When to give up on a counselor? - 01/20/15 02:00 PM
I am wondering how to know when it’s time to give up on an MC/when you know they’re hindering rather than helping?
H was resistant to MC at first, eventually agreed (am now regretting I pushed so hard because he might not have been ready).
We’ve been to two different MCs. First one was my mistake, I wanted to see someone as quickly as possible so I took my friend’s referral of her individual therapist. Big mistake, she was not experienced at MC. H really liked her but in the 2nd session she told us she’s not used to counseling couples and could only meet with us individually. Later looked her up and she has no formal qualifications/is not registered with the body that regulates counseling here.
I found a new MC via a relationship charity. She has a lot of qualifications and 15 years experience in MT. However this was prior to reading DR so I didn’t ask her about her stance on marriage, no. of couples she’s counseled who stayed together etc.
First session went well, she set concrete goals for us to work on some issues.
2nd session last week was very upsetting, MC was just dredging up old issues and not addressing our goals at all I felt - then halfway through session she turned to us and said ‘So I think this relationship is definitely over?’ H said yes, he wants to proceed with D; I said no, we still haven’t even tried to work through issues so I don’t think so. MC then proceeded to say ‘well, if you’d only come 6 months earlier...’
Is it really too late? In DR Michele says no MC can pronounce an M dead.
Is it time to drop this MC?
We have another session booked for this week.
H was resistant to MC at first, eventually agreed (am now regretting I pushed so hard because he might not have been ready).
We’ve been to two different MCs. First one was my mistake, I wanted to see someone as quickly as possible so I took my friend’s referral of her individual therapist. Big mistake, she was not experienced at MC. H really liked her but in the 2nd session she told us she’s not used to counseling couples and could only meet with us individually. Later looked her up and she has no formal qualifications/is not registered with the body that regulates counseling here.
I found a new MC via a relationship charity. She has a lot of qualifications and 15 years experience in MT. However this was prior to reading DR so I didn’t ask her about her stance on marriage, no. of couples she’s counseled who stayed together etc.
First session went well, she set concrete goals for us to work on some issues.
2nd session last week was very upsetting, MC was just dredging up old issues and not addressing our goals at all I felt - then halfway through session she turned to us and said ‘So I think this relationship is definitely over?’ H said yes, he wants to proceed with D; I said no, we still haven’t even tried to work through issues so I don’t think so. MC then proceeded to say ‘well, if you’d only come 6 months earlier...’
Is it really too late? In DR Michele says no MC can pronounce an M dead.
Is it time to drop this MC?
We have another session booked for this week.