a good one. (before H asked me if we had talked,which we haven't)H said that I lied to him when I said I hadn't talked to her since January which isn't true because she wasn't home when I called thus I haven't talked to her.
Any hoo we got into and argument which boiled down to him not wanting me talking to her or us being friends. I guess you know what I said to him! Told him, he doesn't want us to be friends because it fu*&s his fantasy all to hell. It went from there from me being second place to her in his mind to him not talking. He thinks we are working on the M. My feeling is that he is keeping me reeled in enough to keep cake eating.At least thats how I feel.
I threw my rings at him (still off) and told him i wasn't doing this anymore.
I am still here and he is trying to play all nicey nice hugs and kisses. Im'e trying to figure out where to take this. Move out or just live my life.
By the way Ow told him when he cornered her to ask how much we talk that if he spent half as much time working on his M as he did trying to talk to her we would be doing great. H confirmed this. H also told her he isn't the H I need and I deserve more. H also told me this.
WOW...Maybe you needed the "blow out" to make him understand how serious you are?? Maybe??
I would definately try to just "detach" from him awhile.
I don't get it, is he trying to get her to feel sorry for him?? By saying "oh she deserves better" Im such a bad husband boo hoo???
Ok sorry, I couldn't help that
Yes you are too good for him, but we already knew that?? Did he get his hunting license yet?? I can't believe its around the corner already.
Take care of yourself, and just do your thing, make him wonder.
Of course I will live my life weather I stay or not.
[/quote]I don't get it, is he trying to get her to feel sorry for him?? By saying "oh she deserves better" Im such a bad husband boo hoo???
Ok sorry, I couldn't help that smile[quote]
My sentiments exactly!!!!!
I feel that the blow out was needed too. I think it makes him do some thinking. H doesn't talk so I think the argument is at least some communication.
Last nite he was all huggy, kissy and telling me he loves me.
I think he is just trying to reel me in again. Rings are still off and will stay there until I feel comfortable with my R again.
Im'e doing my thing but I guess I need to act almost single.
It pisses me off that he thinks I shouldn't talk to her and we can't be friends but he can? whats wrong with that picture.
No Tal, H did not get his hunting license yet he said he was this week. He did get one for Ohio hunting though.
On a great note :
I WON THE PRIMARY FOR TOWN CLERK!!!!!
Now on to the general election.
JAK
Tal, I want to call U but, don't know when I can.
Jak.. Im free all day today. He won't be home until late tonight.
Call me if you can.
T
Jak,
Congratulations on your primary victory. I think it's wise to focus your energy on something positive, and less time focusing on your M.
CL
Congrats on the election!!! Keep us posted on status of the rest of your life!
Well H all week kept up the talk of OW and not wanting me to talk to her.
He confronted her again on thursday telling her he thought she might have misunderstood their convo. She told him she hadn't and then H told her he didn't want us talking at all and that it makes him feel awkward. She told him the same thing saying that if he didn't have feelings he shouldn't hav ,that it shouldn't make him feel that way.
He said to her that I told him I didn't want him to talk to her either but, that I wasn't going to tell him he couldn't as that was his decision.
She then told him that he should not want to be talking to her for the sake of his M. She then told him that under no uncertain circumstances did she want him talking to her at all not even to ask about our friend who had cancer. She said that if he needs to ask about friend then he could ask someone else. She did tell me what was said as she said she would.
He said nothing of the convo. Thursday but on Friday mentioned to me that he talked to her about what he thought was a misunderstanding. He said that she figured out that he didn't want me talking to her and that he did tell her again that I said that I didn't want him talking to her either but that I wouldn't tell him he couldn't. He said to me that he told her that he was had decided that he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. H also asked me to do the same.
Quite a different convo from what OW told me but I didn't say anything as the end result is that he isn't talking to her that maybe he will be able to work on himself.
I will respect his wishes with a twist that if he does talk to her OW will let me know.
On a good note H has been very good to me all weekend(we'll see if it's to keep me reeled in) He says he does want the M and if he wanted out he would have let me go the other night.
Told H I still feel very uncomfortable in this M. I did put my rings back on as i'll give it one last chance.
I do feel that every time things like this happen he does a little work anyway.
Well that is most of the drama that lasted all of last week and not once did I be the one to bring anything up, it was all H.
JAK
So far since all of the OW talk things have been well. H is affectionate. I am going to take it for what it is, as It could change in an instant. One day at a time.
JAK
enjoy what you have! So, how's the new job?
Hi Mat,
Don"t have the new job yet. The general election is on Nov. 3rd. The primary was for the republican position on the ballot and I won that spot. So I will be running Republican and Independent.
It looks good for me though so keep your fingers crossed for me.
Journaling:
Every thing continues to go well. We are working together very hard on the "broken house" (as my grand boys like to call it)
The out side is finished, now onto the inside.
H seems content and sometimes I wonder if he will cycle. Time will tell but maybe he is coming farther along on his journey. He seems to want to spend a lot of time with me and is almost smothering.
Me I am taking one day at a time and focusing more on me. Actually focusing on getting the house done. Going out with the girls this weekend to dinner and to see John Edwards. (the psychic) I could use the break.
JAK
Jo,
So glad to hear there has been a positive change.
Hugs
jak,
Sounds like a good time!! Think of me while your there.
I will talk to you before the week is out.
(((hugs)))
Hello. I am not here often, but wanted you to know you were still in my thoughts. Job and fact I don't have a computer at home makes my time more limited. Glad you are taking care of yourself!
Hi Mat, Yoyo, and friends
I have been very busy getting ready for elections on the 3rd of November.
Things have been going well at home thus far.
H has cycled a few times but comes around rather quickly and they are much less frequent.
I haved stayed quiet and unless he crosses boundries, will let him continue through his MLC without interuption from me.
Hunting season is here so I have been waiting to go hunting when rifle starts. H hunts with anything he can get a hold of.
Son has been staying with us until he finds another apartment that he can better afford and it has been HELL. We are used to being by ourselves so neither one of us can wait until he leaves. Isn't that awefull! I am sure Son feels the same way though and it should be soon.
JAK
Wow...just catching up on you and your thread. Good luck on Nov 3rd. What a great thing to do!!!
I can't believe your H is still in MLC...hes been in there for a really long time. Kudos to you for hanging in there the way you do.
Thanks so much for posting on my thread. It means alot!!
Thanks So2.
It has been 4 years since I noticed the change, so it started before that. Guess I just am not a quitter,at least yet.
Steps forward, steps back but, he's working on it I think.
just need to remember to keep my mouth shut for now as I feel he is in withdrawl and toward the end. It is still up to him persay.
JAK
hope your ok... thinking about you. Yup deer season is here!!
((((((((TAL))))))))
Don't know when it 's a good time to call U?
let me know e-mail me at work
JAK
YAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
4pm today I start VACATION!!!! for a week.
Not going anywhere just relaxing by myself. H will be in Ohio on a hunting trip.
Elections are Tuesday I am going to do last minute campaigning.
Then get drunk when
I WIN 
JAK
OK... You just made me laugh out loud!!! When is he due home??
Tal,
Who knows when. They leave Sunday and have reserved a room for 5 days but if the kill their deer before that they will be home.
So maybe not till Friday or Saturday.
Made you laugh did I....
Has your H been home?
JAK
Good luck this week and enjoy your vacation!
Thanks So2 I will enjoy!!!
JAK
Tuesday is Election and I have been busting My butt campaigning. I am nervous as hell.
I have worked hard and I am running against a 14 year incumbent.( who by the way is never there for anyone hence the reason I am running)
I am trying to stay positive and I think if I wasn't nervous then I wouldn't really be sincere I guess. Doesn't help right now though.
I AM ON VACATION!!! though and thats always a good thing to have a mental break.
JAK
Sending positive vibes for election day! Look forward to hearing the results! Enjoy your week!!!
Thinking about you this week! Good luck!
Yay for your vacation and best of luck with the election! You are woman...hear you roar!
Hey...
Good luck tomorrow.. I will be thinking of you!!!
AWE GEEZE
Im'e so lucky to have all of you!
JAK
WELL???????????????????
Doc
Hi Doc,
Been looking for e-mails from you.
Welllll I WON!!!!!!
I txt my H in Ohio this morning and told him that when he got home he would be having hot sex with the new town clerk.
He thought that was funny.
Now I am nervous cause it's something new and it is a reality.
I know I can do well just makes my stomach flip.
Today I went and spent the day pampering myself. Got my nails done and a pedicure, after I took all of my signs down.
It's a good day, although I feel for my opponent, this was her only job and I already had one. I have been told that if you don't do your job you usually get fired and she did.
I guess but I still feel bad.
JAK
Welllll I WON!!!!!!
I txt my H in Ohio this morning and told him that when he got home he would be having hot sex with the new town clerk.
Ya HOOOOOOOOOO for you.. BUT...it figures as soon as someone gets into politics they think about having SEX........
A few years ago I ran for city counsel... I came close but did not win. Maybe if I did I would be having sex now. If not with my wife............
Well I know you can do it.. Good new for me??? I got an order for 5 cords of wood. The guy has not gotten back to me yet but if he does and it goes through….I will be Galing Friday night………….ALL NIGHT..
I did not want to stress ya out so I have not E-mailed ya..Things are going ok most of my problems are with me getting frustrated with the lack of intimacy and physical contact…
Doc
WoooooHoooooo! Jo....Congratulations!!!
Thanks every one!]
Doc, Figures that you would have a comment about sex and politics.
Well heard from people down at the town clerks office that she is tearing up contact info and said I could get it myself.
Already did that this morning when went to another town office and sat with their TC and learned a few things.
Im'e not an idiot, as I knew what was coming my way.
JAK
GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so happy for you!!
I know you will be wondeful!
How is everything? How is the transition going with the outgoing woman?
SO2
Things are going pretty well.
Transition will be with Town Clerk in a couple of townships since she refuses to help me.(can't blame ger really, she's upset)
H is off hunting again until Sunday so I am on my own again.
Relaxation, breathing, and enjoying my time to myself is my goal.
JAK
H is off hunting again until Sunday so I am on my own again.
JAK
Maybe I should stop by with a six pack and a pizza.......
Just kidding. I know what you mean though about time by yourself. When my w goes camping with her GF's I do enjoy the lack of drama and time just to be with my son.
Later
Doc
ya got it Doc, it is nice not to have to think about anything except me.
Right now it's crazy here at work the phones are not working well and in a health center thats NOT a good thing.
JAK
Hope you have a good weekend.
Hey Jak, hope all is well.. I will try and get you next wk. Have a good wkend!
Just checking in and letting you know I care!
Hey jak.. going to try and call you today...hope everything is ok.
Hi Jo,
Hope things are slowing down for you. Remember to to take care of yourself!
Hello friends
Things are slowed down a little. At least until January.
Things are well here.
I have been out hunting but haven't gotten anything yet.
Have been spending time with myself as H has been gone quite a lot hunting. I have hardly seen him. I think he forgot I am here.
Getting ready for Turkey day. All of my children and grand children will be there so very busy hectic but fun day.(That is after the cooking and cleaning up are done)
Talk later hope everyone is well and Happy thanksgiving to all.
JAK
JAK... Have a great day Today... Get this H took S7 out hunting... Ive been a nervous wreck all morning...
Take care and we will talk soon!!
What a great way to strengthen bonds with his S! (Yes, I'd be nervous too and wishing they could find an activity a bit less risky to bond over, but hey as long as they're very careful...)
And Jak, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving with the family.
Hunting? Good for you. My exh's and my son love to hunt. In fact my son will go anytime he can. Deer season is closed here now, but he has taken to ducks and quail these days.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanks giving, Mine was.
H is in Ohio hunting again and Just txt me that he missed a big one.(Said he didn't take long enough to take the shot)
Went Christmas shopping Black Friday what a day but very fun. My two Daughters went and my sons girlfriend went also. Very good time but we were gone for 12 hours.
Put my tree up with the help of my younger twin girls.( 16 mos) needless to say I need to decorate it again tonight.
Talk Later
Hi Mat,
Im'e doing well and things are trudging along.
H seems to be still committed to not talking with Ow and working on himself, as she has told me that he has not talked to her at all since the big blow out 2 months ago.
trying to get shopping done and having a very hard time this year .
so much to do soooo little time for the holidays.
To top that off the current town clerk/tax collector does not plan on picking up the taxes otr sending them out so I guess it is up to me even though I am not sworn in yet.
JAK
Thanks JoJo for your input. I agree I am doing it for myself and I FEEL GREAT ABOUT IT. I can't tell ya how many times I have smelled myself today...
Doc
Hi JoJo. I've skimmed your thread and wanted to give a shout out to you as a fellow Town Clerk! Congratulations on your win and I hope everything goes smoothly for you next month! I wonder if we're in the same state...
Freckle,
I am in Upstate Ny way up! Thank you for the congrats I have someone in another municipality teaching me the ropes but it will certainly be a learning process.
JAK
Oooh, we're not only in the same state, but possibly close by! I know I was reelected this year so it's not my job you're taking.
I'm in a very small town as well. I work from my house which has worked out nicely. My MIL was the clerk for 29 years and she lives across the street so I've bugged her lots for the 5 years I've been doing it. We have a separate tax collector so I don't do that, but I would probably take that on if the current lady ever decides not to run.
Where do you live freckle?
I live in Altmar Ny. Oswego County
JAK
On the south western edge of Herkimer County. About 15 miles from Utica. Not too far away! Small world.
I bet you're busy shoveling today, huh?
OH MY GOD
We are getting hammered.
We don't live that far apart maybe a little over an hour. To bad that we had to meet here.
JAK
All of my DB friends.
There is a child near me that is dying of cancer and not expected to live past Christmas.
The Make A Wish foundation has said that the boys last wish is to recieve as many Christmas cards as he can from all across the world and I am reaching out to you all to help make this happen.
His name and address are:
Jacob Hadcock
127 North st.
Mexico N.Y. 13114
His parents gave permission for his name and address to be used.
Makes My problems seem aweful small.
Please pass this info around in your posts on the threads here.
PS: I hope that I am not breaking any rules here.
JAK
Just got notice that someone added to the letter about Jacob and that his cancer was terminal and that it was through the make a wish foundation. It was not through them and as of now he has not been considered terminal but the family said that it is his wish to recieve the christmas cards. They thought it would cheer him up and keep him busy right now as he goes through his treatments. So I still plan on sending one.
JAK
JoJo,
can a "E" card be sent? is there a web address?
Thinking about a child with cancer does put a fresh perspective on my life as well.
JAK~ Hope you had an nice birthday and Christmas...
That is so sad about the boy, it puts things in perspective.
I will pray for him.
Mat,
My christmas was very nice.
We had all of my children and grandchildren with us.
I had gotten a wii for my birthday the day before and we have had so much fun, H and I can't stop playing all of the games.
I wan tto get the wii fit plus for it.
JAK
Hi Yoyo,
Hope you have a great new year. What's going on with the divorce?
Happy New year Yoyo.
I hope it is a wonderful one.
JAK
So, I was actually in the right spot, JAK, just no activity here. So, how about catching me up?!
Things are going ok. H and I have not had much time together as we have both been so busy. I have been very busy as Tax collector which has ended for the year as of Friday but we are flipping a house which has taken a lot of time from us right now. It is almost done(about another month. Hopefully our time will be freed up some and we will be able to spend more time together.
One of my twin grandsons learned how to ride his big boy bike this weekend without training wheels and he is sooo funny wanting everyone to watch him ride"cause he's big now".
What has been going on with you Mat?
JAK
Heh, JAK. Thanks for the update. I stay busy with my job....work too much, but I enjoy it. Can't believe I've been here 9 months. Making friends slowly. No interesting men, but I am really not interested in dating. I can't believe I've been divorced 2 years! I am going to be a grandmother this summer: YIKES!
mat
got it Doc I left u a msg.
OH MAT!
Congratulations on being a Grandma. It's great when you can have the fun and give them back spoiled to their parents!
Im'e glad to see that you enjoy your job. please make sure that you take time for you though.
I need to remind myself of this.
JAK
I feel H is trying to talk to OW again even though he uses work for an excuse or more recently our sick and dying friend. OW feels the same way and keeps putting him off.(confirmed by another person. I feel I have about had the course as I have been at this for to long and he doesn't seem to move forward no matter what I try. He treats me well but i still feel the dis-connection on his part and now I feel myself distancing.
Piecing is supposed to be about both of us working together and it has not really been like that. It is still H brushing things under the rug and hoping that it will go away.
I feel right now that if OW said I want you he would be gone.
[/quote]
Hello Jo Jo,
Sometimes it takes something as simple as an attitude change to turn them around, especially during cycling.
Making yourself less available to him, getting on with your life, AS IF he's not there, coming and going as you please.
You do not always have to tell him what you're doing...just do it, and field questions as you choose to, IF you choose to.
And this move WILL spawn questions from him, but you either don't answer them, OR you be very vague and mysterious about what's going on with you.
Apparently, he is "back and forth" saying a whole lot of stuff, but not doing anything about it. This also smacks of him taking you for granted, he's just assuming he can do whatever he wants to and you'll be all right with it. When you are NOT.
The only thing I would NOT suggest is getting involved with anyone else...questions have been asked of me before about dating while the spouse is in the MLC tunnel, and I do NOT recommend it...we are STILL married, even though things are not right within our marriages, adding someone for ourselves will only complicate matters and make them worse than they are.
You know that if you ask him to leave, he may NOT come back, and that is something you have to think about..as once you do it, you can NOT take it back.
You know your husband better than anyone, and it is a crap shoot, regardless of what you do.
An attitude/action change on your part is going to "stir the pot" so to speak, and not only will he start questioning, but will also become very angry, that you are NOT where he thinks you need to be at all times.
It IS possible to go very dark on him; even though he is there, letting him know that when he gets ready to work on the marriage, he will know where you are. But, until then, you have nothing further to say to him.
It can even get to the point of leaving the room when he enters it, and that really gets to them, as they've lost control of the LBS, and they do NOT like that at all.
In other words, remove the safety net...YOU, from the equation, and see what happens.
These actions can also open up the possibility of him deciding to leave you on his own...this could go either way; and you need to understand that.
When changes occur, they scramble around seeking to figure out what's wrong, and try to fix it back like it was..as change represents danger to them.
In a total confrontation between you two, he has to be told in no uncertain terms that there is NO room for OW, fantasy or otherwise this is a marriage that contains TWO people, not three; that you are no longer willing to sit on the sidelines.
Also, understand by stirring the pot, it might NOT get the desired result, as this is MLC after all.
But it's a chance you sometimes have to take to force him to move forward, and hopefully back toward you, and a reconnection/rebuilding of your marriage.
We are ALL afraid when we step forward into the unknown; but courage comes out of the fear that's within, and God, in His mercy, will meet us at the very point of our greatest need. He knows your heart and your need, and will help you if you will ask Him to.
I hope this helps you, sorry Matt for the hijack of your thread.
_________________________
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
This also smacks of him taking you for granted, he's just assuming he can do whatever he wants to and you'll be all right with it. When you are NOT.[quote]
It seems that is what we are doing is cycling. When I call him on the carpet for his behavior he says things that make me believe he is really serious about making this work. I have told him that there will be no next time if contact with OW outside work related stuff continued and I mean it.
The way I look at it is he is still in replay, if OW still in his heart to me = REPLAY.
The thing is is when I have been acting As if and trying to piece it is going to be kind of hard to an all of the sudden Attitude change which I think is very much needed. I think I answered my own question. I think I know what to do.
I am not afraid of what might happen I have been prepared for a long time either way but, I am going to have to bring up R to do it. I feel it is justified.
I have no intention of seeing anyone outside my marriage.
Believe me I feel this is right on the spot! When i think about this i feel that this has been happening all of my married life. I give in to most everything and he goes on his merry way. I do not want to control what he does. Heck I even told him I would not tell him he could not talk to OW that was a decision he had to make on his own and he couldn't believe it even told OW I said it. He told me I could not talk to her. Yea right.
And I thought I was piecing I think I may need to move. WE'll see.
JAK
Believe me I feel this is right on the spot! When i think about this i feel that this has been happening all of my married life. I give in to most everything and he goes on his merry way.
This is called "giving away the farm". To continually give in to another is to invite disrespect..as in, "Ok, I always get my way, no matter what I do, so I will do as I want." Even to the point it hurts another person. That is also called "taking advantage".
Another term is "weak boundaries".
You're an adult, and no one can take away from you, or take advantage of you without your consent.
You may not want to control what he does, but when it comes to being married, certain rules DO apply, and there are BOUNDARIES that must be set in order to regain respect within the balance.
You are lacking proper boundaries in this instance. I used to be like you, but I haven't been that way for many years.
I will NOT allow my husband to just do whatever he wants and disprespect me, just as I KNOW I cannot do whatever I want, ESPECIALLY if it will hurt him or our marriage.
You are not comfortable with OW being there, therefore your husband should have enough respect to get rid of her, especially if he wants to continue to be married to YOU.
I will not do anything that will make my husband uncomfortable, and I will not put up with him doing anything that would make ME uncomfortable.
I draw that kind of a line, and will enforce it, as I found out a long time ago I don't need someone who will try and walk all over me.
Love is not enabling, neither is love a doormat...sometimes love must be tough when it comes to defending your boundaries, even if it comes down to watching them walk away because of their selfishness.
It is true we cannot control what another does, but we CAN make it clear what we will and will not tolerate within our marriages, preparing to take the steps necessary to change things when an uncomfortable situation comes up.
They can either conform to what we want or walk away...right or wrong, we each have a right to how we feel.
From a moral standpoint, a marriage contains TWO people, not three. And when someone violates that covenant, a confrontation is generally in order.
OW is NOT your problem, she IS HIS..therefore his responsibility. BUT, you CAN make it perfectly clear you will NOT tolerate the presence of OW...he will either pull it together or walk, his choice.
Like I said this could go either way..but when you put the solution you come up with into action, you let go of the consequences of those actions, letting the chips fall where they may.
Jo Jo, when I posted to you the first time, I covered ALL bases, so I did not mean for you to think that I thought you were thinking of seeing someone else...I'm not familiar with your situation, other than what you'd posted...I have a habit of covering all that I think is necessary to answer as many questions as I can that may come up.
I hope it all works out for you.
Much love,
HB
HB,
Funny I never felt a doormat per-say before his MLC.
[/quote]OW is NOT your problem, she IS HIS..therefore his responsibility. BUT, you CAN make it perfectly clear you will NOT tolerate the presence of OW...he will either pull it together or walk, his choice.[quote]
I told H this very thing after the last discussion re/OW and I will be upholding what I said. The rest is up to him.
I have accepted my part in this. I am no longer letting him take advantage.
I won't control him but I will let him know what I feel to be a deal breaker and act on it. I did quit letting him walk all over me getting his way just to keep peace after his MLC came out but, I had been an idiot to think that because he said he wanted the M that that would be all that mattered and that he would just miraculously not feel for her any longer and not try to keep crossing that boundary either.
That was just wishful thinking on my part.
JAK
J,
I know where you are at, trust me, it seems that you and I have just been here so long.. when will it get better than just "fighting through it".
Call me... I'll be around today. hope your ok
Thanks Doc!
Irish,
I wasn't able to call Friday but will try this week. How long is H gone for?
Hope your Mothers day was peaceful.
JAK
Hey J... He is gone till Tuesday night, but Possibly til thurs.
Hope your Mother's day was great
Catching up again, Jak. I've been away from the computer for weeks--for fun family get togethers and then work interferes with my free time, too.
How are you today?
Wellll,
Sounds like you have been busy.
Things are a little tense H is cycling and it is getting to be more often and shorter periods each time so I am trying to be silent to see what happens. It is hard though.
I have been very busy between jobs and am trying to find more time to myself.
How is your everyday going?
JAK
Today I need to start making my apartment more inviting! I am in no hurry to move now. My air condioner is broken, but at this point I am too embarrassed to have the maintance man over to see my messy place. Isn't that crazy?????
Yes it is. You need the air conditioning fixed who care what your place looks like. it's yours you earned it. Although maybe he will be a hottie you could impress
JAK
Although maybe he will be a hottie you could impress
JAK
Haha. Yes, I did call about my air conditioning. No hotties sighted, but you did make me smile! I wonder if I will ever want to date again......
Mat,
You do what ever is in your heart and makes YOU happy!
JAK
JAK, how are you? How is your H's cycling? Hopefully he is realizing how special you are!!!!! I know you stay busy with work, but are you finding some time for yourself???
Hi Mat,
H has been going back and fourth it seems between withdraw and peeking out so to speak. We have had some revelations it seems.
I met OW at the nursing home where a mutual friend that is dying of cancer was just placed. First time I have seen her in person.
Funny other than her coming up to my chin and being tiny we look and act a lot alike Hmmmmmm.
My H knew that her and another friend were going to be there and chose not to tell me then acted with them as if he didn't know (for my benefit no doubt). The other friend thought that was strange.
When we left my H asked how I felt I said it was awkward,not so much because of her but the sitch and of course I was comparing her to me and what attracted him.
Well my H started to tell me how the whole thing started(in his version of course but, that is the way he sees it). I remained quiet and listened. I still remain quiet. H has asked me if I have a ny questions or comments but right now I can't think straight so I asay nothing as I just want him to continue to do work.
A few days before all of this started H was trying to engage in convo with her when he had told me he was no longer going to talk to her and wanted me to do the same which I kept my part of the bargin until she called me after he tried to engage her in convo twice in a couple of weeks.
He was sooooo mad that she called me. Now he thins she has a motive other than friendship and that she was behind the phone calls.
Him being mad at her has helped to turn things around I feel. H is afraid that I will leave.
H has said he wants to find new work and has even come up with a plan. He says he is sick of not making more money and that they haven't gotten raises in a very long time. I do feel though that he wants to do it to get away from her and to help us recover.
What ever works! I told him I would support him if that is what he wanted.
Long story.
JAK
I was trying to remember about ow, JAK....does she work with your H? If so, then the fact he is looking for new work sounds promising! Hope your week is going well!!!
Hey there, I have been thinking of you, especially since I was at the beach today and I remember how we used to chit chat on the phone while I was there with the kids..Miss you!!
Everything sounds great though I am happy for you, How weird was it to actually see her???
Hi Irish I have wanted to call you but never know when is a good time with your H.
Yes OW works with H. It was weird meeting her I think only because of the whole situation. She is very nice.
Our friend passed away Thursday morning and she called me to let me know so I wouldn't have to wait until word got out.
H said he is serious and has been talking to friends about other employment. and putting applications in. I do feel that he is doing this for us just in what he says. This is a big baby step.
JAK
Im so happy for you!! Im so sorry about your friend (((hugs)), call me...
Hi guys --
Please start a new thread. This thread is getting a bit too long, so I'm locking it. Shorter threads improve the speed and flow of this online community.
Thanks.