Hello everyone.
The events of the past few days require a new thread.
My previous thread is here:
I'm Just About Ready For The ForkThe last few days have been up and down.
Remember that job I was hoping to get? Well, 2 days ago, I found out that I
DID NOT get it. They told me that I was a very strong candidate and had very valuable technical experience, but I was their second choice and if something came up, I could apply again.
I was bummed.
BIG TIME.But.......yesterday, my friend (the one that was trying to get me hired on there) called me and told me that he was putting in his two weeks notice because he was accepted to join the Phoenix Police Department's Crime Scene Investigation Unit. Yeah, a real CSI. Haha. So......that left an opening.
So yesterday, I emailed the guy that interviewed me and told him that I would still be interested if anything opened up.
A few minutes ago, my cell phone rings and it was a call from Denver, Colorado. I almost didn't answer it because I figured it was a bill collector or telemarketer. It was the Human Resources Department and they asked if I was still interested! It's amazing how things seem to turn out. Of course I said yes.
So guess who just got their dream job?
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is a pretty cool job too. I'll be over-seeing a few hundred television stations, a couple of national satellite dishes and 4 satellites in orbit around the earth. Pretty sweet deal. I'm happy too because it is still in broadcasting and it just gives me a chance to expand my career.
It doesn't pay what I made in radio, but it is pretty darn close.
I still have to pass a skills test and it may be another week before I actually start or get a start date, but she told me I was IN!
I can't believe it. This is going to make such a big difference for the boys and me. We will actually be able to get out of the rut we've been in for so long.
I'll finally be able to get stuff that we need....
Get caught up on a few things....
Maybe, just maybe start to have a social life again....
I can't even explain the difference that this is going to make for us. It will help us so much!
I am relieved.
So relieved......
Whew!
Tad
Tad,
I just logged in....lo and behold!! Tad got a job!
Yessss! You did it. The hard work paid off and now you can really focus on re-building a new life. With some extra money, you can pay off your debts and then think about how you'd want to create your own future. Amazing, isn't it.
Good job, buddy.
FINALLY!
That's great news Tad. Congratulations! Keep up the positives!
Thanks guys. I was almost in tears when I got off the phone with her.
So happy and relieved.
Time to move on and finally start to rebuild.
Tad
Did you notice that the job came on your new thread...
Notice the name of your thread...
Just sayin..
Keep positive dude!
Congratulations, Tad!! I'm so happy for you! Something good this way comes . . . FINALLY!
Did you notice that the job came on your new thread...
Notice the name of your thread...
Just sayin..
Keep positive dude!
AMEN!
Congratulations, Tad! This is awesome news!
Congratulations!
I'm very happy to come here and read that you got the job. Now, on to the skills test, which I'm sure you will pass w/flying colors.
Great great news.
Keep the momentum going and keep making changes
Congrats Tad. Happy to see this chapter in "The Life of Tad" story is a happy one.
CSI? I'm not seeing the connection to the broadcast job. Has me scratching my head a bit, but whatever it takes right?
Very happy for you Tad.
AJ
This is great Tad!
I know once you feel more secure things will start looking up! I know it made a difference when I was able to make some money and felt like I would be Ok for a least a while! Build on this, Tad. Momentum can start right now!
Thanks everyone. My skills test is complete and I'm all set. I should know more by next week.
Can't wait to start!
Question for Job and any of the other vets:
Do you guys know what happened to Antonia?
I know a while back that she had some health issues and was wondering if she got them straightened out and how she was doing.
Tad
Tad,
I haven't heard anything from her.
Hi Job.
Guess what?
She posted an update yesterday.
Tad
Journaling:
This is the week. I should know more about my new job by the end of this coming week. Hopefully it is sooner than later.
When I was younger, I used to paint a lot. I would find flat rocks and paint scenery on them. There was one that I gave to XW and we kept it for many years. She texted S19 today and had him ask me if I wanted it because she found it in a bunch of old stuff. I guess she is still trying to erase me. I won't lie. It still bothers me and hurts.
My anxiety has died down quite a bit, but now I am having some really bad dreams. I'm actually remembering them too. For years, I could barely remember my dreams. I actually believed that I was rare and didn't even dream at all. I've had some bad ones lately.
Just last night alone I dreamt:
1 - I was living on my own. I came home from work and there is a man in my back yard barbecuing chicken. He is on his cell phone arguing with his wife. He then hangs up with her and pulls out a gun and puts it in his mouth. There is blood everywhere. For some reason, former SIL is there and she is asking me what happened. I then call 911 and the operator is asking me all types of questions and acting like he doesn't believe me.
2 - XW and I are walking outside of one of my former employers. We hear a sound above us and it is an airplane. We run and the plane crashes and misses her by just a few feet.
3 - My mom, XW and I are out shopping for caskets for my brother. My mom goes inside while we stay outside. We see a plane above us and it looks like it just stalls. It then drifts off to the west and crashes. A few minutes later, we are still outside and we see a plane taking off. She says something like "I hope this one makes it." It does for a while and then we hear sounds like it is having trouble and struggling to stay in the air. It was a huge United Airlines. It finally drifted over the city and basically stalled and came flat down on it's belly. I run inside and try to find mom so we could get out of the area before any more of them crash nearby. I couldn't find her. I looked and looked, but nothing. By the time I get back to the car, XW is furious at me for being in there so long and tells me that she is done with the marriage. She says that she has "had it!"
Weird, weird stuff.
I think after I start my job, I'm going to see someone about the dreams. Is there even such a person? Can dreams be stopped or atleast mellowed out a bit? I'd almost prefer it if I could go back to the point when I didn't remember them. They seem to be coming with more frequency.
Tad
"Weird, weird stuff."
No their not. In fact, it's fairly obvious what each one means.
Your dreams are basically what you focus your mind on. Even if you don't do it consciously, they represent things that are most important to you.
In your dreams...
1) In this one, you are your neighbor. You still concentrate on your M with your EX-Wife. You've contemplated suicide, so that's obvious. And the fact that your SIL doesn't believe you means that you search for validity.
2) In this one, you wish your W harm, but not enough to see her dead. You still harbor so much anger and resentment towards her that this is the result. The plane represents the life that you THOUGHT you had with your EX. Happy, carefree and yet you blame her for causing your life to crash.
3) For this one, again, the plane represents you. You struggle and can't seem to get your life off the ground and feel that your W is responsible for it.
"Can dreams be stopped or atleast mellowed out a bit?"
The dreams can be stopped. The only problem is that YOU have to be the one to stop them. You concentrate so much on your XW, even now, that it's affected you mentally. You can't seem to let go. You are to blame for your dreams. I and others have mentioned to you time and time again that if you don't stop concentrating on your W, it will affect you in many ways. The dreams is one of them.
If you start concentrating on the positives in life and start moving away from your XW, then your dreams will get better.
You haven't gotten any help for your mental state despite everyone telling you, you need to do so right away. I mean you latched your emotional state to your rats. That already was a cry for help. If you don't, the dreams will get worse and if something bad happens again (job, future relationships, health, etc.) you just may snap. That is what I worry about you.
Hi MrBond. Thanks for the response.
I think you probably nailed the interpretation of the first dream fairly well. Yes, I thought about suicide just about everyday when this all started. The reason that I didn't was because of the boys and I saw what my brother's suicide did to my mom. It almost killed her. I didn't want to put her through that for a second time.
I'm not so sure about the second and third dreams though simply because I have ALWAYS dreamt of plane crashes. I would have them all of the time even way before this MLC crap started. It is the main reason why I will never get on an airplane unless there is absolutely no way of getting out of it.
I plan to get some help as soon as my benefits kick in from my new job.
Again, thanks for the response.
Tad
"simply because I have ALWAYS dreamt of plane crashes."
That doesn't mean that it doesn't apply NOW. The plane crash example will change based on your current situation. And right now, your W is your current situation.
Either way, you need help. Stop procrastinating about it.
With me I got control of my dreams, when I dreamed of h verbally calling me names etc, I punched his lights out. I thought bout turning them while awake, the what happened was I could while asleep.
Then I gradually made it in the dreams so he never had the upper hand, and now they have stopped. I worked ways to step around his arguments. It worked.
Thanks MrBond and Ggrass.
The last two nights have been better. No dreams at all, or atleast, I don't remember them.
I received a knock on the door this morning and it was UPS. I dread when they come to the door because it is usually bad news. They had an envelope for me from my former employer in radio.
It turns out that I still own 28 shares of CBS stock! Hahaha. I called this afternoon and sold them puppies! Usually I wouldn't have, but I need the money. It will help me stay floating until I get my first paycheck from my new job.
Yay!!!
Thank God.
Tad
Do you see how the blessings come?
Hi Tad, I'm glad to hear things are starting to pick up in your life. 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life'
Below is something you might like
Love
Delboy
HOW TO INSTALL LOVE
Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install
Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located
your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is
it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the
upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -
Program will not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up
to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart.
In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following
files: Forgive-Self; Realise Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system
will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from
all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is
completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile
is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually
everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and
running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will
in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to
you.
Customer: Thank you.
MrBond - I'm starting to see it. I've been a little slow in that department, but I'm getting there.
Delboy - Nice post and very true.
Updating:
The last few nights have been dream-free. I'm glad about that.
I heard from my new job today. They told me to hang in there and will be making an official offer by Wednesday. She told me that it is a long process, but they are getting close. Long process? No kidding. I've been trying to get hired there since the end of May. But....I guess another week won't matter much. I'm really anxious to get started though. S21 told me he thinks that this job may be exactly what I need. I agree. I'm going to give it 100% and hopefully spend many years there.
This evening, we had our first Haboob (dust storm) of our Summer Monsoon season. Weather here in the desert is weird. We get the majority of our rain and bad weather during the summer. I've always been a weather nut. I like the rain, wind, thunder and lightning. XW always hated that about me because I would like to sit outside and watch. She complained every time I'd want to go out and enjoy the weather. I realized tonight that there are advantages to this whole "sitch" thing. I sat outside and didn't have to hear her complain or have to worry if she was going to yell at me to come in.
Haha.
An advantage of living here in Phoenix is the fact that we can go swimming late at night without freezing to death so I've been taking a lot of late-night swims. Sometimes one or two of the boys will join me, but it is mostly just me. I've been enjoying them because it gets me out of the apartment and gives me a little time to clear my mind, think and look at the stars.
That's all for now....
Tad
What? New memories?? Is that 'normal' ?
Glad to hear about the job and the positive momentum, Tad. Very happy for the new chance!
AJ
Delbuy,
I really liked your "How to Install Love" story.
I'm keeping it.
But do you bring up "Always look on the bright side of life" with a quirky smile on your face? You do realize they are singing this song (Monty Python movie) while they are being crucified? (grin!)
Journaling:
My happy thread isn't really happy at the moment.
The proceeds from the stocks I sold last week were supposed to be here today. They never came. They were supposed to be delivered Fed Express. When I called to see what was going on, they told me somebody goofed and sent it regular mail. Now it is going to be another week all because of some idiot's mistake. It seems like that is all I do anymore...Pay for other people's garbage. I make enough mistake's on my own. I don't need to pay for other people's too.
My new job? Still no start date. Seems like every week, I get told it is going to be another week. They've done well in keeping me posted but......I'm tired of waiting. That's all I seem to do.....wait wait wait.
I'm tired of waiting. I feel like I can finally get my life in order but.....WAIT.
One more week. One more week. One more week. If its about the job, ONE MORE WEEK. If it's about my money, ONE MORE WEEK.
ONE MORE WEEK.
I'm really tired of waiting and I can't afford to wait ONE MORE WEEK.
So damn frustrating.
No gas in my car, late on the rent, no food in the house all because I've been waiting ONE MORE WEEK.
I can't wait ONE MORE WEEK.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a movie or computer game and some a$$hole is getting enjoyment out of watching me squirm. When things seem to be going better, I get more dogsh!t thrown at me.
I've been making a list of what I want my life to look like, but keep getting crap thrown at me to delay it ONE MORE WEEK.
Really p!ssed, disgusted, discouraged, tired....
What a joke.
Tad
Sorry to hear that.
One thing you really need to do is to start learning how to cope with things in a more healthy way.
I get the frustration and the anger. But, you know what? Life's full of frustrating situations. You can cope with them better. It won't do your health or well-being any good by just lashing out all the time.
Yeah. It just gets to be really frustrating sometimes. It's almost comical.
UPDATE:
FINALLY!!!!
Got a start date for my new job. I was starting to get a little worried. But.....they finally called today. I will be starting on 7/21. That's a week from this coming Monday.
It has all of the benefits that I need and an awesome 401k plan. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to start saving again. I've blown through everything that I had when this all started so hopefully I can start to rebuild.
The job even pays a little more than what I was originally told.
Hopefully, this will be the start of finally getting things together.
Tad
Tad,
This is terrific news!
So happy for you.
I hope you've learned that stinkin' thinkin' does you no good at all and was a waste of energy, right? Might want to learn to give that sort of thinking the good ol' stiff arm trick the next time.
Tad,
This is wonderful news! The 21st isn't that far away and just think...a nice job w/a steady salary w/benefits.
Stay positive!
Tad,
That's awesome! Congratulations :-)
Tad,
I'm so happy for you!! Good Job. ;-)
Once things are in order, I HIGHLY recommend that you get some IC. Even though this is a great start, bad times will come. You have to start learning how to develop healthy coping mechanisms so you don't fall into depression again.
Thanks everyone. I'm very excited. Can't wait to start. It is going to help us out so much. I was starting to get a little discouraged because I hadn't heard much lately. This has been in the works for nearly two months.
I'm just so happy that it is in my field.
I really wish my mom was still with us. She didn't want me to give up on broadcasting and would be thrilled if she knew.
Once things are in order, I HIGHLY recommend that you get some IC. Even though this is a great start, bad times will come. You have to start learning how to develop healthy coping mechanisms so you don't fall into depression again.
Yes. My benefits will kick in on August 1st. I would like to maybe go see someone, but the last counselor I went to (while trying to save my marriage) kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I just didn't like him. I'll see what my oprions are though once things settle down a bit and the benefits are going.
Tad
Hey Tad, congrats on the job. Well done you.
You and I go back aways so you know I calls it like I sees it, right? All done from a place of caring.
It took me three different tries with therapists until I found the one who was monumental in getting me through all of this. Dont let one bad experience stop you from getting the help you need. Its too important.
What do you think it would take for you to let your xw go? I ask because you still wear the feelings of rejection and betrayal like a shield. Using them to stop what is needed to get in, and that is acceptance. Doesnt mean you have to like what happened or understand what happened. It just means you have to accept it.
When you really and truly do, it will lead you on the road to forgiveness. That is ultimately where one needs to be.
Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. It is a letting go of wishing things were different.
That's where your power lies, Tad - in the choices you make. Decide to stop allowing the resentment and the need to make sense of it control your life. Let it go. It happened. It suckked. Sometimes life doesnt go the way we think it will. But different doesnt have to be bad. Different is just different.
This is a new beginning for you,sweetie. Start it off the right way. So, she doesnt want the rock. Now you get to have it or one of your sons or even a grandchild.
Choose differently, Tad. You only get this one life. Start living it or it will live you.
Hey Ur, we do go back a ways don't we?
I will try the therapist thing once my benefits kick in on August 1.
I have a hard time with the forgiveness thing although I know that I need to forgive for ME. See, in my mind, forgiveness to me means that I'm saying what she did is ok. And it is NOT ok. I guess I need to work on it.
I sometimes wonder if this mess would have been easier on me if I didn't have the other stuff thrown in as well - death of my mom, brother, losing my career, house, car....
What will it take to let her go? Not sure, but getting MY LIFE in order would be a big start I think. That will happen soon too because I start my new job on Monday.
I actually received a text from XW yesterday. I'll explain:
Two years before this mess started, I was holding a radio party outside of a Brooks and Dunn concert. We were tailgating outside of the venue with XW, about 50 of my friends, radio colleagues and a couple dozen listeners. We thought that we were allowed to drink there. Apparently, we were not and some undercover police officers cited a bunch of people. XW was one of them. We went to court and paid the fine. Tailgating happens all the time at that venue. That day though, they were cracking down.
So, yesterday out of the blue, I get a text from her. It was the first time I had heard from her since January when my mom died.
XW: "Do you remember the month and year that I was cited for public consumption?" (Funny thing is, she used to get on me all the time because she always said that I never remembered anything.)
I did not answer because I honestly didn't hear my phone.
About 90 minutes later:
XW: "Nevermind. Thanks anyways."
ME: "Sorry, I do not. You can look it up online though."
No response.
I am finding it is much easier to deal with her. The old "me" would have given some smart a$$ remark like "ask your new soulmate" or something like that.
Tad
Sigh...there she is again.
She texts you, which has you thinking about what she used to say about you.
Let her go already, Tad. It's time.
No more writing about her. Serves no purpose but to keep you stuck in the pain.
See, in my mind, forgiveness to me means that I'm saying what she did is ok. And it is NOT ok. I guess I need to work on it.
I am confused here - if what she did was 'ok' there wouldn't actually need to forgive it would you? The whole point about forgiving is letting go of a hurt that someone did to you. Just letting it go. Good for us.
Also a good therapist will be as keen to have a 'fit' with you as will be. However, sometimes the tell us things we do not want to hear. one reason why MLCers seldom stick with therapy.
I think you would benefit from therapy, and sort a lot of stuff out, and get some good coping strategies.
Hi everyone.
She texts you, which has you thinking about what she used to say about you.
True to an extent Ur. Actually, I was just quite amused by it. Gave it some thought for a little while, but forgot about it. I find that I do still think about her, but it is becoming less often. Maybe a few times a day I will see or think or hear of something that will remind me of her, but lately, I've been better.
The whole point about forgiving is letting go of a hurt that someone did to you. Just letting it go.
True and easier said than done, but I'm working on it. Hard to let go of a hurt that you still feel from time to time.
Tomorrow I start my new job.
FINALLY!!
I'm pretty excited about it. If I'm smart and play my cards right, I'll actually be able to start a savings again. I realized last night that in just a year or two from now, I could possibly be in the best financial shape I've ever been in. Once I get everything paid off/caught up, I'll be able to put a bunch of money away. It will be nice for a change. When I was married, I made great money but never appreciated it. I wasted a lot and we would spend on things that we really didn't need. That's not going to happen anymore. I'm going to start a savings and NOT TOUCH IT.
Anyways, I just wanted to check in before starting my new job tomorrow. Hope everyone is well.
Tad
Have an awesome day tomorrow Tad!! :-)
Way go go, Tad!
A new job, new beginnings...you can finally kiss your cabbie job good-bye for good!
Heck yeah. Enjoy the new job, brother man!
For what it's worth, I think you handled her text well. I'm not surprised she texted you, even though she doesn't need to. And you not responding at first? Good step! Next time, don't respond at all. Why? Because it's her life (she'll tell you same) it interferes with your healing and because she'll keep doing it if she knows she'll get a response.
Like a pavlovian dog, you need to teach her how to treat you. That would be with silence while you live your life.
Awesome about the job. Hope you put some thought into the idea of forgiveness at some point. Beatrice and UR gave you some fantastic advice and perspective about forgiveness. Once you let go of the idea that forgiveness says that the hurtful actions were 'Ok' it changes everything.
I also agree that putting your life together is a great first step. Just know that timing of events in your life... they happen, dude. That's life. Accept that it was a lot to deal with and that you did and are. But it is how life is.
As the old saying goes, "God never gives us more than we can handle." Be glad He has that much confidence in you, Tad!
Go get 'em!
AJ
Thanks everyone.
AJ....he must have tons of confidence in me man. Just sayin...
Need someone's opinion here.
Earlier this evening I was filing my 2013 taxes. (Yeah, I know I'm late.) I'm trying to get everything squared away so I can start making payments on all of the back taxes that I owe. My return was rejected because it turns out that XW claimed our youngest as a dependent. Can she do that? Is that legal? He lives with me and has lived with me since this all started in 2010. I just can't figure out why she would think that she can claim him. I'd be willing to bet that he didn't even spend a week with her during the year. Is she nuts or does she know something that I don't? I'm just wondering if it is even legal and can't for the life of me figure out why she would even think she has the right.
Anybody know anything about this?
Tad
it should be in your divorce decree, (holidays, child support, who claims whom as a dependent). If she paid you child support, she MAY have the right to claim THE PAYMENTS as deductions, which maybe is what you think she did, and or maybe caused her to think she could also claim him as a dependent.
Sometimes people think those two facts (child support deductibility and the child exemption) are the same.
Also, if you did not earn anything (2010??) she may have made certain assumptions about the value of the exemption (ie., how much would it save you if you were paying little to nothing?).
ALSO she may have used a CPA to file for her and doesn't know it was filled out that way, ASSUMING it's not okay for her to do it (and I"m not sure she can't).
So read the divorce agreement,
and if it's not clear to you OR if it says she cannot do that, then call your L.
TAD, Do NOT call her. That won't turn out well.
PS
It's not all about where he lives; it's also about who "supported" him >50% of the time.
If she paid all the bills for him, but he spent his custodial physical time with you, that's something we can hope is in the divorce papers
but it's NOT a bar to her claiming him. She may be able to.
But that's something you can either find in the D papers OR from your L.
No need to ask her.
Thanks 25.
If she paid you child support, she MAY have the right to claim THE PAYMENTS as deductions, which maybe is what you think she did, and or maybe caused her to think she could also claim him as a dependent.
Papers say that I was to claim him for 2011 and 2012 since she did it for 2009 and 2010. It says nothing about 2013 because he turned 18 in 2012. She has not paid child support since 2012.
It's not all about where he lives; it's also about who "supported" him >50% of the time.
That would be me 25. She hardly spent any time or any money on him in 2013. She was way too busy getting married. I pay his share of the rent here and put food on his table.
I'm not even sure that
I can claim him, but I'm pretty sure that she can't.
The divorce papers say nothing about claiming him for 2013.
This is the error message that I got from the IRS.
"R0000-507-01: Someone has already filed a return with the IRS this year using your dependent's Social Security number (SSN)." I'm pretty sure she can not claim him, but I will double check.
I will not be calling her or texting her, but I will be in touch with someone from the IRS.
Thanks
Tad
I'm back 25.
I thought about what you said and I think she did pay a little support in 2013 because he was still in school.
I've decided that....I'm just going to let it go.
It's not worth it. I don't need the stress or the stress that may come from communicating with her.
Not worth it at all.
I've got to concentrate on my new job and getting other aspects of my life in order.
Thanks.
Tad
Good choice, Tad
Thanks 25.
If she paid you child support, she MAY have the right to claim THE PAYMENTS as deductions, which maybe is what you think she did, and or maybe caused her to think she could also claim him as a dependent.
Papers say that I was to claim him for 2011 and 2012 since she did it for 2009 and 2010. It says nothing about 2013 because he turned 18 in 2012. She has not paid child support since 2012.
It's not all about where he lives; it's also about who "supported" him >50% of the time.
That would be me 25. She
hardly spent any time or any money on him in 2013. She was way too busy getting married.
Tad, let's not let your grudge color the facts. No spin needed...okay?
I pay his share of the rent here and put food on his table.
I'm not even sure that
I can claim him, but I'm pretty sure that she can't.
The divorce papers say nothing about claiming him for 2013.
Ending at 18? Maybe b/c they assumed he'd be in college. Is he in school?
Supporting kids & declaring them as dependents when they are over 18, BUT not in college and not disabled, is a bit harder to do, tax wise.
This is the error message that I got from the IRS.
"R0000-507-01: Someone has already filed a return with the IRS this year using your dependent's Social Security number (SSN)." I'm pretty sure she can not claim him, but I will double check.
I will not be calling her or texting her, but I will be in touch with someone from the IRS.
Thanks
Tad
Did HE File for himself? Did you ask him?
And Just so you know, the IRS has a truly abysmal record of accuracy, when they are asked tax questions. They also bear no legal responsibility for their answers, believe it or not.
They literally cannot be held accountable for THEIR answers to taxpayers. (I know, it's ridiculous--but true). So Tad, I would not use them as a reference or rely on their expertise.
If this is important to you, ask a real expert or CPA or tax attorney. Even an H & R Block person would be better, imo.
I'm back 25.
I thought about what you said and I think she did pay a little support in 2013 because he was still in school.
Glad you gave that some thought.
I've decided that....I'm just going to let it go.
Thank God.
It's GOOD to see this. IT's so not worth the energy and I'm not sure you'd prevail anyhow,
PLUS how you'd feel if she paid more support to him, than you realized. Then you'd feel even worse, etc etc.
And if it turns out that she wasn't supposed to declare him and you are "right", well then what?
You want her to pay you back some money? How would that really make you feel, Tad?
It's not worth it. I don't need the stress or the stress that may come from communicating with her.
Not worth it at all.
I've got to concentrate on my new job and getting other aspects of my life in order.
Thanks.
Tad
Indeed you do need to look - From this day forward!!
YOU are the author of the rest of this novel, the "Life and Book of Tad."
Thanks 25.
Just updating:
*** My first week on the job is complete. I love it. It can be stressful at times trying to keep hundreds of tv stations on the air or trying to diagnose why a station is off, but....I really do like it. I work four ten hour days so I always have a three-day weekend. The worst part about the job is the drive: 40 miles one way. I'm going to get a better car once I get my finances in order.
*** I had a weak moment recently. I was watching "Bad Santa" on tv the other night. There is a part in the movie where they play "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Bing Crosby. XW and I have always loved that song....especially the Bing Crosby version of it. I had to turn it off. Christmas was always such a big deal for us. It made me a little sad. Too many good memories.
*** I made payment arrangements with the place handling S28's student loan. It is in collections. When I got divorced, we came to an agreement that I would pay 60% and XW would pay 40%. The loan is in my name and the agent that I spoke to on the phone said that the 60/40 deal probably isn't enforceable. Ug!!!! Why have something in the papers if it isn't going to be enforced????
*** I'm glad my boys are with me, but I wish they had a little more motivation to move out and get their own places. They are 28, 23, 21 and 19 for crying out loud. They have helped me a lot, but they need to move on (as I do.) I guess, I just don't want them to be stuck. 3 of the 4 are working and I've been after the 4th to get a job. The problem is: they make money, but not good money. None of them have motivation to get better jobs. I can't really talk though because my name for the past three and a half years has been "Mr. No Motivation." There is a really nice apartment complex less than a mile from where I work. I would like to move there when this lease is up in August of 2015. They only thing is: the jobs that my boys have are on THIS side of town.
*** Been thinking a lot lately. I'm not really sure that I want another "relationship" or if I'll EVER want one, but I do wish I had somebody to share things with and do things with. I subscribe to a meet up group and get emails all of the time about things going on. I just haven't had the guts to go...
*** My rats are still doing well. They bring me lots of joy. They must have excellent hearing because as soon as I get up in the morning, they come flying out of their hiding places in their cage and greet me. They know that I'm getting out of bed even when I don't make a sound. Sometimes, I try to be extra quiet and they still know.
Funny stuff. They are perfectly content sitting on my shoulder and just hanging out with me.
That's all for now. I hope everyone is well.
Tad
Tad, that is one of the best posts from you in a VERY long time. Lots of good stuff in there.
Very happy about the job and the future thinking!
Something to consider,
How many is too many? Personally, I like a lot of good memories. I prefer them to not so good memories. When I look back on my life, I would prefer to have all good memories and just a few that are not so good if I can help it.
My ex and I have many good memories. Well, I have them. She re-remembered hers. But that's her life. I kept the good and not so good memories and I'm glad I did.
Think about it. You didn't waste your life - you have good memories. Cherish them, Tad. It's ok to do that.
AJ
Thanks AJ. I'm slowly getting there.
It has been a very long road indeed......four years this coming October. Wow.
I think my better attitude lately is because of the new job. I know it probably sounds materialistic, but getting this job is going to help a lot. I can actually see a little hope down the road.
Happy memories? I have them, and they do make me happy, but also sad because it reminds me of what I don't have anymore. I know....I need to change how I look at things.
But.....it is what it is.
I've been reading a little bit of Matt's thread. Man, oh man. So similar to my sitch. But then, a lot of the situations on this board are so similar. Scary in a way.
New job:
I love it. I plan to be there a very long time. I like it just as much as radio I think.
Maybe more.
Tad
Tad,
I'm very happy to come here and read that you are happy w/your new job. That's a step in the right direction and I think you will find that the more you are on the job, the more positive your attitude will become and w/that comes the opening of doors in the future for you in many areas of your life.
Thanks Job.
Yes, things are slowly getting better.
This new job is going to be my saving grace I think. Not sure what would have happened or how things would have wound up if not for the job. It has given me a new attitude and some hope. Can't wait to get my first paycheck.
Someone (a coworker actually) said something to me the other day that kind of struck me and thought that I would share:
"There comes atleast one point in everyone's lifetime that they are tested to the core. They come out more humble, appreciative and a much better person."
I just wanted to share because I really liked the quote. And.....I think it is so true.
We are in for another one of our summer monsoon storms tonight. I'm heading out to the patio with a cold one to watch the lightning and enjoy the cool rain.
Take care.
Tad
Hi everyone. Just checking in/journaling.
I'm doing ok.
I still like my job and am so thankful to have it. I got my first paycheck on Friday. I was actually able to put 50 dollars in my savings account. I know.....50 bucks is nothing but you have to start somewhere.
I realized today that I'm thinking of XW less and less. Sure, I still think about her almost every day, but....it is getting less frequent. I'm also thankful for that. She rarely contacts me and I prefer it that way. The sad thing though: she contacts the boys less and less.....her loss.
Been a little bummed about the Robin Williams thing. He did exactly what my brother did and the way some of the press has handled it really bothers me. It just does.
Anyways, just wanted to post a quick update. I'm on here a lot, but don't always post because there really is much to post at the moment. I have been following along though.
"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'" - Morgan Freeman in "The Shawshank Redemption"
Take care.
Tad
Hey Tad,
Glad to see an update from you. I'm glad to see you are putting away a bit of money, even if it's $50, it will soon add up. It's nice knowing you are going to have a steady income and like your job.
As time moves along, you'll think less and less about your xh. Yes, there will be a few times when memories of her will float to the surface, but overall, life will get better because you have other things to think about and keep your mind busy. As for your sons, it's her loss.
Take care of yourself!
Job,
I don't think Tad is gay.
Tad,
What a great update! I am so happy to see that you're turning your life around for the better.
Ohhhh...I loved Red and Andy in that movie.
Wonka,
Thanks for pointing out my typo. Tad, as time moves along, you will definitely not have as many thoughts about your xw. Sorry about the typo.
Thanks Job and Wonka.
No worries about the typo Job. I knew what you meant.
Journaling:
Oh....the setbacks.
Pretty big one today. It's funny how they can just hit right out of the blue. Not even sure what set it off. I was doing so well.
XW talked to S28 on the phone today. She wants to "hang out."
It just bothers me I think because even though my life is getting better, it is still not where I want it to be. Her life? Her life = wine and roses.
My wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of the month. August 30th would have been 29 years. Maybe that's it.
Was doing so well then BAM!
This time of year always [censored].
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Sorry to vent. This board is all I have to vent to.
Tad
Tad,
I was just razzin' Job for that wonderful typo...not much opportunity to tease Job. She left that one wide OPEN.
Be grateful that W wants to hang out with your son! That is a positive. Focus!
XW talked to S28 on the phone today. She wants to "hang out."
Hang out with you or with your son? Either way, let it go. That's her son too.
Thanks MrBond and Wonka.
Hang out with you or with your son?
Haha. Now that's funny! Surely not with me. I'm still Satan.
Not sure if you meant to or not, but thanks for making me laugh. I actually chuckled.
I've started a new thread. It can be found here:
How HER crisis changed ME Tad