Wifes 4 week affair was discovered by my 13 year old daughter, via saucy texts on her phone, confronted wife who admitted affair, said she 'couldn't give him up',
when I asked her what she thought would happen if she had an affair, she thought it would 'fizzle out'.
Next day she ended affair, although I didn't witness phone call, then said she owed it to our marriage to try to work it out,
I suggested joint counselling and personal therapy, both agreed to. She gave me 2 weeks of intimate, and 2 weeks of non intimate, plus 5 counselling sessions, on 4th session, came out with a litany of 8 points over 22 years that I had let her down, and that she was done,
I had sucked the life out of our marriage, then moved out within 2 weeks, so 6 weeks start to finish. we were not in a bad place uptil that point, not perfect, but no sign of splitting up,
the 8 points she made were justified, but not untypical of a 22 year marriage, and last point was 5 years ago, although she had an e-mail affair 3 years ago.
She is 45, I am a young 61, subsequent to moving out, she has re kindled her affair with the AP, but insists that we were over anyway,
I accept the 8 points are valid, and am doing the work to explore my own issues, not sure which category this places her in, she WAS very angry with me, but now out of the MH, seems calm and very happy, not the same here
Welcome to the board
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH. Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...224#Post2578224Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Thanks Cadet, I have been reading posts for about 6 weeks before posting, am still baffled by the speed of her leaving, and it doesn't appear that she wants to R so am feeling lost, still with my kids, 16 and 14, in the MH, she is acting like everything is fine, I feel the affair was the reason for leaving, she says it was an exit affair and that we were done, however, no discussions to that effect, nit sure if she is WAW or WW, any thoughts, married 17 years together 22
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks Cadet, I have been reading posts for about 6 weeks before posting, am still baffled by the speed of her leaving, and it doesn't appear that she wants to R so am feeling lost, still with my kids, 16 and 14, in the MH, she is acting like everything is fine, I feel the affair was the reason for leaving, she says it was an exit affair and that we were done, however, no discussions to that effect, nit sure if she is WAW or WW, any thoughts, married 17 years together 22
Personally I would not worry about her type,
she has already left - actually, just
you need to catch up on that fact.
The speed is part of the overall script
and it is possible that things have been going on for a while just unknown to you.
Kind of like an iceberg you can not always see everything under the water.
Change the focus to YOU.
You can not change or FIX her.
You can fix yourself.
That is where to start to work.
Going to gym, eating well, sleeping better, taking medication, occasional good days, but feeling pretty hopeless, getting out and about and started dance lessons, also going majority of child care, when u say the speed is part of the script, can you expand on that?
Have you read all of Sandi's threads linked above?
She does a pretty good job of explaining what is going on.
Again do not get hung up on what type of spouse you have,
accept that all things are possible.
Our spouses are under lots of stress and pressure,
mostly all of it is internal and not something
that you easily see.
Once they decide to try to break free of that situation
nothing you can do or say will stop them.
Hence the speed you seem to see.
It seems to you that a switch has been thrown and
now everything is OPPOSITE of the way it used to be.
They incorrectly think that by shedding themselves of the
marriage that they will be able to fix themselves.
Instead of looking at why things are broken,
they just want to proceed down the path of least resistance.
YOU were the closest thing to them and so because of that anything that
happened to them must be YOUR fault.
Your fixer, co-dependent, conflict avoiding ways enabled this thinking
and the recipe was set for what has happened.
The last thing I will say is that you did not break her and you
can not FIX her.
Martin,
You are on the right path towards healing and making yourself whole with the GAL activities you indicate.
As for your question about the speed for her leaving and the lack of information for why, is as cadet mentions, part of the script. To clarify, regardless of the type, WAW, MLC, or WW, many do the same. This is the reason cadet indicates that it is not important to what you do moving forward.
Speaking from my experience, I spent much time trying to figure out what was going on when she told me she wanted a separation, then shortly after a divorce, and then she was gone and angry.
The time I put into trying to makes sense of it all was wasted energy and efforts. I still have not made sense of it all and all I have to show for it are many theories that serve no purpose. Lost energy and time, which could have been better spent healing and going forward.
I know it is difficult to simply not try and make sense of it. I still catch myself spinning a theory or or analyzing and action/ comment she makes. But when I do catch myself, I re focus to me and control of me.
We cannot control them and having all of the answers for why they do this changes nothing.
Keep on your path of healing. Keep the mind focused inward and forward. Be well and may you find some moments of peace this day.
Speaking from my experience, I spent much time trying to figure out what was going on when she told me she wanted a separation, then shortly after a divorce, and then she was gone and angry.
The time I put into trying to makes sense of it all was wasted energy and efforts. I still have not made sense of it all and all I have to show for it are many theories that serve no purpose. Lost energy and time, which could have been better spent healing and going forward.
I know it is difficult to simply not try and make sense of it. I still catch myself spinning a theory or or analyzing and action/ comment she makes. But when I do catch myself, I re focus to me and control of me.
I think you are giving great advice and actually are at the point where most of us end up.
However I do understand why there is this need to know wtf just happened after this sledgehammer came down and hit us in the head.
I do agree that it is mostly a waste of time understanding it all and that you can not fix it or change it.
From a scientific point of view I actually find it all fascinating and wanted to know as much about this as I could figure out.
So after reading over 30 books and doing enough research to theoretically get a PHD in this subject it can finally start to make sense.
Of course what I am saying is also like Alice going down into wonderland and that whole world making sense too!
The root of it all is mostly depression, either covert(hidden) or overt(obvious) and can trace through
other portions of biology such as hormones, genetics and
family of origin.
If you really want to learn there is much information that can be gathered here.
Although most people will take my word for it, some need this
information to keep moving forward.
I know I did.
Knowledge is Power!
I agree with you cadet.
Gathering as much info as possible to try and have an idea of the dynamic that created the situation can be therapeutic and help in our progress. For me that will be key in my long term healing and journey so that I may be much the wiser in future relationships. It is just better to focus on that as I get into a good place and right frame of mind to know and understand it all.
For me early on the time and energy lost was trying to pin down the WAW for answers and clarity and that just made a mess for me.
Learning of all the factors in play are good to know. IMHO being in the right frame of mind to know the factors and how they can contribute is key. Many LBS are not in that frame of mind early on and want this info to control the situation. That is detrimental to how they proceed. Getting to a place of calm, acceptance and when the LBS is truly only focused on controlling themselves and not the S or situation, I think is a good time to learn about the why.
I believe we are on the same page and hopefully, Martin, you can digest our thoughts and apply for you in a healthy manner that helps you progress and DB effectively.
Thanks guys, it will save me having to read more books, one of the most annoying by products, is that you suddenly doubt yourself, which slows down the healing and moving on process, despite how hard I try, deep down, I still expect her to return, which seems unlikely, and slows the moving on, the sudden switch was inconceivable just 4 months ago, and although I am better than I was at the start, recovery is painfully slow, I know the answer is impossible, but roughly how long till normality returns?
Cadet,
Sorry about hijacking the thread...
Are there any books you can recommend that give a high-level overview of the cause(s) of WW syndrome?
Cadet,
Sorry about hijacking the thread...
Are there any books you can recommend that give a high-level overview of the cause(s) of WW syndrome?
Unfortunately I am not allowed to mention other book titles here other than Divorce Remedy however
there lots of different titles out there.
I would suggest reading ALL the homework and related links.
That should help.
I am assuming all these books give various explanations, but it doesn't look like many WW, or WAW, OR MLC'S return to the MR, seems like the best advice is just to GAL and hope? Another weekend gone, they are the toughest, actually had a call from the AP, telling me was going to dump her, anybody got any experience with similar sitch with AP, it's got me confused, can't figure if he is genuine, mad, of just messing with me, or if W and he are in it together
SH, you said a mouthful. You have come so far. SH = SageHub???
Martin, I don't have any advice about the AP stuff at all. That is strange and I think you probably should just act like he never contacted you. It doesn't change a thing between you and your W.
I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are here. I have also come to realize the real possibility that I will never understand what has happened to my life. I also know that even if I did, it wouldn't change the journey I have to make for myself.
Walk your path. Acceptance comes somewhere along the way.
I know that you are right, but my mind won't let me move on yet, I hope it will not be too long, I have a 16 and 14 year old to be strong for, it hasn't got much easier yet, I am sorry for your pain, they say emotions can't kill you, but it gets pretty close
Martin,
In my journey I have learned that we have more control of our mind than we think. I have been learning about mindful meditation and it is a big part of my healing process. I would recommend that you look into it for assistance. Also working with an IC has helped me as it coincides with the mindful meditation.
I am of the belief that the time it may take will vary for each person, but that with effort, the healing process can be shortened.
I see it as with like a physical injury that one may have. It will heal on its own typically, but with treatment, doctors visits, knowledge of remedies, rehabilitation, physical therapy and a PMA, the time to heal can be shortened.
Emotional injuries and wounds should be treated in the same manner in order to restore to good health.
Hang in there. Time will help heal. Effort through DB and the many other treatments will benefit. Look into others threads on these forums and you will learn of many ways different individuals worked their way through the healing process towards a healthy emotional place. You can learn much and gain support of others who have been down the path that you are struggling on.
May you find peace this day and feel my support as I have been where you are at, and am currently on my own path towards healing.
Thanks SadHub, I have been doing Therapy from the beginning, and Mindfulness for a few weeks, plus loads of reading and visiting sites like this, it has been 4 months since discovery, and time is dragging, just when you think you think you have improved, you seem to slide backwards, now feel like I am treading water, and stuck, not sorted finances or house sale, kinda paralysed, any advice, it looks like you are waiting for your WAW to file, could you file for adultery, or are you perhaps like me living in hope?
Martin5,
You are on the right track towards healing. Keep putting in the work and keep your mind forward and with hope.
In my state it is a no fault divorce state, so awaiting for her to file is more me taking a stance that I do not accept nor approve of divorce. In my sitch she still has not shared a reason for her leaving and there has been no ea/pa. I don't have much hope, but I will not file. She can do it and then she can explain to the world why she did it.
I will stay focused on my healing, becoming the best dad ever and becoming the person only a fool would leave. She can decide for herself whether fool or not.
About the same age as my wife, and a lot of wives seem to leave, maybe mid life crisis
About the same age as my wife, and a lot of wives seem to leave, maybe mid life crisis
Perhaps MLC is a part of it.
I have settled on WAW due to my lack of connecting with her emotionally. Among other failures on my part in the MR.
I know I don't hold all the blame, but I can only work on and correct my part, and so that is my new path in my journey.
Has she given any sign that she may return to the MH?
None.
She has shown nothing but anger and resentment towards me and her d17.
I believe she is seeking an escape, and she is scared.
She is useing me as her lighting rod for her issues.
I have hope, but it may only be hope as my perception is that she is torching all the bridges and even if she were to have a change of heart, there would be no way to return.
So I focus on my path forward and trust in God to direct me to where I must go from here.
Just checking in to see how Martin is doing today.
Hi Sadhub, up and down, like you, I don't think she intends to return, and is still involved with the AP, future life seems bleak, nut have 16S and and 14 D to be strong for, she left MH 3 months ago, taken all her personals, and removed wedding ring, still have not completely accepted fact she has gone, hope it gets easier. Already got to the stage when initial support is dwindling, quite natural I am sure, therapist says I have to get used to 'being' rather than relying on outside influence, pretty hard after 22 years in a close relationship
Martin
What are you doing to move forward?
What are you doing to create a future that is not so bleak?
There is hope and we can do this.
Be well today my friend. Keep posting and we can share ideas and success as we move forward.
Hello Martin5,
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.
Sadly, it isn't unusual for the spouse that wants out of the marriage to take their things and be gone for 3 or more months. She may not intend to return right now, but that doesn't mean that she won't change her mind.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
Martin,
Just focus on you and today. My W has been gone for 5 months. Only thing we can control is ourselves. We are here for you.
Thanks to all of you, I am a bit stuck at the mo, not really wanting to believe it is happening, getting out with friends and signed up for Ceroc dance classes, but have a lack of singles in a similar position, so feel a bit stranded sometimes, Doing Therapy and mindfulness, but slow progress, and have a number of people I can download on, having read many posts on this site, I am not burning bridges with W, but no begging or crying, just being pleasant and indifferent, but worried that by keeping even the smallest amount of hope alive, will just set back the recovery process, Very aware of being 61, even before the split I was having bit of an identity crisis, which probably didn't help. So bit of a double whammy, any advice greatly appreciated, female point of view, IE Sandy2 welcomed
Hi Cristy, thanks for offer, but I am uk based
Hi SH, just noticed that your situation arose in pretty much same time frames as mine, and a lot of others on the site, my w affair started 4/12, went into overdrive between Xmas and New year, discovered mid Jan, half hearted repair attempt for 2 weeks , moved out end of Feb, nothing filed yet, but wants to talk about money etc
Hi Cristy, thanks for offer, but I am uk based
There are lots of people in the UK that do phone counseling.
Hi Martin5,
We work with many, many people from all over the world. Being in the UK isn't an issue at all. We would just need to figure out the time difference when scheduling the time with your DB Coach.
Many of your online friends will agree that Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best advice on how to save your marriage and keep your family together. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
Hi SH, just noticed that your situation arose in pretty much same time frames as mine, and a lot of others on the site, my w affair started 4/12, went into overdrive between Xmas and New year, discovered mid Jan, half hearted repair attempt for 2 weeks , moved out end of Feb, nothing filed yet, but wants to talk about money etc
It seems to follow a script with WAS/WS.
It provides an odd type of comfort, in that we the LBS is not crazy as it seems to come out of nowhere. Details can change from sitch to sitch, but there are many consistent behaviors.
I hope you have been well today.
Hi SH, thanks for your concern, looks like we are following similar timescales, spoke to W yesterday about division of assets, which I will have to start on, she only moved out 3 months ago, but communication is like with a stranger now, very surreal, how is your state of mind, do you still have contact with he, are the kids with you or her. On a positive note for you SH, you are only 44, I am 60, I am probably paying the price for having been convinced by W 22 years ago, that the age gap would not matter
Hi SH, thanks for your concern, looks like we are following similar timescales, spoke to W yesterday about division of assets, which I will have to start on, she only moved out 3 months ago, but communication is like with a stranger now, very surreal, how is your state of mind, do you still have contact with her, are the kids with you or her. On a positive note for you SH, you are only 44, I am 60, I am probably paying the price for having been convinced by W 22 years ago, that the age gap would not matter
Check out SMLX5's posts. You will 60 is just a number.
Check out SMLX5's posts. You will *see* 60 is just a number.
Hi SH how do I access smlx5 threads?
Check his last post....That is the one you will see that 60 is simply a number.
Good morning martin
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing.
I hope that you are doing well and getting some GAL in.
Get it pronto and read some. Let us know what you take from it.
I have a question, am doing ok with GAL, my wife moved out 3 months ago, says will always care for me but no longer in love, has re connected with AP, although I believe just went underground, we are on good speaking turns and discussing division of assets, I am doing Therapybanf mindfulness, W cited 8 occasions during 22 years which, plus negativity resulted in my ' sucking the life out of our relationship'.Feel I may be concentrating too much on AP, am considering filing on grounds of Adultery, to put me back in the driving seat, would that be counter productive, am also starting to date a bit in an effort to move on from my stuck position, any advice welcome, please ask if I need more detail on state of relationship before BD
Hi Cristy, what is the deal on telephone coaching, costs etc
Seek advice form an L on options for proceeding. Best to remove emotions and look at the laws and facts for your state.
WAS will cite many things and place blame for this sitch. You know the truth and you know what you need to work on. Focus on that reality.
I would caution against dating as a way to just move from stuck position. you need to heal and fix you first. Dating partners deserve us in our best form and we need to get to that point first IMHO.
You can call the number at the top of the page to get info in the coaching sessions. I think Cristy is one that answers the phone and can tell you the options and details.
Hi Martin,
Listen to Sadhub, especially regarding retaining a lawyer.
You will be paying your lawyer to protect your assets and custody rights, not help you reconcile. It is a good idea to get professional advice from a lawyer, but manage your expectations on how "marriage friendly" they are.
I strongly urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting coach as soon as possible. There is much that can be done. Please call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004
Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
Good morning martin
Just dropping by to see how you are doing.
We have not heard from you in a couple of days.
Hope that you are doing well and making progress.
Just dropping by and saying a prayer for you my friend.
I hope all is well for you
Hi SH, not much change here, trying to keep busy, and keep working!! Purchased the new DB downloads, which I guess cover what is in the book, it's all useful info, seems the best tip is proceed as though it is completely over, and if I am lucky she may come back, if not, I am further along the way to recovery.
I can sleep, and all the weight has gone back on within 3 months, keeping fit and kids doing well, so I guess I am where I should be in the process, the rest is all in the mind, and finding a way of switching off the negative, self blame, feeling sorry for myself thoughts, where are you in the process?
I am just surviving, rather than living my life at present
Survival is a good start. Recognizing you are not fully living is a useful awareness to have.
What are you going to do to improve the mental side of things?
IC and mindfulness coaching, exercise, I read a lot of DB posts, however, they can be quite depressing too, you have been waiting it out since 2014?? Have you dated in that time?
My W hasn't left so I guess I have been waiting it out!
I understand and there was a period I avoided reading new threads for that reason. If the distress outweighs the benefit stop reading here. Otherwise it is full of good people and helpful advice.
Martin check out the Ted Talk by Guy Winch. He speaks of emotional first aid, and it was huge help for me and understanding some ideas to apply to control the negative thoughts.
I am still in the process. I am doing much better than a couple of months ago, but still have a ways to go. I just focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
I just watched a movie called Bridge of Spies 2 weekends ago, and there was a character that was an accused Russian spy back before WW2.
Anyway when Tom Hanks character, the lawyer, was discussing things with him, the spy never seemed phased in spite of the evidence and potential bad outcomes for being convicted. Tom Hanks character would ask him on several occasions in the movie why he did not seem upset or worried.
The Russian spy character always answered the same.
Would it help?
This has become a motto for me and my d17 in those challenging moments when the mind wants to go to those dark places and cause worry and upset us.
Does it help?
Meditation has also been a help for me.
Likewise, but we would need to be in a meditative state 24/7 !! Does your W have an AP?
A meditative state is a place of peace and calm.
Do we not all want to maintain such a state permanently?
Matthieu Ricard seems to have accomplished this.
I would not mind following in his foot steps.
No, my W is simply a WAW.
May you experience moments of peace my friend. it is a state of mind that we can choose.
Hi SH, been off site for a while, was getting a bit laden down with the posts, so was trying a bit of cold turkey, this process is 1 step forward, 2 steps back, looking into the future is the worst thing one can do, still looks pretty bleak, no change in my sitch, beginning to look more like midlife crisis, not that it changes the outcome any, anything new your end?
It can do one good to step away from the forums for a period of time.
I hope that it did you well.
As one goes through this, it is beneficial to not look into the future and live in the moment. It can minimize the pain and heighten the joy.
Changes in situations such as ours will take time. As cadet says, we have been given the gift of time. Use it well.
What are you doing to use the gift of time well for yourself?
My sitch is closer to the d that she wanted. She avoids any contact or communication except to ask for money or mor time with d5.
I ignore it all, and try to stay focused on putting one foot in front of the other for myself. I am not depressed nor anxious of late, but I have been feeling numb.
One day at a time for me.
Very little hope of any r for my MR, but I accept that for now.
I may never know why I am in the sitch, but I am accepting that as well.
I am either just dumber than I would have ever thought, or she has had a serious breakdown and does not realize it. Non of it makes sense.
And sloth at is my current situation.
Thanks SH, i have to accept that R is not going to happen, I sat opposite her yesterday, she looks and sounds like my wife, but she is not anymore, she is a different person, who appears to have moved on, discussing finances as if wurt a friend, it is all I can do to hold it together while my stomach churns, I long for the day when she has no impact on me, seems a million years away. On top of that, my business is failing, outs a perfect storm!! Doing a meditation session today, too much stress in my head, I need some peace
My prayers are with you my friend.
Focus inward and put one foot in front of the other.
Meditation is a good practice.
There are better days ahead, keep going.
Keep us posted and there is much support here for you.
Morning SH, finding it hard to focus within, I have lost me sense of self, all my thoughts seem to be from outside in. Just coming up to 6 months since BD, having more 'normal' days than at the start, but a long way from happy, more like Groundhog Day !!
Martin, what steps and actions are you taking each day to be able to focus within?
Work. It will take concentrated efforts and work to change the influences on you from the outside. We all have the ability, but we must exercise the mental muscles in order to prevail.
Time. It will take time, but regular and consistent effort will change the tide for the waves that crash upon us.
Hope. Hope is the ingredient that can propel us forward in the days and moments that we feel we are standing still, moving backward or riding up and down on the emotional roller coaster.
Knowledge. This is what arms us to be able to put in the work, be patient with the time and feel the hope needed to push forward.
Please share how you are working towards the healing that will benefit you, the strength that will make you a stronger person and the hope that you have for you and your families future.
Be well today my friend. Be kind to yourself and take another step forward.
Just checking in Martin.
How are you holding up?
Hi SH, been off line for a while, feeling a little better in myself, weekly therapy has helped plus weekly mindfulness, trying to view the situation more objectively, have been keeping busy but weekends suck. Have pretty much accepted there is no reconciliation, w had to say the words again, hurtful, but probably essential, denied om is still around, but I am certain he is, although end result is the same, I realise I am looking for confirmation of the reason for the split, even if Om is the reason, w will never admit it!! But I guess I am trying to shift the blame away from me Starting to discuss finances, I have been avoiding this, but needs to be done, keeping up gym, dancing, bridge nights and reconnecting with old friends and family, but the pain remains, but more acceptable days now, have learned that I need to block out any memories of life with w to be able to move on, strangely not found much anger yet . How are things with you? Has th D been filed and by whom?
Hello Martin, I am doing well. Taking a day at a time, but I am moving in the right directions.
I am a bit impatient as I want things to move forward but paitience is a challenge for me. I was under the impression she filed the d but I have not received anything and my L seems somewhat in the dark.
I am almost I complete NC with her except an occasional communication about d5.
How are you doing?
Hi Sadhub, sorry for lack of response, been in a bit of a fug recently, the initial panic has gone, been replaced by a dead feeling, not getting much enjoyment out of anything at the moment, support starts to dry up after a while, people expect you to feel better, or they just get awkward listening to your woes after a while, I am starting to isolate a bit, and have to push myself to connect some more. I have to accept that she has gone and is not coming back, she seems happy and moving on, have to bump into her a couple of times a week, which is difficult. I am considering signing up to the Hoffman process to kick me out of this stuck position, I want to feel happier, it is almost 6 months already, and I find I am living in my thoughts too much, how you doing, any useful tips?
Martin,
How are you doing my friend.
Have you found a place of support and that is helping you with the funk?
Share here if you need as it can benefit.
It has helped me as I too found my small support group dry up a bit.
I pray that you are doing well.