Well, a few days later after I told my wife I was done fighting (
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2742911 Original thread) and things are progressing. I'm leaving tomorrow to go visit my family for a few weeks and I'm taking my son. My wife has spent the day at our house the last few days and things have been pleasant (though tense). She did make a comment that I seemed happy and asked why (I said it was because I slept well, really it was because I'm glad to be leaving and not have to see her for awhile).
While I'm visiting I'm planning on not talking to her at all (other than about our son, pics, updates, etc.) I need a break from her drama and she needs time to think. Se still hasn't met with a lawyer or even called one, I don't know what her game is. But I've finally reached that point where I just have no energy anymore.
If she comes back, it's gonna take alot to piece this together again.
and than suddenly, something gave out inside me. I lost the will to fight for it. I told her to do what she wants. It's been 6 months of being stomped on and I just hit a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I'm going to go out of town to visit my parents for 3 weeks, and after that I have a business trip. I told her that when I get back in a month we could talk about division of stuff and our son. But I just can't do it anymore.
I remember this feeling myself. It felt awesome! It's the moment that you take back control of your own fate. You don't know it yet but it's a very important day in your life, make it stick. Never allow other people to rule your fate. BTW, when they truly see you're done and couldn't care less about them, that's when they'll come back around and want you back. Trust me. I say this because you don't want to address that without a well thought out plan. Too many get sucked right back in that way and end up back where they were.
If she comes crawling back because you no longer want her you have to decide what you want at that point. If you still want her then there has to be very firm rules/boundaries/requirements all set forth by you that she has to live up to. Otherwise you walk away a happy person looking forward to your future.
Yeah, I'm really trying to clear my head and make an honest decision if she does come crawling back. Part of me wants to shut that door forever, but I know that I still care for her, and I truly believe it is better for our son if his mom and dad are together. That makes me feel that if she does come back I will take her (but I'm not going to right away if that day comes, and it will be with lots of boundaries). Spending time away and being as NC as possible (with the exception of talking about our son) is helping. She hasn't said anything yet, but we will see in a month how things are.
Well, I've maintained mostly NC, but yesterday she was pushing my buttons and we had a big fight. After it happened she texted me and apologized for what she's putting me through, said that she did love me but as a friend, and that she never felt a husband / wife love with me. That she doesn't feel we were meant to be, that I'm not her person. and that she could never be with me again like she was for 5 years.
I thanked her for her honesty, and than woke up this morning to her changing her last name on facebook to her maiden name. I just don't understand why I deserve this when all I did was love her and marry what I thought was the girl of my dreams.
yesterday she was pushing my buttons and we had a big fight.
So why did you contribute to it? If she escalates, why are going up with her? Disagreements are acceptable; but why turn it into a 'big fight'?
I thanked her for her honesty
Huh? Id say its ok to appreciate that she is willing to share her feelings....but what do you mean by 'honesty'? That makes it sound as if you are believing her words which is not a good idea.
I should not have contributed to the fight, it was a mistake. But I was hurt and angry and messed up.
I was trying to validate what she was saying. I don't agree with her, but saying things like "Thank you for telling me" and "I didn't realize that was how you felt" seemed like the right way to approach it, then she said she was being honest and so I thanked her.
So I haven't talked to her much, the only communication has been coordinating skype sessions with our son, but I hear from her sister that she has been going out with some guy, they went on an ice cream date and are hanging out every evening.
Just a status update:
I've been continuing with GAL, going boating with friends, trips to the mountains, etc. My wife was only texting me to ask how our son was until yesterday, when she started to text me asking about a recipe, and than called with questions about a job application. I was friendly, but didn't respond right away and wasn't overly enthusiastic about answering, just acting like if a friend was asking. She definitely noticed I haven't been talking to her and was acting very demanding about getting me to reply. I didn't engage when she tried to push my buttons, simply replied when it was convenient to me.
Since she changed her name on Facebook to her maiden name, friends have been messaging me and her asking what is up. I've been honest with them, telling them we are separated, but not going into specifics. She mentioned a few friends have been asking her but said she wasn't replying. She also said she regrets changing her name, and can't change it back for 60 days. I didn't say anything, as she only regrets because now people are asking questions.
Still working on disconnecting from her, but it becomes easier everyday. I still have two weeks out of town, than come home for our sons birthday and than go out of town for work for a week leaving our son with her, so June is going to be a break for me.
I'd appreciate some wisdom here. I feel my marriage is beyond saving, but I'm battling what is best to do with my son and I.
I found out today that my wife (I'm still in CO visiting my family with my son) went on a 4 day car trip to TX with her uncle. I also discovered that his wife is leaving him because she is not comfortable with his relationship with my wife. I had a long conversation with her, and she said that while I've been out of town, my wife and the uncle have been getting closer and weirder, leaving her out, and acting inappropriate. She is leaving him until he kicks my wife out of his house.
She also told me that the uncle's sister met with my wife and the uncle in TX, and even though she had no idea what was going on, both her and her boyfriend think they are weird and inappropriate.
I talked with my lawyer, and she said legally I am well within my rights to stay in CO with my son. I have been here almost a month and only need two more months here to establish residency to file in CO. We still are 3 months from residency in TN, the state we currently are in.
So my question is:
Should I stay in CO with my son, fly back to get my personal things, cancel my lease, and just prepare to file in two months (all things my lawyer said I could do)
OR
Go back to TN as scheduled, leave my son with my wife for the week I am out of town for work, and just hope she doesn't take him to the uncle or other guy's houses.
I know the first option is not divorce busting (I'll be taking the first step towards filing), but I'm honestly concerned she may leave the state or take my son to the uncle's house, which is not a healthy environment (he punches holes in walls, gets in screaming fights with his wife, etc.
so what do I do?
we cannot tell you what to do.
As a mother, I would follow my heart and protect my child. And sure as heck prepare financially.
I'm not sure that's Not DBing b/c we don't say "save your m, at all costs."
But again, don't let anyone (including me) urge you to do what will haunt you most later.
Maybe that's how to decide? Assume your options are both "wrong", which repercussions of the wrong choice would be harder to live with?
What are the realistic upsides to being "right" in choosing?
Oh, and don't forget, just b/c you get a divorce does not mean you cannot ever rebuild something. Couples do reconcile but it seems more frequent with couples who part ways for awhile and working on themselves before they can each heal enough to find their way back to each other.
Esther Perel has a TED Talk video on infidelity & surviving it, well worth listening to.
((( )))
Hello downhub,
Did you decide to stay in CO or go back to TN?
It has been a while since you posted. Would you please update us on what is happening currently?
Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
After consulting with my lawyer and lots of prayer, talking to family and friends and gut-wrenching soul searching, I fly to TN while my wife was on an out of town fishing trip with her uncle, gathered up my things and my sons things, and moved to CO. I'm currently living with my family here until I can get out from under some of the debt she placed me in, and establishing residency in CO to be able to file.
She has experience every range of emotion since I moved, from begging to come back to anger and hate. She was upset that I moved and she wouldn't get to see our son, but even when I offered to pay for her to fly here and put her in a hotel to spend his birthday with him she wouldn't. She wanted me to bring him back to TN to visit her in the unhealthy environment she is living in, which obviously I wouldn't agree to.
We finally reached a compromise where I flew him to her parents house, which is in a different state altogether, and she met us there and I offered for her to keep him as long as she wanted. I stayed also, but stayed with a friend and tried to minimize contact with my wife as much as possible.
She got there, and right away I could tell she wasn't really wanting to be a mother to our son, but more a fun aunt. She slept in every morning and would text and call me every day to take him in the morning so she could sleep in (I didn't), she stayed up everynight until 2-3am talking to guys back in TN (this I heard from her parents) and she finally left after only spending 2 weeks with our son (she originally planned to spend a month there).
I tried to sit down and talk to her while we were there, just some finalizing questions, what went wrong, apologize for nasty things I had said, etc. And she wanted none of it.
So my son and I came back to CO and we are working on getting our lives together here. As for her, we hear from her once every 2-3 days when she skypes our son for a few minutes, other than that she's still living with the uncle (or maybe living with another guy, I'm not sure) she doesn't have a job, and I ended the lease on our house in TN and it just got rented out this week.
I'm really really trying to let go. I deleted her off social media, and try not to obsess over her. She says she wants to see our son again and get him half the year, but I dont see how that is feasible with her jobless, homeless, carless state.
I'm currently waiting until I establish residency (which will happen in a few weeks) and praying about if I should file first to get the edge in the custody battle sure to ensure, or wait.
I'm wrestling with alot of pain, alot of grief, and alot of loss. But at this point, even after losing literally everything (she had to even give her dogs away because once I ended the lease on our home there was nowhere for them to stay) she still says she's making a better life for herself and she's happy and is never coming back and all she wants is our son (even though when she had him she was pawning him off on everyone).
I've got everything documented for the lawyers if it comes to that.
Even though I know this is the right direction to move, I'm still not over my wife, still miss her, and still hate thinking of her with anyone else, no to mention can't think of myself with someone else. I'm trying to just take it one day at a time and not think about the future.
Oh man, has she lost the plot. Back to the basics, believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. She wants her son? Her actions show she wants nothing but to live the single, unencumbered life and she is not afraid to throw away your precious son.
I am in awe of your fortitude and endurance, you've made clear, careful decisions that have protected your son and continue to be a wonderful parent. Your wife is bordering on mentally ill at this point. She is acting like an addict that is willing to throw away anything for that next high.
Here's the thing, divorce does not necessarily close a door forever, it does protect you legally and also makes sure your son is being parented by the safest, most stable parent. There have been quite a few marriages that have reconciled post divorce and even remarriages. So think of this as a very far-off option, a plan Z if you will. Strength and honor in the meantime.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am still in shock at how my wife acts, for example, when I brought our son to visit her, not only did she ask me every morning but one to come watch him so she could sleep in, she passed him off to her sisters, her mom and her grandmother whenever she got the chance so she could run off and talk to her friends back in TN (she insists that the 10-15 guys she talks to on a regular basis are nothing but friends, I've stopped asking otherwise because she isn't going to tell me the truth anyway).
Then since we came back to CO not only has she only talked to him a few times, but in between she will go for days without talking to him at all, and there have been several times he's asked to talk to her, and I'll text her and ask if she wants to call him and she still won't reply. But if I say anything to her about it then she says I'm "trashing her reputation as a mother and that she's busy making a better life for herself".
So I've basically stopped trying to get her to talk to our son, if she asks to I'll try to make it happen, but I don't remind her and I don't go out of my way to make it happen. I hurt for him because I know he loves his mom, but as it is, he's barely spent anytime with her in months, by her own choice.
How should I handle her interactions with our son? For example, I hear absolutely nothing from her for a few days, then she wants to talk to him on the phone or facetime. They will talk for a few minutes (I have to be there since he's only two and can't operate the phone himself but I don't talk to her) then she drops off the face of the earth. There have been several instances where he has asked to call mama on the phone, but if I call or text her she ignores us, so I just have stopped trying to arrange conversations between them to keep him from getting disappointed (If I say "hey, wanna call mama" he will either get upset and say "no" and storm off, or gets really excited, but if she doesn't answer he's very upset.
If I could I'd just have absolutely no contact with her, but I don't think it's fair to my son. I'm angry with her for doing this to my son (I'm also angry about how she's treated me but I try to keep those emotions separate) and I want to force her to be a better mom. If I say anything to her though she goes on about I shouldn't trash her, that she isn't a bad mom, and that she's working to get her life together (even though I know she isn't based on hints she drops, she spends every free day hanging with friends, boating, etc. which is fine, but she gets so busy with her hobbies she won't make time for her son).
I really don't want to have to send my son to visit her either, I know she's just going to try to pass him off to daycare or someone else, that he won't be taken care of, he will be put on a different routine (when I have him he goes to bed at 8 or 8:30 and wakes up around 7, the two weeks she had him she was putting him to bed at 11 and he was waking up at 9, it took me a week to get him back on his schedule). It just seems like alot of trauma for him to go back and forth when she's just going to treat him as a cute little photo prop.
Your situation sounds similar to how mine was--STBXW didn't make much effort for D, and was content to leave everything on autopilot (i.e. me taking care of them). She INSISTED on her weekends, though, and when she had D, D's sleep schedule was always all over the map (as it was when STBXW was still at home). "Her" weekends often involved D spending time at MILs house as well.
Like you, I got tired of it. I ended up ripping STBXW a new a**hole one day, demanding that she be a better mother--if she wasn't going to be a wife anymore than she could damned well do that. It didn't work, of course. I think what finally woke her up was the prospect of our interim parenting arrangement becoming permanent (at which point she claimed that what we'd been doing for over half a year was suddenly a massive problem that "extinguished her rights")
The best advice I got here was "it's not your job to foster their relationship. It IS your job to not damage it." Try to live by that, and just try to do the best you can for your kid to be both mommy AND daddy in her absence.
After consulting with my lawyer and lots of prayer, talking to family and friends and gut-wrenching soul searching, I fly to TN while my wife was on an out of town fishing trip with her uncle, gathered up my things and my sons things, and moved to CO.
Based on what you've been describing, I think that sounds like the wise thing to do.
I'm currently living with my family here until I can get out from under some of the debt she placed me in
Have you talked to your L about the debt? If she's continuing to accrue debt which she MUST be since she doesn't have a job, you could be on the hook for part of it. Check with your L and see if there's a separation order or something that will protect you from her future debt.
We finally reached a compromise where I flew him to her parents house, which is in a different state altogether, and she met us there and I offered for her to keep him as long as she wanted. I stayed also, but stayed with a friend and tried to minimize contact with my wife as much as possible.
I understand you're trying to be the nice guy here, but do you really think that was money well spent? Focus on YOU and your S, not her. Stay in CO, find a job, get your life together there.
She got there, and right away I could tell she wasn't really wanting to be a mother to our son, but more a fun aunt. She slept in every morning and would text and call me every day to take him in the morning so she could sleep in (I didn't), she stayed up everynight until 2-3am talking to guys back in TN (this I heard from her parents) and she finally left after only spending 2 weeks with our son (she originally planned to spend a month there).
Take that as a lesson learned. Don't do that again. Your W is off the reservation, don't waste your time and money on trying to make her the good mom she isn't.
So my son and I came back to CO and we are working on getting our lives together here.
Good.
I'm currently waiting until I establish residency (which will happen in a few weeks) and praying about if I should file first to get the edge in the custody battle sure to ensure, or wait.
Discuss it with your L, he (or she) may have some suggestions on you documenting your W's behavior to use if there is a dispute over custody. If this woman is carrying on conversations with 15 guys, is jobless, is partying all night and sleeping half the day then I can't imagine you would want her to have ANY unsupervised custody. Frankly she sounds dangerous to your son, or even at best, a very bad influence.
Have you talked to your L about the debt? If she's continuing to accrue debt which she MUST be since she doesn't have a job, you could be on the hook for part of it. Check with your L and see if there's a separation order or something that will protect you from her future debt.
She isn't accruing anymore debt, at least in my name, I cancelled the cards she was an authorized user on. L says there is a good chance she will be liable for at least the boat she put on a credit card, if not more. I give her a certain amount of money each payday for food (she told me an amount she felt was comfortable for her, and I will willing to pay. It will end when she gets a job or I file and another agreement is made).
I understand you're trying to be the nice guy here, but do you really think that was money well spent? Focus on YOU and your S, not her. Stay in CO, find a job, get your life together there.
It probably wasn't money well spent, but part of me wanted to see if she meant what she was saying that she understood she had hurt our son and wanted to make it up to him (which she didn't) and part of me wanted to try to sit down and have a face to face conversation with her. Neither worked out.
I work from home so I can work in any state in the US, and my boss is extremely understanding of the situation.
Discuss it with your L, he (or she) may have some suggestions on you documenting your W's behavior to use if there is a dispute over custody. If this woman is carrying on conversations with 15 guys, is jobless, is partying all night and sleeping half the day then I can't imagine you would want her to have ANY unsupervised custody. Frankly she sounds dangerous to your son, or even at best, a very bad influence.
I have and I have a journal documenting everyday I've taken care of him, the times she talks to him on the phone, essentially everything from the last few months (really since April)
How should I handle her interactions with our son?
Like I said in the last post, you can't make her be the good mom she isn't. Quit trying to control the sitch. If she calls then by all means let her talk to S. If she doesn't call, don't try to call her and don't ask S if he wants to talk to mommy. Just leave it be.
I want to force her to be a better mom.
In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (great book by the way), Covey describes two circles- "circle of concern" and "circle of influence". All our problems, opportunities, etc. fall within one of those two circles. Proactive people focus only on the ones that fall within their circle of INFLUENCE. These are things we can do something about. Reactive people focus on things within the circle of CONCERN, they spend their energy on things they can't control or change. So let me pose a question to you- does making your W a better mom fall under circle of concern or circle of influence?
L says there is a good chance she will be liable for at least the boat she put on a credit card, if not more.
BOAT???? The woman that doesn't have a job bought a boat? Wow!
I work from home so I can work in any state in the US, and my boss is extremely understanding of the situation.
Ah, OK so you do have a job. I assumed you didn't since you just moved to CO. OK that's good! Also really nice to have that kind of flexibility!
I have and I have a journal documenting everyday I've taken care of him, the times she talks to him on the phone, essentially everything from the last few months (really since April)
Great, sounds like you are on the right track. I know it hurts to have to do that, but you're doing the right thing! Maybe she'll come out of the fog some day but if she's in MLC this whole "girls gone wild" shtick could be around for quite a while.
BOAT???? The woman that doesn't have a job bought a boat? Wow!
Haha, yeah, well, it was a boat for her and her uncle to go fishing on. Pretty sure she basically bought it for him as a gift, using my credit card of course.
Great, sounds like you are on the right track. I know it hurts to have to do that, but you're doing the right thing! Maybe she'll come out of the fog some day but if she's in MLC this whole "girls gone wild" shtick could be around for quite a while.
I hope for our son's sake she does. All I really want is for her to show she can be responsible, and actually have an interest in his life. I understand our relationship is gone, but I hate to see he throw him away too.
All our problems, opportunities, etc. fall within one of those two circles. Proactive people focus only on the ones that fall within their circle of INFLUENCE. These are things we can do something about. Reactive people focus on things within the circle of CONCERN, they spend their energy on things they can't control or change. So let me pose a question to you- does making your W a better mom fall under circle of concern or circle of influence?
You're right. I wish things were different, but I'm trying to just focus on the things I can control.
In terms of GAL, I'm off to paris next week for work and I have a free day, so I'll get a chance to see the sights at least! Wish me luck (son is staying with my parents while I'm gone)
I think one of the hardest things for me at least is the loneliness. I try to fill the space with friends, and family, but still, losing my best friend of 7 years, that's hard. There's so many times during the day where I think "I want to tell her this" or "she would think this is funny" or "I'm gonna buy her this little gift". Then have to stop myself. It's a big hole and it doesn't seem to be getting smaller.
downh,
I just wanted to say that I am sorry and I think we can all relate to those feelings of loneliness. To this day, those months following my H's BD, were the most painful, difficult, and lonely days that I have ever experienced. I have been through other hardships and lost people dear to me, but losing my H and with the betrayal, was the worst hurt. I wish I had something to say that would offer you some comfort. Unfortunately, as you know, there is no easy fix. You may just need to keep up doing what you are doing and have faith that this too shall pass. It will not feel this way forever. We can all think of times in our lives when things were hard or painful, and as time went on it did get easier.
Take care,
Blu
I had an interesting conversation with my wife last night. We haven't talked (outside of talking about our son) in weeks, and last night she messaged me and started talking about how she would like to be move civil with me, apologized for some of the harsh and nasty things she had said in the past, and then asked if I would video chat with her (just me, not to talk to our son). I was busy at the moment but we scheduled a time a few hours later.
She basically wanted to talk to me about how she was feeling not seeing our son, and that she feels she has matured (she says she knows she went, as she said, "white girl crazy" earlier in the year and hurt him by her actions). She doesn't want to get back together with me, she just wants the ability to have a civil divorce and to see our son again. The call ended up getting really late and we both decided to end it, so we didn't come to any resolutions, it was mostly me listening and her talking.
But we have both agreed to be civil, so that's good progress on that front at least.
As for her seeing him, I don't know how it is going to work, he can't go see her as she doesn't have a job or the ability to support him at all, and she can't really come to Colorado for the same reason (I can't afford to pay for her to visit). So, we don't have a solution there, but I felt it was a good conversation and puts us in a better place to co-parent at least.
A part of me wonders if she is slowly wondering if she made a mistake, and maybe someday she will want to come back. OR, is she just realizing she messed up as a mom and wants to co-parent, but is no more likely to want to come back. I haven't brought up our relationship at all, just confining things to an on-going friendship and co-parenting partnership.
Downhub, chances are she just wants to smooth out the coparenting R. But it's impossible to know what she's thinking, and it'll only drive you crazy trying to figure it out.
Yeah that's what I figure. It is still obvious she's pretty lost in her world still, since that very sincere talk she hasn't made an effort to talk to our son (like usual) since. I'm just sticking with living my life. Apartment hunting soon now that I'm getting close to paying off her debt.
I had another conversation with her today. I try to have direct, purposeful conversations with her from time to time. Nice, interested in her life, but not too interested, with a list of direct questions that I want to ask her. For instance, I talked to her about some financial things we needed to clear up, talked about milestones for our son, she asked me if it was ok if she got rid of our last dog because she isn't able to keep up with it (my wife, who has no job, can't take care of an 8 pound dog because she is too busy :/).
She says she hopes to have a job next week. I will believe it when I see it, but I hope for her sake she does.
It was a good conversation. I didn't bring up anything about her and I, our relationship, the guys she spends time with, or anything. I was kind, but not overly friendly. It made me feel good at least that I am able to have these conversations with her without dropping my guard and being vulnerable or getting upset anymore. I think that's a positive step in the next direction.
Just here as another voice of support for you Down!
We've been talking a bit more, mostly about our son, but sometimes about other stuff. Yesterday was the anniversary of the death of a very close family member of her's, and I know it's a hard day emotionally for her, so I sent her a small bouquet of her favorite flowers, with a card from our son. She thanked me and sent me (without me asking for it) a picture of herself with the flowers. Seeing as it is the first picture of herself she's sent me in 6 months, that was surprising.
No change otherwise, but I think that she's starting to trust that my attitude change is permanent, and not temporary.
I had an interesting conversation with my wife last night. We haven't talked (outside of talking about our son) in weeks, and last night she messaged me and started talking about how she would like to be move civil with me, apologized for some of the harsh and nasty things she had said in the past, and then asked if I would video chat with her (just me, not to talk to our son). I was busy at the moment but we scheduled a time a few hours later.
That's a really big baby step!! Keep in mind that recon doesn't happen in one big move, it happens in a lot of little moves. So this is a great first step. Brush up on validation (read the validation sticky) and practice being a great listener/ validator.
and that she feels she has matured
Yeah, well I imagine she still has a LONG way to go on that front.
She doesn't want to get back together with me, she just wants the ability to have a civil divorce and to see our son again.
That's how she feels NOW, but that could change.
we didn't come to any resolutions, it was mostly me listening and her talking.
That's perfect. You shouldn't be trying to resolve anything, just listen and validate.
But we have both agreed to be civil, so that's good progress on that front at least.
As for her seeing him, I don't know how it is going to work, he can't go see her as she doesn't have a job or the ability to support him at all, and she can't really come to Colorado for the same reason (I can't afford to pay for her to visit)
That is her problem, and remember, you are not around to fix her problems. If she gripes about that or any other problem, just listen and validate. Don't try to fix it for her, she doesn't want you to.
Sorry I messed up a quote in that last post, ignore the 2nd line:
That's perfect. You shouldn't be trying to resolve anything, just listen and validate.
But we have both agreed to be civil, so that's good progress on that front at least.
Thank you for the encouragement. We've had a few conversations since that first one, all very positive, if I sense that it is going to lead to territory that won't be productive I drop it or validate her feelings and move on. I do think she's slowly warming back up to me. I'm not expecting recon at anytime, and if it was an option I know what I want in a relationship better than I did before (we were each other's first real relationship, so lots of immaturity in the laying of the foundations) and she will have to make changes as well as me before we could recon.
As it is, I'm seeing signs that maybe my best friend is still in there. Not many, and she still disappears for days when I won't hear from her, but overall it's better than it was a month ago.
Well, I've filed for Divorce. I'm in my own apartment, with my son, his mom has still not gotten a job or wanted to visit him, and is still living in a relationship with her uncle, who's wife left him for obvious reasons.
Sorry to hear it came to that, but since you were the one that filed I'm guessing you did it to help yourself move on? How are you feeling about it?
I did. I've actually gotten into a pretty good place, gone on a few dates in fact! I've gotten some counseling, I think that I've started to really be able to move on.
Moving into my own place was a great step forward as well. Now I imagine there will be some rough times and drama ahead, especially with custody, but filing was a big step towards just reclaiming my life.
Awesome, sounds like you are in a good place so that's great to hear! Keep the positive vibes going!