Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can part2

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2815065&page=11

Journaling

Trio's and I been doing good.
Taking things a day at a time.

I must say they do keep me busy.

Well I am suppose to meet with GAL,
Also ask me was I going to call detective and
Drop case.

Ummmm Nope. I believe s9 I stand with s9.
I am with all my three kids. GAL
Mention this is going keep costing you money
I now feel like am being bully by GAL. Yes I know
This is costing but I feel as if I must drop case and everything
And not believe s9.

Gal has several times said remember kids lie.
I understand that also but s9 look in his face and
Sadness speaks for himself.

S10 yesterday was hugging him while I was in kitchen
Cooking s10 tells s9 I am sorry for not protecting you.
I literally cried. I then got myself together held all three
And reminded them it's not your fault. And this you s10
Could not have done anything. S10 feels horrible. I see
My kids breaking.

Praying is all I can do. I know God has his plan.
I am exhausted mentally and physically.

https://www.gofundme.com/lawyers-fee-and-custody

Journaling and some prayers needed,

So tomorrow W and I are meeting in GAL,

Remember after s9 horrible abuse caused by W
W now wants to do 1 week on and 1 week off

Ok I was honestly ok with this, after W claiming
W loves Trios just differently, ok whatever that means.

I never wanted to take kids away, I have accepted W and I
I just wanted the Trios together since day one I have stood
my grounds just keeping Trios together.

But now since s9, I am now simply Protecting mode
Always been very protective but now is more. I know W
Is going through her dark moment, I also know if a stranger
would have hurt any of my kids I would press charges.

I am just a mom who a momma bear.

My concern about tomorrow is
Gal is emotional involved Gal have stated
I know you and W can work things out I have hope
For this family. Gal state there's to much hurt in W
Where I once again understand but to me and what I
Have read about GAL is for kids be our kids voices
This GAL has not done that. To me GAL seem to
Be more concerned about W. Example that happened
In last GAL meeting before we went to therapy.

W, I feared for my life, I needed to find myself I lost
Myself, I was trapped, all you cared was about Kids.
You broke me M you broke me.
M I understand I am sorry you feel that way. I knew
When I became a mom it's was about them. I am
Sorry again you feel that way.

Well after that I get a call hours later from GAL
And in conversation GAL said well M you didn't say Sorry
You said "Your sorry W feels that way"
I then said Yes I am sorry W feels that way.
Gal well that wasn't an apology

Now this is where I am not sure. I did everything I been told my
Lawyers and therapists to listen and nod and if you know W
Is simply rewriting story you simply acknowledg and say I am sorry
You feel that way. Which I meant and still do. I can't control W feelings
But I am not sorry for things I never did. I won't apologize to something I
Didn't do.

So here I am asking my online family to
Please pray and give me any advice for tomorrow.

I am aware I won't sign anything because this could affect s9
Case and I believe my kids. I feel I am being forced to sign
But s9 won't be heard I want our son and all my kids to know
This mommy believes you I am standing with you three.

I will take all 2x4 and advice for tomorrow mediation.

Marina

Im so sorry- the best advice I have is to trust yourself-
I think You have handled a very tough situation well, and you will continue to sort through this mess until you hit the other side
and you will....

If you think the person (Gal) is more focused toward W needs..
She may be,,

I know I had a friend who had a terrible D and her XH had a lot of money..
I don't think her case was MLC, more just a XH who became addicted to prescriptions
anyway she was always so baffled because the mediator always seemed on his side, and she was the honest one and a wonderful parent and person-
he was a real manipulator/con guy

I will prayer for you and I know you will handle it well
Take good care of you tonight
lots of rest and prayer-
wishing you all the best tomorrow

I'm sorry this is so difficult. Good luck tomorrow.

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts in prayers.

Catching up this morning and wanted to wish you good luck today. I will be thinking of you and the trio. Don�t let your feathers get ruffled and stay positive.

Thank you

Peacetoday, kyh,job,OneArt And everyone that following along,

Well today once again still not 100%on board besides the
1 week on and off. W finds reason to when and where.

Example was W now wants kids to go to
Therapist W recommends. Where W lives

So as we know I am financially stuck I can't move I can't
For now. Unfortunately where I live is 50/50 state and they
go by better school district. I live where is considered not
A good distract to where W lives better school district. Even though
S9 and d10 are straight A students what they look at is school numbers.
So kids will go to W school district, and on my week I pick up and drop off
I can't move at the moment so for the time I'll have to get them there.

So of course I do understand but once again this is W 2nd move since bd
I am all about stability s9 and d10 been in same school. So this mean
S9 and d10 who are doing great would be interrupted from their school also
This is d10 last year d10 be in middle school. I know this will affect them. But
On top of that W wants them to go to therapy where W lives.

Is like wow.. and W then when on and said I feared for my life.
I am going to Marry OW. This is like the 5th time W has stated to me.

I replied W good for you. But again your focus is about you and OW
When is about the kids.
W well am getting married then what you going to do
M W I am happy for you that you found your happiness,
I am truly happy for you. But again W first fix your relationship with
S9 and kids. My focus is about Trios
W well again what you going do OW lives there, her house
Her rules
M again our Kids not hers. I ask that when you have an issue
With any child OW doesn't get to jump in the wagon screaming at my kids
W quiet, silent

Gal M brings a good point I heard you say We as you and OW
There's no We when is you W and OW is between W and M
W quiet

I finally had enough. And GAL could tell also GAL ask you
Called CPS Why I replied I believe s9 and all three this is not
W 1st or 2nd is her 3rd. Of physical not including mental
I am not sorry for standing up for our kids.

So finally time up and still nothing.
W thinks this is a joke and her week means I disappear
W doesn't seem to understand that I am not going anywhere I am
Part of all 3 life. As GAL look at her. W you know it's about kids you
Seem to put OW and yourself first.

Finally GAL seeing it.

GAL finally said Thank you for speaking up
I said am simply tired of all this but I also will move earth for my kids.

W looked like a wreck, like a person who has a hangover.
Swollen and pale. Also sniffing her nose alot. Last time I honestly thought
It was a cold but now I am wondering. Sometimes W seem space out like gone.
I try not to judge or look but breaks my heart.

W blamed alot Me and Kids. And of course W claiming Now
I abuse kids I did laugh that one. I said Ok W sorry you feel
That way. GAL said oh wow that's a new one W. What do you mean.
M punish them in their beds for days. I had to laugh so hard. Like at all
But GAL said I thought you said M is a push over kids get away with
Anything but now you changing your story. I said this is what I deal with

I know W can push my buttons but when I caught myself I said enough
This is about kids. I have no time for kid games this is W. He said and she said
Am to old for this. Gal nodded and agreed today W was in some type of drug
I am now forsure is something. Is crazy but I no something is not write.

Now back to 20th the coparent therapy I honestly don't see this going anywhere.
Not sure how 50/50 state do when simply Two parents can't agree.

Again we trying to do mediation W now wants us to get passport to go to
Bahamas yelp Bahamas I said what for now Nope. Let's do o e step first.

So much happened and W everywhere
It was hard catching up to W. Crazy MLC.

When I think of more I'll write. It was so much
My brain hurts.

Also today GAL spoke to me alone for 45min

GAL So how you feeling
M I am ok
GAL wow just seen your medical records do
You have a power of attorney or Will
M No W was my medical power of attorney
I did have life insurance I cash it out to survive.
GAL Eyes watered so surgery soon right
M yes
GAL can you tell me if something happens to you what
You want.
M honestly nothing, crimate me, my social security for
Kids trust fund. Each child get necklaces with my ashes.
GAL ok Let's say something happens to you tell me what you
Want.
M Ok I then explained Gal in tears.
GAL I would never know you that ill and thank you
for finally speaking up. I can see you love these kids
And I also would believe my children's. Proud of you

I finally feel GAL sees something is not right.

Yes, sometimes it takes some time. Stay steady and let her hang herself with the rope.

yes Marina

maybe there will be some progress now-

Proud of you!

I am very proud of you.

You might want to consider looking on line for a sample will and draw one up, have someone witness your signing and dating it. I know I may be a bit of a Debbie downer on this, but it is important that you have something written down and give it to someone you trust. You never know what tomorrow will bring...not saying anything will happen, but you want to make sure that your children are taken care of and what you want them to have.

As for the meeting, I think you did just fine. You stood up for your children. You asked questions and pointed out things to everyone. I am hoping and praying that there will be some progress made in the days ahead.

Please take care of yourself.

Thank you again,

I again thank all of you for where I am today.

I know I would have lost it long time ago.

Now I know we have people here been doing this longer
Or gone through the same thing.

I am at lost why do d10, and s9 gotta go to W school just because of school
numbers, today I went to school board and when when look it up
We are almost same W school where she lives has more 10 points Wow..
10 freaking point.

Again W doesn't do any school function with S10.
I have always been involved in Family event, PTO participation
School parties. I go to every school meeting for each child. I am there.
I make sure they do after school events. Band, basketball, Stem I can go on.

Where W doesn't with S10.
W simply can't right now.

I am breaking my head, I have talk with kids and d10 and s9 cries No mom
Why do we need to be the ones always give up. Why can't s10 go to our school
He just started this school.

My kids have a big point how can I speak up for them. How can I make sure
our kids are ok.

S10 just started this new school
Remember W has moved twice since BD 2 different schools
I have been here since bd I promised my kids we are not moving until you
Graduate elementary school. This is all I been trying to tell GAL

How can I Express to GAL for GAL to see my point of view.
I want what's best for the three. If S10 was in that school for 2yrs I would have
Been put in a rough spot. But is only been 3 months for him.

I will take any advice if anyone can. Or anyone knows anything about
School district that could help me how I can try to fight this. To show
Is not about me or W is about the trio's. Again anything would help.

Maybe you could say/ask courts to let kids stay in same school they are at until end of school year in June
since they just started and are already knowing teachers and friends for the year

that would buy you some time and hopefully W would let go

I�m surprised that uprooting the kids from their school would ever be in consideration. Additionally, you can�t pass laws or enact statutes that are essentially status-based. Economically disadvantaged areas generally have worse schools. That would be a law punishing the poorer parent. I don�t see that passing Constitutional muster. Have you reached out to the ACLU?

This really does sound insane. There is a standard called, "Preserving the status quo" while things are being decided about a divorce. It is best for the kids to preserve the status quo, as long as that status quo is healthy. Who is this GAL? Can you try some other organization? I don't think you are being represented well. Can you ask your pastor if there is any lawyer in your church or child advocate person who can help you? Is there a social worker for the kids? You need someone to advocate for them!

https://www.lewisu.edu/studentservices/health/counselingservices/resources.htm

https://www.legalmatch.com/law-libr...sumption-in-favor-of-the-status-quo.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...11/custody-rulings-tend-favor-status-quo

http://namiwillgrundy.org/community-resources/

https://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=30893

https://catholiccharitiesjoliet.org/services/counseling/

https://www.trinityservices.org/ser...ealth-services/trinity-counseling-center

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/medicaid/il/joliet

https://onehopeunited.org/dcfs-counseling-services/

You should be able to get free mental health services for your kids; all should be in counseling. A licensed therapist can provide a letter with concerns and help the child voice his/her preferences. Your children are old enough that they should be able to do that.

I don't know if you want to involve child services, it can get sticky. But if your W has been abusive to them, maybe it will help. You can call and report the abuse and they will investigate without you having to pay the courts for an advocate. You could ask at these counseling places for advice.

Gerda,

Thank you thank you

Yes I have a appointment with school board,
This is why I also started a go fund me account
Because I am in need of a new lawyer,my lawyer
Is good but W lawyer is giving her a run for her money.

I am trying to keep collecting until to pay for retainer

My story is a story that one day will be seen in a movie.

Gerda, I agree and I will move earth if I have too.

I live in 50/50 state which they suck. W is doing
So much damaging. W also knows I don't have funds so
W uses that as her advantage.

So again mediation and therapist tomorrow

Gal called and said this is going to long.
I wanted to reply No s**t....

But I stood my cool. Again GAL focus is on kids
But my concern now is moving kids from school
Is to late for them to go to any sports this means
Kids will have to give up sports and friends

And also since s9 last issue I see GAL is pushing this
More. Which am praying is for kids best interest.

I am so tired.
Today I went to doctors did MRI couple test.
I been feeling bad lately I do have an infection going on.
Also they want to place the pain stimulator to my chest
Area. Is crazy so much happening. With no help.

Gal also stated that when GAL called I was in dr.
Gal said ok then when GAL for us to meet. I said
Kids have no school all week off. Gal found this interesting

Gal said well if you had an emergency who would watch them
I said me. Gal tried to say this worrying I have no family here.
Again No s**t. I just took a deep breath and said this is not
The time to answer you these questions but usually I figure it out
I got frustrated and went to the restroom and cried. I feel
as me not having family is bad.

This is crazy... any advice for Tomorrow having therapist
and GAL.

Marina, if the gal asked you about that you need to get someone or preferably more than one person lined up because she probably will ask again. You need to have a plan regardless of gal. My gal also asked me about that. Ask a good friend or two, a few of the kids� friends� moms were also willing to help.

Marina

Kyh is right

You need a solid backup plan for emergencies

Otherwise they may use that against you re custody

Good job at staying cool and calm

Yes I agree
having a plan, even a neighbor who can help
or a good teenager in the area will sometimes help out for little money

I used to have this older woman help with watching them when they were younger and a neighbor would get my 5 year old from the bus stop, so I could stay at work..

and as the kids get older this gets easier-
I also had little support raising my kids as my mom passed shortly after BD and my family is very good people but
also very busy with careers and live a distance-

Stay strong- breathe, meditate listen to Joel Olsteen
got to keep our minds clear and positive to promote best outcomes
and for you physical healing-

prayers with you-

Thank you everyone again

So good amd bad News for me.
Why because this about the Trio's not me
And remember they just remember the old W which
W was once amazing. Always strict but she baked and
Did things with them. Unfortunately this New person
We don't even know. Or who W is.

So today in Therapy, Gal was also there

Remember we trying the 50/50 custody.
Not sure when it happened in the 2 hours
W through her hands up. Looked at the GAL
W I am done, do what you gotta do
G if the judge makes this decision one parent becomes the
Legal guardian
W yelp I am done I might regret it or not like the outcome but
I am done
Gal M you ok
M yeah tears coming down. I am hurting no matter what I know
Mentally I am the stable parent. But the trio's need her. I know they
Do. Even if it's 25%

I know this much if I get the custody I know W will be a vanisher.
Is sad but I know she will be.

Therapist put her opinion explaining you know what this mean
The kids are going to go through this hurt again. Is like reopening a wound
W yes I know but is for the best.

I honestly believed W she is right is for there best
W at this moment can't be a full functional parent. Not at this
Time.

I won't give up on W but far away I would pray for W turn a
White candles for her. I will make sure kids remember the old
W.
So in less then 2 weeks GAL will be making her recommendations
On where kids go to either it could be W or me. I pray GAL makes
The right decision for our Kids. My kids life is in the GAL hands.

Thank you. I will not be posting for couple of days as I must
Get my thoughts together. I didn't expect this.

I want the trio's but want W in there life not only every twice a month.

My heart is breaking. For the kids because they need us both.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
May God continue to bless you and your family.

Marina, I am not sure I am following but your kids do not need W right now. She is not stable nor sane and she is abusive. I don't understand why you are even considering her having custody. They can see her often but you should be their guardian and make decisions for them. She is not a fit parent right now, based on what you have written. I feel the same about my H. He is not able to parent my kids. They need stability and peace, not to see someone just because she used to care for them. I would be more patient, let things happen, if W comes out of this even a little, you can always change the amount of visitation. Don't give up on your kids. Based on what you said, it seems unsafe for them to be with W.

Gerda is right. If you get the custody, great. Better for the kids. You can always let her see them if she is being appropriate and refraining from abuse toward you or others. The only difference will be that you can control the terms (and keep them in their school, get the child support you need, etc.). I think sometimes when we worry too much about them, it is really a fear of letting go. Let her go all the way. You don't know what the future holds, but you don't want her to take you and the kids with her.

I agree with Gerda and One Art

They do not need your w --NOT as she is today
the crises can ;last for many many years and they do not need an unstable parent and her crazy abusive OW

they need you-

I get your sadness that they may lose her for good-
but your W is doing the right thing to let them go and she knows she is sick
she does not want the responsibility --let her go--she has to hit way down to the oceans floor b4 she can recover if ever-
And because the crises is sooo long --the kids will most likely be grown b4 you see any progress in your w

let her go--

If It were me, I would absolutely speak to GAL and let them know you are more than prepared and capable to take this on- as person with sole custody
God will open doors and make all things available for you to raise these kids on your own

Ive seen that in my life
hold strong

Gerda, Oneart and Peacetoday

Ok to answer you Gerda,

I might have written it wrong. Or misunderstanding
Yes I wanted to hear this, I know W is not stable at all

I also know my kids love their Mom. The old W.
No matter what kids are kids W has hurted kids many times
But they love her. They have their moments but they love her
As much I want to protect them I also can't keep them away.

Will I push the kids on W or vice versa No I wouldn't
If W doesn't call them or see them I won't bother.

So I know this is the best for Kids. It still Hurts. Because at the end
It feels horrible because I can't imagine what the kids are going to feel
When the GAL tells kids. I again didn't expect this but also I know
W is screaming for help and her saying I can't anymore make your
Decision. I know what W meant. So I will be ok with whatever GAL decides.

I believe the GAL. All I can do is pray.

OneArt, yes you hit in on the nose
If I do get Trios I truly know we all 4 will start healing as a family
But I also know I will let go. I know it scares me. Why, because can I stop loving W
Can I then meet someone that will make me happy. Will W fade from
My dreams, mind and heart will W then just become another person for me
Like someone I don't know or ever knew. So Yes I am scared of hope I guess
But I also know whatever the GAL decides I am closing the book after thar
And starting a New journey for me and trio's. A new Beginning.

Peacetoday,
Gal did say this is the time where you or W send emails and any dirt.

I basically made my peace. I hope all the petitions I have in court speaks
For itself. I can't no longer emotionally do this. I have never spoken ill about W
And I think I will never will. I know GAL sees I devote my life to kids, also knows
I have done whatever it takes. GAL sees it.

Yesterday I said my peace. And now I wait.
GAL know I have support as step mom flew out, also my bestfriend been
There for kids and I. I have emotional and physical support. GAL also knows
My financial situation. But besides financial I am good.

Now all I can do is keep letting God lead me. Because this is no
Longer my story is God story.

So W and I agree for Thanksgiving plan.

W has them today till Tomorrow till 3pm

Then I have the trio's all week.
W today sent a text.
S9 baking your favorite cookies
D10 making your favorite pie
S10 making your favorite cake.

I stared at this text for 10min shock.
Like wow. I replied
Wow tell the trio's thank you and can't wait to eat them
W shhhh act surprise
M ok thank you

Ummm not sure what to think. But I am not reading into it
Usually this is W unfortunately W plays alot with emotions
Especially with kids. It was me at first but now it doesn't affect me
Because I know W likes reaction.

Thank you again. And Happy Thanksgiving everyone

M, you don�t need to stop loving W. You need to let her go.

(((M)))

Neffer,

Yes your right. Letting her go is the last thing
I need to do. We have nothing anymore. Everything is
Separated. Only tie is our Trios

I didn't realize it till yesterday. I haven't let go.
I thought I did but I haven't
I haven't slept asking myself, I should be excited finally
the GAL making recommendations but I ask myself
Why do I feel Blah and ya all hit it on the nose.

I have not let go. If I get kids the book that was open
is going be closed this mean W gets kids every other weekend's
Only.

Or again it could be me. Wow where W gets kids.
But again only God knows what is next.

So since today W been texting about trio's making
My favorite dessert and send pictures of them making it
With smiley face.

I wonder is this guilt. Because W knows I am alone just
Trio's and I, my BFF went out of state we had a early
Friend giving last week.

Not over thinking Why W doing this but I am grateful for W
Doing what W use to do. I am the chef of the family W was
The baker. W loved to bake and when kids came W would do
Baking with Trios.

This will be our 2nd year of holidays not together
Last year 2017 was fresh we where 7 months in now we are
1yr and 8months almost since BD.

But is true what they say with time it gets better last
Year I was mess today am ok and have accepted it.

You are strong today, you�ll be stronger tomorrow.
Enjoy Trio�s the most you can

((((M))))

Journaling,

Having an amazing time with Trio's...

Momma did it again Elf on Shelf came by.

Trio's have been dancing,laughing

D10 says ,this finally is complete.

At dinner yesterday S10 said

Thankful for mom m for not giving up and
bringing me home.

I am bless, hopefully will have Good news in couple
Weeks. My life is literally in GAL hands.

I hope Everyone had an amazing
THANKSGIVING...

Trio's and I went to holidays light up parade.

And in the middle of that I get a text from bestfriend
who was visiting family. Apparently her and H been
Talking about moving back home. So BF text saying they
Are moving in less then 2 weeks and my things that are
in the shed I must remove.

When it rains it pours been calling storage over $100
a month. Here I am trying to figure out what am I going do
With our things I had in shed. We live in smallest home
Barely have space but is a place for us 4.

A little upset with bestfriend H because he is so
Careless. I think he going through a Mlc himself
He ask bestfriend for me to have things out by
This week. I was shock but understood also.

Here I am trying to stay positive, but when it rains it pours

M

sorry- to hear friend is moving
will she still be close by?

Hopefully you can figure out where to store the extra stuff-

have a good night

Peacetoday,

Thank you,
Bf is moving back to her home state
Like 3 to 4hrs away.

Yes trying to figure out where to put our stuff

Unfortunately also this is going make me go through
Some painful memories. As I stated W, literally
Walk away, going through MLC so I also have W
Things.

My step mom who been separated from my dad
Today I ask her what do I do with pictures and memories
Of W and I, that's what I been fighting emotionally
W was in military many of memories of W

I will take the important things and paperwork and picture
And items of W. I will let her know to pick up from BF house

I honestly can't keep holding to W load also is alot
Trying to do all this on my own.

I know many will say W not in a good place mentally
But I can't keeping holding also to W things.

I did find a storage, money I don't have either.

Bf, husband is going through his own crisis
He simply not happy. I honestly feel sorry for bf
As she doesn't see it. Bf is a sahm and depends
on H literally, bf doesn't even have her own debit
Card. When I got that text I simply replied ok
But then bf kept saying he wanted by Tomorrow
I of course said What... I was shock and said please give me
A week. Bf apologized over and over and just kept
Saying sorry he going nuts. I truly understand what bf
Is saying as I am seeing it myself he is losing his mind

Is crazy as I see the sign's Now. W had them just
Differently before bd
Big party for me for birthday
I love you daily W said how much I meant to her
Oh let's have a baby.... M I want us to have a baby
for W to carry as her own.

Bf ,h
Purchase a motorcycle 1yr ago
Less then 3 months was going buy a home
Without bf knowing but not approved
H ask for friends and family to cosign
I was one Nope
H was going to open his own business less then
2 month's ago he got denied
And less then a month ago purchased all new furniture
Also bf didn't know.
H tells bf wants to buy a RV to travel bf said oh No

And Boom moving Now... like now... H tells Bf

The sad part there are younger kids under 6.. and 2

I just know bd is also going come to BF soon but
Bf in denial.

So here I am stressing about storage

Hi

I think -MLC is catchy

and seems to happen to friends because we are all about the same age
right about 40 for men give or take a few years and a few less for women

And once we see it and understand it..
We will see many friends go thru it

I had a good Female friend who went into MLC after My XH
and another good friends H shortly after-
Unfortunately its all over the place-

When the time was right and enough time passed
I gave XH clothes away and then through out the rest

to this day almost 10 years from BD- He never asked or cared about his stuff

Maybe you could ask her if she wants her stuff or is there a neutral place to put it --tell w and if she doesn't want it give it away

Marina,
Thanks for stopping by my thread. I think you�ve handled your situation with quite a bit of grace and fortitude. The additional challenge to these complex situations for the LBS is remaining true to ones moral compass and ensuring that all actions are in alignment with each of our north stars.

It�s so easy to get caught up in the stress and chaos that is our reality and sometimes it seems easier to throw in the towel, or go tit for tat, or even want revenge. It seems to take extra amount of work and energy to sit back and examine our thoughts and actions and ensure that we rise above the actions that our ex�s are showing us. Very tough, but worth it.

I hope you were able to find a solution for the storage space. That�s an additional curveball that I�m sure is difficult to navigate.

All the best to you and the trios.

Hello marina

You are getting some excellent advice from some truely amazing people. I admire how you have handled yourself and your situation; you are still on course keeping that heading in sight. Well done!

It is a little nerve-wracking waiting for the GAL formal recommendation and the judicial decision. You are taking a very good approach to this, you have done all you can, it is now in other hands.

You are doing so very well.

Stay strong and keep the faith.

DnJ

Peacetoday,

Thank you for your advice is truly crazy to see them
Just leave literally everything. I mean memories.

I thought because W was a woman it would be difficult
But W has proven me wrong.
But I also know I can't imagine the dark place W is in.

Pax_luv

Thank you for passing by,
What I have learned is to avoid stress and chaos
I realized now from LBS eyes there are many miserable people
out here. We here are the few that I believe God has opened our
Eyes. Not sure yet Why but we are all here someway some how.

I now realize I only can control me and help my trio's.

Example, this happened yesterday
I was driving about to get a small tress for us.
While 5min to 10min on road car started smoking
Overheated.
Trio's panic but s10 was different.
S10 started crying and saying
Why God why does everything happens to the good mom
Why God why us.
I realized I couldn't show also I was worried I immediately pulled
Over took s10 hands said.
S10 look at me is not God fault things happens, it just happens
the most important thing is we are ok, s9,d10 and s10 are you
Ok,
S10 yes mommy I am scared.
M I know s10, but do you trust me
S10 yes mommy
M ok s10 first thing first remember not God fault I think
God sometimes test us to see.
S10 ok
M but most importantly we ok we going get home and then
We be ok
I drove us safe. Got home called my old mechanic explained
And also said at the moment I have no money but I will pay as soon I can
Mechanic said ok I'll be there Tomorrow

I look at trio's and said you see all fix. Trio's huddle and we hug.
D10 mommy always fixes everything.

Yesterday I wanted to have a breakdown but right now I can't
Do I also ask myself how am I doing it. I do ask myself that.
But I know I have some guardians Angel's watching us.

So I am in Illinois yelp blizzard happening but thanks to mechanic
Blizzard and all he stop by it was a broken holes he fix and car good.
He really helped us I owe him.

DnJ
Yes everyone advice herr is like Winning the lottery
I am not sure how I would do it if I didn't find this site.
It was by the grace of God.

Nerve wrecking is not even enough. My life is in GAL
Hands. Is scary to let a stranger be in charge of kids life.
But I know this must happen.

There's no other way.
Is nothing against W I must protect trio's for now till they
Old enough.

So as I was getting Xmas decorating I seen some of W
Things. Before I met W. Some of W culture items and clothes
I nicely folded and set in a box. Today I wanted to test W a little to see
How W can handle when I clean shed out. At drop off I said W
I have a box of your things.
W headlights eyes open.
W what you mean
M I have some things of your things
W no no no what do you mean
M W your things just a box
W what is it M tell me
M w your things you want it I promise
W grab it and started going through it,
Blizzard and all. I stood there watching from the car
Just at all W was going through every piece.

I rowed my window, W are you ok
Just stared at me. I drove slowly and W going through a box
It was crazy seeing W this way.
D10 said mom acting like you put a bomb in there.
I just stood quiet, and while driving look over and still
Going through things.

I drove quietly so many thoughts going through my mind.
And now I am not sure W could handle more items giving to her.

There's so many things running through my head
Also emotions seeing W this way.

I again will take any advice on this. Again Thank you

I don't understand really what happens to the person In MLC

We see general things like Affair, drugs, alcohol, spending, depression, abandonment of family and friends
new clothes, tattoos, new cars....

But what happens to then?

whay would your w be standing there in blizzard going through things?
Do they lose their memory for a while and forget who we were/are
Im not sure- My guess is they go into some mental illness crises and few seem to come out and make a full recovery-

Im Glad your car got fixed
and yes angels are and will watch you-
you are special and a wonderful mother-
Good will come to you

Peacetoday,

Thank you again,

Yelp not sure what happens to them.
I would love to see W brain in MRI

I swear I said this to therapist and bf

Before bd we where ok, we all got really sick
Trio's had Flu A and I W had flu B
I have said something went haywire in W brain. I swear

I hope I don't sound like am making excuses but
It all happened so fast I now try to pin point.

Yesterday was interesting but as you say Peace we will
Never know.

yes..probably best to just let it go
wish them the best and highest good and focus on ourselves-

M, live the present. Enjoy Trio�s and move forward. I know is easy to say...but you MUST do that

Stay strong (((M)))

Peacetoday amd Neffer,

Yes letting go.
Is the last thing I have to do
And I am. Usually I would cave to W
Or I am the nice person. Yes W

Not sure what happened the last couple of weeks
But I am done with W bs, manipulating us and kids

So W wanted kids to go to therapist W recommend
I never said yes or no I just listen. Again W biggest issue
is control.

So I received a text stating.
W Appointment for d10 and s9 time and location
M what is this about
W you said yes for them to start counseling I want
them to go.
M W I never said yes or no, why do you want kids to go
to this counselor is there a reason.
W silence

So I called the counselor that s10 is going, we talk
Counselor wasn't aware of s9 and d10 in therapy over the
Last year. Also counselor thought the same thing why change
them if they been there for over a yr and doing great emotionality
And mentally they doing what I do.

We take things a day at a time.

So I reached out to W again.
I spoke with counselor, we agree kids are good
Where there at. If there's any other reason why you want them
To go please let me know. But for now they staying there
And you also are welcome to join them.

W silence.

So here I am waiting on Guadian ad litem decision
W wants to change kids therapist without any good reason

I also know I can't control W reasons and thoughts.

But I can see W trying once again to control everything.

My therapist said good for me for standing up for my kids
And speaking up, and standing my grounds for the Trios.

Besides this we been good. Taking things a day at a time.

My car got fix thank you God is my only thing I have.
We set up some decorations, not sure if I can afford gift
Or tress for trio's but I must say they are amazing kids.

S9 draw a tree and said this can be our tree.

I must say this experience have made me realize alot.
And appreciate so much. I once had it all. Once a 7ft tree
Beautiful took me hours to decorate, now I sit here with
A paper drawing tree. Wow how life can change over night.

But am grateful to see another day.

Journaling,

Nothing much in this front,

Quiet, usually before the storm is quiet,
Now that's the scary thing not knowing.

A little sad, today. Why

Memories, how memories creep up on us
How memories can just remind me the amazing days,
W smiles and happiness.

A memory came up on FB. Oh FB I love you and hate you lol

This memory was Us, W and I in a school trip with s9 pre k
It was his pre k trip. W was tickling him, and giving s9 kisses
Also s9 was scared of touching the fish. I hear W say s9 mommy is right here
Mommy will hold your hand too. You see W grab s9 little hands and holds with
W while they touch the fish, W smiles over at me while am recording and says
I love you. Literally catch this on video.
Then W says to s9 you see it wasn't that bad.
S9 was s4 then. Wow how time flies and times change.

What happened, to W
I know I must not focus on the past but with holidays coming up this is hard
I see my family again away from W another year without W or being a once
Happy family.

Is also weird while I seen memories, S9 also woke up saying I had a dream
Of mom. Remember s9 is the family baby. S9 was very close to W he use to
Call her mommy. Now since all this happened W is just mom

S9 crawled in bed and explained his dream I listened and said are you ok.
S9 yeah. How you feeling s9 a little sad. I said s9 is ok to miss mommy you
Know that right. S9 started sobbing hard and I just held him for a good 15min
And humming a song and saying is going be ok s9. Is ok to cry and be sad.
S9 squeezes me and big tears coming down.

Times like this I just don't understand and will never. And also ask myself
Is W in MLC crisis or simply a WAW. But does it really Matter anymore.

I know this feeling will pass for me and the kids. I know is just the holidays that
Is hard now. This shall pass. And next year qe will be stronger.

Hi Marina

When I feel sad--
I just practice noticing it and allowing myself to feel
It may be grief especially since you saw a video reminding you of how things were-

sometimes I don't want to feel that painful stuff but as I do it pushes me forward to new growth
acceptance forgiveness

I love the way you accept your situation and grow from it
Its clear that all the kids need is you and they know it too
A paper tree- its enough too

I do glad your stood up to W-
You are letting her go so you no longer care what she does-
The M is over-you are moving on

Keep growing and being there to your kids as you are and I would bet to see more doors opening for you
Gods doors will open for your best-

PT,

�When I feel sad...� I think about a quote from �How I Met Your Mother�:

�When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead.�

This is a recurring reminder on my phone every morning. I just need to keep acknowledging it and working at that.

Peacetoday,

Thank you again for always your wise words

Acceptance and forgiveness
That I did months ago I needed to forgive
Myself then W so I could start the healing.

I must say I have better days then bad ones
Compared to a year ago.

One day at a time is what I tell myself everyday.

Bo,

Thank yoy for stopping by and reading my post
Yes usually I think the opposite of everything.

Thank you again

Journaling,

Wow what a day..

So quick run down W is in MLC and WAW

So when W left, W took Bar, stereo system and half of closet
And let's not forget cleaned bank account less than 500 in bank
Literally W took every penny. And was using Credit cards. Rack up close
To $6,000 or more before I realized it and listened I never thought W would
Do this to me or Trios

So when I have to pack up a 3,000 square feet home, bestfriend
Let me put items in Shed.
Now BF is leaving so today I and friends went to put things in a
Storage place.

Wow just wow but No tears
Even Friends that knew the story finally seen wow W did check out
Found all W discharge papers from Military, all W awards and
Accomplishments and purple heart and American flag W was given

Also W was married yes to a Man found divorce papers
W filed wow...
Friends where at all why did W just leave all this and all
Family pictures, literally I have her life memories from childhood till
Bd.

I just look through important things and trash not important thing.

I also didn't realize W labels everything. How did I miss this.

Very organized
But the most interesting thing lots of books of self image
Before W met me. W has struggled with mental problems I also
Didn't see it. Found journals of w before me.

I respect W when we where together I never looked through her things
I trusted this woman.

Many emotions right now. Many memories

I also did it this weekend because Trios are with her
I didn't want to bring memories for them..

I am more saddened then anything I didn't know W. I was so caught
Up with work then kids I didn't realize W needed me more than ever

This feels like a nightmare,

Gal called like upset why am not doing new therapy
I reminded the gal did she forget what W said

W exactly said
Do your recommendations, I am done

Gal said I thought you both agreed to that
I said Gal I just stood quiet and nodded like
Showing you W is like a rollercoaster.

Now I am getting frustrated this is tiring
I feel like I have said. Gal trying to convince W
Not to do that. Because now is like oh.

I know I must take it day by day.

But this is ridiculous
I never seen someone just keeps pushing this case
To prolong.
Then the GAL said I gotta make sure non of the kids
Are affected. I wanted to say wtf...

So W walking away and then taking s10 and then
Telling the kids they ruined W life is not enough for
Gal to see...

As you can see am super frustrated.

Oh yeah Gal says oh don't forget to make a payment
Again wtf... I am getting so tired of this chananengans

Hang in M

You have done everything you can and maybe now is time to just let go and find peace
Pray for the GAL to see the full truth
listen to some positive messages...let them play throughout the day if possible
let kids hear them
Joel Olsteen is fabulous absolutely love his messages
and stay grounded

Getting centered may help you actually get what you want-

Hi Marina, sorry this is still dragging out, I know how taxing that wait is. I went through the same thing, asking how ex�s actions weren�t bad enough to see what was going on. Be patient and focus on yourself. Try to stay positive and keep your focus.

Peacetoday and kyh

Yes just taking it a day at a time.

And praying for a Miracle soon. Unfortunately we
Live in a world that all lawyers care is about $$$

Is hard to find people anymore who care for kids sake

But I also understand they have their families and bills.
I just feel GAL is focus on getting paid and I yet have
seen any movement of kids. We here since March 2018
That's when GAL started and we going on a year.

Peacetoday yes listening alot to YouTube when
Driving. It's very helpful. I thank God for this site.
There's days am lost.

Kyh, dragging is an understatement lol but
I also know God has another plan. I am just
Physically and emotionally tired.

So not sure if ya remember I had a lump on my
Breast. Well had a follow up doctor found two more
So after holidays doing another mammogram and
Praying for the best.

I am just ready to ve able to breathe again there's
days I feel like am suffocating. I am just tired.
It feels like I don't sleep.

Been having lots of crazy dreams.
One is am drowning or house is under water.
The last two nights I am dreaming that I wake up
And find myself bleeding like I been stabbed and kids
Also.

And another was I was in the park with Trios and I am
Watching them and someone comes from the back
And stabs me over and over.

Is a horrible dream. But also scary because there's
Days I feel scared of W. She is not stable.

W has those sink in eyes, shark eyes. W went off on
Me in text yesterday. Something we agreed about kids
W says I want to know when you go somewhere
And where. Blah blah blah W went on and on.

I did ignore W text because again W trying to use
S10 as a pawn. I screenshot and sent to GAL.

So here we go again.

Dreaming that you have been stabbed means your struggle with power. You may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy and defensiveness. Alternatively, you may be feeling betrayed as the popular phrase goes, "being stabbed in the back". Dreaming that you stab someone indicates your fear of betrayal and your untrusting nature. You may be too much on the defensive.

Got this from the dream dictionary

just try to relax more Marina
You have to take care of you-eat good, rest, put the u tube tapes on at night
they will help you sleep too-

prayers to you

PS

U can research all your dreams on this site called hyperdictionary
usually they mean something different than you think

but there could be messages for you

Peacetoday,

Thank you,
Yes the dream of me being stabbed in the back
I figured that's what it meant.

Being stabbed from W.

Yes getting rest and trying to eat even when I
am not hungry.

When I have the Trios together I usually get good
Sleep because they are with me.

So nothing much on this front
Besides W again trying to tell me
If I don't do xyz I won't get s10 I
Had to remind W
You don't want to that or I will
Call xyz if I don't get s10.

But besides that Trios and I
Are hanging on to these hard times.

Hello marina

You sure are having a time of it.

You asked about MLCers, back when W stood in a blizzard and went through a box of her stuff.

My W left everything. All her childhood things are here, photo albums, keepsakes, everything.

I think they are like a teenager, a bad version of who they were. Imagine a teen with money, cars, house, freedom, no responsibilities, ya it is going to be bad. They live in the past, within themselves.

There are different paths into the brain, to memory. Seeing things long fogotten, hearing a favorite song, tasting something from your childhood, the smell of Mom cooking supper, or the tactile feel of special items.

The box of W�s things touch on many of these. Stirred up memories and brought her to the present, for a while. Seeing what she has given up, the guilt, the shame, the memories - it is enough to make someone stand in a blizzard and pause in the fogotteness of the lost.

Take care marina. You are doing great.

DnJ

DnJ,

Wow you always seem to put things into amazing words.
I closed my eyes and pictured W thoughts.

And this was a taste of little things I have the big memories

Why I haven't gave to W because that one box W stood there in a blizzard
And I seen her lost. As you said DnJ like a child state.

I can't imagine W getting the big things,
Purple heart , military flag that W was honored. Badges and baby pictures
As you said everything.

Now that I see this I would hold on to it. Until trio's are old enough to
Make a decision when they are mens and women.

It sadden me and us here LBS how we lose them.
Just like that they are gone. We are left with everything.

Good Morning marina

I agree with your ide of keeping the important stuff from her past - Purple Heart, baby pictures, all of that. Right now, like my W, she is in a place where she would probably just throw it away, they did everything else. Later, maybe, your W might just change a bit and will be able to express and face the value that her past has. For now she is running, and to run fast you need to drop what you are carrying.

DnJ

Kudos to you for keeping those things for her. I know it's not easy. Put them in a safe spot out of mind. I have some things here of ex (her grandparents left her) I know she would want but would go missing in the chaos. I'm not certain but I wouldn't be surprised if ex lost her storage unit so I'm glad I put those things away for her.

Hope you're having a good weekend!

DnJ,

Yes I wanted to test it, due to me moving my things
From shed to storage I figured this would have been
A good idea to give W her items.

As I wrote I knew W wasn't ready and I am glad
I did that. Maybe oneday W will thank me or
kids I know will be thankful.

Kyh,
Your right is not easy, and of course many
People like best friend doesn't understand why
Am I keeping W things I tried to explain to bf
But I also remember many friends will not understand
Unless they been through the hell we have on here.

I know is hard for me as I know I have her things
But I tuck totes in the back of storage and they will
stay there.

Journaling,

Earlier in my journal I wrote how W was starting
W mess again trying to use s10 as a pawn. I now
Have a back bone I politely say No No No W you don't
Want to do that or Police will be called have s10 always ready

W goes on a rant how W has a life my world doesn't
Revolves around you. W walks away stomping feet
Leave me alone.

I just stood there silent just watching W behavior
W then goes to the car and hands me a plastic
Bag wrap around.

W says here is s10 elf. I nodded s10 he can't breathe
I said ok s10 mommy will save him. I opened bag
And gave Elfy elf in the shelf. Air mouth to mouth punp
elf chest and boom. Elf is alive. S10 smiled hug and said
Thank you mommy. At this time W just staring at me simply
Looking at me. I said ok lets go. And let's get home is cold.

Still w is standing out there. While am making s10 feel
Better.
Now trio's are buckled up. W says you are crazy you know
They are fake.

I just look at W and wanted to yell No sh&t I know Santa
And elf are not real but our kids still believe so please don't
F this up too.

But no I just drove off, I hope my face said it all to W.
As we where driving S10 is just talking. How how his elf
Was behaving and giggling.

And he was smitten how I saved Elfy.
S10 explained how W wrapped Elfy in bag and s10
Was crying please don't and W yeld he not real stop acting
Like your crazy.

While s10 explained that red light comes on so we are at a
Stop. I reached over and said what do you think s10.

S10 said well yeah he is Elfy is real because you brought
Him back home. Trio's said Santa is real they protest in
Car while I started driving.

One thing caught my ear while them 3 talking
Not sure which kid said it but yeld W is a scrooge
W is a scrooge they repeatedly said this I just drove
Silent.

Did this anger me yes, I feel W is so miserable why not
Also make Trios miserable in ruining their Christmas.

W knows how important the holiday's are for me. To
Make sure our kids always know why is Christmas here
And is about giving and everything that goes with it.

W also knows how the trio's look forward to elf on the
Shelf. Yes Santa little helpers, I would say these Elfs
Stir up the house during the holidays.

I must say I get a kick being the elf lol..

If you don't know what elf on the shelf google it.

I have not seen my kids smile in a while but since elfs
Are back they been smiling and giggling.

I have done some fun things with the Elfs
The Trios usually wake up with toys being scattered
Or the elf paper toilet our kitchen, or they had a syrup party
With spaghetti... lol

And usually the mess the Elfs make the Trios must clean up
After them.

So if you can picture 3 kids and 3 Elfs bahahaha yes
I always have to come up with ideas for the Elfs.

So yesterday a friend of mine who is a physical therapist
Reach out to me, ask was trio's and I available for dinner.

I of course said yes friend H said ok here my address see you
Then.
Kids and I dress up nice to dinner party.

H lives in a beautiful area and home. Very nice
I was like wow. As you walk up to her house it's like
A magazine home. And once H opened her door
D10 and I was at all. Literally inside home look like
A magazine set up. Very Christmas H had 4 Christmas tree and gift

The boys are boys they kick shoes off, and run d10 had to
Calm her brothers lol. D10 says boys act your age this
Is not a playground. H and I laughed h said look who
Has taken the role of mom. I nodded yes am working on
That.

D10 now feels she must take care of me and brother's.

Remember I was more like a dad. So d10 feels now is her
Job since W left us.

H has a beautiful cat, white fluffy with blue eyes.
Boys where trying to chase the cat a couple time h and I
Had to say no no boys. While d10 just drew or learning her sign
Language.

H and I talk. Table was set up so beautiful I honestly didn't
Want to touch the table lol. You would have thought I was
The president that's how beautiful the house was set up.

I said H I didn't know you cook, H smiled said No I don't
Only on my special days. Or for you and kids.
I just smiled.

I honestly felt like a teenager not knowing what to do.

H made salad wow amazing salad with apples,pears and
Dry cherries, with a cherry dressing for the salad,

Then pasta, wow so tasty, with homemade bread so warm
Melted in our mouth,
Dessert was jello with cheesecake filling between and whip cream

Then we cleaned up. H was so kind making sure kids and I
Wanted anything else.

Wow. That meal sounded great and the house must have look fantastic. I did smile at your admission of not knowing what to do, like a teenager at a fancy diner - which fork am I supposed to be using. Actually, which fork are we supposed to use?

I�ve just started on the outside and worked my way inward. Lol

I am sure your kids felt very special as well; presidential was a good way of describing it.

The Elf on the Shelf become a thing, or known to me, after my children had outgrown certain beliefs. The magical time of year still exists, just the wide-eyed innocents and gleeful joy of the young remain in memories. I totally understand why you want it to last as long as possible.

Children are wholesome and pure with their feelings and observations. Your W is a Scrooge. It is a difficult spot to be in for you. Do not discount or dismiss their observations, feelings, or truth. At the same time you do not need to jump on board and further it. Sometimes, being silent or saying very little is the best communication.

Mom sure is being a Scrooge. / Yes, she sure seems like it. Pretty sad. ...... Now, where do you think we should put Elfy so he doesn�t get into too much trouble?

marina, stay the course, you are doing an awesome job.

DnJ

We then sat in couch and H came over
With presents. I was at all. I said No

H said kids you see all those bags.
Trio's eyes light up. See which of those
Have your names. They ran. With smiles
I seen H smiling.

They where so happy and just saying wow.
H comes back with more gifts.

H got us couple families game. After Trios
Unwrapping. Trio's said can we play a family game

H smiled said Yes if mom is ok I nodded as yes.
We played this game. We laughed H was teaching us

I have not felt this way in a while.
S9 was getting crabby because is getting late we cleaning
Up.
H said your ready for another dessert. Kids where at all
Another one. D10 said ok we staying here. H smiled.

As we ate another yummy dessert.
This one was peppermint ice cream with layers
Of crushed oreos. So yummy. With fudge on top.

I ask H after words can we help clean H said no is ok
We talk for a few. Also kids where talking. H noticed s10
H ask how is he. I explained some new behavior of food
He was never a picky eater now he says the texture of
Food tastes different. H explain to me Kids with A.D.D or
ADHD could cause that especially what s10 has been through

It now made Sense when H explained this. Because now s10
His sensors and senses are bad. He wakes up with any noise
Or lights or food smell for him gives him certain taste.

I'll be honest am not book smart am street smart.
Where H was going to be a doctor for neurologist
Then H said she then changed to Therapist and then
Changed her mind and became a physical therapist who
Specializes in Nerve damage, when your nerves disconnect
From your brain. H is super smart she was my Physical
Therapist when I got hurt at work and got CRPS. H
Specializes in all that.

H knows me in a personally knows me. For 3 yrs or 4
I spend 2 hours almost everyday for 2yrs with H.

She was my physical therapist. So she knew W as W use
To sometimes drive me, after W left H was there brought
Us groceries help change my badge. Help me because again
W was supposed to take trio's for 3 weeks while I heal W drop
Them at hospital saying am done.

So I remember telling H a week later what W did. H said why
Didn't you called me. H was upset and that's when a real
Friendship began. I honestly seen H as she would not want
To be friends. If you see me I love tattoos. I am down to
Earth. Where H is very quiet No kids, just a cat.

So it's nice to have a friend like that,
H said I'll look up something's that can help s10 with
His sensors, sleeping and hopefully we see things turn
Around. I agreed and Thank her so much.

So we where about to get ready to leave H said I have another
Gift for me. I opened it was a bible, H is Christian
A couple weeks ago I lost my prayer book. H didn't know
So it was a blessing getting a prayer and bible in one.
I told H the story how I lost my book. H smiled and said
Maybe someone needed it more and he then told me to get
You one. Everything works in mysterious ways.

I did agree it gave me goosebumps. How God works in
Mysterious ways.

As we where saying goodbye, kids gave h a big hug
And kept thanking H. I also said thank you so much
H said lets fo this again. Trio's said yeah... yeah mom
Say yeah... I smiled and said ok sounds like a plan.

We hugged and H says let me know when trio's make it safe
H said love you kids. Kids where all giggly.

Soooooo... kids jump in car Trios say are you dating miss H.
I said No H is a friend. D10 said well mom is ok. I said no
I promise you am not Miss H is just a good friend.

I then had to explain just because mommy is gay doesn't
Mean I can't have girls as friends. Like my best friend
D10 says bestfriend has a husband mom. I ask why did
They ask that and assume.

D10 says because W says all the girlfriends you have as friends
Are not your friends mommy m dates them. I said well first
W should have not said that. And remember friends come
In different size,shape and sex. I have more friends I just
Trust certain ones around you three.

D10 replied that makes sense so you trust best friend, H and R
And C with us. I said exactly, I named a couple of other friends

That they didn't know, I then explained because these are just
People I go out. They are people I feel you trio's don't have to meet.

So on the drive back home was explaining that just because your
Straight, gay or married everyone should have friends.

Friends doesn't mean you date them. Friends are just friends
And they agreed.

W still has a way of always confusing my kids I am grateful my
Head is level enough to try to explain to them the best way I can.

So now they know H has been there for me. I just never let kids
Meet H until I felt it was right which this weekend was. And I am
Glad we went.

We also put Christmas tree up. Well the trio's did I just monitor
Them. This year I did feel better than last year and we decorated
Inside and outside. It feels good.

Marina

sounds like a good friend-
God does work

Glad Trios got gifts and had fun

DnJ,

Thank you, yes when trio's said that, I stood silent. That's one thing I
have done, till this day I never agreed with kids. I usually just listen.

Is it hard Yes but I understand they need to vent.

I must say Yes H made me feel like a teenager at dinner table. But
Thank God for my aunt who was there until she pass over 20yrs ago.
My aunt was a housekeeper but her clients treated my aunt like
Family so when they invited aunt, uncle I always went. My aunt
And uncle where my escape from my crazy family. My aunt was
My only safe place. I wish my bio mom would have let me lived
with my aunt when my aunt offered to take me. My bio mom wasn't
A mom lets just say men's and drugs came first.

So bio mom said no but would allow me to go weekends which I remember
At 10 taken 2 trains and a bus to get to aunt home. And key being under the
Plant. Fridge always full with food and little notes for me. No TV in aunt
Home but lots of Puzzles, News papers and radio I will wait for another
2 or 3 hours till aunt got home. We would make homemade pasta sauce
Homemade Pasta, bread and sometimes uncle was there. My uncle was
Contract architect for United airlines so was away alot. But he was there
We did homemade kites and if weather was good we fly them.

Wow writing this brought some great memories how I miss my aunt.
Aunt was my safety place. I sometimes wonder why did bio mom didn't just
Give me to my aunt.

I will say I have broken that chain for disaster. My bio grandmother wasn't
Good mom, bio mom also then sister also followed bio mom steps
And I took and fought for my niece and nephew, when I seen sister giving
them the life bio mom gave me. I fought hard for d10 and s9 and now they are
My kids.

Yes I lost people, I won't even say Family but I also didn't lose much but
Only chaos. I rather be where I am with my Trios then the chaos.

I still talk with my aunt after 22yrs aunt pass away When I am down
I have her picture next to bed side I take her picture and just talk.
Still feels good. I ask her always I hope am making you proud.

Peacetoday
Yes God has a way. I always know he is there.
Sometimes am in patient but God has his plan.

Trio's woke up talking about H. How nice H is
We played with games.
They couldn't stop talking amongst themselves H home

S10 made us eggs while I watch and made sure not to close to stove.
S10 makes some pretty good eggs and ham. D10 set table and just
Kept saying mom relax we got this.

S9 woke up not feeling well so Dr. Tomorrow his throat hurts bad.
D10 and s9 have huge tonsils it might be time to remove them
Dr recommended last year I felt they to young but this year they have
Had over 3 strep throat.

Now we watching Christmas movies and relaxing.

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

I also wonder if relatives long since passed are watching and what they think of my life, of my choices.

marina, I believe your Aunt is proud of you. She�s watching and she knows. Be proud of yourself dear girl, you�ve done very well.

DnJ

Journaling,

Nothing much on this end.

Went to my divorce group and kids group
on Monday's,

I was once that person that thought I
never need therapy or go to groups,

I of course would blame how we are raised
I am Spanish so we are raised we don't
go to therapy or get help.

So I also broke that stigma.
I can see now my kids,
And grandkids kids no longer be pass
Down.

I am raising my kids to know is ok to
not be ok, is ok to ask for help if we need help

And everything else that has been with my family
Drugs, kids having kids, sexual assault and abuse.

I got away from it when I was young. And I remember
Till this day looking back and saying I will not live
Like this. At 17 on my own never did drugs I never been
A drinker. Just wine at parties, and never liked to be
in clubs.

My aunt would say, you are a old soul. I just wanted
to read and fly kites and sit for hours and do Puzzles
At 10yrs old and still do.

Yesterday at church I reflected a lot. How now my
Thinking is alot more clearer.

I remember when bd happened that it felt like I downsized
House and everything that goes with LBS.
Now I see more clearer. It wasn't downsizing it is a
New beginning that God wanted me to start.

Yes times are hard. Bills are piling up. Christmas tree
is empty. Haven't had a decent meal till H invited
us over. But I have managed with 3 kids. And through all
This I know God is here with me.

This morning I open two beautiful gifts, they where my eyes.
Life is short I embrace every moment I can.

I pray that things will get better and I will take it
One day at a time.

Yup
therapy is a blessing
WE have to be grateful

keep working on yourself
you never know what blessings are getting ready to open for you-

Marina, what a beautiful post. I loved to read about you as a teenager reading and thinking and reflecting. I work with teens and I am sure I would have loved to have you as a student!

This post is really beautiful. You are seeing so clearly and feeling so much joy within the sorrow.

XO

Journaling,

Not much happening over here.

Besides acting like herself. Very weird

Today at pickup W reflected on MIL how MIL no longer
Up tight. How MIL taking life easy

W said MIL says take me to concert
I just listen.

I said that's good I am happy.
Then W said I am now the one that wants to just
stay home and relax.

In my mind I was thinking is called Depress.
But again I just listen.

One thing W brought up a party that W went with
Trios. W proceed to say A friend invited us.
I just listen. Is like W wanted to talk
I didn't I said ok W have a good night W was close to me
And said Ok M take care of yourself.

Yes I been sick with flu so I was shock W Said
Take care M I was shock once someone who wish me death.

When I got in car. D10 proceed to say
They went to a party I just listen, it was
OW family. I smirk because why proceed to
tell me a friend invited W why not tell me
the truth.

D10 and s9 proceed to say W made them
Homemade breakfast and cuddle with them.

I said how nice and kept listening.

Kids are excited they said W and OW tree is
Full with gift Lots of them
I just listen, but this is the part they get
there hopes up and then I have to fix
Trios heart. They where very giggly and
Smiling and I truly happy

I hope this last. No matter what I have said
It I just want kids happy. And if W is Happy I am
Happy for W.

W again was herself very interesting to
See the old W again. But unfortunately I
Know not to put hopes up and usually when
W is this nice is usually something behind it.

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

HI Marina

Hope You are feeling better

Im glad you saw a softer side of W and you did good to listen and be cordial
Its truly best to keep the door open and as easy with w as possible
she will see your kindness and be less quick to hurt- hopefully as time goes on

but always best to keep expectations at 0

Gerda,
Thank you, I would say this happening
And me having myself a awakening after
my seizure.

I must say life is just different, things that
bother me before now is like whatever. I infact
see people get upset over silly things and I
just want to say is ok. I realized that everything
in this world can be fix.

I am starting to see things now a little different
And Everything happens for a reason. A year ago
I ask Why me. Now I know this is God plan is no longer my plan.

Everyday I try to be better and work on myself. Thank you again Gerda.

Peacetoday,

Yes I try always, but sometimes it gets hard especially when
It involves my kids. An incident happen I did contact W but
When W response her response is.

How we discipline my kids with OW is my home I
don't tell you what to do in your house. This is OW and my
Home.

I was going to reply but I held back. I ask myself why
But this is exactly the problem I have OW wants to speak to
Our children's like is W and her kids. I just don't get it

W doesn't get it. Is our kids not yours and OW yes I am raising
my kids to respect others and treat others how they are treated
But OW thinks she runs my kids.

D10 had an emotional breakdown, W doesn't listen to us
Is always about her girlfriend is like she loves her more than us.
I hate it mommy why does W always treats girlfriend and believes girlfriend

I just listen to d10 and just hug her. And proceed to say well d, write her a letter
D10 says she doesn't care I try to talk to her and everything is OW. Is sad
To see kids hurting. Smh.

W monstering again.

W tries to change schedule.
Through a text I didn't reply but called

I said I thought we agreed this...
W said

Ok M like one or two f**&ing hours make a difference
I replied yes we agreed on this and is staying

W goes on tantrum and again using s10 as her pawn.
I don't have to let him go. I said what.
W then says Stop yelling at me

I again was like What I knew OW was with her
W usually plays the Victim when around OW or
Friends.
I basically said is staying what we agree Bye..
And hung up. This is getting ridiculous

I knew the monster was going to come out. W has been
To nice up till this weekend. W shifted and speaking to me
crazy.

W is trying to do whatever she has to do for me not to
see s10, W has been trying to push my buttons but I
won't allow W no more to make me upset.

W tries to change times and days when it benefits W.
I am so done with this.

Feelings and journaling,

2nd Christmas since BD,

This year Trios are together and I have s10
Getting closer to bringing s10 home permanently

W has them today Christmas Eve I have Trios Christmas day
W tried to change time but I stood firm.

Last year I didn't see s10 or W. This year is different
W offered to bring me some desserts and MIL make
me Tamales. I did say Thank you.

W different a little W did apologize for trying to
change time which was New I just listen.

W mentioned I want us to make this work for the kids.
I didn't take it any other way but coparenting.

W seems to want to talk, even at drop off with OW in car.
Trios get out of car. W opens passenger side ask me how
am feeling. As me if I need anything while OW there
again like W wanted to talk. I said No and thank you

And drove off.

W seem sad, everytime W picks kids up mascara smudge
Like W been sleeping or even maybe crying.

I again try not to over think anything.

I'll be home alone today need some Me time. Then
Cooking dinner for trio's and I for Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

I don't post to you very often because I can see how much you have grown since coming to the forum. You are a quick learner and I just wanted to take a minute and recognize you for all of your hard work. I'm very proud of you.

The alone time today is a gift. Tomorrow will be a very busy day for you and trio's. Enjoy the day, cherish the time you have together and you might want to think of some new traditions for next year.

Merry Christmas to you and your family. May the new year be a much better one for you and your family.

Hello marina

I wish to pass on some thoughts from one of your recent posts. I most definitely do not want to take away from the enjoyment of Christmas, this is just something to think about and maybe look at in the new year. If I was to wait, I�d probably forget.

Originally Posted by marina7

D10 had an emotional breakdown, W doesn't listen to us
Is always about her girlfriend is like she loves her more than us.
I hate it mommy why does W always treats girlfriend and believes girlfriend

I just listen to d10 and just hug her.

Kids will let us know what they want and need to talk about. We need to be willing to discuss it with them. I know you love your kids, I know you care.

D10 is right, W does love girlfriend more than kids - infatuation will do that. W�s fantasy is more alluring than just about anything else in her life. Your D10 sees this; that little girl is very perceptive and observant. She needs you to talk to her, validate her feelings and observations. Doing nothing would dismiss her feelings. I know how difficult a conversation kids can initiate.

When explaining infatuation and W�s actions just keep the conversation in the intellectual realm, keep your emotions out of it. Your D10 is just looking for answers, reasons - like all of us. You can provide kid appropriate reasoning and alleviate a lot of their concerns and fears. Remember kids think everything revolves around them, and everything involves them - they will place blame and feelings of self doubt on themselves if no alternative is offered. This situation is most definitely not about them or their fault, and they need to know that.

Encourage D10 to be inquisitive and observant, that is such a gift for her to have.

Again, this is nothing to rush off and do. Just some ideas from a friend.

I wish you and your kids all the best and a very Merry Christmas.

Love

DnJ

Job,

Thank you, yes with this bd it shook my whole life,
Life is simple now. I realized I only can control my
Emotions and thoughts. And by doing that is staying away from
W.

I won't lie is hard and sometimes I get sad and it hurts but
I come here to vent and you all have help me so much and
how to handle W. Thank you again.

DnJ
Yes I am learning to just listen yes it's hard to hear our
Trios sadness, I was the mom that kiss there scrap, if they
fell I would run and make sure they where ok. Now I can't
Fix the hurt that W has caused them. But I am there emotionally

D10 is so wise for her age. Girls mature so different I see d10
And s9 and s10 they are so different, you know that saying boys
will be boys.

I know my boys hurt but they cope with it differently example
S10 says I hate feelings because feelings make you weak. Me
And s10 had a long talk about feelings he finally broke down and cried
And also said why did W had to ruin everything and everyone life.

I just listen and validated and told him to write it down and to ask
His therapist that question and s10 did.

As I tell the trio's One day at a time.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas,

Trio's and I had an amazing time.

Better than last year for sure.
W had them Christmas Eve
I pick them up Christmas Day.

Trio's ran out the car and d10 jump and
Put legs around me. Gave me so much kisses
And hugs and boys also and the said we miss
you mommy Merry Christmas.

I seen W face not sure if W was sad or mad.
W in a heavy toned. Are you guys not going say
Bye to me. Trio's turn around and said bye.

I think this year holidays is starting to sink in.
Last year W was in honeymoon stage with OW.

Trios where just so excited to see me. Btw they only
Where with W less then 15hrs.

This momma cook up a fest for us Fantastic 4
You would have thought we had company coming
Nope just us. And our new Addition.

A German shepherd. Yes a dog
He was free with up to date shots and food.
He is less than a yr old his owner is a friends of
a friend who got called back to duty Marines,
He was selling him. But nobody purchase. So
My friend told him our story and he agreed to meet me
We met while kids where gone. Dog and I bonded and
The owner seen that. He look at me and said Merry Christmas

I hope he will bring peace and healing to you and your kids.
Just take care of him. I of course cried my eyes out. I am still
in shock. But this little guy has brought us happiness.

The trio's eyes lighted up. They love him so much.

So yes Christmas was amazing.

And I must admit I didn't miss W.

W is becoming just a memory.
I am grateful we met and we took the journey
Together but our journey has came to an end.

My best friend ask me how was this year for me
I said good. I didn't think about W or cry about W
Or anything. I am adjusting to just Trios and I
I actually like it just us 4.

Kids can be themselves. And I can be myself

I didn't realize it how much I lost myself trying to
Always please W. Or put W needs first. Never again
Will I do that.

What a beautiful post Marina. I am so happy for you and your sweet kids and your new addition to the family. Have a wonderful New Years. Can�t wait to see what good things 2019 has in store for you. (((HUGS)))

I am so happy to read your update. It sounds like you guys had an amazing Christmas!! And a German Shepard? Awesome!! Those are great dogs!

I don't post much to you as there are so many that offer such great advice, but I do follow along with your situation and I want you to know that you have a lot more supporters here than you know! I am so happy to hear how well you sound. Keep it up...you've got this thing!!

Happy New Year to you! Wishing a fantastic 2019 for you and the trios!!

You sound amazing, Marina. The dog, what a gift. I got teary thinking of the Marine making the choice to give the dog to you, seeing what a loving angel you are. XO

Thank you, Dejavu, Gerda and Sjohnson6

Thank you again,

Trio's and I are super happy,

Well today was drop off.
At drop off W and OW pulled up.

Yelp a new car, W gets out and
I got out because Trios all got medicine
They all have strep throat so I explained to W

W then explained OW got her a New car because
Old car transmission went out. I simply said ok I
Will call finance this week because old car was under my name
W proceed to said yes by June 10th it will show paid off.

I again nodded and said ok.

W proceed to say OW paying for it. I again said OK.
W ask are we ok I said of course W.

Again W try to explain about why W needed a new car I
simply said Ok W is cold gotta go.

I just laugh at it once I was in car. Am at all
How this is so MLC move

If I go down the list wow W literally fits in with MLC

ILYBNILWY
OW
Started losing weight
Gym
New look
New clothes
Monster come out
W moved 2x since BD
W says over 3x marrying OW
W gets New car

Bahahaha that's all I can do is laugh.

I am just waiting what's next.
New baby... seriously will W get pregnant

I see all this as W wanting a reaction and W sees
Am just like OK...

How do we LBS try to reconcile with MLCERS
When they literally redo their life

Smh... I am ok am over the childishness

I can't with W. While I struggle financially still
Making sure kids are clothed and eat W still doesn't
Give me a gallon of milk or eggs nothing... a real
Parent regardless will make sure they always have.

Am I mad yes because no matter what our kids are hurting
I seen d10 face. Is like d wanted to scream but d just kiss
Me with S9 amd s10 and said we see ya Sunday, yes Doggy
Was with me. I said ok babies...

OMG

Your post gave me a tear
the dog ( I get goosebumps)

God has got you Marina

Yes W may see the changes and the humility and wonder how you managed to stand tall
despite her madness and meanness

Happy for you and yes I believe you will get trios
just continue to heal
continue to listen to U tube ect
work on you and all good will come

I am so happy that you and your children had a beautiful Christmas. What a surprise! A new pup to add to the family and he/she will provide many years of companionship, love and fun for your entire family.

Your attitude is amazing and you've got this! You are doing great for what you have had thrown at you. Keep up the good work!

Wishing you a Happy New Year and may the new year bring you some peace and comfort.

marina - I told you long ago, well seems like long ago, that you captured my attention.

Dear girl, you have been, and are, a remarkable person, a remarkable woman. You have shown such strength and keep stand tall in the face of all this adversity. Well done!

You see W�s actions for what they are, and you now respond instead of react. You are well detached, letting go, and following your beliefs. As indifference grows watch your feelings, new ones will spring up to fill the void. You are not trying to stop them, just realize and acknowledge them, they are true and real, until they disappear - fleeting. Lean on detachment and your beliefs to get you through this reorganization of thought and heart.

Originally Posted by marina7

How do we LBS try to reconcile with MLCERS
When they literally redo their life

You don�t try.

You focus on you and kids, build your own life with out her, like she is never coming back. You detach, let go, accept, forgive - all the while love and hope are alive.

It is more do or do not.

If W awakens and starts to return from her new life, and she and you, both choose to walk paths towards reconciliation and rebuilding, you do that, you walk that path.

If W remains in new life or partly in new life, and she dumps OW, you can see if this new person interests you. That would be leaning a lot more to the building a new relationship with this new person vs reconciliation.

Those are a ways off, and there are a lot more possibilities than two.

Right now everything you are doing is for you (and kids). Know who you are, know your core, and follow that. The future is unknown and will be revealed soon enough. W still needs time and space to work through her issues. Be patient - this is going to take some time.

I love the addition to your family. The trios must have been thrilled. How old is the pup? Who named him?

You have so got this.

Remarkable.

DnJ

What a lovely update from you Marina, the trios must have been thrilled with the pup!

Wishing you all a wonderful New Year

Peacetoday, Job, DnJ and Westco

Thank you everyone, yes this dog was a
Surprise for all of us.

A friend of a friend knows how I love dog,

Not sure if you remember in the beginning of my
Story.

After BD I had a big surgery SPS installed
W was going keep Trios for 2 weeks and Trios
Just got a dog of Christmas 2016 a small teacup dog

Well BD was April 2017
Surgery was August 2017

But I still didn't know how bad MLCers can get
W came to hospital drop kids off saying I can't do this
Walk out.
Yelp after me being in 13hrs of spine surgery.
W also had our dog tea cup W stated took him
To shelter
Best friend at the time was out of state best friend drove
Back, help me with kids. Then BF and husband contact
W wanting to know where was our teacup dog.

Best friend went to over 5 different shelters and doggie
Day care looking for him. No luck

Now this was another heartbreak for Us.
W leaves us
W takes all the money
W takes dog away, we never see him again.

I still remember the look on Trios eyes the screams
Of a child, of losing there dog.

Before this happened I had a pomeranian for 13yrs
My dog was with me before adopting trios, in 2014
Our beloved pomeranian died of age. But kids where
There until she took her last breath.

That was painful, we still have her ashes my pomeranian
was like my daughter. This was like losing a child after
She pass. But in 2016 we got the new tea cup but then
W MLC started so till this day I am not sure where he at

So having this German shepherd in our life came right on time.

Apollo is his name the

meaning�"to destroy". In Greek mythology
�Apollo�was the son of Zeus and Leto and the twin of Artemis.
He was the god of prophecy, medicine, music, art, law, beauty, and wisdom.
Later he also became the god of the sun and light.

Apollo has brought a different love into our home.
First I have seizures due to me having MS
So he will be a great service dog for me
And kids have gone through Anxiety since BD
So I know Apollo is helping them with Anxiety.

Wish I could post pictures.

D10 hasn't slept since bd difficulty sleeping
I have tried everything from lavender oil, to meditation
And relaxing before going to bed nothing.

The 2nd night Apollo jump in d10 bed I finally heard snoring
D10 asleep in a deep sleep. I seen Apollo slowly jump out the bed
Walks over to boys bed sniff them in hand and face walks out the
Room and then lays next to my bed and falls asleep.

I was telling my mom the story my mom smiled and said
You know he basically is doing his job he made sure all kids where
A sleep then came to your room to make sure you where ok
So his job was done. I started crying

I can see the kids more relax. D10 tells me am better now that Apollo is here.

My mom sent me a message and said do me a favor
Spell God backwards have a good night I love you.

I was shock so I did exactly what mom said,

God, is Dog

My mom then called me next day and said I told you
God is good all the time

God is letting you know am here with you.

I am still in shock about how amazing Apollo is

Apollo birthday is December 27th he just turned 1yrs
He weights 78lbs I believe he is a king German shepherd
He is a big boy. But a big teddy bear.

Thank you again everyone. Coming here to vent helps me so much.

DnJ yeah your right I will never know MLCers head. Is just mind blowing
W so selfish while kids still hurt.

Wow, how wonderful. I have always believed things happen for a reason and it sounds very much like your guardian angel sent Apollo to you at the time your trios needed him the most.

What a wonderful Christmas present.

Apollo is an excellent name, and he sounds like a wonderful dog.

The love of a dog, is so healing.

A lovely post marina. Nice to see kids having peace and fun.

DnJ

Enjoy Trios M!

We have a new baby dog here too, a brindle boxer! He�s actually sleeping alongside me.

Wishing the best for you and your family.
Sending hugs for the new year!

(((M)))

How cool Neffer,

He will bring lots of joy I know our baby is.

So I see W trying to start argument or something

While talking to kids W gets on Phone,

W was mad about me not telling her taking kids to
the city.

I just listen and W says "are you listening " I replied
Yes and am sorry you feel that way but that was
A family event I did with our kids. It was my week
If I take kids out of state Yes I must tell you but
Me going downtown I don't.

W then proceed to say I want this to work
2nd time W has said that. I then said yes coparenting
is very important to me. W silent

Today at pickup W made a favorite dish of mines
W said I pack you dinner. I said thank you
W looked exhausted, tired, Sad. W said how are you
I said ok thank you for asking.

W ok, I stood there in passenger side door. I then said Ok trio's are
We buckled up, Trios yes mommy. W ok M bye very sad look

What's interesting is OW friends and family at house Trios said
A whole bunch of people like they about to have a party.
W look like a mess. Like W didn't even want to leave.

I am not trying not to over think anything about it
But I can tell you W honeymoon stage are over. I can tell.

I wonder is it finally sinking in. W won't have kids till
New Year's day after 3pm.

So sad to see someone full of life gone.

You would think New car W would be ecstatic.

Trios said W was mood. D10 said she doesn't like W
I just listen and validated and said I am sorry you feel this
Way. D10 said I just need a hug from you mommy.

Boys are just over W. There words W is same old same old.

I hope everyone has a great New Year's

Westco,

Yes I believe dogs are guardians angel
I believe Apollo came in right on time for us
Thank you

DnJ Thank you.
Yes Apollo name fits right with him

I hope everyone has a beautiful New Year's
And may next year bring more for us LBS

You did an excellent job in responding to W. You stayed calm and cool throughout the conversation. She had no reason to get angry and yes, it sounds like the honeymoon stage is over.

How are you and the children adjusting to have a dog in the home? Apollo is a perfect name for him.

You are doing great. Keep up the good work.

Happy New Year to you and your family!

Good Morning marina

Your W does sound like she is a mess, and the honeymoon stage is probably winding down and gasping it�s last breath.

I wonder how bad it actually is, I am thinking it is pretty bad. The MLCer usually projects themselves to be in the best light possible when out in the open. Her mask is really sliding off.

Have a wonderful New Year�s Eve with your children.

DnJ

M

I think You w is also wondering who has Marine become

this strong woman who does not stray from the path even under stormy conditions
who does not crumble at wifes tantrums

and yes the honeymoon stage will always end and then there is NO bandaid for the pain
and oh so much pain the mLCer is in

Not only did they hurt the LBS, abandoned the kids and all financial responsibility
Just think when they get a moment of clarity of their true feelings and a real glimpse at their continued unhappiness

that's why I think many resort to drugs especially when
OW cant mask the pain anymore for them

You are doing great
stick to your current agenda
it is working-

Job,

Thank you, how are trio's adjusting to Apollo
Words cannot even describe it, he has brighten
our life even mines, am not alone anymore the
Trios can't get enough of his kisses.

Is like having a New baby in the house lol

W did meet Apollo W stated
You must be crazy getting a dog, ain't 3 kids enough
I replied never I want couple more kids and dogs.

And W knows that was an honest reply. I always wanted
To adopt more kids, once trio's get older. And I always had dogs

So Apollo is amazing.

DnJ,

I also wonder how is going from Trios,
OW tells W what to do, something I never did
Even s10 said oh boy they fight a lot.
I wanted to ask s10 questions but I just listen

I only ask where you at. S10 in my room watching TV
I responded good always stay away from grown ups
Arguments and remember S10 soon you be home.

S10 smiles I know mommy Soon.

I must agree with Peacetoday
W is wondering what is going on with M

I no longer allow W or anyone make me angry or unhappy
I realized through this there is alot of unhappy people out
Here. I basically stay clear.

Who knows W process or her thoughts one minute W is
A monster one minute it feels like W is asking permission
And the next W cares how am feeling.

I could tell the last 2 weeks W tried to get me mad but I was
Just cool.

Is interesting that they had over 20 plus people at the house
Yesterday and W looked like a mess and wanted to talk. W and
OW was having a party but W was not dress or even Happy or
In a rush to get back. I had to initiate ok we gotta go.

So who knows I know there's lot of liquor Trios said
So I am glad Trios are not there and remember W offered
is like W knew it would not be a good idea for Trios to be
There and I am thankful to W for that. I would have been a mess
If I knew Trio's where over W house.

I wonder if W will call trio's at midnight tomorrow evening I will
See. Remember last year W had s10 so this is W real holiday without
Kids. And I honestly think it's hitting W like a semitruck.

Everyone have a safe New Year's.
Trio's and I will be in our Jammies and Apollo.

R said she will come over tonight I said Ok.

So we be watching Movies till countdown and trio's
Will be popping there grape welch juice which they
Are super excited.

Happy New Year 2019 is here,

Just wanted to update on W behavior

Today W got trio's till Friday evening W
Was suppose to have them till Sunday because
I had trio's on Christmas day and that whole week
W changed plan said till Friday I simply said OK

Trios gave me big hug and kiss and said We love you mommy

W was standing there I went to hand over some goodies and
Left over from yesterday W says No New Year's kiss for me
And then explained I didn't do nothing yesterday I was in
Bed by 12:45am.

I just smirked and explained to W what I pack for them.

I stood calm. I drove off W was still in New car just looking at me

I won't lie I was frozen last year W was to deep in her tunnel
I can see W testing or cake eating but I am not falling for that

W has seen a change on me. I think what W sees is I lost
Marina,

Who knows what W thoughts are.

Trios and I did the New York count down but we still
Had an hour after that. Trio's where fighting there sleep

But I bet who was going fall asleep first. Trio's where in low
Fumes they where dancing until s9 crashed in my arms lol

By midnight they waited till count down we did a group hug
And was in bed.

Trio's ask mommy what is like your resolution
I responded to keep letting God guide
Me so I can guide you 3and
being a better version of myself.

And keep being here for you Trios always.

Marina, you are handling yourself brilliantly and showing others here exactly how to do it. W must be utterly flummoxed!

She is seeing you moving on with your life with the trios and Apollo and being the best version of you that you can be.

I�m sure I speak for all of us here by saying �we are so proud of you!�.

Westco,

Thank you, I have followed many Vets here
And listened to all advice.

It's been almost 2yrs since BD, and I must
Say it doesn't hurt as much it did. I believe
we LBS go through a shock because our MLCers
just WAW or some vanish.

W was a WAW then Vanished with s10 and of
course court made W have to come back.

I am just taking it slow and also is a New Year.
New beginning, and last night I had a moment to
Myself. Would I take W back, can W and I work it
Out.

I stop monkey braining and let it go.

New Thread:

Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #