continued from my story 3
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2677544#Post2677544im positive she is cake eating at times. amongst other things. and at times she really perseus me. she seems to be at a stage where she is bouncing back and forth. she puts one foot on and then takes it back off. almost as if she is ready to jump off of a cliff, but cant quite do it.
Now put your right foot in
Your right foot out
Right foot in
Then you shake it all about
And then you do the hokey pokey
Turn yourself around
That's what it's all about
back to square one. we had a fight last night. im at a loss for words as to how i feel.
I'm having serious doubts that's what it's all about.
now that ive had a chance to cool down and think. we had the big fight of "nothing has changed, its gotten worse in some ways" fight.
im halfway convinced at this point, that she has another man friend or the same old one stirring up her interest.
after we kissed last weekend, its like a bomb went off in her brain. things totally changed and she has been completely turned off towards me. and she is hiding everything from me. acting very withdrawn towards me, the kids and everyone else, except for her single friends.
she is acting EXACTLY like she did in the past when she was having an EA.
today was one of our kids birthday parties and we had both families over and some of the friends of our kids. she wouldn't make eye contact with me. looked completely guilty all day. and sat by herself with her phone and checked it every 10 min. not to mention she has now put a lock on her phone ( yeah i know, dont snoop ).
her behavior has taken such a change in direction. she went from making me dinner a couple times a week and dropping it off. texting me all day long off and on, asking me to hang out, spending lots of time together, asking me out on a date. having a great time and ending it with a kiss. and then to nothing except for guilty looks and let me know when i get the kids back......and a few random compliments. which is so weird. wth ? you look nice today......and then not making eye contact and walk away.....
i have pulled away. i dont initiate text, calls, nothing. when we are together like today at the party. i stayed at a distance. i was cordial, and pulled my own weight at set up and teardown for the party, but i didnt go overboard. i just kinda helped out where needed, but didnt do any extra. its time to pull back and see what happens. talking to my coach on thursday night too.
It sounds like you assessed it correctly. Now what to do about it?
i approached her this morning. she started dating a new guy. theyve gone out on 2 dates and kissed. she is a mess right now and so am i. im sooo pissed. more to follow , i gotta cool down.
Follow sandi's rules for WW's. I know you haven't wanted to in the past but that got you to OM2. You haven't given your W a reason to believe you are not available for plan B. Therefore, she is free to have family life with you and all the other romance and emotional fix from one OM to another. You have to give her a reason to believe you are not available for plan B EVER.
i contacted the OM2. he had no idea. he broke it off with her and she came flying over to talk to me. told me she is going to call the lawyer tomorrow morning to proceed with divorce.
ive since deleted her and blocked her on facebook. she is blaming me for all of the trouble in her life. hahahahah its all my fault. hahahahhaa anyway. i guess that chapter is closed. it will hit me later. what in exciting day so far. i guess well see what happens over the next several months. but obviously, she wasnt done being a slut. and im NOT going back to that. her loss
its starting to hit me.....the lies....picturing her and him kissing.....the strait faced lies.....her leading me on......her cheating on me again......again. i saw the red flags, but i ignored them, walked past them.
i can honestly say, that i did everything i could to have saved this marriage. there is no blood on my hands, no matter how hard she tries to pin anything on me.
its been several hours of NC. and i expect many many many more. i dont know what direction im going. divorce or waiting it out. if i wait it out. i am NOT accepting anything less than 100% . but at this point it doesnt really matter. i am pumped full of emotion and booze. and i am not capable of making a sound decision for a loooonnnnggg time.
i had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. i know that will pass,ive been here before.
i saw this coming......a long time ago. when she exchanged all her married friends for single friends and starting living the single life. going out to bars several times a week. and what kills me is that several of our mutual "friends " knew what was going on. but instead of speaking up, they supported her. (they are all divorced).
that is what is keeping me up at night. figuring out who i can trust. this [censored]. and now im starting to feel the whole embarrassed ashamed feelings again for having a slut wife running around town.
i made an appointment to speak with my lawyer for tomorrow afternoon. i want to get the divorce paperwork drawn up to see what i have to look forward too. this woman is a serial cheater and i think i hit my limit.
not very DB i know
e04355,
I understand. Be strong.
When the LBS fog clears and you realize what she's put you through, then anger tends to follow. Channel the anger in productive ways that'll help you become a better and stronger person.
Good luck!
this is the third time ive been the LBS with her in the last year and a half. i told myself, one more time and im done. well, she did it one more time. and im leaning on the done button. im 99% there.
im still in shock. i picked the kids up last night, and i stayed in my vehicle. they came out of the house and i could see her milling around behind the curtains watching. i dropped the kids off at my moms in the morning, and she will pick them up there later today. i haven't said a full word to her in 2 days. and i have a meeting with the lawyer tonight after work.
part of me wants this to be done, so i can move on. part of me says, what if she wakes up? i really should have followed through with this a year ago. i tried and tried and tried for months. and she strung me along the whole way. she is not capable of a relationship. it breaks my heart to know what is going to happen over the next several months to all of us. Me, Her the kids. we are all going to suffer greatly. and im so sick and tired of suffering. but, this is it. there is no getting out of this. i just need to try and make the best of every day. and love the kids. they didn't ask for any of this, and they deserve the best.
i spoke with the lawyer last night. apparently she had already called. (we are using the same lawyer) and she is interested in getting divorced as fast as possible, and is willing to sign off on a lot of things and not rake me over the coals.
im 99% sure that im going to sign the divorce papers as they are written, after i have a chance to look them over. as far as i can see it this relationship is over. and it would be post divorce, plus a year or 5 until we could ever even think about reconciling. she needs to get this single crap out of her system. and im not willing to sit back and watch and hope anymore.
so if i choose to get divorced, do i get kicked out of this group? cause, ive been 100% sure that this is the next step for a few days now.
Nobody gets kicked out. A D is not the end. In some cases it has been just a part of the process to something better, even with the same S.
perhaps. but my anger is through the roof. i cant even stand the sight of her right now. i know that will fade with time. but at this point, i cant seem to trust anyone. especially her and her close circle.
So sorry you are going through this pain again.
e04355
I agree with mvgfwd. I still have hope after my D will be finalized that there still is a chance. The positive side is that you can control your actions and rebuild the friendship and hope this leads to rekindling the romance if she is smart and sees change in you. Of she does not someone else will.
i haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks, other than to say what time i'm dropping off the kids. and when i drop them off, or pick them up, i don't even get out of my vehicle.
I am so unbelievably hurt by her actions. I don't want to see her, talk to her, or listen to her. I don't wish any bad to happen to her, but i don't wish her and good either.
as far as im concerned, it's over. she would have to make a full 100% change in her life, and keep that change for several months if not years. she has a problem. some people have problems with booze, or drugs or gambling. her problem is the addiction to attention from men. the more the merrier. and im not willing to deal with that.
i found out that OM2 has a long term girl friend with 2 kids together. i informed her this morning of the relationship between my wife and he. im pretty sure stuff will hit the fan very soon. she thanked me, and suspected something was going on for the last few weeks. i doubt that this will help my cause in any way, but i felt that she needed to know.
Of course she needs to know. Some don't think it's a good idea to tell the OP's partner but not me. If this is going to happen everyone that has an interest needs to know. And this other woman has a firm interest.
I am with you 100% E. You drew your line and are standing by it, as a real man should. I think that sooner or later she will realize what she has done. Every divorced person I have spoken to says that the ex spouse has come back at some point to ask for forgiveness or to try and work things out. Way to take a stand!
zero fallout so far, from telling the OM2 partner. i chatted with that person a lot. supposedly she called her a homewrecker etc. and she said that its over now.
the rough draft of our divorce came and i read it over. Its not a bad deal. At this point, im ready to sign and move on with my life.
she is acting nice to me. she is acting as if she wants to be friends. Did she somehow forget that she cheated on me multiple times? or that the rough draft of the divorce papers came to both of us a few days ago?
she would like nothing more than to be bff an co parent our kids. it seems that she thinks that there would be no guilt on her part if i was ok with everything. like she would get a get out of jail free card. this is the stuff that drives me bonkers.
imo she is trying to smooth things over between us, like its no big deal. treating divorce, (separating assets, homes for our children, lies, cheating, secrets ) as if we were picking out the color of paint for the living room. its madness. and i can see it already. im going to be the bad guy. im going to be labeled the jerk.
all of my friends, family, coworkers, have told me, "you are a great guy, you did nothing wrong, you gave her every chance in the world, you can walk away with no blood on your hands" but that just doesnt cut it for me. some day, maybe next week, maybe 10 years from now. she will hopefully wake up. and see what SHE did. until then, it seems she will be in this fog of "why is HE acting so cold towards me ???? " end of rant
Talking to the OM or his girlfriend, will not stop your WW from finding OM3. The problem is with your W.
she can have om3,4,5,6......im done with her. ive simply had enough
we signed the final divorce papers last night. she wanted to talk in the parking lot afterwards. i just turned and walked away.
Good job enforcing your boundary. It stinks but you did what needed to be done for you.