Still dealing with my OWN issues. - 02/20/08 08:24 PM
Wow, how is it that at times, I feel that I was much more self confident and secure during our 8 month separation?
Why is it that all of my previous insecurities have crept back into my mind during the course of us piecing our marriage back together?
These are insecurities that I have always had. These insecurities were present long before the bomb. LONG before my H and I separated and he was with MOW. These insecurities were a huge contributor to the downfall in our marriage in the first place. I do NOT want these insecurities to wreak havoc on my marriage again.
Everyone wonders...why are you so insecure? You're a beautiful girl - you used to model in your 20's - you're a great friend - a great mom - a great wife - you have such a great sense of humor - you are so generous and thoughtful...
I ask myself these questions:
Why do I not love myself? Why do I not see all of those things that have always been said to me? Why do I not believe those things about myself? Instead, I look in the mirror and see an aging 37 year old. Alot of the time I wonder why I am even here.
I ruined our date night Saturday night because of my insecurities. We were out at a fun nightspot, having dinner and then went to the bar for a drink. I felt like my H was looking at every other pretty girl in the bar. So then I opened my big mouth and ruined a good evening by saying "Sometimes I feel like I am not pretty enough for you anymore" and then proceeded to make it worse by saying "since when did you get such a wandering eye?"
Needless to say, we got into a huge argument. Left the bar immediately, drove home, I walked around the neighborhood crying. Came back in the house and then H stormed out, called me 5 mins later and we argued on the phone and then he came back. It was NOT pretty.
H seemed pretty depressed about it all Sunday morning. But things are ok now and back to normal. We haven't talked about what happened again.
How do I stop this insecure BS. I am so sick of it. I need to fix this.
Why is it that all of my previous insecurities have crept back into my mind during the course of us piecing our marriage back together?
These are insecurities that I have always had. These insecurities were present long before the bomb. LONG before my H and I separated and he was with MOW. These insecurities were a huge contributor to the downfall in our marriage in the first place. I do NOT want these insecurities to wreak havoc on my marriage again.
Everyone wonders...why are you so insecure? You're a beautiful girl - you used to model in your 20's - you're a great friend - a great mom - a great wife - you have such a great sense of humor - you are so generous and thoughtful...
I ask myself these questions:
Why do I not love myself? Why do I not see all of those things that have always been said to me? Why do I not believe those things about myself? Instead, I look in the mirror and see an aging 37 year old. Alot of the time I wonder why I am even here.
I ruined our date night Saturday night because of my insecurities. We were out at a fun nightspot, having dinner and then went to the bar for a drink. I felt like my H was looking at every other pretty girl in the bar. So then I opened my big mouth and ruined a good evening by saying "Sometimes I feel like I am not pretty enough for you anymore" and then proceeded to make it worse by saying "since when did you get such a wandering eye?"
Needless to say, we got into a huge argument. Left the bar immediately, drove home, I walked around the neighborhood crying. Came back in the house and then H stormed out, called me 5 mins later and we argued on the phone and then he came back. It was NOT pretty.
H seemed pretty depressed about it all Sunday morning. But things are ok now and back to normal. We haven't talked about what happened again.
How do I stop this insecure BS. I am so sick of it. I need to fix this.