tips from the bad guy, why going dark WORKS - 06/10/12 07:37 PM
Guys I'm not proud that I was the WAW. I'm going to open up to you about how I was really feeling and what turned everything around. I'm doing this to help so don't throw stones or judge! (flenching) lol
I was once a WAW, so I'm going to open up to you. Not every sitch is the same though...
I had enough of all of the bad things in our M, and once the lease was up (and i got my own car) I flew. Got my own place, everything. My H did what you are doing (crying pleading, everything)and more, and I lost all respect for him. Why? I was treating him like crap and he kept begging me for more. that's the truth.
He would come by whenever I wanted and make love to me or whatever. Then I could ignore him, kick him to the side, knowing he would come running back for more the second I gave him an opportunity. Gosh, I sound terrible. I'm only human guys, don't hate me.
What opened my eyes? When he had enough of my crap and turned his back on me. Plain and simple. When he stood up to me and basicly said "I am worth more than this and will not tolerate your behavior". (not with words, just actions)
And then? I was left all by myself, all alone, just like I "wanted". But I was still unhapy, looking for someone to hurt, because I was hurting, while he was happy and moving on.
And THAT my friends, is why going dark and GAL is SO important. It forces the S to get a glimpse of their future should they continue with their actions.
But don't be so quick to accept them back, do it slowly. Accepting them back as-is right off the batt also come across as disrespectful towards yourself.
"you mean I can treat you like crap for so long, show a few tears and you'll take me back? I don't have to work on anything? SWEET! Now I don't have to change anything!".....guys, you don't want your S to have that converstaion in their heads. Here's a better one...
"I'm really sad and alone, I didn't think it would be like this. Why does it hurt so much? And why doesnt S answer the phone anymore? Was I really THAT bad? I wonder if I can get them back? What do I have to work on to win them back?"
just some food for thought guys <3
I was once a WAW, so I'm going to open up to you. Not every sitch is the same though...
I had enough of all of the bad things in our M, and once the lease was up (and i got my own car) I flew. Got my own place, everything. My H did what you are doing (crying pleading, everything)and more, and I lost all respect for him. Why? I was treating him like crap and he kept begging me for more. that's the truth.
He would come by whenever I wanted and make love to me or whatever. Then I could ignore him, kick him to the side, knowing he would come running back for more the second I gave him an opportunity. Gosh, I sound terrible. I'm only human guys, don't hate me.
What opened my eyes? When he had enough of my crap and turned his back on me. Plain and simple. When he stood up to me and basicly said "I am worth more than this and will not tolerate your behavior". (not with words, just actions)
And then? I was left all by myself, all alone, just like I "wanted". But I was still unhapy, looking for someone to hurt, because I was hurting, while he was happy and moving on.
And THAT my friends, is why going dark and GAL is SO important. It forces the S to get a glimpse of their future should they continue with their actions.
But don't be so quick to accept them back, do it slowly. Accepting them back as-is right off the batt also come across as disrespectful towards yourself.
"you mean I can treat you like crap for so long, show a few tears and you'll take me back? I don't have to work on anything? SWEET! Now I don't have to change anything!".....guys, you don't want your S to have that converstaion in their heads. Here's a better one...
"I'm really sad and alone, I didn't think it would be like this. Why does it hurt so much? And why doesnt S answer the phone anymore? Was I really THAT bad? I wonder if I can get them back? What do I have to work on to win them back?"
just some food for thought guys <3