Nothing Works - 11/25/22 01:54 AM
Re: Nothing Works - 11/28/22 01:29 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
o, there are some perks for her to being separated rather than divorced and I am sure that she misses parts of her old life. That's probably all that there is to it.
So what action can YOU take to fix this?
Re: Nothing Works - 12/10/22 03:48 AM
Spiral,
I'm trying to figure out the end game here...
Would you ever be open to reconciliation if W pursued it, or do you think that door is closed permanently from your perspective?
Maybe it's because of my relatively short period of limbo, but can't wrap my head around being in a situation 3 years out where W has been living with OM the whole time and you're dating prolifically, yet W motioned to withdraw the D proceedings, you did not object, and the courts dismissed the proceedings.
I'm trying to figure out the end game here...
Would you ever be open to reconciliation if W pursued it, or do you think that door is closed permanently from your perspective?
Maybe it's because of my relatively short period of limbo, but can't wrap my head around being in a situation 3 years out where W has been living with OM the whole time and you're dating prolifically, yet W motioned to withdraw the D proceedings, you did not object, and the courts dismissed the proceedings.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/12/22 08:08 PM
More or less it’s guilt, affair fog is wearing off. She wants you to accept her friendship and forgive her - on the other hand if you start being friendly with her she will take it as you forgave her wrong doing.
1. Reconciliation - she would be way more direct and approach you with something in that sense.
2. Could be Valley - she can’t decide which men to pick.
1. Reconciliation - she would be way more direct and approach you with something in that sense.
2. Could be Valley - she can’t decide which men to pick.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/13/22 12:16 AM
Are you separated from her financially? If your killing it the asset division will most likely be figured from a possible future filing date. Just something to consider.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/20/22 04:24 AM
BL,
Can't say that I've considered the end game. I get to see my children every day and I have free access to them whenever I want. I figured it would be foolish to risk that. So, I kept my mouth shut. It might have some financial impact on the margins, but we're separated and a little bit more money doesn't have much of an impact.
I have no interest in reconciliation. I enjoy my freedom. Of course, I get lonely sometimes, especially around the holidays. But I feel like my life is as good as it gets.
She has no interest in reconciliation either and no regrets from what I can tell. Still not sure why the D didn't go through. But I assume that we'll finalize the D in 2023. However, if something doesn't happen, then I will need to take the initiative.
Spiral
Can't say that I've considered the end game. I get to see my children every day and I have free access to them whenever I want. I figured it would be foolish to risk that. So, I kept my mouth shut. It might have some financial impact on the margins, but we're separated and a little bit more money doesn't have much of an impact.
I have no interest in reconciliation. I enjoy my freedom. Of course, I get lonely sometimes, especially around the holidays. But I feel like my life is as good as it gets.
She has no interest in reconciliation either and no regrets from what I can tell. Still not sure why the D didn't go through. But I assume that we'll finalize the D in 2023. However, if something doesn't happen, then I will need to take the initiative.
Spiral
Re: Nothing Works - 12/20/22 01:41 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I have no interest in reconciliation. I enjoy my freedom. Of course, I get lonely sometimes, especially around the holidays. But I feel like my life is as good as it gets.
I feel the same way except that I don't feel lonely around the holiday's I am just not able to embrace the holidays like I use to when married.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/20/22 02:13 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I get to see my children every day and I have free access to them whenever I want. I figured it would be foolish to risk that. So, I kept my mouth shut.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/20/22 02:29 PM
she could be playing a game with OM.
strange how they practically trample everyone in their path out the door then drag their feet when they are on the other side. must be another chapter in the script they all get prior to BD.
strange how they practically trample everyone in their path out the door then drag their feet when they are on the other side. must be another chapter in the script they all get prior to BD.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/21/22 01:25 AM
bttrfly,
Who knows what's actually going on over there? And as long as my kids are safe, it doesn't matter. But I understand why they start dragging their feet when they are on the other side. She left thinking she'd found some sort of epic fairytale that would last a lifetime. Nearly three years later, real life has replaced the fairy tale and the honeymoon phase is over. It's why they say this is a marathon, not a sprint. However, whatever she might be thinking, I don't think the thought of coming back has ever crossed her mind. Very little of it has to do with me. Thank goodness, I'm not OM. Who knows what his future holds.
Spiral
Who knows what's actually going on over there? And as long as my kids are safe, it doesn't matter. But I understand why they start dragging their feet when they are on the other side. She left thinking she'd found some sort of epic fairytale that would last a lifetime. Nearly three years later, real life has replaced the fairy tale and the honeymoon phase is over. It's why they say this is a marathon, not a sprint. However, whatever she might be thinking, I don't think the thought of coming back has ever crossed her mind. Very little of it has to do with me. Thank goodness, I'm not OM. Who knows what his future holds.
Spiral
Re: Nothing Works - 12/21/22 02:17 AM
Hi Spiral. What a weird situation. Really don't get why W is dragging her feet. And I can't wrap my head around the OM and the kind of person who would be ok with this state of affairs. To have the responsibilities and trappings of a relationship but no real sign of commitment from W, no legit social recognition, or legal protection. The relationship between W and OM is bizarre and I cannot imagine how it could possibly be healthy. The mess they made definitely has nothing to do with you.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/21/22 09:46 AM
So a couple things can be happening here. Maybe OM is having second thoughts and doesn’t really care that she’s not divorced?
Maybe she’s having second thoughts but it’s not as simple as “hey Spiral oops I made a mistake. Let’s pretend like nothing happened”.
Maybe she’s having second thoughts but it’s not as simple as “hey Spiral oops I made a mistake. Let’s pretend like nothing happened”.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/22/22 06:39 AM
I have a theory. She told everyone that she's marrying OM immediately after getting divorced. OM thinks they're getting married immediately after she gets divorced. So, everyone, including, OM is expecting her to marry OM immediately after getting divorced. But she doesn't want to marry OM immediately. Rather than tell OM that, she withdrew the divorce proceedings to buy herself more time before she has to marry OM and told OM it was all Spiral's fault.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/22/22 07:37 AM
Quote
I have a theory. She told everyone that she's marrying OM immediately after getting divorced. OM thinks they're getting married immediately after she gets divorced. So, everyone, including, OM is expecting her to marry OM immediately after getting divorced. But she doesn't want to marry OM immediately. Rather than tell OM that, she withdrew the divorce proceedings to buy herself more time before she has to marry OM and told OM it was all Spiral's fault.
You know what? Your theory could be right, or it could be wrong 🤷♂️
Better off spending time on GAL and becoming the best Spiral you can be.
Trying to understand the rationale behind a WS or WAS is like deliberately sticking a fork in your eye.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/22/22 01:35 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
bttrfly,
Who knows what's actually going on over there? And as long as my kids are safe, it doesn't matter. But I understand why they start dragging their feet when they are on the other side. She left thinking she'd found some sort of epic fairytale that would last a lifetime. Nearly three years later, real life has replaced the fairy tale and the honeymoon phase is over. It's why they say this is a marathon, not a sprint. However, whatever she might be thinking, I don't think the thought of coming back has ever crossed her mind. Very little of it has to do with me. Thank goodness, I'm not OM. Who knows what his future holds.
Spiral
Who knows what's actually going on over there? And as long as my kids are safe, it doesn't matter. But I understand why they start dragging their feet when they are on the other side. She left thinking she'd found some sort of epic fairytale that would last a lifetime. Nearly three years later, real life has replaced the fairy tale and the honeymoon phase is over. It's why they say this is a marathon, not a sprint. However, whatever she might be thinking, I don't think the thought of coming back has ever crossed her mind. Very little of it has to do with me. Thank goodness, I'm not OM. Who knows what his future holds.
Spiral
Good stuff here, Spiral! I love how you are looking at all of this. And yes, those that are addicted to limerence are doomed to jump from new person to new person until they figure themselves out.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/22/22 02:15 PM
Spi - spot on, this isn't about you, what you did or didn't do as a husband, father, partner. all about her.
as a follow up to Kind's post - I found it helpful to devote a small amount of time to this kind of speculation, not more than 15 minutes - no more, no less. Then back to your most excellent GAL activities and making Christmas and New Year spectacular for your children.
as a follow up to Kind's post - I found it helpful to devote a small amount of time to this kind of speculation, not more than 15 minutes - no more, no less. Then back to your most excellent GAL activities and making Christmas and New Year spectacular for your children.
Re: Nothing Works - 12/23/22 05:49 AM
Originally Posted by bttrfly
as a follow up to Kind's post - I found it helpful to devote a small amount of time to this kind of speculation, not more than 15 minutes - no more, no less. Then back to your most excellent GAL activities and making Christmas and New Year spectacular for your children.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 06:59 AM
Well, I came home from a business trip and the wedding pictures were back up in the bedroom. I could get someone else to check on the dog. But the dog loves her. And I love the dog. Plainly, this is why women should never date separated men.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 07:08 AM
Wait, what?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 08:58 AM
Your W comes over to care for the dog when you're out of town and puts back up your wedding pictures? That's... interesting. Did she say anything about it?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 09:42 AM
Originally Posted by Spiral
Well, I came home from a business trip and the wedding pictures were back up in the bedroom. I could get someone else to check on the dog. But the dog loves her. And I love the dog. Plainly, this is why women should never date separated men.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 11:56 AM
you could always speak spanish to her ... who knows what might develop if you did?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 01:52 PM
Isn't she still living with OM? Yet she comes to your place to care for the dog, canceled the divorce action, and put up your wedding photos?
Bizarre situation Spiral. She's either purposefully playing mind games with you or confused herself.
Bizarre situation Spiral. She's either purposefully playing mind games with you or confused herself.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 04:46 PM
BL,
She also cleaned the house, did the dishes, and the laundry. She said she wanted to help. Some ideas of what to say went through my head. I opted for thank you. I know I probably should have responded differently, but the house looked great and the dog was happy. So, I kept my mouth shut.
And bttrfly, we both know I already say sweet words I shouldn't say from time to time. I was pretty dedicated to DBing for the first eighteen months, but then I figured she's never coming back so why not respond to a few texts and make a few nice comments here and there. In retrospect though, my track record of predicting what is going on in a woman's mind is not that great and I should probably keep my mouth closed.
She also cleaned the house, did the dishes, and the laundry. She said she wanted to help. Some ideas of what to say went through my head. I opted for thank you. I know I probably should have responded differently, but the house looked great and the dog was happy. So, I kept my mouth shut.
And bttrfly, we both know I already say sweet words I shouldn't say from time to time. I was pretty dedicated to DBing for the first eighteen months, but then I figured she's never coming back so why not respond to a few texts and make a few nice comments here and there. In retrospect though, my track record of predicting what is going on in a woman's mind is not that great and I should probably keep my mouth closed.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 04:47 PM
Would you be open to reconciliation?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 04:49 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
Would you be open to reconciliation?
Spiral, were I in your shoes, all joking aside on the mots doux, I'd tread very carefully. I think I'd also spend some serious thought on what I want because she's definitely paving the way home, for whatever purpose, who knows?
Handing out another STFU smoothie card, just in case you need it. Keep it in your wallet.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 04:58 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
She also cleaned the house, did the dishes, and the laundry. She said she wanted to help. Some ideas of what to say went through my head. I opted for thank you. I know I probably should have responded differently, but the house looked great and the dog was happy. So, I kept my mouth shut.
But hanging the wedding photos? Now that you need a psychologist to analyze.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Would you be open to reconciliation?
Spiral, were I in your shoes, all joking aside on the mots doux, I'd tread very carefully. I think I'd also spend some serious thought on what I want because she's definitely paving the way home, for whatever purpose, who knows?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 06:30 PM
My ex trims my bush for me and takes my dog for the weekend.
However, I don’t see him hanging up wedding pictures. I did hear he goes one in a drawer.
How did your woman feel about it the wedding pictures hanging ?
However, I don’t see him hanging up wedding pictures. I did hear he goes one in a drawer.
How did your woman feel about it the wedding pictures hanging ?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 06:53 PM
Originally Posted by bttrfly
I'd tread very carefully.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
I think I'd also spend some serious thought on what I want because she's definitely paving the way home, for whatever purpose, who knows?
From my observation of the posters of the past that started piecing definitely made their spouses work hard before showing any signs of working on repairing the relationship.
Obviously you are now way ahead of her in your personal growth.
I am not following the details of your sitch, but things will be even more complicated if you are with another woman.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 07:18 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My ex trims my bush for me and takes my dog for the weekend.
And somehow I figured you would be Vajazzled.....
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 07:31 PM
G, are we talking a couple of inches off the top or full topiary??
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 08:09 PM
I didn't mention the wedding pictures to the woman that I've been seeing. But these little things don't go over well at all. I suppose that could be part of why they keep happening. I don't think my ex has any interest in reconciliation or ever will. I think its just guilt or nostalgia. They'll never amount to anything and they're not at all consistent. And she still talks about needing to finish the divorce soon.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 08:11 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I didn't mention the wedding pictures to the woman that I've been seeing. But these little things don't go over well at all. I suppose that could be part of why they keep happening. I don't think my ex has any interest in reconciliation or ever will. I think its just guilt or nostalgia. They'll never amount to anything and they're not at all consistent. And she still talks about needing to finish the divorce soon.
She pulled back the divorce.
Does she know you're seeing someone?
Could be that.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/19/23 10:19 PM
I find myself saying this rather often… but trying to analyse why WS/WAS do dumb sh*t is a one-way ticket to the crazy house.
It’s impossible to understand things which don’t make sense 🤷♂️
What IS important, is to work out what YOU want and focus on that.
It could be that she sees you with another woman, and is worried her old monkey-branch is feeling a bit less secure. Figures she’ll go hang your wedding photos and see what happens, so she can determine if it’s still nice and solid while she does more dumb sh*t.
You need to put yourself in the shoes of your new partner. How would you feel if your partner’s ex still had access to the house and was re-hanging wedding photos on the wall? It’s creepy AF.
That would be a huge red flag to me, and I’d be running out the door. You really need to protect your new partner from this BS.
And if reconciliation is still possible in your mind, you shouldn’t be with a new person.
Successful reconciliation is incredibly rare… but the few that are successful, tends to be because the LBS makes it exceedingly difficult for the WAS/WS to return. Letting her touch stuff in your house sends a signal that you’re weak as sh*t.
Personally, I’d say nothing to her about it, but I’d pull the wedding photos down and place them in storage. And I also have a long hard think about my new partner’s feelings and put some things in place to make sure this stuff doesn’t happen again.
It’s impossible to understand things which don’t make sense 🤷♂️
What IS important, is to work out what YOU want and focus on that.
It could be that she sees you with another woman, and is worried her old monkey-branch is feeling a bit less secure. Figures she’ll go hang your wedding photos and see what happens, so she can determine if it’s still nice and solid while she does more dumb sh*t.
You need to put yourself in the shoes of your new partner. How would you feel if your partner’s ex still had access to the house and was re-hanging wedding photos on the wall? It’s creepy AF.
That would be a huge red flag to me, and I’d be running out the door. You really need to protect your new partner from this BS.
And if reconciliation is still possible in your mind, you shouldn’t be with a new person.
Successful reconciliation is incredibly rare… but the few that are successful, tends to be because the LBS makes it exceedingly difficult for the WAS/WS to return. Letting her touch stuff in your house sends a signal that you’re weak as sh*t.
Personally, I’d say nothing to her about it, but I’d pull the wedding photos down and place them in storage. And I also have a long hard think about my new partner’s feelings and put some things in place to make sure this stuff doesn’t happen again.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 05:05 AM
bttryfly,
She knows who I'm seeing. She checks my social media and there are hints. We also have teenagers who always check my whereabouts if at all possible. I agree that some of it is that.
K,
Partner is probably too strong a word. I date one person at a time, but I make no commitments. I also have no intention of reconciliation. And the wedding pictures were put away the next day without much comment beyond a why. You're right about putting some things in place. I just wasn't expecting it. She filed for divorce immediately, got engaged immediately, and pretty much disappeared without looking back. But I wasn't seeing anyone in particular before.
She knows who I'm seeing. She checks my social media and there are hints. We also have teenagers who always check my whereabouts if at all possible. I agree that some of it is that.
K,
Partner is probably too strong a word. I date one person at a time, but I make no commitments. I also have no intention of reconciliation. And the wedding pictures were put away the next day without much comment beyond a why. You're right about putting some things in place. I just wasn't expecting it. She filed for divorce immediately, got engaged immediately, and pretty much disappeared without looking back. But I wasn't seeing anyone in particular before.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 10:57 AM
There are good podcasts out there on midlife transition for women. This is a classic case that happens all the time. A woman leaves a good man only to regret it later. It’s sad for all people involved. Bet you the first round in Vegas that she ramps up the PA hints she’s having doubts. Next time maybe she’ll wash the floors.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 12:49 PM
So you are social media present, date one woman, but not exclusive/committed?
Basically you get the boyfriend experience, without actually having to be a boyfriend?
Modern dating is so confusing
Basically you get the boyfriend experience, without actually having to be a boyfriend?
Modern dating is so confusing
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 01:16 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Basically you get the boyfriend experience, without actually having to be a boyfriend?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 01:45 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Basically you get the boyfriend experience, without actually having to be a boyfriend?
That works great if she doesn’t want to be the girlfriend.
I’m
A fan of whatever works for both parties. It’s takes a lot of honesty, transparency, and quite frankly, bluntness of both sides. Often times one side will say they are cool when they are really not.
But as long as spiral and his girl are happy.
I don’t know that I could date a separated man with an ex that won’t give him a divorce and comes in and hangs up their wedding pictures. And knowing the guy won’t commit, I would think he’s certainly holding that door open.
That’s just me. Everyone is different, there is no right and no wrong. Spiral and his gal seem to really enjoying their situation
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 02:07 PM
At the risk of being repetitive, the cleaning/dishes/laundry is odd enough but the hanging of wedding pictures is just bizarro crazy. And neither of you nor your W mention it? Isn't that a major elephant in the room? I get some things are better left unsaid, but this seems like an item to address.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 02:21 PM
Originally Posted by BL42
At the risk of being repetitive, the cleaning/dishes/laundry is odd enough but the hanging of wedding pictures is just bizarro crazy. And neither of you nor your W mention it? Isn't that a major elephant in the room? I get some things are better left unsaid, but this seems like an item to address.
Spiral, if you feel like the hanging of the wedding pictures crossed a boundary for you, you might want to address that. If it doesn’t bother you, and if you really don’t care if she did it again , then you can chose to not address it.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 02:41 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I don’t know that I could date a separated man with an ex that won’t give him a divorce and comes in and hangs up their wedding pictures. And knowing the guy won’t commit, I would think he’s certainly holding that door open.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 02:45 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I don’t know that I could date a separated man with an ex that won’t give him a divorce and comes in and hangs up their wedding pictures. And knowing the guy won’t commit, I would think he’s certainly holding that door open.
Do you know Sprial offline? I think you have a man crush or something, assuming he is a 1% man
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 03:03 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by BL42
At the risk of being repetitive, the cleaning/dishes/laundry is odd enough but the hanging of wedding pictures is just bizarro crazy. And neither of you nor your W mention it? Isn't that a major elephant in the room? I get some things are better left unsaid, but this seems like an item to address.
Spiral, if you feel like the hanging of the wedding pictures crossed a boundary for you, you might want to address that. If it doesn’t bother you, and if you really don’t care if she did it again , then you can chose to not address it.
Also...the question no one asked which I'm interested in is where did she get the pictures to hang? Did she bring them with her, does Spiral have them right next to the bed in his nightstand, or did she go into into the attic and unpack a box to get them?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 03:03 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I don’t know that I could date a separated man with an ex that won’t give him a divorce and comes in and hangs up their wedding pictures. And knowing the guy won’t commit, I would think he’s certainly holding that door open.
Do you know Sprial offline? I think you have a man crush or something, assuming he is a 1% man
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 04:29 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I also have no intention of reconciliation.
Originally Posted by Spiral
I could get someone else to check on the dog.
Hanging the pictures on the wall is creepy AF.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 05:38 PM
Wow some truly EPIC posts for this Friday…
Ya think???? And then let’s not forget but add back in she recently withdrew and closed the petition for divorce. She is no longer actively pursuing D! They are fully, 100%, legally married. How can all of this not get at least mentioned if not discussed. Unless, of course, communication has been a problem in the marriage all along. How can this be ignored?
Well the other side of this is she gets the GF experience without being the GF.
Thing is: while Most guys who get the boyfriend experience without having to be a boyfriend are doing backflips while high fiving their buddies, most girls who get the girlfriend experience without being an actual girlfriend are crying to their friends and family in between asking the guy “where do you see this going.” The two not nearly comparable. Remember Mars and Venus?
Do you know Sprial offline? I think you have a man crush or something, assuming he is a 1% man
Gee, ya think? This is why while I sometimes will take Ginger to task, there are other times I totally love her - or at least love her comments. Of course it could also be in the definition being used for a 1% man
Originally Posted by BL42
At the risk of being repetitive, the cleaning/dishes/laundry is odd enough but the hanging of wedding pictures is just bizarro crazy. And neither of you nor your W mention it? Isn't that a major elephant in the room? I get some things are better left unsaid, but this seems like an item to address.
Ya think???? And then let’s not forget but add back in she recently withdrew and closed the petition for divorce. She is no longer actively pursuing D! They are fully, 100%, legally married. How can all of this not get at least mentioned if not discussed. Unless, of course, communication has been a problem in the marriage all along. How can this be ignored?
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Basically you get the boyfriend experience, without actually having to be a boyfriend?
Thing is: while Most guys who get the boyfriend experience without having to be a boyfriend are doing backflips while high fiving their buddies, most girls who get the girlfriend experience without being an actual girlfriend are crying to their friends and family in between asking the guy “where do you see this going.” The two not nearly comparable. Remember Mars and Venus?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by LH19
I think you would be shocked what women will overlook for a 1% man.
Do you know Sprial offline? I think you have a man crush or something, assuming he is a 1% man
Gee, ya think? This is why while I sometimes will take Ginger to task, there are other times I totally love her - or at least love her comments. Of course it could also be in the definition being used for a 1% man
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 06:09 PM
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by Spiral
I also have no intention of reconciliation.
Originally Posted by Spiral
I could get someone else to check on the dog.
Hanging the pictures on the wall is creepy AF.
Akin to peeing in the corner.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 06:22 PM
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is. I just have a high income, high status job that it is pretty easy to verify with google. And it tends to grab the attention of women in the entertainment industry or who want to be part of the entertainment industry.
I also did mention the wedding pictures to my ex and ask why she did it. She said she thought it looked empty without them. Shortly after it happened, I put the pictures back in a drawer (not in my bedroom), where they have been almost from the start. But I left it at that.
And G, I don't think it is modern dating. I think she's letting me get away with it and she shouldn't if she wants a commitment. But she never said that she did and I don't bring it up.
I also did mention the wedding pictures to my ex and ask why she did it. She said she thought it looked empty without them. Shortly after it happened, I put the pictures back in a drawer (not in my bedroom), where they have been almost from the start. But I left it at that.
And G, I don't think it is modern dating. I think she's letting me get away with it and she shouldn't if she wants a commitment. But she never said that she did and I don't bring it up.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 06:27 PM
So Spiral, your wife had to go looking for the wedding photos in order to put them up?
Are you ok with her doing that?
I'm trying to imagine what that would have been like in my sitch ... my exh did come in and take care of our dog when I went to Death Valley for a long weekend. It was different in that it was my apartment rather than our marital home. Had he snooped though? That would not have been welcome. Not that there's anything to hide, but it's a violation of privacy which should be honored, especially by the person who initiated the breakup, imho.
Are you ok with her doing that?
I'm trying to imagine what that would have been like in my sitch ... my exh did come in and take care of our dog when I went to Death Valley for a long weekend. It was different in that it was my apartment rather than our marital home. Had he snooped though? That would not have been welcome. Not that there's anything to hide, but it's a violation of privacy which should be honored, especially by the person who initiated the breakup, imho.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 06:47 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is. I just have a high income, high status job that it is pretty easy to verify with google. And it tends to grab the attention of women in the entertainment industry or who want to be part of the entertainment industry.
I think Spiral is a porn director lol.
Originally Posted by Spiral
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is.
A guy who wakes up to 50 matches on bumble, dates models without commitment and accepts Donny H's jealousy and distain for him without firing back.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 06:59 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I also did mention the wedding pictures to my ex and ask why she did it.
Originally Posted by Spiral
She said she thought it looked empty without them.
So Spiral...how did you respond to her answer?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 07:06 PM
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Spiral
I also did mention the wedding pictures to my ex and ask why she did it.
Originally Posted by Spiral
She said she thought it looked empty without them.
So Spiral...how did you respond to her answer?
Deliberate act to do two things:
1. claim her territory/remind Spiral of their prior happiness and
2. bug the crap out of Spiral's current lady friend.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 07:52 PM
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Deliberate act to do two things:
1. claim her territory/remind Spiral of their prior happiness and
2. bug the crap out of Spiral's current lady friend.
1. claim her territory/remind Spiral of their prior happiness and
2. bug the crap out of Spiral's current lady friend.
This is what is creepy:
Originally Posted by bttrfly
So Spiral, your wife had to go looking for the wedding photos in order to put them up?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 07:57 PM
I wouldn’t doubt she planted her dirty panties in special spots
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 08:20 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I wouldn’t doubt she planted her dirty panties in special spots
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 08:35 PM
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I wouldn’t doubt she planted her dirty panties in special spots
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 08:38 PM
Replacing ED prescription with laxatives
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 08:46 PM
Originally Posted by Spiral
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is.
Words have meaning - and terms have definitions, or so I thought. This is exactly why I have said, multiple times, "depending on what a one-percenter is." I thought these were pretty universally accepted terms. Perhaps not so much.
So I've long believed and continue to believe that a ten-percenter is someone who has amassed a million dollars or more in total wealth and assets. It get's it's name from the fact that about 10% of the USA have become ten-percenters. Turns out, that this ten-percenter term may be nothing more than slang.
ten percenter
in American English
informal
an agent, esp. an actor's agent, whose fee is 10 percent of a client's salary
LMAO - OMG, so I guess I'm not a ten-percenter after all as I'm certainly not now, nor ever been an actors agent.
So what about the one-percenter? I've always thought that was someone who makes no less than a million dollar annual income and is moving towards a billion dollars in assets - or at least is way, way far beyond one million - or the ten-percenter. Well, again, turns out I was closer on this one but not all the way there?
one percenter
in American English
As a noun:
1. Someone who is in the top 1% in terms of either yearly income or total assets.
2. Someone who simply appears to be rich.
3. Someone who spends an extremely large amount of money on a single interest.
4. Occasionally just refers to the first world in general.
Originally Posted by LH19
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is.
A guy who wakes up to 50 matches on bumble, dates models without commitment
A guy who wakes up to 50 matches on bumble, dates models without commitment
And LH is not even in the ballpark. If this is what is termed a one-percenter I guess I take far less issue. Although I've got to believe with all of the scammers, catfish, bots, and general goofs in their mother's basement out there, there are far more than 1% getting Bumble matches and dating "models" without commitment. Of course that now means we also have to define "models" and also "commitment". I've dated several models, and two miss Wisconsin finalists, and was never committed to either of them. But I'd never consider myself a one-percenter though I am a ten-percenter, just not the actor's agent kind.
WORDS HAVE MEAINING!!! So where did you get this one-percenter term LH? Or is this another term dreamed up by the coach?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 08:59 PM
Okay, found a little more - if anyone cares... According to Madison Advisors and the IRS:
Ten-percenters in the USA have an annual income of $145,135 and a net worth of $1,182,390
One-percenters in the USA have an annual income of $515,371 and a net worth of $10,374,030
And one would presume, live the life-style afforded by those statistics... and attract models whom they don't have to commit to, perhaps?
Ten-percenters in the USA have an annual income of $145,135 and a net worth of $1,182,390
One-percenters in the USA have an annual income of $515,371 and a net worth of $10,374,030
And one would presume, live the life-style afforded by those statistics... and attract models whom they don't have to commit to, perhaps?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 09:13 PM
Okay, and finally - I PROMISE
I wish I would have known this right away or all along. I can totally believe that women looking to break into "show-business" or further their career will throw themselves at someone they believe can help them!!! This has been going on forever. Some guys have made a life out of it. Some have gotten in big trouble for it as well, though. I mean this is pretty legendary stuff and has happened at all levels.
So if all you claim is you have women chasing you at least in part with hopes that you can help them, I totally believe you. It was the whole 1% thing (using the above definitions) that I did not believe - and turns out, for darn good reason!!!
I totally blame LH19 for all of it!!!!
And apologize, Spiral
Originally Posted by Spiral
I just have a high income, high status job that it is pretty easy to verify with google. And it tends to grab the attention of women in the entertainment industry or who want to be part of the entertainment industry.
I wish I would have known this right away or all along. I can totally believe that women looking to break into "show-business" or further their career will throw themselves at someone they believe can help them!!! This has been going on forever. Some guys have made a life out of it. Some have gotten in big trouble for it as well, though. I mean this is pretty legendary stuff and has happened at all levels.
So if all you claim is you have women chasing you at least in part with hopes that you can help them, I totally believe you. It was the whole 1% thing (using the above definitions) that I did not believe - and turns out, for darn good reason!!!
I totally blame LH19 for all of it!!!!
And apologize, Spiral
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 10:38 PM
Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Spiral
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is.
Words have meaning - and terms have definitions, or so I thought. This is exactly why I have said, multiple times, "depending on what a one-percenter is." I thought these were pretty universally accepted terms. Perhaps not so much.
So I've long believed and continue to believe that a ten-percenter is someone who has amassed a million dollars or more in total wealth and assets. It get's it's name from the fact that about 10% of the USA have become ten-percenters. Turns out, that this ten-percenter term may be nothing more than slang.
ten percenter
in American English
informal
an agent, esp. an actor's agent, whose fee is 10 percent of a client's salary
LMAO - OMG, so I guess I'm not a ten-percenter after all as I'm certainly not now, nor ever been an actors agent.
So what about the one-percenter? I've always thought that was someone who makes no less than a million dollar annual income and is moving towards a billion dollars in assets - or at least is way, way far beyond one million - or the ten-percenter. Well, again, turns out I was closer on this one but not all the way there?
one percenter
in American English
As a noun:
1. Someone who is in the top 1% in terms of either yearly income or total assets.
2. Someone who simply appears to be rich.
3. Someone who spends an extremely large amount of money on a single interest.
4. Occasionally just refers to the first world in general.
Originally Posted by LH19
I'm not sure what LH's definition of a 1% man is.
A guy who wakes up to 50 matches on bumble, dates models without commitment
A guy who wakes up to 50 matches on bumble, dates models without commitment
And LH is not even in the ballpark. If this is what is termed a one-percenter I guess I take far less issue. Although I've got to believe with all of the scammers, catfish, bots, and general goofs in their mother's basement out there, there are far more than 1% getting Bumble matches and dating "models" without commitment. Of course that now means we also have to define "models" and also "commitment". I've dated several models, and two miss Wisconsin finalists, and was never committed to either of them. But I'd never consider myself a one-percenter though I am a ten-percenter, just not the actor's agent kind.
WORDS HAVE MEAINING!!! So where did you get this one-percenter term LH? Or is this another term dreamed up by the coach?
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 10:58 PM
One model. He dated on model.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/20/23 10:59 PM
Originally Posted by Taz
Replacing ED prescription with laxatives
Re: Nothing Works - 01/21/23 07:13 AM
Bttfrfly, Death valley? One of my favorite places on the planet.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/21/23 09:31 PM
Originally Posted by Vapo
Bttfrfly, Death valley? One of my favorite places on the planet.
Re: Nothing Works - 01/22/23 01:38 AM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by Taz
Replacing ED prescription with laxatives
Re: Nothing Works - 01/26/23 10:00 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
Wisconsin must be one butt ugly state lol.
They were actually rather beautiful. The one who won the crown still is. Although I just saw a pic of her husband and I’d swear he looks like her dad! Of course I was a in my 20s and neither went far but I’m reserving the bragging rights anyhow.
Re: Nothing Works - 04/24/23 03:33 AM
So, I thought that I would pop in for a quick update. The third anniversary of BD has come and gone. She withdrew the divorce petition and never refiled. I have not filed either. She texts me a lot these days. Sometimes I respond. Often I don't. There's nothing to indicate that she's ever considered reconciliation. She blames me for the divorce. She is still very angry with me and continues to plan her forever with OM. But we're still legally married. I don't understand why.
However, life is good and I'm forever grateful for DBing and the advice. I think it's why I found a way to be happy again so soon.
However, life is good and I'm forever grateful for DBing and the advice. I think it's why I found a way to be happy again so soon.
Re: Nothing Works - 04/24/23 12:46 PM
So you're married to someone that is with someone else. And you have no plan to file for D.
That confuses me.
Why aren't you filing? It's been 3 years. No one could blame you for not being patient.
That confuses me.
Why aren't you filing? It's been 3 years. No one could blame you for not being patient.
Re: Nothing Works - 04/24/23 12:46 PM
So you're married to someone that is with someone else. And you have no plan to file for D.
That confuses me.
Why aren't you filing? It's been 3 years. No one could blame you for not being patient.
That confuses me.
Why aren't you filing? It's been 3 years. No one could blame you for not being patient.
Re: Nothing Works - 04/24/23 03:04 PM
What is the reason she pulled? Is she still using your health insurance? Is she going to lose more in the divorce? Is she riding out child support? There's gotta be some reason.
What is the trigger that gets you to say I'm done, and file yourself?
What is the trigger that gets you to say I'm done, and file yourself?
Re: Nothing Works - 05/08/23 06:13 AM
There are three primary differences between legal separation and divorce. If you are legally separated, you cannot remarry someone else, you can still be covered by your spouse's company sponsored health, dental, vision, and life insurance and it is easier to undo than a divorce if you reconcile. That last point is why I pushed for a legal separation at the beginning of the process. I wanted to give myself the best chance at reconciling if things went south with OM. Then, I never filed anything else.
As I understand it, my choice was either legal separation setting the agreed financial terms in stone or starting divorce proceedings with the potential to continue fighting over financial terms. Getting the financial aspects squared away once and for all seemed like the better move. The insurance coverages don't cost any more or less if she gets coverage.
As for filing something new to terminate my marital status, I'm not sure what it is worth to me. I never want to get married again and, if I change my mind, I can always file then. Of course, ending the legal process separated was never my goal. I was just trying to bust my divorce and I ended up separated.
As I understand it, my choice was either legal separation setting the agreed financial terms in stone or starting divorce proceedings with the potential to continue fighting over financial terms. Getting the financial aspects squared away once and for all seemed like the better move. The insurance coverages don't cost any more or less if she gets coverage.
As for filing something new to terminate my marital status, I'm not sure what it is worth to me. I never want to get married again and, if I change my mind, I can always file then. Of course, ending the legal process separated was never my goal. I was just trying to bust my divorce and I ended up separated.
Re: Nothing Works - 05/08/23 05:26 PM
Spiral, if you're not in IC, is highly suggest it. I'm thinking you need to work on your self-esteem. Staying married in case things went south with OM? I mean that's the epitome of being plan B.
It's your life, c you can do what your want, but I'm rooting for Spiral to be better tomorrow then he is today. I'm saddened to not see you moving towards that.
It's your life, c you can do what your want, but I'm rooting for Spiral to be better tomorrow then he is today. I'm saddened to not see you moving towards that.
Re: Nothing Works - 05/09/23 02:05 AM
Steve,
I understand what you're saying. But the legal separation happened three years ago, which was six weeks into my sitch and I have 50/50 custody of my children. If I file for D, the Court has the power to set aside the custody order and reduce the time I have with my children. She has a big financial incentive to reduce the time I have with my children, especially if she is losing her health, dental, vision, and life insurance among other things. And I don't want to risk losing time with my children for whatever benefit being divorced has over being separated.
Spiral
I understand what you're saying. But the legal separation happened three years ago, which was six weeks into my sitch and I have 50/50 custody of my children. If I file for D, the Court has the power to set aside the custody order and reduce the time I have with my children. She has a big financial incentive to reduce the time I have with my children, especially if she is losing her health, dental, vision, and life insurance among other things. And I don't want to risk losing time with my children for whatever benefit being divorced has over being separated.
Spiral