I posted in MLC as newcomers hoping to get more answered Question on Here as I am trying to make sense of this Crisis my wife going through.
I honestly can say my wife has died but I still can see her if this makes sense to ya, I physically see her but she is someone else. Here is my story...
Hello am New in here,I been reading everyone post for the last 3 months trying to understand or in my head I thought things where going to go back to normal. Wishful thinking... Also we are a lesbian couple with 3 amazing kids 2 sons and a daughter.
My story started around April 20th we before that had an amazing life by all means not perfect but close to perfect. W was getting ready to go out again I notice she was changing slowly but I also was use to her having girls night out so on this day I ask the same question I have ask for 10yrs "where you going" but on this day was the day she said J I am no longer in love, it literally caught me off guard I of course started crying and pleading not to leave that night. Yes I did all the mistakes I shouldn't have even getting on my knees. Well now I sit here and remember she had no reaction at all. This was once a women who adore me she sent me a text days before that saying she loves us so much.
So I at first did all the mistakes, asking her what I could do to make us better her reply Nothing we are done.
Then couple days later I again ask why how come she said her exact words,
I gave you almost 10yrs I lost myself for the last 10 yrs it's been about you and the kids, I need to do me and love myself again and for once live for me. When I see myself I can't even see myself I lost myself.
So I ask is this temporary or do you need time or what's going happen. W replied am moving out I already found a condo so my alert went up log in to bank account. W has withdrew all our saving $20,000 I was in disbelief.
Let's rewind in 2015 I got hurt at work and been off and on at work I just had major back surgery so I was financially making sure we saved up before another major surgery.
I confronted her and her reply is my money. Huh?!?! I mean we both have always work. So now am panicking W has a condo already took all the money I was furious I felt this was all plan I was confused as how not even a week before we talked about adopting a foster child we even did all the classes. From May till June all she did was go out come home whenever even sleeping away from home for the first time.
While I kept S8,S9 and D9 busy making sure they didn't get hurt because W was becoming verbal abuse always cursing and screaming from even saying we ruined her life she didn't even want this life but she did it to make me Happy. W said I could have been retiring this year from military. Oh yeah she was a Marine for 8yrs btw this is before we even met she left the Marine corps in 2006 we met October 2007 so not sure why I got blamed. But she felt she needed to tell me that it was my fault she not traveling the world like some of her friends are from the Marine corps which they don't have kids.
Well she left leaving us with no money and no explanation just she no longer in love in fact she never loved me at all.
Unfortunately I was living this fantasy world she was staying somewhere and she just needed time. My kids are confused where is mommy. And our lease was up on July I of course beg and cried and ask what was i going to do when lease was up and we have no where to go. W reply oh well figure it out. Wow is all could have said while an emotional wreck. And our kid's asking. I text her like a million times ask why, what's going on did she meet someone andI never got replied. So here I am recovering from surgery, and mayor back surgery schedule for June.
The first month she took clothes not all through the month of June she only took her clothes and jewelry and her bar I builded years ago and a stereo.
By July it hit me when she pick children's up and they went to her condo and she still hasn't giving me the address my kids say they only have a bed and sheets and nothing else in there room. I ask her after dropping off do I need to pack somethings up for there room. W replied Nope. My kids are now seeing her monster side she has them like little soldiers cleaning, mopping floor literally is all they do my children's tell me.
Now is July am packing a home and wondering what I did. By now I still didn't have anywhere to go am scared. W would not call or text for days not even to check on our kids. She by now has told me everything from,
I ruined her life
I am controlling
She hates me
How she wish I would leave state
How she can't stand looking at me
I was her biggest mistake literally if you thought about it she said it even in one of blackouts I call it, that she wish I would have died when I had a seizure in 2015 I literally fell in concrete and smashed my face on the ground I lost 5 front teeth this tell you it was a grandmal seizure. When she said this to me that day something inside of me died, how can someone wish death on someone they adored once but how can someone just say.
I started to worry W eyes where not the person I knew I felt I was looking at a Alien big black eyes, W has hazel eyes they where not light anymore.
I started searching of all these signs I Google it and yelp the first time I seen MLC I was shock W was 36 was about to be 37. I started financially removing her from my CC but May,June and july she spend 5,000 on my CC and remember she took over 20,000 so why use my CC. W of course scream and yelled how she was buying things and all CC she had where declined I explained I closed account she was furious. W says this is why we will never get back together because you try to control me. I by now been reading MLC how they like to cause chaos. I said we are not together they my CC I need to make sure kids and I are not living in the streets I need to make sure I have my CC because that's the only way. W respond Oh well.
By August I have a little home nothing to what I was living our life was flip out while she lives in a condo a new condo btw. We live in a little old home but I was ok as long am with my kids. So by now she would go weeks no text or calling and when she did all about Money and bills ect never about kids. I ask myself how can anyone walk away from everything they built in a family.
I also don't understand how can she leave everything behind from military awards, very important paperwork I mean she left everything behind I still have her birth certificate and ss ect.
By now kids and I settling and taking it a day at a time.
So 3 weeks ago she took our first s9 saying she needs him with her she separated our children's now am being ask by s8 and d9 why only him why she doesn't love them. I explain mommy loves you mommy going through a hard time.
Now she has killed me inside me not understanding why, I have no money to hire lawyer and Illinois law changed for child support and who they live with is a 50/50 now doesn't matter what parent. Again recap we adopted all 3, I know that s9 is more quite and in his world compared to s8 and d9 they are very out spoken. And W says they spyon her lol all I can do is laugh because our kids now spyon her I been accused of recording her and hired a PI to watch her. I ask myself how canI you didn't leave me money I have barely money to buy food.
A week ago she sends me an email to sign, she wrote her own custody plan. I didn't sign and now have to figure out how to get a lawyer to get my s9 home with us. Because they are siblings you just can't take what you want like they are property or an item. Again she goes days no text.
There's day she will be a nice person, 4 days ago she called saying how are you how you feeling, I replied a day at a time she was crying saying she going through a tough time emotionally I have said before this is what you wanted. And other days she will say this is why we will never get back together what I notice is when she doesn't get her way the monster comes out saying, This is why we never ever get back I can't f***** stand you. I have heard this over a thousand time we will never get back together.
W has lost weight goes to gym gets her nails done always shopping and lighting her hair again it feels like a strange in front of me. W is buried on her phone we don't make eye contact she always in la la la la land.
And W has new friends everything she doing is like her becoming a new person. I don't see her in social media or liking anyone pictures. I wonder is she still friends with her old friends or family because I haven't seen anyone not even my MIL is like they care less what there daughter doing. I feel we where abandoned by everyone. It slowly breaking me I wonder where did I go wrong, how can this be happening. But I have no answer, all of her friends are our friends and nobody is reaching out. I am alone in Illinois no family. I moved here 10yrs ago for her and now look where am at. Alone.....
I have tried everything to see if I see a sign but all I see is someone else not my W.
Sorry so long there's so much more but I think ya know how MLC spouse are and she is literally a monster to me and kids.
I also believe there could be OW romantic with but when I ask W laughs and says what should I care she is a single women and could date who the hell she wants...
Me,39
W,37
children's S9 D9 and S8
Together 2007
Separated May 2017
Moved out June 2017
Hi J19
do you still have the reply I wrote to this? I had some questions I hope will help us understand and advise better.
Maybe Job can link your prior thread to this one
You say you can't afford a lawyer. I say you can't afford NOT to have a lawyer. A consultation should be minimally expensive, and will let you know what rights you have, especially with regard to custody and retrieving half of the money in the bank account.
Believe none of what they say and half of what they do. She is no longer the person you fell in love with, and there's no point in trying to understand her reasons, because she's crazy. "It's all YOUR fault," crazy, and there's no talking sense into her.
Welcome to the board
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm and Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htmYou may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH. Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...224#Post2578224Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Took a break, journaling
So today I moved forward with a lawyer a friend help me find, this lawyer is divorce too and exh was formal military lawyer took my case and working on payments with me. Lawyer stated that w is going through a bad case of PTSD and unfortunately she see this alot where they don't think of there surrounding. So lawyer sending W letter of intent that all I want is to keep kids together weather 1 week on and 1 week off. So praying W agrees if not then we be going to court.
Update, I honestly thought W was going come to some sense I was fulling myself especially after seeing son yesterday after dropping D9 and s8 he looks tired exhausted I hug s9 and told him hang in am bringing you home he said ok mommy.
But I also seen W different, I have gone dark going on 5 weeks not texting or calling just focusing on D9 and S8 and healing from surgery. But this weekend I went out with a friend I met for drinks Friday and Saturday a party and yesterday with my brst friend to movie. W seen me friday when picking up s8 and d9 I was dress nice W commented I must be dating I ignored and gave all kids kiss and walk aways. Then as I was walking away W tells s9 oh your mom has a new GF I said please don't tell him that and walk away. So yesterday while dropping d9 and s8 W had MIL and FIL W said they wanted to see you so I greeted them. As I was walking back I got a message from friend I met up for drinks text, had a great weekend W was over my shoulder and seen it W said wow your dating I replied there's nothing to talk about when I wanted to talk you didn't so I gave myself closure W replied we should meet for coffee and talk I replied there's nothing to talk about when I try to explain it's not a good idea to separate kids you didn't care W again focus on herself and brings up my EA 3yrs ago I said we both did wrong I have apologized for that there's nothing more you moved on with OW W confirm they are together I laugh and said of course that's why you left.. I know I should have not fed to her but it's hard not to speak up. So I said again ok there is my closure. W said look at me, look me as I was walking away W with tears coming down I love you so much you just don't know how much I still do you don't think this is hard for me I watch Netflix I look over in my bed I picture you there.🤔 I look for you hold me. 🤔 I just listen I wanted to yell and say yeah right OW lives with you. But I didn't a big pause I know W was expecting me to say I love you.. but I didn't I just stared I said before I go in remember everything in this world could be fix don't let your pride get in the way. Or for it to be to late. W shook her head like she understood. Ok then I went in. I lock myself in bathroom in a ball and cried my eyes out. Because I know she just cake eating.
I then had dinner with S8 and D9 and they said ow said she was going pull there ear if they didn't listen I am in rage called W and said I really dont care what you do with your life but I swear if she touches my kids I swear i will destroy her and you. Btw OW work's with her. W calmly said I will handle that. I replied you know me very well and W replied I know I will handle OW. I hung up.
I don't understand why W or H let's them do thinks also if W said I need to find myself why attach to another relationship smh so many why's but no answers MLC,WAW they simply can't make sense but I guess I'll keep focusing on Me and S9,D9 and S8 and honestly. And will keep ya posted once lawyer sends her letter first to see if she agree.
All input are welcome Please. I hope my Dbing will peace us back slowly.
Me 39
W 37
together almost 10yrs
BD ILYBNIL May
Move out June
S9,D9 and S8
Marina,
You did great. Up I kept you composure and let her get her feeling out. Seems to me that some reality is starting to set in. When that letter gets to her, she will feel it even more.
Keep up the DBing. It's hard, but it's the best way.
Joe,
Yes W also seen New phone and said you took got a new phone with a new account i said yelp W said well when, I replied it doesn't matter W then said well you no longer tell me anything I stated there's nothing to say. W gave me the puppy look like wow
It worries me about her just flipping out W has so much on her, couple weeks ago before I went dark W stated she put her life insurance up my concern she will literally snap. I did tell lawyer my concern she will be filing protective order if W doesn't return S9 within a week. I myself been reflecting alot when we first met I didn't take [censored] from her I was very stern but honestly 2yrs ago I almost lost my life waking up from como I had a spiritual awakening that life is short that's when W started changing I guess she didn't like that i was so passive and just agreed with everything. Is pretty crazy how they think. But is ok because W is waking me up from me and going back old ways I also got sleeve tatoo. I know W couldn't stop staring
I was told by New friend I met "Her lost my Gain" lol
Journaling,
So this weekend W drop S9, finally I have all 3 kids until lawyer files, W hasn't been served yet.
So this is where I am stuck I see W changing last week W was very nice I could see some spark in her eyes not that dead look she had. This weekend W drop s9 and ask will you be selling a car as I have two cars paid for I of course just said no and kept it short, like 30min later I receive a text saying "Why do you always think the worse" I was shock and my friends say her conscious is getting the best of her, I really wanted to text her back and say Really are you asking me that must I write it down for you to see why am like walking on egg shell's but no I simply vented to my friends and never replied.
The kids and I had an amazing weekend from them riding bikes,doing smores to going over a friends house bbq and pool to ending our weekend with a bang. So W text saying can she come an hr early to pick S9 and said PLEASE. I of course just replied Yes I been keeping our conversation 1 or 2 words if we have too. While picking S9 W hugged d9 and s8 and her eyes got watery and kids ran off, W stared and said wow you lost lots of weight PLEASE stop is there anything I can do, do you need anything I of course said no but thank you as I was closing door W said, I love you so much I adore you. I of course replied I wish you could believe that. W said I do I know what and who I love and is you. I just stared and said ok,W lean over to hug and kiss I turn my face and gave W a half hug. I could tell she felt the difference. W said have a good night. S9 ran and hugged me and tears are now running down my face for HIM I said to s9 see you soon. Btw s9 knows i am bringing him home he knows that am fighting for him and he has stated he ready to be home. W just stared and put her head down.
Now what I struggle with is the rollercoaster ride Friday she was asking if i wss selling a car and W guard was up. And today a total different person, W also brought up the cars W said am sorry if it came off like to sell them i said yes it did, and am not sure what to expect because you always ready to fight with me W acknowledge and Apologise and said am truly sorry.
Let's see what next weekend might be because she'll be getting served this week. W said I'll see you Friday and smiled. Now am keeping fingers cross.
I'll take any advice how to approach after Wgets served with custody for S9, anyone gone through this.
You say you can't afford a lawyer. I say you can't afford NOT to have a lawyer. A consultation should be minimally expensive, and will let you know what rights you have, especially with regard to custody and retrieving half of the money in the bank account.
Tell a lawyer THERE IS MONEY (so they know they'll get paid).
b/c she took all the jointly held funds. Get as much of that as you can. Legally she can have half, not all. She will have to repay you asap
unless you don't get a lawyer. Then she can do whatever she wants & keep whatever she has...
there's no point in trying to understand her reasons, because she's crazy. "It's all YOUR fault," crazy, and there's no talking sense into her.
you can wonder & wonder WHY/HOW this happened LATER
because right now you need to get your interests protected, which will lower your fears & helps the kids.
Also, when she cries, do not challenge her by saying "But this is what you wanted" b/c I'm sure she did not want tears.
And it sounds as if you are saying "I told you so." That only makes returning home, harder for her.
Give her something honorable to live up to, not criticism challenging her values as a parent.
LISTEN to see if she really gives you information. Be upbeat, calm and act as if you have had an awakening, which means you realize now that you are going to be fine, anyhow. As if you are "resigned to her choice, which you know means she is going to lose precious time with the people who love her the most, but which you will NOT lose...act as if - (do you know this phrase? It's in the book and around here. )
And Get a Lawyer Now, telling them that your w took all the money. You'll need a retainer (probably on a CC if need be)
and they may be able to get the money or your half, back sooner
OR spousal and child support from her sooner.
Good morning 25years,
And Get a Lawyer Now, telling them that your w took all the money. You'll need a retainer (probably on a CC if need be)
To respond yes I have put retainer in CC unfortunately we live in Illinois in July of this year they changed child support law when 2 parent's have 50/50 the other parent the kid's go to school in only gets $130 so am honestly not focusing on how much I'll get my focus is to get my son back. I also have this attitude that is you as a parent know your kids eat,need cloths do school activity I shouldn't beg you for anything I guess that's the pride in me.
I understand what your saying about listening I have I listen and acknowledge, but I guess due to W saying I never loved you the last 10 years was lies I guess it's in my head that W never loved me. I mean she made sure she let me every chance she had this was in the beginning. What I said when she said I love you so much my reply was I wish you believed that yourself,I guess I needed to make sure it wasn't just saying ILY but during that W you paused am thinking waiting for me to say ily more. But I didn't so should I tell W ILY W knows I say to her "everything in this world could be fix" W knows I love my family, but I honestly have to say W might not think I don't Love her anymore due to everything.
So let me tell you what happen during friend's house we had bbq who is also W bf she loves both of us and is our kids godmother. We where talking she was sad because she notice W changes as she explain she feels replace because W has new friends. W hasn't seen her in over 3 month's W text and ask what was she doing she explain in her kids flag football W ask can I go over friend said Yes. W showed up friend said she was quite very quiete and head down. Our friend is not a grey person is either black or white and speaks the truth no filter. So W said do you think am doing the right thing friend said are you asking me or telling me. Because if your even questioning that thought then you know the answer. W proceed to say how do I even begin to try to fix it, friend said only you know that answer but you better hurry up because you have an amazing partner who has always been there supported you physically,mentally who had your back and look at her she is taking care of all 3 kids without even asking for help from anyone. Friend said her head was down while tears running down.
I have to say I needed to hear this I ask God for a sign just like all of us here, I been ready to walk away instead of standing. Hearing our friend/kids godmother say keep doing what your doing W is realizing what she lost and yes get s9 this is maybe what W needs but dont question your decision you are doing an amazing job. I have to say I needed this so am back on the horse and not giving up. Because like everyone one around us say I know W is my soulmate we have been a great Team together, together we could conquer the world, if this is going make us even better after this then I'll do it. I love her and my kids.
Journaling,
Emotional last couple days, So today went to IC did lots of crying of course but my Therapist realized and said I hear you say W,kids and friends but who taking care of you. Well she has a point and great question since I could remember I have taken care of everyone or give great advice but can't do that for myself. I am so Broken I didn't realize how bad things are with me because going what we going through makes us feel unworthy like example I know I lost tons of weight did my hair different purchase new cloths but did I really did it for me or to see if W notice. Is sad but if W couldn't love me for how I looked or because life got busy with kids why should I let W back in my life. Because then I think wow if I was in accident and couldn't walk or got a skin disease something out of control would W left me any way. I know I am just going through a emotional rollercoaster right now, but also realizing my worthiness
I know myself could I really forgive W for Hurting kids,Me and destroying me and kids financially where I didn't even know 2 months ago if I was going be sleeping in a car. Or our next food. Or again my kids where adopted they had a horrible past they came from a broke abuse home, I honestly could say I see my kids hurt they feel abandon they feel am going walk aways too but God knows I reassure them am here forever I make sure they feel love. Btw they are in therapy as there therapist said they are just protecting themselves. But these are questions I ask over and Over. Can I really forgive W if big if she does ask to come Back. Can LOVE really conquer all. Honestly at this moment I have to say No. Love can't fix what W broke but destroy and If was only me maybe a big maybe but she has put and said pretty nasty things to our kids and me when she we lived together. I just want to become better so I can keep being better for my three kids.
Would love to hear from anyone that has gone through these feelings. Can you really forgive your W/H without getting angry and throwing it in there face. ???? I just am lost with feelings..
I am so Broken I didn't realize how bad things are with me because going what we going through makes us feel unworthy like example I know I lost tons of weight did my hair different purchase new cloths but did I really did it for me or to see if W notice.
That's OK, if we're honest with ourselves we ALL do it at first to get a reaction from our spouses. Just keep working at it, eventually you'll do it for yourself.
Because then I think wow if I was in accident and couldn't walk or got a skin disease something out of control would W left me any way.
Exactly. Makes you wonder, if she's willing to leave you when things aren't so bad then what would she do if things took a tragic turn.
I know I am just going through a emotional rollercoaster right now, but also realizing my worthiness
Good, because you DO have a ton of value, and finding that again is important to your recovery.
Can I really forgive W if big if she does ask to come Back. Can LOVE really conquer all. Honestly at this moment I have to say No. Love can't fix what W broke but destroy and If was only me maybe a big maybe but she has put and said pretty nasty things to our kids and me when she we lived together.
After BD we're all very consumed with putting things "back to normal". But at some point we come to the realization that our old "normal" is never coming back. Even if we reconcile, we're looking at a completely different relationship even if with the same person. And we've got to ask ourselves- are we willing to recon with that person that was willing to walk out? I mean yes, we were not perfect and we need to own our contributions to the failure of the M. But WE are not the ones that walked out. WE were willing to stick it out and make it work even though there were problems. WE were committed. Can we say that about the WAS? And if not, how does that bode for a future with them? What's to say they won't turn around and do the same thing in 6 months or a year? It's a very valid concern, and you've got to think long and hard about it.
Would love to hear from anyone that has gone through these feelings. Can you really forgive your W/H without getting angry and throwing it in there face. ????
Yes. I never went through an anger phase with my XW. It's supposed to be a normal phase of grief recovery, but I never did get angry with her. I had a lot of sympathy for what she was going through. Even though it was very rough on me, I knew it was no picnic for her either. I do forgive her for it and harbor no ill will at all towards her. I mean I -could- resent her, financially we were in fantastic shape and poised to comfortably retire together before 60 and now my finances are in a shambles and I don't think I'll ever retire. But that's life, just when you think you have it all planned out life throws you a nasty curve ball that hits you in the gut as you swing the bat at empty air, LOL! You can get angry and pout and mope about it, or you can say "screw it, I'll make the best with what I'm given."
Marina,
I believe in the back of our minds we are all seriously hoping out W notice. Because the reason were here is for them initially. My W noticed the weight loss and still will mention how good I am looking. The irony is that none if the men my W has cheated with are in shape. They all have big belly on them. Perhaps it's my W finding someone who won't make her seem so big. I know her weight has always bothered her.
At first I thought something was wrong with me, but I know now that W has issues that are outside if me. These guys are cheaters and lowlifes. Not bragging in myself, but I am nowhere near as bad as these guys. So once again the reality is that my W has deep issues tibhet over that has nothing to do with me.
And my guess is the same applies you and your W. Just keep making the changes for yourself. Trust me other women have been admiring my changes. So maybe may no longer be an option. But I highly doubt I will be alone.
Journaling,
Thank you Anotherstander for your response and answering some questions I had in my head. I have to say I would have never thought my marriage would have ended like this. I mean my W was an amazing W and mother I remember a time she cried because W and I seen pictures of how our kids where living before rescuing them then adopting W said how can a Mother hurt her children's or abandon them this was 5yrs ago and to see how her behavior is now is heartbreaking. I remember W baking minions cookies with kids and always being attentive to them. Now she goes weeks not even seeing them. I guess I would never get the answers.
Tread, Thank you it's been hard 7 months almost and I sometimes give up. Yes I believe is all self-esteem, W always complained about weight and her boob but I always made her feel beautiful I still remember W telling me how I always made her feel beautiful.
And yes OW is a down grade from physically to financially. I don't drink or smoke OW does and not to bliw air up my Ass but I always been an attractive women. When W and I went out her own friends would always let W know how attractive and gorgeous I am. Now that I think about it W hated it, it just amazes how they replace us like nothing. It's mind blowing.
Smh.....
So W and I don't text or call at all. Only on Friday afternoon for kids of drop off time. But today W called like 3 times finally I answer and W yelled and curse saying they about to cancel her phones because she owes around 700 in cell phone bill. I let her scream and her tantrum then I replied Am sorry you are angry but I no longer have access to your account I took my # over 3 months ago. W paused and said Ok I'll call you back.
This is what I don't get why is W such a angry person I feel W finds anything to just be an angry person. It hurts when I think am healing W has a way to ruin it. Been feeling amazing and positive and she just ruin it. W has not called and she won't and I know tomorrow she'll be apologizing because it has became a pattern.
But besides that Kids are amazing D9 playing clarinet in a band. S8 has been quiet lately I been worry because he is a child that loves to dance and sing. I feel that once I get S9 I'll be taking a 2 day vacation with them. They have had amazing through this process.
I been GAL getting better from surgery doing my PT and have a friend that has kept me smiling lately. She makes sure kids and I ok she been in my life and kids but lately we been texting and talking alot. The good thing she knows everything I been through, she knows I love my wife but just like everyone says. W doesn't deserve me or kids. Am still feeling like am not sure I could ever forgive W. It's been so much damage am not sure there's hope. Especially the actions towards kid's. Our WAW don't realize the damage they do. Especially my WAW she was in the beginning very very verbal abusive from she wish I would have died to she never wanted these dam kids to I ruin W life. I just replay this over and over.
Am not sure how people can live with WAW because living with mines was hell am so glad now W left I moved to smaller home. Am so glad.
Calling all Cadets,
Holidays are coming up this is our first year. How do we Newcomers over come this I believe this is what I been of affraid of. After 10yrs how do I and kids get through this.
Journaling Journaling Journaling,
Well I lost my cool on Sunday after W dropping D9 and S8,
W pick kids up on Friday, W made a comment as I was ready and getting ready because a friend was taking me out, I must say this friend has help me GAL btw this friend also got edible arrangements delivered to my home on Friday, well on Friday W was over looking my shoulders and seen the bag, W made a comment I know you are with someone, trust me I know your sleeping around ect ect... I just ignored and gave kids big hug and kiss..
Well well well when I thought I lost all respect for W she does something worse, on Sunday W text saying running late meet me here in the beginning of the BD, W would say jump I would respond how high. But I ignored text and had W bring them home but guess what W did you would be surprised as I read some stitch here and how some WAW don't care, W drop kids with OW, I wanted to flip out but kept my cool. I flip when I was hugging S9 and W grab him and said let's go I nicely said it wouldn't kill you for him to give me a 5min hug, W of course flip out saying this is Why we would never get back together this is why we are here, ect ect ect... I realised she telling me in Spanish you don't realize how much I love you, but says in English this is why we never getting back.. hmmmm OW doesn't speak Spanish, I replied yes I know I know you Hate Me, We never getting back everything wrong in life is my fault. W eyes got watery as I said bye and slammed door.
D9 is nervous d9 says while OW was driving us home she wanted to vommit because she thought OW would say something or I would flip I hugged D9 and S8 and said I won't. D9 said W was questioning them saying I know your mom dating, ya lie like her and through the weekend was asking them about me. And W used the word sex to d9 saying I know your mom sleeping around.ect. I wanted to confront W but W expects me to flip out in the last 4 month's I haven't reacted to anything she does am no longer shock,
Still trying to get S9 back home. He looks tired exhausted and I could see the changes in him.
My GAL has been amazing My new friend is really helping me see things differently, new friend knows everything she says she is here for just support. I went to movies, walk and conversated I have to say I didn't think of W at all.
My question I ask myself over and over is W left,walk over have said horrible things from i love you but not in love, to I should have died. Why be angry if they see there Exes moving on
Journaling,
So today pretty rough day, I sit here and reflect alot. And I sometimes feel am I going crazy. I ask myself how someone you know for so many years. Who you once trusted with your life is no longer that person.
Not sure what stage WAW in but as you read my stitch this week W pretty aggressive again when I finally think there might be hope or a glimpse of light am now in that dark tunnel again.
W in the beginning was very evil besides going through her I don't love you, or I need space, am controlling blah blah all of the above she was also very verbal even at one point W wish me death. I again can say W broke me in every way. When I feel I can pick myself up or am moving on W has a way to break me. So this week W complain about a cell phone bill which I have nothing to do with but somewhere in W mind I screwed her over again am breaking my head trying to understand how. And then I already had planned to cancel our netflix account because we are no longer together I feel the only thing we need to focus on kids. Well I guess me canceling the account trigger W verbal abuse again from texting, this is why we never get back, you are petty, I f***ing hate you, you are a controlling person blah blah. I guess my question to any cadets or anyone who went through this is, If we are no longer together why hold on to a relationship. I honestly felt that W was right why did I cancel netflix. I felt at the moment this is reality we should have nothing together not even a Stupid membership.
But then I think is this W way of keeping our relationship together.
Is just very confusing the high and lows.
When I think is there any hope for US or Marriage W has a way to pop that ballon in my head.
I just simply don't get it or all this that is happening. I could never imagined this W never showed signs.
W has not only hurt me but our kids even friends.
Also when ever W is angry at something W goes social media crazy posting very childish things something I would never expected from her W is a very Smart women.
Is there any hope out here everyone stitch I read, I still haven't seen a happy ending usually all I read is the negative. If I didn't care I wouldn't be here but am doing everything to try to get my family back and my best friend but a day like today I just wanna throw the white flag in and surrender.
Journaling,
Update
Today I filed for son sole custody, as I was walking into court office I ask myself over and over how did I get here how couldn't I stop this. And had to walk back into my car and cry. And then memories came back flooding I remember how W and I pillow talk how if we ever separated we will always be friends we will always be civil. I then felt anger and lied to how can W put our kids through this. Wow reality kick in we are here.
Kids are doing amazing D9 and S8 know am trying to get S9 back they now just saying when hr be back. D9 has been more angry in school inpatients i received an email from teacher spoke with d9 and starting her counseling next week. W has not realize how this has broken our kids. I just don't get it but I know there's nothing I can do.
Well as for me since BD on April 2017 I been recovering from surgery getting better and stronger met amazing people through groups, met a nice girl in the last month who has been totally supportive with everything she knows my situation it breaks her heart to see me hurting but she knows this is a path I have to deal with. This weekend friend took me to movie and brunch. W called saying she was dropping kids I explained I wasn't home W said to pick them up I can't drive so a friend took me and W mouth drop and today W calls me to say it broke her heart to see me with OW. W doesn't know she just a friend but once w said that I spilled my heart out it's been over 3 months since I said ILY and today I broke down and I heard how W voice change.
Smh she was cake eating to see if she had me. Back to going Dark. Smh I just don't get it. How can they just play us as yoyo...
Back to focusing on kids and Me. And mentally preparing myself for holidays this is going be a hard holiday... I just ask God to lead me.