I am new here -- my H is in MLC, and for 6 months, he said he considers me a sister. Yuck. We are sort of piecing it together, although he may be planning to move out.
I don't think he had been unfaithful. Really, I don't. And recently he's been acting like he wants sex again, slightly. BUT, if and when he wants to have sex with me again, I am worried about possible STDs. And if I bring this up, he will no doubt shut down again. What to do? Maybe if it happens again I can guide us into non-skin contact "sex." I sort of want to push the issue by initiating sex, or initiating interest. Does anyone have a similar dilemma?
First off, I don't have a similar experience and STD's are a real and important issue.
However, if you have known him ofr over 20 years, I would expect that you would have an idea if he would have an affair and even if you don't think he would, if he would use a safe-sex method of BC during an affair.
If you still have a voice telling you that you want to have safe sex with your H, just tell him that you don't want to get pregnant and you have stopped taking BC (unless you or he have been surgically sterilized). If he pushes, say you read an article in a magazine about some woman who was 60 getting pregnant and you do not want that.
Also you might try reading up on both safe sex and on sensate focus or couples massage. Most STD's are transmitted from either open sores or exchanges of bodily fluids. If you are "massaging him" or touching him in a sensate focus exercise you will see his body and if there are any open sores. If there are none at the appropriate time you can release his bodily fluids through hand stimulation of him (HJ) and that is often considered low risk unless you have cuts or sores on your hand.
I would suggest that you tell him that you would like to work on touching but that you want to gradually get back into things. After a few weeks of manual stimulation and observing his body for signs of STD's, you can then tell him that you would like to start intercouse. Maybe start with an oral sex condom to orally stimulate him (but not bring him to climax) and then mount him with it still on him as a bodily fluid barrier during full intercourse.
Now a days they have all kinds of fancy condoms that are designed to stimulate. You can always say that you are into the texture, built in vibrator ring, oral sex, etc. If you really get his aroused and excited enough, he probably won't care all that much about whether he is wearing a condom or not.
Good luck
A lot of practical advice! Thanks.