Don't change your location, change yourself

Haven't done an update in a long time but a dynamic has changed and thought I would share hoping it will help out the early stagers.

Bomb day was I think 6 + yrs ago. It doesn't take up much headroom.

The reason I am writing this is I met a woman out of the blue. I had relegated myself that I would be single for the remainder of my life. I was OK with that because.

I am at peace with me and those around me.
The journey through my own MLC taught me much.
The journey through her MLC taught me much.
I have learned pain, inner turmoil, disappointment, contentment, joy, friendship. etc, etc.
My relationship with ours kids(adults) is fantastic.
My friendships here invaluable.
The GAL was 100% and loving it.
People ask many times why are you so happy, so positive.
Being positive is better than the alternative.

I am at a place where forgiving is achieved. Where I am honest with myself and those around me. Where healthy boudaries are set. Where life just kind of flows....and that's whether tough things or good things are happening.

We talk about success here, whether with our spouse or not. It such an intangible thing to describe. I think it comes from inside ourselves. You just know when your there.

I wouldn't trade my journey through it all for anything. I have tears coming to my eyes now just thinking about it. This life is a mystery to be lived. Our roads not paved all the time.

I don't know if this new relationship will work, but I have the tools now, And I realized that I was ready to at least give it a try....Too risk getting hurt again and it was OK.

This website is a gift. Please keep your eyes open so you see those gifts when they are right in front of you.

Mirage

Excellent post, Mirage. Your post made me smile and I am thrilled for you:)

An excellent posting!

I wish you all of the best and I know that you will keep your DB tool belt handy.

What a lovely post, M.

It is amazing, isnt it...this life. Through all its trials and turmoils, there are so many wonderful gifts.

I always say I wish I didnt have to learn what I did in the way that I had to...but then it would be a different journey.

I am so happy for you because of how you life your life and now it will be enhanced with someone special.

Mirage- your posting was a comfort. I feel like the last year has aged me 100 but then again it seems like only yesterday when I knew my husband loved. E with every ounce of his being. At least it seemed that way but know I just don't don't know what is real and what is make believe. Your words of reflection and forgiveness and gratitude are beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Mirage,

I've just reading through your threads and updates that are still on this site. If you read this, I have a few questions for you.

1. My W also wants to run off and start a new life with one of her young employees (not sure what they are currently doing and haven't snooped to find out)...while at the same time remaining friends with me and actively co-parenting our children. Any advice on this front...just let her go?

2. It's been six months since BD and I know the teenagers aren't blind. In fact, one of them actually started joking over dinner about my W's recent activities (W and I were both surprised). Any advice on this front as I don't want to say anything negative about my W to the children?

Gordie,

1)The difference in our somewhat similar situation is I am not friends with EXW nor do we co-parent. She is still in anger/spew mode 8+ yrs later so co-parenting/friends is out of the question. I did send out a couple olive branches to rectify this over the years but it never progressed.

My advice is yes -Let her go. I don't think there is any other option. she will have to come to the conclusion herself that the problem lies with her and the grass is not greener.

2)advice - don't say anything negative(not always easy). Be a rock for your kids.

Our daughter was 11 when she left. EXW later reentered her life. She is now 18. Our daughter and I have a great relationship but I can tell through various talks that she has trouble dealing with her mother on a few different levels(why she left, why she will still say negative things about me,why she complains so much etc, etc, etc). Mostly I listen, occasionally asking a question to get her to think about things in other ways.

She has said often....Dad, you made this easier for me to go through even when I knew you were hurting.

So what I can tell you is one parent who is there, really there can make a difference.

Hope this helps.

Mirage