I love the opening line on your profile. I am going to use it with a twist for mine.
I am 5'11 ladies, but I love women who rock their heels.
Ok so I just opened it up and pulled up the first girl.......smoking hot. Says she is in to wine, travel and is a sapiosexual. I had to look it up
I guess that means she is into the mind and intellectual conversation. Uggh......she scares me. Not sure what to do.
It just means she's attracted to smart people and likes to talk about interesting things. That, plus hotness = SWIPE.
LOL.....I swiped
That is awesome!
I am on a roll now....just swiped on a L from Notre Dame. Work is going by so fast today
Keep on swipin' brotha!!!! That sapiosexual lady sounds great. Making me want to jump on the dating bandwagon and see what's out there
Duuude....this swiping is very addictive! Thank god I can shut my office door
easy tiger!!! calm down!! you guys are having to much fun- It's almost like prom night in high school!! Just keep smilin!!
Ok.....after 4 hours of swiping it is now a waiting game. Those that originally swiped on me I did not swipe on them so they are gone. I feel like this is a full time job
Curiosity got the best of me..... I joined.
I am suspicious as to why most of these guys are also smokin' hot...... almost seems fake..... until a guy I know and went on a date with came up, then I knew at least he is real. I swiped right as a joke, since we still kid with each other.
Seriously though, most look like models with some sort of great career...
LOL.....I guess I know my competition then. Maybe I need to bust out the gym selfies
most look like models with some sort of great career...
Not to be Debbie Downer, but just remember, just like you're putting up the best pictures you can find of yourself, so are they. And they are spinning the narrative to make themselves sound great. I'm not saying there aren't some great women out there, just take each one with a grain of salt.
Best of luck.
Ok.....after 4 hours of swiping it is now a waiting game. Those that originally swiped on me I did not swipe on them so they are gone. I feel like this is a full time job
Not one of the 20 were swipe-able?
I feel like this is a full time job
That's great! I wouldn't suggest going crazy with the swiping.
It becomes kind of exhausting holding conversations with too many women at a time, and if the conversations lead to dates, that's a lot of juggling. Just my $ .02....
So far I have swiped R on maybe 10 to 15 ladies out of IDK how many. I paid $23 for the month to be able to see who swiped on me. I didn't care for any of them. Maybe I am too picky but I won't settle.
That's why I think IRL is much much better.
V
Good for you dude!Enjoy!
You got me wanting to join. Just waiting for my W to move out. Don't want to start off on the wrong foot regarding why we can't go back to my place lol!
Had to scratch a big check for house equity today. Ouch!
Got a text Friday from the young lady I met at the beach last year. Wants to know if we can hang out at the beach this year.
Life goes on brother.
V - Yes, I am open to both. If nothing else at minimum I get to mingle a little bit and get some interaction so I can practice my game. It's fun and I don't have any expectations.
LH - Yes, I cut that check last month. It stings, not gonna lie. I definitely would wait until your W is gone for a few different reasons. I would definitely respond to that! And yes, life keeps rolling on. I am not the first person to get D'd and I won't be the last.
It actually makes you feel better looking at all of the ladies out there with children. I ran across one who was widowed and a mom of 3 boys. It just puts it all into perspective.
Sure does!
One of the quotes that helped me out early on was no one ever died from a divorce. Also, happy marriages never end in divorce.
Better things are ahead I am sure of it. Just understanding that difference between men and women are going to help immensely in the dating world.
Not to be Debbie Downer, but just remember, just like you're putting up the best pictures you can find of yourself, so are they. And they are spinning the narrative to make themselves sound great.
I am trying to weed out those that seem to have old pictures and if they have no BIO they are completely out. Tend to focus on those with kids as I think that will be an obvious no brainer if something serious transpires.
Some of the pictures are also kinda fuzzy and not clear....or if they don't have full length body shots I tend to throw those out as well.
Better things are ahead I am sure of it. Just understanding that difference between men and women are going to help immensely in the dating world.
Of course better things are ahead, I believe that 100 per cent. Yes, I agree,just being more knowledgeable and less naive is going to be a hug leg up on the competition.
I was nervous at first that I might run into my EW s profile if she uses BUMBL....so far so good
Check the spelling on naive - no special character, caused the disappearing post
Not to be Debbie Downer, but just remember, just like you're putting up the best pictures you can find of yourself, so are they. And they are spinning the narrative to make themselves sound great.
I am trying to weed out those that seem to have old pictures and if they have no BIO they are completely out. Tend to focus on those with kids as I think that will be an obvious no brainer if something serious transpires.
Some of the pictures are also kinda fuzzy and not clear....or if they don't have full length body shots I tend to throw those out as well.
I've been at this online dating thing, on and off, way too long, and what I have learned.....
I do not put my best pictures up at all. I actually put maybe one nice picture, and the rest are as real as can be: one without make-up, full body shots, and some of me doing something stupid..... like the one of me eating a turkey leg in Disney, or the one I put up of me in front of the Christmas tree in my Christmas pug t shirt and weird Christmas leggings with a bottle of wine in one hand and my santa wine glass in another.....oh, and the one of me at a beer fest kissing a piece of stuffed bacon. I have curly hair that I straighten sometimes, and I make sure I have pictures of both.
I have intentions of meeting people, and I keep it as real as can be, because, really, who wants to be disappointed in person? It would probably make me really sad if a guy felt "duped" by my pictures online. Who wants to be a let down. SO usually, a guy is physically attracted to me in person, as well as in pictures, because I don't deceive or use stupid filters. what you see is what you get!
This bumble thing is blowing up my phone. Good looking guys, but horrible conversationalists.
Don't worry, J, its early in the game, have fun with it. If you can grab a date, do it, it's good practice anyways, and you never know, you might like her.
P.S., my humor is also very, um, not typical for a woman. I try to keep it on the d.l. though, because I can be so inappropriate, guys think I want only one thing!
My pictures are all recent within the last year so I found it difficult to find a ton of those amazing shots. Most of the amazing ones of me on vacation, on the beach, etc. have the EW in them as well so obviously that won't work and cropping just made them look weird.
I have a buddy that used BUMBL and he said it took a little time. I will admit that I did have a little complex last night as to why my phone wasn't blowing up but I am not sweating it any more. I assume the girls get more swipes than the guys any way and I also assume the ladies have some inventory to go through. I consider myself a pretty good looking, fit and intelligent person so it is just a matter of time.
Your right G.....just having fun with it, not taking it too serious and if something materializes and I meet a few ladies to talk to on the way then it's just a bonus. Either way I am happy, fulfilled and have two amazing girls....anything else is just a bonus.
No matches this morning
That's a great attitude to have. This is almost like another GAL activity - have fun, don't take it too seriously. You have built a great life for you and your D's and this is just adding more to it. This is a good start and now see where it takes you.
Thanks M...it is kind of fun. I change up some of my pics and my profile. See if that makes a difference.
Alright, changed the profile up again and added a couple of new pics with my dogs. Have got a few more hits but not from anyone that I would consider dating. Oh well, it is still early and it is exciting when you find out someone swiped R on picture.
In other news the EW and I have exchanged emails about every day for some sort of kid related coordination. She still jokes with me, still makes her inside jokes we had when we were together so I still find it kind of strange.
My 3rd grader is running for student council so last night I ended up at craft store with her so we could find stuff to make a poster with so she can use it for her campaign. TBH I haven't spent much time in craft stores but it was fun none the less
she also has to give a 2 min speech in front of the class so we worked on that as well.
Going out on a local lake this evening to watch fireworks with some friends. We have some really close family friends that we spend a lot of time with during the summers out boating with them. The kids love to swim, ride the jet ski's etc. so it is this time of year, when the water warms up that we really get to enjoy ourselves. We probably spend 3 out of the 4 weekends a month out with them in some capacity. Also additional opportunities for new profile pics!
Honestly, there is no substance at all to that Bumble. I have matched with a lot of guys, I sent my opening message, very few respond. I couldn't even message all of them, so I wouldn't take it personally, it's just a lot of work on the woman's end!
You should consider something with more substance. Where you actually find out a little more than a one-liner.
I got a lot of interest on the other sites, but not nearly as much as this one. Why? Because it's all by looks. (not saying I am some drop-dead gorgeous hottie) but I think if men realized I had a child, I was divorced, or our interests didn't match, they would have never chosen me.
Anyways, have fun this weekend. My daughter alerted me this morning that we have to "DIY" her friend day shirt by next Friday. She is with her father all weekend, but, she knows who to go to do anything that actually needs to get done.
FWIW, I bet you end up dating someone you meet the "natural" way.
Thanks G.....I am not too concerned. For me it's just kind of fun right now to dip my toes into the water and get comfortable with putting myself out there again if you know what I mean.
It seems to me that the ladies are probably overwhelmed with men initiating to them so I might just sit back, not swipe on anyone and see who initiates with me.
I think I would prefer to meet someone the natural way so maybe I will run into someone at the lake this weekend!!! The girls always have a fun time on the boat and I need to work on my tan as well.
My EW is certainly more creative than me but when it comes to their school stuff and activities we are individually responsible for making it happen. It's too bad your Ex won't step up. I assume you have tried to get him to or do you just automatically assume that role? There is a D'd mom on my youngests soccer team that does the same thing. When it comes to getting anything done it is always her responsibility.
Man my EW doesn't know how lucky she is
She's gonna find out though
J9,
She's def about to find out. She's the fool now!
Yes, thats right JJ. She is going to have regrets if they haven't already started to creep in.
Well I just realized a little while ago that today is my 1 yr anniversary of the most transformational period in my life. I was at the gym this morning, laying at the pool after my workout and it just hit me that this is where I was at with me EW and girls when she told me. I remember sitting together, watching the girls swim and it was kind of a crappy day weather wise and she leaned over, told me she was not happy and wanted a Divorce. Crazy how time flies.
Here I am a year later, still standing, stronger than ever and moving forward with my life. Took the girls out on the boat Friday night to see the fireworks with some friends. They had a great time and interestingly enough I get a text from the EW at 9:30 asking me about how our oldest D did with something at school. I mean really, on a Friday night you reach out and ask me such a mundane question? Whatever.
Saturday we spent all day out on the lake, swimming, getting some rays, enjoying a few adult beverages so everyone was pretty wiped on Saturday night. Got another text from the EW on Saturday afternoon asking me some question about a service she was subscribing to from the company I work at. Since I am a steward of the company I did help her, got some things squared away for so she was ready to go this week. I guess she just cant help herself.
Yesterday took the girls to church and then dropped them off at the EW's arounf noon. I had some things to wrap up her place with the move so I didn't get out of there until around 2:30. As I was finishing up the EW asked me if I had closure and I told her I did and then she asked if I wanted to go out to eat. I poltely declined and told her I didn't think it was good for the girls, our oldest is very perceptive and I don't want to give her any false hope. She then asked me how much money she owed me for some things that I bought and she sent me the money.
She was very complimentary of the work I did, told me how good I was, how much I "rocked" etc. It just sounds funny coming from someone that doesn't want to be with me.
Ended up going out with some friends last night and got home around 11. It was fun but there was no opportunity to make any female connections. Additionally the online dating scene has been a bust so far but thats ok it is still early on in the process.
This morning I hit the gym, laid out at the pool and now I am home. Need to fold some laundry and do a few things around the house however no other plans so may just chill the rest of the day.
Next week I have a coaches meeting as I volunteered to coach my youngest basketball team this summer. My oldest is givng her student council speech tomorrow at 8 am so I will go to her school and watch. That should be fun. Other than that back to work, hitting the gym and hopefully I'll get some interest from an interesting lady.
Anyway that's about it.....just living and keep moving forward.
Great update. You really are in a much better place.
The online dating is a nightmare stay away from that. Your next R will happen naturally.
Great update J. You are transitioning nicely into post-D life. Good to hear about your D's as well. It's amazing how the time creeps up on you. In the beginning, every day was excruciatingly slow, and life was in slow motion. But, then over time the rhythm returns back to normal and it's quite something.
Yep and I got my first match on Bumble last night.......now just waiting for her to initiate the conversation
Oh nice!
I ALMOST had a Bumble date, until he turned nutso on me. I also had a fine looking guy send me a picture of himself pretty much naked.....
Enough about me. I hope she messages you, is normal, and you go out and have a good time.
Sounds like a great weekend you had.
Your exW is still having a tough time understanding what exH means. Being this single free woman isn't all it's cracked up to be!
Seriously, her loss. I come and read these sitch's of WAW and some of them I want to find the WAW and smack them upside the head to let such a man go. They all deserve to be married to my exH for a while to see how good they really had it.
Your exW is still having a tough time understanding what exH means. Being this single free woman isn't all it's cracked up to be!
Seriously, her loss. I come and read these sitch's of WAW and some of them I want to find the WAW and smack them upside the head to let such a man go. They all deserve to be married to my exH for a while to see how good they really had it.
hahahaha. this made me smile.
Please go smack my WW. Id buy you a steak.
I ALMOST had a Bumble date, until he turned nutso on me. I also had a fine looking guy send me a picture of himself pretty much naked.....
I here that is quite common......G-Money did you get a D pick???
Enough about me. I hope she messages you, is normal, and you go out and have a good time.
I think she will she seems like the type of person that would do so.
Yeah...the weekend was AWESOME. I really had a good time.
Oh G and yes.....my EW is a fricken idiot!
I ALMOST had a Bumble date, until he turned nutso on me. I also had a fine looking guy send me a picture of himself pretty much naked.....
I here that is quite common......G-Money did you get a D pick???
Everything but the D.
Classy men.
LOL LOL......I can't even imagine. The good news that I am getting a peak at my competition.
Well my first match didn't send me a text message so she timed out on me. I could have extended it another 24 hrs but I'm not desperate so if you can't or don't want to respond in 24 hrs then your not worth it anyway.
So it's been a week, had 1 match, and no conversations yet with any ladies. Not overly successful but it has been fun tipping my toe in the water. My friends tell me to just be patient and that over time things will even out. I might also be a tad to picky as well. I had a couple of female friends and a buddy that was on the site check out my profile and pics and they said it all looks good.
My female friend showed me her match que and she had like 60 matches and 4 convo's going. It seems to me the ladies are overwhelmed and since I am new to the site they may have not see my profile especially if they are in active conversations with other dudes.
You are so many steps ahead of me in this process, but I am following your adventures online with a bit of jealousy (which I was there) and great interest. I did a lot of online dating in the pre-smartphone era back in the 2000's. I ended up getting lots of dates, but only one that turned into an actual R (not the W, met her in person).
It is definitely a lot more frightening to do it our age!
Well my first match didn't send me a text message so she timed out on me. I could have extended it another 24 hrs but I'm not desperate so if you can't or don't want to respond in 24 hrs then your not worth it anyway.
So it's been a week, had 1 match, and no conversations yet with any ladies. Not overly successful but it has been fun tipping my toe in the water. My friends tell me to just be patient and that over time things will even out. I might also be a tad to picky as well. I had a couple of female friends and a buddy that was on the site check out my profile and pics and they said it all looks good.
My female friend showed me her match que and she had like 60 matches and 4 convo's going. It seems to me the ladies are overwhelmed and since I am new to the site they may have not see my profile especially if they are in active conversations with other dudes.
I got my male friend on Bumble this weekend, who is recently single. He was scratching his head a little about why he has barely any matches or messages on any sites. I explained that is the absolute norm for guys. Men are typically the agressors. And I will admit, because I get so many messages, I don't pursue anyone on my own, I just weed through what I have.
So, it is a slow go for guys. It's completely normal. I get a sh!t ton of hits and none quality. So trust me, you would rather not have to make a full time job out of weeding through the losers.
Honestly, try Match. Bumble is so superficial and is for hook-ups. It doesn't limit who can send a message and at least there is a profile to go off of. When I go to message a guy in bumble I have nothing to say except something about his looks because there is no info on there, and that is not a good convo starter.
And leads to nude pics.
Don't be discouraged. Everyone seems to have a friend for whom online dating is like shooting fish in a barrel, but I suspect most of the time it's an urban myth. Just like anything else, it takes time, especially if you're being picky.
Oh, and don't compare yours to a woman's. The ones you are selectively choosing get deluged with men clamoring for their attention.
And I will admit, because I get so many messages, I don't pursue anyone on my own, I just weed through what I have.
Thanks G....I guess that is why the only people interested in me are not someone (by looks) that I would consider dating. I assume they are the ones that the guys don't swipe on
The ones you are selectively choosing get deluged with men clamoring for their attention.
That's what I suspected Jim.....it is going to be a very slow go of it!
Well my first match didn't send me a text message so she timed out on me. I could have extended it another 24 hrs but I'm not desperate so if you can't or don't want to respond in 24 hrs then your not worth it anyway.
OK so here's some advice from my stint in online dating. This comes from the women I went out with, I would always ask them what worked and didn't work about my profile, and the profiles of others, and about how their other online dating experiences had gone:
Be aggressive. If you are sitting around waiting for women to contact you, ain't gonna happen. Women get TONS of messages, so you've got to go with something other than "hey beautiful" if you want to get your foot in the door. Comment on something you read in their profile so they know you didn't only look at their pics.
Don't post a sappy, pathetic profile description. Look at what others post and strive to post something WAY more interesting. Do some research on Google on profile recommendations, it makes a huge difference when you post something that draws someone in.
DON'T post 10 selfies to your profile. Selfies say "loser who has no friends and never goes anywhere". Post action shots of you out doing interesting things- in a museum, hanging out in a restaurant with friends, kayaking, hiking, painting, whatever. Get someone else to take the pics, even if it's just a passerby. If you have beautiful female friends then take pictures with them and post them (with their permission of course). The idea is to make yourself look valuable, interesting and exciting.
DON'T post pictures of yourself with your car or motorcycle.
DON'T post half naked pics of yourself, and for god's sake don't send nudes when you start communicating. Be tasteful, classy, a gentleman.
Be patient. If you message someone and she doesn't message you back right away, don't send her hate mail (you would be amazed at how often that happens).
And here is my number one suggestion- DON'T TAKE REJECTION PERSONALLY. If someone doesn't reply to your message, or they reply and say not interested, move on to the next half dozen. Maybe you don't have enough hair, or too much hair, or you are too young or too old or too short or too tall or look like some relative she doesn't like. You never know and it doesn't matter. Your goal is to find the one (or ones) that are like "oh hell yeah this is what I'm looking for." This is a game of numbers, you will talk to 100 before getting 2 or 3 really good dating candidates.
Oh one more suggestion, push to meet ASAP. One face-to-face meeting is worth a thousand texts. You cannot and will not get to know that person until you meet them. You'll just never know if the chemistry is there until you meet. I would usually suggest lunch or dinner or drinks in a public place. It usually only took 10 minutes or so to figure out if they were worth pursuing.
Yeah. Just to piggy-back. I had a lot of experience on old-school dating sites.
For every ten things you send out you might get 1 or 2 replies. For every ten replies you might get 3-4 dates. For every ten dates you might actually have chemistry with one person. So you have to put yourself out there a lot. Dont take anything personally.
Also, definitely push to meet. You learn so much more and so much quicker, and you avoid catfishing. Anyone who wont meet after a week or two of texting/emailing got booted for me. Also, for me the first meeting should always be casual - grab a coffee or a drink, no dinner, no movie, no event. Just a safe conversation in a public space.
Also, have fun with it. A lot of people bitch and moan about it, but I really enjoyed that period of my life (in my twenties) and the process of meeting so many different people. Eventually, I wanted to settle down and I moved away, but if you do it right it can be fun and enjoyable.
Depending on the site, the guys outnumber the gals between 1 in 8 and 1 in 35. In my age group is 1 in 53 on some sites.
My thoughts:
No selfie use pics taken by others
Use active shots, biking running dancing darts anything
One full body shot
No vests, beer no champagne yes or car no mechanics, driving yes, fish no fishing yes
No living room bedroom or bathroom (no loo pictures, naked pics)
With friends yes with kids no
One pic at least smart gear......
---------------------
Check your spelling and grammar
Say something punchy
Hobbies not reading but love action novels, not drinking but adore the taste of a great Chablis, not dancing but active jive
And so on
Our first date will be coffee and cake, let's get to know each other
You got this
V
Oh and ladies like guys in rose pink shirts and T shirts.
V
Thanks for the advice everyone.....I think my pics are solid, I had a female friend of mine review. Nothing shirtless...I do have a full body shot, a picture of me and my dog, another one of me and my buddy riding bikes, a head shot of me out with some friends and picture of me on a boat.
I am pretty laid back, chill and not complicated. I can karaoke in country bar or spend a day at the museum. I am comfortable in any situation. The individual has to be kind, funny, fit, down to earth, and can swim in a lake. I don't need anyone that is high maintenance.
I definitely have swiped L more than R and only the female can initiate the texting conversation. I do agree that the ladies get bombarded with likes so since I am new my name is probably at the bottom of the list.
Thanks for the advice everyone.....I think my pics are solid, I had a female friend of mine review. Nothing shirtless...I do have a full body shot, a picture of me and my dog, another one of me and my buddy riding bikes, a head shot of me out with some friends and picture of me on a boat.
I am pretty laid back, chill and not complicated. I can karaoke in country bar or spend a day at the museum. I am comfortable in any situation. The individual has to be kind, funny, fit, down to earth, and can swim in a lake. I don't need anyone that is high maintenance.
I definitely have swiped L more than R and only the female can initiate the texting conversation. I do agree that the ladies get bombarded with likes so since I am new my name is probably at the bottom of the list.
I think I just swiped right!
LOL
....I don't see G-Love in my Match Queue.
I aM swiping right for all eligible gals. And if ginger was in the queue you would be one very lucky lad.
Just saying
Our ginger is mega special
V
I think I just swiped right!
Ninja'd by Ginger!
Hell, I'm straight, and I'd date you!
I aM swiping right for all eligible gals. And if ginger was in the queue you would be one very lucky lad.
Just saying
Our ginger is mega special
V
And you V, are a very special sweet lady. Thank you.
I must not be in the queue due to distance parameters:)
LOL.....well I swiped R on myself and nothing happened
I definitely know I would date myself! I think that's ok..... The farthest distance I can go is 80 miles which only sort of gets me outside the of Metroplex.
Well I had no luck on bumble and signed up for match this evening....oh boy this is going to get interesting I think
J
My divorced friend was in town last night at he has been online dating for 6 years. He said he has never had any luck with bumble and has the best luck with zooske. He is currently dating 2 women who he showed me pics of who are very attractive and he is not at all. He's 6 ft 250 and has a combover. No lie.
He said he has dated over 150 women.
I think it takes time to figure out the ins and outs.
Just out of curiosity what famous person do you look like?
I completely shave my head and have been told I look like a taller pitbull Lol!
I will have to try it out, I have got way more action match so if this doesn't work I will try it out. I just did celebs like me and I was a 46% match to Chris noth, mr. Big from sex in the city. I don't have a comb over
ok.....well I got my first match on match. Read through her bio and it seemed like we have a lot in common, similar interests, background, and she has a 12 year old daughter.
So.....after we matched, I shot her a note, told her I enjoyed reading her bio and that we have a lot in common. I asked her if she wanted to meet up for some coffee or grab a drink to shoot me a note back.
And she just shot me a note back...said she loved my pics and bio, she has a 12 yr old girl and it is a fun age and she would love to get to know me. No mention of meeting for coffee or a drink.
and so the plot thickens...way to go J9!!! Back in the saddle - Enjoy your journey!! Stay Well
Nice!
I can imagine why women would want to go slower on these sites, just for safety concerns. That said, if you start exchanging regular emails and she still wont meet after a couple of weeks, I would be very wary. Dont let it drag on too long just as pen pals.
Right, I agree. Since she did not bring up meeting each other I didn't mention it in my reply. I just told her the ages of my daughters, their names, what they are into and then asked her to tell me about her daughter and the country town she is from.
I was talking to a close male friend last night, the one I set up on Bumble and POF for his first swing at online dating. He is trying to understand the etiquette because he is trying to get to know these women, the second he mentions a date they ghost him. I explained that sometimes these women really just want text buddies to boost their self esteem (men are guilty of this too) .
You just gotta learn how to move on and not take it personally.
I have a date on Friday with a good looking single dad. We shall see if it actually happens. He even wants to take me somewhere pretty nice.
But if it doesn't happen, I'll be on my couch, watching Netflix and drinking wine after kickboxing. Either way, I guess it's a win-win
I like this update a lot. nice nice. now get to schedule a meet soon and suss this out. go have some fun. get a coffee/drink. go for a walk. tell her you.
J9,
One thing that really helped me out with the online dating was to be honest and direct. When they ask what I am looking for in the site, I usually tell them I am looking for a relationship or some Intimacy. I make it clear that I am not looking for a platonic friendship. This helps weed out the ones who just want to text and flirt but never want to meet. As for setting up a meet I usually ask them what their schedule is like and tell them i am open on tuesday at 7 or thursday at 8. Also I ask them if we were to meet what do they like to do for fun. They usually respond with that works or its not good and they suggest another day. If i dont get a response about the meet, but a response on the activities they like I usually give them a another couple of days and then try to setup another date. If they dont respond to this then I just kind of forget about them, because they are usually not interested enough.
Anyways that is my two cents.
Rexgm
Hey G....I had no conversations on Bumble in a week and I am already in a conversation on Match after 1 day. I think if the girls is really into you it won't matter what you say unless your sending D pics, shirtless selfies, etc. The one that I am currently talking to did not respond to my question of meeting for coffee however she was wanting to get to know me. To me coffee if pretty innocent but if she wants to chat for a bit then that's cool.
My girl friend told me the same thing......don't take it personally and keep moving. It took me a minute to get used to that but after going through D chatting with the opposite sex is pretty easy!
Good work on the date.....Bumble? Have you met him before? I have been told for a first date keep it to something simple so if you need to bolt your not spending a ton of money.
I will be home tonight watching you tube videos with my 7 year old....if I am lucky maybe I will have a couple of beers. That is definitely a win!
Alright so now I am talking to 2 girls.....no meet ups/dates have been made yet but once is a hot blonde who is a weapons enthusiast....she totally looks like she could kick my azz but she sent me the sweetest message and we were a 93% match.
I feel like a little kid on Christmas Day.
...but one is a hot blonde who is a weapons enthusiast...
Machine gun jubblies?
Doods.....if only I could post a pic.
LOL....well she just might be! I must say getting used to the on-line dating game has been interesting. I have found that the girls like to chat a bit these days before meeting in person. I guess I can understand it from their point of view but to me it is kind of a time waster. If you don't want to meet for a drink and run the risk of having too much and getting too crazy then just meet for coffee in the middle of the day. I guess they are trying to weed people out but whatever.
I have also found that people just stop chatting for no reason in the middle of a conversation. I was talking to the blonde last night, we were having good back and forth dialouge about each other and then just complete radio silence. Again, whatever but atleast let the other person know you gotta go. I am not chasing her so if she wants to talk again she knows how to get a hold of me.
I finally did get a match on BUMBLE with a girl I swiped right on. I woke up this morning to that notification so we shall see if she reaches out to chat.
The last girl I was talking to yesterday morning politely let me know that she would be in meetings all day and would get back to me later and then she sent me another message last night apologizing for the delay. Now that is totally cool, atleast you let me know and it shows you care, are interested and respectful. I can work with that
Your also pretty hot which just an added bonus so hopefully your pictures are recent!
Anyway, no dates yet but in my second week of being on line it is starting to pick up. I have got a ton of interest though but the majority of it has been from people that I would never consider being with.
On a side note it is my youngest birthday today.....the big 7! So we will have the family party today with my oldest, the EW and some family friends. The EW and I are still very cordial and polite to one another which is great......she isn't even on my radar any more. How drastically your emotions change in a year.
Ok so it seems to have come to a standstill with the two girls I was talking to. I havent heard any thing from them since Friday night for one and sat afternoon for the other. Our conversation was general about your kids, where we were from etc. I didnt send any vulgar messages, no nudie pics, just get to know you type of conversation and now they are dark.
I refuse to send b2b messages to them without getting a response back. I responded to them both on Saturday so they can respond to my message if they want, if not then Ill just keep moving.
Things seem to move really slow in the online dating world. Maybe its just me.
That's right buddy think of it as a game of tennis you hit the ball over the net and the other person has to hit it back over to your side or the game ends.
Good analogy L...I like it! I don't know who they think they are messing with but they just ran into the Roger Federer of on-line dating. I am too valuable to chase.
I feel like I should start calling you Pitbull...or maybe change your LH19 to PBInterLove24/7
Don't mindread too much. They might not be interested, or it could be that they were just busy all weekend and didnt have a chance to respond. Either way, you are correct just to leave it to them.
Don't mindread too much. They might not be interested, or it could be that they were just busy all weekend and didnt have a chance to respond. Either way, you are correct just to leave it to them.
Just heard a new term from the young ones - 'caspering'... a play on the word 'ghosting' lol... maybe you got caspered, but it's all good... just leave em and move on
D - Yeah, who knows what they have going on. I think it just stands out as they are the first two that I had interacted with. I don't think it will be that big of deal the more comfortable I get with this new way of meeting people.
M - Yo.....your probably right or they could be testing me to see if I will turn into "that" guy. I am trying to figure out how many to talk to at once. I get matches daily but I don't want to string people along, talking to multiple, then trying to manage my exit strategy if I am going on multiple dates with multiple women. Trying to figure out how to get comfortable with it.
Personally, I never had a problem talking to various girls at once online, so long as it never progressed to something serious. If I went on 2-3 dates with someone and felt like there was a good possibility for more, I would shut down other stuff. I feel like 90% of the conversations dont lead anywhere so I would be wasting time if I only talked to one person at a time.
Thanks D.....I have been out of the game for 17 years and online dating didn't exist back then. A girlfriend of mine told me to chat it up with as many as I am comfortable with and the same that the majority of the conversations seemingly die off as well.
I just keep reminding myself to not have any expectations and don't take it personally.
J9- this is fairly new- go explore and have fun!!
Definitely......thanks!
Well I consider the conversations dead from the first two ladies I was speaking with. I haven't heard from 1 since Friday and the other one since Saturday. Not sure what I did wrong or didn't do right but obviously something wasn't working for them. Hard to imagine after just a couple of text messages back and forth but whatever. I am getting a lot of activity on my profile so now I am just trying to decide who to chat with next. It is kind of overwhelming, I am finding myself slightly afraid to make the first move.
Anyway, I guess I am just trying to get comfortable with it.
I am also probably too picky as well..........I see one bad picture and I move on.
Well I got a text from the hot blonde nurse yesterday after her being radio silent for like 3 days. Said she went out of town with her boys. Totally cool but it's hard to get any traction on moving this forward when we go 24 hours or more without speaking. I have a good girlfriend of mine who told me it was too early to ask her to meet and that you really need some good consistent messaging back and forth before you make that move. So I am not sure what to do other than be patient however it is slightly frustrating.
On a side note the EW called me last night concerned about a medical issue she was having. I mean that's cool and all but we are D'd so why are you calling me???? SMH. so I listened, validated and she told me to keep my phone on the nightstand in case something happened. I texted her this am to make sure she was ok and then she let me know she had a doctor's appointment this afternoon.
Last day of school for the kids, I will get them tonight after work and have them all next week. A good friend of ours is taking them to the water park this afternoon and we are leaving tomorrow to go visit my parents for the weekend which is about 6 hours away.
Other than this frustrating on-line dating thing life is good.
J9, in my premarried life it always seemed that meeting someone occurred organically. In other words, when I tried to force it then it never really went any place. When I wasn't looking suddenly there materialized an opportunity.
So my suggestion is just to go with the flow. Let happen naturally. Don't stress about it so much. The last thing you want to do is get to attached the process of dating.
Interesting with your EW. Appears the ink on D finalization is only 2 months old. Would you be open to R with your EW? Or no interest at all? I would take this as a sign that she moving back in your direction.
S - I agree, I don't want to force anything and that has been my experience as well with meeting people. I am not a "player" by nature so your right I just need to let it flow. I think the frustration part comes from when you finally, emotionally get to a place when you are ready to put yourself out there again and then you start with a few failed attempts. My buddy tells me if you think they are cute like them and you can figure it out later. My approach has been the exact opposite thus far. I analyze them all, what they do, what I assume they are looking for.
For example, last night a ran across this very attractive corporate attorney.....she has a 4 yr old and by all appearances has some pretty high expectations. My buddy, he would make a move but me I make an assumption on who I think she is looking for and what I am looking for and move on to the next.
As far as the EW goes.....I never really thought she was done, just never felt it. IMO she tries to be done or put on a show that she is done but I see cracks. My EW in current form, no interest and if she didn't want to put in the work then I am very comfortable with continuing to pay my child support.
At this juncture I feel like I owe it to myself to explore my options and she can be my Plan B.
Totally cool but it's hard to get any traction on moving this forward when we go 24 hours or more without speaking.
Easy there big fella.
It was probably a test to see if you were needy and would blow up her phone. If she is hot that probably happens all the time.
Let them come to you at their pace. A busy alpha male doesn't even realize it has been 24 hours, three days because he is busy conquering the world.
True, true L.....I responded to her a couple of hours later but it kept it short, to like two sentences. I said no worries, sounds like a fun trip and asked her what her favorite part was.
I read in the MR man's sex primer....to keep your responses on an equal as them. If they send something that is 2 sentences long then respond in kind but always end with a question to keep the conversation going.
I think it also says that if they take 24 hrs to respond then you should do the same.
Yeah. I dont know if it was a test, but just because she took a weekend off the dating site, doesnt mean everything. Dont fall back into mindreading. If she contacted you again it means she is interested. Period.
That said, I disagree with some of what was written above. For me personally I wont message for more than a week or two without making a suggestion to meet up. If they cant make it the first time but want to keep talking I would give them one more chance, but if they turn down two meetings, I am out. Some people like to have internet romances, but thats not my thing.
Of course, do what feels most comfortable for you.
Good luck!
Pretty soon once you get comfortable it will be like shooting fish in a barrel lol!
I agree, she is still interested. It is just trying to find the right time to ask to meet. I don't want to push it but at the same time I am not sure the comfort level is there yet because we have so much time in between interactions. It's not fluid conversation and the last couple of interactions have not been of the getting to know you topics. She said she took her boys to the beach and asked about her trip.
HA L - The interesting this is the different categories of ladies. You can tell right off the bat if they are high maintenance, if they are looking for a sugar daddy or going through some mid-life crisis. Some of these ladies make it very clear they want a rich dude to sweep them off their feet or they are D and looking to replace the rich dude that D'd them. It seems the ones in their late 30's or early 40's with a child or two are much more realistic and down to earth. Then of course you run into those who want no kids and want a man who has older kids.
I make good money but I am not a sugar daddy.....they would probably bolt out the back door when they saw me roll up in the Highlander
Man, I should be golden, but I am not! I am in my late 30's, one kid, done having kids, and I don't need no sugar daddy (but I do like a guy who is financially my equal atleast).
I, prefer to meet ASAP. I hate wasting my time with all this texting if we aren't going to meet or have no connection. You want to watch out for those too. A lot of people just want text buddies. I like them in the flesh!
LOL G - I would think you would be golden! I definitely would prefer a partner that is my financial equal as well. Maybe that is why I am so picky but I can tell right away what they are all about and what they are looking for. I know there are guys like that out there which is cool, but that's not me. I don't even attempt to compete. I got child support to pay
I thought really hard about asking this nurse to meet up for coffee but her responses are so delayed that it makes it difficult. I just don't feel they are very connected and when she has responded the last couple of times the responses have been short so I just don't get it.
I am getting a ton of girls checking out my profile and liking me but only a couple where I felt like there was a physical attraction and an attraction from their profile.
Oh and then you have the ones that post pictures of them on vacation from like 3 years ago and then you get one pic of them recently and your like whoa! What happened? So unfortunately 1 wrong picture is a deal breaker as well.
I have a disclaimer at the end of my profile that all my pics are within the last year. Not everyone does that and you can totally tell the ones that are not recent.
Joseph, you are totally experiencing all that is OLD. Why did the hot nurse wait three days and is not engaging? Who in the hell knows? What I do know is this is the rule rather than the exception - at least as far as I experienced it when I did the OLD thing a while back. She may just be busy. Of course she could be pushing herself to do OLD but is really not ready yet. I've read that from people on here many times now - how they give it a try only to figure out they are not ready or whatever. You would think that everyone OLD is really looking to meet someone. Oh, if only...
As for meeting in person, I certainly would not do it after only a few messages but after a week or two, for certain. I would keep it light and easy and just say "ya know, it's so hard to really get a good sense about someone just from messages, at least it is for me. Would you like to just meet for coffee or something sometime this week?" Anyone not willing to do that, who actually claims to have some interest, really does not. I cannot tell you how many times I had people text or email for weeks but never want to meet. Who knows what's going on with them, but they clearly are not at a place ready for real dating. Anyone "spooked" by a request to meet for coffee after a dozen messages over a couple of weeks is not worth any more of your time.
And then, wow, so much easier for me to say than for anyone, including myself, to do, but you really need to RELAX. It's so hard but you are taking all of this way too personally. You have to somehow just develop an attitude of "I'd like to meet someone fun to date but if not, I've got all sorts of other things to do." The harder you try, the worse it will be. Even the thing with one and done with an email. I most certainly would not try 10 more, but I certainly would give the benefit of the doubt at least once. Sometimes people forget, they get busy, think they responded - or actually did but it never went through. No harm in waiting 5 days and saying, "Hey I never heard back from you and...[insert witty comment here] and see if she responds. If not, move on.
If you take it too personally, it really can kill your confidence. Don't let that happen. I really wish OLD was what we all would hope it to be - nice, friendly, normal people in a good place in their life honestly looking to meet people and date. While there are a few people like that, far too many just simply are not and you have to assume that some you are talking to fall in that camp.
Thanks DH.....I appreciate the feedback and advice. I do realize I need to be less concerned over it. I guess I had a bunch of expectations which was probably my first problem
.
I have a good girlfriend of mine who has been OLD for many years and she told me the same thing. In fact she told me this morning that you have no idea what is going on in people's personal lives.
I don't want it to kill my confidence either and I have to remember to stay true to my internal validation methods.
I appreciate you jumping in. Thanks!
I am an IRL dating person, chatting nonsense to a couple of guys a day. Works for me. And I find OLD very superficial, many guys are M on there or looking for a nurse.
Those OLD people use the supermarket, eat in restaurants and walk dogs. They aren't a special snowflake hanging out in an alternate universe.
You will need a thick skin in OLD and there are scammers. And there are genuine, sadly the stats aren't in men's favour, the ratio is 1 to 7, or even 1 to 23 on free sites. A lot of dead profiles too, women who signed up eons ago and haven't logged in but the bots make it look as if they do.
So my suggestion is look for your cutie IRL as well as on OLD, she is out there waiting for you to talk to her. Just say hi, bad weather, great coffee shop, love your dog and of course the old fashioned do you come here often?
Go have fun with it.
V
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