Hello everyone,
Where do I even begin with this nightmare my kids and I been living.
Here we go and if I miss anything I will keep posting. May 2017 W literally walk away she just said those magic words ILYBNILWY, I lost myself the last ten years I need to find myself again. And as hard it hurted to hear W say those words I let her go. W leaving me with S9,D9 and S8 which we adopted together. I Knew I had to be strong for them W left and didn't hear from her only through text or when I seen her W was such a angry person. I started reading and understanding it was her fight not mines.
Around August W came by my new home where kids and I lived where we were adjusting to life without W there mommy, W took S9 saying you have 2 and I have him because I never wanted the last two again we adopted all three nobody force her but in W head she never wanted this life, I guess being a wife and mother.I live in Illinois where child custody is 50/50 W made a choice to take only 1 because in W head she makes her own rules.
I just had surgery through spine no money coming in but have amazing family and friend I finally hired a lawyer to get S9 back home living with us, his subilings and me his other mom. W didn't show up to court but lawyer did after 3 months not seeing son I'll be seeing him again until we go to trial. Throughout this process W concern was her lawyer to ask me can she claim kids in taxes because I haven't work. My lawyer was shock but I wasn't because that's all my W cares $$$ is sick how money is all she cares. Now wait for trail date to get s9 back home with his 2 sibilings and where son belongs home with us.
My question is how do I help my s9 besides therapy which I have d9 and s8 in and myself how can I help him. W has had him alone for 3 months which I wont be shock she has brainwash him. I have faith in God that we all had to go through this for a reason.
W37,M39
Together 10yrs
S9,D9,S8 adopted
BD April 2017
W movedout May 2017
OW May 2017 maybe longer
I'm no accountant, but I think even if you have no income there are tax benefits to having a dependent for earned income tax credits or whatever those things are. If you can't afford an accountant, dig around online and see what you can find. Nevertheless, being a parent is not about tax write-offs and your W's thinking is troubling.
Your situation makes me think a bit of King Solomon picking the true mother from two who claimed the child.
1 Kings 3:16–28 recounts that two mothers living in the same house, each the mother of an infant son, came to Solomon. One of the babies had died, and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"
The king declared the second woman the true mother, as a mother would even give up her baby if that was necessary to save its life.
It is absolute insanity to take 1 child out of 3 raised together as siblings. How do any of the children process that. I hope you are successful in your efforts.
Why in the world did you let her take S9?? She sounds unhinged as it is, the kids were all living with you, she had no right to just show up and take one. If she tries anything like that then tell her you are calling the police. Now that she has S9 it is unlikely you can get full custody back because the court will interpret that action as having taken place with your expressed consent, but hopefully you'll get partial custody. Good luck and hang in there! Do NOT let her railroad you!
Aotherstander,
I literally had back surgery when she came kids open door thinking she was just stopping by I then told her you must bring him back, she of course didn't I tried getting help but all I got was free council., I didn't have 2,500 to hire lawyer. But s9 was already registered in school with his subilings and his belongings are with me the only thing I didn't have funds for lawyer I did report but I was told this is court family matter because we didn't have anything prior in writing. So I know I have done everything to get him back I honestly didn't have the funds I am not sure what judge will agree s9 stays with her, in petition she says she never wanted last 2 kids. All I ever done is protect them three from W. The system has failed me and my kids I even tried to file protective order but they said no due to no physical abuse, even when W was being verbally abusive. I will keep fighting for my son to come back home I only want our kids to be safe and not separated.
Ownit,
Thank you, yes I remember telling W please don't seperate them take all three I'll live with friends and pay for childcare all I ask her in tears was don't seperate them I was going to sacrifice myself for them to be together, W just doesn't care all she cares for is $$$. Throughout this all she could ask her lawyer was she going be able to claim them on 2017 taxes mind you we went to court for s9 be return and all W cared was taxes. Smh
Through this horrible process all I can say the state system has failed childrens there's day I feel like am drowning and I only keep swimming because I know my three beautiful kids need me more than ever.
I just don't know how a W/H could just destroy children's lives my kids had a great home and future now everyday is a struggle. All we can do is take it a day at a time. How can we the LBS heal when our children's need us more than ever.
Journaling
Been feeling so hurt and emotional. W has been going social media crazy telling the world how broken she is how I cause her all this turmoil her exact words that she finally realizing and waking up from all the lies and turmoil I cause,I just wonder how can she picture me like a monster. Like every relationship we had our ups and down but I never raised my hand or call her name but if you read W post you will think she was in abusive relationship. Smh I am angry and hurt because through this process I haven't said anything or spoken to anyone about this. I habe been quiet and just taking care of my kid's while W is just living life finding herself.
I been having trouble sleeping all I do is wonder what happen.
There use to a man here by the name of Jim. He and his W had adopted five little boys. Then she left him and decided she just wanted the youngest two children. Here's the link, if you'd like to read his story:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...280#Post2640280
Sandi2
Omg I been reading his stitch I feel like I am reading my life story before my eyes the way his W is with him, literally W is the same way as long I agreed with everything W was happy if I didn't hell will break. I can relate to Jim story same story we adopted our last 2 over a year ago but had S8 and D8 for 6yrs W says she been unhappy for over 3yrs I ask the same question why adopt other two I could have adopted on my own why see the kids hurt. Smh I wish I knew Jim I would drive to Michigan I am in Illinois I admire his strength. I been ask from friends where do I get my strength and the only way I can truly could answer is God has never failed me and I know he ain't going to fail me now when I need him more than ever.
Journaling,
My emotions are back since court first is how am I going act seeing S9 and seeing W after almost 2months. S9 and d8 are up to date as much they need to know in there age they know this is my battle not there's there job is to just be kids but they know S9 will come next weekend they where upset that he will not be living with us for good I explain as much they should know that our lawyers are making sure he will come home permanently, but I had to also explain the following week they go with W, D9 storm off crying saying Please No and S8 cried to I had to be strong and explain that they do get to call me in the morning and before bed. They voiced why W doesn't want them she yells it to them. I explained that lawyers know this and they are trying to make sure everyone is happy. I told them lets give W one more try. Let her proof to you that mommy loves you. D9 says she doesn't she told you she told us and only yells at us. I explained we need to trust God and held them. My bf seen me holding my tears back. My bf signal to go to bathroom. I did and cried for over 30min just screaming in a towel. I feel like am failing my last two kids they do have a point she made it clear she doesn't want them. But we all know until we do a Litem for children only the court could rule in future if kids are better off without W. For now I keep taking them to therapy every week, I go twice a week and keep showing them I LOVE them so much they are literally my strength and my air. My 3 kids have made me a better person, I have never thought once life without them. I am realizing alot of things lately and one of them is I force W to be a mom, W only wanted to party,drink and travel which is not surprising W loved the military life. I regret pushing to have kids because I knew I always wanted to be a mom and still want to adopt more once everything settles with my stitch. I know I could have a full house of kids and it doesn't bother me. I remember the same thing Jim wrote everything in my home had to be quiet my kids where not allowed to be kids or get dirty where I always say let them be kids who cares if they get mud all over. I still remember W stare of death and W always saying am worse then them. Lol now I laugh. I wish W could see that these kids are a blessing from God. We will keep praying for W, one day God will lead her back to the kids.
She may not love them, and telling the other two children that Mommy loves them.....could cause even more physiological problems about what love looks like. Maybe you should just stress how much you love them, but don't try to convince them that she does. Abuse is not love, and it sounds as if she's making them miserable when they are with her.
You are in a terrible situation, and it is outrageous for an adult to adopt children and then want to abandon them or send them back. Yes, Jim developed before our very eyes. Many of us were emotionally invested in his sitch. It took him a while to accept how cruel and selfish his W had become, but his strength came from God and his love for his five boys. He has his hands full, but the last we heard, he is happy and devoted to giving his best to his children.
If she doesn't want the other two children, and if they don't want to see her.....does the law enforce the visitation anyway?
Sandi2,
Thank you, your absolutely right I guess somewhere in my heart I don't get how you can't love kids. Like my therapist said you may never get the answer and she is right. Somewhere in my head I always been a fixer just like Jim I wanted and wish I could fix W. I tell my therapist is like a light switch went off W was once a good mom she had her moments now I can see she was fighting with herself she wanted to be a mom but also the enforcer. I guess I'll keep holding on to those good moment's I remember her as.
Yeah now am realizing I push for kids and if I ever speak to her I'll make sure she knows am sorry I push so hard. Only W knows if she loves them but like my therapist said how can she love them if she doesn't love herself which therapist is correct. And W did say she didn't LOVE herself. Only W knows the answer to all the questions I have. But I may never get the answer so am learning that.
Sandi2,
Illinois law is 50/50 when parents seperate now she is not going tell her lawyer she doesn't want them because then she will have to pay child support and as of now W is about $$$ that's all I hear. Now we going to court my lawyer wants to get kids a litem which is a lawyer for them W said No mu lawyer said yes and it was pro bono my lawyer was confuse why refuse I know why she knows is going look bad when kids all three start speaking and she might lose all kids due to her mental state. So for now kids must go with her and if she mistreat them or anything I call L right away. Illinois law recording is not allowed unless she knows. Again my hands are tied at the moment until Judge decides. I have to say this is the hardest battle I had to deal with and God knows life has been hard for me growing up.
Just like Jim I am not close to my family nothing but drama with them. I have always been more of the outsider in my family. I have a spiritual soul my thoughts are everything in this world can be fix, life is to short to be angry. Am very forgiving hate holding grudges. I am just a very lay back person. Even through everything W put me through I know she is Human we all do mistakes and am not God to judge her so for now all I can do for W the mother of my kids is pray for her and hoping she'll find herself back to God first then her way back to our kids life.
Am not sure if W and I could ever get back there's to much hurt and pain. But I have forgiving her and I will forever hold LOVE for her W was my LOVE of my LIFE my soulmate. Only God knows my LOVE for her.
W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm.
Journaling,
I honestly thought that my feelings for my W went away lately is a heavy pain in my heart again missing her especially waking up. I always thought I was going die old holding my W hands taking my last breath with her. Again I been a fixer always fix the problems we had or anyone this is the first time in my life I can't fix this what ever this is. I question and even look through old text W was so happy and smiling and even told me how much W loved our family and Loved me. And like a light switch the light went out in her eyes and heart. It's been almost 10 months since I lost W and walk away from kids. Till this day I wish I knew what happen, I thought W was a strong Women to be able to fight any demons within herself.
W was loved so much by kids and me and W knew I always made sure she knew I LOVE her and appreciated everything she did for us. Now I just sit here replaying What happen to Us.
I thought with time my heart will get stronger, but I was wrong. I'll just keep praying W deserves to be happy I pray that God will lead her back to his kingdom and W would realize that everything in this world can be fix.
W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm
Just venting,
So W declines Guardian litem for kids that my lawyer has line up accused of my lawyer being friends and W feels she would be setup... OMG I thought I heard it all now I am paying kids counselor to say negative things. I am not sure who W is any more she now claiming I am paying everyone off. Wow just wow. All we can keep doing is praying for her and for my S9 to come home safe where he belongs. Am lost to even know if W going through a midlife crisis or waw or just mentally gone.
Hi Marina,
I don't have a lot to add, but I just wanted to say hello and say how incredibly painful this sounds to me. I can't even imagine splitting my two children up. They deserve to have at least that much stability. It sounds all so painful.
As to your kids, research shows that if kids have ONE adult in their lives who has their back no matter what, they are quite likely to be resilient. You don't need your W to be that ONE if you are going to be it. I mean, more is better and no doubt that this is painful, but we move through trauma when we know we are loved. So much pain for all of them trying to sort out why one kid and not the other, ouch.
I wish I had more to offer, other than wow and ouch and your W sounds like she's lost her marbles. I hope, for your sake and the young ones, you can keep your marbles together as you sort this out. Come and vent and journal and we will read and support where we can.
Marina, I'd take you out for a beer if I could. You are a strong man! Show your kids strength, compassion, and grace. You are doing great. Keep it up!
Surv1ve,
Thank you for your kind words, I say the same thing on top of this painful time she separated sibilings it's been hard I mean really hard on my kids my d9 is doing things that am worry. I have them in counseling they go every week. And myself I go twice. My W don't seen to care the damage she has done on top of losing there mom they lost there brother, s9 says I miss my twin mom. God knows I tried to have this conversation with W but she is to far gone to have a conversation with her. W says kids adjust. Wtf.... but as there other mom (me) all am going keep doing is being there for them day and night. And letting them know am forever here and will always be here am never leaving them.
W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8 all three adopted
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm
Joe,
Thanks buddy if you ever in Illinois let me knqow. God knows I haven't told many people of sitch. The only people that know arethe important onces that been there for me and kids.
I am so sorry, and I hope this is not hurtful to either you or Joe, Marina, but I thought that you were a woman? And, your W has run off with another woman, right? As queer woman on the board, I just want to make make sure I understood correctly.
I am hungry for more stories of MLC or other major overnight shifts in queer/LGBT relationships.
Oh, yup, it's confirmed in there.
I think the extra issue that queerspawn have to deal with is that sometimes they feel this need to be "perfect" to prove that our families are just as okay, too. I remmeber I was at a conference on LGBT health and the keynote speaker joked that her daughter was off delivering her own presentation later that day and "OF COURSE SHE IS" talking about the drive to perfection that some of our kids face to "prove" our families are just as okay. I know that one of the reasons I haven't talked broadly about what's happening at home is because I am "known" locally as the "poly triad raising kids" and people say, "Well, must be okay as they've all been together for 10 years." So, if I say that this nonsense is going on, then they will say, "Oh, it's because that family has been wrong from the get go." Just adds another layer, you know? Personal shame and community shame... and, I wonder about the kids in term of the desire to prove our families are okay by being overachievers... what kind of pressure?
Anyway, all that to say, it's nice to see another story on the board from a non-hetero family and you sound like you're an incredible mom and will be able to give those kids the unending love they deserve. Did you adopt them later? Were there pre-existent attachment issues? All that to say that they might need extra love and stability right now and wondering if you can do anything to buffer up their support network? And, with that in mind, I am cheering you on in trying to keep them together and I'm so sorry that has already prove so challenging.
Surv1ve,
Yes, I am a very proud lesbian and was,with W 10yrs and W ran out with another woman that is a coworker.
Thank you again.
Surv1ve,
Yes is hard on us already fighting off the ones that don't believe in the LGBTQ or against us. So to answer your question. W and I adopted together we met in 2007 it was not legal in Illinois yet so we got a domestic partnership we did small ceremony. Our S9 was unexpected as we where only dating 10 months he was taken from W cousin CPS got involved for child abuse S9 was 3 months and we where also his God mother's after years in court we legally adopted S9 we both adopted him as our son. Almost 4yrs later I recieve another call from cps for my sister kids s8 and d9 at the time s9 my first son and d9 was my niece where 3 1/2 they where literally 2 weeks apart this is why we call them the twins they been inseparable since then. In process W and I adopted s8 and d9 legally. So by law my kids are ours they all adopted. My W thought because it was her cousin son it was her blood. Btw this is what W has told everyone even her lawyer he is my blood.. SMH W has also stated if S9 was not my blood I wouldn't give a f*** either. I have never looked at my kids as adopted I always tell them God brought them to us. W has made it clear that it wasn't true she never wanted them. W is pretty cruel. I feel the system for child Care has fail kids out here. I am being my kids voice. I simply am fighting now why force kids to go with W when w hasmade it clear she doesn't want them. I know is already hard enough for us LGBTQ this is another part of life that we don't live that life many straight couple do we have the same struggle even a little harder. My case is a first for the judge they didn't know how to petition it so my lawyer has done paper work like a husband and wife would for kids.
Thank you so much feels good to see someone also in our LGBTQ community, wish we didn't met this way but everything happens for a reason.
Marina,
I am sorry you are going through this. I also have kids that are adopted. I have read your thread from the beginning. You are doing great! Stay focused on you and the kids. Do everything you can to keep them together. There has already been enough trauma in their lives, ensure that the 3 of them are together as they are young.
My xW acted similarly and only wanted my S4 just over a year ago and in the end she left S4 with xMIL and went away with another man for a weekend trip. That was the last time I allowed the boys to be separated from each other.
It doesn’t matter if an S is MLC or WAS, actions are similar. Kids truly are resilient. Do they want their parents back together, yes, but you cannot control her actions. The kids will see that quickly and recognize that. They will know you are the stable one.
Keep taking the kids to therapy. I have been through many therapists and although they are all nice, I have just recently found a psychiatrist that I know will truly help me and my boys, this is 2 years later after my xW left. I have been fortunate enough to have people come into my life that have done everything they can for the boys.
Stability is what the kids need and they are getting that from you.
I am here to support as best as I can. Stay strong and take care of the children.
J5K,
Thank you for your encouraging words and wisdom, I read your sitch Thanks to Sandi she guided me to your story as our storyis very similar. It is a sad story how our W adopted kids and to abandon them again I just don't understand and might never understand. My W is still very cold hearted towards d9 and s8 doesn't even call them they have not spoken to her going on 3 month's. Am not sure how a human person hold so much anger and grudges on children's that didn't choose to be adopted it was us adult to adopt them. Again Jim thank you and may God keep guiding you and your boys.
Marina
I would like to say the only thing that I can, you are a wonderful mom with an attitude and heart that does you great credit.
Your sitch like Jim's leaves me speechless.
Know you are in my prayers and I am sending you as much rainbow strength as I can. You are a survivor and your beautiful children need your strength and love.
Biggest hugs
V
Vanilla,
Thank you for your kind words especially after today. I appreciate everyone here there's is days I feel like am drowning.but God will us through this time.
Venting
Pick up s9 for the weekend as court mandatory I see him until child guardian of litem makes the dession for him thento live with us. W d9 and s8 are in car waving to her she ignore them on pick up date for s9.so today is drop off date back to take s9 which i did and once again W ignore two beautiful children that once called her mommy. I am just so broken for her. For all my kids I can't seem to understand what's that hate she has towards them. Maybe someone can help me understand why a waw or MLCer treat kids horribe with hate not even looking at them mind you it's been 3 months since she talk or contact them am lost for words and in pain for my kids while i have to wipe tears away and say everything going be ok.
There is an abuse pattern called the 'golden child' in which for one reason or another the one who behaves this way sees a child as part of themselves. Other children can be scapegoated or ignored.
This may seem very strange but being ignored may be the healthiest of all. I suggest you normalise and plan to distract the children at this point, showing a 'so be it' stance.
The child with the biggest risk is the golden child who will have 'flea' type behaviour possibly feeling 'special'. Be glad for your two children out of her influence.
You, lovely lady are the most important one for the health of your children.
Breathe, sadly this is a good thing.
V
Vanilla,
WOW,and WOW is all I can say I have never heard of golden child. I will have to read about this more. I have never seen anyone behavior this way. I see now how she hates them I guess in my eyes I thought for a min wow she really hates me but then I seen all the signs of a WAW or MLCer W replace all friend's well let's say all her friends that really know her, W started changing in cloths,losing weight,gym, eating habits then the kids complaining how they don't listen to her while S9 is saying No they not you always yelling at them and screaming. A little about my kids S9 is more lay back and minds his business just into toys and games, where D9 and S8 are very out spoken if you miss treat them they speak there mind they can't be controlled as they are there own person where S9 is very easy to manupilate and control.
I have sent the e-mail to lawyer explaining her behavior letting my lawyer know how can I allow W to see kids this weekend alone when she didn't acknowledge them while me picking and dropping off S9 she bluntly see them and they waving and W didnt even say hi or got out of car just yelled at s9 hurry get in and speeded off. I was lost for words and explain to my kids hey is not your fault her behavior is this way. D9 said we know this mom and don't be sad is not your fault. Thank God for therapy. That my two kids been going. I hope the judge will see that this is mental abuse but I also don't know how much longer I can afford a lawyer. I have no funds I am putting all my pennies to try to get s9 back home. With me out of work due to surgery. This is hard but I know I have to bring S9 home and protect my 3 babies that didn't ask to be adopted especially not to be treated this way. I know God has a plan.
Journaling,
Just got off the phone with lawyer, I have some pretty big concerns with W behavior this weekend while picking up S9. This is taking a toll on my d9 she is emotional wreck she has so many emotions and then up top of it W ignores on pick up and drop off while they are sitting there, I as there mom who I promise to God to protect them and guide them and from any harm. I express to my lawyer how do I let s8 and d9 go with her this weekend and her upcoming weekends when she can't even acknowledge them during drop off for a few seconds, lawyer understands my concerns and address them to her lawyer in an email but my lawyer said we can't make W be human or have feeling or emotions W must want to get help herself and you must keep protecting them like you have. W is a WAW a MLCer and in PTSD due to being a veteran's and I actually am starting to believe W might be a narcissist. W has lot's of demons to fight off. I actually think I can say there will never be a W and I again there is to much damage done with us as a FAMILY. W broke this family to the ground we are slowly picking ourselves up but kids and I have a long process. I pray to God this doesn't affect my kids future there own family when they get older. I wish there was something I could have done to made things better for W but I know in reality there's nothing I can do but pray and keep asking God to lead her into his arms again so her healing can begin.
I would say to you not to label the person only the behaviour.
If you want to say WW behaves badly, abusively and with PTSD then do so. The courts don't like labels generally. So saying she is a...... will create mud slinging. Show instances of behaviour with evidence OK? The evidence is vital.
Please document too.
I suspect I am right on the golden child, choosing the one child that mirrors back more easily. Your other two children will stand up for themselves and WW will likely find it difficult. So in the longer term the sad thing is they will grow apart from WW. And it's likely that she will easily move on from them which of course is less damaging. Sometimes as in Jim WW case she wanted the 'babies' as babies often love unconditionally. When toddlers become children waywards often loseen interest.
The more you hang on to this then the more WW is likely to manipulate. So nonchalance may be your best tactic. Please Google grey rock and also medium chill, it was a long time before I ran into these strategies and I wished I had earlier. I am hoping I can help you get there sooner than I did.
Your funds are limited so you may wish to look to an abuse group for support, often these things are funded by charity or by philanthropists. Although I don't know your jurisdiction, is it possible another poster here can advise. I am only used to the UK systems. Certainly join a group in IRL for some support. It really helps even if it's only a single mums meetup.
Extreme self care, this is stressful.
I am here, lovely lady to listen.
V
Vanilla,
Again thank you for kind words and encouragement. I no longer worry about her yes 4 months ago I was a wreck but it's getting easier but when I see my kids affected by this now the momma bear is in protective mode I am and I know I will be getting s9 soon as W abandon her FAMILY and then separated siblings. What I am concern is like I told my lawyer if she can't even say hi to them for 5 seconds how is she really going be with them alone. God knows am not keeping them away am just trying to keep there mental stage ok. She is very verbal I just want supervise visit with her until she receives help first for herself and then she could worry about kids.
I am in Illinois our state is 50/50 parenting but again due to her actions things will be different. I also have came to peace if she doesn't want to be part of there life either but I just wish she will say that to her lawyer or me. But again who knows what is going on with her mind. I honestly till this day before coming here I thought she just stop loving me or never in love I never label her even my lawyer ask is she a narcissist I honestly didn't know what that met at first then I read it. At the end W is fighting some demons not my circus not my monkey's I just want peace in my life and my 3 kids together and us 4 keep going to therapy and taking it all day at a time. But is hard dealing with someone like W. But Thank you again and I'll take all advice and books and anything I can learn from to help my kids get through this rough time in our LIFE.
I love your stance.
Don't fret too much your two children are grounded and they go together. They will be open with you if there is nonsense going on. She will be bored with them as they don't mirror her back. The best scenario is she ignores them and they come home with empty tummies and unwashed clothes.
There are two reasons she may be manipulative, money and to wind you up. So happy face on, have a great time kids..........
The more she sees you concerned the more her delight. If you let go by going grey rock then there is no joy for her in having the kids. Despite what she says thone visits will get further and further apart. Let go. You have great kids.
Momma bear, it's lovely to see you put your kids first. Please extreme care of you.
I don't know if you have read the abuse thread?
I will post the link for you.
V
Journaling,
So as I expected W tells her lawyer that while I had S9 over, I spoke negative about her when in reality I never mention her and the only time my d9 said a prayer in table and said "God protect mommy always" which I find no harm, I know W said this because my lawyer ask how did it go I explained that W didn't get out and kids waived hi and W didn't acknowledge them how am I suppose to feel when s8 and d9 goes over this weekend after 3 month's of W no contact and while picking up and dropping off W couldn't even say Hi is pathetic how W is hating so much. There's days I feel that W wish we where dead.
And let's now add W accusing of identity theft. Wtf did she really try to say that. W try to say to do a report officer ask how could I have gotten her information W told officer I was a old friend... again WTF I give up I explained to officer it made more sense I explained it was a joint account W took all the money and also wants me to pay for CC. Omg how can a women who once loved me and trusted me now am her worse enemy I hope W knows I could never do that to her I will never do that. What I give for W to see am not a monster.
Here we go W has now accused me of several things..
That's on par for the course I am afraid.
WW wants to be you, that's how it is. She projects herself on to you, she wants you to be athe fAult because she is.
She knows this isn't true, it's manipulation on her part. Projecting her faults on you. When she says you are awful, selfish, a liar etc etc they are actually saying the opposite. You have the traits WW wants and can't have. So the worse she calls you then it's grist to the mill.
Stay strong
V
Marina,
Trying to analyze her thoughts and interactions with the kids does not help anyone. She has now decided to change the dynamic of her R with all of you. The best you can do is take action and be supportive of the children. They really do catch on quick and with time they will make their own assessment of WAW.
Yes it hurts. I never thought a woman could leave their children but their selfishness is their number one priority.
Cleanse the sadness from your life and the kids so that you can be a stronger family.
Also, be mindful of how much you communicate and utilize a lawyer, the money goes fast. The sooner you can create a new normal for you and the kids and live without her the less impact the outside world will have on your emotional and financial well being.
(((Marina)))
Vanilla,
Once again Thank you, interesting you say W trying to be like me my bf said the same thing which at first I didn't see it but now I see it, when W and I met I was more of the man in the relationship I still look like a women but like to do more guy things but W had a rough side but I thought it was the military in her. Now I see the role reversal with the OW.. ewwwww yuk... I have to admit is exhausting dealing with W with W lies and involving the police. Smh and dragging my name to the ground while I been quiet. If anyone can see from the outside they will see W left and left me 3 kids and then around August took 1 child separating subilings and taking all our savings leaving me with nothing. But W feels she is still the victim..
J5K,
I understand what your saying to try to ignore her which I have done the last 4 months and W was quiet and left me alone if I do what she says which is I move on with my life with d9 and s8 and W lives her life with my s9, she is nuts if she thought I was going forget about my son. So now W tell officers I did identity theft with joint cc when we open in 2010. I was advice to get a restraining order on her due to harassment W has accused me of pretty serious accusations which I feel W is dragging my name to the ground. I know W sounds crazy telling officer I was a friend when he ask how did I get her information when I explained to him he said your side sounds more true she didn't give him our background. My concern is W will try to get me lock up which going back this is why when I am outI have someone with me at all time and drop off and pick up I also have someone. GOD knows if W would have just left us alone I would have never contact her but I won't forget about my s9 I will not let her scare me with her threats. I am physically exhausted I don't sleep is always something am just not sure whats next with W. I thought 2018 was going be a new beginning for kids and me but I guess this road is still going.
Yes Jim I never thought how could a mom just leave kids and then be evil to them I just don't get it. I remember my kids crying beging her to stay holding her while W was getting her cloths W shoved D9 like nothing and was yelling at them I remember asking myself wow she is heartless. I knew I had to tell kids to stay out her way. W literally just snap. I hope one day she'll see the damage she has done and caused our kids to have breakdowns and insecurity to the point where in therapy s8 hates himself. This is why my heart is broken I can't take there pain away.
A day at a time
Lovely lady, sadly you won't take away the damaged caused by WW, you can though counter balance it.
Children need one quality parent, stable loving and setting boundaries.
WW has lost her moral compass and it's with great sadness that I tell you that her behaviour has tinges ofor antisocial abuse. The G had that too.
The very very best you can do is be NC and deal only with admin on her behalf.
Sweet lady, please know this using of the courts and the law is a very terrible way of triangulating. This is my sitch too and it is very hard on you and exceedingly stressful. And I didn't have children.
Regretfully with a WS like this you will find it tough to 'win'. They do this all their lives and get better at it. Your main hope is that WW will get bored with it. I do hope so.
You are in my thoughts today.
V
Vanilla,
Once again Thank you,I am so grateful for this forum as God knows I am going crazy I honestly don't think we could make this up, as I told my therapist I might sound like a crazy ExW but only God knows this is all true and even more as I myself don't understand what has happen.
Can I ask what do you mean when you say.
"please know this using of the courts and the law is a very terrible way of triangulating"
I honestly accepted that W left me what I realize on my own before finding the forum that when I left W alone, me and kids where mentally ok but when W took s9 out of the blue saying let her live her life and I live mines with d9 and s8 I still gave her time to bring him back I honestly thought she was going to bring him back when I sent an email requesting his return. W didn't she replied with a letter to sign my rights over this is when I knew I had to hire a lawyer unfortunately due to her not even letting him come or call me and basically keeping him away from US.
I pray that the court system will see that W abandon her FAMILY then been verbally abusive with us and then took s9 and seperating sibilings. 3 kids that already are adopted the last 2 had a bad childhood when born that God I got them at a young age but they still remember there biological mom/dad abandon them and now W did the same thing and verbally telling them shr never wanted them. All I can do is show the court system that I just want was best for all 3 kids and if W doesn't ever want to see them I know is mentally better for them.
A day at a time
Triangulating is when a third party is used to create a reaction.
For instance your WW may play OW against you. Two children against the third.
For instance she may say to OW, Marina was an ideal W because she gave me steak every day. So OW then is set off to feed steak.
When the courts are used, then the courts or the police are used instead to triangulate. WW should have been cautioned for lying.
Try googling 'hanging on my finger nails'.
There are examples on the abuse thread, try Ancaire sitch where the police were used as a third party.
Abuse thread Zelda and Vanilla V
You are not crazy. I Internet guarantee it.
We all question our sanity when these unreasonable things happen. When we are treated to smoke and mirrors. Is it real? It seems surreal.
Sadly as you awake from spell break and the longer from contact plus the more you see, the more astonishing the behaviour. And the more doubtful you may be.
It is going to be ok.
V
Journaling,
Vanilla again Thank you for being my life line after almost 10 months am still here and I know at one point I wanted to save my marriage now am saving kids and myself.
W was my first true love and my soulmate but W also has her demons that will never go away as my therapist said W could fall again in couple of years again and is that fair for you amd kids. Therapist is right I can't see myself and my kids going through this again.
W is still angry won't make eye contact won't hug kids gives them a half way hug. So this weekend is W week with S8 and D9 until the trial, typical kids they want to pack snacks which I allowed when kids get out D9 was shaky I told d9 use the tools you been giving in therapy when W makes you sad or angry D9 didn't want to let go. I gave s9 a hug which W didn't let him get out of car but I open door and hug him.
Kids took snack bag which I didn't say No I let them pack snack for themselves and brother. W grabs bag and says I don't need F**king food I have food for them I look at W and said is not a big deal is just snacks they pack and got in car and drove away. I honestly would have thought W woild have been stoke to see kids after 3 months but you could tell it was obligated her attitude suck towards kids SMH. I try to stay away from her I have my best friend or a friend with me just in case she tries to accuse me of something. I am basically staying out her way. I know we have to co parent I know we will forever be connected if W stays in kids life I at one point loved and respected W that's all gone because she is no longer a W or a mother now she is a stranger I have to protect myself and kids from because W is willing to hurt any of us.
Vanilla her lying has gotten worse and W has accused me of some serious things to people but like they say everything comes out. W has lied to her own lawyer telling her S9 is biologically her son and d9 and s8 was my biologically my kids but my lawyer clarified that to her lawyer I have all original adoption paperwork they all adopted. That's another lie and latest saying I open CC in her name and officer ask how I got her identity information W claims I was a ex roommate... Wow we have 3 cc joint which we open in 2011 and we both in account and we where together from 2007 till 2017 so not sure how she thinks that way when I have over 10 cc my credit cards W was a authorized user and she rack them up and when I try to call they told me am still responsible even if W was using but again a little to late before I seen what W was doing I had heard worse cases but W took 20,000 savings and cc rack up and I could do anything bit take to civil court but it would have cost me more paying lawyers so I suck it up and said lesson learn. W uses the police dept for everything W feels untitled due to military back ground and her education she always feels she is better than everyone which is sad. But I will keep protecting my kids and myself.
A day at a time
I am working today Marina I now it's a very tough weekend so I will be back.
Thinking of you.
You did well on the exchange
Big hugs
V
Vanilla her lying has gotten worse and W has accused me of some serious things to people but like they say everything comes out.
it does sometimes in unexpected ways but it does.
W has lied to her own lawyer telling her S9 is biologically her son and d9 and s8 was my biologically my kids but my lawyer clarified that to her lawyer I have all original adoption paperwork they all adopted. That's another lie
That is a stupid idiotic and strange lie.
Fantasy land lie . Billy liar type lie!
So so obvious!
and latest saying I open CC in her name and officer ask how I got her identity information W claims I was a ex roommate...
it would be easier if you were! For you.
Wow we have 3 cc joint which we open in 2011 and we both in account and we where together from 2007 till 2017 so not sure how she thinks that way when I have over 10 cc my credit cards W was a authorized user
I hope no more?
and she rack them up and when I try to call they told me am still responsible even if W was using but again a little to late before I seen what W was doing I had heard worse cases but W took 20,000 savings and cc rack up and I could do anything bit take to civil court but it would have cost me more paying lawyers so I suck it up and said lesson learn.
Yes, me too.
W uses the police dept for everything W feels untitled due to military back ground and her education she always feels she is better than everyone which is sad.
horrible, horrible, horrible
But I will keep protecting my kids and myself.
yes, as the evidence builds the truth will out and it's stranger than W fiction!
Hugs
V
Do your best to keep the kids together. My xW wanted me to negotiate and split ours up. I stood firm and said no.
J5k,
Yes W has been served and went to court and trial is next month till then I get S9 on every other weekend, my lawyer thought it might not go to trial but I know W a very stubborn person who things she is the law, so who knows all I can show the judge I dont want anything I just want all kids together and kept with me due to W mentally not right but till then I will keep fighting for them to be together.
Marina we are listening.
You are doing great with a tough sitch.
Thinking of you
V
Journaling,
Well pick up D9 and S8 and got to see S9, W of course had the same bag I pack only snacks well d9 did and I let her well today W brought it back saying I don't need it... I just said Ok why debate with someone who doesn't see it was just snacks nothing wrong with that, well D9 is happy to be home S8 had a bed wet accident which is concerning s8 hasn't wet bed in over 3 months since he hasn't seen her and he did again hmmm very concerned D9 said W laid in bed with her and had girl talk W tells d9 she is going try her best to get things back to normal... hmmmm wonder what she meant by that she also ask her was I smiling am I happy that she just wants me Happy I deserve a good women... wow SMH.. I guess she also said she is not with OW to much things going on d9 told her I don't like OW because she is mean to us W said I am focusing on us now. Hmmmm again what does this mean Is W doing a temper checking or cake eating with my d9. Also told her d9 she will always have feeling for me and love for me. I think W sees me with a friends and thinks am serious about this girl if only W knew how broken I am and ever since Friday I just felt old feelings that I thought where gone but like my mom said those feelings will always be there you have to stay strong and remember what your therapist said you now have to focus on Kids and yourself W is broken and can never ve fix she will always have her issues and drag you in amd kids. So taken a day at a time.
Journaling,
Is crazy had a therapy session and my therapist had put things in a chart for me to see it clearly. W was once an amazing person honestly I thought to good for me. But I also knew W had a horrible childhood with alcohol father who beat her mom badly, and W seen it all but I thought she got help for that I never thought it will damage our marriage something we had so amazing. I know that WAW or MLC W or H could relapse I know that many of us wanna recon but there's that chance they can relapse the question my therapist ask is do you wanna go through this pain again and especially with your kids. And therapist was right do I really want to go through this pain and my children's. I can't imagine going through this again. I will always love my W I just know W is not good for US.
A day at a time
Journaling,
I know W is with OW still, as much I want W not to be she is S8 says there is pictures of W and OW like a family pictures all over S8 today told his therapist there was no pictures of me (mommy) his therapist ask how does it make you feel S8 said sad very sad. And he did drawing s8 expresses himself more with drawing there was a picture of W yelling at him saying "I hate you I don't want you" while fire coming out W mouth. WOW that was hard to see. While W tells d9, she no longer with OW, s8 seen them in Window hugging and a kiss at MIL house outside wow another thing to add that her FAMILY allows her action and behavior SMH I guess my theory was right W can't cake eat with me so she does with my D9
Tells her lies while s8 notices tooth brush and cloths in closet. Not sure why it hurts but how can she just move on like nothing 10yrs 3 beautiful kids we adopted that we fought hard for she could give all that up. I guess now am realizing I was a push over I treated her like My Queen respected her and W always got her ways because I wanted her HAPPY. I gave in easy because W was my world my FAMILY is my world.
Feeling Sad today
Taking it a day at a time
I will come back to you, trouble with the Internet at the moment.
V
Journaling,
Lately it feels like an elephant on my chest, panic attacks and feelings like I felt on BD April 2017, I been wanting to write a letter to W I wanted to apologize to her if I offended her by packing snacks for kids last weekend, W was angry for me doing that if she only knew it was out of good intentions, my therapist said it was a bad idea she feels W is in a bad place to even care what I think, as long I did it with good intentions that's what matters which I did out of good faith.
S8 lately been emotional he was the one that didn't cry or show emotions through this nightmare finally feelings are coming out D9 is doing good she tells me she wish W would call them or something, D9 ask does W really cares about us. I honestly can't answer this for her but I assure you that I freaking love you three to death.
This is exactly what W doesn't see the damage she has done.
Taking it a day at a time
Great to hear from you Marina.
Your W is clearly disrespecting her children. It must hurt to hear it, such lovely children and they are hurting.
So are you, loss of a spouse and loss of your dreams of a family life with W. That W is WW. Why does she lie about OW to the Children?
Makes no sense to me or you. But it has some crazy logic to WW. It's going to be ok Marina, you are a great mum and have a fabulous family. You are the heart and soul of your family, that's obvious.
I am sending you peace today. Resist the urge to send WW any apology letter. If it helps to write down your thoughts do so but don't send it. Sit on it for a long while, in due course lovely lady you will smile to yourself at it. Please stay safe and hold on to your loving thoughts of your children.
You have the most precious gift of all, a parent's love which your WW envieS greatly.
V
Journaling,
I pick up S9 today, I hate this I ask myself what is this or I ask myself over and over how did I get here what happen to what we once had. Over night literally gone W just gone. I see FB last year post memories and this day W and I went on a date, and there's video of W and kids dancing and laughing. What happen to her.
Today for the first time I paused and look at W I honestly haven't been able to look at her it hurts to much, but today I seen a person that I know is drinking heavy and dark around her eyes which means she is not sleeping well. I know am not 10yrs with my W we never slept apart we always needed each other to sleep. God I miss her so much, people say with time you heal am going on 10months and pain feels worse. I again know there's to much damage for us to even fix to much hurt to much pain. But God knows I want W to find her PEACE. There's this song that I dedicated to W "Praying" by kesha when I need a good cry I just listen to it. Only she knows how much I will always LOVE her but like they say when you LOVE something so much you have to let it go if they want to go. I let her go because W told me if you LOVE me you will let me go and if meant to be I'll come back. But through all this to much damage done.
Taking it a day at a time
Journaling,
This weekend had a great weekend with my Trio's btw I have always called them this since adopting all three, D9 seem like herself with S9 as they call themselves the twins, they where unseparable in d9 room catching up laughing and also crying I try my best to not get them involved on what's going on with me and W and court things. D9 tells s9 I miss you so much I miss my other half s9 says me too d9 crying uncontrollably I hate this why did W break us up s9 says let mom's handle this,s9 says am coming home soon d9 just crying I pretend I wasn't listening I said what's going on munchkins they said nothing I said you sure s9 says yeah mom we just talking we got this you worry to much about us are you ok mom as tears running down my eyes I said of course buddy just love seeing us together. S8 is in lala land he all about cartoons sometimes he has his moments. Had my friend over she is amazing to kids through all this and been there with my breakdowns when I can't get myself out of bed she pulls through and takes me out my funk I call it. We played games we laughed and cried and cook together on Sunday big Superbowl day, am from North Philly so cheering for Eagles S9 Eagles fan and d9 and s8 and friend Patriots fan we where making bets and joking and cooking great food for Superbowl, and music blasting and dancing, of course time flies to take s9 back, I say hey buddy gotta get ready s9 says do I really gotta go, d9 jumps in wagon why does he gotta go Why and storms off. S9 saying let me call mom, I had a breakdown my friends all said all this is almost over you must be strong. I wanted to call W so bad to say can s9 stay till game is over but I know there is no negotiation with W, W is in a place where she thinks she is the law and somewhere in her mind seperating sibilings was the best thing for her. Smdh... I explained to s9 buddy I wish you can but let's just get going, I promise to record it and not watch till next weekend when you here. S9 hugs me and says ok mom, I love you thanks for being the best mom we can ask for. So we drop s9, d9 and s8 in car, I get out with s9 and W of course can't even stare at me head down. Only waives to d9 and s8 I of course ask W would you like to say Hi to them W respond was if you let me or allow me to. I was blown from her response like really I never kept kids away I open door thinking W will go and say hi W stood there in cold snowing weather, I had to tell kids come out and say hi to your mom, W didn't even hug them a real hug it was more like a pat in the back. I tell myself WOW why do I even try. As soon we pull off to go home d9 is yelling and crying Why do you force her on us. I said I don't, my friend who was driving said is not my but your mom here is trying but I understand your frustration, d9 goes into why do you, she should open door and hug us and give us a kiss, she didn't even hug us it was a fake hug. I of course tried to console d9 saying I understand your frustration but one of us have to be the better person and lead by example for you three, s8 says you are the best mom we know you trying mom but W doesn't want us. D9 says exactly she hate us. I said hate is a big word I think W loves you three W is just having a hard time. D9 says never mind you always defending her. So we talk more I explained my best to them if I acted like W as a child and mean how would they feel, I explained again that am trying to lead by example and I hope when they one day get married that they won't go through this but if they do, they will know how to be the better person and parent always.
I know many will say I can't force W to do anything and I know that but I pray I at least could guide her to see again and that's her kids in front of her.
My friend stood with us and we talk she sees both sides of me being trying to do my best and d9 side friend recommended that I should back off with pushing kids on W, she says W is the adult here if those where my kids first thing I would have not abandon my family 2nd I would be the parent making sure they are ok with everything 3rd I will be making sure I call everyday and hug them every chance I get, the list goes on I see her point. I guess is hard for me to believe how can a parent just hate there kids so much especially at there age. Personally I don't get it I wish W will see this. And as I said W thinks she is the law in less than 2 weeks we start trial, my lawyer honestly thought we wouldn't go to trial but W thinks the judge is going to agree with her and say you did the right thing tearing sibilings apart or literally W says I took s9 because he is my blood from my FAMILY btw this is what W has told everyone s9 is her blood the only reason W,took him WOW.. I ask myself what does blood have to do with he our son who we adopted all together. Well let's see what happens.
I guess I'll keep fighting my way out this tunnel.
A day at a time
Marina
Could I ask a favour of you, just for poor old V and her eyesight?
A few paragraph breaks will help me read your journal.
I love reading about your family and your wonderful parenting.
Marina let the children have their view on WW and no promises she loves them. By all means you can say you think she does. Please let your kids tell you how they feel, by all means say you still think their mom loves them and finds it hard to show it. Or whatever seems right to you.
You can go on to say you love them more than the stars or deeper than the ocean and there are plenty of loving hugs to go round, extra rations. This is something that is natural to you, and the kids will truly believe you and feel that love.
My thoughts Marina
You are awesome
V
Vanilla,
So glad you came through I always look forward to your insight. Yes I will break paragraph more no problem any for V.
Yes I have assure the trio's that this mommy loves her munchkins to the moon and back. I also have stated to them I can't say or feel what there other mom thoughts are but it has nothing to do with them. They are amazing kids.
Since d9 went to W house after not seeing her for 3 months d9 seems confused she stated she doesn't know what to believe I of course told d9 there's nothing to be confused her job is to get good grades and be an amazing daugther I think W telling her she no longer with OW and s9 confirm W was lying she is with OW has my d9 not sure what's happening but as my mom said you don't say nothing keep being an amazing mom, W will dig her own grave.
Sometimes I wish our W or H can see that in this process finding themselves all they doing is hurting there kids and family and everyone who loves them.
Journaling
The last couple of days been rough, emotinally hurting I honestly don't know how I got here, I look through old text and messages and no sign of W wanting to leave lately I been wanting to call her and say can we talk it's been 4 months since we even said anything we do exchange without even one word I honestly don't even know even what to say or start I would have thought we would by now come to a agreement for kids sake but as I said W is very stubborn and thinks because she was in the military that the law is always in her side. I am exhausted through all this I just wanna crawl in a cave and stay there. Life just doesn't seem fair, I'll ve 40 in less than 2weeks I thought I would have my wife and kids with me on this big milestone. I keep reminding myself God is GOOD something GOOD will come out of this.
W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm.
Yes there are days like this. Awful days when it appears life is pain.
They will get less as long as your tread the path you are on. The trouble with apologies and pleading is that they make things worse. Often much much worse and lengthen the process. Can also backfire on you too, be used as tools.
I think you know this.
Most hurtful is loss of dreams that will never be, they will be replaced by new dreams.
I read on another thread about a momentary EA lapse that could haunt you. Don't let it. Your thoughts about finding someone attractive and then pulling back are just that thoughts, it's not an EA. It's just thinking about it the dismissing.
No one is thought police, you will find others attractive in due course. Then you can move beyond thought, a long long way off I know.
You are a mom above all, a loving mom.
V
Advice needed,
Today W has to pick up s8 and d9 it's her weekend but we are getting snowed in literally but I have a truck that could drive through snow. Should I send W a text saying
Good morning, I know is snowing bad and you have a very small car would you like me to take d and s to your place.
I ask friend they said no because if it was me on the other hand your W would've even cared, but my thing is yes W would have not cared. But am not W I am not vicious or cold hearted no matter what is for my kids safety and my son who she has and just safe for everyone in general.
Please help how would any of you do.
I would do what's in the best interest of the kids, and put my feelings aside about her and what she would do in the same situation. Remember, you are the stable parent here right now.
Others might disagree and say that it's her business to figure this out.
Maika,
Exactly is not about W is about 3 kids safety, I would honestly give her the truck while she has kids,W has a small very small car that if she gets in a accident it will be totalled and even my kids hurt badly. I just wanted to see some opinions.
How would I text her without W assuming anything.
Text to W
Good morning, as we both know weather is bad for anyone to drive I know you have a small car I have the truck if it's ok with you I can drop kids off to your house.
I think that text is pretty good. I would probably just say something like this:
Hey! Weather is pretty bad out to drive and I thought it might be safer for me to drop off the kids in my truck. Does that work for you?
Journaling,
Well I guess no matter what I do W will always be W. Lol whatever this means anymore.
So in Illinois we getting hit pretty bad with snow so text W asking if she like me to drop off s and d at her location or any other location but closer to her because of the bad weather. So my text exactly was
Me- Good morning, as we both know weather is bad for anyone to drive I know you have a small car I have the truck if it's ok with you I can drop kids off at your location or any location closer to you.
W- Good Afternoon, I appreciate the offer. I have made arrangements to make it there safely and in time. I would like to keep our arrangement of pick-up and drop off as is.
I would appreciate it if the kids packed there snow boots.
In my text message I did not once mention to change the time or date. Or anything in that source but of course W felt to remind me that she doesn't wanna change anything hmmmm I seriously just cried because I can never win with her I wanted again for W to see I care for her am not the [censored] and monster she has painted me to be. I guess is true what they say Pisces are just pushovers we love hard and very caring humans.
Went to therapy and I guess the reason I keep circling back to emotions and feeling blah is I keep letting myself down example my therapist said. In my head I thought W would have came around all ready going on 10 months W walk out. Or I told myself W will snap out of it on Holidays W caredless or New Year's but W careless if we live or die. But in my peanut head I keep disappointing myself. I have to say therapist correct somewhere in me I think that one-day W will wake up and see what she left behind. I won't say am perfect but God knows am pretty close and somewhere in W heart she knows that she and my kids are my LIFE. I am a hopeless romantic I wish W one-day will knock on my door and say am ready to fight for you and my kids. I am not going give up.
Circling back to what therapist said, and this why I disappoint myself because when W doesn't do what I think she should do I get hurt again over and over.
Marina
Looks like a perfectly great co parenting exchange to me.
And the safety issue is taken care of. If it's not then that needs tackling in due course.
V
How are you lovely lady and mom?
I love your posts about the children and haven't heard for a few days.
V
Vanilla,
Hello been busy with Dr appointment had a serious spine surgery where they installed a pain stimulator through my back running down my spine,lately some issues with infection and battery that is place inside so Dr have me in antibiotics and in couple weeks back to operating room reopening back and rewiring and replacing batteries. In my kids words I am robo mom lol and there super "DAMA"
So Dama is a name my daugther gave to me when W and I lived together W was mommy and I am DAMA which mean I am like a dad but also a mom LOL. My Trio's say we have both worlds your a dad who makes sure we are ok you work hard you protect us and a mommy who makes sure we are ok,you cook you make sure we have clean cloths ECT. Well in my friends word I am a jack of all traits. But remembering now W hate that my kids thought so highly of me in my kids eyes I am simply perfect which W always grind her teeth or roll her eyes out I recall one day W rolling her eyes so bad I said make sure they don't roll out. W always says I am to attach to my kids and baby there A** to much.
Well this weekend W took kids we had snow storm I believe almost 2 feet or more it started Thursday night and by time Friday we where in bad shape to even drive News said do not drive only if necessary. So W has a small car no 4 wheel drive or anything I sent a text after 4 months of not even communicating we just do exchanges, so I was concern I told W I'll take to you at your location as I have a huge SUV that is great in snow I offered to even W take my truck I'll take our car as cars are still under my name.W replied saying I made arrangements blah blah I thought W renteda truck or a friend who has truck. Well well well W pulls up in her car I seen W pull up in our location W car slipping and slidding and I was in my truck shaking my head to myself I wanted to scream, but just like W she is a stubborn woman, I have a better chance with a real bull then dealing with W stubbornness and miss know it all. Smh I simply said if you need truck is yours I'll take car. Want to make sure kids are safe. W just stared with some sadness or just that unemotional look. Like seriously is like an Allien just standing there. Like nothing. I just kiss babies and wish them a great weekend with their mom.
S8 and D9 came back Sunday my best friend birthday so we went out to dinner after pick my d9 kept jacket on I wonder and ask take coat off d9 said am cold mom but it wasn't I ask are you ok. D9 responded yes but Us adult knew something was wrong so I ask one of my bestf to take her to bathroom and talk with d9 BTW these conversations with friend's where all text because I don't like talking about anything that's happening around kids Friend did and when she said what was happening I wanted to call W and say have you lost your marbles our Daugther is only 9,
Well W brought d9 a silky patted bra that made my d9 look like she had boobies btw my daughter does not have at all, I make daughter wear little girls under shirts. My d9 is just a little girl. Mentally and physically. D9 says she told W no I don't want W tell d9 you will look cute you need to start showing like you have boobies you will thank me one day WTF. I just wanted to go to her place and say what is wrong with you. She only a little girl.
Btw W knows how protective I am with my d9, with all my kids but more with d9 because she my little girl. Well d9 came home after dinner and ran upstairs then came back down and trash it. And started crying and saying mommy I felt dirty like a women and I dont want to feel that way, I held d9 saying you know it was wrong and I am proud of you for realizing that it was wrong to wear that. I am sorry but remember is your body and next time stand your ground and tell W you will not put that on. And remind her is my body my choice.
S8 says it was ok at her house but couple of time W reminded kids how that's her house and doesn't care what I do but in her house they better listen and eat whenever W says. Which again not sure why W feels to remind kids is her home and we will never get back. Tell kids I was a mistake on everything. Wow smh.
I guess I will never understand in my W eyes I am a monster, hates me for sure and now regrets her life knowing me. But then I read messages from not even a yr ago where W wrote me a beautiful letter saying how lucky she was she felt like she won the lottery, she praises me about being an amazing friend,wife and mother. And I have tons of cards and letters saying this. But now I am worthless and regrets even knowing me.
Now I admit to this it kills me trying to figure out how W just switch to hating me, US how can this happen and I don't have the answer. I guess I will never know what happen. I just wonder how long can this hate and anger last. Especially with me who have major surgeries again coming up. I don't wanna ever die holding on to this thought of W.
Journaling, and advice
So Happy V day everyone I am one day off but didnt have much time yesterday.
Yesterday another special day without W, as I stated before I am a hopeless romantic I would usually always make HOLIDAYS special and W loved that. But one thing W loved was the fact she always got roses at work or dip strawberries in chocolate it was just random just to say Have a good day or I love you my Queen. W always said co workers always ask how it felt because they only got flowers on BIRTHDAY or V day. I wonder if ow does what I did before or does W do to ow. I guess I'll never know.
So question, I turn 40 on Monday as we know is president day and kids off school here in Illinois. I have S9 this weekend, the only thing I want is my kids together with me. Well if up tp me I would want the old W too. I want to ask W can I keep him until Monday NIGHT. But let me add that on Wednesday we have court we go to trial for W to return S9 to me and sibilings. So should I at least try to ask W or should I not even bother.
I ask my friends some said yes some said No why disappoint yourself you know W going say No. But I feel I should at least try. I honestly wish I didn't have a birthday I thought as days go by it will get easier but this pain keeps lingering and emotions are just to much some times to bare.
Taking it a day at a time
My suggestion is to celebrate your birthday a day early and give S9 to your W at the normal time. Hopefully by next year you and your W will be on better terms and can negotiate things like this, but I think the timing right now would be really bad given your looming court date.
Thank you Anotherstander, yes your right things with W is not good now as I try to co parent the last 11 months with W is always her way or the highway one of the reason I took her to court for basically using my s9 as a pawn she dangles my son if I don't do what she says. Ya opinions matter due to we are all going through the same so thanks again.
Journaling,
Wow I'll be 40 on Monday,not what I thought at 40 my W wouldn't be with me.
Today on FB memory lane 1yr ago W wrote me a beautiful letter while she was at work. W said I am a lucky woman and in the letter writes how I am her soulmate and sees us growing old. And in a text message last year this same day W says let's have another baby let's do it and I reply Yes and W respond with heart kisses emoji. Wow I question what happen.
Another big day if my life on Monday and W is not there. W abandon the people she claim to LOVE more than LIFE and hurt the most precious gift God gave us our kids.
At one point I would have done anything to get my W back but I ask myself over and over how can I even try when she hurted the 3 most little people I LOVE. I spend hours and hours reading here and reconciliation doesn't seem to be crack up as we think it will be. I think that will be the hardest battle I will have to fight if W wants to come back. I know I LOVE her and will always but the question is, Is W good for US is not just me is 3 other little hearts.
Last night W came up in dinner table as I and kids always pray before eating, I ask God to always protect W and guide her back to his loving arms (god) and lead W in the right path and guide her to the light. While praying tears running down my face. D9 wipe my tears and said mommy don't hurt anymore, mommy doesn't LOVE us or cares about us only herself. In my mind I said when did daugther get so wise. I said to d9 is tears of sadness because I know W was an amazing mom and W once, remember d9 you always pray for everyone no matter if they done you wrong you always be the better person. D9 says I know mom I just wish you get married and forget W I replied it won't be that easy because my heart still loves W. D9 said I know but mom doesn't deserve it. Again when did d9 get so wise.
So I ask that question what if W wanted to come back home to US s8 eyes lighted up and said you mean the old mommy not the mean one right I said yes the old mommy we know s8 said yes we be a family again.
D9 said No I said why d9 respond was no matter what you never leave your kids or hurt them mom did both and she hurted you alot. So NO. S8 glare at her I responded we all have our opinions and is ok. But W is not coming back I just wanted to know ya thoughts, d9 smirk she loves her NEW life and OW to much. My heart drop and I said alright change of conversation.
Then we proceeded how they wanted to bake me a cake and they wanna cook dinner this weekend is all about me
I said ya can't cook is fire there reply well peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese or salad it doesn't require stove. So I guess super Dama will be having amazing dinner lol xoxoxo wish I could post pictures.
I been ask be friends how do you do it. My answer my kids are my purpose now I know why God bless me with them. I needed them more than they needed me.
Well let's see how today exchange go let's see if W is nice today it is my birthday weekend. Keeping fingers cross.
Question can we post our FB or Instagram user name so we can see faces of who we are.
A day at a time....
Marina
The love of your children shines through, you are generous and loving.
Know you are in my prayers and I include you in my votive every day.
Celebrate your birthday as many times as you want, every day for a month with lots of little things. Ice cream, cake, a fun dvd, a trip to the park.
I know you have a real tough week ahead. I am here to listen.
V
Journaling,
What is sleep for LBS lol, well yesterday I pick up s9 and he runs out W car and runs to me mommy mommy... I Love to hear his voice W for the first time said is that s8 and d9 in the car I said Yes W ask can I say Hi to them I said of course. I wish W knew how much she is loved. W spoke in a soft voice like her old self but I know not to read to much into it.
Well yesterday was lent we has fish sandwich s9 ask mom did you go to church for ash we replied yes we did s9 said we did to me and mom only. I smiled and my heart felt warm. I look at my friend and said God is good all the time. God has been hearing my prayers.
Not sure if many WAW lose faith but mines did at one point W yelled what has God done for me I then knew W was in a dark place because God has always been with us the last 10yrs and W made sure we went to church, light up a white candle God has always Been with us so to hear W in the beginning yell that I knew it wasn't her.
Since the BD my faith has been more than what it was I knew all this is happening for a reason like my mom says Follow the process and don't question it let God lead you. Three things you must always remember.
1.God had nothing to do with this
2.Don't lose faith
3.God has a plan he never leaves us
I know many of us have question why me God or other things when we lose someone or when things are just going wrong. Through this my faith is stronger, I have had a spiritual awakening. I have grown from this and I understand God nothing to do with this. As I written before we do pray for W alot and we have a white candle lit up for W in my house and in prayer we ask to lead W back into his arms (God). I believe in my heart and soul that only W and God could help her through this. So we will keep praying.
When s9 said W went to church I have to say s8 and d9 eyes lighted up.
Am so proud if W if she is going to church. I pray she will see the light.
Journaling,
Having a great time with S9 and D9 and S8 last night I tuck kids to bed s9 gave me a big hug and squeeze he said I miss ya so much I said you know we do buddy we will be here. I promise am working on getting you home. S9 ask to pray with him we did and he ask God to mankes his mommy communicate and get along and for his other mom to be nicer to me and one day he ask God bring my FAMILY together. I stood quite and just said Amen. S9 said mom can you ask Mom if I can stay No school and your birthday I of course told myself I was going celebrate a day early and just pretend no birthday on Monday. S9 beg please call her or text her for me please please.
I of course slept on it. I woke up while cooking breakfast I was listen to Christian music. S9 and D9 came down they ask did she say YES. I responded I'll let you know. While cooking I sent W a text saying.
Me- Good morning, s9 ask if he could stay no school and birthday wanted to take them to car show like every year I do.
W-Good Morning, although I feel very conflicted about this for many reasons like you not letting me see the kids for Christmas.
I would like to speak with him so, please have him call me. I will oblige, hoping that in the future the same courtesies are extended to me. While also of course, approved by our attorney.
I Ask myself why am I so hurt with this why did I expect ger to say Yes. And her lying about Christmas not even once she called. If W knew we stood home for Xmas if she did come by or stop by on xmas day we where home. I think she came on the 23rd when I wasn't home and never gave me a head up she was stopping by. But w feels to lie about her coming when only God knows w didn't even call.
As much it hurt s9 ask am staying right mom. I responded I tried but other mom made plans sorry kid. He look very sad. I of course went to bathroom cried a good 10min and got myself together I guess there will never be a co parent with W. I know am trying for my kids. But W doesn't care.
I could have responded.
Hey on your birthday last minute you text me saying I want them 10am till 3pm I oblige I literally jump. But this was around July when I had all three when W went M-I-A I didn't say No.
But why even bother going back and fourth with W. I just responded I'll have him back at normal schedule.
God give me strength to keep me strong am losing all hope. To even try to co parent for my kids.
S9 wanted to call W saying I want to tell her I want to stay I said is ok buddy.
Knowing W she'll think I sent him. Because anything I do am the A**hole always so I said No hun please let's enjoy the couple more hrs we have baby.
This [censored] when I became a parent I didn't ask to be away frommy kids I knew what I sign up for. And it was to be full-time parent not part-time. Lately I been emotionally down.
Wow, why am I shock once again why...
W post on social media a picture of herself and OW and W tells the world that OW has taught her the true meaning of LOVE. And wants to spend LIFE with Her.
Btw I haven't told immediate family so I been getting messages with ??? Of family and friends... holy crap
Happy 40th birthday to me.
Happy Birthday Marina
Have the best day you can, some treats and know you are thought of today.
V
Wow, why am I shock once again why...
W post on social media a picture of herself and OW and W tells the world that OW has taught her the true meaning of LOVE. And wants to spend LIFE with Her.
Btw I haven't told immediate family so I been getting messages with ??? Of family and friends... holy crap
Happy 40th birthday to me.
They do this Marina, the happy ever after pics, you know and I know it's untrue but it hurts.
Please stop looking at her FB.
V
Family and friends who truly love and support you will have deep concerns. Whilst I know it's hard to talk about this will in the long run make things easier.
Reach out to those who truly care and be released.
Hugs
V
Marina,
Happy Birthday!
Have the best day that you can! I hope you were able to have fun with the kiddos and they made you an awesome peanut butter and jelly sandwich. These are memories that cannot be replaced that W is missing.
(((Marina)))
Please stop looking at her FB.
V
Hi vanilla,
To your response No I removed W from social media because exactly of this W posting things she shouldn't but W also removed mutual friend's but W didn't not removed my family. So my mom had to see this even though my mom knows it hurted my mom to see the level of disrespect she has for them my mom loved w like a daugther my mom always said am a fair person I won't pick sides but I also let actions speak for themselves and my mom is very sadden by W behavior due to not even W told my mom infact W still likes and writes to my mom.
What I mean is I have been quiet haven't told anyone only mom,and best friend and people W told horrible things about me. But I now have cousins and nieces texting me saying you and aunty W not together anymore due to W posting her love and basically saying she is so HAPPY to be marrying her soulmate. Wow.
Last night I wrote a letter to W and then burn it.
Dear W
I know things where far from perfect but in my eyes you where perfect. You made me the happiest W but am sorry you where not, I heard from a little bird your very much in LOVE and Happy, I know you might not believe me at this moment but since our seperation I knew if I didn't make you happy and like you told me you never loved me in the 10yrs we where together that you regretted everything. I still prayed for you that One day you would find your true love but especially your happiness. So I wish you and ow a bless marriage and I pray that you will feel the love I have for you with ow because being in love is an amazing feeling. I am thankful I got to know LOVE with you. I also have let go of you and have let go of us. I have realized if you truly LOVE someone and they are unhappy you let them go so they can find there happiness and I see you found yours so I know I made the right choice of letting you go. But please remember I will always have LOVE for you. Again I sincerely wish you and OW happiness and LOVE.
Sincerely,
Love always Marina
Sending you strength as you get ready for your hearing.
V
How did the hearing go Marina?
Sending you extra hugs today.
V
Hello everyone,
Vanilla,
I guess I expect all this to be over soon, as I never delt with this or have myself heard a parent seperating kids.
Well W didn't show up infact W doesn't show up only her lawyer. As ya all might know I am struggling there's days I wonder can I become homeless due to this but I know I have to fight for my kids.
Court is slow all I can say the system has failed us now I understand when I hear a mother or father giving up. Btw which I won't so we had a guardian ad litem for pro bono well apparently this guardian ad litem use to work for W lawyer lawfirm so denied due to conflict so w lawyer said 50/50 which we have to pay. Only God knows my struggles I can't even afford my lawyer as I literally sell my things to hire my lawyer. So I ask how can I afford this.
I don't have family I have unfortunately a sad childhood story family in and out of jail,drugs ect I got away from that 20+ years ago and been on my own. I always done everything on my own where W has family they are dysfunction but they do stick together so I know W has emotinally and financial support.
So basically is I either walk away from this and lose my first son or I fight and give it all which is nothing. I literally had back surgery going in for another one. I get no help and the little money I get is to keep a roof over s8 and d9 literally we penny pinch every thing. My kids see coins in floor and put in jar to say mom we going help. This breaks my heart.
I try to stay positive because I know there's someone worse out there some family don't even have a roof over there heads. God knows I need a miracle to happen. So let's see what's next my lawyer is petitioning again but we all know all this cost money. So am truly losing all hope. But God will lead the way.
A day at a time
One day at a time.
Sadly I don't know the system where you are so all I can do is encourage you.
I get the financial pressure, I agreed a payment schedule with my L and has taken 3 years to pay her down to a few 000.
Being without family is very tough on you, even if it's just moral support and a little babysitting. You did say that your WW was in the army, is there any support from that direction?
I am more in awe after you have told me of your background, changing your life after those hardships is very difficult and you did it.
Remarkable.
Tell me about the back surgery, what does that entail? How long will you be out of action?
What will the surgery do for you? Will you need more surgery?
Can you get alimony Marina? Why 50:50 on the costs? Who made the decision not the free Guardian AL?
Just wish I could reach through the screen and give you all a wonderful hug.
V
Am in Illinois, me and W where not legally married due to back then gay marriages where not allowed. When it became legal I now can see W was check out already and that was about 3yrs ago when I remember telling W let's just go get married and W wanted a huge wedding or nothing so I now see what I couldn't see W was already going through her cycle.
I have lupus going on 15yrs and MS 4yrs ago I have nerve damage so they done a SPS is called spine stimulator to help with my nerves to tell my brain to move ect. Is more to help us people with illness to not depend on pain medication. Mines has work but been having battery issues and cords have moved so back in there to replace battery and fix cords in spine but we all know after surgery we never be the same so now i have pain somewhere else. So is a process
And the money I get from s.s is not much it goes to pay bills and take care of 2 kids. And when s9 here.
I was hoping to be back to work but maybe another 3 to 6 months. The question is do I forget about this surgery and maybe be in wheelchair bound in couple years.
So the judge made the ruling W lawyer said her client doesn't have a problem with guardian ad litem but 50/50 even though my lawyer said there was a free one pro bono the guardian use to work for w lawyer lawfirm and W lawyer feels is a conflict. I was shock is like the judge didn't even hear that i am not working. The judge ask can we fix this her lawyer said she has tried. W trying is if I walk away from S9 that's W trying and I won't walk away from a son I wanted not W a son I raised while W went out and walk away.
Marina
I am even more in awe.
Please get your operation as that is vital to your wellbeing and that of your children.
So, so tough at the moment.
We had a poster here called Diana who had great health challenges and you my lovely lady have three adopted children.
I have a dear dear friend with CPS and a stimulator and I know how vital this is to your wellbeing.
Some judges are **** and sadly you have come across one of those....
I want to swear loudly across the pond, I hope you can hear me.
V
Journaling,
So lately or lets say last couple months i been surving, and only God knows trying to get my s9 back home.
Well I have had a lump on my breast for couple of months finally it got worse with time swelling and leaking from nipple area now I am getting myself check. Turning 40 they say must do a whole physical check up. Had couple blood work and ultrasound and mammogram next.
I remember when wife been sick I never left her side and the last year in a half has been my worse my W left me at my worse this is the part am more hurt and angry. When I needed you the most is when you left us. Left me to survive with my kids without a penny to my name.
They say karma finds it's way and it will but I honestly feel that no human beings should go through the pain I am going through. I just Wish the best for W.
I can tell ya this there's days I wanna give up financially I can't am drowning and emotinally am so beat down. But I know there's always someone worse out there so I am grateful. But sometimes we just need a Miracle.
A day at a time
That lump needs looking at Marina.
Honey, please please your children need you well. Extreme self care.
Extreme
V
When you are ready would love to read a journal on how you and the kids are doing.
V
V,
Thank you for checking up,it's been a couple hard weeks. I got mammogram and ultrasound done and walk out with breast cancer forms. Wow
They did find the lumps the mammogram came back with some dsrk spot. So schedule to have them do biopsy I will have a surgeon go in and remove the discomfort lump, and then move forward with results.
This weekend kids are with XW, I realize I get bad anxiety when turning them over to W. Not knowing how they will be treated, Kids sometimes tells me some of W random weekends with her. I just listen one example is W was on the phone with someone and made a comment like is so easy having one child. Or another of W conversation with friends is how kids ruin her LIFE.
I sometimes wonder why would W be so cruel to kids they are only kids who never ask to be adopted or mistreated.
I would never understand how a W/H would leave us but also leave there kids. A question many of us want.
My kids are my world they are amazing kids, d9 is doing great in school d9 is going through her emotional cycle one day she is the happiest girl on top of the world and there's days she just hates W I mean hates her. D9 is in that stage of wanting answers she wants to know Why. D9 goes to counseling in school and once a week I take her to our family therapy. I tell d9 is a day at a time.
S8 is now S9 his birthday was couple days ago. My baby is 9 time is flying for me well W called s9 to say happy birthday the conversation lasted 57sec W literally said.
S9 Hi mommy "s had a big smile"
W hi Happy birthday
S9 thank you mommy
W ok gotta go
Silents and s9 says mom said I got go d9 put head down and reading her book. S9 whisper to d9 sorry mom didn't ask for you. D9 responded is nothing New she barely knows we exist. While I was cooking tears runs down my face to see my kids hurting to see them broken.
Court is going we go to court for child support let's see how this goes and kids now have a guardium ad litem we start in 2 weeks is sad to see this happening I ask myself why does W think is ok to seperate kids why do the court system allowed it to go this far without placing my s9 back home for him to be with his sibilings. I will never understand w logic of hurting my kids. Of mistreating them and telling them they really not sister and brother's my kids might not be blood related but they are all adopted and the same to me in my eyes and heart they are my children I never used the word adopted since BD I didn't want them to find out this way.
Marina
Thank you for the update. I have included you and the children in my daily votive.
The suspected breast cancer is an additional burden for you to carry and it's a big one to worry about. I hope the lumps are cysts, that's bad enough, but at least less invasive treatment.
Frankly I never understand how waywards can treat their innocent children in awful ways. The children are picking up your distress on it as well as their own abandonment. That makes life even harder for you and I am so sorry it is this way.
Children are more resilient than you know too, they have the love of a terrific mom, you. I used to foster, children older than yours so I have a little understanding although I short term fostered so the dynamic is different. Your children are your children and you are a family. A loving caring family and that is vital to you all.
Marina, despite all you have love and can experience the joy of your children.
When is the next court hearing?
When is your treatment?
((((((Hugs)))))
V
V,
Doctor also hoping is cyst which I would take a million time. But again I do know God has a plan as crazy it might sound to many of us. I will keep letting lead me to the end of the tunnel
Well this weekend W had d9 and s9 of course W told s9 last time I will have something plan fun for us to happen and s9 said nothing happen d9 said that s9 told W you always breaking your promises W responded oh well. Also d9 said that W sat next to d and said ain't OW different than your mom d responded Yes my mom is my mom I guess W didn't like that answer and smirk and walk away.. Simply wow now W is comparing me to OW also S through a tantrum and ow told s you better stop or I'll make you walk home. All I can say is W is really testing me. I been very quiet and not paying her no mind but if OW spanks my kids all I can say is I'll be all over the news.
This is getting ridiculous W tells kids there biological parent's name tells them they are not even blood related and to top it off the reason we adopted is because there parents didn't want them. Smfh how much more of this we have to endure.
Court is end of March, and kids start Guardiam Ad litem btwmy kids didn't know about this W spoke with them and already bribing them and telling them oh the lady is really nice she already knows about everything and wink at them. My kids said mom what she meant by that. I responded am not sure but you always tell the truth always no matter if is good or bad. They said we know mom.
This is getting out if hand the cost of my kids mental state my s9 pee in bed and woke up crying I of course ran to s and held him he hugged me so tight and said please don't leave us I of course replied never baby am here for you three. I made sure s was dry and changed his sheets and tuck him back in at 2am almost 3 in the morning.
Something gotta give my kids are being torture mentally Why is W so evil...
I am broken for my kids only God could help me this is going to far.
Any news Marina on the lump?
I was thinking about you today and wondering about your health, and if a date has been set for the hearing?
V
Marina,
Forgive me, I saw your post but have been busy with my issues.
I do not have any advice for you with respect to the GAL. Splitting the kids in my opinion is not what I would choose, but others may have to make that call and you will have to live with it. I am still going through my own struggles with 5 boys and trying to transform my mindset that things will be better for them by viewing it differently.
You need to stay healthy. I will pray for you.
J5k
Thank you as I can't imagine with 5 kids I know in my house there are good days and bad days with emotions if not one kid crying why mommy left us is the other amd us being our kids pillar is hard and to deal with our emotions. I now literally take it a day at a time I honestly now wake up and plan the day because of our dilemma and therapist says is ok to take it a day at a time so here I am. And as for the GAL I went in there as I been she ask I heard W side what's your side I simply teared up and said I have no side as I am myself trying to figure out what happen to my family. I showed her W letter of letter intent her stating she didn't want d9 and s8 and just wanted s9 and for her to live her life and leave her alone and him. I did what I felt was right to just say I am not sure what happen all I know like letter says W needs to find herself for almost 10yrs she was a mom and wife. And GAL lawyer responded to well when we become parents we don't take breaks I just shake my head yes I know this if she needed to find herself I am honestly ok with this. Why because I believe I also went through a midlife crisis myself 3yrs or 5yrs ago I was strong enough to overcome this but I never left the house I might have monstered like W did says after reconnecting W said you said some horrible things to me but I never took it out on my kids I might have to say my kids is what help me get through my dark days.
J5k thank you and hope you and boys are doing good.
V,
Yes court is now on April the end of the months for W to pay all court cost as I am limited to funding. I know that GAL will begin this week for kids so she said at the end one parent will not like me as I need to make best decisions for kids which I agreed one thousand percent.
I have an appointment on Wednesday for biopsy results hoping is just a cyst which I had those removed before painful but better than breast cancer.
Yes kids are amazing I also dont keep anything away from them unless is court as I tell them you two keep being kids this is my battle. But d9 said you also super dama you bounce back like superman lol. So If is a cyst I will go have them removed and then let them know results are good now to next battle.
Which my biggest battle is to keep kids together.
My main concern lovely mum, is that Wednesday goes well.
Please let me know how YOU are. Take extra special care and rest.
I have had breast lumps, luckily not sinister but very very worrying. One thing at a time.
I am sending you my very special rainbow strength if you would like it.
V
Hi V,
No nothing yet and the GAL hasn't interviewed kids yet I wanted to email her and ask what's taking so long but I also don't wanna sound impatient so I am a little stuck. I can truly say the System for kids have failed me and my kids. I am just taking it a day at a time. Thank you V for always keeping in touch
Systems do that, it truly is awful.
I put you in my prayers at votive every day. Brave wonderful mum, it is my honour and privilege to post to you.
V
Please start a thread so I can post to you.
V