It's my bday and I'm missing my MLCer hubby :( - 06/03/12 05:53 PM
Hi! I read a comment somewhere that it might be better if posts show in its proper category. So I'm reposting my story.
Here it goes..
Just like a lot of people here, H and I were happily married (13 years) and everything was fine or at least I thought was. Until one night, he said he doesn't love me anymore... that he fell out of love and that he no longer wants to stay married to me. Needless to say, I was shocked, crushed, devastated! I begged, pleaded, cried but he was unmoved. He also said that we need to tell our D11 immediately, he didn't care if he hurts her feelings. He was as emotionless as a rock. He fell asleep immediately after that like nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, called my SIL and my best friend, who were both shocked! (On a side note, all of the people I told about our situation were shocked and thought I was joking because we were a "happy" couple.)
I tried to get as much reasoning and information as I could from my hubby but to no avail. I begged and asked for another chance many many times but that made him angrier. I was lost and confused! Until a friend suggested that he may be going through a midlife crisis. I researched more that night and by golly wow! My hubby is a textbook! If I only knew more about midlife crisis before, I would have seen the signs from miles away.
There were a few times when I thought he is coming back to his senses, only to find out later that he hasn't changed his mind about wanting to divorce me. And he makes that clear! That hurts my heart badly. Up to now, it feels as if my heart is being literally stabbed.
Some of the changes that he's made are spending more time in the mirror, eating healthier, working out more, pierced his ears, started smoking, got a tattoo. There was one day he said he thought he'd be okay after he bought his motorcycle, but that didn't satisfy his needs. He grew his hair then shaved his head after his hair had grown, and said that it did not bring him back to his old self. It felt as if he wanted to shake that feeling off but couldn't.
And then he came home angry one day and said that we need to divorce immediately. I die in pain every time he says that. I asked him why he is in a rush for this, and he said because he wants to start dating! I set him free and told him he has his freedom but won't divorce him. I know I know. I am not a doormat but at this point I just know that nothing would stop him from doing what he wants anyway. So he moved out of the house and is now living in his apartment. He "borrowed" some extra furniture that we have from the house and found out later on that he started purchasing more furniture for his place. This makes me think that he is moving on and is very happy being "single".
A couple of weeks after he moved out, he started picking up my D11 from my house every morning to drop her off to her school, something he stopped doing for more than a year now. I see this as a sign of guilt. See, he loves his daughter very much!
He has been posting more often on facebook now, and seems as if he is happy with his new life. I cry every time because I feel like I am the cause of all his unhappiness although I know that this is the MLC talking. My mom and FIL see his behavior as hiding the pain. Yesterday, he changed his FB status from married to separated. This is my new pain. I already hid him from my settings so I won't know what he is up to but I couldn't change the settings in the check ins which notifies me every time. I am deleting my FB account very soon.
I am still hoping that he comes back to me someday but I understand that there are no guarantees. I pray to God and I cry every single day. It has only been 4 months but this feels like eternity already. I admit that I am depressed, I'm seeing a therapist and I bring my D11 to hers.
So there's my story and thanks for reading and I hope I didn't bore you
Here it goes..
Just like a lot of people here, H and I were happily married (13 years) and everything was fine or at least I thought was. Until one night, he said he doesn't love me anymore... that he fell out of love and that he no longer wants to stay married to me. Needless to say, I was shocked, crushed, devastated! I begged, pleaded, cried but he was unmoved. He also said that we need to tell our D11 immediately, he didn't care if he hurts her feelings. He was as emotionless as a rock. He fell asleep immediately after that like nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, called my SIL and my best friend, who were both shocked! (On a side note, all of the people I told about our situation were shocked and thought I was joking because we were a "happy" couple.)
I tried to get as much reasoning and information as I could from my hubby but to no avail. I begged and asked for another chance many many times but that made him angrier. I was lost and confused! Until a friend suggested that he may be going through a midlife crisis. I researched more that night and by golly wow! My hubby is a textbook! If I only knew more about midlife crisis before, I would have seen the signs from miles away.
There were a few times when I thought he is coming back to his senses, only to find out later that he hasn't changed his mind about wanting to divorce me. And he makes that clear! That hurts my heart badly. Up to now, it feels as if my heart is being literally stabbed.
Some of the changes that he's made are spending more time in the mirror, eating healthier, working out more, pierced his ears, started smoking, got a tattoo. There was one day he said he thought he'd be okay after he bought his motorcycle, but that didn't satisfy his needs. He grew his hair then shaved his head after his hair had grown, and said that it did not bring him back to his old self. It felt as if he wanted to shake that feeling off but couldn't.
And then he came home angry one day and said that we need to divorce immediately. I die in pain every time he says that. I asked him why he is in a rush for this, and he said because he wants to start dating! I set him free and told him he has his freedom but won't divorce him. I know I know. I am not a doormat but at this point I just know that nothing would stop him from doing what he wants anyway. So he moved out of the house and is now living in his apartment. He "borrowed" some extra furniture that we have from the house and found out later on that he started purchasing more furniture for his place. This makes me think that he is moving on and is very happy being "single".
A couple of weeks after he moved out, he started picking up my D11 from my house every morning to drop her off to her school, something he stopped doing for more than a year now. I see this as a sign of guilt. See, he loves his daughter very much!
He has been posting more often on facebook now, and seems as if he is happy with his new life. I cry every time because I feel like I am the cause of all his unhappiness although I know that this is the MLC talking. My mom and FIL see his behavior as hiding the pain. Yesterday, he changed his FB status from married to separated. This is my new pain. I already hid him from my settings so I won't know what he is up to but I couldn't change the settings in the check ins which notifies me every time. I am deleting my FB account very soon.
I am still hoping that he comes back to me someday but I understand that there are no guarantees. I pray to God and I cry every single day. It has only been 4 months but this feels like eternity already. I admit that I am depressed, I'm seeing a therapist and I bring my D11 to hers.
So there's my story and thanks for reading and I hope I didn't bore you