Is this mlc? How long is this gonna take - 02/06/15 05:21 PM
Hello everybody
My wife is in a major midlifecrisis and there are times when I believe I’m totally insane …
About me
First let me tell you something about myself. I am a 55 year old Dutchman. At the age of 25 I suffered a major emotional crisis myself forces by a immature loveafaffair . It took me six years tot complete this proces of psyschoanalysis. It was a painfull and transfered a boy into a man.
How we met …
When I met my wife she was just divorced. She worked as a leader (don’t know the right word) with retarted people. It was meant to be. It was like two matching gloves. Almost imediately we were living together and of course zshe took her daughter with her. Together we got two children a boy and a girl.
Our live …
For all I know we loved each other very much (22 years). We didn’t have to say it .. we knew. Although we never had a serious quarrel we had several difficult times. Our oldest daughter was autistic an needed lots of attention and structure (almost unbearable for us). At the age of 36 my wife had a stroke. Of course this had a lot of impact on us, but we managed to overcome . She recovered almost completely. Suddenly my son needed special care. Today he’s been diagnosed add.
Cur crisis …
When my autistic daughter moved to a place of her own, we moved into a house that was build by her grandfather in a neighbourhood were she grew up as a child (2012). Suddenly (november 2013) on a sundaymorning – completely out of the blue – she talked to me of having a place of her own, not wanting responsiblities, etc. She said, that we could still have a relationship and do familythings. The three of us (me and the children) could remain living in het house and then she would visit us.
I was completely devastated. There were no signs or reasons whatsoever. I told her, that if she didn’t like our marriage anymore then she should feel free to leave. She told me she wasn’t able to feel anything. She doub ted everything. After a few intensive conversations her love for me was renewed and she texted her sister she was madly in love again. Together we went on a short vacation and everything was back to normal. The onlything … I was in a state of alarm.
After five months she I discovered she was kissing with a complete idiot (really). I knew this for certain, because I’ve read her mail. When I confronted her she admitted. After this she changed completely. She ran of … and after a few day she texted me to come for her. She was feeling pain and she loved me. So I did, but overthere several thing had happened. For instance she had sex with a complete stranger. Her state of mind was twisted again. She wanted to stay there to build her a complete new life. We agreed, that she would come home and would seek help. It was the beginning of three psychotic months.
Counceling didn’t help. She sat in bars almost every night until 6.00 am. She asked me to give her time and space. She turned cold and distanced herself form me and the children. On her request I didn’t asked anything. In the meanwhile she made remarks like
• It’s something in me … I’ve changed
• It’s all about the church and my firs marriage
• I want to leave, but I’m afraid I’m gonna miss you and the children
• I want out of this relationship, but you’re my buddy … and what we share is something I never had with anyone else
• Find yourself another woman …
• I’m doing thing, that’s not right for a married woman
On most days she acted distanced an cold. It was almost unbearable. When I distanced myself and acted as if she wasn’t there she came towards and started to seduce with kisses and affection. Almost as is she was afraid of losing me.
Anyway after three months she left. Our children haven’t seen her since then. In the past 6 months I’ve seen her four times. In digital contact (mail, whatsapp, textin g) she acting very hostile= blming and accusing me- towards me . I’m the enemy … Stillshe asked on several times to help her. However she filed for divorce and got it. I haven’t a clue what’s going on …
About my wife
At the end of this long and confusing story (I left several other details out) let me tell you something about my wife. When this all started she was 47 and looking good, but suddenly she wanted piercings. There were no signs, but come tot think of it … Say about 6 tot 10 months before the first confrontation she started to talk about trees. She said, that trees would still be there long after we are already dead and gone. When she say young girls at the age of 14 / 15 she told in a kinda melancholly way that young girls are so funny and fragile ..
Maybe it’s a coincidence but at the age of 15 my wife was a very religious young girl (I’m not sorry). When she’s was fifteen something happened in her church. In don’t know the precize details, but I know for certain it was a kind of sexual abuse by de leader of her church.
Bye the time she was 16 she left this church and her religion. Her parents remained in this church. Het parents by the way are very religious people. The raised three daughters. The oldes is their little princess and my wife (the youngest) is the rebel.
My wife became a “heavy”teenager”. According to her parents she was a rebel. I never noticed this. However I didn’t knew my wife when she was a teenager. My wife met her former husband and married him, although she already had her doubts if the marriage would work. However she wanted to leave her parental house (especially her father. The marriage didn’t last.
Possible triggers
I’ve done al lot of thinking and research (about mindlifecrisis) and discovered ther were a lot of triggers for her crisis:
• Moving out of the house of our oldest daughter;
• Moving in our own new house in her childhoodneighbourhood;
• Her father’s disease (cancer);
• Our son needing care as well as my oldest daughter;
• Our son’s graduation;
• Etc.
There are more, but somehow I think my youngest daughter is a major trigger. She turned fifteen and is/was experimenting with piercings and bows. She is starting tot go out with her friends. Is it possible this is the trigger for my wife’s midlifecris? Is this a midlifecrisis or am I imagiing things
My wife is in a major midlifecrisis and there are times when I believe I’m totally insane …
About me
First let me tell you something about myself. I am a 55 year old Dutchman. At the age of 25 I suffered a major emotional crisis myself forces by a immature loveafaffair . It took me six years tot complete this proces of psyschoanalysis. It was a painfull and transfered a boy into a man.
How we met …
When I met my wife she was just divorced. She worked as a leader (don’t know the right word) with retarted people. It was meant to be. It was like two matching gloves. Almost imediately we were living together and of course zshe took her daughter with her. Together we got two children a boy and a girl.
Our live …
For all I know we loved each other very much (22 years). We didn’t have to say it .. we knew. Although we never had a serious quarrel we had several difficult times. Our oldest daughter was autistic an needed lots of attention and structure (almost unbearable for us). At the age of 36 my wife had a stroke. Of course this had a lot of impact on us, but we managed to overcome . She recovered almost completely. Suddenly my son needed special care. Today he’s been diagnosed add.
Cur crisis …
When my autistic daughter moved to a place of her own, we moved into a house that was build by her grandfather in a neighbourhood were she grew up as a child (2012). Suddenly (november 2013) on a sundaymorning – completely out of the blue – she talked to me of having a place of her own, not wanting responsiblities, etc. She said, that we could still have a relationship and do familythings. The three of us (me and the children) could remain living in het house and then she would visit us.
I was completely devastated. There were no signs or reasons whatsoever. I told her, that if she didn’t like our marriage anymore then she should feel free to leave. She told me she wasn’t able to feel anything. She doub ted everything. After a few intensive conversations her love for me was renewed and she texted her sister she was madly in love again. Together we went on a short vacation and everything was back to normal. The onlything … I was in a state of alarm.
After five months she I discovered she was kissing with a complete idiot (really). I knew this for certain, because I’ve read her mail. When I confronted her she admitted. After this she changed completely. She ran of … and after a few day she texted me to come for her. She was feeling pain and she loved me. So I did, but overthere several thing had happened. For instance she had sex with a complete stranger. Her state of mind was twisted again. She wanted to stay there to build her a complete new life. We agreed, that she would come home and would seek help. It was the beginning of three psychotic months.
Counceling didn’t help. She sat in bars almost every night until 6.00 am. She asked me to give her time and space. She turned cold and distanced herself form me and the children. On her request I didn’t asked anything. In the meanwhile she made remarks like
• It’s something in me … I’ve changed
• It’s all about the church and my firs marriage
• I want to leave, but I’m afraid I’m gonna miss you and the children
• I want out of this relationship, but you’re my buddy … and what we share is something I never had with anyone else
• Find yourself another woman …
• I’m doing thing, that’s not right for a married woman
On most days she acted distanced an cold. It was almost unbearable. When I distanced myself and acted as if she wasn’t there she came towards and started to seduce with kisses and affection. Almost as is she was afraid of losing me.
Anyway after three months she left. Our children haven’t seen her since then. In the past 6 months I’ve seen her four times. In digital contact (mail, whatsapp, textin g) she acting very hostile= blming and accusing me- towards me . I’m the enemy … Stillshe asked on several times to help her. However she filed for divorce and got it. I haven’t a clue what’s going on …
About my wife
At the end of this long and confusing story (I left several other details out) let me tell you something about my wife. When this all started she was 47 and looking good, but suddenly she wanted piercings. There were no signs, but come tot think of it … Say about 6 tot 10 months before the first confrontation she started to talk about trees. She said, that trees would still be there long after we are already dead and gone. When she say young girls at the age of 14 / 15 she told in a kinda melancholly way that young girls are so funny and fragile ..
Maybe it’s a coincidence but at the age of 15 my wife was a very religious young girl (I’m not sorry). When she’s was fifteen something happened in her church. In don’t know the precize details, but I know for certain it was a kind of sexual abuse by de leader of her church.
Bye the time she was 16 she left this church and her religion. Her parents remained in this church. Het parents by the way are very religious people. The raised three daughters. The oldes is their little princess and my wife (the youngest) is the rebel.
My wife became a “heavy”teenager”. According to her parents she was a rebel. I never noticed this. However I didn’t knew my wife when she was a teenager. My wife met her former husband and married him, although she already had her doubts if the marriage would work. However she wanted to leave her parental house (especially her father. The marriage didn’t last.
Possible triggers
I’ve done al lot of thinking and research (about mindlifecrisis) and discovered ther were a lot of triggers for her crisis:
• Moving out of the house of our oldest daughter;
• Moving in our own new house in her childhoodneighbourhood;
• Her father’s disease (cancer);
• Our son needing care as well as my oldest daughter;
• Our son’s graduation;
• Etc.
There are more, but somehow I think my youngest daughter is a major trigger. She turned fifteen and is/was experimenting with piercings and bows. She is starting tot go out with her friends. Is it possible this is the trigger for my wife’s midlifecris? Is this a midlifecrisis or am I imagiing things