Here is my new thread. Please post here as I love the support from all of you. God Bless you all and here is to finding peace!
Previous thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2608533#Post2608533
Remember YOU are the most important person in your life! You have been if a great support to me since I have joined this forum and I deeply thank you for that.
I'll always check in you no matter what :-)
Gosh I meant I'll check in on you!
Thank you so much Rouky. You are my best friend and your perspective always lifts my spirits. If I live to be a thousand years old I will never forget what you have done for me. Your husband is an idiot for treating you the way that he is but I think that unfortunately there is something Darwinian(natural selection) about his and my wife's behavior. Just be sure that going forward that you do not accept less that your expectations from a man whether that is from your husband or the next lucky guy that gets to call you his wife.
TBH I think your wife as well as my H are fools and probably have few issues that they probably will never address as for them we are in the wrong.
Shame :-(
I don't think I'll marry again. I have done it once and got badly burnt, so living as civil partner seems a good thing to me.
OK, you two...you've clearly bonded over the loser status of your STBXs. I would like to apply for admission to the club, please. I believe I qualify. My H is clearly out of his mind. He's abandoned all the qualities I once held dear. His happiness is way more important than the happiness of his family. He has a loving, loyal, faithful wife who's willing to forgive him...and he still chooses to leave. He calls his wife names and degrades her. Loser, right? So, can I join your club?
LOL
Of course you can Ancaire. The more the merrier. Hope you are keeping well x
Ancaire if you don't join our club you will be conscripted. Your husband is obviously an idiot and is probably several years away from his real awakening that will bring him a lifetime of regret. We have frequent meetings here to cry, laugh and search for solace. Here you will find loyal friends with undying love and concern, support. There are no membership fees just the ownership of a kind heart and the desire to find peace and to help others to do so. You will be a blessed addition to our club as Rouky has been a blessing to me in the midst of an absolute nightmare. Her kindness and strength has pulled me through many a tough day. Please report often and tell your friends!
This seems like a lovely place. Can I join too please?
Thank you Ancaire. I really appreciate your welcome.
Thank you for your kind words Shotgun. We get a lot is support here as people are going through the same pain as us. What are you plans for this weekend?
A huge hug and welcome to focuss22. I hope you feel the love here. A love that has kept my head above water for a long while now. Fill us in on your situation!
Rouky I have S13 tonight and just a jab at your husband, I am not watching him, I am living with him! Tonight my family is partially intact in that my son is under my roof where I can protect and nurture him. Going to hopefully play some music and then go out for supper. I'm working on a plan for tomorrow night as I will be alone and need to get out. Any chance of you flying to the US this weekend? What are your plans? You must have a ton of fun things to do. Are you near a major city? Small town here and kind of limited but I'm going to make something happen. Maybe we can talk Ancaire and focuss22 and JulieH and Avanti and maybe some others into hitting a pub! Who is with me?
Doesn't a night out with fellow DB'ers sound like heaven? I'm ready to go!!! I'm in Texas, USA...am I crossing any water to get to the pub? What country will everyone be in tonight?
I think that we should meet in a central location. Hmmm are there any good pubs in Iceland?
A divorce busters convention! That would be awesome!
A divorce busters convention would be CRAZY!
A huge hug and welcome to focuss22. I hope you feel the love here. A love that has kept my head above water for a long while now. Fill us in on your situation!
Thank you shotgun! My first thread is here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2623656&page=1Maybe we can talk Ancaire and focuss22 and JulieH and Avanti and maybe some others into hitting a pub! Who is with me?
A night out?! I'm up for that *dusts off party shoes*
That would be fab! Can't wait for it. Shotgun did you bake those cookies with your son? How is he copying with all this?
Rouky I couldn't get him to make the cookies for me. He really struggles when it is time to go with the other parent. He drags his feet and always wants to make us wait. I think it is his way of voicing his displeasure with his parents. So far his grades are holding up and he has really gotten into his music. He lived a very charmed life before the separation. I used to call him Little Alexi (Romanov) because his mom and grandmother would fret over him anytime he would get a bump. He has lived a life of leisure and travel and will likely get to continue this with his mother. My job is to make sure that he is grounded by taking camping, shooting, fishing and playing music around the campfire. How are your children coping? Are they in school yet? I pray that they are OK. My wife was severely damaged by her parents divorce. I am hoping to do it better than her parents did.
About your wife being damaged by her parent's D... I was 30 when my dad apparently lost his mind and left my mother. An adult, and the entire event broke something in me. My H was 5 when his parents D and he acknowledges the damage. I was married to H when my parents divorced, and he SAW the heartbreak it caused.
We both wanted better for our kids, but all he talks about now is how it's "his turn to be happy" - "when does he get to be happy?"
I would never have married this man if I even thought this was a possibility. I begged him, for the sake of our kids, to reconsider. Now, he says they'll be fine. WTF? Do the WAS take a pill or something that makes them forget their promises?
I will never truly understand. I try to, reading up on MLC, but how does a person, as a parent, do that to their children?
I wonder the same thing every day.
My Mom divorced my Dad out of the blue when I was pregnant with S4. It broke me and my relationship with my Mom for 5 years. My Mom won't even be in the same room as my Dad. They were married 26 years and she won't even look at him. She is a WAW. Our relationship is mended now after therapy. It baffles me how H can live through that with me and think it won't effect S4.
I think they live on another planet and that their needs are first meet above common sense.
Shotgun my kids seem to be fine. School didn't notice any change. To be fair ah was hardly at home, so they don't really know better! Sad really, but he is doing a good job, seeing them regularly.
Ancaire it seems as if we live in a throw away society and the minute something loses it's luster it is thrown on the scrap heap instead of being polished and returned to is't former glory. Even a lot of relationship experts will place more importance on the happiness of each partner above the happiness of the family. The family is no longer considered a unit but a union of personalities independently searching for happiness. I'm sorry for the turmoil that you are embroiled in and I hope that you can focus on making yourself as fit, educated and healthy as possible.
WhyUs, welcome to the club!
ep0215 I think it is interesting that your mom will not look at your dad. My in-laws are the same. Rouky and I have talked about our spouse being unable to look us in the eye. Maybe there will be an expert weigh in on this subject.
Rouky I am glad that your kids seem OK. I know that you have fought for their family and for their innocence. Hang in there and I hope that you have a great week at work. Maybe try to connect with someone to go do something with. I plan to attend a Spanish language class tomorrow night. I've got to do better with GAL.
My H is unable to look me in the eye. He throws a lot of glares in my direction, but the minute I make eye contact, his focus is elsewhere. He says he hates to look at me. I suspect that is true. I probably remind him of what a low-down piece of crap he is without even having to say a word.
Ancaire I remember when I was a child and I had done something wrong I couldn't look my parents or the teacher in the eyes. It is the only analogy that I can draw from. They know what they are doing is wrong but can't stop their behavior. We must however remain focused on ourselves as that is the only person who we can control.
Shotgun, your words ring true. I've experienced great personal growth today (all documented on my thread) and have managed to release the majority of the anger you see reflected above. I'm so happy about that. I feel so much better.
I would never have married this man if I even thought this was a possibility. I begged him, for the sake of our kids, to reconsider. Now, he says they'll be fine. WTF? Do the WAS take a pill or something that makes them forget their promises?
I have thought the same thing. My W is convinced that divorce will not affect the children. And when I mean convinced, she feels that they won't be affected at all. Just recently she talked about kids are resilient when mentioning her upcoming move to the new base in a month - one where we aren't going. I can't help but think she was also trying to suggest that the same thing would apply to a divorce situation.
Hi Rouky. I am doing OK. I think that I am finally getting the right effect from my medication. My therapist said that I could go three weeks without seeing her. I know that I can't stop going completely but I do feel more confident about handling things without her. I have accomplished a few things on the divorce front (paperwork) but I am in no hurry. It's kind of in the attorneys hands now anyway. Just have to let the train wreck happen and then try to pick up the pieces. I have my son the rest of the week so I am happy about that. Starting to have fun being flirty with the girls! Not anywhere near ready for a relationship but I definitely feel more like a single person that I did just a few weeks ago.
Ancaire and Spiff69 thanks for checking in. Interesting words Spiff about wife thinking that the children will not be affected by the divorce. I suspect that she knows full well that they will be hurt but has to tell herself something else. My wife for fifteen years lamented the divorce of her parents and her life of having to navigate two households for holidays and special occasions. Insisted that she would never do that to her child but low and behold couldn't resist the temptation of greener grass.
Hi Shotgun, it has been a while. How are you doing?
Hi Rouky thanks for checking in on me. I am still on a roller coaster but the highs and lows are less severe. It's been a rough couple of days for me but I have been having fun at work. My counselor keeps trying to get me to find something enjoyable outside of work but nothing seems to bring that to me. All of the things that I have always done just do not appeal to me now. I am getting a little more comfortable with being alone for a while. I am sleeping well. Having trouble keeping my weight up and I am really working hard at gaining some. Trying to be strong for S13. Went to Spanish language class again tonight. I have been there twice now and it is kind of fun. My dialect is a huge challenge though with pronunciation. The teacher was talking about Madrid and the Spanish people today and it sounded like a wonderful place to visit. I will get there someday.
I am hanging with a sister and a cousin for Thanksgiving Day. All of us are single and will be alone for the day so we made a reservation at a restaurant that will be serving. Probably going to do something Wednesday night as well as it is the biggest bar night of the year and we could all stand to kick up our heels a little bit. I am not much of a drinker so not sure how that will go. Wish you were here Rouky!
Nothing new on the divorce front. I have most of my paperwork completed for it and will turn it in to my attorney in a week or two. Feeling pretty detached from my wife. Very little contact with her these days and that has helped. I will have a couple of events in the next few weeks and will have to be in the same room as her and I am not looking forward to it. Her behavior seems so childlike to me these days.
Enough about me, lets talk about you for a while! How is GAL going for you? Better than me I hope. Where are all the other members of The Lonely Hearts Club? Come on guys, chime in!
How was your Thanksgiving day? Happy Thanksgiving :-). We don't have that here in the UK. I agree with you as it's hard to find something we like to do. My IC keeps telling me that I need to live in the present but I find it hard. Still thinking about H but as much as before. The best thing for me would be not to see him, but it'll never happen because of kids!
I'm going out twice this weekend and going on again next week. Not asking H to look after kids as after his behaviour yesterday it clearly shows that he isn't interested by them and only comes to see them, so he can look good in the eyes of OW!
Hi Rouky. I had a great Thanksgiving. Had a bit of a gathering of Lonely Hearts! All of us were dealing with a recent separation so we were picking up some nice vibes from one another. So thankful that I didn't have to be alone. I thought of you often yesterday and I am Thankful to have you as a friend. I wish that this was over for us and that we could find peace.
I am so excited for you to be going out this weekend and I wish that I was going with you! I'm feeling very single now and thinking a lot about getting out. Not ready for a relationship but to just meet some people and have a little fun.
I wish that there was somewhere for your husband to see the kids besides your house. I don't think that he recognizes the favor that you are doing for him. Also you do it at the expense of it making things harder for you to detach. Is there a library nearby that you could meet him at for him to spend time with them? God Bless you as always and say a prayer for me as well!
Checking in and saying hi. Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving.
Sorry I can't talk more. So very tired at the moment.
Take care and sending you positivity x
Sounding real pathetic, but can I join the club? I've a fool of a husband I just about got back and he seems to be going down that same path again. Have a 1 year old baby and I feel I'm hanging by a thread right now!!
Welcome, Cherry! We all feel lost sometimes. Please join us. It's our friends here that help keep us sane!
Thanks for checking in focus22 and Ancaire. Focus I hope that it was GAL that has you so worn out! Please tell us more when you feel better.
Cherry welcome to the club and know that here you will find love, support and hopefully peace. I don't know if you have been doing the DB thing but if you have then you have done some serious soul searching and have set boundaries with your husband. Remember your rules and your values and never settle for less. The hard work we are doing here is to make ourselves the best person/mate that we can be. Please report back and keep us up to date on how things are going.
Hey shotgun!
Unfortunately not GAL (although that's been helping...I'm trying to apply the very easiest, lowest key version of GAL I can, so that at least I'm still moving forwards even if very slowly at the moment).
This is my latest update:
Had some bad news from a close family member this afternoon (related to the stress of what's going on with my H).
It totally knocked me for six. I've rarely felt anger in my life like I did this afternoon when I found out. Selfish, selfish, selfish b*st*rd that he is.
Anyway, it's brought home just how much my focus needs to be on myself and on being strong so people round about me don't worry.
He's so far out of the picture at the moment, he's like a tiny dot on the horizon. And he can stay there.
And this is my new thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2626565&page=1Sorry I don't have many words.
Honestly we should all get together and have a jolly good party! Sorry I'm still high from my night out! I went dancing! I felt so alive again, but still felt that I should have been doing this with H.
There is nothing I can do about H coming to see kids as it's always early in the evening and library is closed. I'm doing a LRT to save myself not my marriage at the moment.
I can understand it is hard, but you have to try to force yourself to go out. That is the only way we'll be able to get through this. We have to fake it until it's real. At the moment there is no future but live the moment today. What are you grateful for? Can you list 3 positives things for today? We'll get through this Shotgun. Not an easy road and I firmly believe that what is happening to us is for a reason.
Onwards and upwards. Thinking and praying for you Shotgun :-)
OK, you two...you've clearly bonded over the loser status of your STBXs. I would like to apply for admission to the club, please. I believe I qualify. My H is clearly out of his mind. He's abandoned all the qualities I once held dear. His happiness is way more important than the happiness of his family. He has a loving, loyal, faithful wife who's willing to forgive him...and he still chooses to leave. He calls his wife names and degrades her. Loser, right? So, can I join your club?
LOL
You know I couldn't get past this post. I did everything for my W and yet not enough. She sees me struggling now and yet a chatty conversation about something stupid like pj's is her answer. Lol I'm really lonely and would love to join the lonely hearts.... lol
ktfo it is so nice to have you here. Loneliness is the only requirement to join us! For me it has been tough to fill the void left when my wife moved out and my son only comes half of the time. I am fortunate to have a big family and a lot of friends to reach out to. I have also joined a couple of groups to get out and meet new people. It is challenging as Rouky points out and I love her statement that we have to fake it until it is real. I think I will have that made into a tattoo so that I will never forget it.
Focus22 I am headed over to your thread to catch up!
No need to go to that extent (ie tattoo). I'm still faking it Shotgun. I'm no longer crying so it's good! I'm still taking a step at a time, even after 8 months being in this limbo!
Rouky I always smile when I see your name! Congratulations on your night of revelry and dancing. I feel like that must have been quite the party. I too am faking a lot but it is getting easier. I also no longer cry but I do still have some really tough moments. I did not want to hear it when my therapist said to wait a year before starting to date again but I am really starting to enjoy a little time to myself. I am certain that I will marry again as I do love the sense of commitment and close companionship. Just going to be as careful as I can and be the best shotgun that I can be. I hope that you have a great week and that you find something to smile about every day!
Thanks for the welcome guys, my h sounds like your h- can't look me in the eye- looks at me as if he hates me.. Again probably reminds him of what he has done!!
I'm on a quest to fake it til I make it.. Last night I got conversation, today he can't look at me..
Of course you are going to remarry Shotgun and it'll be with me when I can get rid of all those men throwing themselves at me :-)! I'm glad it's getting easier bit by bit. What have you planned for tomorrow? How are the AD? I can see why IC says about waiting for a year as you need all the anniversaries and special dates to have gone.
I think you are doing amazingly well. Keep it up :-)
Cherry several of us have documented this behavior of a cheating spouse being unable to look us in the eye. Very strange indeed that they can't face the one whom they have wronged. Much like the kid and the cookie jar!
Rouky if I could only be so lucky to be the next Mr Rouky! You are such a great catch and with all that you have learned here you will be so wise. The men are going to be beating down your door. I am trying to mentor a niece of mine into understanding that women have to make the man earn it. You get that now I'm sure.
Call me weird but I find intellect to be incredibly sexy!
How about this, I have a house full of friends.. turkey day 2. So someone puts the fn song by Journey Faithfully on.. and my wife's belting it out. I'm like you have such balls... lol. I just chill keep to myself and am still like wtf. Is it me or is it that THEY have no idea the impact and train crash effect they've had in us? I'm like really? I wake up evidently from a nightmare last night of her and Mr x. And she's like what's wrong lol. I'm like try every time I close my eyes I see you with another man. . I don't know what to say is her fn response..lol f me. I'm alone on an island. And it sux
You are not alone Kfto - we are all here with you
It's ridiculously hilarious... it's amazing they make a selfish decision and we have to deal with the ramifications and they're like oh well.. f me..I need a new life
Hang in there ktfo. Do the DB thing and hang on with both hands. Get the focus onto yourself and GAL and get yourself in shape and clean up! Nothing will bother her more than you taking care of yourself and making a life that is healthy and happy. Sorry that you are in the situation that you are in but I am glad that you are here. This [censored] but sometimes it's a party! Keep checking in with us as we are all here for you.
ktfo, I echo the above, we are here for you. I think we've all seen bizarre behaviour from our spouses- hypocritical for sure. Sometimes I don't know what planet they are on.
I had a rough night too, almost felt like throwing the towel in. I powered through and kept face. It's not easy, but it does work.
Cherry I am sorry about your rough night. I am proud of you for powering through and not throwing in the towel. The times when I was that low I would just keep telling myself that there is something better out there for me. You will find better as well and remember to check in with your friends here when the going gets tough. Much love to you and ktfo!
Hello all. Just checking in to tell you all that things are getting a little better for me. I am getting back in the gym and going to a class and I am really enjoying it. I have met someone who gave me that feeling of my heart pounding in my chest. It is an unpractical situation so it will go nowhere but it was nice to feel that connection again. Also made me think a lot about what I want and what I am willing to sacrifice for love. Just another moment of growth that I am thankful for.
God Bless you all and I hope today brings you peace!
So glad to hear that you are doing better. Which class are you going to? How is your son? Nice to hear that your heart can pound again. I see it as growth but mainly as a sign of strength that despite what happened to you, you haven't hardened your heart. You are a great man and an inspiration.
Take care my friend :-)
Thank you so much Rouky. I have made it this far in part to your support and inspiration. I don't know where I would be without you. I was so shocked to feel my heart flutter but I smile about it every time I think about it. I am finally finding the peace that eluded me for so long. I see now that God has something better for me and I am excited to learn what it is. In the mean time I intend to have fun and get back into life. The class that I am in is a Spanish language class. It's very hard for me because I have a dialect and I still have a bit of chemo brain going on. I have a good deal of difficulty organizing my thoughts but I did have a couple of people in the class comment on my intellect. They should see me when I have it together! My son is having some challenges emotionally but has really blossomed musically. He seems to be pouring himself into that and I am happy as there are worse things to get involved in. God Bless you Rouky and I know that you are going to be OK also. I just feel so blessed to have gone through this with you. I say a prayer for you every day and I hope you do for me as well. Hope your week is going well and I hope you do something fun this weekend!
Finding myself smiling a lot in the last couple of days. Thinking about my friends here and meeting some fantastic new people while GAL. I am so excited to enter the next phase of my life. Hope everyone here is able to find just a tiny bit of peace today and know how much you all are loved!
shotgun, good stuff man! Strong body strong mind strong soul! I know a couple days this week were low.. and yesterday and today. I'm ok. I read this book, and it said something that resonated with me and now it's my mantra so to speak.:“It’s not your fault, I didn’t have the power to prevent this. It’s like Cancer, illness or something tragic, it happens. I can’t control it”
So now I'm working on me of course, and I'll goto the counselor for me today, try to get me right in the head. I'm still training jiu jitsu and lifting nearly everday of the week. (tuesday my son has wrestling so I take tuesday and she takes thursdays, cause I'll be teaching on thursdays)
I feel ok, which is a nice change from the depths of hell I've been in. I do have moments of real sadness, but I know that's part of this.
Very good ktfo. It is all out of our control and we must let go. There will be many tough days ahead but there will also be opportunities. Let's vow to be better people than our spouses and live in the truth and with a clear conscience. Glad to hear that you are working out. Stay strong and keep me in your prayers as you are always in mine!
So good to see some positive signs in you Shotgun, lord knows you've been through enough of a ringer.
I hope this trend continues for you and that both your health and your happiness return in abundance. You've been on this board for a long time and have one hell of a story my friend.
Keep working it, you're doing an amazing job!
PP
Great to hear from you PigPen. I smile every time I see your name! Thank you for your inspiration and support. Things have improved for me thanks to my therapist, my doctors and my medication. I would also not be here without all of you on this website. It is so comforting to know that there are people trying to lift me up and nudging me forward. I loved your analogy over on focus' thread. You are a fantastic writer!
This will be an amazing weekend as S13 is playing with two orchestras and will perform solo. A lot of running for rehearsals and and concerts but it is so exciting! Going to try to squeeze in a workout as well.
Meeting some really nice girls these days but I am sticking with my counselor's plan and leaving the ladies alone for a while:( So Rouky you are safe for now. I cannot deny however that it is a great boost to the ego to have a pretty girl give you the time of day!
God Bless you all and praying that we will all find a little peace today.
Shotgun, I pray for us all and for strength and forgiveness and the ability for understanding. I hope amazing sunrises for us all. I'm doing for me and I keep reminding myself positive things for me. I hope you get good!!! It's a poop sandwich, we've been dealt but there is hope.
Thank you for the prayers ktfo. Better days are indeed ahead for us. God pulled me through the cancer for a reason. I just have to be patient and receive it in his time. You too will find peace. We must forge ahead and make ourselves as fantastic and as healthy as we can be. My health is returning very slowly but I am trying to do everything possible to expedite the process. Keep working on you and and keep reaching out here. Find new friends and new hobbies and remember that you are not alone!
I'm so impressed by you Shotgun, your posters are so positives! You are breaking my heart :-)! I bet your weekend has been a very good one and you must be so proud of your boy performing solo! I'm sure he rocks like his dad.
You are on the right track, it's taking time and I can clearly see that you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Praying for you :-)
Just stopping by to say hello and give everyone my good wishes for the weekend x
Rouky I have only made it this far because of you. Just drawing a tiny bit of attention from someone as lovely as you has given me the hope and courage that I needed to carry on. I know that God has something better for me and I know that he has something better for you as well. We just have to accept that he has his own time schedule! I wish that I could make things better for you. Keep working with your counselor and keep GAL. Part of your pain is due to the fact that you care about your family and you have worked very hard. I hope that never changes. I pray for you every day and I feel it when you pray for me. It's peace that he has to offer and he will bring it to you!
Focus22 I am so glad that you checked in. I think of you every day as well and I wish that I was a resilient as you. I think that women are tougher than men or something. Keep fighting and keep building your life into the amazing one that it is meant to be!
Focus22 I am so glad that you checked in. I think of you every day as well and I wish that I was a resilient as you. I think that women are tougher than men or something. Keep fighting and keep building your life into the amazing one that it is meant to be!
Thank you so much.
I'm not sure if it's resilience though. It's more sheer willpower to get somewhere better, because this pain feels so soul destroyingly horrendous.
Focus22 perhaps a part of our soul is destroyed in this process. Maybe something dies and will never come back but it could be necessary in order for us to experience rebirth in a healthier more exciting us! We will find something better and we must keep our minds open and our bodies healthy for when that day comes. Have a great week and try to think of your friends here and look for something fun to do that makes you smile. Praying for you always!
Focus22 perhaps a part of our soul is destroyed in this process. Maybe something dies and will never come back but it could be necessary in order for us to experience rebirth in a healthier more exciting us!
Ah yes, that makes sense.
We will find something better and we must keep our minds open and our bodies healthy for when that day comes. Have a great week and try to think of your friends here and look for something fun to do that makes you smile. Praying for you always!
I think of everyone here very often. I think about how we are so far apart, scattered all over the world, but how we are all suffering and forced to go along this road that none of us knew even existed.
I'm just at a loss what to say on everyone's threads. I don't feel I have enough experience, perspective or wisdom to contribute anything valuable.
Focus 22 by just posting something on someone's post brings comfort and happiness. What we are going through is hard, I'm 9 months in but as Shotgun said a part of us dies to rebirth. I like who I am now and would never go back the old me.
Shotgun you have been such a great support for me and I would definitively grateful for your kind, reassuring words. I'm not hear often now, but I do keep you in my prayers and think of you.
Take care xx
Focus22 what Rouky said is right! Just seeing your name here gives me a moment of peace and a smile. It is your mere presence that is comforting and life giving to me and many others. Some of what Rouky and I say is kind of silly being that we are so far apart but I love seeing her name on my thread and her words have given me so much courage in the last year.
Rouky some day we will meet and it may be in the next life but I want the chance to thank you and give you a hug and also I want to see the new person you will become when you have completed this process. As for me I will continue to work on myself and my relationship with my children and will fight to regain my health and will always love all of you and appreciate the gift of your kindness!
Focus 22 by just posting something on someone's post brings comfort and happiness. What we are going through is hard, I'm 9 months in but as Shotgun said a part of us dies to rebirth. I like who I am now and would never go back the old me.
Thank you Rouky.
I like that you would never go back to the old you and are liking who you are now. It gives me hope.
Focus22 what Rouky said is right! Just seeing your name here gives me a moment of peace and a smile. It is your mere presence that is comforting and life giving to me and many others. Some of what Rouky and I say is kind of silly being that we are so far apart but I love seeing her name on my thread and her words have given me so much courage in the last year.
Ah, thank you. Those are truly kind things to say.
How are you doing Shotgun? What are your plans for this weekend?
Hi Rouky I am so happy to see your name on my thread! I always get excited when I hear from you. We have traveled this path together and I have found so much strength in your words. I am getting to a better place although I still have some tough moments. The divorce will be tough but with God's help and your encouragement I know that I will make it.
I plan to go see a rock and roll band with my cousin Saturday. Sunday I will have S13 and we plan to go to church. Also plan to work on a few projects outside as the weather is supposed to be nice. Some people at work were talking about having a New Years Eve party and where to have it so I happily volunteered to host it. It's kind of out of the way for everyone to get here so who knows............Hope you have a great day Rouky and a fun eventful weekend!
So how was the concert? Did you have a good time? From my experience people are happy to travel to go to a good party, and I'm sure yours will be fab! Who knows I might pop in to say hi :-).
We are on a long journey, but your posts are getting more positive and yes we are entitle to have some down days/ moments but we only are humans!
It's always a pleasure to hear from you :-)
Hey Rouky if I have a party you had better be there! I'm hoping to send this year out with a bang. Can't wait to say goodbye to 2015. The concert went very well. I am starting to enjoy a good symphony again. Many things are going well for me now but I really attribute it to my Prozac. Don't know where I would be without it. It has taken me off of the roller coaster as the lows aren't so low and the highs aren't so high. Feeling a little better physically now as well.
Shotgun...I can come to your party! I'm sure Rouky won't mind. LOL
I am so happy to hear you're doing well. I'm doing mostly okay. I've reached a point of acceptance, at least.
I know what you're saying about 2015...worst year of my life in so many ways. Great. Now I'm sobbing.
Oh, well. I'm in a safe place to do it. LOL
Hi Ancaire. You better be here for the party too! We have to light a match to this Hellish year. Sorry to have made you cry but sometimes a good hard cry feels pretty good. I don't cry much these days but I got a nice Christmas gift and a really sweet note from an ex in-law this week that got the water flowing. Hopefully some other members of the Lonely Hearts Club will commit to this party and we can make it a total blow out! Peace to you all and Happy Holidays.
I'm up for a party!
Happy to say goodbye to 2015
x
Oh I am so happy that you are joining us focus22! This is going to be a real shin dig! Don't know how that translates into the Queen's English but it means it will be a lot of fun. I will be so happy to say goodbye to this year of Satan's fury but next year is going to be much better for all of us. We are all going to re-invent ourselves into a much more interesting, happy, healthy and attractive person. Love you all and can't wait for the party. Who else is coming???????
Now Shotgun I just realised that Christmas might be a bit pushing for me, so how about New Year? So we can all say bye to a not so good 2015 but welcoming a better 2016.
Thought of you today. I hate classical music but for the last 3 days I have been listening to it! A new thing for me and it's not too bad!
How are you?
Rouky this is what is amazing about you. You have been through a couple of the worst days of your life but you still come here to check on me. I cannot put into words what that means. I know other people see this as well and are so inspired. There is something much better in store for you because you are such a good person.
I have had the best Christmas season this year and have celebrated in a way that I never have before. While it has been a tough year I have also learned just how special my circle of friends is. People who have reached out to me and have picked me up when I didn't even know that I needed it. People who put their reputation on the line to get me in a place where my medical needs would be met. My life is indeed very blessed!
I am feeling better these days and I wish that all of us here could say the same thing. This process is hard but we must all travel through it. I ran into an old musician friend at a bar in town last night and we hope to rekindle some jam sessions that we once had. I have found some really nice ladies to dote over, a couple of them being at work, which is fulfilling my need to take care of a woman. Thanks to my therapist I am keeping it in the right place and being very careful to protect everyone's hearts in the process. I do however relish in the role of caring for women!
God bless you all in this season of giving and thank you all for what you have given to me which is support and love. This too shall pass and we will receive many blessings to our lives. Perhaps all of this is to help us better appreciate the kindness that we encounter in our travels. Here is to all of the people at DBing!
Rouky I was so amazed at your strength that I didn't address the thoughts in your post! I am so excited that you are listening to classical music. It is a more complex expression of emotion but for me is a more fulfilling one. I would suggest to you to go see Beethoven's Ninth Symphony played live. It is for me the easiest to connect with as the movements take me to all of the most powerful emotional moments in my live. The movie Immortal Beloved does a very good job of explaining the depth of the composer's pain when he expressed it musically. There is a scene in it in which the second movement is played in conjunction with an episode from Beethoven's youth that gave me a lot of clarity about my childhood. Even to the extent of the child running through the field and lying in the water to look at the skies. Even through all of his pain and mine there is greater glory that will bless our lives and give us peace. The Ode to Joy at the end of the movie will take you to a place that you may never have been but going forward will always come to mind in the best moments of your life. The music is indeed the voice of our creator and the gift of live that he has given us. Once we can see that with clarity we will have the strength to face whatever comes our way.
Just a little suggestion to help you deal with the pain of this process and although your tears will seem unending you will feel healed in the end of this movie. I love you and hope that you find peace and enjoy the Hollidays!
Thank you for that Shotgun, I'll look I to seeing it live. It's about time that I do something out of my comfort zone :-). You are a charmer :-). I'm glad that you are starting to dot over some ladies. You are on the mend.
My casual date went strange. When I went to me this person for the 2nd time, it didn't feel right, so I have been honest with him and said I can't give him what he wants (a long term relationship), then he started to send me a huge amount of texts. I blocked him but he found another way and I have once more been bombarded by texts and calls. Normally I'd be pleased to get such attention but it scares me. So I know I'm not ready for a relationship. On the other hand I do like talking to you and see how you are, so I guess I might have a slight crush on you
Enjoy your holidays and look after yourself and your son :-)
Oh Rouky I have more than a crush on you! You are my partner in crime! I'm sorry to hear about your stalker. Your instincts are good so trust them. Your safety has to be your top priority. Sadly women have to be very careful. Don't give up on the idea of dating as decent guys will be patient and recognize the situation that you are in and the pain you are going through. The right guy will take care of you and will give you the time and space that you require.
Some day I will make it back to the UK and we are going to have the biggest party that country has ever seen. Have a great Christmas all and let me know how Santa was to you!
Hello to you all and Merry Christmas. There will be no snow here for it but the weather outside is beautiful! Each day since December 22 we gain two minutes of daylight at my location each day. I intend to look at this as two more minutes closer to a new Spring and a new more fulfilling and peaceful life. All of the hard work in counseling and DB has began to create a new me and returned the great parts of me that I gave up for my marriage. It is depressing to think about the first Christmas as a broken family but it is also another step through the pain that will take me to healing and health. I have kind of taken this day to rest and to grieve a little but I think that I have earned it. I did go to the gym and had a fantastic workout. Pretty sore but getting stronger each day. Growing my hair out and wearing my cowboy boots these days as my wife hated both of those things! I am getting back to me and the way that I like to look and to live. Making a few new friends and reconnecting with others. Plenty of single ladies have shown interest and I am trying to navigate being in the dating scene again. It is very awkward but kind of fun at the same time. More members of wife's family have reached out to me recently and have been very kind. They are encouraging me to hang on and to not give up on the marriage but I just don't know what my wife could do to convince me to try it again. A lot of water has flown under the bridge and she still has all of the rubbish in her life. (I love the term rubbish and use it in honor of my friend Rouky!) I can't imagine that she would give up the alcohol and the partying and hanging with the unsavory people that she has chosen to include in her life. I now recognize that that was a part of our marriage that I hated but tolerated to try to keep the peace. Praying for everyone so unfortunate to be here but thankful to have you all. God Bless!
At one point everyone realises that partying has to come to an end. At the moment your W has found her new youth ( a bit like me and I'm enjoying it), but at one time she'll realise is it all my life is about.
I hope you have great day with your boy and I wish you a Merry Christmas. Keeping you in my prayer and don't know how I can still stand up and get on with my life without your support. You are a true friend. God bless you :-)
Shotgun, my friend? I want to wish you the merriest of Christmas this year. You're always such a positive person, and I hope you have a wonderful day!
Ancaire I have missed you! I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and have many blessings in the New Year. We have had an amazing year and have learned so much about ourselves. Here's to us and to surviving!
Hello all I am here to celebrate having survived Christmas Day and I am still standing and breathing. Who ever dreamed that the celebration of the birth of a redeemer for all of humanity could be so painful? Just when I thought that I was on solid footing I suffer one of the worst days yet. For a day I was right back to the helpless feelings and the feeling that time is standing still.
It helped a little that S13 seemed OK with everything. He and I took a long drive and were able to talk about some things and it seemed to go well. I am stronger now and I intend to be a better father and told him so. I know that he needs for me to be strong and thanks to my counselor, my meds and all of my friends here I will be able to.
It helped too that a couple of cute girls texted pictures of themselves to me. I asked my son how he would feel if I went on a date with a girl and he didn't respond. He doesn't know that his mother is dating. I'll not be the one to tell him.
More family coming this afternoon and it is going to be fun. No presents just each other and some good food. I am very blessed to have my family. I wish that I could bring you all here where my sisters and cousins would hold you all as they have me and take the pain from your heart. It is true love and sadly I for a long time thought that it was something else. I do however know the truth and going forward it is incumbent upon me to find that in my next lady friend. Happy New Year to you all and here's to a fantastic 2016!
Shotgun - I had somewhat of a rough day, too. Not for any particular reason, it was just the missing spot that H usually fills. I hate what this D is doing to my family! All my kids, along with their spouses and girlfriends were here, and we had a great time. I faked a smile all day. But I was filled with such intense longing that things were different. I'm sad about that.
When everyone left, I went to my room and cried for an hour. It was such a long day forcing myself to be happy for everyone. I just want to run away and never return. This hurts so much. I don't really have much more to say than that. Ouch.
I'm so sorry Ancaire. I cry with you and long for a peace that seems to never come. It is shocking to see the carnage that a divorce brings. I don't think any of our WAS gave any thought to what this would do to the extended family. I know that my in-laws are grieving and want nothing more than for my wife to wake up but I can't sit here and wait for it or expect it. I feel really sorry for Rouky in that her family is so far away and cannot be there to comfort her. I don't think that I have the strength to go through this without my family.
I still think that we need to have a DB LBS convention in which we would all drown our sorrows and dance our a$$es off to celebrate the friendships that we have developed here. I live in a big house and there is room for a lot of people. Probably going to have to rent a hall somewhere but to save costs everyone could sleep at my house. Some of you may have to sleep on the floor. There is a liquor store in town that could provide plenty of spirits. Who is with me and when can we do this?
I'm in! I wish I could do it New Year's Eve. I'd start driving right now - but that can't happen yet. Darn it. :-(
Where do you live, again? Southerner, think.
Argh! My memory left me, too! Next thing, I'll see mice...
Count me in! Thank you very much for thinking about me. I think we all are survivors as Christmas was the hardest day for everyone. The way I see it is that next year it won't be as worse as by then all of us will be a better us.
It was hard for us, but WAS are in their own little world and don't really know the meaning of family as they chose OW/OM over us. It's their loss as I feel they will never deal with whatever issues they have and when the same problems will arise in their new relationship they'll have two options: run away again or stay in an unhappy relationship!
Dec 25th is the birth of Jesus, and for all of us here this date is our rebirth to become what we have always wanted to be, to become more compassionate, caring and loving.
Hi Shotgun, how are you? What have you been up to? Thank you so much for stopping by my posts :-)
Now I might get jealous if a couple of cute girls are sending you pictures :-)! Enjoy every minute of it. You are a great man and the next person in your life (W or new partner is going to be a very lucky lady indeed).
Hello Rouky thanks for checking on me. I like you have had a tough Christmas. I guess that's just how this goes. I had a lot of fun decorating and buying gifts and candy for the kids but I got up Christmas morning and my S13 wasn't there and it just took the sap out of me. I am still struggling to shake the sorrow from my heart. S13 is having a tough time and I am at a loss as to what to do. His mom and I have discussed getting him into counseling and I am going to push that after the New Year.
The behavior of my STBXW has been a little strange but she is probably having a tough time with the season as well. There is very little communication between us at this point but that is how I prefer it. I did invite her to watch S13 open his presents and she indicated that she would but when she brought him she quickly drove away. I'm not sure if I should have invited her or not and I kind of regret that I did. At any rate I feel like I did the right thing.
I am really dreading New Years Eve and just can't seem to pull myself together about it. I am no where near as depressed as I was just one month ago but it is tough. I have spoken to some friends about having a party but I don't know. I think I need to focus on my lovely friend Rouky and draw some strength from her! Praying for peace in 2016, God Bless you all.
Hey guys!
Another one really dreading new year's eve as well
Hi Shotgun, what about your family? Are they doing something for New Year' Eve? You can come round if you want.
I'm happy for you that you are not feeling as low as a month ago. You are on the right track! Keep it up. Like one of my friend said:Xmas and NY are normal days!
I will keep checking on you :-)
We should start a chat thread for NYE for those of us sitting home alone.
I am so excited that you checked in focus22! And Gmum we can all meet here on New Years Eve. I guess it will be like five am when it hits here for some of you but let's make sure to check on each other. I don't know yet if I will be out or not but hoping to be doing something. I have something to do New Years Day but I'm just not sure about the night before.
Rouky I just haven't tried to get anything going for NYE and haven't spoken with any of my family about it. Going by your place is incredibly appealing! Is it bad that I am hitting on a married lady?
OK now I am getting excited about things and will be here looking for each of you and some others who occasionally stop by!
Please start a new thread
You know how to bring a smile on my face. You are a very dear friend to me and I always appreciate your support. I found you very charming and your wife is a fool.
New thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...575#Post2636575