Hey guys,
I've been reading for quite a while and have decided to jump in and post my story in hopes of getting some feedback. A little background. My H and I are both 36. 2 kids. DD-8 and DS-5. My guess is that my H has been in MLC around a year and a half or two years. I've had several "bombs" in the last 7 months. Sept. 29, 2006 - OW #1 bomb. She was a brief PA while on a business trip(an employee of his), but H SWORE he was IN LOVE with her. At the time I didn't know about the dangers of EA's, but looking back, I see they had been having one for close to a year. She made him feel incredible, made him feel things he hadn't felt in years, blah blah blah. You guys know it all. Typical stuff. Anyway, he ended it with her and we began working on our marriage.
Things were going well for a month or so. Enter OW#2. Around mid November 2006 I get "bomb" number 2. ILYBNILWY speech. By this time I was pretty well read and well schooled on EA's and figured out pretty quickly what was going on with OW#2. She was also an employee of his and OW#1's best friend. Anyway, I did everything wrong. Begged, pleaded, cried, tried to get him to read about MLC, tried to get him to do relationship exercises, called him at work, etc etc. EA became PA in December 2006. I didn't realize this, but suspected. H is saying he should move out, how he feels like he needs to get away from us, he's severely depressed, staying out later and later for "work", taking more out of town trips, etc.
Bomb #3 came on January 27, 2007. I discovered an e-mail between the 2 of them and it was pretty obvious what was going on. I confronted. He confessed and moved out that day. I'd been reading Marriage Builders during this time so I exposed the affair to everyone including his boss and OW's H(also an employee of my H). He lost his job(was demoted and moved to a different division). He blamed me, but apparently his boss already suspected and was doing some investigating on his own. It actually ended up being a good thing that I exposed when I did as H was scheduled to do interviews that week in which OW #2's H was up for a promotion that he was not going to get. OW#1 was going to get it. Had my H gone through with those interviews he would have been fired immediately and not had the opportunity to be demoted and at least keep some job.
Fast forward to now. He and OW are living together. He and I get along better than we have in years. We are great friends. I too have a nice MLCer just like Cinderellaman (I could be living your life, by the way. The similarities are uncanny!). We still ML on occasion. He comes over for dinner several times a week and takes the kids every other weekend. The kids do not know about OW (we feel they are too young). He still insists that he wants a divorce, but has agreed to wait and see at least 6 months before doing anything.
I realize he has only been out of the house a little over 2 months and that this could take a while. I've been doing some 180's and have been doing really well at GAL and having positive PMA for the most part. I'm having trouble coming up with original things for 180's to do and feel as if I've just gotten into a rut. I know I can't speed it up, it has to run it's course, but when I first started to DB (mid Feb.2007) I was seeing remarkable progress in him as far as coming toward me. I guess maybe this is as close as he comes until he comes back??? We really can't get much closer without him living here.
He's still in deep replay although depression has shown itself heavily. He cried to me one night about a month and a half ago that he had come close to commiting suicide (gun cocked and in his mouth, very scary!). He tells me that he's as down as he's ever been in his life. I tell him that I just want him to be happy, and I truly mean it. Now he wants to buy a new vehicle (the kind he had when he was 16), and he's spending money like it's going out of style. Now OW has had a cancer scare and is going for a biopsy tomorrow. He is going with her. This just keeps getting worse and worse.
I'm glad to be a part of the community. I feel like I know some of you really well already from reading your posts. I guess I just need some feedback on how to act. I try to avoid calling him unless it's about the kids or finances. I'm trying to let him initiate contact with us. We don't have a formal agreement on who gets the kids when - he pretty much sets the schedule around what OW is doing. That makes me mad as I see him putting her before the kids, but I don't say much about it. At least he still does see them frequently. When he has the kids she has to find another place to stay since they don't know about her. I am hoping she'll get tired of this arrangement although H is sometimes reluctant to put her out and will take the kids to his mom's instead (a 2 hour drive from where we live).
OK - I think I've written a small novel. It's just hard to get everything in! I look forward to any feedback or support. Many friends don't understand why I'm doing the things I do and I need the support of people that are going through the same thing!
Thanks!
BFM
I'm sorry that you find yourself posting on this board, but i know that you will get comfort and support from people who know what you are going through. I too have a nice MLCer and it is sometimes hard to understand the whole process, he also lives with OW now and has told me that he loves her. The best advice i can give is make sure look after yourself by GAL etc because at the moment there is nothing you can do to make your husband move through this any quicker.
You already seem pretty clued up on how to act with your husband, no relationship talks unless initiated by him, GAL for you and make sure you are finacially protected.
Take Care
Nicky
Yes,
You sound together...but if he is living with the OW, why are you still being physical with him?
It's a personal choice, but with diseases...and how does he feel...does this send a message that you are condoning his behaviour?
How do you handle it psychologically...many LBSs interpret sex as signs of return...it seems you are realistic in that regard NOW...but it's early.
Forget 180s. I don't mena that thye are good or bad...but you are analyzing strategies with those thoughts. You do not need to do constant 180s...isn't that what our MLCers do through cycling?
180s are fine when used sparingly. When used constantly they are unreal, and mere manipulation. Sometimes things just take time..and progress may or may not be visible...and more likely you are defining progress in relationship terms rather than MLC tunnel.
HUGS,
RCR
You sound together...but if he is living with the OW, why are you still being physical with him?
I kind of have to wonder the same that RCR wonders...
I'm sorry that you find yourself here and that you are going through this...this is a tough ride and a very LONG ride too.
NO easy way out, no stops on the way....just bearing with it and making the most of it for yourself and your kids !!!
I hope we can supply you with love, warmth and advice ..;keep posting so we get to know you better !
Take care !xx
Thanks for the encouragement and advice guys.
RCR and Cinders - I have been thinking a lot about the ML lately. Funny you should mention that. I will admit I am very weak in that area. He's very handsome and very well, um, good. We were very physical up until the day he moved out at 4 or 5 times a week most weeks easily. At first I was thinking in relationship terms and now I just see that he's cake eating big time. I know it needs to end, but I'm not sure exactly what to say to him when faced with that the next time. Any suggestions? I've already made the mistake of telling him that I have no expectations of him right now and that I know he doesn't want to come back to me. I've told him that I'm not going to be hurt by it, but in the same breath he knows that I don't want a divorce and would like for us to work on us. I've told him that I realize he's not ready for that and I will wait until he is. He has even said that he doesn't want to lead me on by ML with me. He's also said he doesn't want to lead himself on either(???!?!?!) as he still has a lot of strong feelings and emotions for me and it's very hard to erase 15 years. What in the world is that supposed to mean?? I know, it means nothing and is fog talk, but geez. Do they ever make sense?
He's sent me e-mails asking me if I'd do it all again. I responded in a heartbeat and he responded "me too". He comes to my house and pours out his troubles of being depressed etc etc, holds me, lays his head in my lap, kisses me, but he rarely says he loves me (once in the last month). I've done really good at GAL. He says it's hard for him to see me move on and he's afraid that when (his words) he does want to come back that I won't want him. Then two days later he's talking about splitting property up and what's going to happen with the house if I were to remarry and how he's not going to support some scumbag and he expects me to buy him out at that point! It's all so confusing.
Thanks again guys!
If you can be his friend during his crisis you are a better person than many, but he is allowing it at the moment.
He could stop one day, through his own confusion, or under OW pressure. As long as you can be his friend he is likely to have less fear of coming home when his crisis ends. "Friend" does not automatically mean eating cake although I have seen many try to keep that bond. You will find an equal number of books telling you "yes" it maintains a bond, and an equal number saying "no" it is not fair to you and may prolong his A. Lucky you, your call.
If you do tell him no more cake eating in the bedroom, consider telling him friends on the couch are still friends.
Don't expect him to say ILY. That would be very rare indeed. Ask yourself how long you can be his friend. If he were to file, are you ready to D as friends? Do you think you can? If so, that is how friendly you should continue to be. Not many can when the MLCer explodes into D and pushes it through. The mix of a hurtful D and all the alien actions from the bomb to the settlement can drive a huge wedge between friends ... a lot of very hurtful memories. Feel blessed you are not yet in such a way, because you are certainly blessed with the right attitude and armed with the right information.
He insists right now that he wants a "friendly" divorce. I'm not sure how realistic that is, but I am trying to remain friendly for our kids sake. I'm not sure how long he will. I do think he gets pressure from OW on certain things although he acts as if she's all wonderful and great with this entire arrangement. I have seen a few cracks here and there that she does pressure about certain things.
He is still having his check direct deposited into our joint checking account. He has gotten his own seperate checking account and I cut him a check each payday for his part. Our state actually has a worksheet available online to figure our child support obligation based upon number of children and income. It seems pretty fair so I went and ran the figures and showed it to him and he agreed to the amount (for now). I'm relatively sure that OW has told him he needs to stop having his check direct deposited into our account as I'm going to stop being so nice about it and stop giving his fair share (I'm not). I've already turned half of our savings over to him as well as half of the income tax refund. He has told me that he is going against what everyone is telling him to do as far as money and is trusting that I won't make him live in a box. I've always controlled the finances and so far he's not tried to take what belongs to me and the kids. I only hope that continues. He doesnt have signature authority on the savings account (even though I always considered it a joint account, I was the one that opened and since he wasn't with me and never went to sign the papers I'm the only one with authority to it.) so I do have a little cushion. Plus, I work full time and make pretty good money.
As far as the ML thing. I've thought a lot about it last night and this morning in the shower. I do think that I need to cut it off. I only hope I can be strong enough to do it when he's sitting in front of me looking all handsome and sexy! LOL! As far as how to approach it. I think I'm going to go with the fact that I feel as if I'm being hypocritical. I'm going to tell him that I've not been hurt by what we've been doing up to this point (that's true) and that I did not have any expectations of him when I did it (also true), but I feel as if I'm being hypocritical and somehow showing approval for him living with OW when I don't approve at all and that I feel like I can't continue to do that when what I really want is for him to act like a husband and to treat me as a husband would treat a wife and that until he is ready to do that that I can't continue on. I will emphasize that I will still continue to be his good friend and that if he wants to talk, wants a shoulder to cry on, wants to vent, or needs anything at all that I will always be there for him in that capacity. I just can't continue to sleep with him and act as if I'm OK with him living with someone else. I'm not being true to myself.
Does that sound like a good angle to take? Any suggestions on wording so that I don't sound confrontational. I don't want to make him feel that I lied to him when I was ML with him before about no expectations because I wasn't. I want to be clear that things have changed for me and that's why I can't continue. Thanks guys!
H called a little while ago. He's with OW today while she gets a biopsy. I asked him how things were going he said "OK", but sounded down. He always sounds down these days so I'm not sure how to take that anymore.
He's coming over for dinner tomorrow. He was in a mood yesterday because he said he was going to pick up his new vehicle next Saturday (it's in another state) and I reminded him that DD-8 had a soccer game that day. I didn't know if he remembered and might want to go since he's already missed 2 of them. He got mad and told me he had to go. E-mailed me later to say "If you think I'm being a crappy dad just let me know".
Is this guilt on his part? He had DS-5 yesterday and when I picked him up H went off saying that he had to get the vehicle or he was going to go broke paying for gas (never mind that the money he saves in gas will go directly into a car payment and insurance payments). Getting the vehicle is actually going to cost him more in the long run, but I merely looked at him and said "OK, I'll talk to you later. I need to get the kids some dinner before soccer practice." and got in my car and left. The vehicle he is getting is the same one he drove as a teen when he was out picking up on all the girls. Can you say replay??
Hi butterfly ...
what does DS-5 mean? What does the D stand for ?
My H drives around in a porsche showing off his OW !!! URGH !!!!!
He says he likes fast cars....he NEVER EVER cared about cars !!
DS-5 Darling Son - 5 years old.
I only hope I can be strong enough to do it when he's sitting in front of me looking all handsome and sexy!
So how do you tell him no intimacy wihtout making him feel you were lieing about expectations.
First...it doesn't matter what he thinks...so stop acting and reacting for fear of what he will think or do. Do what is right for the reason that it is right.
And telling him your needs have changed...is perfectly acceptable. IT is also acceptable to use when changing other rules...I used it on Sweetheart, telling him HIS needs had changed.
I think you've got a good plan. Be his friend.
BUT understand at times in this tunnel that becomes inappropriate cake-eating too. It is not only appropriate but necessary at this phase of Replay. But later, he may lean on you, hoping that you will solve his problems...avoiding the Depression phase.
Be the light house. Lighthouses shine light to in the distnace, they do move; they are consistent/steady.
As for a friendly divorce...how you approach that depends on the situation.
I told Sweetheart it would not be friendly...Why? Well, mainly I insisted we wouldn;t divorce...I always was firm that I would never divorce him and would not recongize an immoral action such as divorce. But that can be harsh...and I wouldn't have done that in Early Replay with such direct harshness.
He wanted the same lawyer...NO. But that will cost money, you're just being vindicitive WAH WAH WAH..,"That's how these things work Sweetheart." I told him I would not be his friend outside of a marital context.
Your MLCer is living with the OW?
Do you know how wonderful that is?
Really...no sarcasm there. Dive right in before getting to know her...and watch the bloom come off that dandelion--cause she ain't no rose.
Plus it can help keep the MLC costs down. Sure I hated that Sweetheart lived with an OW...that every night he lay down next to her.
BUT I was spared form wondering if he was with her...it became old news and didn't bother me like it would an LBS whose MLCer has his own apartment...that constant wondering is awful.
Instead I knew that he was living a miserable life of constant fighting in chains with constant fighting. He tried to tell me otherwise...but I'm no idiot. She was always pressuring him to divorce me...and after Summer 2005, he wasn't up for that anymore. I knew that ever time he left home he was not running away from me but rather running away from himself. It merely meant the crisis wasn't over and he HAD to go through more...nothing I could do about it but accept.
Oh, I ddin't have to approve...NOOOO...when he left I went No-Contact...two women is not an option. As his needs changed, the No-Contact also changed...he needed that friendly shoulder.
But I didn't pressure him about our relationship. Instead, as he cried that he was ruining our marriage, I told him I was not going anywhere and that our marriage was in no way going to be ruined...I told him to please remove that worry so he could focus on himself.
Please stop the sex. Yes you'll miss it...and yes he will and IS getting it elsewhere. To bad. It is unhealthy for both of you. It is keeping him connected...and there is a part of staying connected that is good...maintain a spiritual connection. But he's keeping you available as his crutch. He needs to stand on his own.
HUGS,
RCR
my C said to me in the beginning...when we were also still being intimate, that I was prostituting myself;...well that stopped the intimacy straight away !!
Like RCR says, I do miss it - terribly....but I hope that one day we will have it back under the right circumstances !!!
Hey bfm,
Sound like your doing well (all things considered). I see the communication between the two of you as a positive (regardless of OW). You seem to be his safe place and this is good.
You do seem to have a good attitude and are well informed. That helps so much.
As far as the ML Was2sad is right, you have to choose. If you feel you are not being true to yourself then by all means set the boundary.
I wish you well.
RCR...i find your input thot provoking ....my H lives w OW maybe since sept...would say much later....i would think not...affair a year.....he looks like crap if i may say so. good thing huh? i just got the spew of letting him go down the tubes cos i wont subsidize his new life by paying"our" bills....the debt "we created together"...i wont care if he lives in a cardboard box......spew spew......its taking a physical, emotional, psycological toll on him.....but its NOT depression...he says......its all my fault he says.......bleh as Lis would say
H is coming over for dinner tonight. We talked on the phone last night about OW biopsy. The results won't be in for 10 days. He just called while I was typing this "just to check in and see how things were going this morning". He always calls me from his truck on the way to work as OW is not around then. I wonder if he thinks I don't realize what he's doing? It amuses me actually.
RCR - I agree that him living with her is actually a good thing. It hurt like he!! when I first found out (Valentines Day!), but now I don't have to wonder if he's seeing her, he's not lying and hiding things from me about her (I don't ask questions, but I know he's with her even though we don't talk about it).
I know that them living together can only help my situation. I realize that affairs are based in fantasy and a little reality in their world is a good thing. She's the total opposite of me in every way shape and form. H now has to cook dinner for them both every night as well as clean and do laundry as she doesn't do any of that stuff. She hates kids. We have 2. She has a large dog that now lives in their tiny apartment with them. He hates dog hair and can't stand having a dog in the house. She is loud and opinionated and large. I am small and fairly quiet and only voice my opinion on things that really matter to me. I'm pretty easy going and she isn't.
H and I got along better than any two people I have ever known (really we did) our personalities were a good match for each other. I'm actually interested to see how this works out with the two of them once the "new" wears off. I probably won't get to see much of it, but it will be enough.
Thanks for the support Grace O and Cinders.
PWS - Of course he's going to say it's all your fault that he's going down the tubes because it couldn't possibly be his! That would just be ridiculous. I'm sure you know not to listen to it and to just let it go in one ear and out the other. I have a nice MLCer and he still spews from time to time. I never react anymore. I think it drives him crazy that he can't get a rise out of me so he doesn't try as much anymore. They just look for a reason to validate what they are doing and if they can get you to bite back it gives them fuel. bleh indeed.
bfly,
I hope that all goes well for you tonight. You seem to have a good PMA esp. about his living with her. I liked RCR's spin on your H's living with OW, I hadn't looked at it that way. I think it's good that he's not lying to you too. Little things that help.
Have a good day.
I forgot to mention that on the phone last night H started to say "I love you" when he was getting ready to hang up. Got out "I Lo. . ." then caught himself and said "tell the kids I love them." even though he had just talked to them and told them both himself. I think it was more habit than anything even though he seems to have gotten out of the habit pretty easily most of the time.
It could be habit, but what would it hurt to think of it as a small positive? Ok, he didn't spit it out, but that could fall into the category of "I don't want to lead you on or give you false hope"
.
Grace,
He's big on the not wanting to lead me on or give me false hope. That seems to be his theme for the last few months.
bfly,
My H doesn't say much, but that was one thing he wanted to be clear about. He's in a withdrawn state now, rarely initiates a conversation. That's ok. He talks to our D's. I'm pleasant. We'll see where all of this leads. After all, when you're in the ninth circle of hell, things can only get better.
Butterfly...
He's big on the not wanting to lead me on or give me false hope. That seems to be his theme for the last few months.
Yep .....same here ...my H is SO afraid that I may start thinking that it is all possible again....as if I'm some kind of virus that he doens't want to catch again !!!
Urgh...sorry bit low spirits at the moment ....
H came over for dinner last night. It went really well. We got along great and talked about lots of things. As the kids were getting ready for bed he told me that he wanted to ask me a favor. I told him OK. He then prefaced it by saying that he had no right to ask me for anything considering what had gone on and what he had done and what he was doing, but it would mean a lot to him if I didn't see anyone unless we were divorced. He then said that he had his reasons for asking me that, but that he'd rather not talk about them right now. What do you think that means?????
I told him that he was right, he didn't have the right to ask me that considering that he was living with someone else, but that I wasn't planning to date or see anyone because I didn't think it would be right for me. I made it very clear that I wasn't doing it for him, but because from my standpoint of standing for our marriage I wouldn't be true to me if I did.
I then told him that I had been thinking about some things for the past couple of weeks and there was something that I needed to tell him. I told him that I didn't think we should ML anymore. I then explained that it wasn't because I didn't want him or find him incredibly attractive and sexy (that was one of his issues, he said that he felt I didn't find him attractive), but that I felt I was being hypocritical by sleeping with him. I told him that I did not approve of what he was doing right now and I did not approve of him living with someone else and I felt that by having sex with him I might be sending him the message that I did approve. I also told him I was incredibly weak when it came to him and that everytime I saw him I wanted him, and that this is not what I wanted to do, but it's what I had to do until he was ready to act like my husband. I told him that I would still be his friend and would still do anything for him or be there to talk about anything he needed to talk about.
A lot of other stuff was said. We talked for over an hour. It was initiated by him so that was good. I feel God gave me an opening last night and I needed to take advantage of it. He cried, I cried we held each other the entire time. We talked about how we got to where we are right now and I sincerely apologized for my part in the downfall of our marriage. I have apologized before, but he said last night that I never meant it before then. That I always prefaced it with "if I did. . ." He's probably right. I didn't use "if" last night. I actually started to and then caught myself and changed it.
He's scared to death of losing me as a friend. Told me he always wants us to remain close. I was honest and told him that I wasn't sure that was possible. He interprets that to mean that if I do find someone else that I will cut our friendship. I told him that we would always be friends in some capacity, but that if we were to split permanently and I moved on then I couldn't have the close emotional attachment to him that I have now. I let him know that I see where close emotional ties between members of the opposite sex can lead and that I couldn't be true to a new relationship and still have those close bonds with him as well. I also made sure he knew that I wasn't looking for that right now. That I'm standing for our marriage and that I'm in it for the long haul.
It was hard, but it was a good talk. I was glimpses of the old H. I know I've still got a long road ahead. I know he's no where near done with this, but a lot of things were said that needed said and hopefully he'll remember some of them.
bfly,
I'm glad that went well for you. Sounds like you made yourself clear without being a witch (always good). You did really good leaving the "if" off. Taking responsibility always makes YOU feel better regardless of how the other person views it. In his case it really seemed to matter.
Since you're in it for the long haul, I'm making some jello. Care to take a seat here on the curb?
Thanks Grace, but I don't like Jello (unless you're putting vodka in it, then we can talk!). The only time I got it as a kid is when I had a stomach virus so it reminds me of throwing up.
I will take a seat on the curb, however. I think I like it here. You people understand me :-)
Holy Crap!
H just called me (at work). He sounded completely down and said that he wanted to ask me a favor. I told him OK. You can ask me anything. He got quiet then said he wasn't going to ask me. I told him that I wasn't going to get mad or upset at him and that I would listen to what he wanted me to do for him. He got quiet again for a LONG time. I sat in silence with him for what seemed like an eternity and finally I said, "Are you going to ask me." He said "no" and I said OK, but you know you can if you want. Silence again. Then he finally said, "I want you to think really really really realy really really hard about (another long silence) me moving back and us trying to work things out."
I remained completely calm. And told him that I would think about it. That he knows I want us to work out, but that we can't work on us until he gets some things sorted out. Mainly I told him that OW has to be completely out of the picture. I told him that I wanted him to be completely done and over her before we could really think about us together because I wasn't going to be in a marriage with 3 people. I told him that I knew that wasn't going to be an easy thing for him to do as he's very attached to her and "in love" and it's not going to be just an "OK it's been nice knowing you!" type of a thing. I told him that I would wait for him to sort out his things. He thanked me and apologized for what he'd done and what he was doing (first time he's done that) and told me that I had done nothing to him besides be nice and kind to him through all of this.
He admitted that he's got a lot of stuff going on in his brain right now that he can't make sense of and he appreciates my patience while he works through it. I told him I would be there if he wanted to talk or vent or cry or hug or whatever, but that I couldn't do much more than that for him since this was something he was going to have to work out on his own. I never mentioned MLC or any of that. Just tried to be a calm patient and loving friend. He told me that he loved me and that he misses us so much (he really broke down crying when he said that). He said OW knows that too and senses it and he said he would probably have a serious talk with her tonight.
I have no illusions that this will be "it" though. I know it could take months longer than this for this to be really over. I'm glad I've read up and am prepared for that so that it doesn't come as a shock to me. It's still going to be hard, but at least I'm a little more prepared for it.
UGH! This is all so hard! I'll keep you guys posted.
BFM
I just wanted to say that i think you handled the situation very well, you did not put pressure on your husband but yet let him know your boundaries with regards to OW being out of the picture. I truly hope that your husband makes his way back home.
Nicky
Id be really carefull here as your H has a pattern of some pretty rapid fire cycling here.....I dont want to rain on your parade please understand.....MLC just doesnt go this fast......keep those expectations at zero.....for your own protection.....its so good you two are friends.
butterfly
ok calm ok
becareful
tread lightly.
protect your beautiful heart.
keep your expecations at zero.
please don't be surprised if he withdraws a little after all of this ok sweets.
PWS and Lissett,
thanks for the advice. I am trying to remain calm. It's very hard as I'm sure you well know. Thanks for the heads up on the withdrawl after this. I've gotten very good at leaving him alone to do his own thing lately. Even though I'm new here I've been doing this for 7 months and I'm a quick learner.
I am trying to keep my expectations at zero. I know MLC is a SLOW process. It's very hard. I need help staying grounded and you guys are helping in that. Thanks!
bfly,
You did good. I agree with the others, expectations at 0 and be very cautious and protect yourself. I see that you realize MLC is a slow process, so please stay seated with you hands and feet inside the car at all times.
Jello shooters it is if you're ever in need.....
My goodness...Butterfly...had many similarities in my talk with my H today....as you said, it was said in an "I'm sorry" state....I too wasn't angry at H just so hurt and disappointed ...
I can't believe your H called to ask you that........I wish for the day mine might bring himself to do that !!!!! I LONG for that day.....yet please be careful....this is so hard on everyone....try not to expect anything ok .........try...
I've had a night to sleep on this and clear my head a bit. I'm treading VERY cautiously here. Zero expectations at this point. Yesterday was only words and until I start seeing some actions to back them up I'm staying reserved. I will continue to be his friend, as I promised him before this. But, My H is very manipulative, and very good at it. Always has been. I almost see that he was afraid of losing me and he's not ready to do that, but I don't know that he's ready to give up OW either. I think our no ML and not being able to remain close friends if I move on really affected him (His words were that it hit him like a hammer). I'm waiting to see if he's just trying to keep me "on the line" but with no real intention of making any moves right now. I don't know. Time will tell. I'm seeing him at lunch today, but probably won't be back online again until Monday. I don't usually get on at home. No time and we have slow dial up connection that drives me crazy!