Well New Year and New thread, #3
But nothing has changed when it comes to lawyers
And GAL,
I just received an email, court day the 9th
And GAL and my lawyer said they need some
Type of payment.
I did sent lawyers email
I did said I don't have right now, and ask when is
W going pay child support I don't need but I sure could use that
Money to pay lawyers.
My lawyer replied she understands my frustration
But our goal is to bring s10 home I agree
So while W buys new car, I am here
I am looking at the positive compared to last year
I got s10 but I also ask myself at what cost.
Journaling,
Nothing much on this front,
So yesterday around 9pm my phone rings
W was like having anxiety speaking fast
I calmly said W am here calm down
What's going on.
W, s10 and s9 are being mean.
Yes W used those words
W then said I can't do this no more them not
Listening, I listened to W I said ok W
Am here would you like me to pick them up
W I don't know can you talk to them, Yes W
Put me on speakerphone
I proceeded to speak with boy's I ask them what's going on.
Boy's didn't want to go to bed they are not tired
I proceeded to speak with them.
I again spoke with W and said I am here I'll
Pick them up. Is ok to feel overwhelmed.
W said ok thank you
W proceed to text, boys finally calming down
I said ok. I ask W do you want me to pick them up
W said yes Friday afternoon, I simply replied OK
See ya Friday. W did emoji smiley face.
I of course didn't sleep I was a wreck
But I can see W is cracking. But am also so
grateful W felt comfortable enough to call me.
That was a new thing. W replied thank you for backing me up
I replied just because we are divorce doesn't mean I won't
Back you up. Regardless the trio's must respect you.
W text on and off till midnight. I wonder is W finally feeling
Something. Or is it because court is soon.
Is like walking on eggshells with W.
Hoping for the best.
keep expectations low at 0
they will have touch and gos
the crises will last 2-7 years
with 2 being rare
I sense she is scared to lose you especially because she sees you changing and growing stronger and more confident
and she knows you let her go and you can easily move on at any point
so stick with your agenda-
keep moving forward
let her crack...maybe she will give up the kids and allow you to have full custody of all 3
support her when appropriate and let go
let her initiate
Hoping for the best for you as well.
Oh boy....
Wow simply wow
So trio's are super sick
Before giving to W I took to Dr.
All sick amd strep. Gave them antibiotics
W didn't once give kids medicine wow
Then W slept majority of the time just sleeps
And expect Trios to sleep 2 or 3 hrs nap then go to
Bed. We are talking about 3 little people that are
Going to speak up.
D10 highly upsets and frustrated with Everything I just
Listen. D10 exploded.
Thank God tomorrow is therapy session.
D10 said s9 was punished for 4 hours in bed
Even when both boys where acting up W only punished
S9, d10 so mad
S10 was crying , he also didn't understand why W didn't punish him
S10 knew he was in trouble too. Wow
It gets better, am being sarcasm
W, and OW went to eat with Trio's
D10 says you know when Mom gets hungry she eats
Everything I smiled and said yes I know Mom.
Well W was eating alot I guess and OW looks at W
And says "you need to stop eating like a pig your getting
Fat"
Omg in 10yrs I never spoke to W this way never
Of course Trios said they started speaking English and Spanish
And OW said in English
Am not f$&king kidding you getting fat
Omg why do I feel bad for W.
Why would W allow OW to speak to her like that.
I know I can't save W but dam....
Wow..
I am not sure what stage she in but kids say
all she does is Sleep.
I would take any feed back from anyone as everyone knows
I take all advice and 2x4
Hello marina
Oh boy, yikes. MLCers make poor parents.
You are doing really good with your kids. Keep listening, validating, and hugging them.
I’ve seen you are just listening. You should talk with them also. You do not push your agenda onto them or use them against W - and I know you wouldn’t. You just need to follow their lead.
If kids are saying W is acting like a little girl, you should explore that with them. They are looking for understanding and answers, just like all of us. They need to know why, as a ten year old, so they know they are not at fault.
Use open ended questions, responses, or statements.
Kids: Mom was acting like a little girl.
You: I’ve noticed that sometimes also. Does she do that a lot? Why do you feel she behaving that way? Do you know why she is acting like that? Something like that should get things going.
Just lead the conversation a bit, they will take it where it needs to go. You can and should steer it a bit. You can explain things, you are the parent. Start small and let them digest for a bit. More questions will come from that as well.
- - - -
My nephew and niece were 9 & 11 when W dropped the bomb, which was 6 weeks after W, me, sister, BIL, and all the kids spent two weeks vacationing together in beachfront cabin. We were all heartbroken.
The explaination for her moving out, leaving her children, leaving her nephew and niece (9 & 11 year old): What happened to Aunty is difficult to explain, even to adults. You know how you get sick and feel really terrible and you are not yourself, well Aunty’s brain is sick. <Will she get better?> Well this sickness is different than a cold or flu, it takes a long time to get well, sometimes they never get better. <Oh> You could think of it like a broken bone, like when you broke your arm. Except it is her brain, her mind that is broken. <Why?> This just happens sometimes. It is really sad. <Will we ever see her again?> I honestly don’t know. I hope so.
That was the gist of it. You may notice I skirted around the question of why. A direct simple factual statement was sufficient. If they had questioned further I would have explained a bit, as it was I didn’t have to. My sister also gave a similar talk, and we expect further deeper questions as they get older.
- - - -
marina, you know you situation best, take whatever is useful and leave the rest.
DnJ
marina - OW sounds like a real piece of work. It is ok to feel bad for W.
W is letting her speak to her that way because she is desperate, lonely, unhappy, undeserving, guilty, ashamed, etc... One or more or all, in short she is mixed up.
You are right, you can’t save her. She doesn’t want to be saved right now. Besides she needs to save herself.
How can you help? Be that beacon. Raise your kids well. Keep moving forward.
I would like to add something from an earlier discussion. It was about how W was starting to feel the weight of being a parent.
It is possible that W might just offer you all the parental responsiblies. She may just want some visiting access, not custody. If that discussion, arrangement, offer is ever made - take it.
DnJ
DnJ,
To answer your question,
Yes if W voluntarily says take trio's
Can I see them when I want I will not object
I infact been doing that. Like example
W was suppose to keep them till Sunday evening
Because I had them all Christmas break. When W
Call that night extremely upset W said please come
Get them Friday. Without hesitation I said Ok W what time
W ask over and over is that ok are you sure. I said Yes W am sure
Am here for the Trios.
So for my Trios I will be there even if I have plans because right
Now they are so young.
Is very concerning that Trios are given antibiotics and W can't not
Even do that.
As there mom I did contact there GAL, they had strep throat
They needed this medication. I must be there for my kids
I know W might be mad but is about the trio's.
D10 was so sick I broke night making sure d10 was ok.
Stuff nose, coughing and fever. D10 out of the three look the worst
This morning d10 looks way better, very rested and playing as usual
D10 hugs me and say Thank you mommy for taking care of me and brothers
I said of course d10 is mommy job.
Oh boy am so tired. I am on my 2nd cup of coffee
But trios look and feel better.
What a day can do. Wow
I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Hi Marina,
Glad to read the trio is feeling better. I think it’s really good you feel bad for your w. It’s a nice step forward to take to have understanding and compassion. As far as her forgetting the kids medicine, put it down as part of no expectations and an expectation. My ex has got better, but with things like this were an issue I would plan for them which could be tricky not to provoke a monster. Maybe you could send a pill box with them when they go back to help her out. Maybe say you got it to help you remember. I would do things like this w ex so she didn’t take it as me accusing her of being irresponsible. I feel bad for her too, I’m sure she’s not having them miss their meds on purpose.
I will be thinking of you and the trios next week.
Marina,
Hope the kids are feeling better today-
AS far as OW making comments to W
Read the thread I just posted on OW contacting me-and how she must treat H
She told me she is ready to ship him back?
once the honeymoon phase passes- the affair is in trouble and gets worse and worse
The affair partners are extremely sick people-just as bad, maybe worse than the MLCer.
I don't think many here can honestly say the X -affair partner was a good choice?
I think the MLCer picks control freaks even though they complain they are leaving to be free-
I remember running into my XH very good friend here in town after XH contacted me to have his olds froiends contact him..all his old friends are sober guys as he used to be sober as well-MY XH was asking for help- to get out of his M and get sober at that time
His friend told me- XH new wife texted friend and told him to never contact XH again
she didn't want him to get help-
she wants him sick so she can control him and because she is sick
You may see you W get worse especially now she seems like she is losing control -but I think this is all right on course for the MLcer because they have to hity a big bottom-
you cant save her and OW may help her hit bottom-
I agree with DNJ
Offer your w that you will be happy to take all responsibility for the kids-
anytime she feels the need to be free of them
the MLCER is a terrible parent-
Journaling,
Been feeling down
Tomorrow is court, of course we live in a
50/50 state. And they look at school scores
Well I was told that GAL is recommending
Trios with W because of school district
Even though W have not ask for them
I then ask lawyer, why then give them to W
I was explained because W lives in better school
I was blown away. I was told I could not
take offer then we go to trial.
Lawyer says but trial will cost you over
10,000 I said exactly I don't have this.
Lawyer seem frustrated to me. And said
sometimes you have just let W fail
Which means W takes Trios and W
Could then call GAL and say I can't do
This or something happens.
I broke down. This is the world we live in
Money talks. It doesn't Matter how much I
Prove am the better parent.
I explained to lawyer what happened with W
calling me stress out and anxiety. Lawyer was
Mad at me for answering lawyers says
You can't answer your calls W must do it
On her own. It seems like you always rescuing W
I understand what lawyer is saying but lawyer is
Wrong. W had our kids. Anything could had happen
To our kids.
That part I was upset because I just don't answer W
Calls is only when trio's are with W.
I can tell lawyer is done with my case because no
Payment. Lawyer seem upset but I also understand
Lawyer has bills also.
Here I am in tears and tomorrow GAL making
Recommendations for Trios. Because of where
I live. Not a bad area but school of W is just a
Little better. Nothing big but in this state they go
By that.
I ask myself at what cost. W has family, OW and I
Am alone only me.
This is crazy. I am stuck
I also was told I can call off case this means me
Giving up s10. Again wow
I can't afford new lawyer or retainer.
The children protection system [censored].
It simply [censored].
I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please try to stay positive. You really do not know what tomorrow will bring.
Hang in there!
M
Hang in there-
Try to stay positive and believe things will work out
God has higher authority than our society
trust-put all your trust in him-
Thinking of you today. Stay positive!
Dear marina
Take time to process yesterday’s events and outcomes. When you are ready please feel free to share.
Whatever happened, it is not the end of the journey.
DnJ
Job,Peacetoday,kyh and DnJ
Thank you everyone for thoughts
And prayers.
I did go to therapy and Support group
I just felt overwhelmed with my lawyer
As I stated lawyer seems done and I understand
I ain't able to pay and lawyer did said they are
Old enough to understand and you did
Try to fight.
I was giving options and one was to drop case
Or go to trial. But trail cost thousands of dollars.
Lawyer as I said was mad because when W did
called, I rescued W when W was responsible for
Trios till Sunday.
Yesterday in group I cried and said I am put in a hard
Place. If Trios where older yes I wouldn't have answered
Call.
But if one of the trio's would been very ill or gotten hurt
And I didn't answer it would made me look bad.
I feel it doesn't matter I am dam if I do and dam
If I don't.
Unfortunately court doesn't care about he said or she said
They don't look at parenting skills, or anything.
I try to explain to lawyer why I reacted that way. But
When I try to explain is like it didn't Matter lawyer
Just kept asking Why.. why did you answer
Lawyer stated if we contact W do you think W going to
say " yes I contacted M and told M I can't do this.
Lawyer said No M, W going call you a liar.
So help he I am I am just Dam...
Lawyer went on to saying you need to try to coparent
with W.
I wanted to scream like really. Only God knows I have tried
Since yesterday I have not heard much. Lawyer did said
That, GAL still wants us to do coparent therapy even
when W was the one that said I can't do this. It doesn't
matter.
I went to explain how am I suppose to pay for these therapy
Sessions. When is literally a waist. W just rants.
W doesn't care financially she pays her $120. While
I have to figure out how to come up with my part.
I even said I am tap out I have literally sold
everything. I cash out life insurance over 1yr 5months
I had 401k cash that out. I have sold many of my things
And am still here.
That's when lawyer said then Drop the case.
So am waiting to see what they said in court
Yesterday or when do W get trio's for school who knows.
I am mentally drained and tired. And hearing my
Lawyer say drop the case tells me a lot.
Maybe am over thinking this but am back where
I was a year ago. I feel like am drowning and I can't gasp
For air. Is like a never ending story.
Now I ask myself is this Why W been nice. Did W
Know this all this time.
I have said this before, GAL and W are friendly
No matter what W has been paying GAL.
Example last time we met at GAL office
GAL brought up payment I said I can do
$50 now. GAL said your way past due.
Please pay $100 can you. I look some bills
And explained to GAL I'll pay this bill later GAL
Didn't care if my bills at home where not paid.
So I paid my part but the receptionist gave
me the wrong receipt and accidentally gave me W
And W just gave GAL $3,000 and it said paid in full
So I do question if my lack of funds is hurting my case
No matter what W is paying GAL, GAL is happy go
Lucky. And am here paying what I can.
God knows I try my best to be positive and find the good
In people. But I know we live in a ugly world that only money
Talks. So here I am. I have been taking time to myself
And taking care of d10 and s9.. W been pretty sharp
With them. W yesterday said am busy and didn't speak
With them. And all I can do is say am here and hold
Them.
I think 1yr and almost 9 months. And W still nasty
I hurt for my kids. They didn't ask to be adopted
And here they are being treated as W hates them
Doesn't even hug them, very standoffish with them
Is like if they ruined W life.
I say this if looks could kill W would have already
Is so sad.
And I think what lawyer says do I drop the case
But then who saves s10. And as lawyer said
Sometimes we can't save them all...
Marina:
I'm sure this is so very hard for you. I can see how unfair it must all seem.
I was a competitive swimmer when I was younger and can still swim very well. When I went to Mexico a few years ago, I allowed my confidence to take me out in the water in a different area, but still close in, to where I saw others. Before I knew it, I was caught in the undertow. I panicked and struggled (I haven't swum much in natural bodies of water). Finally, something in my brain kicked in. I looked to the shore. I saw the life guard. He was motioning me to go to the left. I stopped stroking, stopped fighting, and I allowed myself to be carried in the direction he pointed. Soon I realized that I could feel the sand beneath me. I stood, exhausted, and walked from the water. I could have died that day. I really could have. The panic was intense. My efforts were extreme. Only when I stopped fighting and put my trust somewhere else and allowed myself to be carried, did I survive.
I really and truly hope that what I am about to write does not sound harsh or judgmental. I do not mean it that way. I think you are caught in the undertow and you have lost your ability to find your way to shore. I think people here, and the GAL, and your lawyer are trying to tell you things you don't want to hear.
As horrible and sucky as it sounds, not everyone can defend their case in court the way they want to. I have the money to fight my case, and the skills to close the gap, but I chose not to go head to head with my H even when he was being pig-headed and I would have been within my rights to let him have it and suffer the consequences of his actions. It was not worth burning everything down to get my way. From all you have said, you don't have the resources to fight the fight you want to fight. Given that, you have to fight the fight you can.
I know that I have given you advice, as have others, that you have seemingly ignored. I would suggest you go through and read your own thread from the beginning and see what people have said, consider whether you thought about it, and consider whether you acknowledged that it was heard. There is a difference between being right and being self-righteous.
I think we all want to truthfully report our stories and endeavor to do so, but there are always factors that we don't report, or that we don't give the right weight to. Often we don't consider the other guy's position, or how we look to him (to the court, or the lawyer, or the GAL).
I'm not sure I still understand your marital situation and the allocation of resources. Were you married under the law? Are you divorced? Was your wife required to pay you any support other than child support? Are you getting support through the child support office? Most states are pretty formulaic about child support now.
These things matter because you have indicated that you have serious health concerns, very limited resources, and very little family support. If you do not have a legal entitlement to support (and fairness is of course a different issue), then it would be understandable that some consideration would have to be given to the parties' respective abilities to care for the children. I have no idea if these issues are relevant in your case or what consideration the GAL gave to them. I am only hearing you describe what sounds like a very unfair situation and trying to figure from your interpretation what has happened here.
GALs go through a lot of training. This is not a big money-making field. The people that go into this kind of work generally do it because they are deeply concerned for the rights of children and making sure they have a voice. I admit to being part of the legal system so I understand that there are bad lawyers, bad judges, and bad GALs, I also understand that most lawyers are nowhere near as bad as I see continually reported on these boards, and I imagine the same is true of the judges and other court professionals.
I think the counselor, the GAL, your lawyer, and others have been trying to tell you to put away your perceptions of what is right, fair or just, and to have some faith in the system, and if your wife is as bad as you say, to trust that she will not be able to handle whatever it is that the system gives her. It sounds like she has no interest in two of the children at all, and a passing interest in the third. Is she really going to give up her life to tend to three children that are about to be tweens and teens. As the parent of two teens, I can tell you that I don't see that happening based on what you have described.
Take a step back. Evaluate your position. Look at the good and the bad. There are 3 kids, they look after each other. There are witnesses to everything that happens. They love and trust you. They know that you have fought for them. You describe pockets of clarity for your wife where she can be kind and understanding, where she does realize that she is out of her depth. Why would this not continue to be true? Won't you be there for them every time they reach for you? Won't you be there (keeping a record of course) every time she deviates from the custody because she can't handle the responsibility?
I think your lawyer is trying to tell you that even a fireman who runs into a burning building can't save everyone there. Sometimes we have to save the ones we can and hope that the others find another way out. Don't just accept this. Don't give up on the kids. Don't give up on you. Just get creative. So court is not going to give you what you think is right. How can you still be the best mom for those kids every single day.
I am so sorry. Please, please continue to post so that we can be here for you. Let's try to work through everything that has happened and see where you can go from there. The first person that we need to help is you. You need to focus on you and what you can do to be the best mom possible for the children. It is going to be one step at a time.
OneArt,
I truly understand what your saying trust me,
I must let W fail if that even means our kids physical or
Mentally are hurt and I'll be the first to say that's what I been
Trying to avoid for something dramatic to happen or one of
Our children's end up in hospital. Especially s9 who W has it
Out for him.
I would describe s9, having a gay friend guy who is very outspoken
and he thinks for himself. So that's when W becomes physical with s9
Where s10 and d10 have taken advice from therapy to just say Yes mom
Which makes me sad but that's a survival way.
So Yes my problem is being that hoover mom, trying to avoid any of the kids
Being hurt. Is hard but I now see what Lawyer was saying and right.
And also see what GAL is trying to do is give W more responsibilities so
I can get back on my feet. But that question in my head is at what cost as
We all here have the monkey braining is at what cost do I let go and o e child ends
Up somewhere I emotionally can't take.
To also answer your question,
Marriage, legally married No we had a domestic partnership but in the
State am in that doesn't count for marriage. So W doesn't give me spousal
support.
S10 was a foster child we get medical for him and I believe 215.00 a month which
W has always had control I never look at what benefits I got for fostering s10 which
Then we adopted.
S9 amd d10 was different they where going to go to foster I didn't let it happen
The social worker at the time said if they go to foster system you will get all the
Benefits all foster kids get. I again didn't want at the time my niece and nephew to
Go to foster system for over 45days God knows what could have happened so
7yrs ago My sister gave me temporary guardianship which then after having
Them for 24 months I went full custody adoption.
Now before BD we where as normal as we can be I work in Higher management, W
was going to school typical American life. I had trio's in my health insurance and
I thought we where good. W and I never ever mentioned separation.
I of course trusted W never thought to put my money in my own bank. Not even
Stashed money to the side so that tells you a lot
I was to open and trusting.
Yes W since August 2018 started giving me only 500.00 that's the most she must give
For now.
I took Lawyer advice which was we focus on s10 Bringing him home then Child support.
So around that time I get emergency medical insurance for s9 and d10
Every 3 months they evaluate my case. And temporary stamps.
I have gone to food trucks and done whatever it takes.
My pride left long time ago.
I aslo don't have family I unfortunately raised myself and Yes if I do contact my
Family is like selling my soul to the devil.
I do get workers comp temporary and state help every penny goes to that so
Whatever I have left I pay GAL amd Lawyer.
And I also know there is two sides. I can own up to mines and is me
Letting W fall. Because I know that one of the trio's could end up hurt bad
But as my lawyer did say. If we call W right now do you think she will say exactly what you
Said and knowing W lies No I am going to look like the idiot.
So my problem is fixing everyone and everything. I am a fixer and I attract
Broken people.
Oh trust me how therapy has help me realize lots of my flaws.
But your right I must stop fighting and give in and just agree.
Job,
Thank you again. Prayers does wonders
Update and some advice
Just got an email we meeting tomorrow
To go over what they want us to do and we
Have an emergency meeting Monday.
Also in email says for W to bring OW,
Because OW lives with W and involved.
I froze I literally froze when I read the email.
We must all meet tomorrow in office and with kids
I know that now I must just let go.
If W wants to play house with OW then I am simply
Going handle over my robe. I now see this is
something I can't control and I am seeing what
Lawyer is saying. Let W fail you must just wait
If W wants to be a fulltime mom then say Ok.
Tomorrow I will go in there clear minded and
As long it pertains to the kids say Ok.
At the end like my lawyer said you got what you
Wanted M and that was for Trios to be together
Let everything else go. And I am doing that.
Is heart breaking to any Mom/Dad out here who
Has never been separated from kids, I remember
Taking business flights and catching redeye so
I wouldn't be away more then 24hours. Yes that's
The type of mom I am.
I also know that my childhood of not
Having two parents, or loving home
Has affected my parenting and even my marriage
I didn't do date nights because I felt kids didn't choose
For parents to be out to have fun.
Yes I know this was wrong in my thinking if
I could go back to something's I would change
God knows I would. But speaking for now
I can see clearly how that could affect the trio's
They think that the world revolves around them
And when W doesn't do what Mom M does they
Don't understand.
If Trios fall this momma kiss there ouchy and say
It will be better. W was more your not dying you
Going to live. So our parenting and loving is very
Different.
I am starting to see W will never take care of them like
I would. All I can do is pray my Angels will protect them.
Marina, I don't understand what is going on here. I am sorry if I am missing something, but if this were about a husband and a wife, I don't imagine any lawyer ever telling you to surrender your kids to the husband's desire to be full-time father, especially if the husband were known to be abusive to the children! And vice versa for the husband if the wife were an unfit parent.
Am I missing something about this story? Isn't W an unfit parent?
Because it seems to me that your lawyer is not your advocate and you should get a better lawyer. You don't care about assets or expect her to support you. You just want your kids. Why aren't you fighting for that? W is not fit, she is in MLC and is terrible to them. It's not about kissing their booboos, though that is great that you do that. She is out of her mind and has been abusive to them! The trios come back to you from seeing her and are outright depressed.
Why does your lawyer want you to sacrifice them to her just to keep them together?!
In a heterosexual marriage, if one partner left the other and immediately moved in with the affair partner, it would not go like this. A friend of mine who is a dad got FULL custody of his kids when his MLC wife did that -- she showed up pregnant with another man's child to court, and that was the beginning of the end for her. And I live in a no-fault state.
Why would it be so different for you? It makes no sense. Unless it's that your lawyer is not advocating for your rights because it is a lesbian marriage.
Is your lawyer well-versed in the rights of same-sex couples? Do you have an LBGT center near you that you can go and ask for help?
https://www.pkjohnsonlaw.com/blog/2017/05/custody-rights-in-same-sex-marriages-in-illinois.shtmlAm I totally off the mark here?
http://www.nottageandward.com/lgbt-parentage-issues.htmlI thought you said that W is abusive to them, monsters, etc?
Why would you ever surrender your children to someone like that? Surrender to not being able to change her does not mean surrendering your kids to an unhealthy household. You are the more fit parent. W is weaponizing the children. I know I may be missing some of the story and I know you don't have money, etc., but I want to encourage you to be confident and bold in knowing that you are a wonderful parent and that the kids should be with you more. Fight for it. If you lose, I understand you can't control everything.But why not give it a go?
Gerda ,:) Thank you
Yes you are right, has my lawyer given up.
No payment the last month I would say and
I am paying what I can.
I also try to look at the positive, do they want W to fail.
W hasn't filed for motion or anything so W actions shows
W doesn't care.
Yes was I the first lesbian case in my county Yes, they
Didn't know how to even file that's how crazy it was.
I unfortunately got this lawyer that took retainer and now
She kind of saying if you have money for another lawyer who
Maybe has something up there sleeve.
Will I agree to GAL Nope. But this means we go to trial which
Lawyer said to start that is 10,000 I didn't ask if that's half me and half W
And also YES to what you ask W has two cases one was closed and other I haven't
Been contact.
To give you a little of county here there is more children abuse here then a big city.
If fact a child that CPS was called over 5 times was found dead.
CPS here [censored]. I am lost exactly how to even try to hire a pro bono lawyer.
In 2017 when W took s10 I went to 6 total office for advice and they all where almost the same.
But all of them didn't even know how to file this is a first.
I even today looked into LGBTQ office and going if this goes bad because I honestly believe
This case is something they don't want to touch. Is a very touchy subject.
Also you didn't miss anything.
W walk away from us,
W left me all 3 kids
W then decided to separate kids because they not blood
W then went M.I.A I had to start and file to see and get custody
W didn't want to see d10 and s9
W lawyer made her on weekends
W then became abusive with s9
W monstering every drop off or pick up
I even called GAL on my request at police station drop off.
I have gone through hoops to show lawyers, GAL and judge am all in as a parent and coparent
Now I don't have family here or am not that social. I been ask what if emergency happens.
I also been ask by GAL why don't I mends with my toxic family.
Also let me put this out here. I am latino not Mexican. We is Mexican
So GAL is Mexican, they all about family , I am American I agree with certain things
That W never did, I agree certain things to make America better W is a advocate for
Everything you don't want or politics is not in the same even though W is a Marine
She rather die marching for Mexican rights which I agree to some but when people are
Wrong they are wrong.
Guess what GAL is a advocate for Mexican.
In one of my thread when I was going for meeting W and GAL where very friendly I found that
Bothering. I try not to let monkey brain get to me but they where to smiley and friendly.
GAL says this also can help you get on your feet. I feel am giving no choice is like
Pick A voluntary sign or then we go the nasty way.
Tomorrow I am going there all ears and taking of course God with me. And hear them out
But No I won't just roll over.
I am numb, I can't even cry anymore.
Sometimes my mind gets the best of me.
I think many of us LBS can say that.
I honestly thought all of W actions would have
Spoken for itself but apparently it happens more
And more everyday.
When speaking with GAL or lawyer I feel they think
I care some type for W or still care when am just
Trying to point things out. W walking away
W leaving 3 kids, W moved in with OW. W in
Therapy saying over and over Am marrying OW.
When I point this out is because is not f$&*ing normal
But to people it happens all the time. My response is
This is some Jerry Springer show.
Especially tomorrow, apparently OW ain't going no
Where so I must learn to coparent with OW
What a s&*t show. I am going in there to listen
If it takes me years to get s10 back I know he knows
I will get better and be better 100x and will fight 100x
Basically if I sit back and put my emotions away
And prospective from Therapist, they want W to fail
They need her to fail and our law here is 50/50 W will
Then forfeit her parental rights. Again I hope am
Looking at this right. I will not sign nothing that I'll
Make sure they know.
But if W and OW wants to play house, then here ya go
I will be watching through the sidelines.
Now the mom in me wants to say F U lawyer
F U GAL ya are crazier then W and OW again that's the
Mom in me but sometimes STFU is better and let
Them grumble. Also that being said I am keeping lots
Of journal. I will sue the whole county if any of my kids
Be hurt badly. I will make sure they lose it all like I did.
I honestly have thought about being a child advocate
Myself. But times like this I know I couldn't,
I don't believe bio parents get 2nd chances after
Beating a child or letting your child be hurt. I
Don't believe in reuniting parents and children if
Child been hurt. I don't care if they claim they to young.
Nope. So yeah I must find another career lol.
Good night all. I will keep posting as time
Goes. God has his plan.
Hello marina
Try to get a good sleep for tomorrow, and yes be clear minded and emotionally stable.
This result is not what you were hoping for, no doubt about that. Now, work on accepting it. This doesn’t mean you agree, or like it, or surrendered, you just emotional accept it. This has happened, fear of this will disappear, now you can more reason out a solution or path.
Find the strength to accept things you cannot change and the strength to fight for things you can change. And the wisdom to know which is applicable.
When this process was started it was to keep children together. That is achieved. The proposed location of where the kids live is not what you were hoping for. Is that something you are wanting to fight for? You want to achieve?
I want to ask / clarify something. The GAL has recommended that kids live with W. If you accept, then I am guessing you have visiting rights and such, but she is financially responsible, and is primarily responsible for their care and education (getting them to school and so on).
If you do not accept this all goes before the courts, costs lots of money, and according to L probably ends up the same result.
If you drop this, no court. What about agreement? Where do kids live? Is it back to W takes one and you get the others - again?
Knowing when to step back and regroup is valuable. I think you are facing one of those times.
I am guessing you are willing to fight to keep kids together (you have this part) and want them with you. When battling keep your eye on the result and what scorecard or rules the judges / scorekeepers use.
I do not know all the details, however agreeing to the GAL may be the best option. Keeps kids together, and visits. W has to be responsible and can then fail. You need to let her do what she will do. When faced with all the parental jobs, she may change her mind and quicker than you think.
Marina, your lawyer knows the legal process, the rules and guidelines, your details, and the most likely outcome. You are paying them for their expert advice. Ensure you consider it well before dismissing it.
Best of luck tomorrow. Praying and thinking about you.
DnJ
Marina and DnJ, this marks the first time I don't agree with DnJ!
Marina, my L prepared an affadavit with me. It talked about my life with H before BD, how different it was and then what happened after. Most of it was about his drastic change in terms of the children, but not all of it. The affadaviit showed that he had a huge change from everything our M was based on, and that his huge change included his becoming an unfit parent. It's the basis of my request for temporary custody. I don't know if it is going to work but she thinks it will.
Why would your L not do this approach with you? Because of money? And because you are in a lesbian marriage? If so, that is WRONG and not what is best for your kids. if W has more money, she has to provide for them. Maybe she is asking for full custody because OW doesn't want money leaving the household. They are not a family. They just met less than a year ago! That is not what is best for the kids, to switch to the parent of the moment. And to switch to the parent who abuses them physically and mentally?!
Not only that, but "preservation of the status quo" is a big deal in D proceedings. There has to be a good reason to disrupt the trios' life, something that is better for THEM.
DnJ may be right that there are things you can't change in this world, I get that. But from what you are saying it does not seem to me that you can trust your lawyer as an advocate. Have you had a hard talk with your L asking him/her to explain your rights as a mom and a lesbian parent?
If you were fostering the trios, I think you'd have more rights, and you'd get some money from the state for them so the provision for them wouldn't be an issue.
Marina, I am a Catholic woman. And yet when I read what you wrote about this meeting, I felt very strongly that what is happening is not in the best interests of the children and that your lawyer was not protecting your HUMAN rights because of your sexuality. I even woke up early this morning because it was on my mind, and I got on the computer even though I have to take my D to school. In other words -- I say that about me being Catholic to point out that for me to be fighting for your rights really means something. I think this is really important for you and the kids.
I live in a city with huge LGBT rights/community. So I am going to go to the LGBT center in my city today for you and ask if there is help for you. Was I right about which state you are in? If you get this, let me know so I can try to get a local number for you. If this is a new area of law in your state, maybe someone will take your case on pro bono in order to change the law in your state.
Gerda
Thank you,
But you and I are moms we think with our
Hearts which we should. But the GAL
Are through the books. They follow the
Illinois law. But as I stated also am not just going
Say ok either.
So yes to many of your questions.
I am also Catholic. I try to explain
to many who look at me, I am who I am
Because I knew I could not lie to God.
I never faulted from my truth. I have followed
Almost all bible rules except the man and women
But I remember saying to myself if I hide who I am
Then am lying to God and I just couldn't.
Now, Yes if I get Trios of course W would have to
Pay child support.
Remember W and OW is all about money.
They both have purchased two new cars
Always flaunting it around. Also W then can claim the
Three kids in taxes. W at the moment is money hungry.
Also 2yrs ago I almost lost my hand at work
Been through many surgeries but haven't settled
Because need more surgeries to go. But one
Thing W brought up is once settlement is final
does W get child support.
Everything with W is money and money.
If you read my post earlier in the beginning I
Filed. I still remember January 2018 was court
The first thing W lawyer said was W wants to file
Taxes for Trios. For d10 and s9. W lawyer kept asking
This was the first time I seen W since her M.I.A
From October 2017 and that was the first thing W ask
Was filing of taxes.
So is W doing this for all right reason No.
Illinois law for 50/50 both parents must
Live 15 miles away. I did live 15 miles from W
Because after BD I started googling laws and one
Thing was the 50/50 but I yet didn't file
Because I had the trio's. So W moved again that
Took us 28 miles away. I have been ask to move
Which I can't and I have spoken up why do I move
When I been here with kids. And financially can't
Due to W having better school that's why.
And as DnJ said which that I get. I got what
I wanted trio's not to be separated.
So here I am waiting till later to go listen.
I know I will do what I gotta do. To protect
Our kids. But I also gotta let go of that rope
And give W a taste of motherhood. W never
Been the mommy type. Since day one I been
The one there always.
Also I have contacted LGBTQ community and hoping
For a call soon. If I have to take this to social media,
Supreme court I will. Not only for my children's
But to many children's out here dying from parents hands
Poor babies out here don't get protected anymore.
I also understand why some parents give up. This takes
A drain on us mentally. But I have God spi6to fight
And I dream last night. That not yet, I still have the fight
I will fight for my Trios. I also want W to be part of their life
I want W involved, I never wanted to take trio's from W.
But me doing that bit me on the butt. Because when
We filed it was to keep Trios separated and not
Being drop off.
So here I am not knowing what's going to happen.
Only God knows what he has plans
Journaling,
And might be my last as I have nothing much
Left. Trying to heal from all this.
Just had the meeting with W and OW
And the conclusion in court GAL gives W
The parental rights. This is what I was told
Trios lives with W with no limitations for me.
So I drive to W pick up trio's and have them back
To W and every other weekend's.
Many might read this and ask How... I am also
Here asking myself that question.
W and OW walk in smiling and all. Like wow
If looks could kill I would be dead.
OW kept jumping in and putting her input.
And using the world We, We so now I heard
Everyone W needs to fail... I honestly don't think
W will W has OW playing Mom who going to be there.
I had many questions but as I was told is court order
W says in Spanish "you should have left it how it was.
Am guessing me fighting for Trios to be together
I honestly am lost now I went from day 1 since
I had them been fighting for them W in reality didn't want
To be a mom to 3 kids.
I have not only lost s10 and lost s9 and d10
When trio's explained they starting crying. Why
Why can't s10 be with us in mommy M home.
I honestly have lost faith in the system
I felt like I was in a Jerry Springer show
Unfortunately in my state the law [censored].
They only look at stability and financial.
My step mom and best friend who have seen
This unfold are in shock. They just at all.
Like wow... I guess my gut was right when I said
The GAL are friends.
I remember months ago my d10 said they went
To GAL daughter soccer game and W and GAL are
Friends. I tried not to say anything as I know if I would
Have accused it would have caused me problems
But for this to go in W favour after CPS was called not
Only from me it was therapist also and W has now been
Given kids like I ask myself should I have not filed
For s10. Was W right I should have left it alone.
The positive is trio's are officially together and they
Will know mom M did kept her promise we will be
Together.
I ask for all the prayers. I am not giving up
In them I am going to do what it takes for me
To get 50/50
I am so sorry. I don't understand how this could have happened, but please try to stay strong and positive. Just because your she got the parental rights now doesn't mean that she is going to want the all of the children 24/7 every day. She's going to find out that having them is a full time job and there is no rest for the weary.
Hopefully when things settle down and euphoria of winning this case wears off, she will "soften" and allow you more time with the children.
Stay positive and above all else stay strong. She may have won this round, but you can always fight for the 50/50 again.
Thank you Job,
Yes that's what therapist have said. W is all about hurting
You. The moment W sees you not hurting she'll find something
Else.
One day at a time
Job,
I now could see I didn't have a good lawyer.
Lawyer even said for me to hire another lawyer
Because her hands are tied with this case.
Like really now you tell me... I am trying to sink all
This in
Marina,
I’m utterly speechless at reading this..I’m heartbroken for you. I agree with Job that the euphoria will wear off, sooner rather than later. Stay strong.
I have a D and S and believe me that when your D reaches puberty the following few years will be very trying. Life won’t be very pretty for W and OW then.
In a couple of years they will be old enough to chose where they want to live. I won’t be at all surprised if all three come back to you. Just remember to never bad mouth W and OW to them, they will make their own minds up.
Edit to add, what is a GAL?
(((Marina)))
Hello, everyone who been following my story
Here I am just got a email, my lawyer has took
Herself out and this case became to much.
Ex lawyer said to hire another lawyer as she has
Tried everything.
I explained to her I can't imagine but this GAL unfortunately
Has sided with W.
I have never trusted this GAL for many reasons.
Gal and W where to friendly and anything I said or
Did got twisted. Example me contacting GAL
When GAL wanted to know how the holidays went
Gal made it seem to my lawyer I am always
Sabotaging W relationships with the kids.
Also Gal has made some false notes from kids
Therapist in GAL notes she says S10 therapist is
All trio's therapy in fact this is false d10 and s9
Never had a initial one on one therapy so s10 therapist
Stating all 3 kids have anxiety because of me.
GAL also stated I initiate W on every drop off.
I said How when I have verbally and email GAL
We need a police station and drop off.
When I been the one asking for help.
Another thing GAL says kids are being told what to say
I can go on.
So now I am not just dealing with W also GAL and of course
OW.
Gal also stated I basically use kids to take care of me.
Like wow. And every proof I have in writing GAL is not accepting
Everything my lawyer has recommended GAL have rejected I even
Ask lawyer why is everything you filed GAL has came back saying
Rejection.
My lawyer has truly tried, I kinda understand why lawyer said I can't
No more cause now I am calling GAL lawyer.
I have dates that GAL went to kids school twice, once to my home
GAL was angry at me why did I call cps last time and filed.
I remember GAL said you going to regret it.
As I stated to GAL is my job to protect them GAL those kids lie alot
And manipulate you.
In fact s10 told me this weekend GAL brought him a Christmas gift
Like wow.
Remember GAL and W live in same town, GAL daughter goes to s10
School. GAL is a Mexican advocate and also OW and W
W requested a Spanish GAL when there was going be a pro bono GAL
W lawyer rejected and at the time in my county am in GAL is the only Spanish
Gal.
Also my kids don't speak Spanish so why not go with an American GAL.
I go to meet in GAL office, I walk in they in conversation about Trump
And immigrant law and very personal to me. I can go on that I seen so many
Red flags.
Now GAL twist everything around. Anything I responded was
Well you initiated, I of course say How and GAL will go on to
Whatever W said.
This became a he said she said game.
God knows I have avoided everything from staying in car not looking
To just not even talking. Even when W monster is because I initiated
in GAL eyes.
Here I am doing whatever it takes. I ask for any of ya help to be able to
Hire a lawyer who is going to fight like hell. Because I will be requesting a gal
For my case a 2nd GAL to see this. I know my gut is telling me what I already
Knew. Gal and W are friends so I had no chance. And apparently is my word
Against GAL the only thing I have is GAL stating s10 therapist as d10 and s9
And twisting all emails I have sent her. I will be fighting till I can't.
I am being blamed for all kids anxiety and behavior and yeah my kids take care
Of me because am sick. Wtf remember
D10 honor roles never missed a day, student council
S9 never miss a day A,b and obe C and in student council both in sports
No behavior problems in school or out of school in fact everyone
Around us and church speak very highly of them
But ask W, they are horrible kids, who doesn't respect her and yell and curse
At her and disrespectful to OW, and W family and I can go on.
can you talk to someone in free legal counsel
sounds crazy what they are doing-
but I have also seen crazy stuff around the law and what money can buy
hang in there
keep praying
Its gods world and you have done everything by the book
trust and believe for the best even in the storm
Marina,
Wow. Unbelievable. This must be so incredibly difficult and scary for you. I’m sorry for the situation you are in. I echo, Peacetoday, just take a moment to breathe, trust, and have faith. If you can find free legal counsel, please do seek it.
Marina, sister, you are carrying a heavy cross. You have to pick up your cross, but it's going to be heavy. You need to ask God every hour to help you carry it.
I am thinking of you a lot. I wasn't able to go to the LBGT center yet because of my own crosses the last two days but I will go in the next couple of days and ask about resources in your state.
There is something really weird about the situation of putting kids with the new girlfriend. Hamburg has been writing about getting a restraining order against his kids even meeting the OM, but in your case the court actually places the kids with OW?! Unless you are leaving something out of the story, I feel like they are not taking that part seriously because you are all women. It might make sense if W was living alone but I have never heard of a court doing that when the spouse is living with affair partner, unless there is some danger to the kids.
I know it won't be enough for you to wait for your kids to be old enough to choose. But whatever cross you have to bear, I know God will be walking with you through the furnace -- read that part of the Book of Daniel, with the furnace. It may give you some peace.
Marina, I want to tell you not to write anything down anymore in e-mails to OW and to learn to be silent. Be like Christ with Pilate. It's clear you are writing something that is being misinterpreted. On these boards you, like me, tend to write a lot. I am like that when I talk too -- I say too much. I think you must have said too much to GAL. This is being used against you in court. Don't write anything down anymore except to make arrangements for handing off kids. Get yourself a journal and start writing in there, get out all your thoughts before you see any GAL or anyone else. Out in the world, people don't understand MLC. They think we must have done something really bad for our spouse to hate us so much.
My spouse hates me so much that he has convinced the godfather of my kids to pay for his D lawyer and to pay him every month a loan against what he will get from forcing me to sell the house. And the friend believes it, though anyone with two eyes could see that something is wrong. The world will misinterpret always, esp with MLC, so give them less to misinterpret.
I am off to church so that's all I can write for now. I know how lonely you feel; I have just been crying out to God about the same thing for myself. I will pray for both of us.
Please can someone explain to me what a GAL is?
Westo
Guardian Ad Litem
They suppose to listen to kids
Hear them out.
Gerda,
Thank you
Yes do I think me being outspoken and passionate
About my kids well being and how W and OW
Treat them bit me in the butt.
But the one that pist the GAL is when W choke s9
Amd when GAL heard I called CPS Gal was mad
Why did you do that M your going cause so many
Problems.
So yelp me caring to much made it seem that
I am the one causing W to be who W is.
I have broken nights trying to figure out this
Nightmare I am going through
Everytime I try to bring W actions I been told
The past is the past even if 2 weeks ago W
Had s9 punish in bed for 4hrs.
I am at all.
So my mistake was everything W did I wrote down
And sent to GAL with screenshots of W and I text
GAL said I told you to use wizard, I said I can't I don't
Have money.
Another thing anything my lawyer requested for free
Gal would want something else that cost money.
Is simply crazy, yes do I love my kids yes do
Am I outspoken yes I am. And I guess to the law
That does more damage.
Is so sad
M
I don't get it really
Im sorry for your pain
but keep up your energetic work
the story is not over
send them all love light and forgiveness
meditate morning and night
and journel the thoughts after meditation
Peacetoday,
Me either, what I been told
is it looks like my focus is always W.
Example Me answering W call.
Why did I do that.
My answer is because W had the kids.
Well W said story is totally different
The he said and she said.
I simply don't understand. Me caring to much
Cause more damage.
And one thing that lawyer said was the judge
Concerns is Trios are taking care off me.
Which again how do I prove that. Put Cameras in
my house they can see.
Again if we put facts out there it doesn't add up.
D10 and s9 school are doing amazing
Also they think me doing divorce groups for kids
And all these support groups also making it seem
I am trying to stay in the past.
So again it doesn't matter what I did or say they
Would find it wrong.
Speaking for myself these groups and church saved us.
They taught me so much and I say this d10 and s9
Are in such a better place then s10.
S10 didn't even say hi to me or sibilings his head was down
Is so sad that I can see how broken he is.
Except most of the time when you see GAL on these boards we are referring yo Getting A Life, so context is important.
Kml,
I understand and GAL has never seen or ask
What I do. I know that am always keeping kids
And I busy.
Library things, or in the summer We kept busy
And kids scouts.
When I didn't have the kids I catch movies
Sometimes on my own or BF.
I only did what I felt was Right when I needed to send
I would ask W on my weekend's with s10 can I pick up
Early, W response would say Where you going
Or Why or is it important or I need proof and who you
Going.
Speaking for me this was wrong for W to ask me 20/20
Questions when I use to ask a simple question.
And yes I use to send GAL email with conversations
Of W and I,
And many of Times GAL never responded.
Or another was the first refusal. My lawyer
Filed first refusal 2hours or more.
I again tried to explain to GAL why when GAL ask
And it didn't make sense and GAL kind of laugh at
How ridiculous it was to file
If I was giving the chance to explain the way my lawyer
Knew was W was constantly dropping s10 and Ex MIL
Or OW family.
If W was busy or needed s10 to be watch why
Not give me the opportunity to have s10 for those
2 hours, 3 hours whatever it was, why was W always
Taken away from US.
I just never understood and in meeting of Friday
W exact words in Spanish
M you should have left things how it was.
And smirks with OW.
This is simply things W has been allowed to
Get away with.
How can I not be outspoken about this.
Trust me, my part I care to much for my kids
I show it.
Where W is unemotional and stays very calm
Where yes I tear up I am human.
Especially when I am living this hell with W.
Especially the part where GAL invited OW to meeting
As now, we all 3 must coparent.
I sat there in all like how is this happening
If W can't even coparent with Me how can we
Involved a 3rd party especially OW.
Many have ask how is this allowed OW is mistress
Again W has denied that and they where only friends.
Anyone that has gone through this hell knows what
Am dealing with.
And yes I know GAL and therapist and lawyer
May not understand the MLC crap they do.
I sometimes lay in bed in all. Like I even ask myself
If a friend was telling me this was happening to them
Would I even believe it. It's so unbelievable the
Crap we go through.
And the ones that know and believe me is because
They seen it unfold or when
My step mom came and W didn't know she was in town
And mom hearing W speak to me or W text or even
Hearing the kids talk that when my mom realized OMG
You are going through hell.
To hear her say this to me I ask mom directly
Did you not believe me her response was
I thought you might have been over telling the story
But now that am here I see it and this is horrible.
So part of me knows that even me filing in court
Was maybe taking out of context.
But I just filed exactly how everything happened which
I honestly only seen crap like this on T.V shows
I never thought this could happen to me.
So yes many ask how could this had happen I again don't know
But if I would have stayed quiet then I might still
Have been taking as me not caring for Trios at all.
So I am dam if I did or if I didn't.
Marina, I’m sorry how this turned out. Please try to stay positive and take care of yourself.
A few pages ago you didn’t you say w brought the kids over to you when it was her time? I ask because I was wondering if you thought w would agree to 50/50 if you asked. Her and om’s actions towards the kids say overwhelmed, full custody might be more than she can deal with.
Kyh
Yes W was overwhelmed and I thank God
She reached out to me.
We agreed to 50/50 but w wanted me to move
So basically it's always been what W wants
And with the help of therapy and lawyer
And even here. I can't allow W to control
Where I live and what I do.
I do pray that this here of W wanting to play
House with ow makes W realize what the
Hell did I do. Or W at least to realize I
Can't do this. No matter what in 7yrs total
W never ever cared for our kids this long
And when I was out of town in business W
Would call me to say control the boys.
Or you need to hurry up it was always something
I now have to let God and my guardian Angels
Protect them. Till I raise more money now to
Get them back full custody. Again that's if W
Doesn't give in because handling Trios is
Hard. I been told you are amazing M how you handle
3 kids.
Even my step mom said I don't know how you do
It. You make it seem so easy.
So now only a Miracle can happen
M
You did everything within your power
You are a good Mom and you don't have to buy into their lies
keep praying and pray for W and OW send them light
things may be difficult for a season- but you will get through this
nothing is over yet-
keep listening to positive u tube videos
try to find some hope-peace and love the kids your best
give them all your love-and yourself too-
God is here
you are not alone
I am praying for you too, Marina! Please tell us how you are!
I was thinking the other day about how I had cancer and how thankful I was that I got to live because if my kids had lost me and ended up with MLC dad, God knows what would have happened. And that even now, if I have to lose them part of the time, it's so much better than if they didn't have me to come back to. Even if you only see your kids for a little bit of time for now, they will see that as a lighthouse in the darkness, and it will sustain them. You have maybe even a more important role to play now. You are even more important in a way now. Have courage!
Peacetoday and Gerda,
Thank you so much for ya time and
Checking up on me.
I am taking it a day at a time and being
There for Trios.
I see them and they just also don't understand
S10 really thought he was coming home but
S10 hug me and said thank you mommy for
keeping us together.
S9 and d10 also lost and they are angry of course
Why does W and OW have to stay with them.
S9 and s10 said they don't even tuck us in or hug us.
D10 said sometimes d10 eats and sometimes doesn't
I ask why. D10 said W makes things they 3 don't like
And W and OW basically don't give them other options
Only option is eat what we made or go to bed not eating.
I understand when ya say be there lighthouse I just
Listen and say Sorry trio's you going through this.
In earlier post I stated I didn't like GAL, GAL and W smiled
In court and infact they hugged. I am still in shock
.
I been going to therapy as always and taking care of
Apollo and church. It's been rough as W seems still
To want to argue about anything. W sent an email
Stating she wants the clothes back.
So like today I pick them up,help with homework and
Make sure they shower so W wants their dirty clothes back.
I just shake my head like at all..
So this weekend I get a text from biological mom
In text stating
BM, M I am worried about you since now W and you
ain't together, when you where with W I never worried
Because W is good to you. I am not sure what's going on
But please come back to hometown so I can get you
In rehab and take care of you. Not sure what drugs
Your doing or how bad your drinking but we will take
Care of you. Love Mom
Yelp this is the text message I get from Bio Mom
So W has contacted my family who I haven't
Spoken to in over 7 yrs since adopting s9 and d10
I didn't respond but from text W has told them am an
Addict and drinker.
Wow like wow. I honestly thought W was a WAW or MLC
But now it looks like W could be a narcissist or physopath
W has literally drag my name to anyone who listens
Now to contact people I haven't spoken to in years in more
Crazy. But does it surprise me No. One of W cousins
Warned me how W is a liar and Nuts to please be careful
And watch my back.
W seem to want to destroy me for some reason but
I have not given W the satisfaction or won't
I ignore.
W at drop off wants to knock on window I have drove
Off twice if W wants to talk we now use a court
Mandated app for divorce parents which I ask
If W keeps getting out of car I will then ask for drop off
And pick up at police station. I am mentally
And physically exhausted with W.
Again Thank you to those who have followed along.
I know my story is not done yet. I am just standing still
For the moment. I praying for a Miracle soon so then
Financially I can hire a new lawyer. My lawyer didn't
Want to go head to head with GAL but she does believe
W and GAL became friends. So now I need to get a lawyer
Who will help me win this fight for wrong doing.
As I stated GAL has an organization for undocumented
Mexicans and W is very involved as they walk the march
For equal rights. So again many things that are wrong.
But I also know God has his plan.
Gerda, yes I know my kids will always need me that
I know and I will always be there for them
And yes I understand cancer as life is short. I have
Lupus and MS and do infusion every 3 months
But I view life differently I now know life is to beautiful
I thank God every waking moment.
(((((((((((((((((((Marina)))))))))))))))
I am so sorry to hear this-
keep praying and hold on-
I cant believe W and OW will be able to keep it going for long
Continue to seek help and maybe God will put a solution in your path-
I just had someone in my life create havoc..a friend that was not really a friend-
they meddled and created some events. not asked for-that would have turned out more to my favor had they minded their business
,,I know how much this all hurts
while God lets things happen..there is always another season
especially if we do the right things-
You are handling things good
I got a thought
What if W saw you having fun with your alone time?
just a thougth
would she still want the kids?
is she doing this as some kind of revenge?
maybe we can get some feedback here
Peacetoday
Is mind blowing when I see W behavior
Many would think I left W, I was the one who cheated
W behavior is to spite me to hurt me. Again not sure
What I done to have so much Hate towards me.
So yes everything W does is to get a reaction
Even now after court, W still coming over
to car getting out, wanting to talk or treating kids horrible
I realized, Fine W wants this am going to give it to her.
I can tell you this Much having Trios is not easy
I always had more patience with kids. So I wonder
How this is going for W and OW.
Ow doesn't have kids so this is New for her.
So let's see how W and OW becoming a family works.
I have never been a party person or drinking.
My stepmom could tell ya. At 15 I would be home
Watching HSN with mom or movies in fact she push me
To go out more. So that part I am struggling with. Even
When I was working, I would work and go home and usually
Shop on Amazon if needed and when W and I was together
W did the shopping and grocery which she loved and still does.
I been doing longer walks with dog. And sometimes catch a
Movie or crab lunch with friend. But usually home by 3pm.
And yes I understand cancer as life is short. I have
Lupus and MS and do infusion every 3 months
But I view life differently I now know life is to beautiful
I thank God every waking moment.
You are such a beautiful person. It's so clear that God is walking with you.
I was really worried about you so I am glad to see your post though everything you are saying is so shocking. I will write more later, had a conversation with a friend who was in a lesbian marriage and has been in a horrifying custody battle with her W. They are on the forefront of the fight for gay rights in this area so she had many thoughts but most of them were about how horrible any custody battle is. More later!
(((((MARINA)))))))
M
I would consider being free spirited and upbeat
less available and busy on your days free
find a support group to join and make some friends-
when you see W, be cheerful grateful and upbeat
fake happiness in front of her smile
let her wonder what you are doing in free time
Take a mystery vacation and visit your stepmom
If she ask you how you are
"Im doing great making friends having fun thanks"
Try new strategies until something works-
I cant see her keeping the kids for long-
Like I see her switching the situation if you become too happy and free with all your time
I may be wrong but if her goal is too get you for some reason or be happier than you ect..
then she wont like seeing you having so much fun-and free time to play and make new friends-
she may then prefer to see you stuck home with 3 kids
No advice but lots of support! Your situation is so difficult. Continue doing the best you can.
Thank you,
So I need all advice, I know there's
counselors her or therapists.
So if ya remember W picks on s9 alot
My biggest concern is him as W doesn't pick on s10 or d10
S9 is very free spirited he speaks his mind and doesn't
Sugar coat anything. S9 is the honest one. You can't buy his
Love.
Well I am working on me in therapy and o e big issue is
Due to W mental abuse and some physical I have PTSD
When W knocks on window of car or approaches me
I get like a anxiety very nervous. And I shut down emotionally.
Well yesterday I get a message from my lawyer stating
That s9 is going to a hospital because he told W and OW
He going to kill himself.
This is very alarming, How does a child who was happy and
His school and therapist will tell you he is a happy kid.
And W and OW now stating he is mental. This is something I
Brought up to GAL and I was concerned because W has stated
To me and his sibilings I am putting you in mental hospital.
So for W to do this am in all. How can she do this.
Why is the GAL not questioning this. S9 was ok with me great in
School and sports and simply loved. He now being evaluated by
Psychiatrist.
Am lost. I ask my lawyer her response is this is normal for
Kids who been adopted and divorced parents. Am at all with
Everyone response to this.
In addition to lawyer
I think you need to talk to your family court judge
Or court appointed social worker
Warning that social worker is supposed to not to take sides
This is very serious
Prayers for you and s9
I know you don't want to separate them but i wonder if you should propose that S9 to come stay with you. This situation is so unbearable for the kids. I wish you had money to hire someone who will really protect them! Can you take a part-time job just to pay for that?
Gerda,
Am doing whatever it takes, am cooking and baking from home and
Selling items.
Yes I need a lawyer who going advocate for us.
Am doing everything I can that I am allowed with my medical issues
But my focus is to hire a New lawyer who going fight for our.
I am breaking for my kids. W is doing whatever it takes to break them
Perhaps if the psychologist at the hospital could recommend s9 coming back with you
The doctor may be willing to help and I would intervene anywhere I could-
usually the social worker at the hospital may also help especially if s9 requests he feels this way since w and OW are abusive and he is not happy with them
I would also start contacting all free agencies regarding child abuse and safety and see if there is another way
to let s9 speak, and another judge can rearrange the living situation
also the school social worker may be able to advocate for him and have suggestions
My best friend is a school social worker at a HS and I will ask her as soon as she returns from a trip for advice-for you-
I know where I live I filed a paper many years back to speak to a judge to get my D then 14 years old a passport for a missions trip because her dad was unreachable and the state required both p[arents to sign for a child to leave the country
It costs 50$ back then and I waited for my court date..and then met private at the courthouse with the judge who signed the paperwork so D could get passport
Journaling,
I thinking am finding me again
I started cooking in the house and
Selling plates.
And let me tell you I have so great
Friends, they have said hope one day
You consider opening a restaurant.
Where I live am the only place that sells
My nationality food. To eat the food I make you have to
Drive to the city it takes like an hr.
Trio's are adjusting. D10 is having a harder time.
The boys tells me d10 and W argue alot.
S10 words like sisters and he chuckles
I did ask d10 how is she. D10 broke down and cried
I just listen.
Lots of W is horrible, W mocks me and it bothers me.
I listen and confirm and said I know how you feel and gave
D10 some advice. Example was to go to her room and listen to music
D10 I don't have a radio, I said ok take the one here. D10 just hug me.
And cried. I whispered is going be ok and remember 3 three stick together.
I do see a unity again in trio's. S10 does stick up for hos sibilings and has gotten
Punish, but he also says W is wrong and when something is wrong is wrong.
I have taught the trio's since babies that, To get respect you must give respect
And know matter how nasty someone is they never step down to their level to
Always stay strong. And they only can control their emotions.
As the trio's say is hard but they remember my words
So yesterday I had a little scary experience. I pick Trios up from
School as weekends I see them and every other day on the week.
The positive thing is the trio's are together and that's what Matters.
Well while driving I hear a Pop and then I lost control of wheel in truck
Thank God I think fast I put emergency breaks and hit car in park while
Telling Trios to hold on as I knew it was going be an impact.
My axle of front car broke off.
I have a older truck and we had a vortex winter here. Where everything was
Closed. It was bad. Literally of you didn't cover up you would get frostbite
I think with being a older truck and the weather it basically broke
Trio's where shaken up.
I made sure they where ok.
While getting us out the road in Walmart parking lot.
W pulls up, I guess W shops there and see truck
W ask everything ok
M yes
W what happened
M axle broke off
W could see truck and was in all
W how are kids
M good
W do you want me to take kids till you get help
M, I open door ask Trios if they like to go with W,
All 3 Nope. We are ok with you.
I look over and said they want to stay they are safe and warm in truck
W ok bye
I stood there in reality wanted to cry but I knew Trios where looking at me
And I know I must stay strong for them.
I called a friend who has AAA and ask can they help me get truck tolled
Then I called neighbor if they can pick me up. Neighbor said yes to give
her 30 min. So Trios and I watch YouTube and laugh.
S10 grabs my hand and says mom what's going to happen now
I said well toll coming and neighbor picking us up.
S10 says well our truck. We don't have a car.
I replied Trios don't worry I'll figure it out that's my job.
While waiting W called
W are you ok
M yes
W how did that happened
M I explained what I think caused it
W yeah that makes sense
W are you sure I can take trio's till you
Figure it out.
M Trios want to stay with me. They are warm and safe
W ok
15min later
W so I live 5min away are you ok
M Trios are ok I got them snacks
W ok am 5 min away if you need me
M thank you
20min laters
W I see your still out there
M yes neighbor on her way.
W ok silent
M ok bye
25min later
W hey
M wuz up
W are you ok
M yes neighbor is here we good.
W, M I don't understand why we going through this
I will forever love you. You are the mother of our kids
Am here. M why are you so stubborn why didn't you ask me to help
You. That's what always has caused problems between us. Your so
Prideful. M just ask that you need me you need help and I'll be there
Why can't you just ask.
M yelp. Got it.
W please call me when you get home please M
M yes will do
I just listen to W, I wanted to say so much but I didn't.
Wow. It seems like W wants me to beg for help. And maybe is
My pride who knows. But W seen what's happening why say
Ask me for help.
It's just mind blowing but it gets better.
I did call W back to say, Trios are safe
But W didn't pick up
Like 15 min later W calls
W Hi I see I have a miss call from you.
M yes Trios are safe.
W ok why you telling me this.
Yelp that's when I knew OW was there.
My question maybe someone can help me.
Is why Mlcers act differently when around OP
Is like two different people.
I simply hung up after W acted like I was calling her to
Bother her. I was in all.
I again have been going grey rock the last couple of weeks
Only one word when pertains to our kids
Yesterday was the most conversation in more than
2 or 3 months.
I can see it was working me going grey rock.
It was helping me, for myself.
So here I am trying to figure out what's next on
A vehicle.
I am so glad that you and the children are okay. That was pretty scary for all of you. God was riding in that vehicle w/you.
Now about the W calling and then pretending that you called her w/the OP in the room. They do this a lot! They do not want the OP to know that they are calling you or doing things for you because they have painted you as the terrible one and that is why they had to leave. Also, if the OP found out that they were doing things for the spouse, the OP will give them quite a bit of grief for doing so. The OP wants to be the only one in their lives and they do not like to share.
I do hope that all of you are okay today. You might be a bit sore from the impact. Hopefully you will figure out what to do for transportation.
Good Morning marina
Sorry about the truck. Sure glad no one got hurt. Lucky it happened in parking lot at low speed.
The subsequent offers from W are interesting. She still watches you. She is confused and didn’t know what to do.
W, M I don't understand why we going through this
I will forever love you. You are the mother of our kids
Am here. M why are you so stubborn why didn't you ask me to help
You. That's what always has caused problems between us. Your so
Prideful. M just ask that you need me you need help and I'll be there
Why can't you just ask.
Remember the MLCer is driven by emotion, so her responses are based on her feelings or her reality at that moment.
Her first sentence is probably true. She doesn’t understand why you two are going through all this. She may have even felt love for you, then.
However, they are master manipulators and she knows you better than anyone else. She knows which buttons to push. I see the remainder of that paragraph as projection. She is prideful and is pushing the blame she cannot handle onto you. I am pretty sure the prideful honourable mindset of a marine is causing her some distress.
Follow her actions, not her words.
And that leads directly into the follow up phone call to tell her you were all safe. It was now a bother to her, and yes OW was probably around and caused a different outlook for her. Her words didn’t match her actions.
why Mlcers act differently when around OP
Is like two different people.
The OP is like a drug, an escape, for them. While lost in that embrace, running from their pain and demons, they are someone else for sure. Remove the OP, the drug, the escape - the will become someone else.
The MLCer is equating their happiness, their new life, with the OP and the affair. While caught up in those feelings they are fully justified in their minds to vilify you. They can blame you again, you are the reason, their old life is the reason, etc... Their tirades sometimes contain kernels of truth, something the LBS can choose to work on, for the most part it is projection of their pain into you. The venting of the MLCer is good, it helps to get it out of them.
When the MLCer is alone, they can think. They do not want that. However, in time, slowly, they process. Bit by bit, in the quiet of night, in the time wondering about their kids in a broken truck in the cold, or in times between running and escapes. While they are forced to face things, they look for escapes. Anything to quell their mind. You saw a little glimpse of that in her conversation.
If and when infatuation with OP runs its course and ends. That particular escape or drug will loose its potency. They may run further or they may look within. There will be a time without the OP’s affect or influence and they will “think and feel”.
You are correct with the observation of two different people. I, and my kids, have spoken to four different versions of my W, four different people living within her. it is super weird to watch someone transform right in front of you, right in the middle of a conversation. That must be so confusing inside her own head, it’s confusing enough outside of it.
Remember: They are running from themselves - always. This has nothing to do with you. They will project, blame, justify, vilify, anger, rage, whatever - and always are runnng from themselves.
One cannot escape themselves.
Best of luck with the truck repairs or new purchase. Continue to face this unfortunate event with grace, dignity, and strength. You should be proud of the example you are showing your children, how a person faces adversity and problems. That holds true for more than the truck situation.
DnJ
You handled it well
It is most confusing to hear and see the different sides of the MLCer
She may have felt bad that she cant help you and the kids in a time of need-
and thank God you were able to stop the car-
but she could have stayed and offered assistance until all was over -she chose to leave
Glad you are finding yourself-
and making food and thinking of a restaurant
and the kids are adjusting to new situation
You may start looking for opportunities because I believe when we do the right things as you are most definitely doing-
God opens doors
I would look around
there may be a restaurant that needs you and may eventually be yours
I would have never thought in a million years I would run our business
In fact I would have been content to make enough to get by and teach yoga-
keep your eyes on God and all the best
watch for signs
maybe you are being lead-to something with food-
so the living situation is 50/50? or when do you get kids
Thank you everyone,
Job, I honestly believe, God has been with me through
out this. Something told me to not panic and
Protect us.
Trio's where more scared, because they heard and felt
The tires. But when they see I was ok and calm and
I made them laugh they realized we are Ok.
And about W pretending I called her, yes that's weird
But also is not the first time. W is a total different
Person alone and when OW is around.
So that part am use to, it sadden me for the moment
But I know is nothing New.
DnJ
Hello sir,
Is Sunday here not much I can do. My friend
Who has AAA tolled my car so is here now park.
Hoping to get fix. New car at the moment I can afford
Hopefully a friend mechanic he be able to fix. But it might be
Month's from now. It will be a 800.00 to 1,200 job versus buying
A car. It's a older car but looks great. We had a vortex cold blizzard
And like anything old it broke.
Thank you for breaking down W emotions
The more days pass and weeks and months
I see clearly is not my fault.
I could see W was holding so much emotions
But as you said Mlcers speak so ill of LBS
How do they back track to everyone that M
Was and never been a bad person. Again W is very
Prideful I don't think W would ever say W was wrong.
Peacetoday,
I am taking it a day at a time
I always loved to cook and new I would like to
Open a small shop for only pick up orders.
But since bd that has became my therapy cooking
Up a storm. And I gotten better.
Your right about W. She could have but she chose not too
Financially W has money, but what I heard is OW controls
The money.
Example they just went again furniture shopping and lots of clothes
In trio's words. They say W has bags and bags of clothes in closet
With still tags. So part of MLCers is spending and shopping
And W does that for sure
I was more hurt as I just listen of W asking me
To beg her for help. As W stated I let my pride get in the way.
But my thoughts is if other shoes where flip. I would have stood there
And ask W let me please take you home and kids. But W was more
Concerned how I didn't beg for help or I am prideful
In W words, M just ask me you need my help.
But oh well... I only can control me. And God knows I would have been
There regardless of our situation because am human who cares for others
So where am located is a 50/50 state. And kids go to the school with
Better school numbers. So Trios stay with W for school but I have no limitations
Which I see them when I want and have all access to school, medical
And pick them up after school. What's hurting me for now is the drive
W use to live less then 14 min away then W moved and now is almost 30 min
Away.
I was more hurt because how do I loose time with them but this happens
In divorce. And Trios say they miss being tickled and tuck in before bed
Something I have always done even when I worked long hours I would make
Sure I would facetime them to say goodnight.
As I stated W was brought up not in a loving home. W isn't an affection
Person. Where I am more.
Journaling
So yesterday W did keep me updated throughout the day of car that
I left in Walmart parking lot. W would say Is still there.
Is still safe. Several times.
And W did call finally spoke with kids less then 3 min and then ask
To speak with me. I said Yes.
W, I was wondering did you get the car because I just went and
check again and is not there.
M yes it just got here. Thank you
W quiet
W ok so how they doing
M who
W laughed kids M
M they good under the weather but good
W ok do you need anything
M No thank God I have cold/flu here and juice
W ok so you want me to go get them tomorrow at your home
Unless car will be fix by then
M well is not that easy of a fix will take time and cost
W laughed well you know more about cars then I do, how you
Think that happened
M I went on to explain my best to maybe why it happened and
It was not because I did it.
W silence
W ok so please let me know if you need anything I know you
Don't have a car for now.
M ok
W so pick them up tomorrow from your home
M I'll let you know, but I'll have neighbor take me if need too.
W ok,
W ok ummm let me know then ok
M ok hung up
Such a weird conversation.
But I also know not to think to much into it.
But W is everywhere.
Maybe W having Trios will help her along the way
Who knows.
I again wish W the best.
I again can't imagine how she in mentally struggling
This must be hard for her. I do see her emotions are everywhere
But I also here W And OW are playing house very well.
Buying more things together. So I honestly think this must be the
Real deal for W amd I wish her the best.
As for me, starting to see more clearer as time goes by
And understanding more. And forgiven myself and learning
To stop thinking.
What If
I think we all LBS have those moments What If
I can see now W has not been happy W has been trying to
Find her happiness. I have look at it this way if W
Needed to go through this to find her happiness with me then
I'll be the punching bag.
I again just want peace and trio's happy.
Good Morning marina
I again wish W the best.
I again can't imagine how she in mentally struggling
This must be hard for her. I do see her emotions are everywhere
But I also here W And OW are playing house very well.
Buying more things together. So I honestly think this must be the
Real deal for W amd I wish her the best.
Something the LBS struggles to get through - letting go.
You are working towards it, and making great progress. Letting go with love and compassion is very good for you, and I see you getting there, the “wishing her the best” kind of ideas.
You can see how much W struggles mentally. How her emotions are all over the places. I am changing a line from your post to see if this is more accurate - for you.
So I honestly think feel this must be the
Real deal for W amd I wish her the best.
I am pretty sure you intellectually “know”, you stated as much just before this. In all her struggles and conflict there is no way her and OW are the real deal.
Also you only hear that W and OW are playing house very well. I also suffered from that. My W and OM, out shopping, buying a new freezer, excercise bike, etc... Well that’s that, it’s the real deal, look at what going on DnJ, etc.. Well no. Just my feelings.
Your W and OW do not have a healthy relationship. They are playing house, convincingly, they have too, to convice themselves. That is what you see and hear about, the shinny outer veneer, not the relationship lacking in substance built upon a foundation of lies and deceit. It is true, their relationship may last, although the chances are against it. There is not much you can do in that regard, except to just let go.
Letting go is part of our emotional, intellectual, and spiritual paths - the feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Thoughts and feelings will influence your beliefs, try to remain accurate. Understanding our thoughts is much easier than “understanding” our feelings.
Feelings for accepted, thoughts are understood.
Let go in both thought and heart. Understand and accept.
Let it go to God.
marina, you are definitely seeing more clearly. Keep your heading while you move forward.
You are a very good person, and I know you wish her the best. We just don’t know what the best actually is. Have faith, He knows.
DnJ
I don't think any MLCer will find their happiness that way--with OW/OP
They may have been unhappy, but leaving and finding an affair partner is not the solution for the long term
maybe for the short term, it may work-
As I have seen from my XH-
He is a mess, His ow/wife and him were D or maybe now together
I don't keep in touch with them
But due to his last VM, and according to his friend that did speak to him- and her last FB Message...they seem very unhappy together and unhappy period-
this is 12 years down the road from bomb..
he is far from the happy, stable, successful man he left to become-
he never found himself
Time goes so fast
So I also wish him and his OW the best--as you do
but as far as it being the real deal-- I seriously doubt that- and will be surprised if it lasts
I think the more we bless them in their new R and approve of the OP/ the sooner it ends-
MY XH is probably a rare one because it lasted so long-they are basically addicts together- nothing more
She obviously got the worst of him as he was a sober hard working man with me-
-
DnJ and Peacetoday
Thank you so much.
I know W isn't happy but oh boy W makes it seem
Ow is amazing.
I will tell you this I have learned more to stfu and
Listen. Is it hard yelp because I want to scream and yell
And say that didn't happen but am learning just to stfu.
Journaling from drop off
So in court we should just use app
Nothing less or more due to W behavior
And I ask for it because I simply hate chaos, I
Realize I shut down.
So W gets out, taps in passenger window
I roll down, W ask same Questions about car
Literally same questions. I simply replied
Friend mechanic hasn't came by.
W ask some questions related to car and I answer
Also W explain about s9 behavior why she took him
To mental hospital, I just said W I understand but s9
And s10 and d10 behavior are normal preteens behavior
For W kids yelling and slamming doors screaming I wish you didn't
Adopt me isn't normal. Lol is all I can do because they not teenagers yet
I nodded and said W if you felt that was necessary then you know best
W said there you go always being a smart a&& M
M Am sorry you felt that was a smart answer
W it was like when I told you about cutting d10 hair
M I just shrug my shoulder
W exactly IDGAF shrug
M am sorry you felt that way, would have mattered if I said something
W silence
M looking at her
W well giggling
M exactly, am learning which battles to argue and not and d10
hair will grow back.
W I like this we are talking I like we can talk.
M I agree
W you don't think I would like us to do this more often,
I am so lucky OW doesn't say anything. I told OW if M
Needs me am going be there, M is my baby momma
M nodding
W I know your struggling right now and it feels everything is
going wrong. But God is going to bless you. You are an amazing
Women. I tell everyone how amazing you are and still. The way
you love our kids and your kind heart blah blah blah
M nodding
W I know and realizing alot and my mistakes. I shouldn't have taken
S10 or separated them. M you may think I don't love them. I adore my
Babies. They are my life. I hope you know that. I would die if anything happened
to you or kids.
M nodding.
So much was said it was crazy. So much back and fourth about how
OW doesn't make her choose. OW has told W she hopes we can all
sit down and have dinner and drinks and Kick it like friends.
Hahaha and that's when I said. I have enough friends W. Again
Am happy for you and OW, I wish you the best but my concern is our kids.
W look at me like a deer with headlights when I said I wish you the best and so
Happy W you found your happiness. W seem sad like wth.
And am not trying to keep track of W moves but W made eye contact with me
several times, W did also mention about asking d10 if anyone has ever
Touch her in wrong way because W remembers it happening to her.
I replied yes in school they have the bad touch and good touch.
W said yeah I don't want d10 to ever know what that is. I agreed
And said Sorry W that happened to you. Also I notice eyes watery
Like W needed a hug. I stood strong.
Moments like this I have to remind myself W fight I can't save her
Is so hard not hugging her and telling her your safe with me W.
Wow. I sit here and write this and not even 6 months ago
I thought MLC was BS an escape for bad behavior. I can see
slowly W has real struggles, and honestly I do wish W the best.
I hope W finds her peace, and hope she knows it wasn't her fault she
was a kid and her childhood stolen from her.
I am glad tomorrow is therapy because my emotions are everywhere
But I also know this is nothing New with W. But maybe W having
Trio's is helping her figure it out. Who knows.
I also know usually when W is nice is a big blow up so keeping guard
I know on April it's going on 2yrs since BD, it doesn't feel that long
But wow 2yrs.
One day at a time.
Marina
Wow
This is so hard
Sounds like you handled yourself very well
Listening and validating
Allowed w to open up a little
Glad she is talking of her childhood trauma
Who knows what she is processing
But as you know she is still in crisis mode
Anything can happen next
Opening up
Closing down
Talking
No contact
As you said
One day at a time
Yes M
Great job!
Maybe she is making progress seeing your strength and admiring it-
hopefully she will trun a corner and help you more financially-
I agree w/Peace. You did great! As she sees you moving forward and getting stronger every day, she may very well start to gravitate more towards you and step up and assist you more in the way of finances.
Continue as you have and keep your expectations at zero. You are doing great!
Hi Marina,
You are doing good and getting stronger over time. I liked how you responded to W, though I have one suggestion: I would not go as far as saying that you were happy for the two of them. Next time say you are happy she is happy but don't give your blessing to them. Best to say nothing about them. You were right though to not want OW in your friend circle.
Best wishes
Gordie,
Thank you, I must say I have learned a lot from
yours.
Keeping expectations at 0....
(((Gerda)))) Thank you
Peacetoday
Thank you,
As Gordie said in his post keeping no
Expectations. W mood swings are crazy
I honestly give so many on here Kudos because
this is the hardest fight I ever been in.
Job Thank you.
Roist Thank you, will take advice as W has mentioned
a couple times that OW and W would like us to be friends lol
Journaling,
Lately I been down. Lots of emotions
Lots of self healing.
Today is a sad day, and now that I reflect is since
February started, is my birthday soon and my aunt
Birthday today,who pass away 22yrs ago.
Where do I start with my aunt.
I was raised in east coast and a typical
Crazy latino home, bio mom who is a narcissist
Chaos family who always looks for chaos.
And here is me who never felt like I fitted in
Never liked chaos, or felt I belong in this family.
My aunt was amazing and uncle who she married
when she was 33yrs old he was in army and American
They had no kids and lived in suburbs away from the
City.
There was a story where my aunt offered my bio mom
Money to take me. From what I heard I was always
Dirty and matted hair. I remember my aunt and uncle
Picking me up always taking care of me. Pretty dresses
And we just hang out No TV just radio, did puzzles and
Fly kites we build them too, and cooking my
Aunt did homemade pasta,sauce and fresh
Garden. Those are memories
I will never forget.
Aunt and uncle where my safe place.
I remember bio mom kept me away from aunt when
Bio mom was having her days.
As I got older I would get out of school, after school
Pack a little book bag and catch 2 trains and a bus.
And aunt, uncle left me keys under a plant pot
I think bio mom was to high or crazy to realize I was
Gone for the weekend at 10yrs old.
I sit here now at 40 and say wow am bless I was never
Taken from a stranger. At 10yrs old catching a train and bus
But honestly I would do anything to be away from home
My aunt and uncle where my sanity I felt like I was not
going crazy. I always knew I could sleep and eat well and was
Safe.
I still remember the day I knew my aunt was dying.
I was 17 I was over my aunt was a healthy women
But this time look skinny to me my aunt was never thin
We where doing a puzzle and I then started taking
Pictures through Polaroid and I grab my little camera
And took her last picture of her and till this day I have
Carried that picture with me everywhere. No matter
Where I go that picture goes with me.
That also was the day my aunt said am dying
And honestly that was the day my life stop.
I remember saying No please as she crabs my hands
And says, am sorry but you going to be ok I promise
And I will always be with you M. And not even 6 months
After my aunt told me she pass from stomach cancer
And it spread everywhere.
I seen before my eyes a strong women just slowly vanish
I held her hand till her last breath. I remember my uncle
Saying, M she won't go because of you. You need to let
Her know is Ok to go so she can let go.
So that day May 13 1997 I went downstairs to kitchen
Took a deep breath, walk to her room and laid next to her
And I laid with her and talk with my aunt for like an hour and
Thank her for everything and how she saved me and what
She means to me. Then I whispered to my aunt
Is ok to let go. Just please watch over me. I love you so much
Is ok to go to God he is waiting for you, and I remember her taking
a deep breath and then gone.
My uncle was right, my aunt needed me to let go and it was the hardest
Part of me died that day also. But I knew I had to live to make her proud.
My aunt and uncle are amazing. They had a love I wanted when I grew up
I remember asking my aunt if she ever fought with my uncle because they
Where perfect. My aunt responded always.
Is easier to walk away and harder to stay. So M when you get married you
Fight for what you love and never walk away.
My aunt was the first person I told I am a lesbian and she reminded me
That always be me. And as long I am me people will love me because I am me
And here I am, I always been me.
So yes today is a hard day as I miss her and hope she sees how hard
I tried my best to keep my family together. As long I make her proud that's
What Matters to me.
One day at a time.....
Oh Marina, that’s a beautiful story.
Your Aunt is with you, always. She is watching over you. She taught you to love and has made you who you are today.....a beautiful, loving, warm human being.
Your trios will learn this from you too.
Big Welsh cwtches from me to you (((M)))
Marina, you made me cry like crazy. Thank God for your aunt and for your uncle and for Marina. XOXOXO
Did you see the song I just posted on my thread? I think you would really find meaning in the lyrics.
Also, have you ever heard of "The Moth Story Hour"? Look it up on line and you can listen/watch them. I think you should turn this post about your aunt into a Moth story and submit it to go on the show.
Westco and Gerda,
Thank you,
When I write I write from my heart.
I have said this before if I could write a book
About my life it will be a seller.
Someone who overcame many obstacles and still
Standing and never lost my faith.
From my bio mom telling me she rather
have a whore in a corner then a lesbian to
Abuse to lost. But I never lost my faith or my
Strength. Which I know I get from God.
I still wonder sometimes how am I still here or how
Did I get here. I know so many people have giving up
In life.
All I see in social media is people giving up in life.
Is sad. But when times get rough or am down I know
God has a bigger purpose.
Journaling,
So I talk to my uncle, he is 84 wow he getting old
I always see him as a 40ish man. Is like time never pass
I made sure I was strong enough to talk to him.
I haven't spoken to him since BD, I kept myself away.
When my uncle heard my voice he said M, my M how
You been.
I just wanted to cry and say I miss you and my aunt but
I was strong. His voice was different this time.
U, M I am not doing so well
M, I took a deep breath
U I been ill they found some skin cancer on right arm
M Is it because you love to fly kite
U yes because when I was younger I didn't wear sunscreen
M oh,
U I also fell my hip where I got replaced 10yrs ago is
Causing issues I am in a Walker.
M tears rolling down. I miss Uncle I would do
Whatever to spend some days with you.
U yes I would love that, but not now I don't want you to see
Me this way
M why I'll take care of you
U No not right now, life is hard for me
M yes but not that hard your talking to me.
U yes that's true
M you got more years to go
U yes momma lived till 99yrs old
M there you go you will live 101yrs old lol
U laughing
U ok M love you getting sleep because of medication
Call you this week so we can catch up on kids and W
M ok.
M I love you uncle
U I love you my little M
My uncle lives in Alabama so I will be planning a
Trip. Whatever it takes to see him.
It's been a rough couple of weeks,
Missing aunt
Birthday soon
2nd yr since BD of W not being here
Of course we can't forget Valentine's day.....
Lately lots of emotions and crying which I usually don't
Missing trio's is sinking in. But God has plan I know he does
Yesterday I seen trio's lots of hugs and missing me.
Especially d10 missing our dates.
So when we adopted kids we did date nights with kids
W with boys
And me with my d10.
D10 will get dress in a beautiful dress and I would get ready
Pick up a flower and ring the doorbell while brothers open
Door and interview me as a date. Lol
Yesterday d10 said I miss our dates. I replied me too Princess
Soon again.
So still no car neighbor help me pick kids up but didn't have
A ride for drop off. I called W as it's not out her way. W pause
But said Ok no problem.
I thought W was going beep it was ice raining but W knock the door
It's been months since she been over. I offered for W to come in
W hesitated, I laughed and said your Safe W promise.
W came in and stood by door.
I got Trios ready.
Interesting part was the dog, W was scared of him.
Remember we had a pitbull and husky before so this is
not new to us. I said he is sweet dog.
W yeah but he so big
M yeah, he looks tough but a big teddy bear
W yeah like you
M lol yelp
W looking around like paranoid
M I stood far away gave trio's kiss and reminded them
See you in 2 days.
W said go in the car.
W open door lets them out and closes door I stood far away
From her.
W says M I don't want to do this or keep kids away.
M ok, and is whatever
W you see M whatever that's your attitude.
M I paused and listen. I said W I think we have different language
Me saying is cool or it's what its is means ok.
W to me is like You don't give a F...
M ok am sorry you feel that way. My language is different from your
Language. I hope if you ever feel type of way please ask me directly
I care trust me but I am learning not to explode. I am learning in therapy
Alot and I am learning to control me and only me.
W staring at me. Literally we made eye contact W didn't look away.
W s9 is a handful.
M yelp
W omg he driving me nuts.
M welcome to tween years
W not me Nope..
M lol they are growing up
W got sad.. pause
W ok have a good night
M ok bye
W ok close the door make sure you lock up don't want anyone to kidnap you
Because your so beautiful.
M lol and Old
W smiled ok M goodnight lock up.
M ok W I will
W M lock the door
M yelp lol
W left, is like W didn't want to leave or didn't know or like she
wanted to say something but didn't . I didn't push I just was there.
I am curious why at BD they change completely then as time pass W
Seems to let go of herself. Even gained weight back. Hair crazy like
W rolled out of bed.
Again not looking to much into it just here for Trios.
As I am going to therapy and getting stronger and healing for myself
Good morning everyone,
Nothing much in this end,
Trio's had an amazing V day
So yesterday I pack them lunch
Made them homemade dip chocolate
Strawberries and with a homemade
Note
"Will you be my Valentine's date"
Everyone in school office was so overwhelmed
When they seen their surprise. They all 3 got a
Delivery in school.
D10 was over the moon. D10 felt very special but
Also felt bad because some of her friends don't have
A father.
D10 loves to explain that having two moms but mom M is a dadma
Mom M is like a dad but looks like a mom lol.
Yesterday is my weekend with them so I pick them up after school
My friend took me to pick them up. When I was there I had flowers for d10
And for the boys a balloon and heart chocolate.
There face was priceless. D10 ran towards me and jump and
says I love you Mom and yes I'll be your Valentine's.
The boys also excited. All of trio's friends where excited to meet the cool mom
As we go home I had a little candle dinner set up for us.
It was a great night.
I have realized I might not have much but we are making it, and to see
There faces is everything to me.
As for my car being fix might take months. The cost is $875.00 with labor
And parts
Which already W said
M you need to figure it out because I will not be picking them up from your house.
Smh our drop off site and to my house is 7min away.
S9 says it's OW tell W that W needs to tell me to figure it out.
I wake up to this morning a email that it's been 2 weeks since car broke and if W needs to keep
Kids until I figure out transportation because she is going out her way and that's not part of agreement
This is the part that I say am not sure who am going get. One day W is nice and one minute monster
I replied I understand your concerns as at the moment financially I can't there's nothing I can do
I have sold everything I have I have tap out all my resources. The car breaking was unexpected.
Now let's see what W has to say. It feels as if W trying to start another chaos.
Days like this am so tired. Tired of the chaos.
My understanding is that the court wants to see that each parent is making every effort for the other parent to see the kids. Don't be afraid. Can you ask the court for help?
I think you live in a small city so you don't have zip car?
Is there a bus there?
Can you bike to get them and have a fun hike home? Do a treasure hunt all the way home?
I love that most of your post was all about love and joy. I would have started my post with the bad part and gotten myself all worked up. : ) You are the best.
Gerda,
Your right about start with the blah part then the good of it.
Unfortunately I live in a cold cold city. We had a vortex here
We are now having freezing rain.
But yes if we where in a city where TEMPERATURES where good
I would do walks with them. I will do whatever. Trio's are very
Understanding and knowing them they also will do anything so W
Doesn't go off on me.
And your right about the court and unfortunately W has the financial
Resources I don't. Best friend moved, and friends have their family but
When they can they do help. And God knows I appreciate them
Can you ask your church for help or ask if you can post your situation
or call a few churches
like in my area Calvary chapel is extremely resourceful
helping people all the time
Call Lakewood Church in Houston ask for prayers and suggestions
talk to people..
ask to see if anyone knows someone that could ask a favor-
call food kitchen ect
A lot of people dedicate their lives to helping-
I would guess someone at the church may be a mechanic or own a shop and be willing to repair for free or help
Even call a few mechanics in the area
tell them your story
I can see someone wanting to do this for you-I love the way you handled V day with them
I believe You will be blessed
hang in there
Hello marina
You are handling yourself really well. And Valentine’s Day sounded like such a good time. You dear girl are doing very good by your kids.
W is flipping and flopping back and forth. She says one thing and then another. You are right, never quite sure who is going to show up. Even her actions seem to flip flop. I suspect OW is talking to her, feeding her agitation. You just keep taking the high road, and remain calm - and do it for you (and trio). W notices how you are and how OW is.
She is a hurting person, and you are being a very good role model and guiding light for her. She probably doesn’t even realize it, within her storm and battering waves, there is something there, something calm and comforting, a lighthouse in the distance.
Keep the faith.
DnJ
Peacetoday and DnJ
Thank you always for guidance
Peacetoday, I go to church but not a member
As you know I am a loner.
I do get help for groups and therapy and food to eat.
Now I have look into different places.
I found today a place where is a school of
Mechanic and be cheaper it will be less than $500
I am trying God only knows. I am baking and selling food
As I can.
DnJ yes W e everywhere yelp.
That's what I deal with I simply don't know who I get
MS NIce W or Monster W.
I believe W is stuck W might never see what's happening around her.
W does say M you will be bless, God is watching everything you do
I do believe W sees it. I just wish I can say can I borrow $500
Without W Judging or knowing W throwing it in my face.
I know God has his plan.
I read where you wrote W might be stuck, I believe my W is stuck
Or thinks I will never forgive her . Who knows W process.
I remind myself there's someone worse out here. I hate that I might
Have to tell W keep them for couple weeks until I figure out the car
Situation. I feel W is waiting for that as W already offered.
Just praying for God to keep guiding and a Miracle happens
Just enough to get car fix everything else can wait.
Marina, I would do anything possible to make sure you keep your time with your kids. W can use that to show that you should lose time with them. Take cabs or at least take them out for lunch or something near W's place. Do not lose a second of your time with them, it will cause a risk for later! You should go and petition the court that W can drive an extra ten minutes to ensure they have time with you.
Marina's New Thread:
Just keep swimming, I know I can, New beginning