http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...amp;Number=2805107&nt=11&page=11My title Changed, as days keep going by, days become months
And months has become years.
I tell myself this constantly when am ready to just give up.
Keep on swimming, I think I can by Nemo also one of my favorite movie.
Thank you for linking your previous thread. I'll link your new thread to the previous one for you.
BTW, love your new title.
Thank you Job,
Is crazy my kids said this to me we where watching Nemo.
S9 said mommy your like Nemo
No Matt what you keep swimming.
I remember clearly trios all got up from laying down started dancing
I think we can I think we can.
Wow 1yr 7month we are here and God 1st and me not giving up hope in anything
Times get tough but a year ago today I wouldn't have thought I could have gotten this far.
I remember feeling like death. Now I can say Yes it hurts but all LBS will survive this.
Well s9 has chicken pox yes, I would have thought W would have brought me medication for s9
Or juices anything to show me I love my babies. Nope nothing. As I sit here and write is saddens
Me. Especially when kids are sick they just wanna be cuddles and snuggles. Another tough mild
Stone and W nowhere around. I don't think W will ever snap out of this.
Been keeping s9 comfortable he is not as bad but s9 is miserable. Poor baby
S10 and d10 been playing and making sure s9 gets lots of love.
D10 and s10 look at s9 as there baby. They spoil him so much
Since Friday been feeling like crap. Not sure if it's what W said but I am so sad.
But I know this is part of the process.
Well this process [censored].
Well s9 out of school for 15days. Gotta keep him away from kids or anything
I am sick with a autoimmune disease and is so easier for me to catch chicken pox
Even if I got vaccinated. But how do I stay away from my children who need me when they really
are sick. Praying I just don't catch that's all I can do.
Please pray for my little family so we can get through the next 2 weeks.
Remember everyone
One day at a time
One hour at a time
One minute at a time
One second at a time
Hi Marina,
Sorry to hear your s is sick, I hope you both get to feeling better. I’m not surprised your w didn’t bring anything by. From my experience I would t be surprised if she blamed you too since she is deep in the anger phase.
In my case the GAL took a long time too, almost as long as possible. I know it seems like forever. Keep up the good work and take care of yourself too.
Kyh,
Well W didn't directly say it was my fault but ask around it.
W wth... how did s9 get that, where you been taking him. Blah blah...
M quiet.... just nodded and answered you know s9 is premature baby. And I will
Never know how he got.
W yeah your right
I honestly can say I no longer entertain W logic. Or her behavior or analyse W
I won't lie it hurt me that W doesn't care about our kids. But I also know
W is in a place she can't even take care of herself. So I just now nod and listen
At drop off W looks at me staring W says how s9 doing I said like
Any child he is miserable W replied I don't blame him.
W as she walking turns around and says you look tired , are you ok
I replied yes am ok.
W take care of yourself ok our kids need you...
Yelp to me this tells me W knows she is lost.
Well going to bed as I am really tired and getting ill myself.
I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Just don´t expect W to be logigal. She´s immersed on the sea of selfishness.
Sending my best wishes to you and your kids. Hoping S9 gets a soon recovery.
(((Hugs)))
Marina
Your kids see you-
You are the rock
they will develop their strength from watching you navigate the storms, especially this one-
always remember
every time they see you swimming on, letting go..standing tall..forgiving overlooking
working hard for them--they grow from you and will become strong adults from this
My 23 yr D
said this to me:
She is strong because of me
She perserveres and works hard and is a rock
I take no credit..this is her-
I did what I thought was best for my situation-
You do you and they will follow-
Thank you everyone,
Needed this today,
So I thought W was being to nice. Yelp she monster again
Sometimes I feel like I am going insane or crazy.
How can you be kind and nice...... and
Boom.... fire coming out her mouth.... f$&k.....
I am so exhausted really am...
So anyone that's been in mediation and kids have a GAL
All they want to see parents co parent as I have and W been the one
To not co parent.
But the last couple months I now tell W any events but also follow up
With text.
W always says you didn't tell me anything. I made plans.
I responded to check text as we agreed the trio's be in school event.
W says Nope your my lawyer said nope.
I simply didn't even replied
I honestly feel I am in another planet trying to co parent with W.
I am so mad at myself for thinking W wants to change finally I see
Her trying and boom when I less then expected, I feel like a bat hit
Me across my face.
I am so dum....
God I need peace..
Hi Marina,
First off you’re not dumb, your w is trying to pull your strings. The best thing I did when my ex was doing this was to stay calm and consistent. It sounds like she’s being coached by her attorney. I used to have tons of screen shots of our text conversations so it was all documented. Ex would also try to make me look bad in texts, it was so obvious it was unbelievable.
Parent as you would by yourself or with a sane person no matter how she acts (don’t react) and document anything you think is relevant for the GAL but don’t nit pick.
I hope you and the trio are feeling better, take care!
Email works well for dealing with these people. It is easier to save for a potential exhibit than a text and I think we tend to view email in a more formal way that is generally better served for things that others (like the GAL or the judge) may ultimately see.
Hi
Hang in there
I could not depend on XH for anything before he left
I did my best to walk on eggshells around xh moods and crazy behaviors
it was difficult because I couldn't get any validation or help and we had 2 kids invoilved
so everything was on me
after time and especially after the D, XH remarried and I let go
letting him go was the best thing I did
its been over 10 years and xh has only disappeared and gotten worse-
Its not your fault and there is no way to reach them..they are in MLC, and many are addicted to substances ect
after the D, you may find more peace
you will find ways to deal with her craziness, and not get as affected
and most of all to take care of yourself
Kyh,OneArt,Peacetoday and DnJ and everyone who give me
Great advice on here. I truly take all advice as I
Don't have the answer to this craziness.
Well s9 getting better. As we thought it was chicken pox I think
Hives or he at something and had allergic reaction. Who knows but
my baby is better. So I am happy to just see my kid's healthy and ok
Well nothing much over here, just taking it a day at a time.
I of course sent the GAL a email about how W refusing to
Work with me for our kids activities and how W does house separation
If many here knows my story W has s10 I have d10 and s9 I am fighting to
Get s10 back so sibilings can be together. W in beginning when
Court made W to have kids every other weekend the first 2 month s10 would not be
With W s10 would be at uncle or MIL when s9,d10 over now they told W this was
The point of kids seeing each other. And being together until judge and GAL does
There investigation or process.
Now W has s9 and d10 playing video games and s10 in another room playing cards
This is some examples of W logic. I have brought this up to GAL.
This is some of the crazy things W done W is stubborn doesn't want
To listen to anything anyone has to say.
This is usually W very stubborn and hard headed.
I have to learn not to let W frustrate me.
I just see kids hurting
D10 last night was hugging me, d10 said she hates going to W house
I let d10 talk while painting her nails btw something I never did with my d
I was more of a dad with them I learned in this last year and 7 months
To YouTube to do hairstyle for d, to do different designs on nails to bake.
I love to cook but not bake. But that was one thing they did with W
So I learned so they can keep baking.
D10 says mommy W house is not home.
I listen. D10 feels they are just a bother to W.
And W hates them.
I said well tomorrow is therapy let's see what your therapist thinks.
I said d10 I don't think W hates you Trios. W at the moment doesn't
Know how to love herself.
I then explained do you love yourself alot
D10 yeah.
So you love me then
D10 of course mommy
M, So if you didn't love yourself could you still LOVE me
D10 No
M, Exactly mommy at the moment doesn't love herself.
D10 yeah she doesn't love herself W is always sad. And doesn't talk
Much to us.
M yeah am sorry you three feel sad but I know I love ya to the moon and back.
D10 your awesome mom
Thank you, let's see how this weekend goes.
Journaling,
Yesterday was not a good day for drop off,
As many know I keep kids busy with activities for school.
D10 and s9 had a program from 6:30 till 8:30 pm
Which W knew W has there scheduled
I received a nasty text at 7pm where my kids
I replied today was this activity
Well my lawyer said not to do anything without judge stamp
Well I wasn't going to stop d10 and s9 from being kids
I send a text again giving W the address where kids are
Which was 5 min from W was. I encourage W to come
W said Nope and wrote plenty of horrible things
After kids get ready and done I meet at drop off
W calls where you at. I reply here.
W says no you bring them to my home NOW.
I said nope. Sorry we are here.
W finally gets there. W gets out of car looks like
W wanted to fight me. I acted as usual gave kids
A kiss said hi to s10 gave him a big hug and squeeze.
W tells kids get in the car.
I was getting in my car.
W yells next time you are a minute late I am
Calling the cops and getting you arrested.
I turned around and said have a good weekend.
W f&&! You f&&! You
I just drove off
Wow. Like wow I couldn't even drive until I got my thoughts together
Like wow. I am still in shock W looked like she wanted to fight me.
I am not sure what's happening but I sent GAL everything and my lawyer
I stated I feel unsafe with W behavior and W not wanting to
Have kids participate in events because is on W times.
I am now waiting to see what my lawyer thought and GAL
I speak for myself I have done everything GAL ask even before GAL
Was involved I have made sure kids are being kids
I just wonder what is W anger from W is so unhappy
As I told my therapist yes I am scared because W is a Marines retired
W has PTSD I see nothing but evil in W eyes. I have told everyone around me. That
This is not going end up good. W is out of control I worry for our kids
I worry something will happen or even with me. Is scary to see someone
Like that. Nothing but evil in W. Is like I am dealing with Satan.
Is so scary all I do is pray and ask God please protect my Trios
They are my biggest concern.
Marina
They are unhappy in their lives
Nothing could change that, not the new job, new relationship, new house or friends or new freedom
or anything else
The unresolved issues of their past and childhood haunt them and they have no way to recover because they don't look for inner help
they look to escape the pain with affairs, alcohol , drugs parties and fun
and that catches up to them and creates a spiral downhill
they look to project the anger on us--so it makes sense to them
As for you- you need to feel safe, and between your L and therapist, I know they can help you find solutions
Her behavior is unacceptable
My XH also had a crazy about him at times
One afternoon he yelled at my 5 year old S, saying he didn't want him causing us both pain
I remember once we went to a group meeting with friends early on in the crises before he left and he took a pack of sugar and made lines likes drugs on the table
They are no longer the same
Keep looking for your recovery
You will find your way out of this-
Just takes time
Hi Marina,
I think think you handled that interaction really well! Your story was very familiar to me and made me think about quite a few interactions w ex. She used to do things like that too, trying to make it look like I was at fault somehow and trying to keep me walking on eggshells. But she would seemingly blow up for no reason as well. After awhile my ex started doing the same thing/saying the same back to me during our interactions but this was after the GAL decision.
Keep doing what you have been and let her project her anger elsewhere!
Glad you’re all feeling better too!
OneArt,Neffer,peacetoday,kyh and DnJ,Job
And anyone who has been here giving me great advice
Thank you
It's been rough the last couple days.
W monstering I honestly thought we where pass
the monster stage.
If I can post everything W tells me, but I know all
Mlc scripts arr the same.
Lots of blaming again, nothing I see
or do is ever good for W. Which I do things I would
have always done for our kids. Is just tiring how
W twist words around or text basically over and
over again how I keep kids away, or kids are
Disrespectful because of me.
Basically same BS .. is like dejavue witg W last year.
I am just frustrated about the trio's are not together
for good, or W pays the minimum in child support
And when I ask for help W says the $400 is enough
When I really just wanna cry, scream or laugh.
Kids are hurting financially because I am doing what
I can. In the last 1 year and 7 months I have
not purchased nothing for myself. As I have 3 growing
Kids. Every cent I have goes for them. And then I see
W smiling and new clothes and sneakers and traveling
I must admit it hurts.
Now I question and dig down is this my karma what have
I done in my past for me to be going through this pain
Or what have our kids done. I know many will say No is
Not your fault it just feels something I did wrong.
While W has money, house, food ect
I have to penny pinch to make sure every months
Kids and I have a roof and food.
But I will say I have grown from this experience. I once had it
All I thought I was above the world good job, money, traveling
Shopping, eating out. But I also realized and have question myself
Was I really happy. And I wasn't Yes I had it all. But no happiness.
Now am here. Taking it a day at a time, wondering what tomorrow will
Bring. Times are tough yes but I am also blessed I am alive
I have a roof over our head, we have food. My MS has been
under control. I still walk I still can smell the air. I am here.
I also know we LBS are healing. And things will get better for US.
Thank you again everyone
Hey M, be proud of what you are, be proud of where you stand girl.
Don’t expect any logical behavior from W. She must acknowledge her problems and do the work herself. There’s not rational output from some of your interaction. There’s no need to question your position. And you know what is best? Your kids know what you are: you are the lighthouse.
Keep shining!
Sending you a big (((hug)))
Mediation recommended Therapy
So in mediation she recommended therapy
to learn to co parent
But first I meet the therapist to
Tell my side not sure what that means.
I am lost confused
Why see a therapist before so she can hear my side.
The question is I also question that. What happened
I myself don't know.
How do I tell the therapist my side when I don't
Even know
My side.
After spring break an amazing family vacation
W was at dinner table. I ask W put phone up as we
Always have. This time W had an announcement
Mommy and I getting divorced I'll be moving out
While I just sat there in shock and still am.
I am still sitting there like WTF...
W left 2 days after BD. And left us.
2 or 3 month's later W returns taking s10,
While being angry monsters..
As I honestly sit and write this is unbelievable
Will a therapist really believe this happen.
Will I look like the crazy parent.
Wow. I have couple hours before meeting therapist
To hear my side.
Any advice from anyone who been through this.
I haven't been through that but my advice is to be honest and to try to get therapy from it, see it as an opportunity for yourself instead of worrying. Even though we're dealing w mlc there are a lot of common factors I'm sure the therapist has seen with other varying situations. My Ex went to a half session (she was late) with me once, unloaded and blamed me for everything and promptly left. I kept going to that therapist and at my next appointment she had a quite a bit to say about it and more as we kept meeting. In hindsight I can see she saw a whole heck of a lot in that session. Hope this helps.
Ask DnJ if anything like this can happen...
Just tell your side of the story. There’s no objectivity on our sitches, each of us have our truths.
I think you would be better off focusing on the issues in co-parenting rather than the demise of the relationship. Therapists' notes can be entered into evidence and courts generally don't care why relationships broke down. If you focus on the actual problems she is causing on a day-to-day basis in co-parenting, I think your concerns will appear more kid-focused and not make the therapist think this is just about you not being able to get over the loss of the relationship with her. I think you get to the same place, but this approach prevents them from questioning your motives.
Thank you everyone,
I prayed to my aunt and uncle said lead me please
So I went in there being me and honest.
How W was amazing and we loved her,
How W bake because she loved to bake
I loved to cook
I hate shopping W shop for us
I managed our bill and finances
W always help me.
How I in 2014 had an emotional affair and didn't realize
an affair is an affair
I now take accountability for my actions
2015, I realized life is precious after almost
Losing my life. I literally had a spiritual awakening.
How W started pushing us away,
Once W beautiful light hazel eyes
Went dark, W was not herself
W started being less home, forgetting about us.
Our kids started annoying W, W became frustrated
But I still held us. With always making sure W smiled.
Those smile W would come and go.
I held us together and reminded W how we loved her.
Until 2017 W bd ILYBNILWY, I lost myself, I need to
Find myself, I lost myself being a mom,wife. But we
Can still be best friend.
I won't lie many memories came up. W was once an
Amazing Women I would not lie about that.
She could take me out my shell W was more social
W always been outgoing. And kept me on my toe.
I made sure therapist knew the old W and the now W
But interesting Therapist said something that I paused.
Therapist, Is funny how our exes could
Rewrite history and we can also tell who telling the truth.
M. I wipe tears and it hurts.
Therapist yes you and kids are going to hurt for a
While but remember there is nothing you could
Have done or kids, this would have happened with
You or without you. Keep being there for your kids and
Being there lighthouse.
M I cried yes is hard but I am doing it with many groups and
Church and divorce group and my online support.
Therapist. Trust me it will get better. And your W loves
You in her own way I know.
So the therapist didn't give me info about W but listen
To me and my goal for the Trios. Therapist is so proud
Of where I been and the help I gotten us.
Remember W went last week I went this week and next week
We go together. As I stated before court. Is about the trio's being
Together and staying together and hoping we can put this pass us.
Therapist ask was I dating or someone in my life. Hmmmm that's where
I was shock. She then proceeded to say W brought it up.
I said well if I am W needs to focus on kids not me. Therapist yes
W stated she wants me to be marry and happy. And therapist found it
Strange why W said that to her. Now I get the question.
Well I made my point across I just want trio's together and focus on
Them three.
Well yesterday W wanted to talk, I ask is about kids W no
I replied there is nothing for us to talk about then. W wow like that.
I just got in car and drove off with our kids.
I need to realize W always temperature checking, and I usually fall
For it. I am done. Like I said I will forever love W. We had something amazing
But I must focus on me and my kids as I always have.
well done
I like that you drove off-
sounds like a bit closer to letting go
Good morning marina7
Wow, you have had a busy week.
You have handled yourself exceptionally, you should be proud. You are walking a good path in the midst of a horrible storm. Keep standing tall, leading the way, and being a beacon for your kids.
W’s logic in regard to S10 and the two other kids is staggering. She seems determined, for some unknown reason, to separate them. I mean really they play in seperate rooms - crazy!
I do understand your fear or anxiety when she is in monster mode. It is so very hard to understand and not feel responsible. Remember she is projecting her feelings on to you, do not internalize her blaming you. Just turn around anything she is saying, exchange you for I in her tirade and you will get an idea of what is really going on. She cannot accept any blame she must project it, she just can’t be wrong. It is really quite sad.
Your questioning of karma towards yourself and your past is very normal. I am sure you are getting lots of it is not your fault advice - I’ll try not to pile on more (but it is not your fault
). To me it looks like you are working towards something very healing and healthy - forgiving yourself. (((marina7))) That is a great journey, with a great destination.
Your BD was pretty similar to mine. And yes, most people just can’t believe something like that can happen. I think your therapist does understand and believes, that is very good.
You asked for advice from anyone having been through this.
marina you are doing great. My advice, which you have already been following:
Stay consistent, be honest, walk the higher path, treat her with compassion, work on understanding, find forgiveness.
The stepping stones along the way - detachment, letting go, etc... you know and are finding.
You really are doing great. Keep protecting kids and yourself. Keep moving forward.
DnJ
Well M, you did not fall...
Journaling,
Interesting couple of days,
W texting and wanting to talk.
But as I stated W has a pride
W will never say sorry or I did wrong
W for 10yrs always needed to be right even
When she was wrong.
W text earlier this week "we did something right"
I replied yes we did no regrets the trio's are amazing
W yes they are
D10 is sick W wanted to bring home remedy MIL
Makes for d10.
I said let the antibiotics kick in first
But this is where I am confused
W went to doctor office yelling and hysterical
Wanting kids records and wanting to know how many
Times kids been there.
Nurses where shock her behavior
I was more shock because that day I took d10
And was in touch with W since 7am keeping
W updated. And time I was taking d10
W showed up around noon the nurse told me.
I wonder if W confused the time or simply
Lost. Is like W forgets everything I tell her.
Is scary like dementia W forgets what she says.
I am glad I keep everything in text. I remind her to
Look at her text. Is like W doesn't recall anything.
Is scary to see someone you love losing her mind.
I feel like I am treating her like a child I feel bad
Because this is not me. And is not W she was once
A smart and strong woman. I cry as I write this.
Because I have lost my wife. She is gone is just a shell
A person who is struggling with life. I feel so bad. I couldn't
Imagine being in W shoes. It must be scary.
I also don't blame her it's scary seeing this person.
I know I took my vows on 2008 that I would
Love W through sickness and health
I wish W would get a MRI or something
We have been going to family doctor for 10yrs
Doctor and nurse said is scary to see W behavior
While I cried because I do hurt. Doctor patted
My back and said mom your doing good.
These kids need you more than ever.
W needs to find her way back but sometimes they
Can't. Sometimes is to late our brain is the strongest
Muscle but when that muscle breaks that muscle can't be
Fix.
Doctor was talking about W brain.
Today I went to library and got books
About brain how our brain works. Will
Have lots of reading this weekend
And also fun Trios and I doing a small hike
Tomorrow and carving pumpkins.
Super excited. Is getting cold over here so we
Will be staying warm.
Hello marina
You sound better. Must have got some much needed rest.
You are correct about the MLCers memory - it is like swiss cheese, so many holes. It is a good thing to use a written form of communication to have a chance at jogging her memory back. She may get angry because she doesn’t remember and is hidding it, or she does realize how forgetful she has become.
It is very sad to see the forgetful shell of the person you once knew.
It was nice what the doctor told you and very true - Mom you’re doing good.
DnJ
Journaling,
Well pick up went ok, as I stated
we don't know which W I am getting
W went from texting to nothing
It's raining and cold over here d10
running fever and stuff
So d10 rolled down window
W what ya can't come out
M as you know d10 is sick and s9 is also
getting sick please feel free to come
close and say hi to them
W said something under her breath but
quickly said hi.
S10 jumps in front of car hey mommy gave me
the biggest hug and smile.
W hey ain't you going say I love you and bye
S10 yeah mom bye
W how about I love you
S10 yeah mom
W don't you start, how come I have
to force ya to say love you
W kept ranting
M quiet looking forward and ready to drive off
D10 ok mom is cold bye WE LOVE YOU
W SLAM door
M I drove off
I just drove off like nothing happened
just singing and holding s10 hand he squeezed it
I love back in rearview mirror I said love you Trios
Trio's We love you so much to the moon and back,
Screaming we love Mommy... we finally 4 together
I smiled but wanted to cry as only the weekend
For now.
Hiking was postponed s9 woke up with fever.
We still pumpkin carving
Then decorating, a little for Halloween. Not much
Something for the Trios and deciding costumes
Last year was hard as it was so fresh from bd
Is better than last year looking forward
And praying we all be together soon trios and I
Well family therapist called, Monday W and I
This is going be interesting, just listen to what
Therapist says. Which I know W will also go off
Like she did in mediation. As I am focus in
Keeping trio's together and keep being there for them.
Have a great weekend my friends
Well, you made me cry...
Have a nice weekend girl.
Any advice for tomorrow morning
Meeting with W at family therapy...
Nervous can't sleep...
W today at drop off looked bad.
D10 and s9 said hi and bye, s10 didn't want to
Leave he cried.
W tap on window
M yes
W how d10 feeling,
M good ask her.
W stares ok see you tomorrow
M ok drove off
S9 mom is drunk
M what
S9 she a drunk
M pulled over why you say that s9
S9 didn't you see she has makeup all over
And I know what beer smells like
M ok I understand that but that's your mom
S9 fine
M no s9 we need to talk about this.
S9 ok but that's my feeling
M yes but I don't care if W a drunk or drugs
You must respect her ok s9 and d10
Yes mom
Omg.. I wanted to die, yes I smell it W looked like she
Party for 2days, looked bad. I got home
We talk more I explained that I won't allow them
To speak this way I am raising kings and queen
I ask why s9 cries mom loves beer more than us.
I held s9 said sorry hun, what can we do for W
D10 pray for mom, s9 stay away not make mom angry
Wow our kids are seeing W behavior and is affecting
All of us. This breaks my heart and soul...
Good Morning marina
Advice for tomorrow ‘s meeting. It’s just you, W, and therapist (I think).
Be strong, stronger than your emotions, do not let them take you over, talk about your feelings, but stay in control. Be honest and sincere. Follow therapist’s lead. At some point I would think W is going to go on a tanget and become emotionally highjacked, let her. Don’t argue, her point of view is just as valid as your’s, and to her is the only valid one. She doesn’t have the benefit of clearheaded thinking right now, like you do.
These types of meetings are difficult you do not know what to prepare for. Best way to handle that, be yourself, and be honest. I am not sure how well you think on your feet, so a little tip, try to respond rather than react.
Best of luck tomorrow.
- - - -
Your latest drop off retelling.
I am pretty sure it is not a verbatim account of your conversation. So my comments are more assurance than admonishment based.
S9 telling you W is drunk, she is a drunk. Do not shut him down to fast.
Your kids are sharing their feelings with you, they trust you enough to share and explore them - with you. That is a precious thing, treat it as such.
No topics are off limits. Kids are thinking about things, and they will think about things with or without you, will come to conclusions with or without you, which way would be better for them?
Explore their feelings, not your’s, when talking to them. They can see Mom’s makeup and smell beer. Validate and discuss to their agenda. Let them tell you their fears, hopes, thoughts, whatever, and you assure them and comfort them. You can even steer them in a compassionate direction, but do not deny what is happening or their feelings.
Respect is, like most of this, another difficult item to figure out. Respect is earned. However, children should respect their parents. Not easily reconciled.
The method or way I handled this. Your Mom loves you, it is just buried deep inside her right now, so deep most of the time she can’t feel it or see it, but it is there. She is having some problems - and you can explain as much as you need too to explain her actions (when my W flaunted her adultery explainations that were needed were more than I wanted to do, my kids are older and have much more pointed questions).
With all that, you can let your kids know that she is their mom and they should try to be respectful even when she isn’t deserving of it, or espically when she is not deserving of it - that shows more of who they are, and will be, then who she is. Understand who she is and treat her with compassion.
That road is hard and the pay off is great. That is my advice. It has worked for me and mine.
I am willing to discuss anything further if you wish.
As I said, I think you are doing good and this is probably more assurance towards your efforts.
M
Good luck today
DNJ gave great advice
I agree
Please validate the kids and make sure they are safe with W
I was in such denial for a time that my recovering XH of 20 plus years went out during MLC
until my kids said dad almost fell asleep at the wheel and they had to wake him up
an active alcoholic parent can be a nightmare for a child-
Good luck! Stay calm and keep your voice on an even keel. It's difficult to attend these meetings, but you need to try to remember that this is a business deal at the moment. Try to leave the emotions at the door. Once the meeting is over, you can get as emotional as you need to.
As for your children, DnJ is correct...allow the kids to express themselves to you. They need to know that you are a "safe" place to talk. They see and hear things and need to be reassured that both of you love them no matter what.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you go into this meeting. Stay strong and positive! We are here for you.
;( ;(
Tears to all of you, I honestly don't know
Where I would be this forum have been my family
As I stated I raised myself, I removed myself
From toxic family at 17, I been on my own
Also never been social so not many friends.
So from the bottom of my heart Thank you
I take every advice giving to me. As I am learning
Everyday. I must say things happen for a reason
And being here is one of them.
DnJ yes is hard trying to keep my emotions in control and kids
As I stated I raised my own, toxic mom toxic family
Sexually abused myself But this has been my hardest
Battle I have in Life, is hard hearing s9 say that.
Last night I tuck s9 and d10 and we talk about their feelings
And it's ok to feel sad and angry there feelings matter to Me
I just held them s9 said I feel better after telling you mommy it made
Me sad seeing mom like that. I also said yeah Me too.
D10 cried and cried one of those screetching cry
It was so heavy in my heart to hear her cry while I held her.
I just held her for a good 20min again my heart aches so bad.
D10 fell asleep in my arms.
Neffer, Peacetoday,Oneday and job and everyone who been
With me in my journey.
Well today therapy, the only way I can describe it is
Did anyone see Trump and kanye West meeting
Yelp basically that way. W was everywhere
The family therapist had to remind W
Couple times why we where there
To learn to communicate for kids.
In process W was all about herself
W me me me me I lost weight
I weight 131 I am this and that.
W look at her phone 2 or 3 times.
While therapist talking,
W blamed me for kids behavior why they don't respect her,
W said I don't even know if she is dating
I left because I feared for my life......
Yes you read this right. W said she left US because she feared for her
Life.
I of course took a deep breath and acknowledg and said I am sorry you felt
That can you give me some examples but remember we are here for our kids
W was moving back and fourth and writing everything down.
Literally made therapist repeat herself telling her I need write things down.
I was in all. I made my point across how can I co parent when W has s10
How do I co parent when W constantly feels attack or W feels
I am telling her what to do.
I gave therapist some examples
One was I call Trios when they with her
I ask Trios ho guys what ya Trios doing.
To W I am trying to find out what she doing.
Therapist ask how would you like Marina to ask kids.
W silence.
It was only 1 hour session and we going back.
We didn't get nowhere.
And that was an example I can't say nothing
Without W being paranoid. And I walking in eggshells
W made many comments
W I didn't expect to be a mom Marina
Wanted kids, I would say she didn't give up
In adopting our kids. But now that I am a mom I am embracing it
I want to be part of their life
M quiet. I was quite most of the time. I let W speak
Wow I was so in shock when W said that but I finally heard it
W didn't want to be a mom when we met W was active Marines.
Loved to go to bar and travel W wanted to live that party life.
As I stated I always been more quieter, I rather be at home watching Netflix
And cuddle with W and then when kids came along I just wanted us 5
I realized I made W settle. I now know what I always knew. W didn't want kids but
I did and still want to adopt more once life gets better.
So I am now wondering if W MLC or WAW started after d10,s9 they
Where unexpected adoption but I have no regrets. Here is the timeline.
2007 met W
2009 foster s10 was 4 months old temporary but I fought for him his parents
Where to young and still failing court order drug test
2012 officially adopted s10
2013 s9 and d10 came d10 was 3yrs old s9 was 2 yrs old
2014 I think I had a MLC I had an emotional affair, I did have a MLC but never left
2015 my first grandmal seizure almost died in como 2 days
2016 diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis after many testing
2016 got hurt bad at work and W was going to school while I
was holding house hold and any income.
2016 through 2017 many surgeries, many physical therapy also
Moved from our home to bigger home
2017 W shifted more, started new job in her field, Going out way more
Constantly on work phone.
2017 W throws me a birthday party announcement she so in love with me
W let's adopt another baby around March 2017.
And April BD on 2017
And now am here.
So honestly our life has always been chaos but when things started getting better
W shifted.
Hi Marina,
It sounds like your handling things well. DnJ gave you great advice and You’re doing a good job if your kids are leaning on you, keep it up.
So much of what you write is familiar. At one point, ex criticized everything I said and tried to tell me what to talk about/say to the kids while we talked on the phone too. I also know she was recording everything. I know how ridiculous it is to have to deal with this. Do your best to act as you normally would and, in my case at least, she will give up on this after awhile.
I think you did a great job listening to her and wanted to remind you not to believe all they say. I heard a lot of those things but I also heard the contrary before the mlc. When your w said she left because she feared for her life, I take that as mlc depression language for she felt like she was dying and ran.
Take care of yourself and the trio. It’s really hard that deal with irrational anger like this and you’re doing a good job!
Kyh,
Thank you,
Yes this is new to me so I take all advice.
And yes it sadden me to hear W say I fear for my life
But it makes sense what you just said.
Also W was getting angry w grip me up before bd so
I wonder when w said I feared for my was more
I feared I could have hurt you and kids
I will just stop trying to monkey brain because
I Realized that get me sad. So in therapy nothing much got
Resolved as W was on her phone couple of time. And not focusing.
Is hard for me ro believe we live in a state that they don't consider that kidnapping
W taking s10 fron home separating them and nothing was do e to w. Basically
Police just said we recommend you give s10 back but W has refused everyone advice
Even the GAL. I am going to family therapy to show the court and for myself
That I gave it all in. I tried. And I know the kids will see it how mommy tried
My goal is to bring s10 home soon. And just start our bonding healing.
After reading a couple pages in brain book, there was a part that says.
Our brain is the strongest muscle in ourbody but when that muscle gets
Damage or cracks we can't fix it. People need to know you could fix any other
Bone but not the brain. Once is crack is crack. Is like cracking an egg and trying to
Put that egg back in the shells and fix the shell. You simply crack the egg is damaged.
Wow when I read that it hit me hard. W will forever have a crack. W could again
Check out because her brain is damaged. Someone so smart and amazing is gone.
And alchohol took over her life. Is sad that w will miss out on so many
Amazing times with Trios.
But I know W is gone. W would never be the same.
Hi
You are doing so well-
hang in there you may get your wish(the trios)
picture it each day-the way you want it and let go-to God or your higher power
I can relate to your timeline
I remember and Ive heard this from others
they proclaim their love right before BD
not sure why that happens to some
This is going to be short M. I´m at work, I have people in charge and they can´t see me tearing. I have no samples to justify using the microscope...
You are the lighthouse!
Peacetoday,
Thank you, yes I have a good feeling s10 coming home very soon.
I also know God has been my rock. I have hit rock bottom and
God gives me signs I am here. Not to far I am here keep holding on until I am
Done.
Many LBS in the beginning say bd is the worse day ever as I felt that way
But I also now can see and say God knows why he had to do that.
After having a seizure and almost dying I woke up had a spiritual awakening
Life was different for me I started living and being more compassionate.
I admit I changed alot but for good. It was a good change
W was not ready for change or like many have said maybe
W was always this way I just never seen it.
I am giving my life to God is his story not mine.
Neffer thank you, yes being the lighthouse for my kids.
I was in one point W lighthouse but it was draining me.
I felt like I was drowning. But now I am here for my kids.
All about them day and night.
Thank you again everyone for everyone who is keeping
Us in ya prayers. God knows I need all prayers
Marina
Keep moving forward
water attracts water at the same level
your growth will far exceed W-and R cant flourish when one person gets healthy and one chooses not to
Marina, it really does get easier. Once you stop caring more about her than you do yourself and your happiness, you will feel a sense of liberation that will allow you to breathe once more. It is coming.
Marina
Keep moving forward
water attracts water at the same level
your growth will far exceed W-and R cant flourish when one person gets healthy and one chooses not to
Marina, it really does get easier. Once you stop caring more about her than you do yourself and your happiness, you will feel a sense of liberation that will allow you to breathe once more. It is coming.
Two headshots from the start of the page. Good!
It's been a crazy busy day,
Wanted to say hello to everyone I will write down later tonight.
But in the mist of a busy day I forgot today would have been 11yrs together
Our anniversary. But as crazy this might sound.
I didn't remember I totally forgot until I got a reminder in Facebook..
Yay...
No tears or nothing just a normal day.
Best to forget--you can't really mark the passage of time you've been with someone when they took your heart and walked out the door. Count the passage of time that you have fought for your kids. That time is more meaningful.
Hello marina
It is good to see you reading and working towards understanding. The part in the brain book about the mind being broken like an egg, that does hit hard.
All the struggles you are dealing with in regards to W in therapy, meet ups, decisions, discussions, and so forth. You are handling yourself very well.
It is interesting when we forget an important date or event like your 11 years today. It is proof - detachment and letting go are starting to take hold. You will survive this, you will thrive this. Keep moving forward.
DnJ
Thank you everyone,
As time is passing I am finding it more easy.
To deal with W.
Is like I can tell when W is going to flip or when
W is being nice. W wants something.
Unfortunately until court and I get s10
Home permanently with his siblings
I will have to deal with W.
For now I call s10 when I don't have him every day.
W answers... grrrrrr it frustrates me but I also
Don't let it bother me.
I have said this once I get s10 home I wonder if W
Will be a vanisher. The way I see W Is either W will
get better or worse. Who knows.
Oh well we 4 just keep praying for her soul. Because
I can't imagine the demons W is fighting.
Trios and I had a Halloween party yesterday
So much fun. It was almost 10pm W met halfway
To pick them up.
I did invite W but W stated she doesn't feel safe being with
Me. I just ignore another excuse not to be part of kids life or
Activity. So sad. But kids where so happy. They didn't want
to go s10 said why we have to go to W house. Let's go home.
Mommy call her tell her we don't wanna go.
I listen to all three and said are you three safe at mom house.
Trios yeah...
Well Trios only for 1day and 7 hours and pick ya up Sunday
S10 well d10 and s9 I don't vet to go home with ya.
I held him look at him in the eyes I said
S10 you know am fighting for you and this mommy
Promises you whatever it takes I am bringing you home
To be with s9 and d10.
S10 I know mommy, crying and squeezing me.
M s10 you keep swimming when you close your eyes
and you see a light you keep swimming this mommy is
there waiting. You know I am also swimming and soon
I will catch you and not let go. Right now I am fighting to
Bring you home I will not stop fighting for you or your sibilings.
I am here. I will be here forever.
Trios and I did group hug.
W pulled up, Trios just got in W car.
W wanted to talk., I simply said they are tired.
W oh I thought they where mad at you.
M not at all. Bye.
I smiled at trio's and through them kisses and they catch it.
W stood there while I drove off like lost
I seen W through rearview mirror get in car.
As expected W might wanted to know about Halloween party
But W didn't go by choice. As W states she fears for her life but
Wants to be best friends for kids and wants to chat in parking lot.
Smh... that's all I can do.
Well, going to movies again and sushi with my Friend R who
Been around, R was our friend, R has been there like my other
Best friend, but as my bestfriend said R likes you.
At first I didn't think so as R was married 12yrs and separated for
2yrs. R has a d18 and has step it up in my eyes. But I looked at her as a
Best friend also but lately I see her different as I see R so tender
With my Trios, When d10 was sick R purchase medicine without question and drop
Off at front door as I was not home. R has showed up when I don't wanna
Be bothered, I have cried in R shoulder , R has been there through my worse
Trios Simply adore R. Also my bestfriend.
Well a month ago we went out for movies and drinks
As friends but bestie says that was a date. I said no but bestie
Says I know it was a date. I told my therapist and therapist said
That was a date.
Well guess what R text to say hello. R said what you doing later I said
Nothing, R said wanna go to movie and dinner.
I went radio silent. R text I guess not.
I replied is not like is a date lol. R replied
It will be our second date. Lol
I replied so is this a date.
R yes, if ok with you.
I replied movie and dinner ok
R ok fine. But its still a date.
I replied lol
So I keep you posted on my date. Wow I can't believe I
Was in a date and I didn't even know. It shows its been a decade lol.
Hello marina
I am glad you and trios had a fun Halloween party. The kids must have been tired parting till 10pm! Lol.
Just wait, soon they will outlast you easily with staying up late.
W sure is confused about what she wants. Fearful for her life, but wants to talk, but wants to leave. You got a good handle on things marina.
Wow! A date! Been a decade and didn’t recognize it. Ha ha. Good attitude towards all this. Hope the second date goes well.
DnJ
Journaling,
Well here we are again. Another therapy meeting and nothing.
Once again all my fault , and W brag about OW how they getting married.
Well let's start with this weekend.
W felt it was ok to leave s10, and s9 with OW for 2hr while
W went to mall with D10, due to boys being boys.
My concern is OW doesn't have good track record.
Ow is young and doesn't have kids and oh yeah CPS case
For gripping s9. W Said her lawyer said it was ok.
Well I don't think so first I don't trust OW. Or W
They mentally abuse our kids is sad.
When W told me Sunday I simply ask W didn't you call me
I would have pick up the boys. W yelled crazy because I can.
I just drove away am done with W nonsense
Well I simply emailed GAL and my lawyer I can't with W
So today was therapy with W
W of course is already pist from Sunday.
W guard is up.
So therapist ask how was our weekend. W of course went on
Therapist ask my side I said what I said. And therapist agreed about
W shouldn't have left them without having something written down.
W was defensive and angry.
W, what are you going to do when I marry her because we getting married.
M just nodded and said Congrats
Therapist ok but this about co parenting, you can't even coparent but
You want your girlfriend involved.
W well she not going anywhere, marina needs to know and accept it I am
Marrying OW.
M ok and nodded
W went on her rant.
Therapist ask the question what is keeping us from coparenting
M well let's say trust issues
T ok understand
W still ranting how she can't trust me, but I am an amazing person then said
Marina broke me. I left because I feared for my life. Blah blah.
T ok but can we coparent
M I am trying but how can I when I give w just takes gave her example of
This weekend.
T finally got fed up with W ask W do you ever shut up and listen.
Yelp I see therapist is getting tired of this.
I once again didn't say much. Because W was so focus on her marrying
OW how OW has a phd in physiology and is an executive for a bank.
W went on and on about her and OW.
And yes looking at her phone.
I once again said my peace Therapist ask again and I said do I think we can
Coparent No. Because as you see we coparent differently. I have different views.
How do I even begin to coparent with someone who doesn't give.
I said my peace. We going back next week but I honestly don't see this going anywhere.
W at this moment to focus on life then our kids.
I know I must stay focus on our kids.
As much I want two parents. I also can't force W to be a mom.
W admitted she loves kids differently. W said I don't have love for
Them like Marina does. I can't love them like her.
Which I nodded and said is ok to love them your way.
One minute W cried and one minute upset.
Once again nothing.
I only can pray for patience. And pray for W
And I wish W the best marriage. I wish W the best in life
M
sorry it seems near impossible to work with someone like your W
but you are doing a fabulous job dealing with her
She is delusional and acts like a child herself-
you sound stronger and closer to accepting and letting go-
Hopefully your W will either step up to the plate or possibly let kids go as time goes on so she and OW can play
keep moving forward and keep thinking about the what you want for your kids
know that one good parent is enough
they will learn from your role model
Marina, I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't really see a point here. I think she just uses these sessions to show her contempt for you.
Some people are just not capable of co-parenting. Perhaps it is time to consider parallel parenting, which might make more sense in your situation.
Again, I'm sorry. I don't like any process that looks like it is just an opportunity for abuse.
You made me cry for a change...
You are getting stronger and stronger M. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep shining bright.
Go for it.
Peacetoday, OneArt
Thank you again to you and everyone here.
This is my first time going through this.
I have dived myself and kids in therapy and family
Divorce groups and single parenting groups and
This forum.
So as ya can see I been doing this for awhile and read
Many other stories for days at a time.
But W is like a whole different monster. And her behavior
Is ridiculous. But one thing that caught my attention was
W was going on and one how ow has a phd and is an executive
Blah blah blah.
Therapist finally said ENOUGH we are not here for what OW does
When your getting married or who Marina have sex with every night.
Yelp therapist said that, but with that being said and as stated not sure
If I did here I been reading physiology books I been myself thinking
Going back to school to be a therapist for kids.
So yes going back. Therapist wanted to get a reaction out of W.
W body language said it all. W went from crossing her legs to uncrossing
To lean forward and right leg bouncing. W didn't like the thought of me
Being with someone.
So once we where done therapist wanted permission to talk with
Personal therapist I sign mine. W in other hand said I need to ask
My lawyer and walk out to make the call. Therapist is like fed up by now.
I could see, therapist said again thank you for cooperating with everything
I smiled and said welcome therapist said also when I said it doesn't matter
Who marina is sleeping with every night or how many women's is because she
Admittedly said I wanted to see W reaction and I did. It is interesting her
Logic.
I said yelp. Thank you again and see you next week. Bye W walks in and W
Says your not going say bye. I just walk bye W cheerful and all see you
Friday.
Me in my head. Woozers.... like wow... this is crazy
As soon I drove off I turn my stereo on to my Christian music
And Mandisa came on Overcomer I was singing so loud.
Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right
Looking for a ray of hope
Whatever it is you may be going through
I know he's not gonna let it get the best of you
You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, You're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to his promises
He wants you to know
You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
The same man, the great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of you
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing he can't do
He's telling you
You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
See don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer
Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer
Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
I was singing and tears flowing I cried for a good 15min driving and crying
While windows down. This song has been my hope everytime I have a rough
Day. It's been hard.
So again am not sure if many of you ever read the story of King Solomon's
Basically two women claim a child saying he mine he mine. The king
Said enough let's just cut the chil6in half. The one mom I would say
More like me said crying No please No. He would die. She can have him
I love my son that much she can have him. So now you know who the
Real mom is. Because no mom want there child hurt.
So lately I am tired of seeing our kids suffering so I want to call
The GAL and lawyers and say I love my kids so much I am tired of them
Hurting I just want the trio's together. W can keep them with her for them
To go to better school as long they together. And honestly they want
To play house. Let's let them. Play house. Let them get a taste of what life is with
Trios.
Well any input from ya. Or advice.
Hang in there. It´s ok to be tired. Just don´t give up. Today you are in a better place than yesterday. Tomorrow´ll be better. Stand in there and keep your light shining. Trios deserve that. It is for them now...
As compelling as that idea may be, I do not believe our judicial system has the wisdom of Solomon nor the power.
You most definitely do not want to abandon your kids in any form.
Keep working towards what is right and just, you will get there.
DnJ
M
hang in there
stick with the kids
Your W is not fit to parent
If you continue, I would hope to see a shift and all kids together in time
don't give up-
get some rest and find ways to dig deeper for strength-pray, talk, read, exercise,meditate journel
You will get to the other side and the pain you suffer will bring change peace and rewards later
hang on
Journaling,
It's been a rough 2 days.
W been again keeping s10 away
I am scheduled to call W text
W We need time change and only 15min on the phone with s10
M time will stay as we all agreed, and we are not time restrictions
W rant s10 has to shower and eat and do homework
He also has a life. He doesn't even want to go over
Your house
M again I will be talking to s10 and his sibilings
W rants goes on. Who the hell are you
I don't care call who ever the
F**k you call I am tired of this sh*t.
I simply sent GAL and lawyers W text and
Stated I simply can't with W. I am trying my best
To coparent W refuses for us to be part of s10 life.
S10 had a school event yesterday. I and d10 and s9
Where going to s10 school s10 was so excited.
S10 called me said Hi mommy today is event
I said I know we be there. I guess W heard the conversation
3min later my phone rings.
W we not going
M ummm why we are on our way
W because s10 doesn't want you there or s9 or d10
You don't get it. Get out our life.
Wow. I am dumbfounded.
First the freaking Illinois law [censored] on
Protecting kids. It's sad and heartbreaking
That things are not moving fast enough.
I can't imagine what s10 is going through
My monkey brain is wondering how s10
Is being mentally abused. How much longer
can s10 take we are talking about a child.
I am 40 and let me tell you 1 hour with W
I feel like am losing my mind. Is so scary.
I now get it when s9 and d10 say is scary going
To mom house. Is like she is crazy.
Sometimes she just sleeps,
One minute W is Yelling put ya jackets
On and rushing them.
I break for them. How can I protect my kids.
How can I protect them from this monster.
One minute W is like a little girls and the next
Minute is like a evil monster spewing horrible things.
I need lots of prayers. This momma is feeling
Hopeless only God could change this.
I have lost faith in the law.
Marina, I'm so sorry for this. I'm also going through a difficult time with mine just now. I do think it is the season. I hope it will pass after the new year.
You can protect your kids by being their safe place and letting them know that they are your priority. I'm telling you this, so I can tell it to myself as well. Kids like structure, order, safety, security. . . They like parents who parent and leave them out of the grown up stuff.
Keep staying calm, documenting, and reporting. The court will give great deference to the GAL.
I cannot fathom your pain
Separation from s10
Praying for you
Thank you Gordie, yeah I ache everyday
Is a pain nobody can ever understand unless
A child been rip from your arms and life.
This forsure has been my hardest battle
I ever have fault.
I believe and know God has his plan.
I just ask God to take it easy on my heart sometimes.
OneArt so sorry for you too.
It's hard. Especially this week
Today I didn't get s10 till Tomorrow
The GAL felt that s10 was to emotional
To be with us... yelp Gal said that.
Again I have lost my faith in the system.
Gal called saying I am more concerned that you and W
Can't manage to get ya Sh*t together.
Wow that hurted but like my lawyer stated
How dare the GAL say that when all you do
is bend backwards for W and her accommodation
I felt like GAL doesn't see anything wrong with W.
It just hurts so bad.
S10 saying he doesn't want to see me or d10 s9
S10 told GAL he doesn't want to visit.
S10 said he doesn't like scouting
I can go on. And as I stated to GAL really
And you can say W has not manipulated our s10
Gal no he telling me the truth I know when a kids are lying.
Wow wow wow...
Is like nobody takes d10 or s9 feeling they been crying for him
Asking why s10 not here today why didn't we pick him up..
I can't talk negative to kids about W I must just say tomorrow hun..
This crap is horrible.
Financially less than 200 bucks in account.
Struggling
Sick
Trying to put roof over our heads.
One thing I remember about meeting
Gal was when we spoke she stated one parent will
Give up financially it becomes to much money.
So I guess I become that parent where I might have to
Say I no longer can afford this.
I don't have family I been on my own since 17.
W has family they are bat sh*t crazy bit they
Stick together when things get bad.
They enjoy chaos. So I know financially I am done.
Hi Marina,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. That is a strange thing for the gal to say about one parent quitting. No matter her intention it seems like she’s stringing it out. Mine a week or two after I expected her decision f on what we’re were initially told but she was very clear she would make her recommendation before school so they weren’t as disrupted. I have to wonder if my kids were coached as d told the gal some lies but s told her it wasn’t true and thankfully they were far fetched. Has the gal spoke with your trios? Hopefully that will help. Keep documenting all of this. Since your counseling court appointed are their records going to be seen by the court? Hang in there and stay positive. Keep being there for your kids you’re doing great!
Kyh,
Yes it is strange that's what my lawyer said.
It's been 8 months since GAL been involved amd nothing.
Gal keeps saying I know you both can do this.
It's weird I don't want to monkey brain but is hard not too
Gal got involved in March and we are still here.
Unfortunately law [censored] here is 50/50 no matter
What unless a parent forfeits its right.
I am just so tired. And exhausted this is
Getting ridiculous. I jusr wish
They can see.
Gal said there's no reason why you and w should be getting
Out the car. I said absolutely your right I don't
It's W , W finds a reason to come to my car
And wanna talk and that talk becomes an argument
Gal was shock. I said if you ask any of the
Trios they will say my mommy does stay in her car.
And when I do get out to hug trio's
I stay right next to car door open to driver side
And usually W gets in between door and be yelling
I told GAL I need drop off now in police station
This is becoming to much.
Where I know s10 is just tired, all he hears W yelling
While am in the phone. W always rushing get off the phone.
Go shower blah blah blah..
My lawyer found it strange but she going to let this
Play out or things will change
Good morning Marina,
Just a few thoughts after reading this but maybe you should talk to your attorney or the gal about a set amount of minutes or timeframe you get to talk. It would be easy enough to do.
When my ex was in monster mode we met at the library a couple times and it worked well. My ex would try to pick fights too. She’s trying real hard to get you to react badly. I’m sure you wouldn’t but don’t put yourself in any situation with her alone. What you wrote reminded me of a time my ex got me cornered in a nook in the kitchen yelling in my face.
I think it’s a good thing the trios see something is wrong with your w. Kids that don’t recognize irrational behavior from a parent blame themselves. I try to give them some control by letting them pick some things we do, eat, etc. when I can. It was really helpful for them in the period your in.
Kyh,
Thank you yes I will have to.
With W I need everything in record.
I never thought this will end like this
So s10 with me. Been cuddling
I just simply held him
And said s10 am here. It feels I am far
Or you think I forgot about you.
I am fighting so hard for you.
S10 looks up and smiles
I know mommy.
S10 has the most beautiful smie I remember
Going to hospital when he was 4 months and his smile
Melted my heart. Still does.
I can see in those beautiful eyes he just tired.
I just don't get it. How can a GAL
See he in pain. S9 and d10 are such in a better place
Physically and mentally. S10 looks tired so tired.
W just wants control.
First today W went to my house not at drop off
I called ask where you at.
W I am at your house
M ummm why please bring s10 at drop, hung up
W was told not to get near my car at drop off
No reason to get next to me.
While reading my prayer book. W was staring
At me while faking hug with s9 and d10
W then walks to the front and just staring
I must say is true what they say once they see you
Have truly let go is like they realized
Oh crap M is moving on.
Yes emotionally I have. Yes I have let go of W
My friend R has really showed me your not a bad
Person. R infact is like W was nuts. I always knew you
Are truly a package you love your kids your
Very passionate about who you are and what you stand for.
I know W wants to know if R and I are dating
W brought it up at therapy. Which therapist said
Who cares we here to coparent
I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who
Truly broken me to the core.
I trusted W with me with my Trios and W
Did everything I protected my kids from.
I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.
The tears we cry, financially left me with less
Than 500 dollars with 3 kids then.
I remember telling W we didn't have no where to live.
W said not my problem.
I don't have milk
W not my problem
I have no food
W I don't care call your family
Remember the family I have ran from...
It has truly been hard. I ask myself sometimes
How am I doing it.
And the only answer is
God... he is protecting us 4 he is with me
Holding me and leading me.
I am just letting God do his work.
I know God has his plan. I must not question him
Let him lead me.
Hello marina
I have been reading and my heart goes out to you and your kids. My sitch is different with respect to my kids so I have no first hand experience. I am glad people like kyh and peacetoday, people who have lived through something similar are reaching out.
I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who truly broken me to the core.
I trusted W with me with my Trios and W did everything I protected my kids from.
I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.
You are getting well detached and starting to let go. You are seeking understanding and acceptance of this - very good.
How can W do this? She needs to. We cannot understand the MLCer’s action and behaviour from our viewpoint. Try to see or imagine things from her view, however a caution do not look or venture into the rabbit hole for too long - it is difficult to get free from.
For W, she is tormented by thoughts and demons you do not know about, and she may not even know about. She is plunged into depression, living in darkness and despair, and therefore lashing out at people once so dear to her. Confusion and conflict rein within her brain when she is not busily distracting herself, her past tortures her when she is still and quiet, imagine what she feels laying in bed, still, darkness, alone with her thoughts.
She is driven to do what she has done. She has to do it, she must escape her pain. She causes so much destruction and pain trying to find peace, all of which add to her guilt and suffering. She is so desperate and is taking such desperate measures to “fix” things.
You can understand her pain and actions, you need not condone them, she does not get a free pass.
If you can truely understand someone, her, you completely love them. How can you not? Understanding someone would allow you to understand their justifications for their behaviour. To see the workings of their mind and the suffering they are fleeing.
You do not need to fully understand W. If you can see this idea of understanding, and have a bit of empathy and understanding, then I am sure you can love her. That doesn’t mean being in an R with her, it just means you can care about and love her.
When you love someone, you will forgive them.
Being broken to the core, I do know what you are feeling. It will not prevent forgiveness, just keep working and healing yourself.
The loss of trust, will also not prevent forgiveness. The regaining of trust is another matter entirely.
“I simply can’t. I just don’t know how.”
marina, you can. It is a determined effort and you can do it. The process of focus on and protect you and kids, GAL, detach, let go, accept, forgive, etc... - it really works. You can get there, you will get there.
Forgiveness is really for you. W may not even know that you have forgiven her, and you may not want to inform her. When you find forgiveness you will find peace, contentment, and love in your life - even towards your W.
I do realize this is a bit in to your future, and may sound a little piece in the sky at the moment. Don’t worry and don’t give up. You are doing great and I am impressed on how well you have been handling your situation.
You are a good soul and a strong sprit.
DnJ
I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who
Truly broken me to the core.
I trusted W with me with my Trios and W
Did everything I protected my kids from.
I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.
.
This will take some time and you can’t force it, you are still dealing with a lot of anger. I’m still working on this, I’ve forgiven but I have to keep thoughts from coming back and getting energy from time to time.
Have you read any of Anne Lamott’s work? I was going to suggest it to you before as I thought you might like it. One of the things she says about forgiveness is “not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”
DnJ,
Thank you...
We are all here we all in this same boat.
My heart goes out to you and your kids.
Forgiveness yes I have I did that around 6 months ago.
Why.. because I felt it I knew for me to heal I needed to
Forgive her and everyone that hurted me. Even my abuser
Who took my childhood away.
So that I have done.
And I can't imagine what W is going through.
But I also went through a MLC crisis around 2014 I honestly don't remember much
It is truly a fog is like when I did wake up from my own coma from my
Grandmal seizure is when I woke up And when I say I woke up I mean it..
I seen the sky clearer, I smelled the air.
I see life different I sometimes feel I need to write a book
Waking Up....
Is something that some people might look at me like am crazy.
But in reality am not. I honestly woke up. I feel I have a calling not
sure yet but there's something God needs me to do.
Thank you again for everyone because I honestly don't know where I
Be at emotionally, is hard every day is hard but I always
tell myself there's someone out there who in worse place so
I take all my little blessings God gives Us 4.
Now interesting thing just happen.
W just called twice, I rejected calls because what's important
to me are sleeping in there beds.
I do hope W finds peace.
Journaling,
We didn't get anywhere again.
I basically did cried.
I ask why is it so hard for me trying to spend more time with s10.
So reason I said that was this week I ask for Trios be together for
Halloween.
W declined at first
But in therapy W said fine.
W you will pick him at 5pm ypu will take him here
You will have him back to me by 7:30 DO you understand yes or no
Therapist looks at me
M yelp I'll pick him at at 5pm I will take them to where you want
And by 7:30pm
Therapist how easy was that to coparent
But in my mind this was all controlled W her way
I simply don't get it how they can't see it or they do and don't say
Anything. All this can be a test.
W also stated next Wednesday s10 will be with my mom
As I have a meeting.
I stated I have first call of refusal.
W stated after 4 hours.
Wow wow wow...
I ask myself over and over why can't I have our s10 for
Those 4 hours so he can be with us.
I feel W does everything to keep us away. Or it feels
That way.
I am digging deep inside God knows am trying
It feels W is Winning this fight.
W makes the calls.
W tells me when and where to go
W refuses any suggestions for W to spend more time
With d10 and s9
And it feels the world is against me.
Since March, GAL been involved
And nothing has been suggested has
GAL says I have faith in both of you to be able to
Work this out.
W also upset about why I ain't moving blah blah...
W teared up fake tears.
W again makes therapist repeat so W can write what
Therapist says.
Yes today I was space out. I am tired..
Therapist said Marina are you with me.
M yelp... I am tired of this as you can see
We are not getting anywhere. Therapist agreed
She believes we will not be able to coparent.
I agreed therapist is right
1+1=2
Not 1+1=1
I give W doesn't
I give W wants trade off.
I give W just find a thousand reasons why she does her way.
So here I am wondering what will our life hold.
S9 cries himself to sleep seeing his s10 bed empty
They ask mommy when will s10 come home it feels
We never going be together.
Today feels hopeless...
Marina
hang in there-
Your W seems like a control freak..
this is her way to control you
Try something new-
Maybe loosen up and let go of S10..I know sounds harsh but pray to let go
read about letting go and trusting God and send clear energy to W that you will let go and trust that she will make the e best choices for S10
Just try it for a week- Every time you get disgusted at her for being a control freak-
you give it to God,,,you let it Go..
You trust that she too loves S10
You know God has your back
and picture things one day peaceful
co parenting in your mind
over and over-
reach for the best and highest thoughts around this
I know its hard to believe good when all we see is the opposite-
but see if you feel better
and see if anything changes
All the best,
p
I am so very sorry that you are having a difficult time and S10 is not there w/you as much as you would like. I agree w/Peacetoday in so many ways.
One of the things that I have noticed is that your w is a controller and wants to dictate everything including the time you spend w/S10. She knows that you want to spend time w/him very much...so, what does she do, she uses him to get back at you, to hurt you. I know that this is going to be extremely difficult for you, but you've got to let go of him for a while. I do think that if you don't show her how much you want him there w/you, she may eventually allow it.
MLCers are like children. Children want what others have and when they get it, they do not want to share and will go to extremes to tease/tempt others and then take away the toy. I think she's using your S10 to attempt to control you into doing what she wants.
For now, you have to have faith, faith in the man upstairs for he is the only one that can get through to her. Have faith that your w will do what is best for your son and that some day soon, he'll be reunited w/you and his brother. Try to focus on you and your S9. Find a way to help him because he is suffering too and needs to know that both of you love him as well as his brother.
Drop the rope a bit, try not to appear to anxious about your S10 around her. When she senses that she's lost that control, she very well may lose interest in sticking it to you.
Peacetoday
Yes thought of that a thousand times.
But then I get hunted will s10 thinks I forgot about him.
S10 stood really close to me this weekend.. he simply cuddled
Looks at me mommy I love you.
I hild s10 am here remember and am fighting for you.
But yes I have thought that.
I just know I worry about s10. His thoughts
Like did mommy forgotten about me. It
Feels W will get what W wanted. But I will think
Of doing that. It might be good for s10 and even me
Job
I agree also is hard but ya are right
W is all about control, smirks when she gets her way
Comes in to therapy like W about to go to the club.
W uses Victim method but then does another.
I am exhausted.
Thank you again Peacetoday and job
As God knows I will take all advice from therapist,
My friends here in this group. From anyone
That has gone through this H@ll...
Well in 3 weeks we are meeting again in therapy
But GAL will be there I will have time to process this.
I know my actions shows that I simply want our kids together
The trio's where adopted and raised.
Blood or not they are sister and brother they need each other.
W also stated that she hates how I raised them to be together and close
Team. She would say is a great thing what M is doing then says is wrong.
Going to my group therapy church will chirp in again.
I don’t think you have to give up the fight for S10, or make him question that you would do anything for him, but I think you have to face what you do not control and stop feeding her the kibbles she needs from you. I do think if you appear to back away that the game will be less satisfying for her. Does she really want the custody she is seeking? Does she really need to hear again how much you want to reunite them so it is something she needs to fight against. I think you weren’t far from it the with the King Solomon observation. But I think what she sees doesn’t have to be what you feel.
Because I love a good poem, this one by William Blake, “The Clod and the Pebble”:
"Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair."
So sung a little Clod of Clay
Trodden with the cattle's feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:
"Love seeketh only self to please,
To bind another to its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite."
OneArt,
I truly get what ya are saying, and I have now I follow
The court what they said.
Yes I do get upset and hurt when W doesn't want us
With s10 or does home separations.
Example are in W house
Her weekend W will have s10 spend night over at her mom
Or he goes to OW sister house.
I also know I can't control W house. Unfortunately what
Happens there stay there. The trio's do know I am
The safe place they can vent. I get it now it's hard
But I get it. But I also know in this process kids are hurting
To answer your questions.
S10 knows I love them all the same. S10 thought
When am in mommy m home I'll get away with anything
Nope. In fact s10 has been punished. I treat all 3 the same
If s10 disrespect s9 or d10 he gets in trouble. And he has
Told them that's why mom doesn't want ya. Oh trust me
It's been a crazy ride. But I also know they are kids.
I let them figure it out as long they not yelling and
Disrespecting each other.
Is hard trying to be the stable parent but I am doing it.
Does W want kids
So W has emailed me and has told me face to face
To let her live her life with s10 and for me to live
my life with d10 and s9.
W has not petitioned anything in court its only
been me. I been the only one trying to keep kids
Together. And also me get trio's. I miss my son.
I had my son rip from me.
So no W doesn't want d10 and s9. I also think she might
Not want s10, I know W is trying to hurt me. Unfortunately
W knows my weakness. I am a mom who always showed her
Love for her children. W didn't get a reaction of her marrying
OW so now she starting her mess again trying to
Keep s10 away.
I also am not trying to keep trio's from W. Believe it or not
These kids love her. They know mom is sick. Kids have a great
Therapist that is helping them get through this. There therapist
Have help them get through this. They know mom is sick
Not sure what that means to them as I don't ask questions I just
Listen. But I have an idea.
I am working on how to detach from giving her a rise
When she plays this sick game with s10.
All I can do is control me. I am not giving up the fight.
But am giving up the fight for me trying to get more time
For s10 through W. I know I need to stay focus and just
Keep showing everyone I just want us 4 together.
I want my 50% of the time. Is fair as I was not the one
To walk away left all 3 kids and 4 or 5 months later
W took him then I started the court process. Is unfair
But I know God has his bigger plan.
Journaling
Nothing much since Monday.
I been low.
I have given myself to God long time ago.
But I have given s10 to God.
I now only can pray and wait.
W has not called or anything for
D10 orS9
Thet have ask are we going call s10 mommy
I say yeah but I let time pass and say oh wow
Time flew we need to go to bed.
I honestly thought W would call for d10 and s9
But nope. So to answer many questions
No W doesn't want them.
Unfortunately I don't care.
Why... because I am there Hero they
Can see am here.
Happy Halloween everyone and remember
One day at a time sending everyone hugs
Marina:
Would it help if the next time they ask to speak to S10 you just encourage them to give him a call? As siblings, they should be able to speak to him whenever they want. You may have to follow an agreement re times, etc. But the kids should not.
You have to remember that you cannot force people to parent. If she plays games (sending them to others) so the kids aren't together anyway when they go over there, why not just not bring it. She probably won't want to see the others given her mindset.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know how badly I suffered the loss for my children when their dad decided not to be a parent. But you know what, they accepted it long before I did and my inability to accept it just brought them more grief.
Nothing has to be permanent or forever. Sometimes taking things one day at a time is hard enough.
We are all pulling for you.
OneArt ,
Thank you again for taking time to read my story.
Well let's say my sad story.
Well yesterday I get a call from GAL
Saying I know you ask to have s10 for
Halloween. I replied Yes
Gal I spoke with W pick him up till ...
I course teared up. S10 and s9 where in school
So I wanted to surprise them.
I was driving and d10 ask we go to best friend home.
Which my kids call her auntie. I said yes.
S9 this ain't the way.
M I know I am lost lol
D10 was little down. And sad
S9 whispering to d10
D10 this is mom store W goes there with OW.
Yes I pick s10 close to W house.
They both said mommy. I said yes we going
Have s10 for Halloween. They both where jumping and
Screaming. I know your going bring him home oneday
W pulls in s10 jumps out the car. Mommy mommy...
Biggest hug. I just look up and smile. I Whisper TY
W anytime
We drove off singing and excited about Halloween
Then also surprised BF with s10 which bf cried.
Bf hasn't seen s10 in awhile.
Kids had fun. Trick or treat then we had pizza
Time rolled in to take s10 house.
It broke me. All kids went from laughing to
Sad faces. S10 do I have to mommy.
M yes jist for now.
I am trying.
Trio's we know mommy. Thank you
Mommy. S9 this was the best Halloween ever.
Yeah s10 said.
We sing loud until we got to parking lot.
Kids said hello and W went on to ask a
Million question.
Where did you go.
Did you go here person...
Kids said no we went to mommy bf
House .
W looks and says ok as long ya had fun.
So here is the deal W no longer can't get close
To the car or approach me at all. Due ro W
Monstering always especially in front of kids.
W has been giving one last chance
Or pick up and drop off will be at a police station
Inside. I hope this will scare W a little
But I also know is hard for W as she wants to say or
Talk to me.
Again. W put us here. There was a time there was hope
Of reconciliation but it has gone to far. Now we don't talk
At all. And we now have a third party we text if
We need to say something about kids.
No more in contact.
Marina
That is good that W Let you take D10
I believe the more you detach and be cordial, and kind but distant and safe
she may let go of S
Im glad you thanked her
let her think she is the hero--The good one
this may cause her to want to give you more-
Maybe with W not allowed to get too close, will create enough distance fromt he situation and she may begin to let go more
especially if she wand OW want to play and go out-
Peacetoday,
I am happy W said yes to GAL that I can
Have s10.
I am just happy I got s10 and trio's where together.
Well nothing much on this end.
Quite over here,
I been in my funk. I been staying away from
Everyone, not sure if it's because is the holiday's
But this really is a crappy feeling.
I don't miss W that I know. Is just sometimes am alone
As I stated I don't go out, am not a drinker. I don't like clubs.
So I am here in a quiet home. But I like quiet sometimes.
Today am just emotional crying and sad.
While W is happy with OW. W picks up our kids like
Nothing. Happy as ever, then monkey brain goes on
Maybe W really is Happy and truly found her new Love
W words her true love. But if it is I am happy for W.
Marina,
W has found a temporary way to feel good through her new relationship
its not real and the other side will also appear as time passes
she is in la la land, but yes --you can be happy for her and wish her a happy successful life
send her great energy, forgiveness ect and let go-
I get the quiet home
I like home also
It seems not too exciting, but very peaceful-meditative-my music- kids-family
the things I enjoy are all here so its a win -win
good to be social also..freinds,,dinner movies,,dancing
you will find your way
sometimes days are low days
sometimes not
best to accept all days good and bad
make room to feel it al,l and do what we can to be grateful, positive and hopeful for our future
Any love in that relationship is based on loving the worst part of your W. Think of who the OW is loving! An awful person you would never even date. Y
I totally understand your feelings of hurt, rejection, betrayal. I have them too. All the time.
But I try to remember that the person my H is now, is not actually him. It's some alien who looks like him. Anyone who could love his current awful selfish self would have to be a pretty awful person too. It is just a big stew of lies and misery even if they look outwardly happy -- it's just a high of addiction to the new relationship or the running behaviors. We wouldn't call a drug addict happy even if that addict insisted s/he was!
Peacetoday, Gerda and all my friends.
Yes it must be the holiday thing,
Hope this pass.
It's been quite around lately which is scary usually
When is quite something happens.
W is an interesting character as I stated I
Sometimes don't know who am getting.
I stay quiet and Low.
Well fall is here, it's been raining and gloomy
I dated myself this weekend made
Myself covered chocolate strawberries
And purchase flowers and set them up.
Been watching movies and relaxing, house is quite
of course. Missing Trios.
Gerda, yes you are right that is how I survive
I tell myself W died is like having a evil twin sister.
As I say I stay low and away from W.
Peacetoday,
I only wish W the best. I pray W is happy
I remember clearly the day BD, the only thing I have
Actually believe W is when she stated I lost myself
I truly believe W. She did lose herself, but I think we all
Do as parents and spouse. I hope W is happy with OW
If I couldn't make her happy maybe OW does.
Thank you agin for advice, I have let go ,
I don't hover over s10 as I know W uses s10 as
Her game. Because W knows I love my kids.
I believe W knows I have let her go so s10 has
Became her new twisted game in her head.
Just taking it a day at a time. Now mentally preparing
Myself for Thanksgiving as I might not have s10 again
This year. But I now let God take over. God knows I want
Our trio's together. Hoping for a miracle.
Yes a miracle is coming your way!
Listen to Joel olsteen if your inclined
he has a great message
Peacetoday,
Yes a Miracle is all now I depend on.
So weekend was good, besides stressing about finances
I received a email from lawyer and GAL
Gal needs a payment ASAP or she won't be able to represent my kids case
Lawyers know my situation so lawyer is worker with me.
As many know I have no family, I basically raised myself I have had several surgeries I
Can't work. And if I could who then would watch s9 and d10.
I now only can pray. Because I still remember clearly that I was told
By GAL financially one of you will give up because it will cost you to much
Yelp that would be me. I have no money. My bf said to open a
GoFundMe page. But as I stated I won't because there is worse
People out there. This is a fight I must do.
But it has also gotten me thinking I should start once I get on my feet
How can I make a difference in someone life that has gone through many
Of us do when MLC leave us. Many of us is left with nothing in my case
That was me. My W took every penny. And left me with bills, and everything in the
House. We rented so is not like I could have sold the house.
But I count my blessings with what I have. But it's sad that I might have to give
Up this fight because financially I can't. And if I have an extra 200 left a month
I need to feed s9 and d10 they are growing and need food, clothes warm bed ect
W doesn't see that. W has stated you have family call them.
Mind you this is the family that are f up in head from drugs, child Abuse, physical abuse
Alchohol. I can go on with why I left 20yrs ago.
Hi, Marina -- I don't know what your situation is as far as reasons you can't work, but what I decided in mine -- I already have 6 part-time jobs, and I can't take a full time job because of my kids' needing me so much, and esp my son refusing to go to school and having to work so hard to get him to go each day.
But I decided that there is nothing more important than their being represented in this horrible custody situation, so I decided to ask all of my cousins and friends for small loans to put a retainer together, and I have gotten a few thousand that way. And for the rest,I am going to find a 7th job. It's only going to be for a little while, and I have to do it for my kids. You can't give up. Your W is crazy! You can't leave the kids with her! And she already has a live-in OW?! That is really unhealthy for them to be around that!
Is there anything at all you can do for work while your kids are at school so you can make something extra to pay that lawyer? Can you be a para at their school? Can you work part-time at a grocery store? Can you rent out a room in your house on AirBnB or to a regular renter?
Hello marina
I am still following along, seeing all the wonderful advice you are getting.
I have a question / concern / suggestion.
I have no money. My bf said to open a
GoFundMe page. But as I stated I won't because there is worse
People out there. This is a fight I must do.
Why will you not consider a GoFundMe page, your bf has an interesting, and outside the box idea.
You state because there is worse [off] people out there. Are you worried if you take some money someone else will get less? There is lots of disposable money to go around. Someone may just be looking to support you and your situation, and not something else, so they end up doing nothing.
Yes, none of us are the worst off, one can always find someone less fortunate, someone they can reach out too. That does not dimish your own needs or those of your children.
You can get help, you can do this, without stepping on others along the way. Something I have seen you demonstrate already.
Focusing on and protecting you and your kids extends beyond just W and OW. You are the one who needs to fight for your kids, they are too young to do it for themselves.
As I said, I was wondering your reasoning and reluctance to explore this option.
Hope you have a great day.
DnJ
Gerda, DnJ and everyone else who been following
My stitch.
Well here is a couple answers to questions.
Gerda, work so 2yrs ago I almost lost
My left hand. And is also my left hand, is my left
Hand I did everything as I am a lefty. I was injured
At work. I have gone through 7 surgeries. The
Last surgery they installed a pain stimulator. Basically
I was wired from my brain to my spine and I control
Myself so I can control movements in left hand.
As that was done. This is when W clean me out and left
I had money saved we where in a good place but oneday
W woke up and financially took it all. So as my worker's
Comp lawyers said we gotten this far. If you go back to work
They will stop paying for medical needs. I am in the process of
Getting pain stimulator reinstall and they infused my vertical c4
C5 and c6 they are fused together I am having difficulty with infection
And movement and pain of course.
So yes I have considered going back to work. I am put in a situation that
I must go and forget about me, i know we supposed to care for ourselves
But honestly my situation is getting worse I will explain that.
I don't have family I left at a very young ago to protect
Myself from mental and physical abuse. I have been on my own
So if I call people I removed myself from almost 20yrs ago. Also
Know I am opening a door that I should have kept close
DnJ
GoFundMe page, well let's say I have not many friends that will
Help. I am basically been a loner always I like to stay in my world.
I never been social, and I also have no family I could ask for help.
So yeah that would be hard to even begin
I have a social media but that also will open up alot of questions as I
Have been quite about my situation. It's only been me and the trio's
I moved here for W. I have lots of W friends and family still. Some
Of them don't speak to W and don't know how bad this is. In one weekend
Things turned horribly.
Ok so now let me go to this weekend
I pick up d10 and s9, W of course should not get out the car or
Get next to mines. Well W gets out and walks s9 and d10 to car.
I didn't moved or said anything. W says Hi while s10 is hugging me
S10 jump in car giving me hugs and kisses.
I realized W needs control. Is crazy
Well d10 and s9 where very quiet. Literally quite
I knew something happened they where so quiet
Like broken. Like there spirit broken.
I just held them and reassured them I love
Them and they safe and I am here.
So yesterday after school they both sitting in tables head
Down. I was cooking. I hear a little voice
Mommy come here I sit with them s9 grabs my hand and says
Don't cry amd remember what you told me. Its not your fault.
I said ok s9. But as he was speaking those words my stomach knotted
Felt like I was going to vomit. I started breathing because I knew whatever
Happened this weekend they where about to tell me.
S9 has his head down. I lift his chin and said I am here and held his hand
S9, well this weekend mom choked me, and punch me and was dragging me
Around.
D10 I heard everything I ran to help me mom yeld get back to bed.
S9 Mom got mad because I was playing and not going to sleep.
Ow was in my face screaming [censored] the f up
S9 I don't want to go back I will kill myself if I have to go back.
I of course froze. I had to get my thoughts together.
I know I must now figure out what's next.
I got myself together at first I wanted to go to W house and beat
Her door down. But in reality I am the stable parent.
I got on the phone GAL and my lawyer
Unfortunately there response was well
You can call CPS but they going investigation
But they will close it as W is not consistent.
W had two open case and always have blamed s9
For everything. The two cps case was for also choking him
And ow gripping him up.
There's been marks but I guess not enough for child abuse
Mental abuse forsure. W speaks so ill to them and horribly
Now I have called the police department and cps. Now I am waiting for them
To interview kids and so on.
Today taking s9 to therapy and see what I need to do to
Help him deal with this. W only seems to pick on him
Remember s9 was my nephew We adopted him.
So s9 looks like me and have all my characters.
He the type of kid you can't bribe he will speak
Out which I love about him.
My poor baby is hurting and I can't do nothing.
I need all the prayers and support.
I am struggling and I honestly feel lawyers are more
Worried about pay. Instead of kids mental and physical
Well being.
oh marina, that is HORRIBLE!
I am not a legal expert so I can't really advise you on that front, but that makes me sick and I think I would have had a hard time not going to Ws house and kicking down the door. I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this while recovering from all your surgeries. Well, I'd be sorry about that whether you were recovering or not but the recovery makes it all the harder to kick down the door.
That seems like flat out abuse...is there no way to remove her rights based on that? Sorry, again...I am clueless in that arena. I'd be perusing removing her ability to see them unsupervised, but I guess that costs money. If you start a go fund me page, are you allowed to share the link here? I'd share it with my peeps.
My thoughts are with you. I wish I had some kind of useful advice, but you have my support.
((marina))
Marina
Im so sorry
Do your investigating to see what the legal aspect of this is
and maybe see if s can not do visits, or at least temporarily
get all the information that you can and pray
maybe you can ask therapist to ask W if it would be easier for her ans OW - not to have s if she sees him as a problem
Im not sure why the court would allow a child to be abused by a parent
this is against the law-there is no excuse for that-
I would move heaven and earth to protect my kids from that craziness
I would do anything and everything within my power
sometimes you can call and L will give free legal advice
family lawyers
I would call a few to get suggestions
especially if yours are not helping-
hang in there-
Marina, this is terrible I feel horrible for the kids. Im not sure about state’s but when I thought my ex took off w the kids (I’m really not sure she that didn’t and turn around once lawyers started calling) my attorney was ready to file an emergency custody order. Maybe it’s something you could speak w your attorney about.
marina,
That is horrible. I read that and got p!ssed off, angry! How dare OW and her do that to your sweet S9.
I understand you have called lawyer, GAL, police, and cps. I do hope one of these departments can find their way through the red tape maze and actually get something done!
I am sure you have, and are, reassuring the kids that none of this is their fault.
Press your lawyer, there must be a legal avenue to address this. Document this abuse and submit it to authority - L, GAL, etc...
Praying for you and your kids.
DnJ
What about filing a temporary restraining order? Can you go to domestic abuse center for help to file one? This sounds very dangerous for the kids. A TRO can maybe at least give them a break and let W see that this is very very serious.
Wow, thank you my divorce busting family,
It feels great to see all this support as I am here alone.
Well let me update as much I can. I must say this case has
Emotionally drained my lawyer, lawyer also went through a rough experience
With her Ex and he was pretty much like W. A monster
Lawyer did recommend to hire another lawyer to see what they
Can come up with. As lawyer stated maybe they could have something that
Can help us. I understood what lawyer was saying and respected her
Honesty this has been a tough case.
I guess my case was a first, Gay couple with 3 adopted kids.
They didn't even know how to file it, so they filed as they would
With a husband and wife.
One thing I realized there will be a purpose why this happen.
I know that the system for our children's really [censored]
Kids are not protected, kids are not believed, kids are made
Out to look like liars. So sad.. it really is
Sjohnson6
Yes keeping calm was the hardest thing I had to do
I had to compose my thoughts first, I had to remind myself
Your the stable parent, W wants to catch you angry W
Wants to show the world, oh you see Marina is angry.
So I couldn't give W that satisfaction. I did everything the right
Way followed lawyer advice from calling GAL, CPS and therapist
And school and anyone who would hear me.
But God was my strength as I had to call out on him first.
Yes it is abuse, W mentally abuses them and s9 has became her
Punching bag. Unfortunately s9 is known as the liar I yesterday
Finally yeld at the GAL I know he is a child only 9 but I believe
My son. I know as W at the end before bd did the exact thing to me
I am just not that person to say it because it was between W and I.
So yes the system [censored].
Peacetoday,
Yes I did recommend to my lawyer and it's being recommended for
S9 not to go until we figure out what's the problem.
I know as his mom what's happening
W control's everything as long you say
Ok W
Things will go well, s9 speaks his mind he is very outspoken
And you can't bribe s9. He is such a lovable kids but he also
Knows how to stand for what's right or wrong. And W hates that.
Yes yesterday from 7am till almost 8pm I was in and out and phones
Trying to figure out what can I do for now to get protection for s9
And all of us. As I can see W is spiraling. W is angrier when W doesn't
Have power.
Even if I have to go in hiding.
But that will mean giving up s10 and I know s10 is going through
Hell with W. I can't imagine me leaving him behind. I am fighting for
All 3.
Kyh,
When W left I had all 3 kids but nothing was in court.
W basically walk away. So when W took s10 I consider that
Kidnapping unfortunately No because nothing was filed then.
This is why I started the process legally so W can't just take s10
Away from state or anything.
Now if W does take s10 away out of state it will be considered kidnap
DnJ
Yes documents and pictures and police report done.
Now waiting but it's been a rough two days now.
Not sleeping or eating.
My lawyer said I know is hard but maybe withdrawal your case
I cried and said forget about s10 lawyer said sometimes we have to
Do things. I know this is hard but I am not going give up if your not
But I can see this case going on for a long time.
When lawyers said that I felt my heart collapsing, I wanted to hide
I wanted to scream. But I know I can't as I know W wants this.
W has family and good job and OW to help her. So W will keep
This going until W can break me. But I know I can't I know
S10 needs me too. As I know W is also might be abusive with him
If mentally bit W is. S10 has also said W tells him to stop acting
Like me and yells and curses at him when s10 does things that remind
W of me.
I can tell you all this. I am not done. I will have to be in my grave
For me to stop fighting for my kids. God gave them to me
To protect them and I will. It's been rough but I am not giving up yet.
I have taken my lawyer advice and some people advise for help.
As I know oneday I will pass it on. So I created a GoFundMe page.
Any contributions will help.
https://www.gofundme.com/lawyers-fee-and-custody
Light from the lighthouse is shining bright. Through the night, mist, storm or haze. Lighthouse is there!
Marina
seems like you have good direction
and all will eventually work out for the children-
Just keep pressing forward and taking action and then Letting go and trusting
keep seeking support for you
My highest hope for you is for you to find peace and comfort
the kids need you-
In the end, God has the final word
hang in
Journaling,
Nothing much in this end.
It's crazy how our children system have failed our kids.
In therapy today I cried my eyes out and was just
shaking my head. Over and over again how GAL
Said s9 is being over dramatic, and GAL feels he lying
My therapist said what is your mom gut telling you.
I replied W did, W at the end before BD eyes would change
Black literally shark eyes and gripped me from my throat
And another time drag me. So yes I believe s9. As he said
It, I just stood in shock because I went back to those days
As s9 explained I visualize W doing it.
W has controlling ways I think we all do mines where
More of W staying home more and becoming more of a mom
I realized I can't make W be a mom. I have let go of that I know
W would never love trio's like I do. I excepted it.
But I would have never thought W would have done this.
Not to a child.
My therapist said you keep being your kids voice.
You keep protecting them. You keep fighting
She feels Gal is using bullying.
Unfortunately therapist said I have worse cases
Where daughters get abuse by dads and they still
Have to go back to house.
I am st all how Mess up and F***? Up the system is.
I just don't understand And I am at all.
I am going to do whatever it takes it won't matter if
S9 tells me mommy I am scared please don't send me
I won't I will go to jail but I won't I know W is going through something
Dark. And we can't be her punching bag.
Just keep praying as I am moving earth and whatever I have to do
Hi Marina
I would believe your kids over your MLCr anytime. Yes the system [censored] everywhere. I am in Canada and when this happened to me the therapist treated my girls as if they were dramatic, fed by me, liars and zero value on their opinions. Only until i filled a police report and they sat down with my XW alone they advised me to keep the girls away from her until she sorts things out. Shark eyes... crazy they all have it. Like looking into someone soul and seeing darkness. Huge depression does that.
keep fighting the fight for your kids. They are young so they can't speak for themselves. Keep track of everything and don't be shy to record conversations.. Your kids will thank you one day
Going to jail is not an option as everyone loses especially the kids. Keep moving forward. That's all you can do.
IrishM,
Thank you, yes I held s9 as his eyes weld
Up nobody believes me, I held s9 and said
I believe am right here, I believe you that's what Matters
S9 is really broken, a soul crushed so sad
D10 been quite her therapist says she feels
Guilty she didn't do more.
Wow. In one freaking weekend
W destroys us, am even broken
Right when I start feeling strong boom
That feeling gone overnight. It [censored]....
I get s10 tomorrow and interesting thing
Happen, GAL called W agreed 1 week on
And 1 week off. Now am questioning why not
Accept this 3 months ago. Is W now scared that
Cops where involved or W knows she might lose custody.
Not signing anything until my lawyer says ok.
That's good that W has agreed to let you have 1 week on and off
she probably wants freedom--keep praying that w will let go of s10
Many Mlcers do not want the responsibility of kids-and depending on the MLCer, their OP and their addictions,
some drop out altogether-I see that for your W
Im hoping she will let go totally as she gets sicker in the tunnel
Peacetoday,
Praying, my lawyer was wondering herself
Why change of heart, we wanted this month's ago
But now with s9 and 3rd Time I am scared can
W handle all 3 kids every other week. How can this
Affect s9,
One day at a time I guess.
I take it but I know GAL was very upset of CPS
Being called and police report.
I basically just said "I believe s9"
I will not call s9 a liar like W has and GAL has.
I believe my kids,
I misunderstood-sorry
I didn't think W would get every other week
I just though she was giving you the week
I don't know how I would feel about s9 having to go
Maybe there is a way she can get D only?
maybe W would be ok with that-
I am concerned that your S9 is going to be staying w/her. Check him over when he comes home, if you see any bruises and/or scrapes, then take photos. If your S9 talks to you, document everything he says. Hopefully, when she discovers how much time, energy, attention and work it is to take care of the children, she will change her tune.
Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself.
When you have a moment, please start a new thread and link the two threads together. Thanks so much!
New Thread:
Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can part 2