Partner left after 9 years - eclipses coming up!

Ahh, nothing to report since...he's confused now. Here was my last post...

"I joined the gym today too, it was a one off fee of only �99 for all day, until the end of September!! Bargain! I think I am becoming addicted to exercise, apart from today and sailing yeserday, I've got Tang Soo Do tommorow and yoga and kayaking this week.. this is a thousand and eighty for me, neverlone a 180!

I've got an overwhelming urge to say 'goodbye' to my ex. To have THAT conversation, to wish him well and stop waiting. It hurts too much, I feel waves of sadness whenever I remember what it was like to have him in my life and how much I miss him, for his personality, his hugs, the way he made me feel, so loved and cherished and secure. How can we just leave it there, without saying goodbye after all those years?"

Hmm...not sure how I would go about that! I'm not quite 'there', but theres got to be a goodbye to the romantic R at some point, before we can be friends? Or am I expecting too much? (as usual!). Anyone think its wierd he's never mentioned our property after 14 months apart? Probs not, bet he doesnt even think about it. Also, 9 years of photos...doesnt he want copies, or do men not think that way??

I emailed him back on Thursday, offering him a copy of the album and telling him I was going sailing on the weekend. I wonder if he will reply this week? So.. Tang Soo Do is tommorows GAL!

Al x

Ali,
I don't think I would say anything to the xh. I think I would continue on and leave the door ajar if you are hoping to have some type of relationship w/him down the road, i.e., friends. Now, if you want to do something for yourself in that respect, then okay, but I would not say anything to him about it.

The property and photos....well, he doesn't want to think about them right now. They are reminders of his past and he doesn't want to be reminded of that at the moment. Deep down, he knows that the stuff is right where he left it and may use that as reconnection tools down the road. I have a friend who has been at it as long as I have and she has her h's tools, boat, equipment, etc. at her house. He talks about coming to pick them up, but never does. It's part of the journey for them to leave things behind along the way. I would put the photos away and until such time that he requests copies.

He may respond back to you this week, but don't be surprised by anything he says. Keep your expectations at zero at all times. We look at the property and photos as part of our memories and lives in the rational world. Your h isn't completely rational right now. Be thankful that he's not asking you for a lot of things.

I'm glad to see that you are keeping busy. Time will go by much faster when you are busy and enjoying yourself.

Thanks Snodderly... you know, we have alot in joint mortgages, so its a bit more than a few memories, lol! Insurance policies, tenants, gas certificates, tax issues.. I dont think it means a thing in fact, he is just being avoidant. Good point about the convo/photos.. I should just let it go (let him go).

Thanks Whatever for your post.. "You're grieving as so many of us here are. It's a difficult process".. thats the beauty of this website. Losing a partner in such a sudden, devastating way, as many of us did, with little warning IS like a death. My C and recent therapist both said its likely to take 2 years to get over it.

Thanks for the gal compliments! It took me a whole year to get unstuck, to get moving, I was paralysed with loss, I couldnt see ANY future for myself. I still cant see me dating, but at least I finally got a life !

So other than sailing and mortal combat and a gym workout, tommorows GAL is starting a martial art!! And then its the biggie Wednesday.. hopefully learning to sea kayak (indoors!) which I have wanted to do for 2 years! Meanwhile.. I STILL havent written my dissertation and am in danger of failing my course. Eek!

Hi Ali

I felt like that too, but I think when the time comes you won't feel the need and you'll let go. It'll happen. I was looking at wedding photos a few weeks ago and you know I realised that we were so happy. BUT I was so happy because I could tell from the way he looked at me that he loved me 100%. There was no doubt, at present he still loves me but more like 50% or whatever figure, but there is no doubt that it is not 100%. I don't want that, I want my H to want me and no one else. This is what is helping me to let go and detach because until he can commit to me 100% then there is no point....and it may never happen, which is sad but life has a lot of good patches and I am looking out for those....that's the GAling.

Ali,

I feel like I am getting on your case and I don't want to be that way, but I noticed you were saying to 25yrsmlc that you don't contact your exBF hardly at all. That may well be the case, but you don't half examine in microscopic detail emails that he does send you and stuff you hear about him from other people. Surely you can see that this is not healthy for you?

We even get to hear when you hit the send button to early on an email to him and you deliberate about when is the best time to reply etc. If this was a normal friendship would you be like this?

Can't you see there is something not quite healthy here?

On top of this you have mentioned your biological clock in the past. Girl - you need to seriously move on for your own sakes.

Hey Saffie.. it takes all sorts to make a world. I am an intelligent (yay, blow my own trumpet!) analytical lover of problem solving. I used to spend my summer holidays as a kid doing logic puzzlers and IQ tests, set by my dear Dad. I spent 11 years becoming a programmer, because I love to problem solve, examine and fix things mentally... ditto for becoming an astrologer. Funnily enough, its one of the things my ex loved about me! He thought I was the most clever, wily, quick thinking person he had ever met.

I dont want to have children, not as a priority, I'm ambivalent about it, it swirls about.

Thanks for posting..but, this site is for ME.. I need to come here and put those minutiae (sp) down, without shame.. its how my brain works and how I process stuff. And you cant tell someone to "just move on" hey.

Anyway.. I am having a major once every 30 year transit of Uranus (planet of all things crazy and inventive) bearing down on my Mercury (planet of the mind) opposite the oppressive Saturn (planet of hard lessons). And all this mental processing and activity makes perfect sense to me, astrologically, at this time in my life.. but it will be over by 2010. Phew!

I found this is a book I'm reading. I think it conveys beautifully where you're at right now:

True fearlessness is not the reduction of fear, but going beyond fear. Unfortunately, in the English language, we don't have one word that means that. Fearlessness is the closest term, but by fearless we don't mean "less fear," but "beyond fear." Going beyond fear begins when we examine our fear: our anxiety, nervousness, concern, and restlessness. If we look into our fear, if we look beneath its veneer, the first thing we find is sadness, beneath the nervousness. Nervousness is cranking up, vibrating, all the time. When we slow down, when we relax with our fear, we find sadness, which is calm and gentle. Sadness hits you in your heart, and your body produces a tear. Before you cry, there is a feeling in your chest and then, after that, you produce tears in your eyes. You are about to produce rain or a waterfall in your eyes, and you feel sad and lonely, and perhaps romantic at the same time. That is the first tip of fearlessness and the first sign of real warriorship. You might think that when you experience fearlessness you will hear the opening to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony or see a great explosion in the sky, but it doesn't happen that way. In the Shambhala tradition, discovering fearlessness comes from working with the softness of the human heart. ~ Chogyam Trungpa

I'm getting glimpses of this right now with where I am right now. I'm hoping to join you in getting beyond the fear/anger/jealousy and to slide on in to sadness which I think will be much less draining on the soul.

Hey thats beautiful... thankyou. Yes, I was just thinking earlier how much better I feel, in that the feeling of being 'on' all the time, anxious, churned up.. its all gone and I am just left with a deep sadness. I wondered if I am in the latter stages of grieving. I dont have any anger or fear left now. I know he is gone. I do have some glimpses of jealousy lately, but not about Helen, but about his life in general.. as I feel I am still 'recovering' from the bomb that went off in my life and playing catch up.. whereas he has the career, good mates, the new gf (ok ok, so he has depression too!).

For those that like to hear my astrological ramblings.. I have had a major Uranus transit directly over my Sun this past year. Uranus transits are described as sudden shocking events in the life - textbook def. is like a bomb going off. I thought it was interesting that the ending is referred to here as "the bomb". How true.

Ha, I was going to abbreviate your name then and say Hey TIT! But, being English, that sounded too much like I was insulting you

Also.. its early days for your sitch, so give yourself more time hey.

(((Ali)))

All your GAL stuff sounds fantastic!

Keep up the great work!

And yay for endorphins from exercising!

Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly

Ha, I was going to abbreviate your name then and say Hey TIT! But, being English, that sounded too much like I was insulting you

Also.. its early days for your sitch, so give yourself more time hey.

LMAO, translates the same in American...Pity I didn't "think" through the abbreviations when I came up with the moniker.

And I like all the astrological stuff.

Ali,

I won't post to you again.

I have never for a moment thought you were stupid, but I do believe there is something slightly out of whack here. It takes all sorts to make the world go around though and this place is for people to come and vent and let off steam etc. Maybe it is just not your time to move on.....it IS different for everyone, and you do sound as though you are getting closer - but another year(!).

I just feel that when people don't wiggle their ra ra pom poms at you and shout 'good job Ali' etc you get very defensive.

You have gone through the realms of his depression in huge detail, you talk about his communications endlessly and what others think he may be thinking, (which is anybody's guess; real crystal ball gazing). You agonise about when/ if to contact him and what to say??????

But if this place gives you the outlet you need and the support you require then it's a good place for you.

Personally I would get an agent to manage your joint properties and move to an area populated by more eligible guys your own age when you can.....you sound like you would be a great catch for some guy.....and way to GOOD for this one.

Enough said.

Hey Saffie...
I do understand you're trying to help, as everyone is, but I've always thought about stuff alot! Its how my brain works when I have a problem. I dont expect rara's, really I dont, its too late for that! But yeah its taking me quite a while to get over him hey. Sorry, the another year comment is about the Uranus/Saturn on my Mercury/Sun.. but the effects will lessen by September.

No, I wouldnt get an agent to manage my properties, I do a good job of it, besides agents charge the earth so not a good idea! Its no bother and I never speak to my ex about it, so its not about connecting with him. Its isolating here, but I dont want to move yet. He wanted to move away and we planned it, but it was my dream to move to the sea and here I am. We wouldnt even be here if it wasnt for me making it happen...

Thanks for saying I am a good catch and too good for him..I am sure he would agree. I do still need some goodbye with him, some closure, I need to be able to lay this to rest.

Al xxx

Like everyone here Saffie's perspective is important and helpful.

I'm surprised in a way that I'm still standing for my m after 10 months of separation. Many good friends are disapproving, not openly critical, but simply don't acknowledge let alone support me in this.

The support I get from this board is critical to my journey right now. At some point what Saffie had to say will feel like it is what I must do... not just to detach but to let go and move on. I'm not sure when we will get there Ali, or whether we'll have to, but if we do, we'll do it; we'll want to do it.

Hey Whatever, yeah, exactly. I am as surprised as you. I have lived with 2 other men (4 1/2 years and 3 years) and moved on within weeks on each occassoin, but then it was more mutual, or something I also wanted, and not a shock when it was over. This feels more like a death and it takes time, typically 1-2 years. Its a grieving process and it can do funny things to you. But yes, we will get there in time!

I was lucky that people in RL supported me waiting for the most part, but then they are just as sad we split up! My Dad said to me this week.. he is a nice guy.. you lost a good man there (yeah, thanks Dad!).

Talking of astrology.. I've got a major alignment coming up later this week. (pertinent to all Pisceans).

Uranus is at 20' of Pisces, slap bang between my Sun at 18 and Mercury at 22. This is once in a lifetime! (Uranus takes 84 years to go around)....and on Thursday and Friday, Venus is conjunct Uranus... both on my Sun/Mercury. Thats once every few hundred years and massively huge for me, falling where it does.

At the same time, the sun is conjunct Jupiter on my Venus, happens only once every 13 years. I think something is likely to be revealed later this week and into the weekend that will shift something for me. Its about revelation, revolution and change. It IS huge and I saw this one coming a long way off, last year. Its also a solar eclipse on Monday.. again, bang slap on my Venus (once in a lifetime) conjunct the expansion planet, Jupiter. Its going to be a big week, but how ever sudden or shocking or upsetting the events.. it will be by far for the best, but its likely to take quite some time to see that.

So.. just wanted to put that out here and see what occurs! Ok.. off to the gym! Yay for me being a person who doesnt just sit on her *rse and drink tea all the time.

Ali,

Just wanted to say hello and let you know I am keeping current with you.

I think we all struggle with the question of when to let go and move on. I, for one, have always followed my gut. My gut has never led me astray, so I am listening to it in my decisions regarding my relationship with my H.

Like you, I have easily moved on in the past after breakups. But more than the shock of it, I think for me anyway, the difficulty lies in the unwell and confused state of my H. If he ran away from me unwell from cancer I would stick around and work on my end of things, so it's really no different for me that he has mlc or depression. Anyway, the gut says keep going so, for today, I will.

I am trying to follow your lead with all of your GAL activities. Got to increase mine.

V.

Hey Veronica, thanks and same here.. the fact that he was bereaved and then so depressed all year (and still is), made it confusing for me. Its not like he left and was happy, which would have made it clearer. Plus, also, I had daily contact with him and saw him 2/3 times a week until August, so, that kept me dangling !! Of course, now, it seems he is sticking with ow and we arent in very much contact, so hey ho.

I've got a real sense of there being something I should know, or something needs to be said, to me, or maybe its me that needs to say something. It would be nice if he would say something..unlikely hey! I'm still wierded out that he sent me a thoughtful christmas present! Bit confusing and frustrating.

Anyway.. tonights GAL is Tang Soo Do! I hope I dont get kicked in the head too much

YIKE! Block those kicks Ali.

I'm majorly impressed by all of your highly active GAL activities. I really wish I had some time to do things like that for myself. Keep talking about it here so I can live vicariously through you. $\:\)$

Personally, I like to hear your 'ramblings' and debates you have with yourself. You pour your thoughts out here and it's so funny because what you seem to ask yourself over and over are the same things I have asked myself countless times but am too scared to voice even here. Bravo to you for your bravery in putting yourself 'all in'.

Hi Ali,

Congrats on all the activities! I hope some of them can become longterm interests. With regards to the WAH, I shared your tendancy to black-&-white thinking, expecting him to either care only/think only about the OW (with no affection left for me) or vice versa. Or, if he was in a being warm to me phase, I expected that meant he'd lose interest in the OW. When he decided he wanted to work on our marriage, I expected that meant he no longer had feelings for the OW, and would behave towards me as if we were beginning a relationship.

Of course, I was wrong on all counts. His depression meant he was acting from his emotions, not from a rational perspective, and as we know, emotions are constantly changing in their focus, intensity, etc. I only caused myself pain by assuming that things were more clear-cut than they were, and by trying to project his future behaviour from anything he did.

Whether your BF takes a whim to send you a Christmas present, or tells his friends you're the best girl he was ever with, or calls twice a day for a week--it's still just fleeting emotions ... until he's done enough work on himself to actually know what he wants and how to gain control of himself again.

You talked about having a "closure" conversation with him. I'd strongly advise against that--he wouldn't get out of it what you wanted him to, and you'd run the risk of feeling rejected/too vulnerable because you opened your heart to someone who can't really see your pain at this moment.

Do, however, have a closure ceremony for yourself. Write a long and explicit letter that you never send, or do a forgiveness program. (There are some excellent multi-step programs available on the internet, or you can work through one with your C.) It's a way of getting some control back into your life, of showing yourself that you are the most important person you know, and of affirming how you would like to be in a healthy, grown-up relationship.

You say you'd take him back if he wanted to, today. Would you really want to be with someone, again, who was still depressed and had not yet learned to be emotionally available? Despite what your dad says, he's NOT a great catch until he's grown past his current limitations.

Hey Cyrena. Thanks so much for your post, as always, I think you must be a bit of a gaurdian angel, making me see sense whenever I go round and around in circles. It came at the right time.. I just cried all the way home. I pulled a muscle and I remembered how my ex was so caring last time I did that, ran me a bath, rubbed my leg, made me a cup of tea. I miss him and wanted a hug.

Thanks Mish...I was thiking that I do lay myself open for stuff, as I am SO honest. Isnt that what the BB is here for? You could practice being honest? We are all just cyber friends hey, no need to hide stuff from us!

So, you are right Cyrena, thats what I am doing, being too rational and b&w, thinking, if he does X, does that mean Y, or will he keep doing X...but no. Feels like lots of time has gone by. It surprises me that he talked about me alot on the holiday and as my FF said, had a long convo about you, one night. Yet that was early December, which was over a year since he left. Its hard to hear about that stuff then.. nothing.

I will let go of the idea of a closure convo then. He probs wouldnt give me what I needed, no. As for taking him back.. thats assuming he HAD grown and come realise he had lost something precious and was emotionally available again..if he hadnt got to that point, he wont ever come back anyway?

So I had a good time! The instructor said to me its better than the gym, as you dont get time to think and you forget all your troubles, whereas in the gym your mind wanders. So true !! And...I met a nice guy! He was young, probs 10 years younger than me.. but I noticed him as he came in.. and when it came to choosing a newbie to spar with, out of me and 2 new lads.. he chose me, even though he was about 6''! So, thats interesting hey? He was nice looking, hairy chest.. I found myself wanting to just snuggle in to him!!

.. I made him laugh quite a bit and at one point he couldnt do the groin jab on me as I had him giggling so much...and I was goading him.. go on.. do your worst.. really smash my face in...

I wasnt sure I would go next week, it was fun, but alot of tedious instruction, but I might go cos of him!

So..for a bit of astrology in action now...!!! Because Mercury is making its inferiour conjucntion to the Sun today (trust me, it is!) today is a clue to what is coming up and the beginning of the next 4 months...

Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly

.. I've got a major alignment coming up later this week. (pertinent to all Pisceans).

Uranus is at 20' of Pisces, slap bang between my Sun at 18 and Mercury at 22. This is once in a lifetime! (Uranus takes 84 years to go around)....and on Thursday and Friday, Venus is conjunct Uranus... both on my Sun/Mercury. Thats once every few hundred years and massively huge for me, falling where it does.

At the same time, the sun is conjunct Jupiter on my Venus, happens only once every 13 years. I think something is likely to be revealed later this week and into the weekend that will shift something for me. Its about revelation, revolution and change. It IS huge and I saw this one coming a long way off, last year. Its also a solar eclipse on Monday.. again, bang slap on my Venus (once in a lifetime) conjunct the expansion planet, Jupiter. Its going to be a big week

Venus rules love and money. That Venus/Uranus conjunction I mentioned falls in my 2nd house of money this week...right on my Sun, so money news or as its exact..could be love news, or both!

Today.. I got a sudden and unexpected offer on my flat, I havent had an offer for 18 months on it! It was too low, so I turned it down. They called back to say they cant deal with me as its in ex's name.

So I had to email him (groan, wasnt planning to) and he called them and gave me proxy and has been emailing me today, very sweet, super helpful. My Mum said, the way he talks, its like he sees it as YOUR problem and your in it together still, which is wierd after so long apart. In one email he said:

you are loads better at this sort of thing than me thats for sure. Please let me know if thats OK - if you need me to deal with them I'm happy too.

Hmm.. compliments! And no, I didnt need him to deal with it. Also, I asked him if he was ok at the end of one of mine and he answered doing OK I suppose...

which sounds like a not really to me and the first time he has alluded to not being ok in an email since he started seeing her. Anyway, he just replied to me again saying he was thinking of me at the weekend, whether I had been sailing or not (so I told him how it went) and he replied to let him know tommorow what happens about the flat.

Hey people,
Samina, I know you keep asking what am I doing for me... well I am just tring to survive right now. I have even thought of going to Iraq to work. now she found this out through someone else and she didn't seem to mind much from what I understand. If I can leave the country and she didn't care that much well as you can see from that e-mail she sent her saying she cares and loves me well how can she love me and go out with others. as for doing this diffrent I have tried everything. staying dark maybe hurting it more, I know her well also and she is doing everything she can to keep distance. pursing her was the worse thing I could have done but it also had some small impact she felt good about it also but really was a bad idea. maybe I went over board with it. as far as the grass not being greener is right but I did so much damage at first that my changes are not gaining any intrest from her. I know she has her friends and this new distration to keep her mind off of things. I did back slide a bit ago and told her I was still in love with her, this is when she sent that e-mail. but she has called me before I sent her that message. also she believed that I was seeing someone else also when we split, she said she was broken hearted at one point and may have sparked the dating on her end, not sure because I don't ask. I haven't heard from her since that last email. its been less then a week, I am not sure what level of dating she is in but know she has went out for many hours on the weekends so I can only assume she is leveled up in this dating that would explain the email being so firm on moving on. Telling her I loved her to also could have done more damage and slow things down again. why would she stop dating a nobody when she knows I would right there. so many questions that I cant ask, she has not forced me to move my things out and when she does call I hear a bit of the old her slip through very little but its there.. one thing that kills me is she may have tried sex with this person and maybe why she is acting like she is. I guess if she can do that I am really suprized. I guess I just don't know what to think anymore, she probably thinks I'm out running around with other women and thought she would do the same. sad thing is im not and if she did it out of anger or to continue the end for us that would be just seem so destructive. just to many things left hanging in wind, truth is not even apart of this anymore. cant tell her anything, she would just get upset or not responde at all. The fact that she won't even see me and I mean just any face to face of any kind she won't let it happen. is she afraid to see me cause it would hurt me or her? sorry just to many unawnsered questions

I was really pleased he answered straight away today.. as we do now have to enter into negotiations with this potential buyer. Also, when I emailed him back, he replied again minutes later and in a hurry.. as he was going to football and he didnt have to do that, we were being chatty. So thats new, he hasnt replied straight away to emails since August. And twice too ! He sometimes didnt reply for a week in recent months!

Also, he was very sweet and paid me the first real, heartfelt compliment in a long time. I'm trying to not get my hopes up, but also, Cher alluded to something today, nothing really, but she said .. its ok.. PHONE HIM!!!!!!!!!! I didnt ask her why she was so enthusiastic and I didnt phone him !

So.. going to try not get too excited. He asked me to tell him what happens tommorow with the offers, but I will have to see and try not to jump in too fast. Ohh.. exciting week though!

And I had yoga earlier and it was ace! I highly reccommend it...

Glad you are keeping up with the GAL stuff $\:\)$

Too bad the offer on the flat was low, but great that someone is interested!

And good that you guys are communicating a bit better this week. More like friends.

Hi Michelle, yeah way more friendly, I cant believe he said he was wondering on the weekend if I had gone sailing (it was a gale force 10 apparently!! No wonder the sail rope snapped). I wonder if he said to Helen on Saturday "Darling, the weather is awfully unclement, do you think Al went sailing after all?" ha ha.

I was just trying on some clothes from La redoute (LOVE la redoute! french styling for petite people) and I am wearing my hair different and I have make up on and I looked in the mirror and thought.. I look good !! I got eyed up in the supermarket earlier, by a very dishy guy, he kept looking at me so I reversed direction and smiled at him and he looked all embarressed like he'd been caught out!! hahaha. Not being vain but, I spent a year feeling unnattractive after my ex left and thats gone now.

Fantastic on the flirting Ali! Good for you. La redoute huh? I'll have to look it up and see what kind of style you're talking about. Are you wearing bright colors and new styles for you or have you always done that?

Yes yes! Post us some links to your outfits my dear!

Ha! Yeah, at this rate, i will be hooked up with some hunky man by the time my ex ever realises what he has lost (heres hoping hey). Ahh, but...I still miss his company, hes sooo funny my ex.

La redoute is lovely stuff and really good quality. I am just trying to be more stylish/feminine.. instead of always just wearing jeans and converse pumps and a tshirt. So I bought this... dress and this... top and this cardigan but with a lower neckline, way more flattering than the pic but lush colour!.. and only �11 !!

I really like that top!

.... yeah its lovely isnt it? Its silk, with a velvet trim and again, lush deep colour like the pic.

The boobs to go with it were on another page somewhere, but seems to be missing. Just back to wearing the two bras then, hahaha (I only did that once, but it really works! Cheaper than plastic surgery and less risk of death from complications). Ok kiddos, got to get to bed and get my flirty beauty sleep. xxx

Sleep well!!!!!!!

Love the top. The cardigan looks toasty warm. The dress isn't really a style I'd choose, but I can see that it would look really cute on you. Is it in that color?

Boobs! Ha, funny! They make these really cool things called "Lingerie Solutions". They are inserts that you slide into your bra that increase a cup size. They make them A to B, B to C and C to D cup. Pretty awesome!

Lingerie Solutions

LOL The boob thing totally made me die laughing. That's so funny!

Hi, Ali,
I haven't been around much lately, but I'm just now catching up and wanted to reply to your response to my last message, about yoga, in your previous thread...

Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly

Hey Dawn, thanks for your blessings! You sound much better yourself and I am so glad. I really enjoyed it and thanks for the description! I might sign up for a 2nd class a week, it was that good! The website says they do - asana, pranayama and dhyana, which is just general yoga I guess?

Thanks, and I'm so glad to hear that you are enjoying the practice! I made the jump to yoga from gymnastics; yoga is a lot more than just stretching, I came to realize...I got hooked after my first yoga class, because I was so peaceful driving home that even people cutting me off in traffic didn't bother me a bit! That was when I knew yoga was for me, and it has given me a lot over the years.

Yoga means "to unite" and has, as its underlying goal, to bring a person's mind, body, and spirit (soul) into harmony with each other and ultimately with the rest of the universe. A lofty goal, which explains why there are so many approaches! $;\)$ Yoga encompasses a lot of things that most Westerners don't think of as yoga per se, such as nonviolence, adhering to certain dietary principles, kindness.... It is a much more universal and intricate system/concept than most non-practitioners realize, and goes far beyond just the bendy-like-Gumby aspect. However, people are perfectly free to take advantage of the aspects of it that are useful to them, and leave the rest.

Asana means poses (stretches/positions)--in other words, the twist-yourself-into-a-pretzel stuff that most people think of as yoga.

Pranayama is breath work. Breath is a very important element in yoga. It helps you focus properly, and can be used to change your energy and your mindset. (I use aspects of this to help me sleep better, to concentrate at need, to calm myself, and to reach beyond my previous limits, among other things. Yes, it really is powerful if you know how to use it!)

Dhyana is a term I wasn't familiar with, but I looked it up, and it refers to a particular type of meditation, and the term is roughly equivalent to the Japanese word "zen."

So that is your lesson for today, class...there will be a quiz later. $;\)$

Hope you are doing well today, Ali!

Peace,
Dawn

Wow! Thanks Dawn! I will reread that. I went again last night and it was ace! I would highly reccomend it..I used to be a gymnast and I noticed at Tang Soo Do and yoga that I am way more flexible than most peeps!

And thanks Mish for the augmentation advice! Hahaha.. its better now I put the weight back on.

Cher emaild me yesterday saying her fiance, did meet my ex last Thursday, to talk. She didnt say what about and I didnt ask. Then I got a text last night from my ex, asking if I had got his email, so he must have been worried that I thought he hadnt replied about the offer yet and was making sure I knew that he had.

Then later I got a text from Cher.. asking if I had phoned him yet or not and urging me to again (I didnt).. so thats twice.. why does she want me to phone him so badly?? Partly, I feel a bit paranoid there could be some bad news I need to hear that she is aware of.. or maybe its good news. But it cant be that good.. if he is still with Helen, we have zero chance of reuniting and clearly he hasnt broken up with her, else Cher would have told me! A decision/annoouncement from somewhere is predicted soon though.

Estate agent says the buyer will be put in a higher offer tommorow/Friday, which is right on that Venus/Uranus conjunction in my 2nd house of money! My ex gave me proxy, so I dont have to ask him about it. But his email said to let him know what happens. I did well today...I didnt even think about replying yet!

I'd really like to go to band night tommorow.. Cher said she joined my ex and BMF there last week, so I guess thats why she uninvited me! Because her fiance told her that my ex wanted to talk, so suppose I couldnt be there... I'm SOOOO tempted to ask her what they talked about, but I darent.

My stars for tommorow say...
Theres an upcoming link between Venus and Uranus in your sign. Put it this way, if you've been asking someone (or the Universe) for a bit more romance in your life, you could be about to get lucky.

Oooohhh....sounds interesting!

I'm going to pray you get an offer that is acceptable on by Friday so you can unload the flat. That would be one burden off of you, right?

I'm proud of you for not asking Cher what was said at band night last week. Good self-control.

Hey Ali,

Good on you not to phone BF, or pump Cher for info--it's not really significant until he's able to talk to you about it in an upfront & mature manner, anyhow.

Keep up the exercising; its effects can really be seen in your attitude!

I hope you do get that higher offer so you can get rid of one mortgage and headache!

Ditto to Mishka's self-control observation.

Hang in there!

((((Ali))))

Thanks girls! I could have used it as an excuse to phone him, but didnt (he hasnt used it, or my present he thanked me for by email as an excuse to phone me, so that says it all doesnt it).

I also didnt reply to his last email, which I would have normally, but I might today..I'm tempted to say, maybe see you later at band night? But I might not!! Or email him tommorow, see what happens today.

I'm itching to ask Cher today what went on with BMF, but I might just ask her to go to band night...If she says yes, BMF will spill all the beans to me, I know he will. The thought of that makes me very nervous.

Anyway.. there are some amazing things happening today-Monday, from Priya Kale....

Today, Venus conjuncts Uranus in Pisces and Mars in Capricorn sextiles Uranus. Be willing to take a creative, emotional, sexual risk; if it feels scary like something you could only wildly hope to be true you are probably on the right track. Uranus is asking us to push past fear and reach for something we could only wildly hope for, then surrender all expectation and free fall. Surprises can be expected, only let go of trying to guess what this could be � with Uranus you never know.

As Venus and Mars approach in sextile there needs to be an exhange of energy for it to flow and find the right outlet. In finding this inner union we can allow the passion to radiate out infusing our life with creativity, love, sexual intimacy as well as lucrative financial opportunities.

The Sun squares Asbolus, Eros trines Asbolus, Mars trines Sedna and squares Eris. There may be a struggle now between wanting ones to be free of a situation and holding on to something that you are not even sure is worth holding on to anymore. Asbolus in Taurus is a picture of resilience; understand that what is real will never leave you and can survive any disaster. This could be the turning point in finding the balance between freedom and commitment. As Mars trines Sedna, if we are willing to let go of past hurts much can be healed; figure out what �you� want above all and then work towards it.

Wow. It's funny that you posted that considering I am finalizing plans for R to come with me to Ireland and it is quite scary, in a good way lol.

Post the email you sent....
K

You did, didnt you?

No.. I was going to then chickened out? ran out of time? And now I have been feeling a bit stupidly sick about it! I really took it to heart that you said leave it 3 days, 5 days,lol...so I never emailed him! But theres no news yet..the estate agent said he will put a higher offer in tommorow (but will he hey?).

Cher was emailing me all day asking me about it all too, when I got the offer and had to tell him about it, I told her I wasnt sure about approaching him, that I didnt want to bother him or stress him out, and then today she said...

"You must stop worrying about *ex*, I know its really hard but he will come to you. You must make sure your ok not him ! Best to not email until you have news."

...and she will know what BMF and him talked about, so I wasnt quite sure how to read her, very oblique comment! Unless it was just general advice. What do you think K? He's gone anyway and I wanted to email him today.. but he didnt email me to ask what was happening..but I thought I would just reply tommorow.

I agree, wait till you have knews. Dont Relax. An email will not change the course of things...
K

No I know, and anyway I am feeling ...maybe he is letting go of me. He did say some friendly things in his email, but that could just be...being friendly. He hasnt called for over a month now, so thats not great. Its all about letting go of something right now, for Leo's.. but then I was hoping it would be Helen of course.

I feel like a beginner again, like back to last Feb, when I needed help with every communcation with him, like he is very mysterious to me now. But, I need to go back to being mysterious and brief, like I was last Feb..I'm feeling pretty discouraged, I thikn because he didnt use either my present, or this flat offer as an excuse to phone me.

I need to try one last ditch "do something different" in my communications with him. If I get an offer I can accept, I will have to deal with him a bit, as there will be things to sign. I wonder if me selling the flat (which is in his name) will make him say anything about our house (in joint names), but I doubt it! Tommorow I will try...

Ali - I've been reading you on and off for a year and it seems there is a repeated theme in your postings/thinkings around your need to 'connect' with him. You often talk about what opporunities you have to contact him - if and when he contacts you - how you'd like to have the "good-bye" talk with him etc etc.

I know that with your concious brain you think those are rational feelings - and I do know (from long hard personal experience)the desire just to talk to them. God knows I've drunk and dialled enough times to be an authority on that feeling.

But girlfriend the KEY to DBing is to accept that this has to be on his timing. This isn't about you. It's all about him. When you call him, send him a present, write him an e-mail he will perceive that as pursuit. When he hears from your mutual friends that you've been asking about him - he will perceive that as pursuit. You HAVE to give this man a chance to miss you. Even the energy you put into thinking about him is subconciously (or energetically) known by him. You have to LET GO of him - and you need to do that to give him any chance of knowing what life will really be like without you. You also have to do it for your mental health and your capacity to recommence your life.

Right now, he knows that you will look after him. You'll look after his investments, you'll keep thinking about him, you'll be there if he gets sick of his girlfriend - you are his backstop. You deserve better than that. You are no man's fall back - nor are you his mother.

Ali - you are obviously an intelligent, interesting person - why are you letting your emotions for this man hold your mind hostage?

I know it takes a long time. I reckon it took me 3 years to get over my marriage breaking down - but it only happens when you detach, GAL, have a PMA and focus on yourself.

Good luck.

Hey Walking, thanks for reading and for your helpful perspective. And of course I agree with you, 100% abut letting go! I know what its abuot though.. its fear isnt it? Fear that if you finally let go, dont pay attention, dont reply to an email, then thats it, he's gone. But he's gone anyway, I know! I am better than I was, but annoyingly, not where you are yet, no. Cant wait for that day! Its all a process though hey...

Re the finances.. he wont/cant take responsibility.. I cant ignore it, its in joint names and my credit is already screwed from times I did leave it and wait for him to step up and he didnt. Oh.. and the friends that tell me stuff, volunteer the info.. I do listen avidly (can you blame me?!) but I always stress.. please dont tell him you were talking to me about him and they say the same to me.. they are concerned to break his confidence. I get that he has to miss me... so this is the first time I HAVENT replied for 3 days! Quite an achievement!

Anyway.. as I was wondering if I should email today, I got an email from Cher...She knows whats going on.. she would TELL me to let go, if she thought it was appropriate, yet she just said this...

"About *ex* (PLEASE REMEMBER.. I am not a relationship expert, so don't blame me if I give poo advice

) but don't chat to him re: him sounding down or anything, just keep your conversations light UNLESS he brings it up!! Email him today to give him a flat update and be really cheery etc!!"

...so she isnt saying much and I still wont ask, but looks like she thinks I should carry on as I am, being light, fun, but she must think there is still a possibility of reconciliation, else she would be urging me to move on/date. She is a VERY honest girl, but her and BMF are rooting for us to reconcile.

Oh....I said I wasn't going to comment again and here I go. I apologise in advance.

I'm a Leo- can't you tell Ali? I find your thread very interesting and enticing - I love all the horoscope stuff - but at the same time it's like watching a car crash in slow motion.

Let's go right back to the beginning. If I remember right, your ex asked you to marry him twice. Now from my experience, one refusal to a Leo wounds pretty deep - lucky to get the second offer I feel....and no surprise that offer was retracted when you wanted to accept. A leo expects an offer to be accepted with fanfares and great thanks at the very time it is made....not later.

We Leos's are pretty loyal, but you give us reason to be hurt and rejected, it takes a lot to change us back into wanting to feel the same way about that person again.

We also have a very lazy side to our natures so having someone else take up the slack of some repsonsibilities and know that you can trust them to do so is great. Just feed them enough attention to keep them doing it for you....and that's not a conscious thought......we just kind of do it. After all, we deserve to be looked after. We also like to be liked and don't really want anyone to think badly of us....so we are going to be nice when contact is needed.

Ali, I read your thread and I see that you are getting out and doing stuff.....but it seems that you do it so your ex gets to here about it rather than because you want to do it. YOU are worth so much more.

Please re read this thread and see how much you seem to live your life around what your ex might or might not think, what Cher might or might not know, what X might be saying to y. And if you think that those people that talk to you about your ex aren't talking to him about you then you are being a little bit immature; people love to gossip.

I know you are hurting. It pours out of your posts. Please, see that this guy has gone. He is financially tied to you at a time when the economy means it is hard to untangle your assets. He has no reason to do anything other than be pleasant and keep occasional contact with you until all that can be sorted. In fact he would be foolish to be otherwise as it would just end up with increased legal costs etc.

I now sit here agonising over whether or not to hit the post button or not.

Tell me this. If he contacted you today and said he was sorry - he had been a fool, he wanted back with you, what would you do? I would be so scared that this person would do this again to me if I were you.

I fail to see from your posts how you are able to keep up such hope for him to come back when he appears to really give you no reason to think that that will happen.

Darn it, I will post this. I don't think it will change a thing - you will find a way to reason around my comments, but Ali, I just want you to stop hurting. $\:\($

Hey Saffie! Hmm...bossy ole Leo hey?

No.. he wasnt hurt and rejected by my M refusal, we were both pretty anti-weddings and had the same opinion about it all, it wasnt a big deal in our R. Its not why he left!

I'm NOT getting out and doing stuff so that he hears about it.. He has NO IDEA what I do.. he never asks. I'm not happy with comments like that. I have depression still, my pyschotherapist wants me to take ADs, but I'm exercising instead and I dont need more negativity Saffie! I'm SOOOO proud of myself for how much I have changed and grown and getting out, socialising, exercising, you have no idea, this is all ABSOLUTELY for me! Not him. I just got on a race sailing team too !! I'm soo excited.

None of us know, I dont, you dont.. he's not here to talk for himself and he doesnt talk to me.. so you are judging this sitch through my prism. Well, someone who does know, is his BMF, cos he talks to him.

And no.. I woulnt think he would do this again. People can learn from their mistakes and change.. otherwise.. you may as well post to everyone here, especially all of those in Piecing. As an astrologer, I understand the context under which he has done this, Plutonian lessons are life changing.. you dont REDO them, once you learn, theres no going back. Like I have changed.. theres no going back for me either. Maybe you could be a little more accepting?

Talking of astrology.. today, Venus is conjunct Uranus on my Sun and Jupiter is conjunct the Sun on my Venus....

Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly

I've got a major alignment coming up later this week. Uranus is at 20' of Pisces, slap bang between my Sun at 18 and Mercury at 22. This is once in a lifetime!....and on Thursday and Friday, Venus is conjunct Uranus... both on my Sun/Mercury. Thats once every few hundred years and massively huge for me, falling where it does. At the same time, the sun is conjunct Jupiter on my Venus, happens only once every 13 years. I think something is likely to be revealed later this week and into the weekend that will shift something for me.

... I'm at college and I just realised I got an email from Cher earlier. Her BMF helped my ex move house last night, into a shared house with friends (not Helen) and Cher told me...

"BMF just told me that after talking to *ex* again last night he thinks you two will be getting back together very soon. He is on the brink of finishing with Helen. He will be coming calling pretty soon!"

Wow, thats a pretty huge shift! I wouldnt expect him to come calling straight away, if he does end it with her, or even to necessarily want me back. BUT.. we stood zero chance whilst he was still with her, so this is good news. And yes, I would see what he has to say, listen, suggest MC, give him another chance, like those peeps in Piecing, as hard as it might be, but I would give it a try, to rebuild the R/trust, if he does "come calling". I've been close to him for 13 years and I havent felt, even now, that our connection has been broken, the love is still there, so I think its worth a shot, to try at least.

Ali,

On the depression side - have you come across 'Learned Optimism' and 'Authentic Happiness' by Martin Seligman? Also Positive Psychology - The Science of Happiness and Human Strengths by Alan Carr, ( and no NOT that Alan Carr!!!!!!)

I have struggled with depression as I told you before. With the help of a clinical psychologist I got of my AD's and I was pretty heavily drugged up for a year or so after my suicide attempt after my H dropped his bomb about his A. I do know what it's like to be like that - I think that's why I find your sitch so compulsive.

Piecing is hard....but if you manage to get there it is wonderful when it works. DBing is for life.

I want this to work for you Ali, really I do. I know it may not seem that way......but I do.

Hey Saffie... thanks for saying its compulsive reading, lol! I'm a bestseller hey.

I'm sorry that yuor H's A had such a catastrophic effect on you. I do think theres a place for AD's, especially if you are in the frame of mind you were. This certainly felt like a bomb had gone off in my life, but I have managed to get by without taking them so far and I think the exercise is helping. I heard of 1 of those books, my T recommended it, so I will try and get a copy through the library, thanks for that.

So, I sent him a very brief email, saying sorry I hadnt got back to him been busy, but there was no higher offer, just a 2nd viewing tommorow and that I hoped he enjoyed footy the other night. No jokes! Just warm. No reply either, but I wasnt expecting one. I'm glad I found out at least that he moved house last night...wait and see if he gives me the address hey! Who needs to know where your ex lives anyway? Its only �1/2M we have on joint mortgages, I dont need to know where he is!

Interesting news from Cher. You know the drill though......no expectations especially when the info is coming from a 3rd party.

Ali, I know you struggle and I understand the connection you still feel to your ex. Saffie does make some excellent points about the way people gossip though. Even if they are doing it thinking they are 'helping' they are most times only helping themselves to have some excitement in their own otherwise dull lives. Cher seems like a genuine person from what you've said about her but she's human afterall and could be projecting things she desires for you into the convo's she is having with BMF.

Take care! Have a wonderful weekend sailing. Is the wind going to be as crazy as last time?

hey you! just wanted to tell you I didnt have a pity party last nite since you forbid it lol!!

Ali,

I think all of the changes you have made are amazing. I see a lot of myself in your posts, so I know how hard those changes are to make. I am working on making them myself, but am not quite as good as you are just yet. I have/had anxiety issues for years and was also on AD's for a while. I went off just before H bombed me and have stayed off.

I hope for you that you all get to piecing, but it is good that you have no expectations currently.

You mentioned the connection you feel with your BF. I have that with my H. When he lets his walls down, it is like kinetic energy and I know he feels it too. Freaks him out I think and then the walls go back up. Oh, and I still am not privy to his address either, just a general vicinity. So, strange. Lots of people keep telling me it is probably b/c there is OW. Even if so, that's not why. It has been nearly six months, I think I have more than shown I will not be searching for him.

Obviously, I cannot be 100% certain there is not OW, but in my gut it feels more about his need to hide from me and others emotionally. I am the only person from pre-bomb (in this country anyway) that he'll see. It remains among the strangest of his new behaviors.

I, too, like all of your astrological postings and information. I find it so interesting. I copied something from your last post on the subject. My H is a very typical Taurus and there was something in your post that gave me hope, so I saved it.

Hope you have fun sailing this weekend!

V.

Hey girls! Thanks for your kind words, Mish and V...its been an interesting day!

No.. the few things I have been told over the past year+ have been "straight from the horses mouth" and not projection.. people are very wary of giving me false hope! What I dont know though, is why he wants to break up with her. It could have nothing to do with me, just that their R hasnt worked out. Also, even if he does break up with her (and he hasnt yet!)- he has just moved to a lovely village with a thriving community of professional 30 somethings...so he could easily meet someone new! Got to be realistic.

Having said that.. I am pleased and excited at this news! I feel sort of vinicated that their R isnt working out.. as he WAS phoning her a bit when we were still together, so she could have been an EA.. and it is also good news that HE is finishing with her.. HE is making the decision.. which would be reassuring to me IF he does consider reconciling. Also.. maybe we can be friends again now at least, if she is out the picture!

Trying to keep expectations at a minimum ! Wait and see what happens after this huge eclipse weekend.. hits my Venus exact! Thats love or money news...and I do have a 2nd viewing on the flat tommorow.

Hi Ali,

I've never written to you before, but I am so happy to hear your news. How long were they together? I only ask that because my H has been in he R with OW for, I think, two years.

poet

Hey poet! You have written to me before you know :-)

They first got together on the Lunar eclipse, 16th August, but he told me in the car in November about not really being 'with' her for the first month or so.. then they were.. and again, comments from BMF points to things cooling around Christmas/NY time and now this.. so its been perhaps defo 3 months of togetherness, but 5 months in total. He hasnt ended it yet! But yes, seems he's moved through this R pretty fast.

The eclipse this weekend marks an ending point to whatever occurred around the last lunar...so maybe it marks the end also, of our 6 months of intermittent unfriendly contact.

How did sailing go?
xxx
K

... I went sailing again.. and we did races!!! It was f-in amazing ! I posted some pics on the alt universe. I always wanted to sail. I had a kind of informal list in my head of things I want to do for myself...and learning to sail was one ! I wasnt quite there a few months ago, but I'm more on an even keel lately, 'scuse the pun. My T couldnt believe I had taken her advice to heart so entirely at Christmas and signed up for all this exercise. And it really does boost self-esteem. I'm exhausted after today though!

..ha! Synchronisity..Hi K.. it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! But my creaky old knees hurt from rolling back and forth under the boom and jib (those are technical terms, I'll have you know m'lady!) xxx

So had a fantastic evening with Cher, chatting and drinking wine till late about all kinds of things!

As predicted, revelations galore from her...some of it old, but mostly what he said to BMF on Thursday night. I'm pretty amazed he's STILL with her, she sounds awful, ex knows it and is going to end it imminently, doesnt have a good word to say about her and is embarressed by her. He thinks about me all the time.

I may post the details of whst he said on Thursday to BMF, they had a "serious" talk. So its just a waiting game now. Could be never, could be tommorow or, it could be six months (by which time I will be sunning myself in Greece and it will be too late!)...he is moving into the kicking himself phase. I think its taken so long as, like Cher rightly said, he is lazy and very slow to act (he has a Taurean Moon - planet of emotions and VERY slow to process emotions). From comments he made to BMF, he and Cher think he is going through some sort of crisis, triggered by the death of his Dad and its NOT about me.

Hey Ali - a race???!!! Wow !!! This is fantastic!!! Well done on you...You know - the 2012 Games aren't too far away!

On exBF... well things sound as if they are in the wind at the moment... I hope you find it blows your way...but caution... are you ready for that wind if it does ... and if it doesn't...?

best as ever GFI...

There is this song about life is a waiting game by the girl Corine something, the one that sings "put your records on"... Whatever, hold a small basket when you hear about lots of cherries as we say in Greece...

Sailing, wow!! Sounds amazing. Good for you Princess, bravo!
K

Ali - the sailing sounds fab!!! Well done on you! And you're starting to get the lingo too!!! You'll never regret throwing yourself into something like that!!! Just the physical high must be getting to you right now...and thats a wonderful thing!

And also - it sounds as if you're on the brink of something... keep your cool...! And remember - no expectations...You're starting to "live" now and find your own balance...and it seems that has been a long journey of anguish, hurt, tears and hopes...

Ali, you've invested so much in this...don't blow anything - your new found GALing, your hopes, your fears...be clear on your way forward...if exBF does come back onto the picture...and it sounds as if he might...have you figured out your reaction? Practice it...just in case...

What would you say? Do?

best - GFI

Hey guys.. yes, thats why I didnt post it all. After all this time, I was a little underwhelmed to hear the things he said, as though its a surprise to him, the value of what we had, did he really not realise?!?

He said that whenever he does anything with her, or goes anywhere with Helen, he cant help thinking, me and Al went here or did this, whenever he talks to her, he cant help thinking, me and Al talked about this and this is what Al would have said about this... that he cant believe how time flies whenever he speaks to me, it feels like 5 minutes but he looks at the clock and an hour has gone by...that she doesnt get him, or his sense of humour and not in the way that I did (wow, his humour defines him, I am amazed at that one). DURRR !??? We always got on well, I always said we were soulmates.

On the positive side, I was pleased to hear he hasnt spent much time with her, their R was casual and he isnt seeing her very much at all now. I was pretty confused as to why he has been with this long. Also, BMF said he is definetly on the brink of ending it with her and that he believes its to get back with me.

So Kalni, GFI...how would I react? I can see huge positives, I can see that we would have a very 'Jupiterian' R from now on, socialising, friends, holidays, coastal walks, lots of things we should have done more of before. We had both turned in on ourselves and away from each other for our own reasons, but the love and real friendship and understanding is still there..but we would need to be able to get the romantic R back.

So If he wanted back.. he's going to have to make an effort, win me over and I would want to get M, in Cornwall and it would be a weekend wedding by the sea with tonnes of friends! So I am dreaming already. But, realistically, I have to wait and see, like I said. Theres still no telling, but its looking probable now.. and right on the eve of that eclipse!! God I'm good, I really ought to start charging

And yes, I am SOOOO proud of myself for racing in a sail boat! How cool is that !??

Whoaaaa....

you're a long way from those hopes and dreams right now....!

how realistic is this?

You've achieved so much in such a very short period of time....are these things for you?

How do you feel now you have these things in your life? Sailing? Yoga?

Under what circumstances would you accept exBF back?

Without doubt? With conditions?

Ali - Just "think"

Best - GFI

And Ali - it may not happen....so prepare your "being" for that too...to keep on GALing...without expectations...

Cos - you're doing great right now...don't lose the momentum...!X

GFI

Hahaha.. I knew I'd get a 2x4 for that one! No, I'm fine GFI, I'm great actually, I'm feeling optimistic.. I can see the home stretch now, either way.. and thats the point isnt it, I'm not hanging on forever, he's had an EA, left me, then dated her, its not working out.. so now.. its either, come back and fix this with me and make a commitment at some point, or, I'm not doing this anymore and its over for good. I can see clearly now, its all or nothing and I will be fine either way, I can tell. Anyway, I WANT to get M now. To someone.

BUT.. I do have to get on with some college work, Ive not been doing enough. My tutor kindly gave me an extension on Friday..so I now have 8 weeks to do some work, or if I dont hit it, I will maybe intermit and leave the 3rd year. So, its see if its achievable, or give up. The work has to be in by 20th March.

Which I thought was interesting after what Kalni said on her thread about an 8 week plan. Wierd coincidence.

I also feel that it may take that long for my ex to finish with Helen and be able to start approaching me again, so we'll see what the eclipse brings. See this excellent blog about the eclipse: Priya Kale

Wow its so quiet around the boards lately, with us old timers anyway. Today is the solar eclipse in Aquarius, first of a pair (next is in Leo)..these eclipses are teaching us about DETACHMENT and LOVE

"Leo rules the heart, Aquarius speaks of detachment and perhaps that is being what is being asked of us right now, but I think 'detachment' is a greatly misunderstood word. People take it to be the opposite of the Leo energy of opening your heart means 'closing off the heart' and being 'detached.' It is not emotional detachment that is needed rather a a detachment from one's ego responses - be they reacting to insecurities by being defensive or allowing past hurts to stand in the way of future happiness. We unconsciously hurt the ones we love, like wounded animals we claw and hurt anyone who tries to get close to us.

Any pain or rejection we feel is not felt by the heart, but by the ego - it is the ego that hurts and causes pain. The heart never breaks; when the ego dies it only sets the heart 'free' from its cage...This is the 'freedom' we seek in Aquarius, the freedom to love without pain, to be able to break through defenses and connect on a soul level..

It is possible to be deeply connected with another in 'oneness,' without needing to 'hold on', knowing that at the end of the day - only love is real. That is collective consciousness when we can recognize another's humanity as our own - when love can exist beyond our blood or marital or societal relationships.."

Great post Ali. You sound SO healthy and strong. I'm so happy for you that you have gotten to this point.

Once again, I have to thank you for being so honest and open here. Pouring your soul out for all to see is inspirational to those of us who were afraid to do that. Because of you, sweet Ali, I'm not afraid anymore. Bless you for that!

I genuinely hope that your xBF will get his head out of his arse and get himself back to you pronto. I see now though that you will be your fantastic self no matter what he decides to do.

Have a wonderful evening Princess!

P.S. - I had a curry yesterday for lunch and was thinking fondly of you the entire way through it. $\:\)$

Ali,
keep your hopes down. You have "nothing", Cher's words would be enough when we started here but SHOULDNT be enough now to shake your world and create fantasies. Live your life, you really have no idea what is going to happen. No one of us has.
xxx
K

Hey Ali, It is good to see that you are pulling yourself through this & getting on with your life. I see a more positive Ali as of late. Thanks for the astrology post & the link. Very interesting as always. Some of mine seems spot on, strangely enough. $\:\)$

Thanks Mishka! Mmm..curry, food of the gods I tell you. Did you have poppadoms? *salivates*

I remember someone saying (was it Lisa?) that the average for a turnaround was 16 months...and I am near that. I can see what I want now, but yes, I will be fine either way! And yes, I am completely honest here! Well, and can be in RL too, with my wonderful BFFs. And I have gotton SO close to my parents through all of this, my Dad has been texting me every day from holiday, being supportive, bless him.

Hey K! The present at Christmas was the clue though wasnt it, not just what everyone else says..Although they are only repeating what ex has said, so I know he's missing me at least, so.. got to keep dreaming! Anything is possible right? Love will find a way.. I'll be strolling along that beach picking up shells come the summer...with someone. But I agree, keep expectations low !! See what happens next.

Hey MrsM, you're welcome. You know, I do feel nearly back to my old self and happier than I would have been. I can feel the happy-go-lucky seeping back in.

You sound good Ali.

The sailing sounds FANTASTIC! And your GAL/PMA stuff is fabulous!

It'll be interesting to see what happens with exBF. Glad you can see that it can go either way. I hate seeing you sad.

But you sound good.

So get cracking on the school! You can do it!

(((((Ali)))))

I like sailing! I don't think there is anything like the feeling of the boat being pulled through the water, with just the sound of the wind! Years ago I crewed for a guy who raced on the Chesapeake Bay once a week in the summer. It was great fun! It was interesting the time a storm came up, and as I was going forward to take down the jib I was hanging on to the siderail as the boat heeled over, and I was at about the same level as the water!

...I THINK I'M IN LOVE!!!! He's gorgeous, 6'2''?, very gentle, funny, sweet and doing a phd (so too young)... $\:\($

hehehehe

$\:\)$

...blimey, just remembered.. it was an eclipse direct hit on my Venus today, then this happened. Whoa, wasnt expecting that! Wow. He had to grab my wrists and then just looked right at me and grinned sheepishly and BAM!!...I turned to custard! Then his mate cheekily joked "go on, move a little closer to him" as we stood staring and beaming at each other. I'm definetly going to keep going to Tang Soo do now!!

Jeff.. yes, sailing is ace !!! Our boat did that too... I had to scramble almost upright over the hatch to grab the opposite rail as the boat dipped over to the water line! Its great isnt it?

OOOOHHHHHH!!!!! 6'2"???? My favorite! Working on his Phd???? FABULOUS!!!!!

So how young is he?

Joan Collins eat your heart out $;\)$

Oh dear god Mish...now what hey!?? I've already had my heart broken, I didnt need to get all smitten with some gorgeous, sweet, intelligent guy whose way too young for me!!! Its a real chemistry thing though and its only happened twice in the past 13 years. Its the guy that picked me to spar with last week, I clocked him then, as soon as he walked in, eventhough I was to the side of him..! I was like, WOW, whose that? This week, he wasnt there and I felt all disappointed! Then he arrived late and hit the deck to do press ups to warm up.. I was probably drooling with my jaw hung open, HAHAHA, but I was so pleased he turned up! I kept looking at him sideways, feeling like a giddy 14 year old and I am sure he kept glancing at me too.

I dont know how old he is, but yes, I was even more smitten when I heard about the Phd, I defo find brains attractive and would need a very smart bf. He's probs way too young and has a gorgeous GF no doubt... probs just a lust thing though, hey, I have been starved of attention for 14+ months afterall!!

Julia.. are you saying I am like 75 and he is like 35!?? hahahaha

I need to email my ex, maybe tommorow, about a mortgage payment that I need to make. I am a little cross he never replied to my email Friday about the offer on the flat, thats just rude!!!

Nice.

He's working on his PhD, not his associates/bachelors. So that puts him a few years older. It's not that big an age gap I'm sure.

Hi Michelle! Well.. I have to admit.. I'd been drinking last night, lol.. we all went to the bar afterwards (not him though, he dashed off, pah!). As he grabbed his stuff to leave the hall, I saw him steal a glance at me.. so I looked up as he left and noticed he was wearing the same nice brown/orange pumps (not trainers) my ex wears !!!! You can tell a lot about the shoes a man wears.

I also realised this morning that this guy possesses many of the qualities I find attractive in my ex, that I didnt think I would find again for years.. he's very sweet, gentle (only one of the people I sparred with that wouldnt grab me tightly!), funny, self-effacing, shy, kind, beaming smile etc etc.. and also, he is the exact same build and height and broad shoulders as my ex and his whole demeanour, the way he carried himself.. it was as though he was channelling my ex! In a different, very handsome face!

Anyway... he's defo probs 10 years younger than me, so not relatioship material, but.. I wouldnt object to him practising his press-ups on me!! Hahaahaha

I am feeling pretty good today.. I've got this increasing sense of happiness...its not there yet, but I can feel good things looming over the next 6 months. I guess I have a feeling of excited anticipation!

I always said I wanted answers and they still keep trickling in. Now I know why he never invited me to his flat!! Cher told me that Helen owned a house in that village my ex moved to last Jan when he left me! Unbelievable!! I always suspected he moved there because I knew she lived at her parents nearby. I even said that to him after the bomb, but he denied it. She was living at her parents whilst renovating it and was still doing that when Cher and BMF met her last October...but I have a feeling she has now moved in..just as my ex decides to move out to a village up the coast, so not in with her! He has had to do that, to break away from her and the R. I imagine its been a struggle, he must have been pretty obsessed with her.

I cant believe he moved across to that village to be near her last year! I do believe nothing happened until Aug 08, but THATS why he didnt want me going there.. its a tiny one main road village, he wouldnt have wanted her to see his ex coming and going from his flat. Thats why he kept coming over here and wouldnt give me the address for 5 months. He didnt have the confidence to ask her out, so he waited, until she made a move on him. And now it hasnt worked out and he is realising what a fool he has been.

If I wasnt an astrologer and aware he's been in the grip of an unhealthy, obsessional Pluto-Venus transit since 07, that compelled him to do all of this, I'd be pretty cross! As it is, I actually feel kind of sorry for him.

Wow!! He actually moved there to be close to her? He must had been really attracted to her then... Too bad it didnt work out for them..., NOT!!! $\:\)$ LOL!

Keep your expectations low. Anything could happen. He may meet another girl that finds attractive now, maybe he has already found her...

I am simply trying to "ground" here. You know I want you to be happy and loved. I just think that for your own well being, you must not connect your hapinness with his choices which are anyway still not related to you.

Keep your Galing and PMA and dont get carried away.
Time will tell, it always does...
Love
K

Hi K!
Its ok... I know.. this is HIS year, for meeting his soulmate, getting M, start of a new 10 year period. And the village he has moved to has lots of nice, educated 30 somethings, so yes, he could meet someone new !! So far though, he said just last week, that he misses me! So, he'd have to meet someone better than me hey (NOT POSSIBLE! Lol). Plus BMF said this week to DEFINETLY keep 'waiting'.

Seroiusly, its a good job I understand, I've been there! It is attraction, a deadly attraction and no good comes of it. I had a nasty Pluto-Mars transit when I had my EA.. it IS obsessional and makes no sense, its like a drug, an unhealthy addiction. Like my ex, this OP made no sense either, all my friends said, my ex was the better man, better looking, WTF was I playing at !?? Just like his friends say to him. You know its wrong, but you cant stop it, it takes over, its like being possessed! But its NOT love.

If he feels anything like I did, the whole thing (probs 2 years) will have been full of ups and downs, exciting but also a nightmare, which he will be sooo relieved to be free of its grip when it is finally over.

Its not bad though, its opens you up, transforms you, teaches you what you really need.

...I got a higher offer today, but turned it down..but still havent emailed him and none from him. Its hard to understand that, in the context of the things he said about me. Before, if he wasnt contacting me, I would ASSUME he was no longer interested and was done, but thats not the case.

I thought that in December, when he was NC for 3 weeks, but BMF's W said he was talking about me the whole holiday and didnt know what to do about me (he told BMF that in the summer). Now he tells BMF last Thursday about how he cant help thiking about me all the time. And how he is going to break up with her, that she doesnt 'get' him or his humour like I do. Thats all wonderful and vindicating to hear..then.. nothing !

But just because he has been saying these things for a year (since his, "I think I've made the wrong decision" last February) he still hasnt DONE anything to move to reconciliation....I dont get it !! Is this just an example of a very long and slow, drawn out internal thought process??? Much like my thread, lol.

Congrats on the higher offer.

Waiting for one higher eh?

(((Ali)))

Yep, it was still too low! Waiting for a 'best and final' by the end of the week. This is the general mood of the moment, from the excellent Micheal Lutin...its just how I was feeling, absolutely:

Wednesday

seems like nothing is happening? other than worry and anxiety that is?

New cycles are beginning but you have remember that we are between two eclipses

at the end of a retrograde mercury an old cycle is ending and a new one is beginning

you have to let go of the old patterns and fantasies to let this flow of new energy come in

WHICH IT WILL

every miracle demands the maturity

to give up situations (or people) you have outgrown or have outgrown you

New is coming

I've been exam scribing, bless her she was running out of time, so I gave her an extra few minutes. I couldnt help it! she was clutching a penguin for good luck!! hahaha, I'd be rubbish in any authoritarian role.

I got a nice reply from my ex this morning from my email Friday, very warm and chatty, with a 'humorous' tone.. so he was trying to make an effort. I replied because he was asking me the latest on the flat. His emails are so different now to the ones pre-Christmas, although, still lacking in personal pronouns! Funny.

He didnt mention he has moved house and I didnt ask. I kept it light, warm, but slightly mysterious...

He said it was Brilliant! and amazing! that I am on a sailing team, so that seems to have caught his attention, which is a nice by product of doing things for me...I want to go climbing next !!

Meanwhile, I have been getting real clarity now about my future. I can 'see' it.. I couldnt see more than 2 weeks ahead for the past year. Now I see where I want to live and what I want to do, mainly involving have lots of outdoor fun!...the life we should have been leading. I feel like this has been a case of "life interrupted" and I can see my future now. We'll see.

That is fantastic Ali! You are 'future thinking'! What a huge step that is. Inspiring comes to mind.

Thanks Mishka. My parents are back off holiday and were very excited to hear the latest. My Mum is so wise..she says he is probably still making his mind up, she knows how slow he is to process things and act!

All the people in RL, his friends, my friends, my family, his family are all still rooting for us to reunite.

My Mum, Cher and BFF's think I should be a little braver..suggest a coffee, or a drink sometime, next time we email. My Mum said, he probably doesnt feel as though he has the right to see you, he is ashamed over what he has done, but clearly misses you, from comments he made to BMF. But he had to do this, to get it out of his system. I do wonder if he has ended it with her yet...I cant help being curious !

Curiosity killed the cat! LOL

(((Ali)))

Good thing Ali isn't a cat! Though she might purr?

(((((Ali)))))

I do at times Jeff $;\)$ and where the hell is Lisa? Cos she was better at the saucy talk.

I read the email to BFF and she said it was very chatty. He paid me another compliment! I get the final offer either Friday, or Monday.. then I will email him and there will be paperwork to sign. I was debating asking him to go for a drink next week? Need to decide on that. Stars for this weekend are interesting!

The big news this weekend is that Mercury, the little planet of communications, stations. In real terms that suggests that lines of communication are set to re-open (though you may need to travel to ensure that all's well). With Venus and Neptune (the two love planets) arriving at a new stage in their cycle on Monday, there's a healing quality to the next few days. So, if a relationship has been in difficulties, balance could be redressed though, as mentioned earlier, you may need to make an effort. You might also need to cope with emotional imbalance from an Aries, Leo or Sagittarius ( we are still between eclipses!).

its a bit quiet over here.. but I'm gonna keep journaling!

So I was saying to a friend last night that it would be a big test, to see if he replied again today, after my chatty reply yesterday, seeing as it is a Friday and before the weekend... and he did !!!!

Very chatty again, warmer even, more "wow!" and compliments and enthusiastic and more details about his stuff. My Mum said, hmm...something has shifted, his emails are different now. I said how so? She said, he is showing an interest in you, he's asking questions and being enthusiastic, he wasnt doing any of that before (as in Helen era, Aug-Christmas). He asked me quite a few questions, which he wasnt even necessarily doing all last year! So, cant help feeling a little pleased at this.

So I think he passed the test! He sent it 5.15 too, so end of the working day, so thats pretty positive that he went to the trouble to send me a chatty email before he left work on a Friday. Hmmm! I will reply on Monday. He didnt 'bite' on my offer to pay towards some letting agent issues either, so thats good of him.

Tonight I am out with Cher and her BFF! So thats good too, I'm all for having fun !

Hey Ali

That sounds positive. What you are doing seems to be working. If I were you I would keep things at this pace for the moment - slow and steady wins the race $\:\)$

have fun tonight!

Hi Julia! My BFF said its true you can only change yourself. She knows I kind of gave up really around NYE, when I felt something in me 'pop', something shifted - not knowing where he was that night felt symbolic to me. And then I started all those activities..and I hadnt heard from him for a few weeks and then.. the emails have started back up.. and whereas the tone of his are SO different now, maybe its because the tone of mine are too! I sound kind of matey, but detached and I sound busy and happy and getting on...

Maybe there are whiffs of him 'turning'.. but too soon to tell! Besides, I thought he was last July..but he turned around and dated her 2 weeks later! See what Mercury Direct brings this week

I did have such a brilliant night! We went to see Slumdog Millionaire, which was a great film, I really enjoyed it and then back to Cher's for tea and a gossip. Thanks for posting, its beena little quiet lately.

(((Ali)))

Sounds like fun!

It was ! As was sailing today.. I slid off the boat into the sea in the race.. I didnt get grab on as I was supposed to cross sides and then the boat tipped 45' down to the water line and down I went with it, but I was saved by someone grabbing my hood! I couldnt see a thing, it covers my head and face and is all furry, I felt like Kenny from Southpark! But I was fearless and couldnt stop laughing, it was exciting!

Something else on my 'list'.. I want to go climbing!! I've always wanted to go on an indoor wall, I looked into it before but thought it was expensive, so didnt go (too lazy no doubt). Now I dont care what it costs, its not THAT much and anyway, we'll all be dead one day and you cant take it with you!

I feel excited... I have this sense of my new life around the corner, inching into view. I've been clearing out cupbaords all day which I am so happy about... I have this sense of wanting to start afresh and of good things around the corner, which may or may not involve my ex, but this is already my new life..I can feel it building and I feel wierdly excited by stuff, like sailing.. I LOVE IT ! I want to get a boat one day...

Then it occurred to me.. maybe I am feeling happy again, and this rush of excitement is just that I'm back to being me, before that terrible cloud of grief enveloped me for 18 months.

Oh Yipeeeeeee!!!!! You sound fantastic! Good for you on the sailing and the climbing and the cleaning. I've been cleaning things out today too. It's freeing but exhausting.

Ali,
if he indeed breaks up with her I think that's exciting news. If you were to get back together she has to go first. So, I can understand the excitement and thrill about that. Also the fact that he says he misses you shows he still feels the connection with you and now realises the grass in not greener. Keep doing what you are doing. Having fun and being detached. It seems to be working. I am happy you sound excited and strong. He would be a fool to miss this last chance with you.
xxx
K

Well something went wrong today. I feel frustrated and impatient with myself, I am still struggling to do what I need to for college, so at this rate I am either going to fail, or I am going to have to leave. This is NOT like me, but I just dont have the heart for it. It feels like a horrible time in my life that I want to leave behind and am already done with, but I cant.. I have to keep going till May and then I am done.

I looked again at his email Friday. I almost expect him to call now that he is being more friendly, his emails are getting longer, more enthusiastic...but he hasnt phoned me for 6 weeks now.

I drafted an email to send, I wrote something friendly and funny, but it feels wrong somehow. I have seen him only twice in 5 months, so I dont understand how he can tell his BMF just over a week ago that he thinks about me all the time he is with her. Does he not want to see me then, if he misses me? I still miss him, there is still that hole in my life. I feel so frustrated that yes, if he doesnt act soon, he will have missed his chance. Its been so long since I've seen him. I'm not sure how to email him tommorow even.

Let me preface with 'perhaps I see some of me in what you do' so it is not intended to come across as a judgement or condemnation. Just something for you to consider.

I have been following your story for months and seen your moods be VERY affected by whatever you think he may or may not be doing.

I saw your mood go up *dramatically* upon hearing that his R with Helen may be coming to a close. Even though it would seem it is because of sailing and GAL, it coincided with that news. The careful observation and "alinalyzing" of the emails; having input from your Mom, BFF, Cher, etc--the focus seems to not be where it ought to be. And it ought to be squarely on YOU.

It appears to me that you are being pulled back into the low point of the rollercoaster because he hasn't done what you expect- and that is to contact you and actually see you. Your friends are encouraging you to hang on and while I am sure they mean well, it seems to keep you a bit stuck.

If you go back and read your threads, you will notice that when a crumb of hope is tossed your way, your mood goes up dramatically- you attribute it to how you are getting out there and doing things, and maybe you are doing more things because you're feeling more hopeful and want to "show him" all that you are doing...I don't know. It's just a pattern I have noticed--and then he doesn't call, email, whatever and you start to feel bad again.

You have too much to offer to do this to yourself. What if you not only "dropped the oars" in the rowboat of your relationship, but also got out of the boat completely? You don't have to get into another rowboat. You could walk away and bike for awhile. Let you XBF sit in the rowboat by himself; let him row over to the shore and call out to you. If he really misses you as his BMF is saying, you can bike VERY far away and he will still find you when he is ready.

Just my observation in seeing a pattern. ((Ali))

Hi Trixi! Thats ok, thanks for following!

My BFF asked me, why do the DBers keep thinking that this stuff you are doing is about him? She thinks its becuase I have had to make such an effort to change, that I was so sick of being a hermit for years, that its coming across all wrong here. She knows what I have been through and how much it affected me for 18 years and how proud I am for conquering my fears and doing things I never would have. Shes proud of me too. I'm now back to my old self and I am grateful to my ex for leaving me for that reason as I was actually resigned to being that way for life. Now I feel set free and finally able to go places and try new things, that I just feel I want to do more and more, because I missed out on so much all those years.

We're between eclipses and everything is shifting, so it sort of not a coincidence. Yes, I am growing and changing and yes, he is also proably realising the grass isnt greener! But my new life is NOT about him, honestly and its NOT done to impress him. Of course, as this is a DB board and we are supposed to GAL I can see it would seem that way, but it isnt, its ABSOLUTELY for me. I cant stress that enough.

I'm really frustrated with myself over how far behind I am at college and really disapointed at myself for 'failing' at this and I am a bit angry at him for leaving me part way into my course and making a difficult thing harder. And I am tired of making an effort to be 'matey' with him. Getting out of that rowing boat sounds like a great idea. Becuase you are right, contact from him does make my mood bob up and down and I cant help getting some expectations whenever he does! I know, I shouldnt hey!

I'm pretty excited about tommorow..Tang Soo Do..I'll be wearing makeup again, lol. My BFF said she will be as disapointed as me if Good Looking Man (GLM) doesnt show up this week.. she cant wait to hear what happens! I cant wait to do some more flirting and groin grabs.. hehehe...

Hi, Ali,
Just a quick $;\)$ thought--would you be interested in a little pact to keep each other accountable? I have been thinking about this ever since you started saying you were having trouble getting motivated to complete the work for college.

We all know that having an accountability partner can be very helpful in actually getting things accomplished. You're behind in your college work. I'm severely overdue to get my website finished (which I think will be a major factor in boosting my income out of the red zone) and I have trouble with deadlines regarding my paying work (although I don't have any deadlines pending right now, but will have some soon). We're both frustrated about how we have dropped the ball with our commitments to ourselves and our futures, and feel that sword hanging over the head.

Are you interested in working together to keep each other moving forward and picking up those dropped balls? Perhaps we could post each day what our intention is in that department for the next day (for example, "complete 10 pages of first draft of dissertation," "scan 20 samples for website"), and then the following day, post how well we did with accomplishing that, and posting the next day's intentions. That's just an idea...what do you think?

Yes, for me this qualifies as a quick thought!

Peace,
Dawn

Hey Dawn and thanks for the encouragement!..Sounds like a good idea, but then if I didnt meet the daily quota, I think I'd wind up feeling more of a failure! How about we just regularly kick each others *rse and keep motivating one another?! You did already, as I managed to go to college all day and do some work, woohoo! Started a new maquette for a sculpture.

So I replied to his email Friday, it was pretty light, my BFF laughed when I read it to her, so it was funny too. I sound detached and busy/happy, perhaps too much, like I have moved on, getting on with things, which I guess is true as I haven't even seen him for 2 months now. Theres that thing that WAS feel they dont want to come back and hurt you all over again, if you seem to have moved on. Unless he ends it with her though, its immaterial anyway. I'm missing him today, because.. its snowing in Cornwall! Such an incongruous thing made me want to phone him up all excited and say "Its snowing!" but I cant hey.

... I have Tang Soo Do tonight! I hope GLM turns up, although, I dont feel as condident as last week for some reason, maybe its cos Venus has moved out of Pisces! I dont feel quite as gorgeous, lol

...spoke to soon, theres 6 inches of snow outside, so I didnt make it to see GLM at the class, ahhh, what a shame! The roads are 25% steep in either direction and oovered in snow, so I cant get out of the village ! Not unless I ride out on the back of a pig or something...

Now that sounds like an interesting GAL activity $;\)$

Oh no pig riding is usually only on Sundays...

I hoped my ex would break up with Helen by the eclipses in late Jan/Feb.. well so far, last week he expressed his doubts about being with her to BMF and how he thught about me all the time with her and also has been emailing me in a very different tone.. and then there is another eclipse next Monday (effective 4 days either side) in Leo, his sign.. so if he was going to break up with her, I hoped he would around then, or certainly the beginning of their demise. THEN, I spotted that Venus squares Pluto that weekend too! This is huge, as I talked alot before here about the Venus-Pluto cycle he has been in, so that gives more weight to the feeling he may break up with her. He is slow to act though, so we'll see.

It is our 'official' anniversary on 13th Feb.. would have been 10 years.

Pig riding? We say all pigs look alike (when referring to men-sorry guys, just an expression-I dont believe that)...

Good job on the school and sorry about the TSD night... On the news here it says you guys have a snow storm and it looks pretty bad... Us on the other hand are having a very mild winter weather.

Keep walking, if he wants to be by you he will find a way. You know it is very common (and stupid but true) with people to get motivated when the LBS drops the rope, really drops the rope. Dont forget that and stop holding yourself back... $\:\)$
xxxx
K

Hey K! Yes, I was snowed in! In Cornwall! Thats a bit mad, so TSD was cancelled and I didnt get to do a grab-a-groin on GLM (anyone new to my thread will think me crazy).

So.. he replied to my email! Lots more questions, very warm, hmm, interesting. I sent my reply yesterday to his Friday.. and he sent me one earlier where he pointed out "only just got in to the office, roads are chaos"... so that was nice hey. So we're in a new phase here, creeping back up to daily contact (too soon to tell) and he is making an effort to reply now (not leave it a week!).

Dont worry, my Mum is keeping me in check.. she said "it shows you have kept the lines of communication open and there seems to be a dhift in him, but taking it on face value, he appears comfortable to be chatting to you again about his football and your sailing"...So I'm trying not to get too pleased about these developments!

Good job Ali. Just keep it light and friendly and don't expect him to do or say anything. He works at a snails pace so what would probably take any other person 2-3 months will probably take him a year to work up to! Just keep having all the fun you are having.

Take care!

Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly

Hey Dawn and thanks for the encouragement!..Sounds like a good idea, but then if I didnt meet the daily quota, I think I'd wind up feeling more of a failure! How about we just regularly kick each others *rse and keep motivating one another?! You did already, as I managed to go to college all day and do some work, woohoo! Started a new maquette for a sculpture.

Hi, Ali, good for you getting something done on your program! Now let's hear what you accomplished today, okay?

I'm going to be making some phone calls, and I have yoga class tonight (it's been canceled the last two weeks for weather!), so I won't have much of my evening available for work-related stuff, but I plan to scan in a few things, maybe 5 or so. I will report in tomorrow, and hope to hear from you likewise, eh? $;\)$

Thanks for posting on my thread. Hope you are enjoying playing in the snow! Now I'm off to make my phone calls!

Peace,
Dawn

Hey girls! Well, I half finished my sculpture last night.. its a 4 foot high model made of paper so far, its a cone which runs through the centre of 7 boxes, or oblongs covered in lead pencil, looks like a complex geometry problem and I've called it "Saturn conjunct Venus" ! Noone will know what the hell it means.

Mish, you are right, he works as slow as a snail on sleeping tablets. Having said that though, I have a feeling of things 'coming to a head'...things were moving VEEERRRRYYY slow in January, I could feel things dragging, psychically, but now, they seem to be speeding up.. so we'll see !

And its that Pluto square Venus tommorow AND Saturn opposes Uranus right on my Sun AND its in teh window now of the eclipse Monday, in Leo.. so.. I'm still hoping this all triggers the demise of their R (and I dont mean that nastily to her, as I am sure she deserves better than a man who wears 'the full front' to her and thinks about his ex whenever he is with her). The way I see it, the R served a purpose for them both, they've learnt their lessons and now its time to move on.

If not.. and he decides to make a go of it with her? I'm outta here...

Dear Ali,

thank you for visiting my thread! I just wanted to let you know that I have been reading all along.

I'm sorry to hear that things are crazy at art school. (Weirdly, I was able to use school stuff to keep me from totally losing it with my situation... just really throwing myself into the work and staying really busy. somehow it fueled me.) I really want you to be able to finish your program! I know you can pull it together, ali! Don't give up on your dream!!!

Congratulations on the sculpture, it sounds exciting!
love,
T

Ali,

I'm constantly amazed at how you are able to keep yourself busy through all of this. I don't seem to have the physical energy - or is that my cold I picked up in DC? Not sure, but I'm glad you are pushing forward w/your stuff and the sculpture sounds cool. Will there be FB pics for us to see?

As for BF, yes, his pace is painfully slow and he may be at this pace for a while. I'm glad to hear you've put a time table of sorts on your sitch and if he does try to work it out w/Helen, you'll vacate for good as you'll know it is too toxic to stay.

He may surprise you and come your way too, but regardless, any movement from him is what is needed. Hopefully, it will be good and positive for you in the R sense, but even if it isn't a "fresh start" will be very healthy for you.

Take care, Princess.

RTL

That sculpture sounds amazing! Can't wait to see pics of the finished masterpiece. $\:\)$

Hi Ali,

It sounds like you're doing really well! I haven't been posting much lately, but I do keep track of what you're up to. So you think things are going to speed up in general over the next few days? It does feel as though there is some pretty intense energy out there at the moment...

I like the fact that things are improving with your ex, at least to the point of being friendly again and having more frequent contact. Maybe you're moving into the friend stage. Sounds like at the moment you are going to sit back and let things unfold?

Anyway, keep us posted. Crossing my fingers that things work out the way that you want them to.

ITH

Hey kids! Thanks for your support! I finished the model..pics may be on FB

Hi ITH.. good to see you back, your sitch is ticking along nicely! Thanks for your kind words. Perhaps we arent yet friends, but yes, the tone of his emails are SOOO much friendlier, astonishing after so much time!

Things are getting intense and speeding up now.. Venus is in Aries (crikey) squaring Pluto today (OMG!) and today, Uranus is opposite Saturn.. and we're in the shadow of the eclipse Monday (4 days either side)...

So had a bizarre day.. I was invited to bandnight tonight, by Cher and I was due to have a chat with her fiance, ex's BMF, becuase I just want to KNOW now what my ex actually said...then BMF invited ex as well, so she uninvited me, so BMF can talk to him.. then I got in a stress about them repeating things to him (and as others have said on this thread, it would be bad if they gossiped to my ex about the conversations I have with them) so I checked with her and she said...

"Oh god of course I don�t tell *ex* you were asking questions! AND I tell *fiance* that we (as in me and you) don�t really talk about *ex*, so dont worry, *fiance* cant even slip up!"

So, phew. He didnt reply to my chatty email, so, guess contact is still intermittant. So.. no change! Quelle surprise.

OK I just can't wait to hear what transpires at bandnight tonight. Looking forward to the gossip!

ITH

Keep us posted on what was said but control your thoughts, please...
K

Hey Al,

Hope band night is fun tonight. As K says, no getting happy at what you hear/having expectations/assuming anything. Just file the information and carry on as normal- sounds like you're doing fabulously.

L.
xx

Hey girls!.. I couldnt go to band night.. I got uninvited cos my ex was going with BMF! Which is a bit unfair, but...I already have a girls night out set for Saturday with Cher, so I didnt need to see her tonight as well...

She said she would try and find out some more information from him, with the caveat that she WONT let on that she talks to me about him! Not expecting to hear anything earth shattering/different, but then it would be lovely to hear they have split up hey! I doubt that though. She emails me every day, so if there was any news, she will be telling me in the morning...

Ya know, I understand the ex thing.

But seriously, the uninviting thing is getting old lol

Yeah.. I thought that too.. it wasnt a a firm invitation, just a come along, but then as he was also coming. I wish I had gone along, seen for myself and confronted it finally. Maybe I should have.

I woke up upset today, like Kalni, really upset. Havent felt this bad in a long while. Cher emailed to say there was no news, she didnt chat to him much, as she was with her friends.

I'm back to thinking, ok, you're making a go of it with someone else, despite the comments about doubts. I feel resigned again, back to feeling that I just want to see ypu and have the conversation we never had, say goodbye to our R, see if there is any chance of a friendship at some point.

So.. seems to be break downs and drama all over the boards today/yesterday, I'm feeling it too...

I got invited out tonight for bowling and a meal by Cher and fiance, exs BMF.. so I will speak to him, try and find out some truth...

talk to yuo all later....

Have good time! I love bowling even though I stink at it. $\:\)$

Ali,

Have a good time tonight. Just enjoy the evening and try not to let the info. on xBF dominate your time out.

Getting the information is good, but it is also maddening for you. I'm fearful for you b/c he seems to keep you in knots and twisting in the wind for him.

If you can't seem to get anything concrete, maybe you should try move forward w/out him and let things fall where they may. It would be excruciating, but at least you'd be able to free yourself from being tied emotionally to what xBF is or isn't doing.

This whole thing seems to be killing you, my dear. Hopefully there will be something to stop the madness for you and soon.

Do keep in mind that you can decide to not get on the roller coaster and instead just let it pass you by.

Have fun tonight, sweetie. If you can't get any pins down, at least get some pints down.

RTL

((((Ali)))))

What RTL said! You are obsessing again! Go out. Have fun. Chat and talk and listen. If he comes up in the convo, great, if not, great! You take care of yourself, and I think the rest will follow!

Hey guys... well, I did have a good night (I won at bowling!) and Cher and fiance G are two amazing people.. they ahve been so kind and absolutely instrumental in this, if we get back together.

So Cher told G that I needed a chat.. and he said sweetly, Al, what do you want to ask me? Ask me anything! I said, are you sure? He said absolutely, shoot... so we talked for 1/2 an hour.

My head is spinning, but basically, my ex completely realises he has made a mistake, he realises its not right with her, that he doesnt have and never will have with her, what we had. He completely misses what we had and our homelife, which is interesting, as I always could never understand how he could leave, as we did have such a lovely cosy homelife..he said after many years with someone, it can get a bit boring at home sometimes, a bit stagnant, but you dont realise what you had until its gone and you miss it so much.

That he realised early on, the thing with her is just sex, but that he soon got bored of that.. and now.. G pulled a face like as though even that was a chore now. My ex did talk to him about what happened when they met and didnt get on and why not and G was honest with him about why they dont like her..(something to do with drink driving and ramping the car and acclerating and some other aggressive driving and the bolshiness) and when he gave the reasons, my ex agreed with him and said "yeah, fair enough".. and my ex said, he doesnt get on with her that well, as she often "annoys" him.

I was amazed.. why is he even still with her? G said the same.. I say to him, what are you playing at?? End it with her !!! Get back with Al, you're a fool...He said, he knows what he is doing, he is similiar.. just hoping the situation will sort itself out, being avoidant, doesnt want a confrontation, doesnt like a fuss...

All these things were said 2 weeks ago when G met had that serious chat. He said he definetly didnt want to move in with her, that he doesnt see her much..

So at this chat, my ex said.. there was NO reason for leaving, he doesnt know why he left.. HE THINKS HE HAD A MLC !!! He actually said that, yes, G said. I asked if he was through it now? And G said, oh yes, but he still gets low and has been again lately.. thats his own separate mental problems though, depression.

I asked if he had any doubts about coming back to the R, had he ever said anything that he didnt like about me? G said, no, not at all, I've never once heard him say a bad word against you, in fact, he has nothing but good things to say and talks about you alot!

One thing I didnt get clarity on (G wasnt sure and said, I cant remember what he said when I asked him that question).. was, why he wont speak up to me and admit he wants me back, or phone me. He seemed to think, generally that its all the hurt he's caused and the guitl and also, he has been in a "dark, low place" G said, particularly before Christmas and again recently, so theres an element of not being able to maybe?

He said she doesnt get him, that he will make a joke or a flippant remark as he does and it will soon descend into a serious conversation as she wants to know what he meant by that and he said.. but Al wouldnt do that and never did, Al gets me, Al knows me better than anyone, that he loves talking to me, that we get on like a house on fire, that he feels we were "together" for 13 years and that noone is as close to him as me... ARRGHHHH !!! Ok, just feel mad about all this! Its so frustrating.. why wont he just talk to me!?? Ridiculous...

He's noticed I've changed, he said that since we have split up I have turned back into the girl he always wanted me to be again and he has definetly noticed. He absolutely said he misses me..

I said, but whatever he says about her, that doesnt mean its about me, or wanting me back but G was adamant.. its totally about you! Absolutely ! He misses you and what you had and realises he has made a mistake.

He said he feels like he has got himself into something that he cant get out of, that she is a nice girl and doesnt want to hurt her but it isnt going anywhere.. ARRGHHH again !!! Why cant he hurt her after 5 months!?? He walked out on me after 9 years !!!!

So G's advice was unequivical (sp!) and he said it at least 20 times.. just phone him. Pick up the phone and tell him all you've told me, sit him down and be honest, what have you got to lose? So.. shall I? Or email him? Or wait?? I dont know.

Also, he said that he wanted to invite me last night to bandnight, but was worried Helen might be there and didnt want to upset me.. but when he told my ex they'd uninvited me, my ex said, ahh, she could have come, you should've got Al here too... so I couldve gone last night! Grr.

I think we do need to be in the same room as one another and have a chat and some laughs.. maybe I need to ask Cher and G to make that possible by inviting us both, this Thursday? Of course, this is still going to take months to shake out, as he needs to build up to ending it with her and then let that go.. so I understand this isnt going to be an overnight thing.

Lastly, I 3 times said, but how does he even know I am still here? How does he know I am single even, or still love him? G was a bit cagey, but when I firmly asked him that the third time, he admitted "ok.. cos I told him".. this was at that talk 2 weeks ago, only then.. I said "DID YOU !??" he said.. yes I did, because he asked me, so I told him.. WOW! So thats interesting, that he wanted to know!

I understand people will think this possibly a bad thing, but its the nature of the beast.. my ex is avoidant, cowardly, reticent, slow to act, lacks confidence...and I have been afraid to speak up, so we seem to have needed people to intervene! And Cher and G have been wonderfully kind.

Theres more.. but this is a long post, basically, he has made a mistake and finally realised it and .. now what? He does have some attachment to her though, he did say they had a good time when they went skiing, which upset me, but that was a while ago and he realises its not right with her.

G reckons this is down to me now, I have to act, I have to see him, show him what he says he misses, reach out, phone him, contact him more, it isnt going to come from him.. not sure why not and not sure what to do with all this info ! Devise a plan I guess of how to approach him!?

..This is all so ridiculous.. I said it felt like a "life interrupted"...I've been through hell for a year and a half and we've still not had an honest conversation, and we need to! But I feel like I have been on the right path...you've got to believe in your dreams and never give up...

Wow!

This is big stuff, Ali.

My gut says that he has one last chance to figure it out or you're moving on. I'm thinking you'll need to take the lead here, but I'm not sure if it is right for you to do or not.

What is jumping out at me is he wants back, but doesn't know how to return. So, I see it as you need to tell him you'd love to try again, but if he doesn't want that, you are gone b/c you need to continue to live your life. You'd like to live it w/him and work on the things you two need to work on together, but if he can't do it, you need to go and grow for you.

I'm not sure how to phrase it, but that is what my gut is saying to do.

What do you others out there think? I say he needs to join Ali or watch her leave for good. If he wants her, he needs to make up his mind so she can move forward.

I could be way off. It's happened before, but that is what strikes me when I read Ali's posts.

RTL

Dearest Ali,

Wow, this is crazy!!! When you said he actually said he thought maybe he had an MLC I laughed out loud. REALLY loud.

I do not think that confrontation is the way to go, personally, I disagree with RTL. For two reasons--it seems like he is still working through stuff. Don't you want to be with someone who's worked out most of his stuff BEFORE he's with you, instead of working out that stuff all up in your face, coming back before he's totally ready and running you through the bloody wringer? I know he is moving SOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH slow, but I think he still has a bit to go. The other reason is, I recently had an epiphany about the meaning of pursuit. It's about the other person (the one pursuing you) having the GUTS to choose you. don't you want to be with someone who has the GUTS to choose you, and take that risk?

If he's not sure how to come back... make sure the road is paved and smooth. Be welcoming and friendly and kind and approachable, as you have been!

It's sort of like... if you try to "help" a butterfly out of a crysalis, it will never be strong enough to fly by itself. (right? like that "lost" episode?)

OF COURSE you guys need to have a conversation, probably many, about WTF happened. But since you've had very little contact, especially compared with the pre-H-era, it seems to make more sense to encourage or initiate lighter contact with him to begin, instead of saying, OK we've been not in much contact, now let's have a big nervous-making confrontational R talk while you're still not even able to wrest yourself from the maniacal clutches of psycho girlfriend! how about... eating some peanuts together to start? you see what I'm saying?

that's my 2 cents
big mega transatlantic hugs to ye
love,
T

(((Ali)))

Look how he reacted when you tried to have a 'talk' in the car on the way up to your parents. As you said he is avoident - he will hate a 'talk'. I would go down the line of having fun with him and it will naturally happen rather than forcing it.

JMO but if it were my best friend who was divulging all this personal info to my ex gf, even if it was in my 'best interests', I would be really pissed off. I would feel like people are conspiring against me. I'm just saying, can't you form your own GAL interests and include him in that rather than pump his friends for info?

Jx

Hi Ali,

I think this is a very interesting development, and my opinion sort of falls between those of T and RTL. In some ways I would almost venture that it doesn't really matter in terms of the long-term outcome how you approach this, as long as you do it respectfully, but that there is probably a right way to do it in terms of causing the least short-term discomfort to both of you. I don't think that sounded as clear as it does in my head :). What I mean by that is that I've come to believe in probabilities and likelihoods with these situations. In your case it never seemed as though your Ex didn't still love and care about you. It always seemed to me as though there was still a strong connection, and the biggest danger to the R, in my opinion, was going to be you giving up (understandably) because of his snail's pace. It was so obvious that his connection with Helen wasn't the soul-connection he has with you, and that he would eventually come to realize this. So it seems he has now.

If you're still willing to give him a shot, which it seems like you are, I would not go so far as to back him into a corner and force him into a decision as you never want this to happen again, and if he feels the slightest bit pressured, you may always wonder whether he is going to snap again. You have waited this long, so I think a few more months, likely months with progress, would be bearable. However I don't think you have to completely start from scratch and just be buddies again. It sounds like he knows a lot about where you are at in your emotional state, i.e. still loving him, from your friends. So you know he knows, and he is likely to know you know he knows (sounds like a movie), so there is already an innate understanding there. I'd suggest maybe being more forward in terms of contact, but not necessarily bringing out the big guns just yet. Can you call him up, email him etc. and just ask him to go do something with you? Alternatively could you show up at one of these band nights and just spend time talking to him in a non-emotional way? I think there are ways to draw him closer again without talking about the biggest issues right away. Like T said, at some point those things will need to be addressed, but if they are now, he is likely to feel guilty etc. You can't just tell him you forgive him and won't hold this over his head. He needs to see this in your behavior for awhile, and IMO the best way to do this is to spend time with him, let it progress naturally, and let him address the issues. You do deserve more from him if he wants to get back together, and you do deserve reassurance etc., but I think the reality for most of us in this situation is that we need to be willing to accept less at the beginning if we want to make this work, and keep faith that over the longer-run we will get what we need. People may disagree with me on this last point, but it is what I have found to be true. This may not be right for everyone, but I do think it offers the best chance of success, defining success here as another chance at the R. I know there are other successful outcomes too.

Anyway hope you are well this morning,

ITH

OK my post crossed paths with Julia, but she has said very succinctly what I was trying to say too, avoid "the talk" until/unless he brings it up or until/unless you are perfectly happy to have the talk and realize that it may not result in the outcome you want.

ITH

Hi again Ali,

Just sent you a message on FB,

ITH

Thanks for your help everyone! Its pretty amazing hey? But I'm still skeptical, its not a done deal yet.. BMF agreed with me, he said, he's the sort of guy who could easily drift on for 2+ years in a rubbish R, just because he cant face the confrontation of sorting it out..

BMF admitted he hadnt actually said he wsa going to end it, just that he said he knew "it wasnt right" with her now. He said he thinks 2-3 months more tops and it will have run its course. 2-3 months more!! Still, I am not surprised and I have my degree to finish (finish 26th May - the day Saturn turns forwards, which is significant to seeing movement in my 1:1 Rs'!).

Rob - your gut is right.. I cant take much more of this, so this is his last chance, there better be some movement in that timeframe or it could be too late. I agree with you that I may need to tell him I want to try again and let him know, or reassure him I think we can work it out.

But T.. thankyou and I also agree with you! Maybe he isnt ready for hte big R talk and it might be better to just see him and spend some quality time with him, to remind him of what he is missing. I thought the same as you.. it should come from him, he should end it and speak up to me when he's ready and WANT me back.. but I said this to BMF and he said, no, it doesnt work that way..you have to let him know what he's missing to help him end it, else he will drift on maybe.

This Friday, 13th, would have been our 10 year official anniversary. I think he knows that.

Hey Julia, I agree, he may not be ready for a big R talk. The GAL thing.. I am now best mates with Cher and band night was always 'her' night out with gf's, but then her fiance started tagging along with her and her female friends and then invites my ex with him! So we, or I, had more 'right' to be there than they did! This is the first time though I have taken the opportunity to grill BMF, cos I was at the end of my tether!

ITH.. Thanks for your email, sounds interesting!! I totally agree with you that there was always still a connection and the one he has with her is NOT a soul connection. What he was describing to BMF, sounded to me like he misses his soulmate (me!), absolutely. I also agree its realistic to start small, and NOT expect the R to jump back to where it was, but to build it up again. I think going along to band night next week is probably the best approach so far!

So.. BMF was telling me to call him and be honest and I said I couldnt and joked you do it for me ! So he said he would talk to him again next week, tell him that we've talked and tell him what I said..and then Cher interrupted us and that was that. But now I am worried now, I dont thikn that this is a good idea.. so I thikn tonight I will have to ask her to tell G, NOT to do that, as ex may feel cornered by it. Eek!

So tonight I am out again, with Cher and gf's ! I'm too old for all this socialising with younguns

Hey Ali, That is interesting news & much to process!! I pretty much agree w/the good advise you've been given already. For some reason transformers advise hit home w/me. - Maybe because, my H is/was avoidant & I pushed the R talk, gave him an ulltimatum either try to be friends w/me & spend more time with me or D me. Well, my H chose the latter (as you know). Correct me if I'm wrong - but I think for these men they think it's easier to end it all & then the problems will go away. My H at one point said he wanted to work on our R after D - WTF is that about!?! (Someone elses H said the same things on these boards). Maybe it gives the distance & relieves the guilt they need.

Your H is just realizing what he has done. He needs to deal with it a bit more. You need to keep GALing. Maybe pop in at bandnight, if your H is there have a friendly chat, but don't be glued to him & leave first (maybe saying you have other friends to meet). In your earlier post, I did think it was strange you were uninvited. Now if it was someones party, I can see why, but if bandnight is at a pub ... well that's different. (But I do see why your friends did it). Agree with Julia & I wouldn't let your BF know - you have inside info on him. Your H does need to talk to someone he can trust & G is that person for him.

R talk for you - cheeseless tunnel.
How about adding bandnight to your list of GAL?? Maybe going there 1 or 2 times a month?

So your BMF thinks playing the I'm waiting for you & want you back card - instead of the I'm GAL, mysterious, jealousy card???

All I can think about is you playing the jealousy card. But don't know if it's the right one for your sitch & your "delicate flower" BF (yes my H is a "delicate flower" as well). $\:\)$

Just throwing out ideas.

Maybe just meet him and flirt with him? Back to good old flirting? No tears, big R talks, why's etc etc. Just have fun as laughs as you said, make the difference between you and her bigger and let him chew on that for a while? I can see why your friends tell you to call him but I think that will only push him away... Guilt is a reason not to come back in some cases. If you get the chance make your interactions light and fun and full of Ali the funny girl?

I dont know what to say. I am not patient anymore and you know it so take my advice with a grain of salt as you guys say? My witch thing tells me you need to approach him as a woman, not his good old Ali, show him some fun times... Tease him, not surrender. Get him going, you know? How to do that, is another issue. Maybe go somewhere where he AND Helen will be, or would that be too much for you?
K

Ali, you know how loads is talked about on the boards about RL people with good intentions but say/ advise/ do the wrong things to help our sitch's. I believe this is an instance of this. I think that his BMF has *really* good intentions but this could backfire massively. JMO... totally your decision. Do you not think that BF knows you want him back already?

Anyway, should these things really be done by through other people? Can't you just start showing him the great GAL Ali and let him come back to you naturally if that is destined to happen...

A bit more patience is needed here methinks. Time will tell x

Morning everyone! I had a fantastic night out..wore high heels! (unlike me) and danced and talked and laughed like a hyena, I actually felt I had cracked a rib at one point I was laughing so much!

Cher TOTALLY agreed that G shouldnt tell my ex that he had talked to me, or what I had said and she said she would definetly talk to him and tell him not to, but that he is very sensitive and wouldnt say anything innapropriate. Luckily, BMF turned up in the morning and so I told him, that I didnt mean it when I said, could he talk to ex for me. That I didnt think that was a good idea to tell him we had talked.. and he agreed, he said I agree, its better coming from you, but also that he wont tell him, in case that makes him stop talking to him about it! He did say again though, just grow some b*lls and phone him... and then said, HE needs to grow some b*lls too!

MrsM - No, I know my ex well and if he thought there was an OM around me, he would definetly not speak up, he would back off and think, Al is ok, happy, she doesnt want me back... it would have the inverse effect on him, I always knew that, which is why I never considered the 'make him jealous' angle - my ex is 100% NOT a jealous guy, he used to say so himself. I think the 'loyalty' card would work better.

K, Julia - Yes, no tears, no R talks, no guilt..what more can I do other than be confident, flirt and be funny? BUT we need to be in the same room togetehr to do this!! I dont know if Cher will invite me Thursday (and no, its a pub, so I coldnt just turn up there alone, would look sad!) as she goes with another group of girls usually and so I'm not sure if I will get an invite yet.

I think for now.. I wont phone, but I will email him tommorow (eclipse!) and be my usual witty, friendly self.