He feels guilty about being intimate with me - 09/23/11 06:53 PM
I am not sure if y'all read my other posts. My husband wanted to leave me because he has that cliche "I love you but I am not in love with you" thing going on and is in an EA. He says he loves me but more like a sister. However he is still extremely attracted to me physically and sexually. We are still living together, sleeping together, and generally are happy together except for those two things. We are doing counseling to see if we can work this out.
My H keeps saying he feels guilty touching me or when we are intimate. He says he feels like a pervert because if things do not work out he does not want to feel like he used me or lead me on. The way I look at it is that most relationships start out as just ohysical attraction. I have never seen a guy look at a girl and say "damn I would like to have a deep conversation with her, she looks smart". So I contend that we should be acting on those feelings because we need to build on what we still have. I said it is like we are building a fire. Kindling is the emotional love and newspaper is the sexual attraction. Just because you don't have kindling right now does not mean you can't try to get the fire going using the newpaper. Plus we are married and have normal desires. Better we take care of those needs in our marriage than have one more need that one of us looks outside the marriage to be filled.
Am I totally off on this?
I think some of his guilt may also come from the OW. In my first marriage I was unfaithful. I remember that I often felt guilty about being with my husband because I felt like I was cheating on the OM.
Thoughts?
My H keeps saying he feels guilty touching me or when we are intimate. He says he feels like a pervert because if things do not work out he does not want to feel like he used me or lead me on. The way I look at it is that most relationships start out as just ohysical attraction. I have never seen a guy look at a girl and say "damn I would like to have a deep conversation with her, she looks smart". So I contend that we should be acting on those feelings because we need to build on what we still have. I said it is like we are building a fire. Kindling is the emotional love and newspaper is the sexual attraction. Just because you don't have kindling right now does not mean you can't try to get the fire going using the newpaper. Plus we are married and have normal desires. Better we take care of those needs in our marriage than have one more need that one of us looks outside the marriage to be filled.
Am I totally off on this?
I think some of his guilt may also come from the OW. In my first marriage I was unfaithful. I remember that I often felt guilty about being with my husband because I felt like I was cheating on the OM.
Thoughts?