WW, kinda dont want to divorce. - 09/19/18 07:56 PM
Right, my story is weird so bear with me.
My wife and I were married in april, we were together for a bit over 4 years at that point. She's 30 and I will be 27 next saturday. During a turbulent time living at my parents (we found my father in cardiac arrest on january 1,performed cpr and he was "perfectly fine" after 6 weeks of coma) things were tense. So two weeks after the wedding her colleague (now OM) kissed her, and she was actually trying to work on it. My ego did take a giant hit, and it was hard for me to let it go. We went on our honeymoon, things were well again. Untill I started my new job.(Where she and OM work aswell) at an It detachment firm. She was already on a 2 year project, so we werent working together) It was the happiest she saw me in years, and it aparantly made her feel like she wasnt able to make me happy. Shortly after I found out she was back in contact with OM. I confronted her, and she said she wanted a divorce. That crushed me, so I started begging and pleading. (I used to be extremely confident, so its quite a terrible sight). Well, next morning she seemed to be fine again, and we went our normal business and I tried to do better (yes, doing all the things I never did in an attempt to nice her back, all while being spineless and afraid) This only made things worse, and even though she suggested we went into counceling I could feel her pull away. She started drinking everyday,, and basically bounced between willing to save it, and completely wanting out. I no longer recognized her, she was always very caring to me and our dogs (doggy parents)
But this changed. She got fired from the project, and so did the OM ( she said a manager was hitting on her).
I decided at some point it wasnt worth going through this, if ahe didnt respect me. So I started detaching (from the drama,not her) this worked.. But evertime something happened to her(because of her own destructive behavior) she would blame me for all of her issues, and pull away again. She started telling me things like that she was more of a "free love" kind of girl in the first place, and was only interested in bdsm right now. (She broke up with her ex because he wanted an open relationship, so im calling bs ) A month ago I found out she was having a PA with OM, and he had left his wife. She tried to deny it at first, and wanted more counceling. (While tellling me she still wanted out) but she left the house the same day. At work the rumors started going, as she was not trying to hide her "friendship" (she still insists that they are in love, but are just friends). I tried to keep it low profile, as I did not want to get her fired (I went dark for a 3 weeks, and only responded to the dog related stuff) Last friday HR came to me and asked how I was dealing with the situation. As she seemed to know everything already I didnt deny any of the rumours.
My wife was extremely angry with me, because both her and OM are now on the shortlist for being fired (though their shared history at the last project isnt helping either). I for some reason still very much love her. I am however completely aware that persuing isnt doing me any good. And thus I am living my life, and seem to be doing way better than she is.
I no longer feel that all that has happened is my fault either. And most of the time I am able to completely detach (,and other than greetings pretty much ignore her at work)
On the brightside, regarding 180's. Because of the therapy I was diagnosed with the top 1% of ADHD along with dystemia. I never considered myself a very hyperactive person, so I figured it would be ADD.
But in the end it did kinda all fall into place, and Im glad it did.
The meds are a godsend though, along with some therapy.
She send me a list tonight with stuff she wants to have, yet she wants to stay co-owner of the house.. The mystery of women..
Im rambling, nice to mee ya!
My wife and I were married in april, we were together for a bit over 4 years at that point. She's 30 and I will be 27 next saturday. During a turbulent time living at my parents (we found my father in cardiac arrest on january 1,performed cpr and he was "perfectly fine" after 6 weeks of coma) things were tense. So two weeks after the wedding her colleague (now OM) kissed her, and she was actually trying to work on it. My ego did take a giant hit, and it was hard for me to let it go. We went on our honeymoon, things were well again. Untill I started my new job.(Where she and OM work aswell) at an It detachment firm. She was already on a 2 year project, so we werent working together) It was the happiest she saw me in years, and it aparantly made her feel like she wasnt able to make me happy. Shortly after I found out she was back in contact with OM. I confronted her, and she said she wanted a divorce. That crushed me, so I started begging and pleading. (I used to be extremely confident, so its quite a terrible sight). Well, next morning she seemed to be fine again, and we went our normal business and I tried to do better (yes, doing all the things I never did in an attempt to nice her back, all while being spineless and afraid) This only made things worse, and even though she suggested we went into counceling I could feel her pull away. She started drinking everyday,, and basically bounced between willing to save it, and completely wanting out. I no longer recognized her, she was always very caring to me and our dogs (doggy parents)
But this changed. She got fired from the project, and so did the OM ( she said a manager was hitting on her).
I decided at some point it wasnt worth going through this, if ahe didnt respect me. So I started detaching (from the drama,not her) this worked.. But evertime something happened to her(because of her own destructive behavior) she would blame me for all of her issues, and pull away again. She started telling me things like that she was more of a "free love" kind of girl in the first place, and was only interested in bdsm right now. (She broke up with her ex because he wanted an open relationship, so im calling bs ) A month ago I found out she was having a PA with OM, and he had left his wife. She tried to deny it at first, and wanted more counceling. (While tellling me she still wanted out) but she left the house the same day. At work the rumors started going, as she was not trying to hide her "friendship" (she still insists that they are in love, but are just friends). I tried to keep it low profile, as I did not want to get her fired (I went dark for a 3 weeks, and only responded to the dog related stuff) Last friday HR came to me and asked how I was dealing with the situation. As she seemed to know everything already I didnt deny any of the rumours.
My wife was extremely angry with me, because both her and OM are now on the shortlist for being fired (though their shared history at the last project isnt helping either). I for some reason still very much love her. I am however completely aware that persuing isnt doing me any good. And thus I am living my life, and seem to be doing way better than she is.
I no longer feel that all that has happened is my fault either. And most of the time I am able to completely detach (,and other than greetings pretty much ignore her at work)
On the brightside, regarding 180's. Because of the therapy I was diagnosed with the top 1% of ADHD along with dystemia. I never considered myself a very hyperactive person, so I figured it would be ADD.
But in the end it did kinda all fall into place, and Im glad it did.
The meds are a godsend though, along with some therapy.
She send me a list tonight with stuff she wants to have, yet she wants to stay co-owner of the house.. The mystery of women..
Im rambling, nice to mee ya!