Here is the start of my 6th thread on the eve of the 15th month anniversary of bomb drop. WW is coming back. I would say we are on the verge or in the early stages of piecing but... can I do this.
Old thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...661#Post2706661Recap:
I have known WW since we were 10, we were neighbors. Our first real relationship started when I was 17... she dumped me 3 years later (deservedly so by the way).
The next 7-8 years we were off and on always on her terms. I went complete no contact for about 9 months when she called 7 years ago. I debated picking up that phone but I did and we got back together for 6 years, married for 2.
15 months ago so dropped the bomb, moved out 3 weeks laters and started hanging out with a felon (I don't know many details nor do I care).
After she moved out, I went NC for about 3ish months (no email, texts or anything). Then there was sporadic contact, temp checks etc Nov-March. At the end of March, I saw WW for the first time in 8 months.
The next 2 months, contact was sporadic. I gave up again until she asked if we could get together. I agreed and thought the convo did not go very well so left it at that. Our anniversary came and went, she wanted to get dinner, I declined.
We did eventually start to see each other more and more. I forget who pushed for it. But we have been 'dating' since the end of June. At the beginning it was once a week to once every 10 days or so. Last weekend we saw each other every day. She texts me a lot. Physical contact is there though not intimate. She gave me a nice apology for everything. Last weekend she mentioned going to get consoling and is definitely talking. The details are buried in the past threads (I should go back and read).
So we will see where this goes. It is scary for me to be in this spot. It is hard. In a lot of ways, NC was the easy part. We will have to talk more. I am curious if she really wants children or not. Thanks to everyone in the help getting me to this point regardless how it turns out. This board has kept me from doing some very stupid things over the past 15 months or so.
wow. glad things are looking up! I hope things continue to go in a positive direction. Glad there are some good stories out here!
Just warms my heart Pinn! You are the King of taking it slow so keep going like that.
Also thanks for your comment on my thread. Going totally dark is very hard as you know but I think it's the best thing for me at the moment and hopefully it gives H a bit of time to think....
Looking forward to hearing how it all goes!
Start with the light touches.
welp... saw WW many times this weekend again. Friday night she came over and we just hung out. Saturday we ran a 5k, went to breakfast, then later got dinner and went to a movie. On sunday, she came over to watch some football games.
I tried to keep bonds advice in mind and started with some light touching. At the movies, I kept my hand on her leg the entire time and she grasped it. At the 5k, it was rainy and cold so there were lots of hugs and holding to stay warm. She seems to be more touchy feely than I remember. She is quicker to initiate physical touch than me. Maybe it is because I gave her the love language book a few months ago and she figured out that that might be mine? I don't know. Anyway, she seems to be making an effort to touch me more (ie hold hand, hug, arm an arm etc).
I can't tell where my head is with all this. I feel like I should be giddy. I don't feel giddy. Should I be giddy? I told my mom that we had been hanging out for a few months. She asked how I felt about that, if it made me feel happy. I said, ya know, I don't really know how I feel about it. My mom was surprised by that response. Like if she would have bailed on me for the game today, I totally would not have even cared. Anyway, we keep on keeping on. I made plans to go to a special halloween thing next weekend with a bunch of really intricate carved pumpkins. Should be fun, I have wanted to do that anyway for a while.
I feel like we should go talk to someone real soon (WW had suggested it). I am not sure how/if we can rebuild things. I guess slow and steady? Anyone have an advice on how to find a good MC?
One final question. During all of this I have been planning a trip to cali and hawaii with friends, my brother and sister in may. I definitely want to go and who knows what will be WW's deal by then. Should I tell her about this? If things progress she could go but she would be worried about the cold shoulder from the group I am sure.
Thanks everyone!
Hate to bump my thread without any new news but does anyone have feedback on the questions below?
Have a great night db'ers!
I feel like we should go talk to someone real soon (WW had suggested it). I am not sure how/if we can rebuild things. I guess slow and steady? Anyone have an advice on how to find a good MC?
One final question. During all of this I have been planning a trip to cali and hawaii with friends, my brother and sister in may. I definitely want to go and who knows what will be WW's deal by then. Should I tell her about this? If things progress she could go but she would be worried about the cold shoulder from the group I am sure.
Thanks everyone!
If you can forgive her, then your friends certainly can.
i think taking a trip together is several ladder rungs from where you are now. I think if you're going to start discussing that then it may be time to start having some discussions with her about "you" and probably with an MC.
Hi Pinn,
Hope you are having a good week! For MC- I don't know- definitely find one who is pro marriage (if you want to save it still). You may have to do some interviewing. (Let me tell you, my ex and I did not do the research and she wasnt pro marriage and she definitely did more harm than good. She even said, marriage was a crap shoot and unnatural). So.... Make sure you find someone pro marriage and solutions based. Otherwise, he/she could very well help you get divorced.
I agree with darkness, way too soon to even bring the trip up. But i do have to ask, what part of call are you planning on visiting?!
Thanks guys... we are going to the LA area.
I think my question got a little jumbled. I am not really talking about taking a trip with her at this point. I want to know how I should go about telling her I am taking a trip. Do I just plan it and not worry about it right now? Do I just not mention it?
I guess someone didn't like my nice lawn and decide to rip some donuts on it most likely Friday night. Wonder who that could have been. This guy is going to be a real f'n problem.
Saw WW friday and saturday. It was good. We got into some difficult discussions on saturday. Lots of tears from her. She says that I am not opening up enough emotionally. She says that I don't love her like I used to and she can tell (that might be true actually, I am not sure). She said that it bothers her that I never say 'I miss you' which I didn't think was very fair. She did comment on how much I have changed and she said it was in a good way. Anyway, just validated where I could. We have a the half marathon next weekend and will be staying in a hotel together.. that will be interesting.
Let me re-phrase my question above again. I am planning on going on a trip with a bunch of friends in Late may to hawaii and california. Should I tell WW about this now? I should plan on going right? WW and I could be done by then or we could be back together. At the present time, it is, without a doubt going to bother her when I tell her I am planning on going. Would this hurt reconciliation? Logically it makes sense, since we have been planning this for a year already.
Mmmm, hopefully one of the vets will chime in here however FMPOV what would you have done if you had only just met her? You had a life before her right and now she left you for over a year so did she expect you to have not made any plans or have no life when she was gone?
Also this is the new you and a new relationship. No more codependency just giving each other space to walk your own path. I think she might be disappointed but she'll get over it!
By the way I am jealous! I went to Hawaii many, many years ago and still long to go back!
Thanks Coly! If this was a brand new relationship, then I would plan the trip and not worry about what might or might not happen 9 months down the line. I think I will tell WW about it, possibly tonight. She will be upset, but probably better to get it out of the way now.
You had a life before her right and now she left you for over a year so did she expect you to have not made any plans or have no life when she was gone?
Yea, actually, that is probably what she expected. Glad I did not let that happen though.
I have no idea how to take the next step here. Everything has been good so far but we obviously have a lot of issues. Whats the next step... maybe staying at one of our places together? She probably shouldn't spend the night here because felon will likely lose his mind and I have zero desire to go to her place. I guess maybe consoling might show us a path forward? I am definitely being guarded... maybe overly so. hmph
Hey Pinn, do you have to make a decision about the Holiday this side of Christmas?
It is hard for you because your W actually sounds like the LBS, constantly looking for reassurance from you. How about when you go away you make that really special, the start of the next stage in rebuilding...
Hope you talk ties OK tonight...
Thanks again Coly!
Hey Pinn, do you have to make a decision about the Holiday this side of Christmas?
It is hard for you because your W actually sounds like the LBS, constantly looking for reassurance from you. How about when you go away you make that really special, the start of the next stage in rebuilding...
Hope you talk ties OK tonight...
I think I do have to make a decision on that vaca soon to get tickets at what not. I guess the only cavet would be that if things keep improving WW could come and that could be arranged at a later date. My friends and family are going for 3 weeks and I can't swing that with work so i'd be having separate travel arrangements anyway.
Are you talking about when we go away next weekend? That could work. She is oddly insecure and she does seem to need reassurances. It is a weird spot to be in.
Good plan Pinn about the holiday Pinn. Yes when you go away for your half marathon make it a special weeken with her...
So I was thinking about what WW was saying this weekend about me being distant, cold and what not. Yea she is right. I am still in my DB'ing mind set. I don't text her first, I never call, never say I miss you or anything like that and try not to start R talks. So yea, I can see where she is coming from. So today I decided to give her a surprise call. This is only the second time I have called her since August 2015... that's right August 2015!
She was surprised and happy. She was quite gabby. The trip issue sorted itself out. She saw someone post that they were going to Hawaii and asked me about it so it gave me a great opportunity to explain the situation. I think the surprise call softened the blow a bit. She just said it would be weird if we were back together at that time but she understood and that she really had no right to be upset about it. I just said let's see what happens. So that was good.
She also told me a story about her sister and how her long time on/off boyfriend are trying to get back together. They were never married but do have two kids together. Very similar stories actually minus the kids.
pinn, i'm so glad to hear things are going in the right direction. it's hard to be where you're at but you're handling it well!!!! keep on doing what you're doing. i am rooting for you and your M!
-cheesy
Hey Pinn, I think the not calling and being a bit distant worked when you were not sure if she wanted to piece but now it looks like you are headed in the right direction maybe start initiating contact a bit more. I don't think however you should lose sight of the distancer/pursuer dynamic until you are well into reconciliation.
Just catching up and giving you a thumbs up.
V
Had a pretty good weekend with WW. Friday night she asked me to go watch our nieces at a halloween skating party. Then we went over their house for a bit after. It was great to see those girls.. the youngest one fell asleep on me. I don't think she would bring be around the girls if she wasn't serious. They took the break up hard.
Saturday we took off to the hotel for the night before the half marathon. Everything was good, felt normal. No R talk here. Good company, some massaging but nothing intimate. I wasn't sure how to handle the whole the bed situation so waited and waited and waited until she asked if I wanted to share the same bed.
The half marathon day was great. She was nervous so I comforted her. Lot's of hugs and pecs but still nothing overly intimate. We meet people from our running group and off we went. My time was OK, her's was great. Then we headed on home.
So everything went well. At the race, a photo was taken of us and posted on FB (evil evil evil FB). I have really only told me immediate family that we have been talking. A friend and his wife posted an 'angry' face on the pic and made some comments. Nothing directly aimed at WW, but their was a definite message their. I texted them and asked them to knock it off... it's hard enough for me without having to deal with that. I probably would not have done that pre-BD by the way. Of course WW, saw it and called me right away and she was upset, I think rightfully so actually. So I told her that I told them to knock it off and she started laying into me a bit saying I didn't say enough (after thinking about it, I think she was right). She was heated and started with some disrespectful comments, I immediately put an end to that. I told her I am not going to deal with disrespectful comments like that. She said it again... I said I am not dealing with disrespect, so until it stops I have no desire to continue talking and I hung up. She called back about 15 minutes later apologizing... apologizing not for her particular comment but apologizing for actually being disrespectful. I thought that was good. Everything has been all good since and she has said more than a few times how great the weekend was.
After reading hundreds of stories here and thinking about my own situation for 15 months, disrespect is probably the first or second deal breaker for me... she was full of it. If she wants a new marriage, that is over.
It is hard to know where to go from here. So you could say we have been slowly building things back up since mid June. But whats next? We still live apart. How do I even attempt to handle the sex issue? Is it weird that that hasn't happened yet? I don't even know if I'm ready for it. It is going to be in both of our minds. I think I will grab the sex starved marriage book. I guess consoling is the next logical step?
Sounds like you had a good weekend Pinn and we'll done on the half marathon!
It's a shame the shine was taken off it a bit by the FB post. As much as I don't think your friends were right in expressing their feelings on FB about you and W getting back together I don't think your W handled it very well. I think she needs to understand that your friends supported you through some very dark times so are understandably nervous and concerned for you. Personally I would give your friends a break and speak with them all about what is going on and ask them again for their support. If they are indeed your friends they wil.
As far as where to go from here. I am not at that stage so hopefully someone like Blu can chime in here however have you thought of you both going to a pro marriage counsellor or even getting a DB coach?
I'm glad you posted actually. I was wondering if you pop over to the MLC board and provide some PMA on my sitch? I've been NC with H for nearly six weeks now and apart from wishing him for his birthday last Sunday I've had no communication with him. My D has had a couple of tm's with him but not seen him for the same amount of time either although he has asked to see her. I know you went a long time with no commication with your W but I am starting to feel like my H has moved on and has no intention of contacting me again. He still has a closet full of clothes here and all his belongings in the loft and garage but has made no attempt to remove them. I know you said your W was told by her therapist to go NC with you but did she tell you what result she was hoping to get?
I think your doing great Pinn!!
By the way, I think that's a good boundary that you have set...
Hi Pinn,
I don't have much to add... I'm sorry about that. You are in foreign territory to me
. Just know that I'm rooting for you from the sidelines and wishing you all the best.
Thanks Feyth and Coly!
Coly, I will certainly stop by your thread and add some support! I had just started reading it the other day actually. I don't get around as much as I used to and focus in on a few key threads. Yours will certainly be one I look for!
Yea everything with my friends is fine.. I am sure it will all work out. They are tired of this. As my brother said... "she's been doing this to you your entire life"... can't really argue with that.
WW mentioned consoling and I agree. I would like her to push the issue though. I think we need that to figure out where to go. I think it would probably help. I did order the sex starved marriage book as well.... can't hurt to read that. At the very least it gives me different perspectives.
I missed that last part Coly.
She never really said why she was going to an IC. She started going right as she moved out when she said she was 'confused'. I didn't pry much about it at the time. I ask her some questions about it occasionally now. She said that the IC suggested not contacting me so that it wouldn't get my hopes up. So she had that reason. I knew I felt the best from previous experience that no contact was best so we were in a stalemate, this time last year actually.
Her IC seemed to not be very good IMO. She didn't seem to work to really try to understand what was going with WW. That is why I am nervous about MC. But I guess if both people want it, then that is half the battle.
ugh what a day (completely unrelated to my situation rant). I get an email from my father around 2:30 saying "I just wanted to let you know that I am no officially retired from XXX". My heart sunk instantly. He has been there 43 years and is 63 years old. His father worked there for over 40 years. Finances are one thing, but I had trouble imagining the emotional toll this must have taken on him. I went to their place after work. The entire time thinking about how I would handle it. Luckily, DB'ing worked here. My initial thought is to fix, fix, fix but instead I validated, validated, validated. Just listened with no pressing. Just terrible. What a broken man. I hope my visit helped a bit. I hope he recovers from this. I think the way they treated him is what hurt the must. They walked him out and it really affected him. Of course I don't know all the details but sad the way the world works sometimes.
Being selfish for a moment, It is very stressful for me and I don't normally get stressed out! I worry about my parents. They do not have a good marriage, terrible health and now this lay off. Add to that the crazy felon down the street and my own situation with WW.... jesus.
I feel so terrible that as they near retirement years that my parents lives are the way they are. It is like my worst nightmare. I need to learn from their mistakes.
I'm so sorry to hear this news Pinn. I'll keep you and your fam in my prayers. It's tough, I hope your dad is ok and this new development does not add too much undue stress onto your parents.
I know you personally are feeling the stress right now because you care so much. Just keep being a great son. Continue to give your parents love and support. Even if it's anti DB, you can even chase them a bit.... Haha. Joke. Hope you cracked a smile
. Seriously though, it sounds like you provided a safe space for your dad to share his feelings. Great job.
Thanks feyth! You did get an LOL out of me which is rare! You are such a great person. I envy you sometimes.
I still feel terrible this morning. I am sure my dad had visions of a grand send off when he left place ugh. This morning he sends me an email apologizing for being so emotional. All I could think was no, it's ok to be emotional, it's normal and reasonable. Holding in emotions is part of our family's problem, my problem. I just hope he is OK. He already has an alcohol dependence problem and I am so so worried that it will get worse. This is going to be harder for him than if he and my mother separated. Ugh!!
Thanks agin feyth... you are great!
Good weekend so far. I found out my parents are way better off than I had realized so the main issue with my dad's job loss is the emotional toll for him.
Had a quick dinner with WW on Friday. It was good... I was very talkative for some reason which probably surprised her. Not sure what was up with that. I have been trying to figure out how to a take another step. Consoling is obviously something we need so I hope we can set that up soon though I have been letting her drive that. I suggested that it might be a good idea if she sleeps over soon with the understanding that nothing sexual would happen just to eliminate any pressure there. She was very open to the idea and I think that is the logical next step.
Saturday night I went to the same halloween party that I went to last year that really jump started my GAL and detachment from WW. It was just as fun as last year. I am sad I didn't get into halloween much before this. I went has a blue man group guy... that is a lot of blue make up! Lots of good costumes and going to a party where I do not know 90% of the people is something that I kind of enjoy now. Would never have thought that a year ago! A friend I went with gave me his opinion on my situation. Of course he thinks we should go our separate ways. I don't know. I go back and forth on what is the right path. Fight for a marriage that might not work out or throw in the towel. I am still not sure... at the moment I feel like I could go either way. I don't know... we'll see.
Meeting up with WW today in a bit... it is a beautiful late fall day up here.
Hey Pinn, glad things are going ok with your parents. I'm sure your Dad will feel strange for a bit especially as he has worked for so many years. Maybe he can take up some part-time or volunteering work to help the transition?
I think at your stage in the game it is true that it can go either way with your W but I think you are doing the right thing by moving it on to the next stage. I can't imagine how hard it must be to start over again with someone you are already married to but why don't you just start having some fun with no expectations like you would have if you had just met? Remember DB is to start with a beginners mind.....
Friends are entitled to their opinions but they don't know how you feel unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. Your Halloween party sounds like it was fun!
Pinn,
my take on things is that you still need time to heal and the first thing is to learn to love living by yourself. Only then it makes sense to allow yourself to love again...
Stay strong buddy, I love your idea of a costume...
Thanks Vap and Coly. I always appreciate the comments.
Vap, I actually do love living by myself. No problems with it at all (minus only one person to do the house work!). I do what I want when I want, buy what I want, whatever. I am lucky that I am able to afford the house and have this opportunity. I have been doing it for what... 15-16 months now so I am getting really good at it. I am definitely not doing anything crazy and saying hey WW, come back. But at the same time, we have been in our current state since mid June so I was thinking it might be time to try and take another step. We really need a MC session. I really want her to step on that front and book it. She does not like talking about things (part of our issue obviously, everything should be 'natural' with no problems) but she has agreed we need it.
We went out for the football game yesterday afternoon and had a great time. This is not something we really would have done in the past.
There is just so many questions in my mind. I am getting older, shes getting older, I want kids someday, and it is getting to crunch time...is this worth it? Tough spot.
Hi Pinn, I've been reading your thread on and off and want to thank you and say how grateful I am for your documenting your journey.
The current stages must seem very tiring, yet it is very helpful for those of us who's WAS are making noises about dating or returning.
Please keep up the journalling, best of luck, and remember to keep loving you.
Best wishes
Thanks SRT for stopping on by. Yea I am definitely in a weird space. Just do not want to make a mistake for my future.
In an unrelated note, I forget if I mentioned here or not, but I went to the dr today to get a bulge in my abdomen checked out. Turns out I have a decent sized hernia she thinks. I have to go see a specialist. The main problem is she said I can't do anything until then... ugh ugh ugh. I love the gym... I love hockey. I am in the best shape of my life and don't want to lose that. I worked hard to get to this point, real hard. Taking a few months off is going to be killer. I guess I can consider it a challenge to get back to the spot I am at now after this. Maybe the specialist will say I have no restrictions, who knows. ugh!
Oh no Pinn, that is rubbish news! Hopefully they can treat you quickly so it doesn't interfere with your GAL activities!
Maybe W can nurse you back to health
What's your plan Pin for you and W? Do you think you should write out some goals so you don't fell so lost...?
Nope, if it's hernia, there's patch work to be done...
Nope, if it's hernia, there's patch work to be done...
ugh... yea that is what I am afraid of. That svcks.
Coly, yea that is not a bad idea. I could make a list of some new goals. WW invited me over to see the nieces in their Halloween costumes. It was nice. WW was very happy. Seeing her happiness with her family is something that attracts me to her.
Uh oh- sorry to hear this! Hope it's the best of worse case scenarios and you don't have to be laid out! Are you in much pain?
Coly had a great idea with those goals!
Hey Feyth.... no zero pain but the fact I can't do anything even if it is for a few days is killer!
Have a major case of WAH syndrome kicking in. I suddenly find myself not caring about seeing or talking to her. She asked to get together last Friday night... I thought meh. Once we got together it was fine. I have had little to no desire to text her... she's noticed. Asks why I am so quiet. She sent me a text earlier this week saying that she had been looking at places where we could go to talk to someone if I was still interested. I said of course but I again didn't feel excited about it. I haven't heard anything about that since.
I find myself wondering if this would be worth it. I have been doing crazy probability calculations trying to point to a path. Even though I know it is pointless. I run scenarios like what are the chances WW and I are happy together if we reconcile, what are the chances it crashes, what are the chances I would be happy with someone else etc etc etc. It's crazy. I even browsed some online dating sites this week.
The problem is that this seems too likely to repeat down the road. I think we would have a good 2-3 years but then after that, I don't know. I mean if she left me for this piece of garbage, what happens if someone good actually comes along. She's very pretty and very outgoing so men are going to be naturally attracted to her. Maybe it is better to cut my losses... hmph
Sure it might happen again. It sure is going to be hard to trust her again, but then again there are no guarantees even in a new relationship. This is a decision you will have to make by yourself. I see you do not have any kids and the age is getting up there, is it not?
I see you do not have any kids and the age is getting up there, is it not?
ahhh.... yea! That is part of my frustration almost bordering on resentment at this point toward WW. We wasted over a year and half and now she is interested in things again. Now who knows how hard it will be to have kids with her. If I find someone else, then the youngest she could be would be what.. 30? Add to that 3 years or so of dating and then who knows if that would work out.
REsentment is an ugly animal... The vets say that piecing is even harder than detaching and we all know detaching is a b...h. But they also say that if the issues are resolved the marriage can be on a whole new level compared to the past marriage.
Noooo, Obi-Pinn Kenobi, you are my only hope, please don't give up now!
You have come such a long way, but I think you might be stuck in LBS mode and have been DBng your heart out for so long you have become a DB master but letting your W back in to your new life is going to be tough. I know it's expensive bit even just three sessions with a DB coach either just for you it together might help you with taking the next step....
Happy Sunday, Pinn! Just checking in on you.... How have you been?
Reading up, checking in.
V
eh... been a bit blah lately but thanks for checking in!
I have definitely been colder to WW. I can't seem to help it at the moment. We did have dinner last night at her request, I purposely didn't ask her to do anything... I would say it was meh, we've had better.
We did get into a bit of an R talk. She mentioned for the 1000th time that we should go talk to someone but then in the same breath mentioned how much she dreaded that (mmm.... ok?) because it makes her uncomfortable to talk about certain things (great). I agreed that we should talk to someone (obviously). Then she started discussing our 'chemistry' issues again and how great I am and how perfect everything is besides that. Yea we had this conversation already on BD day remember? I got really frustrated actually and just wanted to go home but was able to refocus and at least make the most of the night. It really did feel like I was being transported back in time 17 months. I basically said... look either you want to be with me 1,000,000 percent and you want to work on those issues or you don't and if you don't then let's cut to the chase and get a move on. It seemed like a change from other things she had been saying lately. Maybe it is because I have backed away so much, not sure. Then she got into how everyone hates her and how that would be an issue. Shes making excuses is what she is doing. It makes me really think that something like this happening again if we got back together is likely. I made a mistake and said I have been 'waiting' for her for 17 months... I didn't mean 'waiting', it came out wrong, but it is what I said and she picked up on that right away. She mentioned how I shouldn't be waiting and if I need to move on then I should, again eye brow went up.
When I got home she sent me a text that said "I had a good time with you and thanks for dinner... I want things to be good I hope you know that".... wtf does that mean? Things could be 'good' in a million different ways.
I visited a different forum before coming here and basically what they told me was that WW's personality will make this likely to happen again unless she really really changes. The caller her a 'freeloader'. They suggested I cut my losses and find someone who will really love me back. I am beginning to think they were right. I am really debating what to do. I think if she asks to come visit her fam on thanksgiving I will decline saying I don't want to give them the wrong idea and offer that she can come visit me after she sees them.
Maybe I am just reading too much into things but definitely did not leave that dinner with a good vibe.
So besides that bla bla bla... life is good! Ran a 5K in my town today after hitting the gym. It was good but cold and windy! Have a 5 miler on t-day and hope to beat my time from last year. Oh and I booked my tickets for Hawaii tonight!!! Woot woot.
Might need some new GAL activities. Maybe look into becoming a personal trainer? Maybe set the marathon goal for 2017? I would like to do a tri as well. Maybe join a running group or a tri group, meet some new people.
Hope everyone has a great week!
I just read your post, not enthusiastic when talking about W. Different ummm engergy change when you started talking about you. Just an observation. From my side of the screen it doesn't seem like you're really in it.
Thanks for stopping by cheesyt. Your observation is not surprising. I have been down on WW for the past few weeks. I am tired... nothing else I can really say besides that.
Pinn -
In my opinion, youre souring on this because you are finding yourself in the friend zone with WW. She isnt being proactive about doing any work towards ACTUALLY making your relationship healthy, and so youre doing this kind of causal meeting periodically. I have no idea if you set a hard boundary about this what her response would be. But in my opinion, youre getting impatient, because you want to see something more from her, and she isnt doing it. She says you should "see someone" but hasnt made any effort towards scheduling something or even researching what might be out there. How can you expect yourself to be '100% in' when you are sensing that shes only, say, '50% in'?
I think it is perfectly reasonable to say that youd love spending more time with her, but at this point, you arent willing to settle for just being dinner buddies. If she wants to go to counseling together to figure out how to rebuild the relationship, then you are willing to try that. If not, then maybe it's time to part ways.
I dont know. Ive never been at the stage you are in. That said, I really have no interest in being at that will they/wont they stage. If my ex were to come back at a time when I was single, I wouldnt be interested in just being a friend - I know it would be too difficult for me.
Hi pinn, I know it doesn't help your sitch but I am having similar issues with my W - she won't commit to being fully in, and atm I don't really know what is happening
talk is cheap as they say - it's action we are both looking for.
I too feel a but stuck, guess we just have to continue to DB our best to make ourselves the best we can be, your W has to make these steps herself and show you the commitment needed.
Please continue to keep us updated on your sitch, it's reassuring not just our own spouses are behaving like this.
Thanks Dark… great thought provoking post as usual. Seems like you nailed my feelings. I appreciate your words. I hate the friend zone and have zero desire of being friends after this… it’s not possible. I have thought I am entering the friend zone lately which probably is the reason for my coldness. Thanks SRT for also checking in. I will have to read about your situation.
I think WW is 60-70% in. She has researched places so she says. The other night late she text me that she had found places we could go and she would call them the next day if I was still interested in that. I said of course but let it go at that and wanted to see if she would actually follow through. It wasn’t mentioned again until dinner this weekend when WW said I didn’t sound enthused about it so she didn’t pursue. I just think it is pointless for me to force the MC issue. I only want to go if she wants to save this, otherwise I don’t see the point. The the whole ‘chemistry’ thing coming up this weekend again and threw me for a loop, I wanted to punch a wall.
Maybe it is time for a firm boundary like you say. She is complaining about of my lack of engagement lately. If it comes up again, I could say that I would love to spend more time with you but I don’t have any interest in being just friends and I feel like that is where we are headed. If she is interested in really working on things, then let’s do that and if not then let’s get the show on the road. I am 100% OK with divorce at this point.
I am not as down on the friend thing as others.
Friendship can be a good place to start and great if kids (you have none).
Key question are you still attracted to WW?
Then show it maybe?
V
Thanks for stopping by V!
Key question are you still attracted to WW?
Then show it maybe?
V
Physically attracted? Yes, without question. She is a very beautiful woman and my exact type. I think she is attracted to me too.
Out 'chemistry' issues boiled down to a few things (I think). First, I think we were missing that emotional attachment that makes chemistry easy and 'natural'. Second, we lacked spontaneity and always waited for the weekends particularly Saturday night. This creates stress for both of us and turned something that should be enjoyable into something that was not so. It turned into an obligation. Third, my head would just go wonky and I'd get anxiety. It just felt like I was never doing anything right. I hardly ever initiated because of this even though I wanted to all the time. This is my issue to deal with.
On BD she was saying that these things should be natural and we just didn't have it. I disagreed and said these issues could be worked on if both wanted it (she didn't back then of course). Now, she again stresses how important this is to her and I do not disagree. It is very important. She says she is open to working on it but does not know where to start.
I disagree with both of you! And agree.
As a lady with a high drive, much higher than the men in my life, I know this stuff needs planning, once planned then this falls into place. Seduction is a crafty business and needs prioritising.
It does need planning but not Work!
The physiology means the more nookie you have the easier it gets. The less anxious the performance, sex is messy funny loving and every adjective, noun and verb that's great.
So you are attracted to each other?
Plan so it looks spontaneous.
I can only speak from personal experience of course and each R is very different. Connection starts with simply smiling, winking and sticky eyes. Sticky eyes is a technique that gets great results. And don't forget kisses and butterfly touches.
However this old crafty bird knows that it takes planning to be spontaneous. My fave on this is Tracey Cox (appropriate name huh?) and superflirt. Mainly because it's light fluffy and full of stories. It isn't a relationship book or in any way serious. There is Youtube BBC programmes. They aren't about fitting rude bits together just much pleasanter loose connection.
Worth a look.
Just saying.
V
Thanks V. That is an interesting perspective. Easier said then done at the moment though. Def not the time to try and be spontaneous with WW. I understand what you mean about planned spontaneouty though. I used to try and plan things that way, just never worked out. Hopefully, I'll be able to give it another go with WW or in a new relationship.
I am very attracted to her, and she says she is attracted to me.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Used to try!
Try is a Weasel word.
Don't try.
Do.
V
Used to try!
Try is a Weasel word.
Don't try.
Do.
V
What a great, great point.. thanks V!!
Hi Pinn,
Just dropping in to say hi. I see a lot has happened since I last checked in. Good luck with piecing. May it end up the way you truly wish.
Best,
RAI
Hi Pinn... Just dropping by to check in and say hello! I hope you are well.
Feyth
Thanks for stopping by RAI. Time for some 2017 5k's, 10k's and halfs!
Hey Feyth! Like the name change! I am afraid I have to step away from the boards for a while. It was taking up too much of my mental energy and I think it stopped serving me well. Of course, I appreciate all the sound advise I get. I just get dragged back into not such of a good place when I stop by sometimes. I would find myself getting a bit depressed coming here and reading new stories and old stories. Not checking the site for the past 2 or so weeks I feel has helped a lot.
I don't think WW and I will end up back together which is too bad. I don't think she wants it bad enough and frankly, I don't know if I want it bad enough either. I am not looking forward to dating though haha! I plan on having a chat with her after the holidays. Until then, I will do a 180 and be overly affectionate and see if there is anything there. The way I see it, as long as the result regardless of what it is doesn't bother me, then it is fine.
And if I see one more baby announcement on FB I might put my fist through the computer screen! I hope you are doing well! Maybe I'll see ya at a 5k, 10k, half marathon, full marathon, iron man or cross fit competition someday ;-). Keep it up!
Hi Pinn,
I completely understand about having to step back from the board. Sometimes you just need to focus on yourself and let things be. This place was my absolute savior when I was in the thick of the despair and I'm so grateful for that... But it keeps me attached to my sitch.
You've been so level headed throughout your journey. I think you're going to get to a point where you just know. You'll know exactly how you feel and what you want. Whatever happens, I know it will be the best for you!
Ditto on the FB baby announcements... Oh and even engagement announcements.... Ugh it's that time of year for sure!
One day I will do an Iron Man! If you ever find yourself running in so cal- I may be around!
Welcome to 2017 DB'rs. Sad to see so many new faces but happy that some others are getting on with things and are in a better place.
Things have been good. I have been doing all my usual activities and even tried out a spin class which was pretty awesome. I just hate the winter up here... ugh.
Starting in early December, I became super distant from WW. I never initiated contact or asked her to get together. I have to give her credit. She kept coming and never stopped. She would text me first every morning even though I was never reaching out. The holidays were good, we got together a few times. About a week before Christmas she asked me if we were exchanging gifts because she said she knew exactly what to get me. I said no that's ok. But I did get our nieces some small things. I love those girls.
New year's was coming and I was still pretty distant. She asked the day before if I wanted to do something because she didn't have any plans. I said I wasn't sure if I was going out with friends and I would let her know. Nothing ended up happening with my friends so I let her know at late afternoon on new year's eve we could get together. She ended coming over and spending the night. Nothing physical happened but it was pretty good. She came over yesterday for a bit and we had a small R talk. She said that I am not vested 100% emotionally. I said that is true, but it is hard for me to just commit and go all in after all that happened. She said she understands but she wishes I could try a bit. OK... fair enough.
So that's what I will do. It either works out or it doesn't. I think I am in a good spot for either outcome. I have two things I want to bring up and discuss outside of everything else we have to work out. First, I want to talk about kids and see where she stands. Second, and I will be real interested to hear what people think about this, I think I want to discuss a post-nup. We weren't married long so things would be pretty easy now in case of divorce but a few more years down the road and things will get very complex.
I got an email from my mom to start the new year saying that it is time for me to move on and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. She also said she thought that WW was 'emotionally, verbally and possibly physically abusive" towards me. This really got me going. Things are hard enough, I already know the opinion of everyone who is close to me. Even though it was a well intentioned note, I felt it was selfish on her part. What does this email do for me?... nothing. The abusive stuff is a bunch of garbage and not something to just throw around. No idea where she got that from but it really bothered me. Even if it were true, she would have no idea.
Anyway, keep on keeping on. 2017 is gonna be a-ok.
So what do ya'll think of the post-nup idea? The more I think about it, the more sense it makes too me.
Pinn
I'm going to read your last post again and get back to you. Yes. I'm still around. Just living life. The big D should be finalized soon.
Oh I'm sorry to hear otw... I was just thinking about you and all the other old timers who I don't see around much. Hope you are doing well.
Happy Friday Pinn,
Just checking in... No advice... I am just marveling at how well you are approaching your situation. What would happen if she said no to a post nup? Is that a deal breaker? Could it be viewed as you trying to control her and/or the situation at this time? Just things to consider. Don't get me wrong, I 10000% understand why you would want one and I think it's appropriate to protect yourself.
Thanks for stopping by as always Pax ;-). I actually hadn't even thought about from that point of view. I don't think it would be viewed as controlling. I honestly don't think a post-nup would stop anything if one was in place. It is just for protection because if you look 5-10 years down the line, then my assets would be substantial. It might be a deal breaker... not sure... have to think it through a bit more.
So tonight more fun with POS felon OM. Listen to this BS.... this guy is a legit problem. WW really f'd up on this one. I am going to end up on one of those shows one day... you wait and see.
WW came over today/tonight. We left the house and went and got dinner. WW forgot her pocket book and she realized right when we got home. I said no prob we can just go back and get it and she asked me if the pup could come for a ride. So I went inside to get him and use the bathroom and I come back out. The dog is doing his business and I see a car that kept going slowly by... I thought that was odd. Turns out it was POS felon. He got a new car that I didn't recognize, neither did she. Anyway, WW and I didn't realize it was him yet so we left to go get her pocket book. WW drives because I don't want only her car in the driveway because of this guy. We pull out of the drive way and make it about .25 miles when a car flies up behind us and is legit about 4 inches from WW's bumper. He is beeping and flashing his lights. This is all on back country roads. He then drives right up along side WW and is incredibly aggressive with the car. Scary aggressive. He passes us, pulls in front and then spins his car blocking the entire road and he flies out of his car. WW pulls in a drive way and is able to turn around and lose him. The rest of the night is filled with threats against me and constant texts to WW though he didn't see me in the car. 1 minute earlier and he probably would have pulled in my driveway and who knows what would have happened.
I told WW to get a restraining order against this scum bag.... this is crazy. Regardless of what happens with us, she needs that. But now she gets to go back to her place and I am stuck .2 miles away from the felons mommy's house (where he lives).
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, in plant myself in WW's brain, and just observe what was going through her head in and around the bomb drop time.
Ah well... crazy. I should sleep well tonight. On the bright side, I found a half marathon I might do on my Hawaii trip!
felon followed up with his craziness by calling me at 3:30 in the morning after he called me parents house for some reason. That was a great conversation... at least he didn't come to my house again I guess.
Went outside to a nice slashed tire... this is great. Security cameras will be bought today.
POS of felon mentioned another guy I should ask WW about. A number of years ago, I think we were engaged, WW started getting harassed on FB and someone was having stuff delivered to the house (flowers etc). WW chalked it up to yet another crazy ex-BF (who threatened to kill me). I did too at the time though some things didn't make complete sense. He had been quiet for a number of years so why start things up at that point in time. So it turns out that WW was hiding that she knew this guy was doing it. He wanted to be with her and got mad. She says nothing happened (insert rolly eyes emoji here) but if I am being completely stupid they were clearly talking inappropriately. But she lied about it. I told her flat out about the transparency requirement in any future relationship. She didn't really like that but whatever, I don't think it really matters. She was like that means you don't trust me, well... obviously not. How could I possibly trust her? I have a 20 year collection of history and the pattern is the same over and over. Might be time to let this go. Makes me very sad though. Maybe the gym will help!
2 words, restraining order
ugh.. what a whirl wind 24 hrs. I don't think I have posted this much in 6 months.
I thought about the incident from about 5 years ago all day and WW's dishonesty. My logical brain is taking over and don't see how we could possibly make it 35-40 years without this happening again. I just cannot make her happy enough to keep her interested in 'us'.. plain and simple. She might want to be with me now, but she will continue to get attention from men as she is very out going and quite attractive. Even though she is open for transparency, I just don't see it.
So she calls and we are talking. She basically says that well if that is how I feel maybe we should move things along. She was looking for a reassurance from me. Instead, I said maybe that is best. And she started whaling. Lots and lots of tears, saying she does want to be with me etc etc. I had tears too but kept it all under control so she wouldn't know. Once that phone hung up though, it all came out. I was bawling my eyes out. I don't think I have cried like that during this entire ordeal.
I feel so sad. All I wanted since I was 15 was to be with her and have a family together. I had the makings of that and lost it. I feel like a complete failure
.
I feel for you, I haven't posted my story yet. We have many similarities from what I have read throughout your threads. Close in age as well. I don't have any advice to offer you, as I am only three months into my journey but you are in my heart.
Pinn
Question for you.
I know you won't want to answer quickly and it may not be the answer you think but I am asking anyway
Do you maybe think you are too good for her?
I have started asking myself this question based strictly off actions on my wife's part
Some of the things she has done really mad me start asking this. At first I immediately said no way but I think that was knee jerk because I didn't want believe it and wanted to think she would be the person I wanted to remember
I ask you this based strictly off of your recent experiences and how she possibly got you both here and the info you have told about the past
Just curious.
Holy cr@p, Pinn. That is crazy. Sorry you had to deal with that ordeal. Not good at all.
Otw, brings up a good question. And I wouldn't dare peg you as any certain way, but I wonder if you were typical "nice guy" which allowed ww to kind of walk all over you a bit through the whole relationship. I'm completely making that up.... Don't know for sure.
Just stay safe. No one needs that kind of nonsense.
Thanks Pax and OTW for checking in… my rocks.
OTW, I have never thought “I was too good for her” though I am beginning to think that I deserve better. So in some respects I am waking up there. She can get the best and I don’t understand why she goes for these loser types. It is crazy to me.
Pax, I read No More Mr. Nice guy and I definitely have some nice guy tendencies but don’t fit what was portrayed in the book exactly. But WW did tend to walk over me, you are right. I have adjusted that since we have been connecting for the past few months.
I just don’t know what to do here. The revelation about the guy from 4-5 years ago is telling. What a little sneak! We had discussed what occurred during that time several times because it was weird and something just didn’t sit right with me. She just lied, lied, lied right to my face every time. I am actually thankful POS felon told me about what really happened. So in those 6 years we were together am I to believe that these are the only two instances of inappropriate contact? Logical brain has taken over and it says no way. I was a fool. All my friends and family are right. I do wish it could work though. She continues to blame our ‘chemistry’ issues as the reason this happens but says that she now wants to work on all that. How can I work through this? Since we have no kids and a pretty short marriage, isn’t it best to call it quits? Logical brain says yes, but emotional brain doesn’t want to. Emotional brain wants her. Ugh.
After I told her we she end things yesterday, she sent some more texts and called. More apologies, saying she has learned a lot, wants to be with me, is OK with transparency bla bla bla. I said can you just let things cool down for a few days. I said you kept suggesting consoling but never followed through, she said I didn’t seem into it. Maybe we should do a few sessions?
Sorry for the stream of consciousness rambles. You guys understand. Am I doing the right thing? The only possible solution is for this to end in divorce, right? I mean I don’t see it any other way. Everything is destroyed and now that I see how easy it is for her to lie right to my face for years on end. Ugh.. makes me sad. I just wanted to be with her and have a family. Amazing as it is, I hate to see her hurting even though she has hurt me countless times over the past 20ish years. Actually, it was funny. On the phone when she was crying hard and I was not, she said how are you OK? I said I have cried enough tears over you already to last a lifetime, I am all out.
I copied and paste the spacings got all messed up...
Divorce after all is just a piece of paper. It will solve none of your W's problem, not is it going to solve any of your and it is foolish to think otherwise. I think more than anything else you are looking for a sense of closure and you think a D will provide you with one. Slim chances of that. You got to focus on yourself and do what is best for you. You have to detach and grow and I also feel you got to get angry. You are bottling it in way too much.
You have to detach and grow and I also feel you got to get angry. You are bottling it in way too much.
I like this. I, too, bottled up way too much. Ended up hitting the bag at the gym for a bit. Very therapeutic.
Pinn
It is funny how we seem like the same person. I too went for a long time letting the emotional side run things and not trust my gut. And turns out I can prob just go ahead and trust my gut from now on.
I am. It going to tell you the best solution is divorce and be done. I truly don't think that is a solution for anything.
Doe my gut instinct trust her? Nope.
Do I think she can change? Possible. Will it happen again? Possible.
You stated what you want. You want to be married to her and have a family. So can't give that up just because right now it seems impossible.
You have been at this a long time and you have done some serious work and in all respect had received some great results for yourself and your relationship.
I think in my opinion you may all your cards on the table and tell her everything you want, what you are afraid of, all the trust issues, everything. Finish with you have to leave things in her court. Make sure she is aware you will watch her actions and will know from those what will happen.
I really want this to work. I believe in marriage even though mine is about over from the paperwork side. But that takes both sides wanting it as you know.
In the end you do need to be happy with or without her. That is what I tell people All the time now when they want to talk bad about my situation. She believes she is happy and did what she had to do to get there. [censored] for me and kids but how can I judge it?!!
Thanks Vap, Jeep!
Vap I agree and disagree. I agree I bottle things up and I agree I need to get angry. I am pretty angry at the moment. I disagree on detachment. I am about has detached as you can get. I don’t care if I hear from her, don’t care if I see her, don’t care what she is doing and I haven’t for a while. I guess my only attachment is to that dream that we could be happy together but I don’t think I can make her happy for the long term, not sure if anyone can..
I also disagree a bit on the closure issue. Maybe I shouldn’t have used the word divorce. But it is decision time. Wife’s fog is gone. I need to decide whether to work on things with her or not. There is not an opportunity to sit back, work on myself and show her the best me I can be. That’s done. If I decide not to, that is closure, it’s over for good, believe me on that. The paper doesn’t matter one bit you are right but the decision does. I don’t think it will solve her problems, she is going to be a mess either way. Actually, it will make things worse for her I think. For me, I am not looking at this to solve any problems. For newbies who come around start throwing around the D word after 3 months, I agree it won’t do any good. But for long timers, I think there has to be a time when you make a logical choice about your future and know when enough is enough.
Thanks OTW. Wise words indeed. I think I will contact her for a few days and then have heart to heart this weekend. But she is a lying, little sneak how can I trust what she says? I hear what you are saying but my brain is telling me to let it go, its time. It’s been 20 years of this BS and I am only 35! She is going to get us both killed. Maybe I should change the phrasing of what I want. What I want is to be with someone who adores me, never wants to let me go and wants a family with me. My preference is for that to be with WW but the description of what I want supersedes that. Know what I mean?
I don’t really want to leave things in her court as I feel I need to make the decision. She seems willing to do whatever at the moment to officially get back together. But I am just not there. Funny, I guess this is a case of the LBS turning into the WAS that I read about from time to time. Never thought that would be me.
The rewording made the picture better for me. I agree with your responses to the other comments and advise. I am well aware of your situation and the road you traveled. I'm not sure people are aware of how well you followed the db methods.
It does seem you don't care either way of it will work with her or not. I also believed you have done everything you could to try.
Probably against all others opinions on here and may get flamed for it but it may be time to walk
I know you have come out the other side of this a better personw
Thanks OTW. I know it is hard for you to post and I appreciate the time. You do know my story the best out of anyone here.
I did follow the DB methods pretty well and they worked. I mean I am right where I wanted to be... made myself better in a number of ways and WW is begging to come back. If it was just felon it might be possible. But this new revelation about a guy from a few years ago is tough news to swallow. Changes everything really.
Walking away makes me so so sad. More sad than BD I think but deep down I am feeling it is the right thing to do. We could have had it. I really believe that. I feel bad picturing her life in the future, I really do. There is a great person in there.
Man. I haven't posted this much here in months.
I want this to work for you. More than you know.
I think all the cards still need to be laid out. All of the new information, all of your feelings everything.
I know firstnhand people change. Maybe she can change for the better.
In the end you know the situation best though. You deserve to move forward with the life and marriage you are looking for. It is time. With or without her.
Thanks OTW and anyone else reading along.
Haven't spoken to W since Sunday. I requested that she not contact me for a bit. My mind jumps back and forth with what to do. Still leaning towards ending things, but we do need to have that talk sometime this weekend I suppose. I believe 100% she wants to get back together and really means it. The problem is I do not think she would feel the same way a few years down the road. I always feel like she has one foot out the door. She never seemed excited about our wedding, never would seriously discuss children and always kind of supported my former brother in law when he and my sister broke up. Most people on my sisters side didn't talk to him anymore because that's just the way it goes. My W always said it wasn't right. I felt like she was doing that because she knew the day would come for us and she did not want to be treated like that. Just my thought though.
Amazingly, I feel badly for her. What a mess. I will be honest. When I told her it was over last weekend, and heard her wail, it was satisfying in a way and I hate to admit that. First time in 20 years I have been the one to say those words.
On the plus side, I set up my outside security camera. A bit hap hazard but it'll due for know until I have more time. I hope POS felon does something now.
Do the words restraining order ring a bell? A call to his probation officer? You hoping the POS does something is dowright creepy. Call the police and inquire about your options.
Do not mess with the POS...
Hi vap... thanks for checking in. Of course I've gone to police. I can't get a restraining order they say. That's in only for relationships. The only thing I can do at the moment is get a weak no trespass order. I don't have hard proof of anything... we all know the deal cops included but I don't have 100% proof. I'd scarifice some vandalism to catch him in the act. WW needs to get a RO against him though without a doubt.
I believe 100% she wants to get back together and really means it. The problem is I do not think she would feel the same way a few years down the road. I always feel like she has one foot out the door.
How can you feel 100% that she wants to get together and mean it, yet believe its like she has one foot out the door? It has to either/or. If you truly believe, then don't worry about the future and take one day at a time. That's all you can do. Just as we can't live in the past, we can't live in the future on what might happen. One day at a time, my friend.
She never seemed excited about our wedding, never would seriously discuss children and always kind of supported my former brother in law when he and my sister broke up. Most people on my sisters side didn't talk to him anymore because that's just the way it goes. My W always said it wasn't right. I felt like she was doing that because she knew the day would come for us and she did not want to be treated like that.
I'm separating this part because it deserves its own attention. Those aren't behaviors of someone who wants to be married.
Still leaning towards ending things, but we do need to have that talk sometime this weekend I suppose.
In my mind, talk is cheap.
I think rather than 'making a decision', you should clearly lay out what you need out of a relationship. I think with a 20 year history, you owe it a few months to see if she backs up her words. Sure, there will be bumps along the way, but Id clearly state your boundaries and let her take them or leave them.
Thanks Jeep and Kaizen for checking in. Not sure how I missed those posts.
It has been a crazy few weeks. Not much new on the relationship front. WW did take out a restraining order on felon and went to court for it. She first had to get a temporary one before she could get the year long one. At court, felon confronted her so he violated the temporary RO and has to go back to court because of that. After the RO was issued, he brought WW back to court to try to get rescinded but the judge refused. Someone (ie himself) vandalized his car and tried to blame it on me. The RO has my home address on it so that's good. Hopefully, this ends all that noise.
Then during all of that, WW felt a lump in her breast. She freaked at first but turned out it was just a cyst. But that took 2 weeks or so to get sorted out. So needless to say I wasn't going to bring up any serious R talks during all of this.
To top it off, my mom went back to the hospital this weekend is on a breathing tube now. Just so much going on.
WW and I have been seeing each other occasionally in the past month or so. Things have cold off for both of us it feels like. Definitely feels like friend zone but I am not sure who is friend zoning who. We talked a bit again about MC, I found a few who were focused on our kind of issues and sent them to her. But I would really like her to push it.
I think I will have that talk soon, kind of like you mention Kaizen. I already told her about transparency and she has already been griping about that a bit. But the fact is that there is zero trust... zerrrro. That and she is so worried about what everyone else thinks.
Either way I am good.... just want to move outa limbbbbo land.
Hi Pinn,
Dang... You have had a lot on your plate. I'm glad to hear that ww's lump wasn't more serious. I'm sure that was a frightening ordeal for both of you. I'm also sorry to hear about your mom... I hope she's ok. How's your dad? I know you were fretting over him after the job incident. Eeeesh, you and your poor fam! I hope you can catch a break soon!
Are you doing anything fun for GAL, just for Pinn?!
At the end of the day, you seem really solid...as usual. I continue to be on the sidelines rooting you on! Take care!
Hey Pax! Thanks for following along :-). Yea crazy times. My dad is OK... he got a part time job for the time being and seems to be OK.
You seem to be doing great!! I follow along your thread with a smile!
My GAL is mainly the gym and exercise at the moment. I love it but it might becoming a bit over kill. Besides that I do have Hawaii coming up and that ragnar relay again in May. But you are right, I should find something else.
ugh db'rs... what a hellish 2 years. My mother passed away today. It's just one body blow after another....
Hey Pinn - so sorry to hear about your mom. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. My condolences to you and your family.
Ugh...I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
So sorry for your loss.
Pinn
My condolences and very best rainbow strength. I will include you and your mum in my votive every day.
Big hugs
V
Oh my gosh... I'm so very sorry to read this, Pinn. No words. I'm so so sorry.
I hope you and your family are coping as well as possible. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
(((Pinn))), so sorry to hear about your Mum. My sympathies are with you and your family at this difficult time.
Look after yourself and your Dad... Xx
Thinking of you and checking in. I hope you are ok and coping as well as possible. (((Pinn)))
You're thread is going to lock, but just know that I'm thinking of you and hope you are well!
hey pinn, just checking in. how are things in the pinn world?