MLC Affair or Exit Affair?? - 04/17/17 01:57 PM
hello everyone I am new in the community and although i wish I wasn't here I am glad I found this site.
I guess the title of my post says it all, I would like some imput on my WW affair and your opinion on whether you would think this is a Exit Affair or a midlife affair... or may be both?
I started to notice a strange behaviour from my wife back in September summer 2016 such as contraceptive pill which I was not aware she was taking sexy lingerie unusual working shift and so on. I confronted her in September and she denied, needless to say i put my head in the sand however these thoughts kept coming back to my head as she started becoming more and more distant we kept arguing and I kept blaming of having an affair of which she kept denying but I could see the lie in her eyes. as the fights escalated i started threatening separation at which one day she answered me yes please go.
that one day i wrote an email explaining her that I loved her but felt more like a flatmate then a husband and did not feel loved. she replied me that my e mail was touchy but made her hungry and started blaming me for all the bad in our relationship she also wrote the mythical YLYBINILWY.
she said she needed a week to think about our future and will reply again.
during that one week we fought a lot and one day before reply was due I saw the stress in our kids (girl 9yrs boy 3yrs old)so I told her it would have been healthier for me to leave immediately.
She did not mind at all. I left that same (4th November 2016) day and crashed on a friend sofa for 2 weeks b4 finding a studio flat near kids School.
during early months of separation she talked about divorce at which I was offended for the speed at which she wanted to file however I could also feel her changing her mind using excuses such as money. at the time divorce would have been amicable as I did not concentrate on the affair as through anger and blame I truly believed the separation was all my fault. during the next week her behaviour changed daily from we should be friend to i hate you is all your fault back to sweeter text messages (cake eating?)
I started looking into midlife crisis theory out of this unusual pattern and the 6 stages and when I look back at her behaviour 1 year prior to bomb drop and I started believing that it could be a MLC. when I met my wife she was 23 and she used to DJ, stopped when we met, shes now 41 and 1 year ago bought a DJ machine and speakers (expensive one) she started dressing younger and looking for a new job being not happy with the treatment she received in her old job.
After separation i kept looking for signs of affair as I was now sure that was actually happening while we were still together.
4 months after some lousy excuse for me to look after the kids extra days at weekend I decided to look into her e mail as I knew something was fishy. As I thought I found an airbnb reservation for 2 to Lisbon and a boarding pass sent to her by her AP, at this point I also had AP name.
Challenged her but insisted it was after the separation.
I could not take the lies no more hence I asked her divorce, she insisted she would file so I would not have to pay but not done yet.
I started playing my cards and tell her that I would file as I want the divorce on basis of adultery she would still deny affair. through a few mind tricks (to long to explain) i got her to slowly tell me the truth. at first she claimed only kissing before separation but in the end I told her that i knew more then she thought and had to tell me truth, I figured out she wouldn't write me the truth as it would be incriminating hence i invited her to tell me all over a drink yesterday.
I think It is not 100% of the truth but she admitted PA since September, now I forgot to mention my WW is 41 OM is 24.
They are in love. she cried a lot yesterday and it looked as she was genuinely ashamed with herself and remorseful for the pain inflicted to me. this morning she brought kids she could not look in my face.
when I discovered the trip to Lisbon 2 months ago she says she care for me but was not happy, she is in love with OM and she thought about age gap but she is happy and even if it is only for short terms at least she is happy for a while.
Any thought?
BTW she also seem to be spending more money then I think she can afford.
I guess the title of my post says it all, I would like some imput on my WW affair and your opinion on whether you would think this is a Exit Affair or a midlife affair... or may be both?
I started to notice a strange behaviour from my wife back in September summer 2016 such as contraceptive pill which I was not aware she was taking sexy lingerie unusual working shift and so on. I confronted her in September and she denied, needless to say i put my head in the sand however these thoughts kept coming back to my head as she started becoming more and more distant we kept arguing and I kept blaming of having an affair of which she kept denying but I could see the lie in her eyes. as the fights escalated i started threatening separation at which one day she answered me yes please go.
that one day i wrote an email explaining her that I loved her but felt more like a flatmate then a husband and did not feel loved. she replied me that my e mail was touchy but made her hungry and started blaming me for all the bad in our relationship she also wrote the mythical YLYBINILWY.
she said she needed a week to think about our future and will reply again.
during that one week we fought a lot and one day before reply was due I saw the stress in our kids (girl 9yrs boy 3yrs old)so I told her it would have been healthier for me to leave immediately.
She did not mind at all. I left that same (4th November 2016) day and crashed on a friend sofa for 2 weeks b4 finding a studio flat near kids School.
during early months of separation she talked about divorce at which I was offended for the speed at which she wanted to file however I could also feel her changing her mind using excuses such as money. at the time divorce would have been amicable as I did not concentrate on the affair as through anger and blame I truly believed the separation was all my fault. during the next week her behaviour changed daily from we should be friend to i hate you is all your fault back to sweeter text messages (cake eating?)
I started looking into midlife crisis theory out of this unusual pattern and the 6 stages and when I look back at her behaviour 1 year prior to bomb drop and I started believing that it could be a MLC. when I met my wife she was 23 and she used to DJ, stopped when we met, shes now 41 and 1 year ago bought a DJ machine and speakers (expensive one) she started dressing younger and looking for a new job being not happy with the treatment she received in her old job.
After separation i kept looking for signs of affair as I was now sure that was actually happening while we were still together.
4 months after some lousy excuse for me to look after the kids extra days at weekend I decided to look into her e mail as I knew something was fishy. As I thought I found an airbnb reservation for 2 to Lisbon and a boarding pass sent to her by her AP, at this point I also had AP name.
Challenged her but insisted it was after the separation.
I could not take the lies no more hence I asked her divorce, she insisted she would file so I would not have to pay but not done yet.
I started playing my cards and tell her that I would file as I want the divorce on basis of adultery she would still deny affair. through a few mind tricks (to long to explain) i got her to slowly tell me the truth. at first she claimed only kissing before separation but in the end I told her that i knew more then she thought and had to tell me truth, I figured out she wouldn't write me the truth as it would be incriminating hence i invited her to tell me all over a drink yesterday.
I think It is not 100% of the truth but she admitted PA since September, now I forgot to mention my WW is 41 OM is 24.
They are in love. she cried a lot yesterday and it looked as she was genuinely ashamed with herself and remorseful for the pain inflicted to me. this morning she brought kids she could not look in my face.
when I discovered the trip to Lisbon 2 months ago she says she care for me but was not happy, she is in love with OM and she thought about age gap but she is happy and even if it is only for short terms at least she is happy for a while.
Any thought?
BTW she also seem to be spending more money then I think she can afford.