Help! My W intends to file for D in 30 days - 01/23/17 03:27 PM
I am a 43 year old husband with a 41 year old wife. We have 2 year old son. We have been married for over 4 years. There has been no infidelity, substance abuse, physical abuse or money problems. Until about 5 1/2 months ago, I thought we were doing okay and any problems we had were fixable. Then on August 4, 2016. My wife asked me for a separation and gave me 2 weeks to move out. My wife said she did not love me anymore, that she was tired of my moodiness and depression, and that she felt like she was taking care of 2 children.
I could not change her mind. My wife had hired a divorce coach and consulted with 3 divorce attorneys. I moved out our house into a small apartment nearby.
My mother died in late May after a prolonged and severe mental illness. I was a wreck. I took most of May off and then I returned to work in June with a vengeance determined to make up for lost time and get a large bonus at the end of 2016.
My wife is a doctor and was deployed for 30 days in July. I took care of my son with the help of our nanny but it was really difficult and I lost my temper on the phone with my wife several times.
Looking back, I should have been more prepared and less emotional but I was trying to work long hours and adjust to being a temporary single dad and, while I didn't get angry with my son, I did yell at my wife on the phone. The last time was a week before she came home and apparently it was the tipping point for her.
After she came home, she waited a few days and then asked me to move out.
I read DB and had some telephone counseling with one of the DC counselors. I also met with multiple therapists. None of it seem to help much. I would feel better and try to follow the advice of DB and others but I could not stick with it and would get upset with my wife over our separation and her refusal to change her mind about separating or getting a divorce.
Since we separated, I found out she is interested in another man, lied to me about consulting with multiple divorce attorneys, lied to me about how much child support I owed her and had lied to me about some other financial issues that will affect our divorce settlement.
I am shocked and devastated. My wife never lied to me about anything important in the past. She is a different person now. She hates me and cannot wait to file for divorce. We had an argument recently and she made it clear she intends to file for divorce in late February.
I realize now that there were obvious signs that she was unhappy. I also realize that I was not anywhere near as helpful as she needed to help raise our son. I have apologized to her and swore that I would be a better father and husband. But I have lost her trust and I cannot seem to get it back. She has refused to see a marriage counselor with me.
I still love my wife and I don't want to lose her. And I hate that I can only see my son 3-4 times a week at scheduled times.
Any advice how to help save my marriage would be greatly appreciated.
I could not change her mind. My wife had hired a divorce coach and consulted with 3 divorce attorneys. I moved out our house into a small apartment nearby.
My mother died in late May after a prolonged and severe mental illness. I was a wreck. I took most of May off and then I returned to work in June with a vengeance determined to make up for lost time and get a large bonus at the end of 2016.
My wife is a doctor and was deployed for 30 days in July. I took care of my son with the help of our nanny but it was really difficult and I lost my temper on the phone with my wife several times.
Looking back, I should have been more prepared and less emotional but I was trying to work long hours and adjust to being a temporary single dad and, while I didn't get angry with my son, I did yell at my wife on the phone. The last time was a week before she came home and apparently it was the tipping point for her.
After she came home, she waited a few days and then asked me to move out.
I read DB and had some telephone counseling with one of the DC counselors. I also met with multiple therapists. None of it seem to help much. I would feel better and try to follow the advice of DB and others but I could not stick with it and would get upset with my wife over our separation and her refusal to change her mind about separating or getting a divorce.
Since we separated, I found out she is interested in another man, lied to me about consulting with multiple divorce attorneys, lied to me about how much child support I owed her and had lied to me about some other financial issues that will affect our divorce settlement.
I am shocked and devastated. My wife never lied to me about anything important in the past. She is a different person now. She hates me and cannot wait to file for divorce. We had an argument recently and she made it clear she intends to file for divorce in late February.
I realize now that there were obvious signs that she was unhappy. I also realize that I was not anywhere near as helpful as she needed to help raise our son. I have apologized to her and swore that I would be a better father and husband. But I have lost her trust and I cannot seem to get it back. She has refused to see a marriage counselor with me.
I still love my wife and I don't want to lose her. And I hate that I can only see my son 3-4 times a week at scheduled times.
Any advice how to help save my marriage would be greatly appreciated.