I wanted to start a new thread because the old one is about to lock.
ALSO this may be the start of a NEW chapter in my life....
Ok So I was out back with my son shooting at the crows that have been attacking my dog and cat. My Wife comes out side and said I had a phone call. When I got to the door she said it was from Retrouvaille, they wanted to talk to both of us.
I picked up the phone and it was “Frank”. He said he had some questions / statements that he had to read to us and we needed to answer them. (My Wife was on the other line...
#1
Are we seeing any psychiatrist?
Me: No just a counselor a few months back
Wife: same answer
Frank; Ok it is just that if you are you can go ahead and tell them you are coming here.
#2
If either spouse is involved in an affair, that relationship must be severed before you attending the weekend.
Me: Ok
Wife: OK
#3
You must follow the communication method taught throughout the program and fully participate in the six post-weekend sessions.
Me: yes
Wife; what if a date interferes with a family function?
Frank:
You can have make up days.
Wife: ok it’s just that it is far away and the travel time and all.
Frank. You can’t miss all of them. But one or two can be made up.
Me: We will do our best effort to make it
Frank: great I understand
SOOO I have my confirmation. I did feel uncomfortable when he asked the “affair” question but W did not hesitate to answer.
I was going to check the phone but now I am going to build some trust and let it go.
I also was not thinking about the after sessions but wife seemed really willing to go. (Except to mass). It may not have come across that way the way how I wrote it here but she was not hesitant or really looking for an excuse to not go…
That’s it for now
Later
Husband
That is very exciting news. I haven't kept up with your thread, but I see your posts from time to time. Are you Dr. Love, by chance?
What were you shooting with?
Hey girlf.
Ya they call me Dr LOve.....
I was shooting with an air pistol that shoots little plastic pellets. Won't kill them but I bet is smarts. I do live in town.
As for keeping up with my thread..... It's been around over a year. Last year at this time when my son and I took our trip W was barely speaking to me. I a sure at that time she was in constant contact (by phone, he live in another state) with the OM. Now she may have been splitting hairs when the guy asked that all "contact" with the OP needs to stop. She may have thought "physical contact" but I am not going to second guess ANYTHING... I know when I first found the pics and said All contact must stop she refused.... Maybe she realizes she was being used I don't know but I am NOT going to worry about it. I am sooo Glad the phone call came before my trip. It is one less thing to worry about when I am away.....
3 more day till my trip and 30 more days till Retro.....
I NOW truly believe I belong here in “Piecing Our Marriage Back Together”. I have been in LIMBO for ever....
Later
Husband / Dr LOve...
Goodbye Limbo!!!
Hey Dr. Love...........great things are headed your way.
Dr. Looooove! I'm so happy for you! I will definitely need to keep up with your new thread. I love happy endings and I'm hoping the very best for you.
My husband has one of those pellet guns. He used it on a bird that was annoying and it did the trick. ;-)
Glad to hear they finally confirmed. Not all the Retro programs make those phone calls. We just got a letter asking us to come with an open mind and a willing heart. Or is it a willing mind and an open heart? Either way.
H,
Thats great about retro. I wish my H would go. but no way right now any way.
JAK
Im so happy for you!!!!!!!!
Did I tell ya all that My Wife GAVE me the First Kiss in a year that SHE initiated when Son and I left for our "vacation?"
yes you did, and that's awesome!!
Ok I have a little time. The weather here has been foggy and cold except for today. It was nice. Son and I went to the movies and then to an army surplus store where I bought son a camouflage army Jacket. He said he wants to wear it everyday. Later in the jeep he told me he felt bad because his Mom just bought him his other jacket. I told him not to worry because he could not wear the army jacket everywhere we go. He asked "what do you mean I can't?' I told him if we go someplace nice or out to dinner you will need to bring the jacket mom bought you...
OK W has been calling. Most of the time it was about trying to help son get online through a network on my lap top. BUT.... She has always been finding an excuse to talk to me. She has been really nice. Really sounds interested in what we are doing.
I can’t help wondering what she is up to. She has Never been this nice our whole marriage. Could I be seeing the Real Wife for the first time? Why can’t I just accept it? I am going with the flow right now but I feel something is up….then the good by kiss? She has not initiated a kiss in over a year...
Today she told me her Mom wants me to buy a Lawnmower to keep at her house to make it easier for me to cut her lawn. And here I am Soooo trying not to plan anything beyond tomorrow for the last year. I think Saffie is right when she says that W is not going anywhere. BUT does wife realize how close I was / am to leaving myself? NO I am not going anywhere until after I give Retro a chance but I will say I have given her so much space and distanced so far that I have not really thought of myself as married for the last month at least Well I need to go play some more video games talk to ya later...
Husband
Saffie, yoyo, sara and Nikki ya got mail
Thanks for the picture, H. I am going to post it on Facebook.
Husband,
I loved my picture. It made me smile!
Yoyo
Me too!!!!!!
How you going to explain to your S all these names you are writing in the sand?????
Like you said, wait until retro, the fact that she is willing to go, gives you a kiss, is wanting to talk to you, tells you something. She wants to be there. Stop second guessing everything, I know your hesitate.. but you'll be ok
Son will think Sara is a girl, Saffie is a horse and Yoyo is a toy. So he will really think Dad's gone off the deep end. LOL.
Saffie,
Nothing really to explain. I just told him they were my friends...
I was / am a little worried how YOU will explain to your H's how this California dude on the beach knows ya... That is why I used you’re on line names.....
Son did not want to go to fern Canyon today. (It takes about an hour to get there) So the weather was better so we went back out to the beach. We found a bunch of sand dollars. Then I let son Drive the Jeep. (FIRST TIME) Last year I let him sits on my lap and do it but I think the steering wheel must have moved because there was not enough room between the wheel and my belly for him to sit this year. He did really well. It is hard to drive on sand. The jeep kind of floats on top of the sand so it does not respond right away.
We then built the first sand castle. This was the "practice" one.
If we get out there on time tomorrow (low tide) we will build the real one. I emailed some pics...\later
This is the first year I did not have to sneak off to have a smoke. I still get the urge and the store is right across the street… but I can do this….. I can hold out. I am not craving anything it is totally habit/ the rush right now I am fighting…
Husband / Dr Love
Weather is FINLEY nice outside.... Waiting for son to get out of bed.....
I had bad dreams last night..... No contact with W yesterday..
Hi Husband,
So how is the trip? You and your son eating plenty of manly food and making manly noises?
Somehow I picture my trip with my DD last week a little different from the trip that you and your son are on.
y0
Maybe next time we can double date..
Son Does not want to go to the woods so we just hung around the beach. I will e-mail some more pics. Got a little sun burnt yesterday on just one arm and my neck... Yep the "farmers" arm the one that hangs out the window and now I am a red neck. Today is our last day and I think we are both ready to go home. W called when we were out at the beach. Something about problems with the Garage door not closing right. I told her what to check and if that don't work park outside...
THEN she called about the fish tank. She was concerned because the pump "didn't seem right" and the fish were just lying on the bottom. I told her how to clean the pump but if she wanted there is an extra little pump that she can hook up and that will work until I got home.
She called back about an hour later and said she cleaned out the pump and it is working allot better. I told her great. She said it was about 100 there. (She does not take the heat well)
20 MORE DAYS TILL RETRO
Husband,
I'm glad that she is having small household problems. It makes her realize how much you do for her!
Have a safe trip home.
Yoyo
We will see yoyo,
Getting ready to go home CLEAN Shaven" I stopped shaving when I found the pics. I figure I am starting "part two" so I shaved.
SAFFIE......where are ya..... I hope the name in the sand did not make ya go away... I WILL send ya all pics of the sand castles we made...
Hugs to everyone getting ready for my 6 hour trip to stress vile
..
Hey you. How are things??? Still stressed?
Hang in there.
Journaling,
So I was gone a week with my son. The thought of having a cigarette crossed my mine but I soon forgot about it. As soon as I am about 10 miles from home that is all I can think about.
When we got home, Wife was taking an online test for some class. So she was preoccupied. Son helped me unpack the jeep and I then put our dirty clothes in the wash. I came in the house and wife was talking with son. I went into his room and stood there for a minute and then took my Wife’s hand and said how about a real welcome home and put her hand on my hip. She gave me a hug but kind of held her body away from mine. She then said you stink.
Ok so I guess I may have sweated but I really did not think so.
I then asked her what she did while we were away. She said she enjoyed being by herself. (Reminds me on what bombs wife said before she left).She also told me she did not get that job she was looking at. She then said her mom has been driving her crazy calling every night about stupid little things. I told her it probably is because I have not been over there everyday and she missed the company. I then noticed her hair was cut. (I LOVE long hair). I asked her if she got it cut and she said yes this morning. She was going to get it cut shorter. She THEN asked how come I shaved my beard. I said I don’t really know why. She said it makes my face look fat.
SIDE NOTE: How come a woman can get away with saying something like that about a man looking FAT but if a man says ANYTHING like that to a woman and it a sin?
Any way I asked her. “Doesn’t my beard make me look older? She said no it makes you look more distinguished.
SO I am not doing this for her. But I am going to grow my beard back. I like the beard because I have to shave less often.
Anyway Wife wanted me to bbq some chicken wings. I told her to make that sauce she makes and I will do it. So she started making the sauce and saw there was no honey left. She asked me if I used the rest of it when I made my marinade last week. I told her yes and I thought I wrote it down to buy more but I guess I did not. I told her when I am through washing the jeep I will go buy some more.
Now this if from the NMMNG book it said “Nice guys” try to hide there mistakes. I did not apologize. But I said yes I did it and I will go buy more.
IT IS GOING TO be A LONG TIME TILL RETRO…
MY MIND IS GOING CRAZY. I thought I was through thinking up scenarios about wife and the OM but they still keep coming back.
I have tomorrow off I want to take care of a few things around the house. Then I can occupy myself at work until RETRO... I am going to ask wife if she wants me to find a sitter for son. I am going to tell her I will tell the person.(probably my sister) that W and I are going on a Pre anniversary weekend get away….
Retro is on the 11th and the 15th is our anniversary...
Oh ya one more thing. Not sure how it came up but while son and I were talking this week the subject about his mom sleeping in his room came up. My son said “It’s her choice”...hmmmmmm
Later
Sorry about the poor greeting when you got home. No, no one should tell another person they look fat, it isn't nice. But it is always a shock when a man shaves off a beard. It's not just seeing so much more face, but also the skin is usually so white from not having any sun that it really stands out at first. A few days and it all gets to look normal. She's probably just thinking about the fact that she didn't get the job and as usual is all wrapped up in herself.
Thanks...Nice Try Sara,
I shaved on the first day of my trip that way there would be no white mark. No worries though I can grow it back really easy. I think I was trying to look younger just incase I was going to be out in the market again. I actually like my beard so It is making a come back.
As for the fat comment. I get those all of the time; they don't bother me it is just something I noticed though. It does seem that woman "IN general" can get away with a statement like that but a man can't.
IT WAS HOT here and I could not sleep last night but that is a good thing. I will be tired and ready for bed early because I need to start getting up at 2:30 am. I have gotten lazy and have been sleeping until 5:30 -6:00 am.
19 more days
husband,
I am very hopeful that RETRO will help your wife understand what is and isn't appropriate in a relationship. I'm sorry she speaks to you the way she does. No one deserves to be treated in such a way. What kind of example is she setting for your son? Makes me want to puke.
Why do you need to wake up so early????
GirlF,
It really does not bother me when she says things like that.
Anyway I get up early to go to work and I am off by 1:00 Pm....
I have the rest of the day to myself..
I have been thinking alot about why I / We got married... I will post my thoughts later....
have a great day
H
Journaling,
Sunday was a good day. I tried to fix the Garage door opener but found that I could not by pass a safety sensor that went out. (Probably a good thing). So I had to order a new one. Then MIL wanted me to buy a lawn mover for her yard. (I have been taking mine over. I shopped around and when I found the one I wanted I went back to that store but it was gone. They sold the last one (floor model). ½ hour earlier. This is not a bad thing though. They are getting more on Thursday so I will get a new one out of the box.
W was “upset/bothered” about out money sitch. AGAIN. She said “I should just go get an $8.00 an hour job so we can get by.” I said I can start working overtime again.
I was not sure how I should have answered her statement. Should I have said “yes you should” or “maybe you should”?
18 more days till Retro. This morning in the shower I started getting that “I should just give up” feeling… Then on the way to work I heard “Kansas” “carry on my wayward son” So I was inspired again. I am still scared. I don’t know why. I am making arraignment for my son to have a sleep over that weekend today. I guess that is another sign that it IS HAPPENING.
This will be the first time in years son has slept somewhere without W or I around...
Got ta get to work talk to ya later
H
Update...
Today I did have a sharp down ride in my heart. I literally did get that sick feeling again. I E-mail W to find out about getting son a sitter. I did not know if she already had plans. Her response was
"That’s up to you to arrange. It’s either there or you’re Mothers. Wherever he goes, he’s going to be miserable."
I lost it. I felt like just calling home and saying “Forget it lets just file"
LUCKLY I had E MAIL addresses from Friends I met here. (Prier the unrealistic takeover/ rule change) that I could fall upon. Their responses helped me make it through the day.
W was not home when I got home so I called my sister and she said she should be able to watch son that weekend. I then talked to son. He really had no problem with going over to my sisters. (Later I told him I would get him a new DS game to take over with him. But Like I said he had no problem before I offered the game.
So all that is left is my dog. My mom will take care of that.
17 more days... I am Soooo far out of my comfort zone.
I am scared, nervous, worried, light hearted all at the same time.
Later Husband
Good work on finding a fun place for your son to go. I'm sure he is looking forward to something different. I have yet to meet the child older than 5 who is miserable for a weekend without his parents. Give me a break!
My D just called and said she will watch my Dog....
It does not look like there will be much stopping us now.
It feels like im in a train with no engineer..barreling down the tracks I guess all I can do now is hold on...
H
Hey husband,
I've read your thread but haven't posted before. Just wanted to say hello and wish you luck with retro. I'm just south of you - probably looked at the same session you're going to but my W had already made up her mind.
I know you're nervous, but you should calm down. I'll watch your dog if D ends up not able to do so.
Anyway, all the best to you. lodo
PS - I can watch kids too. I used to be a guide so am pretty good at keeping them entertained. And I know what to do if they get a sucking chest wound! LOL - just meaning to say, there's always a way.
Thanks lodo,
Sorry to hear your W did not give ya a chance to work on your M. It is never too late I am told. I am ready to give up. This is my last effort to reconnect with my wife.
From the 4 people that I have talked to here... 3 have had positive things happen from Retro.
I am doing better so far today. Thanks for the offer about watching my son or dog. My son will be fine with my sister, as for my dog? Well she is so fat even if I just left her in thy yard for two days it would probably do her good. But My D wants to watch her so the dog is taken care of. The ONLY fly in the ointment now is JURY DUTY... My w has to call in for jury duty... So far this week she has not had to come in. SO now I need to wait until Friday to see what happens there. Even then unless she gets called in for an OJ type trial it should not take more that a week.
Later
Husband
P.S I grew up in Terra Linda
Hi H
Morning Beautiful how ya doing?
When are you going to accept me as a friend in Face book?
[/quote]17 more days... I am Soooo far out of my comfort zone.
I am scared, nervous, worried, light hearted all at the same time.[quote]
Hi H,
These are such normal feelings for us when we are going through something like this. As iv'e been and others here Feel The Fear and do it anyway. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Thinking of you today and every day.
Iv'e not been on the boards quite so much. Right now I feel that I don't have to much to offer in thwe way of support.
If you do horoscopes today can I have Sag, Cap and Aries Please.
JAK
Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Don't worry if you are moodier than usual now, for this is typical when the Moon is back in your sign. Being aware of your feelings, however, also means that you don't have to respond unconsciously to whatever happens. You may not be able to alter external events, but you do have some control over your reactions. Even something as simple as taking a couple of deep breaths when you feel emotional is enough to improve your day.
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Your compassion for the underdog clashes today with your admiration of someone who can be a winner. But your idea of a winner may not be a traditional one. You know that outer success is overrated, along with fame and fortune. The person who comes out on top in your book is the kind and creative one who is willing to take a risk.
Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Be careful with your money today, for you could become enamored with the fantasy of acquiring something that could change your image. But money can't buy happiness, whether you're hooked by the idea of purchasing new clothing, a piece of artwork or a tech toy. Instead of looking at material possessions as the source of satisfaction, turn your thoughts inward to consider what you could do, rather than what you could own.
. Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You may be living under a magic spell that makes you think everything is fine at home when it's really not. It's better to look at your world through a realistic lens today, for the haze of your ideals can cloud your normally good judgment. Luckily, clarity returns steadily throughout the day, so delay a big decision until later.
Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Normally, you are quite adept at getting your ideas across, so it's not very comforting when your closest confidants don't understand you. They are paying attention and could probably repeat what you said nearly word for word, yet they are still missing your point. Don't give up. Keep cycling back around to the basics and you'll soon see the light bulbs over their heads turn on one by one.
Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Giving up the fight sounds like a good idea, especially if you are tired of always having to be right. But it's not as easy as it sounds, because the consequences of letting go won't be worth the temporary peace you might experience. When you realize that your choice does not have to be all or nothing, then your day can quickly improve.
For me next month…….
July 2008
Relationships heat up this month as assertive Mars enters your 7th House of Partnerships on July 1. This planet’s presence in detail-oriented Virgo can attract as much criticism as passion, but don’t allow yourself to be bullied by aggressive people. Stating your needs clearly increases your chances for gaining cooperation in a peaceful fashion. Hope for love springs from the cozy Cancer New Moon in your 5th House of Romance on July 2. Your sensitivity can make you more appealing when you’re willing to show it. Communicative Mercury’s entry into your expressive 5th House on July 10 opens the door to intimate conversations. Loving Venus enters outgoing Leo on July 12, bringing more joy to your work. The Capricorn Full Moon on July 18 occurs in your 11th House of Groups and Friends, making it clear how much is expected of you as a member of a team.
Retro in JULY 11TH
WOOOOOW H,
Your July Horoscope sounds erie but,good
JAK
Thanks
Oops H - I will go do that later. I haven't been on that recently!!!!!
Not much time..
W informed me that she sold some of my stock and paid off my jeep. (at least now I know Iwill have a place to sleep).
AND those of you that have my Face book. CHeck out the Video of my trip....
H
Hey saffie,
I am doing Ok. How about you?
W has really been into her "class work" on her computer so I have not "bothered" her very much.
Every year we have a big 4th of July party. (I think we skipped last year don't remember with all this @rap going on. Anyway W said she only wants a few people this year. She does not want to be around allot of people right now. (Depressed?).
Today I get to go buy a new lawn mower to use at MIL house. That will give me some retail therapy.
Last two days I have been on a BIG project at work so time there has been flying by. I have next Friday off. (July 4th) and I am taking July 11th off and July 14th off. I figure the retro weekend... July 11th through 13th if things turn out well I may need Monday July14th to rest up from all that wild and crazy sex..
(((H)))
Could be depression - or I'm sure she's anxious and has a lot on her mind with the Retro weekend coming up.
Have fun with the retail therapy and the new mower!
Love your optimism on taking July 14th off.
morning,
13 MORE DAYS.
I ALMOST had a set back today... My sister called and told me she could NOT watch my son.
SO I had to call my mom to see if she was available. Now my son loves his Grandmother dearly BUT... her house is not the most fun place to stay. I did have a talk with him and told him that mom and dad really needed to away that weekend and if there was anyway we could we would be taking him. He was GREAT. He said no problem he will be alright. (I could tell he was not really a happy camper about it)
But..... I REALLY need to do this.. I am usually a weak man when it comes to putting others before my needs. (Other wise I would not be in this sitch). BUT I do know these two days of not having allot of fun for my son could lead to a way better situation for the rest of his life....
Got ta go IT"S FRIDAY... Ever since Wife agreed to go to retro I no longer feel like the end of my marriage is nearing on hold but not ending yet. Like I have said in the past it was getting to the point that I was not feeling married anymore. I was having a good time going out and bar hopping. I was testing the waters and boy they felt nice. But since the Retro agreement I now feel guilty again about being a "married man" out on the town. BUT........It has been a while since I went out and I am NOT out of the woods yet so if I can get a few bucks together I just may go out tonight. Kind of like a "bachelor party" this will be the last Friday night before Retro that I will be able to go out as a "possible soon to be available guy"
Have a great weekend everyone...
Oh Ya NikB. GOT a GREAT DEAL on the lawn mower.....
Husband
Hang in their, Dr. LOve. Don't let temptation at the bar scene cloud your good judgement. Glad you were able to get your son/mom hooked up for Retro.
((((((((((husband)))))))))))
Hey, Doc,
Just passing along my best regards and thanking you for checking in on me.
Over in your old hunting/haunting grounds (Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy), we're so proud of you.
Keep on keepin' on.
Hey Nocode,
I am far from out of the woods.Things have stalled since I left the other board. The 11th will be a jump start. I will know then if I can fix this "Car" or just go out and get a new one. I have been holding it togeather with hay wire and duct tape for so long/ I tried to find my post from last year. (durring our w/ annv.) when I made those frik@en snails....
This time last year i was looking for a annv gift.(even though I got none). That is not even a issue this year.
It is strange though that we are going to Retro the weekend Before our Annv.....
WHo know what will happen. I don't. but I do know SOMETHING is going to happen.
Later
Dr LOve
And you know what? Sometimes it better to know SOMETHING than nothing, so either way hopefully you will have closure.
I think you two will be fine.
And you know what? Sometimes it better to know SOMETHING than nothing, so either way hopefully you will have closure.
I think you two will be fine.
I agree totaly..
Night Tal
Your my hero
H,
8 more days.
Thinking of you. How are you?
JAK
Doing OK..
lots of ups and downs right now..
H
relax and have drink or two...
Just a week...wow, who would have thought it would finally get here?!!!!
Hugs, Yoyo
In the next week, go and buy a pack of your favorite pens. You'll be doing a lot of writing. Everything you need will be provided, including pens, but you might as well have your favorite! BTW--no one except your S will be reading what you write, so don't worry about that. And there will be "prayer partners" praying for you throughout; you won't know each other's identity, but you'll feel the connection.
Best of luck. It's an intense, emotional, powerful, positive experience. The fact that your W agreed to go with you is very, very good!
Thanks hoosiermama and Yoyo and yes you too Tal...
Basically 7 days left. I will not believe it until we walk through the doors. I hope it is not too religious because the will turn wife off and possibly make her shut down.
Today was ok. W is really worried about our money sitch. It is so strange that I really could care less if we lost the house and everything else. (Well my jeep is paid for).
You see the way I look at life is as long as you have a partner then you will survive.
I think the stress would be allot less if Wife would just let me in. Like I said before, our "deal" was that I give her space and she will go. This has been rather easy. I think it was easy because I knew there was an end. It is so hard to give our spouses space when we don't know if the next day will be the last.
My Wife has no plans of leaving me. It may be because of the fact she has no job and knows financially it wood suck. Me I really don't care. I have been hurt so bad that this will be the last chance. The last chance that my wife and I can work things out on our own. If Retro does not work then I will have to let family know what I have been going through.
July 15th will be our 19th wedding anniversary.
Is it an omen that we are doing this 4 days before? I did not plan it that way it just happened.
Well tomorrow we are having a party that we can't afford. We were not going to have it this year but EVERYONE loves our 4th of July fireworks and my BBQ. They kind of invited themselves.
Ok I am rambling now been up since 4 am. (It’s 9:15 pm now)
Later
The Doctor has left the building...
Bye
Ok this time next week I will be sick to my stomach from nerves.
Is it really going to happen?
hoosiermama, I will buy some pens. For me and my wife. Thanks for the suggestions. Just to show you how my W has beaten me to a pulp. I am excited about letting my feelings out but fear my W will just criticizes me for my spelling and punctuation.
The hardest part will be NO alcohol.I think it is good but...
Well I need to go get some fireworks with my son. Be back later
doubt it. The nerves are friday night. By Saturday morning you should be relaxed into the program. Remember no one is going to ask you to talk about your sitch. You're just going to hear the leaders talk about their lives. So what's there to be nervous about?
It's not too likely that she'll be very critical, past the first "writing session" or 2. It's just that you tend to restore some trust fairly early on, and it just goes deeper from there. It does have fairly religious overtones, but I never felt it was hard-sell or high pressure.
I'll echo what other posters have said. The only sharing is between the two of you. The presenting couples share their experiences, which are generally pretty powerful. And I'm sure that if you run into a roadblock, there are folks who can help you through it--but the way things are set up you're not likely to need that much facilitation. I felt closer to my H than I had in a long time, and fairly quickly. The overriding feeling was one of relief, and de-stressing, especially after the first evening. So--I don't blame you for being nervous, but it won't be long before you'll chuckle at yourself about that.
Best of luck, and prayers go with you!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 6 MORE Days >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Holy cow, just 6 more days!!???!!
It's make it or break it time, husband. I have a good feeling. Keep your expectations low, but don't feel hopeless.
Hang in there.
A little journaling,
4 MORE DAYS..........Wife is going from one extreme to the other Happy one minute and real quiet the next.
4th of July went great. NO tension at all. I wanted so bad to walk up to Wife and put my arms around her. But I did not. I promised her.
Wife is really into her computer class. I think like me she is burying herself in it to keep busy. Me... I have been doing Yard work and my house and MIL house, Primmer the roof of the Mustang, Fixed the fence, vacuumed the pool, repaired and painted the garage door at MIL house....
The next big step for me is to discuss next Friday. We have not said one word about it to each other.
I think the hour long ride to get there is going to be the Quietest, longest ride I ever took. I have NO idea what to talk about.
This last week I have had tooooo many negative thoughts ruining through my pea brain. Sooo for the next 4 days I am going to be going to sleep listening to "the secret". Laws of attraction show. With positive thinking.
"See the things that you want as already yours.
Know that they will to you at need. Then let them come.
Don't fret and worry about them. Don't think about your lack of them. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession"
Robert Collier (1885-1950)
"whether you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right"
Henry ford (1863-1947)
"what you resist persists."
Earl Jung )1875-1961)
"Imagination is everything.It is the preview of life's comming attractions"
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Update:
I was thinking about the cat getting fed next weekend and remembered this feeding dish that has a storage bowl that feeds automatically. I went in the closet and got it out. Just then my wife called me into the living room and asked me if I ask D to come over and feed the cat next Saturday. I was holding the container and she then said we could just use that because D lives out of town. I told her that is what I was thinking but D is coming to my mom's anyway because she said she would help with our son and dog that are staying there.
Sooo there is no need for me to bring it up now. IT IS DONE... I printed out the conformation letter and the directions so all that is left is for Friday to get here. (And for me to think of something to talk about during the ride)
Later
Dr LOve
((((H))))
You're doing great - hang in there!
Husband,
Make some music to listen to in the car for the drive. Stuff that you both loved when you first got together, stuff that will make you feel good and bring back the memeory of good times together. Stuff you can both sing along to.
I'd also be tempted to take some photos of you together, when you were first married, and some ones of your son as a baby. Stuff that is going to make you both feel good about things you have done together. Doing that will also give you something to focus on during these last few days and hopefully put you in the right mood.
thanks Nik,
I will e-mail ya soon.
Well I am at work so it is officaly Monday. that means 3 MORE DAYS
Daily Overview for July 8, 2008
Pisces
2/19 – 3/20
Quickie
Relationship issues are on your mind today, but you have nothing to worry about.
You're in the middle of a readjustment and ought to find that the new situation is much more to your liking -- once it's all past you, that is. Things are still a bit out of balance for now.
Hi All! It's been a while. Things have been crazy here. Alot of changes.
H, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am so very happy things are going in the right direction for you.
H, Saffie ( I emailed you personally) I have a new post (haunted by memory of OW in this forum. would you please read?
Hey luv,
I did not get any E-mail
H
H, can you email me? I'm thinking I copied your email wrong.
Hi Just dropping in to say that I hope you can relax in the next few days and especially on the ride there.
Remember be the ducks back.
(((((dr. love))))) getting close
Thanks Tal.
Well you might as well say 1 more day, Tuesday is gone.
I had a problem today. Its 104 here and son wanted W to go swimming with him. She said “I have nothing to wear and I am too fat"
IN MY HEAD I thought. "Being to fat did not bother you when the A$$ H OM wanted to take pictures of you.
WILL IT EVER STOP? Why can't I let go. I am not sure I want to be married any more. I can't live with a person that has such a low self estine that she allows herself to be used and yet still thinks she is too good for me.
She did cook a Veg. dish for dinner. I told her I want to lose weight. I am so sorry everyone. I know I have it so much better that most of you but I can not let go. I NEED TO HAVE a resolution to this crP with the OFM.
The lies don't bother me as much as the giving of herself to him.....
I need to go take a swim with my son.
I will see ya all in the morning.
Friday is the big day....
Dr LOve
H, I emailed you yesterday. Did you get it? I also posted under Haunted by Memories in this forum.
I understand what you mean by resolution with the OFM, OFW in my case. Will the thoughts ever go away?
Hey Luv,
Ya I got it. Been going through turmoil lately. Will try to get back to you.
Felt better after swim with Son last night. I guess the "tension" of this weekend is starting to get to both of us.
I have held both my feelings of hurt, hate and anger. And my feelings of love Want and desire for so long now I don't have any idea which one will come out this weekend.
I think I am going to take a 1/2 day off Thursday because my mind will not be on work.
I know "go with the flow" I am trying. It's would be so easy to take the easy way out right now and just say forget it.
IT"S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN I / WE are going.
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
Dr LOve
Hey H, no worries, believe me, I understand. You have been going through this a long time. Atleast the sun is starting to shine through the storm though. Getting her to go to Retro is a HUGE step. She wouldn't be going if she didn't want to work on the R. I understand about holding back your feelings to. I have been reading other threads this morning and at least I know now that my feelings are normal.
Stay focused.
Luv,
Did you send me a request through face book?
H, don't remember, I might have, I'm skots lady.
WILL IT EVER STOP? Why can't I let go. I am not sure I want to be married any more. I can't live with a person that has such a low self estine that she allows herself to be used and yet still thinks she is too good for me.
Hey Husband,
Haven't posted in a while, but I wanted to throw my support your way. The feelings, triggers and wondering you are experiencing are normal and so much more magnified at this point because of the limbo you are living in. The whole relationship is just a big question at this point (and has been for a long time), so I think it is expected that you would be feeling this way.
We can't predict the outcome of the weekend and you can't even say that it will work or not work. In my case, we came out the weekend with both of us having the impression that it was a huge success, but it was fairly short lived. I don't mean to bring anything negative to you, but try to look at the weekend as the start of something new. At least you are moving on in a better direction. Whatever that may be it is better than where you are currently. If you move forward together, that's fabulous. If you don't, you know you've gone above and beyond for your family. Feel good about that. Relax a little and go with the flow. Stop putting pressure on yourself.
Good luck to you
PS, you need to accept my Facebook invite.
Hey Hope,
I was not going to post today. just kind of exsisting right now. I do have one question. Did you and your W do any of the followup sessions?
Off to face book
H.
Hey, Doc,
Just waned to stop by and let you know we're all here in your corner.
My thoughts and prayers are with you two, bro'.
Thanks No Code,
Well I put my wedding ring back on today. First time since Feb. I am letting comments from wife bounce off of me. I am sure I am taking them the wrong way. They probably mean nothing but In my mind I turn them all around.
I am leaving work early tomarrow. I also went on got the 68 mustang out of "storage" and am going to drive it in to work.
It is going to happen. I can't beleave it. there is no stopping now. I will log on Friday but then go dark. I am not going to bring my lap top, I want to devote all my time to fixing this mess. a year ago I was making "snales" for her to eat,I gave her a annaversery gift that I spent weeks choising just to get a thank you back.
I have come a long way baby............
well I am going to take a dip with son in the pool so see ya all later.
Oh Yea I have an "informational" interveiw tomarow for a job that could lead to more money. alot more money.
bye
Good luck with Retro and the meeting monday. Lots of good stuff in store for you!
Husband,
Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and will be doing so all weekend. If the ONLY thing you come away from the weekend with is better communication skills with one another then that is still a HUGE achievemnet ; I think you will come away with more though.
Be strong.
H,
Good luck this wkend. I truly hope that everything goes well. You have come a long way, and you should be proud of yourself.
Your a great person and I wish for you great things this wkend.
Hey the job sounds great!!
PS, you need to accept my Facebook invite.
I tried but it did not work.
Well tomorrow is the day
H
I am not going to bring my lap top, I want to devote all my time to fixing this mess.
Haha!! You'll find there is NO time for anything other than focusing on the weekend. They really keep you busy from the time you get there til the time you leave.
Oh Yea I have an "informational" interveiw tomarow for a job that could lead to more money. alot more money.
bye
Good luck with both the weekend and the interview.
Good luck on both fronts, H! Here's to new beginnings.
Good luck this weekend H! My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Luv
Update.........
Strange, Wife is really quiet, keeping really busy. It feels like we are preparing to go somewhere that we know we need to go but don't want to. You know that relative that really bugs ya but invited you over for his B-day. You know you have to go to be nice but you really would rather not.
I wish I had a back bone. I wish sometimes I could be a real a$$. I am so pitiful I feel like if somebody stabbed me I would apologies for getting my blood on them...
Here is what I am leading up to. I started feeling sorry for W. She has not had you people to talk to. She has no idea what we are in for this week end. I do think she knows what she did was wrong. She must think that somehow it is going to come up this weekend in front of people. Now I know this is not true but she does not. She has to be nerves. She has to be a little scared of what people will say or think. She is not in total Fog anymore. Maybe a little but she has not been acting like she has done nothing wrong.
I am trying not to feel sorry for her. I am trying (for lack of better words) Enjoy this. Enjoy her finally feeling some of the feelings I have felt this last year.
I guess its 1 last 180 for me. To not always try to make things "better" at my expense.
I will tell you what. I am not her and I have never cheated. (Thought of it.) Maybe even fantasized a little but never cheated) If I were in her shoes right now I would be thinking to my self. What the hell was I thinking? That little time of pleasure is not worth the stress I am going through now. It's time to pay up...
Waiter bring me my tag....
Later
H
It's OK for you to feel some sympathy for her, Dr. Love. You're a good guy, with a good heart. I can tell you're a bundle of nerves right now. I think this experience will be really beneficial. Can't wait to hear how it goes.
Will be thinking of you!
Thinking of you and hope for a safe, healthy weekend that brings you and your wife some much needed peace and happiness!
LWB,
thanks, I need a hug real bad. Wife has been hot and cold today. At one point son and I were in the pool and he called for his mom to come out because he wanted to show her his back flip. Wife yelled back “I am not coming back there I need to register for my classes.” son said “ok fine” like he was disappointed Son is being great. Of course I promised to rent him 4 games for his play station this weekend.
Everyone. I am not sure when the next time I am going to log on. Maybe in the morning. This time tomorrow we will have started our session in Retro.
Strange I was thinking that if W did not have the affair we probably would not be going. We would still be living a non functional marriage. SO she only has herself to blame for having to go. And I have only her to thank for bringing our problems to the surface. Of course I would have rather done it differently.
We are there. (Well I still will not accept it until we walk through the doors.
Had a few glasses of J.D on the rocks tonight. I should sleep well. We will be leaving between 3:30 and 4:30 pm (our time) I would like to get there a little early so we can have dinner. I have a feeling W is hot going to lift a finger on the preparation to go. (We need to bring a snack to share).I put my multi colored pins in my overnight bag.
We will get back Sunday. Not sure if I will log on then. But I do have Monday off so you will hear something by then...
Good night everyone
Husband / Dr LOve
H,
I will pray for you this wkend. I hope she opens up to you and you too connect.
I will surely be thinking of you.
((((((hugs)))))
Husband,
((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
I will be thinking of you BOTH over the weekend. Just remember that you will still be alive and breathing at the end!!!
You are amazing for getting this far - both of you. Your W has stuck around for a reason too - don't forget that.
can't wait to hear from you afterwards, (or before...if you log on before). Remember, you always have my email.
You will definitely NOT be the only couple there with an A in their history--probably including some of the presenters. There is great hope in this! I'll be holding you in prayer.
Husband,
I just wanted to drop in an wish you luck for the weekend.
I am sure that you will have a wonderful experiance. And it will help you in so many ways.
Thanks Everyone,
I am tearing up reading your posts,
TODAY IS THE DAY
I heard about you and that man
There’s just one thing I don’t understand
You say he’s a liar and he put out
Your fire
How come you still got his gun in your hand?
Victim of love , I see a broken heart
You got your stories to tell
Victim of love, it’s such an easy part
And you know how to play it so well
Some people never come clean
I think you know what I mean
You’re walkin’ the wire, pain and desire
Looking for love in between
Tell me your secrets, I’ll tell you mine
This ain’t no time to be cool
And tell all your girlfriends,
You ’been around the world’ friends
That talk is for losers and fools
Victim of love, I see a broken heart
I could be wrong, but I’m no
Victim of love, we’re not so far apart
Show me, what kind of love have you got?
Victim of love, you’re just a victim of love
I could be wrong , but I’m not
Victim of love, now you’re a victim of love
What kind of love have you got?
What kind of love have you got?
What kind of love have you got?
Good song H, and so true.
xxoo Tal
H
Hope this weekend is a turning point for your M! Just realx and take it easy. You'll do great!
Today is the day,
Not many words are being spoken between Wife and me so far.
It is strange. I feel like I am going to a funeral and Disneyland at the same time. I must not let ANYTHING wife says on the way there affect my PMA. I will not take ANYTHING Personal she says on the way there.
I wonder how I will be feeling tonight after the first session. Wife and I will be alone in our room for the first time in over a year.
I know I am going to end up Crying at some point. I have so much bottled up in me. I think Wife does also. I hope she will find that together we can get through this. That opening up to me will help release some of the stress she must be feeling from not having a job.
And ME? I gave my word I would not talk R until this day. Well THE DAY HAS ARRIVED. Let the flood gates open............
Think of me, I will be thinking about all of you and how lucky I am to at least get my Wife to dedicate 1 whole weekend to US. With no interruptions..........
This is the last you will hear from me until Sunday night or possibly Monday morning
Love ya all
Manuel
My H was very scared going into the weekend, and thought it was going to be finger pointing and blame!
But he quickly saw it wasn't!
And don't worry about the tears! Its almost expected! And there will be boxes of kleenex everywhere!
Its a good time to cleanse, and let it the emotion go!
I hope you have booked the Monday of work! You will need a day just to relax!
If not call in sick!
Again enjoy the weekend and embrace it!
Husband, I wish you both the best this weekend. As you know, my STXH and I were registered for this exact session but we are not going. Make the most of it!
((((H)))))
I'm so excited for you. I hope it goes really well.
cw68 - sorry that you ended up not going.
I chickened out on asking my H to go... it's not easy! H (the poster, not mine
), I'm proud of you that you 1. asked and 2. are following through, because I know you've got to be so nervous.
Funny side note.. I didn't realize WHAT hotel Retro was at, just knew it would be in Sac. Found out the specifics and it's seriously about 5 minutes from my house. So H obviously it would be weird for me to drop by and say hello
but I'll be thinking of you and your W, and I'll give a wave on my way home from work tonight!
Been thinking about you all weekend H. Hope it is going well.
Double ditto.
Triple ditto. I've been thinking about you both all weekend.
I survived................OMG......
I just got back. All is well. I will fill you all in a little later. All I can really say now is OMG...
I am exhausted
Dr LOve....
I hope it went well! Must be good since you've signed as Dr and not H
Ok here is a little more.
I think EVERYBODY here in Piecing needs to go to Retro, Heck I think even happily married couples should go.
I am very exhausted right now. I went through so many emotions this weekend I am drained. It is a good thing I took Monday off. Now the wife and I have not fixed anything yet except... our communications. WE ARE TALKING AND LISTENING to each other. I want so bad to rush ahead in this process but as the presenter said. "It took years for us to get to this point. We can't fix it overnight.
I have seen so many positive changes with W. We still slept in separate beds this weekend but it still was very nice being in the same room at least. I did not hold back. I told my wife some things that I have been holding back for so long. She told me a few things.
Even though my wife never said she was sorry for what she had done, through the exercises we did this weekend I know she is truly sorry for the hurt she has caused me. I know it was difficult for her to show up there. But she did. By her actions I know my W does want to try to make our marriage work,
Thank you for all of the prayers that were said for me. I really do think God was listening. He has pointed my wife and me in the right direction. Now it is up to us to continue down the path.
Those of you in my inner circle of E-mail will be getting some mail in the morning. I just finished my NEW... 20 minute exercise with my wife on communicating that SHE initiated. We will be dedicating 20 minutes everyday to each other. We also have weekend meetings for the next 7 weeks. Sara…Tonight I have forgiven my wife for what she did. I told her I was opening up my heart to her. That I was making myself vulnerable again to her. I told her to please be careful the glue I used to mend my broken heart is not dry yet. What I did not tell her is that it is one thing to forgive. It’s another to forget. This I can never do.
Need to get some sleep.
You are right Jen.
The call me Dr LOve...............
The Doctor is IN! Congratulations H, you did it. You stopped a train going in one direction and pointed it in another direction, and started it moving the way you want it to go. That is an enormous accomplishment. Glad to see she likes dialoguing. It really is the key. Couples who drop dialoguing go back to their bad habits. The Post sessions are great too. We got better and better as every week went by.
I can't tell you how happy I was to log on and read your post H.
I have been on tenterhooks all weekend waiting to hear how things went.
Look forward to the email.
H/Dr. Love, I've lurked around your thread for a while and I just wanted to congratulate you on your Retro weekend.
It gives me hope.
(((husband)))
I'm very happy for the both of you.
Dr. Love/H-
I was reading your thread and prayed for you during 90/90. Stick with it! If you can, 10/10 every day until next mtg, but also take a minute to pat yourself on the back. What you did was hard, but worth every minute. Your posts are a good reminder for those who have made a weekend. Peace.
Doc,
Im'e soooo happy for you Keep up the good work. I hope that maybe some day that my H and I can go too.
Do they have the follow ups every weekend after? My H works every other weekend so that would not work.
JAK
Glad to see she likes dialoguing. It really is the key. Couples who drop dialoguing go back to their bad habits. The Post sessions are great too. We got better and better as every week went by.
Glad it went well H. I was thinking about you this weekend. Heed Sara's advice and continue the dialoging. Not sure if it would have changed anything, but we tapered off on our dialogs and then pretty much stopped. It wasn't that we didn't like the dialogs or had a problem with them. It just seemed like we were always on the same page with the emotions that we wrote about, so at some point it was like "okay... we understand how each other feels".
Hmmm... that's the first time in a while that I thought back to the dialogs and it still leaves me wondering. We were communicating sooo well and things seemed sooo much better, and then... I'm still not sure what happened
, but maybe the dialoging would have helped us to continue moving down same path together.
Be sure you guys keep working at it in the coming weeks...
Good Luck
Congrats on the weekend, and the start of what could be a wonderful change in your relationship!
It is important to keep that dialogue going...we don't do it anymore and I think that we have lost some of the intimacy we have gotten back!
Its hard to find the time sometimes, but I do believe that it is important to continue doing it as much as you can!!
I was glad to see you took today!! You really do need the time to decompress after the weekend!! I had to call in sick!!
Oh thats such great news! Way to go Dr. LOve! I think that if couples here were given the opportunity to go to Retro or a similar workshop they'd have a stronger M.
I just hope my XH will see the need to get 3rd party support for our issues too.
Yay! Dr. LOve!!! I'm thrilled to read your update. Wish I was on your email list. =)
Wishing you the very best,
girl
Yay! Dr. LOve!!! I'm thrilled to read your update. Wish I was on your email list. =)
Wishing you the very best,
girl
You Got Mail !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr LOve
Oooh, can I get an email too??? I've been watching your thread ,and so excited to hear the Retro was all you were hoping it to be. I'm looking for one too, so I'd love to hear all about it.
Chris
7Year,
If someone that knows you has my e-mail and they give yours to me I will send it to you.
ok here we go today...
Today Wife and I did our "dialogue" question from last night. (We both agreed to wait until today because we were so tired that means we will have two today)
The question that we had to state our feeling on was "how do we feel about Dialoguing"
Well be both did not use the "script" like we should have and just kind of wrote letters to each other
Anyway I can't really go into too much detail about what our feelings were but Wife said that she agreed with me when I said on Sunday that everyone should go to this. She said it should be required before you get married. She told me she can not say what our out come will be but she is going to give 100% to this. She also agreed that she wishes we would have gone to this years ago.
(She wrote more but.....
My letter stated that I think that this dialoguing is great. And I can not thank her enough for going with me this weekend. I said we both have issues that we need to work on. And I want to put one of my issues to rest tonight. I told her it is going to be really hard for me. Little things pop up like colors, events, words that bring back memories to me. And I told her to forgive me if I slip but for lack of better words ' I FORGIVE YOU. I told her I am giving her my heart. I am making myself vulnerable to hurt. I told her my heart was broken into a million pieces and the glue I used to mend it has not dried yet so. Please handle it carefully.
After we write our letters we hand our books to each other and face each other and read what the other wrote. We read it twice once for the mind and once for the heart. Then we ask about what each of us wrote. Wife wrote something about she did not expect the presenting couples to open up to us. To display the hurt they still felt years after forgiving each other. But they were living for today.
When it came time for Wife to ask me about my letter...............she asked." Can you really forgive me for what I did?"
We both got teary eyed and I told her "I love you so much. I do forgive you" I told her I could never forget. But I do forgive...
This is the FIRST time Wife acknowledged that she did something wrong.......
We still have a long way to go... one step at a time
Love ya
Dr LOve
How wonderful! I'm so happy for you--but not surprised. Retrouvaille is a wonderful tool! I was one of many praying for your marriage this weekend.
Forgetting isn't important, and besides, it's impossible. Forgiveness means you agree to be vulnerable with the other person again, that you no longer use whatever the transgression is as a wall between you. Forgiving is not a one-time thing--it's daily. But it takes a lot of work to get to this point; now you just have to recommit to it. Now that you're reconnected, it's much easier.
Keep dialoguing; follow the script once you're not exhausted. Make it your highest priority. We did not, we fell into dialoguing AT each other, and the progress we had made was gone after 3 months. Learn from our mistakes!
H,
I had tears in my eyes reading your post. I agree. Everyone who gets married should go to Retrouvaille. Even people who are just living together. It is amazing that we wait until we are so unhappy, and on the brink of divorce before we will take a little instruction from other people on how to interact. It's only 2 days and boom! we are changed people!
One small thing I noticed. In phrasing your question, it should always be "How do I feel about _____?" Maybe that's what you meant when you said we. But I wanted to be precise.
I have watched you progress for over a year now. It has been very slow, but there has been consistent movement toward your goal. And now Whoosh! You are really moving fast. I am so happy for you.
(((((((((H)))))) you've got mail
YES Sara,
You are correct it is “how I Feel about..." but explaining it, it came out wrong.
One other thing I forgot. After we are to kiss... This afternoon when we dialoged she not only kissed me. (Not a big kiss but a kiss no less) she also gave me a hug.
We are going to dialogue every night after dinner sooo Guess what?
Every night I am going to be getting a good night kiss.
Also Wife and I talked about letting the family know we are going to retro. We are not going to get into detail about why except to say we are working on our communication skills.
This is another step to me. It means that both W and I are now publicly admitting we have a problem and are working on it to our familys.
Dr LOve
Update:
this song by Bette Midler is kind of the theme of Retro.
Infact a Rose is always in the Room. At the end of the session. all of the husbands were give a red Rose to take back to their wives.
I have heard this song many times but never really looked at the words..
the last line
[b]“Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose”[/b]
seems to say it all…
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead
Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose
By Bette Midler
Dr LOve
That is a lovely tradition, H. We don't have that here. I will have to suggest it.
We have 'The Rose' in OR, too. I thought program was identical in all locations. Who knew? I never liked the part where we were not allowed to tell anyone details of the weekend, so as not to spoil it for others. I say, "So what, if it gets them there".
Dr. Love, I am so proud of you. Peace.
Gold,
We were told to be aware of what we share. I will not be discussing must more. As you must know there is a lot more to the program than I have told.
Like a movie I have only told of the plot. You would have to attend to know if the "Gardener killed the butler with the lead pipe or was the cook the gardener in disguise... Maybe the butler killed himself and made it look like the cook did it.
Ok I probably should not have disclosed the giving of the Rose. My Bad. But as I said from now on I will be just giving updates on my sitch.
(Got my good night kiss from Wife after we dialogued)
Dr LOve
I agree Goldy. I felt I needed more info than I found on the website. I try to fill in some detail, but always remember that it is the whole experience that is so effective, not just this part or that part.
No worries, friends. One thing we can all agree on is that Retro is a program that can create positive, lasting change. It isn't for everyone. But I'll say it again, I've seen miracles. If I haven't already invited you over, you can check out my sitch on Newcomers. Somedays, Love is a Decision is the only thing that gets me through. Peace.
Morning Everyone,
Today July 15th, 2008 in my 19th Wedding Anniversary...
I am back to work today after what seemed like a month long weekend.
Last night we had our "dialogue" and it went great. I revealed to Wife that up to the time we arrived at Retro I have been rehearsing over and over how to tell her I wanted a divorce.
I feel she did not realize how close WE were.
I revealed that that all of these years she has never had a picture of me on her desk, in her screen savers (has family pics but none of me). And how this has made me feel like I do not exist. (You may not have noticed but all of the pictures of my son's and my trip purposely had none with just him in them).)
This "dialoguing" is sooo important. I can feel the difference when we have our time as opposed to just being around each other. It's like coming up for air. (Dialoguing). And then I hold my breath and jump back into the muck that our marriage had become.
This morning I left a message on our note board for my wife:
Wife,
This is the first time in a long time that I can really say
Happy Anniversary
Love ya
Dr LOve
Awesome H. Happy Anniversary!
JAK