Totally In Limbo, What to Do - 02/29/24 05:41 PM
My situation. Married 18 yrs .have a teenage son..were in our fifties..wife says we should of been divorced 10 yrs ago...last 5 yrs basically we have been living like roommates.maybe been sexual couple of times in that span...so when she went to her home country last summer she saw how her parents were not getting along.and she said they should of divorced long time ago..so that triggered when she got back last August..she told me she wants to seperate..at same time when she was working from home I overheard her talking to a fellow coworker who is Married to meet for sexual times..so before seperation I say a month...it was emotional affair that started with the co working hitting on her and giving a kiss as i overheard her say, she was not looking for this, it came to her..and when seperated turned to physical where they meet once in a while..I believe it til November...myself from the start of the seperation have gone to councelling..as well started with the church..changed my diet,,read many self help books
.dressed better..being closer to my son and being better person overall..in the beginning months of seperation.she told me she sees my changes but she says it won't last..but now Feb..still with the changes...also in Aug..she was gun ho on getting a legal seperation..as she wanted it in writing that were seperated.we both saw lawyers..we talked about custody..support..because of how expensive housing is here..she wanted us and our son to live in the house for 3 yrs til hes done highschool..back to seperation...so few months later she needed a pension statement from work before she can procede with seperation agreement..she got that paper in January..but since November we have not talked about seperation...I give her all the space she needs..i would say since mid dec, i see her being for friendly to i,,,even new years eve when she went to her sisters for new years eve,,couple of minutes after midnight she texted me happy new year...yesterday was my son birthday..and first time since seperation we all 3 went out for supper for my sons birthday,,as well this weekend were having a birthday party at our house and my parents and brothers are coming,,since seperation in august she has not seen my parents or brothers..so should be interesting...i find little by little she is opening up...we were in the process of finishing the basement,,than seperation came and we stopped,,and just a couple of weeks ago she mentioned that lets get the electrical done for the basement..so obviously she wants to stay in the house,,so im in limbo,,dont know what to do,,,as of now were very civil,,,i always let her bring up any conversation...i dont know what her plans are for us,,as i dont want to ask her...as well i know exactly her schedules..there are times when she gets home 30 minutes late maybe once a month, of course my mind is rushing if she is still meeting that co worker for a sexual fling,,,but if she is,,i will give her an ultmatum of if you want to save our marriage yes or no...and will give her a couple of days to think about it,,if she no,,i will tell her lets put the house for sale and go our own ways ,,,
its very hard for i to live like this, its like walking on eggshells ,,,also she does not know i know of the the co worker,,i really dont know how i kept it in for i not to tell her,,,as well being in limbo, my councellor tells me just ride it out...so been seperated 6 months now
just keep on doing what im doing now i guess..of course i love her and wish we would be back together
any input would be appreciated
thanks
.dressed better..being closer to my son and being better person overall..in the beginning months of seperation.she told me she sees my changes but she says it won't last..but now Feb..still with the changes...also in Aug..she was gun ho on getting a legal seperation..as she wanted it in writing that were seperated.we both saw lawyers..we talked about custody..support..because of how expensive housing is here..she wanted us and our son to live in the house for 3 yrs til hes done highschool..back to seperation...so few months later she needed a pension statement from work before she can procede with seperation agreement..she got that paper in January..but since November we have not talked about seperation...I give her all the space she needs..i would say since mid dec, i see her being for friendly to i,,,even new years eve when she went to her sisters for new years eve,,couple of minutes after midnight she texted me happy new year...yesterday was my son birthday..and first time since seperation we all 3 went out for supper for my sons birthday,,as well this weekend were having a birthday party at our house and my parents and brothers are coming,,since seperation in august she has not seen my parents or brothers..so should be interesting...i find little by little she is opening up...we were in the process of finishing the basement,,than seperation came and we stopped,,and just a couple of weeks ago she mentioned that lets get the electrical done for the basement..so obviously she wants to stay in the house,,so im in limbo,,dont know what to do,,,as of now were very civil,,,i always let her bring up any conversation...i dont know what her plans are for us,,as i dont want to ask her...as well i know exactly her schedules..there are times when she gets home 30 minutes late maybe once a month, of course my mind is rushing if she is still meeting that co worker for a sexual fling,,,but if she is,,i will give her an ultmatum of if you want to save our marriage yes or no...and will give her a couple of days to think about it,,if she no,,i will tell her lets put the house for sale and go our own ways ,,,
its very hard for i to live like this, its like walking on eggshells ,,,also she does not know i know of the the co worker,,i really dont know how i kept it in for i not to tell her,,,as well being in limbo, my councellor tells me just ride it out...so been seperated 6 months now
just keep on doing what im doing now i guess..of course i love her and wish we would be back together
any input would be appreciated
thanks