Just starting - 08/16/17 05:51 AM
I just ordered the book today. I hope to get it soon.
My husband and I have been together 4 years, and married not quite 3 years. We have always cycled with big fights about every 6 months. We will have a big blowout, and he will say he's done. He'll leave for a night or two, then he asks me if I love him, and we get back together and nothing really gets resolved. The last fight was the worst. We had both been drinking, I was trying to tell him that I needed support from him, he got mad and felt like I was emasculating him, we went around for hours yelling, him trying to walk away (he stonewalls me a lot), and finally, he pushed me, so I called the police. We were able to come together the next day after some heated discussion, but a few weeks later, he said he was done (after a few smaller disagreements). He's been living in the basement and his mother for the last few weeks, as he's also had to deal with a couple deaths. We have a son together, and he has been more present since he buried his grandmother last weekend. He's still living in the basement, but we talk and touch. He flirts with me over text message, but I'm still keeping my distance. I don't want a divorce, because of our son, but I feel like our problems are mountains that I don't know if I can get over. We still share a bank account, and I just checked to find that we only have a couple hundred dollars until Friday. He has been putting money away into another account, and spending more than he's putting into the account. He makes more than I do, but we do very well and shouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck. I'm so livid that I don't know if I can get gas tomorrow, because I don't know if we'll have any money in the account. He also took half the savings we had in our savings account out. I don't want to have to take money out of our savings to cover his overspending, since he's clearly stockpiling money (he has probably saved about $3k this month in his account, on top of the savings he took). Money has been an issue for the last year, since he took a new job that paid him a lot more. The job change is out of state, so it's been a good deal of sacrifice on my part. But he has been using money as a power-play in our fights since he started the job.
So, I'm wondering if the book helps you work through issues like this--I don't want to get divorced, but I am also not happy having to compensate for his spending while he has one foot out of our marriage. Or, how do I address financial issues while we are in this tense time, because he's not going to want to sit down with me to form a budget right now.
He said yesterday that he doesn't feel safe around me (he resents me for calling the police). I know I had a big part in why that fight got so out of hand, and I regret it. I don't want him to feel unsafe. I want him to trust me. I want to trust him.
Please help?
My husband and I have been together 4 years, and married not quite 3 years. We have always cycled with big fights about every 6 months. We will have a big blowout, and he will say he's done. He'll leave for a night or two, then he asks me if I love him, and we get back together and nothing really gets resolved. The last fight was the worst. We had both been drinking, I was trying to tell him that I needed support from him, he got mad and felt like I was emasculating him, we went around for hours yelling, him trying to walk away (he stonewalls me a lot), and finally, he pushed me, so I called the police. We were able to come together the next day after some heated discussion, but a few weeks later, he said he was done (after a few smaller disagreements). He's been living in the basement and his mother for the last few weeks, as he's also had to deal with a couple deaths. We have a son together, and he has been more present since he buried his grandmother last weekend. He's still living in the basement, but we talk and touch. He flirts with me over text message, but I'm still keeping my distance. I don't want a divorce, because of our son, but I feel like our problems are mountains that I don't know if I can get over. We still share a bank account, and I just checked to find that we only have a couple hundred dollars until Friday. He has been putting money away into another account, and spending more than he's putting into the account. He makes more than I do, but we do very well and shouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck. I'm so livid that I don't know if I can get gas tomorrow, because I don't know if we'll have any money in the account. He also took half the savings we had in our savings account out. I don't want to have to take money out of our savings to cover his overspending, since he's clearly stockpiling money (he has probably saved about $3k this month in his account, on top of the savings he took). Money has been an issue for the last year, since he took a new job that paid him a lot more. The job change is out of state, so it's been a good deal of sacrifice on my part. But he has been using money as a power-play in our fights since he started the job.
So, I'm wondering if the book helps you work through issues like this--I don't want to get divorced, but I am also not happy having to compensate for his spending while he has one foot out of our marriage. Or, how do I address financial issues while we are in this tense time, because he's not going to want to sit down with me to form a budget right now.
He said yesterday that he doesn't feel safe around me (he resents me for calling the police). I know I had a big part in why that fight got so out of hand, and I regret it. I don't want him to feel unsafe. I want him to trust me. I want to trust him.
Please help?