MLC W Dates, Part 11 - DivorceBusting.com

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Ok, I did a bad, bad thing.

I went over to W's place earlier today to work on filing an Amended tax return to change our filing status from me filing as 'Head of Household' to us filing 'married filing jointly'. The purpose was to get W the significant tax refund we were expecting when we filed earlier this year.

W left her phone near me, asked me to add up a bunch of numbers on her phone, and I was 'good' by not even taking a peak.

But then she did some kitchen cleaning, and I was working on her computer and waiting for a file to download, so I decided to browse her "photos" folder. I was intrigued by a sub-file named "boudoir", and yes, it was about 20 photos of W scantily and provocatively dressed. No nudes.

Now the back story. I begged for years for W to do this type of photo-shoot for me. And she never did, though she knew how beautiful I thought she was (and still is.) I think it was self confidence, but for whatever reason she never as much gave me a photo of herself in a bra, though she and her best friend are both photographers.

Ok, here is where I went wrong - I had to send myself from W's computer an email with the Amended Tax Return, and I added several of her "boudoir" photos to my email. I feel bad.

But I'm kinda happy to have these photos too.

Ok, I like signs of healthiness (emotionally, that is) in dealing with W.

Yesterday, when I was over at W's place, after I finished working on amending our taxes, I brought up modifying child support with her again. I continue to pay child support for d18 though she is going to college in another state.

I explained why support should be reduced, and how much it should be reduced by. W refused. Though in the past I may have thrown a tantrum, yelled, or my worst tactic - passive aggressiveness. Perhaps I wouldn't file the Amended Return for a while. Yeah, I used to do this kind of stuff.

Instead, I said I understood. I hurried up s14, and we left.

This morning W texted me (at 5 am!) something that might help with the pain in my feet and legs. She then told me she hadn't slept - she was anxious about our kids. After we texted a bit on this, I texted her to let her know that I was not angry about yesterday's dispute over child support.

W texted that she understands why I want to reduce support b/c of my health and recent job issues. I told W that I appreciated how she was able to disagree with me about something without having an angry fight.

I like how this discussion went, and how I am moving away from my past use of passive aggressiveness.

Wet, I don't know if you have explained this before ( sorry I haven't read your entire sitch) but could you explain to me what your "trial divorce" consisted of and also what sort of legal arrangement do you have with spouce. Also how have your kids felt with your 2 year separation?

Hi Jpeg, the "trial divorce" was more of a more agreement than a legal one. I learned (this is pre-DB) W was on dating sites and dating other men, and so I gave her a Stipulated Divorce Agreement. She refused to sign it.

So I came up with the idea to let W sow her wild oats. I suggested to W that we release each other of our marital vows for 3 months, and she agreed.

This was not a good idea. Though I made clear to W on 7/1/2014 that we were still married, for a long while, she continued to see herself as "single". And only until the last several months has she slowed down her involvement with dating sites.

Thank you for asking.

Wet, thanks for clarification. I did go back and read the beginning of your story. Where are you now? Anything legal in place?

My H left 13 months ago and we do not have any legal agreement but he is sleeping with OW yet doesn't consider this an affair because we have been living apart for a year. I have recently retained a lawyer because H has not been paying his share of bills (and all payments come directly out of what use to be our joint account but for the last 5 months he has withdrawn his pay)

I don't want a D I don't even want a separation agreement ( cause our laws here allow that once a separation agreement is in place H can just be granted a D without my signature)

Anyway how have you managed for several years without anything legal? Or do ou have some legal agreement?

PS. I like your lawyer jokes and prayers:)

Hi Jpeg, my W is a "kitty-cat" MLCer. There is no anger, few arguments. She is up-front about her dating, and her R with om. There is also depression though.

I started paying child support before the court became involved 6 months later. I guess my setting a good tone at the start helped in our sitch and was helpful in not having a written agreement in place.

I would make sure that your lawyer understands what you want from your separation. Your state's rules on the quick divorce if a written separation agreement is in place seems really counter-productive. There could be other options. But making sure your H pays his share of the bills is really important. He must be spending his $$$ somewhere, you just need to make sure that you are a higher priority.

Blessings.

Yes he is spending it on her a lot of dinner outs and out for drinks and now a shared apartment. I'm up in Canada and it "no fault" in my province.

Ouch! I got the news from W last night that drunk/angry om is moving in with her this week. This is how she told me:

W: S14 won't clean his room so I slapped him.

Me: S14 and I had a really good weekend together. This seems odd.

W: S14 just ran away.

Me: What's going? I am sorry he is being disrespectful to you.

W: I told him om just got out of rehab and is moving in with me, and s14 freaked out (Wet's note, the last time s14 saw om he was breaking into W's place and was removed by 5 police cars.)

W then texted me to reassure me that om is on an intense 6 month rehab program that makes him take a drug that will make him sick if he drinks any alcohol.

I did not respond to W - keeping my mouth shut rather than let my anger spill out. It seems to me if you force someone (this is from the court and his DUI last July) to stop drinking, it ain't gonna work. The alcoholic has to want this for himself. But I don't know much about this, I could be wrong.

God bless s14, keep him safe and protect him.

Can't S14 come live with you?

I was going to ask same question

Hi kml, s14 could move in with me if I moved, yes. But I live with d21 right now and she is doing so well - full time school and a job, that I don't want to disrupt her life. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment.

One thing W and I agree on is trying to minimize disruption in s14's life. And his attending the same school with the friends he has made there, is one way to do this. He has moved 3 times in the past 3 years.

W and I live in different cities, so if I took over custody of s14, he would have to change schools. And it is a tight fit in the apartment anyway.

Thanks kml for letting me explain the background on this.

Wow.....tough choice for your son...stay with school and friends but live with scary alcoholic dude, or leave friends and school behind to live with you.

One can only hope OM has achieved sobriety. It's not impossible, although the odds are against him.

My advice would be to listen to what S14 wants....Don't make assumptions. It's important for him to know he has a home with you if he wants it.

Quote:

God bless s14, keep him safe and protect him.

Isn't that also your job?

Tough choices, Wet to be sure.

Seems to me that moving again might be the lesser of two evils. Living with an alcoholic? I can only imagine the resentment that builds and the long term impact for him. As much as I'd hate to disrupt his current stability, it seem W already did that and the question becomes more, "what are you going to do about it."

What's your son's take?

AJ

I agree with others above. Please talk to S14 about what is going on and what he wants. A child needs to know his parents are there for him and that HE is a priority. It doesn't sound like he is getting that with your W.

Thanks everyone for your comments, and your concern for my s14. I bought him a phone last weekend just so I could stay in contact with him during the week. But the best laid plans of mice and men...

S14 hasn't responded to my texts over the past 2 nights. I will text W today to make sure that s14 turns on (or finds?) his phone.

I say let him live with you and you drive him to school each day. He needs to be safe and that isn't going to be with her. Yes it will be tight in your apartment but what do you do when he stays over now. Offer him that as an option.

kat

That is good advice, Kat. Thank you. S14's phone was not charged. So I texted W to make sure that he is ok. She texted back saying he is spending more time at the park with his friends.

Then W texted saying that s14 needs to get into counseling. I am sure that it good advice, but I agree with everyone here that if s14 wants to live with me, getting him away from W and drunk angry om would do more.

A Friday Lawyer Joke, that is too often true when people deal with lawyers:

Nothing is Free

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

Thanks for the jokes, Wet!

A man facing a legal issue brought his friend along to his initial appointment at the lawyers office. After discussing the case for a bit, the lawyer got up and excused himself for a moment. Looking around the room at all the books, the buddy tells his friend �You don�t need a lawyer, the answer to your problems are in one of these books�.

�Yeah, but he knows which one!�

The 'hamster wheel' in my brain has been running overtime this past week, with om moving in with W. S14 never did get back to me when I texted/called him this past week.

When I picked up s14 today, he was upset. He said it was "because mom is acting crazy." I asked him what was going on, and he sat there in silence for several minutes.

I followed up asking him if "om" had moved in - as I did not actually know whether or not he moved in. S14 again sat in silence and did not respond.

After waiting a few more minutes, I changed the subject, telling him he can talk to me when he's ready. On the ride home we spoke about school, his semester break is next Wednesday, and the KC and Toronto game tonight.

After he relaxed a bit and opened up by speaking about other things, he mentioned that he didn't like that "mom makes me come home by 6 pm", so they can all sit down while he eats dinner. He also said that "they"" eat at 5 pm while he is out hanging with his friends.

So this confirmed it for me that om has moved in with W. And back to the "hamster wheel", my mind kept thinking about what I would do if om comes out to meet me, or we just meet - I have never seen him. And I was giving him waaaay too much power in this sitch. I was going thru insults, name calling, and then I would pull my mind back. But these scenes were on a 'replay' button in my mind.

So I checked W's FB page, and she no longer lists me as a "Family" member, but nothing was listed in her R section.

So I looked up om's FB page. I finally saw om's picture. Nice looking guy, there is a picture of a baseball team he is on. Nice smile. He did not look like the pure incarnation of evil that I was anticipating.

But om's page lists that he is in a relationship with my W. Proof enough for me that he is not "just a friend". Also, several selfie pictures of the 2 of them.

The pain lasted for a while. But dang it, my mind kept justifying what W was doing - maybe they aren't sleeping together. Maybe she is just doing this b/c she needs the money. I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt rather than accepting the truth of what is going on.

I understand that we will likely divorce, and with om moving in with W, it continues to grow more likely. Now is the time to get my focus back on s14 - I will have him for most of the next week as he has teacher conferences/days off. I will try and gently bring up the topic of his moving in with me when there is a chance.

I had a good day yesterday with s14. It reminds me that when I am busy I am not thinking about W and om moving in together.

I started the day bringing s14 to turn in his football equipment. Then we stopped by my mom and dad's place to visit. Dad is doing great, and is having no complications from having the pacemaker put in.

On the way back from this I spoke to s14 to let him know that I love him, and that if he is uncomfortable living with his mom and the om, then he can move in with me. I assured him that he had a voice in this process. I told him I would drive him to school in the morning, and pick him up when he wanted after school. S14 said nothing.

I then told him that I would like to have him over at my place for this Thursday and Friday when school was out. He then acted weird and said no, he wanted to be back at W's place. I did not push.

We then went to s14's end-of-the-year football team party. It was great. They did a photo screen showing of the photos of the players from the year. The coaches called each player up to give them a trophy, and said something nice about each kid. It was nice to be there with my son.

Then comes today. S14 wanted to get back early to W's place at halftime of the Vikes game, so I texted W to see if this was ok. She called me. And she asked if we could wait for a couple of hours, b/c they were moving in om's furniture into W's place and were out. No, s14 still does no have his own set of keys.

I know that om has moved in with W. The reality of it though hit when I heard his furniture was being moved in. It was a kick in the gut. Now it seems more permanent.

Thanks to y'all here for letting me have a place to journal and share my feelings. Owwww. It still hurts though we have been separated for over 2 years.

The biggest thing here is that you offered. You have left it up to him and I am sure he is thinking about it.

Your wife is on her own path, no one knows if that path leads back to you or even if you will be there if she comes back. The person you did love, isn't really there anymore. If after the fog of sowing her oats she came back as her old self, chances are you will have out grown her.

You know what is worth the wait, how much pain you are willing to accept, the boundaries that have now been crossed. While I could say this or that from my own experience, I know everyone has their own time line. No one can dictate it for you.

Hang in there.
kat

No alimony for her if she's living with another man! This might actually be a good time to push the legal process forward, unless you are benefiting in some other way by postponing the paperwork.

Remember the divorce is just business paperwork - nothing prevents you from reconciling later if that's going to happen. But you should be protecting yourself financially and if there was any risk of you having to pay alimony, that is now off the table.

Thanks Kat and kml. I am having a difficult time knowing if I should get more involved with W's fighting with s14.

Here is an example from yesterday. W scheduled a time for the 3 of us to go to school conferences. W made clear she was "busy", and so we would meet at s14's school.

As I was getting ready to leave, W starts sending me several texts. S14 came back to W's place after school, and wouldn't clean his room. W had cleaned his room when om moved in last week. So it only took "5 to 10 minutes" for s14 to clean his room. But he wouldn't do it.

More from W's texts - s14 is speaking so disrespectfully to W. They can't go the school conferences b/c s14 won't clean his room. W wishes we could afford military school for s14 (really?!)

So I went to the school conferences by myself. All of the reports were ranging from good to glowing about s14. He dealt with getting his missing assignments in, he is respectful to his teachers, although he is quiet, he walks a proper line of socializing with his friends, and getting to work when the teacher wants them to work.

So after the conferences I called W to see what was going on. She explained that she was guarding the door out from W's condo, but then s14 was able to sneak past her and was waiting for me in the lobby, to take him back to my place for his 2 days off this week from school.

I have raised my son to be respectful to his elders, and this is important to me. So I asked what s14 said to W that was disrespectful. W said that he is always yelling at her. And s14 said "I don't respect you. You are not someone who should be respected." Ouch!

W also mentioned s14 attacking her by asking what she was doing all day - and W fell for the bait. She explained she spent 4 hours on a photo-shoot. She spent 4 hours taking her father to have a tooth removed. She made dinner. She cleaned the condo. She made 3 extra meals for her dad...

I told W that you don't have to explain yourself to s14. She responded, ya, you are right.

So I picked up s14 and he starts by telling me "Mom is crazy". She is fixated on having s14 clean his room. S14 complained Mom is always yelling at him.

I can't fix W. But I can talk to s14 to try and take the edge off of his anger. No, right now he does not want to live with me. W also took him to a therapist, and s14 would not get out of the car.

So my question is whether or not I should do more than just talk to s14 about his problems with W. Should I try and mediate their constant fighting?

Wet,

I've been in your son's shoes. It's HUGE that he is talking to you about his feelings. I wouldn't rock that boat by forcing or altering ANYTHING. Just continue to listen and do whatever it is you are doing which is making him feel safe to talk. Again. Keep it simple and don't alter anything that's working. He is talking. That's a really, really good thing.

In my opinion, there is nothing YOU can do to curb his anger, but I would push hard his living with you. Can you put your foot down on this issue? With the courts?

Would he go to counseling WITH you?

Because he is choosing to live there for now, his anger could set off a huge explosion at that house which will could be dangerous to everyone... He's living with a newly-recovering alkie. Not a good combo with a mom in MLC and a volatile, angry teen.

Tread softly. Continue being the safe person who will listen.

My sister unloaded her anger in a similar situation when she was 16. Left home. Lived on her own with a bunch of crazies.

Friday Lawyer Joke: When we divorced we shared the house 50 / 50. She got the inside...I got the outside!

I will share with you the lesson I learned many years ago: the relationship your child does or does not have with each of you is between each of you and your child. Your job as far as issues with your kids and W is to listen and offer advice but don't get in the middle of it. The same would be the same for her. My ex would constantly say I was putting words in their mouths or that I must be putting these thoughts in their heads.

No more. I am there for them, I will give them ideas of how to handle a situation but I don't get involved. They have to figure it out.

Only one of 4 of my kids has sought his dad out. The other three, not so much. Oh and the one that goes to him as openly acknowledged me as being a great Mom and Dad. He is just trying to get his Dad to be his Dad.

kat

Hi Kat, you have wise advice from the battlefields of your experience. Thank you.

It was interesting to see d21 and s14 goofing around together on Friday night. They were throwing a Nerf ball to each other, sometimes whipping it. They were talking, laughing, dancing, it was a really nice scene.

Then d21 brought up that om would be the step-dad to the 4 of them (our 4 kids). It was something I was not expecting, and it was a 'trigger' for me, it caused me a flash of pain. I wanted to shout "we aren't even divorced yet. Let's not get ahead of ourselves!" But I kept quiet. I understand the likelihood that we will divorce and they may even get married.

When I brought s14 back to W's place on Saturday, I told him again that he can call me any time if he ever feels uncomfortable at Mom's place. He rolled his eyes, but I am glad that I am repeating this for him.

I was hired by a new client today - a divorce case where the couple have been separated for 5 years. How unusual, a longer separation than what I am going thru. It could be a real fight between them.

Hi y'all. Well, my feeble attempt to stop being W's rescuer has fallen flat. Here is how I got there today.

I went to my Men's Group this morning at 6 am. I was shaken b/c I learned W is working with an attorney - let me explain why this shook me. We are separated for well over 2 years, and W has not hired an attorney during this time. But now she has and I was caught off guard.

Anyway, the men at the breakfast Men's Group decided to slap me around a bit. I am too attached to my M. I am too attached to W. God can do something better in my life than being with W. She is treating me like sh*t, and I was thinking of going to her court hearing on Monday to fight $750 in traffic tickets. Ya'know the rescuer thing. The guys this morning showed me the error of my thinking.

They were right, of course. So this afternoon I text W reminding her of Monday's court hearing. She thanked me for the reminder. She asked if we were going to meet there at the courthouse. My glorious, powerful response was:

"No, I'm done. I will give you your file when I pick up s14 tomorrow."

Oh, she must have melted when she received my text. The fear, the horror of having to deal with her own messes herself. She would beg, she would plead, right?

No, W's response simply stated:

"ok".

Now I have seen W at court hearings before, and I know she does not handle them well. She gets very nervous. Especially when $$$ is involved. I expected an attack - but nothing?

Our separation is taking a different turn, and likely a more combative one especially if W's attorney contacts me. I am relieved at this turn of events, as I am finally releasing her to God with my prayers, and my "controlling prayers" are now stopped (example - om moves on finds another woman, W moves on from her R with om, etc.) I now see more clearly how I was hurting myself by trying so forcefully to save my M thru prayer. The result was that I was not detached.

Hey Wet. It's ok to want your M to work. To ask for it. Just be aware we don't always get what we "think" we want. In any event, we have to let go of those things and understand it wasn't what we needed at this point in time. That's part of the trust aspect of faith, my friend. Not always easy to know when to let go, but this seems like a good indication, no?

Peace,
AJ

It's Friday, let's smile - to help here is a Friday Law/Court joke:

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, �Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.�

�Because,� the man says, �I live in a two-story house.� The Judge replies, �What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, �Well Judge, one story is I have a headache and the other story is It�s that time of the month."

Is this a Friday smile? You decide:

May your life be filled with lawyers.

-Mexican curse.

So how has this week been? Thinking of you. kat

Thanks Kat. I have taken some time off from the Board, as I deal with my anger and detachment.

How quickly things can change. No, not with my W. S14 texted me tonight asking for me to come pick him up from W (and om's) place. I immediately said I would come get, and I also asked him what was going on. All he said was that he couldn't take it anymore.

I texted W to make sure she knew I was picking up s14, and she texted back "thank you". So W was obviously happy to have me get s14 away from her.

When I picked up s14 he had his suitcase with him

. I followed s14's lead, he wasn't talking to me. I did ask him if he was ok, but he did not say anything. He kept pulling on a small piece of cloth between his fingers. When I asked him if had eaten dinner, he had not, and he finally started to perk up. He did tell me he wanted to stay with me for the week.

I have staid away from asking what happened. We will talk when he is ready.

I finally get to find out if I can handle getting up early, driving s14 to school (I live in a different city), and pick him up after school also. All without yelling (Lord help me - s14 is a very sound sleeper) and keeping this the safe, calm place for s14 to live.

Wish me luck.

You can do it. How lucky he is to have you :-)

Thank you LoisB for the encouragement. It went smoothly on the 1st morning today. His alarm on his phone went off and he slept thru it for 15 minutes before I tapped the bottom of his feet sticking thru the covers. He then got up and moved quickly. We got to his school 15 minutes early.

So I thought I would give a quick update on my dealings with W. Since she had om move in with her, I have no contact with her. The 1 time we dealt with each other was when she came up with the idea of bringing d18 and d19 who both live in Boston home for Christmas. W wanted me to pay half for the airfare - it turns out om offered to pay half as her Christmas present.

But it did not work out. D19 is now a manager at Starbucks and she took the Christmas shift. D18 is alone at school for the holidays and is understandably lonely her 1st Christmas away from the family. But she told my Mom that she doesn't want to be around om, but we will see.

I was with my family for Thanksgiving, including d21 and s14, and it was really nice seeing 22 family members and have them love on me, and to hear the updates in their lives. My nephew's 2 year old daughter stole the show and was completely adorable. W did not go to her family's Thanksgiving celebration. So I do not know what her and om did. That's all folks.

OK, I found out the reason why s14 called me to get him out of W's (and om) place Tuesday night, and why he came with his suit case. It turns out s14 was in his room with his headphones on, and om was cleaning and called out for help when he was lifting something. S14 did not hear him, om charged into s14's room and started yelling at s14 and using insulting and cursing language.

This is not surprising, as W's 1st comment about om was that "he drinks a lot, and he is angry", (which led me to refer to him as "drunk/angry guy"). He may be dealing with his alcohol problem now, but the anger issue is a hard one for anyone to deal with.

Things are going smoothly with s14 here at my place. Before when I had s14 after a week with his mom he would say over and over to me "do you want to fight?" Already yesterday he only said this once to me. He was able to bond last night with d21 as they staid up late just chatting.

I like having 2 of our 4 kids under my roof. It's more work, but it's worth it.

I found myself rummaging through the forums tonight to find stuff on the crazy cycling that occurs during withdrawal. I am struggling deeply these days, and drowning as far as financial problems wrought by all this. But my search led me to your thread, and here I am to let you know that despite not lurking for so long, I am still praying for you and your W.

We are going through very similar things with our sons. And I am so thrilled that your story ends on this thread with yours moving in with you. My son has been so horrible to me so many times, it's because I am the safe one. It seems exactly the same for you, and I am so happy he knows you want him, you are the safe haven, you are a place of sanity in insanity. I have to keep standing for my son, too, and I am happy to report that the more I show him I am there for him even when he feels rage, the more he opens up to me. He started talking to me at night before bed like he used to, now he lets me hug him to sleep like he used to. Little step by step. I feel he knows I am there for him, and that is how we are getting through this.

I just want to say, since so many posts here refer to you moving on, that I don't see any of your current circumstances as the end of your M. You can lead your own GAL ways through all her descents into the pit, and find a certain joy, even if the marriage joy is incomplete. Are you not reading Charlyne Cares anymore? So many of those folks went through OM's and OW's and remarriages and so much worse even than you are facing, and in the end, their marriages were restored. It's all part of what is going to happen before the pendulum can swing back to you. Reading your posts without following all this time, it is so very very obvious that that OM relationship is not going to work out! Prayer does not hold you back from anything! Keep praying! That doesn't mean you can't set boundaries and lead your own life and forgive yourself for not being able to be a saint or to find the peace that surpasseth understanding. It's #$(*%&#(& HARD to stand!!! I still believe in your M and will keep praying for it even if you stop believing in it. I don't know why I feel drawn to your posts and why I feel drawn to include you two in my prayers for restoration, but I do. Hopefully one day, even as we GAL and go on our own journeys toward wholeness, etc., we can both post about restoration too.

With love in Christ,

Gerda

A quick update. S14 has decided to move back with W.

Everything was going great, and then he spent last Friday and Saturday with his friends including a sleepover. But b/c the friends were close to W's place, he spent some time with his mother. So she talked to him, and he changed his mind.

Now this was a complete reversal. When I talked to him last week, I asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend at W's place, and he strongly told me "no". I know a son's connection with a mother is strong, it is with me, so perhaps it is this and nothing more.

-------------
Gerda, thank you so much for your post, and your encouragement. Yes, I continue to read the 'Charlene Cares' daily emails, and I go to a weekly Bible study (on Revelation and Thessalonians, which is hard to do). My prayers are mostly that I cannot deal with my W living with om and s14, and for the Lord to handle this. For the Lord's Will to be worked out in their lives (and mine too).

I am glad to hear of the progress your son is making with you (and your powerful prayers!) Thank you for being a great example for me of being an unshakeable rock standing for your marriage and your family. God bless you.

Hi Wet. A 14 year old that changes his mind? Huh.

If I was in your situation, I would hang on a bit longer until the next change. I do realize it's not easy for him to "choose" but I wouldn't take it personally either.

AJ

A Friday Lawyer joke. I hope it brings y'all a smile:

A slightly nervous witness to a car crash kept saying things like,

�I think the light was yellow�� or �I think it was still raining at the time�

The cross-examining lawyer finally interrupted, saying derisively,

�We don�t care what you think. What do you know?�

The harried witness paused for a moment and then replied,

�Then I may as well leave the witness stand. Since I�m not a
lawyer, I can�t talk without thinking.�

Hello Wet,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

So smart of you to get S14 his own phone

It is nice that he will be able to reach out to you anytime he likes. You mentioned that he is back to living with W. Is it possible for there to be a more consistent arrangement with you getting more time? The lure of teenage friends is a tough one, but it sounds like the time he spent with you and D21 was great. Keep being the best Wet and father you can be...your kids are noticing!

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

P.S. Your Friday lawyer jokes crack me up!

Thanks AJ and Cristy,

I now have a deadline in front of me - W called me yesterday. Her birthday is in January (she turns the big 50), and she asked if there is anyway for us to get divorced before her birthday. She asked if we can get the divorce finalized and leave the issues in dispute (child support and alimony) to be decided later. Whaaat?!

She then told me she has an attorney that will work for her for free (pro bono), but they can't start the process for another 2 months.

I told W that no, all of the issues have to be resolved before the final divorce order is entered. So no, there is no way we can finish the divorce before her January birthday.

So it looks like in 2 months time the divorce process will start.

An hour after speaking with W, my sister texted me that my father was just hospitalized. It is looking serious - he has a golf ball size growth that recently appeared on his back, and his lungs were half full with liquid. It is hard to see my dad go downhill so quickly.

Hi Wet,

I know the deadline sounds ominous, but try not to let it bother you. It wouldn't change what is actually already happening on a day to day basis, would it? I'm glad you stood your ground to make sure that everything is in order before anything is official. That buys you more time.

I'm so sorry your dad isn't doing well. Hopefully the doctors can identify any issues and begin treatment.

Keep your chin up!

Regards,

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

Thanks again Cristy for your kindness.

A couple of odd behaviors from W. 1st beginning last week, W found a special lighter. She accused s14 of using drugs. Over and over. Now this might be a true accusation, but W is obsessing about it. You think I may be over-stating this? Here's a story to prove my point:

W finds a special lighter in the laundry. She and om go to the park where s14 hangs out with his friends. They find a 'dealer' who explains the lighter's function - it is specially made for use with a bong.

Then W repeatedly talks to s14 about it, which is driving him crazy. Now I recently had him for a week, and I did not smell anything like pot smoke. I asked him point blank - is this your pipe? S14 said "no". Are you taking drugs? He looked me in the eye and again tells me "no". I told him I believed him.

Now if W had found some drugs this would be a different story. Hmmm, and there is a third person now living with W - namely, om. I don't know him, but I think a 44 year old man is more likely than a new to the area 14 year old with no source of income, for taking drugs. But I guess I am in s14's corner.

A quick update on my Dad. He is still in the hospital, and several things are not looking good. He has congestive heart failure. He has cancer in the liver and lungs. His bladder is failing. He can't breathe very well. And he is getting these weird large growths that appear very quickly. He had a biopsy on one of the growths, and so we should know fairly quickly what is causing this.

So I text the kids and W with updates on what is going on with their "Papa". The kids in Boston (d19 and d18) are especially interested in the updates. Anyway, W texts me 2 nights in a row asking if anyone is staying with my Mom. A nice enough thought, but my family is no longer anything that part of W's life. So I didn't respond.

But then W calls my SiL asking this same question, which SiL shut down quickly. W is showing signs of poor judgment and obsession which makes me feel annoyed. It is not what I want to deal with as I am dealing with my Father's health issues.

A Friday Lawyer's joke smile:

A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.

"I will grant you three wishes", announced the genie. "But there is one condition: I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the same wish as you - only double."

The man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like $10 million", he announced.

Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10 million had been deposited. "But every lawyer in the world has just received $20 million", the genie said.

"I've always wanted a Ferrari", the man said. "That's my second wish."

Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris", the genie said.

"And what is your last wish?"

"Well". said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

I have survived Christmas - with this year being an especially tough one. On Christmas Eve, my Dad and the family met with his oncologist, who told us there were cancer spots. And then yesterday we met with the doctor again who told us - the cancer in my Father is in every imaginable place - his brain, liver, lungs, spine and bones.

The amazing thing is that my Father is not in pain and still active. Praise God!

But the doctor let us know that the cancer (Merkel) is fast growing and very aggressive.

D18 will fly in from Boston to celebrate New Year's Eve with W. W did not have d21 or s14 for Christmas or Christmas Eve, and she did not celebrate with her family either. She said she will have a 2nd Christmas with the kids when d18 comes into town on Thursday.

I am so sorry to come here and read about your father. It's a miracle that he's not in pain at this time. Spend as much time as you can w/him. I would also recommend that your children carve out some time and spend w/him. Now is a good time to make some home movies w/him that you can look back on in the years to come.

I will continue to keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Wet, so sad to read your news. Sending you hugs and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers xx

Dear Wet, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad's state of health. It's good to hear that he isn't in pain and is remaining active too. I'm sure you'll enjoy some special moments with him & do take care of yourself.

Very best wishes xx

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Spend as much time as you can with him. Are there stories you could record that he likes to tell? Build some new and special memories now.

Hugs, kat

Thank you to all who posted about my Father. He continues to be pain free and in good spirits.

D18 arrives today from Boston. W had not given me details about the flight and so I assumed she was picking daughter up. But then a text this morning from W asking me to pick d18 up from the airport. I agreed without comment.

W then volunteered that her body was in "pain overdrive" (she has fibromyalgia) and that she was cleaning up for a party at her/om's place tonight with friends and family.

Ok, I decided to check the FB status for W and om - it's been months since I've snooped, so I wanted an update. I found out that om has removed his status as being in a R with my W. But he continues to have pictures of them together.

This must mean W has left om!!! Ok, I wish there was a 'sarcasm' emoji when I post. Nothing has changed and I don't like W and om having d18 and s14 staying with them and seeing them living together. All plans for W to start D proceedings in February are continuing full steam ahead.

Happy New Years to everyone.

Yesterday I picked up d18 from the airport. She looks healthy and happy.

She hadn't eaten all day so we stopped for a bite to eat. We talked. D18 is amazing - she is fluent in Spanish (she lived in Argentina for 2 months last summer), she is taking French at school, and is doing a self study of German. Who has that much brain space?

D18 does not want to stay with W b/c om is living there. She told me that she would be staying with me for most of the 2 weeks she is in town. This made me happy!

I had a quiet but fun New Years Day - I played some old 'Talking Heads' music, I studied, I put together an the start of an outline as I am leading next week's study of our men's group, I read, I watched movies... It was fun not having to be anywhere today and not having any responsibilities other than to clean a bit more than usual - d18 is a bit of a germaphobe.

I normally have s14 on weekends, but I understand that he should spend some time with his sister (d18). We will see what happens tomorrow.

S14 called me out of the blue last Sunday and asked if he could come over to my place to watch the Vikings game with me. We hung out together, he ate a lot of food (smile - don't all teenagers?) It was nice.

I haven't heard from d18, but I will reach out to her tomorrow to see if she wants to come over to stay for a few days.

At Bible study last night an old friend who I have not seen in years attended for the 1st time. He had gone thru a d and took it hard. Violations of a restraining orders, jail, it was hard watching him go thru that. We talked for a bit, it was nice.

I hope y'all smile at this Friday lawyer's joke:

Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick

themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

-Winston Churchill

bwahhhaha

HNY --- hope your dad is still pain free and in good spirits. Just want you to know I'm following along and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers xoxoxo

Thank you bttrfly. Yes, my Dad is still pain free. D18 (in town from her school) and I went and had lunch with my Mom and Dad. It's amazing how well he is doing with the cancer - I asked him if he is having any pain, and no, he has no pain even in his joints. He is sleeping well. Wow!

D18 is staying at W and om's place, but she has come over. We watched 'The 2nd Exotic Marigold Hotel', which was great.

I am just reporting here - Before I brought D18 back to W's place, I asked her if she and s14 were safe. Om has drinking and anger issues in his past. D18 volunteered that om is still on a pill that keeps him away from drinking. She feels safe.

But she volunteered that om and s14 don't like each other. S14 is being a teenager, and leaves food and dishes out, and om is the one to always clean up after him. But he shows s14 he is annoyed. (Yay s14?!

)

He is also a smoker. W told d18 that om has "anxiety issues". And that he is not very intelligent and is racist.

The racism thing is something we never permitted, so this is surprising. Our oldest daughter is from India, and while she was growing up we always stood up to any stupid comments that were made around us. Add this to the long list of things I don't understand in W's behavior.

Go Vikes!

Yesterday was W's 50th birthday.

I thought about texting W with some 'clever' one liners, like:

- Happy 50th. With every breath you take you are moving closer to 70 years of age, than you are to 30;

- You are now so old that when you were born the Grand Canyon was just started as a stream in the desert;

- 50th birth day, hmmm. What is the Guinness book of Records for old people anyway?

Ok, my lines were not so much funny as mean. So I did the smart thing and I did nothing - no texts, no phone calls, no FB posts.

This morning W called me to suggest I take d18 to a movie, which I told her was a good idea. But I was preoccupied with work, and so I said nothing more. Not even a late happy birthday wish.

I feel I am coming off more cold than detached with W. But she is living with her om, and this is not easy for anyone to deal with. I am keeping our children as priorities as best I can.

Wet

I chuckled as any age joke to a person in the midst of MLC does have a bit more sting to it and strikes me a touch funnier.... If you can't find some laughs here and there it will drive one mad ... Not MLC mad that would be crazy

I think your feeling cold vs detach is absolutely normal, no 2x4 here just for the fact it stings, we were the ones with them through all the trials and tribulations... Then they hit MLC and again, we stand .... To me it's the visual of the individual standing guard outside the tomb of the unknown soldier in the rain , just a thankless position but still one of tremendous honor

All we can do is be the best parent possible at this time, allow her to continue her journey

A Friday Lawyer's joke:

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?

A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Thanks Caliguy, it seems like the only people who understand what we are doing by "standing" are the ones who are going thru it, like the ones on this board.

I took d18 and s14 to a movie last night - 'Hunger Games, Mockingjay Part2'. I am glad the series is over. Peeta is a really annoying character and I can't believe he is a lead character in this one also. But d18 wanted to see it...

I have s14 for the weekend, and he is doing the 15 hour catching up on sleep thing. D18 is going back to Boston on Monday.

I asked the kids how Mom's 50th bday went on Tuesday. D18 said they went out clothes shopping, and then Mom fell asleep at 7 pm - with no special celebration. I told them that when you get to 50 years of age, sometimes that happens.

I talked to my Mom today. They are planning on moving Dad to hospice care this week. The cancer is moving so quickly, especially in his lungs, and I just don't feel ready to deal with this.

W is a stinker. Yesterday she texted me asking if I wanted to have lunch with her on Wednesday. I did not respond. I started thinking about what she wants, what this could be for. I took a deep breath, and decided to wait before responding.

5 minutes later W texted me to add that d21 and d21's bf wanted to see us at this lunch. The lunch was set-up by d21. They must have some big announcement to make.

It's been cold here in Minnesota. Staid in all weekend with s14 and watched football. Nothing too exciting. But calm and safe.

I'm so sorry, Wet. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Re lunch: Id be tempted to speak w/d21 directly before lunch to make ure w is being honest, but that's just me.

xoxoxo

^^^ure=sure

Journaling - My Dad went into the ICU this morning with trouble breathing caused by the fast growing cancer in his lungs. I wanted to go see my Dad after lunch, as I had s14 with me and thought we could go together after he woke up (late sleeper).

But brother had different plans. B/c Dad was on a breathing tube, they wanted me there first thing in the morning, and then they would remove the breathing tube. This seemed too fast to me, but my brother and sister were the ones who had all of the information, so I moved as fast as we could.

S14 and I went over and it was a nice surprise to see 14 other family members there to give my Dad their love and support. The Pastor came and gave Dad 'The Commitment'/Final Rites, which was beautiful. The Pastor removed the tension in the room when he had us all join hands and sing 'Jesus Loves Me'.

The breathing tube was removed, and we expected Dad to pass away shortly after. But he is strong, still has his sharp mind, and he wasn't going to pass away today. One of his highlights was after they removed the tube they gave him ice cream to soothe his sore throat.

I kept W and kids updated with texts.

After it was clear Dad was doing well, I took s14 out for lunch then back to W's place. S14 was being quiet and stoic (just like my Dad!) W greeted us when we pulled up, and W came and gave me a hug saying "it's not right for us both to lose a parent in the past year" (W lost her Mom a year ago), and I agreed.

W then asked if I was going back to the hospital and I told her I was. W then asked me if I wanted her there with me. I told her "no".

Right now, as I am thinking and praying for my parents and my family, having W around is uncomfortable and an unwelcome distraction. I think om is still living with her, and I know I can't be around her b/c of this. This is why I did not want W at the hospital with me.

Tonight Dad got moved to a hospice care facility close to my parent's home. W loves my Dad, and they have known each other for over 20 years. So when W texted me asking if she could visit my Dad, I answered "of course" and gave her the hospice's address.

I gave my siblings a 'heads-up' that W may show up at the hospice at any time, so they should be prepared. Sister gave me a crazy face emoji response. This is a tough week.

PS thanks bttrfly for your prayers and kind words.

Wet, may you find as much strength and peace through this journey with your Dad as you need. So many good thoughts to you and your very special people.

Much love

JellyBxxx

Wet

My heart and prayers go out to you and your father. I lost my dad to the same thing in Jun 2012, stage 4 went from the lungs to the spine and spread quickly from there. Thing is, I was so thankful for the weekend I was able to make it back, I only regret not staying a bit longer. Spend as much time as you can, enjoy it... Put the W and the MLC crazy train on hold for now... There is a lot on your plate with all this... Hang in there I know it's brutal

Wet, I'm so sorry to read about your Dad's health, but I'm glad he got to have some ice cream. He will receive the best care in the hospice, and it is good that his family are around him, and good that your W will be able to visit him there too.

This is a tough time for you all and I agree, the best you can do is spend as much time as you are able with him and with your folks.

Take care xx

I am very sorry to read about your dad's health, but he's a fighter. He'll receive excellent care in hospice. The folks are not only kind and compassionate w/the patient, but they are there for the family as well.

Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you everyone for your kind wishes and support.

My Father passed away last night.

He was in a great hospice that made him comfortable, surrounded by family, the classic song "The Old Rugged Cross" played softly as he took his last breath.

It was a weird, difficult, joy-filled day (?!) for me. Let's see if I can piece it together for y'all. I was at the hospice in the morning with my Mom, brother and sister and their spouses. Also a niece and her 3 young kids who flew in from D.C.

W showed up around noon. This is where the joyful part of the day came in - d21 is pregnant! She recently moved out of my apartment to move in with her bf. D21 was too afraid to tell me, so W told me. I expressed nothing but happiness and joy at the news. I am a grandfather!

There were a dozen family members there, all taking turns to sit with Dad. He slept most of the day b/c of the strong medication he was on. He was comfortable feeling no pain. He even got a massage!

W left for a bit and brought back s14. I playfully harassed him b/c he knew of d21's pregnancy and didn't tell me last weekend. We were all there and surrounded Dad as he passed away.

I was uncomfortable with W being there for so long. We didn't talk much, as she has not seen my family for some time, so she visited with others. But there was one prickly exchange when we talked to SiL about d21's pregnancy:

I explained to SiL that I told d21 around Thanksgiving when she moved in with bf that "sex is a great thing when you are married. But sex when you are not married always causes problems." For some reason, W was offended (grin.)

W shot back that she likes d21's bf, but that he always has big plans for a job down the road - but he won't just take any job now to make sure some $$$ are coming in. This was her shot at me.

But otherwise everyone was supportive of each other. My sister made some strange faces about W being there. Brother asked why she was staying so long. But no one said anything uncomfortable to W.

I had a chance to talk with out-of-town niece, after I good-naturedly whomped her oldest daughter at foosball (and taught her how to cheat, but that's another story

). And we had a chance to speak about her separation.

Niece is an attractive, fun, full of life mother of 3 young kids. Her wandering H left weeks before she gave birth to her 4 month old. She is confused. Every week he mentions coming back to her, but is still seeing other women. So she wants blood b/c he is hiding his self-employed business revenues, and she accidentally received a text from MiL saying "let's really screw (niece) by moving these assets."

Yet she still wants WH back. So I told her a bit about my sitch, DR, the DB Board here and the support we provide to each other, and a bit about MLC. She was glad to have someone come alongside her and understand what she was going thru. And not just tell her to divorce the crumb and move on with your life. It was nice to have that time with my niece.

Oh btw, d21 baby's due date is August 25th which is a day after my Dad's birthday. This seems like one of those Godincidences.

Wet
Sorry for your loss man

I'm sorry for your loss

I came to check in on you and I read about your Dad. I am so sorry. I truly believe he will be with you when you need him and even when you don't.

It is so easy to see what others should do but at the same time, if she isn't ready to give up on her H, you can just be her support. I am sorry that she is going through such a bad situation. Big hugs for your niece.

Take care of your self Grandpa! It is the fun part of having kids!

Hugs to you as well Tom. kat

I am very sorry to read the news about your father. He was very lucky in being surrounded by his family with the classic song "The Old Rugged Cross". I know this sounds terrible, but your father is in a far better place w/no pain and suffering and he looking down on each of you every hour of the day. He will always be there to listen when you need someone to talk to.

I am also glad that your w managed to get there for one last visit. So, you are going to be a grandfather...that's wonderful! You've got a new baby to look forward to and I do hope that you will be an important part of this child's life. God has a way of making things better for us when we least expect it.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone. Every day is a good day to smile, so here is the Friday let's-laugh-at-attorneys one liner:

I do not care to speak ill of any man behind his back,
unless I believe the gentleman to be an attorney.

-Samuel Johnson (I apologize for the sexist nature of this one-liner.)

Wet, I'm sorry to hear the sad news about your Dad. It is good that the family were all able to be there with him and it sounds as though you will have some lovely memories of the day he died too.

Take care xx

Thank you Sotto.

Tomorrow is my Father's funeral. W called me up earlier today and asked if we can meet a half hour before the visitation starts.

I assume she has something about d21's pregnancy. But a half hour with W alone! Nooooo!

Hi Wet,
I'm sending {{{hugs}}} and condolences. It sounds as though your father's passing was peaceful and loving, with the support of his family around him. That's a beautiful gift to give someone as they pass over.

I'm glad you were able to share your experience with your niece. Nice that you were able to bond at such a difficult time.

Congratulations on the baby! It always seems to work that way doesn't it, the circle of life? When my godfather passed our son was three weeks old. My godfather was like a second dad to me, and I'd had pretty much primary responsibility for his care his last three years. A new baby at this time renews hope in the future. The fact that the due date is right after your father's birthday is most certainly a Godincidence!

regarding wife's request for alone time before the funeral ... is there any way you can simply put her off? The day is about your dad and your family. Focus should be on that ... at least that's what I think, but I'm probably a. overstepping by saying so and b. being over-protective of you, lol

If either is the case, I apologize.

Again, keeping all of you in my prayers.
xoxoxo

Hi bttrfly, thanks for stopping by again.

bttrfly asks "regarding wife's request for alone time before the funeral ... is there any way you can simply put her off"
Yes, I tried to put off W - here is how our convo went:

W calls me and tells me she only has 30 seconds to talk. She asks what I am doing after Dad's funeral tomorrow. I tell her there is a reception at the church, and then Mom's neighbors are throwing a gathering after this at Mom's home (which is 15 minutes away.).

W asks if I am going to the gathering, and I tell her "yes". (I thought I dodged the bullet.)

W then asks if I really want to have s14 after the funeral. I tell "yes, I really want s14 for the long weekend" - he has Monday off again.

So she called me again a minute later - I joked that "I thought your 30 seconds was up." She ignored me. But this is when she asks if she could see me 30 minutes before the visitation, and I agreed. W has been supportive during this process, she continues to tell me she loves my Dad - she has suffered a loss too. So I don't think she would be intentionally thoughtless or mean to me at this meeting.

But she may be unintentionally thoughtless, and just wanting to say something that makes her feel better. I don't know. I am not afraid of this meeting, I just want to focus on the loss of my Father and my family, and not have any drama. We will see what is in store.

Wet, just want you to know you and yours are in my thoughts today.

Yesterday's funeral for my Father was good.

On my last episode, W wanted to meet me at the church a half hour before the visitation began - what was the reason? Was there a nefarious plot underfoot?

No, it was all good. W flew in d19 from Boston as a surprise for the family. It was great seeing her, and d21, who is closest to d19, was so excited to see her sister. It was a great surprise.

My Father's funeral was good. It was a dream sermon given by my nephew(who is a Pastor) for a husband standing for his marriage. Nephew thanked my Father and my Mom for their faithfulness in 63 years of marriage. He went into detail of how difficult it is for marriages to survive in our world today.

Then nephew gave the 'Road to Romans' explanation of salvation - beginning with how we are all miserable sinners, who fall short of God's standard. We all deserve punishment, yet God's plan is how we are rescued from what we deserve. Thru faith in His Son, the Son's righteousness is transferred to us, and God's anger at our sin is poured out into His Son on the Cross. It was real fire and brimstone stuff.

Then nephew explained what a solid man of faith my Dad was. How my Dad's talks with nephew showed how important his faith was, and how important Dad's family (us) having faith was to him. It was great, and I was praying for W and my children the whole time (I was saved over 20 years ago by attending a Bible study my Dad asked me to attend.)

There were nice photos/ video playing showing some past happy times. W was very kind and supportive of me. W's 90 year old Father and 5 of her sisters also showed up which was unexpected and very nice.

At the end, FiL came up to me as he was about to leave, and shook my hand and said "congratulations". Sometimes people going thru Alzheimer's can say odd things, but I took this as a small sign from above to keep standing for our marriage. He said the same thing the day we were married.

I have had s14 here the past couple of days (he has today off from school.) It was fun watching yesterday's football games together. But he just told me something that made me sad.

S14 said he watched the movie 'Click' last night (Adam Sandler), and he said it made him sad. The movie is about a man who finds a remote control that lets him fast forward thru bad times, like fights with his wife. And one of the characters ends us fast forwarding thru his whole life.

Now I did not remember the movie as being sad, so I asked s14 why he thought it was sad. And he mentioned the part of fast forwarding thru his who life, and that the Adam Sandler character ends up "giving the finger" to his wife's new husband.

I then told s14 that I am glad I haven't met W's om yet. And he said I would hate him. He also said "Mom doesn't even like him." All om does is talk about himself, and he confirmed he is not bright, and racist.

S14 said he told Mom to break up with om, but Mom said she couldn't b/c they would end up on the streets.

Ouch!

I don't know what to do with this new information. But my dislike of om grows. And the conflict is still there, om is also responsible for keeping a roof over W and s14's head. Double ouch!!

How much do I help W start the divorce process, if at all? Here's a quick version of the backstory:

I told W a few months back that I did not want the divorce, but that if she wanted it she would have to do all the work herself. She was put on a list for free legal aid, and for some reason she was recently moved to the top.

This past Monday my Mom (and brother and sister) asked if I wanted my Father's truck b/c he passed away. I did, and I decided to give W my van. We were going to my Mom's today to do the swap.

W called me to tell me one of her best friends just attempted suicide. B/c of this she wanted to see if we could then go now to transfer the vehicles. W then told me that she was moved up on the free divorce attorney list, but she had to get her paperwork in this week - and can we just sit down together and fill out the paperwork together? If she does not complete it this week, she loses her free attorney.

I laughed. I told her I would give her the Child Support Court order entered a couple of years ago, and I said this probably had most of the information she needs.

Of course W should go be with her hospitalized friend and not stress out by working on divorce papers to get the divorce started now.

It does not look like the transfer of vehicles will happen today. Should I just email the Child Support Order to W and see what happens? Or do I just hold tight and see if W can get this completed on her own?

Since it appears that she's got a lot on her plate today, I would sit quietly and when she asks for it again, then send it to her.

Thanks Job, I am doing as you suggested. W no longer wants my van, and I turned down her offer to drive me to my Mom's house.

I will give her the papers she needs this Friday when I pick up s14. With these papers her attorney should be able to start the divorce Petition.

It looks like the divorce is starting.

I'm sorry that it looks like the divorce is going to take place. I hope that she can find that "illusive" happiness that she thinks is on the other side of divorce, but it's just more of the same. She'll probably be euphoric for about 6 months and then everything will come crashing down and back to reality that she has nothing left to fight for and hopefully then she'll begin to focus on her own situation.

Please take care of yourself. You've had a lot to deal w/as well.

Here's the Friday smile - Lawyer Fun Facts

One Lawyer exists for every three hundred people in the US.

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics.

-ehow.com

*********************************************************

A lawyer starts professional life giving $500 worth of legal

advice for $5.00, and ends up giving $5.00 worth for $500.

-Benjamin H. Brewster

Hi Wet

Sorry about your Dad but it seems like you have a very supportive family

My Mom passed right about the same time as my D so I know how hard it is to double grieve it all

You sound strong and cooperative..Whether your W can see what she is losing or not..good will be on the other side for you

wishing you a peaceful weekend

Thank you peacetoday.

W just called me. She asked me to come get s14 ASAP. W and s14 were fighting all week - he is hanging out w/ his friends, one night 'til 9:30 but he was not responding to her texts. This is bad.

W decided to take my van after all. Despite her red Jag having engine problems, she is giving it to her old neighborhood friend. Their car has blown up, so this will be the 2nd van we have given them.

W had that nervous conversation voice. She rattled off several things. Asked about my Mom, and I told her how great she is doing. Then, bam! she asked if I am bringing the paperwork to let her fill out the divorce attorney's questionnaire to start the divorce.

I am doing better today. I am ok with whatever happens.

I picked up s14 a few hours a ago. Seeing him and texting with d19 is giving me new determination that standing for our marriage is a battle worth fighting.

I mentioned to s14 that his Mom said she had a difficult week with you. S14 told me he has stopped talking to W b/c om continues to live there.

Then I was texting with d19 and I mentioned s14 had gone to bed at 8 pm, and that he must have had a tough week. D19 said that when she was in town last weekend, that it was clear that s14 and om HATE each other. This also confirms what d18 told me when she recently visited.

I have never met om, but I know he has a criminal record involving drinking and anger. S14 is a big strong kid, who is going thru a really tough time. I am scared.

I got a call this morning from the school nurse - s14 is throwing up, and needs to be picked up. I went over and s14 is really sick. I gave him a hug and I texted to W to see if I could drop s14 off at her place.

W texted me back, she slept thru the school phone calls, and we needed to talk.

S14 on the ride said he doesn't want to go back to W's place (with om). I asked him if he wanted to stay at my place. He gratefully said "yes".

I asked him if something happened last night after I dropped him off at W's place. He said "yes, but I don't want to talk about it." So I said "let me know when you are ready to talk." And I dropped it.

We got to W's place, and she called me to see if we could go out for a cup of coffee. I asked if we could do this some other time, and she agreed. I asked if s14 could stay at me place for a few days, and she agreed. S14 picked up his clothes and his PlayStation.

S14 was a new kid on the ride back to my place. More chatty, and he talked about how tired he was - but that he didn't want to go right to sleep - it will mess up his sleep patterns. How mature this young man is becoming!

W needs to get her paperwork in soon, or she loses her free legal aide attorney to file her divorce, and goes to the back of the line of those seeking free attorneys. I just don't want to be around her right now. Keeping s14 safe here at my place is a Godsend.

Wet

Thankful to see you have s14 with you, sounds to me like her place is not in his best interest and the fact your w agreed that you keep him does seem to cement this observation .... Along with her realizing her place is not the best for him either, I'll never understand how a person could ever choose to be with someone their children can not get along with, I mean I get there is going to be a period of "that person isn't mommy/daddy" but we all know there is a line and time frame there .... I dunno, then again talking logic about MLCrs proves I'm nuts

It's nice to see you again CaliGuy. Despite my son's best efforts, he crashed and is sleeping soundly.

Yes, you hit it right on the head about om being someone who does not like s14 - and how can W choose this guy who may even be dangerous to s14? It wasn't that long ago W called the police to have om removed from their place.

I'm also thankful S is with you ... keeping you all in my prayers.
Nope, can't wrap my mind around anyone being more important than the children.
xo,
Bttrfly

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