Hi Legolas,
I was very similar to you. I've been emotionally detached for a very long time. I thought I was working hard to support my W and my family by ensuring that I provided for them financially but I put to much of my time and effort into my work and not into my W and family. My priorities were completely out of whack. On top of that, my work made me MISERABLE so when I was home, I wasn't pleasant to be around. I was constantly stressed out, anxious and irritable. Who wants to live with that!? It wasn't on purpose, but I made everything about me and my issues. I neglected the emotions and feelings of everyone else. And I came across as very controlling. Again, not on purpose. I was trying so hard to control the stresses in my life that it affected every other relationship in my life and in effect controlled how they could behave around me (walking on glass).
So I can understand why you think the LRT would backfire. But if your W is having an A and is currently "done" with the M, it doesn't matter what you do to try and be more emotionally present right now. In fact, that is the last thing she wants.
What did I do? I deployed the LRT and went dark. I began working on my issues. I 180'd and GAL. I started becoming more emotionally available to my daughters, friends and family. I left my W alone. I let her stew in the mess she created for herself and spent that time working on me.
When my W and I started piecing, she told me that it bothered her that I wasnt pursuing her (while she was having an A!?!?!?!?!) and complained about it to a friend. The friend told her that if I had pursued, it would have only pushed her further away and my W agreed with that.
If you detach, 180 and GAL, and if you are genuine about the changes you are making in your life, your W WILL notice, even if those changes arent directed at her. If you are making those changes only for her benefit, she will see right through it. You must be making these changes for YOU; so that you are a better person for YOU.
Read and follow Sandi's rules.
Read and absorb all of Sandi's reflections.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2653323&page=1