Moving abroad in 4 days. Hope this new thread will have the clarity I am looking for.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...113#Post2596113Old thread
Good luck! I pray that is true.
Safe travels Smoth! May you find both peace and clarity by the end of this thread.
Let us know when you get there and get settled.
PP
morning Smoth,
why? you ask. I think it is like I said before - he is peaking too. its the same behaviour he has exhibited before, its just magnified. You handled it very well. Keep your cool.
To you: re: why is he acting like this etc.
what answer would you be satisfied with? what would you do then?
I think this is just part of the feelings -> values conflict we have been discussing. He does have deliberate motivation, albeit subconscious he needs your reaction, your part in this, in order to justify his behaviour of pursuing D, OW. Whether it be to validate himself as the victim or the wonderful man who can smooth over a D.
You want and maybe he can be steered away from D here. He knows it is wrong but he is holding his ground and sticking to it anyway. Maybe "just the right words" will move him. doubtful. maybe just the right action will. closer to the truth maybe. Now this is peaking because he also see you getting on that plane and leaving as "the end".
So what can you do?
sadly, I suspect nothing. what you have been doing along, light and breezy. the conversation you have just now put off until a more appropriate time to talk about it - this is the perfect example. He is hovering. he holds out a branch to you but as soon as you move your arm to touch it, he withdraws and everything he says and interprets comes from a place of serving his own agenda of justifying his behaviour. He has to get out of that place himself I suppose.
I get into this mess too. At 1st it was second to second, there was no other thought, then minute by minute, hour by hour. Now it is more "manageable" - it is still several times per hour though. BUT, big difference is that I hardly even have to question now - is it worth me sending, saying, asking, telling. Since BD I have "tried" to constrain myself by asking "What will I achieve", to which the answer has always been "nothing" when it comes to any discussion involving R and more importantly the 2nd question which has been much more enlightening to answer - "What do i WANT to achieve?".
for e.g. he was suicidal at Xmas time
your response - sorry (OK fair enough, validating)
- so was I (why say this. what will you achieve and what do you hope to achieve)
will he recognise that you were hurting too, and he caused it, or will he do what my W does and turn it around that I created this situation, she is humbly euthanising the M, the martyr, the hero. Do you want to make him feel bad even if he does accept the blame? Isn't this what he complained about before - albeit this was exaggerated crap anyway.
Also - what is his motivation? all discussed above.
maybe you should even ask him this "Why do you want to discuss this, again. What outcome would you be satisfied with?"
Logged on the computer this morning to print off e tickets etc. saw gmail to OW2 I f***ing love you xxxx! Wow how that hurt seeing that.
When will it stop hurting discovery more 'truths' from the lies H has told me. Ie only sex, friends. Keeping believe nothing and half of what they say at the back of my mind doesn't soothe anything.
Py, good suggestion. I only know I want to leave with the truth and some clarity of why H would throw away 20 years M so easily. What we all want I suppose. This eats at me when I think. This is partly why I am keen to allow H to discuss.
No where detached as everything H does/ don't do still on my mind.
Smothy, you might not get that darling. I'm sorry. Firstly, there is a good chance he doesn't even know. If he does come p with something it will almost certainly be so jaded by this "fog" that he is in that it isn't worth listening too. 3rdly, you might never get it. You might never get a reason, let alone a good reason. You might never hear heartfelt sorry for anything more than "getting caught" so to speak. He will likely never be remorseful and regret it. its [censored], it hurts, and it aint going to go away for a long time.
All of that said, the fact that you saw "i love you" email, and H was lying, is really no surprise. Again, sorry, it [censored]. That is who he is right now. I wanted to believe early on that my W would be different. I knew her after all. Those other people I read about, my W could not be like that. But she has actually proved herself to be worse!! It's her right to [censored] whoever she likes in our house when I'm not there. It's her right to introduce whoever she wants to our kids etc.
It just makes your head spin that 1. people can do this ib the first place. 2. they can look you in the eye and outright lie 3. why? who, what and why are you lying to protect.it just doesn't make any sense, on any level,, from any perspective.
Another evening of more conversation. Started with H looking through the mortgage payments. H said that why did it take me to realise he was going to walk, for me to change. Why didn't I do this 5 years earlier. I knew I didn't like the arguments, shouting etc and I still comtinued to do this. I said that I made changes in this area. H said he doesn't believe the changes I made a few years ago and now.
Said OW1 and OW2 are just friends. I validated and agreed that this was my aha moment. Said that H didnt make it clear what he terms my emotional abuse and bullying. Said it took him months to get over that and what happened with OM. Said he did tell me but I didn't listen. I guess I didn't.
He will always love me but we would never be together In that way again. Gave me some details about OWs and said that he only told them he loves them in a way friends do. (I did not give him details how I knew). Said Ow2 will never leave her partner. said that he loves them as they made him valuable and accepted. Said that I was to blame for the demise of M. I said I take 50% of the responsibility for all the [censored] he put me through I did it for 'better and worse'.
Said he still doesn't trust me and feels that I will become 'abusive' to him again.
said loads of things I shouldn't of, and not the things I should.
Said that whenever I made him feel valuable and accepted, I would then argue with him a bit later. Said I should know as a teacher that saying positive things then negative, people only remember the negative.
Logged on the computer this morning to print off e tickets etc. saw gmail to OW2 I f***ing love you xxxx! Wow how that hurt seeing that.
When will it stop hurting discovery more 'truths' from the lies H has told me. Ie only sex, friends. Keeping believe nothing and half of what they say at the back of my mind doesn't soothe anything.
Maybe it won't ever stop. We'll think it will stop, and then they'll go and prove us wrong. It will diminish. There is a commonly spoken saying that it takes as long to get over an R as you were in it. Not backed up by any studies I know of, but just from anecdotal evidence, I'd say there is some truth to it. Of course, there are people who never drop the rope, and those who work through this and face the actual pain and emotions of the sitch. The latter do get better faster than those who just run and distract themselves to avoid dealing w/ the pain. You clearly fall in the stand, face, and deal w/ it category.
Definitely a punch in the gut. Sorry for you & hope this particular hurt dissipates quickly.
Good travels.
Another evening of more conversation. Started with H looking through the mortgage payments. H said that why did it take me to realise he was going to walk, for me to change. Why didn't I do this 5 years earlier. I knew I didn't like the arguments, shouting etc and I still comtinued to do this. I said that I made changes in this area. H said he doesn't believe the changes I made a few years ago and now.
Said OW1 and OW2 are just friends. I validated and agreed that this was my aha moment. Said that H didnt make it clear what he terms my emotional abuse and bullying. Said it took him months to get over that and what happened with OM. Said he did tell me but I didn't listen. I guess I didn't.
He will always love me but we would never be together In that way again. Gave me some details about OWs and said that he only told them he loves them in a way friends do. (I did not give him details how I knew). Said Ow2 will never leave her partner. said that he loves them as they made him valuable and accepted. Said that I was to blame for the demise of M. I said I take 50% of the responsibility for all the [censored] he put me through I did it for 'better and worse'.
Said he still doesn't trust me and feels that I will become 'abusive' to him again.
said loads of things I shouldn't of, and not the things I should.
Smothy, none of this really matters but I have to share this story.
One time I was interviewing with a high up manager for a prestigious spot. He was a total ball buster in the interview. He kept asking these questions that were designed to make me feel insufficient, defensive, or inadequate.
Now, I am a superstar. I can't say for a fact that there can't possibly be a better qualified candidate, but it was an internal interview and I was far and away the best of everyone else I knew had applied, in fact in a league of my own. Still, he kept trying to undermine my confidence with these bizarre and extreme challenging questions. He might as well have asked "Have you ever climbed mount Everest? Can you hold your breathe 30 minutes?" I mean, they were impossible and irrelevant.
At first it worked, it kind of rattled me...then I realized something- I don't have to be perfect to get the job, I just have to be the best qualified candidate. Because there was no way he had another candidate interviewing that could answer all his questions the way he was implying he wanted them answered. I remember basically telling him that. I didn't say "Hey, I haven't done all that bs, and if you are comparing me to an imaginary candidate that has done all of that then I guess I'm not going to measure up, but if you're going to compare me with other interested applicants that actually applied for this position, I think I'll stack up pretty well and have a lot to offer". Again, I said it without saying it.
Why do I bring this up? Your WAH is right. You have room to grow. You're not perfect. You have probably been unpleasant, controlling, argumentative, and diminishing at times. I can understand his desire for someone that is supportive, accepting, and sexy while we're at it...but here's the thing...as long as he's comparing you to this idealistic notion of what his dream woman would look like you're never going to measure up...BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T EXIST! And while you are doing well to step up your game and become a wife only a fool would leave, you'll never be perfect and nothing you did justifies his behavior.
The idea of comparing your spouse, evaluating them, then firing them if they don't live up to your standards...that's not exactly taught in "being a good spouse 101". So while there is always a grain of truth in the feedback and I'm glad you're willing to filter his spew and look at what YOU feel applies for YOU, don't let it hurt that he's upset you're human. And while you're a flawed human, YOU DIDN'T WALK. That counts for something...like everything. How much good will it do him to find some woman that he believes is perfect, until the honeymoon is over, only for her to BD him 5 years later and list his imperfections and how she deserves better...good luck to him!
Love your progress, even when you feel like you're backsliding your progressing because you wouldn't have known this 6 months ago. Keep going!
PS- I got the *#&(& job
Love your progress, even when you feel like you're backsliding your progressing because you wouldn't have known this 6 months ago. Keep going!
Hi Smothy,
I’m just swinging by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Wow, Zues nailed it spot-on!!
Hang in there . . . you will make it.
Bob
So, you're 50% to blame? So, who's responsible for the other 50%? Oh yeah, that'll be right, it's you H. Boo hoo for H. Start talking, stop fighting Smoothy's H!
I posted this on Py's LBS thread.
Py, I don't believe the 11th hour reprieve either. H made it very clear last night that he see no changes, demise of M my fault.
I have spent the last few nights tearful. Beginning to realise that for me trying to hold on is causing me more pain. I have this thought in my head on Friday, when I get on that plane that I will be letting go completely. Yes, it will hurt but I think for my own sanity I need to do this.
I was foolish in believing that being back may help that was why I was scared to rock the boat. Since I have been back, H has given me lies on lies. I have sometimes been too reactive and given H more justification for D. Last night was a prime example.
I am beginning to think too much damage has been done now for us to try and mend this.
Thank you, Bob for your thoughts and prayers.
You always give me a smile!
Zues, Well done on the job ;-) I liked your story.
Definitely agree that progress has been made. I am feeling low and tearful, but no where near the state I was before where I was filled with an overwhelming sense of anxiety.
I can see that I will be ok, and in a way beginning to see how unhealthy our M was.
H says he is not looking for a R with someone new right now and OWs gives him the comfort and support he needs. He just knows he doesn't want me and our M and my bullying behaviour.
I am perplexed at how H keeps coming back to this. H said he was to scared to challenge my behaviour when I asked him why did he not let me know. Said I should of known as all my friends could see this and even a friend told him to give me a 'good slap'. Said to me if a good friend says that about you, what does it say about you as a person.
Can't believe he is using my friend's comments as justification for a D.
Just another warped comment from his mind. He's still conflicted. What's the betting he has a change of mind on Friday?
Hey Smothy,
you/we really need to stop trying to make sense of this behaviour. They are crazy. This is another way of looking what I have been talking about. For me, the process of thinking myself out of a rut, thinking about what I have and what I might have, and then thinking about "OW".
In my relatively lame, pathetic case, I feel bad. It is challenging to stay with this thought process once I get to this point of thinking about OW. Let alone actually think about OW. The guilt is on several levels. BUT - I can tell myself at least that hey. My W fired me in Jan. This helps but by no means fixes my problem.
So - for them - the WASs, this conflict must be astronomical! So much so that I think us trying to rationalise it WHAT they say - is just a waste of time. I think this the real take home message of "nothing of what you hear and 1/2 of what you see".
what he says about you, your role - you have already taken what you need. For the most part it is just [censored] anyway. Leave it where it belongs.
It would be interesting to know how these WASs end up. I can't fathom how they can continue this way. But then again, I have known a few and they seem to be resolute that their behaviour was rational, the situation was irrational. There is some truth to that perspective I suppose.
I suspect they end up all sorts of ways. As many as us LBSs even. I do feel compassionate for my W sometimes that she doesn't even know how she is damaging herself, her karma. But the reality is that there is no reason for me to believe that she will do anything other than enjoy the rest of her life to the fullest. I should be equally as compassionate and grateful should this be the case. truthfully, this hurts. More so than the alternative that she will regret this etc. This is yet another hurdle.
Look after you. Fort him for now. You need a break. Come back to it when you are stronger, more detached, etc. BTW - even his comments "that you haven't changed", amidst his "we're just friends" but we [censored] and say I love you - this is just childish bullshit. a writer in a movie would garner this exact relationship conversation to demonstrate what a deranged idiot the other person is. Smoth - don't listen to him!!
-Py
Very low key today, went out for the day with a friend. Came back and for the first time H did not ask where I was or how was my day.
He went into his room to 'work' and I went to pack. Civil so all is good. Did not think of situation or H while out, really took it off my mind :-)
friend wants 'more' but told him I am not in that place and this is all I can give him.
all really good - until last sentence - bummer Smoth. you've got enough on your plate to not even need bother with fending them off. Keep on with the PMA.
Very low key today, went out for the day with a friend. Came back and for the first time H did not ask where I was or how was my day.
He went into his room to 'work' and I went to pack. Civil so all is good. Did not think of situation or H while out, really took it off my mind :-)
friend wants 'more' but told him I am not in that place and this is all I can give him.
Stinks you need to beat the fellas off with a stick, but take that as a compliment and let it bolster your confidence.
NO. Do not go there. That is a distraction you don't need right now.
I know. Another weird evening. Had a pleasing last evening meal together. DS is not home tomorrow. H was very complimentary. Went into the hot tub and said that I looked beautiful, had a lovely body etc. quite a poignant evening as I said to H this will be the last item we do this together. held each other and said our goodbyes.
Prob. get a lot of flack for this. I felt it was what I needed to do. We had a cuddle and kiss before H went to bed. Spoke about how he feels for OW2. H said it is not what he wants right now and does not want her to leave her partner. Said he thinks I am beautiful etc. H was staring at me all through out the time we were I the hot tub. Acted all breezy antd light.
We held each other for a while and it felt right but I pulled away. Very tempted to go to him tonight but know I mustn't. With the added complications of friend wanting to take me to airport too to say goodbye,
I think you need a vet. This is getting far too complex. You need to get away from that 'friend' for now.
vipashana Smoth. extended periods of meditation and NO talking, NO contact, with anyone - retreat. things are just getting way too touchy/feely all over the place. it has been quite a while since you have commented on anything that is not EXTERNAL, and externals are/should be irrelevant to your own PMA.
centre and re-centre on you. focus on your breath. then on the wind. then on the birds. then back to the centre. to you. fid your centre. recognise these externals. and see them for what they are. they will come and go.and they do, with every post you make there is a new reason for you to ask how should I feel, what should I do. you will always be you. your perception of these externals can take any form you let them. dont let them deter you. You are strong. You have your own agenda. Stick to where you want to go and use these externals to reaffirm that. You ask these questions, but you already know the answer. trust yourself.
cryptic enough?
(sorry, late, tired, d4 is quite the motional handful right now, i'm just an idiot anyway, blah, blah, blah)
Last evening in the UK. Went for a meal with H. Light and breezy. Ordered wine and H said to let my 'wife' taste it. Oh how we read so much into these interactions. Pleasant and not touchy-feely like the other night.
Spoke to friend on the phone when we got back, H fell asleep on the sofa, said goodnight and went to our respective rooms. So hard not to feel a little disappointed with this. Even though I though, I know I should I have no expectations.
Thank you, Py. Will get back media takin. Have neglected this recently.
One thing I learnt recently is, breathe in think calm your body, breathe out, smile.
It works every time.
Excellent (((Smothy))) I like it - it does work!
At my new work place abroad. Text H and Ds to say I arrived. How much communication should I give H. DB coach says reciprocate and keep on friendly terms, ok to email. What do we think on this?
I'm sure your coach knows best, but I would work on the basis of reciprocate but not initiate. If your H doesn't respond to your 'arrival' message, maybe leave it a while and just enjoy settling in.
With my H there's very little contact, but I tend to initiate a little something every month or so if I haven't heard from him.
I have been responding to H's text and has spent about 1 Hr Chatting. Said he missed talking to me. Kept it light and we had a good conversation. Ended thisas soon as another text camee through and H said ' well you got other people to speak to'.
Was pleasant,. Feel less anxious and have spent very minimal time thinking of H today until he called.
Said he missed me!!!!
Not sure how I should respond to that. More mixed messages from H.
I don't know. That sounds a bit like reaching out. Is the D still on the table? What about OW1/2? Issues need resolving first, but, I don't see too much harm in being a bit vague.
hey Smoth, after 4AM here. Beat with not sleeping crap. congrats on landing. Buddy's post sums it up!!!!! where is the 180 you promised! every post sounds the same, how am i gonna save this M? 180 for you god dammit!!!! R can come as it will. you're open to it, not waiting. you are more than waiting right now - you are hanging on every sentence. 2*4!!!! Move forward!!!!
don't respond. you've entertained him long enough. he is free to pursue you.
Py's right. He has to do the work. You've let him know your feelings, he has to want it to.
Yes, yep to Py and Huddy's comments. Let H come to you.
H text goodnight x x then 3 hours later just another 'x'.
Text and asked me about apartment. DB coach said I should reciprocate. I am not texting him first, just responding to what he says.
Smoth,
the last few posts on my thread might be intersting for you. they are about deciding when to move on. In the long post by Asitis he basically summaries it.
-Py
Well, you're coach probably knows more than me but surely he has to take the D off the table first?
Don't respond to everything. He is could just be testing to see if he can get you back where he wants you. If it is really a necessary communication respond. If it is not, you decide.
And remember that you are GALing, so delays should be something he gets used to. Also, I'm not telling you to lie, but if you are out doing something GAL, a little "Sorry I was out w/ friends and didn't see this." Or "Had plans & was running a bit late so I couldn't look at this until now." Doesn't have to be plans with friends, but if you have plans for something, you had plans. Also, sometimes apologize for the delay, but other times, just matter of fact. You don't want to have him thinking you feel obliged to get right back to him, it is just something polite you say every now and then when you are in the mood.
If it is just him expressing well wishes or love, those don't require a response at all. He is just expressing himself. Of course he is fishing for a response in kind, but let him keep fishing esp. mostly. An occasional thanks or 'thanks, I'm doing well' or 'thanks I'll do that' depending on the message content is fine. But he has left & filed, and it is time to realize better what that life is going to be like.
Smothy Darling,
how are you going? You have been in your new post for a while now and we haven't heard anything about it. Where are you? Where arroyo staying? How is the job? How are the people, the food, the weather ?
I sense an anxiety from your posts, and repeated posts. Not a frantic, panicked, re-actionary anxiety, but a deep anxiety that has been there for so long that it is the new norm for you and everything is coming from there. How to escape this, I can't tell you but you have been "better" than this. Remember?
From a non-DB, bystanders POV, you're H wanted D and filed. You were served and attended court. You have moved OS again. The rest is circumstantial, comments to-and-fro are just day-to-day rigmarole. His mixed signals are not surprising and don't reflect anything other than his own selfish agenda.
IF, IF your H truly changes his mind and wants to R - you are NOT going to miss it. He has to want it so much, and be so remorseful that if you flat out ignore his texts, he tries again and again and again. He calls you crying and begs for you.
That is probably not going to happen and/or work. You have gone past that I think. IF this were to happen I wager that immediately you will be so relieved that you fall into his arms and for a while think everything is OK again. In 6 months you will be free from this grief, you will be angry, renew your anger and being selfishly evaluating the M.
Look at the people here who have R'ed. Piecing back together the R is the hardest part.
For the sake of ANY, best future you have to let this M die. You can be friendly and open to R. But don't yearn for it. It won't help you now or later. It won't help your chances of getting R attempt or achieving it. Let the M die. Be friendly if you like. If romance springs from that friendship then so be it. Then before a NEW R can be formed from this new budding romance, all of this [censored] will need to be sorted, the reconciliation part.
Alternatively, IF he were to crack now and call you and convince you he is remorseful etc and wants to try R, can you really just jump straight back in? Honestly, laying in bed with him and his phone buzzes at midnight. You call the office but they haven't heard from him today. How much do you trust him now? How much do you trust his (vocalised) commitment? You though he was committed before didn't you? And look what he did? And he lied through teeth about it. Is he the person now that you have thought he was for 20 years?
My point is that in either case you are effectively starting from scratch again. I acknowledge for myself, that if I was in your shoes, and basically still begging for his return now I would be drowned by all these trust issues I mentioned. On top of that I would then have to deal with all of her flaws/role in the R that have to be addressed. I can see a possibility of 6 months in admitting - "I can't do this". Then I would be the WAS. I would be sorry that I tried so hard to get her back, only to end it again. Maybe this would be sweet revenge. Is this what you are after?
Are you sure you want a R with this man, or do you just want your old life back? Think carefully about this! And you can't while you are clinging to your old life. It would complicate things if your son was younger, but he is an adult now.
I ask again because I think it is important - Are you sure you want a R with this man, or do you just want your old life back?
-Py
Py, absolute manic and busy here, induction for us and the kids with no internet in apartment. Will post and give update soon.
Thank you to everyone who has posted. H is texting daily ATM. Just asking about my new place etc. I am not answering all the texts and waiting at least 24hrs before I reply.
smoth,
what age kids? locals or what? why do they need induction?
www is hassle so i am happy to wait.
smoth, i hope you know I love you, and all i want is for you to be cler of this [censored]. So please, at he risk of flying in the face-off DB coach (quo bono?), please for your sake, rather than bravely not responding to his texts. just don't. they are not priority.
Py is a bigger priority than you H. He cares. OK this is a stretch --- but my point is that YOU are a bigger priority. I was at shrink yesterday re:parenting of d4. IDK that there is anything really wrong with her, I dont' think there is, but my point is that yet again IC presented me with task. task was to evaluate how I value/nurtutre myself. Again, point is that all nurturing stem from there.
So are you nurturing yourself - or - as i read it putting yourself last.
(((Smothy)))
Pyrite,
Your post above really rings a bell with me right now. This is something that I have been playing over and over in my heard. Am I so focused on getting my WW back that I may fail to see that the M is doomed. I agree with you that the best way to handle this is to let the M die and if romance blossoms out of an R so be it. You have done a great job of putting this into words. I needed to read this. Thank you
Hey Why,
Cool name.
This was just an intermediate post, the real goss is on my thread, or see Zeus, or Vanilla, or much wiser people than I.
I will look you up now, but you know what - the short answer is the same as the answer you have heard all along. YOU!!! You have no control over anyone else, you never did. Without even knowing your sitch I can say with certainty that ALL of this will proceed with less pain, more grace and dignity if you my friend focus on YOU.
Personally, I am [censored] up man. Saw an IC yesterday re:parenting young kids. No real problem but d4 is very reserved and IC's are my life now. Better to be informed than not you know. Anyway, IC gave ME sheet to look at for consideration. the modern father. Self -> partner-provider-parent. The point being that SELF is actually very important, no brainer. I denied it for years, but look where I am
Hi All, I am in a country where it is very difficult to get any internet without it being censored. Think Far East. Even with a VPN every thing is sporadic, no google, FB etc.
Py, your words about letting my M die is going round my head. I know this is what I need to do. It took me a while to not look at his FB last time I was OS so I know I can do it. Feel better with the space between us.
Huddy, H is still texting OWs and D is still on the table.
Py, I am going to catch up on your other thread while I have the chance, ie internet is working ;-)
Very proud of myself, FT DS and did not ask about H.
Usually, I ask him where his dad is what is he doing etc. small steps.
Can't sleep tonight as I am conflicted about the advice given here and what my DB coach has said. however, I have read the advice on Huddy's thread and know that I must follow that advice too. This is what I wrote there;
Huddy, all the advice about letting go and not hanging onto every word replies to me too. Prior to reading this I was uncertain about releasing more funds for my solicitors (lawyers) to proceed to court for the financial order.
I now see this is what I must do rather than waiting to see what his next move is before mine. The post is right about our actions shouldn't be dictated by what we think our WAS will/ not do.
This is hard, my resolve crumbles so easily from any indication that I may 'see' as H changing his mind.
hey Smoth,
I don't see it as contradictory advice. Be light and breezy, be friends. You;re underlying attitude should not be dominated by "what outcome am i going to get if I do A or B?" Your H IS not going to change his mind based on a reply to a text or a cleverly worded email that YOU have concocted. He is going to change HIS mind, by himself. Granted, you are a "feature" in his existence that might contribute t o this, but it will be your L&B demeanour which accomplishes this. And your demeanour is not genuinely L&B (as in for your own sake), it is forced to solicit a particular response.
Give up on soliciting a response per text. Live your life. Live it well. If he changes his mind you are NOT going to miss it, corollary you are NOT going to see it while you are so hooked on it.
OK DR says "watch", but I dont think that applies to us , or you, and certainly not on an hourly/daily basis.
This M, you, are on your deathbed. Go to the light Smothy. On the outside your resistance is seen in the living world as coughing and spluttering and an ugly death. Go to the light. Who knows, maybe it is true, maybe people have returned from that place, reborn, reinvigorated. IF not you get to stay there. Easier said than done, but lets aim for something like this.
hey,
maybe it was elsewhere that I posted this but honestly, I think the old saying:
"believe nothing of what you hear, and 1/2 of what you hear"
should be re-interpreted. nothing you hear ..... is relevant anyway, so dont listen FOR it. certainly dont anticipate it.
Thanks, Pyrite. I have sent an email to H regarding the payment of the solicitors for the next stage of the financial order. I was reluctant to send it initially as H always thought I was controlling everything. I like to see this step as me taking and accepting that my old M is dead and am moving forward.
The solicitors is refusing to send out the draft report without the preliminary payment, which is fair enough.
Py, one of the things I am worried about if I am no longer 'a feature' in his life in terms of contact. I am worried that 'out of sight out of mind' is the way H will go :-(
Py, one of the things I am worried about if I am no longer 'a feature' in his life in terms of contact. I am worried that 'out of sight out of mind' is the way H will go :-(
Nope. Not the case at all. If you are CONSTANTLY in H's face, he'll have no opportunity to see what it would be like without you. Your goal is not to be too available to H.
You know the push-pull dance. I am sure you've read that thread from Cadet's welcome post. When one goes away, then other person pursues to check if the person is still there. I've faced this dance with my hot new girl. It is human nature. The key is to be mindful of the dynamics and you'll do fine.
H needs to realise, once and for all, what he's going to lose. I don't know you, you've made mistakes, but you are genuine and a grafter. Now is the time for H to look in his glass, realise it's full of cream and he needs to ditch the whey that is clouding his judgement.
He needs to take the D off the table, and stop seeing OW, before the next smoothy chat.
How's the far east by the way?
H has text back to say 'fine' to take money out of the joint account to pay the solicitors and asked whether I can sort out my end.
Huddy, new job is very hectic and busy. Making new friends and GAL here. Obviously, H isn't aware of this.
Wonka, thank for that reassurance, I had a F U moment towards H, thinking it wouldn't be so easy for him if he didn't have his OW1 and 2 to text/ see every day.
Should I sort out the payment at 'my end' to let H see I am accepting and moving forward or should I let him know if he could sort out in the UK?
My solicitors know that I am in no hurry.
Been over 2 weeks in and have stopped all contact with H unless it is about finances. I haven't paid solicitors yet but will do so.
Reading Sandis LBH thread. I wished I read this earlier, never thought H was a WH until I got back to the UK. I always felt it was because of my 'issues'
Beginning to see what you have all been saying, Pyrite, Huddy. I need him to miss me and see what he will lose. I can't say that I don't feel some anxiety about that. What if H never does? I know that it wouldn't of been so easy for him to let me go if it wasn't for his daily fix from OW.
If he doesn't it will.be his loss. It may take longer with OW but I think you are on track. Even if he stays blinded you know it is the best option for you and also best chance for ye. Time will tell. Good luck
hey beautiful, long time no see xxx.
Smoth, without OW I dare say it would have been impossible for him. You are without a doubt the stronger of you two, a strong woman, and with all you have put YOURSELF through, super human.
Let go darling. It will set you free. free to choose and not be driven.
-Py
What if H never does? I know that it wouldn't of been so easy for him to let me go if it wasn't for his daily fix from OW.
He might. He might not. But thinking you have any level of control over it will drive you crazy. What he will do is what he will do.
Thank you, Py. you know how to make me feel better about the course of action I should take. H text me today asking for the address to send my Nephew a B'day card which I asked if he would do with a present. He has sent things to this address before.
still mind reading, thinking he is using this as a tactic to contact me. It's so difficult not to place any emphasis on what they do.
Azzork, you are so right ruminating thinking of any thing connected to him is driving me crazy. I am using the STOP sign technique any useful tips?
he might be. who knows? who cares? he's going to have to do more than that to spark any reaction from you right? its difficult, but it gets easier. and i think it is necessary for you to one day not care genuinely. i.e. suppose he...... says sorry Smothy, I want you back.
While you are where you at now - you would dive into his arms with a sigh of relief that you can start putting it behind you. out of desperation. this is not a healthy beginning.
In my opinion at least, I think you need to get to a point where you can enter into a possible R with open eyes, not clouded by this grief you are still running from.
i sense that you haven't really accepted this yet Smoth, and the mind reading is a symptom. You have to accept that this is your new life. It sux. we didn't choose it. but thats what we have. then you can start to let go.
meditate, focus on wishing him happiness, in whatever form he wants. is this not the love you feel for your son. focus on feeling compassion for yourself and forgiveness and happiness the same way. but don't get caught up in WHAT would make you happy, just I want to "feel" happy.
(((Smothy)))
Smoth,
i love you darling and I dont want to hurt you but it's time for a slap upside the head.
Every time you talk to him, every time you mind read, you are entertaining him. You have spent way too much time entertaining him.
Screw him. Your love, and your values WILL NOT disappear. You CAN still be open to R and detach.
There are great times ahead for you. I will bet my life that in 5 years bith you and I will be happy again and whether that is with ours Ss or not is irrelevant. Lets just get there hey.
Your values, your commitment, your attention, your tenacity, -- these are all fantastic qualities Smoth that ARE absolutely you. These are the qualities that have shone through in this darkest hour and that shows how real they are. You will be OK Smoth. I promise.I wish I could just hold you until this was over and stroke you hair reassuringly. You will be happy again Smothy. You will, I promise.
Imagine, going out for a cigarette (Smothy - tse tse tse ) and NOT thinking about your H. This wil lhappen. Whether it happens in 6 months or 6 years and whether you spend it angry or in love with yourself depends on you. Love yourself sweetheart. Love you first and everything else will come easy.
Py is right. Listen to what he is saying. The more you hang on the worse it will be. Trust me, I know.
Peace
hey NDY good to see you mate. Are yout travellin' ok?
Thank you, Py. You have made me feel better about where I am at. I have sent instructions and monies to solicitors today. Even though something I had to do, still felt a pang of sadness and regret.
Going great for me here, loving the job very busy and hectic. Been asked out twice!!! somewhere down the line, dates with others will be a reality.
Py, you do know me so well. I haven't been able to have a cigarette on my own without thinking of H. Easy to do when I am with friends etc. I know I have made huge progress, a few months ago I would of driven my friends crazy talking about my sitch incessantly. Now very little is said.
I have had no contact with H and being away from this board and not reading this everyday has helped me to detach. I have not made any attempt to look at our joint accounts/ bills etc. for this I am proud of myself. I have also agreed the draft financial proposal from my solicitors and started this proceeding though I initially dreaded it. I now feel this was my best course of action.
What scares me now is am am beginning to feel anger and hatred for my H for what he has done/ doing. I don't want to become bitter about this. Thankfully my new job keeps me very focussed during the day and am exhausted by the time I come home.
I can't lie though, and say I never think of my sitch any more, still do, everyday, but no longer obsessing about it and accepting my new life more than I would of done 2 weeks ago.
great to hear Smoth
and it wilt better for you everyday.
the anger thing will likely continue, peak, and then you will get over it. then your brain will search out something else to get angry about and you will be thrown back to non-acceptance. you will desperately want to email these latest cutting remarks/criticisms/comments/... . Resist. you will get over this one too. and the next and the next. until eventually there'll be none left.
ESPECIALLY because you started on this path with the mindset that you dont want to become bitter - you won't. at times you will feel so angry that you think you have failed and you have become bitter. this will pass, and beautiful Smothy will be back.
i think of my sitch every hour, not every minute anymore, but it isn't overwhelming anymore either. My mum 25 years on and remarried still thinks about her 1st M regularly. My dad says it never goes away. and i dont expect it to, neither should you. it will eventually become just another THING in your life.
all the best
-Py
i love you Smothy, it sounds absurd i know, but at times you have been so vulnerable and i can't help but want to hold you and squeeze all of this [censored] out of you. it is an unconditional, pure love, for font carried by wi-fi. crazy yeah.
i hope you are ok. if you are ever this way, let me know and we'll have a coffee.
Thank you, Py. This means so much. You held my hand through my darkest days in these last few months. The support you gave me, I will hold dear. I always think very carefully about what you have to say.
Would love to chat properly with you. You too will always be welcome for coffee
:-)
Just thought I would drop in to your sitch
Smothy you are doing great each day you are getting stronger
Take care
Ghost
Hi just wanted to say I struggle so so much with letting to. I find it hurts all over. I am trying to "go dark" bk I just found out my H is getting a Match.com woman lined up for the coming weekend. he's been looking and finally found someone. I am just sick with agony. She's 11 years younger, blond etc. It makes me feel old and unattractive. My H and I are 57 years old. I really need to do something to help myself emotionally. I am trying so hard . I ran a 14 K race with my friend today. But I come home and I just feel destroyed. .. and I have this strange experience of remembering really vividly everything I like about him.. even tho we had so many difficulties and even tho he is having so much trouble in his life. He has gotten suspended at work for flirting iwth the secretary, he has had bad fights with 3 of his closest siblings -- and his anger was a big issue in our relationship.. and he has been irresponsible and unreliable with our money and still is slow to pay me what he owes me. Everyone i my life INCLUDING my therapist is telling me to let him go.. and I keep thinking of things I love abou thim and missing him-- I feel like a crazy person. EVen I can see that it doesn't make sense but that's how it feels. HELP!! Any good suggestions to getting past this into a better more sane space??
Thank you for dropping by Ghost. You know you are right. This afternoon, I received an email saying that there are things that he did not like about the draft letter, couldn't possibly get the paperwork in the time frame stated and I just thought, Oh, you didn't read the letter probably, it make me feel better to know it irked him a little. Didn't even bother replying by my name or signing off to his.
I know not still fully detached thinking about his reaction again. However, I just replied saying I appreciate it would be hard to get the info but the time frame given was just to respond. I felt I was pleasant and businesslike without any animosity etc. and I did sign off
LMS, I would be lying if I said I was fully detached. I still feel sad and lonely knowing he has someone every day to text and just say the little things when I don't.
Like you despite people telling me to let him go, I am the better person etc, I still see his positives. Don't be hard on yourself dear LMS.
I just spoke to DS and it took a lot to not respond when he said Dad said you will buy me ...... as a JOINT Christmas present. One day, I spent months in anxiety and pain thinking about what he was doing.
It does get easier, but it doesn't feel like that today, it will in time.
Take care and big hugs!
I have refrained from posting here for a while,
My life has changed quite a lot in the last seven weeks in terms of just being me.
STBX has emailed with some petty finance issues such as me not paying the bills whilst I was at the house in the 7 weeks of the summer holidays, said his food bills goes up when DS is at home and I should contribute to that too. Felt very disappointed at this email. Opened my eyes to how mean spirited he has become.
I can see myself moving forward without him more and more.
However, can not help but think of the reasons why he is trying to rile me in this way.
Hi Smothy
I too haven't posted for a while. I'm hanging around as there has been a development on Huddy's thread which unfortunately isn't looking good for him.
My WW is also on at me about bills, but in the other direction (i.e. she's paying for things while not living there, she could have sorted this out months ago but meh, she chose not to).
Why waste your energy on wondering about his reasons? Just give him the money and be done with it. I'm sure he'll be very pleased with himself for 'winning' his pathetic little argument.
hey, the old gang. i haven't been around either - oh no what is up with Huddy - better go see -
hey Smoth - i agree with NDY 100% - shrug it off - i think you are at a point where you can appreciate that he has to live with being an arse for the rest of his life. you on the other hand CAN just shrug it off.
not that I WANT him or my W to "live" with it for the rest of their lives, I wish them happiness. i wish the same for me and you and NDY, and Huddy etc, but their happiness, or lack of, or whining, or medicating, or whatever - aint gonna stop me from enjoying my life.
now i just gotta get through this custody battle that is draining me. hey---get this- you guys will love this one. according to her sworn affidavit, we seperate in June2014 and lived under the same roof until Jan2015. WTF!! but hey - someone is sponsoring Mr Ukraine as a defect partner - the definition of which is a committed relationship to the exclusion of all others. couldn't very well be married then. f**in idiot! load of falsehoods and mistakes in her testimony. unfortunately, family court doesn't care about surgery like the supreme court would.
The whole team is here!
Smoothy, he's got to be joking? His food bill has gone up? Does you SD eat mountains of food? What a norbert! You're sounding more detached, which is good. As the boys say, let him have his money, if that's all that matters to him.
re: The reasons he riles you this way as opposed to intends to rile you this way.
you're riled - you have to get over this.
why he is whinging - my W does same. "whats your problem - you got everything you want, you are happy no - so get over it". this what I mean about you being free once you get over the hill. you were screwed - you dealt with it - you move on.
not so straight forward for our WASs - they have to reconcile with themselves that they did the screwing. like a loved one is sick and in pain and distressed. then they die. they are free. but the living still have to deal with it. we died, moved on, but they are left to live with it.
this is also just pathetic regression to deal with it in the same way he had learnt to deal with these things before. he hasn't caught up with the game. you're over buddy, those tactics are just so lame, it doesn't deserve a response beyond passing the money to him, and not thinking about it for another second.
Hi Gang, missed talking to you all!
I have emailed him to ask him what amount it is per month and I will transfer the money. It is so pathetic.
So sorry, Pyrite, Huddy, NDY, we are a still dealing with their [censored]. :-(
I am trying to be the better person here. Friends have told me not to be so reasonable and let him 'have it' ie my anger.
I don't think he is worth it any more. Ironically, solicitors says I can claim support as he earns considerably more than I do.
Just come back from a trip. I have started my travelling and have booked another short trip in November. I am enjoying this life, so why do I still miss him?
Do you really want to be depending on his money? Cut him loose smoothy, you're worth more than that. I think the request for food money is to see how far away you are from him. Mindreading, but I guess he is regretting his decisions and is finding it hard to cope.
dear Smoth,
no need to be sorry darling. I can just turn you off anyway
why? because you are human girl. this grief is bigger than us remember. it is just a human condition/response. we are lucky. we are afforded the luxury of grief. we are the upper echelon in this karmic cycle.
hopefully without undermining emotions or god forbid LOVE, think of it this way:
everything that you think and feel is in your brain, commanding different chemistry, using different networks etc. you have a 20 year worn track in your brain where H was there. it is like the Nile through your brain.
now you have diverted down a small creek. at every opportunity your brain will try to get back to the Nile. once you are there you will rationalise what and why it is wrong and you will be angry, miss him etc.
the trick is to go back to your creek. it WILL widen into a beautiful river, and after a while the pull of the Nile will diminish.
whilst on the river theme, paraphrasing the Hunters, "pain lies on the river side", it will always be there. your job is to keep swimming.
[censored] him. i can understand "letting him have it" - but honestly IT will never be realised. you will always think of what you should have added blah blah blah. As 25 said to me once "being angry at someone to punish them is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
let it go Smoth. rejoice in the +ve. wish him well in finding his. guaranteed if you can do this in your heart, you will achieve 2 things: 1. every time these sort of things come up you will be able to shrug it off, even feel sorry for him and wish him more of the same goodwill ^^. 2. if you can wish HIM all the best, happiness etc, then moving this focus to yourself should be easy AND being compassionate for yourself, loving yourself, wishing for yourself future happiness and forgiving what mistakes you might have made IS THE SECRET OF A HAPPY LIFE.
kisses my darling Smoth xxxx
-Py
Thanks you Py. As always you help me feel a lot better about myself and situation.
STBX has emailed back and said thanks he appreciated it and it will not stop him moving on with the solicitor. (Made me want to slap him when I read that!)
Said he will contact me re DS costs, as and when. What an a$$! Initially said he wanted to talk, I refrained from calling him, only a few mo this ago, I took all opportunities to contact, now I just don't want to.
Last few days a step back as I am replaying all that he has with OW in my mind. Someone he can share the little things that has happened in the day with. Felt a bit down with that!
However, still not spending the time dwelling as I would of done.
Py, your analogy about the river is pretty accurate, we are so used to thinking about our spouses, it has become natural, a habit.
Py, your words means so much to me, love and kisses to you.
S x
Huddy, I am trying to catch up with your situation. Thank you for dropping by. I do not want any of his support.
It's hard knowing that he was the one instigated this so why the f%*€$ is it so hard for him.
He has the OWs to contact day and night and I guess it's the flea in his ear!
Thank you Smothy. You've made my day if I can be of any help to you and the love and kisses - you've made my night too
I am not sleeping particularly well ATM with the court/custody battle on my mind big time.
That's not good Py. So hard to switch off. Please limit the time you spend thinking about it.
((((Py))))
Yesterday was a good day, I did not think of STBX when I woke up. I feel as I am finally accepting and moving forward. Told my mum and siblings of my situation and impending D. My mum was more supportive than I expected and just told me not to think of this anymore and try to be happy.
I was so proud that I was able to say something without breaking down in tears. Told me to leave him alone if H has had a change of heart, he will understand and regret later when he is older. It caught in my throat, but no tears and was not a babbling wreck which would what would of happened a couple of months ago.
A few months ago, I thought I would not be able to do this as not telling meant the hope in me was huge and that a turn around would happen.
The recent developments re finances has ironically helped me to move forward and stop me from seeing H with such rose tinted specs!
Moving forward now, progress does happen. Detachment does happen. I realise now it was up to me to decide when that would be and that has put me in a much stronger and better place. Do I still love H, yes. Do I still think of my situation and him every day, yes. However it is no longer the overriding hurt and thoughts anymore.
Hugs and prayers to those of us on this path. Time is the key.
Smothy x
great to hear Smothy
i envy you not having little children. the headache has evolved to a whole new dimension now. my StBX writhing with confidence that they won't give the girls to their fathering preference, and in fact based on since proven flawed science - the family court is still gyrating on the personally motivated expert analysis of a stupid woman several year back that made the claim that young children cant cope with forming more than one attachment bond at a time, that IS with the mother and allowing the father even 1 overnight stay per week is hazardous. Barristers even have a nick-name for the defence it is that common.
hence i am shitting myself that even though my W is "generously" offering me 4 nights per fortnight an ~30% of the holidays, they are going to pull this on me at the last minute.
she and the commissioned paper has since been ridiculed as nonsense, but this isn't a box that can be ticked yet so the court remains ignorant.
did i mention that I am not feeling particularly generous to "women's rights" at the moment. i am being trampled by this sexist discrimination, and the court has it's head so far up its arse that can't see that all they are effectively doing is substituting the bond they have with me forming stronger bonds with MIL and OM as their male role model.
[censored] arseholes the lot of them.
My darling, Py. Keep strong.
I can imagine it's so much harder when young children. I count the blessing my DS is 19 now every day. Though he still doesn't know yet :-(
Hugs and kisses to you, my dear, Py.
thank-you Smothy
are you ever going to tell him?
You are so very welcome, Py.
I spoke to DS yesterday and want to tell him. STBX and I have agreed we will do this together. The next time I see him face to face will be in December.
I do want to let him know. I initially didn't as before, I felt that if i didn't tell him it wasn't happening.
Any advice on how to approach this? I think he should now know ASAP and not wait until Christmas.
well i have no specific experience of this with a 19 year old, and as a 19 year old I didn't need to be told as I was in the middle of it.
it is highly likely that you are making more of this than what will actually happen He might just shrug it off and ask so what's for dinner then?
I really dont like how your STBX is plotting the course here AND it is wrong!! wait until December, WTF!! so what is his plan with OW then? It will be FAR more damaging for your son to bump into OW thinking you are still together, and then your idiot H spilling the beans on the spot as an instant justification of why he is not cheating on his mother.
i think you will be as surprised as when you spoke to your mum about it.
you know your son best, and the particulars of how you might bring it up - but i would suggest only this - the TRUTH!! let the pieces fall where they may, but coming back from "the truth" will be far easier than smoothing things over with half-truths and lies.
I am screwed myself ATM with all this court crap - BUT - if/when I am put on the stand I am not rehearsing and I don't need to be nervous. All I will tell the court is the truth. That is all I have ever told anyone and so I dont have to remember who I have told what etc. It simplifies things a great deal. My STBX however has spun herself a nasty little web now. She has lied to everyone, me, friends, family our children. now the court and immigration department. about even more stuff. i dont think she even knows what is true anymore.
on another note - i know i have been telling you that we can walk away from this and gracefully into another R....... this sorta like telling the truth stuff above. Sadly, in recent days/weeks, I am skeptical that I want to put myself in this position again. I trusted my W and look how that has turned out. Now she wants to take away my children from me.
Hi Py,
DS is at Uni and stbx does not see OW whilst DS is at home so very small chance of bumping into them togther. I need to raise with stbx but I don't want to contact him over this :-(
Received text from stbx asking me to contact uni re outstanding finance. I told him back in the summer that it was incorrect as they would not of let me graduate otherwise. What the h3ll has it now got to do with him. He says it has gone all quiet and they refuse to talk to him!!!
Also asked what my plans are for Christmas as he and DS are going to MIL house and did I want to come or did I have other plans!!!!
Is he F*&%$(g deluded??? Seriously!!!
To answer your last question, yes, he most certainly is! It's funny, they want to get rid of you, but somehow, want you to still be there for them.
Whilst I realise that it'll be difficult for your kids, I would tell them now. It sometimes help the WAS realise the damage they are inflicting(prepares to be shot down in flames!).
I'm with Huddy on this one. I've made it clear to the Ex that I want as little reliance on her as possible. She also keeps sticking her nose into my business but covers it in a veil of S10. I know she's being nosey so I keep my info to a minimum. They do like to play their games don't they?
Getting the text yesterday set me back a little. Triggered thoughts of how different this Christmas would be this year. Had a good cry last night. Very uneasy and restless night. Not the way I wanted things to go. Why can't they leave well alone after all the damage they have caused?
Temperature check? Feeling exhausted today and the day hasn't even started properly yet.
Games to them, our life shattered and they can walk away and play games? Think they can come and go as they pleased. Feeling quite angry!
H knows i am coming back to the UK for Christmas. Didn't even ask about taking DS to his family for Christmas, what about mine? DS sees his family more frequently than mine, but mine about twice a year. Why does his take priority. Is he doing this to deliberately rile me, so he makes plans first?
Had a second text just saying 'Are you coming to....? After I replied and said I would be back in the UK in Dec. Ignoring that one for the time being.
Was doing so well......
Hi Py,
Also asked what my plans are for Christmas as he and DS are going to MIL house and did I want to come or did I have other plans!!!!
Is he F*&%$(g deluded??? Seriously!!!
yep. [censored] deluded! absolutely. for me, what I would do is rent a kickarse holiday house, invite my friends, son etc. at least have a good xmas yourself. [censored] yours and mine STBX that constantly whinge about being on this merry-go-round - WELL [censored] get off idiot, you are the one perpetuating this. I had a clear cut rejection to deal with, and I did, I am genuinely moving on, genuinely over you. As the perpetrator you have to wrestle your own demons for the rest of your life - great - leave me out of it - I am not part of your life, nor do i want to be, just [censored] off!! sorry - ranting.
no other way to deal with this Smoth. This sux. This has screwed big time with what we thought our lives were and would be. For me my children are being taken away from me. really we have the same choice now that we did on day one - lay down and die, or deal with it. Whilst I have many moments of wanting the former, I choose the latter in general. Dealing with it entails accepting that this is [censored], there will be many moments when you feel like total crap and option 1 is pretty good, one day in the future you will be happy again and not even think of all of these things - not because there will necessarily be some awesome person come along, or life experience, or some grand epiphany, but, as boring as it is, because time will pass.
just ride it out little girl. you're doing great these past few months.
Games to them, our life shattered and they can walk away and play games? Think they can come and go as they pleased. Feeling quite angry!
H knows i am coming back to the UK for Christmas. Didn't even ask about taking DS to his family for Christmas, what about mine? DS sees his family more frequently than mine, but mine about twice a year. Why does his take priority. Is he doing this to deliberately rile me, so he makes plans first?
Had a second text just saying 'Are you coming to....? After I replied and said I would be back in the UK in Dec. Ignoring that one for the time being.
Was doing so well......
Smooth- dont be railroaded here. Your son is an adult so it is up to him where he goes, [censored] your H, talk to your son. "You can see dickheads family all year round, but I am only back for Xmas, ......"
Reply: I'm coming to UK for xmas, haven't finalised any plans yet.
Thank you Py, I have texted exactly as you have written. This really suks, considering the progress I have made, now dreading the next few weeks/ holiday. My mind is so unsettled today. I can feel my anxiety coming back, this has been in check for a while now.
We have to stay strong, Py, NDY, Huddy. Our spouses just do not seems to understand the destruction they have caused, their selfishness defies belief. If you asked me a few months ago, I would of protected him. Now, I am sad to see this person whom I don't know.