I just can't win! - 11/13/18 06:33 PM
I have been on this forum before and now am back again. I will try not to be long winded in my explanation of the current circumstances I find myself. But guess I need to give as much of a background as possible.
So I was married and my wife left after I discovered her cheating on me. During the early portion of our breakup and divorce I was working on the advice we all get on this board.... improve yourself, eat better, go to the gym, focus on you. Well I was jogging and going to the gym. During one of my jogs, I met a woman (she saw me jogging and text me) we became jogging buddies, and eventually started a relationship. At first we just started dating and it progressed. She told me she loved me, introduced me to her family and friends and we became a couple. We were always together but maintained our separate interests her jogging and I transitioned to cycling. Everything was great for 3 years, we rarely disagreed. In fact I can only think of a few things we truly disagreed upon and that is how I did not stand up to my ex regarding my ex step son for how she treated him and me (which I explained to her it was more important for me to have a relationship with him than to put my ex in her place about it) and then in sports because she felt my step son took her child's spot on the team and since I was a coach I was involved with that decision. However, I was not and told the other coaches I wanted to stay out of the decision on that and they agreed. Finally she was upset that my divorce seemed to take so long. Both those issues where a year ago and things seemed normal. I finished the divorce and she was so happy.
Well then there were two weeks just recently where she seemed off... not herself toward me. Months prior to these two weeks she was very stressed at work as they were severely short staffed and she was doing the work of 3 people, her youngest son was injured and required to see on orthopedic doctor, and her other son got caught using a vape and she was very stressed about it. She was also plagued sick during that time with sinus issues. So one night on a weekend she cancelled plans with me, saying she wasnt feeling well. Feeling something was wrong, I asked her if WE were ok. She said she was and just needed some alone time. I explained by text that the reason I asked was "I understand but I also noticed or feel like you dont like me touching you, you seem hesitant to say I love you, and I cant tell you the last time we were intimate. Well I can but that's why I havent tried since. Dont answer maybe just better to talk in person." To which she responded we text our goodnights and she said I love you and we will talk tomorrow.
The next day I went over and we talked. She started off with she is not happy and she loves me but is not in love with me. She went on to explain how it was not fair to me that I want to live together and get married and she doesn't. I was floored! She also said that it started when my kid took her kids spot on the team and while that was a tough time for us, we got managed through it. Finally, she noted her own current low sex drive and how that was not fair to me. I said about we need to communicate and work these issues out and as we continued to talk, before I started crying and begging I told her I was going to leave. I did text her that night and thanked her for 3 great years and said I loved her and always would. She responded I just deserved someone that felt the same about me and she would always be my friend just not my girlfriend or life partner.
So after that I have had minimal contact with her. I text her about needing some time to pick up my stuff so I did not make a fool of myself. She likes my stuff on strava and I like her stuff. She hasn't changed our relationship status on facebook and other than her kids and parents I do not think she told anyone.
Now its three weeks later... I text saying I will pick up my stuff this weekend and I would like to talk. My intention is not to beg, but her to reconsider her decision and for us to take a big step back to just dating again. I know me telling her how much I love her is not going to change her mind, in fact its just gonna make her lose respect for me. Rather I just want her to look back on all our good times and what we have been through and decide if this is what she really wants or if she wants to make an attempt to work it out. Not to answer me at that time but to consider it over some time and let me know. She has been honest that she has a history of just running away.
So that is my story... Any advice?
So I was married and my wife left after I discovered her cheating on me. During the early portion of our breakup and divorce I was working on the advice we all get on this board.... improve yourself, eat better, go to the gym, focus on you. Well I was jogging and going to the gym. During one of my jogs, I met a woman (she saw me jogging and text me) we became jogging buddies, and eventually started a relationship. At first we just started dating and it progressed. She told me she loved me, introduced me to her family and friends and we became a couple. We were always together but maintained our separate interests her jogging and I transitioned to cycling. Everything was great for 3 years, we rarely disagreed. In fact I can only think of a few things we truly disagreed upon and that is how I did not stand up to my ex regarding my ex step son for how she treated him and me (which I explained to her it was more important for me to have a relationship with him than to put my ex in her place about it) and then in sports because she felt my step son took her child's spot on the team and since I was a coach I was involved with that decision. However, I was not and told the other coaches I wanted to stay out of the decision on that and they agreed. Finally she was upset that my divorce seemed to take so long. Both those issues where a year ago and things seemed normal. I finished the divorce and she was so happy.
Well then there were two weeks just recently where she seemed off... not herself toward me. Months prior to these two weeks she was very stressed at work as they were severely short staffed and she was doing the work of 3 people, her youngest son was injured and required to see on orthopedic doctor, and her other son got caught using a vape and she was very stressed about it. She was also plagued sick during that time with sinus issues. So one night on a weekend she cancelled plans with me, saying she wasnt feeling well. Feeling something was wrong, I asked her if WE were ok. She said she was and just needed some alone time. I explained by text that the reason I asked was "I understand but I also noticed or feel like you dont like me touching you, you seem hesitant to say I love you, and I cant tell you the last time we were intimate. Well I can but that's why I havent tried since. Dont answer maybe just better to talk in person." To which she responded we text our goodnights and she said I love you and we will talk tomorrow.
The next day I went over and we talked. She started off with she is not happy and she loves me but is not in love with me. She went on to explain how it was not fair to me that I want to live together and get married and she doesn't. I was floored! She also said that it started when my kid took her kids spot on the team and while that was a tough time for us, we got managed through it. Finally, she noted her own current low sex drive and how that was not fair to me. I said about we need to communicate and work these issues out and as we continued to talk, before I started crying and begging I told her I was going to leave. I did text her that night and thanked her for 3 great years and said I loved her and always would. She responded I just deserved someone that felt the same about me and she would always be my friend just not my girlfriend or life partner.
So after that I have had minimal contact with her. I text her about needing some time to pick up my stuff so I did not make a fool of myself. She likes my stuff on strava and I like her stuff. She hasn't changed our relationship status on facebook and other than her kids and parents I do not think she told anyone.
Now its three weeks later... I text saying I will pick up my stuff this weekend and I would like to talk. My intention is not to beg, but her to reconsider her decision and for us to take a big step back to just dating again. I know me telling her how much I love her is not going to change her mind, in fact its just gonna make her lose respect for me. Rather I just want her to look back on all our good times and what we have been through and decide if this is what she really wants or if she wants to make an attempt to work it out. Not to answer me at that time but to consider it over some time and let me know. She has been honest that she has a history of just running away.
So that is my story... Any advice?