Link to last thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2750003&page=10JOURNALING
My son's family party was fairly uneventful...that was a good thing. Instead of being all of the grandparents, it was only the inlaws that totally enable the Ex, so at least she was comfortable. Her father and mine were out of town, and my mom had an excuse. It was valid, but I won't go into details.
It was so weird because it felt just like things were a year and a half ago. Laughter filled the house and everyone picked on everyone. It was as if the last year hadn't happened. The only thing that brought it back to reality was that after a couple of hours she picked up her things and left. She had told my two oldest goodbye and they went back to their rooms, so my youngest and I walked her out thru the garage. As she was getting into her car, she turned and said..."I love y'all", then got into the car and drove off. What a gut punch. I know that was probably a slip of the tongue, but that was totally unnecessary. Anyway, it was weird.
On a better note, I got to practice driving with my daughter yesterday. She is so cute and looks great driving the Jeep. She said that she much rather drive with me than her mom, because of how loud and spastic her mother is when she rides. I guess I'm just the chill parent. The funny thing is...my oldest said the same thing 5 years earlier...haha!
I hope everyone has a great day.
2 Corinthians 12:9
but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Welcome to your new thread.
Ye are a great bunch of people so why wouldn't she love ye. But there are types and degrees of love between.different people. Accept it as a compliment or just as a positive and move on. Don't dissect it to determine it's inner meaning,because you will never find it.
I am glad you were able to have a normal party for your kid. Firstly it is rising above the situation and secondly it beats uneasy interactions.
Best wishes
Link to last thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2750003&page=10JOURNALING
My son's family party was fairly uneventful...that was a good thing. Instead of being all of the grandparents, it was only the inlaws that totally enable the Ex, so at least she was comfortable. Her father and mine were out of town, and my mom had an excuse. It was valid, but I won't go into details.
It was so weird because it felt just like things were a year and a half ago. Laughter filled the house and everyone picked on everyone. It was as if the last year hadn't happened. The only thing that brought it back to reality was that after a couple of hours she picked up her things and left. She had told my two oldest goodbye and they went back to their rooms, so my youngest and I walked her out thru the garage. As she was getting into her car, she turned and said..."I love y'all", then got into the car and drove off. What a gut punch. I know that was probably a slip of the tongue, but that was totally unnecessary. Anyway, it was weird.
On a better note, I got to practice driving with my daughter yesterday. She is so cute and looks great driving the Jeep. She said that she much rather drive with me than her mom, because of how loud and spastic her mother is when she rides. I guess I'm just the chill parent. The funny thing is...my oldest said the same thing 5 years earlier...haha!
I hope everyone has a great day.
2 Corinthians 12:9
but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Glad you had a good time.
Are you content with being single now?
I know you don't believe in d, but now that you are, will you continue to stand?
I hope and pray that all is as well as can be with all of my friends here.
Life has a funny way of pushing us and pulling us where we need to be as certain points of time. None of us has asked to be here, but for some reason we are. I know that our MLC'er spouses are lost, but for some reason, I think I was too for quite some time. Even though I have suffered for the last 18 months due to the craziness of this, I have truly begun to find me again.
Everyone here that has given advice and swung a 2x4 here and there have been awesome. I heard something on a podcast this morning where a woman said she was tired of trying to save her marriage and that it was time to save herself. That spoke loudly to me. If we all stand up and save ourselves then either way we will become better for it. As roist has said...first we must survive, then we will thrive!!!
Journaling:
A couple of weird happenings.
1. I walked the EX and the kids out to her car from a football game. She has injured herself and I wanted to make sure they got to the car OK. Once I hugged and kissed the kids goodbye she limped up to me and gave me a huge hug. She has never initiated physical contact...at least not in a long time. I have always had to be the pursuer. It totally caught me off guard.
2. I went to an inlaws Bday party the other night and had a great time. I had my oldest with me...it is cool and odd having a beer with your oldest child. I'm just saying. Anyway, I was standing at the bar talking to a lady, who I thought was the wife of the owner of the restaurant. She had a great taste in drinks and actually shared one with me...separate glasses. Anyway, my brother later tells me that he was trying to introduce us as she was not the wife of the owner...she was widowed a year ago. I know they mean well, but I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm sure we are bother still grieving in our own ways.
3. Received a package in the mail, but after opening it I realized that it was for the EX. She ordered some clothing and it was shipped here. Seems she is still trying to dress the part of a much younger woman. I guess I liked the skin showing when we were married, but now it seems excessive. Just sayin'.
1. Well, seems like your XW does still have occasions where she says really nice things to you, the rare hug...and good that you note it but don’t dwell on it or try to mind read. Seems like you guys are friendly but not friends right? And neither are openly involved with new partners.
2. Funny how you found each other without getting set up. If you aren’t ready now then you just aren’t. But who knows what the future holds. Seems like you conversed easily, maybe because you thought she was an unavailable married woman so you weren’t nervous about how you were coming across but just being yourself.
3. Yes, it’s all a part of their transformation. W used to look down on women who dressed like that, had plastic surgery, etc..and then...
sounds like you're doing well, considering all the stuff you've gone through. I would never argue with someone who says they are not ready to jump into something new and are still grieving.
i can tell you this: i'm digging the person I'm currently dating: myself !!!
I know when exh would initiate it would throw me for a loop. Not so much any more, thankfully. Just accept, as you have, note it and keep living your life.
What I like most here SBJ is that you're true to yourself. You aren't pushing yourself to be in a spot that you think you should be in or anything like that. Bodes well for the future. Keep it up!
xoxo
bttrfly & Gord...thanks for checking in on me.
bttrfly, no I'm not in a rush to be somewhere I think I should be. I guess I am comfortable being me. I don't have a need to simply have someone beside me at all hours. Maybe I am just trying to get back to who I am.
Gord, things are going well. Like I responded to you in your post, I am trying to find me again and remember what I want out of life. We get wrapped up in our wives and what we think they want for our families, that we might lose ourselves.
I know that God has a plan for us all, but sometimes we hit road bumps that throw of off of our true paths. Maybe this is our road bump that will ultimately push us where we are supposed to be....kind of like Him steering us into the proper direction. I lean on Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28. He wants the best for us and ultimately we will get there.
This is my favorite time of year...my Bday and the opening weekend of deer season. Sometimes all you need are some time in the woods with family and friends and of course some good bourbon.
“In the woods is perpetual youth. In the woods we return to faith and reason.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Just wanted to say Happy Halloween to all of you guys and gals here.
Also please give a little love to my Astro's tonight. Hoping they can seal the deal over the Dodgers.
Congrats SBJ!! This Sox fan is very happy for you! xoxo
bttrfly...I am not a die hard baseball guy, but I love my Astros. They pulled one out last night.
Journaling...the last few days have been interesting. The ex isn't a very sentimental type at all but I guess I am. Halloween is the anniversary of our engagement all those years ago. We don't really talk about it, but this was the first one we were not going to celebrate together as she had the kids. I had invited some friends over to watch the game. At the last minute she tells me that she, a girlfriend of hers, and all of the kids (my 2 youngest, the friends 2, and 3 or 4 other friends) were going to T/T in our neighborhood. Just as I shut down the candy dump to focus on the rest of the game, here they all came pouring into my house. All 9 of them needed to take bathroom breaks and wanted to get something to drink. I have a 2nd fridge that we use for drinks and ice cream so we were stocked.
The odd part was when the ex needed to go to the restroom, she asked if I minded which one she used...I thought, how about the one that was yours for the past 13 years. Then when leaving, as my bday was the 1st, she turned and shouts that she wanted to be the first to say happy bday. It still just seems so bizarre.
Yesterday, she called a couple of times about the kids and some work stuff, but never mentioned my bday, but then around 4pm she texts an apology for not saying it. I guess their short term memory is fried too.
Anyway, this morning she asked if I had a good bday, and if we enjoyed dinner last night with my kids and parents. Sometimes they are so inquisitive...especially when they weren't there. I told her we had a nice time and left it at that.
I'm excited about this weekend and a bit sad. This is opening weekend of rifle season for whitetail in TX, but Sunday is also the 1yr anniv. of her moving out. It doesn't seem like it has been that long. I'm glad I will be with family and friends to keep my mind off of that and onto something that I love doing.
SBJ,
Sentimental? Maybe you are but maybe you are wired to remember dates. Funny, I remember events but not dates. Can’t tell you date of first kiss or engagement or b d. I can tell you birthdays and anniversaries and those sorts of big date. Enjoy the deer hunting. There is something very peaceful being in the woods all by yourself for hours and being in a deer stand is icing on the cake.
Gord, you are right...I am senti- "mental".
I enjoyed a weekend away hunting with my S20, my brothers, and many friends. Even though I was away, Sunday was kind of rough. I guess it is weird thinking that a person that you put all of your heart and soul into has been out of your life and house for a year. It has kind of spilled over to the rest of the week, but I am trying to work thru it.
We will never understand the way they think, but I'd like to at least hope that they feel some type of remorse. I guess it doesn't make it any better for us either way, but it's just the way my mind works.
I hope and pray that all of you are having a great week.
SBJ: I enjoyed a weekend away hunting with my S20, my brothers, and many friends.
G: awesome, did you bring any home?
SBJ: Even though I was away, Sunday was kind of rough. I guess it is weird thinking that a person that you put all of your heart and soul into has been out of your life and house for a year. It has kind of spilled over to the rest of the week, but I am trying to work thru it.
G: sorry to hear it was rough, but it’s healthy to grieve...”weird” is an understatement.
SBJ: We will never understand the way they think, but I'd like to at least hope that they feel some type of remorse. I guess it doesn't make it any better for us either way, but it's just the way my mind works.
G: agree we will never understand. Hanging around here, seems like remorse takes years if ever. Look at Irish’s XW. We look at our exes and say, what happened to their conscience?
SBJ: I hope and pray that all of you are having a great week.
G: you too, brother.
Gord, all I brought home was a hangover. I have more hunts scheduled, so I am in no real rush.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Funny thing...when the W was still in the house over a year + ago, she tried on one of my daughters drill team dance outfits...I took a pic of her and told her how hot she was, because she was for sure. It was quite small, but she is a fit size zero. I didn't think anything of it. It was when this thing started. Well last week, my daughter said she had just gotten her dance costumes for contest in and showed me the pics. One was cute and the other was kind of...not. She and I were driving home yesterday and her mother called. I overheard my daughter saying that her friends like the pic. When they hung up she had said that her mom tried on her costumes and she had taken a pic.
It is funny that my Ex has this fascination in fitting into a 15 year olds dance costumes. I guess it is all a part of the I can still get into it and I still look young and hot kind of thing.
Maybe it is a woman thing...ladies, please give me your reactions. Is that something that women do...trying on their daughters stuff? I know I don't try and fit into my sons clothes for any reason. I might look like a 47 yo skater or a wannabe hipster...haha.
Dunno, what she is thinking. I know in the women in MLC book a lot of women have issues when their daughters go through puberty and unfairly compare their middle aged bodies with their daughters’ teen bodies. I know my stbx went through that. Men have their own issues, but they are different.
Dunno. I have no daughters, just a sweet boy. My mom never tried my clothes on when I was a teen. None of my girl friends with daughters have ever said they were trying on their girls' clothes. Usually it is the other way around - the girls try on Mom's things.
It's not uncommon for people in MLC to try on their children's clothes. Why? Because they are mentally back to that age and may want to see what they look like in them or they are trying to visualize how they would have worn those clothes at that age. Maybe your wife missed out on this type of activity and is trying to relive her life through her daughter's life and clothes.
I knew a woman who rituously shared clothes with her teen and always bragged about them being the same size. Not sure she was having a MLC or not. But what was very clear is that she was deeply insecure about aging.
There are lots and lots of women who could fit in the their daughter's clothes. But just because you can doesn't mean you should or that it's a good look. In general people kind of felt sorry for her because she was trying so hard to be 17 again.
Thank you for your responses...I guess it is somewhat different from MLC women vs men. Most of you are correct when you say that they want to still fit in and see what they look like in younger clothing. At some point my daughter will buy bigger clothing because she is taller than my ex, but they are both very slim and fit.
I found out last night that the ex has taken on yet another volunteer committee position. I laugh because we always use to make fun of my commitment to scouting with my oldest...they claim that it is just an hour a week, but seemed to be so much more. My s20 told me that she added something else...he said they only meet once a month. That is great, but if you have multiple obligations that all meet once a month, then your plate is full. It cracks me up that they need to fill themselves with things that make them feel important and receive accolades for a job well done.
I guess no matter how well we thought we did with regards to loving them, acknowledging them, praising them, or even just being there for them..if they didn't "get" it then they will continue to look for that elusive creature.
I feel 20#'s heavier from the food and yes I've got some meat in the freezer. Wild Pork and a nice fat freezer queen. I will be able to go out a few more times before the end of the season.
There is nothing like being in nature to put life into true perspective. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving Holiday. I know they are rough times, but even though we are hurting, we have a ton to be thankful for..
I can't believe it has been a month since I posted on my thread, but I have been keeping up with others. Life is busy for us since it is the end of the year.
I hope and pray that we are all able to have a Happy, Blessed, and Merry Christmas.
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31
Update:
My oldest and I spent a long weekend hunting and I asked my ex if she'd drive my daughter over to tend to the pets...which she did. When I got home after 4 days away I walked into the house and something was different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something. I then went to my bedroom and the lights were on. When I texted my daughter about it, she said that she had watched tv in my room while her mother was cleaning the kitchen and mopping. That's when it hit me what was different...not that the kitchen was dirty when I left, but she had shifted a few things that I had kind of moved around, back to where they had been previously...weird I know, but she also just tidied up a bit cleaning the stove, microwave and the oven. When I thanked my ex and told her that that was not necessary, she emphasized that it was not big deal, but that she did not go into our bedroom...it's funny that she thought that that would have bothered me. To me it is her bedroom.
They are living somewhere other than planet earth. I hope and pray that this Holiday Season some of our spouses will find their way home to the ones still standing or at least to the children that they have left behind.
Merry Christmas to you guys...
That’s...odd. But...as you said, can’t try to understand what cannot be understood. Merry Christmas!
Sounds like it may be hard for her to accept - this is no longer my kitchen and SBJ will put his stuff where he likes these days..proprietorial still
I hope that everyone had as good of Christmas as they could have under their individual circumstances. To all of us on here, family is everything. I am trying to keep my family as close as possible during this holiday season and I pray that you all will do the same.
Our Christmas was as odd as ever. My in-laws (divorced) each invited me to their Christmas parties. I decided that if I was invited that I would go to them both. They have all been may family for 26 years. If it made the ex uncomfortable then I guess that was a plus, but it did not. I am the class clown and am as sarcastic as they come, so we laughed and cut up together and things went well. After an appropriate amount of time I excused myself and went to visit with some of my family that were in town. I did not want to overstay my welcome, but I genuinely wanted to celebrate with them. Those parties were Friday and then on Sunday.
My youngest two spent Christmas eve with their mother and on Christmas morning my oldest and I went to her place for breakfast and for all of the kids to open gifts. It was a great morning. Kind of felt normal. After several hours I excused myself to go and get some things done at home while the kids stayed with their mother.
I picked them up in the evening for my families Christmas party. We did have a good time, but I felt like something was missing. It is tough shuttling the kids from house to house to house during the holidays.
May 2018 be the year of joy and happiness for so many of us that are going thru these daily trials. I pray that everyone has a Happy New Year!!! I will surely raise a glass for each and every one of you that I have developed a kinship with over the last year and a half. God Bless you all!
You sound like you had a nice Christmas and I am glad you could enjoy yourself at the in-laws.
Wishing you a Happy New Year and may is bring you peace.
I’m impressed you can enjoy yourself with your ex at your ex in laws and be completely comfortable. Kudos.
I guess your oldest did not want to spend the night at mom’s? Is that because he or she finds that uncomfortable or just being a teen?
Feeling like something is missing? Yes, an intact family. We are all missing that but you are doing a great job in spite of that for you and your kids.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Hope everyone had an enjoyable new year's eve and a restful new year's day. I took all of my kids to a friend's neighborhood party and did the usual champagne and fireworks, but at 1230am we were spent and ready to head home. Football and relaxation was on the docket for the next day.
I am thinking about just leaving my Christmas decorations up until next Christmas...they are awesome! Just kidding, but will have to get them down this weekend.
Journaling:
So I got a call from my W's best friend last week. She and her H are going thru some problems and she believes that he is acting and doing the same things as the W did LY after BD. I listened to her for a good while, but couldn't tell her anything she didn't already know. She confided in me that she is praying for my W to wake up and go home.
Anyway, I get a call from the ex this morning on the drive to work. She was asking about the kids at first, but then wanted to tell me about her friend and all of the crazy things her husband is doing ,has done, and how selfish is is being. It was all I could do to keep my lips zipped. She went on to say she didn't know how anyone could treat someone so poorly after all they have done for them and their children. WOW! I guess she can't make the correlation with what she did to me and our family.
Secondly, she decided to open up to me about her 2 sisters. the oldest is in recovery again and the youngest (her past bestie) is dead to her. I just acknowledged her feelings and left it at that. In her mind, the failed relationship with her sister is all her sisters fault. There is no acceptance of anything on her part.
I pray everyone has a much better year than they had in 2017.
SBJ,
That’s odd. Reminds me of a conversation with my stbx complaining about her friend’s infidelity. Amazing what they can and cannot see.
Interesting nonetheless she called you out of the blue to open up. I pray your XW can find her way home.
Happy 2018!
I hope that everyone here is doing as well as can be expected.
Simply saying hello and releasing a bit of crazy.
I went out of town last week with my youngest and as we were leaving I got a tight hug and an actual I love you from the ex. It was odd to say the least. We only communicate when there is something that needs to be relayed about the kids, but that one thru me for a bit of a loop and I then had a 2 hour drive to ponder on that one.
I got a request from her today wondering if I could watch my youngest Friday night, because she and my daughter were going to attend a social function here in our area. It is some BS socialite thing, but I also know that one of the honorees is the OM. Kind of stings, but I know there is nothing I can do or say to change that. She is definitely still cooking. I guess its kind of like good BBQ...low and slow.
I'm getting excited about the days getting longer as we all like to spend time outdoors. I can't wait to be out by the pool all day with my kids and whoever they have at the house. It is alot to do by myself, but keeping everything up feels good.
I saw an interesting quote the other day that has stuck with me..."Just because you miss someone, doesn't mean that you need them".
SBJ,
Fist bump. Dude, I get that it still throws you for a loop. After all that has been said and done...you still have feelings. And the thing about watching your kid while your XW takes your other kid to honor OM??? It stinks, but not in your control. Thou shalt not weaponize the children. I’d say yes and go have a great time and not think about your XW and OM. What’s the alternative? A babysitter?
Gord, I told her I would and that is no problem for me. The thing that is troubling is that this guy has been made out to be some great humanitarian...he is 2 years out of prison and is now thought of as the next coming. It is truly puzzling, but I have no control over what other people think.
I thank God daily for covering me in His grace thru all of this. He has given me a peace, that some never get to. Yes I still love the wife that I married, but she is not that person. She is still baking.
I wish I could say more about this guy and how he has injected himself into the surrounding communities, but I will keep that quiet. No need to beef him up here as well.
2 years out of prison and he is already an honored? There must be a story there. Sheesh. You really can’t make this stuff up. Is your XW still going to the same church as you? Does she avoid you there or are you friendly?
Watch out for your kids. If this guy has a violent past, you can easily get a restraining order to protect your kids.
As for church...yes she does still go there and even sits with us.
As for the OM. Trust me it's like a never ending soap opera. He was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he can't believe that he was blamed for a marriage breakup. My friend said that he really didn't know details, which he does, but that the OM didn't help things. This guy is either Mother Teresa, or he is a total con man. God knows and is the only one that can truly judge him. His crime was burglary because of Meth addiction.
I do believe that people can be reinvented, but this guy takes the cake.
Wow, SBJ. This makes my head explode, yet you seem so...serene. I do not think I’d want my XW to sit with me in church while she is doing the horizobtal tango with the ex-con, but that’s just me. Next you’ll tell me it’s all cool because the ex-con is one of your deacons.
Gord, one of these days we will sit, have a beer and discuss all of the batchitcraziness that we have been thru.
SBJ,
How’s it going?
What are the Easter plans?
Gore, I'm gonna go to Mass with my kids and the ex. I have been invited by both of her parents to have lunch with them.
She's still very distant about certain things, but talks more about others.
GAL:
I've been brewing more beer with my brother.
Still working on that damn guitar.
Bought a pool table for the house. Turning her den and dining room into a large entertainment room.
Not part of GAL, but having an MRI on my shoulder on Monday. Doc thinks torn rotator cuff, so surgery is probable.
Isaiah 55:8-9 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways—oracle of the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways,
my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Rough day...it is her birthday today and as I have said before, it has been a day that I would always go above and beyond. I will try and keep my head on this evening. The kids will all be with her and I get to stay at home and get some chores done.
Why didn't George Thorogood's song say "I drink alone while doing chores"? I guess it just didn't sound as good.
SBJ,
I’m saying a special prayer for you tonight.
Instead of doing chores, can you do something more active and mind occupying or social with others?
How is that guitar playing, beer brewing and renovation? Sounds like party at SBJ’s House.
And how about that shoulder?
Hi SBJ
The XW’s Birthday, another one of those special days, it’s tough.
I hope you listened to Gordie, skipped the chores, and did something more engaging and fun. Guitar playing, cool. I play the accordion and also some piano. Hey, we almost got a band here....
Take care man. I’m thinking of you.
I saw an interesting quote this weekend and I thought about many of us on here.
"No amount of essential oils can get rid of batchitcrazy"!
as a certified aromatherapist, i can tell you that this is quite true!!!!
love this! xoxoxo
Please keep me in your thoughts on Thursday...I am having shoulder surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff. Should keep me down for a few days and out of serious physical action for 8-12 weeks. I am wanting to not hurt. I guess everyone here can relate to that in a way.
My lovely ex called me and told me that she would drive me there, sit with me during the surgery and then get me home after. She has been very nice as of late and we have had several good conversations...nothing about relationships, just keeping things light and funny with us and the kids.
I hope everyone is doing well. I'm glad to see that those of you that were having missing posts are out of posting jail. haha.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It's best to get this taken care of because the pain is nothing to sneeze at, as well, as the pain affects your day-to-day life. Once you are healed, you will feel far better than you have in a while.
I am also glad that your ex is going to be there to support you through this surgery.
Prayers your surgery and healing go well
Hoping for a quick and painless surgery with an optimal outcome.
SBJ,
Wishing you the best. Interesting that she offered and you accepted.
Gord, which was interesting...that she offered or that I accepted? Funny!
I find both interesting
I do not get the dynamic with you and xw
Hard to tell from internet posts
Easier to understand over drinks
How is it going
End of school activities
Summer plans
Grilling frozen venison
How are kids
Here's your answer Gordie.
How is it going?
I guess I can answer that with a hefty...as well as can be expected. None of us ever thought or wanted to be in this predicament, but here we are. I'm keeping my self busy and it seems that I have now become the go to guy for many of my friends as they have also been forced down the road to divorce. over the last several months I have had 3 friends reach out and ask me how I have kept it together so well. That has surprised me since I thought I had completely lost it at times.
End of school activities?
Not sure about it...we have a sick dog and might have to stay in town instead of heading out of town to Big D with the rest of my family.
Summer plans?
My kids have activities all summer so this one might be low key with several "staycations" thrown in. I always like to keep them and their friends close and will cook and serve them all by the pool all summer if that is what it takes.
Grilling frozen venison?
I'm definitely trying to dwindle to venison down. I'm all out of the backstrap (my fave) and we are mostly down to link sausage now. Had it for breakfast today as a matter of fact. If I had your address I'd send you some. I can't wait to finish rehabbing my shoulder so I can start shooting my bow again. I'm itching to get back into the woods. Channeling my inner Thoreau.
How are kids?
S20...college senior that is ready to graduate and begin grad school. He is following in the family footsteps and will come to work with us when finished.
D16...just began to drive and has moved into my Jeep. I have had to purchase a new to me used car. She is the dancer/performer/artist and has 4 camps all summer long.
S11...big guy ready for the summer. Today is his last day and he is ready to stay semi-dark and indoors. We have to force him outside for some vitamin D...he calls it vitamin death. fair hair and fair skinned, but he is and has become even more of a lovable young man.
How am I?
Had the shoulder surgery 3 weeks ago.
The ex took care of me all that day...weird I know, but whatever.
Surgery wasn't as bad as it was thought so I was able to begin light rehab last week. It's going well. 90-95% mobility, but still has some soreness.
I took a road trip in my new convertible this past weekend and enjoyed a winery/distillery and a couple of breweries in NETX. My youngest brother and I had a blast, but I'm kind of sunburned.
I just began a men's retreat formation that will be in August which is full of like-minded, faith-filled men that keep me grounded and focused on God and His will for us. It is awesome.
I lead another men's group thru our church and we meet every week for faith/life sharing. It is good to get a group of guys together and give each other encouragement each week.
I'm about to sign up for the DFW Tough Mudder with a group of friends in late September. I'm oddly excited about training for that and having an end goal...not just for health/wightloss.
Truth Dart Journaling:
Ex: texted this morning that a distant family member had died. His WAS/MLC'er had left him and their son years ago and remarried, but pretty much had disowned the son.
EX: she was surprised how the son is now basically parent-less and it's very sad.
me: I said it was a shame how she could just up and leave like that.
ex: I know. I can't even imagine.
Me: totally selfish
ex: selfish and unimaginable. I don't know how you can just stop loving your child.
me: she is totally lost in a selfish quest for a perfect relationship. Perfection is unattainable. We should completely love those and be happy with those that God gave us. People that love us unconditionally.
ex: I don't know why that relationship can't include her child though.
I guess she doesn't see a correlation to her behavior since she is super mom. Weird. Half baked/twice baked/raw in the middle. Maybe we will never know. It is odd how some things seem so clear to us at times, but at others they are way too cloudy.
My own opinion is that they are at least part vampire and can't see their own reflection. But rather perhaps the reflection of their own internal narrative.
Mine went on a rant once about how loyal she was and how supportive of those in need - This while the weight was falling off of me like water while she gloried in the excitement of her secret affair and how she was "getting away with it" with the support of so many of her friends (most of whom have abandoned her now).
She also complained about her own rapid weight loss due to not having an appetite due to depression. While eating an extra large double-scoop ice cream cone in a waffle sugar cone.
You can't make this stuff up.
SBJ
You do sound like you are doing well all things considered
Hope the shoulder recovery goes well
Assume you will have some weeks of physical therapy
It is a physical pain to go but have found it really works if done well
I wish i had a good mens group
Makes me think i should look harder
Now i want some venison sausage
Re your ex and her thoughts
Agree with AndrewP that there is no self awareness
I have had similar conversations with w and her being upset about how some cheating H is hurting her friend
No ability to connnect that to our own situation
Really head shaking
So glad the kids are well
I love 11
Such a great age before those teen issues kick in
And yes live when the kids and friends hang at our house
Can I hang by your pool and eat burgers too
AP and Gord,
No we can not make this crap up. It is batchitcrazy for sure, but at some point it goes from hurt, to simply not my circus not my monkey. I love her with all my heart and the fixer in me wishes I could help, but all of you guys and gals on hear have taught me that we can't fix them.
I have found that music helps me when I'm feeling down. I listen to it, but I am also trying to play and learn more on my guitar. It feels good to be learning and making progress. I've also pulled my sax out that has been sitting idle for some 30 years. It is entertaining.
As far as the pool and the burgers...yes, there is an open invite to anyone that wants to travel to my neck of the woods. Unfortunately nobody does. This is considered one of the worst places to live in the US. I love it though. We are an hour from the coast, right on a river, not far from prime deer country, and a hop skip and a jump away from cajun country. What's not to love.
Gordie if there were a way on here for me to get your address I'd send you some venison for sure. I did some smoked sausage, italian sausage, boudin, and some maple patty this year. We are already out of the ground and whole cuts. It seems to go fast.
SBJ, I'm not familiar with your sitch, I just read your last post and could relate with what you said about music and playing the guitar. Playing guitar/singing may have very well saved my life during my crisis, my W too went through/is still in coming out of a MLC... it is brutal to watch and endure as a S. When I couldn't sleep - I played, when I heard a song that related to my sitch - I sat down and learned/played it, when I heard a song that made me optimistic... and so on. At first they were mostly songs about lost love, as I slowly detached the were songs about triumphs after a broken heart... some were even somewhat of a screw you to the one who tore my heart apart (for example: check out the song "Dead Man" by the band Cross Canadian Ragweed... I remember the way I felt when playing it for the first few times... I thought to myself - "boy I wish she could be here to listen to this").
If you have not already used "riff station" on line, I would highly recommend it... they are offering a free download right now as the normal site is down. It takes any song and translates the chords for you and rotates them on screen as the song is playing. I just found it a few months ago and am highly impressed with it, you tube has demos on how to use it.
Wishing you the best
SBJ, someday may you find the humor (albeit dark humor) in that conversation you posted.
Clueless.
I love that you're learning the guitar. Me too. Set up a barter with a buddy and my gift is guitar lessons. I'm very very excited.
xoxoxo
JOURNALING:
So I guess that I haven't detached enough to where hearing about the ex possibly dating someone else doesn't bother me. Just received a call from the sister in law saying that one of her patients said that my ex is dating or seeing his son. Who also happens to be best friends with two of my good friends. It felt like a gut punch. 23 months post BD and 10 months post divorce signing and it hurts like it's fresh.
Sorry to hear that. I am finally feeling detached after 18 months, and I KNOW I would feel the same after hearing news like that.
You need to treat yourself tonight. Anything fun to do on a Thursday night?
Bro hug
Yes that hurts
Absolutely
Acknowledge it
Work through it
Lift your cries to the Lord
You are the prize. You have been the prize and you will always be the prize.
Sorry to hear that SBJ.
That is a gut punch. Cannot really prepare for it either. That news is always a surprise / shock. Hopefully once the suddenness of this wears off the pain will subside somewhat.
You are doing good man.
I appreciate the kind words and the support. It is just a shock. Not a surprise as that is what they do...they are searching for the elusive true love, happiness, and soul mate that they are sure is out there.
sjohn, as for treating myself last night...I was able to cook dinner for myself and my youngest. We then took our dinner and climbed onto the couch and watched a funny movie that neither of us had seen. At 11 his giggle and laugh is still so childlike at times and is healing and soothing.
I was able to end the night with a nice glass of wine and watch my oldest and a buddy hang out on my back patio with a guitar and cigar. I think I just found the title to my first attempt to write a country song. HAHA!
God is good and knows what He is doing in our lives even if we don't. Sometimes we simply need to step back and re-evaluate our circumstances. I guess because things had been getting better between she and I, my expectations had gone up. I need to recommit myself to just do me, take care of my kids, and keep my expectations to ZERO.
Wow, that sounds like a great evening to me! Glad you got to enjoy it in that way. Spending time with my kiddos often lifts my spirit as well.
Im right there with you, working at zero expectations. Living life each day like a new day and enjoying it like its my last (while hoping it isnt).
Happy Father's Day SBJ.
Hoping you have a wonderful day.
SBJ
Thinking of you
Hope you are well
You and your kids
Journaling...I had a good fathers day for the most part. I woke up extremely early and I was the only one up for about 4 hours. It was nice, but I also got into my own head a bit thinking about the past. I know that it was a day for the kids to thank their fathers, but when the family is still not complete it was still hard.
The ex stopped by and dropped off some cheese cake for the 4 of us and said that she and the kids had a great time picking out my fathers day gift. I am a craft beer fan and most of them have very catchy names to them. They grabbed me all of the ones that made the 4 of them laugh. They might taste like $#*!, but the names are great. HAHA!
Staying busy with my church and men's group. It is keeping me centered on what is most important. Also making headway on the guitar. It is difficult because all of the songs that seem the easiest to play are some of those sad country songs. Need to improve so that I can get into some more genres of music.
I hope and pray that God's grace be enough for us all as we navigate these waters.
SBJ, his grace is enough! And I feel like all the posts from my guy friends on these boards today are about W's showing their confusion and the irresistible pull from home. She bought you cheesecake and spent all that time picking out a thoughtful gift with your kids?! PTL!
I sometimes do not want to PTL because I want this whole thing to be over and I am sick of seeing little moments in the middle of the endless sea of misery and despair as graces. Believe me, I see why you found the day to be hard and sad. I battle those thoughts daily. But from the outside, your father's day story looked like a pretty amazing moment. Your W could easily have dropped the kids off a mile from your house or run her car over your lawn. She could have gone MIA like some of the other MLC W's we know from these boards. For whatever reason, she is feeling the pull toward you and she is allowing herself to act on it from a safe distance.
If your goal is to please God, not W, atta boy, you are doing it! Keep your eye on that and ask for his help in trusting him no matter what direction her pendulum is swinging on a given day. I totally understand all you are feeling and send some courage and compassion your way.
Gerda, thanks for your response. Confusion is correct. I have been sitting on something for a while and praying for the right way to handle this situation. My ex has been spending way too much time (in my opinion) with a friend of ours and "his" kids. His wife has been in a treatment facility for addiction for the last few months. My ex and his wife are good friends and 2 of my kids and 2 of their kids are very good friends.
I know that she has fired me from the role of her husband, but this guy is also a good friend of mine and I don't want to see his marriage crumble the way mine did. When I say too much time together I mean family pool parties, afternoons at jump Zone with the kids, and last night a movie night with both of our daughters and them. I found out about the movies after he called me and asked if my youngest could go to a baseball game with him and his youngest today in Houston.
My outside observation...she is trying to comfort a man and his children who are hurting because their mother is having drug addiction problems. Because she is the one that can fix and help broken and lost people and animals. WOW, sounds like her sister who has never been able to kick the addiction that she has been unable to help. Like the ex con that she tried to help and had an EA with. Like the countless stray animals that I have had at my home for the last 20 years. Again, it's only my business because my kids are involved, but I do not want to see another family put in jeopardy. They are putting them selves in a tempting situation.
I cannot say anything to her, because, well she fired me, but do I say anything to my friend and fellow church member? I am totally lost on this one. It has been nagging at me for a while, but came to a head last night. It kept me awake most of the night in prayer.
Advice, guideance, or 2x4s are welcome.
I am a recovering sad country music song addict
Try you broke up with me by walker hayes which makes me laugh instead of cry
Re the situation with your x w
I would not discuss with x w
Is your friend really your friend
Can you discuss man to man without him telling your x w
If so then talk to him
If not then he is not your friend
here's what i would do. i would talk to your friend and leave exw out of it. i would say, "hey this is what happened to me/my family. you're in a very vulnerable place right now. the way to get through it is to focus on your kids and if you need a friend i'm here."
get where I'm going with this?
xoxoxo
SBJ, I can see why you had a sleepless night. You are concerned for his marriage. It does appear that your ex and him are spending a lot of time together.
Would you feel similar if he was spending time with a women that is not your ex? What about if your kids were not involved? I know you said it is only your business because your kids are involved, but how do you feel when just looking at it with just your friends involvement.
I am guessing you would still be concerned as his wife is in a treatment center for a couple of months and he is spending to much time with other company.
Perhaps approach it like that. What would you say to friend about his behaviour, about what he can control? Leave your ex out of the equation for the moment. Just look at what he is possible doing to his marriage.
If you are still concerned then speak with him as a friend / mentor.
You ex and kids being involved will complicate things. Be sure you are not reacting. You need to be sure of this, and will most likely need demonstrate this to friend to get him to listen.
As a friend and fellow church member he may be receptive to your concern for his wellbeing.
If he is receptive you have a lot of compassionate advice you can share.
If he is less than receptive, you are going to have to accept that.
You are good person SBJ. Whatever you decide I am sure will be from a place of compassion and concern.
I'm with Gordie. I felt sick when I read what you wrote about them doing things together. I have been there, I have been tempted like that, so I know exactly what is happening. Slippery Slope Part 1. That guy is not your friend.
I am not sure why everyone is saying not to bring your W into this. This man is a Christian friend so why don't you tell him very clearly that you are standing for your marriage and why, if you are, and ask if he wants to be a prayer partner with you as he stands for his marriage too. If this freaks him out and he doesn't want to, I agree with DnJ,you have your answer. End friendship with him and start praying the hedge of thorns around those two!
If you are not standing for your marriage, well, that's another story. But I would say that from the outside there was no question in my mind that those two should not be doing that unless they are inviting you and his W to come along too. Keep a clear head, no friend would do that, at least not more than once. Keep walking in the light! We are here with you!
UPDATE
It has been over a month since I felt the need to post on my own thread so here it goes.
The kids are at the beach with the W and her family. They do a week together every summer. Last summer was odd for me since that was the first time in 20 years that I had not been there. However, last week the wife called and asked if I'd like to come down one afternoon and have dinner with them. I accepted, so yesterday afternoon after work I dropped the top on the convertible and headed out with my tunes on and a cooler of beer. I didn't pop a top until I was there.
It was a wonderful evening with her entire extended family. We sat on the beach, had dinner and visited on the deck until fairly late. At some point all of the the in-laws and the outlaws started to get tired and that was my sign to take off and head home. She and I got to visit and laugh and she was also able to cut up with her sister while I was there. When I'm not around, they still do not talk. It is quite odd.
I pray that everyone is doing well or as well as can be expected. I am going to be out of town until Sunday on a retreat and I will be keeping each and every one of you close to my heart this weekend.
SBJ
What a wonderful update
I am so happy that you were able to enjoy yourself
It demonstrates a level of maturity not sure if that is the right word
But I mean it as a compliment
And loving detachment
Have a wonderful retreat
Wow, SBJ, impressive ability to just be a friend even if it could hurt to be there. Inspiring! I am really impressed with how you were able to have a wonderful day in those circumstances. I hope your retreat is just as beautiful.
Thanks for the kind words guys...the retreat was awesome and it was good to get away with God for a while. My son is going on a similar retreat this weekend for college students and there is a family and friends event on Saturday night. I was planning on going and I know that the w always likes to go as well. I mentioned it to her and she said that we could all go together and stop for dinner on the way. Not reading into anything, but at certain corners she is allowing small family moments to happen as a way to get together.
I pray all is as well as can be expected with everyone else here. God is good all the time!!!
...... she is allowing small family moments to happen. Point. End the sentence there.
But good moments like that may plant the seed that you are not do bad after all!! Keep strong with no expectations
Best wishes
Agree with Roist
Saying a prayer for you SBJ
Wow, two nice family times in one month. That is incredible! Blessings galore. So proud of you for going with it and not having any weirdness or bitterness as you go.
I'm digging in to my vocation of being a wife by plunging into the mom side of it since the just-wife side of it is one big dark wall. This summer has really been a total surrender to my kids' needs and I must say the retreat sounds amazing, just to be your own self with God for a little bit, I sometimes forget who I am. I do pray in my church (it's always open) or in a natural place almost everyday and certainly pray all the time but it's a short break from the monotonous insanity of my home life!
Yippeeeeeeeee for SBJ!
Roist and Gordie...just going with the flow. No expectations...but the time spent together is also with others (ie my kids and extended family) and is good for all. So in that sense it is nice to have everyone together and in her extended side of the family it was nice that they all got along while I was around. No bickering and arguing.
Gerda, like I told the boys, I'm just going with the flow and hoping that good times happen. As for the retreat it was an ACTS retreat and I know they are put on all over the country. Let me know where you are located and I can advise you as to who, what, where and how to find it. They are a good time for sure. They are Spirit filled for sure.
This month is a month with two dates that will be somewhat difficult. One is our 1st D anniversary and 2 days later is our wedding anniversary...which would have been 24. It's amazing how time, friends, and God can heal wounds and help you understand that none of this is of your own doing. Time is what we need to heal, but is also something that our MLCer's need to heal as well...if they choose to work on themselves. Friends help lift us up when we are down. God guides us thru the troubled waters and eases our mind if we invite him in.
Have a great weekend!!!
Well said SBJ.
Time is a freind and you are most definitely healing.
Keep the faith and go with the flow.
You will make it through these difficult upcoming dates, give it time.
Stay strong and continue to be the lighthouse.
Update on the short trip.
Saturday
Stayed totally upbeat the entire time. We laughed and cut up for the entire 7 hours we were together. It was fun and seemed just like old times. We had taken her SUV because my small car would have been kind of cramped, so she dropped me and the kids off and left. She had asked me to drive and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek when I got out. That is all there is to report. Nice evening with her and 2 of our kids, plus got to hang out with several of our family friends.
Sunday
Did the church thing with the entire family and had a lunch/reception right after. Again things were very friendly between us. Sat with some friends who have ridden the crazy train with me the last 2 years. They were kind of dumbfounded as to how things are.
They saw me later in the day and the friends w, who is a therapist said she was amazed at how calm and cool I am around her. I guess I don't know either. I have gotten to the point where I don't let her bother me, because I cannot control how she is or what she does. Had some interesting emotions last night since we did spend some time together, but tried to put myself in check as to where I am in this whole process.
I pray that all of you have a wonderful week.
SBJ
Sounds like you had a good time
Glad w seemed to have a good time too
You sound very even keeled a rock a lighthouse
Imagine you maybe had some emotions stirred up
But as you said you no longer revolve around her
Good for you
SBJ, thank you for offering to find a retreat for me -- but you will have to take my kids for the weekend for me to do that! : ) I really have no way to leave them right now and I feel less nervous when I am with them. But I am in the Way, so I have two times per week that I am with my community, and I go to church pretty much everyday to pray (it is always open) and also to Mass. And I am just starting an outreach ministry at one of my parishes for standers!
I feel God really close to me lately. I know He is with me. But sometimes I don't want to be with Him! Fortunately, He is okay with that too, He always waits me out. : )
Thank you for the kind words and for the encouragement you provide by the way you live your life.
I don't want to put down where I live here but I wish I could meet you all for coffee right now! I'm typing this from my favorite cafe instead of doing my work.
Gerda, At one point you told me about a cafe in the Houston area so I had assumed you were a fellow Texan like me, but I guess I am wrong. Any time you feel that you need to have a cup of coffee with someone, just hit me up on here, as I am most probably drinking a cup of it at any waking moment. So much so, that my friends make fun of me, saying that I always have a cup in my hand. I guess it is a crutch of mine.
I'm glad that you find time to go to your parish regularly...it is always comforting for me to know that just about any give hour, of any given day, there are people in a church somewhere around the world saying the same Mass as I am when I am there. I had my 3am adoration time in our chapel this morning, so I am a bit foggy at the moment and in need of another cup of gogo-juice.
I understand how you feel about wanting to follow or not follow Him at certain times, but that is why we surround ourselves with a community of like-minded people to lift us up when we are down or falling. I am also interested in hearing more about your standers group at your church. That sounds great. Keep me posted.
Gerda, At one point you told me about a cafe in the Houston area so I had assumed you were a fellow Texan like me, but I guess I am wrong. Any time you feel that you need to have a cup of coffee with someone, just hit me up on here, as I am most probably drinking a cup of it at any waking moment. So much so, that my friends make fun of me, saying that I always have a cup in my hand. I guess it is a crutch of mine.
I'm glad that you find time to go to your parish regularly...it is always comforting for me to know that just about any give hour, of any given day, there are people in a church somewhere around the world saying the same Mass as I am when I am there. I had my 3am adoration time in our chapel this morning, so I am a bit foggy at the moment and in need of another cup of gogo-juice.
I understand how you feel about wanting to follow or not follow Him at certain times, but that is why we surround ourselves with a community of like-minded people to lift us up when we are down or falling. I am also interested in hearing more about your standers group at your church. That sounds great. Keep me posted.
I made it thru the two anniversary dates relatively unscathed...haha.
Spent the D anniversary on Saturday with my brothers, their families and my mother. Fun, but tiring day.
Spent the Wedding anniversary yesterday at work and then at home by myself. Kept busy at both places.
It's funny that the longer I get away from the BD, the only memories that really matter are the good ones.
I pray life gets better for all of us. God bless you all.
SBJ, I loved what you wrote here about the Mass, just didn't get a chance to write back.
For me, I almost always feel Christ passing by in the Mass, like the blind man sitting by the side of the road waiting for Him to pass and then he does, and that man just starts yelling his head off, he doesn't care what anyone thinks, he wants to be healed! Not that I am yelling in the Mass, but my soul is! I usually cry the whole mass, but mostly out of joy. Someone told me a year or two ago that when I am deeply suffering, I should take communion as much as possible, it will strengthen me. And I have really found this to be true. I know outside the faith people don't understand that and think it's all in our head or will say things like, "Whatever works for you, my thing is yoga." Not that yoga doesn't offer something wonderful, and that something can be deeply spiritual. But what I am talking about is an actual Person actually doing something for me and to me, I really experience that in the Mass and when I get that grace, in prayer alone.
Nope, I am nowhere near Texas, I live in a place that is the opposite of Texas! But I was once at a Rejoice Pompano meeting and I met a stander there, was very drawn to her, and wrote to her afterwards. We became prayer partners and close friends, calling each other sometimes daily. When her H came back, she stopped having time to support my stand in that way. But she taught me a lot about trusting God no matter what is happening down here. And her H came back and they are fully restored and having little conferences about it. She is the one who owns that restaurant.
Have met with the priest to figure out how the group would work, he liked the idea a lot, and now I just have to write an outline of the first meeting. Will let you know how it goes. It's a leap of faith for sure to start there while waiting for the next D letter.
But I have been trying to love my H with God's love. Not that I initiate anything but I am very friendly and kind to him. It is freeing. I feel like I get released from a slavery every time I am able to forget my own bitterness/pain and just be kind.
And I was glad to hear about your courage, joy, etc., in facing your anniversaries. That is very heartening what you say about the good memories. I have trouble with that because my H lives here, the circumstance is always in front of me. So I find it very hard to remember him as he was. But I found what you say to be very true after my mom died. We had a very complicated relationship, but as soon as she died, I was able to forgive everything (only bad part about that was the huge regret that I had about not being able to do that before she died!).
You go, SBJ!
Journaling:
Life is good, God is good, kids are great.
X still seems like she is in her teens. She spent the last weekend visiting her spirit guide/psychic friend. Still blows me away, but not my circus not my monkey.
I am still trying to work on the whole health, wealth, and happiness thing.
As for the Health...I'm eating better, drinking much less. Rehabbed the shoulder and exercising moderately.
As for the wealth...I'm working smarter, not harder. Also looking at starting another business with brothers.
As for the happiness...I can honestly say that I am. I've come to understand that I don't need another person by my side to be happy. I have peace in who I am and I really enjoy my own company. I have a great group of friends who I spend time with. I have family that love me and allow me to love back. That is what it's all about.
Kids are great and I am excited about the next couple of months...the Holidays are their favorite time of year. I haven't been much entertaining the last 2 years, so I'm ready to go Griswold on them this year.
Great update. Good for you!!
SBJ
Great update
But o man those friends
I know all about them
Here are some thoughts on that subject
A person who is deeply unhappy
Opens themselves to all sorts of people and experiences
They are searching some way out of their unhappiness
Physical emptional spiritual
Maybe your x is like my w
A lifelong church goer and a good girl
She says to herself
I have followed all the rules
But I am still so unhappy
So yeah why not see what my psychic friend has to say
I tried for decades the traditional way
And that did not make me happy
Gord, she has had this friend for 20 years and consults on everything from health to wealth...it does and always has driven me nuts. She is riding the line on this between being the good catholic girl and the hocus pocus. Again...not my circus anymore.
I have followed along with your situation and I am happy to see things at least moving.
“Love Is Like A Shark, It Has To Constantly Move Forward, Or It Dies…” -Woody Allen
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Journaling:
Last night, I had just read someones testimony as to their spouse not being fully cooked when I got a text from my ex. It said......."I'm almost there".
I have a strange sense of humor and laugh more at God's little winks lately. You can imagine where my mind went when I read that text. I had many replies go thru my mind, but obviously did not text back anything.
I'm going on 2 years since she moved out and pray for her daily. I am trying to live my life to the full and know that God's Will will be done. I hope that all is going well with all of you guys.
SBJ
She is almost there
Hahaha
I hope so
Well man
You are an inspiration to me too
You were always a few steps ahead of me
With a healthy mix of humor realism hope and faith
PS sorry the Astros did not repeat
Hello SBJ
I am following along, reading your wonderful updates, and being inspired with your willpower and actions.
I was very happy to read that your shoulder is on the mend. That is excellent news, if we ever get some of us together we can play football, you can be QB - you’ll have the best shoulders out of all of us.
Starting a business with your brothers should be an exciting venture, I do wish you good fortune and good times.
I really like your bit on happiness. It is great when we find happiness again, life is clearer, brighter, better, and more fun. I bet you find yourself smiling a lot more than you thought you ever would.
You should go totally Griswold on your house, with so many lights it blows the transformer. I’ll be right over and l’ll bring some eggnog.
You are doing really good my friend.
DnJ
Thanks for the positivity guys...
I was asked by the ex if I wanted to "trick or treat with us"...she said that my S12 and his friend wanted to go together. I said yes and assumed that it would just be the 4 of us. Oddly the boy and his father, a good friend of mine, showed up about 15 min. before the ex and my son. At times I felt like a 3rd wheel and at times I'm sure he did. His W is kind of a MLC'er as well and is out of the picture right now. My ex helped her get into a treatment facility for a long standing substance prob.
We made the rounds and cut up and laughed. We had driven to another neighborhood to visit some family at a Halloween party. It was a good time and visited with many friends and fam. The ex dropped me, the friend and his son off at my house, hugged me goodbye and took off. My friend and his son came in and we visited for another hour or so. When they left it was definitely time for a little night cap to evaluate what had just gone down. Like I had posted earlier in the week...still in the oven. I mentioned to my IC and they said the same thing...don't read anything into anything...she is still off in lala-land.
Yesterday was my bday and the ex was the first to call and wish me a HBD. Oddly satisfying. I did dinner with my 3 kids last night and had a great time. It is awesome having them all in the same place at the same time enjoying conversation. I had asked the ex, but she declined...she was at a volunteer event, but would not have come anyway as my parents were there also.
This coming Tuesday, Nov. 5th will be the 2 year anniversary of her moving out. I can tell it is still a bit odd for her when she comes into the house. She only leaves our kitchen area if she has to go to the restroom and even then has a hard time walking thru the house. It is interesting to watch. Nothing large has changed, but I am still trying to get rid of my dining room furniture to put the pool table in. I will repost Tuesday and begin a new thread for the new year of singleness.
For all of you hunters out there...be safe in the woods and good luck. This weekend begins general whitetail season in my neck of the woods. Hopefully God will allow my to add to the freezer this year. |
God bless you guys.
Journaling:I'm going on 2 years since she moved out and pray for her daily. I am trying to live my life to the full and know that God's Will will be done. I hope that all is going well with all of you guys.
I too pray for my H every day, and continue to pray that God guides me to make the correct choices to keep me on the path he has laid out for me. It keeps me uplifted even in the dark times.