I'm new here but I don't really need advice. My situation is mostly in the past and we're much healthier now than before. I've told my story on other infidelity/marriage/relationship boards so if you frequent the other big-name boards on this subject you've probably seen.
In a nutshell:
We married at 19. Everyone said that's too young, don't do it, but we did it and it was amazing. I love my wife so much. It was Camelot. A wonderful life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. My time in the Marines when we were first married. The missing her as I was deployed and eventually sent off to war. The homecomings. Sharing all of life's adventures together. After the Marines we were flat broke. Two boys at the time, very young, and still madly in love. Of course we were normal and had arguments like any healthy couple but nothing ever really bad. Nobody ever left the house or slept on the couch. We would never go to bed angry.
Life got better. We put ourselves through school with a hellish schedule (full time crappy min. wage jobs, full time school, full time parents). It was hell but we had each other and our family so it was actually fun. We got degrees, great careers, dream house in the burbs, the right cars, the right clothes, the right friends, etc. You know the story.
Flash forward to age 45. We were getting older. We all wonder is this all there is to life? Is there nothing more? Nothing greater? We started what we now know were our midlife crises. I got really depressed. I thought I hated my chosen profession. I definitely hated the company I worked for. I figured it was time to change things up. Took a new job half way across the country and the whole family moved. I also bought a Harley and started a garage band with some other middle-aged office worker guys that wanted to regain some youth. All with my wife by my side.
She had a much worse time. Got really depressed. Crying fits out of nowhere all the time. Started getting nastier with me and the kids. Both boys were adults by then but still close to us and none of us knew what was going on. I tried everything. Hate your job? Quit, I'll be here for you. Wanna go back to school? Wanna go climb mountains? Want to take salsa dance lessons? Whatever she needed, I would be there for her. I even went as far as to say want a new life? It'll hurt but if you need to leave me then I can't keep you. Go have a new life and we'll part friends. She'd say "that's ridiculous, you're the only part of my life I'm sure about."
We went on as is for over a year. She was always upset. Then she'd be nice and sweet, then angry, etc. I was so upset every day but wanted to be strong and support her....continued below.
Welcome to DB, glad you decided to share your story.
Please re-read the TOS/Board Rules concerning other sites.
You are fine for now.
I will not give you my normal welcome post as you do not seem to need it.
Keep posting so you can get off of moderation, especially on this thread.
We continue on that way for a year or so. She's a strong woman and with my love and support I'm sure she'll be ok. She tells me all the time that she'll figure it out and be ok. I just try to be there for her whatever she needs and on we go.
One of the guys in my band was a neighbor two houses away. Around the same age as us. We became good friends with him and his wife. They have adorable kids, much younger than ours.
Now the end of Camelot.
It's Sunday, March 17, 2013. Family dinner. Boys usually come buy Sunday evenings and we have something special that I cook (I cook, she cleans it up, that's always the deal). Anyway it's all normal and suddenly someone knocks on the door. Not really knocks but beats the crap out of the door. Pounds on it so loud that it startles the heck out of all of us. I jump up to go see what's up.
When I opened the door there was no one there. After a second I see someone in the front yard screaming, crying, flailing about. Basically going crazy. Of course I'm like WTF??? I realize it's our neighbor (wife). She's screaming incoherently. I mean really wild. I figured there was something wrong with her medically or some horrific thing has just happened. I go out to her to find out what's wrong. She tones it down enough to scream at me that "my husband and you're wife are f*cking." I'm like what??? She says "they're f*cking!!! I saw them! My f*cking as*hole husband is f*cking your GD whore wife."
Well now I'm made. Of course this is complete horse sh*t. How dare she say something like this. We're not one of those types of couples. We're a Disney Channel couple, not a Cinemax couple. We don't go out to bars, we don't party. We definitely don't have affairs. Not us. We're not like that.
I do my duty as the husband and defend my wife's honor. I don't remember my exact words but it's something like how dare you, I don't know what's going on in your life but shame on you for coming to my house and doing something like this.
My wife is standing in the doorway of the open front door. I'm out in the yard with my crazy neighbor. I'm really pissed. Nobody calls my wife a whore. I turn around to look at my wife to get her nod of approval for defending her honor against these obviously false claims and my life as I know it ends.
I looked into her eyes. They couldn't lie. I can't really describe exactly how they looked but they gave away everything. Everything I had just heard was true. She did this thing that our neighbor was accusing her of. I was in absolute shock. There's no way this could be possible. Our eyes were locked. I guess she could see what was happening in me because she screamed/cried and ran back into the house. She locked herself in the bedroom.
In the meantime most of the street are in their front yards watching this circus of horrors going on in my front yard. About that time two police units come down the street with lights flashing. They stop, get out, draw weapons, and order me to the ground with my hands behind my head. They assumed I was some kind of domestic abuser and figured the lady in my front yard was my beaten wife. This snapped her out of it a bit and she told them what was going on (they didn't care what I had to say). They let me up. I'm an educated man in an upscale suburban neighborhood and I'm living out my own Cops episode. Wonderful. The police follow me into the house to check on my wife's welfare. She has locked herself in the room and won't come out claiming she's going to kill herself. They tell her they're about to break the door down which also snaps her out of her craziness.
They leave and apologize to me for everything that is happening. Tell me to keep a level head. I'm still in shock so I haven't reacted in any way yet. That was to come later.
What followed was about 2 years of pure hell. Alcohol (I had never been a drinker and now I can down a bottle of Jack with the best of them), drugs (I have chronic pain from a service-related injury so the VA hospital gives me an endless supply of Vicodin), suicidal level depression, separation, crying, screaming, sadness, hate, etc. It was pure hell.
For my MLC I bought a motorcycle and started up a band. For hers she had a PA with our neighbor for about a year. I have the entire truth now. They did things that she and I have never done in our entire married lives. Not because I didn't want to but because she thought they were disgusting and degrading. I loved her and respected her so I never pushed it. To me marriage is about compromise. Give and take. You can sometimes want things your way but not everything. You have to be unselfish. At least that's how I feel.
Well, it's two+ years later. We're still in counseling. Never did divorce. She lost her career over this. He lost his career and family over this. His wife hates my wife with every fiber of her being. I have been close to divorce many times. I just didn't know how I can get over this. I've never really believed in God (was raised in a purely atheist house) but I think I do now. When I was teetering on whether I can forgive (and forget, you have to do that too), I was leaning more toward D. She had moved back in for the sake of our daughter (the A crushed my wife and D's relationship, she hated her mother for two years and my D put on close to 40 lbs in that time). I was feeling limbo. I knew I couldn't trust her. The A was long gone. She never had real feelings for the guy. Always loved me with all her heart.
The A was an escape from a life that she wasn't sure she really wanted since she had never been single and willing to explore everything. She figured she'd get it out of her system and they'd both move on and their spouses would be none the wiser. Oops.
I've evolved from hating cheaters with ever fiber of my being to trying to understand what was going on in their head that would allow them to break the most sacred vow I think a person can make in their lifetime...
continued...
I believe in God.
Maybe it's silly to base this on what happened but the sitch was my WW was back home. We were going to attempt R. I could barely look at her and definitely couldn't touch her.
She was remorseful and willing to do whatever it took to help me. I doubt she'll ever know how bad she hurt me. I would have walked through the fires of hell for this woman. If hell is real and she was to go there because of this I'd have to ask St. Peter if I could give up a spot in heaven and join her. I love this woman with all my heart. She knew that too which is another reason this hurt me so bad.
Anyway, I'm on the fence about D or R. Leaning toward D. Felt like I was really detaching. Envisioning myself moving on and eventually meeting someone else and not feeling bad about that. Just a little earlier this year she goes to her normal annual health screen. Mammogram comes back with something suspicious. Test come back positive for breast cancer. My heart felt like it exploded. All my doubts disappeared in a microsecond. I realized one undeniable truth. I still loved this woman with all my heart no matter what she had done. I was crushed by this news and went into full on supportive husband "we'll get through this mode." Well fortunately for us it was very small and localized. Surgery then some routine chemo/radiation and a clean bill of health. If it was God it was a horrible way to snap me out of my funk/indecision but I do think him for it.
It showed me how I really felt. It hit me like an epiphany that I loved her and she loved me. That is all that matters everything else is just the noise of life. Noise that can sometimes be deafening but is still just noise and can be dealt with.
Although this thing almost killed us both I still think I got off lucky. I became a junkie of these sites and books and movies about infidelity. If I ever seem like I have any wisdom on this subject it's only because I made every single mistake you can make but I learned from them. Camelot never was. Nobody lives Camelot. Marriages have to be maintained like everything else in your life (house, cars, lawn, your body, etc.) or they will break.
As for feeling lucky I say that because my wife never had plans to leave me or run off with her OM. I didn't have to deal with that. I've read so many of your stories about that happening and I couldn't feel worse for you. All I can suggest is get counseling and coaching. The experts here are very good. When I started to make real progress was when I swallowed my pride (I always thought I could fix anything), surrendered myself to the process, accepted there's a higher power, and let the process work. I knew that either way I was going to survive and for us it worked out. Is Camelot back? No, and it never will be. I don't want it back. It was an illusion. Today can still be rough but will get better. We love each other. That is all that matters.
I'm here because you are all my peer group now. Many of us have been through emotional stress worse than going to war. I know, I've been to war. I thought I should cover my own story before I start responding on other people's threads. Good luck to all of you and remember if you love your SO and they love you then anything else can be fixed.
Thanks for you story man and thanks for the support...hang in there...i am not optimistic but you give me hope
TxHubby,
Thank you for sharing your story.
As a fellow Tx-an..... Thank you for sharing. Your story is heartbreaking, heart wrenching, and heartwarming.
I was around these boards a year and a half ago, through last year. I have been taking a break, but still peek in every so often.
I'm so glad to read you are trying to work it out. I hope your depression is better than before. This is such an insidious disease.
Thanks again
So much to be learned in your story. Thanks so much for sharing. You stopped by my thread once and gave some wonderful advice. Things have taken a turn for the worse since then, but I kind of think it was meant to be.
I need to spend some quality time focusing on me; healing mentally, physically, emotionally. My husband is emotionally/verbally abusive and doesn't realize it. Our marriage will never be reconsilable until my H discovers a lovely thing called remorse. Unfortunately, I think we'll be officially divorced before that can happen.
I don't believe in D, so will continue to DB to the best of my ability for as long as I can. I plan to pray for him daily. My hope is that while I work on myself, God is able to work on H. When he wakes up and is ready to do the work needed, we can reconcile.
I anticipate that this will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I still love the man, though. I'm willing to do what I need.
Thanks again for your encouragement. It really meant so much to me.
TXHubby, thank you so much for sharing your story. I have so much respect and admiration for you, and I am sure that your story is helping many of us DB'ers.
Hi TXHubby, your story really moves me. I continue to battle my inner demons, forgiving, surrendering, I have this tendency to be a fighter and want to fix things, but I just keep pushing my w away. Your story brings me down to earth, there is a higher power, and I need to surrender....
Just a little earlier this year she goes to her normal annual health screen.
Mammogram comes back with something suspicious.
Test come back positive for breast cancer.
So has your wife gone for any follow up tests on this?
Seems like a common thing for people under stress(or of an older age) to contract something like cancer, hepatitis, strokes, heart attacks, blood pressure, cholestrol problems.
So this is not something to take lightly.
Let us know whats happening.
TxHubby, I really like your posts. You have a way of writing that really draws me in. Your advice on - I think it was Mona's thread?- has really helped me. Thank you for sharing your story and your experience. I hope that your marriage is strong now, and I wish you the best for 2016.
Hi Txhubby, thanks for sharing your story.
Just a little earlier this year she goes to her normal annual health screen.
Mammogram comes back with something suspicious.
Test come back positive for breast cancer.
So has your wife gone for any follow up tests on this?
Seems like a common thing for people under stress(or of an older age) to contract something like cancer, hepatitis, strokes, heart attacks, blood pressure, cholestrol problems.
So this is not something to take lightly.
Let us know whats happening.
I wonder why you never answered me?
Txhubby,
Thought I would check out your story and it was a big help. My wife and I are also High school sweethearts and I have felt for some time that she thought she missed out on something in life. Part of me questions an MLC with her. Also, FB and all her younger single girl friends doing "fabulous" versions of things she wanted to do doesn't help. Thank you for sharing your story, it is nice to see something full circle.
Cube
I know myself and many oth tw could have written the post you just did. I know I am blamed for my wife not living the life she sees on facebook
Txhubby,
Thought I would check out your story and it was a big help. My wife and I are also High school sweethearts and I have felt for some time that she thought she missed out on something in life. Part of me questions an MLC with her. Also, FB and all her younger single girl friends doing "fabulous" versions of things she wanted to do doesn't help. Thank you for sharing your story, it is nice to see something full circle.
FB was one thing for me the other was my WW loved the Bachelor TV show... that's what she wants in a relationship....
Wow, I had forgotten about my intro thread. Sorry I've been neglecting it. I don't neglect the site. I read so many threads where people are at some of the same points I went through on my timeline through all this. I do love my wife. Is everything all better and all rainbows now? Of course not. We still have issues with each other but the difference is we don't let anything go unaddressed. We do communicate much better.
Also, if you reconcile with a wayward spouse then you have to really forgive and forget. You have to. Don't ever bring up the affair. Don't hold it over them. In the long run their own guilt tortures their heart as much as the betrayal tortured yours. That's if they are truly remorseful and still love you.
I also see so many asking how long they have to wait before they cut their losses and move on? Some have only been living this type of nightmare for a few weeks or months. It could take years. You have to know that. My wife's MLC, and all the horrible behavior that came with it, went on for 2+ years. It was hell for me. It wasn't until I gave up on us that it cleared her mind. She still tells me it was like being struck with a bolt of lightening and suddenly all the stupidity left her brain (her words not mine).
To get through things with some humor, when the cancer prognosis came in she was like "oh great, we just start to recover from my stupidity and now God is going to kill me as punishment for what I did." I told her I don't think God works that way.
Some days I think if I could go back in time I might have just walked out on that fateful March day. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have those thoughts occasionally. Still, life is pretty good right now. We go for walks, we hold hands, and this year is our 30th anniversary. We've made it through all this so I think we'll be ok. I tell her all the time that if I die first that the last thing I want my eyes to gaze upon before I leave this life is her face.
I don't want to sound like a sappy pep talk here but you really can get through whatever you're going through that brought you here. I went through the worst experience of my life for over 2 years but here we are together and happy. It can happen for you too but you have to accept that it might not. Either way, you'll be fine.
To get through things with some humor,
when the cancer prognosis came in she was like "oh great, we just start to recover from my stupidity and now God is going to kill me as punishment for what I did." I told her I don't think God works that way.
Thanks for answering this.
I seem to see many people that go through this process get hit with all sorts of disease.
Some of my research shows that stress and the changes that occur to your body during this time make us susceptible to disease.
For some reason(maybe hormones) the bodies weakest links are attacked during midlife.
My knee was bad during high school and college.
So was my ankle and shoulder, wouldn't you know that now those are all
the problems that I have are in those parts of my body.
Those women that go through postpartum depression are more likely to
have MLC's and depression later in life too.
Please keep posting on your thread and sharing your story here.
You have posted it on other peoples threads but for transparency
it is a great idea to put some of it here too.
Gottman talks about the immune system in unhappy marriages extensively. And my wife went through a risk of cervical cancer. Blamed me for every part of it.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't have those thoughts occasionally. Still, life is pretty good right now. We go for walks, we hold hands, and this year is our 30th anniversary. We've made it through all this so I think we'll be ok. I tell her all the time that if I die first that the last thing I want my eyes to gaze upon before I leave this life is her face.
Tx, if you dont mind a question...since you two have been working things out, how would you describe the intimacy.
Holding hands and taking walks is part of it, but what about emotional closeness, sharing, sex? From what i am finding is that more times than not, after affair recovery, this new relationship never really goes back to a physical one. I think i recall one of starsky's posts indicating that the SSM issue never was resolved even after they have reconciled all those years ago.
I have been trying to get candit responses on this and it seems like men do not want to share for whatever reason. I will gladly stand down if you are uncomfortable with this topic or say that it is none of my business.
Thank you for sharing, and also for your perspective on so many of these threads, i really do enjoy your point of view and your matter of factness
Not to hijack, but it does help to answer the question. How candid do you want?
It took a while (about a month to two months) for us to get comfortable with the idea. However, the intimacy is much more improved (frequency, intensity, creativity..., etc). Right now it's at a lull just because she's pregnant and scared something will go wrong, BUT we have openly discussed and check in about it.
Perhaps it depends on the cause of the SSM. In our case, it stemmed from lack of connection, resentment, and poor communication. Not so much LL.
To get through things with some humor,
when the cancer prognosis came in she was like "oh great, we just start to recover from my stupidity and now God is going to kill me as punishment for what I did." I told her I don't think God works that way.
Thanks for answering this.
I seem to see many people that go through this process get hit with all sorts of disease.
Some of my research shows that stress and the changes that occur to your body during this time make us susceptible to disease.
For some reason(maybe hormones) the bodies weakest links are attacked during midlife.
My knee was bad during high school and college.
So was my ankle and shoulder, wouldn't you know that now those are all
the problems that I have are in those parts of my body.
Those women that go through postpartum depression are more likely to
have MLC's and depression later in life too.
Please keep posting on your thread and sharing your story here.
You have posted it on other peoples threads but for transparency
it is a great idea to put some of it here too.
Just diagnosed with a chronic pain condition and arthritis. I don't doubt for a second that it has a lot to do with the stress levels I've endured for the last 2 years.
Just diagnosed with a chronic pain condition and arthritis.
I don't doubt for a second that it has a lot to do with the stress levels I've endured for the last 2 years.
Sounds like priority #1 is to reduce your stress.
My cholesterol shot up by 100 points due to stress,
the first suggestion for high cholesterol is to reduce stress.
That worked for me and I did not have to go on meds.
TXHubby
Thank you for sharing your story. I find hope in it and that is the one thing I need in my life more than anything else right now.
LiM
Tx - knowing what you know now - if you could elect to NOT read those emails or NOT know the sordid details, would you?
In my case, I strongly believe I've gotten TT and that's where she wants it to stay. My imagination is wild without knowing, and the little details that I *do* know are troubling enough.
So I'm torn between wanting to know and not wanting to know.
I guess only I can be the judge of that.
TxHubby,
Wow is all I can say. You are an inspiration.
A lot of times I feel that if I did move and co-parent to the city my W lives in that we would have a friendship and be great co-parents to our boys.
Emotionally I am not sure I am strong enough to bear the fact that W is dating. She says "who would date a mom with 5 boys?", well I am sure some screwed up guy would.
If I moved up to her city I would definitely meet the list of items she requested and would develop a friendship but I know her well enough that everything would be on her terms and she would not respect my boundaries.
She has been checked out since July of 2015. I know she has not hit rock bottom. My question is do I stay where I am or do I take the chance and move like she has asked so we can coparent?
That is a tough question. Let me say this. At the time I had to know everything. When I did it made me want to die. I was absolutely crushed. I literally could not believe that my beloved wife could ever say such things. I prayed for God to stop my heart so I could end the pain. I used a lot of booze and a lot of vicodin to medicate that pain.
I guess I have to ask what more did I gain by reading those emails? The answer is nothing. You could say "the truth, the whole truth" but really I knew the gist of everything that had transpired. Knowing every intimate detail did nothing to aid in getting through it. If anything, it made it worse.
Here's why. It's not really them during that period. You can't believe the things that they said to your or to their AP. They were really screwed up and not acting rationally. They were more confused than we (the betrayed spouses) were. They had taken leave of their senses. My wife today beats herself up more about those things than anyone else does. I've forgotten about that stuff for the most part. I rarely think about the emails anymore and when I do I do it knowing that those words weren't hers, they were that version of her. The broken version. It kills her that I know these things. I honestly wish I didn't. What does it matter if I knew everything or not? It doesn't.
If your wife is truly remorseful and you're working on fixing your R then you really do need to put it behind you. Now, the hardcore groups from some other sites will attack me for saying that. They would accuse me of rug sweeping. I'm not. What I'm doing is healing. Sitting around thinking about the things she said to AP during the A is not healing. That no longer matters in our lives. Once you forgive, you have to forget. If not then you'll never truly heal and the M probably won't last the long haul. For better, for worse. We've done a lot of worse in the last few years. I'm looking forward to better.
BTW, there are some other almost dangerous sites when it comes to fixing M's. Some of the hardcore people I talked about, remember that they're all divorced, extremely bitter, and live on those sites 24/7 pain shopping. Their first word to everyone coming there seeking help is "DIVORCE!!!" Stay away from them.
All I know at this point is that she is on a high. She is seeing friends and getting a lot of attention from men and she is on an online dating website.
She was brutally honest with me and said she is dating one person and it has only been dinner and coffee. She said she wasn't going to lie to me and I don't think she is.
She does not want to work on the M. She wants us to be great co-parents living in Toronto. The problem is we will take a huge financial hit because we will be in a city that is 25% more expensive than the suburbs of Michigan.
In February she said she wanted to reconcile and I took that as saving the M. She later stated that I took too long to dismiss the D and as part of my negotiations with her gave her S2 to parent. She never has come back to Michigan so the brothers can have some time together.
I was going down the path of being her friend and had my move all set up to transfer and then we went into a discussion that swirled into an argument for 3 hours. She kept saying she still wanted a D. Well for me I saw no reason to move up there then. I cancelled my transfer and she freaked. She has now filed and we are back in the D process and going to let the judge decide.
I don't care about the A she is having but I just don't see the point in moving if she doesn't want to work on the MR. One of us will get the short end of the stick and have little time with the boys and I am ok with that. She was even willing to go 50-50 custody with me if I moved there. But her actions do not show me that she wants to be in a M.
I am sure you have read all of this stuff before on my threads. 5 small boys between the ages of 7 and 2 make it difficult to do much. I am sure she will find a way to GAL up there even if she has the boys. I have some friends there but I was all gung ho to move if we were a family of 7. She just could not wait and a silly argument and a knee jerk reaction blew this all out of proportion and here I am.
If your wife is truly remorseful and you're working on fixing your R then you really do need to put it behind you. Now, the hardcore groups from some other sites will attack me for saying that. They would accuse me of rug sweeping. I'm not. What I'm doing is healing. Sitting around thinking about the things she said to AP during the A is not healing. That no longer matters in our lives. Once you forgive, you have to forget. If not then you'll never truly heal and the M probably won't last the long haul. For better, for worse. We've done a lot of worse in the last few years. I'm looking forward to better.
BTW, there are some other almost dangerous sites when it comes to fixing M's. Some of the hardcore people I talked about, remember that they're all divorced, extremely bitter, and live on those sites 24/7 pain shopping. Their first word to everyone coming there seeking help is "DIVORCE!!!" Stay away from them.
TxHubby, thank you so much. You've probably just saved me a heartload of trouble and more. Those other sites, I know them well, and they confuse me. One person told me to go "scorched earth" and tell everyone. Now, had I done that in the beginning, the devastation would've probably led my wife to suicide. When I mentioned that, one person said, "its not your fault they screwed around". I mean, this is the mother of my children, I don't want to be responsible for her death!!
The mind movies are bad enough without me adding to them actual facts. For all I know, the facts aren't even half as bad as what I think happened.
I don't wanna know. I just wanna move forward. I've spent too many weeks digging up dirt on the OM and his W - time that could've been spent constructively rebuilding my marriage.
I took a vow, like you, better or worse. Most of my family and friends are astounded I let her back in the house and want to work on the marriage. Screw them, I say, because they don't know her like I do. We will be celebrating nearly 30 years together as well. I'm in it to win it. She has shown remorse, and yeah, that rugsweeping comment always comes to mind. But is it, really? We've talked about it so many times, its annoying now. The word "affair" bothers me. Should I bring that up all the time? No. I can't keep opening up that wound daily, because they take too long.
The woman loves me. She knows she screwed up. She knows if it happens again, things will not be good. She initiated therapy, and is seeing changes in me that are positive. We are open in our communication in a way we haven't been in the last 25 years.
I think its worth the hard work.
I'm still doing the work myself. We're just a little further along the line. What helps is that my W's sanity is back. You'll know that when your W can't believe how she was acting and actually beats herself up over it worse than you do (which should be not at all).
As the betrayed spouse will it seem sometimes like you have to eat too much sh*t in order to put it behind you and heal? Yes, those days will hit you where you're both having to work hard because of what she did. It will feel unfair. The thing is, that's when you and I and all of us (be it men or women) have to man up, swallow that sh*t sandwich and learn to develop a taste for it. We're strong enough. Look at what we've survived? Does that mean we're doormats? Absolutely not. If my wife were to violate our agreed upon boundaries I'd walk in a second and wouldn't look back. Now I know I can. I love her with all my heart. I don't check her phone or email even though she's completely open and tells me I can. I refuse to live like that. If I thought I needed to regularly check those things then I would divorce her and move on. You're either all in or all out. You can't half a$$ it.
Hey TX, wanted to check your sitch, thanks for sharing. Hope all is well.