I am still a little in shock. I know of the email because H forwarded to me accusing me of sending it to "test" him...said he understood my concern and he loved me but it was wrong of me to "spoof" her...said she would never email him or send him anything!
Well guess what? It wasn't me! It was her. He said he believed me but I was so hurt. He said the style of writing was not like her and since I had sent false emails before (never to him) that he felt justified in accusing me...he did appologize but it still hurt that he would think she wouldn't do that but I would!
She wanted to know how the kids were, how I was, and mostly how he was.
Wow...never thought I would hear from her again...just baffles me
It has been 3 years since they last had email contact. Why now? I wonder if she is alone again and using him for a fall back guy?
I emailed her...told her respectuflly that he didn't wish to have any contact with her and that I would like for her to leave us in peace and just know that we have moved on. H blocked her email so she won't be able to tell him.
I think you're probably right...she's alone and testing old waters.
I know it must have hurt, but it must have been a hurtful shock to your H too. Lots of mixed emotions
Too bad the OW hasn't learned her lesson yet, and feels it's ok to interrupt your holidays with her 'presence'.
Maybe one of Santas' Reindeers will drop a 'load' on her, hmmm?
I sit and wonder now if she will even reply to my email. In my email I did appologize for all the nasty things I said to her when I found about the affair...I told her in my defense I was blind-sided but none the less I am sorry (I allowed lowered myself by name calling)...then respectfully asked that she let us live our lives in peace that H had no desire to have any contact with her either...
I forwarded part of the email he sent to me (the part that said "I love you")with his forwarding of her email to me so she will know that he sent me her email...
It just bothers me because she said "Don't ask me how I got your email, funny actually"...he said he got another email and it may have sent out contact information...I know he hasn't contacted her...I just can't believe after all this time...last he emailed her she was in a relationship and happy...I just have a gut feeling that things have changed...she had already been married several times and had 4 kids...probably one from each husband...and she was only 32 yrs. old then!
Just so much going through my head!
PleaseimLIN, don't give her that much importance in your lives.
It's pretty obvious that she would not do this, unless she wanted a reaction. You said yourself it's been a long time since there was any communication at all. Why now? you ask. Because she can. Because she knew it would generate negative thinking on your part.
I'm pretty sure she won't answer your email, but if she does take whatever she may say with a grain of salt..then let it go.
You've been working on your marriage for a few years now...dont let her even START to undo what you've both worked for with this email.
Even if she accidentally got hold of the email info, she didn't have to act on it....but she did....and that should say loads about her values. She knows you're back together and happy..so why pull this stunt.
Maybe the best thing you could do is sit down with your H and send an email TOGETHER to her, wishing her the best, and stating in no uncertain terms further communication is not necessary nor wanted by either of you....period.
She hasn't changed a bit, but you have and your H.
Let it go, but I am sorry you had to experience this.
She's testing the waters and yes, wants to stir the pot up and ruin the holidays for you and your h. I have a feeling she's alone and is hoping that your h would respond to her. If she had the nerve to post a note to your h, she very may well be brazen enough to respond back to you.
She really is a piece of work and one that is not out of your life just yet. She almost accomplished what she set out to do, i.e., create doubt in the minds of both you and your h.
Please do not allow this woman to ruin your holidays.
ther email does say a lot about her
unbelievable how these OW really dont care who they hurt
maybe they lack they ability from some previovus abuse
disconnrcted from her concious
I also felt the same as snodderly
the holidays shes probably alone on the hunt for another man
maybe hoping your H woulkd still be interested
no concern about any consequences
I like what creed said also--maybe send a message together
and then let her go--get the email changed if it happens again
your H obviously chose you
dont ket it ruin the holidays
peace
I think she will know H and I both are together on this. I was very respectful in my email, not judgemental, not condeming but very clear that H wants no contact (otherwise why would he have forwarded her message to me) and that I respectfully request that she not contact "us" again.
She asked specifically about our son, by name, as he was young when all of this happened and likely the reason my H did not move to her state and ultimately ended the affair (although he did not return home right away), she asked about the "girls", then me by name...then said mostly she wanted to know how he was doing.
In my email I did tell her that he was happy, had restablished a good standing with our congregations, friends, and family again.
She was never the pushy type, so I really think the fact that she knows that H is totally open with me and that we are both on the same page with our marriage, that I won't hear from her...I actually think it will be shock to her that he forwarded the email because he tended to be such a private person.
Then again she could have me blocked from her email and not even receive or know he shared it with me.
H says he will not reply to her as that will be his message...no contact is no contact even if she sends him a message asking all kinds of questions.
I think it sort of burst any last bubble for H, he was just so sure she would have never sent him anything...it still stings that he thought I would even pretend to be her...really would have been stupid on my part because it could have caused a reaction from him to contact her...I told him I wasn't that stupid.
H thought that I was still worried about him...trusting...I told him that he has given me no reason. He comes home, he used the computer if full site of me and the family, he is not secretive, he is not drinking, no signs...I don't feel any need to check up on him...if I didn't think I could trust him I wouldn't have worked on rebuilding our marriage at all...
She did succeed in stiring up the painful feelings that I had dealt with for a long time...no feelings of wondering if H is here for me...just old pain...it will pass, H loves me
Thanks for being here for me just to vent out...this helps...I don't come here much at all anymore because I am so busy with life...but it is nice to know that this place is here for those who need it and those, like me, who need to touch base once in a while...
Thank you all
((((((Lin))))))
I'm sorry this happened... but I think you H's response was great! As was yours.
Being one who likes to make lemonade out of lemons, I would say you could look at this as a good thing! Now you KNOW that he means no contact. You KNOW that he doesn't want her to be part of his life. You don't have to wonder what he would do if she tried to contact him, because now you KNOW!
I almost feel sorry for her. I have a feeling that she is feeling holiday loneliness. She's broum X seems to be emotional and on edge. Unfortunately it seems the kids get to be in the focus when it happens. Some of it is them, acting their age. Interestingly, brought it on herself, but it is still sad. I would not even be shocked if she had sent other emails to other people that she has "lost" through her inappropriate actions over the years.
Anyway, I'm glad you are doing GREAT!
She did reply...
Dear Lin,
Thank you for telling me how he is doing. Yes I am still in a wonderful relationship and am very happy. My fiance' knows of "H". I know his health was not good, just wanted to see how he was. Your point has been made. I meant no disrespect. I wish you both the best.
Regards
"OW"
My gut says she won't attempt any contact...she went 3 years and I feel that now that she knows H is okay and we are happy she will just let it go...I tend to believe she is sincere...she was not a needy grabby OW like some prove to be...
So I guess that is it...thanks again for allowing me to let it out so as not to bother H with all of my stirred up feelings.
ImLin, I wonder if you should ever volunteer any information ever again.
Just a brief "Don't contact us again" seems like more than enough.
I do not believe she will contact you again. Let it go and continue to move forward.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Forward,
I am of the school that you give a little information in hopes that it will be what they need to leave you alone.
I guess everyone is different as I was one that contacted OW when I discovered her...it did assist in killing the fairytale because now she knew my side of things...raised doubts in her mind...things fizzled pretty fast between them after that because she didn't want to deal with a LBS just to have my H...he told her things were over between us...I informed her that I had no idea things were that bad...
Confrontation is not for everyone...but for some it does work...I feel being cordial with her and my reply telling her he was fine showed that I was secure in my situation and clearly sent the message that she no longer needed to check on him...his wife was there for that...
You may not remember, but I'll never forget you telling me what I could expect from OM after I dropped him. When I was deep in an EA and still contacting OM when I came here to the board. You told me that he probably had other women he was talking to....just like he was talking to me. You told me that whenver he used up all his contacts that he would start over and to expect him to try with me again. Guess what? Over a year went by and suddenly one day I get a call at my job.......and it was him. In one way I was surprised, but yet I had never forgotten your warning. In fact, I had thought about what you had said only a couple of weeks before I got that call from him.
So, I got rid of him! It does shake a person up when you think it's all over and done. But I hope you will take your own good advise, Lin.
If this were me
you were talking to, I think you would assure me that my MR was good and that it was old fears surfacing. I believe that OW knows she is looking at something way too strong for her. You have great faith, sweetie.....just let it work to give you peace.
******************
What is this I hear about a 30th Anniversary trip??
I was not concerned about H...it just came out of the blue because I had really not thought of her in a long long time...made me wonder if she was on the prowl again...
I am secure in my relationship...but not blind
Yes, we are taking a long trip to Florida and then a cruise to the carribean...we have never been and it was out intention to do this for our 25th but the bomb explosion changed that...I can harldy wait to go as I have never been to either place!
Good to see you are still here Sandi...and good to see you standing strong...
Lin
Lin,
I'm happy to see that you and your h are going to take a trip to Florida and then a cruise. You both will enjoy it!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Hi ImLIN,
Good to see that you are still happy with your H despite the small hick-up.
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.
Strange stuff happens...this past weekend I got a notification of an update to H's profile on a very very very old email account. So I check it out...it is weird because H is refered to as "she"...then I notice the date of the update...the same date that OW emailed. In looking over the profile it is obvious that she did the update...I have seen nothing to suggest that H has even used that email in years...I just asked H about that email account and he said it wasn't active anymore because he hadn't used it in years. I told him that there was an update to the profile and he was genuinely suprised but told me that he was pretty certain OW had the passwords to that and other email accounts that he no longer uses which explains why she emailed him to his new one...
But it just shows that time goes by and things come up...I didn't fall apart or become all suspicious...I know she is out of the picture and after seeing the date of the profile update I realized she did this before knowing that H was telling me that she contacted him...I do believe the email I sent her and the reply she gave will be the end...at least she seemed genuine and we haven't heard a word since.
If I had not checked that date and just flown off the handle though it could have been very damaging to my relationship...I think I handled it well from H accusing me of emailing him (spoofing her, which I didn't)in the first place to emailing her and respectfully asking her to leave us in peace as H doesn't want to go back to that time with her and neither do I wish to bring up those bad memories either...she seemed sincere...time will tell...it always does.
Good for you imLIN!
Very good for you.
You handled that well, SHOULD that ever happen to me and my wife I hope to use your actions as an example.
Man! Your "OW" has the nutz! Contact TWICE! acting like an old friend--shooot.
Yes, you handled it well. No, she is not in a happy relationship, she was "testing the waters."
What gaul. At leasat your FWH sent it on to you.
well actually she (ow) told me she was engaged to wonderful man...she also mentioned this to H several years ago when he last had mutual contact with her...
I have nothing to worry about from her...H is just as committed to this relationship that we have as I am...he seriously hates even having her brought up...not because he hates her but all that happened at that time...it was not a happy place for him even though at the time he tried to convince himself otherwise.
I am fine...he is fine...our family is fine...that is what matters
I think you handled the situation very well. Sometimes, things do pop up and we have to step back and assess them before going off half cocked on the spouse, i.e., just like this situation. You stepped back, thought about it and then advised your h of the situation. He didn't feel any pressure nor that you were accusing him of anything.
Great job!
Hi Lin... I've been reading your posts the last few days. You are very wise!
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you...that "wisdom" came from hard lessons
A smart person learns from his mistakes...
A wise person learns from the mistakes of others
I want everyone to be the later!
Thank you...that "wisdom" came from hard lessons
A smart person learns from his mistakes...
A wise person learns from the mistakes of others
I want everyone to be the later!
Awesome! I need to borrow this, I hope you don't mind.