Dear everyone (including my Wife, stbx777) -
After my legal meeting today, my wife handed me printouts of all of my threads. She said that she feels manipulated, violated, played, and abused. I am sorry to her for feeling that way, and I understand that much of what is in my threads could be painful to read. I do not regret what I wrote anywhere as that is how I was feeling at the time, and I still feel that I needed a safe place to vent these thoughts and feelings. It turns out that this was not that place for me.
To my W, I will offer one final note of apology for the things that went wrong in our marriage. I didn't know how to show you how much I loved and continue to love you. I did not appreciate the things you provided as a mother, as a friend, and as a wife. I made you feel like nothing was ever good enough for me.
As for me, the changes that I have made in myself have been for myself. While my end goal has always been to reconcile my marriage, that does not impact the fundamental growth and change that I have made in myself as a friend, as a father, and as a person. I have so much more capacity for respect, care, empathy, and love, and I owe that to my time spent here learning from all of you.
While my marriage may be over, my life is not. I can leave this with my head held high knowing that I have done everything that I could to save my marriage. I will take the tools that I have learned here to be the best Matt777 that I can be going forward and apply it to whichever relationship next awaits me.
Thank you again
Matt
That's brutal man .... So sorry to hear, my heart goes out to you and yours.
I understand how one might feel manipulated learning of this forum, I see it more as a place people have come as a last resort to save their marriage ... in turn its actually the people who are saved. Shame it had to be this way ... really is. As bad as it is ... valuable lesson here for all ... MAKE SURE you keep this LOCKED up .... this is for you and you alone not the WAS.
Mrs. Matt,
I am deeply sorry to read that you are not viewing this with an open heart in seeing that your H is TRYING his save the marriage out of his love for you.
You might want to give marriage counseling a try with Michele Weiner-Davis. You might be surprised to hear what she has to say about your negative feelings---they are transient.
You have to ask yourself:
"Have I really TRIED everything and left no stone unturned before chucking the marriage like a disposable Burger King wrapper?" Do not be mesmerized by or follow the divorce siren...it's a trap that many people fall into too quickly in today's disposable society.
My heart hurts for you, Matt, and the family.
Love is a decision. Love is a choice.
Matt, you've DONE a bang up job of trying to keep your marriage and family together.
THUMBS up!! The next woman will be very,
VERY lucky to have you as a husband.
My heart goes out to you Matt, as I sit here hurting for you, you are a great guy and have helped so many on here that were hopeless like myself.
May GOD be with you my friend, you will be missed.
THANK YOU for being YOU.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Really sorry to hear about this Matt777
It is a lesson to us all, if your spouse is still in the same place as you when you join this BB, use incognito mode on your browser when on this site so no trace is left OR delete your history and temporary files so you leave no tracks.
What you also need to be aware of (and this is a bit nerdy) is that.if your spouse knows your login on a Google Chrome browser (it may apply to other browsers too) then they can see your bookmarks and history, even if they login on a different PC/tablet/phone.
Technology is there to help us, but it can bite us in the butt if we aren't careful.
Matt I am sorry to hear that. My point of view is, you came here to save your marriage. In this place we share our problems with others that have been there or are still going through this. We help each other. I bet most of our WWS or WAS are saying all kinds of things about us and our marriages to the OP or their friends and alot of it is lies! Or it is the truth but has been stretched some. All of us that came here, did so with good intentions. And we were at a place where we did not know where to go. I know I was! It's not like I can go grab someone I know from work or a friend and say "my wife is a phone sex operator and I believe she is also having an emotional affair".
I hope Sandi comes by soon and addresses Mrs. Matt here as a former Wayward Wife to another.
Matt,
You talked me out of a massive funk last week. Take some solace in all of this by knowing that in addition to fighting for your marriage and your family, that you also helped someone else in their own battle even while fighting your own.
I don't think there is a greater testament to someone's true character than openly helping someone even when they are hurting and fighting their own battle.
We've all made mistakes to get where we are today. I hope you find peace no matter where life leads you.
Maybe Matt777 is you could try to view this as her caring about what you think of her and only she knows who you really are, everyone else is unknown so there's a whole bunch of really great people out there who really want to help.
Ask her, can she honestly say that she hasn't discussed your sitch with anyone? Willing to bet I know the answer and each one of them knows you so will have formed an opinion that you have to face directly (not anonymously on a BB), so she's the guilty part, not you!
Don't forget the DB principles, Validate what she says, ask her why she feels the way she does and why is it effecting her so much.
Every cloud has a silver lining, it's finding that sparkly bit amongst the grey and black sometimes that's the difficult part.
We are all rooting for you as you are a great asset to this BB, even I know that and I've only been around a short while.
Oh wow Matt, I don't even know what to say?!?! I feel terrible... My question to her is, can't you see this guys has been doing everything possible to save your relationship while also helping others? That takes a stand up man to take on others problems while in a devastating place himself.
^^^ Beagley, Im sure he knows all of this, I don't think you understand that his wife is probably reading what you write now... I suggest to backoff with DB in this thread.
Matt you've been a huge asset to me and everyone else on this forum. You've kept a positive attitude in the face of the most difficult situation a man can endure and have inspired so many of us in our darkest moments.
You are the kind of man I hope to be when all is said and done in my situation. Truly, an AMAZING father, and a husband only a fool would leave or walk away from.
Stay strong, stay true to yourself, and the world will reward you in ways you can't imagine from where you are today.
My best to you,
PigPen
Mrs s2bx777
Thank you for trying to post to your husband today.
I understand that you have been reading his posts for months, and I find it fascinating that you have so much interest in him since you do not want to be with him anymore.
I feel sorry for your children who will grow up in a broken home, and the legacy that you will leave your grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Please get yourself some help as you will have a lifetime ahead of you of pain and despair.
I do know about this as I watched my mother and wife do the same thing.
They both failed to find happiness, I do not expect you to listen now, however maybe someday the light will turn on for you.
Good luck, and I am sorry you did not learn anything here.
Matt did learn a lot and it is too bad you can't see it.
Matt, I want to say thank you, as you have helped me out several times with your positive attitude and honest feedback. I am sorry that you are in this situation. I hope you can find some confidential support.
^^^ Beagley, Im sure he knows all of this, I don't think you understand that his wife is probably reading what you write now... I suggest to backoff with DB in this thread.
So DB is only for when your spouse isn't looking? Oh my, I thought DB was a proven philosophy regardless of whether one or both partners are involved?
Matt, as a relatively new member,you were one of the few who hung with me through my darkest times and helped me begin to get out of the shock and depression of losing my wife; you always gave me hope and I wanted to say how much it meant to me and how much it helped . Prayers for you my friend.
Matt,sorry your W feels as if you used this forum to manipulate her. I would hope from reading it she can see the love you have for your family and the changes you have made for yourself. What we go through is not easy and we need help to navigate this road we did not choose to start.
The good thing is, as far as you are concerned nothing changes. The focus has and always is to become the best Matt possible. Whatever your W chooses to do is her path and always has been.
Matt thank you so much for always keeping me on my toes! You were the first one to respond to my thread and keep me going! I have not been here long and have a very long way to go! I have a year of doing the wrong to deal with on top of all of this! I am sorry she does not see all you did to try to save your M! From what I have read you have been an amazing father and have turned your life around. You will make a great H to someone who appreciates you! thank you for helping everyone else during your hard times! Remember to always choose you and D's! You have become a great man only a fool would leave! Prayers to you! Thank you again for sticking with me! Your advice has really made me think! Good luck to you in the future! Thanks a million
Matt,
I am so sorry for this turn of events. Your support, advice, and friendship has helped so many, including myself. Chin up, Dex. No regrets. Best of luck to you.
Matt
You will be truly missed. You have been so supportive to a newcomer like me and so full of advice.
I'm sorry that your wife took what you were doing as manipulating and playing games. It's a shame that she can't see that these forums are a form of self help to help us become better men/women and help us to be accountable for our sitches.
You have handled this with grace and impressive maturity, too bad it looks like your stbx hasn't. Praying for you and your family.
Jeff
Matt, I am so sorry this happened. You have been a beacon of hope and encouragement to us all on this thread. Keep up the good work on yourself and hopefully your W will see that this has all been because you wanted a better life for yourself, her, and your kids.
E
Matt,
I was looking forward to reading about your sitch all day. I am sick over this. To your wife, i know it must feel hard to read this. I understand how you feel manipulated. I am sure you are upset and hurting right now. Please make an effort to understand that all of this was out of love for you. A person loves you so much they would do anything to get you back.
Praying for both of you.
The man has 1600 posts in 3 months on this board. If he wasn't talking about how to learn, grow, and save his M, then he was doing pulling people out of the darkness of their situations, giving encouragement, and/or helping in any way that he could. I can't tell you how many times I read about someone in dire straights, and the next post was, "Next time you're feeling awful, try feeling awesome!" or something like that.
I look forward to watching your TED talk or buying attending your motivational seminar Matt.
If I found out my spouse was of that much service to others in need, I would bawl my eyes out our of love and respect.
Matt, I'll say it again, you are a true gentleman. Your energy, tireless devotion to your family and tireless devotion to those of us on this board is absolutely incredible. I believe in karma and KNOW that your deeds, actions, and the love you've shown will return to you.
Cheers again,
PP
You know, years from now we'll look back at the breakdown of our marriages and wonder if we could've done things differently.
Since BD I have a DB coach, and IC, and of course a L. I instructed my L that I wanted to be very fair, even if it meant being on the side of unfair in STBX's favor. And of course I've been going to church so you could say I have a 4th coach as well.
Point is that EVERY major decision that I've made has been with unanimous support of all three of these professionals. Whether it was when I moved out, to when I separated my finances, to when I stopped returning her texts after she got too nasty, etc.
The benefit to me is that I'll never regret any of the steps I took. I was in over my head. I asked for help. I acknowledged that following my own emotions or trying to control things didn't work for me or my loved ones. And then, with the support of these forums, I walked the difficult road I had to in order to become a better man, father, and future husband.
I know my STBX has made up her mind that I am a villain, and I'm at peace with that. I'm not even debating it or defending myself. I just know that I'll never feel any regret and that I did absolutely the best I could to navigate, grow, and stand strong when STBX wasn't able to.
Keep on keepin' on Matt...
Matt,
Although we didn't have any discussions, I really enjoyed your posts and was always amazed at your kind words and generous spirit. I hope one day your wife will understand how hard it is to have to come to this board to discuss what is happening in your M. It's not like we want to be here.
Keep moving forward and working on yourself. You have so many wonderful people who care about you.
I will keep you your wife and your family in my prayers.
Mrs. Matt,
I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. Matt came here to vent, learn and grow.
I'm obviously not in your circumstances with your experiences. But perseverance, faith, and hope are good traits for a person to have.
Please remember the grass is not greener on the other side. Grass is green where you water it.
Hard work always pays off, and only when you are at your lowest is growth potential at it's highest.
I've read through all of your posts and I can't begin to describe how much they mean to me. All of you have helped me to see the light at the end of the darkest tunnel I hope to ever experience.
While I hate that you may see this as a game, W, I believe that I have stumbled onto an incredible place where I have been supported and I am able to support others. I continue to believe that this was the best chance I had to save the marriage I treasure.
I don't know and don't really care if you read this or any other post of mine. All I know is that the man that you left on 4/20 is not the man I am today. From this site and from my coaching, I have learned about respect, trust, independence, and love. I now know the path I want to take with my life and I can accept if you would choose not to take it with me.
While you may think think that this journey that I have taken has been about you, W, as you can see from the 25 odd posts to date, it has been about ME. I will continue to grow into the man I believe I can and should be. I will continue to improve on the things that I could not provide to you during our marriage. I will, of course, continue to be the best dad that I can be to my two amazing children.
I cannot control your thoughts or your actions, and I continue to wish you the best, W. I also continue to be willing to work on our marriage and our relationship, if that is something you believe in. But as I'm sure you know from reading every word on 15 threads, I cannot guarantee that that offer will stand indefinitely.
Thank you again to everyone. Out of respect to my W, I will not post detailed information about our interactions. But I hope to someday continue to share the knowledge and insight I have learned with others to help them in their journey.
No!! Matt, I am devastated to hear the news. You and I both joined within weeks of each other and you have been a great inspiration and support to keep me going. You are going to be missed by so many on here. I wish you all the best and my thoughts are with you.
Mrs. Matt,
I can understand why you feel the way that you do, but please know everyone joins this forum, including your husband, from a place of love and devotion. Matt wanted nothing more than to do everything in his power to learn how he could be a better spouse to you and save your marriage. That is nothing but admirable, especially considering so many spouses would have just given up. Matt on the other hand looked in the mirror at himself and chose to work to make himself a better person. In addition, he helped many others on here stay positive through his kindness and motivation. Please consider taking just half of the effort that you are using to divorce into saving your marriage. It will make a difference.
You marriage and husband are worth fighting for. Please don't make the same mistake as so many others.
Matt,
As has been pointed out over and over again above, you've been such a great addition to this board. Your posts to others have always resonated with me, and I firmly believe you have helped not only myself but everyone else here through the most difficult times of our lives. This board has been so much more helpful than the counseling I've been attending, and you are a key component to this.
To Mrs Matt:
If you are still following, I hope you can put aside your feelings of violation and manipulation long enough to see that from the very beginning Matt is here, along with all of the rest of us, because we want to SAVE our marriages.
This is not a game, not a ploy to get even, not an attempt to force anyone into doing anything. Its simply about not giving up on our loved ones, our families, and the belief that when we said 'till death do us part' we actually meant it.
Sorry to see this turn of events Matt. I want to thank you for redirecting my thoughts and make me examine how I was acting towards my wife. I hope you will not leave over this. Your insight and advice are much appreciated.
It kind of sickens me to think that your wife was watching your threads and knew your every move and thought. I would feel violated by that. This is an anonymous board. None of us know who Mrs. Matt is. You had nothing but good intentions and wanted to save your marriage. Best of luck to you in the future and the next lucky girl you meet. Mrs. Matt, you don't deserve this guy!
I'm so sorry to hear about this. It is true that DBing is a strategy, and I can understand that a spouse may feel manipulated to find that techniques have been used to try and save the marriage.
However, I believe the motive is the important thing here, and I believe that Matt used those techniques honourably, and in the hope of saving his marriage and keeping his family together.
Mrs Matt, whilst I understand your anger, and I would encourage you to read both DB and DR. And particularly think about the 'divorce trap' and MWD's perspective and experience on this.
I hope you guys find a way forward that is right for you both. Matt, I have gained a lot from your postings on this site. I think you have learned a great deal, and your posts to others have helped them so much too.
I truly wish you well for thr future my friend.
Hi Matt
This blows. I really hope your wife realises that this isn't about manipulation or violation or playing or abusing, but is in fact an act of love. To have the introspection and insight that you have shared here. Helping others and at the same time helping yourself to try and save your marriage and your family tells me you are a stand up guy.
I don't think you should feel ashamed. I think you should feel proud.
Peace my friend
matt777. You are a good man. You worked hard to save your marriage and became a better person in the process.
Thank you for taking the time to share your insights and help so many others here.
Best of luck for the future. You deserve to live and to be loved. I am sure that will happen, one way or another.
Sorry to read this Matt. Can I just say I found this site by typing " how to save my marriage " into Google. I'm sure most of us did the same
Mrs Matt may not want the marriage but you obviously did. You grew as a person and became a man only a fool would leave.
Mrs Matt. If your still reading please give yourself time to think and look at Matt and what he did to attempt to save his marriage All was done from love
Divorce is not always the answer but it's your life
Take care. Rd
Well, I had planned to stay off the boards and did so - refusing to post on my own sitch, but wanted to drop in and see how others were doing. This clearly caught my eye...
Matt, you've been such an inspiration and beacon of hope to me and many here - indeed, a good friend. Thanks for everything you've done to encourage me. It's been wonderful watching you grow day by day, making the changes you need to make to be a better man and, God and your W willing, a better husband.
As for your W - no matter what is going on in your marriage and separation, and no matter how you feel about your husband's participation on this board, you must be a good and worthy woman for Matt to have fought so hard to be the man you deserve, and to fight for the marriage and family to which he committed. You will do what you have to do, of course. But I do hope you'll take time to reflect on that. I know I can say I wish my W loved me half as much as Matt loves you.
God bless you both, and all the best in the life for you and your daughters.
Matt, I want to thank you, as you have helped me out so many times with your positive attitude, good advice and humor. You are one of the most encouraging people on this board. You will be missed by ALL of us.
Ms Matt, I don't know you or Matt personally but you are losing a great man. I saw his growth from the day he joined us.
Matt, you were one of the first to help me when I got here. Your advice, and way you conduct yourself on this board are inspirational. You have help so many people in crisis.
At my lowest point, you were leading the pack telling me to get up and don't quit. If it wasn't for this place and people like you I would have stayed depressed and pushed my H farther away.
Now we are both working so hard to save our 28 year relationship. I'm finding myself again and GAL. Thank you Matt for all your help.
Ms Matt,
I believe it's Dr. Phil who says, "Every relationship needs a Hero". Ma'am I hope you see Matt is trying to be yours
Matt,
Sorry to read about this this morning. I've been following your sitch. You've given me advice before. I know you just really meant well for your marriage, for your family. I am hoping and praying for the best for you and the kids.
She stopped by his Thread 15! I have been checking back and forth hoping to hear something from him so we all know he is doing ok!
I have spent a lot of time reflecting back, and I realized that in posting all of my life over the last few months, I was careless with the feelings of the one person I care about the most. I have asked that all of my threads be removed so that the legacy of the final days of my marriage won't be available for friends, colleagues or family in the future.
I am so incredibly sorry for the pain I've inflicted. I hope that in time, my W can forgive me and that I can forgive myself.
I'm sorry Matt, thanks for all you did for me. Best of luck!
Matt you have nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of what you are trying to do. I wish you peace and happiness
Matt
Be strong, you did whatever you felt was necessary to protect yourself and to try and save your family and your Wife. That is honorable and good.
My W is mad that I talked to her family in the beginning about what was going on. I told her I would have talked to the Devil himself to try and get insight into what was happening.
You did what you felt was best to save your marriage. There is no shame in that. You have helped so many on this board, myself included.
Good speed Matt.
Why not change your username and keep posting as you have so many people here who care about you and want to continue to stay in your online life. Just a suggestion.
Matt, I did reply to your last post to me, and I thought I sent it. I can't find it, so I must have hit the wrong key somewhere. Your threads go so fast! You have a lot of people who care about your stitch. People know a good guy when they see one, ya know?
I am not going to repeat what I thought I had already sent, except to say you may want to consider changing your name on the board, to something nobody could match with you. We want you to stick around, okay?
I feel totally useless in helping a LBS in the place you experience today. I will tell you, however, that I have seen others in the same spot who later R with their EX. The LBS would have to move on, first, and drop their emotional rope......and finally(sometimes a couple of years, maybe more) things would start to change with the EX and they R.
I hope you will stop following her on FB, and stop focusing on her all the time. You are on the boards so much it must not leave a whole lot of time for getting out and GAL, but maybe you are more than I realize. I hope you will make an effort to throw yourself into more GAL, and building a life without her......instead of around her.
One final word about her finding your posts. Her intent was to use this to inflict pain. Your intent was to save the M by getting help. Continuing to beat yourself up is enabling her mission. I don't think you should feel badly. The WW will do most anything to take the smallest thing and turn it around to guilt the betrayed spouse. Guilt is a card the WW uses every chance she gets, and the worse the LBS feels.....the more she'll lay it on.
If Mrs. Matt reads this post, she has a personal invitation to come on board and talk with me.
(((hugs)))
Matt, I agree with Sandi that if you have found the forum helpful, carry on using it (or another marital support forum if you prefer.)
It is important to be circumspect when we are online, and I'm sure none of us would want to hurt our spouses by posting details about our marriage. If you change sufficient details about yourself that no-one could recognise you or your family - ages, location etc..you are essentially posting hypothetical questions, which I think is fine..
I can appreciate how you feel, but I also hope that your W, when she really thinks about things, will see that there are worse 'betrayals' than posting on a marital support forum at a tough time in your life, to try and save a marriage in crisis.
Take care, T :-)
I sit here pondering what I could possibly say to you Matt.
From the bottom of my heart. I am so terribly sorry and I feel utter devastation for you. If I knew you in person, I'd offer whatever support I could. I hope that these words try to convey the feelings I have.
Support is here for you. Change your name if you have to so you can keep your private moments.
Reincarnate yourself and welcome back to DB day 1.
Matt, this is an anonymous board to help us hopefully save our marriages and become the best you can be. I don't see anything you posted that is beyond that. No one knows who Mrs. Matt is and we only see the loving, brave, and encouraging person that is you.
I hope you find your way to getting support again soon.
Matt, wow. What can I say? You and de facto were two of the posters I kept up with the most due to the similarities of our ages and sitch. While lately I've learned to detach more and seemingly let go of the rope, you have been unwavering in doing whatever you could to save your marriage.
That's why everyone comes here, to save their marriage. Not all can and sadly with as much damage done by the time we discover this place, I don't think many do.
However, it not all doom and gloom.mwhat I've learned is we all come here to save our marriage, but really, we end up saving ourselves.
We become better people and grow in ways we never would have. If our marriages had any hope of lasting survival, this is the metamorphosis that would need to occur anyway.
I've noticed huge changes in you and while you've been saving yourself, throughout your posts, you've saved a lot of others on here, myself included. I wish you the best, Matt and hope this isn't truly goodbye.
I miss Matt, for sure. And no matter what happens henceforth for him, he can stand tall knowing he did all he could to save his marriage, and all he could to help the rest of us, too. A generous soul, he is.
A generous soul, indeed. Wow, I really miss Matt, too.
We all miss you Matt! Your spirit is not forgotten!
Wow, I'm sorry I missed the fireworks so that I could add my sympathy. That is a really terrible blow to a noble endeavor (saving your marriage). I agree w/ Sandi2, that the intent her was to hurt you. You were not posting things publicly that would identify her to anyone, so you didn't cause any harm to her. That she snooped caused her harm, just as if you had snooped on her conversations with others about you (many of which probably got passed around the gossip mill to other people you know, unlike your comments on this forum), you would have heard her vent and say things that really hurt that she wouldn't say to your face (maybe).
You have helped a lot of people here, and I wanted to salute you for your efforts and insights. I hope you are able to save your M at some point if that is what you will still want. I do know that you are doing the hard work that will make you a great second husband for someone, if the other doesn't work out.
You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Hello again everyone,
Without being too detailed, I'd like to give a brief update. The financial settlement was completed, and my W has proceeded with filing for D last week. While I still don't agree that it's the best way forward, I love her enough to not fight her decision.
More importantly, I'd like to update you on me. I'm doing.......surprisingly well. I've been going to game nights, enjoying my Pathfinder group, hanging out with friends, and doing all sorts of fun things with the girls. I'm continuing to work on being the person I want to be: I'm more confident, a better friend, and most importantly, a better father. While I still miss my wife, I'm grateful to have had this opportunity to better myself.
I appreciate you all checking in on me so much.
Matt,
it is so good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about the filing, but happy to hear you are doing good and keeping up with focusing on you. We all miss you here.
BT
Awesome to hear an update Matt! I'm glad you are doing well!!!!
So good to hear from you Matt!! Even better to hear that you're thriving and doing well. Your spirit is still alive and well on this board and all of us who you helped through dark times still think of you and speak of you fondly.
Drop by from time to time and keep us updated on how you're doing please.
Big hug Matt,
PP
High Five Buddy!
Matt, it is AMAZING to hear from you. As I hope you've read, we all miss you so much. Thank you for the update! You sound like you are moving forward with your life.
One step at a time and don't forget to grab some PMA!
Bob
Good job Matt!! Glad you are doing well! Thanks for the update! I know you have been missed.
Just a bump, so people know Matt dropped by for a quick update.
Cheers Jellybxxxx
I didnt get involved in your post Matt but I did follow it. Glad to hear your doing well and re your W filing, it's just another chapter in your story. The story is far from over and no one knows the outcome. Life can surprise us all (as we know ) and we can only be the best we can be.
Take care, RD
Matt,
It was great to hear an update. I am very happy to hear you are doing well. I know you are putting in the necessary work for yourself and will succeed no matter what. Miss you, Dex.
Matt,
It's so good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about the filing. Keep on DB-ing. We're all here if you need support.
Hello again everyone,
Without being too detailed, I'd like to give a brief update. The financial settlement was completed, and my W has proceeded with filing for D last week. While I still don't agree that it's the best way forward, I love her enough to not fight her decision.
More importantly, I'd like to update you on me. I'm doing.......surprisingly well. I've been going to game nights, enjoying my Pathfinder group, hanging out with friends, and doing all sorts of fun things with the girls. I'm continuing to work on being the person I want to be: I'm more confident, a better friend, and most importantly, a better father. While I still miss my wife, I'm grateful to have had this opportunity to better myself.
I appreciate you all checking in on me so much.
Great to hear from you MATT2.0, I think about you often and this post just put a smile on my face, since you have helped me out so much, you don't even know! Glad youre enjoying your new life! Enjoy and GOD bless!
We are all here for you Matt. Keep us updated if you can.
Thank you again everyone - I'm so appreciative of all the warm posts.
Anyway, yesterday was the 4 month "anniversary" of my separation and one month "anniversary" of the start of this thread. I've been trying to stock of where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. In the time since the separation, I've probably spent less than 15 hrs with my wife and most of that has been in MC or with the lawyers. All of that time without her is giving me the space I need to become the person I want to be. Here's where I've been:
GAL
- I've been going to board game night every Monday. These are all new people that I've met since BD. We play until after midnight every week. I've made some great friends, and it feel like I'm part of the "in" crowd.
- I've started playing Pathfinder every other Wednesday with a group of one of my pre-BD friends. Not sure I love it, but it's good to get out and hang out with new people. And it keeps me and my brain occupied.
- my fantasy football league from before BD has folded due to this D, but I've started a new one with all of my old college roommates and we draft next weekend. I'm really excited!
- I've upped my wardrobe. I've lost 20 lbs since BD. I'd like to lose another 10 or so, but I'm pretty happy at 170. I need to get to the gym more, but I'm too damn busy! I've cut my hair really short and started "wearing" a stubbly beard. I feel and probably look as good as I have since my wedding.
- I've been trying to get out with friends on other days as much as possible. But with the kids half the time and my other commitments, there's not much time left! Was able to sneak out for Game of Thrones and True Detective while they were on. New Sunday show is going to be football.
- I tried a couple of other things - a divorce support group, a different game night - but they didn't work out for one reason or another.
Parenting
- I've done all KINDS of GAL-type stuff with my girls. We've been to several museums, the spray park, the pool (a ton), to friend's houses for parties. Tomorrow, we are going to a Corn roast and Sunday is a party for work. I try to do something interesting (at least going swimming if nothing else) every weekend day I have them. Before BD, it was basically the zoo or just go to stores. Haven't been to the zoo with them all summer.
- I'm also doing a better job of being a responsible parent. Took D3 to the doctor, took us all to the dentist, taking D6 to meet her teacher next week, got D3 potty trained and binky-free, and so on.
- I'm trying to improve my relationship with them in the way that I deal with them. I'm working to be patient. I'm working to be more "fun". It's hard, but I think I'm slowly making progress.
Me
Here's the hard part, right?
- first and foremost, I'm just plain HAPPY now. Between all the stuff up there and the kids and work, I'm always doing something and doing something I LIKE. I'm enjoying my job more, I'm enjoying my kids more...I'm just enjoying living my LIFE more.
- I'm working on a lot of personality traits - I want to be a better listener, I want to be better at "small talk", I want to enjoy interacting with people. I think a lot of that comes from confidence. While it's hard to measure, I truly think I am succeeding so far.
- I've bitten my nails some, but I've been pretty good about it!
- I just understand relationships so much better now. I watch my parents or my friends interact, and I SEE ways that they are undermining their marriages. I see how I talk to my friends, and it's...just different somehow. My outlook on friendship and love is forever changed from this experience.
Here's an example of new me:
two Fridays ago, I pulled up at home and noticed grinding brakes. I planned to put it off a couple days since I had the girls and set off on some GAL stuff on Saturday. A little bit out, I decided that they were too bad and went to the shop. Got there around noon with my girls, totally unprepared for the day. Wound up spending over four hours walking around the busiest intersections in the city going into stores and restaurants and stuff until the car was finished. And you know what? It all just rolled off my back. I wasn't angry, wasn't grumpy, wasn't really upset at the timing. Just made the best of it for the girls and moved on. Even went and ran two other errands after the car was fixed. I just can feel that I have a totally different perspective on life now.
So, what's next for Matt777 v2.0? Keep on going, I think. The bomb at the beginning of this thread was really the key for me to let go and live my life for me and my girls. I'm not done grieving the end of my M, but I am done being hurt by it.
Matt great update.
Mrs s2bx777 is the loser on all of this no matter what,
she can't see the forest for the trees and has
no idea what she is losing.
We all can see that you are a great DAD and
learning so much from this whole experience.
You will be a great catch for someone when the time is right.
Keep moving forward and don't look back cause that
is not the way forward and those that turn back can turn to salt.
Matt!!! I totally missed your updates! Great for you! I'm thrilled that you are moving forward with joy, peace, and reflexion. So happy for you!
*Hugs*
E
I do miss you though.
Matt! I've missed you! Good to "hear" from you and glad you are doing so well. You are giving a lot of people hope with your update.
Really glad to get the update & that you are doing so well. There comes a moment when you really see that while you still have the tiniest bit of hope, your path ahead lies in building your life separate from hers. It still hurts at times, but you finally start really investing yourself emotionally in this new life path by letting go of the fantasy. Oddly, surprises sometimes happen then, but you are then in a position to be able to really evaluate what you need to happen rather than what you will do to grasp the fantasy. It takes a lot longer than we think after we believe we have turned that corner to actually turn that corner.
Your Ds will benefit from having their dad so much more a part of their life and so much more nurturing of them. That is a gift your W didn't intend, but she did give it to you and you ran with it about as hard as anyone I've seen. You can look your Ds in the eyes when they're older and want to ask about what really happened with you and mom, and they will know by looking into your eyes that you stood for your M & for them. And you will have so many special moments with them that they (& you) will cherish for the rest of their (and your) lives.
Check in from time to time to let us know how you are doing, and stay strong, be healthy, and be happy!
Matt, this is awesome, and so great to hear from you! We all miss you here, but I understand why you had to go. You give me hope with your update. Keep up the good work, and big hugs!
two Fridays ago, I pulled up at home and noticed grinding brakes. I planned to put it off a couple days since I had the girls and set off on some GAL stuff on Saturday. A little bit out, I decided that they were too bad and went to the shop. Got there around noon with my girls, totally unprepared for the day. Wound up spending over four hours walking around the busiest intersections in the city going into stores and restaurants and stuff until the car was finished. And you know what? It all just rolled off my back. I wasn't angry, wasn't grumpy, wasn't really upset at the timing. Just made the best of it for the girls and moved on. Even went and ran two other errands after the car was fixed. I just can feel that I have a totally different perspective on life now.
This recalled a memory I have not thought about in years. It truly is about what attitude we take, right? When my kids were little (and before cell phones) my car broke down in the middle traffic, and I had to walk with them to the nearest place that had a phone. The best part? It was raining cats & dogs. Fortunately, I had just read a book about turning unpleasant surprises into "adventures" and making the most of it. Usually, I would have been very upset, and mad at my H b/c the car quit while I was driving it. Instead, I got both kids by the their hands and we took off running in the rain and I was laughing and jumping puddles. My little girl was stunned! She said, "Mom, aren't you mad"? Now, that's the sad thing, to know she was expecting and dreading a bad attitude from me. As it turned out, we had a fun time (and I didn't even get angry at my H,bwhen I called him). So, yes, it's all about how we choose to handle situations.
It's so good to hear from you, Matt. It is especially wonderful to hear you are happy. ((hugs))
Matt, great update. I am so happy to hear that you are doing so well. You continue to be an inspiration for so many of us. Have a great weekend!! Can't wait to hear your next update.
Awesome Mattv2.0! I am always thinking about you, such a relief to know you are better than ok! Keep moving forward!ay GOD continue to bless you on your new life!
You have been so incredibly helpful to me in my situation... I was sad to read about what happened. But so glad to read your most recent post! You are doing such an awesome job at working on yourself & being the person that only a fool would leave. Bit kudos to you. Keep it up!!
Matt777, I just read this entire thread and I'm touched by your story. You received a lot of support and kind words from the people on this forum, showing what a positive presence you have been.
I will break from the crowd and say that I don't really understand why your W feels hurt by your posts here. Everyone seeks advice as I'm sure she has, most likely with people who know you. She has shared the reasons why she wanted to separate from you, telling on your bad behavior, opening windows on very private situations. All of this with people who are around to judge you and hold a grudge against you.
Now if my WW was to read this thread, I would feel violated much the same way as if she read my journal. If you find someone's journal, it does not give you any right to read it. It's personal. Using any of this information against you would be even worse. I agree that you should not feel any guilt: you've done what anyone does, which is to seek advice, but you've done it better: with strangers and out of love.
Your presence here is a show of true love. Your pain brought you to a place for people who hope to save their marriage and better themselves. Knowing that about you should be seen in a positive light. You wanted to do the right thing to save your M and do your part to make her happy.
I like what is happening with you, your GAL and all, but I'd like to make a suggestion. So far, you have focused on keeping busy. From now on, I encourage you to find things that truly make you happy. Look inside of you what you really enjoy and give yourself permission. If you want to turn the living room into a man cave to your favorite sports team, now's the time. If you want to buy an RC car, start knitting, take up tango classes - do it now. This is good news: now you can. Because it's by making yourself happy that you'll be a better person to those around you. You'll feel at peace with the world, not feeling that anyone owes you anything, you'll be looking forward to your mornings.
It's a good thing that you are moving on from your M. We can see the curve and where it's going: soon, you'll be free not only from the pain, but from the attachment. You are already a better person, a better dad and eventually a better partner. You're a success story in the making.
Im always so amazed by the kind words every time I check this thread.
If my WW was to read this thread, I would feel violated much the same way as if she read my journal. If you find someone's journal, it does not give you any right to read it. It's personal.
Yes, I understand that it was her choice to read whatever it was that she read. Yes, there were things there that were posted by me or others that would most certainly hurt her to read. But, some of the feelings I shared were still probably best not put out so openly into the world such that anyone that knew us and was looking could find them. There is somewhat of a difference between the postings and this site and a journal kept in a drawer. Based on this, all of the postings that I make are focused on me and not what she has done, is doing, or will do.
With that said, something truly incredible happened to me on Monday.
Im in love again!! No...just kidding. As I mentioned in my previous posts, Ive been going to game nights on Mondays for the last 4-5 months. This is with complete strangers that only know me through this weekly gathering. As with probably many of the people here, Im terrible with strangers - Im incredibly shy, I dont deal well with small talk, I dont like crowds...you name it. Anyway, this week, one of the guys asked ME if I wanted to join his fantasy football league - they had an odd number and he was looking for someone else. There are a couple of the other guys from game night in this league, but theres another 12 that will be total strangers. So, of all of the people in this league and all of the people they know, somehow, they asked me to join. While it sounds so trivial written out, it means so incredibly much to me that somehow, Ive found some people that were previously strangers, and been accepted and really brought into the group as an equal. And now, Im going to go into a place with 12 total strangers and be the guy that I never knew I was capable of being.
With regards to dating and such, of course, Ive gotten pressure from several friends to go out and start looking again. But as I said to my friend the other day "I dont think its fair to start a new relationship, until Im not certain that if my wife approached me to consider reconciling, I would sacrifice the new relationship for the old one." He said that that was a very mature way to look at things and really, I think, was surprised at the way that I am handling going through this process. As Ive seen PigPen write many times, a lot of people get through this time medicated on alcohol, drugs, or sex. I am choosing to heal in a way that will respect the relationship that I had and prepare me properly for whatever relationship I may have in the future. I will not look back on this time and regret the actions I took while in this state of rejection and betrayal.
Thats really all for now. Thank you again for everyone's continued support!
Matt, you are inspiring! I hope things continue to improve for you, you sound like the nicest, most emotionally mature, loving man. You deserve someone who appreciates all of your qualities.
And I am thinking about what you wrote about this not being a journal. I am probably sharing too much. I am considering toning it down.
Thank you for checking in.
Matt777
I have just read the whole thread and I have been deeply touched you were there for me on many occasion you truley are amazing. It has all been said but none of us wanted to be here we all came looking for answers and help and support with the goal of saving our marriage and finding ways to become the best that we can.
Take care my friend
Ghost
Well said Matt!
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out in the end for you. I have a feeling it will as you are very insightful and mature.
Anyone would be lucky lucky lucky to have you in their lives.
Mrs Matt, you are welcome to post on my thread at any time.
Matt has grown and developed into someone who is going to be a wonderful co-parent for your children. There are many testimonials to this caring generous man.
V
Thanks for the update, Matt777. It still escapes me how someone you know could stumble upon this thread, even if your real name was Matt. Perhaps you could explain? Who would type what into a search engine and, most importantly, under what motivation? Whose father, friend, in-laws or cousin is searching online to see if someone they know is sharing some juicy details about their D? And how would they find this? Unless you've used real names of course, but the board seems to delete these posts. As others have told you, I believe your W is trying to make you feel guilty for it, as many WAS do to cover their own guilt. There is no reason for you to feel bad for sharing anonymously, but it appears that you still let your W decide how you should feel, or want her to believe she does.
I'm not especially impressed in your virtuous desire to avoid the dating scene. It sounds a lot like a good excuse to avoid confronting your fears and, probably, the behaviors that got you here. You say in the same post that it's awfully difficult for you to interact socially and your victories are when others approach you, like the fantasy league. What you need to become a better person is to confront your fears: you need to approach these guys and ask them if you can join. Even if they say no, that will be a victory for you anyway. You will have learn to express your desires and to take responsibility to have them fulfilled. Imagine what will happen over time if you learn to do this.
A better way to approach dating would be to put yourself out there and be honest. Approach women who interest you and don't promise more than you can offer. Not need to start with "Hi, my name is Matt777 and I'm not over my W yet", just not to lie, especially not to promise undying love until you can. There are women out there who are perfectly comfortable with your situation and won't feel betrayed that you don't want to marry them or that you still love your W for now. Accept that some others will find you less-than-good. Their perception is not your responsibility but your happiness is and yours alone.
If you haven't already, I strongly suggest that you take a look at the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. You crave being told that you're a nice person, that you're worthy of love, that you're doing the right thing. What you want, your desires, what makes you happy, all these come last. It's almost shameful to think that you could wake up with the plan to make yourself happy. If so, you really need a good think about it because you might end up in the same place of hurt not long from here. For now, I'll just say that nice guys are not that nice after all and many of them end up in a D, like us.
Matt, I want to offer words of support for how you are handling. I do not believe you fear dating just because you want to know you've fully let go of one rope before you may jerk someone (namely you) around by picking up another one.
We learned in my divorce care group that often, like activity is possible on a broken rib, by not letting it heal correctly, it will flare up and give you problems for years.
On the other hand it is nice to see fish out in the sea, and know one is not dead. It does have a way of widening the perspective and giving hope.
I have been seeing a man I'm interested in weekly, sometimes only a couple of times a month since May. Handsome professor/researcher. He knew I was going through a D, and he never asked anything beyond that. We've not held hands, or even moved into a R stance. We see each other, have lovely dates and I have grown to like him without getting emotionally or physically involved.
I've not gone to kiss him even. It is the strangest and most wonderful thing, actually, to get to know someone without the distraction of hormones. I don't want to move anything to another place yet, because as I said to a dear friend, it would be like trying to digest food without a stomach. And I'm thankful for his patience and understanding, as he asks for only my time and company. God knows what I could have even said about where my heart was and what I could offer without fulling understanding it anyway.
We all handle things differently, and Mozza's approach may be healthiest for Mozza.
But I know on one of these concert 'dates' my friend and I were talking close, and I was absolutely haunted my by X every time I felt like I wanted to plant one on him. Seeing X and feeling X like my brain was hijacked. When he no longer is in the back of my mind, anywhere, or even randomly - that will be the time I may choose to really explore my interest in this person.
I think you are wise to know yourself, Matt.
Thank you for taking the time to reply in such detail Mozza. I'd like to take some time to reply to some of the things you say.
Thanks for the update, Matt777. It still escapes me how someone you know could stumble upon this thread, even if your real name was Matt. Perhaps you could explain? Who would type what into a search engine and, most importantly, under what motivation? Whose father, friend, in-laws or cousin is searching online to see if someone they know is sharing some juicy details about their D? And how would they find this? Unless you've used real names of course, but the board seems to delete these posts. As others have told you, I believe your W is trying to make you feel guilty for it, as many WAS do to cover their own guilt. There is no reason for you to feel bad for sharing anonymously, but it appears that you still let your W decide how you should feel, or want her to believe she does.
I understand this. I certainly agree with many of your points about guilt. There are really 2 reasons that I've made this decision. The first is that she had asked me not to post things, and I want to honor that request. But the second is that I found that by posting about my interactions and R with her in such detail, I wasn't able to truly let go. I became so focused on her that I lost sight of what was really important - me.
I'm not especially impressed in your virtuous desire to avoid the dating scene. It sounds a lot like a good excuse to avoid confronting your fears and, probably, the behaviors that got you here. You say in the same post that it's awfully difficult for you to interact socially and your victories are when others approach you, like the fantasy league. What you need to become a better person is to confront your fears: you need to approach these guys and ask them if you can join. Even if they say no, that will be a victory for you anyway. You will have learn to express your desires and to take responsibility to have them fulfilled. Imagine what will happen over time if you learn to do this.
A better way to approach dating would be to put yourself out there and be honest. Approach women who interest you and don't promise more than you can offer. Not need to start with "Hi, my name is Matt777 and I'm not over my W yet", just not to lie, especially not to promise undying love until you can. There are women out there who are perfectly comfortable with your situation and won't feel betrayed that you don't want to marry them or that you still love your W for now. Accept that some others will find you less-than-good. Their perception is not your responsibility but your happiness is and yours alone.
First, with regards to dating, I see what you are saying. I'm not trying to be virtuous. But I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to put myself into the position of dating someone while in the D process. I am not over my first relationship, so why rush into this one. I'm enjoying my time GAL, with my kids, and alone. I will take your advice when the time is right though - thank you for that.
As for your read on my interactions with my new friends, I may not have expressed myself clearly. My excitement is not about being approached per se. It's not about this specific thing. It's that I did ask to join (by going to this game night), and that I've fit in enough to take my friendship with these people to other areas of my life. It's that they were interested in being with me socially outside of this organized, free, public event. I didn't know this league existed, so I wasn't going to ask them to join it. Yes, I probably could have approached them again to do something else outside of the game night...and that is something I need to work on. But for now, I'm mostly excited by what Zelda wrote ^^^. Knowing that I'm not dead. Knowing that I do have things to offer and that people will respond to it.
If you haven't already, I strongly suggest that you take a look at the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. You crave being told that you're a nice person, that you're worthy of love, that you're doing the right thing. What you want, your desires, what makes you happy, all these come last. It's almost shameful to think that you could wake up with the plan to make yourself happy. If so, you really need a good think about it because you might end up in the same place of hurt not long from here. For now, I'll just say that nice guys are not that nice after all and many of them end up in a D, like us.
I will look into the book. I haven't read it but I've heard a lot of good reviews. Thank you for your recommendation. I will have to consider your thoughts here some more and think on how I really act, think, and feel.
Hey Matt,
Just good to have you back on here letting us know that you're still DB'ing and doing your best for your family and yourself. I read NMMNG a number of times and plan to do so every few weeks. It's a very powerful book about male co-dependence and how what appears to be one thing on the surface is often not the truth. Definitely worth reading. The author also holds seminars and classes throughout the country. Check it out.
I still think about you often, how much you gave to everyone on this board and all of the great advice you passed on.
Stay strong my friend,
PP
Mozza, you and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum here. I am not saying you're wrong for you, but I don't think there's a one size fits all approach.
I don't like the comment "you need to approach these guys and ask them if you can join".
I get that you were a nice guy, and that you've felt personal liberation and satisfaction by getting out of your comfort zone. But what works for you may not work for everyone else.
Personally the idea of splashing around in the dating field is such a turn off too me it makes me sick to think about. I am not confident around women and that's ok with me, because I don't want to score a lot and build confidence, I want to meet one woman that is willing to partner with one man. And while this may seem old fashioned, I hope there is one woman out there that also wants to preserve some type of sanctity of the male-female intimate relationship.
I applaud your willingness to take on personal growth, and I support you sharing your path with others as a story of what worked. I just don't like the idea that it's Mozza2.0's way or you're walking down a nice guy path that will be doomed.
Not all of my frustration is because of your thread. I am in general frustrated with the idea that we all have to go on this personal growth journey and upon completion we will have transcended our vices, compulsions, anxieties, etc, and be this new super race that is ready for a highly developed mature super-relationship that will be oh so fulfilling.
Trust me, I have grown a lot, and I think this is what DB is all about, and I love the path...but I am and never will be perfect, and I am not going to stamp out all of my fears, insecurities, and quirks. Someone is going to have to love me defective as I am, and the first person that has to is ME. The idea that I need to be some other way is my biggest hill to climb, I have worked very hard to learn to accept my flawed self, and the story that I have to be someone I'm not before I'll be able to live my life doesn't fit for me.
For thousands of years couples have stayed together when there were problems. I think the idea that we should eliminate all problems is not as healthy as the idea that we should stay together and navigate through our problems as a couple instead of bailing because our partners didn't upgrade to the latest software package 11.0 version of themselves.
Mozza, I'm not putting words into your mouth because much of this didn't apply to anything you said, I am just expressing why I'm so passionate about this topic.
You are the man though.
Hi Matt!! Thanks for the update! I miss you but am so glad that you seem to be doing really well. Are you perfect, no, but none of us are.
Keep on being you!
E
I am with you Zues.
I am a one guy woman, one at a time. No dating until D, anyone I want to be with, would want me to be free in spirit to date. I am not until the ink is dry.
Then LRT all the way. I have asked Karma to mentor me through that phase as I love the way she has handled it.
V
Hello again everyone. It's been 7 months since BD, about 6 months separated. I really don't have much new to report. Just continuing on in my own train of life. Taking things day by day and enjoying my time with my daughters, my family, and my friends (old and new).
I still come on and read some of your stories, and i thought I'd leave these thoughts for those that haven't been on this path this long.
Looking back, when I started this, I felt like my STBX was taking everything from me. But now I realize that I gave it all to her: my happiness, my sense of pride, my dignity, my self-worth. Everything. Willingly.
But now that I have it all back, I realize now that I'm ok. I miss her. I miss us. But in the place of where she was, there's lots of different things and people that are providing me with the things I need to be and stay happy.
You guys all got this. Don't give your S more of you than they deserve.
Matt, I am so glad to hear that you are doing well. Thank you for checking in!
Welcome back Matt, very powerful post you just wrote. Much truth comes from owning ourselves and our power.
Keep trucking!
PP
Mrs Matt,
I leave you with this, we taught Matt to become a person that only a fool would leave, and he has become that person.
Where does that leave YOU? Mrs Matt.
Glad to hear your good news Matt!
Just thought I would come on and let you all know that the divorce was finalized 11/9. Never had to go in to court. Just signed some paperwork and let the lawyers handle it. A part of me will probably always be sad about the end of my marriage, but it needed to be torn down to build something greater.
The amount of support I received while I was here was incredible, and I cant imagine my life being in a better place had I not stumbled upon this place. The tools I gathered in repairing and rebuilding my life have been invaluable. I FEEL like a completely different person than the one who joined here 6 months ago.
To my ex-wife that may or may not be reading this:
I am sorry that you couldnt find it within yourself to be happy while you were with me. I truly hope that you can find your source of happiness and break the destructive pattern. Im sorry that I didnt have the tools to be the husband that I should have been. Going through this process has taught me an incredible amount about how to be a spouse, a father, a friend, and a man; I will continue to apply the lessons learned from this experience as I move forward with my life. I cherish the time we spent together, and while I wish the ending had played out differently, I dont regret the story. Thank you for being in my life and good luck going forward.
Hey Matt777,
That is so sad to hear about, as it give a reality to my situation. That yes, this may be the that path I am taken down. Seeing you going down that path and you are still able to keep your head high is encouraging. If one man can do it then so can another.
Gook luck with the rest of your life.
Matt, I am so sorry for your D, but happy that you are finding some peace and strength in moving forward. You were such a huge help to me in my early days when I found this forum, you literally peeled me off the floor a few times and were one of the first DB'ers to "come to my rescue." For that I will always be grateful to you, and I wish you all the best that life has in store for you. Thank you. Much love, peace, and friendship to you.
man, i just got several tears running down my face , while im at work. Good luck Matt!
Matt, I am glad you stopped by and gave an update. I am sorry about the way things have ended. Hopefully it will all work out for the best in the end. Your wife is a human being like all of us. She has to take her own path right now and you are a good man for letting her go.
As I have written before, your ages, the ages of your children, even the dates of BD, wife moving out--all of it mirrors my sitch. I think my future will turn out much like yours. Hopefully I can walk the walk with has much dignity and grace as you have.
Good luck in your future buddy. My prayers are with you.
Matt777, if I may ask, how did she find out about this site? I am worried that my W will find it.
Edit - FWIW she has not been back on the site since the day after she posted here and her posts were deleted.
Of course that is with that log-on, which is the only thing in my power to check.
Very similar to what my ex did also FTR - Cadet
P.S. - Start a new thread this will lock soon.
Matt,
Sorry about what happened. Praying for you and your kids. Hoping for better days!