I'll be dipping in and out of this, as I've got my kids with me and they're keeping me on my toes!
Firstly, I'm not sure if I should be here. My old thread is here
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...275#Post2692275If you don't want to look through all 19 threads, I'm basically a 44 year old man, who's 51 year old W has decided to S. Usual stuff about 'not being attracted' etc. with a BD in April 2015.
I've moved on here, because I think my W is having a MLC, but it doesn't seem to fit any of the descriptions I've read. My W started behaving oddly at the start of her menopause. She started to lose attraction to me and started to show less and less affection. I always reassured her and felt I was supportive.
She became a WAW and wanted to run away to her parents etc. and we finally S (out of house) in December 2015. Since then she has played all the emotional tricks she can and in July this year, she had a tummy tuck operation. After having three kids, my W lost all her baby weight, but I was never bothered about it, she always looked sexy to me!
So this is where I'm stuck; well, we're stuck. I have been DB'ing, in one form or another since May 2015. Whilst I now feel stronger and better, W appears to be none the better. I am trying to understand her, without her knowing, as the kids are now asking searching questions and it is hurting them. My D regularly tells me how much she loves me and I'm worried she feels the S is her fault etc. My S is autistic, so can't readily express his feelings, but will constantly ask for Mummy, and will do the opposite when with my W. My SD is now 21 and was hoping after her tummy tuck, that W would talk to me. She even asked W to do that (without my knowledge) and was assured by W she would because she hasn't been 'thinking properly'. But to no avail, and I'm not willing to do the R thing. W has to want to do this on her own.
So, I just can't tell if it is a MLC. If it is, do I do anything differently? Just after some thoughts, as I'm getting on really well now (emotionally/mentally), but it grates when I see the kids getting edgy.
Huddy,
Welcome to our MLC forum! Posters will be coming along shortly to post to you.
Your wife appears to have some symptoms of MLC, i.e., dissatisfaction w/life, less affection, etc. However, her menopause could be part of the issue as well, i.e., it could very well be a combination of things that have met up and combined at the age of 50/51.
I would suggest that you continue to following Sandi's Rules, continue working on you, keeping the focus on you and your children and give her plenty of space and time. A year in the the life of a WAW or MLCer isn't very long. I know, to you, it is a long time...but it takes years for them to get where they are now and it will take some time for them to even begin to move forward and work on themselves. Let me ask you this...have you tried something different? We have a saying over here that if something isn't working, try something different. Think about this question and then we can discuss it further.
Huddy, please take care of yourself. Your children are looking to you to be their support system, i.e., for now, both parents.
Keep posting!
Hi Job
Sandi2 is a god! My old friends NDY, Sotto, Wonka and RD helped me through the first 16 months, which I appreciate very much. I have done a lot of work on myself and feel I have applied sandi2's teaching's throughout. Don't get me wrong, I've had my backslides and depressive moments, but mentally, I am at a far better place than at the start.
As for doing things differently, that's why I've moved here. I've also moved here as I feel newbies reading 19 volumes of my woes and tribulations might get put off and I don't want that, because, generally, once you get the basics of DB'ing right, it is incredibly helpful in getting your mind back in shape and providing worthwhile support.
Personally, I don't think I should do anything to start any kind of R talks. I feel if W wants to come back, or make an effort, then she has to do the work. In the past, I would have gone to mush at the slightest thought of W wanting to talk to me, but that's not the case anymore. So, is anything different in application in MLC land?
Huddy,
I wasn't suggesting that you have a relationship talk w/your wife. In fact, it might bring her up short if you were to inquire about her health the next time you have a children's swap. It's not a real personal question because you can ask that of anyone you know or work with. Look her in the eye when you ask and watch her reaction. If it's a negative reaction, then don't ask again.
Sometimes we do temperature checks in the land of MLC and the question that I suggested could very well be a temperature check. Also, wishing her a nice day w/a smile and a wave of the hand is another way to check her temperature.
BTW, I have been to Scotland several times and have enjoyed myself. I was there a few years ago the wind was something else at St. Andrews. It's a beautiful country w/a lot of history and the people are very friendly and helpful.
Think about what I've suggested and maybe you will come up w/something more to your liking and can use it when the time is right.
Hey Huddy, welcome to this part of the forum. Funny, I popped over here for a read soon after joining the forum, looked at the length and depth of the sitches and thought....eek....I don't want to be over there! Well, I ended up here for a while and it's a great place to be, with some wise and compassionate posters.
I think timescales is an important thing to bear in mind. If your W is having an MLC, she may inch along imperceptibly through that process and we are certainly talking years and not months. I don't think trying to adjust your approach in relation to your W (to try and prompt a certain direction or outcome) is the way to go. Of course if there are goals you have or things you'd like to do differently - then great. I think the way forward with MLC is survive - detach - thrive.
Of course my XH filed for D and saw it to conclusion, which in a way helps as there's no M to save. However, I would suggest leaving her be and doing things in a way that suit you without reference to her and what she may think, feel or do in response. However, where opportunities present, you can choose to interact with grace and compassion and respond helpfully. But when you do those things, you are only doing them because that is what you want to do and who you want to be, and you don't expect any outcome - other than that you lived your life and conducted yourself in ways you can look back on and be happy.
So, I think it becomes much, much more about focusing entirely on you and the family and accepting that she will do what she may do when she will do it and that's up to her...
I think you can do all of the above and still keep the door open a tiny chink for possible reconnection at some point if she shows some interest in the R again.
Just my thoughts Huddy and hope these are helpful....I'm sure other posters will stop by soon too.
x
Welcome to this board.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD,
Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htmMichele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htmKeep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.I would start with the going dark link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post50956Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537289#Post2537289Resources thread(last post only)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2592296#Post2592296Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764Doormat Tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942444#Post1942444Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574Musings from AmyC
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2253741#Post2253741MLC Signs
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869#Post2177869The Final Stages Withdrawal to Acceptance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2074403&page=1Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources.
You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you!
Start your homework assignments.
Something to DO while you are on moderation.
GAL.
Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath.
In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.Your H/W has given you a gift
THE GIFT OF TIME
use it wisely
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
I realize you may have seen this before but in case you need it I have posted it here.
Hi Job/Sotto
I don't think she's ready for all that yet. When she had her operation, the kids were with me for three weeks, and they had such a good time, when they were telling W about it, she went moody and aggressive. Basically, she got pissed off that I was coping and fairly settled.
As for timescale, well, I think 14 months is a long time for me. It's 14 months where the kids have been 'damaged' and I'm not sure how that can ever be mended.
The thing I am trying to picture is where she is in the process. She doesn't seem to match anybody's sitch. I know there are degrees of separation in everybody's story, but she seems perfectly capable of holding it together in front of me, and I don't see any random behaviour. OK, we're five miles apart and I don't see her every day, so maybe it's just a mask. Are they good at masks?
My W once told me she had a mini MLC when she was 30. It lasted a year (it's when my SD was born), but she left her 1stH when she was 31. I worry, now, that the things she told me about what he did were 'stories' - much the same as I can imagine she's telling her family to justify her leaving. Trust would also be difficult to re-establish as well.
Thanks Cadet. I have been re-doing my homework recently (it never hurts to gain further knowledge) and I would urge any newbie to keep re-reading and look at other threads to get practical tips. You're not alone!
Hey Huddy, I think the thing is to let go of where she may be at. Who knows if she is going through MLC or a WAS or whatever. If you can let go of your need to know and purely focus on where you are at, that would be best.
Really, once the focus is truly on you, the only decision is do I continue to stand...
I know this may not be what you want to hear, but that's my humble opinion - and I do think you are generally doing well my friend....but try to just let her be without trying to look at where she may be at etc...
Hope you are having a lovely weekend xx
Huddy,
We all go through life transitions, i.e., 20, 30, 40, etc. The way we cope w/those transitions determines whether or not we come out the other side successfully. As to whether or not your wife is in crisis, time will tell. However, just because you don't see any odd behavior, that doesn't mean she's not doing some odd things and yes, they do tend to wear masks w/different people. Wearing masks can become very stressful and tiring because it's a lot of work to make people think you are a happy individual.
Of course, your w became moody and aggressive when the kids told her what a great time that they had had w/their dad. She's not a happy camper because of the pain and she wasn't getting the attention that she wanted and yes, all of you were having such a great time. Mlcers do not like to see us having a good time in life. They want us to be as miserable as they are.
For now, I wouldn't be concerned too much as to where she is or if she's in crisis or not. Your concern and focus will need to be on you and your children. Dig deeper for patience because you will need a lot of that in the days ahead.
Hi Sotto/Job
This is the kind of thing I'm needing help with, hence moving here! Having never had a MLC, and not knowing anybody either, I'm a bit helpless when it comes to signs.
Patience. It's our 16th wedding anniversary on Thursday. I think that will be a sombre day. Somehow, I don't see any celebrations.
It's my wedding anniversary today! So, my aim is to get through the day by being busy at work, going to the gym, getting in my food shopping, having a really relaxing bath and trying no to think about anything else.
It's an endurance test, and I can endure!
Huddy,
I'm going to wish you a happy anniversary because even though things aren't going so well, it is still a day to remember and there were many good times in your marriage.
I think the things you mentioned that you were going to do today are good. Maybe a nice lunch/dinner or a nice quiet walk, etc.
There is always hope in any situation. We just have to have some faith in ourselves and the man upstairs.
Continue to move forward, one step at a time, one day at a time.
2 years after BD and I still believe MLC is real. The vulnerability a person feels at certain stages in life coupled with life events, the modern economy, alcohol and drugs and people who could care less about sleeping with a married person....one or all of these behaviors can be a catalyst that results in the extreme situations on this board.
As times goes on I have also realized that MWD is advising us in a gentle way to save ourselves because you just can't know this person you thought you knew. The trajectory has changed so much and the spouse in crisis doesn't have skills or courage to stand with you in their marriage. After the crisis subsides many people just take an easier path. Tragic but true.
I had a friend that entered into an affair with a coworker who pursued her during a vulnerable time. Her H was upset but he never had a chance because he couldn't be the new love. Friend married coworker and years later she admitted she loved her first H but it just seemed easier to leave. I asked if she were happier with this H but she also admitted that she thinks so but then confessed that she would never be able to know because she was comparing herself to what she felt at the end of her 1st marriage because that was her last memory. She was uncomfortable making this admission and I doubt her first H will ever know. It was very tragic but helpful to me.
One step at a time, one day at a time. Sending you good karma my friend.
Thanks for looking in. Work and gym done for the day (it's 1850 here in the UK) and my shopping is coming soon. Bath water heating up and I've gone and got some ice cream to celebrate.
Onwards and upwards.
well done on getting through the day - I know how it feels.
You wonder what your spouse is thinking but then wonder why? They must be crazy to leave you
Have strength buddy and like the others say, keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Hi srt
Thanks. Go through the day OK. Managed to eat a whole tub of Oreo Ice Cream! Extra gym for Huddy, but it waaaaaas worth it!
It would be unnatural to wonder if W thought about it, but I can't do anything unless she talks to me, and that's the way it is.
Kids coming later for weekend, so, hands full and fun planned.
It's as if she really hates the fact that the kids have fun with me. Yesterday, we had a full day of fun planned and W called about 1800 to tell me she wanted to come for D as she'd lost her glasses and they needed replacing. Although it's my weekend, I agreed on a Time for Sunday (1100) and got my D ready accordingly. S was staying with me until about 1700, so I planned something to do.
W texted at 1105 to say she was 'popping to the shops', and she eventually pitched up at 1200. I didn't reply to the text, or get annoyed when she arrived. When she did arrive, she wanted to take the kids overnight bag with her and I gave her S's coat as well. She asked why I didn't want it and I said 'because it's not going to rain' (he had his hooded fleece anyway, and the sky was blue and I'd seen the weather forecast) so, she snapped and said 'yeah, like you'd know'. She always says these things just as she's leaving the flat door. It's as if she's looking for a reaction to prove she's 'won' before she goes. Again, I decline to comment.
I texted her to make her aware we'd be back at 1600, ready for her to pick up S at 1700. She eventually pitched up at 1830, as if nothing has happened. It's hard not to give her a stern word about her actions, put I don't know if I should. She's plainly trying to pull my strings, but I don't want to play the game. I don't want to come over as a pushover, but I don't want her to feel that she is inconveniencing me. Actually, having more time with the kids is good. I just feel she's trying to goad me. Rope pulling I suppose. I think not rising to the bait is a good thing, but I'd be happy for any advice!
Huddy,
Here's another way to look at your wife and her actions. In her mind, she views you as an authority figure (father, uncle, whatever). So when she sees you and your children having fun, she becomes resentful and jealous. Why? Because "dad" and the kids are having fun and she doesn't get to have fun like they do. Don't be surprised that at some point, she will become best buds w/one of the children. They tend to select their best bud based on the child that goes along w/whatever they want and doesn't challenge them. If you want to see some of what your wife may be doing, visit HaWho's threads. Her h has been jealous and sometimes resentful of her two sons. Why? Because HaWho and her sons are living their lives and she is focusing her attention on them. Her h wants attention to, but doesn't know how to go about it as an adult.
As for being late to pick up your son. She's testing your boundaries and authority. If she does it again, gently remind her that the agreed time is such and such. You don't have to tell her that you have anything planned, but stick to the agreed time as much as possible.
Again, she's "teething in her own way", which means she's testing you in some areas. Keep your cool, but you can get your point across over in a nice way w/o sounding like you are cracking the whip at her.
Thanks Job. The door is always open for her to have fun, but she has to want it.
Oddities today.
W called this morning and rang off before I could answer. Decided to leave it as she hasn't called me at work for months. Two hours later, I get a text message about some photos I sent her on Saturday with the kids playing, saying she'd only just seen them (that's nonsense, as you can see on What's App when the person last looked) and then 45 minutes later, another call, which I picked up. She said that she'd done it by accident. One call/text, yeah, three - no.
I have been doing some reading the past week. I've read HaWho's thread and some of the archive sections. I've re-done my homework, and I can see now, just how much of this sitch is MLC.
When I think back, my W started being 'funny' in May 2014. She was talking about old school friends and wanting to join Facebook in her old name to try and find them (she hasn't seen them for 30 years). Again, when I look back, the abusive language and name calling and language choice was the start of replay ('I wish I was as thin as when I met you', 'it's your fault I put on weight. If I hadn't met you I'd be thin') followed with 'I wish you were two stone lighter, like when we met' etc.
Obviously BD had the usual mix of nonsense etc. Being told I wasn't attractive to her anymore hurt. It all hurt, but so far in to the process now, and reading more stuff on the MLC side, it all starts to make sense. The cherry on the cake was this years' Tummy Tuck.
I'm looking backwards to see what might have sparked it. I know she had a mini MLC when she was 30, when SD was born. She is going through the menopause ('I feel like a dried up old bint'), but I was supportive and tried to get her to see the doctor. Looking far back, her Father tried to marry her off in an 'arranged' marriage, when she was 15. In fact, he's not her real Father, and I know she hasn't told her brothers and sisters about that. It caused real pain to my W, and she went to live with her Aunt for some years, not talking to her Father in all that time.
I guess all these factors have brought her to this. What I don't understand is why, if your past has been painful to some degree, would you want to replay that part of your life?
To more mundane. W brought over kids for tea yesterday and SD came too. W made a great fuss about buying my SD new catering knives for her college course. I don't know why, but I smiled and said great. W was wearing a 'see through' top with a black undergarment and high heel shoes. I noticed my SD was wearing similar....hmmmm.
Anyway, just my journaling thoughts on another week of MLC chaos! Thankfully, I am sane and coping well. Thinking about a weekend away in September to unwind.
I guess all these factors have brought her to this. What I don't understand is why, if your past has been painful to some degree, would you want to replay that part of your life?
No, it's not really a matter of choice.
To be clear, roughly half of all mental health professionals don't believe in MLC, and the other half sort of do.
The idea behind a MLC is that there was some sort of event or trauma that occurred in a childhood, where the child wasn't able to process it fully so it got sort of stored away, glossed over and sort of forgotten.
Then later on in life, some button, some event opens up that storage bin in the mind and no that person has to handle the event as an adult...but since it happened as a child...it sort of morphs that person into a child/adult.
A rational adult should be able to process through some of these issues pretty quickly...but not this morphed persona.
This has been my experience.
It's not really a choice on their part, and believe me I'd rather be the LBS than an MLCer ANY DAY of the year.
Hi Jack
Yeah, I see where you're coming from. The idea that something hasn't been 'finished' from an earlier phase, needs dealing with 'now' is intriguing.
Mental health professionals etc. all seem to think MLC is just a cover all. I suggest they make this site required reading!
How are you doing today Huddy? Good plans for the weekend?
Hi Jack
Not bad! Work finished for the week (hurrah!), so, this the first weekend I haven't had the kids since late June, so, I've got the flat to clean down, windows to clean and generally just have a chill weekend.
Have booked a cheeky GAL weekend away for September, so that's something to look forward to. It's just a couple of days, but it's away from normal life, so that's got to be good. Meeting a couple of old mates and we're going for some food and beer.
Still doing some homework, reading up on MLC threads. No word from W since Tuesday, and I don't expect any.
Ok man, enjoy your weekend...with all that cleaning...hope you can grab a pint. Scotland any chance you're near the Lagavulin distillery? Cause as far as I am concerned that is as close to heaven as you can get on earth...maybe Laphroaig.
Here if you need any support, don't forget that.
Cheers Jack! No, I'm near Edinburgh (Southern Scotland) and I'm actually a Yorkshireman (technically in England - but we're the largest County, so we like to think we're better than other Englishmen!).
It's the end of the International Festival/Fringe here this weekend, so it's been manic. Time to rest up.
As always, backup is appreciated.
Huddy,
I love Scotland and have enjoyed visiting Edinburgh many times. I was just sharing some photos of Scotland to a couple of friends today at lunch.
I'm sure you and others will be happy when the International Festival/Fringe is over and the crowds are much more manageable.
Enjoy the weekend.
W brought over the kids today for there tea. My S has autism and has been really anxious whilst he was here and asking for 'Mummy' a lot. It's beginning to bother me that he seems this way, but I can't say anything to W, as the words I would say would seem like pursuing. D told me that she had told W that she 'wished we all lived in the same house again' and that 'I wish you and Mummy would get married again'. It's hard to explain to a 6 year old about all this, so I just smile and nod and move the conversation on to something she's been doing.
I haven't really communicated with W. I suppose I'm stuck. When she did talk to me today, there is that slight edge of talking down her nose, so I just reply to her question in one word answers and then get back to the kids. W arrived in the same see through armed top, skinny jeans and high heels again, today. It's funny, but she would never wear high heels when with me as she said that they hurt; now, you just can't get her out of them.
It's difficult not to get despondent and think 'F*** It' and just move on. She shows no emotion at all, and as I don't see her every day, it's difficult to know where she is in the 'process'. I suppose, at the moment, W is still living in the glow of her operation. Great, it's removed the 'pouch' from her stomach, but who's looking at it? Maybe she's staring in the mirror every day. In the background, I think my SIL will still be stirring.
Yeah, so, just writing down the thoughts in my head. Disappointment (as always) when I see W, but I know that she will pull the cord one day to see the attachment. Have to got to be more convincing, I suppose.
Huddy,
I think you are handling your situation well. It's tough when you have children that wish everyone was living under one roof again. Continue to listen and validate your children whenever possible.
As for the way your wife is dressing, they do become the mirror image (exact opposite) of the old self. So, if she didn't wear certain clothes or shoes previously, she'll most certainly do it now. She'll eventually ditched those shoes...but it may be a while before that happens. They have to experiment and try out new things because it's a distraction and a "change" for them. They want "change" because for a short period of time, the "changes" make them feel better. Eventually they may run out of things that make them feel better and then they will have time to focus on themselves.
Her tone of voice is also typical of a MLCer. I'm sorry she used that tone w/you. The "no emotion" is also typical of the MLCer. They have to remain cold and unemotional w/us because they don't want to feel anything for us. They use the anger and so called hatred to help them feel this way. Surely, if they thawed just a bit, they would begin to soften towards us and right now...they don't want that. They need to have some sort of justification for what they are doing, so that's us and the relationship...we must be the reason for them feeling so low and depressed. Nope...it's them, not us.
Huddy, continue to move forward. Keep the focus on you and your children. Do you have any hobbies or activities that you enjoy? Maybe a walk in the park, or a trip to the pub and meet up w/some friends...just get out and about when you have a moment. You need this down time to recharge your battery.
Take care.
Hi Job
It's just difficult with the kids. My S especially. His specialist brought up the sep. in our last meeting (in May) as having a negative impact on him. W glazed over it, whilst telling amusing stories about how we used to go out as a family etc. Now that was truly an extraordinary meeting!
Walking, gym, trips away have all been done/being done to keep myself sane (trip away in September; hols with the kids in July; Hong Kong last March - I have to pinch myself about that one!); hours gym every day; hours walk every day, but sometimes, it just seems a plod!
Huddy it is a plod.
But every step forward is a step closer. To what?
You tell me. : )
Goodnight my Scottish friend.
Maybe some social GAL Huddy? I still sense in your posts....once I know what my W is doing, I'll know what I'm doing.
I understand the whole limbo thing (been there for a good while) but that's no reason to put your life on hold in any sense (other than choosing not to file and standing for your M.
Where would you be heading if your W was never coming back? Short of dating (which I presume is off limits as you hope to save your M) what would you be doing with your life?
A little 2x4, but it's my fluffy sledgehammer Huddy
x
Hi Sotto/Jack
Yes, limbo is a uninviting location!
I have a GAL activity planned for September. Going away for a few days to see old pals.
Dating is not for me right now.
Huddy,
You don't have to date, but you can socialize w/people. Grab a coffee w/a friend, go to the nearest bookstore or library and hang out for a bit, see a movie, or take a walk along a park path. Invite someone to a bite to eat, anything to help get get you for just a wee bit.
BTW, I am glad you are going away for a few days this month. Enjoy your time w/your old pals.
Uhh yeah, not suggesting dating man.
1 - You're still married.
2 - You're still married.
I know you have a trip this Sept. to meet some old mates and that is awesome, but do you have any nearby mates you can meet up with over a pint or two of delicious Guinness?
Hi guys
I'm not from around here, as we moved up from our native land 12 years ago. I do go out, I do 'things', but it is difficult in a group as all the people I know are in relationships (straight or gay)and don't really want to hang out with a 44 year old sep. person!
I'm OK. Just thinking it's going on a bit toooo looooong!
Well don't act like a 44 sep. person. Did they actually say they don't want to hang out with you? Cause if they did drop them like a used tissue.
All sorts of ways to meet new people...and no not meaning find a girlfriend. Clubs, and this new thing the internet can even be used to find social activities in your area.
Not really harping on this, just one of those things when a person says they can't, when they really can.
Friends, in this case are a healthy distraction, that's why I believe it is vital.
Yes, I believe the social GAL is really important and I'm not for a moment suggesting dating. I'm suggesting things that extend you beyond your comfort zone and help you meet new people and enjoy life whatever your W may be doing.
That's not about your current circle of contacts. For me GAL has included salsa class, bookstore volunteering, divorce support group, yoga class, ladies social group, calligraphy group, tai chi etc. I've just signed up for a 'borrow your doggy' scheme too. Planning to do a little dog walking. Not dated anyone (yet) but have met some nice people and done some fun things.
Here is my challenge to you Huddy. This month, try one new social GAL thing that could become a regular event for you....what do you have to lose?
xx
Hi Sotto
The 'Divorce Group' thing just doesn't float my boat. I keep thinking back to the film 'About a Boy', where there is the single mums group, where they just tell everyone how much of a b****** their former partner was! I just have that vision. It might be the wrong idea, but hey, I have got other things planned, but it all takes cash.
I keep being told by my colleagues I should 'move on', but I don't want to. You can see them thinking I'm a muppet for hoping, but having just read the latest 'sticky' post from Jack, that's me, right there, standing for my M!
Huddy, no dates in GAL right now for all the reasons already said ... listen to Sotto, Queen of GAL activities ... actually, she's the Goddess of GAL activities ...
For me, I thought about stuff I've wanted to do for a long time and told myself I couldn't for a variety of reasons. The local community ed classes were a great place to start. I did a drop in singing class and now I plan to do some more things in that vein. I grabbed a camera and started to go out more with the intention of taking photos - bird watching ... local fauna ... this led me to a whirlwind trip to Death Valley last spring to see the superbloom and boy was that healing for me! My point is, start small, look locally, don't think about doing stuff with other people so much as think about what YOU would like to explore. Good luck xoxoxo
Hi Bttrfly
Thanks. Just noticed that your BD date is almost the same as mine. No D for me yet though and, to me, she doesn't show any real signs of MLC that are in other threads. She was more 'spinney' when we were in the same house. OK, she's gone for plastic surgery, teeth whitening etc. but I don't see any jumpy behaviour. Maybe because I don't see her every day, but she seems so distant.
W brought kids over today in skinny jeans, high heels, tight top and sunglasses. I can count on one hand the number of times she wore sunnies when we were together. Rubbish day at work and I'm exhausted today. Kids here to keep me sane!
I keep being told by my colleagues I should 'move on', but I don't want to. You can see them thinking I'm a muppet for hoping, but having just read the latest 'sticky' post from Jack, that's me, right there, standing for my M!
The funny thing about all those people who say to move on?
I always felt like they would be doing exactly what we are doing if this had happened to them.
I was thinking today, back to when W came out of hospital from her tummy tuck. It got infected, so, she asked if I would take her to hospital. I did, and all was OK. On the way back (should just mention that the kids were there as well and it's the first time she has sat beside me since BD) she asked to go to Tesco (a UK supermarket for my overseas friends!). I said I'd take her (I had no intention of doing her shopping though) and suggested a one near where we used to live.
She snapped back that she'd rather go to one in the next city. I said I didn't want to do that and she said we must as she didn't want to be seen. I asked why, and she just said she had her reasons. I wonder if it was guilt or if she was hoping nobody saw her, ready for her 'reveal' for when school re-opened.
I've been re-reading some homework, and got on to the one about MLC and depression. Before BD, I had noticed that W had become a little distant and sometimes went out of the room to lie in a bedroom on her own. At the time, she said she just wanted a few minutes away from the kids, but of course, looking back, it was probably the start of the depression curve.
I think this is where I made a mistake as I also was aware that W had started down the menopause route and I had been trying to get her to go to the Doctors for help. I also made the classic error of asking her mother and sister for help. Funny how they change sides when the shite hits the fan!
I then look at BD day. It was a Sunday, and I'd been told by a friend that St. John's Wort can help. I went to Tesco and bought a packet. Wow, that stuff is expensive! I came home and gave her it and said I was worried about her and that's where this all started - pow, BD!
I can't get her to get help. That ship has sailed and to try now, I feel, would be a mistake. I don't know why I get so disappointed when I see her. Maybe, I'm just wondering if? Is today the day when she reaches out? Is today the day the fog clears? I wish I had some answers.
Is there a link to menopause and MLC? I have read some non DB pieces on the net, but, nothing specific. It's also worth mentioning that her Mother had a really bad menopause as well. She was early and it was combined with the time my W was being prepared for an 'arranged' marriage by her Father.
Ah lovely Huddy - who knows my friend. She may be depressed, menopausal, in MLC, WAW...and we could go here there and everywhere trying to make sense of what she does and says.
Do try and let go of the analytics. Let go of.....might this be the day?? Let her be and live your life....I suggested some more social GAL for you a few posts back....have you given that any thought my friend??
xx
Huddy,
You've tried to help her and you've been basically smacked down. It's evident that she does not want your help. Whatever is going w/her is her problem to deal with now. You can't help her. She has to want to get better and evidently she's happy being stuck in the barrel of health issues.
Huddy, please just leave her be. Nothing you say or do right now will make her see that she needs help. No matter if she's a MLCer, a WAW, menopausal or depression...you can't help her. Just like an addict or alcoholic, they have to help themselves and that generally means hitting bottom.
Huddy, keep the focus on you.
Hi Sotto/Job
I wasn't going to say anything to her, but just reading the homework over makes me wonder if trying to help made a bad situation worse, before BD. I just keep seeing the reaction of my kids when they come over. My S can't really speak, but he gets anxious and asks for 'Mummy' a lot. My D keeps repeating how much she loves me and tells me how she now wishes, every time she catches a dandelion seed, that we all lived together. She told me she told W that, but couldn't remember what W said.
Anyway, lining up to be a rough week at work, but GAL later in the month.
Huddy,
I don't think that trying to help her early on made things worse. It's just aggravated her a bit. But you now have the tools and know not to suggest things to her.
I'm sorry that the children are having a difficult time. You will need to reassure them and love them. Listen to what they tell you and validate their thoughts, concerns and fears. They need to know that you are always going to be there for them.
Yes I would agree that help from the spouse is not what the WAS/MLCer wants. That said, by the time the apparent need for help arose, things had probably reached a tipping point anyway.
If you want to revisit that time in your mind, best to do it from a place of wanting to learn about yourself as a partner and look at whether there are things you would want to change going forwards - either for possible future R with your W or some other lucky lady further down the line.
I guess my point above is.....it's all still about your W and that's what concerns me for you Huddy. If you keep your focus on her, this is a long and miserable path with wet boots in driving rain. I know you are managing to DB externally, but I'm not sure you are making the internal shift.
I'd like to ask the question.....if your W was never coming back....and you weren't ready to date either.....what would you be doing to live your life as happily as possible?
I'm sorry that the kids have voiced their upset - that must be hard to hear and of course whether you live together again is only partly within your control. But being the best and most supportive Dad you can be is wholly within your control and the best place to focus....and it sounds like you are doing a great job there...
Hope your week goes well my friend x
Hi Sotto
Unfortunately, analysing things is part of my job. I suppose I'm just re-evaluating where I'm at. I'm doing OK, I'm GAL'ing within reason and managing to feed and water myself!
It's the kids that it hurts the most, and that is painful to watch.
Why most women don't seem to understand the pain that they are causing to the children? I would like to hear what women have to say.
Women initiate 80% of divorce and in 90% of the cases they receive custody. In most cases they want to limit contact with the father as much as possible that way hurting the kids. What are they thinking?
Hi Cid and sorry to high jack your post Huddy, but in my case I'm encline to file because H has hurt me deeply and has clearly moved on with his life and OW, so why should I stay married to someone who doesn't want me? I haven't read your story but maybe your W felt you were done with her, didn't love her so to protect herself if she is no longer associated with you, she might feel that she can have a fresh start.
For the custody my H's ex limited his access as a revenge as he left her when their kid was very young. I felt it was pure evil from her part as she wanted her child to see what her father was really like. Now as I'm in the same situation as her, I can understand where she came from, although I always made a point that if we have kids together, we will share custody together. That's what we are doing now. Hope that helps.
No problem with hijack! I don't know if cld still has his own thread.
Rocky,
Because you promised to stay married "until death do us part", not until there are problems and I can't take it anymore.
Cld, you really don"t get it that this isn't a sickness the WAS has. It's their way of changing.
Where did you read that, MrBond?
MWD calls it crisis for a reason. "Crisis means short term, I know it feels like it's going to go on forever, but it won't".
Crisis is the current state that it is in. When people come out of it, they're changed. And I seriously wouldn't be quoting MWD if I were you. You just cherry pick the things you want to hear. Many of us who have succeeded in saving our marriages have tried to tell you that in order to do so, you need to be willing to open your mind. Which you show you're not willing to do so. Look at the starting dates of the people who have tried to help you and you very rudely and arrogantly dismissed them. Again, if you were this way with your wife, it's not difficult to see why she has no correspondence with you. Many posters who have tried to help you have done so also.
MrBond,
I seriously doubt that you restored your marriage. There is no timeline, no threads, nothing.
You sound a lot like another chaos child coming from a broken family and I do not need your help.
5Lol If you want to find my story you're going to have to dig through my posts. PS there are a few. And I know you're just quoting another source but you are very mistaken. I have saved my marriage and we are doing quite well. I wasn't offering you my help. I was correcting you to show the others you have been giving advice to the real way to DB. And even if you aren't interested in saving your marriage by listening to those who have, there may be others who are. And they can do so as long as they maintain humility and an open mind. Something that many of the vets here have stated.
Oh and btw, this isn't your thread. Start your own.
Sorry for the hijack Huddy
No problem Mr. Bond. I see your post count and agree that people with high post counts must be doing something right to be here so long, and still helping others.
If other guys don't want help, then fine, but I like reading other people's threads and either add insight, or gain knowledge. At no point in life do we stop learning!
Huddy,
Cld has his own thread and I've copied and pasted his posting as well as a Rouky's and his response back to her on his thread. It's a topic that others may be interested in and since he posed the question, I thought it best to address it on his thread.
Many of Mr. Bond's threads, as well as other vets, have been purged over the years. The Board comes along at least once a year and purges the system of older threads. We went through a purge this time last year and many of us had to scramble to either save our threads or recreate them in order to have them remain here. So, if you can't locate all of Mr. Bond's threads, that is the reason, i.e., purging the system.
I just want to say that Mr. Bond came here, did the necessary work on himself and listened to the advice, suggestions, etc. that the posters offered up. He let go, dropped the rope and continued moving forward w/his life. He allowed his wife the time and space she needed and she eventually realized that Mr. Bond was not the problem.
Job,
Where is his current thread?
You are telling me he is out of the woods now and his family is perfect?
He hasn't even updated his signature in 5 years,
and I should listen to him?
I don't think so.
I am listening to you, job, to Irish, to qt4, to the guy that came up with the "chaos child" explanation that I am not allowed to name here, to MWD and most importantly I am listening to my instinct.
No problem Mr. Bond. I see your post count and agree that people with high post counts must be doing something right to be here so long, and still helping others.
OR they just like to talk.
Actually I think it is safe to say that people with a high post count are the ones who feel the desire to give back to a place that they feel has helped them, no matter what form that help came in.
How are you doing today Huddy?
I'm taking this posting as well as my response over to your thread to avoid this continuous hijacking of Huddy's thread.
Hi Jack
Bit of a shite day at work and this week looks like being one to forget! Anyway, W has brought over the kids today for their tea and they have just gone.
W left some pictures here when she declared herself homeless and my D wanted to take them with her (they are pictures from Frozen - let it go!). W resisted as she said 'let's just leave them here a while longer', but my D was getting upset about them, so I thought it was best she took them. It'll give her something good to look at before her bed.
Off to the bath. Time for me!
Clarification.
Your Wife wanted to leave the pictures at your house a little longer but your daughter didn't?
I am confused.
Did I state that correctly?
Thanks Huddy.
Right now you're doing well in your sitch. Like I told my kids when my W was going through her MLC, there is nothing we can do to control mom. BUT we CAN choose to control what WE do. So we would go out and have the best time of our lives. I took them to places my W would never have agreed to. I started really engaging and learned new skills that the kids and I could share together. And we went exploring. It actually made me realize how much I was missing out on.
When my W would say or do something that would hurt myself or the kids, I immediately put my foot down and told her how things were going to be rather than letting her drive the train. She started to re-establish respect for me after that.
Think of your W as like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. They will push your buttons and try to see what they will get away with. But you lay the groundwork with consequences and follow through so that if they break those rules, they can see you're not someone to disrespect.
Hang in there.
Hi Jack
Yes, that was right. W wanted to leave them here, whilst D wanted to look at them back in her bedroom. As D was getting upset, I thought it was best that she took them.
Hi Mr Bond
It's a bit sad when people don't want to get practical advice, but hey-ho, I do, so thanks for looking in.
I took the kids on holiday, on my own this summer. Planes, trains, buses, quite a long way, especially with my S's autism. I did doubt myself if I could cope, but I just went for it. Some of it was stressful, but we had such a good time. W's reaction was to have a tantrum when my D told her nice stories.
I do find it encouraging when people say I'm 'doing well' as I have up and down days. This work at week is going to be hell, and I miss having somebody to talk to and get compassion off.
I always viewed, and you are free to view as you wish, little things like that as little guide lines back. So to me a good sign.
Now, a good sign, doesn't mean its over or even close, they are just better signs than packing everything up and never talking to you again. To me its things like that that sort of point to them being confused.
It's a bit sad when people don't want to get practical advice, but hey-ho, I do, so thanks for looking in.
Can only stick a dog's nose in poo-poo so many times before it bites you.
I can't believe I have to say poo-poo instead of [censored]. Sometimes profanity has a point. (digress)
Huddy I think you are doing well, I think that you have a lot of positives going for you. That being said, everyone here is in there own personal minefield. While I think you are in a good position, you still have to navigate your way through it.
Do what works, but don't be afraid to try new things if you are tired of the status quo or want to see change...I guarantee that if you try new things you will see change...however the good changes will be slow to notice, and the bad changes will be fast like a razor blade tornado.
Trying new tactics will mean that you possibly takes several steps back along your path if the generated change was a bad one, and maybe a half a step forward if it was a good one.
Too vague?
Sorry. I have no for examples exactly, except a bad one, and for anyone reading this...don't do this.
An R talk is frowned upon here. But if enough time has gone by and you're careful, who knows? I say that with a large ammount of warning. I say that only if you guys are getting along better and you're willing to risk some of your progress. IF the clues in your spouse and how you are getting along indicate that you, with logic driving and not emotion can try it.
Like I said a bad example of trying something risky.
Examples less risky?
A simple goodnight text.
Something different, usually something nice.
Though something different can also be a boundary. But use those sparingly, especially if you have been accused of being controlling.
Hi Jack
Thanks. I have sent her pictures of the kids before and it's been OK. Minefield, yes. Better with somekind of map and stick than nothing at all.
Yes, I think there's no harm in initiating occasional warm gestures as long as you can do so without expectation. Maybe sending a pic of the kids if they are doing something nice - or passing on something you think might be of interest to her.
With things like this, only do them if you can truly shrug at the response and not be annoyed, or devastated or thrilled - just notice it and move forward.
If you do send a little something and you get a terse reply - you can always go back to minimal, pleasant, business and reassess at some future point.
Hope your week is going better than you thought it might my friend :-)
Hi Sotto
No, it's going from bad to worse! The last photos I sent she replied a day or two later and was happy to see them, so I texted back to say 'glad you liked them'.
Just an aside for Jack, my W is still paying for me to be on her car insurance, and we still pay for a joint life insurance policy. More connections still tangled up.
Hi huddy. I missed your jump here from newcomers.I'all catch up when I can. Good to see you posting again. I have contemplated coming here too.
Best wishes mate
Curious you said from bad to worse based on photos and time it took to respond?
Other than that good plans for the weekend?
Hi Jack
No, bad to worse for a work week. Anyways, finished up for the weekend and have rewarded myself with a bottle of pear cider.
Unfortunately, due to stress, I have acquired a couple of sores on my back. These only come out when I'm stressed and they are a bit sore!
I've had a funny feeling today. I'm not religious, but it felt like someone had lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel the calmest I've felt since BD. I'm quite relaxed tonight and have got things planned for tomorrow. I've got to get my eyes tested (in my job, I have to get my eyes tested every two years) and as I've got older, my short sightedness has got better, to the detriment of my reading vision. I tried varifocals, but they made me look about 150 years old!
I've got to get new work shoes (a task I hate as I have huge size 11 - don't know what size this equates to in US/EU sizes, feet) and, again, for work, they have to be anti slip and safety tipped. Clarks in the UK do really good shoes, but they are expensive. I got my last pair in July 2015, but they are starting to wear. I have tried boots, but I just can't get use to them and I get terrible blisters.
I have to go and sign the extension to my lease, which started in May. For some reason, they have only got to me today to get me to come in and sign. I've also got to buy a bit of food and just recharge generally.
I had a number of serious problems at work this week, and it's at times like these I miss talking to W, which is what we had to do. Anyway, I've pulled myself through it and faced another stressful week. Onwards!
That pear cider kept me up most of the night with heartburn!
Got my eyes tested and one eye has degenerated a bit. So I now need reading glasses as well as distance. Treated myself to some really nice ones and pick them up on Wednesday.
Got some safety shoes and decided to buy some bacon and delicious submarine rolls from Marks and Spencer for my tea. Yum!
Those sores on my back and hurting tonight. I have to watch, because we went to Florida on holiday in 2004 and I got burnt, which resulted in two small skin cancers. Since then, I'm really protective of my back and W used to do regular checks. It's not so easy trying to do this on your own. I also had a cyst removed in 2004, so I also have an itchy scar which also gives my pain when it gets hot.
It's the anniversary of 9/11, so I'm watching United 93 on TV tonight. My thoughts go out to my American friends.
My W brought the kids over for tea today. Unusually pleasant, she brought some paperwork for her PPI claim fetish that she wanted me to fill in. I never got PPI with any financial product we got, but I'll play along. SD also came, and I passed her some stuff that she needed for college.
Again, D wanted to take something out of the flat and W stopped her and made her put it back. It's her jewellery case, so, it's rightfully hers (even though she's only 6, it was bought for her as a birth present) but W won't let her take anything from here.
W also sat in the car park for a number of minutes before she left, after dropping the kids off, which is unusual, and she was staring at the flat windows. I noticed this (I was doing the dishes),but moved away when I saw she was looking, as I didn't want to seem clingy.
In the usual MLC way, she appears happy and content with her lot. She made especially sure I noticed my S's new haircut and asked me 'well Dad, doesn't he look handsome? They didn't recognise him at school'. It's the kind of thing we would talk and joke about when we lived together and it all seemed oddly familiar.
Good update.
Nothing horrible and seemingly a decent time.
The not taking things out of the house...
Have you seen her place? Have you been there?
Curious.
Also when she first started her MLC how did she treat the kids?
Did she sort of abandon them too?
Hi Jack
Yes, I've been to her place. She declared homelessness, so in the UK she has to take the first place offered to her. Initially this was a B&B, but because of my S's autism, she was given a beat up old flat within two days. After a month, she got moved to a small house, but quite some distance away. It's clean, but in need of attention, but W can't do anything as she isn't the tenant, as such.
When she first started down this path, she did show signs of abandonment towards the kids. Take this summers' tummy tuck; she just off and left the kids with SD, knowing that SD would tell me so I would get the kids, regardless of how it affected me. Usual stuff about 'kids will get used to it' etc.
Is your D's room there already furnished? Like she doesn't want her stuff there because it is already decorated?
She is back to doing things with the kids and paying attention to them?
The kids room is simply two beds, a seat, a wardrobe and a table. Quite bare and basic. Same with W's room. SD has made an effort to make hers a bit homely.
When we moved out, W put the rest of our furniture/possessions in to storage.
So no real good reason not to bring D6's box to her place?
That's cool.
And she is interacting with the kids again in a good way or at least parental way?
Also cool.
How is your day going or I guess...how did your day go since I think its like 1 am there right now. : )
Hi Jack
It's 2200hrs right now, so I'm off to bed!
Odd day really. I'm getting older and I notice I need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night now. That's disturbing my sleep, plus other stresses at work, I am feeling a bit tired right now. I woke up this morning, and couldn't open my right eye. It was weeping considerably and it took about an hour to be able to get it open. Managed to make it to work, but it's really sore, and I picked up my new glasses today. I managed to get a tiny stone out of my eye, so I'm guessing that it's got under my eyelid and scratched the surface of my eye. Ow!
Yes, W does appear to be a bit more parental. I haven't had any proper spew since the summer, but no real warmth either. So, stuck really. GAL trip planned for the weekend after next, so I'm looking forward to that. No need to leave the kids stuff here, if they want it.
I've had the kids this weekend. As Job suggested, I sent her a picture of the kids on our day out yesterday. I know she's seen it on 'whats app', but she didn't respond. It was a great picture of my S & D hugging.
Me and the kids have had a great weekend, and W made contact about 1625, saying she was on her way, via the shops.
When she arrived, I told her that I was having the first week of the upcoming school holidays off. I've already booked it, and I have a meeting that I need to attend in the second week. W went off alarming saying I should have consulted her (I replied that I didn't have to), that I should compromise (like she did when she abandoned the kids when she went for her tummy tuck operation) as she was planning to go and see her parents and that she would have to re-arrange all her hair dressing appointments. After I kissed the kids, she left in a flouncing mood.
It's all becoming a bit of a 'argh' as I don't see any change in her at. No warmth, no visible unhappiness, no reaching out, nothing. It's the usual MLC diet of 'me, me, me' and trying to control my movements etc. I also got the threat of if I didn't change my holiday week 'you won't se the kids'. I'm just losing any hope here and begin thinking that I should just call quits. Patience is a virtue, but after so long, you do wonder when.
Anyway, off for a bath - a good soak always restores my frayed nerves!
Huddy,
Trust me, she was happy to see the photo of S & D, but she's not going to say anything to you about it. Just let it go and go on about your business. However, she may mention it later on when you least expect it.
Well, you certainly have given her ample notice about when you are going to be off. She can't have her cake and it too. She's got ample time to reschedule things and besides, she can take the children to see their grandparents. I'm sure they would love to see the kids. She'll get over her snit.
Yes, she's still in the "me, me, me" mode. However, you are getting stronger and not taking her BS like she thought you would. Your actions are speaking for more loudly than words.
Keep up the good work!
Hi Job
When she had her tummy tuck operation, she kind of showed a bit of underbelly - you know, a chink of unhappiness. She's rebuilt it all though. It's as if she can't admit she needs to backtrack and is digging her heels in. I don't know if I should be outreaching more or not. She has always ben stubborn and never admitted she was wrong. Maybe she's afraid of that. I know I don't 'need her', but I 'want her'. I mean that in the practical sense, as in doing my own thing etc.
When I look back, she was showing signs back in early 2014, then recovered a bit in the summer, then went cold again, then warm at Christmas, then cold up to her birthday. It's a hard slog. I wish there was a sign book showing me the things to look for.
Anyway, had my bath, ironing to do and work tomorrow!
Huddy,
I would stay the course. You did a very nice thing by sharing the photos w/her. When she sees that you are not going to cave to her coldness, she'll eventually come around.
Hi Job
I want to stay the course, she's my wife, but I don't want to waste my life. I do have a problem with her going to her parents - my SIL will be there and she'll twist the knife, royally, whilst she's there. My SIL is somebody who loves people's misery. If there is somebody in crisis, she's there like a junkie, lapping it up and offering her own dubious life experiences to the mix.
Anyway, today's rant over. My ironing can wait 'til tomorrow!
Huddy,
You can stay the course and continue to move forward and live your life as if she's not going to return. If she returns, she'll have quite a bit of catching up to do since you will have grown by leaps and bounds.
I'm sorry about your SIL, but if your w chooses to go visit her parents, there's nothing you can do but hope and pray that things will be okay. You can't control her (I know you already know that) and if you were to say something to her about going there, she would be even more determined to do so. She may have just said that to get a rise out of you, but you didn't react.
Let's hope and pray that w/your schedule changes, hers will also change as well.
Yep, ironing sure can wait. I don't know which I detest more...ironing or dusting. LOL!
The MLCer is a weird one. On Sunday, W blew a fuse about me having the first week of the October school holidays off, telling me how I should have asked her and how I should compromise.
Today, W brings the kids over for their tea and SD came to see me as well. SD has a new hair do, courtesy of W and we chatted whilst D was hugging me and S was busy on his laptop (his autism makes him reach out for familiar, repetitive things). W initially smiled at me and gave me eye contact, but seemed to resent that SD was talking to me and started staring out of the window. Not once did she bring up the holidays (I'd prepared myself for that one!) and seemed distant, but pleasant.
W picked them up later and said a cheery 'bye' to me. I'm not scheduled to see the kids, and by default W, for a week. I've got my GAL weekend this coming Saturday, so, that will be a rest from the stress - for a couple of days anyway!
Thanks Roist.
After 4 days, W finally texts me back to say 'lovely' for the kids photo I sent her on Saturday. I replied with 'yes, they are'.
Huddy, my man. Just here to say hi.
Bud! Where you been. Good to hear from you. How's in going in the West? How's you boy? Thought I'd move here as I didn't want to discourage newbies from getting started.
All good here mate. S11 is fantastic. I've been busy HAL, which is past tense for GAL, I.e. Having a life. I think you're in the right forum. I read this thread today on my way home from work. You popped into my mind so I came back for a look and found you. You sound good mate. Pity your W is still in the fog. Stay strong. You're doing great.
Thanks pal. Good to hear that everything is OK. We really must get that pint one day!
Deffo mate.
I won't be starting a new thread here. I'm not on this bandwagon anymore. My M is done, and so am I. I'm happy and have moved on but wanted to see how you were doing and just to let you know I'm still routing fry you mate.
Peace
Thanks NDY!
All packed up for GAL trip tomorrow. Washing in, so it'll be dry when I get back, and bath running. Looking forward to a relaxing few days, away from the hubbub of work and other things.
Pick the car up at 0800 and have various things to do on the way down,before I meet up with some friends in the evening. All day Sunday with my friends before heading home. Can't wait!
Phew!!! Back from my weekend. Long travel 'back home' but lots of beer, burgers and good chat. Tired right now, so, quick bath and bed!
I'm glad you arrived home safe and sound. Sounds like you had a good time.
It's time to start a new thread.
New Thread:
In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck